‘About Last Night’ With Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Mallory Rubin

16:19Still how I… I feel about it when I watch it now.

16:21Mallory Rubin:Simmons seems to have fooled something. We're going to go to commercial. Simmons needs an IV and he'll be back.

16:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, so I had a big picture of that. They're taking Simmons to the juice room. The other thing is Rob Lowe was a legitimate Rob Lowe's in this movie. I want to see it. He reached that point because he had had The Outsiders Class, Hotel New Hampshire, which was the one failure. But I liked Oxford Blues. I liked Youngblood and I liked St. Elmo's Fire. And it just felt like, oh, and Demi Moore and she was great. and it just felt like this was going to be a thing. It was really well marketed. Jim Belushi had been on Saturday Night Live, so knew who he was, and then Perkins was the whatever. But I wrote this down, CR.

17:01Bill Simmons:I think there's only two really, truly influential rom-coms ever, and I think this is one of them. I think the other is one Harry Mitzali. I think if you actually look at the DNA of the last 40 years of rom-coms, normal relationship rom-coms, I think they all crib from this movie. You don't think it's Annie Hall? Is Annie Hall a rom-com though? I mean, it's a romantic comedy. Yeah, of course. I always feel like the Woody Allen's over here.

17:25Mallory Rubin:Yeah, but I feel like all of these movies are drawing from the idea of like, what if you told a story of a relationship?

17:31Bill Simmons:But they've been doing that since the 30s, 40s, 50s. Sure, yeah. I'm just talking about like the modern version of these. You think like no strings attached? Yes. All the shitty versions of these, they're all like this where it's like, people meet. Yeah. Now we're about to go on a road and we're going to get it and somebody's going to screw it up. And then at the end, there's going to be a good song. Yeah. And they're back together. But when Harry Met Sally was the, oh, we're friends. Do you like me more than I like you? What's going on here? The will they or won't they? Yeah. But I just think those are the two diehards of this version.

18:01Have you workshopped this take with Littman or Dobbins?

18:04Bill Simmons:You know, rom-com scholars? Give me the other. I mean, I don't know. Give me the other last 40 years, though. You're half Hobbit. You know. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Though, rude, given that I know you fast-forward through the Hobbit scenes in Lord of the Rings. There's been monster rom-coms, but Pretty Woman wasn't influencing rom-coms for 35 years. My Best Friend's Wedding. This one is like the structure of it, I think, has been repeated over and over again. And you need the two people, and you have the two sidekicks. Yeah. And like Catherine Han was the Elizabeth Perkins character in four rom-coms.

18:40Bill Simmons:Or Judy Greer. Oh, yeah. And then the Belushi one. And it's always like, oh, man, look out for this guy. Whoa. He's going to make some jokes. Yeah. Be offensive. Rob Lowe, head-to-head battle with Cruz through 1986. One guy had Top Gun in 86. The other at about last night, Cruz takes off. That's it. I thought you were about to make the case that that meant Rob Lowe won based on how you're talking about this movie so far. No, Top Gun wins. But I think he's maybe the most desired guy to get in your movie who's under 25. At this point. At this point. Oh, interesting. Out of all those 80s dudes? Because he passes Timothy Hutton.

19:18Bill Simmons:Yeah. He passes Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson, McCarthy, all those dudes. See Thomas Howell. And Cruz, he was ahead of in the billing in The Outsiders. Yeah.

19:32Mallory Rubin:So, and he was the most famous Brad Pack guy, I think. And also, probably the most… Was he the most like kind of publicly out there? Like, I'm at the club. I'm dating famous people kind of person.

19:46Bill Simmons:Yes. And Mallory can attest to this. I would say top five handsome celebrities that all women are like, that guy's handsome. Just great looking. I don't think if anyone said like, Rob Lowe's not great looking. No, that would be absurd. It's like absurd. Like how many people have reached his level of handsomeness? Not many. No. And you know, Craig, obviously. I don't know if there's five more. Once you break out the new America. With the mullet. Yeah. Exactly. There's something, I mean, obviously it's the piercing eyes, most of all. Just all the time. He's got a great chin. The jawline and the chin.

20:20There's just the little kind of constellation, the dusting of freckles. This is a great movie because he's routinely, sometimes absurdly shirtless, like when he's, you know, okay, I can't actually have my dick in my hand, so I have a wad of pasta, putting it into boiling water. He uses his left hand to be canonically accurate here. where I'm standing. I'm so proud of the table setting, so I'm going to open my already-opened shirt to tuck my hands into my pocket so that you're running to get the newspaper on the front stoop in his tight whities. His body. Coming out of the shower with a towel on.

20:54I can't wait to talk more about that scene because it is one of the most puzzling towel techniques in the history of film.

20:59Mallory Rubin:It's like a weird, it's like a sash. All he does is dry his right hip. That's it. But it's like 57 seconds long. Can't say I timed it, but it feels right.

21:08Bill Simmons:Right hip got really wet. The body, his body is, it's like, he's not a bodybuilder. He doesn't look like a professional athlete. You know, he just looks like a, yeah. He like looks like a guy who's. Skinny, lean, but wiry. Playing in the mother's softball beer league.

21:23Mallory Rubin:And clearly like the centerpiece of that team, right? Some astonishing infield defense. You know, you care to comment as an all-metro player yourself. Well, surprisingly put him at second base. Where would you have put him? Center field? Shortstop? Shortstop. Seemed like a shorter center with his athleticism. I did not know. I mean, if you want to do the softball stuff now. No, no. Save it. Okay. We can do it now. Chris brought his computer to his lap. He was so excited to talk about this. The giant softball? I didn't know about Chicago softball. Did you know about it? No. Know what? Tell us everything you learned.

21:54Mallory Rubin:It's a 16-inch softball that you're supposed to play without gloves. And it kind of compresses when you catch it. And that's only a Chicago thing? And New Orleans. Oh. Yeah. I love that.

22:05Bill Simmons:I love it. I fucking love it. I never knew about it other than this movie. Me neither. And I've wanted to play it my whole life. Is that why he's able to toss that ball into like his wall without just the drywall crumbling? I think so, yes. Because it's a little bit of a softer texture of the ball.

22:19Mallory Rubin:Although that moment is such a great like before phones were invented moment where you're just like, I don't really read. He'd be doom-scrolling TikTok right now. Oh, man.

22:27Bill Simmons:I think it's harder to really hit those two. Yeah. So when Belushi goes deep later, that's like a real achievement. Yeah. That's why. There's some heaviness. There's more mass to that ball. Interesting. So this is like the inverse of duck pin bowling in Maryland, where you've got the small pins and the small balls, the larger ball. Interesting. Didn't know. We have that in Massachusetts. Yeah. Something we share. Pin bowling's around. Two things that we share. Really wing those. Adley Rutschman and duck pin bowling. Switching Adley? Yeah.

22:52Mallory Rubin:How's he doing? He just debuted. Leader of the team. He was hurt. And he's the catcher? Swung out spectacularly. Contreras isn't the catcher anymore?

22:59Bill Simmons:No, he plays first. Okay. Beloved by his teammates. One other thing with Rob Lowe. shockingly good IMDB when you look at like the last 45 years sure yeah he kept it seemed like his career was over at one point and then he kind of rallied back with the Tommy Boy era then he had the West Wing era well he's been one of the most

23:17Mallory Rubin:dependable television actors for the last 30 years probably 20 25 years between Parks and Rec and West Wing and then also doing 9-1-1 for several years like don't forget Dr. Vegas that last year don't forget Parks and Rec Parks and Rec I know Rob Lowe is a TV guy, right? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I almost see them as two different people. Like seeing him in movies like this and then Chris Traeger in Parks and Rec. I know, it's a different. And then the third guy is the guy wearing the NFL hat. Yeah. Exactly. I do think for a generation, he is Chris Traeger. He is the Parks and Rec guy. He is literally Chris Traeger.

23:50Bill Simmons:It's three different generations of him because the second generation when he's doing Tommy Boy and Wayne's World and he's all of a sudden reinventing himself as a comedic actor. He was an amazing SNL host.

24:00Mallory Rubin:Yeah.

24:01Bill Simmons:And it was just like, wow. And he was kind of trying to put his life back together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had the Oscars with Snow White. It was a big disaster for him. But I got to say, he also wrote a really good autobiography.

24:13Mallory Rubin:Yeah.

24:13Bill Simmons:Did you have him on your pod? I did. He was a very good podcast guest. I talked about this movie with him and with Jim Belushi. And Rob Lowe said, it's my favorite thing I've ever done. He said that on the pod. He said that anywhere. He's like, it's the number one thing I've been involved with. And Belushi loved it too. And they both loved the theory that this movie… Because I think people think When Harry Met Sally created the modern rom-com. This is three years before When Harry Met Sally and it did well. It succeeded. We didn't talk about Demi Moore yet. 23 when this movie released. And we're giving her two categories coming out of the gate.

24:46Bill Simmons:The Bam Outta Pio 83 point Where the Fuck Did This Performance Come From Award. And the Peter North Award for Most Effort Put into a Movie. Oh, man. Yeah. I don't know if anyone's ever put more into a rom-com. She's multiple sex scenes. Multiple breakdowns. Wearing some of the worst clothes. Wide variety of hairstyles. Yeah. Just going for it. Very special. Very memorable. Give me more thoughts about. I think she's great in this movie. It's actually like, I think that Debbie is a lunatic. And that there are a number of moments where in the span of a single, not just scene or conversation, but sentence, she swings from measured and balanced into a complete breakdown in a way that is obviously very entertaining to watch.

25:33But there are also then on the other end of the spectrum so many moments where she is like really rooted and grounded in some sort of actual measured perspective and outlook. You know, she believably conveys, I think, a 23, 24-year-old person who is like trying to figure out whether she wants to be young and free and fun or try out the next phase of her life with this more serious relationship. She's incredibly selfish and self-involved, right? The character. and she also is like mesmerizingly beautiful. She has that kind of, I've got my polo sweater and wavy hair, girl next door quality, but also you're like, she's a fucking freak and I can't wait to find out where those hands went right before we cut away from the beanbag scene and went into the, you know what I mean.

26:19I do know what you mean. You know what I mean. It's just great. She's got the husky voice. Great voice. Yeah, I mean, she's just so sexy and winning and charming and you believe as you often do with Demi Moore movies that anyone who looked at her for two seconds would be in love with her. Of course. I mean, she's just an all-timer.

26:35Bill Simmons:To throw your life away her. Oh my God. Oh, no question. She had, St. Elmo's Fire Jewels, one of my favorite characters of all time. Yeah. The all-time throw my life away her. I totally would have gone in the hotel room. Coked out in the hotel. Would have saved her from the Saudis. I would have paid her rent. Even when I didn't have money. But she's in that movie with Rob Lowe who's an even bigger fuck up than her and then they have the famous scene together when she he tries to make a move on her in the jeep at like 4 in the morning we covered this on the rewatch and she's like you break my heart Billy then again you break everyone's heart so they have this great moment then in this movie it flips where they're more stable normal sure they're really good together

27:20Mallory Rubin:dated briefly yep

27:21Bill Simmons:yeah unclear but then

27:22Mallory Rubin:like they're they're dueling autobiographies I think Rob Lowe is like we were hot and heavy for a bit and Demi Moore is like I barely remember this but I think we have one day together. I think we hooked up once.

27:32Bill Simmons:They at least hooked up once.

27:34Mallory Rubin:Incredible. But she then was with Estevez for a while. Oh yeah. And was engaged.

27:38Bill Simmons:Yeah. Yeah. His Brat Pack buddy. Best actress in a movie. Ever? 87 Oscars. For the 86th year. The winner was Marlee Matlin for Children of a Lesser God. Okay. Fine. Sigourney Weaver in Aliens. Heard that's a good movie. I heard that's pretty solid performance sheesh Kathleen Turner Peggy Sue gets married or Peggy Sue got married CeCe Spacek Crimes of the Heart okay here's the bad one Jane Fonda for the morning after yeah classic just legacy we should have thrown Demi one on this one she's doing it all perfect scene which I can't wait to talk about the breakup scene yeah who's doing better than that in a scene fucking home run It's like she turns into Meryl Streep.

28:27Mallory Rubin:Is that Meryl Streep or Jimmy Moore? Nobody in her draft class could do better than that. No way. She's not my pick for who should get an Oscar from this movie, with respect. Oh, I can't wait. It's definitely Perkins. Yeah. I think, without question, that performance is electric. Every single moment from Joan is historic. It's really cool how this movie is about and it makes no bones about like these two characters, the main characters. And if anything, I think Samson was fire, for instance, is like hamstrung by the fact that they're like, oh, well, we got to go to Vermont with Emilio Estevez while he tries to chase down Andy McDowell.

29:07Mallory Rubin:This is like, this is a movie about their relationship. But the two more interesting people are their friends. Are Bernie and Joan. And they're the Greek chorus who are going to talk about like their mindsets and like the way people think about the opposite sex and the way people think about dating. It really taps into something

29:23Bill Simmons:that movies have tried to do and usually fuck up of when the friends resent the relationship. Yes. Sure. And it's been a theme forever, but this one does it really well. Joan's an active terrorist for this relationship. Yeah. Yeah. But you kind of see it from her side. She doesn't want to lose her friend. Maybe she doesn't like Danny that much. And then, Bernie just wants his running mate. Yeah. Like, that's all he cares about. I think they're all very selfish. They're all very nakedly selfish. The thing that makes that work. I feel like, I was curious actually to get Craig's opinion on this because I feel like a modern audience might find that part of the movie, like the fact that everybody's actually a really bad friend, like a slightly tougher hang now because maybe people have less patience for that with each other, but it feels very true to life to me.

30:09Mallory Rubin:So there's one thing that really I think probably has echoed on after this era. Yeah. Is the idea that when you're young, you're like kind of on guard against anything ever changing because you're like we're all agreeing to have bad jobs and like go out every night right and then the first person is like yeah i'm gonna grow up you're like oh shit that's an indictment of me right and i love that joan kind of manipulates deb and is like you know you're i bet you're the the kind of girl who just drops her friends like a hot potato when as soon as she gets a boyfriend and debbie's like doesn't everybody and she's like well i don't but then again i don't have that many dates and it's like she's manipulating fucking but that dude every night through chicago but that is a person though right that is like a real person who's just like no like if we're friends and we're roommates like you're in you're in this with me yes and it's just like a really really good characterization

30:58Bill Simmons:like when you met you started hanging out with Phoebe and Kloesterman was like tits and ass tits and ass yeah

31:05Mallory Rubin:bloody blue bloody blue the original title for sex drugs and Cocoa Puffs was tits and ass tits and ass yeah Perkins is a home run she's unbelievable and then she's in big

31:14Bill Simmons:two years later yep and then goes to jail for her crimes against young Josh Baskin by staying outside his house after one of my favorite podcast conversations that we've ever had screenplays from Tim Kazerinsky and Denista Clue Kazerinsky who was on SNL forever I knew him he was on the Eddie Murphy cast big Belushi friend and that's that step on casting what ifs this was always supposed to be an accurate Belushi thing was always the thought

31:44Mallory Rubin:okay

31:44Bill Simmons:in the early 80s then Belushi died and then it went to Jimbo's a legendary play Belushi played Bernie in the play. William Macy did it for a while early on. Also, I took one playwriting class in college where we had to do different scenes and stuff. But this was one of the plays that they would always use because the dialogue was so good. So it was like, oh, I'm going to do a scene. I think everybody probably did some version of their first scene if you're just like, oh, me and CR have playwright class. We're going to get up on stage and go tits and ass, tits and ass. We're just going to do sexual perversity.

32:19Bill Simmons:Ed Zwick, this was his first movie. He was a Chicago guy. And said… I actually got his book. Hoping for more insights. He got one good one. But yeah, he was a big Chicago guy. Led to a lot of stuff. $8.5 million budget. Made$38.7 million. Pretty good for 1986.

32:37Mallory Rubin:Do you happen to have 86 box office handy right there? I mean, I can get it. I saw that this was like the 25th ranked box office movie of that year. And I just was kind of curious. And like the 10th R-rated, right? Or something like that? I just feel like we were living well back then.

32:53Bill Simmons:It was a big summer movie and it was a big like high school… You know, it's an R if you're under 18. So can I get in? Yeah, there's… And then it's a date movie. Something illicit about it. You know, it had something for everybody. Well, oh man. We just… Kyle and I just did this one. We did Karate Kid 2, which was the fourth movie of 1986. About last night was 26th. 26th. But yeah, we've done half of these at this point. Have we?

33:19Mallory Rubin:Aliens is up there, right?

33:20Bill Simmons:Not Police Academy 3. That's going to be like season 27 of the rewatchable.

33:23Mallory Rubin:Blind Police Academy 3. Yeah, just ripped through that.

33:26Bill Simmons:A lot of good comedies. Stand By Me was this year. Cobra. Oh, wow. Done it all. So one of the big pleasant surprises of this podcast, Roger Ebert. This is just an all-time Ebert review. All-time. Four stars. Four. he said it's one of the rarest of recent American movies because it deals fearlessly with real people instead of with special effects he shits on San Elmo's fire and then says this is the movie San Elmo's fire should have been about last night gives them to me and Rob Lowe the best acting opportunities either one has ever had they make the most of them and then he says why is it that love stories are so rare from Hollywood these days have we lost faith in romance.

34:11Bill Simmons:This is what I'm saying.

34:13Mallory Rubin:People stop talking. I was surprised to read this review because I thought he was going to be like they've desecrated Mamet's incredible play. But no. You know what? He loves character.

34:26Bill Simmons:He loves story. That's right. That's right. He said it's a warm hearted intelligent love story in one of the year's best movies. Warm hearted. I don't know if I totally agree with that. I'm not sure I would describe this movie as warm hearted. I think this movie living inside my heart now living inside being greeted on your doorstep today by you two just regaling me with a song was obviously really special that was great I think this movie part of its charm to me is that it's kind of like acid dipped you know it has an edge not as much of an edge as the plays you know yeah there's something like unvarnished deliberately

35:04Mallory Rubin:the play makes you want to blow your brains out at the end this is somewhat uplifting yeah too uplifting at the end Raj took a shot

35:11Bill Simmons:at Top Gun he said Top Gun was so afraid of a real relationship that it's real love affair was with airplanes and he's like we should make more like about last night and then guess what we made 40 years of about last nights keep making them making them they're on streamers every week yes now we're making movies where you only have one night to have sex with somebody I can't wait to see that

35:33Mallory Rubin:rom-coms have gotten like I think probably increasingly high concept yeah but what we really want is like guy meets a girl or whatever and then goes forward, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Just the tale as old as time. Two crazy kids. You know what other tale is as old as time? Is I want to go real fast. Top Gun fucking rules.

35:53Bill Simmons:Yeah, Top Gun was great. Come on. All right, we're taking a break and then we'll do most rewatchable scenes. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Imagine you're running a professional sports team. Nice, that would be a dream of mine. Imagine the player contract report is due today. not so nice. You've got performance notes from the coaching staff. You got a salary spreadsheet from your analyst, three rounds of back and forth emails with the agent and all of it is scattered absolutely everywhere. Well, that's where chat GPT work comes in. It's a new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects.

36:29Bill Simmons:Give chat GPT work access to your apps and files and can create real work documents, for instance, spreadsheets, slides, structured reports. You can bring all those to your next meeting. And when you don't need answers, you need help just getting the work across the finish line. Guess what? ChatGPT work can move your projects forward while you stay in control. Put ChatGPT to work on your most ambitious ideas and projects. Get started. Just go to chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. Most rewatchables. I have a lot. I basically just put that in the whole movie. But opening scene, was she a pro?

37:13Bill Simmons:Unbelievable. Belushi's just hitting tape measure homers.

37:17Mallory Rubin:You can tell he's done this material before.

37:18Bill Simmons:Yeah, it's perfect. Tape measure homers. It's so vulgar right away. It really acclimates you perfectly. Not only into the rhythm of their friendship and the currency of kind of swapping these tales of conquest, but just that this is a hard R rom-com. We should have said that earlier. The two friendships in this really feel like real friendships. Oh, yeah. Yes. Like, it's clear that Belushi and Rob Lowe have probably hung out off the set for the entire time they made the movie. Yeah. And then the two women, like, I don't know, they just seem like authentic friends that have the same up and downs and little petty dump shit, but have each other's back.

37:53Mallory Rubin:But they have that quality of like when Belushi and Lowe meet up on the rooftop. Yeah. And it's kind of like, hey man, we were friends at work but don't bust my chops and don't talk about Deb anymore like that. There's that gradations of how close are these guys? Right. Or do they just go out every night? Yes.

38:12Bill Simmons:I'm combining the next rewatchable scene, the softball scene, into the bar. Into the combo. Unbelievable stuff. Let's cover the softball scene quickly. Sure. Great. Everybody's just going down to watch the game. Just people from the office. I mean, if the hottest guy in town is tapping the keg like that, who's not showing up to watch? Like, if we had a ringer softball team, would just ringer staffers come down with beers? And then, like, I strike out to end the game and somebody comes up there. I'm like, not right now.

38:41Mallory Rubin:Probably. If we lived in a city where it wasn't like, cool, see you in 56 minutes after I get done driving through bumper-to-bumper forest fires. Our game's in Sherman Oaks today. Good luck. it's 112 degrees and two hours away

38:57Bill Simmons:do you see any scenario where people would just go to a softball game on a Tuesday night?

39:02Mallory Rubin:this is why I said this is the world I want to live in this is the perfect environment when I lived in New York and worked at Sports Illustrated we were in the Zog Sports Wiffle Ball League and Bowling League this is a thing that people used to do we would get on the subway to go home

39:19Bill Simmons:we did have ringer basketball That's my best team photo of it. That's right. Yeah. I remember being obsessed with Letterman show. And he showed a picture once of like their softball game. And it was the Letterman team. And I was like, I'd fucking kill someone right now to be a Letterman writer someday. And be in the softball game with the Letterman guys. Guys, there's nothing stopping us from starting a ringer softball team if we want to. Literally nothing.

39:42Mallory Rubin:So where's the softball team going to play? As you know, I've been working on my release point. But this is, you're going to say the valley. And my mechanics. And Bill and I are not going to the valley. And some people are going to say like northeast LA. Is there somewhere near the office? I don't think it's possible in LA. What? What are you talking about? This is bullshit. If we all lived around each other, we would be able to decide. But nobody lives around each other. There's more space in like the mid-city or something. You could probably find a field in the mid-city. Nobody's going to mid-city.

40:08Bill Simmons:I think on Wednesday nights are available at Heroin Needle Park. We'll probably get some games going there. Bernie's Homer. It's incredible. grabs the girl rounding third he's got a cigarette throws her on the floor dumps the cigarette it's like what world are we in? he's violating it's non-HR violations no question going up to bat with the cigarette in his mouth is just incredible effortlessly cool Babe Ruth used to do it that way exactly and then them showing the bench everybody's celebrating and then all of a sudden we're at Mother's and we get Pat's going in for the kill fucking Pat Mulally, man.

40:48I did not know that.

40:50Mallory Rubin:I have. Or I forgot. I have some thoughts on that. Me too. Incredible. Junior Varsity, it's like throw your life away right there. Oh, yeah. You want to do this now, Sierra? I mean, she's the best.

41:06Bill Simmons:Did he belong with Pat is what I'm wondering. How about this? Passionate kiss. I've seen this movie a million times. I never realized it was Megan Mulally. This is the first time I realized it as well. This is why you can't do blind months. You have to actually look at the IMTP page. She's just a bar bimbo. Like, the moment there's blood in the water for Dani, she doesn't care. This is one of her best friends. She's like, what's Dani?

41:30Mallory Rubin:But she's Luz Rowski out there for this movie. She is fucking firing. And she's like, Tommy John surgery is tomorrow. We're going. Push notification. six pitches north of Flitto 4 today.

41:47Bill Simmons:Every scene she's doing this with her elbow. She's trying to get to the end of the movie. It's amazing. Pat's going in for the kill with the hair toss and then them mocking her. Her friends mocking her because they're all terrible friends. Yeah, great stuff. We also get the, you know what your problem is, your face. Yeah, just amazing. And then we get, there's a clock behind your head. Really funny. The first mother scene, it really feels like they are all feral animals in a pit. Like sniffing each other's asses. the pheromones, it gives you that sense of like, it's a movie very much rooted in the individual relationship, but there's this collective fervor to fuck each other.

42:23And you just feel it so palpably in that scene. It's amazing.

42:26Bill Simmons:Craig wants to go back. Mothers? Mothers looks like a great bar. Mothers is like a top five movie bar, I think. It is really. Oh my God. I had that for later. I don't know if you can do much better than Mothers.

42:39Mallory Rubin:It depends on what you're looking for at a bar. Yeah. What's great about movie bars, and it's unfortunately unrealistic, is like, there's no way that on New Year's Eve that you can just decide to go to the local bar in a big city at like 11pm and just walk in and it's perfectly crowded. There's just like that's why movie bars are movie bars but it's perfect. Would you go Mother's over the bar and the verdict?

43:04Mallory Rubin:What's my end game? What am I looking for every day? Well, I think that the idea is like the bar and the verdict is where you go to die. Right? Like that's where you go to like eat ruined hemp roast beef and eat eggs and then drink 47 beers while you play pinball. That's great. Protein rich. Yeah. But Mother's is where you maybe go to meet the next Mrs. Simmons. You know? The town where Jon Hamm…

43:28Bill Simmons:Yeah. That bar. That's like kind of the middle ground of those two worlds. St. Elmo's Bar is great. It is. Yeah. This is a crowded field. St. Elmo's Bar has food though. It feels a little bit like a Friday. Mother's is like, just come here and get slushed. We don't even have food. We know there's popcorn at Mother's. I also like a bar where the guy first of all is named Mother for some reason and then is just there all the time at all hours ready to engage and do shots sometimes he has a bear's helmet on yeah

43:54Mallory Rubin:this guy does not exist in real life in my research it seems like Mother's has veered off towards becoming a nightclub now so it's mostly like it's Ibiza night on Tuesday you know oh no I thought Mother's I had this in my research

44:07Bill Simmons:was in they filmed all those scenes at Brentwood

44:09Mallory Rubin:maybe they did but there is a Mother Malone's there was a bar called Original mothers in Chicago.

44:14Bill Simmons:There was a bar called Moms in Brentwood where they fumbled a lot of them.

44:16Mallory Rubin:Moms in LA? In Brentwood. Oh, weird. Because there's a Moms in Santa Monica. Is it not that?

44:23Bill Simmons:Maybe that's what the research meant. Wow. I've been to Moms a lot. Did it look like this place? Not really. But I don't know. Maybe they sent to us. The double date. You're a very attractive woman. Has anyone told you that? This is amazing. Yeah. I'm a neurosurgeon. I'm the heavyweight champion of the world. Nice to meet you, champ. I don't know. Those two are the best. They're the best. Yeah, honestly, you could have 20 more minutes just with them interacting. They're the best. Interesting broad. Where'd she develop her personality? A car crash?

45:00Bill Simmons:Looks like I got the dog. Such a great hang. This is as far as this goes tonight. And then they're going at it again. Next scene, the montage date. Falling in love. Wonderful stuff. Skip and work So far So good We've been living So that's

45:17Mallory Rubin:Art Institute Yep The Cubs from the roof That's right And Going to the Swallow For the first time

45:24Bill Simmons:I was gonna do this now CR Cubs game In the across the street location Very tough to get Art museum Diner date Yeah Little vulnerability I've always wanted To open my own place Yeah And then she says I love this joint That's right Oh she sees me For who I am Don't forget CR That's right. The later night lake walk. Yeah. That's right. To cap it off. Yeah. That's great. Best one day date ever in a movie?

45:50Mallory Rubin:I think Before Sunrise still has this one. There's no question the answer is Before Sunrise. Yeah, you're right. No question. You get Vienna. I take Vienna over Chicago, I think. Obsession goes pretty well for the first day.

46:04Haven't seen it. Craig.

46:08Bill Simmons:Mallory can't see it because of the cat situation. No, you told me that you thought I could watch that movie, and then Adam watched it, and he was like, I can't believe Bill told you that you could watch this movie. There's cat violence. Fair. Debbie tells Joan she's moving in. I give it two months. Leading to the move-in. Yeah. And Joan being a bitch. I like when Belushi's kind of tiptoeing around, holding this, like, one lamp. The moving scene is just an incredible sequence. Incredible. I'm supposed to rend and torture myself anally? Is that what you're into? Does Debra know about this? And then we go right into another montage that we've moved in together.

46:51This montage will be - We got a natural love. Some Bob Seger. This will be coming up in a lot of the categories, this montage. This is a very, very powerful, but confusing stretch.

47:00Mallory Rubin:This is just the moving in montage because then there is the like - This is montage number two is the moving in,

47:06Bill Simmons:we've got a natural love.

47:07Mallory Rubin:Right. Yes. montage number three is getting closer the fitted sheet yes the living inside my heart Bob Seger stretch the long fucking scene of her smoothing out the fitted sheet that's our next scene

47:17Bill Simmons:yeah the post fight montage Debbie tries to wake him up can't yeah he starts going through his shit he wakes up I don't want to be your roommate uh oh Bob Seger's playing it's actually Scott Bennett but yeah

47:31Mallory Rubin:it's not Bob Seger

47:32Bill Simmons:that's not Bob Seger I don't think so I always thought it was Bob Seger living inside my heart Bob Seger isn't it yeah I think it's Bob Seger. No, it's Scott Bennett. Isn't it? No, in the song… In the movie, it's Bob Seger. I don't think it's on Spotify. On Spotify, it's Scott Bennett. It's Bob Seger. Okay. It's living inside my heart now. And then… These two go to town on each other, Mal. I don't know when we want to break this down. Oh, we have a spot later. Yeah. You name the time. She's got a whole section. Yeah. She's good. This was an enormous scene for teens in the 80s. I'm just going to leave it there yep Thanksgiving dinner into the bathroom fight this is so good I love this could have gone 10 more minutes yeah she baked us a pie she calls it the vulgarian friend well it's official I've become my mother is something that everybody hits that stage sure yeah we're like wow I'm an adult now this sucks and then we get the fight she finds out about the boss we have that whole thing brief one the kindergarten class when she's talking about the Virgin Mary Elizabeth Perkins cooking yeah Debbie flips out on the boss I have another one at the Christmas party I want to have 10 kids with this guy incredibly normal thing to say does he love you I don't know good snowy subway shots was that a great shot Gordo for you

48:57Mallory Rubin:I had a different great shot Gordo same

48:59Bill Simmons:mothers on New Year's Eve I'm going to be the refrigerator you be Peyton yeah right in 1986 with that one. Bernie's doing the double shots. Yes. You ever done those? I have not. You ever done the double, two bottles of one shots?

49:13Mallory Rubin:I've done like the Christmas shot where it's like the peppermint schnapps with the whiskey or whatever. I've done that. But were you leaning backwards over a bar with somebody pouring them right into your mouth? Yeah. Classic Craig.

49:24Bill Simmons:Bernie probably drove home that night after that. I know. It's terrifying.

49:28Mallory Rubin:I mean, there's a scene where the two of them are just like free chugging bottles of whiskey. They're drinking like fucking Fireball while they're walking around like the river in negative 10 just being like tits we got Debbie's friend Pat hitting on Danny I mean

49:43Bill Simmons:dance with me

49:44Mallory Rubin:so this is this is my most rewatchable scene which is New Year's Eve it's the it's the New Year's Eve yeah it's a tour de force we're gonna make dinner at home and try to pretend like this is where we're at in our lives the second the phone rings we go out yeah Joan needs you Pat's flirting with you Joan's such a bitch she's always trying to break us up. Break up. Yeah. Awesome breakup. You guys are using flirting pretty liberally. They kiss. Well, I just don't understand why Deb doesn't fucking gut Pat right there. I know. They're like hanging out later. Let me read you a Pat quote.

50:19Bill Simmons:I bet you're terrific and I know I am. That's like fucking Mizorowski level. Love the energy from Pat.

50:30Mallory Rubin:The catcher's like

50:31Bill Simmons:You already hit the glove from a mile away. Jacob's warming up. Then Joan melts down and the hooks are out. And then my most rewatchable scene, The Breakup. Yeah, it's really good. This is just an incredible breakup scene. Danny in the dark. And she goes, here we go. It really feels like they're breaking up. Yeah. One corny moment, which I think goes to the Earn This William Goldman Award. She turns the light on and she's like, mind if I turn this on? Because we've been in the dark long enough. Not the best. Goldman's like, I'd cut that.

51:08I don't love you anymore. And she like gasps.

51:14Mallory Rubin:Like the soul leaves her body for a second. I love that that's how bad this breakup is so that when he goes after her and starts chasing her across Chicago, she's like, fuck you. There's going to be a lot of time to get over this.

51:25Bill Simmons:I don't know if there's ever been a better breakup that I can remember in a movie where you're like, oh my God. I feel like I'm actually watching two people break up.

51:34Mallory Rubin:I think that when Vincent Hanna finds Ralph watching his television.

51:41Bill Simmons:Fine. I'm gone. It's done. Great stuff. Demi Moore is unbelievable in this scene. Yeah. Really fun. Really great. And then, I don't even know what to do with the end of it. Danny gets a bunch of strange. Yeah. Danny opens up a diner. I like when he shows up at Mother's with Belushi again. And he's like, Cognac, horses, fresh horses for our men. Yeah. The one night stand from hell married a fair lady. That's so funny. Don't ever lose your sense of humor, Dan. Don't ever. And then we get the St. Patrick's Day. Got an obsession. I don't know where they found these 80s songs. I know. It's quite a soundtrack.

52:26Bill Simmons:And she goes out, gauze off on him in the rain. You had it. I gave you love. I love that moment. It's great.

52:34Mallory Rubin:Really nice detail in that is that when the movie starts, it's her first time to mothers. And then after the breakup, she's like, you got to stop coming to my bars. Right. Like she's taking mothers. I don't want to have to start drinking in the suburbs. Yeah. Great line.

52:49Bill Simmons:Bernie and Joan. Something happens there. We'll be coming back to that in another category. Bernie brings him the stuff. That's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief you call me a liar and then the softball game ending which is just a really good ending it's cute I have the breakup or New Year's Eve as my most rewatchable

53:09Mallory Rubin:I have New Year's Eve I mean it's the same night but I have New Year's Eve yeah I'm torn between the opening which I just love the rhythm of but it feels wrong to not pick something that Debbie's in I think I'm gonna go Thanksgiving and the bathroom fight after Thanksgiving that's the part of the movie that I I find myself most like genuinely gripped watching the relationship starting to fall apart. Shocking as a child of divorce that that's the part of the movie I like the best. Throw it in the toilet or the trash. Yeah. Your mascara gets in the porcelain and then it gets on my fingers. Like, real relatable content.

53:39Mallory Rubin:Your favorite scene, softball? Opening monologue just catches you immediately. It's great. Before you even see anything. It's great. While the opening credits are going.

53:46Bill Simmons:Most 1986 thing about this movie. I gotta come in. Debbie's fucking her boss and Danny's boss is fucking somebody he works with? I mean, Danny's boss is just grabbing ass out in plain view for everyone to see. We're talking about how he has a family to feed. We've all got families. He needs a really funny. A main character named Debbie whose best friends are Joan and Pat. Yeah. Some 80s names, for sure. Yeah. The double headphones trick. Yes. Not sure that's working now. Yeah, and just the stereo system that he has in general. Smoking indoors. Just great to see it. Sure. Really made me happy. Big for CR.

54:24Bill Simmons:the refrigerator Peyton reference is great I think the answer is Danny's Air Jordans for me well it's definitely that but it's beyond just the fact that it's an Air Jordan it's the Air Jordans he's wearing bands right like that's there's nothing that roots you in that moment of time more than that specific shoe the specific six month stretch where those shoes came out in World War similarly actually on the sports time orientation front he's wearing the no lights Wrigley Field shirt Because they were protesting bringing lights to the league. Oh, interesting. That's a good one. So the yellow one with the red, he's got that on because they brought lights in 88.

54:59So that's real like, you know, mid-80s trying to fend off the inevitable.

55:02Mallory Rubin:I got a couple. The number one is Deb's boss saying that after a softball loss, he's going to go home and take some lithium. Yeah. Yeah. And Alex, Danny's side piece making a replicants reference, which would have just been like, this chick watches Blade Runner, I guess. Same. I gotta be honest I don't even really know what lithium is like what I don't even know what that really means it's a is it a pill it's like an antidepressant like anti-anxiety medication but I think it's the one they it was like Wolf of Wall Street era like okay so like it's like a modern Xanax or something yeah but I think that they were cooking with a little bit more like industrial strength stuff back then yeah Alex the ex Alex the fur coat also being like I'm in the book you know look somebody up in the phone book if you want to find them that's a real

55:51Bill Simmons:we're not saying that anymore I'm the book. She was gross. Yeah, I'm not a fan. The Floyd Gundali butter on my ass lollipops in my mouth, the word for something I just enjoy. What do you have? Themed dinner nights. A sandwich night sounds wonderful. I don't want, come on. This sounds lovely.

56:11Mallory Rubin:Could you fulfill your end of the two nights I cook, two nights he cooks, bargain? No, of course not. Our version of this is tonight is DoorDash night. Tonight is Postmates night. Tonight is you put the order in. tonight as I put the order up. But I think this idea... Do you think your why Mark Walter had to sell the Lakers is because somehow... It's entirely possible. My relationship is good. The e-delivery economy, it's entirely possible. You know, I just think that Joan responding to that, you know, I bet your sex life is a real thrill when Debbie is describing that. So what do you do on sandwich day?

56:41Yeah, this is just goals to me. Like having that sure thing that you know you get to look forward to. A shared meal.

56:48Mallory Rubin:Joan's... A theme night. her stir fry that she makes that night where it's like it's like a clear like kind of like at that time Weight Watchers kind of like yeah it's like a lean cuisine or something here's a really good like chicken breast with some veggies just if you're watching your weight and it's like oh god and she's eating like one little fucking this is just the greatest movie of all time that scene is so funny he's like we have to be at this movie in 10 minutes the performative you know it's like saying do you want me to pick you up from the airport or like can I help you move in that's the way they ask if she wants to go to this movie.

57:21Mallory Rubin:Yeah, do you want to come? Says yes, and then one. Yeah, just want to get ready. Just to fuck their night. So good. She's the best. What do you have? 80s Chicago movies. Just a movie in the 80s set in Chicago.

57:33Bill Simmons:I'm like... That was my backup choice. My choice is softball scenes in movies or TV shows. Yeah, good one. Few good men. I could watch Cruise at Grounders for an hour. I'm going to hang your boy from a fucking yard arm. Yeah. Curb your enthusiasm. Very important. softball scene with Rosie O'Donnell that whole episode about last night. Cheers had a big softball. The battle against the other bar. And then WKRP, which nobody listened to this watch, they had a radio station softball game, I remember. But in general, I'm always going to watch. It's great. It's like, oh, people are playing softball?

58:08Bill Simmons:I like to see how the actors throw. Sure. Like, you can't really fake softball hitting.

58:13Mallory Rubin:Yeah.

58:14Bill Simmons:The picture, where they put the actors in the game is always interesting. like Danny being at second I really like why is he not shortstop I don't

58:24Mallory Rubin:did they have somebody better I got the impression that Danny was an emerging talent because they're like new to the team the second baseman has a great ass you know it's like a lot of like maybe he's new on the scene this is a rookie season for him I wonder if there's something about that heavier ball fewer people are pull hitters more opposite field stuff more infield dribblers going to second yeah throwing that out there do you think that Chicago style fan graphs. Has Chicago-style softball been ruined by advanced analytics? Are they doing shifts? What was that guy's fit? Hedge funds. BC's private equities

58:59Bill Simmons:ruined 16-inch softball. What's the exit velo on on that ball? What's age the best? They say the title multiple times. And guess what? Every single time, it's great. It totally works. Every single time, it's great. Mentioned the rom-com structure. CR mentioned Chicago. We mentioned really great best-friend relationships with loyalty, comedy, and sabotage and ball busting. Yep. Her saying to her boss, nah, I was kind of sleazy and now it's over. Now it's kind of over. I have that too. And now it's kind of over is a great breakup line. Yeah. I wrote down slutty hot Megan Mullally. No notes. That was in this category.

59:34No notes.

59:34Bill Simmons:Yep. Just keep her away. Keep your man away from her. I'm going to go home. Will you make sure Danny's all right at the bar? Yeah, I'll make sure. Someone put Mullally on a pitch count.

59:50Bill Simmons:I just can't believe… I'd love… I'd look all over the place for her talking about this. And the only thing I could find was her husband saying they'd both kiss Rob Lowe. Yeah. Because he kissed him in a show. Great stuff. It's a subtle one but Bernie… When Danny's really unraveling and he goes to the bar… And she ends up leaving but they cut to Bernie and Bernie's just like… Yeah. Like I can't believe my friend's unraveling like this. It's like the perfect expression. I have a couple more but what do you have?

1:00:23Mallory Rubin:The disastrous first Thanksgiving that you cook on your own. Man. And I got to say like… On rewatch… It's the rewatchability of the montages. because like you wouldn't really want to watch all those scenes, but you're just like, you know what? I know exactly where I am in this relationship. This is an all-time montage movie. It's wonderful. I'm just going to throw out a kind of obvious one, but meeting people in real life, I think that's age the best. This really ports you back to a moment in time, like pre-dating app era, you know? You go to the park, you go to the bar, you meet people. You could argue.

1:00:56Second Basement has a cute ass.

1:00:57Mallory Rubin:I wonder whether people get to weed out getting burnied. It's certainly, you are more informed in your choices now, and that's better. But there was something nostalgic about this. Like, oh, people just don't, people don't meet this way anymore. Where are you supposed to meet someone? There's also like a weird comfortability that in the 80s, like the scene. Craig's got fucking tears in his eyes. Like he's like watching The Natural. I knew that. This is your Citizen Kane. No, I was going to say like, in the beginning of the movie when Joan and Debbie are hanging out in their apartment, and Debbie's got like the hairy guy in the bedroom.

1:01:32Mallory Rubin:Just like being comfortable with that environment feels very old school to me. Like that is not something now that, in my opinion, you would see like two girls being like, oh yeah, some ugly dude's in the room. Like I slept with him, he won't get up, he's piss drunk. And they're just like laughing about it, joking around, checking on him in there. It just feels very intimate. And nowadays nobody would do stuff like that. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I think there's also just the kind of like attention to detail. for example it's been 30 seconds since we talked about Bernie let's talk about him again on the roof scene that you mentioned you know when he like turns away from Danny and you can see so clearly the outline of his wallet and his jeans you're like oh this guy wears this pair of jeans every day like just little things like that make it feel really lived in and authentically when he helps them move and he's got the leather jacket with the Blackhawks jersey underneath I'm like this guy this guy wears this yeah

1:02:24Bill Simmons:he's great sandwich night I had I mean no notes big softball Chicago and then just some birdie lines the thing about redheads lack of pigmentation an insane exchange I once nailed two stewardesses at 4700 feet you know what it was fun it was fun pull this leg and it plays jingle bells I've taken never call abroad more than once a week ever ever ever you're as much fun as a stick I'm surprised the guy didn't leave skid marks and then this is crass but if she didn't have a pussy there would be a bounty on her head that was my flex directly to Joan incredible that was my book about metals

1:03:09Mallory Rubin:that is that is like crazy line and that's not Mammoth that's them elite stuff I also quite like when he says she looks very intellectual I mean that's not always a bad thing it's incredible the static electricity that's being caused is sending these little sparks right to my nuts. It's the best. Incredible stuff.

1:03:27Bill Simmons:The only thing, I don't, not positive this is true, but it was in the research where Lowe said he improvised some of the fight scene stuff and I don't love you anymore wasn't in the script and her reaction was genuine because she wasn't expecting him to say that. Interesting. And then it's like, did they have a little history? Yeah. Did that one hit a little closer to home?

1:03:46Mallory Rubin:Not to Demi Moore's recollection. Yeah. So. She's like, Don Draper, I don't think about you at all. And he's like, this was the most.

1:03:54Bill Simmons:It is the difference. Men and women. Women have a tendency to, I don't remember. It might have been once. Whereas, I think we would be like, it was seven times. If it was Demi Moore,

1:04:04Mallory Rubin:I think I'd be seven times. Exactly. I think it's more that. I think if you fucked Demi Moore, you'd remember. I'd write Lord of the Rings about it. I would just be like, here's the prequel. Man. Can't wait for Landman to come back, by the way.

1:04:18Bill Simmons:Do you feel like Demi Moore is a different human being in this movie than Landman Demi Moore? or you feel like it's the same person? Oh, I could definitely, spoilers for Landman season two, definitely see Debbie sprawled out on the like concrete in her backyard, wailing, sobbing, and the subtitles just say coyotes howling. For sure. Yeah. So are Cami and Debbie that different? Probably not. Take one more break and we'll finish. All right, some quickies. Great check, Gordo. You didn't have the snowy subway shot? I had the rooftop pan to Wrigley. Oh, that's a good one.

1:04:54Mallory Rubin:Good one. I have when they're fucking in the shower. They're in the bathtub. The shower's on, but here's the Great Shot Gordo part. The camera is focused on the rubber duck in the corner of the tub. It's just an incredible little detail. And it really pops. Because it's a black tub. Gordo's like thumbs up. So you see the yellow really shine there? It's great.

1:05:18Bill Simmons:Big Huna Burger where best use of food or drink. It's got to be the double shots. Oh, man.

1:05:22Mallory Rubin:I had the Boilermakers that they have on New Year's Eve. Oh. That Belushi and Joan's boyfriend. That's a good one. Yeah, Gary. Good old Gary. I think it's either the Joan leisurely eating the dinner that we already talked about or watching. There's obviously the Thanksgiving fight, but before that, when Danny's out and Debbie is like basically just definitely giving them all salmonella the way that she prepares this turkey. like giant turkey that she's tapping with her bare hands in the sink and like her bathroom her bathroom sleeves are just all over it I just think that that's like more like the Julia Child style like we don't have to worry about it everyone had diarrhea the next day there's no question it's the parasitic diarrhea era now so they were just early you know they were early

1:06:05Bill Simmons:Chess Rockwell Brocklander's best character name it's gotta be Bernie Bernie Licko oh Bernie Licko yo Licko I think it's Swallow if establishments are eligible instead of people because in addition to it being, it's the source of a lot of tension between Danny and his boss as they talk about the diner. Just doubles as a suck and swallow joke and does she give head is a big part of the plot of this movie. So, throwing that out there.

1:06:29Mallory Rubin:It crossed my mind as well.

1:06:32Bill Simmons:How could it not? Den of Thieves, Benihana, scene stealing, location, it's gotta be Mother's. There's no question. This was one of the easiest picks for a category ever.

1:06:40Mallory Rubin:but probably Mother's. Oh, the steam baths are good. Yeah, a lot of wrinkly tush in that. What do you got for a Flex CR? I had, It's a book about medals award for the belatedly best quarter exchange for you know what, Joan? If you didn't have a pussy, there'd be a bounty on your head. It's just fucking crazy.

1:06:55Bill Simmons:Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness Award Best Needle Drop. Contentious. I can offer you five montage songs. Two by Sheena Easton. Yeah. So far, so good. And We Got a Natural Love. Yeah. Living Inside My Heart by Bob Seger. Till You Love Somebody by newcomer Michael Henderson. Yeah. That's good. Or, If Anybody Had a Heart by John Waite, which is a remake of a Crosby Stills and Nash song. Five montages. What do you got, CR? Living Inside My Heart. Okay. Yeah, I think probably. I think so.

1:07:29Mallory Rubin:A little bit of Bruce Hornsby vibes to that one. I like that. What was your favorite? I think… Is that the first big montage song? It's the montage when she's doing the fitted sheet. That's so far so good. And he's making the pasta sauce. It's great.

1:07:42Bill Simmons:I think what's key about the montage choices is they each describe the part of the movie we're in. Yeah. So far, so good. Yeah. We got a natural love. Yeah. Living inside my heart now. You don't know what it's like until you love somebody. It's all right there. It's all right there for us. And then if anybody had a heart. Yeah. We're just there all the way through. The Sean Penn, I brought my own pack award for excellence in on-screen smoking. A lot of candidates here. It's down to Belushi and Rob Lowe. Who do you have?

1:08:10Mallory Rubin:I got Rob Lowe in the breakup scene. Just the cigarette. like dangling there. Feels like he's going to set the apartment on fire. He's just callous disregard. He's a pro. Let him work. Would have been payoff if he had for the Chekhov's fire set up from the prior story that Fernie told, you know?

1:08:28Bill Simmons:Butch's girlfriend award for a weak link of the film. Joan with the married guy. Gary, yeah. He's married, but he's with her on New Year's Eve, but then he tells her on New Year's Eve, I'm married. It's a little iffy. Yeah, I had the New Year's Eve part as a picking Nick because if you're specifically trying to get your marriage back together, you're not with your mistress on New Year's Eve. I don't think. And she's not going to know she's the mistress. Like Joan's pretty smart. She is. I don't know.

1:08:56Mallory Rubin:I had the Swallow City Diner plotline. Which I think is largely there to give Danny some kind of redemption slash like future outside of his relationship with Deb. He just wants his own joint.

1:09:10Bill Simmons:Just a touch of substance. Bullshit that like

1:09:11Mallory Rubin:Flavio would let him or whatever that guy's name is Favio would let him go ahead and not close that place down like the three times he ignores him yeah and then did Danny get a loan like how did how did that go I had all this in nitpicks it's easy you just get a loan from the bank yeah and then he immediately goes in 1986 and he's charging five dollars for a burger when you can get a burger for a buck 90 down the street yeah

1:09:34Bill Simmons:I thought the burger price was uh alarmingly high adjusted for inflation that's a 15 dollar burger $4.95 was no burger in 1986.

1:09:42Mallory Rubin:That's a lot. In-N-Out right now is like a$5 burger. Yeah. And it's like, it's not fine dining, right? He's doing like a, he's doing the diner's Yeah, but he's doing that thing where it's like, it's a diner, but like I have to charge a lot because I've put so much money into the place. Interesting. I do like the one, the redeeming quality inside of the Swallow City Diner plot is just the detail of the menus being the same color as the sign she made him. The pink and green. That's right. Delightful. Little touch there. Lovely.

1:10:05Bill Simmons:What stage is the worst? Did you have a week of slink? No. Nothing we haven't already talked about. Nothing we haven't already talked about. What stage is the worst? Danny's weird stalking face. He's also too handsome. I just think he gets another girlfriend. It's a guy that didn't work out. They just don't move. He has no problem finding people to fuck. That's not an issue for him. Debbie's clothes are just an atrocity. But it's very 80s. But man, there's one scene when you see her whole closet and my wife… Every time my wife's like, Oh! Oofta! Yeah. Just some of the worst blouses.

1:10:38Mallory Rubin:I do have a note about a particular outfit coming up though. Okay. I think the men's fashion is particularly bad in the movie. There's the, when all of the female friends are on their like lawn blanket watching the initial softball game, for a second you think that the fashion is going to be iconic. Like the sweater.

1:10:56Bill Simmons:Yeah. Joan is basically dressed like CR in that scene and that's a compliment, right? She's pulling off like a rugby shirt, sweater. It looks great. And then it's kind of all downhill from there on the fashion front. my mom who really loves this movie. It's one of her all-time favorites. And she thinks Debbie's overalls in the last scene. Oh, I love the overalls. She thinks Demi Moore would have all copies of this movie destroyed for the last scene. No, overalls are timeless. I don't agree. She hates it. There's no way. Plus the outfit. Like she's wearing stuff under the overalls. It seems heavy.

1:11:29Bill Simmons:Yeah. But it's like June. Well, I think we get into some weird like timeline stuff here. And the leaves are on the ground for some reason. That's right. Ruffalo, Hannah Rubin, I'm going to have a partridge overacting where Danny's boss, it's a bird! It's a loser bird! I had him for Dion Waiters, but obviously he's definitely overacting. What about Gus from the diner? You're cutting my throat! Can't you give me a break, Danny? All right, it's time. Don't do this to me. Put your seatbelts on. I'll even put my seatbelt on, CR.

1:11:58Mallory Rubin:I can push the microphone away.

1:11:59Bill Simmons:We have a special sex section for Mallory Rubin. Wow. She has to get a flex. Oh, man. First one is The Mally Rubin Award, did this movie need a better sex scene? Okay. Since we have multiple sex-specific categories in a row, I'll try to keep it quick. You know, as Joan says, you just need like 10 minutes. Okay. I think there are three candidates for this category. One specifically is oral sex because does she give head, again, is like a crucial question in the movie. Never answered. No, we have a little bit in the Seeger montage. there's one of the glimpses of them passionately making love to each other Debbie is on her stomach and there's that little moment where Danny is like kissing and rubbing her back and moving down toward her ass but then we cut away and then of course crucially in the breakup scene this is canon this is in the movie fine I'm gone it's done you can go back to doing whatever you want to do with whoever you want to do it with in whatever orifice you want to do it in.

1:13:05Interesting. So is Danny saying to Debbie like, why aren't you sucking my dick more? Or is he like, can I put it in your ass? One of those things has happened.

1:13:13Bill Simmons:So I never caught that until I had the subtitles on for this. I always thought she said whatever office you want to do it in. Right. Orifice. It's orifice. It sure is, folks. It sure is. Next, masturbation.

1:13:27Mallory Rubin:Wait, what category is this? Did this movie need a better sex scene? Did this movie need a better sex scene? So we needed some oral sex for - So you're having subcategories of this question. There are some contenders. Let me try to interpret this.

1:13:39Bill Simmons:You're saying the movie needed more sex. Well, I think it's a great sex scene movie, but there was opportunity for even more. And one of them was witch orifice. Next, masturbation. Exactly. And I think this is a real opportunity here to get Bernie involved because on the move-in day - Is there? Yes, on the move-in day. So, Debbie finds a stack. I freeze-framed. It's not like the 4K era of Playboys. You count at least a dozen there. So, Bernie takes one. He swipes one. We know that Bernie is going in and out of the U-Haul. Just a little quick crank from Bernie. I think would have been very much at home in this movie.

1:14:17Bill Simmons:Okay. Crank daddy. But that brings us to the real. Oh, and also, I think we could have gotten a Debbie masturbation scene, and I think we nearly did, in the Seeger montage that we all love so much. Couple things. The spreading out the sheets, she's like basically masturbating when she's doing that and then she's got the, like putting the perfume on. Yeah. She just wants to rub one out. Why didn't she? Next, Bernie and Joan. Okay. They have incredible chemistry together. It's undeniable. Yeah. It's a fact. When they're finally alone together and it is about just them, even though, of course, Danny and Debbie are present in absentia because they're talking about them.

1:14:51This is the pussy bounty hunter scene. You want to leave my bone out of this? You're a filthy scumbag. the flirtation. And then he says, so you want to dance or what? And she very like, like real sexy, putting the piece of popcorn into her mouth and kind of raising her eyes up at him. I think definitely they fuck here. For sure. They fuck. I don't even think it's a question. My question is, because then we see them later at the park at the hot dog cart. He's like, oh, give me more. Give me more. I want another taste. And she's like, fuck off. Why didn't we see the sex scene? They're at mothers where we know canonically the bathroom door locks.

1:15:29Because when Joan is having her meltdown at New Year's and Debbie goes into the bathroom to comfort her, they lock the door and someone else is like, I'm going to piss my pants. It's New Year's Eve. Let me in. We as moviegoers did not deserve the quick cut to Joan and Bernie fucking on that broken toilet seat in the mother's bathroom. Come on!

1:15:47Mallory Rubin:It definitely, like, something breaks in the bathroom. For a long time, I had thought that Bernie was the person in Joan's bedroom. Me too. At the beginning. I think they set you up to think that. They're like quietly hooking up the whole time off and on. Yeah. That would have been great.

1:16:02Bill Simmons:The Steven Seagal Hard to Kill Award for did this movie need a better intimacy coordinator? I mean, it's possible this podcast needs a better intimacy coordinator. I think you're bringing yourself quite well.

1:16:12Mallory Rubin:Even though you just speculated about anal sex in this movie. Hang with me for this next one. When there's some visible ball. Some visible bouncing ball.

1:16:23Bill Simmons:I was going to say, now that the TVs and the HD has gotten better, like, he's definitely Billy Bob monster balling. He's monster balling it. One of the montages when they're in bed a lot. I didn't see any ball. Oh, okay. Oh. Yeah. Do you want to see now? I actually think, it made me wonder if they were actually. This is why I think it's eligible for the intimacy coordinator question. Because you think they were really, when she gets on top of him. Yes, exactly. They roll over, she's on top. And as she is moving up and down, you can see a little ball kind of popping. I think Estevez, they do the screening for the movie and Estevez is engaged with her.

1:16:58Bill Simmons:I think he's out of the theater. Well, he cheated on her, but yeah. I think he sees that scene. He's like, I'll see you in the car. Now you're wearing a cock sock or something, but he was not in that scene, clearly.

1:17:08Mallory Rubin:I like Chris defending Demi Moore in 1980. I read a whole article today where she was like, we sent out invitations and then my friend was like, I saw Emilio with a gal in LA. Incredible stuff. I just think all bets were off in the 80s. Of course. Just, What a decade. How could you have sex with Rob Lowe and be like, I think I did that? You know, like, yeah. I think I met it on it once.

1:17:31Bill Simmons:All right, so we say yes on an MC coordinator. Sure. That he got Game Hooker scene award for most awkward if someone walks in the room. I thought this was really easy. To me, this is the montage we've talked about so much. This is the Seeger montage stretch because it is a tonally confusing mashup. So somebody walks in and they see, oh, we're making a bed or we're making pasta and they think they've walked into a Hallmark movie. And then to me, Moore is curving her spine at an impossible angle, nipples front and center as they're fucking for the next five minutes. So the fact that you're cutting back and forth and someone would actually feel invited into the room.

1:18:09Oh, what an interesting little domestic story about how to prepare a meal together. Keep it home. No, no.

1:18:17Bill Simmons:Definitely on the airplane. If Craig could watch this on an airplane. Oh yeah. Like, oh, I should be all right with About Last Night. And then it's Cinemax. I watch poor things on an airplane. You know, it's tough. There's some great oral sex scenes in that movie. I remember them well. The Phoebe Cates Award for Excellence in Putting Teens to Their Puberty. I think same scene. Well, there's so much nipple in the movie. The beanbag ass play, ass crack into the fucking in the bathtub shower nipple glimpse is great. The Seeger montage stretch, you get the visible nipple during the floor sex. You get tits on full display in the back arch.

1:18:52Nipples in the kitchen. You look so great in that light. But we're not here to just objectify women. You can see Rob Lowe's dick in that scene. When they walk into the kitchen and he opens the refrigerator.

1:19:06Mallory Rubin:This is like what it must be like to podcast with Jim Garrison. I saw it. She's just like back. You can see his dick in the glow of the fridge. I saw Chase Daniel on NFL Live yesterday.

1:19:15Bill Simmons:This is exactly the same. She's seeing too high.

1:19:19Mallory Rubin:she's going to go into it. When they go 12. So was it side dick or dick dick? It's side dick. It's side dick in the glow of the fridge. It's wonderful. When do you think they got more careful about that in movies? The 90s? I don't think they knew the pictures

1:19:37Bill Simmons:were going to be this good. I think everything was super blurry back then. Well, you boot that up now on your streamer on your 75-inch TV and you're richly rewarded. Yeah. I think by the time we got to Wild Things when Kevin Bacon half-fluffed himself to get ready for coming out of the shower. Is that apocryphal or is that real? No, that was a big argument. Bill is convinced. I'm convinced. I think there was some fluffing. Well, good news. We have another award for the Mallory category, the special subsection. The Steven Seagal Shitting on Himself Award for Most Unbelievable Anecdote from the Actual Film Shoot.

1:20:07Let's hear it.

1:20:08Bill Simmons:This comes from Ed Zwick's book, which I bought on Apple Books yesterday. Excited. Okay. He was talking about how they filmed the sex scenes. And he said they drew them for eight hours, and it's like way technical. and everybody agrees that the least erotic experience you can have. You got creepy crew guys staring at you. Zwick said, it all went well until an especially passionate and athletic moment when Rob began to groan quite loudly as they pretended to make love. Everyone looked away embarrassed trying to act like it wasn't happening until we realized that Rob had torn his ACL. Wait. Pro that he is, Rob kept acting until I said cut the show, as they say, had to go on.

1:20:50Okay. That's not where I thought that was going.

1:20:53Bill Simmons:Rob never mentioned this again. It was not in his book. I tore my ACL during an about-last-night sex scene.

1:20:58Mallory Rubin:Holy shit. How do you tear your ACL? Was he on top? Getting into the tub? Maybe it was the shower scene? Yeah, because that's a tricky position. He's an angle there. He's really bent. I wonder if he really did it. He fucked his knee up playing softball. Yeah. And then blew it out. Aggravated the injury. Getting into the tub. Speaking of blew it out, I thought that's where that anecdote was going. I thought you were going to say, and then he came.

1:21:20Bill Simmons:So as I was reading it, I thought that's where it was going. Like, oh my God, he fucking shot one? No, he heard his ACL. Incredible. That's true. That's like, you know, that is the most Seagal who knows anecdote in a while. Oh God. Okay. The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been

1:21:39Mallory Rubin:Harrison Ford had a stake award. I alluded to this earlier, but this is everything that we have lost in romantic comedies. where like now it's like The Purge, but a romantic comedy or like two people who hate each other on a travel influencer wedding trip. But you know, it's like, just give me a story of a relationship. That's really all I want. Not even that hot of a take. It's a good take. It's a strong take. But like I think it really starts to change around like wedding crashers, for instance, where it's like, ooh, like what if these guys crashed weddings and it's like everything has to have a what if instead of just…

1:22:12These people want to fuck and then they don't for a little while and then they do again. Yeah.

1:22:17Bill Simmons:Mine was… I think she should have been more of an inspiration for other actresses. Really going for it in this movie all over the place. People don't have sex scenes in rom-coms really ever. They're usually these PG or PG-13 vehicles to accentuate some… Demi Moore is like, I'm just going for it this whole movie. Jennifer Lawrence did that in the movie that came out two years ago where she got naked for one of the scenes. But just in general…

1:22:44Mallory Rubin:Is that the one where she's with the kid? No hard feelings.

1:22:46Bill Simmons:No hard feelings. In general, though, everybody's so careful when they do these rom-coms now. I appreciated that somebody was like, fuck it. Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do this. I don't care. Rob Lowe's like, I'll show some side dick. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Let's bring those days back. What do you got? I don't know if this is a hot take, but I'm not rooting for Danny and Debbie. Very interesting. I'm not rooting for them. And I don't want them to get together at the end of the movie.

1:23:11Mallory Rubin:So why do you feel like because you want something different for one of the characters particularly? or you just don't think they're a good couple? I think that Danny is incredibly hot and has almost no other redeeming qualities. And I don't understand why, other than the fact that he is incredibly hot, Debbie would want to be with him. Doesn't make sense to me.

1:23:31Bill Simmons:I think that's the only reason. What are his hobbies? He's like, big Cubs game tonight. Like, we don't even know this.

1:23:37Mallory Rubin:He's a Chicago guy who likes Chicago sports teams. Yeah. Is playing an outdated, outmoded style of softball. doesn't have a college education and is selling like restaurant supplies. Yeah. And is probably got like an 8 % loan rate on whatever he went into with the city diner. It'd be funny if he was just like randomly like,

1:23:58Bill Simmons:he's a huge Salinger guy. Yeah. I mean. It's like not just Catcher in the Rye, it's other stuff. You imagine? Nine stories, yeah. When he's like, you know, it's what it is. No more, no less. I'm like, exactly. And that is what it should have remained. Like this is a phase you work through.

1:24:15Mallory Rubin:looks like now and that he has not lost a lot of miles per hour. Sure. Like, would you say that still? Hmm. Interesting question. I think Devin was rewarded for… He wasn't going to lose his hair. He wasn't going to, like, get big. You know? Yeah. I mean, it's a great counterpoint. Yeah. He's still… He's thriving.

1:24:34Bill Simmons:Casting one ifs. According to the Big Bad Book of Bill Murray in 2015, Bill Murray and Nick Nolte were attached but then had an argument when they met together and both backed out.

1:24:44Mallory Rubin:It feels like a real like let's do the play in the movie for Nolte to do it.

1:24:50Bill Simmons:With those two in the mid-80s, this movie does not work.

1:24:52Mallory Rubin:Very different. Bill Murray and Demi Moore hooking up. I don't know if it was going to be Demi Moore.

1:24:56Bill Simmons:Different vibe. Yeah, they would have probably had to go older. In the Zwick book, he said Jonathan Demme was attached to direct and then had to back out because he was doing another one. That would have been good. Yeah. Really good. Rob Lowe said he'd screen tested with Melissa Leo and Meryl Hemingway and were both in serious contention. but Demi got the part. There is another rumor

1:25:16Mallory Rubin:for Debbie though. Who? It's pretty important to talk about. I didn't know if I believed it but go ahead. Phoebe Cates. I mean, Jesus Christ. We would have had. You wouldn't have. There's no way. There's no thumbs up from the stretcher for you. That's a wrap. That's a flat line for you. Yeah.

1:25:35Bill Simmons:It's a Damar Hamlin situation. I'm not here right now.

1:25:37Mallory Rubin:Did he make it or not?

1:25:39Bill Simmons:I'm not here. Oh my God.

1:25:42Mallory Rubin:Jesus Christ. Pause the movie for an hour. We've got to figure this out.

1:25:45Bill Simmons:They're crying in the set of ESPN. Yeah. Joey Pants were best that guy. The Dino Runner, I don't even know what that guy's name is. Danny's boss, George Desenzo. Yeah. He's been in a whole bunch of stuff and played Bugliosi in the Helter Skelter movie. But I think the winner is Demi Moore's boss. Robin Thomas. Who is the bad guy in summer school. Yeah. And he's one of those guys. Do you know who that guy is? Yeah, he's one of those guys. Dion Waiter's lady. Obviously. We know who's winning this. Shout out to the married lady.

1:26:18Mallory Rubin:I'm looking at the gun. It says 105.

1:26:21Bill Simmons:Whoa. 106. Oh man. Recast in Couch Director City. I wouldn't touch anything. Not even a token. Could we do this in Boston from you? No. Okay. I wouldn't touch it. Interesting. Might have given Debbie like one more friend. Yeah.

1:26:38Mallory Rubin:For the four. I don't think… Can I just say… Because I didn't know where to put this in terms of Dion, and I honestly couldn't spot her. But Catherine Keener is apparently in this movie. As like a waitress. Yeah, I couldn't see her either. Is she at Mother's? Like I couldn't… Yeah. I couldn't spot her. I was too busy looking at Rob Lowe's side dick in the glow of the French light.

1:26:58Bill Simmons:I'm not asking you to do more. You really rose to the occasion. No pun intended.

1:27:02Mallory Rubin:Craig, you have a flex. Oh, man. Can I go hottest take? Yeah. All respects to John Belushi, but Jim Belushi is funnier than John Belushi has ever been in a movie in this movie.

1:27:11Bill Simmons:That's finally a good hottest take on this spot.

1:27:13Mallory Rubin:It's been a couple of episodes where we've been kind of like, we're kind of gamey. It's late summer. Nobody's really blowing any doors off. And then this fucking kid. Unbelievable stuff. Just a kid from San Diego. Definition of a hottest take. Can I ask Craig a question while we're here? So there's a line in this movie. There's a moment. Joan is a teacher. She's a teacher of young children, Mulder of Mines. And while Joan is distracted on a call, eating her lunch, talking about fucking dudes, one of her students comes up to her and is like, pisses herself. And Joan says to her, everybody wets their pants.

1:27:47Nobody has to know. As the member of The Ringer who has most recently talked on a podcast publicly about pissing your pants, I was wondering if you had anything to say about this.

1:27:56Mallory Rubin:Well, if you did listen to the episode, you would know that I did piss my pants as a stunt double. Sure, yeah. For Fred Armisen in the show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where I had to wear a P-Rig as a PA on set to test out the P-Rig because Fred Armisen and I had the same waist size. so I had to test out pee rigs it's just my favorite story I wonder if this guy Jon Hamm was there watching me pee my pants at 22 years old in New York did you think it was funny or was he just like he seemed unbothered yeah I'm sure on Mad Men he saw worse yes do you want to embellish at all about the Belushi thing because the thing I I love about this take is you're almost like I'm coming at this from I'm not I didn't grow up with Jon Belushi I wasn't watching Jon Belushi on the weekends Blues Brothers is not a big thing for me.

1:28:42Mallory Rubin:So you're just going pure. Yeah, I'm not saying John is ever bad in a movie. But if he's always a 9 out of 10, I think this is a 10 out of 10 for his brothers. It's literally take the name off the back of the jersey and tell me who's funnier. John has obviously a style about him that's very unique. But just kind of from an acting delivery standpoint, this is better. Interesting.

1:29:01Bill Simmons:John never did a movie like this where he had to carry as much as Jim carries in this movie. But you could argue the Animal House performance was as funny just in a general way. It's the most unique. You couldn't replace that animal house.

1:29:13Mallory Rubin:I also watched... I like the pig. I don't know why, but I watched According to Jim like a decent amount of it. I was just going to ask if you were a big According to Jim head because it feels like to Chris's point of you coming at this from a different moment in time. Like it maybe influenced your... I don't even think I've ever... What other movies is he in? Jim Belushi. Red Heat. Red Heat, yeah. I don't think I've seen him in a movie or anything except According to Jim. Real Men with John Ritter. I mean, he did a bunch of 80s movies and then he was in Six Hubs. I was always a fan. It was a pleasure to have him on the BS podcast.

1:29:40Mallory Rubin:Why wasn't he a big deal? I feel like he's great.

1:29:42Bill Simmons:I think he actually was a pretty big deal. He was on, I don't know how long, according to Jim was on. It was like eight, nine seasons. Long time. He was just raking in money on that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you get to like year six of those shows, they're just whipping money. And the show is named after you. Yeah.

1:29:56Mallory Rubin:But do you think the peeing the pants was inauthentic? It didn't look real? What's your qualm? I just want to, you're a piss in your pants expert, so I thought you needed to comment. You know, as usual, I had some hygiene questions, about just like wiping it up with a sandwich wrapper and then not washing your hands. That seems like it's probably complicated to do that. Probably. Maybe it was real. Maybe it wasn't a p-rig.

1:30:18Bill Simmons:Mine was real. I did all my half-assed. I know it was. The big half-assed thing is the dating history of Demi Moore and Rob Lowe and what's true and not true. Which it just sounds like neither of them even know at this point 40 years later. Apex bound Rob Lowe?

1:30:35Mallory Rubin:I think so. I'm going to say yeah. Well, I would probably say The West Wing is his… Like peak West Wing is his…

1:30:41Bill Simmons:When did Rob Lowe have the most juice? Because when Rob Lowe left West Wing, that was a massive deal. But he wasn't the star of West Wing. Yeah. He was one of the people on it, but he wasn't the star. This was like… He's still toe-to-toe with Cruz in the mid-80s. I would say it's right around here. Interesting. Demi Moore, no. Certainly not. Landman season two. Jim Belushi… probably season six of Accordion Jim. Accordion Jim. Yeah. Breakup scenes. What's the best breakup scene ever? Well, a breakup that sticks or just a knockdown drag out. This is a devastating fight. It's a devastating five minute breakup.

1:31:21I actually think

1:31:21Mallory Rubin:Before Midnight. That's what I was going to say. Before Midnight is definitely the answer. That's the one that you won't even like touch because it's too funny. Yeah,

1:31:27Bill Simmons:I don't even want to watch that movie again. As you know, I think it's the best of the three. That's probably the answer. Elizabeth Perkins, I think it's probably big and after. Mm-hmm. Yeah. New Year's Eve rom-com scenes. Hmm. A lot to put from here, including When Harry Met Sally. Right. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? Do you want the rest of your life? You start as soon as possible. Isn't that the climax of When Harry? I think that's the edge. That has the edge. That's it. Yeah. Rom-coms. No. Absolutely not. Bars and movies. Talked about this earlier. It's way up there.

1:32:01I just want a quiet, old-fashioned at the Continental. I don't know. that's what I'm looking for

1:32:06Mallory Rubin:at the continental from John Wick yeah what's the bar in Thief Greenies or something like that that's this should just be

1:32:15Bill Simmons:a special rewatch of this episode of bars we count down our 12 best bars ever in a movie I mean you could do that as a recurring series you could do the full definitive house list the bars all of it that would be great Chicago softball definitely Chicago movies no Chicago period I think yes 86 right after the 85 Bears Jordan's there they're filming movies they're left and right yeah it's fucking amazing Cruise or Hanks? Cruise Cruise would be a great Danny I think Cruise would be good yeah

1:32:42Mallory Rubin:was there a better title for this movie? I like sexual perversity in Chicago but I don't really find this movie that perverse so yeah I like About Last that's really good and I like the ellipsis yeah the Billy Bats

1:32:53Bill Simmons:Jack Waltz Award for most biting and scalable insult was your hottest take? what's my hottest take? I mean not your hottest take your flex your flex? yes the new category of the Mila Kunis Forgetting Sarah Marshall award for is this the hottest anyone this person has ever been in a movie oh man you can answer for Rob Lowe oh god I don't think so just because 80s hair is not my personal vibe okay so and I as you know prefer an older man okay so you go I just would prefer him in like West Wing or Parks and Rec as he aged in a very refined fashion for Rob Lowe. And what's the Demi Moore answer? It could basically change for any movie.

1:33:38Bill Simmons:I was going to say, I mean... I'm going G.I. Jane. I'm going substance. Indecent proposal. I think it's indecent proposal. Yeah. That's tough to talk. What year is that? 93. 92, 93, 93. That's electric. Great stuff by her. When is Disclosure? We did... Oh, Disclosure. She looks great too. That's like two years after. Yeah. It's early 90s. Kind of quietly done a lot of Demi Moore movies. Yeah. No surprise. She's racked up a lot. We did About Last Night. Ghost. Ghost. St. Elmo's Fire. Disclosure. Few Good Men. Yeah. We did Indecent Proposal. Indecent Proposal. That's seven. Pretty good. Margin Call.

1:34:25Mallory Rubin:She's in that. Oh, yeah.

1:34:27Bill Simmons:Eight. Wow. She's moving up the rankings. Jesus. this. Picking nits. Debbie's friend hitting on Danny's never sat right with me.

1:34:35Mallory Rubin:Maybe that's just the character. There's a couple of friend fouls in here that I think would have caused some more drama. Three years, Eve. You're not doing that. I believe Pat would do it. The picking nits to me is that Debbie still hangs out with her after that. That's crazy. Like, she saw. She saw this. So, I have…

1:34:51Bill Simmons:Wouldn't she get mad at Pat? Yeah, exactly. The fact that they're just hanging out after is like nuts.

1:34:56Mallory Rubin:The movie can't decide if they're friends or not. I have a movie breaking picking it. Oh boy. This time around and just in general. No. I don't care if Fabio has had me execute Gus in front of his family. And then as I come home, I find out that the Chicago fire has broken out again. If I walk in my apartment and Demi Moore is painting it without a bra on. You're going to fuck. I'm happy about my life. You're going to have a conversation. Coming home and she's wearing fucking, like, what is it? Like a tank top with no bra and overalls. And it's like, hey, Danny. And he's just like. He's looking at the paint on the palm of his hand.

1:35:36Mallory Rubin:This fucking old ball and chain here, busting my chops, painting the house. It's like, are you, there's, maybe no one's ever looked hotter for like 12 seconds. Right there. It's like the other guys. The old ball and chain. It's nuts.

1:35:50Bill Simmons:That's what you're wearing? That's a great one, Chris. Great one. Great one. Really good, Sierra. The breakup scene's incredible, but she turns the lights on and then at the end, the lights are off again. Yeah, there's some continuity. You can't tell. Is it just because they're zoomed out? No, it gets dark again. And then lost the thread there. Dan having the money to reopen the diner. Yeah. I didn't even know in 86 before the first crash. I don't know if you're just like, yeah, got a hundred grand here.

1:36:18Mallory Rubin:Open a diner. Dan doesn't have a fucking hundred grand. He's like 22. Yeah. The bank's like here. I know. Oh, God. I think the way that this guy who is canonically established is 24 years old talks about his career is definitely in the picking this category. Yeah. Honey, it's what I do. I've spent my life stuffing more unneeded restaurant supplies on the shelves of more unneeded restaurants than any other salesman in Chicago.

1:36:43Bill Simmons:He's like 23. What are you talking about? That's insane. For Debbie, if you don't want your Girl Scouts, Hope Chest... his with the heart stitched all around it, little like homemade bandana cloth to be used to wipe up tea. Don't keep it in a basket on the kitchen table. You're really team Danny, aren't you? You put that in your top shelf. I'm team neither. She really thinks Debbie's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. she's a loon. She's an absolute loon. That's great.

1:37:14Mallory Rubin:I think she's literally perfect. Yeah. I loved her too. I thought she was a home run. She seems awesome. She seems like she'd be like, what do you want to watch? I think that Danny is a nothing. Debbie is a winner, but with like a tendency to just fall into these fits of hysterics that feels like an intentional choice. I think there's also like a little bit of like, when Debbie first starts dating, Danny's like, hey, I got this secret place to watch the Cubs games. It's like, cool. But then when you move in and it's like, so you, like every single piece of clothing you have is Bears, Blackhawks, or Cubs.

1:37:45Mallory Rubin:Like, what are we doing here? That's great. That's like my wardrobe.

1:37:47Bill Simmons:Yeah. I have a couple of small pick and nits. I would have loved to have seen some of the basketball game with Danny. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Did Bernie play? Like, just what were the dynamics? Was Danny a point guard, shooting guard? I just had a lot of questions. Yeah. He's a two guard for sure. He feels very Maravich-y to me. Incredible. Debbie's boss, like, by the way, definitely would have been hooking up with the, that's not a picking it. He was so kind of skeevy. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:38:15Mallory Rubin:That one didn't add up to me. He's not even making like a, he's like very openly like pursuing her dating her like checking in on her he's like turning the lights off at the holiday party pinning her against the copy machine and she's like I don't want this

1:38:28Bill Simmons:to that holiday party yeah that's right I don't see Deb going for him not our Deb sequel, prequel, prestige should be all black ass or untouchable this happened yeah they sequeled it in 2014

1:38:41Mallory Rubin:they did the all black ass and Lowe said that there was various efforts to make a Danny and Debbie check-in movie at various points. So, if they did that,

1:38:51Bill Simmons:it's probably after he has Juice from the West Wing and she's just starting to date Ashton Kutcher trying to kind of reinvent herself a little bit. Maybe it's like a 15 years later. But what's the plot of that movie that makes sense to you and feels worthwhile? There isn't one. That's why it didn't happen. What if they're divorced but they have a kid and so they have to see each other at some of the like, oh, who's picking up… At 16-inch kids softball games? Exactly. It's your day to pick up for, oh, across the way, you brought the orange slices today, and then they fall back into it. I mean, I can be convinced.

1:39:26I would watch that.

1:39:27Mallory Rubin:Bernie's dead. I had a question about that. I had a heart attack. For sure, Bernie's dead. There's no question about it. This was unanswerable questions, but do you think Bernie made it to the Cubs World Series? 2016? There's no chance. There's no chance. they had his picture up. Bernie got his head caved in at Mother's one night. by talking shit to somebody's girlfriend and somebody gave his head in.

1:39:51Bill Simmons:I forgot another picky nit is that nobody mentions MJ in this movie. Yeah. That's weird. They kind of slowed him in or we could have seen Jersey or something. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Fergie the Florist, Zane Lowe, Robert Evans, Dr. Charles Nichol, Ted Levine, or someone else?

1:40:08Mallory Rubin:Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Bernard Litko does not feel well, obviously. so if you just go on with your dessert and coffee I'll be right back amazing Chicago get a little little Dr. Charles Nichols in there maybe while Bernie's like I had him as well mid-flak jacket story that's fantastic pick wonderful I thought you might give us a little Wayne Jenkins but he's actually Mikey from the Bear oh yeah

1:40:35Bill Simmons:because it would be Chicago because it would be Chicago thought you might have done that but no Mikey from the Bear would have been a good one yeah I was going to do a Ryan Rico but I'm not going to do it. Something tied in with the sex scene. Now Demi's on top. Got it!

1:40:54Bill Simmons:She's paying the house. Straight over on. Bang!

1:41:00Bill Simmons:Now she's going to ride him. You bet. Just want to ask her who gets it. I go Demi. You go Perkins. Perkins. Perkins. What's for breakfast? Egg McMuffin. Corner of Broadway in Belmont. so fast Zouan Award

1:41:16Mallory Rubin:what happened the next day did they get married I didn't have that I had City Diner goes out of business Mr. Favio sticks the Chicago mob on Danny and Lidko for stealing restaurant supplies oh I like it I had the ex that's about last night too Alex she of the fur coat who he fucked at the motel calls and is like pregnant I gave you chlamydia oh

1:41:37Bill Simmons:I thought you were going to say something worse it was 1986 I gave you chlamydia or gonorrhea or genital warts something. You know, paying off the prophecy of Joan saying, I think he's going to get a disease. Oh, right. This guy's fucking his way around town. And then they break up again. Unanswerable. Were Bernie's stories real? No. No, of course not. Of course not.

1:41:58Mallory Rubin:Did we ever see Bernie go home with a girl? Yeah. Other than Joan? Sadly, I didn't get to see that either. It's just inferred. My unanswerable was, are all four of these characters from Chicago or the surrounding area. Oh, interesting. I think Bernie and Danny are. Do you think Deb? Jones from like Winneka? Yeah. I mean, I guess in this era, people were a little bit more regional, right?

1:42:23Bill Simmons:Who's most likely to be from the John Hughes town? Oh, Deb. Deb, for sure.

1:42:28Mallory Rubin:Deb. I think Debbie came to Chicago for college and stayed. Like went to art school or whatever? Yeah. Is she wearing a Northwestern sweatshirt at some point? But yeah, she's doing the advertising agency art stuff. She stayed. I don't think she grew up here. But I agree with you. Like, Bernie is of the city. But I think that Joan and Deb met, like, on a roommate's thing. Yeah. In college or after college. We know they didn't know each other before then because of the high school conversation. So they didn't grow up together. Because she also says we've been friends a long time. I would say, like, high school friends.

1:42:59Everyone in the movie talks like they're 57. Yeah. And they're not.

1:43:03Bill Simmons:Memorability you'd most want from the movie. Give me anything Mother's Maloney. It's got to be the—I think the Mother's softball jersey. Baseball jersey, t-shirt, hat. Yeah. I'll take anything. Whatever's available. Not the Jordans? Well, those would be, I mean, that would be. So, if Rotlo had kept the Jordans from about last night, which are the most expensive edition of those Jordans. That's like an impossible shoe. That would be a great one to have.

1:43:27Mallory Rubin:Have they reissued them, though? Oh, well, yeah. They put out the breads pretty regularly, but, like, the actual, the band from 84, that's an iconic piece of sneaker history. What is the band? Well, the story around like, oh, the colorway, right? It's banned. He can't wear them. He's going to get fined every time he wears them. So there's the bread, the bread, the bread toe. But then banned is a subset of that. Gotcha. I think. This is my own. Sorry to all the sneak reds out there from getting this wrong. The Jordans would be a great, that would be like an investment.

1:43:57Bill Simmons:Mother's Malone is probably a little more serviceable. Coach Finstock, Mr. Miyagi, were best worst life lesson? I think don't ever lose your sense of humor, Dan. That's a good one. That's a good one. I like it. Yeah. Double feature?

1:44:12Mallory Rubin:Did you go Chicago? I mean, I think if you wanted to watch more Demi and Rob, I would just watch San Elmo's Fire. That was my pick too. Especially because they're so proximate to each other in time. Who won the movie?

1:44:25Bill Simmons:Belushi.

1:44:25Mallory Rubin:Belushi.

1:44:26Bill Simmons:I think it's true. I think it is true. There's no question. I have Demi. Of course you do. Okay. Of course I do. Who won the movie? Demi. Let's hear it, Craig. You didn't see this movie. Did you love it?

1:44:40Mallory Rubin:I loved it. Five-star classic. It's like all you want from a movie, right? All I want from a movie. Oh my God. Did you watch it with Liz or Solo? Liz was at dinner, so I watched it Solo. I almost did the OK Motherfucker Award for like when the sex montage begins. Yeah. I was kind of laying on my side. I actively kind of sat up. Yeah. All right, this is what we're doing now. I bet. It's actually bizarre. The nudity in this movie is astonishing. Yeah. Like, it is just so not what they would do now. The fact that these actors were 21 years old, and they're like, we're going to do real intense, passionate lovemaking full nude for like five minutes.

1:45:16Mallory Rubin:Multiple times throughout the movie. Multiple times. I guess it helps the story. Probably not super necessary to do it as much as they did. You might need a little bit of it. Disagree. I actually thought it did help the story. It does. It's like makes it centered around the fact that like the only thing they are good with together is like having sex. You have to believe that they love having sex with each other. there's no other reason for them to want to be or add each other it's like softcore porn like it's like it's like Skinamax it's like a very no question you know like the way it's made is very specific yes yeah they went four for four on the casting

1:45:48Bill Simmons:like the Chicago of it all I loved every bit of it it was great I'm so not surprised I'm pleased I feel seen I do think

1:45:58Mallory Rubin:I thought the only weird part of the movie was like they're just too young I think like it all works I think that there was a little bit of like At 27, I feel like the problems make more sense. In the 80s, I think there was less. Yeah, just use your 20s to figure out who you are. I think it was a little bit more like go to college, get a job, and then get hooked up. Yeah, I didn't quite buy the like, they're 23 or whatever, they move in and they feel like they can't go out on New Year's Eve because they have to make dinner and celebrate alone. And one of them's like, I'm not thinking about marriage.

1:46:26And the other one's like, I want to have 10 kids. I think this is like - Why do you have to host Thanksgiving?

1:46:30Mallory Rubin:Do you not have families? You're both right. I think this feels weird now. I think you're right that it feels weird because it's 2026 and that it wouldn't have felt weird. By the way,

1:46:38Bill Simmons:that's your answer for where are they from? Oh, they must not be from Chicago. There's no family.

1:46:43Mallory Rubin:That's right. None of them mention their family for Thanksgiving. They all, when you're 23 or whatever, you go home. But then how does Danny wind up in the restaurant supply business at 18? maybe it's just a big show of like we're doing our first independent thing. There's like a 24 year of being like, I put pecans in the dressing. I'm like, this is not, if it was a movie about the crisis of like turning 30, maybe this plays better.

1:47:04Bill Simmons:I do think that was the era a little bit though where some people just didn't go to college. Yeah. And they started working when they were 18 and then they were 23. No, I just mean like…

1:47:12Mallory Rubin:But Danny's mom would probably be like, You can come home and do your laundry every weekend if you want to.

1:47:16Bill Simmons:Yeah. With that said, if the family's in there, we don't get the Thanksgiving scene of just the four of them. We get like an annoying odd or whatever.

1:47:23Mallory Rubin:And we're the poorer for it. Yeah. I also really like the ending. Great detail that like they're all like… We're going to go to like a bar after Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah. So you like the ending? I thought the ending was really sweet. and honestly kind of realistic I when you're like in your early 20s and everyone's doing the breakup get back together thing I actually think the way it plays out at the end of the movie would happen in real life where like they have a horrible breakup and like three months later they're like should we try it again like yeah fuck it yeah

1:47:48Bill Simmons:that's real you know who never had a horrible breakup Craig and Liz just unassailable love from day one yeah Owen Strong hitless streak I knew immediately as soon as as soon as they started dating I was like that's a wrap

1:48:03Mallory Rubin:by the way first ringer wedding Gahau slacked me during this the ringer has a soccer team we can go to those games this is bullshit what are you talking about you didn't know that no the ringer has a soccer team Gahau I think Jomi's on it people play maybe Kai no fucking idea there's a soccer team there's a league that ringer staffers play in I thought that we used to have guys who played soccer and there was I would 100 % go to a ringer soccer game well it exists ask them where it is where do they play they play at Heroin Needle Park yeah That sounds great. How's typing? Okay.

1:48:36Bill Simmons:We play at John Ferraro. They play at Fentanyl Field. I don't know what John Ferraro is. John Ferraro. I'm 1 ,000 % going to a Ringer soccer game.

1:48:46Mallory Rubin:He said it's off the five.

1:48:50Bill Simmons:Can Zoe Simmons play a guest game on the Ringer soccer team?

1:48:53Mallory Rubin:I bet it's, yeah. I'm looking at this park now. It looks lovely. Yeah, we used to play in a basketball league Back in the days, like Richie and Micah. Yeah. Didn't somebody blow their Achilles out during that, though? I think everybody was afraid they were going to because Heifetz was chasing them down. Oh, because Heifetz is all Steve-Wazier.

1:49:10Bill Simmons:That was when the legend of Heifetz really started. He was like Ronnie Lott. Yeah, he was like Ron Artest cross with football safety. Like, people actively didn't want him to play.

1:49:20Mallory Rubin:Yeah, you would like… If it was him coming down the barrel on a fast break at you, like, you bail out of the lake. I feel like I've watched Heifetz's entire life happen. We have. Like he's gone from being like this overzealous kid to being like fridge ham. Think about it. Beach ham. Beach ham. Right. How dare you? He's 62 now. I think beach ham is inspired. I side with this. Beach ham is disgusting. And he'll probably die soon of like a fantasy football commissioner related. He talks about his like his wide shoes that he has to wear because his feet.

1:49:48Bill Simmons:He's the best. The Brooks. The Brooks fives. Yeah. Quirky. Bring our soccer team. Maybe we should start a 16 inch softball team. Yeah. Why not? We should. Why not? I mean, there are like leagues we could join. I think... What about flag football? It'd be funny if it was like, Bill's insisting he's pitching again.

1:50:09Mallory Rubin:Bill keeps getting smoked. What sport do you think the ringer is best suited to compete in? Oh, interesting question. If we're playing other like media companies or whatever. Just the LA group? I mean, honestly, probably trivia. No, I don't know.

1:50:23Bill Simmons:If we're playing media companies, we'd have an advantage. You think? Yeah, because we have a lot of younger people. What sport, though? We don't have the same height we did for basketball in the past. We have some sneaky talls. Maybe the soccer. Mahoney's tall. Mahoney's tall. Joe's tall. Flyin' Isaac, he's tall. I'm kind of lanky for you, indeed. Other Craig is tall. J. Kyle Mann still playing. That's right. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Jacoby. Oh, Jacoby. Last legs. Can we throw Heifetz in like P.J.

1:50:50Mallory Rubin:Tucker? Bang around.

1:50:51Bill Simmons:No, Heifetz is like the Morris Twins. He's just starting to start stuff. Lance Stevenson. I think that we would have a good softball team. I do.

1:50:58Mallory Rubin:We'll workshop this. Kickball? Kickball? I wonder if me and Adam Friedland should start managing the soccer team. He's calling you nine times a day.

1:51:09Bill Simmons:Thinking about putting Heifetz at Sweeper. All right. About last night. So glad we did it. What a treat. Fourth anniversary. Check it out on Netflix. Thanks to Craig. Thanks to Gahau. I don't know. I feel like we've peaked. You want to announce next week now that it's already taped? Oh, yeah. The Respeed. is going to be Monday. Oh, wow. One of the first ones we've ever done. On Netflix. And it's on Netflix right now. And that movie fucking rocks. And that movie is.

1:51:34Mallory Rubin:Yeah, spoiler alert, best movie ever made.

1:51:36Bill Simmons:We'll see you on Monday.