Richard vs the SAS

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1:25Hello and welcome to this episode of The Rest is Entertainment, questions and answers edition. I'm Marina Hyde. And I am Richard Osmond, ready for some questions slash answers. I most certainly am. Born ready, right? Born ready. I don't sleep, I'll wait. Shall we start with you? Yes. Colin Price has a question for you. Hit me with it. Colin asks, so, starts with a so. Yeah. People on Pointless, when you introduce them, they would always start with so. as I'm under a go do you want to tell us about yourself so where does that come from that's a verbal tick I think it's nerves right it's yeah I probably didn't occur 15 years ago but it's one of those things anyway listen this is not the rest is linguistics no that's Noam Chomsky and Sue Pollard isn't it Colin says so well he actually says so often I'm watching so often I'm watching see that's the that's the problem Colin with so so comma it is actually now becoming the rest is linguistics anyway that's all you like it Richard that is all we have time for today Cono Price says so often I'm watching a drama or police procedural and a scene is filmed inside a car the driver turns to the passenger and talks sometimes at length I want to shout keep your eyes on the road so keep your eyes on the road I assume they're never really driving but the view out the window doesn't suggest they are on a trailer how are these scenes filmed?

2:42Ah right, okay Colin well you know in the old days which is such a sort of trope of those kind of 50s movies and it even persisted beyond where Cary Grant and Grace Kelly in the car driving around to catch a thief in the convertible and then the film of the road behind it. And it's quite, you know, that particular scene, I think she's got to swerve away from lots of lorries. She's a crazy driver. Crazy girl, crazy driver. Then they stopped doing that and that all changed. Now, the car that you see the actors in, for the purposes of this explanation, is called the picture car, right? So the picture car has got your actors in.

3:14What you normally have, if you've got some money, is a car process rig. and that's basically like a low loader which that car is on. This works best, by the way, if you haven't got lots of cars driving around because then, as you can imagine, the picture car... Will be slightly higher up. Will be slightly higher up. And by the way, if you look closely, I was watching, which I really loved actually, and I'm coming to it really late, but I'm looking forward to the next series which hasn't come quite yet, which was Magpie Murders. Part of it set in, you know, back in the 50s. They were driving around in Norfolk, which they were lucky because there was nobody else around on the road, but I did think this car is quite high, I could see.

3:50But you won't really notice things like that. I'd chance to notice it because I'm always looking for stupid little things like that. But then pulling along that low loader, you might have something called an inset car, which is like a sort of insert car, which is an adapted kind of truck or SUV, which has got all this kind of rigging sticking outside of it so that they can film what's happening in the picture car on the low loader behind, and that will tow it. but you also have camera cars which might drive alongside or whatever to get the shots and they're sort of matte black so they don't reflect the light and you might have seen these because they've got a huge kind of crane sticking out over the top basically no one is ever driving right sometimes you have a like a tow dolly where they're actually just pulling it and the picture car itself is encrusted with cameras and lighting equipment and that's happening funnily enough what has now happened after beginning this with that kind of grace kelly and Cary Grant thing about the footage behind being played and it always looks like they're in front of a cinema screen of a road.

4:49What they can now do, you're going back in some cases, if you've got a lot of money, you can do it in the studio. And I was talking to a production designer about this and it was incredible. He did something set in a kind of 60s version of New York. They film it all and then it's done with CGI. You can put it on the outside of the car windows, which by the way is all just green screen in a studio, and the light of the buildings you know going through a place where there's a gap in the street it will affect on the actor's cheeks it is incredible that what they can do now so they can now simulate that entire thing um so we're almost going back if you've got lots of money to make your thing to simulate it back yeah but yeah anytime you see people talking inside a car they are not driving they are in the picture car yeah there's lots of external shots of cars ingrid just did a job where she had to drive an audi and actors by the way they were always driving people they say would you like me to drive the car into shop for you and all actors go no i'm absolutely fine i can drive a car but then it's always terrifying to think oh my god how do i drive yeah yeah um but funnily enough you know showing the projections that that bbc drama that was on night sleeper which is all set on a train uh all set on a moving train from glasgow to london and that has video screen of exactly the entire journey from glasgow to london just outside the windows of the train and it looks like they really are on a train they do this increasingly now because it's really expensive to send a crew to do lots of things so if that you send a sort of skeleton crew to shoot what you need yeah it's actually in many cases cheaper to sort of cgi it into the site and much more practical because you haven't got to get the whole crew and all the actors and everybody to wherever your remote location on the on the Thursday murder club movie not to be all 1930s about it but the internal um shots of the flats of all the main characters So we got the big external thing, which is a big sort of country house.

6:35And painters had looked from inside the windows. They'd taken a photo of the scene outside every single one of those windows where they knew that the characters lived. And they then painted enormous kind of 40-foot high canvases of that exact scene. So there were paintings. But you look out and it just looks like the real. What, for when they have it at Shepparton? Yeah. To go through the windows at Shepparton? At the studio, this is where they're doing the interiors. So the walls of the studios are enormous paintings by these incredibly talented painters to look like the outside. Well, I love that.

7:06That's very golden age. That's very cool, isn't it? Yeah. When we did Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, you really are inside the car and they have little GoPros looking at you. But you do have to keep your eye on the road. They have less money than some of the productions we've been speaking about. But also you go to a road where there is no traffic. There's only one rule on Celebrity Antiques Road Trip. And any time you watch it, you'll see this. You're always in a classic car, but no road markings. You have to go to a road where there's no road markings so it looks like you're in the countryside, which you are.

7:30So the second there's white lines down the middle of the road, you're like, oh, we can't do that. You turn off until there's no road markings. So yeah, on Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, they really are driving. That's a scoop. Yes, and also, yes, it's because it's not quite, yes, as discussed. What do you mean? It's not quite as what? It's not. I'm just saying it probably costs less than the Thursday Murder Club movie. Well, you think Celebrity Antiques Road Trip is not like a Marvel movie? I think it's not like the Thursday Murder Club movie. I don't want to speak on Marvel. I mean, it has some similarities, I would say.

8:00I've got a question for you from Daniel Openshaw, and I really want to know the answer too. Really enjoyed your appearance on Saturday Kitchen, Richard. Thank you, Daniel. I have often wondered what time people actually start drinking on that show. If there's a rehearsal before the actual show starts at 10, perhaps not, then that would be quite a session before the weekend has even begun. Yeah, gosh, it's a good question. So there is a rehearsal, which as the guest, I didn't get to go to. I think they have a rehearsal for the chefs and things like that, because that's quite technical. I know they definitely do drink the wine during the rehearsal because when we were drinking some red wine on the show I was on, someone said, this tastes so much better than they did earlier because it's been allowed to breathe.

8:37So they had been drinking. 8.42. Yes, exactly. So, yeah, you start about 10. It's like Christmas Day, isn't it, really? It doesn't count, Saturday Kitchen. It's so similar, yeah. Booze you drink on Saturday Kitchen doesn't touch the sides. The truth is you don't drink an awful lot of it. No. So they'll bring over the food. You don't eat a lot of the food. you have sort of a mouthful of the food so ollie smith he was on who we've talked about before he was the wine expert when i was on it uh and yeah just for each dish so maybe there's four bottles of wine you kind of you try but you only have a little sip when i was on sunday brunch a few years ago they did um hot gin cocktails and this was about 11 in the morning and we really knocked those back they were they were amazing and yeah by the end of that everyone was a little bit kind of okay that's interesting it's about you know 11 30 on a sunday morning and i slightly feel like I've had a session but on yeah on Saturday kitchen sits so much going on so much stuff happening you have a little bit of each of the food and just a just a sip of the wine by the third one you do sort of you know they're showing some nigella or something and you sat there you've got a glass of wine in front of you and you go to drink from it and someone takes it away from you and you think oh yeah of course I am not at the pub I'm not at the pub it's absolutely fine but yeah so immediately it gets taken away and the crew eat all the food and all that kind of stuff Yeah, so you are not too drunk.

9:52Although even by the end of that, I guess if you've had two sips of each, you've had maybe two glasses of wine or something. You feel it a tiny bit. But yeah, nothing compared to the hot gin cocktails on Sunday brunch. That was, yeah, that was challenging. What a professional though. You nailed the appearance. Well, that's it. Some people, you know, when you come on shows, you're in your dressing room for half an hour, and some people do always ask for a beer. So people like to have something before they go on. there's certain people where runners have said no beer for this person just say we've got nothing yeah just say honestly we uh there is no booze available we've looked everywhere in london and they don't seem to have it yeah it's really annoying but then other shows you get booze on set if you want it you know if you do graham norton or something they say what drink would you like on set and uh the other but it's never yeah there's never kind of points it's not like the darts or something no i think it's just you know a little a little relaxer me i was like a glass of water.

10:46That's what I like. I like to have my wits about me. Yes, absolutely. It's just not entirely worth it. It's like people who tweet drunk. It's like people who go on... That's half of Twitter, isn't it? It certainly reads like it. That's what you really come to understand, I think, on things like Twitter and stuff like that. When someone seems like utterly unreasonable, they've done something that's inexplicable. It's just... Just look at the timestamp. They're drunk, right? Marina Edward Skinner has a question for you. I am awaiting the new series of celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins and wondered, do they take it easy on the celebrities off camera?

11:18Edward, this series has now started since you wrote that question and I've asked one of the participating celebrities on it who said that actually, no, it's a really unusual reality show which is that you do not see producers on this show at all. You don't have contact with production staff. If you need to see a doctor or the shrink, you can see them but they don't count as a production staff. But the only people you see are the directing staff and the directing staff are on the whole time. You're being filmed whenever you're seeing the directing staff. You don't chat to them at all during filming.

11:54That creates that particular atmosphere on that show. And, I mean, they are the real stars, the directing staff. So that Foxy and that Billy, you know, they are the draw of the show. But it wouldn't necessarily work if off-camera it was all like, oh, come on, I'll make you a cup of tea. So you see them, they come on camera, and you're into the tasks and the challenges and the things like that. It's amazing that because, again, we talked about immersive experiences on the Tuesday show. And actually, as a celebrity, those experiences do become incredibly immersive and you do get Stockholm Syndrome incredibly quickly.

12:24Because if I was on that show, I'm not going to do Celebrity S.A.S., Are You Tough Enough? Because I know the answer already, which is no, I am not tough enough. I would not, if someone starts shouting at me, I'd be like, come on, man, this TV, I'm not doing this. And also, I know this is being filmed. I know there's someone in a truck having a cup of tea, watching me getting screamed at. And I'm not I just I'm not having it. But if you give yourself up to it, it very quickly becomes your reality. And producers have known that for years and years and years. And, you know, you should be able to go on those shows and just go, look, come on, guys.

12:59This is, you know, you talk to my agent. We had lunch in the Ivy when you signed me up for this. I'm not suddenly going to be in my underpants having water thrown over me and think that that's normal. And yet? And yet it absolutely happens. You buy into it. There's a sort of thing. And it's human nature, isn't it? You don't want to be the person who breaks the spell. You don't want to be the person. If a reality is there, you don't want to be the emperor's new clothes. Just go, hold on. But it feels like. Any of those shows in which you become exhausted, if there's sleep deprivation, you're hungry, you're tired, any of those you become institutionalized far quicker, which is the case across, you know, not just entertainment formats, also imprisonment and various other, any of those things you become very quickly part of the institution.

13:49One of my absolute favourite substrata of show business groups is the WhatsApp group between celebrities, all of whom were booked on the same reality show. Because when you are on SESA, you're tough enough, anything like that, Strictly, The Jungle, any of those, there is a real, genuine, very, very strong bond between the contestants on those shows. Because they're going through the same thing. They're going through a thing that no one else is going through. Psychologically, it's very, very bonding. and so whenever people on those shows go oh my god we're all like we're going to be friends forever they are they're not kidding they're not being kind of show businessy it genuinely they feel like they are connected they feel like there's this bond that will never be broken like a band of brothers so they all have whatsapp groups that's like they've gone to boarding school for one week yeah so listen i'll take your word for it i can imagine definitely uh and so after that you know you'd always get people who've been on certain shows or done certain challenges with people and their phone would go off and you go oh what's that you go oh it's the whatsapp group uh you know someone wants us to do temping bowling because for about four days afterwards all you can do is talk to those people because no one else understands what it is you've been through but like after about four days and suddenly you're doing something else and you've something's happened with your kids at school and you know so you'll you move on but there are certain people who cannot let it go and that whatsapp group which is strong for a while and And it just gets less and less and less.

15:06And then usually there's just like one person going, anybody in Exeter? Because I'm heading out for a drink if anyone's around. But it's not fake. It is really not fake. But it does not last long, that camaraderie of reality shows. And I just think that's in a way, if there was a way of televising the sad petering out of a celebrity reality show, WhatsApp group, I would watch that. Sick John's at Gloria Reality. Yeah, there you go. But you can bet with Celebrity SES, they will honestly, they will just be brothers in arms and sisters in arms. It will mean so much to them. Not Barrowman. And then, oh, is Barrowman on it?

15:45He was on it, I believe, 17 minutes. I don't want to misstate the number of minutes. Yeah. Or was it 32 minutes? We're talking a number of minutes beneath the number 60. Oh, what happened? He vomited and just looked at his vomit and then went, right, I'm out. Yeah, but that would be me. See, that's it because Barrowman knows where he is. You know what I mean? Does he? I mean, that's part of the problem. He didn't seem to know where he was lots of times. Probably why he's now doing the reality shows. But anyway, it hasn't worked out for him. But that would be me. I would literally, the second someone shouted at me, and I would, you have to laugh because you go, but I know that you are, you know, those guys are no longer in the SAS.

16:22They're in show business. So they're TV presenters. So don't tell, you know. They're the worst. They're television presenters who are also in the SAS. Yeah. I mean, that is perhaps our strongest and most difficult to deal with human. I once met Andy McNabb, author of Bravo 2.0, SAS veteran and media superstar. Was he pixelated? Yes. By the end of the evening, yeah. So we met up with him, had a drink with Andy McNabb, who looks exactly like you think he'd look, which is inconspicuous but hard, if you know what I mean. So inconspicuous, you know he could kill you. And he was saying, well, I'll tell you what we'll do.

17:00there's a firing range up at Stoke Poges. I'll take you up to the firing range at Stoke Poges and we'll fire guns. And I was like, oh my God, the only thing better than that would be if there was a bar. He goes, oh, there's a bar. At the firing range. All right, Andy. So yeah, if real SES guys were shouting at me, I would be meek as a lamb. And I'd do exactly what I was told. You'd do what you were told. But if the showbiz ones are shouting at me, I'd be like, listen, do you want to come on House of Games? You can come on House of Games if you want. But if you shout at me one more time, then you're not going to.

17:26Please can you go on and try and break the format in 30 minutes? Can you imagine? What about a new show called The Format Breaker? Richard Osmond goes on other people's shows and works out how to destroy their format. But the way to do it, of course, is to destroy it in that way. And then for the producers to go, Richard, we can't show this. You're the reacher of formats, Richard. You just break them with a glance. But I go, I know you can't show it. And so therefore, I need you to make sure that no one is shouting at me. And then I'll be good as gold. I'll do the challenges. I'll lift stuff for you.

17:56But I'm not going to go in there in my pants and be shouted at. I said, and if you want that to happen, I am going to say to the guy, listen, mate, I know your agent. You are not storming an embassy, right? Can I just ask you, Richard, why did you say yes to this show? Have you seen television? You come across as a guy who's seen television. So why did you say yes to the show? And then I would say, this is purely hypothetical, and I didn't say yes to the show. This is just on a podcast. And you will recognize that I have not said yes to your show. but if you were forced if suddenly it became like National Service and you had to go on a reality show and I was on that then I would definitely you've got to be talking to the producers all the time you've got to be saying I refuse to accept that this is reality because it isn't and if you want me to pretend it's reality then I am going to need someone really nice to sleep That's the title of the show It's Better Than The Format Break where it's I Refuse To Accept This Is Reality Richard Osman's I Refuse To Accept This Is Reality Also the title of my autobiography.

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20:48Welcome back, everybody. Now, Richard, from Tim Leak, there is a question about radio music. I was listening to Jason Manford on Sunday, and his show is on all of the era's absolute stations. So that's 60s, 70s, 80s, sport, etc. The era of sport. But obviously the songs in between are different. Do they have to plan every space to have songs from the relevant decade match on length, or do they use different adverts and stings to fill the difference um thank you for that question genuinely i did not know the answer to this and i wanted to find out so i did and i talked to all sorts of people who do that because it is incredible so absolute you know jason will just do his bit with i think with steve edge he presents that with and the music is completely different depending where on the dial you are rob watson who's the the one of the content directors absolute radio got back to me and he said any presenter on these things and their producers they know they have a certain amount of talk time per hour, which they have to hit exactly, whether that's 24 minutes or whatever it is.

21:44And that allows the music schedulers to know how many songs to schedule. The music schedulers know exactly how long the ad breaks are, by and large the ads are standardised across the things. But yeah, so you've got a piece of technology that tells you exactly how long different songs are from the different areas they are then matched up. So somebody is doing an incredible bit of algorithmic work. Maybe there's some AI involved these days. I don't know. They wouldn't tell us, would they? And so it's absolutely that. So, and, you know, if you listen to the Dave Barry radio show as well, you know, which is absolutely live.

22:11And all the talky bits in that show are done at exactly the same time. It's even more complicated, the Dave Barry show. But, yeah, so somebody behind the scenes is doing an incredible amount of work. But it's one of those ones. It's not like Chris Evans' show where they can overrun by kind of seven minutes or something like that. They have to hit exact to the second times, which great radio presenters can do. Yeah. But it's an incredible business because you hire Jason once. He's on five different stations. Whatever type of music you like, you get his personality, which people love, and you get the music that you love.

22:40But yet it all comes down to somewhere somebody in a computer has logged every single song, every single length of every single song. It's all maths. And matches them perfectly. Exactly, it's all maths. But it's genuinely impressive stuff, I would say. But of course, I mean, how else would they do it other than that? But that's what they're doing. It's meticulous. It is meticulous. Marina, I have a question for you, which I don't quite understand, but I think you do. Charlie Lockett asked Charlie Lockett. It was like a Dr. Seuss character. Charlie Lockett and his magic pocket. It's always like pulling like pockets.

23:13Lockett's had a pocket, stuff like that. Yeah. It's a work in progress. No, it's... Oh, no, sorry. It's ready to air. It's ready to air. I think that's ready to go. Okay. Charlie Lockett has pulled a question out of his pocket or her pocket, and it is this. Why is the commercial success of movies primarily measured by box office returns rather than the total number of tickets sold, which I would have thought were the same thing. It's not actually. I can tell you why they do it this way. Tickets sold, a lot of tickets are sold at premium and so you might see it as a special screen, might see an IMAX premium screen, evening screenings.

23:47So something like when Furiosa opened earlier this year, the sort of the Mad Max installment of that, it actually sold fewer tickets than the Garfield movie, but it was number one in the box office because it sold more premium tickets. and I mean I am a big fan of all data being released and when people don't give you the data it's because they're deliberately trying to be obscure and even you know like I'm thrilled Netflix releases all their stuff but they do this kind of um what they call it hours viewed and they're not talking to you about you know how quickly after release and things like that there's there's always a form of sort of obscurantism going on the reason that is in the movie businesses because box office receipts are down all the time, right?

24:31But because of inflation, it makes it seem like movies are opening big still. But if you did it on tickets sold, you'd be shocked how many, you know, tickets are being sold this year compared to like the late 90s or something like that. It's a story that the movie business, whilst talking about it all the time, does not like to tell about itself, which is that fewer and fewer people are going out to see their products. But certain types of movies, by the way, do that and they make a lot of money. Like Oppenheimer, obviously so many more people went to see Barbie than Oppenheimer. So many more people.

25:00But a lot of people want to see Chris Nolan films in IMAX. And there's these kind of premium showings in these kind of theatres with massive screens where they can charge a lot more. So films like that are deliberately made to be on big screens. And, you know, Chris Nolan is someone who talks a lot about why he wants his movies like that. things like dune again that makes a lot of money um because people want to see it on an enormous screen and they will pay for that but i think they should release both because i think that's interesting but i think lots of things about people are telling us about how many things they actually sell and how many people actually watch their stuff that doesn't happen because they're trying to keep it from you it's interesting because the book market operates in exactly the opposite way which they'll tell you exactly how many books are sold rather than how much profit they have made if that makes sense because you know with discounting books and stuff like that it can make a big difference.

25:49So when you get the Nielsen figures each week, and as you know, I like to get the raw data. I'm like you. If the data's there, I like it. It not only tells you how many books have been sold, which is what you see in the Sunday Times bestseller, but it'll also tell you at what discount each of those books has been sold. And there's always a discount because you've got the recommended retail price, and then retailers compete against each other on price, and Amazon competes against them all on price as well. So you'll see the average discount, and then you'll also see the gross figure that has been made by that book in a week, which is the amount it's sold multiplied by what they are actually sold for which i find very very interesting the leader in every category in which you compete anyway but i would that you you will occasionally get a very high-end literary book which has not been discounted at all so it might be like at number seven in the chart but you know at zero discount so it actually like the fourth you know you know in terms of making money is it's made more but ebooks is where that's particularly is the case because you look at the ebook charts and it's all they're almost always dominated by books that have been available for 99p which are not making money for anybody so it's they say in the e-book market volume for vanity profit for sanity which is there's you know there's no point selling 100 000 books at 99p other than it's a very very good loss leader and a very good promotion for the author if they've got another backlist which you want to sell so you you will if you're selling a 99p e-book it's to say i think you're going to love this author so read this and you know you can then find that the author's other works but for more money so yeah it's weird that's it's exactly the other way around in that which is they tell you exactly how many have been sold but not for how much they never give you the 360 picture all of these people are trying to keep yeah that show you their best side but it's nice at least in this that if you are in the industry you can see that and by the way the discounts always usually about 36 percent would be the average discount for any book at any given time from the recommended retail price but it is open and clear it's not included in the top 10 it wouldn't change a huge amount but no it's better than nothing as we say in the uk we do not publish any we said the other week we don't publish any of the theater grocers at all yeah because they want to keep all of that secret so some data is better than no data but more data is always good in my view more data is always good if the if the history of the last 50 years has proved anything it's the more data we have as a species uh the more advanced we become it's really helping us out um on that commercial bombshell shall we leave it we shall now please do keep sending your questions in though to the rest is entertainment at gmail.com and we have coming up some pretty exciting news about an ad-free version yes exactly which people have asked us about a lot so i yeah i think we're having a little think about how that might work we want to make sure that there's a little bit of extra value in there as well but we are i promise uh working on it and we'll have more more details very soon we'll have more news on that very soon other than that see you next tuesday next tuesday

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