The Best Advice Jedward Ever Received

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1:25Hello and welcome to this episode of the Rest is Entertainment, questions and answers edition. I'm Marina Hyde. And I'm Richard Osman. Hello. Hello, Marina. How are you? I'm very well, thank you. We have to talk about our Royal Albert Hall show because tickets go on sale today to members and to non-members tomorrow. So, yeah, you can please buy tickets. If you're a member of the Rest is Entertainment Club, you can buy today. Otherwise, they're on general sale on Friday. We have resisted dynamic pricing. Yeah, they asked. Despite being offered. They asked, we said no. And tickets are available for starting at£30.

2:01Yeah, we are against our better judgment doing it, but everyone around us told us to do it. Richard, we're doing it on our own judgment. I have to say, whether or not it's against our better... We can't keep acting as though it's happening to us. It is technically happening because of us. Well, it's happening to me. Yeah. I can physically sense it, that it is something that is happening to me. It's going to be mega festive, though, because we're both obsessed with Christmas. Yeah, it's going to be a world Christmas. Shall we get on with some questions? Please do. And by the way, if you want to join the Restless Entertainment Club, go to restlessentertainment.com.

2:30You get ad-free access, all that stuff. We won't keep banging on about that. Bonus episodes. You know how podcasts work. Yeah, we're about to start releasing some bonus episodes about all sorts of nonsense. But let's get on with the actual meat and potatoes, which is the questions and answers. Rob Henson has a question, Marina. He said, I wonder if authors and screenwriters are compelled by publishers and producers to use American English to appeal to the largest audience? For example, an English character saying they're putting something in the trunk of their car rather than the boot. Rob, this is a really great question.

2:57And actually, somebody on Twitter had also asked me about US and UK swearing. Oh, wow. Yeah, so hopefully sort of put them all in together. First of all, I would say that to some extent, the nation that pays the writer is getting their version of the language used. If Americans are paying, you're going to say ass and not arse. What you'll probably do, if you're trying to put that word in the mouth of an English character, you know that any English person watching it is going to think it looks stupid because we say ass and not ass. So you'll probably avoid that. And funnily enough, when we were working on the franchise the whole time, luckily we had some Americans say, when you're doing stuff really quickly on set, we would constantly ask my friend Julie Wiener, who's brilliant, so funny, do Americans say this?

3:39And she'd be like, what? The one thing that she found completely difficult, by the way, is that quite means something totally different in America. I was like, what? No, it doesn't. You know, you're gasquiting us, if you will. Apparently, quite in America means a lot. So when we'd say, she'd say, oh, is it good? And we'd be like, yeah, it's quite good. She'd be like, oh, great. So genuinely, quite means something different in American. And her great friend, when he'd been writing on Succession, was like, oh, yeah, I had that trouble with them all. I didn't know what they're on about. So quite means a lot in American.

4:10So that is one worth bearing in mind. But in terms of the swearing, I went to the high priest of swearing, Ian Martin, who was originally listed as the swearing consultant on The Thick of It and then obviously went on to write for Veep. And writing for Veep in The Thick of It, he really is a very proficient swearer translator. As he says, they don't swear, they curse the Americans, which he likes because it sounds like you're actually cursing someone with bad language. So sometimes you might want to have a British word, something like In The Loop, which has got some British, some American characters.

4:40the minister said something you just sat there like what do you british say a wanker and it sounded great with a sort of horrible little sarcastic air quotes he thought that in the sort of us uk linguistic you know bureau de change two dicks for a cock so you say a lot of dicks in american but you'd have to produce cock more rarely really yes they're more dick friendly than cock friendly yes i would say so some some stuff doesn't like travel culturally so you know when Selina Mayer, the president, when Gary is sort of silently chiding her for smoking, she says, don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look, which obviously, as Ian points out, would sound a bit different if Judi Dench said it.

5:20And you couldn't quite understand what was happening. Sometimes things just totally read across. So you dim fucking bulb could be said in Veep, could be said in The Thick of It, could be said in Abbey Fire. Everyone knows what's going on. But in general, you do have to think particularly on swearing, which ones work and which ones don't, and whether they get the sort of swearing references. And it's quite a big thing because that will be the moment that it will really jar. You know, as I say, if you see British characters in British accents saying ass, it's embarrassing in some way. And, you know, it doesn't work.

5:52So you have to be quite careful on that. But Ian is the master of all this. So I defer to him. I have to say that he's got a very funny Boris Johnson book out at the moment, which is called Unhinged. And I've seen that lots of WH Smiths have put the two books next to each other because they've both got the black and white cover. Ian's got one picture in which Johnson looks absolutely deranged and it's had to have the words a parody put across the front of this book because otherwise people... But it's really funny. And he's in such a purple patch at the moment. He's got another book coming out next month in November called So You Think You Can Be Prime Minister, which, you know, on the basis of some previous occupants, lots of people can.

6:25But he's very, very funny. And yes, so I defer always to him on matters of all swearing, but particularly British-American swearing translation. Yeah, in the American edits of the Thursday Murder Club books on We Solve Murders, I always find it interesting. Very, very little really needs to be translated. And, you know, I write a lot of sort of parochial, very British things. And actually, they're very good at thinking that American readers, if they don't know the reference, that's kind of fun. Like we will watch The Simpsons and they'll talk about Rory Calhoun. And you go, well, I don't know who that is.

6:53I know the kind of guy he is. I like the sound of the name. And I understand that the sort of thing. Very, very occasionally, like I think in the very first book, I talk about John Lewis. And that made no sense to them because it doesn't sound like a shop. and John Lewis was a very famous senator. So they said, could we change that? And you go, yeah, of course you can. The only real problem they had at one point, normally they're very, very good. They said, we don't understand this bit. There's a character called Ron in the books. We don't understand this bit. Has Ron killed someone? And I was like, huh?

7:19Because there's a scene, does Ron kill someone? I go, no. He goes, there's a scene here that says, Ron goes for a slash in the woods. And I was like, okay. Wow. Okay. I see where we've got this. So that we changed. I love this. So does Greggs stay in, as an example? Greggs stays in. They have no access to Greggs or universal health care. You know, the two tragedies of American life. And yeah, the two sort of cancel each other out a little bit, though. Yeah. See, it's a Japanese edition. Are there footnotes in the Thursday Murder Club saying... The Chinese one is literally all footnotes. Really?

7:54It's literally so thick and half of it is footnotes explaining who Nigeda is. Oh my God, this is so cool. And the hairy bikers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want one of the translation of the footnotes and how they actually describe them to non-English speakers. Oh, I really want that. You look through, you know, just like a page, it will say, you know, reference 47, Nigella Lawson. Reference 48, I love a bonus. Reference 49, Holmes Under the Hammer. You're like, oh man, did I write all that on one page? But by and large, I think Americans quite enjoy reading British slang. I think your mum said, I think his books would be really good for people who don't know English, which sounds like a bit of a diss.

8:30Yeah, it was a diss. She said that they'd be perfect for people learning English as a foreign language. But also like a replicant coming to our country and having to pass as someone who can talk about the clutch on a Voxel course on Homes Under the Hammer and can just somehow pass as a humanoid. Well, we were talking about Nick Harkaway's brilliant John Le Carre novel. And actually, yeah, if you were a Hungarian spy coming to England, yeah, just read the Thirsty Murder Club books. Honestly, you're going to have pretty much any conversation you want. Just, you know, say that. and you know there's even football stuff in there yeah complain about a meal deal yeah complain about a meal deal and say who was the best captain West Ham ever had you know done is it Bobby Moore is it Billy Bonds is it Mark Noble arguably Blade Runner would have been a different film if they'd used that as a way of passing but listen anyway we continue shall we do another question yes please I love this one about explaining rules on game shows Richard Chris Hudson says very occasionally when a celebrity appears on a game show they will state they don't know the rules or have never watched the show before Their lack of understanding can be entertaining, but is it really possible that no one in the production team has explained it?

9:34Firstly, Chris Hudson is a character from Thursday Murder Club. He's a cop. How about that? Thank you, Chris. I wonder if he just called himself Chris Hudson because he knew I'd pick up on it. Maybe he did. You're overthinking this. Yeah, you think? Yeah. There's a wonderful line in the American office once where Steve Carell is holding a photocopy of salesman hostage in his office. And Jim is saying, you have to let him go. This is not going to end well. And Steve Carell says to Jim, you're overthinking this. and Jim goes, no Michael, you are underthinking this. Anyway, Chris, thank you very much for your question.

10:03Yes, quite often if you do celebrity versions of shows, people will not have watched the show before. I sort of get it. I look poorly on it. No. Yeah, I don't love it. People come on shows, especially House of Games, pretty much everyone has seen it, so when they come on, it's nice. But the point is celebrities, I think, because there's eight of them and sometimes people bring along a partner, so it's not always the case that everyone has seen the show. It's a booking that's come through their agent. Way to have an anxiety dream, just turn up on a show you've got no idea what could happen to you.

10:30Yeah, but the thing is that that's not how some people's brains work. Some people are like, oh yeah, what do you need me to do? Where do you need me to stand? What are you saying to me now? Yeah, you're right, it's better to be that person. Yeah, exactly. And yes, every time you come on a show, you are given an extensive briefing about how the rules of the show work. You're given an extensive briefing about how round one might work, how round two might work. Truth is, people are not listening. People either watch the show already, in which case they get the rules, or they haven't watched the show because it's not the sort of thing for them, and that they do not understand what you were saying to them.

10:58It's the same with normal contestants. You know, I've always said a million times, viewers at home as well, for years people say you've got to explain the rules, explain the rules, explain the rules. Either people understand the rules or they're never going to understand the rules and they don't really mind. They're just watching it and they want to answer the questions. So we had, Jedward had been on a few times. We were walking along the river in Richmond the other day and these two ewes on bicycles sort of skidded by and they go, Richard, Richard! And then we turned around and it was Jedward and that was so.

11:25Oh my God, I love that they're just out there on their BMXs. On their BMXs, essentially. They live the brand. I mean, they truly. They really do. They're always an absolute delight to talk to. Anyway, they came on the show and I always remember in their briefing, their manager said to them, they said, boys, points to their mouth, he goes, you've got one of those, points to their ears, you've got two of those. So listen more than you talk. That's what they say in primary classrooms. But, you know, again, it's the brand. It's the brand. Listen, I absolutely get it. So everyone gets every single rule explained to them at all times.

11:55but most people are absolutely not listening. In the same way that if you stop someone for directions, you say, you know, how do I get to the SO garage? And they go, so you go up here, turn left, then it's the third right, and then you get the roundabout, and there's the second after that, and then you just take a quick sharp left, and you'll see it there. And me, and I would say 80 % of people, stop listening after you go up here and turn left. You think, well, I'll go up here and turn left, and I'll ask someone else, because I'm not hearing the rest of it. But yeah, sometimes you'll have people on the show, and they don't understand where they are.

12:22I would say almost always they get knocked out very, very quickly. There's something about someone who has no interest in what the rules are and no curiosity about the show they're on that also means their general knowledge is not always where it might be, I would say. So, you know, often they don't last too long. An appearance fee for not even bothering to read rules? No, they should be knocked out. I know, but then if you've only got six contestants on a Monday morning and you're filming in an hour's time, you're like, you know what, whoever you've got, bring them on. also some shows are quite complicated if you really had to explain pointless in 10 minutes to someone it would be quite hard to do it's the truth house of games is lovely house of games the briefing we do on house of games i always really really enjoy because it's just me going there is absolutely no point me telling you what's going to happen because it is every single round is different at the start of each round i'll tell you a rough idea of what's going on if you don't understand we'll do one question and you'll get it and so it's it's like an anti-briefing and it's it makes for much more fun for everybody i like on house of games where you get to the end of the round and someone in seat three would go oh i get it now i i understand what we've been doing for the last five minutes and it's uh you know it's different brains you know react to different things but just sit there and answer the questions is usually the thing to do but pointless is funny because people go sorry am i trying to get the lowest answer you go yeah we've literally been here for the last hour and that's what everyone's been doing however many years yeah yeah exactly but I have a little earpiece sometimes in the House of Games we do a round called The Nice Round where you get the name of a film or a book and you have to write down one word to help one of your fellow contestants get it and every time it starts Tom or Abby who are in my ear just go yeah just one word because every single time everyone says just one word is it just one word like every single time never ever done it without someone going is it just one word but so listen rules are rules but it's fun if people know them but if they don't know they usually get knocked out fairly quickly thank you Chris Hudson if that is your name.

14:15I have a question here from Evan Green who asks, I've heard rumours that certain actors are fed lines through earpieces on set. Is this true? If so, how frequently does this happen and is it on the rise? That is a good question. They're called earwigs, the little thing, and someone could, if you haven't bothered learning your lines, be telling you them just as you're about to say it. We talked a bit on the Tuesday episode about the idea of certain performers believing they're indispensable. This is only able to happen if you're mega big. Robert Downey Jr. does it, by the way. Other actors really don't like it, by the way.

14:46If they know that someone's acting with an earwig, they think it's really disrespectful. They've learnt their lines and they don't really like it. Robert Downey Jr. claims it's part of his process. That's clever. Yeah. And actually, what he also says is, I don't like learning lines because I want to spend more time with my family. So, I mean, you know, you're only being paid like 100 million quid here or something. Do you mind? Wow. Part of my process is I don't like to get up before 10 a.m. It's how I get into character. Yeah, it's my method. Yeah. But famously, Marlon Brando did a lot. I mean, in The Godfather, he didn't have an earwig, but he honestly, other actors had cue cards like stuck on them.

15:18So if they were being shot from behind for his coverage, when the cameras, as we talked about coverage before, when the cameras just on him, those cutaways in the scene, they had like his line stuck to them. You can see why people don't like that either. But again, you know, he's indispensable. The Island of Dr. Moreau, by the way, oh, we talked about that a lot in the writer's room for the franchise. There's a really great documentary. If you want to see, there's something called The Lost Soul, The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley's Island of Dr. Moreau. And you can watch it on YouTube. And that is a story of a sort of idealistic filmmaker who's going to make this movie about quite a dark and weird book.

15:53And every actor in that, and it goes so wrong, he goes really quite mad. It's a really good documentary if you want to watch that one. But Brando turns up on that. I mean, if you don't want to watch the documentary, just Google Marlon Brando costume Island of Dr. Moreau. you've never seen anything like it. He's wearing a sort of beekeeper's hat. It's extraordinary. For that one, again, he had to have it all done via an earwig and wouldn't do it. Johnny Depp in the later Pirates of the Caribbean, I'm afraid. My favourite one of it, though, is Rita Ora is in Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, Rita Ora, arguably not indispensable to Fifty Shades of Grey.

16:25She had it for four lines. She's got four lines in the whole film. I think she's Christian Grey's sister. She is Christian's Grey sister. But she had an earwig for that because she said, oh no, I just couldn't possibly. But you can learn your songs, I guess it's just you're in a different milieu she is a star in another milieu and you know I guess she's not on set for very long and that's how they did it but as I say you have to be mega important I wouldn't say it is on the rise I don't know whether it's on the rise or not there are so few actors you can really get away by just saying I am doing this especially because nobody else likes it yeah exactly I do think there's one sort of slight caveat which is sometimes older actors will have lines just so they're there just so they know they're there because you've spent a whole lifetime learning lines but they just get to the point where they go, okay, I just, you know what, I want just a little prompt sometimes or you'll have words.

17:10A security blanket, knowing it's there is enough often to... A security blanket. And of course, any actor like that, of course, they absolutely do what they want because they prove what they can do time and time again and it's just something that they need. But it's, yeah, that's, oh, I didn't know that. A little earpiece. Yeah, earwig. Wow, an earwig. That's cool. Good question. Shall we go into a little break? Let's do that. Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real. and so is the relief from Evglyss. After an initial dosing phase, about four in 10 people taking Evglyss achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks.

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19:31Okay, welcome back everybody and I'm just going to have to go straight into a question that I've so wanted to know the answer to. It's from Chris Cowan and it's about Below Deck, that absolute zenith of reality television. I often find myself watching one of the many series and spin-offs of Below Deck, currently Below Deck Mediterranean. By the way, these are set on super yachts and they're about the crew on super yachts. I'm curious, apart from the draw of being on TV, what is in it for the guests to book a charter on a boat with the show which are super yachts by the way do they get a discount for possibly being portrayed as a nuisance and crews swarming all over the boat this show is a new obsession in my house my daughter's watching it for ages now my wife is watching it and therefore i am watching it and it's really good i mean it's really it sort of feels almost like end times no not end times it's i love it the producer gets less involved in this than they would do on certain other shows but funnily enough my daughter asked exactly this question which is why are people doing it are they getting it cheaper or not the sums for these boats are absolutely enormous sometimes when we go on holiday and call food lots of them come by and we're always like looking at them with the binoculars and then immediately googling how much it costs to rent a week and it's insane it's like hundreds of thousands of pounds it really is absolutely mad and so the show you know people charter it you get put like eight or ten people there'll be like family groups or you know work groups or something like that and so the crew are always there so you follow you know the captain you follow the engineers you follow the people working on the ship and it's just each new episode there's a new group of people coming in so you've got the soap opera of the crew but you've also got every week new people to judge which I think is the story of the week the joy of the show, story of the week, exactly that now Mark Cronin who created Below Deck, he says this and you know what, genuinely what I said to my daughter is no it'll be free, they'll get it for free the production will pay and maybe be paid.

21:16Yeah exactly because they'll just are you an interesting group of people, let's put you on the ship but that is not the case and mark crony in the creator says guests get a 50 discount on the three-day charters and get their flights paid for but guests still have to pay for all of their food in the excursions and of course the all-important tip which is a big deal on yeah below deck yeah 12 grand the guy gave him on the one i was watching last night and that is expected to be 50 to 20 of the total cost so for the honor of being a side character for one episode of below deck you'll be paying about 45 000 pound for three nights for your holiday yeah to have being it's just so mind-blowing people really want to be on tv don't they yeah and they will risk paying 50 grand to look like an utter arsehole well you're gonna have to explain it to me i suppose if you are interested in hiring a super yacht anyway then you might have a certain personality type do you think they don't realize they're arseholes so they don't realize they're paying They're paying 50 grand to be themselves.

22:17That's the very point of it. So I think that, honestly, I think if you are trying to impress a group of people, or if you do have a family holiday, imagine if you're sitting down now and the whole family's got to get together, we've got 10 of us, and what should we do? We've got to have a week somewhere. And three or four of you watch and like Below Deck. Actually, if you say, well, why don't we go on Below Deck? Well, we're going to spend some money anyway on our holiday. We're stupidly rich anyway, and we waste our money anyway. This might be a fun way to waste that money. Oh, my God. People like to be on TV.

22:45But they don't realise what TV involves. But a lot of them come across quite badly. Probably because they're so annoyed they've had to do the same thing. You know, let's be honest, this is like managed reality. So they've probably had to do the same scene asking for the espresso martini about five times. There must be cables everywhere tripping over them. I mean, I just don't understand it. But they also leave in all the bits where every single guest tries to sleep with every single member of the crew. Yeah. Like every night at the end when they've had a few drinks. I think that's mandatory. Yeah, but it's like you just think, you know that there's a camera looking at you when you do that.

23:15You understand that. All I knew about Below Deck in the olden days was that Kate from US Traitors was in it. Yeah. And watching her here. And she is a monster. Yeah, but she's… But my monster. Yeah, she's very good at her job. I would say that. So, yeah, people are paying a lot of money. And the tip is for real and all that kind of stuff. And the people who've seen it know the tip's going to often be absolutely huge. You know, and the crew is real and all that stuff. I have, as I say, as a new convert to it. I don't believe it's end times I think it's quite an enjoyable bit of television but very expensive it turns out to be on there can't be many other shows that you're paying to be on God what a sucker they think they've won these people but they haven't they've lost well it depends what game they're playing it's the game I look like a dickhead on television in which case they've aced it if you haven't watched Below Deck by the way do watch it you know it's mesmerising laugh at people paying to look like this on television well that's the thing I can now go and watch this and go, wow, you're paying a lot of money.

24:11One born every minute. Yeah. I mean, they must have a lot of money. Yeah. Like a lot. Yes. Not anymore. Not much sense. Marina, a question from Grace Revel. I was wondering why so many series seem to have a certain number of episodes and why is it always an even number? Well, hello, Grace. It was normally an even number in the old days. They used to have, I don't know, and by the way, series used to be miles longer and you don't see that many any longer. you know you'd have 24 episodes of your show in the US. UK was used to have six but actually since streaming I'm not quite sure that I've worked on a show Avenue 5 and that had nine episodes but that was actually because the set partially burnt down so we went from 10 to 9.

24:51But the second season had nine as well. Last of Us I think that was nine. Baby Reindeer was seven. That was the thing about streaming that first of all when it you know House of Cards came out and I think Orange is the New Black they were the sort of new things for Netflix and they were 13 each. It was sort of suddenly you didn't have to fit these little blocks that had been there since time immemorial. And also, if you didn't want to make it an hour long, you could make it 62 minutes. It didn't matter. You weren't. And Stranger Things have obviously in most recent seasons went, we had hugely long episodes.