‘Just One of the Guys’ With Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt, and Joanna Robinson

14:01Bill Simmons:Interesting. Well, you bring the Shakespeare and I'll bring the product placement. I like it. Me and my college roommate, Jacko, we used to watch this movie because it was on Comedy Central all the time. We'd always get mad that they edit. We were always like, we just couldn't believe this guy wasn't a bigger star. and my son, who loves this movie, and we watched it Tuesday night and afterwards. He's like, Dad, why wasn't that guy in more movies? He said it unprompted. He wasn't asking. He wasn't asking ironically. He was genuinely confused why he wasn't in. Because from the moment he comes in, he's throwing 105 miles an hour.

14:36Bill Simmons:Even when he doesn't have lines. There's one, her friend, that's sitting on her bed and he sits next to her and then he just tries to make a pass to her and she hits her hand. But he's just like in heat. Almost like, it's almost like watching a dog look at a park trying to hug his legs. He was like 15, I think, when he made this movie. I mean.

14:56Kyle Brandt:His first line, they're in the cafeteria. He comes in, he sits down and just goes, you are so hot. Like right in her ear. And then he keeps trying this move where he blows in her ear. He totally like read about it in like penthouse forums or something crazy. He's every single second. And it's not like, I'll tell you this now, I struggled with the Dion Waiters because he's definitely not. He's in it too much. He gets 25 shots. He's in a lot of scenes, and he's awesome in every one of them. I have my favorite scene of his, but I love them all.

15:27Bill Simmons:The director said, she was talking about casting. Everybody was nuts about Joyce, nuts about Kay Clayton. And then I cast Billy. He walked into my office, read, and I said, forget about it. I have 14-year-old Bill Murray in my office. We're casting him. That's a quote. I really agree. He kind of is 14-year-old Bill Murray. Did you watch the like 30th anniversary Q &A panel that they did? No. Was he there? Yeah, he was there. And he's just like that on the panel. Like now, like 30 years after this movie. So maybe he just couldn't shut it off. I'm saying, do you have a project for him?

16:01Kyle Brandt:Oh, wow. Is he working? Is he out there? I don't know.

16:04Bill Simmons:I'm going to go through his career here. Okay. He changed his name to Billie Jean, age 17, which I think was his real name. He's now William Jane. He did a lot of TV movie stuff. Recurring role, apparently, in Silver Spoon, season four and five. I wasn't watching at that point. Parker Lewis Can't Lose was his other big one. Stopped acting in 2010. Appeared in Milf Manor, a reality show on TLC. Milf Manor? In 2023. 23? That's just 20 minutes ago. That's tough. That was the last time. Milf Manor being the last credit on your list. It's a reality series. Yeah, it's tough. I got to ask Craig, even though, Craig, don't step on how you felt about this movie.

16:41Yeah.

16:42Bill Simmons:Do you think Billy Jacoby was 15-year-old Bill Murray?

16:46Kyle Brandt:Respectfully, I don't think he quite got to Bill Murray level, I would say. He's trying. 100 miles an hour is correct. He's putting his whole energy into this role. Oh, Craig's... Craig hated this movie. I like when Craig starts sentences with respectfully, then we're going to have a long day.

17:03Bill Simmons:He can talk about Joyce and say she's all right, and that's fine.

17:06Kyle Brandt:I know. I'm trying to respect Joyce because I like her work, but...

17:09Bill Simmons:I bet. I spent a lot of time. Hey, yo, scumbag. Hey, suck your own. Eat me. Hey, same to you, butt face. Mom says hi. Mom says hi. You can't. He's just ripping them off. Linda, wait. I vacuumed for God's sake, Linda.

17:20Kyle Brandt:Oh, that one's good. Would it make any difference if I was hung like a bear? It's fantastic.

17:24Bill Simmons:He's ripping them off.

17:25Kyle Brandt:It's just... Dude, it's a heater. The scene where he explains how to scratch your balls is so funny and so accurate because he's like... He basically says, like, sometimes there's like a level one scratch and he's like, get in there, move it around. That's what we do. That is so accurate. Sometimes you got to get some air in there. And it's like, I just love how committed he is to that scene. Yeah. And like, when you watch that scene, like, it's kind of meta. Like, you want to do it. It's, you're sitting there watching, like, he's so exactly spot on with it. I love that part. Not to compare him to Chevy Chase and Fletch,

18:02Bill Simmons:but I'm going to compare him to Chevy Chase and Fletch. Okay. Chevy Chase, the whole movie, is just like, I'm going for this, guys. I'm never breaking, but I'm just going to go for it every scene. And if I go too far, just kind of yank me back. And then we have young Billy Jacoby here just going for it. And never even coming close in any capacity to this ever again, which I just don't understand. He talked about being on the set. He was 15. And his only chaperone on the set was his sister, who everyone said partied harder than he did. This sounds dark. There might be some party. Yeah.

18:32Kyle Brandt:It's possible. I was going to do for my flex there, the Sasha. I was going to do Billy Jacoby for my flex, so I'll just save it. Well, it was just like, what went wrong with this kid's career in the 80s? Isn't the answer usually partying?

18:45Bill Simmons:It's right in the vortex of... I did an incredible Joyce Heiser deep dive. I can't believe how much time I spent on it. Joe probably knows some of it because Joe's a big researcher, but she dated Bruce Springsteen for almost five years. That's why there are Bruce Springsteen posters in the bedroom in the movie. He saw her at a party in LA in 1978 on his tour and asked Gary Busey to introduce them and she was immediately in and she traveled with him for the rest of the tour. A Busey meet-cute? A Busey setup. Wow. And she dated him for five years. He visited the set of this movie. And then, he did.

19:22Bill Simmons:Well, they did and Clayton Rohner said Bruce got a little jealous with the kissing scene. I'm not positive. He might have milked that story. She apparently dated David Geffen. Wasn't able to confirm that one, but that was in there. She was close with Jack Nicholson on Queer If They Dated. And then dated Warren Beatty and lived with him for a year and a half. Yeah. I went in because I have star, the Warren Beatty autobiography. She's interviewed. Yeah. She's in it a lot. What she got. I love you did the work and read that book. Well, he was really smitten by her. Uh-huh. And really settled down and was trying to make her like it.

19:55Bill Simmons:And she knew what a dog he was. Springsteen Nicholson Beatty. Come on. It's unbelievable.

20:02Kyle Brandt:Busey's name was mentioned too. Jesus.

20:04Bill Simmons:She was Jimmy Smits' girlfriend on L.A. Law for two years, which is a big show. She said, Kyle, glad you're sitting down. Go on. I tested for volunteers and lost to Rita Wilson. I turned down a role in Eddie and the Cruisers, but my biggest career disappointment was The Sopranos. I tested for Dr. Melfi. It was between me and Lorraine Bracco.

20:28Kyle Brandt:No. Holy shit. That's in the research. She's sitting there with Tony talking about his mother and everything. Oh, my God. I never knew that. Joyce Heiser as Lorraine Bracco.

20:41Bill Simmons:I mean, as Dr. Belfi in place of Lorraine Bracco. I actually really like it. This isn't as juicy as The Sopranos. That's incredible. But I did some detective work because she talked about a show that she turned down, but she wouldn't name the show. And she was like, it was a big one, but I turned it down because they, like, disrespected her in her audition or something like that. But then she's like, but later, Martha Coolidge, who directed her in Valley Girl, brought me in for a cameo. CSI. CSI. I think she was offered the Marge Helgenberger role. Wow.

21:11Kyle Brandt:What a career. That's a lot of what ifs. Because Lorraine Bracco was apparently offered Carmella. And she said, I've already played the gangster's wife when I was in Goodfellas. I don't want to be Carmella. I want the shrink. So then that led to Edie Falco getting it. God damn, that would work. But if Lorraine had been Carmella and then who's Nurse Jackie? What happens to Edie Falco's career? That's true. Dominoes upon dominoes. She stays on us. She just stays on us for like five years. Imagine if Dr. Melfi came into a session with Tony's Prana when I just dressed as a guy. So tell me about your mother, Tony.

21:46Kyle Brandt:Hey, yo. She, um. But you do think Joyce is really good. I can tell. Yeah, she's coming around.

21:53Bill Simmons:I like her. She was one of my 175 crushes in the 80s and apparently was more of a smoke show in real life because Springsteen in 1978 and then Warren Beatty, she just must have been absolutely fetching in person. Fetching. Is my guess. What a charming word. What a combo. Who else in the world could have dated those two? She was a trained dancer growing up. Really? Yeah.

22:18Kyle Brandt:Well, I mean, the odds are that Beatty saw this film. It was like, I don't know about the movie, but like, who is that? The way that they start this movie, think about the opening shot of the movie. She's an incredible, incredible figure. I love that Kyle's premise here requires that Warren Beatty went to the theater to see just one of the guys. By himself. Probably a private screening. It made$11 million total, and one of those was Warren Beatty. Warren Beatty.

22:41Bill Simmons:She was also the star of Dan Hartman's video for I Can Dream About You, which is a pretty big movie. Oh, is that the I Can Dream?

22:47Kyle Brandt:Yeah. That song goes.

22:48Bill Simmons:I like that. We're not done with setting up the movie because we didn't talk about the Billy Zabka bully trilogy yet. Talk about it. Come on, Bill. Karate Kid, this, right into Back to School, which he really lost his bully energy in back to school. Yeah, like Keith Gordon beats him up in back to school. Screw you, Melon. Yeah, he flubs the big dive. But he did have the bigger mullet. This one, he's lifting up tables. He is, yeah. Torturing nerds left and right. Don't you think if you were Mr.

23:19Kyle Brandt:Zabka's representation back then, Karate Kid is a massive hit. You're a big part of it. You're zagging? Well, you take one role. It's Greg Toland. It's like the next year. That's the next movie he does is this movie after Karate Kid. And then when the role comes in for Back to School, don't you want to say, no, no, no, no. Yeah, Billy. Let me be the Robert Downey part. Yeah, I'll be anything. Or like, I'm saying, in this movie, his first movie after Karate Kid, he's fighting someone on the beach just like he does in Karate Kid. It's like, I'm ready for Kevin to do the crane kick. Like, it's ridiculous.

23:51Kyle Brandt:And he should drop the radio in Elizabeth Shue. It's so similar. And I wish I could reach in there and be like, Like, Billy, pick something else, dude. He was talking about how playing a bully, he's like, you're just waiting for my characters to go inside a punch bowl. That's all you want is for my character to meet the punch bowl at some point in all of his movies.

24:10Bill Simmons:Why did high school seem so perfect as a movie and TV location in the mid-80s? What was it about whatever was going on? It was so new because they didn't do it in the 70s. And so then it was like, guess what? Teens have sex. Teens do drugs. And it's not like in the forbidden Brooke Shields kind of way. It's just like normalized, right? You come home after school, you have a beer, a generic beer, I guess, with your pal. And so then I think it was just so new and exciting. And then by the time you get to the 90s, can't hardly wait, happens. It's great. But like, it's a little bit more expected. But the 80s, it just felt like with Porky's and Revenge of the Nerds, like we're really pushing the envelope.

24:48Kyle Brandt:Just the music was so perfect for high school kids. Now, they don't play a lot of music in this movie, but all of the posters are represented. You mentioned the Bruce Springsteen and there's a U2 poster in Buddy's room. It was great, great high school music shit then. John Hughes ran with it. This movie has it too.

25:03Bill Simmons:He had one U2 poster and 700 pulled out.

25:08Kyle Brandt:There's the edge just staring next to Brandy's on the beach. It's incredible.

25:12Bill Simmons:I didn't know one person who ever would have done that in the 80s with their room. Outlandish. That was what was so funny about it though. Even if the parents are mysteriously out of town for two weeks? No, it's insane behavior. He uses his wallpaper.

25:23Kyle Brandt:No one did that. You don't put those posters up on the wall. You put like a Spud Web poster or something. Be respectful. Don't say those posters. She reads Vonnegut. That's true. You know. Hates chemical waste against that.

25:36Bill Simmons:Hates toxic waste. He is such a funny character. In 2015 Entertainment Weekly, did their 50 best high school movies ever. And this was ranked 48, which I was personally offended by. Yeah, too low. Way too low. Where would you put it? Much higher. There's a whole lot of that. There's a whole lot of that. Is it in the top 10? For me? Yeah. I mean, for me personally, I think it would be in the top 12 or 30. But there's been a lot of good ones in the last 20 years, though. So it's tough. You'd really have to... Okay. This could be a good segment for me. It's so... Does Superbad necessarily count as a high school movie?

26:06Bill Simmons:Yeah, of course it does. Yeah, they're graduating. It's a graduation party. How many actual high school scenes are in Superbad? A time. There's like the cooking class in school. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right.

26:15Kyle Brandt:Science room and everything. It's like kind of a one crazy night movie, but it's like we're leaving high school. Yeah, that's fair.

26:22Bill Simmons:All right. If Can't Hardly Wait is a high school movie. been super bad. What else from your generation? For high school movies? Easy A.

26:30Kyle Brandt:Easy A is a good one. She's the Man, which is the remake of this movie to a degree.

26:35Bill Simmons:Craig was like, is this the OG She's the Man? I was immediately offended. I mean,

26:39Kyle Brandt:that's correct. I've not seen She's the Man. I'll never see She's the Man. Do respect. You've never seen it? No. I have seen it. It's a much, well, as an English major, it's a much more direct Twelfth Night adaptation. Yeah, that's correct. They're actually like using Oh, starring Julia Stiles. They're using, like, character names. The long triangle is more accurate. Yeah. Anytime I would ever be spending free time watching She's the Man, I could be watching just one of the guys. So that's what I would do on Tubi. It's true. I mean, say what you will about Joyce, but she's, you know.

27:06Bill Simmons:You know what's funny about, she's the man's Amanda Bynes, right? Yeah. Yeah. So when I moved out here. Amanda Bynes looks demented in drag as a teenage boy. Like, absolutely demented. But not as realistic as Joyce. No, Joyce, I think, looks possible. Also Mean Girls. Yeah. Mean Girls is legit. When I moved out here and I was working for Kimmel, and Kimmel had like a 9 or 10-year-old daughter and like a 7-year-old son, and they were watching all those shows, and I didn't have kids yet. And he was talking about Amanda Bynes, and he's like, she's so freaking talented. Like, her show's amazing. Like, she's like, watch out for her.

27:40Bill Simmons:It's going to be... But it kind of peaked where she's... Then she had a bunch of personal problems. She has personal problems. But She's the Man was like the one movie she made, right? No, there's the one where like her dad, like Colin Firth is her dad. Oh, like a sad one? No, no, no.

27:53Kyle Brandt:Isn't she the president's daughter? Oh, yeah, My Date with the President's Daughter. And then the Amanda show was big. She had her own, like, variety show.

28:00Bill Simmons:And all that. All that stuff's her, though. She really had a moment. What a girl wants? I thought Lindsay Lohan was— This was one of my hottest takes probably in the last 20 years. I genuinely think she should have, like, won Oscars. I thought she was, like, a great actress. For confessions of a drama. I'm saying when she got older. I thought she had like all the talent to actually go on and do some stuff.

28:24Kyle Brandt:I got to talk to Dennis Quaid once and I asked him about Lindsay Lohan and The Parent Trap. And he like got really serious and he's like, I think the most talented person I've ever worked with. Yeah. I was like, Lindsay Lohan? You work with everybody. He's like incredible. Yeah. It's like that talented.

28:37Bill Simmons:And then even when she hosted SNL the first time.

28:40Kyle Brandt:Mm-hmm.

28:41Bill Simmons:And she like crushed it. She could do imitations. Oh my God. But I think she just went off the rails, unfortunately. She's in a sketch.

28:46Kyle Brandt:She's in a Harry Potter sketch where she comes back and Hermione's blossomed over the summer. It is so fucking hard. it's a great sketch the story is like all these people came into Hollywood too young

28:54Bill Simmons:without proper supervision I have some good Billy Jacoby stuff for later this movie is directed by Lisa Gottlieb co-written by Dennis Feldman and Jeff Franklin two artists Jeff Franklin of full house fame Jeff Franklin probably has more money than any of us you're right good job

29:13Kyle Brandt:budget unknown they said 5 million Lisa Gottlieb has said 5 million in interviews this movie looks like they spent 600 grand it's just and I don't mean that as an insult it's just so low most of it was on the beach scene yeah yeah made 11.5 million dollars yeah right and then was on hbo for and a huge rental like hbo comedy central rental everything you know what was a huge part of this for me a huge part fantastic poster fantastic i used to go to the video stores benny's video in lagrange lagrange illinois and you scan the shelves and you would get to one where there's terry in the locker room yep with a football helmet over each breast, like looking very pleased about it.

29:51Kyle Brandt:And I was, it was so sexy and so perfect. And I was like, it was everything I want in the world is right there. And I would rent that movie all the time.

29:58Bill Simmons:Who, who out of anyone in these eighties, nineties movies, if you met in real life, would you be embarrassed to meet? What do you mean embarrassed? Like flustered? Yeah. Flustered. Oh, okay. Um, cause Joyce is up there for me. I'd be flustered to meet Joyce. Andrew McCarthy. Andrew McCarthy. Yeah.

30:16Kyle Brandt:I'd be, I mean, I still think it's Judd Nelson. I think he's the coolest character in any 80s high school movie. But you'd be meeting Judd Nelson now. Yeah. I wouldn't be flustered, I don't think. I'd be excited to meet him. I think if I was meeting John Bender with the fingerless gloves and all that, I think I would be. We were a big mannequin household, so Andrew McCarthy.

30:37Bill Simmons:Remembered and I, in 2014, Remembered and I were in Boston and we went to a conference that Thelma from Good Times was from. We both loved it. I loved her as a kid. Yeah. And we got a picture with her and we were both like, we were on a high for like five hours after. We were so excited. She looked great. She still looked great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This picture. Yeah, it was awesome.

31:00Kyle Brandt:You met Thelma from Good Times. Wow.

31:01Bill Simmons:And I was like, I loved you. I just absolutely, as a little kid, just full-fledged, absolute love. Yeah. I think she's been hearing it her whole life,

31:10Kyle Brandt:but it was great. I met Nell Carter from Give Me a Break. Freak me out. No, I didn't. I wish I would have though. I loved that. Craig, who's your number one? if you met somebody who would you be

31:17Bill Simmons:the most flustered by? Like right now or in their prime? No, right now. You'd have to meet them now. We're talking females or males? He could be anybody. Wow. There's like the Leo... Are you asking him? You need to give him parameters. There's like the Leo DiCaprio. Sure, I'd be intimidated if I was just chatting with Leo DiCaprio. That's not a fun answer. Well, you want me to say like Margot Robbie? I think he means from like... Oh, Margot Robbie. Sure. No, no, no. Let's pick like comedies that you watched when you were a teenage boy. You had to have been a kid when you liked it.

31:41Kyle Brandt:when I was a kid Blake Lively in the movie Accepted was a big deal for me you ever seen that movie there you go yes that's a great answer big one for like 14 year old Craig

31:50Bill Simmons:team Blake in the Baldoni Blake feud right there well I don't know about that you're on record now

31:57Kyle Brandt:you're gonna be subpoenaed team Lively Reynolds that's a good movie Accepted have you seen Accepted not technically high school technically college but it's good I think I have I think I've seen every movie Just as long right it's not good They're not good. They make up their own college. Yeah, South Harmon Institute of Technology, the shitheads.

32:16Bill Simmons:We're going to take a break. Okay. And when we come back, we're going to go through the categories, including a couple of new ones that either of you have been involved with. I can't wait. Are you looking for support in your weight management journey? ZepBound Terzepatide may be able to help. ZepBound is a prescription medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off. ZepBound is approved as a 2.5, 5, 7.5, 10, 12.5, or 15 milligram injection.

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34:28Bill Simmons:So cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn, the network that works for you. Spend$250 in your first campaign on LinkedIn ads. Get a$250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com slash rewatchables. Terms and conditions apply. All right. First category is watch party. Yep. I love this. Bunch of best setting for a watch or a rewatch. You saw the possibilities. What's your answer? You have one that's like peanut gallery ladies night.

34:59Kyle Brandt:Yeah. That's what I think. Kyle? It's got to be in a basement. I think it's— With, like, four buddies. Yeah, I think it's dudes in a basement. Like, grown-up sleepover. You know, like, you have some root beer and some video games, and you watch just one of the guys. I had peanut gallery pregame for this. Yeah, I was really impressed that you, like, made this a family movie in your household. I think that— Yeah, it's kind of cool. I genuinely think that's great. When you told us that you were watching it with your son and your wife— He loves this movie. —and I was like, you know, I was like, what do they think?

35:26You're like, oh, we've been watching this for years. He loves it, so—

35:28Bill Simmons:My kids really genuinely love these 80s movies. But I don't know if it's because I was just banging them over the head with them from day one. But we watched all of these. You got to bring them up right. You got to bring them up right, Bill.

35:37Kyle Brandt:Anytime I do the pod, my wife always asks, what's the movie? She had not even heard of this movie. She's a little younger than me. But before I came over here, Bill, I had lunch with some old college friends. Dudes just like me. And they were Watchables guys. And they're like, oh, fuck. What movie were you doing? I was like, do you guys remember just one of the guys? Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. The scene at the end is incredible. like they they knew the movie and they liked it they didn't say the one based on Shakespeare they didn't say the one based on 12th night those are all finance guys leave that to me as Fred was like

36:09Bill Simmons:it's so cool that she got that job

36:10Kyle Brandt:at the newspaper

36:11Bill Simmons:it's really cool journalism she grew a lot as a person it's a lot right you know most rewatchable scene I will give you Buddy's first scene which includes lines like I've had lots of sex it's just now I'd like to try with a partner

36:24Kyle Brandt:awesome

36:25Bill Simmons:I'm 15 years old in two years I reached the peak my sexual powers and horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime which I think is a high school yearbook quote is it too late was it January right now you can submit the yearbook stuff now right horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime buddy what was her last name Griffith buddy Griffith yeah just throw that in in the yearbook wait say it one more time horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime

36:54Kyle Brandt:that was my philosophy on the real world some wisdom in there Would you get that? My parents were thrilled. Would you get that as a tattoo, Bill?

37:04Bill Simmons:It's too many words. Okay. What about as an act? Did embarrassment come back and kick Corny's ass eventually? Yeah. With your real world state?

37:14Kyle Brandt:Yeah. Don't underestimate embarrassment. It's strong. It's resilient. In the late rounds, it starts wearing you down. Resilient. It does, yeah.

37:23Bill Simmons:Buddy teaches Tara to act like a guy. I think that's, I mean. Fantastic. Move them around. All balls itch, it's a fact. Another possible yearbook quote. That's the line of the movie. Craig, I can't believe you didn't love this movie. You don't know that. It's a small one, but Buddy's singing Slow Hand. They're just like, hey, Jacoby, we just need another minute. We're a minute short. Can we just cook? Buddy does algebra and drunk Terry comes home. Buddy stops by Terry's school. Thanks for the message, bud. The Kavina moment. Kavina. Yeah. Your touch is the reason I went through puberty. This also has Rick standing up to Greg.

38:04Bill Simmons:Uh-huh. Bold choice. Hell yeah.

38:07Kyle Brandt:Nonviolent too. I think there's a reason we haven't talked about Rick very much so far. Where did he get to? I just showed her some of her cards I feel like.

38:16Bill Simmons:He's strong enough to lip tables and spill food. Greg Toland. Yeah. Were you a messy baby? Awesome. I like that. That asshole called me an asshole too. Some of the writing of this is really good. Terry asks her friend to the prom and then Sherilyn Fenn shows up. We didn't talk about her either. Yeah, we didn't talk. Well, that is actually, I'm very surprised we haven't talked about Sherilyn Fenn. That scene's, Jacoby, somebody comes into their house and he puts the horns on. Denise, what's your rush? Incredible. We're young, we're wild. The prom fight. Rick Briggs had a jab game here. How'd you feel about that?

38:59Bill Simmons:Where did that come from? A boxing gym training? Do you think it comes from his dance moves?

39:04Kyle Brandt:You know who he likes to dance all by himself? Does that put him in condition to beat up the bully without any preamble to his ability to punch? It's incredible, though. He turns into Pernell's Sweet Pea Whitaker, and he's just loading the CompuBox, and he's just loading it right on Zabka's nose, and then he finishes him. It's a straight jab, and it's really impressive. Let's say that Terry and Buddy like wore him down a little bit. And then Rick was able to finish the job. Oh, you think that's what it was? I don't know. I was trying to explain it. If they were doing fan service now, they would have Zabka sweep the leg.

39:37Kyle Brandt:And we'd be like, fuck yeah, Zabka. Kofa kind of dies. Here's my question. They filmed this movie in Arizona. Yeah. We're having a beach prom?

39:48Bill Simmons:I had a lot. That was in my unanswerables. What beach? So what the unanswerable for me is what state are we in? Well, the license plate is Arizona. It seems like we're in Arizona. Did they ever talk about it? They filmed it in Phoenix and Scottsdale. This is what they did in the 80s. You never knew where you were unless you're in California.

40:05Kyle Brandt:I think that's what they did. And they wanted it to be that Southern California thing, but they just shot it in Arizona for cheaper because they don't talk about being in Arizona. You just look it up and they shot it in Phoenix. But it's true. There's no like ocean or waves.

40:16Bill Simmons:Because Camp Bimey Love is clearly Arizona. There's cactuses. Like they kind of own being in Arizona for that. I didn't bump it until the end when he drives up in the like rabbit or whatever. And it's like an Arizona license plate. And I was like, what the hell? We're in Arizona this whole time with a beach? You kind of never knew when you watch these movies in the 80s and 90s where anything was. Well, that's not true because like the John Hughes movies have a clear sense of place. But that's it. And then, no, then there's like a lot of California stuff. But like E.T. when I was a kid. Sure. And I'm on the East Coast.

40:45Bill Simmons:I don't know where that is. I just know where he might be in California. I don't know. I have no context of geography where we are. This should have been like a California movie, though. And I think if they had the budget, it would have been. Well, like Fast Times. Yeah. Right, yeah. Yeah.

41:01I was going to do this later, but Greg kind of have a choke job in the fight.

41:05Bill Simmons:Even if you could say that the Griffith kids wore him down a little bit. He's been training for this his whole life. Somebody's directly challenged him. He's already gotten a good shot at him. He has a 28-degree lead. Knocked him down.

41:16Kyle Brandt:He had a cold cocktail.

41:17Bill Simmons:He's got the gloves on. Here are my notes. His lift routine is actually pretty weak, right? He's lifting tables. Sure. And occasional benches. Right. Pressing literal benches, not actual weights. So this is like the Mike Tyson in the Buster Douglas fight where it's like the bully just got punched once and didn't have a plan. I don't think he actually, you know. So he just never had a fight?

41:39Kyle Brandt:I think probably that's the old thing. It's just, hey, listen, Biff Tannen goes down with one punch from Crispin Glover. You know, sometimes they get those bullies go down easy. I do have to shout out, though, one of my top five favorite things about this movie is that Greg Tolan has bullying gloves that he puts on exclusively to bully. And it's like, when it's bullying time, like, hold on a second, let me get my gloves on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, they're driving gloves. Fingerless bullying gloves. And it's such a fun, creative flourish that I've never seen before or since. It's so easy.

42:09I love how wearily all the nerds or whatever just lift up their lunch trays. They're like, it's time.

42:15Bill Simmons:It's about that time. When they fight in movies, they don't fight like they do on my Instagram algorithm when I get served fights outside by drunk people. That's usually like either they're swinging wildly or one of them attacks the other. Nobody's like doing the... No. Bill, can you tell me a bit more about the drunk fights that you watch on your Instagram? Listen, once you watch two of them, they're just going to keep serving them to you until you put in the cash shed. For the rest of your life. World star! Is it like people who have had a night out and tied one on? Or are you watching bum fights?

42:48It could either be like there was some sort of mano a mano,

42:51Bill Simmons:drunk people. But the best thing about those clips is you can start it and immediately be like, guy on the left. You just, you come in like you're like Max Kellerman. Do you think there's a... Guy on the left, he looks like he's gonna win. And then sometimes there's an upset. You're like, whoa, guy on the right. Sometimes guy on the left

43:08Kyle Brandt:gets folded. And what is it, if I click on, if I click for 0.5 seconds, I'm gonna get you hooked on this. Even on, even on like on Twitter, you go to the For You, And I was like, what is it about me? You think I want to see some guy get his face beaten in in an alley? Show me a football video. It's always there.

43:23Bill Simmons:That's my algorithm, too. It's football videos. In the 80s movies. Sucker punch. People fighting in a parking lot. I think we craft it. Craig, it's a football guy. Do you get served drunk fights? I guess this is who I am.

43:32Kyle Brandt:I honestly do. I do get some fights in my algorithm. All right, so it's a football guy.

43:35Bill Simmons:Do you immediately do blink tests of guy on the left, guy on the right?

43:38Kyle Brandt:Sometimes I have to do the quick scroll away just to tell the algorithm. I don't need more of these. He's like, you have to really be vigilant. You got to send a message to the algorithm. You got to tell who's boss. Exactly. You have to be firm. If you make eye contact with the algorithm, it's like, I got you. I wish I could turn down the algorithm strength. So do I. I think there's an untapped market of sports betting on drunk fights. Blink test bump fights? Yeah.

43:57Bill Simmons:I think they're, well, the worst algorithm thing that happened to me was I watched a tsunami video once, and then it just started serving me tsunami stuff. And I was like, how do I tap out of this? Tap out. Done. I was like researching how to clean my cachet. I was like, I never want to see this again.

44:13Kyle Brandt:They don't ask you, are you enjoying the tsunami videos? No, no, no. And then God forbid you not only click on it, if you share it with someone, that's a tattoo. It's over. You're fucked. You're sharing this guy getting his head kicked in in a circle K? I got you for life. You can't get rid of it. Next rewatchable scene, the famous scene,

44:34Bill Simmons:which includes him just butchering Cindy Lauper's pronunciation and calling it Lauper. Cindy Lauper? Yeah, right. And I'm Cindy Lauper. How's my name? How did they not do a second take? I don't know. You know what?

44:45Kyle Brandt:Great call. Why did they not stop? On the mid-80s. On the panel, they asked him about that. And he's like, yeah, people still yell that at me. I'm so embarrassed by it. Oh, my God. And I think it was Billy Jacoby was like, had you heard of the recording artist, Cindy Lauper, before we made this film? That's the director's fault. I agree. Yeah. I agree. But there's 30 people on set. What is it? The Marion Cabretti Cutting Pizza with Sisters Award. why didn't someone stop this? Cindy Lauper is really... Cindy Lauper was how... It'd be like saying Madonna instead of Madonna. It's Lauper. Lauper? And I'm Madonna.

45:18And he's supposed to be

45:19Kyle Brandt:this thoughtful character who loves music and has all these records. Cindy Lauper. Rick. Terrible. The big reveal. Yeah.

45:26Bill Simmons:Where do you get off having tits? Do you think that was written or ad-libbed by Clayton Rohnert? I think... They said there wasn't much ad-libbing on this movie. In the script. Yeah. In the script. It was a sentence, too. He was pissed. He was... Big kiss. And then it's all right. He has tits and walks away. And then Terry goes home and walks in on Buddy and starts telling him about the night. Buddy's sitting to the covers. That's really interesting. Really. Just, I mean, this was on all the time and it was always a suck in every time. It was really fun. I never really understood why Rick was so upset.

46:01Because he thought they, I'm not one to defend Rick, but like he thought that they were friends. They were pals. It was like a, it was a reaction. He had a reaction. You're allowed to have a reaction.

46:11Kyle Brandt:My unanswerable about that is. I like the defense of Rick, though. Yeah, if you were hanging out with a dude, dude to dude for a couple weeks, you're killing brews, you're chasing girls, he's becoming your best friend in this new school. Yeah. Hanging out in bathrooms together. Yeah. Urinal talk. And then you find out that it's a woman and it's kissing you. Could you recover like Rick does to then go and ostensibly date her? Or is it like, I spent two weeks with you as a platonic male friend. I can't go then. I will say, this is where. There's a scale. This is where we let down. I think it's pretty high on the scale, too.

46:45This is where we're letting down the Shakespeare adaptation, though, right? Because in Twelfth Night, Orsino is hot for her when she's in drag. So, like, there should have been some, like, confused attraction to her.

46:57Bill Simmons:So, in the most politically incorrect sports movie ever, right behind Joanna, Fast Break. Yeah. Swish is pretending to be a guy on the Catwater State basketball team. And DC Dacey is falling for Swish, thinking it's a guy, and then leaves the team because he's convinced he's becoming gay. Right. Then he finds out Swish is a woman. They don't even go near that in just one of the guys. What does Channing Tatum do? And she's the man. He's attracted to her, right?

47:24Kyle Brandt:Yeah, there is like a weird energy between them that he doesn't quite understand. It's cool, though. Rick, like when Rick finds out before the reveal, he's like, it's cool. You're gay. Yeah. There's a little no homo from him where he's like, but then he's like, he's like, he's like, oh, you're yeah, you're gay. I get it. That's big right now because of the reveal in Netflix. And I've seen people assailing it for saying that's not realistic back in the 80s. And I'm like, watch what Rick did. Like, he was really cool about that. And I like that. I like that moment. I will say Rick, when he comes in the end and he's like, let me do the one, do the asking out.

47:55Okay. Okay. Fine. Well, I got to drive. I'm like it's her car Rick you lost us you totally lost us Rick

48:02Bill Simmons:as long as I'm driving okay Rick also Rick you dressed like you were going bowling you had there were no girls to be seen you went out with the prom queen and Terry who's a smoke show like settle down I know the Terry would drive the ending which includes that also Buddy ends up on a motorcycle with a 40 year old woman and that's how the movie ends yeah my son when we watched it on Tuesday is like Dad why did they do that like you just didn't understand I was like I don't know it's the 80s they thought it'd be funny Liz and I went back and watched that twice thinking did we miss something is this character supposed to be somebody she's literally a 40 year old woman is this a fantasy of his that we didn't hear about don't you feel like her friend Denise hooked up with a 40 year old like prom band singer

48:43Kyle Brandt:oh yeah dude right we had that too and then also Rick's like deflowering story is his mom's friend fucked him when his dad died I forgot about that my mom's friend made me feel good what holy shit should I go to cops you were a child Wait, I want to get into that because that's my flex. It's a book about medals award for the belatedly best quota exchange. They're talking about if they've ever lost their virginity. Terry goes, have you ever had sex? He's like, yeah, one time. And her weird New York accent. She's like, tell me about it. And he's like, just after my dad died, this friend of my mom's, I think she wanted me to cheer me up.

49:15Kyle Brandt:And she did. And then Terry goes, is that your room over there? And they just never talk about it again. Awesome. That's like a whole movie, that quote. It's like, holy shit, what happened there? It explains a lot about Rick. This movie's the best. They're real fast to lose with all that. See, you're tucking yourself into it. You love this movie. Attaboy. I don't know why Buddy gets on the back of a motorcycle with a soccer mom at the end of the movie with no helmet, no words exchanged, nothing. That's a motorcycle babe who has been around is going to show him something. She's like... Yeah. Back in the day, just the dream woman would appear out of nowhere for no reason.

49:48Kyle Brandt:Dream woman. I didn't blink twice. This is a very 80s ending to a movie. Was he the one who went on to do Milf Manor? Yeah. That's it. You're like origin story from Milkman.

49:59Bill Simmons:Right, origin story. Well, we know what most rewatchable was for Kyle and I. What do you have? I think it's him teaching her how to be a dude. The tube socks down the jeans, like that whole sequence. Okay. What's the most 1985 thing about this movie? I have a good one for this. Yeah. It's the inseam on Kevin's shorts. When her college boyfriend Kevin comes over at the beginning of the movie. What a pull. He's like rocking Magnum P.I. Short shorts. It's wild.

50:29Kyle Brandt:See, I gotta look for that. I somehow miss that. You just throw a dart at this movie and find anything. I have a really little one. One of the times that Billy's reading the magazine, the back of the magazine... Just saying reading a magazine. Yes. The Carlton cigarette ad. Less tar. They're bragging that they have less tar than the other brands. Like, we have tar in our cigarettes for sure, but less than those guys. That was a huge deal back in the day. That's very 85.

50:51Bill Simmons:I had Terry's word processor. Sure. I had the whole concept of a high school student aspiring to be a newspaper writer. Sure. Journalism is aspirational. Buddy's sleeveless jeans jacket. I don't think you could walk outside in that now. For the back half of the movie, he's just in a parade of sleeveless button down things. Yeah. This was a look.

51:13Kyle Brandt:It's like he looks like he's in Double Dragon. I don't know what his... It's either flannel sleeveless, denim sleeveless, lumberjack type. I don't know what that was. It's like a thing that he found at the end of the movie. He's like, this is my look. This is going to be my look. It's very Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Like, you know the brother in that movie who does like, the dishes are done. Dishes are done, man. And then Buddy in this movie is just sort of like, the dishes are done. You're right.

51:35Bill Simmons:The great C. Tom Howell stole the look for Secret of Mirrors. Same kind of thing. It was like this sleeveless jacket with the shirt underneath. Yeah. Hasn't been seen since. Even late 80s, nobody was doing this. C. Tom Howell. C. Tom. I've never heard anything called him C. Tom. Tom might have to come up later. See, Tom. He's 100 % coming up later. I think I know where you're going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. I have a couple more. High school kids dressing up like Trekkies? We don't do that anymore. Yep. Calling a beer a brewski? Twice. I don't remember what year that ended, but it was right around here.

52:08I also just don't know that teenagers did it ever, right?

52:11Bill Simmons:No. The prom band is very... This is like a great era for prom bands because we have weird science. we back to school whatever the band that Rodney Dangerfield hires Oingo Boingo been scouting that movie hard by the way I forgot to tell you

52:25Kyle Brandt:I'm all over

52:27Bill Simmons:the band in here they all had like they were all too old to be playing at the high school they all had the high hair they all had the weird guitars that had like little daggers on them and stuff

52:38Kyle Brandt:and they're not they're playing originals too I like that no Duran Duran this is one of our tunes yeah these guys the two guys on stage or two of the guys on stage were like long time drummers for Rod Stewart. That's a fun fact I learned about this. don't thank God you're here. Really good stuff, right? I like that. Well,

52:57Bill Simmons:my winner for what's most 1985 thing about this movie is every single Deborah Foreman outfit. She's the one who, the prom queen who Rick falls for. Yes. There's one outfit she has that I don't even, there might have been like a four week window where people were wearing that yellow outfit she has where she's dressed basically like Madonna. Uh-huh.

53:16Kyle Brandt:Mm-hmm.

53:17Bill Simmons:And then at that outfit, like, you couldn't wear that ever. Like, I don't even know if you could wear that ironically at an 80s party. Nobody would believe it. Do you mean Madonna? Madonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's age the best? The opening of this movie is exactly like any porn you would have watched from the 80s if you actually watch it. It's like, she wakes up and it's like, just one of the guys. And with, like, terrible music. And it's like, is this? Yeah, girls got something. Boys ain't got, you know? What rating is this? Where are we?

53:46Kyle Brandt:Yeah, yeah. just in case there's gonna be a doorbell and the guys i'm here to fix the cable oh wow here we go boys don't got um what do you got i have a bunch i have a bunch too uh joe and i were talking about this before the show uh having an older sibling whose friends come over is just one of the all-time adolescent things whether it's your older sister's friends or um you go to a friend's house and he has an older sister and you're 14 and there's three 16 year old girls watching TV. It's Sodom and Gomorrah. You can't imagine how sexy and how hot that is when you're a teenager. And this is what Billy goes through for the whole movie, Billy Jacoby.

54:22Kyle Brandt:I love that.

54:23Bill Simmons:Yeah, you're in love with, and I'm an only child, but I had the friends who had the older ones. You're just in love with every friend they have.

54:30Kyle Brandt:Yeah.

54:30Bill Simmons:Doesn't matter. We used to go to my friend's Mark house.

54:33Kyle Brandt:Mark's older sister Lisa was like three years older. And we found out that she loved Ricard Noir. She just loved how it smelled. So before we go to Mark's house, we put on 50 scourts of Ricard Noir. All over the place. Hey, Lisa, what's up? No. And she's like, are you wearing Dakar? And it was amazing. Yeah. Shout out Lisa. Maybe people are better now than we were back then. Dakar Noir. What else do you have? As someone from the Midwest, I fucking love outdoor high schools. Outdoor lockers, outdoor everything. That was unthinkable for where I went to school. That's a great point. They're just hanging at the lockers.

55:06Kyle Brandt:There's sunshine behind them. There's cactus. Same thing in Can't Buy Me Love, outdoor. And then also the outdoor prom. Like, my prom was at the O 'Hare Airport Hilton. Like, just absolute garbage. And they're on the beach with these lanterns and this food and this band. The outdoorness of it is really cool. I just don't think people had beach proms outside of movies. Definitely some liability issues. I grew up in California, like, Bay Area, California. We didn't, you grew up in California, Craig. We didn't have beach proms. Well, he's throwing Terry into the ocean and no one comes to stop him.

55:37Kyle Brandt:There's no faculties or anything like that. He's got Terry, like, he's got, like, a Stone Cold Stunner is coming. and it's like just go ahead as you said there's no adults in this movie except for like it's the two teachers

55:48Bill Simmons:and they're the horniest people in the movie well there's the bullying PE guy who also was like surprise jock regular surprise jock inspections yeah what do you have for what's age the best so this is would you call this a sex comedy oh yeah almost every scene is about someone wanting to get laid it's horny it's very horny it's a horny comedy but I don't I don't feel like it's in the porkies thing where they're gratuitously well that's the thing There's like a bunch of sex comedies from the 80s that I think have aged really, that have aged really poorly. Like Reg the Nerds, you're like, ugh, you know, like, blah, blah, blah.

56:18I don't really want to watch this anymore. I think with like Fast Times, Valley Girl, directed by Martha, like these women-directed sex comedies of the 80s, I think it's like a really interesting, I don't know.

56:31Bill Simmons:Like a little more soulful. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. Like there's nothing in this movie that makes me cringe in the way that some of those other 80s sex comedies make me cringe. John Hughes, I think, was able to pull that off with all his stuff. Even like Word Science. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about when we did that pod. That could have gone sideways.

56:46Kyle Brandt:Kelly LeBrock has nothing but great things to say about John Hughes about on that set and everything. Like, to your point, the Fast Times scene where Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh and they're giving instructions on how to give a blowjob. Yeah. The fact that you know there was a woman directing that. I don't know. It's safe or something. It feels more likable.

57:03Bill Simmons:More what's age the best for me. Just parents being gone for the entire movie. this was half of the plots in the 80s yeah they when did they give up on this craig because parents wouldn't leave their kids alone like this now we have too much information yeah i would never be like hey ben we'll see in two weeks guard the house like i there's no way but like

57:22Kyle Brandt:and we have cameras now and you facetime them and you call them yeah there's none like 360 why is he at bevmo i mean i don't know that's true even like when i was middle school high school you could still kind of get away with that there was no like facetime it was kind of like my parents are gone for the weekend they can call me on my cell phone but that's about it my parents are gone for the weekend is one thing my parents the parents are gone for two weeks yeah two weeks

57:43Bill Simmons:during the school year i did have a couple friends where the parents did disappear for that long really yeah well i think there's also an interesting like but it was like that's where we just went

57:52Kyle Brandt:it was like hey scott's parents are gone they kind of breaks the high school movie rule that that buddy and terry didn't throw a massive rager yeah that's true okay yeah they should Well, she was busy pursuing her journalism interests. I know, that's true. With a college boyfriend. Yeah, Kevin was like pool party every day when your parents are gone. That's true. There's an interesting class thing going on in this movie, right? Like Terry, she's super rich. And she goes to high school with other super rich kids. And then she goes to this high school. Oh, she goes to the other high school. Yeah, the other high school.

58:26But she's like, I got plastic. Let's just go get you a new wardrobe, Rick. Like, don't worry about it. and it's just like she's just very another reason why

58:33Bill Simmons:Rick probably should have forgiven her a little bit faster yeah well Rick the girl's buying you clothes she's in love with you you've never had a girlfriend he's like I don't know your haircut might put you on a list we need to fix it Rick liked what he saw he's like have you heard she's like have you heard of a popped collar would you like to pop all of your collars for the rest of your life more what's aged the best the douchey rich college boyfriend with a convertible who seems like he's 15 years older than our girl in high school is an 80s staple. They have this in Secret Admire as well. I don't know why this was a recurring character.

59:07Bill Simmons:And they all kind of had the same look.

59:09Kyle Brandt:Can't Buy Me Love, classic. Bobby. Bobby, coming back. With the, that makes you a prostitute! Like, they're always a dick, they always have blow-drying hair, and they're always 33 years old.

59:19Bill Simmons:They always act like going to college

59:21Kyle Brandt:gave them some sort of higher state of being. But imagine what a fucking loser you are if you're in college and, like, an athlete or in a frat and your girlfriend's in high school. Like, why don't you have a college girl or someone I know. It's like status for her, right? She thinks, well, this is like, this is like, okay. Is this movie about a woman opening her shirt and showing you her tits? Yes. Is this movie also about like a privileged, like rich girl who has a shitty boyfriend and doesn't realize it? Cook joke. Who like goes to another school. Go. Befends the nerds. Like meets a cooler guy.

59:53Becomes a better writer because actually her article did suck. Yeah. And like learn something about herself. Learns about urinals. Yes.

1:00:01Kyle Brandt:Where did she get off having tits though, Joe? You know? It's a great question.

1:00:04Bill Simmons:Learns how to throw a jab when you're fighting on the beach. Just work the jab. Just work. Yeah. It's a long game. A couple more. Calling your dick Spike. Great. Just great for an 80s comedy. Calling your dick anything. Anything. Spike even better. I'm laughing every time. Yep. I'd rather wallow in my virginity. Just a great line. Bullies who use insults like Tulip and Chumstains. Awesome. Well, that's another reason why this. What is Tulip? Where did he even come up with that? Well, we're not dropping F slurs this entire movie. That's another reason why this movie's better rewatchable.

1:00:33Kyle Brandt:They're not swearing everywhere. No, not just like the F bomb, like the F slur. Yes. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. F slurs, right.

1:00:38Bill Simmons:Yeah. The soundtrack, I just want to shout out. The girl's got purpose. Girl's got something. Boys don't got.

1:00:47Kyle Brandt:That guy's like, you need a song? He's like, yeah, we have 15 minutes to make the song. Just go. And he's like, I got it. No problem. Kicked it back. What a jam. And the other one there, you're like, you have two minutes. What's the title of the movie? Just one of the guys. One of the guys Great Got it I got it

1:01:00Bill Simmons:It's a great era Alright last thing I have Is how much research There is on the Topless scene Which I found hysterical I couldn't believe Like how much Information there was What do you got Heiser not sold On doing a topless scene Right No nudity in her contract Gottlieb Persuaded her to reconsider And she said Quote Honestly I think You've got to show him She pulled her aside I think This is not Something you couldn't do The five part Martin Scorsese documentary about Lisa Gottlieb, I'm guessing, but this would have been a key part in it. She talked about this at the 30th anniversary Q &A that exists on YouTube that was at Sinefamil.

1:01:36She talks about this for so long about persuading, like, you know.

1:01:41Bill Simmons:So one of her best friends was Rosanna Arquette. Joyce just sounds like she was... Rosanna Arquette, really? She was like an it girl. Yeah, really felt like she was in the middle of everything. Rosanna said, I would say you shouldn't do it because no one will ever look into your eyes again as long as you live. On the other hand, people will look at you and see those breasts forever, even when you're an old lady. And Lisa Gottlieb said she heard that story and said, wow, I'll strip myself after hearing that reason. But that was Roseanne Arquette. Just think long game. 40 years from now, you'll be old.

1:02:15Bill Simmons:You'll be glad you did it. Interesting. So Joyce Heiser was talking about how this is before Freeze Frame. This was before when we made this. I did not know that this would be like the most paused moment in 80s cinema or whatever. She didn't know porn. She was like, if I knew Pornhub, all this shit was coming, probably not saying yes to this. Right, and it's become like this whole thing. But I saw an interview that she gave just like a couple years ago where she was like, yeah, and I got really like, you know, shy about doing nudity and I didn't want to do it. And she's like, now I wish I had because, you know, like, I wish I had done it honestly more often.

1:02:48What was I afraid of? So I thought that was interesting.

1:02:50Kyle Brandt:Roseanne Arquette, she's in a movie with Van Damme called Nowhere to Run. One of his worst movies. Topless. Talented. Looks great. Roseanne Arquette colon topless. Talented. In that order? No. Okay. Probably half the shit in it. They did not have an intimacy coordinator in that movie either, unfortunately. But I remember sitting in theater.

1:03:09Bill Simmons:And then Clayton Rohn weighed in. They were considered a work of art. Not anything sexual. They were so beautiful. She was gorgeous. Oh, wow. Good for you. Okay. Just shooting from the hip. They were. All right. Well, I never. Okay. I mean

1:03:23Kyle Brandt:Elephant in the room She has fantastic breasts It's great Good for him

1:03:26Bill Simmons:We have a couple categories Coming up Oh good Well don't cover that But The Steven Scott Shitting on himself award For most unbelievable anecdote From the actual film shoot And the godfather of soul, James Brown, spent three days on set, allegedly, to help Clayton Rohnert perfect his dance moves. And this was a thing that happened. And it's inexplicable. I researched it multiple places. They keep saying it everywhere, so it has to be true. And his room is covered in James Brown stuff. He choreographed the prom dance moves that both Terry and Rick do. Clayton Rohnert claims he was there for five days.

1:04:07Bill Simmons:No, he wasn't. Joyce so he went from the set of just one of the guys to doing Living in America with Apollo Creed

1:04:15Kyle Brandt:that's true he was working a lot hardest working man gosh that's right James Brown showed up to do beach prom choreography for just one of the guys

1:04:24Bill Simmons:I just don't know if I believe it but it's they're adamant that this happened I believe it the way that they all keep repeating it in interviews like I just don't think it's a joke

1:04:32Kyle Brandt:it's also like it's in the conversation for like the whitest movie ever made and the male lead loves James Brown of all things. It's like their way of working a black person to it.

1:04:42Bill Simmons:Clayton Rohnert said, how many times do you get to sit and shoot the shit with James Brown for eight hours a day? Never. I'm guessing it wasn't eight hours a day. I really don't think it was. I think it probably went from 10 minutes to an hour over the years past. All right, new category. Who got it? The Billy Jacoby Award for most believable and yet unequivocally delightful anecdote from the actual film shoot. This is a new category, Craig. Clayton Rohnert talking about Billy Jacoby well Billy Jacoby was under 18 I think it was more like 15 I don't think he could drive and he got in all kinds of trouble because his chaperone was his older sister and she didn't give a crap and oh my god he was after every girl on the set and I wouldn't be surprised if he got successful with a couple of them he was a ladies man that kid I swear to god awesome yeah so then the interviewer asked Clayton Rohnert did he hook up with Sherilyn Fenn Rohnert answers I don't know.

1:05:35Bill Simmons:I think she was dating Chris Penn at the time. This movie is like a four-hour documentary. So Joyce Heiser is the most connected woman in Hollywood, apparently. Sherilyn Fenn is under 18 dating Chris Penn. Clayton Rohnert is hanging out with James Brown. What the fuck was happening in this movie? The boss is on the set. The boss is on the set.

1:05:56Kyle Brandt:Plus, according to my research, Sherilyn Fenn at this time was with Johnny Depp. That's on her wiki page. so like I think he was somewhere floating around too

1:06:06Bill Simmons:this is a movie set that had Bruce Springsteen and James Brown visiting and they went to like Scottsdale Arizona they flew James Brown out to Arizona to do prom choreography wait one more anecdote from this interview unbelievable I'm stunned they asked him how William Zabka was to work with in the 80s and Clayton said he was great you know he was a born again Christian all the girls wanted to sleep with him and all he wanted to do was sing them songs and hang out interesting I have to admit that's not that's not what how I thought Billy like past the 80s you thought he was Party Boy? yeah yeah interesting

1:06:42Kyle Brandt:there's still part of my brain that's still sitting here thinking about Joyce Heiser as Dr. Melfi like I haven't recovered from that moment you may never come back how about 15 year old Billy Jacoby banging banging chicks on the gas set amazing amazing method guy Billy Jacoby what do you think what if they put this is the podcast of the year what if they had put Jacoby instead of David Faustino in Married with Children.

1:07:06Bill Simmons:Better show. Yeah. Like a great show.

1:07:09Kyle Brandt:Yeah, him and Christina Applegate working together.

1:07:11Bill Simmons:It sounds like we should have put him in Basic Instinct and had him just with Sharon Stone.

1:07:15Kyle Brandt:Instead of Wayne Knight sitting there watching him, he's just Billy sweating. That's great.

1:07:21Bill Simmons:The Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness where Best Needle dropped. Trouble by Lindsey Buckingham's in this and dropped nicely. The prom song is called Hard Way. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's like, Oh yeah, that's cool. It's not bad. It might have been their own song. I looked for it on Spotify.

1:07:38Kyle Brandt:It was like shitty lover boy.

1:07:40Bill Simmons:Yeah, yeah. Totally. Totally. Big Kahuna Burger where best use of food in Drake. Obviously the spaghetti spill. Like where has spaghetti spill gone? I feel like it was a staple of cinema for so long and now we are no longer. Well, kids wouldn't eat spaghetti at lunchtime, right? I don't think people just eat big plates of spaghetti like they did in the 80s and 90s. You see an 80s movie you know it's gone on somebody. Oh yeah, yeah. Nobody's ever had a bite of spaghetti in an 80s movie.

1:08:02Kyle Brandt:Or are you just talking in Fatal Attraction, he gives it to his dog? What was that reason? Oh, my God.

1:08:09Bill Simmons:That's the most upset Mal's ever been about anything that's ever been in a movie or TV show. Then Michael Douglas gives spaghetti meatballs. He comes home from two days after sleeping with Glenn Close and just gives his dog spaghetti and meatballs. Is that that bad? The meatballs doesn't seem like it should be that bad. The dog's shitting and farting and puking everywhere. No, it's a complete violation. It's not like, you know. Craig, don't have a dog.

1:08:31Kyle Brandt:a meatball and some pasta is not a worst thing in the world I think it's all about the puking and the shitting they're going to be doing all over the place what if you just give, I don't own a dog what if you just gave the meatballs like could the dog just have the meatballs like if she poured the dog a beer Bradley Cooper gives his dog a steak before he hangs himself and a star is born I think that's better

1:08:49Bill Simmons:yeah cause you don't have to clear up the diarrhea after you're hanging in the garage that's Lady Gaga's job that is well the Billy Bats Jack Waltz Award for most biting and scalable insult. New category for you.

1:09:02Kyle Brandt:I fucking love it. And I have an answer. What is it? It's when the Star Trek guys are in the cafeteria and they go, I seem to be detecting some sort of carbon-based douchebag. I love every time he says that about Greg Toland. That's mine. Carbon-based douchebag. I like those guys.

1:09:19Bill Simmons:Pretty good. We'll take one more break and then Kyle's got to flex. This episode is brought to you by the ActiveCash credit card from Wells Fargo. That's a mouthful, but that's because it packs a lot in. Earn unlimited 2 % cash rewards on purchases with it, big or small. So whether it's buying tickets to the game and grabbing a coffee, it earns unlimited 2 % cash rewards on purchases. Say it with me. The Active Cash credit card from Wells Fargo. Be a two percenter. Learn more at wellsfargo.com forward slash active cash. Terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Spectrum Business. Fast, reliable internet means everything for your business.

1:09:57Bill Simmons:And even this podcast. That's why I trust Spectrum Business. They keep companies of all sizes connected with internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, mobile services, plus 24-7 US-based support. Millions of business owners already trust Spectrum Business. So visit spectrum.com slash business to learn more. Restrictions apply. Service is not available in all areas.

1:10:19Kyle Brandt:All right, Kyle, what's your flex? All right, so I was going to go Sasha Jenkins' Bigger Star for Billy Jacoby, but we've covered so much of it. So that means I have to pivot. And usually when I pivot, I do a porn title, but I haven't prepared one. Off the dome, buddy. You're an English major. I think it would be the same title. You're an English major. You know Shakespeare. Do it. Thrust one of the guys. Also a gay porn, probably. Thrust one of the guys. Thrust one of the guys. Yes, yes. We needed more sex talk for me in this pod.

1:10:46Bill Simmons:See, I'm thinking it would have been just all of the guys. Thrust all of the guys. That's good, too. That's good. Butch's girlfriend award for a weak link of the film. This is tough. I mean, there's a lot of ways to go here. What do you think, Joe? Well, this is tough because both this and overacting is tough because it's just a vibe. I don't think that—I don't feel like anyone is doing a great, wonderful acting job. So I can't get upset, you know? That's why my answer is Cindy Lauper, as we discussed earlier. I just can't believe they didn't do a second take. I also just—Rick is a character. I still can't believe it.

1:11:20I would do a few more passes on Rick as a character. I feel like I like James Brown is not enough of a draw for our leading lady, I think.

1:11:31Bill Simmons:All right. Next category is the Jamie Lee Curtis Unnecessary Nudity Award, which is obviously… This could go one of two ways. They easily could have just gone bra and probably nailed it. Interesting. Right? I mean… It's 1985, so they're not going to do that. I mean, especially since she's like quite obviously wearing a binder for the rest of the movie. I was going to ask that. Why is she not wearing a bra to push down her boobs at the prom with a tuxedo? The rest of the movie, she's got like basically an ace bandage on it. She's like got a binder on. And when she pulls the shirt back together, you can see her bra on underneath.

1:12:09So, you know, it's for cinema. It's for art.

1:12:11Kyle Brandt:Listen, it's 1985. You got to deliver certain things, especially if your poster is what that poster is. And you can't have the, what the heck? That's what happens. You have to have some nudity in there. I don't think this is unnecessary for the movie, to be honest. She tries. She tells him like three times, I'm a female. He won't believe her. What's he going to do?

1:12:29Bill Simmons:I think it's necessary, but I also would have filmed a second scene with the bra for Comedy Central. You could do it from behind. I know. She opens the shirt from behind. I didn't even know this scene was in the movie until many, many years later. But trading places, like Dan Aykroyd's just sick in bed, and for some reason, she's just topless taking care of him. Yeah. Yeah. This is much more plot related. yeah it's like in theory it's story related this is art what's age the worst what's age the worst Terry confronting her professor right after overhearing them talk about how hot she is and he goes well you're a pretty girl you could be a model that's his recovery

1:13:03Kyle Brandt:come on man it's brutal

1:13:05Bill Simmons:even for 1985 it's like come on man brutal the one of the guys song is pretty bad

1:13:12Kyle Brandt:yeah it's

1:13:13Bill Simmons:one of the guys so synth heavy this is this is just the joy of being in the 80s. You're like, what's the title of the movie?

1:13:21Kyle Brandt:That one could have worked a little harder. They had no money for any pop music at all, so they had to make some really bad shit on a Yamaha synthesizer.

1:13:28Bill Simmons:This is a good time. Just with like a preset on the Yamaha? Oh, yeah. This is a what's aged the worst. And just let me land the plane on this. Sherilyn Fenn's 90 rise tying into the legend of the movie now has aged the worst because it's 2026 and Sherilyn Fenn, I don't think, has the same kind of oomph. But when this movie was having its rewatchable kind of renaissance in the 90s, a piece of it was it was young Sherilyn Fenn who was Twin Peaks. She was in, what was that movie? Three of Hearts or whatever that was. And everybody, all the guys I knew, including myself, we loved her. And it was just weird that she was in this movie and it was like this crazy wrinkle to it, but now nobody cares.

1:14:11Bill Simmons:I think Sherilyn Fenn, because Twin Peaks is an institution, like people still - It still matters? Not in the same way that it did in the 90s, though. I agree. Any others? Because I have a couple other.

1:14:21Kyle Brandt:Quick one, a classic for which age the worst. Shirts and skins. It doesn't exist. You're right. I coach youth sports, different sports. It would be unfathomable to me to go out to these boys and be like, all right, you're the shirts. Take your shirt. Ridiculous. I feel like I'd be arrested.

1:14:36Bill Simmons:You've lost your job 10 minutes later. We don't do it. Kyle, I heard you did shirts and skins. You deroped my child?

1:14:42Kyle Brandt:Never. No surprise jock inspections in your life? No. Never. And by the way, jock straps themselves, they were everywhere in the 80s. Revenge of the Nerds has a whole thing. 16 Candles does. I don't think I've ever worn a jock strap in my life, ever. I've worn a cup, but like, you would just go to gym, you'd put a jock on. Like, it's a very odd thing. Craig, again, jock strap. Only when I play baseball. Yeah, baseball. For a cup. If you're a catcher, yeah, for a cup, but not like in gym. No. Never. Also, we weren't showering in gym class. Mandatory. We were told we had to do it. Yeah, nobody did that.

1:15:14Kyle Brandt:We were told we had to do it nude. Were you showering in school? I mean, not if I could help it. Our gym teacher said to us, you have to shower. What was the showering with a bunch of dudes? Yes. And by the way, I remember our gym teacher saying, like, and no bathing suits. This is a nude shower. That was their policy. I'm not kidding. What? That was just what you did. And we're like, all right. It was so weird. So weird.

1:15:31Bill Simmons:Now they only do it in England. Do they do? Sorry. Just shots in England. Can I hit you with a what's in the worst? I want a couple from you. Okay. Well, I would just say that like, I think using Tulip as your Gaisler is like, but there's some other like, you know, gender commentary stuff in this movie. Some like trans commentary stuff that like, as much as this is maybe like helped some people, there's also just trans jokes that haven't aged well, I would say. Has it aged worse than setting up a high school senior and a double date with a sixth grader? You know, in just two years, she's going to make him really happy.

1:16:10Bill Simmons:I didn't understand that in 1985 now it's like what's happening? why not go 9th grader? a lot of girls with braces in this sex comedy 6th grader is like what is happening? I just didn't get that at all I thought that was just like a bait and switch she was just like I have a cousin alright but you go 9th grader I don't know

1:16:32Kyle Brandt:this type of thing has really changed and become way progressive recently it wasn't that long ago that there was the Olsen twins countdown clock and people would just talk about it. Yeah, it's true. There's a clip that goes around of Ashton Kutcher hosting Punk'd and he's like, so we got Hilary Duff here. She's one of those girls we're just waiting until she turns 18. Everyone's like, what the fuck? But that was on Punk'd. It was no big deal. Like that was just part of the show. That's changed a lot recently. Yeah. Thank God. In sixth grade, you're 12? 13? Yeah, 11 or 12.

1:17:02Bill Simmons:Heiser, I don't know if this is a what's age the worst or what's age the best, but she said, I've done a few of these signing conventions where they come in with tons and tons of pictures. And not one of my fans has brought that picture to sign. Oh. That's why I truly love my fans. So it's a what's age the best that nobody's done that. It's a what's age the worst that it's been her worst fear. I feel like that's definitely happened to her somewhere. Someone has brought her that photo. And then finally, we might as well do the Clayton Rohnert conversation now. We've been dancing around it. dancing like James Brown it's tough it's tough what do you want to say well he this probably was the peak for him if he's listening I feel bad but yeah it's tough there's characters all over the place yep not not positive with I think it's more of a character issue than it is even an acting issue maybe it's a Rick issue not a Clayton Rohn issue yeah yeah yeah that's what I would say

1:17:58Kyle Brandt:one of the archetypes I think of the movies is the sensitive new boy in town like in Footloose that's Kevin Bacon and he pulls it off but that's just like we have Bully and like the Babe with Brains and all that like that guy and they tried really hard I think I think the James Brown thing is kind of just a weird whiff they tried to make him interesting and appealing but it's not the best part of the movie

1:18:17Bill Simmons:yeah it's like he's a nerd but then no nerd would be able to win a fight with Greg Tolan on the beach or do like the lunch scene so he's like a lurking not nerd he's like a loner but he's not he's like Christian Slater and Heather Christian Slater and Heathers. He doesn't have the Christian Slater riz. I just don't have a handle on this character at all, even after 50 watches. I was thinking, like, Andrew McCarthy, not to bring him up again, but, like, like, Andrew McCarthy in this role. Because he can do, he can do that, like, nermy guy with, like, but he has that cocaine gleam, as I like to say, about Andrew McCarthy.

1:18:52Kyle Brandt:But we're just dreamy. Like, especially, like, I love another 80s high school staple, The Makeover, when you go from totally geek to totally chic. Yeah. And she just combed his hair differently and put on, like, a vest and he was all of a sudden the coolest guy in school. He's handsome as hell. Do you feel like we were robbed of the montage, the makeover montage? Totally. Yeah, I agree. Totally. There should have been a montage and it's since the girls got something.

1:19:11Bill Simmons:Well, they were shopping at 7.15 in the morning before school. With the plastic. They didn't have the budget to go to the mall in Arizona. Are you an airborne guy in the movie Airborne?

1:19:22Kyle Brandt:No. Okay. No. Airplane and airheads, but not airborne. But not airborne? No. There's a great makeover montage. Yeah, Seth Green. It's really good.

1:19:30Bill Simmons:Ruffalo, Hannah Rubinick, Partridge overacting word. This is... How do you do this? I can't for this movie. No, you can. Okay, what do you got? I don't know if it's overacting or if it's underacting or if it's what is this acting, but the teacher is just insane in this movie. Oh, the journalistic teacher. The first one? And he's like, when he apologizes to her at the end, he's just, I don't know. The apology one is so weird because he's like, I'm shipping you and Rick. Are you guys going to be together? I can tell how you feel about him from your article. I'm going to come back to that. But like...

1:20:00Bill Simmons:It's just bizarre. It's super weird. Like, did he learn something? Maybe. But he was like, I can really tell that you care about that guy, Rick. Are you two kids going to work it out? Bizarre.

1:20:10Kyle Brandt:And she goes, how do you know that? And he's like this huge pause. He's like, I read your article. I read your article. Come on, man. Just say the line.

1:20:17Bill Simmons:Let's go to lunch. He's just bad. Yeah. All right, Joe, you have a flex. I'm doing the Vincent Chase Award. Are we sure this character is actually good at his job? Is Terry a good journalist? Oh. Yeah, what's our evidence that... I had that for my picking notes. I mean, because what is this... To go back to, I read your article. What is this article that she turned in? Like, ostensibly, it's about going undercover as a guy. She won this award. But, like, how much of this article is about this dreamy guy, Rick, that she has a crush on? Like, what is this...

1:20:53Kyle Brandt:It's fan fiction, it feels like. I feel like she won this so that people didn't get sued. I don't know. Like it's a bizarre thing and I have no evidence that she's a great writer.

1:21:01Bill Simmons:I'm really glad you brought this up because I was trying to think of like the premise of the piece. So was she trying to expose, like I had to do this because it's the only way I could enter a contest? No, it's because like people's reactions are like, I like what you said about like being yourself. And, you know, so it's like how nerds are treated or be yourself. I don't know. It's like a real think piece, like puff think piece. Why didn't we get to see it?

1:21:26Kyle Brandt:Why didn't they do like a mock version of the essay? What do you mean? At the end, when she's on the word processor, we see her lead. Yeah, oh, you have it? It's fucking horrible. What do you have? It starts with a question. Yeah. And she's like, have you ever wondered what it's like to be inside the guy's locker room? She goes, fate forced yours truly to be a teenage boy, exclamation point. It's the worst garbage you've ever read. It's terrible. Okay, so then we have our answer. This is your contest winner? Is Terry a good journalist? No. Well, I have another reason. The Arizona school system did not want to get sued or something like that.

1:21:58I have another reason to back you up.

1:22:00Bill Simmons:And I say this as somebody who was a two-fingered typist, but really fast. Oh, her typing sucks. I would be on airplanes typing and like the people in my, whatever, the person I sit next to was like, I can't believe you can type that fast. But I was just like, she, Joyce Heiser had never touched a word processor before. She's like... She's too busy dancing and being friends with Roseanne Arquette.

1:22:24Kyle Brandt:Randy, the worst lead ever. Yeah. I think the answer is she was probably a terrible jury. And you said to that person next to you on the plane, you're like, look, I'm trying to compare Pearl Jam's no code to Tracy McGrady. You try to type fast, right? Fucking awesome. Good for you. Type any way you want.

1:22:37Bill Simmons:The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. Which people have been clamoring for us to change it to the Rob Mahoney. Oh, yeah. Nirvana's bad, actually. Nirvana was bad. actually. Teen Spirit is bad, actually. I wouldn't disagree.

1:22:53Kyle Brandt:What was it before CR thinks that there was another one? Stephen A. Smith is what it was called. But the CR one's perfect. Yeah. Especially when you do a Harrison Ford movie like you guys just did and you get to ask CR if Luke Wilson could have carried What Lives Beneath.

1:23:05Bill Simmons:Well, then when Cameron, when Cameron Crowe without blinking in that seat was like, oh yeah, he definitely could have and like was like bought in. That was when we were like, oh man. CR thinks that Luke Wilson could have had like the whip and the hat and all that shit. Yeah, he could have done it all. That's unbelievable.

1:23:20Kyle Brandt:could have done it all. What do you have for At It's Take? Paul Thomas Anderson ripped off this movie for Boogie Nights. And it's a whole movie with a character and the character is hiding something and we're hearing about it and hearing about it. And at the end, the big fucking whip out in the last scene where you're like, whoa! I think Paul Thomas Anderson is a full horned dog. He saw this movie. He liked the reveal. He loved Tizer. Yes. And he inspired his reveal for Dirk Diggler to say I'm a star. I'm a star and pull it out in the dressing room. Him, Dirk, pulling it out. Wow. his Terry that's really good do you think do you think Paul Thomas Anderson and Warren Beatty were at the same screening of just one of the guys you know what I think Warren Beatty had a private screening oh you're right I really do but early on PT's more of a I rented it again and again because he wants to go to the wine like we all did of course there's like early on in Boogie Nights you see like close ups of like Dirk's crotch and it's like there's this bulge that he shows you kind of get that a little bit with Terry and I think it's that same shock effect in the pretty much the last moment of the movie when it's just out damn

1:24:18Bill Simmons:I'm almost in awe that take. It's great.

1:24:20Kyle Brandt:I think PT owes an apology. It's scorching. It's a scorching take.

1:24:24Bill Simmons:What do you have, Jo? I think Joyce Heiser should have had a bigger career. Not Harrison Ford level, but I think she had, and I think Debbie Mazur took Joyce Heiser's career. That's what I think.

1:24:38Kyle Brandt:What Debbie Mazur role do you see Joyce Heiser? Any of them, because like, she grew up in Queens. That sort of like real New York girl like attitude dude. Good fellas. I would have loved to have seen.

1:24:51Bill Simmons:I think the problem for her, there's a little Kurt Warner with her. Like, she was 26 in this movie. Yes, it's true. Stuffed football reference. No, I got it. But like, when she made this movie, she said she was offered other teen roles and she's like, I'm in my late 20s now. What can you give me? She said she auditioned for Brian De Palma for Body Double, I think. so when it, ooh, that would have been interesting. So when it should have happened for her, it was late 70s when she was like 21 and should have been laying the groundwork. She was on tour with Bruce. On tour with The Boss. Could she have been the De Mornay part in Risky Business?

1:25:26She says she almost got the Terry Gar role in Tootsie when Hal Ashby was directing Tootsie.

1:25:33Bill Simmons:See, I never know when to believe this. If I was an actor, I would say I almost got 20. I almost got any, yeah. She's only in movies

1:25:39Kyle Brandt:where people cross-dress like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's her niche. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about the De Mornay. I don't know. She goes pretty nuts in that part. I would not. What do you have for how to say? If she dresses down that garden, holy shit. No. What do you have for her to say? That's my thing. Joyce Heiser and Debbie Mayer. Oh, that's okay. Yeah, yeah. It's a lukewarm take.

1:25:56Bill Simmons:Mine is...

1:26:00Bill Simmons:Come on. Crow hop into it. I just think Jacoby in this movie, I think it's an all-time 80s comedy performance. I think it holds up. I was watching it with my fam, and I was laughing at every scene and the lines. And my wife at one point was like, you rarely laugh at movies like this. I don't know that. I was like, this kid just hits my... He's just going for it for an hour and a half and it fucking kills me every time. And I was trying to think of other movies in the 80s that make me... Like, Fletch does that for me even though I think we all know Chevy Chase is an asshole. Sure. Eddie Murphy in basically his first three movies, every scene he's in.

1:26:39Bill Simmons:But not to compare him to people like that, but he makes me laugh like that and I don't really have an explanation for it. Real ones know that the 80 comedy trio is Eddie Murphy, Chevy Chase, and David Jacoby.

1:26:50Kyle Brandt:David Jacoby. Not necessarily in that order either. You're right. Well, I was watching Meatballs. Top was Ann Talented. We just stand on Meatballs. It's fine.

1:26:56Bill Simmons:It's idiotic. It's not my thing. Bill Murray's kind of trying to do the, and I'm sure Billy Jacoby probably loved that movie, but Bill Murray's trying to be funny, but half the time it's not hitting. Jacoby's batting average is like 90 % in this movie. Every line, everything. I just, it's inexplicable. First of all, I think you should get Jacoby on the pod. he should know. It's not Billie Jean. I know. And secondly, I think you should single-handedly like resurrect this guy's career in a post-Milf manner kind of way. There's a reason we call it the hottest take category, but I really, I think his batting average in this movie, it would be like when you look at football and you look at the, like the highest QB ratings ever or something.

1:27:34Bill Simmons:Yeah. All the guys make sense and then there's this one random like, Dante Culpepper, what's he doing here? Yes, yes. That's what I think his stats would be. You'd be looking at the 80s moviereference.com and he'd be like yep Chevy Chase Eddie Murphy Billy Jacoby 92.7 you're like wow what is this

1:27:52Kyle Brandt:Aaron Brooks on the Saints got really hot for like six weeks incredible I just think the

1:27:56Bill Simmons:advanced metrics

1:27:57Kyle Brandt:loved him in this movie it's not enough to say that he's cooking this movie he's at fucking Benihana throwing shrimp into your mouth and doing the onion volcano and making the beating heart and catching the egg in his hat like he's doing all the tricks yeah it's so fun he's really good

1:28:10Bill Simmons:casting one ifs Jennifer Jason Lee went for the lead Heiser said she got it over. I don't think Jennifer Jason Leigh's right for that role. Do you want to see her as Terry?

1:28:21Kyle Brandt:No, I don't think so.

1:28:23Bill Simmons:Roner said he beat out James LeGrosse. Oh, that's from Point Break? That would have been much better. Roach? He's a good actor. He was the original Raylan Givens, the first one. Best that guy award? Probably Clayton Roner. I The One of the nerd guys

1:28:41Kyle Brandt:I know who you're saying. Ari Gross. Yeah, Ari Gross. Yes. Because he was on Ellen for like 900 years. You know what I think of Ari Gross? He's the guy in the opening scene of Minority Report who's going to kill his wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tom Cruise stops him and puts the cuff on him. Yeah. That guy was like, oh, I know him. Yeah. I don't know his name, but I do now.

1:28:57Bill Simmons:Clayton Runner 90210 episode. Which one? No. No. Which one? Dylan. When Dylan's drinking again, season five. Yeah. Oh, he's drinking hard, too. One of the best eight episode cycles in the history of television. Yeah, of course.

1:29:11Kyle Brandt:I love that, Dylan.

1:29:13Bill Simmons:Does, finally tries heroin and drives off a mountain, almost dies, and is in the hospital. Clayton Rohn or the doctor? Oh, really? Yeah. See, he's been at every show. Wow. Good for him. Throwing jabs at Dylan trying to wake him up. He's got a real 90210 face. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm surprised he wasn't in there more. DM Waiters Award, the Trekkies? Yeah. Or the guy with all the animals, the reptile.

1:29:33Kyle Brandt:Oh, reptile guy? Yeah. It's hard to pick one because Jacoby doesn't qualify and all the attention goes to him. But 80s nerds, I mean, we've talked about this before, but this era of what we think a nerd is is just such a funny capture time in a bottle.

1:29:47Bill Simmons:Yeah, now if somebody brought reptiles into high school, he'd probably be expelled. He has a lizard and iguana in the shower. But it's also like Trekkies don't think they're aliens from Mars. You know what I mean? It's just sort of like nerds were like the Saved by the Bell nerds. It's just like a different kind of thing. It's its own clownery. What do you have for recasting couch director? or City? Or you already did it? I would do City and I would put us in like LA.

1:30:14Kyle Brandt:Like Santa Monica? Yeah, Santa Monica. Okay. What do you have? For some reason in this category, my mind always goes to Fincher. I don't know why. David Fincher's just one of the guys? When Buddy finally has sex though, he has to do it with like a blade attached to his dick. It's just something absolutely disgusting and disturbing. I don't know what it is, but I always go to Fincher. I'd like to see his take on it. Okay.

1:30:35Bill Simmons:I was thinking could Patrick Dempsey have also been Rick in this movie. Like Ronnie? Yeah, like, did we need to go more nerdy where it was more rags to riches than Clayton Rohnert? Yeah, yeah. Everyone in this movie is too old. That's another issue. Except for Billy Jacoby, who's the perfect age. Yeah. But did we need somebody who was a more believable? All right, you want Dempsey. Or somebody of that ilk from that era.

1:30:58Kyle Brandt:Yeah. I like the Dempsey call. They do more work making him a nerd. He's a lawnmower boy. Right. He's actually mowing the lawn. I got one. Yeah. if you want to up the acting ability just a little bit on Joyce Sandra Bullock would be 19 when this movie came out absolutely not wow Sandra Bullock she can't pass as a guy Miss Congeniality what are you talking I mean like she has that tomboy nature to her that is like I feel like she's perfect for that her features though like I don't think her features pre-nose job Sandra she has it love potion number 9 allegedly yeah what about I mean Demise sit right there we know she likes the short haircut no way the G.I.J.

1:31:34Kyle Brandt:22 years old she definitely has the hair Right off St. Elmo's Fire, Demi Moore.

1:31:39Bill Simmons:Come on. It's pretty good. What do you have for your flex? I did the, it's the book about metals exchange. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sleeping with my mom's friend and no one acknowledged that.

1:31:48Kyle Brandt:I'm glad you brought that up. Imagine this movie, we don't mention that. Isn't it? We both just looked at each other like, what did he just say? Yeah.

1:31:55Bill Simmons:Half-East Runner Research. We covered most of this. The original title was I Was a Teenage Boy. Right. I got to get rid of that. That was the name of the article, right? We have, yes. And we talked about... The award-winning article, Greg, please. The Ralph Macchio thing. That's what they were going for. Right. Clayton Rohnert is still upset about that they didn't use his fall over the fence, that they used the stunt double. He didn't think it was good enough. He said he did one himself. That was really good. How many Clayton Rohnert interviews did you read? He did a lot of interviews. I know.

1:32:26Bill Simmons:He did really get done on that. You went really deep on Rohnert. You're getting Clayton Rohnert

1:32:29Kyle Brandt:in street fights for the rest of your life.

1:32:31Bill Simmons:He also said that every time it showed on cable, they would get 17 cents and it paid well for a while. Great. Yeah, the director said she got fat residual checks for a long time. And then Paramount prevented them from being called Trekkies, the Trekkies. So they were Trekkies but not actually saying they were Trekkies. Kirkland brand Trekkies.

1:32:52Kyle Brandt:I get it. And then

1:32:54Bill Simmons:Billy Jane was, I'm just going to read this quote. This is from like 10 years ago. Okay. After the thing Joe saw, the whatever, when they all got together. he said i started thinking of the sequel we had a couple drinks that night got a little hammered now i know i came up with a great one but don't know if anyone wrote it down talking about his idea she goes into a newspaper thing and zapka comes back and he's gonna buy out the paper and now she has to go back undercover and do something and the next next thing he says is i have three ex-wives like to to basically say like hey i come up with weird ideas but i'm a mess So he ends that pitch with, I have three ex-wives.

1:33:36Okay, so.

1:33:37Bill Simmons:Billy Jacoby.

1:33:38Kyle Brandt:What a great, he still got it. He still got it. At that panel. Yeah. They introduce everyone before the screening. Yeah. So that's on the video. He's not there. And then they do the screening. And then they're like, hey, it was there. And he walks in with like a scotch in his hand. So.

1:33:54Bill Simmons:Oh, really? Yeah. Might have been an action pack 30 years for him. Yeah. So, you know, three ex-wives and I get blackout drunk at a 30th anniversary screening. I've heard worse. I've heard worse. Milk Manor time. I don't know. Sounds like we might have to give him a ringer podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jacoby.

1:34:10Kyle Brandt:Jacoby and Jacoby?

1:34:11Bill Simmons:Yeah, Jacoby versus Jacoby. Jacoby, though. Yeah. That's really good. Apex Mountain. Every actor in the movie and the director. Not Sherilyn Fenn. Not Sherilyn Fenn. Not Sherilyn Fenn. Not Sherilyn Fenn. Every actor but Sherilyn Fenn. Yeah.

1:34:25Kyle Brandt:What's fun about the movie is they're all kind of no names. There's no one coming in, really, where you're like, oh, that guy's carrying. I didn't know any of these people. But the movie would have a different legacy if like Downey's in it. You know, Sheryl and John is here, that's your point, but it's like Downey's randomly here or something like that. You're like, oh my God, have you seen that?

1:34:43Bill Simmons:Downey as Rick. Downey as Rick? Very different energy. Different energy. Apex Mountain, 80s high school movies. I'd love to say yes, but no. Funny teenage boy characters in 80s movies, yes. Jacobi's. Wait, wait, wait. Funny teenage boys. This is number one? This is the best teenage boy in an 80s movie? Funniest. Have you not been listening? He loves this guy.

1:35:10Kyle Brandt:Yeah, he's much funnier than Ferris Bueller. Ferris Bueller's a good one. But he's not funnier than Buddy. He's a cooler guy. I mean, I wouldn't put him at Apex Mountain, but it's just like, this is Bill's thing. This is your guy.

1:35:24Bill Simmons:Well, I love him, but I don't want to put him above Ferris. But in Funniest, he's funnier than Ferris. Ferris is a leading man and cooler. Batting average is higher. Oh, yeah. What about Jacobi's? So our nominees are Jacoby Jones and the Ravens, who got the famous pass. Dave Jacoby, Jacoby Brissett, or Jacoby Ellsbury. What about Jacoby, Jacoby, and Myers? Or is that just like, well, yeah, the law firm. Jacoby, Myers. Yeah, yeah. Jacoby Ellsbury was like a five tool.

1:35:50Kyle Brandt:Jacoby Ellsbury is pretty good. I like that one. Jacoby Jones had a kick return in the Super Bowl right before the blackout for a touchdown. That's a pretty big moment. And he's no longer with us. I'm gonna say Dave Jacoby I will also say Dave Jacoby based on the like wall of text like all caps rants that we get from him on whatever TV show he's currently watching yeah

1:36:12Bill Simmons:Cruz or Hanks it's Cruz which part Rick Greg Tolan yeah

1:36:22Kyle Brandt:I'd like to see Cruz in those gloves yeah the gloves lifting tables lighten that losing it fit era where he's making bad choices of the high school movies. I wrote down either Cruise as Zabka or I wrote Hanks as Buddy.

1:36:34Bill Simmons:Sure. What about Hanks

1:36:36Kyle Brandt:as Rick?

1:36:40Kyle Brandt:Rick is dreamy. Tom Hanks is not dreamy. He's a lot of things. I think he should be kind of dreamy.

1:36:44Bill Simmons:You good with Cruise? Yeah. Scorsese or Spielberg? Scorsese. Scorsese. I want to see Martin Scorsese. Just like you want to see Fincher is just one of the guys. I want to see Martin Scorsese is just one of the guys.

1:36:56Kyle Brandt:I think it has to be I can't have Spielberg close to this much sex. Yeah. He would take Buddy and instead of being obsessed with boobs, he'd be like, Buddy's into dinosaurs. It would suck. Yeah. Too much sex for Spielberg. So for Scorsese, we're not having brewskis after school. We're doing coke. Yeah. The college boyfriend's

1:37:12Bill Simmons:definitely doing bumps. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like, where's Terry? Yes. I appreciate all the casual high school beer drinking.

1:37:21Kyle Brandt:They get home after the day like they're like a 45-year-old construction worker. He's like, yeah, you want a beer? Yeah. We're not having Sunny D. we're having a brewski. It's like a Tuesday. You want a beer? Yeah. No, I'm at soccer practice. I can't have a beer. What are you talking about? I got homework. It's a brewski.

1:37:35Bill Simmons:New category. Uh-oh. Here we go. Best hang, worst hang. Best hang in the movie, worst hang in the movie. I think we know your answer for best hang. I think Terry's a pretty good hang. When Terry comes home drunk from the cave and she sees her shitty boyfriend there and she goes, bummer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good. She goes upstairs, she comes down and she's all drunk because she's like, hey. I have worst hanged Terry's boyfriend. Kevin. Kevin who just like shows. Kevin who shows up and just drinks wine with her 15-year-old brother who's doing his algebra homework and trying to hit on a girl.

1:38:09Bill Simmons:What's this guy's deal? He's in college and he's like 30. I know, I know. He's a terrible character. And what college is he going to? Is he going to like ASU? Lee McCloskey who plays Kevin. You know his name. He has been on a bunch of soap operas like every soap opera. He looks like it. Santa Barbara, Dallas but also General Hospital multiple times days of our lives. But if you go to his Wikipedia page it's just all about how he's a visual artist. Like he has clearly done a hard edit on his own Wikipedia page. And it's all about how he's a visual artist and all of his credits and then at the bottom you get his like filmography.

1:38:42Kyle Brandt:Oh really? But it's just like a couple paragraphs of like Sources not verified I bet. It's all his ass changing it. Alright it's fine. I want to see you know when you go to IMDB I just think that he tried to bury like just one of the guys or whatever.

1:38:53Bill Simmons:And here we are talking about it. Every other person in that movie it's like the top of their Wikipedia. Yeah, best known, best known for this. So when you go to his IMDb and they do the known for? Yeah. Which almost should be a category for us.

1:39:08Kyle Brandt:Known for. Four movies. Well, remember you used to do the Hall of Fame plaque? Like that was the category. Known for is basically that. Because it's basically there. Doug Benson used to do that. It's your IMDb Mount Rushmore.

1:39:16Bill Simmons:So for him, it's Inferno, Star Trek Voyager, one episode. Just one of the guys and Star Trek Deep Space Nine, one episode. No, but see, that's the thing is like, it's with love and respect to all algorithms no IMDB's top four because it should be Dallas he was like a recurring on Dallas and he was on a million episodes of Santa Barbara so I never watched those shows but like it shouldn't be one episode of Star Trek Voyager for this guy Life Goes On Jake and the Fat Man Life Goes On Dallas Hamburger the motion picture Love Boat five episodes put five different Love Boat characters incredible stuff there's a fucking movie

1:39:55Kyle Brandt:call it hamburger?

1:39:56Bill Simmons:Fall guy, heart to heart, Buck Rogers. This guy was cranking it. Yeah. Great job by him. Great job by Lee McCloskey. Picket nets. Here we go. So why was Terry with the college guy? What was it about him? Oh, status. Right? Just he had a car? Why was she dating like the quarterback? Why was Elle Woods with her shitty boyfriend at the beginning of Legally Blonde?

1:40:19Kyle Brandt:I thought you were dating when she was a junior and he was a senior. You think he went to the high school? You continued dating. Yeah. You think he went to her high school? I do, yeah. But I actually think she was like a freshman and he was a senior. Maybe. You know, like that. Well, listen, she's sophisticated and smart. Yeah, or a sixth grader. Everything's in play with this movie. With this movie, you don't know.

1:40:38Bill Simmons:All right, we got to talk about it. So, Terry, it's April. Senior year. It's like two weeks. Nobody's talking about college. Right, right. And she just leaves school. For two weeks and enrolls in a different school. And goes to the other high school, which by the way seems like it's about four minutes away from this high school nobody knows her nobody in the other high school knows her even though she's obviously one of the most attractive person the other high school is a guy just enrolls right away takes classes is there for two weeks and then leaves and just goes back to the other high school how does she register at the attendance office maybe just skip gym

1:41:16Kyle Brandt:you know you don't have to go yeah who cares what are they gonna do do you feel like they should have made buddy like a Ferris Bueller like I can change the school records from my computer at home kind of guy.

1:41:26Bill Simmons:Don't the parents have to sign off? Of course. All of that. She just makes it seem like she's switching tires or something. It's preposterous. So it's really about as...

1:41:38Kyle Brandt:She treats it like she's going to a different mall in the next town. You can't do that.

1:41:41Bill Simmons:Now granted, we're in a world where the movies that came out just in this vicinity, Breakfast Club, Emilio Estevez shatters all the glass by screaming when they're dancing in the gym. weird science that make a girl out of a computer it's not it's not like we were realistic all over the place here ferris bueller nothing that happened ferris bueller's leading the he's on the parade yeah so it's like we were bending it here we're all thinking it when we're watching

1:42:07Kyle Brandt:it like hold on how does she get registered at that school that doesn't make sense she needs a hacker friend one singular yeah the hacker friend nine times that scene where ferris Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you're talking about. Yeah.

1:42:19Bill Simmons:Why did Buddy Dimer out to the boyfriend?

1:42:22Kyle Brandt:He comes and he's like, I'm going to kill you.

1:42:24Bill Simmons:And she's like, all right, I'm going to tell you, but you got to take me. Like, he's been so loyal to helping her with the story. And then he just folds. No, but he likes chaos. Because sometimes, like, he just lets Sherilyn Fenn in. You know what I mean? Like, he likes some chaos.

1:42:35Kyle Brandt:So he knows there's dressed up girls at the prom and just wants to go, basically. Yeah. Because notice, he shows up to the prom in his tuxedo t-shirt. Oh, my God. Like, he's fishing a barrel there. But also, Kevin's going, you can tell me now or tell me in the hospital. Like it's a pretty big threat. So I think Billy or Buddy finally, finally falls. Okay. Great line delivery there on Kevin too. I love when he was like, she's like telling away in the car. He's like, I've tried that. He doesn't enjoy waiting in cars. There's a whole comedy. What other nitpicks do you have? I understand that they're trying to make Terry thoughtful and intellectual.

1:43:05Kyle Brandt:There's no high school senior girl who has a giant poster of Ernest Hemingway. What are we doing here? It has huge, huge scenery. it's like one of these places Bill one of these posters here but huge and Hemingway looks pissed and like old and bald like it's just it's a terrible terrible poster terrible I agree and that wouldn't be Terry's idol anyway you would have she mentions Woodward and Bernstein like could we have a Woodward and Bernstein poster she has Springsteen

1:43:29Bill Simmons:you would have Duran Duran she has all that shit yeah it would be all that stuff

1:43:34Kyle Brandt:this is also Apex Mountain right now for like high school posters like Ferris famously has the Simple Minds poster it's so cool come on with the Hemingway enough enough

1:43:42Bill Simmons:Yeah, Weird Science we had that too. There were good posters. Great posters. Anything for you, nitpicks? Beyond the entire premise of the movie, no. Nobody from the other high school knowing Terry is a kind of a good nit. Yeah. I just feel like she's... This is not... She's not in like Phoenix. We don't know how close... Like Sherilyn Fenn trailed her. We don't know for how long. Right?

1:44:09Kyle Brandt:But the people at the other school, they do know Terry, but Terry is a girl to them. They buy completely that this is some dude. They don't think it's... But wouldn't the people

1:44:16Bill Simmons:in her high school be like, where's Terry? Has she been kidnapped? Yeah. Do you think her teachers would be like... Do you think her teacher was like, you should be a model? He's like, huh, I wonder if it was because I said you should be a model. She just disappeared for the next two weeks. Terry went to do porn in California. She's gone. Sequel, prequel, prestige, TBL, black cast are untouchable. Clearly, this is an untouchable. Do you know about Just One of the Girls?

1:44:40Kyle Brandt:No. So there's a direct-to-video, Corey Haim and Nicole Eggert film. All right, you got my attention. How did I not see this? Called Just One of the Girls, and then it was renamed Anything for Love. But it's not an actual, but he, Corey Haim dresses a girl to be on the cheerleading team, I think it is, or something like that. I think I blocked this out in my mind. And he gets with Nicole Eggert again. I feel like I've seen this. Blown away, that type of era. I've never heard of this movie. 1993. Direct-to-video, Just One of the Girls.

1:45:12Bill Simmons:direct to video say no more yes direct to video Corey Haim 1993 say no more well blown away which is pretty pushed in the envelope not the Tommy Lee Jones one no that one the other one yeah but has a Corey Feldman performance that is in the running for one of the funniest performances anyone's ever done is Nicole Eggert the queen of direct Kyle knows is Nicole Eggert he is out of his mind in that movie is there anyone in the 90s more direct to video than Nicole Eggert like

1:45:40Kyle Brandt:Corey Haim Nicole Eggert is one of my goats yeah the queen of the direct video I almost want you to watch

1:45:48Bill Simmons:blown away with Corey Haim and Nicole Eggert just for first of all it has to be on Tubi yes I watched an entire movie the other night with Helen Slater from Legend of Billie Jean Supergirl Billy Zane and it was like and there was one other person in it but it was like Billy Zane is a doctor and she falls for him, but bad stuff started. It's basically like a Lifetime movie. You watched the whole thing. And it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. And it was written by Robbie Benson and his wife. Ah. Yeah. The voice of the beast himself? Yeah. Robbie Benson? Yeah. Wow. And it was...

1:46:27Bill Simmons:Look at you. It was just really, really terrible. I just want to point that out. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins or 40 other people? Kyle always has something here.

1:46:36Kyle Brandt:I struggled really hard. Yeah. I was trying to find one. I have. You know what happened? What happened? And I listened to the What Lies Beneath podcast. Yeah. And CR gave us Fergie the Florist. And I'm like, I fucking love this. I think Fergie the Florist is the editor of the newspaper. And the article is so successful that he wants her to do another one. And she's like, no, I'm not doing that anymore. And he looks at her and he goes, you're going to do this for me? Or I'm going to clip your tits like I clipped your mummy. If there's a heaven, Terry, she ain't in it. that's so fucking CR thank you so much for bringing Fergie the florist to this pod I'm laughing out loud listening to him do what lies beneath and I had nothing for this category and this is one of my categories and I'm like fucking Fergie as the editor just cutting roses and grading papers and doing newspapers and he wants to do it again and that's why Terry's mom is gone she's actually in deep with Fergie the florist it's just been a whole terrible thing that happened that's what I want I thought for sure

1:47:32Bill Simmons:you were going to go Tony Romo there well Jim she's going to try to be a guy in the Lillard High School, but it's going to be hard, Jim. We'll see if she can do it. Just one Oscar, who gets it? Not only is Billy Jacoby the answer. Of course. I looked at the best actor in a supportive role. Did you look it up? Yes. I did. Fuck yes. Don Amici wins for Cocoon. We have William Hickey for Pritzy's Honor. Robert Loggia for Jagged Edge. How does he get nominated for that? Have you seen Jagged Edge? Robert Loggia.

1:48:02Kyle Brandt:No, I've not seen Jagged Edge.

1:48:04Bill Simmons:Eric Roberts for Runaway Train and Klaus Maria Brandauer for Out of Africa. I feel like that category is wide open.

1:48:10Kyle Brandt:When's the Pritzy's Honor pod? When are we doing that? I would love to do Pritzy's Honor. But by the way, Cocoon, put some respect on Cocoon. Yeah, Cocoon's good.

1:48:20Bill Simmons:Of course. But I just, you know, my guy. Don Amici winning is... Don Amici winning is... Can you imagine a Jacoby? That felt like a career win, though. Thanks for your service, Don Amici. Here's an Oscar. Unanswerable questions. so she goes back to the other high school yeah they let her like make up her work like how does that how does that part work I mean as far as I can tell the only class she went to is PE so I don't know but she's so smart she's a really good journalist so I'm sure she could just just crush it

1:48:51Kyle Brandt:have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a boy you gotta go back and see that lead if you really like this movie it's horrific really tough Carrie Bradshaw would never any other

1:49:02Bill Simmons:any other inansibles no okay what piece of memorabilia

1:49:07Kyle Brandt:would you want or not want Billy's Billy's Zabka bullying gloves I want them so fucking bad Bill you go through those websites sometimes if you find those gloves can you please get them for me I had Greg Tolan's

1:49:19Bill Simmons:fight gloves come on baby so after the movie I asked my son what should be my answer for this category and he's like what do you mean the gloves I couldn't believe I even asked They're so great. I'm going with the tube socks, though. I think it's the, if you were like, these are the tube socks. Probably would wash them. From just one of the guys. The tube socks.

1:49:39Kyle Brandt:And they're huge. The biggest tube socks I've ever seen.

1:49:42Bill Simmons:Coach Finstock Award, which is now the Coach Finstock Mr. Miyagi Award for best or worst life lesson. I went with, it's okay to transfer schools, dress up like a boy, and ruin multiple lives just to win a newspaper contest would be the lesson. and I don't know if that's a good one or a bad one. Whose life was ruined? Don't you feel like everyone had some personal growth? I would say Greg Tolan's life might have been ruined. I think he got back together with Debra.

1:50:09Kyle Brandt:He got back together with the prom queen? Yeah. I think Bruce Springsteen's life was ruined because he lost her to Warren Beatty after this movie. Tough. And you're never going back. Tough.

1:50:18Bill Simmons:Yeah, that's true. Well, I was, because I just saw that Bruce Springsteen movie with the bear when he plays short Bruce Springsteen. short Bruce Springsteen. Starring the bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:50:30Kyle Brandt:I was a... Tiny Bruce Springsteen.

1:50:33Bill Simmons:He's Tiny Bruce. The bear himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's all about how he wrote Nebraska. But he was dating our girl Joyce during this, allegedly, from the research. No one plays Joyce in the Bruce Springsteen movies? That'd be awesome. Nobody plays Joyce.

1:50:47Kyle Brandt:I've not seen it. I just, I think that in this movie, the coach Vince, like, the gym coach, the bowler guy, is, like, store brand coach Finstock. Like, he's kind of doing some of the same thing. But I mean, listen, horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime. It's like, sew that on a pillow. Like, that's incredible. Yeah, you're right. Can I offer mine? All balls itch. It's a fact. Fucking awesome. That is a good life lesson. It's just important to know.

1:51:11Bill Simmons:What do you have for double feature choice? Would you go She's the Man? We have the same, don't we?

1:51:16Kyle Brandt:I think we do. Yeah, we do. It's Soul Man. Here we go. We finally landed on Soul Man. It's see Tom's how on Soul Man.

1:51:25Bill Simmons:Van's been pushing for Soul Man for a while. Problematic things you do for academic pursuits. I don't even think it's streaming. They buried it. I think it's one of those where Thomas Howe is like, I'm going to use half of my savings to get rid of this.

1:51:39Kyle Brandt:Can I tell you something once? Years ago, I got to meet Thomas Howe. We met him on a TV show. Comes down as a guest. And Nate Burleson and I at the time were like, oh my God, we got to talk to you about Soulman off the air. Because like, holy shit. And he was obviously like kind of embarrassed and down. it but he's like i will tell you one thing everybody in that fucking town wanted that role and every single actor of my age fought for it and wanted it and when i got that role it was a huge huge deal and then it became what it became but he was he kind of shook his head a little bit but didn't make the point that like i got it but all these other guys who don't get asked about that movie wanted it badly and guys who are still major movie stars to this day so i kind of respected that uh yeah i will just say that i believe comedy central like legitimately did do double feature.

1:52:25Because Soul Man ran on Comedy Central in the 90s. Yes. I had this written down too.

1:52:30Kyle Brandt:Craig, do you know what Soul Man is? Do you know the premise? The Blackface movie? Yes. Yeah, that's all I know about it. It's C. Thomas Howe needs a scholarship. I don't think Blackface movie is giving you enough credit. Yeah. It's harsh. It's skipping over. It's harsh. Because we were doing a lot of body swap, right? And then in this movie we do gender swap. Mm-hmm. And then they're like, just fuck it, full race swap. Yeah. And it's, Julie Louis-Dreyfus is in it. Yeah. James Earl Jones is like the airway professor. Yeah, Radon. It's like, it's a disaster. I saw it in the theater. You did? You wouldn't saw it?

1:52:59Bill Simmons:I mean, I think a lot of people did. I mean, I saw everything in the theater. But yeah, it was, it was, it was very, the trailer was good for it. It was like, people were like, oh, this will be really funny. It was like, it's the 80s. My only other non, if C. Thomas Howell has successfully destroyed every copy of Soul Man. I know.

1:53:18Kyle Brandt:Such a good movie. What about Summer School? Mark Harmon, Summer School. I love that movie. Summer School's fantastic. Love it. Mr. Shoup? That's on your list. Chainsaw and Bob. It is on my list. You know, I was thinking about the Trekkie nerds and stuff like that. It's just very summer school. Chainsaw and Dave. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:53:34Bill Simmons:I had Can't Buy Me Love because it takes us from one side of the mid-'80s to the other. We go from 85 to 87 with basically the same kind of premise. And then Can't Buy Me Love 80s movies end with Can't Buy Me Love. Then we move into the late-'80s and it just gets different and weird.

1:53:50Kyle Brandt:And it's come up a lot on this pod. I broke the rule of this category. I'm just going to do a quadruple feature because in April of 85, all four of these movies were in theaters at the same time. Just one of the guys. Girls just want to have fun, which I love. Yeah. The Sure Thing and The Breakfast Club. That's in April of 85. Wow.

1:54:09Bill Simmons:See, this is why my generation rules. One thing that they love to brag about, the people who made this film, is that when it came out, there was no ad money for it from Columbia. because they put all their money behind the John Travolta disaster, Perfect. And Perfect absolutely tanked. And just one of the guys didn't do super well, but it like won the box office. And they were like, Columbia did not support us at all. They put all their money on this shitty John Travolta movie and it failed and we won. So that's their bragging rights. We beat Perfect. Is Perfect the one where he's doing the aerobics?

1:54:41Yeah, the thrusting. Great gifts on Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:54:44Bill Simmons:When you call him Perfect shitty, it really hurt my feelings. I'm so sorry, dude. I've been talking about it. I don't. He's a journalist again, right? Just like this movie. I think it's another drama that's now a comedy movie. Okay. It's in the Regarding Henry area. Okay, well, I love and defend Regarding Henry, so I will stand with you on this island. It's now a hilarious movie to rewatch, and it has one of the funniest closing credits sequences that they didn't realize was funny. It's each of them doing aerobics, and they show them one at a time, and they're doing this online. Yeah, it's like...

1:55:15Bill Simmons:What's the premise? And it's not, it's unironic. What's the premise in Perfect that matches the premise of Regarding Henry, which is having a traumatic brain injury can make you nice? Which is the premise of one of my favorite Harrison Ford films regarding Henry. In Perfect, I haven't seen it in a while, but he falls in love with Jamie Lee Curtis, who's an aerobic instructor who blew the whistle on like her swimming coach and then wanted to like live a peaceful life as an aerobics instructor. Travolta is doing a thing about aerobics. as a new single scene, right? As the new single scene. Rolling Stone decides this isn't sexy enough.

1:55:52Bill Simmons:We need more. What about this girl? And they put the whole sex scandal thing in there, in it. He doesn't know about it. And he ends up, her life gets destroyed. And that's kind of the movie. Okay. With a lot of like uncomfortable eye contact. And then he quits Rolling Stone and yells at Jan Wenner who's playing himself. Really? Jan Wenner plays himself in that movie? Jan Wenner plays himself. Okay, I'll watch. I'm in. I'm in. It's drama that's now a comedy. I'm in. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. Just when I thought it was out. And then at the end, well, it has one of those things where they write the scene and they take his notes and they write a much worse story about.

1:56:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and it's really mean. So then it has all the people reading the story and getting bummed out. Right. And then he feels bad about that. Jamie Lee Curtis won't talk to him. It's really bad. Like, it's like career. Like, Gervonta's career was the same for nine years after the movie. Jesus.

1:56:45Kyle Brandt:like predator credits, like what the hell is this that I'm watching?

1:56:48Bill Simmons:And it's also like Rolling Stone thinking

1:56:50Kyle Brandt:this would be good for us.

1:56:52Bill Simmons:We should do this. We should show Jan Wenner. This is like why the 80s were so great. Everyone was just doing cocaine and something with bad ideas. Making bad decisions. Who won the movie?

1:57:02Kyle Brandt:Billy Jacoby. Billy Jacoby. I think Billy Jacoby and Warren Beatty. Here we go. I think Bill said before we started recording, Craig, if you don't like this movie, I'm making you leave my house immediately. Go on. look I can respect time and place I can respect 14 year old horny Kyle and Bill loving this and there's no internet in 1985 or 1990 or wherever you saw this movie and it meant a lot to you and that's what you took with it for the rest of your life and now you look back on it fondly I like the movie accepted I don't think there's any nudity in that movie but Joanna thought it's terrible but I saw it when I was 12 I just had to get one the movie you love is terrible in I owe you what do you want me to say he was never gonna like this movie I did

1:57:48Bill Simmons:was Liz horrified? we both thought it was terrible

1:57:52Kyle Brandt:when Craig starts his dissertation with look you're fucked you're fucked I don't even blame you you weren't there and I think that's just what it is it has to be that way there's a generational there's generational blinders on and it's meant to be that way that's the point

1:58:07Bill Simmons:how did you think about the reveal scene? were you surprised?

1:58:10Kyle Brandt:yeah what's funny is 10 seconds before it in that scene I was like, whip him out. Like, that's the only way you're going to convince him. Do it. And she literally did it. And Liz and I were like, oh my God. Wow, you called the shot. I yelled, whip him out. And she did. I think you're going to think about it for a long time and it's going to grow on you. I mean, if she's wearing a bra on that scene or if it's shot from behind, this movie is completely irrelevant, right? I think that's right. Except for Billy Jacoby's award-winning performance.

1:58:37Bill Simmons:Did you enjoy Billy Jacoby? No, I thought he was boring. I thought he was terrible.

1:58:41Kyle Brandt:Really? Across the board, they're all bad in this movie. here's what I'll say Zabka's good I actually think he's good Zabka's good I think Zabka's good interesting I think everyone else is rough you thought Jacoby you didn't think the horniest character ever was funny no I just thought I think there's a certain cheesiness that some of these 80s movies have that the line delivery I think all three of you delivered every line from the movie way better than any character here's my prediction Bill there's never going to be a movie that Kyle and I both want to do that Craig is gonna like I like sneakers you didn't like sneakers I liked it enough Don't rewrite history.

1:59:15Kyle Brandt:Don't indulge us, Horl Beck. Don't rewrite history, Greg. This movie, 100 minutes, right? 100 minutes? 100 minutes. Craig, you know that now that you have changed me, that I used to go and look up a movie. I forgot to put Century Club in there. It was exactly 100 minutes. 100 minutes. That should have been your flex. I used to look at the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Now the first thing I look at is the Ren Time because of you. I call it the Beck effect. And it's like, you have changed the way I look at movies, dude. It's unbelievable. Ren Time, box office, yeah. That's what you gotta do. I also thought Terry, Liz and I were both like, Terry looks like Michael Jackson in this movie.

1:59:43Kyle Brandt:Terry looks like Michael Jackson. Yes, Terry. Late stage speed racer Michael Jackson. No, boy Terry looks like a young, white Michael Jackson. I mean, I'm trying to make it work. And we couldn't stop seeing it. She's in the loose tie, which we never talked about. Why is she in a tie the whole movie? I love it. You guys were at home talking, saying that Terry looks like Michael Jackson? Yeah. Elvis Costello. She's doing Costello. Yeah, they did say that. Elvis Costello. I don't know.

2:00:05Bill Simmons:I'll be interested to see what the public thinks of this choice of a movie. I know I was excited for it. Kyle just brought it up.

2:00:10Kyle Brandt:Sure thing. I love this. That's my favorite movie we did in 2025, Sure Thing. Came out a month before this. Thought it was fantastic. Bill, everyone's going to be so baffled why we did this movie. You know that to be true. You think? I heard the people at Netflix warn in unless you did just one of the guys. Bill, we love the pod, but you got to do it. By the way, the corrupting influence of Ted Sarandos. By the way,

2:00:30Bill Simmons:this is why we snuck it in right before the Netflix movie.

2:00:34Kyle Brandt:My generation has been robbed of, like Kyle, you saying that this was the first time you saw boobs. Ever. And it was like on the big screen, you like trying to pause it. I don't have a memory of the first time I saw it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like somebody pulled up some weird website on their iPod Touch and showed me it. And I was like, okay.

2:00:50Bill Simmons:I have some good news for this movie, by the way. Available on Tubi. Awesome. Tubi, Tubi. Of course they have it. Yeah. It's right next to Legend of Billie Jean on Tubi.

2:01:00Kyle Brandt:Is that true? Yeah. I was on my flight yesterday watching it on Tubi. Kyle Tubied on a plane. I've never Tubied on a plane. The Delta Wi-Fi worked great. It was no problem at all. We should start doing polls. We should do, I want to do generational polls. I wish I could like see the age, like when this flips. The demographics. Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think I'm on the right side of history. I think if I took anybody under 35 and had them watch this movie for the first time, I feel confident they would side with me. But maybe I'm wrong. I think that's fair. I think that's true. Yeah. I don't disagree.

2:01:28There was no way you were ever going to like this movie. And I'm not mad at you. It's a moment in time.

2:01:34Bill Simmons:Well, next week's movie is a little more highly regarded. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's regarding Henry? No. Oh, I thought that was with your choice of words. Oh, we have one more. Yeah, right, right, right. Oh, yeah. There's one more we got to squeeze in and then we have the first Netflix one that's going to be a big one. One more pre-Netflix squeeze in. One more. What are you doing, Bill? No, it's... You might as well just tease it. It's going to be on Wednesday. We're doing another... Van and Chris and I are doing another 48 hours. It's a special... Awesome. It's the sequel that frustrates me the most and I've seen it...

2:02:05Bill Simmons:Should you call this What the Hell January? It could be. It's Dumpuary. Because 48 Hours is your favorite movie, right? The original. Yeah, it's probably the one I've seen the most. And then the sequel I was incredibly excited about. And it's just so frustrating. So we're going to talk about our frustrating world. That'll be Wednesday's rewatchable. What do we care?

2:02:26Kyle Brandt:The Redevil Wears Prada. Like, when's that? Because I'm ready for that too, baby.

2:02:29Bill Simmons:We just watched it. Ben had never seen it. And he was fascinated that I made it number one on my most rewatchables list. And we watched it. He thought it was a good movie. It is. It's a great movie. It's, I think, appeals to all people.

2:02:42Kyle Brandt:Yeah, I don't know anybody who doesn't like that movie. Yeah. Vinny Chase, too. There's all kinds of stuff to talk about.

2:02:48Bill Simmons:Yeah. I don't know what happened to you. Will you have a career? I don't know. He's kind of like Terry in this movie playing a guy. Is he a chef in Devil Wears Prada? Yeah. Yeah, there's one point he asked Anne halfway for a mercy. He made her grilled cheese, and he's like really mad. Joanna, pleasure. Kyle, great to see you. As always, thank you for my t-shirt. Of course.

2:03:14We'll see you next time.

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