A CR Month Mailbag!

19:46It's not that bad because there's a lot of doubles when they cut away from kind of wide shots. It's doubles who looked really good. It's just also a lot of guys wearing jeans, which is just so insane.

19:53Bill Simmons:5 '8 crews in jeans lofting way up over the net to like block people. It's pretty good. A couple more. Leo in Basketball Diaries. Where do you stand on that? It's been a while since I've seen it, but I'm sure it drove Wahlberg crazy. It was a lot of like, like dribbling like this, like the Michael J. Fox, who we got to mention too in Teen Wolf. Field of Dreams dad. We've talked about him before. Just came up recently in a movie. We've talked about Tom Cruise War of the Worlds. That's a tough one. Yeah. Famous one. I actually went because I Googled to make sure I didn't miss anything and there was a Reddit thread defending Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds that's saying that that's what the character, that's how the character would have thrown the ball.

20:36Bill Simmons:Tom Cruise is actually a great athlete. Because he threw it too hard or because he just doesn't have good voice? It's basically like Tom Cruise made a choice for this scene. Yeah, because he's playing catch with his son, right? Oh, so he took it easy on his son. Yeah, he made a choice. The Bend It Like Beckham Girl. This movie called Slugger's Wife with Michael O 'Keefe and Rebecca DeMoney. He's a home run hitter. Really bad swing. It's really, it's like kind of single-handedly ruined the movie. And then one of my favorites, John C. Reilly in For Love of the Game, which I asked Costner about once and he is basically like, he was the catcher.

21:07Bill Simmons:And they very carefully cut around him. You never actually see him catching, and there's obvious stunt doubles. And he's not throwing back to Cossard. He never played sports. But I mentioned Ben Leick Beckham. Seagal running is the other one where I don't know if that could be... We have two named after Seagal already, but that's Seagal when he runs with his hands up and does whatever. So who should this category be named after? I gave you 20 nominees. Tim Robbins I feel bad for because he said he threw out his arm like two days into Boulder. He also, like, I think does a good job doing Ebby's pronounced motion.

21:42Like, his wind-up is, like, idiosyncratic, and he does a good job with that.

21:46Bill Simmons:He just—he left it all in the field and left his rotator cuff in the field. I agree. I don't think it's that bad, Tim Robertson. Should we do John C. Reilly? I have a hard time saying Wesley Snipes for some reason. It's not Mitch Kramer? Again, they cut around him, but you could. You worried about Mitch Kramer? Well, if I was, like, 15, and I was in one of the best movies ever made, and everybody just remembered me for having a shitty, like, pitching motion, I think the Duff is not famous enough for it to have the title. No, it's not famous enough. Maybe we... Tom Cruise? Maybe we narrow it down to a final four.

22:16Bill Simmons:And put it up for a vote. Oh, yeah. And we can actually show the clips. Then we're like, hey, they voted for this. Yeah. So Wiley Wiggins, Tom Cruise, John C. Reilly. And who's the other fourth? Who's the fourth? Do we want the Duff in there? No, Freddie Prinze Jr. has to be one of the four. Okay. What movie is that from? It's from Summer Catch with Jessica Biel. Oh, I haven't seen that. Yeah. Yeah. You'd probably like it. Sitting in the Cape. Jessica Bale looks great. I think it's Jessica Bale. Is it Jessica Bale or Jessica Alba? I think it's Jessica Bale. I can't remember. Yeah, so we'll figure out four.

22:46Bill Simmons:We'll do a vote. Okay. This is from Russ. These questions were really good. My wife is a hairdresser and flies into a blind rage anytime in a movie where there's an emergency haircut in the bathroom with kitchen scissors and the outcome is a stunning haircut. Yeah. Examples. Born identity. Matt Damon gives Franca Patente. What was her name? Famco Patente, yeah. A cute shorty when they're on the run. It's one of the hottest things ever. He dyes her hair. Working girl, Melanie Griffith, getting the pre-Harrison Ford meetup hairdo from Joan Cusack. Sicario, Day of the Soldado. You ever seen that one, CR?

23:22Bill Simmons:I have seen that a couple of times. Benicio Del Toro giving the cartel daughter the short hairdo before attempting to cross the border. And there's a couple other good examples. We did in Legend of Billie Jean. She goes in with the kitchen scissors and comes out and looks amazing. I'd throw in Richard Kimball in the hospital room with a pair of cuticle scissors and a disposable razor coming out looking like fucking Harrison Ford. Right, and like a$3 hair darkener. Yeah, I have like a nick on my upper lip right now that was just from like shaving the other day with like a nice razor. Oh, that was a shaving accent?

23:54Bill Simmons:Yeah. Oh, thank God. I was worried it was a hooker.

24:02Bill Simmons:Oh God, I should have more faith in you, sir. Yeah, thanks, bud. He suggests the Vidal Baboon Award for Best Homemade Haircut. I don't know if this would happen enough times, but I do think we should monitor this going forward. Did she cut her hair in Gone Girl? Well, she breaks her own teeth, so I feel like whatever she wants to do to her appearance. Maybe there's some sort of, like, best bastardation of home beauty care or something. I don't know. There's some sort of idea. I think one of the things that really bothers me is when you don't have the tools to do it, and then you come out, and you're like, look, I look great.

24:38Bill Simmons:Andy says best podcast in the history of the medium you guys are the greatest thanks Andy that's really nice I did have a nitpick he's like that's it of course he had a nitpick with Apex Mountain of Dinner Scene Assassinations which we talked about on Sicario we said Alejandro going in and murdering the guy we said that was the best and he was like what about Michael killing Salazzo and McCleskey give the lead up I don't want him coming to the bathroom with just his cock in his hands. Clemenza showing him the gun. That has to be Apex Mountain. Louis Restaurant. I agree, Sicario's up there, but how could it not be The Godfather?

25:15Bill Simmons:He's right. Both acts of vengeance. Godfather is just a bigger, more important movie. Godfather wins. Okay. I think there's also just more, there's actually more drama in that Godfather scene. There's more buildup and suspense. I'm going to go, I'm going to zag. I didn't see Michael Corleone killing anyone's kids. You know? so until he gets there until he has like Salazzo's kids in front of him you're not seeing Alejandro well there's some backstory with Godfather where they were gonna like they wanted to replace Pacino and they shot that scene and that was the scene that saved him from getting fired from Big Shot Rob Evans and the Godfather so I don't know fair points oh this is a nice email from Keith W in Portland, Oregon one of your favorite places home of Chuck Klosterman The beauty of being an active member Of this rewatchables club Is the shared shorthand We should stop asking what item we want to have And start asking what item would identify As a fellow fanatic Of our favorite movie Updated category, the secret handshake What piece of memorabilia Would only a rewatchables OG recognize Yeah, that's good The goal is to identify a prop Meaningless to the masses, but a tell For somebody who's rewatched the movie too much A few secret handshake examples Heat A copy of Stretch Fractures in Titanium Oh, that's good

26:39Bill Simmons:Vision Quest Loud and Swain's Red Ace X Wrestling High Tops Which we talked about on that pod For five solid minutes Sicario The Blue and Pink Cartel Money Bands Or the Indian Creek Sigs Talk amongst yourselves It's less about the resale value of the object More about the If You Know You Know badge of honor That's a really good one It's a really good one. I almost feel like we changed the memorabilia category. And if the movie doesn't have it, we just don't even do it. Yeah. Just recently, I would love Jerry's, like, Salesman of the Month picture that's behind Jerry in Fargo. I should do that where I'm, like, CR Month picture of myself above my head.

27:18Bill Simmons:Well, for Sakarya, what was the bar when Emily Blunt meets Bernthal? Oh, it's like, it's not Wild Bills. It's something. Wild something? It's like something pony or something like that. Yeah, you get, like, the matches from that. Sure. I like the deep cut memorabilia I think is a good idea Yeah, the secret handshake's good Yeah, that's good Good email Tyler Davis Watched To Live and Die in LA last night And it's a CR special If I've ever seen one Prince is complimentary I feel like the movie presents the pod With a perfect new category idea Character most likely to want Quentin Daly to start over Michael Jordan

27:54Bill Simmons:Most likely candidates Big Nick from Dead of Thieves And Jim from The Town Big Nick Big Nick would be like How about you think Sizemore and Heat probably Big Nick was probably like a big Tim Thomas Guy for the Clippers They just gotta play more That's a double double every night I don't know if this works As a category but I like it as Keep it in our back pocket I really like that Mike D says in honor of CR month I have a suggestion For a new category what item from Midnight Run would help the protagonist the most? So we would just be doing the movie and we'd be like what Midnight Run accessory would help him?

28:34Bill Simmons:He said a money belt containing 300 ,000 you can't use until the start the very end of the movie to start a new life a plate of tree-sewn eggs Alonzo Mosley's stolen batch whatever did you have any others for this? Yeah I only sent you three questions this is one of them So I would definitely say that any movie where somebody is sacrificed for a principal would be great to have the money belt because that's the entire point of Midnight Run. But it is also just funny to imagine Agnes getting it at the end of Hamlet. It's just like, hey, I wrote fucking Hamlet. We got paid off that. She's not crying anymore now.

29:08Bill Simmons:She's crying tears of joy. She doesn't play the Tree Zone X. Yeah, Castaway would be the Tree Zone X. Yeah. Like, oh my God, this is amazing. This is the best, yeah. And then anything, I mean, the Alonzo Mosley FBI thing is just, trying to think of where that would work the best is, it's tough. It's like... This question made me want to do Midnight Run again. Because we did it, I think, first year. You've seen it, right? I love that movie, yeah. One of my favorites. It's just completely ageless. Of course. It's so good. It's one of the few... The movie came out in 1989, so it's 37 years old. And I just feel like it just doesn't...

29:46Bill Simmons:It's not like, oh, they would... Like, you don't think about, oh, they'd have cell phones now. All that stupid shit. It just works perfectly. It's just basically the best casting of a buddy action movie ever. The chemistry between them, it'll last forever. I'm going to shoot you through the glass. Let's take a break and then we'll keep going. This episode is brought to you by Fire TV. You've been there settling in for a relaxing evening of TV. You waste half the night scrolling through options. Can't really find anything to watch. Well, enter Fire TV. It's entertainment with zero effort required.

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31:42Bill Simmons:All right, this is from Nick in Columbus. On the Sicario pod, you guys were struggling with finding a role for Cruz or Hanks. Where did we land on that? I don't remember. I think it was Hanks. For who? Actually, I don't even know if we came to a conclusion on that. Cruz was Brolin? No, didn't we say Cruz as Bernthal? But it's got to be the lead, right? Or a lead? Oh, is that what we said? It's got to be a lead character. Well, CR mentioned earlier in the pod, this is Nick, that many studios wanted the K character to be a guy. that makes 90s Cruz perfect for this yeah the firm few good men yeah few good men the guy learning the world it's not quite what it appears to be you can even go earlier to like Rain Man Born on the 4th of July or Cruz Cruz is good at playing innocent yeah but then the only question is then when you get the bar the hookup scene gone wrong would lead to some of the best moments of Cruz's career a love scene where you have to be too into it and then he realizes something wrong and he tells them they have to stop.

32:45And then Emily Blunt could have played the Bernthal character. That's right. She's the one who picks him up and doing some wine dancing. But instead of a heated hookup, they're just lying in bed laughing.

32:54Bill Simmons:And then he's like, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop. Another question. Oh, this is a great one from Pete in Massachusetts. This is a two-part question. He's listed in the Sicariot pod. Hearing Bill mispronounce Floyd Gondali's name, a character from his supposed favorite movie the past 30 years. It's Gondoli, right? Gondoy, for some reason, I was just reading and I said, I just fucked up. I think we're finally at the point to initiate a new rewatchables category for excellence in the field of mispronunciation. Granted, it would be awarded to Bill 10 out of 10 times, but it needs to be established.

33:28Bill Simmons:I'd suggest that Van Damme, Van Damme, did Bill just have an under seizure award for most inexcusable mass occurring of a name? And he wanted, like, Craig to just throw out a challenge flag when I throw out a, like a... When you say Theon Lovejoy. Yeah. Yeah. You just have a flag like Mike McDaniel just throwing it out to stop the pod. It would be great if we could get like the... Remember that Nickelodeon show where people would get slimed? You can't get that on television. Just get shot with a water gun. Every time you do gondoli... There's a dunk tank. Yeah. My answer for mispronunciations, as always, is it's hard to host.

34:06Bill Simmons:There you go. I just fall back on that all the time. He keeps going, though. He said, if you want another challenge flag category, I'd like to suggest the Bangkok Coral Beck tip-off award for is Craig actually a serial killer who will one day have his own Netflix true crime documentary. He said in the Scaripod, this would be when Craig casually suggested that Alejandro murdered the cartel's leader, wife and children in front of him was not sadistic enough that after executing his family, he killed the kingpin too quickly and should have let it quote, sit for a minute. Let him marinate on it. This guy dropped his daughter in a vat of acid.

34:42He's just going to shoot him in the head?

34:43Bill Simmons:That's not enough. So he said, once the ringer body starts showing up behind drywall in an Arizona spec house, there will be a lot of, we should have seen this coming in memoriam pieces about Craig's victims. I don't know. I'm not against it. Because this came from Denzel, right? In American Gangster, where he shoots that guy in the head. He shoots Idris, yeah. He should have shot him in the chest. Why? So he could see him die. Oh, you do the De Niro on Wayne Grove. Yes, two taps and then one. Yeah. You want the person to know that you killed them. Yeah, for sure. If you get shot in the head, they don't know.

35:16Yeah, what else? What else? It's letting him off easy. Fausto, like five seconds to think about, like, wow, my family went before me. This is crazy. Not enough.

35:25Bill Simmons:I didn't quite know to do this one, but I'm going to read it anyway. From Aaron in Edmonton. Thanks for a great pot. Had the idea for a category. What change would make this movie 10 % better? Sort of a take on recasting actor, city, or director. like how Heat would be 10 % better if they either dropped the Portman storyline or had Vincent doing coke or Gangs of New York if Cameron Diaz was recast. I mean, that would be a 30 % better. Or any number of movies that should have ended differently. 10 % is tough. I almost think it would have to be like 4 % or 3%. Yeah, but it's good because it's not something as big as recasting because a recasting would, like you said, really significantly change the texture of the movie.

36:03It's like... A tweak. Yeah, or like the music in this chase scene was bad. You know what I mean? GoldenEye is a really good example. That first driving through the Alps moment that they have. It just stinks. Or the song, the GoldenEye song itself. You're like, oh, that could have been better.

36:21Bill Simmons:Then we're basically just in what stage is the worst. It's kind of a nitpick, I guess. It's a nitpick, but it would be like, hey, if you made this change, you get this much better. Maybe in recasting couch, that category, you have the option to just do the 10 % better. Okay. All right. Brian in Bethesda. I'm glad he brought this up because I've been thinking about it a lot. He said, on more than one occasion, you've been discussing a movie with the narrator and have said something along the lines of, I normally hate narrators and movies, but this is a rare exception where it works well. I have said this many times.

36:52Bill Simmons:Yes. He points out that there's been a lot of movies that have narration that we've loved on the rewatchables. Fair point. He, best movie of all time, Shawshank. These are his words. Best mob movie, Goodfellas. Vegas, Casino. Vietnam. Apocalypse Now, 80s, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Dude Movie Fight Club, Coming of Age, Stand By Me, Cult, Big Lebowski, Christmas, Christmas Story, Fairytale Movie Princess Bride, Rise and Fall, Wolf of Wall Street, Best Premature Ejaculation Movie, Forrest Gump. This is his list. He says, yeah, it's cringeworthy when a movie is a bad narrator. He uses one as a crutch.

37:30Bill Simmons:It was so bad in the original Blade Runner, Ridley Scott later removed Harrison Ford's narration, but it also can be valuable. Henry Hill, Red, Hope in the Pacific would be as blue as his dreams, so on and so on. What's an example of narration that you hate? So here's the thing. I think I have to tweak my opinion on this because there's too many examples of narration being good. I think my stance needs to be there's nothing worse than bad narration. Yeah. Maybe that's where I need to land. Yeah. I think I'm just wrong. I'm going to admit defeat. I mean, it's a sign of growth. I'm anti-narrator, but most...

38:02Bill Simmons:He just listed 12 movies that I really like that have narration. yeah it feels like a crutch if the movie's bad it's a crutch to try to make the movie better but if the movie's already good the narration isn't a problem yeah it's just a quality it's and he didn't even mention like outside providence has narration like there's a bunch of like lower level movies that i love that i have this year train dreams there's another one where it's like there will be the introductory and concluding narration but not it doesn't like you don't have it throughout the film yeah and i think that that has like a special category but Yeah, I was just wondering, like, what's a movie that you've seen that has narration that you're like, this sucks?

38:39Bill Simmons:I really hate it even more for documentaries. And I feel like when you're doing a documentary, the goal should always be not to have narration. And if you have narration, you're probably doing it wrong. Can I ask you a follow-up question? Yeah. Would you like to see narration come back from movie trailers and go back to, like, in a world? Oh, yeah. First of all, I would redo movie trailers completely from how we're doing them. from 45 years of us showing too much of the movie in the trailer. I like, though, when we don't... It's like, oh, this is coming, but I don't really know what it is. Like, I actually was one of the few people that liked the Devil Wears Prada 2 trailer because I don't really know what it's about.

39:19Bill Simmons:Sure. But they showed us everyone that's in it, and I'm like, okay. I'm in. That's all I needed. Yeah, you don't want to tease any of the plot. You just want to get people excited by showing the vibe of the movie. There's been a couple movies where I've seen the trailer, and I'm like, okay, guess I don't need to go. Yeah, but if you had, like, a... I don't know. if you had something like, you know, they were two outcasts. He was a writer. She was just a little farm girl. And he wound up right in Hamlet. This is their story. I mean, I don't think that would work, but like, I think it could be useful in other.

39:50He was a Colombian lawyer assassin. His daughter was dropped in acid.

39:55Bill Simmons:Well, actually, Craig, I believe he is from Mexico. One of my Instagram things that always gets suggested to me is like late seventies, early eighties, ABC. commercials. Yeah. Where they're like, in Vegas, Dan Tan is busting two call girls. But it's that Paul Thomas Anderson's dad, Ernie Anderson, is doing it. I just want to go back in general to the cigarette narration voice. Can we have a flex category that's the Ernie Anderson, what would you do to narrate the trailer for this movie? Because there would be some that would be really fucking funny. Maybe we should include that in the Zane Lowe, Wayne Jenkins.

40:29Bill Simmons:Yeah. Or Ernie Anderson's trailer. Ernie Anderson's trailer. He was from the wrong side of the tracks in Boston. She was working at a bank. They met at a robbery. The town coming soon. And now his friends want to kill her, literally. Isabel Lopez. It's probably the smartest email we've gotten. I like that you do first and last names. Not holding back on these emails. Well, you put your name in. I'm going to read it. Yeah. She loves the show. She was listening to the Martian episode, which we did, I think, six years ago. During COVID. JC. Bill says, you need a special category for the post apex mountain apex.

41:07Bill Simmons:He called it the, I still got it mountain. Oh yeah, sure. She said, there's a term for that in math. It's called the local maximum. It's the relative high point on a graph. That's not the highest peak. I love the idea and think it actually applies to a lot of actor films. You guys cover on the show. Um, and she included a graph that for some reason didn't get dropped into my document, but she actually had the draft clean up the category name a little bit. Yeah. The Kawhi Leonard pre-suspension push. The Kawhi Leonard last gasp apex? Yeah, right before your contract gets voided, you just fucking let everybody know you're still the best player in the world.

41:46Bill Simmons:So Matt Damon, The Martian's a great one. What are some other ones, though? Well, let me think about it. So this is kind of like a post-prime. You get your ring in your mid-30s, like LeBron 2016, Steph 2022 kind of vibe. Steph 2022. that's a great one Steph that's really good yeah that's even better than Kawhi well the thing is Steph never really fell off Kawhi was like kind of gone for four years there and now is just like I'm the best two way player you getting paid by Balmer right now me? yeah a little aspiration money I'm sorry if I just want to fix carbon emissions dude Liam Neeson and Taken would be a good one that's a good one is it like Keanu Reeves, John Wick?

42:31Bill Simmons:yes perfect Yes. It's another good one. We'll keep an eye on this. Okay. Next time it comes up. Thanks, Isabel. This is from Jim. This is a really good one. I didn't send you guys any of these because it's funnier to hear the natural reactions. The first time we did this, I accidentally sent the document and Sierra knew everything that was coming and I was bothered about it for like six months. The downside is that you hear a lot of like, let me give that some thought. Yeah, yeah. I'm pro reactions. He says, thanks for the rewatchables. It's been my go-to since the first heat dropped. I want to propose a new category.

43:05Bill Simmons:The Would You Accept This Character's Organ Donation Award for any character who dies in the movie. So like Richard Chance from To Live and Die. Right. He said he has Yes, I Would, Goose, Rachel Banks, Ray Merriman, Dickie Greenleaf, Neil from Dead Poets, Dr. Beth Garner, French Guy from Unfaithful, and Carl from Die Hard. Neil from Dead Poets It's a weird one He shot himself in the head All the organs were fine So is this just Who's not an alcoholic Here's his No I would not group Wayne Grow Quint Eddie Barzun Doug Coughlin Anyone from Alien Anne Edna Buffalo Bill Doc Holliday Or Jenny Gump Doc Holliday You would get sicker Getting Doc Holliday's organs Why do I all of a sudden Have TB then he said in birth all we trust that's pretty good that's great I don't know if that's in everything but I think we back pocketed it I think that's in the flex category would I accept an organ donation or maybe it's like whose organ would you want from this movie yeah I think if we did an organ donation draft I think Quint's the first pick for the one I would have want he's just been drinking for 25 straight years oh yeah and smoking and has definitely has melanoma from being out on a boat with no sun care Yeah, I would think he would have the most things wrong with him.

44:28Yeah.

44:29Bill Simmons:Would you say Chuck? The shark probably put him out of his misery, honestly. Chuck Dolan from Castaway? Is he a yes or a no for organ donation? He's on that island for five years, had a really bad staph infection in his mouth. Fasting is good for you, though. You know, he's been in ketosis for two years. Oh, true. That's right. His clary. His liver would be great. He's pretty clean. Do you think the first time he has, like, a Coors Light, when he gets back, it just blows his mind? Like, he just gets completely tanked? Oh, yeah. I would say like half a glass of wine. His first trip to McDonald's sets him back a week.

45:02Adam Chu says,

45:04Bill Simmons:I have a suggestion for a new category award, the Clint Eastwood Ego Stroke Award for the detail or scene that's clearly just there to stroke the person's ego. Named after Clint Eastwood in The Mule, who plays an octogenarian who has two separate threesomes. Is this a thing that happened? I don't think I've ever seen The Mule. I don't think I have either. I got to admit, I don't remember that from The Mule, and I think I saw it in the theaters. Clint had to make sure we knew that not only does he still fuck, he fucks with stamina. This guy might have a director's cut. He said other examples are The Rock and Vin Diesel never losing a fight in every choice Steven Seagal has ever made, which we've talked about.

45:41Bill Simmons:Yeah. Steven Seagal, every movie, he just, nobody even lands a punch on him. He just completely demolishes everyone. Vin Diesel's a good one, though. We've never seen Vin Diesel lose a fight in any of the Fast and Furious's. not against this award. I might throw it in the flexes. Clint has priors too. I always found like the Rene Russo, Clint Eastwood in the line of fire relationship to be like putting a little layer of cream cheese on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now she's going to look back at me because she loves it. She can't get enough. She's looking back wondering if you're still driving because you're 78.

46:16Bill Simmons:Somehow we're still in the Secret Service. Connor from California said, what would be the Mount Rushmore of movie recommendations that would almost guarantee the female recipient you're interested would not have interest not only in seeing the movie, but ever speaking to you again. Like to live and die in LA is a really good one to start with. This is a phenomenal question. He said, uh, he nominates bad Lieutenant happiness, eight millimeter and come and see. I don't think we're going to do come and see. And he said, I got to thinking how to repurpose this into a category. and I give you the Harvey Keitel Traffic Stop Bad Lieutenant Award for worst possible scene to watch on a first date.

46:53I know a guy who took a girl to go see the Romanian abortion drama four months, three weeks, and two days on a first date. Oh, my God. I think Hereditary would be up there. That's a good one. Death Wish. Yeah, Craig's still scarred from Death Wish. First 20 minutes of Death Wish are pretty tough. I mean, even I walked in there with my head hanging low. I was like, I feel weird about this one. And I think we kind of scooted past the first 20 minutes. I'll never see Jeff Goldblum the same.

47:22Bill Simmons:Yeah, true. Yeah. I think Monster's Ball is the answer to all of this. Yeah. Because we had that other category about worst thing to watch with your in-laws. That one was when you're all going to the movies together. Yeah. I think Monster's Ball wins all of this. It checks all the boxes. Manchester by the Sea, a tough first date probably. Well, there's a difference between like what's one that a woman will probably just be like you gotta be fucking kidding me with this versus something that's horrifying. Right, right. I guess this is more like Species. Hereditary and Manchester by the Sea, I think, are like real bummers.

47:58Is Species a terrible first date movie? I don't know. Or is it not bad? It's tough when you have to really come over have some ramen and watch Species. Because you can't really... This seems great. You can't be like, how good did Natasha Hentridge look? Like that's immediately a dope thing. The really gratuitous naked 80s movie scenes are tough. Yeah, when she's nailing Alfred Molina and you're like, hey, how about that? Pretty cool.

48:22Bill Simmons:You like that? I was trying to think of fights that I had after movies with people I was either dating or on a date with or fights about the movie or whatever. And one of them was I saw Chasing Amy with a girl I was dating in Boston a little bit. It was like not really weren't serious but dating. Okay. and she liked the movie more than I did and I really hated the ending and we argued about it for an hour it wasn't like angry arguing but it made me like her less that she liked the ending so much because I was like that's fucking stupid I feel like once you get to a certain age you're just kind of like did you like that and then he's like no and I was like alright I'm not going to fight about it I also saw Mad Love with Drew Barrymore and Chris O'Donnell with a date and they got choked up at the end and I was like wow I can't believe you got choked up it's now hitting me one of the worst nights with my wife was seeing The Master she really did not enjoy that movie oh really?

49:18she was just like you have to be fucking kidding me like why did you take me to that?

49:25Bill Simmons:Master is probably the most polarizing good movie because I don't like it either you don't? oh I love that movie I was just watching a clip from it the other day I don't think that movie's a fun hang and I was like I wonder if we would ever do that but yeah I respect it sure what'd you think of begonia did you see begonia i don't i don't watch yorgos anymore he's lost my faith and trust me too man sold my tickets really yeah you didn't watch begonia either i watched it but i'm just like i i only watched them because they get nominated and i'm just like i can't believe this i don't like weird just to be weird i think there's a line i don't actually think it's that weird and that's part part of the problem if you just look oh interesting oh yeah he's trying to be weird but it's actually not interesting i think the statement the movie's trying to make i'm less interested in that i think it's better if you just look at it as a is this woman an alien movie i think in that respect it's really good nick that's that's all he gave us he has a category to every watchable podcast fantasy is on he gives a criterion level of fact that's either 100 true or is completely made up and then we have to guess oh two truths and a lie with sean fantasy that's good yeah it's pretty good it's good i would believe it every time I'm not truth.

50:36Bill Simmons:And there's some sort of reward punishment. If we guess correctly more than wrong, Phantasy has to do a Forrest Gump impression to utter a line, I think I ruined your roommate's bathrobe. He would be like, fuck that. I'm not doing that. Yeah. Or maybe if we get Sean, if like Sean ever gets caught 10 times, he has to do a repatsables with you where you just talk about Brady for an hour and a half about Pats games. Maybe we get to five, and if guess yes versus guess no, there's some sort of either punishment or reward. Punishment or reward, yeah. All right, this is from KB in Colorado. Is Ryan Gosling hosting SNL, the Hollywood equivalent of LeBron, entering the dunk contest?

51:21Bill Simmons:Gosling, A-list actor, top of his profession, goes on SNL, fully commits. Willingness to risk looking uncool, endears him to fans, not fans, elevates his brand just the same. I picked this just for Craig, because I know Craig loves Gosling. And SNL. I know the comparison is an apples to apples. I wish that more NBA stars would do this. And then he said, is Gosling this generation's best current host of SNL? He's putting together a strong resume. Is he flirting with Mount Rushmore? Or is that still set in stone? Do you think he's the best right now? I think he's at the top of the mountain for SNL hosts.

51:50Bill Simmons:I think he's the best last 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. I think he definitely is. It's his willing to commit. It's not that he does SNL because a lot of people do it. It's that he's willing to just look like an idiot and do whatever they want. It's just such a good move. I can't think of somebody who's better. Was the Chalamet episode? Chalamet's good. I think he's in... Chalamet's good. Emma Stone's really good. Yeah. It's kind of a litmus test in some ways to what kind of actor you are because the ones that can pop on SNL and just ride with anything, it's probably part of why they're such a good actor.

52:20It's just willing to not take yourself too seriously. The Gosling SNL that he just did, the whole opening monologue was basically dedicated to how hot Harry Styles was. And the fact that he was willing to do that shows why he's so great.

52:33Bill Simmons:it's a weird one from Tim in Los Angeles. It's for, it's a question for conspiracy bill. He said in nineties, crime movies, it's your wheelhouse. Cell phones are basically James Harden in the playoffs. The second someone uses one, it's they're listening, dump it, get to a play phone. The smart criminals always go analog. Here's the thing. I don't think that was just a storytelling crutch. I think big phone lobbied Hollywood hard to make early cell phones feel insecure and traceable. Hmm. Slow down cell phone adoption. Keep landlines and pay phones alive a few more years. Product placement in reverse.

53:09Bill Simmons:All that cell phones taught us was you're getting caught. That's not nothing. I'm saying it happened. Really interesting. He thinks that like AT and... Well, who would... What would Big Phil like? The telecom companies? But don't those companies also own cell phones? That's where the conspiracy falls apart. Yeah, because you have to get a plan. And they were usually with... the companies that, except for like, I guess there was a few that didn't. I like where his head's at though. Where did, what happened in crime movies when it's like, get to a payphone and you give the guy the number, that's kind of gone now because we're on payphones.

53:44Bill Simmons:So how do people communicate? On signal? Do you feel like payphones are going to come back or any version of untraceable communication? Yeah. I mean, if Blu-rays could come back, anything's possible. I just don't think people really call that much. You know what I mean? Like, it's like you call your loved ones and you get phone calls from like spam. But like, do you just like blind call Bill to ask him a question? We're just learning now that, I mean, obviously emails come back. I think texts, 10 years from now, we're going to think of texts the way that we're thinking of emails now. And it's like, people have got to figure out ways to talk that's not traceable.

54:17Bill Simmons:I call Craig sometimes just to freak him out and think something happened. But I'm just calling to be like, yo. You called me when I was in Indianapolis. And I was like, oh, no. You'll do. You have a, it's like the random Bill called that you're like, oh, no. And then it's like, Bankero. I don't love it. When I was in Indianapolis, I like to be a positive force in people's lives. I was at dinner. Bill calls me. I leave to go step outside. I answer it. He goes, you're going to love CR's Zane Lowe impression on today's pod. That literally happened. That was true. You stepped out. You thought there was an emergency.

54:51Bill Simmons:Okay. This is, this is, this plane has to take off and fly in the air for a couple seconds, but it lands really well. Okay. It's from Cullen L. Cullen. I don't think we've had a Cullen before. Cullen. A little rare name. You've been talking about rewatching Game of Thrones in the sauna. I do it every two years or so. I'm always caught off guard in season five, episode five, when Jorah and Tyrion's captures just casually mentioned that they would sell Tyrion to a cock merchant. That got me thinking about how one goes about becoming a cock merchant. Did you graduate in a bad economy Unemployment rate is high And it's hard to find a job Just hate chopping dicks Do it all for the paycheck Telling people it's temporary Cut to 25 years later You're senior director of Dorfcox With thinning hair and a beer belly Wondering where your life went That made me think Okay About what other movies Just casually introduce a character With a holy shit How is that a job job Like the dude in Minority Report Who just sells new eyeballs to Tom Cruise Good one Bet that guy's life didn't turn out the way he expected.

55:57Bill Simmons:Anyway, I think you should consider the cock merchant. How the hell is that a job category? That's a disgrace surgeon, right? That's our boy Stormor. Yeah. Yeah. I'd really like the how is this a job, job category. I think that's really strong. Cock merchant. Cock merchant's really good. We've never, usually for rewatchables categories, we have movies in the award, not television shows. So we'd really have to bend it on this one. Yeah. I'm trying, I'm just trying to scan through my head and think of like, of like characters and like good fellows who had bad jobs or something like that. But it's, it's, it's, it's got a lot of legs.

56:33Bill Simmons:I mean, it's tough to top eyeball, eyeball reseller. Sure. In the future. How about, I mean, Millich in Eyes Wide Shut doing a 24-hour costume shop where he also pimps out family members. Actually, now that we're talking about this, the Joaquin Phoenix in 8mm. Oh, yeah. Just working in the adult film store and seeing things that you can't unsee and knowing like the dark world. Ruth from To Live and Die. Maybe just go work at like a subway. Yeah, working at a topless bar and also acting as a snitch. Yeah. The guy in Ace Ventura. Ruthie the Rat. The old man in Ace Ventura whose only job is like tracking whale locations in that room in the concert venue.

57:21Bill Simmons:Yeah, this is good. I bet people have more ideas too. This is from Casey in Washington, D.C. The Bill Simmons watching TV on blast through sauna glass award for the most ridiculous behavior in the movie. Think Al Pacino, give me all you got. or Tom Cruise being drunk or Nicolas Cage singing Halloween face-off. But here's his big question. If you could do a rewatchables with Tom Cruise, which movie would you want to do with him if it was his movie? Ooh. I have a choice, but I'm interested in your takes. Depends on how— Craig would do Traffic Thunder just so we could do Traffic Thunder. Oh, my God.

57:56100%. I know what you would say. I would do Eyes Wide Shut. I just want to know everything about it. I would want to know everything about what it was like. It's a fucking great choice. If he was going to be like, it's all on the table, let's go. Like me and Nicole, me and Stanley. Did Stanley get killed before the movie comes out? Like I'll talk about anything. I would probably be that.

58:15Bill Simmons:So maybe it's two versions of Cruise. It's everything's on the table. We have no secrets Cruise. It's eyes wide shut. Yes. If it's the Cruise, the public figure Cruise that we know, it's got to be Cocktail. Yeah. It just has to be. what do you think his recall for the making of cocktail is at this point in his life like can you i mean he's an alien he's never drank he has all his brain cells i want to know which tom cruise skill he's held on to the most oh that's a great question that's in the cocktail pod you would make him flip the bottle see if he could do it is he still good at pool from color but he would probably be like i can actually fly a jet and you guys want me to make a dark and stormy like that's who gives a shit?

58:59If you could do one activity with Tom Cruise, what is it?

59:04Bill Simmons:Play pool. Yeah.

59:09Bill Simmons:I'd want to bartend. You'd want to bartend with him. Hey, there's an opening at TGA Fridays today, TC. I'd like to give him sets in volleyball and just see what happens. I want to dance with him to Lil Jon.

59:24Bill Simmons:I'd also want to incorporate Joe House in it somehow because House has the rare ability to just be able to immediately befriend and hang out with everybody and give somebody a nickname. So it's like almost immediately like, TC, what's up, motherfucker? And just like Tom Cruise would love him. All right. Shots fired in this email from Tyler. He signed this, Tyler and an ice road crew. Okay. Not sure what that means. It means he's probably driving on ice roads. I didn't know if it was a stealth rewatchables reference from something we did on Ice Road. Who knows? Would this movie be worse with dot, dot, dot?

1:00:02Bill Simmons:Like how we do with Hanks and Cruz, the reverse. Easily only one choice for each sex and blatantly obvious. It would be Jared Leto and Dakota Johnson. Jesus. I was yelling in my tractor for Craig to be a man and name them, but obviously someone has gotten to him too. When did we talk about this? I have no idea. Would this movie be worse with Jared Leto or Dakota Johnson? I think that's pretty funny. Where are you at with Dakota? I personally really like her. She's been in... Her batting average is... She's under the Mendoza line. Yeah. I personally like her. It's pretty rare to have this amount of turkeys, I guess.

1:00:41But I do find myself fascinated by her. I agree. I like her as a personality, I think, more than I do the movies she's in. Yeah, she's a better talk show guest than she is a movie star.

1:00:48Bill Simmons:I loved when she flipped it on Ellen. I felt like that started the Ellen DeGeneres turn. Yeah. when she was like, I did invite you, you didn't respond or whatever that whole thing was. Jared Leto, I just don't like. Yeah. Yeah, I root against him. First of all, any actor who then also tries to shove his band down your throat, I just, my guard's up. Sure. Right away with those guys. Who are the best actors that are in a popular band? Keanu. Oh, in a popular band? I mean, Dog Stars, like, Billy Bob is a big, like, my band. Like, that my band is real busy this year, so Landman may have to wait a while.

1:01:25James Dolan is the best.

1:01:27Bill Simmons:Also, here's my band. J.D. is straight shot. Also, here's my band. He has some of the best jazz musicians in the country he overpays to be his backup band. Want to take a break? And I have a big question coming up. Okay. Okay. This episode is brought to you by TaxAct. Like an expert coach, TaxAct offers step-by-step guidance and guaranteed accuracy when filing taxes. Get tips along the way, add expert assist to talk to tax experts, and let our experts do your taxes for you with expert full service. Tax Act helps you find the deductions and credits you deserve so you can get them over with. Visit taxact.com to learn more.

1:02:02Bill Simmons:Conditions apply. See taxact.com for details. This episode is brought to you by Hotels.com. Save Your Way is a new feature on Hotels.com and it's as simple as it sounds. When you book a trip as a Hotels.com member, you decide how to use your savings. Take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later, it's your call. Only at hotels.com. Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the U.S. and U.K. and hotels with member prices. Other terms apply. See site for details. All right, this is from Josh from Vegas via Albany. And he said in parentheses, yes, that's a real thing.

1:02:41Bill Simmons:Building a rewatchable as extended movie universe Hall of Fame pyramid, like I did with the Book of Basketball. who are the level one guys who's on top who are the role players I feel like this could at least be a good meal bag bit you're correct so I was thinking about this I put some time into this one I sent this one to you guys if we did like you do it every year right like how the NBA they have like this year's inductees so we did the first ballot the Pantheon would have to be the five people that have been in the most rewatchable movies I think that would be a fair way to do which is Cruz 17 Pacino 14 De Niro 13 Denzel 12 Stallone 12 yes so those would be our first inductive for the Pantheon I think you'd have the following four directors Spielberg 9 Tony Scott 9 Michael Mann 8 Scorsese 8 for you'd put those for him special achievement hmm Steven Seagal brought us a lot of joy sure Renee Russo just killing the 90s showing up over and over again she's been in seven rewatchables movies Oh my god Philip Seymour Hoffman Got his own category Berntal How's the peeping How's the peeping You know what PSH scene I just keep watching over and over again Mission Impossible 3 You think I won't do it

1:04:10Bill Simmons:So special achievement Would you put Berntal in there For what he meant to the rewatch I feel like he gets in. I think Julia Roberts gets in. She's second most female rewatchables. Plus, Pretty Woman was one of the funniest pods we had. And I don't know. She's just popped in different decades. In Special Achievement or just in? I was thinking Special Achievement, but you could also just save her for Hall of Fame. Is there anybody else you would do for Special Achievement? I mean, if you just want to use people who have been, I think, like, Philip Baker Hall, for instance, deserves recognition as a role player for his role.

1:04:52I think he's... So I had him in the next category for the That Guy category. Yeah. But he's also in The Imitations for a while. Oh, true. Yeah. Who else did we do for Imitations? We had Wayne. Robert Loggia. Andy Garcia. Philip Baker Hall. Pete Possilway.

1:05:11Bill Simmons:I don't say Loggia's got to be. Loggia's in. Yeah, Loggia. Because he also is in big. All right, so special achievements. Seagal, Russo, Hoffman, Loggia. Would you have a fifth? Oh. Karen from Goodfellas. Lorraine Bracco. Yes. Yeah, Bracco's in. Okay, that's five. The That Guy Award. These are all graduated that guys, but Joey Pants, John Carroll Lynch, who was in three and four at one point. What a run for him. I think Catherine O 'Hara has to be in there because she's been in a bunch of different ones we've done different characters and uh and remar yeah so we've talked about remar and then would you put baker hall as the fifth yeah i think he's probably actually also been secretly in like 10 rewatchables we just haven't really counted it up i know we need to find our robert ory who's actually been in the most rewatchables movies is it cruise with 17 or is there somebody who's actually been in more i looked this up nobody's been in no over 10 do you know how many hoffman movies we've done how many ps yeah it's seven or eight wow yeah yeah and there's some left oh yeah I mean, there's some that I would just put in just for him.

1:06:16So then I have... Like Charlie Wilson's War or something.

1:06:19Bill Simmons:Throw Your Life Away, Roller Girl, Catherine Shammell, Edie Falco in Copland, and Robin Givens in Boomerang. Oh, and there's... I can think of a bunch of other ones. But I think this is the first class. DeMornay from Risky Business. Might have to add it. We have room for one more. We have room for that one. Room for one more. I mean, he literally did throw his life away. All right, we'll add DeMornay. Risky Business. unless you want to do species. I don't care if I die at the end of this sexual encounter. I mean, certainly. She should probably be in there. I mean, let's be honest. A bunch of guys did throw their lives away for her.

1:06:56Bill Simmons:Yeah, that's... Who do you like from Fletch? Oh, Dana. Dana Wheeler Nicholson. Yeah. That could be another category of most polarizing arguments we've had on the podcast. Sean just being... Just laughing us down? Yeah. For an hour and a half? Yeah. Like, forget that. I mean, I would throw Courtney Cox from Mace Ventura in there, but... Ooh. Can add that as well. We're just naming hot women in these movies. And then last one. This is the big one. The Dion Waiters first class. So I did some work on this. Ted Levine, Silence of the Lambs. She's a great big fat person. Catherine Han and Step Brothers.

1:07:38Bill Simmons:We did like 15 minutes on how good she was in that movie. We did that a while ago. She's so fucking funny in that movie. We should restack. That was like 2017. I wasn't doing the show then. Are you sure? Yeah, I wasn't there, I don't think. Who did you do it with? Did we do it? I don't remember. I don't remember anything anymore. It might have been me, you, and Sean. Maybe? Let me see when that was. She's amazing in that movie. So good. Did we do like... I feel like we talked about the Catalina Wine Cooler for like 25 minutes. It was you two and Sean, July 2018, which is the week I got hired. Wow, so we could probably do that as a live show.

1:08:15Bill Simmons:Cyrus and the Warriors. Mm-hmm. Christopher Walken with the combo, pulp and true romance. Yeah. I think he won for both, right? Yes. And then Clemenza and the Godfather, who we talked about for a while. We did. Just five scenes, just absolutely annihilating all of them. Does Christoph Waltz count from Inglourious Bastards? No, he's in it too much. He's in it too much. He's like the star of the movie. Because the other one is, initially I thought Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids one of the funniest performances of all time but she's in it too much she's like a star it's an ensemble that's why Catherine Han's in like four scenes just like absolutely destroying everything in all of them but I think it's those four there's probably some other ones oh and McBride and this is the end oh yeah is he in it too much he's in it for the first half of the movie right he's in it too much oh no wait it's more like the second third where he shows up the whole night happens and then he wakes up but he's probably there for a good 30 minutes.

1:09:09Yeah. I don't know. Michael Cera in This Is The End would be mine. Oh, yeah.

1:09:14Bill Simmons:Would there... Oh, that's a good... I think he won, actually. He had to have. Slapping Rihanna's ass. Because we probably decided McBride was in it too much. Blowing coke in people's face. Is there any other category you would put in for the Hall of Fame? I think we should just make... We should actually really put more time into this and then, like, announce it on some... Okay. ...special pod and have, like, plaques and stuff. Yeah. That would be good. But is there another category that should be in there? I think those are the basics. No, those are the big ones. I mean, I think Apex Mountain's so open for debate about what it is, kind of.

1:09:46Like, it's hard to put it in. We didn't have Barga.

1:09:48Bill Simmons:Yeah, it would be too confusing. Because I was thinking, could Villain be in there? Oh, Hans Gruber Villain? You could do Apex Mountain by year. Like, who has 1984? Who has 1985? Who has 1986? I was thinking, because we did, we have nice guys coming. and Gosling was in that and La La Land same year that my case for that they should name for the Oscars an MVP of the year. Oh yeah. Either somebody that just completely the performance was so unbelievable they owned the year or somebody that had multiple movies. I would love to go back through I mean there's like the Spielberg there's a couple Spielberg years where he does two movies in the same year.

1:10:26Jurassic and Schindler's and stuff. That's the thing

1:10:28Bill Simmons:the MVP can be director actor actress cinematographer even I mean we talked about Carrie in 94 doing Dumb and Dumber Carrie wins The Mask and Ace Ventura. it's like unanimous vote. Like, almost like... And if you go back earlier to like the 70s and 80s, there are times when people put up like three, four movies that are pretty good. You know, like Redford, Hoffman, De Niro years. Didn't Soderbergh get nominated for Best Director for two different movies in the same year? Yeah, Traffic and Aaron Brockovich, right? I mean, that's... No, wait. Yeah, that was it, right? Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:00Bill Simmons:Tom K in Tucson. He wants us to flirt with an Unwatchables Month. And he mentioned... We have to do Gigli, the Ben Affleck anti-classic. Is that a rock bottom? The opposite of Apex Mountain? Gigli? That's his Nadir Mountain. He mentions how Affleck's critical to the pod, which is true. We love Affleck. The Hangover's Justin Bartho submits a nuclear holocaust of a Rain Man impression that his career somehow survived. Two big name cameos in the film, including Al Pacino. And then he suggested Unwatchables Month. Gigli, Rocky V, Battlefield Earth, with Freddy Got Fingered and Catwoman. We get a lot of requests for Catwoman because it's really truly one of the worst movies ever made.

1:11:44Bill Simmons:Is that the Halle Berry one? Yeah. There's a crazy basketball scene in that movie that's like, I can't even describe it. I'm sure Van has some thoughts on Catwoman. We've kind of lost the art of making real stinkers because now they're more like superhero movies or sci-fi movies that you're watching, but usually superhero movies where I'm like, I can't believe they put this out. Well, it's funny because right now there kind of is one of those in The Bride. Yeah, but there are a bunch of people who think the bride's awesome. Yeah. Or the bride is like a brave step, you know? Yeah, I like the bride zaggers.

1:12:13Yeah. Yeah. They're like, you guys didn't understand the bride. Like we have cats, I guess. Oh, yeah.

1:12:19Bill Simmons:The Taylor Swift cats. Yeah. Yeah. Drew S. writes, What do you think about adding a flex category for the Ted Levine Buffalo Bill Award for performance so good and distinct, it damaged the actor's career? Retroactive winners include Billy Zabkin and Karate Kid, Patrick Bergen and Sleeping with the Enemy. and even though Chris Maloney and J.K. Simmons had strong careers you can never unwatch their characters in Oz Wayne Grow to me is the ultimate example yeah I don't even know I couldn't even see Wayne Grow again after he I mean I think he's even now leaning it like he did the the Mulaney show where he just came out as Wayne Grow I mean it's like you just kind of have to this is a good flex category for if there's a movie where it's so clearly it's basically like are you going to be signing autographs at conventions for the next 30 years as this character yeah it's a typecast award I guess right kind of because we see it in TV all the time it's like Jason Alexander was George but it's more disturbing right yeah it's like the performance was so distinct that you can't unsee the performance from the character but it's like Patrick Bergen is a good example he was a good actor but sleeping with the enemy you're just seeing him going Laura and he's just so crazy and evil you're like he actually has to be crazy and evil there's no way he's acting yeah that's a really tough line to cross Wayne Gros same thing Frank Nitty in The Untouchables I can't remember that actor's name but it's like the bad guy yeah the guy in the white suit I would just be like I'm going to the other side of the street for Jeff it's Goldblum in Death Wish he watches the big show he's man this is a great category there's so many that I want to go back and look at like the role that haunts you the role that haunts the actor yeah this is a nerdy one from Ron in Florida he's a tax lawyer he said in 82 Congress packs past the tax equity and fiscal responsibility act, which made bearer bonds very expensive for companies to issue and are very rare to see after the mid eighties.

1:14:12Bill Simmons:That's why you don't see bearer bonds anymore. And he, and he can look past it for some post 82 movies like Beverly was cop, maybe even die hard. But when we get to heat and panic room, no fucking way, basically he's saying they're just out of circulation. Yeah. He's like the, he's like Roger Van Zand is not carrying around 1.6 million in bonds. Well, past their maturity date. Come on. Okay. We'll tell Michael Mann. Matt Hennessey suggests the Dave Toshki Animal Crackers Award for most niche taste or interest exhibited by a main character in a movie. Jesus. This is good. Floyd Gondali's pension for backdoor lollipops, he mentions.

1:14:50Bill Simmons:Did you just do it again? Gondali? Floyd Gondali? Gondoli. Gondoli? Yeah. Challenge flag. Throw me flag. You need the flag. Don't take. Reynolds Woodcock's fondness for Poison Mushrooms and Phantom Thread. Sure. Steve Crow's character in Little Miss Sunshine being the prominent pro scholar in America. And then Neil McCauley in Metals. It's pretty good. Or like Malkovich in Rounders liking Oreos. Yeah. This is pretty good. I think this goes into Fleck. Jennifer Lopez Dolphins fan in Out of Sight. It's not a niche. I mean, she's from Miami, but it's still like absolutely mind-blowing. She just walks out wearing a Merino jersey?

1:15:30Yeah.

1:15:33Bill Simmons:What's Fantasy's version of this? It's like, what's his name in To Live and Die in LA wearing the Steelers Max? Yeah, the Mike Webster jersey. What's Fantasy's most niche taste? Like as a human being? Yeah. I think it's almost the reverse of his no white condiments thing. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. Like no ranch, no mayo? Nope. Although he does cheat with aiolis sometimes, but he doesn't like any white condiments. is it because like why he just happens to not like condiments honestly don't even know it's such a good answer and it's it's great it's so fetish like really hates mayonnaise no milk no white condiments oh no milk yeah wow yeah does like half and half mayo's great you need mayo in a sandwich uh Rob Kasher actually convinced me to change a category oh and he said he's a huge fan of the show he's been on the ride since the page two days but he said it's a terrible job by me with the Elizabeth Shue Award.

1:16:30Bill Simmons:She's highly educated. She went to Wellesley and Harvard, and she radiates intelligence in most of her work. I can't disagree. Her being cast as an astrophysicist is perfectly credible in The Saint, at least by Hollywood standards. It does not feel like she was cast because she was simply hot. Obviously, the award needs to be the Denise Richards as Nuclear Physicist Christmas Jones Award. Sure. So I changed that. I think he's right. Denise Richards playing a nuclear physicist is a hundred times more absurd than Elizabeth Shue. I like it. The Christmas Jones Award. Yeah. I really like this question from Jack in Austin.

1:17:06Bill Simmons:In the social network, there's a short scene where Eduardo comes to visit Zuck in his dorm room and mentions he made it to the next round of the final club recruitment. Eisenberg gets up, stands in the doorway, and robotically says, that's good. You should be proud of that right there. Don't worry if you don't make it any further. it's an all-time line reading that conveys smarmyness jealousy and resentment without showing much emotion i propose the that's good you should be proud of that right there don't worry if you don't make it any further word for best line reading past winners include she's got a great ass everybody in the german army has heard of hugo stigwitz and my offer is this nothing we have to add this okay i don't know if sean's gonna listen to this but next time we have sean on and he says something, you should go, that's good.

1:17:54You should be proud of that tape. Don't get mad if I don't throw to you for a while.

1:18:05Bill Simmons:I think best line reading is a great one. Yeah. I'm kind of surprised we've had this pod for nine years and didn't think that that should be a category. Yeah, because it's a little twist on best quote or belatedly best quote. Best line reading. Leslie Nielsen in an airplane. Good luck. We're all counting. right but I think what his point is also that the what Jesse Eisenberg says winds up being like a very like prophetic thing about his relationship with Eduardo the words need to be really yeah so it's like it's hard it's like that's a tasty beverage or that's a tasty burger is like it's an incredible line reading I don't know if it has like everything to do with Pulp Fiction needs to have weight yeah Pat from Scranton had one that another good category suggestion about if we did a recast away the Wilson I'm sorry award for did this movie cross over into pop culture and become a universal joke or reference like the exorcist headsband oh yeah he mentions groundhog day the movie Houston we have a problem funny how am I funny clown just when I thought I was out they pulled me back in Houston we have a problem it's from a movie yeah isn't that in Paul 13 yeah it's Paul 13 but that's where it started yeah I mean I think that they actually said it you know like on the TV I realized that movie is what pushed that into the lexicon.

1:19:21I thought that was already a thing.

1:19:22Bill Simmons:If a movie had a moment that actually became cultural, I think that needs to be recognized. It's tough. We can put it on what stage is the best. The last 10 years, I feel like they've become more visual memes like that rather than the lines. Because now it's like a screenshot of Killian Murphy from Oppenheimer after the What Have I Done? And it's just a shot of him looking down. Or the Duff quarterback. Right. Or the Duff quarterback. Yeah.

1:19:47what's the last movie you can think of that really broke into like popular cultural lexicon i think it takes 10 years i think it's a slow burn yeah because it's like bane now is like there's all these bane jokes like that you'll hear on like sports pods and stuff and it's like that was not happening like when it first came out the town's a good one though yeah like the

1:20:03Bill Simmons:town which is 15 years old whose car are we gonna take but departed i think it takes like 10 to 15 It's got to really Really work at it Jordan R I'm still laughing about you That's a good take Sean You should be proud of me Don't get mad if I don't call on you for a while

1:20:25Bill Simmons:Another 48 hours We mentioned the Warriors And Jordan R Mentions how bad Rembrandt was For the Was this guy really good at his job category

1:20:39Bill Simmons:tagging the gravestone very simple he had a lot of sure a lot of stuff about like Rembrandt this was like your one job in the gang and you just did like very mediocre graffiti and wants Rembrandt to be added to Vincent Chase I don't think we need to do that I'm gonna watch the Warriors again though and really look at the graffiti this kind of gets into like was Creasy the best getaway driver or the only available getaway driver you know what I mean like there's there's some guys that you're like they've really built up this dude's role for the entire thing and that it just doesn't work out. I'm going to skip ahead to the last couple here.

1:21:15Bill Simmons:Oh, Dave H. wants an AI platform where Craig could be like, I want to watch Zodiac at 97 minutes and AI just cuts it. It's the Craig Horlbeck AI time management machine. Well, this is the thing is that we need to bring back, this movie was edited by Claude. Terrestrial cable. where Craig is cutting like epic films to make it so we can watch Nick's Hornets at 5 p.m. Ben and I watched Almost Famous twice in the last week, but we watched the bootleg cut the second time, which has like 35 minutes of additional scenes. And I was telling him this one's not in the movie. And then we were deciding after the scene whether they should have kept it in the actual cut or not.

1:21:55Bill Simmons:Yeah. Had a great time. That's awesome. Yeah, there was a couple good scenes where we're like, eh. So Almost Famous, I would say there's probably three scenes that they could have added. So in that case, maybe like eight minutes longer. Okay. And I don't think I would cut anything. Robert V wants us to add the Coghlan's Law Award for best random rule or law in the movie from Cocktail. He points out we had so much fun with the laws in that movie. That was a really fun pod. And should we just squeeze him in? Should that be life lesson? I'm willing to test drive this one. Sure. Yeah. Maybe it could be life lesson or Coghlan's Law.

1:22:33Bill Simmons:I'd have to re-read The Coggins Law We have Life Lesson At the end of the Yeah So maybe Coggins Law Of the movie That works I'm okay with that Oliver from Melbourne In Australia Wants the Yellow The Al Pacino Yellow handkerchief award For the most What the fuck moment Of the movie I'll put that in Flex Yeah And then Kind of a dark email From Eddie from Philly Uh oh He was listening To Zodiac and he said there's this huge New Yorker article last year which explored a theory why serial killers basically vanished after the 80s. We talked about this. Isn't it just like DNA and surveillance? He said baby boomers and Gen X being exposed to leaded gasoline was the sliding doors moment to power a large portion of Netflix's business is the theory.

1:23:24What does that mean?

1:23:26Bill Simmons:The smell of gas made people want to kill people. That's his theory? That was this article. That's fascinating. Did lead poisoning create a generation of serial killers in the 70s? Do you think Netflix needs serial killers to come back? Netflix is now doctoring the gas to make it more leaded again. Josh Aubrey, we're coming to the end here. Just one of the guys. He said the Joyce Hauser was almost Dr. Melfi bombshell in the Just One of the Guys pod. Should be used in the future for half-assed internet research as like the hammer. Oh, yeah. He said this to me was the equivalent of finding out Judd Nelson was almost Walter White.

1:24:07Is that true? Why don't we do this? Instead of, because half-assed internet research, we generally cannibalize, like at the beginning of the pod anyway. Like people can't help but be like, did you know this happened and this happened? But you got to save one hammer. You got to save one for the, like the most fascinating piece of half-assed internet research.

1:24:25Bill Simmons:Yeah, maybe it'll build. I think that's a better way to do it. Michael Hughes in London wants us to have the Polly from Rocky word for the character who would host the most terrifying podcast or YouTube channel. That made me think of other podcast YouTube channels like Big Nick and Den of Thieves. Yeah. Could we do that? Big Nick and Den of Thieves would just be like talking LA high school football. Sure. Like another great season from Pauly. Waingrohe would have an interesting YouTube channel. Yeah, Waingrohe would be awful. Andrew points out that the Mark Colton Hey, It's Enrico Palazzo Award for best performance with one line should actually be the Estelle Reiner.

1:25:02Bill Simmons:I'll have what she's having. Nice shout out to Rob Reiner. Yeah. And that's probably a more famous line. Definitely. I'll have what she's having. That's a good one. Duncan Woodward in Washington. He said, as someone who goes on Zillow constantly and appreciates real estate, I will never be able to afford. I often find myself appreciating beautiful homes and movies. We do this with the Amanda Dobbins category. I've researched properties from movies, find out how much they last sold for, some examples I researched, the Graham family home in Hereditary, Jason Bourne's Paris apartment where we got ambushed, and the house in Lethal Weapon owned by the South Africans.

1:25:41Bill Simmons:I would like to propose the Fausto Alicorn Mansion Award for a piece of real estate you'd want to own the most, and then you guys could guess the price and do that. Fausto's mansion. I don't know if we want to put Fausto in the categories. Ben from Connecticut wanted us to do the Stuart Scott Award for line from the movie most likely to be used during a 90s SportsCenter highlight. Oh, yeah. Like Wolf of Wall Street. I'm not fucking leaving. Stu Scott's just doing that. All right. Dave P wants to know, Cruise or Hanks? If you could pick one Tom Cruise movie to sub Hanks in for the Cruise part and vice versa, what are the two movies?

1:26:19Bill Simmons:And he wants to see Cruise and Castaway. Cruise and Castaway would be pretty amazing. Yeah. The physicality Cruise would really lean into and do a good job. Him trying to light the fire. I think it's harder to go the other way. Hanks going into a Cruise part. What about Hanks and Eyes Wide Shut? I could see... That would be weird. That would be a tough one. I could see Hanks doing... Because there was like a... I could see... There's sort of a young bad boy era for Hanks when he's doing like Punchline. I could see him doing... Bachelor Party Hanks? Yeah, like Rain Man. That's what I was going to say, Rain Man.

1:26:52Bill Simmons:Being... Hanks as Charlie Babbitt? Yeah. that's pretty good yeah so Hank says Charlie Babbitt and then Cruise and Castaway Cruise and Castaway is there another Hanks movie that would be funny for Cruise I mean Saving Private Ryan would be hilarious I think Cruise and Big would be funny the worst version of it would be Cruise's Forrest Gump because of the running especially Cruise and Forrest Gump are big oh Cruise and Forrest Gump he's probably furious we might need to embrace AI just so they can make a version of Forrest Gump with Tom Cruise Coming on the Craig Horlbeck network. Claude. An 80-minute version of Zodiac and an AI cruise in Castaway.

1:27:32Why can't Craig be the new Claude? Just call Craig. It's just his AI thing.

1:27:36Bill Simmons:You got AI in my name, you know? But it would be good if you could also just be like, if sometimes you're like, ah, that's a good question. I don't know. I'm busy. I'm watching Zodiac. I'm trying to trim an hour out of Zodiac right now. It's really hard. Jack F. loves the rewatchables mailbags, so he's got to be excited he's in this one. He has a category idea. The little Kittner boy getting eaten by a shark award for the scene that gets glossed over until the viewer realizes, holy shit, a little boy was eaten by a shark. And he has Dr. Loomis mistaking Ben Tramer for Michael Myers. All time. And a bunch of others.

1:28:13We just talked about something like this on the To Live and Die in LA one where it's like a guy explodes in the same building that Ronald Reagan is giving a speech at and then the next scene is like, they gloss over it. They don't even reference it. Yeah. I'm going to put that in the flex. There was an assassination attempt on the president. Then they're like, eh, let's get some beers.

1:28:32Bill Simmons:Well, we always have to end mailbags either here or on my podcast with the goofiest question possible. This comes from Chris A. Good morning. I did not know there would be a rewatchables mailbag where you would consider new awards. If there's still a chance, I would like to propose one. The Peter North Award for the performance of an actor that was their most effort-filled one in their career. a performance that they shot their most load in if you will. Thank you for listening and have a great new year. So it's not best role it's most effort. Trying the hardest. It's like they shot their biggest wad.

1:29:03Bill Simmons:I gotta say it's pretty good. The Peter North Award. It's good. I'm trying to think of like the way you challenge it. It's like Casey Affleck in Manchester by the Sea. Yeah, Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. But I would say he's Peter North in every movie. He's peating all the time. Peter North and Lincoln? Yeah, he's Peter North and Lincoln. I feel like Ben Affleck in Chasing Amy was a Peter North movie for him. He really, really went for it. It's really for the movies where the guy really, really goes for it or the actress. It's like going method almost. Michael Douglas in Basic Instinct, kind of.

1:29:40Bill Simmons:Yeah, well, no, but it's like... I guess he's got to know. Like Cruise and Cocktail is another one. It's almost like they're throwing everything they have into a part that's not even that great. I like that. You know what I mean? Yes. it's like ah they had to go full peter north there like pacino son of a woman right or it's really pacino and two for the money yeah yeah um but i don't know there's something there with the peter north yeah it's the try hard award yeah you're you're pushing too hard um apparently he has an autobiography coming up peter north peter north yeah I Googled to see if he was still alive, and he is.

1:30:17Bill Simmons:Yeah. What else did you Google? We had a friend of mine in the 90s kind of looked like Peter North, and it was a running joke for the entire 90s. Our friend Mike. What piece of real estate? Does Craig know who Peter North is? I don't. I was just kind of hoping nobody would ask. Yeah. Famous 80s, 90s porn actor. Yeah. Known for his prodigious finishing shots. He left it all on the field. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. What does that mean? he was getting acrobatic with it. It's just one of those things. Where it was going. A lot of volume. Volume shooter. Oh, it was volume. Yeah, volume shooter. Distance? It's just everything.

1:30:56Bill Simmons:What's with the follow-ups? Can't you just... Wait, so it's sperm? Are we talking sperm?

1:31:12Bill Simmons:Now we have to wear Peter North to the rewatchables. Yep, this is our podcast. I think my Peter North Award was the 21st Century 50 Most Rewatchable Movies pod. Yeah. That was my Peter North. For Bill? Yeah. Yeah. That was you shooting across the room. What was for Van? What was Van's rewatchables? I think when Van said that he would have slept with The woman from Species. Oh, yeah. And that he could convince her that it's a good idea. And that he's pure. He's like, hey, they hate my people too. Like, yeah. Together we will fucking rise. Together we can take over. That was a great one. All right, we're done with the rewatchables.

1:31:56Bill Simmons:We'll be back. Thanks to everybody who sent questions in. They were really good. We'll try to do this every three or four months. See our month. Just a banger. Nice guys coming next. Yeah. Monday, and then LA Confidential to wrap it up. No, Nice Guys will have already happened by the time people hear this. No, because— Oh, Nice Guys won't have happened. Live and Die in LA will have been out, yeah. Mailbag. Then Nice Guys. Nice Guys. LA Confidential. LA Confidential. Our first four-person rewatchables. And then what are you going to do? Are you going to take some time off? It's up to Chief here.

1:32:25Bill Simmons:You know, he gets to decide. People are like, CR, finally some good movies, because CR was in charge. It's like, we've been talking about doing these movies. Don't give CR too much fucking credit. the least CR movie we could do right after CR month I don't know I can take multitudes what would you pick you'd probably do like you can come and go with rom-coms Toy Story yeah anything animated you might as well put me on the bench Cars 3 that's when I go away for three months we just do all animated and like Harry Potter movies I'm just gone do you like any animated film and then the feed does better than without me fuck you guys Spotify's like maybe we can replace Bill maybe we don't need him anymore Craig AI.

1:33:04Do you like any animated movie? Yeah, I do. It's partially a bit, but I don't actually actively seek them out. Yeah.

1:33:11Bill Simmons:I've honestly never really fully understood it. I went through a phase that all people do. You'll go through it soon when you take your kids when they're like... It's really fun to take the kids to the first one when they're like three. And then it's like three to nine. You just start going to them. So you're not a big Toy Story guy or anything. Incredibles, Finding Nemo, none of that stuff. I'm not. I like the one sad toy store I thought was good. Oh, three. Three's good. When they all about to die in the fire. Yeah, three's a good one. That one's sad. I also thought Lion King was really good.

1:33:41Bill Simmons:Which one? Not the... The 94 one. Yeah, 94. The Elton John song. Oh, yeah. It's amazing. Yeah, that was good. The music in all those movies are really good. Yeah. Good date. Like, good date movie. Lion King was a good date movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Zootopia 2 was good. I heard Zootopia 2 was really good. It was really good. Like, great. I didn't like when animated movies started to be like way deeper. Like basically they started catering toward the parents and to put stuff in there. So all the jokes and stuff for like layered references. Yeah, to put stuff in there to keep the parents. You don't like that.

1:34:11Bill Simmons:I just think they should be for kids. But what do I know? Maybe they've always been that way. Zootopia 2 has a lot of movie. There's Godfather references in Zootopia 2. It's funny. The ones that I grew up with, like weird shit happened. Like what? Like the Ralph Bakshi movies and stuff? Like Bambi. Oh, I mean all those early Disney movies. There's a huge tragedy to start the film. In Nemo, the mom gets eaten by a barracuda to start the movie. And up, the wife dies. There's always something like that. Well, the one that we get, and it's a Mallory favorite. I think it's Hugo. It's the one that foresees the future with AI and all this shit going on in it.

1:34:45Isn't that Scorsese? No. I mean, he made a movie called Hugo. I don't...

1:34:50Bill Simmons:Is that what you're talking about? Or no? It's one of those movies and it's big on AI. Mallory's always wanted to do it. I thought it was Hugo. Not Wally? No, WALL-E. Oh, WALL-E, sure. Why did I think you go? WALL-E is like, it's like the Apple Vision Pro is in WALL-E. WALL-E, WALL-E's the one. We're all just like fat robots stuck to our chairs watching screens and ordering Yeah, I think WALL-E is like an age the best and the worst. Yeah. Now that people might be about AI girlfriends. Yeah, Mal just picked WALL-E on a draft we were on and she was getting emotional about it. I let Mal and Joanna down because they asked me to be in the space draft and I said, I don't really like space drafts.

1:35:29Bill Simmons:space movies and Mallory was upset. You don't like space movies? They kind of freak me out. Yeah. I don't really like outer space. What's the best space movie for you? I've seen all of them at least once. I like when it's Martian. I like when people can come home. But I don't like I don't like thinking about what's up there. Gravity is really good. I mean I think Alien is my Alien and Interstellar and 2001. Kind of breaks my brain when I think about it too much. I'd much rather worry about like Shea Gilgis Alexander's foul baiting than worrying what's going on in Saturn I'm focused on what's on Earth yeah we're worried about what's here alright thanks CR thanks Craig thanks to Gahau and Eduardo as well and we'll be back Monday with the nice guys on Monday alright cool

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