‘The Italian Job’ With Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Van Lathan

21:09Bill Simmons:he uses a worm line at the end when he says whatever he says whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart that's right it's literally one of worm's lines arounders I think he's just like fuck it I'm just gonna openly be worm I wonder if anyone's ever asked him did he just say I can't believe I have to be in this movie I'm just gonna be worm but by all accounts the other actors were like it's not like he refused to come out of his trailer or anything it's just that he was like You guys have me for a month. Let's do it. He did have a quote after. My real fan should give this a miss. Okay. It would be funny if CR, we did a rewatch.

21:49Bill Simmons:CR just tweeted that out. Italian job. My real fan should give this a miss. All the CR heads. Take this one off. I'll say this. This goes back to, because you're right. This goes back. You're right. When they were talking about it, they said that he had all these ideas with the character. He came in, he was totally engaged. The reality is, if an actor of his caliber... Those ideas were used on rounders. Exactly. An actor of his caliber, if he's not... What if he's a poker player? If he's not totally locked in, there's just no way over the course of an entire film for him to camouflage that. Well, when we did Domestic Disturbance, we talked about how Travolta was really engaged for about two-thirds of the movie, and then the last 30 minutes, you could just see the life leaving his body.

22:33At any given point in Domestic Disturbance, every actor except for the kid realizes we're out of here

22:40Bill Simmons:and Ed Norton I think the first 20 minutes in the first 20 minutes of this movie is spectacular and I think he's into it but it feels like by the end I mean how can you have a bad time in Venice and the Alps like you just be like this is pretty cool near the end they're like alright Ed you're meeting that helicopter just try to look evil you're gonna be facing Wahlberg this is the scene that to me really underscores this is the cable girl scene where she walks in there in uniform looking at the peak of Charlize that we've ever seen and he has to try to convince us that he's trying to hit. Yeah.

23:19And it's just not coming off at all. It doesn't seem like he's really into it. She looks as beautiful in this movie as she's ever looked. We're dealing with her in her peak form. And he just, in the scene, I'm watching it, I'm like... He does ask out his cable guy within one minute. He does, but it don't seem like he want to do it. It seemed like Paramount made him do it. Well, I think that I'll make a defense for that, which is that that character doesn't really want anything. Like, that's the problem is like when he gets the gold, he's like, I just bought everything that you guys wanted. He moved to Los Feliz.

23:51Yeah. He got the gold. He moved to Los Feliz. Like, he didn't get the gold and go to like Antigua or Marados

23:58Bill Simmons:and stuff like that. Statham, he's handsome Rob in this movie. It hadn't really happened for him 100 % yet. He'd done Lockstock, right? He'd bounced in some stuff. He was in Snatch. He was in Mean Machine. He was in The Transporter. But it wasn't until Crank, I think, that he became a one-man franchise. I know why it hadn't happened yet. What? I'll talk about it later. He was still holding on to the hair. Oh, he hadn't shaved it off? He hadn't shaved it off yet. I'll talk about it a little bit later. Is this the first statement movie we've ever done? Can't be. You guys haven't done Lockstock one year?

24:31We didn't do Snatch?

24:32Bill Simmons:No. I don't think this might be the first one what is it are you a Statham beekeeper working man I've seen them all yeah Wrath of Man I really enjoy them yeah it's like I don't it's weird that we haven't done one on rewatchables but he definitely has a specific I remember like Vinnie Jones they were really trying to make as like be this guy this tough English guy and then Statham kind of took that from him I'll say this about Jason Statham we both know what we're here for. Yeah. Something bad happened. Statham will not fuck you up. He gives me what I need. I give him$10. You know, like... True.

25:11The beekeeper. Yeah. Claire Huxable dies. Felice Rashad dies at the beginning of the movie. Like, we know you must fucking kill. Walks into a whole tech room, kills everybody, fucks everybody up, kicks them, looks great, doing these amazing. People have been doing it.

25:24Bill Simmons:60s, 70s. This was Charles Bronson for 10 years. Eastwood was on the high end of some of this stuff. we had Van Damme we've had these guys we need these guys there's not a lot of Statham's anymore not a lot of people who could be like this guy is just going to get revenge on some people Alan Richen is basically like the successor but he mostly makes streaming stuff I'll tell you also that the Statham-ness is incredibly bankable like you put 30 or 40 million into the Statham-verse you go and you withdraw 80, 90 $100 million,$110,$100, every single time. People like him doing what the fuck he does.

26:05Shay, I think it was Shay, had a funny tweet where he was like, they shouldn't even title Jason Statham movies. This is called Statham 4, Statham Todd. People go see it. Statham, and then the year it comes out, Statham 26. Yeah.

26:21Bill Simmons:Charlize, we talked about earlier at the end of her Smoke Show worldwide tour, which lasted from 96 to 03 before she did Monster. moved into serious actress-dom. I got this email from Rich in Toronto. It was for the Rewatchables mailbag. And he started out, this one will be seconded by Craig. He just immediately wanted Craig's approval. And it was. Instead of sometimes dancing around the idea of an actor's appearance, just lean into it with a new category called the Mila Kunis and Forgetting Sarah Marshall Appearance Apex Mountain Award. For is this the most attractive this person has ever been in a movie?

26:58Bill Simmons:and to keep it equitable, you can do the male equivalent too. Harrison Ford to witness, as you talked about, depending on the thing. So, I think this is a good one to break this out. I'm sick of this dumb ass shit. This is one of the things that I most have. Why are you pointing at Craig? Because it's the, it's, I'll tell you what, this is the thing I have most beef with your fucking generation about. Okay. Remember when, I never forgot this, remember a long time ago you talked about the fact that there were like just breasts in the movie for no reason I think it was Trading Places Trading Places okay or maybe like a lethal weapon no it was unnecessary nudity but there's no such thing as unnecessary nudity all nudity is necessary hotness is a thing tell that to Will Gluck yeah the Monica Barbera director what movie is that?

27:48Bill Simmons:One Night Only I think that guy's just trying to drive up director's cut sales by the way that got passed around for three days that was a great quote by him I'll tell you something And now we're all waiting on the unrated edition. Swordfish. I went to see Swordfish. But Travolta. Shut up. I went to see Swordfish because Halle Berry was at her most powerful physical form in Swordfish. And for other reasons, too. Right? I went to see Halle Berry, Topless, and Swordfish. That was a selling point of the movie. Heaven's Prisoners, Terry Hatcher was another one. Same shit. Jacko and I would see that together.

28:22Bill Simmons:I pulled that story. That to me is a cool— I spilled popcorn right before the nude scene. and you're still mad about it. You did an extra buck. We can get into it. But that to me is a completely, to see beautiful people on screen and to recognize that they're beautiful is a completely legitimate reason to go see the movie. This movie starts with her in bed wearing a t-shirt and the phone rings and she wakes up and rolls over as dad and then it's just like, yeah. I don't disagree with you. We're off. And over the last three years of doing rewatchables, now in an 80s movie and there's not nudity, I'm like, what the fuck?

28:54but this is just vision class that's just like what we're doing I don't really understand this at all just wait until about last night the one night only thing it's honestly not even it was even the generation below me Will Gluck was like we test screened it and Gen Z doesn't feel comfortable seeing nudity in a movie theater which is crazy to me I get it but why should we give a fuck these are the same group of people who won't go to a bar and talk to each other and then leave and have sex why would we we used to do that and we had fun doing it Why are we taking social cues and fucking advice and input from them?

29:28They're the ones complaining that they're lonely. Be lonely. I'm just being for real. Be lonely. I'm not tripping at all. I think it's a major problem. I hope everybody gets over it. We wasn't going through that shit. We like nudity movies. We like looking at hot people. We like it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're a human fucking being. What the shit are we doing, bro?

29:48Bill Simmons:We've talked about this on pods before about people were more used in the 80s and 90s to being in rooms with other people as nudity and sex was happening. And now it is a private thing. And when we're in public, like the invite, when it seemed like everybody was going to have sex. Yes. You could feel the theater I was in. I could feel the tension in the theater. Like, oh no, are we going to have sex scenes? But in a good way. Like in a way that was... I don't know. I don't know. The movie used it. Oh, I think that tension helped the movie. Yeah, the movie used it. I would say in the theater, people were like, is he going to go down on her?

30:19And it was like, that was like this, there was a palpable like tension in the movie. Am I tripping? Are we just freak nasty dogs? No. Because we used to all go to a movie theater together to like watch this. Is it weird? No, now you got me rethinking it. No, I'll fucking check my mind. No, you sounded like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crash as you're like needing you, wanting you, pushing up on you. No, I fucking mean it. It's okay. I mean it. Like you would go to the reason. Why do you need a sex scene in a movie? Because people fuck in real life. They take their clothes off and they have sex. and if I go to the film it is not to me like it's part of the suspension of the reality that these two hot people had sex okay what happens after it's part of the time

31:01Bill Simmons:well not to turn into Sean but I think this starts in the 70s with the awakening of a bunch of different people and movies being used to push the sexuality in Don't Look Now Last Tango in Paris they're trying to actually push the envelope and make people uncomfortable in the theater sure Midnight Cowboy a little bit and that just kept going and going through the 80s and 90s. And then there was the exploitative 80s era where it is kind of like, Jamie Lee Curtis could have gotten through that scene without taking her top off. I'm not mad that she did. Yeah. But it's like, and that's the - It's a pretty important scene.

31:34I just don't want to derail the pod as much as I, but if you go back and watch that scene, I could argue that there's a narrative reason why the titties was on screen. Yeah, I'm just saying in 2026, she probably would not have done that. But like lethal weapon opening with the woman who's topless and she jumps off the hotel. She had a drug problem, though. Yeah, she was going to something. Right. Why don't you try to be... I'm not saying I dislike it. It was like, when I was going back and watching all these movies, I was like, man, this doesn't really happen now. No. You wouldn't go to a theater with a naked girl.

32:01And at the beginning of John Wick, there's a topless woman. It's just like, not what happens now.

32:04Bill Simmons:Wait till Craig sees about last night. They're going crazy in that bitch. I can't. It's different times. Although, funnily enough, no nudity in this film, right? None. No. Yeah. In One Night Only, the whole premise is like, something about the fact that there's no nudity in this movie? The fact that there's the... It's PG-13. It's PG-13. There is something really missing from this movie. And what's... Shut up. Two things. What's really missing from this movie is the chemistry that's supposed to exist between Mark Wahlberg and Charlottesville. I have that later. I agree with you. I have that coming.

32:44And because they don't really...

32:45Bill Simmons:They seem like brother and sister. Yeah, they don't get into it at the end when they're on the gondola together, it seems very hollow and it doesn't ring true at all. They can't decide what they want to do because like Donald Sutherland is a father figure to Mark Wahlberg so I feel like they were like, well, that'd be weird then if he starts dating Charlize Theron and is into her but then I feel like they needed a romantic end to the movie to make it feel satisfying. So it's tricky. The fact that she's Charlize carries a lot of that character but I don't know what that character is supposed to be.

33:11Bill Simmons:Is she a nerd? I think it's the reverse problem is that Charlie is the weakest link. Yeah. I think Wahlberg is just kind of like I'm a guy standing here in a t-shirt and I say I'm nice to everybody but there's no juice to that character no he's just it's a charisma only he doesn't even seem that smart he's like the guy who plans everything but he's like a damaged I never had my father yeah now I crack safes but for the government I just had no handle on her character but guess what I didn't really care because I sang out Charlize for an hour and 50 F. Gary Gray was the director. Just quite an IMDb for this guy.

33:51Bill Simmons:Yeah. Can I give you a couple of them? Please. His first movie that he directed was Friday. Mm-hmm. He did The Italian Job. He did Straight Outta Compton. He did Fate of the Furious. He did Law Abiding Citizen. Mm-hmm. It's basically he did Be Cool. The Negotiator. Just action. Very good at action. Yeah. Wide shot. Shit going down. Things blowing up. Really, really, really solid action director. Yeah. Also, during this time, something else was really interesting. Something else really interesting was happening in Hollywood is that these career music video directors that you had always seen at the bottom of the credits.

34:32Marcus Nispel, Gary Gray, yeah. Tim Story, like Benny Boom, Hype Williams. All of these guys were getting their shot to be big time. Craig Robinson, I think. A lot of these guys were getting it. Not Craig Robinson. What's the guy's name? Black guy that did whatever, did a bunch of music videos. Was he the first Craig Robinson? He might have been. Anyway, all of these guys are getting their opportunities in Hollywood. And it was interesting to see which ones of them were going to get a chance to make big, successful movies. Tim Story and F. Gary Gray were amongst the most successful guys to come out of that crop of people that were known as music video directors.

35:06Chris Robinson? Chris Robinson is who I'm talking about. Chris Robinson.

35:09Bill Simmons:How do you feel about the name F. Gary Gray as a director? I think it's cool. I think it's cool, too. I like it. Did they call him Gary on set or did they do? I think they called him Gary. They called him Gary. You think anybody calls him FGG like Joe House would if Joe House was on his set? FGG. Joe House called J-Kyle, man, J-K-M for some reason. I like that. On an entire pod. Can we talk about the music videos that he did? Yeah. He did It Was a Good Day, Ice Cube. Like, he did, like, this is one of the guys. He did Natural Born Killers, Dr. Dre and Ice Cube. Another crazy one. Fantastic Voyage, Coolio.

35:42Love that one. That's a great one.

35:43Bill Simmons:Did you Pac California love? I don't think that he did. It's not listed on here. I gave you my Fantastic Voyage take last week. What is it? I think it's the most underrated hip-hop song in the 90s. Doesn't get a due credit. Fantastic Voyage, Coolio. Did you do this on mic? Did you say that? No, it was on text. I love the record. I love the video. But look, keep their heads ringing, Dr. Dre. I mean, obviously that was for a Friday. It's an unbelievable song. Doesn't get credit. Waterfalls, TLC, F. Gary Gray. Waterfalls, great video. Waterfalls, great video. He was pioneering. I don't know if you've seen on Spotify, a great platform.

36:19Bill Simmons:They have a lot of music videos now. If you click on the songs, you can watch music videos of the song. What do you like about Fantastic Boyage Khalil videos so much? On the record too. What do you like about it? I just think the song's great and never gets discussed when people talk about the great songs from that specific era, the first half of the 90s, and hip hop and rap and all of the great artists that we had. And it's not mentioned. and I think it's a really good one I think it's overshadowed a little bit by Gaster's Paradise I think it has I think that's the first Coolio song and I told you I think his name really hurt him so you really I just think Coolio is a bad name for a rap you were open for business during the East Coast West Coast rap wars huh I was kind of more West Coast to be honest I didn't fuck with West Coast at all you didn't fuck with the West Coast at all at all I was all West Coast Louisiana we got to choose a side I like Pac and the Dog Pound yeah that was my crew fuck with Pac That was my guy.

37:12Bill Simmons:You know that was my guy. He loves Pac. Pac. I do. I love Pac. First year, when I left ESPN, the first year of this podcast, I pictured me rolling as my opening thing for BS Pod. Yeah. Okay. Picture me rolling. And we did Friday Rolling, was the Friday show. And tried to pay homage. There you go. It's my guy. Source Awards, I was very upset. You sure? I didn't like how that played out that year. You didn't like how? Okay, so. I just felt like it was going to end badly after that. Oh, because it came to a hit. Yeah. This wasn't going to go well. We just don't have moments like that anymore. I remember when that hit the streets.

37:47We was like, I can't believe that this was said.

37:50Bill Simmons:We don't have moments anymore. Now we just have somebody writing one of the biggest songs of all time and just destroying somebody else's career. And then they play it in sporting events for the next two years. I mean, that is a big deal. But like having... Back in the day, everyone just died. That on stage was like breaking kayfabe a little bit. It was like, there was like this tension. and everyone knew that this tension exists. But then all of a sudden, at this thing where everybody is there, it comes to a head and you can watch it. It was, we just were a little bit more innocent. So when something like that happened, we weren't getting that stuff on social media every day.

38:25It was all we could talk about for a little while.

38:27Bill Simmons:Did I ever tell you the time Jeff Ross and I wrote for Jimmy for the AMAs? No. And Jimmy was scrambling around all these different locations during the show. So I would go around with him, different things. and we're coming around this, we're scrambling from being inside the theater to running out. Go around this stairway, we're running up the stairway and Suge Knight's at the top of the stairway and taken by surprise by us and was like scary Suge Knight for a split second and then realized it was Jimmy. Two white guys were running up the stairs at him? Yeah, and then kind of realized it was Jimmy and softened.

38:58Bill Simmons:Oh. But for the split second, I saw scary Suge Knight. You saw Balcony Suge Knight. Hang you off there, Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Bill. He's fucking big. Vanilla Bill. he's a big dude yeah that's a part of it yeah he's very intimidating college football player yeah you can feel it anyway that's my Suge Knight story okay cool we were like hey Suge Knight Jimmy's like how are ya did the Jimmy thing and then kind of diffused it right yeah it was weird anyway 60 million dollar budget for Italian choppy 176.1 million that's a lot of money for 03 yeah it's not bad is all that domestic How much domestic? Ebert.

39:40Bill Simmons:I don't know. Ebert, three stars. Yeah, he was like, hell yeah. Slick caper movies. Stupendous chase scenes. A truly ingenious way to steal 35 million in gold bars. Wow. Two hours of mindless escapism. And then he wrote, if I had seen it, he saw it at Cannes. Cannes. Cannes? Cannes? Yeah. Cannes? If I had seen it instead of the Cannes entry, The Brown Bunny, I would have wept with gratitude. Ebert, not a fan of The Brown Bunny. this is the same year gigantic Vincent Gallo not a fan of it Roger Ebert yeah tough one anyway we'll take a break come back with most rewatchable scene this episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios The Dog Stars only in theaters and IMAX August 28th visionary filmmaker Ridley Scott returns with a gripping post-apocalyptic thriller when a mysterious radio transmission shatters a lone pilot's isolated existence he embarks on a dangerous journey in Search of Hope, starring Jacob Lorty, Josh Brolin, Margot Qualley, Allison Janney, and Guy Pearce.

40:41Bill Simmons:The Dog Stars, only in theaters and IMAX, August 28th. Get tickets now. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Doing something small can have a huge impact. For instance, when my daughter's home from college, and sometimes 3.30, 4 o 'clock in the afternoon, unexpectedly, it just brings me back a giant ice latte. Doesn't have to do it, but knows I like it. It's the little things that really matter the most. And when you want people who can make an impact, it's the little things ZipRecruiter knows. Use ZipRecruiter. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash rewatchables. It is rated the number one hiring site based on G2.

41:20Bill Simmons:It shows the most interested qualified candidates first. Try ZipRecruiter and meet great candidates who will go the extra step for your job. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. and you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash rewatchables. That is ZipRecruiter.com slash rewatchables. ZipRecruiter, meet your match on ZipRecruiter. Most rewatchable scene brought to you by the movie Mutiny. Only in theaters August 21st. Starring? Jason Statham stars in Mutiny, the new action thriller from the director of Plane. I like Plane. Me too.

41:56Bill Simmons:When an international conspiracy turns deadly, Statham goes off the grid and on a one-man mission to take down those responsible. Let's go! Just call the state of mind. Yeah, I'm there. Rewatchable scenes. Mentioned Charlie's talking to her dad. I'm just throwing that in there. Is it the first scene of her being like, hey, dad, where are you? Her having a phone call. The safe heist, speedboat chase, everything. Just combine that together. Let's fucking go. Wow. Incredible. Incredible setting. incredible use of gondola boats. Confusing, but awesome underwater robbery stuff. I love that. Yeah, just fantastic.

42:40A little confusing, but really fantastic.

42:42Bill Simmons:Has Venice ever not worked as a movie location? No, it's one of the most filmable places in the world. People riding around on boats like they're cars. It's amazing. The danger is there all the time. It makes it more dangerous. The light, the water. Yeah, it's just incredible. Italians just get mad at you for no reason. Hey! One boat's moving slow. The other boat's moving fast. It's in the water. Ducking under the bridge. What's going to happen? Works. Seems great. Sutherland, I really like his toast where he starts dispensing Donald Sutherland advice. Yeah. I'll give you some. He's only in this movie for 15 minutes.

43:20Bill Simmons:Here's all his wisdom from the movie. Fine stands for freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Trust everyone. just don't trust the devil inside them. The ones who steal to enrich their lives or the ones who steal to define their lives don't be the latter. Steal to enrich your life. Sending presents doesn't make you a good father. Find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and hold on to her forever. And he gets shot. And he gets shot. This guy was Mr. Miyagi and waiting. And he just got fucking gunned down. So they're criminals, right? But you know what the movie does? In the short time that he's in the movie, they make him a character worth missing.

44:06You can tell that everybody's life is going to be - They agree with Wahlberg. I love you, kid. Emphasize that character enough so that his death is shocking. Yeah. It is shocking. You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of Mission Impossible. You know how at the beginning of the movie, John Boyd is in the film, and then the team gets fucked up. They do something really awesome in that movie, which is they just take him out of the situation which when he comes back you're like oh my god it's very exciting but this one you believe that these people will coalesce around each other to get revenge for their master who's been killed good crew

44:38Bill Simmons:then we get the double cross so I guess that's three different scenes but I think this whole first 20 minutes the whole thing at the end it's like first 22 it's really good there's actually like basically five scenes in this movie yeah we're just kind of moving around it's like Venice, Philly and three LA scenes. Skinny Pete, the Ukrainians. Good double cross. Evil Ed Norton seems like the only time he enjoyed being in the movie. When you watched it the first time this time, did you remember the double cross? Yeah, I remember the double cross. Because you know Norton's the bad guy. But I like when people are underwater in a scene like this and the villains always make the same mistake where they fire bullets and they're like, all right, we got them.

45:29Bill Simmons:Let's go celebrate. I'm just staying another five minutes. I'll say this is the worst one maybe ever. Yes. This is the worst of all the... Because he knows they have the scuba gear in the car. Also, the water's freezing. So if you stay in there for a second, they're A, going to run out of air, but B, hypothermia is going to sit in. They're cooked. It's over. There's no reason. It's beyond a nitpick. Right. If the bullets or the hypothermia something's killing them. Right. At some point you have to leave because there's been a lot of shooting and stuff like that and maybe the authorities are going to come but you're in the remote area.

46:01It is on the border. You're probably in a very hot spot. Yeah.

46:04Bill Simmons:I like being in the Alps. That was fun. Loved it. You're really fun. Beautiful. Next scene Charlize fixes Ed Norton's cable.

46:15Bill Simmons:It's great. I love it. She's like oh I just flipped the switch. It's working now. Right. He's like cool you want to go to want to have dinner? Want to go to Wolfgang Puck? Yeah. I like scenes like this where somebody has to pretend they have a normal job, but they're way too attractive to have that job. Yeah. I don't know. I enjoyed the whole thing. Norton kills the diamonds guy. Charlize and Ed Norton have a date? Yep. Mm-hmm. I liked him right up until the moment I shot him. Ooh. Mm-hmm. Also, this gives us a staple for one of these movies. Who are you working with? Somebody comes out of the back.

46:53Bill Simmons:Yeah. She's with us. and then you should have seen how your daddy begged for his life I think I'd had a good time in this scene yes it's one of like there's three scenes where he tries in this movie maybe he knew he was going to get to sleep in his own bed that night you know hit a bar on the way home it was good they were getting him out of there at 8pm I think everything in in Italy he was he was pretty much dialed in a little bit yeah it's really at his house and the last chase scene it seems like he's like what the fuck am I doing what's happening here probably above our car chase we have the three cars beating the subway train is great we have the road blowing up right in front of basically the man theater we have the safe switch I like the thing where it's the three safes and they have to guess which safe it is or which truck it is we get an LA River chase which by the way it's a live and die in LA right behind you LA River chase also undefeated Venice and Gondolas LA River I've never not enjoyed a chase in either one of those places Terminator 2.

47:54Bill Simmons:Terminator 2. And then some really high-end, kind of how the fuck did they do this? Why didn't this could have been to a really bad situation? The helicopter stuff. Like, the helicopter's fucking low. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like it's like a 50-foot ceiling in that last... I don't know how they did that. It seemed dangerous. Maybe that's why Ed Norton wasn't happy. I don't think he was actually in the helicopter. Steve gets caught would be the last one. You're right. No imagination. What do you got from us who watch one? One addition is just the putting the team together and the backstories scene.

48:29I love putting the team together. Why is he called Left Air?

48:33Bill Simmons:Why is he called Handsome Rob? Why is he called Napster? I got that one in the next category, but the driving rain scene where we meet Skinny Pete. Love Skinny Pete. Love Skinny Pete. What happened to Skinny Pete? We've seen other stuff. I can't say. But Mos Def is really good in that scene. We didn't talk a lot about Mos Def, but like at this particular point, most death is ascending rapidly. It was a big deal that he was in this movie. Yeah. What was the Bruce Willis movie he was in? Something like 12 Blocks or something like that. 12 Blocks. 12 Blocks. So he's in that. Then, you know, of course he's in Brown Sugar.

49:11And then he does the Michelle Gondry movie, which is Be Kind Rewind. Like he is legitimately one of the ones that people are going, okay, for like the next X amount of years, Mos Def is going to be one of the biggest stars in Hollywood how do you feel about that name choice Mos Def Mos Def yeah I love it you like it he goes by you know Yassin Bay now but like I love Mos Def Mos Def is a to me a staple creative of that era he also just like the Black Star record and the first Mos Def solo records are both like flawless amazing worst name choice out of all the name choices out of all the name choices for rappers yeah

49:46Bill Simmons:you should get there's some way worse rap names yeah he's talking about You think most deaf is about him? I'm not saying him. I'm saying what's your least favorite. Oh, what's the worst one? Because you said Coolio earlier was terrible. Coolio's tough. It just sounds like a place you get ice cream. It's like, want to go to Coolio's? They have Arne Sherbert. Coolio. I would say, this is not to pick on him because the whole song is about picking on him, but Ski-Lo, which was a little bit taller guy. It's like, we're never going to be. Ski-Lo is not just a tough one. but now to me the worse they are the better they end up being the move is just to use your real name do you feel like Bubba Sparks could have been bigger if he wasn't named Bubba Sparks see the thing is that's a good question the thing is that because he was Bubba Sparks that's why he was big in the first place that kind of made us go okay this is a white guy Bubba Sparks he's Bubba but he's hot he's Bubba Sparks shit let's give him a chance and then he did it and we you know we won't fuck on him at all do you think LL Cool J was a good name or no at that point at that point it was a perfect name yeah LL was like a crazy good name.

50:45That became LL. Yeah, at that point it was a perfect name. When you know what the acronym stands for it gets worse. Ladies Love Cool James. Yeah, but back when he came out that was cool. You know, Craig, go fuck yourself. I'm sorry, Ladies Love Cool James is not cool. You know, we're not gonna, we're not, once again, your generation, you know what, you know what, your generation, I don't love the ladies, the ladies don't love y 'all. I mean, you're doing well. I'm calling it like it is. But everybody else, it's one of the best. Ladies Love Cool James is one of the best names ever. Ladies love them.

51:17Do ladies love LL Cool J? I hope the air conditioner never comes back on. We just litigating rappers.

51:26Bill Simmons:Do you remind me I got to turn the air conditioning up. All right. Back to the pod. What do we pick for most rewatchable? Oh, so my most rewatchable is actually the opening of the Venice stuff. It's easily the answer. It's one of those if it's coming on, you want to bang it out. Yeah. I agree if you're a fan of the Beekeeper the Meg or the Expendables this is exactly the kind of movie you'd want to see Statham in one of the defining action stars the last 25 years doing what he does best die hard on a boat that's what they floated is Mutiny yeah Mutiny only in theaters August 21st rated R for strong bloody violence I'm going in language and language don't need to sell the three of us what is the most 2003 thing about this movie a very very specific experience it's one of the best easiest answers we've had obviously it's Lyle saying he invented Napster but I also have a subcategory for this which is this was the last moment where a hacker character could just say a lot of mumbo jumbo and the audience was like sounds right where he's like I have a techtronic codex that's gonna read the magnesium and you're like okay this guy sounds like a fucking genius you know now we'd all be like i fucking write about ai i don't think that's how it works or whatever yeah but like back then this was the one moment where you still had true geeks who were like i lord over this tech stuff so that you guys don't have to worry about it i have lyle inventing napster is one of the easiest answers yeah yeah i don't even by 2006 nobody's being angry that they invented napster well it's just the fact that sean fanning gets 40 seconds of screen time in this movie.

53:10I think, actually, the Napster thing was already long in the tooth by the time this came out.

53:16Bill Simmons:It was like the last year you couldn't even get it. It was the last year. But they, obviously, in the movie, they're like, this dude is Zuckerberg. Like, this is Steve Jobs. This is going to be like, when people look back, they're going to be like, I can't believe the world's richest man is in this movie. And it's like, obviously not. It didn't happen, yeah. I have Hollywood Boulevard seeming like alive and great. Because it really was in 03. It was in great shape. You wanted to go there, and now I don't think you do. Well, it had, when I first got out here, it wasn't 03, it was 06. But Hollywood Boulevard had been revitalized to where it was the hub of everything.

53:54Hollywood and Hollywood They spent like a billion dollars revitalizing it. And that lasted, because even when I was out here a little after that, Hollywood was still teeming with life on a Friday night with young people going to the club and all of that stuff. And it just ended. It ended at COVID. Yeah, it just ended. And now it's kind of like... I'm starting to think COVID wasn't great. I was always more of a sunset guy. Oh.

54:17Bill Simmons:You were more of a sunset guy. Yeah. What's your favorite sunset bar all time? Oh, that's a good question. The Den? Yeah, gone now. Gone, yeah. The Den was awesome. The Den was great. Where's Jumbo's? Jumbo's. I'm just kidding.

54:38when you want to have somebody to talk Jumbos is awesome Jumbos is on Hollywood right? oh it's on but it's east it's east it's east yeah very very east like little Armenia

54:51Bill Simmons:one more 2003 thing about this movie Seth Green's like really important in it yeah and it was right near the end but three years later he's on Entourage as Yves Foil but I thought Seth Green was really good in this the Floyd Gondali butter in my ass lollipops in my mouth the word for something I just enjoy what do you have CR just anytime the head of a crew is like this is this guy's job this is what this guy does this is what this guy does why do they call him handsome Rob because he's handsome yeah it's like it is one of the most repeatable pleasures in cinema is introducing a crew an origin montage as I have done just like all of these guys and how they got their star also gold bars in movies I just love movies where it's like gold bars.

55:39Bill Simmons:I don't know whether they should be 10 times more expensive or 10 times less expensive. But Yevon does a good job explaining the criminal mindset about gold and the untraceability of it and all that stuff. It's good. Also, the fried cable bit here, they do that in movies all the time where your cable's fried. And then they go in undercover to get a lay on you or debug your shit. I love that because that's... actually how they bugged Paul Castellano. They actually did that in real life. The government messed up his TV, then sent people in to fix the TV, then bugged his shit, and that's where it comes from.

56:19Bill Simmons:My Floyd is, I like in movies when they mess with the stoplights and the intersections. It's like, watch this. And then just everybody, nobody really gets hurt. I mean, this is a very specific LA traffic movie that I think is actually fairly accurate in terms of its geography and stuff like that. It'll be like how hard it is to get from Highland over down to Union Station and everything. It's very good. What stage is the best? One last job. For Sutherland, it was a one last job. Yeah, for Sutherland, it was. I like any time it's set in a movie. The LA River as an action location. I have early 2000s Mini Coopers.

57:03Bill Simmons:which I don't feel like they make them. Age the best? I just, I like that era of Mini Cooper's. How small and kind of fast and they felt like they had some connection to James Bond movies and now I don't think that. I think that BMW had just redone their engines. Yeah. Back then, so that's why they were such hot shit. I'll be interested to see if you guys think that this is the Mini Cooper apex mountain or something else. Here's what's age the best. All the cast members did their own driving. they all said Charlize was the best of all the drivers. I'm cooking. Doesn't need a husband. Just one night stands and she's a better driver than you.

57:44Bill Simmons:She's just the fucking best. Most F was the worst driver because he was from New York City and didn't drive. So I had to actually learn how to drive. What do you got for what stage is best? Just real vehicles doing real chases in real places. Yeah. Dan? So a bunch of things. The smoking desk counter that looked different, but it still exists. You still drive by and a bunch of people died from smoking. Like the price of a grenade launcher. So they... The economics of this movie will be discussed in depth. So they go there and it's like, they give them all this stuff and they go like, I need a grenade launcher that's$5 ,000.

58:23I was like, you know, a grenade launcher must be much more expensive. You probably can't get one for$5 ,000. So I went and looked. I actually typed that in the search, which I probably shouldn't have done. and not only are grenade launchers like lawful but you can get one for like two grand you can get a grenade launcher a lawful grenade launcher you have to be ATF registered but you can get a grenade launcher for two grand what possible use could you have for a grenade launcher

58:43Bill Simmons:I mean I don't know that makes me nervous yeah Library of Miami Vice Bruce Willis is buying those grenades you could shoot at the planes yeah and those were like 80k so the price dropped yeah like the the money that gets spent versus the money that's coming in will be a discussion. So two more... Is that your flex? No, I just wanted to get into it. That's more of a picking net. So two more things. One, both Korean driving ranges have aged the best. K-Town. And terrifying Samoan dudes, which is a thing around LA. You know, you go below the 10, the Samoan brothers down there are going crazy. And those dudes are honored in Den of Thieves.

59:21Yeah. Yeah, so they've aged the best. Yeah, so, you know. I've been to that driving range a bunch. That's a cool place. And last thing, the shop owner in this actually predicts the financial crisis. He legitimately, all these poor bastards putting their monies in banks and SNL and mutual funds, what do they think? When the collapse comes, they can depend on the government? The collapse came like five years later and everybody was fucking screwed.

59:46Bill Simmons:That's the winner. Great shot, Gordor Award. Would you go to the Sutherland's body popping out of the water? No, I had the pan up out of Venice and then the pan down into the Alps. Oh, when they show this guy. That's good. Chess Rockwell, Brock Lander's Award. Best character name. Left Air is pretty good. I gotta go Handsome Rob. I gotta go Skinny Pete. Good names in this movie. Kid Cudi, Pursuit of Happiness, where best needle drop. That California soul song. It's a great song. There's also just a lot of... It's used in a lot of movies. It's used in a lot. And at this point, it bothered me when I heard it in this movie.

1:00:20But I think it was kind of like a digging in the crates find back then. I also like a lot of... Because it's in focus. Like the radio techno know that they play while guys are driving around.

1:00:30Bill Simmons:Was there a better title for this movie? I mean, it's more of an L.A. job. Yeah, probably. The Hollywood job. They do say the name. Yes. They do say the Italian job. CR flex category, you did it already. I did my flexes. Butch's Girlfriend Award, weak link of the film. Let's go. Let's talk about the money. Oh, okay. Or we could do that? I know they make$27 million in their heist. but to my eyes just on like the outlay of funds for the two heists I think they might be coming out like a couple million in the black. They're basically the Dodgers they're spending 1.2 billion dollars on players to make 400 million dollars I don't understand the gold, don't you think the gold should have been worth like 130 million dollars?

1:01:18Bill Simmons:So when they initially steal it in Italy it's 35 billion right? He gives off a couple bars yeah And so at the end of the movie, they steal 27, which means Norton has only spent eight. Yeah. And with those$8 million in 2003, he buys a 12 ,000 square foot mansion in LA. He has his own private security. He's like an army. Yeah. He has like an army. And that's all just in the$8 million he spent. He has three armored trucks taking money to the airport. He has a helicopter. Well, he might have had other bread before the high school. He also saved money by only wearing tank tops and watching CNBC all day.

1:01:50Bill Simmons:He's like, I'll wear my Rattler's wardrobe. Yeah. And then the movie ends. So they give some of the money to the Ukrainians. How much do you think of the$27 million they give to the Ukrainians? The Ukrainians could ask for all of it. Everybody's scared of them. You have to give them at least seven. Seven? How much would it cost just to do these jobs? Well, that's the thing is that the outlay of money to get the warehouses, the cars, the technology, everybody's eating, sleeping, whatever, on and on and on. I'm not saying it costs$27 million, but did Mark Wahlberg just have that lying around? Yeah, like most stuff is not going to be able to pay the property taxes on his new Spanish villa he bought.

1:02:26I always wonder about this. There's a lot of books in there, too. First editions. Obviously, I have this. Who's money to make? Like, I have this. Everybody has this because it doesn't seem like that much money was. I wonder if it was the time. I mean, this is basically like Kevin Herter's contract at this point. So, like, it's so funny.

1:02:40Bill Simmons:I was thinking about NBA contracts, too. Yeah. It's like$27 million for three. Basically, Jordan Poole is going to make more money this year than they did in the entire deal. The whole fucking thing. He's like, he's got more breadth in them. So unless you want to go live in Baton Rouge, this money's not going to stick. So you're splitting it, it's five people. So now it's five and a half million each. It would have been incredibly funny though if they did like the way they're doing all the videos now where guys are like, look, 10 million, 5 million goes to Uncle Sam, right? You got to buy. So like if you had Charlie, it'd be like 27 million.

1:03:14Well, I spent 20 just on shit to get these heists rolling.

1:03:18Bill Simmons:Why are these videos? Why is this one of the things that's happened this summer? Because the videos get a lot of engagement. But it's the same video every time. Don't people know at this point that, yeah, I made$100 million. Taxes, I'm down to$50 million. I'll just be honest with you. People never get sick of how somebody made money, and people never get sick of how they fucked it up. But when we did Broke, that was like the most watched 30 % I think we had. Other than the you. Yeah, people, you got to pay taxes. You got to pay your agent. You got to pay all of this stuff. We've heard the story, but people just never get sick of how you fuck your money up.

1:03:51never.

1:03:53Bill Simmons:Sounds like a podcast. They all walked away with like two, three million each probably, right? Maybe four? No, because they didn't pay taxes because this was, they were stealing money. Well, this also exists in a universe outside of law enforcement because there is none in this entire film. So this is the bigger question for the, for the risk for the amount of money they made. They blew up Hollywood Boulevard. This giant hole. To say nothing of a fact. Not to mention like, was anyone hurt in the explosion? This is 03. so after 9-11 a criminal is flying low low altitude helicopter a year and a half after 9-11 strafing Hollywood there's no fucking way that's the biggest nit the biggest nit is if you guys never been out here before you gonna look you gonna see police helicopters all in the sky they're up there for 60 seconds they scramble the LAPD to Ghetto Bird and it's up there and the whole fucking plan is fucked we don't see cops ever in the last half hour of this movie do we see a cop They're flying around the LA River just driving around.

1:04:52Bill Simmons:There's cops in Venice. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't see how this was worth... I think the mistake is the gold bar should have been worth like$100 million. It should have been$100 million. Yeah. Like real big stakes. It's not quite... Which is interesting because Ocean's Eleven comes out before this. Yeah. And the take from Ocean's Eleven was what? In the 60s? 60-some-odd million dollars or something like that. So at least they knew that it had to be a significant sum of money to put it up on a... They had to match what gold was worth. It was$160 million in Ocean's Eleven. See what I'm saying? That's enough money to...

1:05:27You gotta split that 11 ways. I know. But that makes a lot of sense, though. You split that 11 ways and you give a lot of money to the crew. Eight years previous, Neil McCauley takes down the bank in downtown LA and that's between$12.2 and$12.8 million. Now, they don't get away with it, but that is half of what those guys take with very little of the... By the way, you could argue that wasn't enough. It wasn't, but it was a high profile. And Kelso did the motherboards. The cameras were cut. Yeah. The deal in it was making a lot of money except for Scheherlis who spent all this shit. How much money...

1:05:58Because Scheherlis gets away with some of it.

1:06:00Bill Simmons:How much money... But Scheherlis was like, Stan Humphries, he's going to beat the Niners. I'm telling you guys. Yeah. It's going to happen. Scheherlis has like a duffel bag full of cash. And I think Nate hooks him up with some more. That'll be part of Heat 2. Right. I watched like an hour of Top Gun Maverick last night. I think the scene when he, when Goose plays the piano scene, when it hits Maverick, Maverick gets sad outside the bar and Jennifer Connelly realizes it's maybe the most rewatchable scene of this century or this decade, the 2020s. Where he just sees his friend. That whole scene, they're playing pool.

1:06:43Bill Simmons:everybody's together. You get to meet everybody. They're like big dick If you get bored this month, we should do most rewatchable scenes of the 2020s. Of the 2020s. I think start to finish, I think that might be the most rewatchable scene because Cruise, but then the other one is the Val Kilmer scene. That's distinctly not rewatchable. Are you kidding? That's kind of... You have to let go and Cruise fucking goes there. Yeah. Cruise gets choked up and he's like, I can't. I can't. I watch for the coffee quarter. Well, then you get that at the end. The most rewatchable scenes, Juke Joint Scene, Sinners, I think is highly rewatchable.

1:07:26That's a really good one. See, this would be a good argument. The Juke Joint Scene and Sinners.

1:07:30Bill Simmons:Oh, yeah. What stage is the worst? Talked about the money. They rely on that song, that money song, to play it twice. They play it, money! That song has sucked forever. Come up with a better song. You're spending all this money on the movie. Here's the thing. I sent you a clip of this. This is also the Ed Norton reverse dunk award for did this movie need a random sports scene? Ironically, Ed Norton. We have Wahlberg dressed up to play basketball. We have Jason Statham there. And yet we only see a snippet of a basketball scene. and it involves Jason Statham playing some of the worst defense I've ever seen in a basketball court.

1:08:15I think the more damning thing

1:08:17Bill Simmons:is that he doesn't know how to check ball. He doesn't, it's literally, he doesn't even know what's happening. Yeah. And Wahlberg's going by him and it's like he didn't even realize you could do that. They're not playing ball in London in 03. Like it's a foreign concept to him. Lean into it and be like, this guy's never played basketball. He's wearing a Lonsdale sweatshirt and I almost wonder whether he was like, are we going to do boxing today? And they're like, no, we couldn't get to the gym so you guys are going to be in the outdoor basketball court. He's like, what's that? So I wonder about this though from a Mark Wahlberg standpoint as well.

1:08:47He's a good hooper. I mean, is this basketball diarist? He was good. Is he?

1:08:51Bill Simmons:Oh, yeah. Leo is the weak link of basketball diarist. I always wondered about this because he puts basketball in a lot of movies. I wonder if he was out there. No, he's a real hooper. Henry Sandler, Clooney. I think those guys. I don't know if he's killing like that, bro. No, I'm saying for an actor, he's a good hooper. They come away from cutting away and like you hear swish and you're like, all right, man. Okay. So the final one, they keep one shot. He's good though. I don't know, Bill. I'm just, I'm saying like, was he, you tell me on the streets of South Boston, AKA Mississippi, was he killing people and like going nuts?

1:09:29It was like, it seriously, he puts basketball, Marky Mark play basketball. He played basketball as Marky Mark and the funky bunch plays basketball. And he plays basketball in a lot of different movies. Compared to Woody Harrelson,

1:09:41Bill Simmons:who is an actual really good basketball player. He's not good like that. But I think for an actor, you know. One-on-one against Dave Jacoby. Oh, Jacoby would kill him. Okay, there you go. House now with a fake hip would probably beat Mark Wahlberg. Did House get a hip replacement? Yeah, House had a one hip. Really? But House, could you say House could hoop like that? House was great. I can see it. House was the most fun guy to play with. You're talking about him like he's Bernard King. I had so much fun playing with House he was great but I thought aren't you guys both connective tissue guys like aren't you guys both like connectors so was Jacoby oh wow yeah so it's like Princeton you know my two favorite guys I've ever played with Jacoby Jacoby and House and House yeah can we my flex is associated with the Wahlberg basketball thing yeah I think we need an award for this moment like when he's shooting hoops and they cut to and he's like what about the Italian job and he like swishes I feel like that is a moment that Mark Wahlberg demanded be in the movie because he's like, I'm good at basketball.

1:10:39Bill Simmons:That wasn't in the script. So the Mark Wahlberg, an Italian job, let's put this in because I want to show people I'm good at something. The shoehorn sports scene just to show off. Imagine, like, they're like, hey, Ed, we're going to switch sets in a minute. We're going to strike this one, but just, we've got to get one more pickup here. Mark's trying to make a 10-footer. Yeah. And Norton's just like, you're fucking kidding me? It's like, it's 502. Fuck this. Yeah, like, if I'm in a movie and I feel like I got a good fastball. I'm like, can we have a scene where I'm just throwing pitches in the backyard just so I can show my athleticism?

1:11:11Yeah, yeah. That's definitely what Wahlberg did. This is another reason why there's so many movies with Kevin Costner on a horse. No, it's why he's, and it's also why he just is like, I can fucking play baseball. So like any scene, you know, like. Baseball, horse, Kevin Costner. My dad used to always look at Kevin Costner and be like, this motherfucker can ride.

1:11:31Bill Simmons:Yeah. So you get it. He could, like he could, he was a good horseback rider. Golf's another one like this. Yes. Curb does this because Larry will put himself in these golf scenes in Curb really because he just wants to show off his drives. Wood Harris, who's a good basketball player, hoops, the scene in The Wire where Avon catches the lob from Stringer. Right. Wood, Wood know he nice and Wood just wanted to dump all of the people on The Wire. And if you go back, I want you to watch this scene. This is not a shot at Idris, but this is another English guy. He's just like, what the fuck is this? Yeah.

1:12:04The way he throws the lob, it doesn't look like he's ever been on the court before. Soccer guys. But you give them the soccer ball, they go crazy. Avon Prop Joe basketball coaching is still one of my favorite wire scenes.

1:12:15Bill Simmons:Yeah. I love nothing more than when sports drifts into movies. I believed in Wahlberg's stroke. I think he played. Jesus Christ, Bill. He forced it into the movie. I like that lefty. You believed. Say that again. He was a little Delonte West-ish. You believe in what? His stroke. His shooting stroke. You believe in his stroke. No, it's a tough one. It's a gigantic pause. What stage the worst? The last shot of Wahlberg and Charlize is such a mail-in. And they fell in love. And it's just like this quick shot of them on a boat. It's almost like CGI'd in. I just never believed. They try to make a run at it when he's like, do you want to have a drink with me in the hotel?

1:12:55And she's like, no, I should get to bed. And it's like, all right, this isn't going to happen. And then when they try to make it happen at the end, you're just like, nobody believes this, guys. It was completely unearned. You see the reason. They try to even have like a momentary awkwardness where you walk in, don't look, don't look. But they never build on the sexual tension.

1:13:15Bill Simmons:No, it's almost like there's a scene missing. Yeah, like there's something they took out. By the way, when Fast, when the Fast franchise decided to rip off the Italian job going forward, one of the things they learned from was the lack of chemistry between Wahlberg and Charlize. They were like, we're going to get Gal Gadot in this. She's going to be... I'm going to have the eye of the tiger. I'm just going to have the look. I'm going to get Van engaged in this. I'm into it. Okay, sorry. Any other words that's the worst? Naps are pretty much like Cyberstalks' ex-girlfriend.

1:13:49And having Stella have basically, like this whole thing is being built up to her date with Steve. And she's like, he doesn't know what I look like. He doesn't know who I am. But I am going to use my dad's catchphrase. Like that's just like a major like, this woman seems really sharp. I think that she would probably avoid that. So Jason Statham's hair-covered head has aged the worst. Doing this now? Yeah, we're going to do it now. Okay. Because he decides to go bald and then after that, he's the man. I have thoughts about this. While we don't see this anymore, I know the actor that changed it. Jamie Pippen.

1:14:32Because he grew his hair out. No. He got a hair transplant. After this, the hair transplant became in vote. So what happens is you see guys like Bill McHale and all of these other guys, a lot of other people I could name too, that actually get hair transplants instead of just doing a Bruce Willis thing or doing a Jason Statham thing or letting the widows peak or whatever, whatever, live. Statham goes bald. But if he would have come after Ari Gold, he would have probably gotten a hair transplant. He's one of the last pre-hair transplant guys. Is like, I'm so, I'm too fucking hard to actually get a transplant.

1:15:08But by the time, like, Jeremy Piven popped up with Ari Gold, he looked nothing like himself. He legitimately looked 15 years younger. We were so used to him being, A, a little bit portly, and B, having the receding hairline, that when he came back, it was like, shit. And I think that was very important in hair transplant cultural technology. Where does Travolta fit into this? nah he I mean it's on another planet yeah his shit was like fucking luxurious he went crazy

1:15:37Bill Simmons:domestic disturbance was the last time before he was like alright I'm gonna really spend some real money trying to fix this enough of this LG post yeah I'll tell you Apollo 13 Hanks was we talked about it when uh it was up there yeah Hanks Hanks had the peninsula you think he had one well he definitely had it was further back and then um Um, Venethe's Benihana Award scene-stealing location. It's gotta be Venice. Hans Gruber scale, villain ranking? Where do we put I'm gonna go, honestly, there's a perverse joy I get out of how little he gives a fuck, so I'm gonna give him like a six. Yeah. Yeah, I had five.

1:16:15He's right in the, right in the midst. But he plays, obviously the detachment was real, but his detachment in the movie kind of works for the movie.

1:16:24Bill Simmons:It's great in the final scene where he just doesn't care anymore because he's so happy. It's the last day of the shoot. He's like, oh, no. Oh, no. You got me. Jesus. Overacting a word? I don't really feel like anybody. The Ukrainian brother? Oh. Okay. All right. We'll take a break, and then Van's got to flex. Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry. I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah. Great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out.

1:17:07Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.

1:17:14Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Boar's Head. It may have been years ago, but I still remember the feeling of unpacking my kids' lunchboxes after school and to find nothing left. As a parent, that's a total win. Boar's Head, Maple, Honey, Ham. American cheese, maple honey, turkey, all-time greats in the school lunch game. It's real quality protein that tastes great. So you can feel that winning feeling all term long. Whether you're doing wraps, sandwiches, or a quick snack box, Boar's Head makes packing school lunches easier. You'll be proud of what you pack. They'll be happy to finish it. Fuel their school day with the premium choice Boar's Head.

1:17:50Bill Simmons:For lunchtime inspiration, visit boarshead.com slash back to school or head to your local deli counter. Van, you have a flex. Yes. So, did this movie have a porn parody? The answer is no, but I do have a pitch. I have a pitch for the porn parody version of this. Now, I want it to star, but I'm not going to star. I'll direct. It's called The Italian Jobs with an S. So, I have... Is that with a Z? It could be Jobs with a Z. Now you're thinking. Now you're thinking. Now you're thinking. Just trying to help. So, Ricky Johnson of Ricky's Room is going to star as a black man who realizes is he's the descendant of the Moors who conquered southern Italy.

1:18:29Oh my God. Yeah. So he goes to Italy to find his roots with his black girlfriend. She's played by Scarlet Scandal. Are these porn stars? Porn actors? Don't worry about it. Like, just relax and... Okay. And he finds out that there's still a turf war going on in Italy. You know. But instead of guns, they use sex.

1:18:51Bill Simmons:Yeah. Okay. That's what's happening. So there's an organized crime family of beautiful Italian women that he has to take down in order to win. The Capos are Mona Azar, Valentina Bianco, and the boss is Valentina Nappy. Okay? This is the way they fight. Those are foreign serves. Okay, whatever, man. If you guys don't know the life, you don't know the life. They have to engage in sexual warfare. Him and the family against everyone there that's in Southern Italy. First one to come loses. Different jobs. Jesus Christ. Hand jobs. Blow jobs. all kinds of things and he has to defeat them to reclaim Italian jobs jobs you know what I like about you?

1:19:32what? you still care about story I do I don't just go in there with a pitch with nothing else but to reclaim Italian jobs his Moorish ancestral kingdom yeah he has to go there and win all of these different jobs and maintain his relationship with his sister this sounds like a high end X-rated vehicle I'm ready to shoot it this is what puts Jack Horner out of business oh oh I have something I have something the last line here Ringer Films yeah for Sean Finnessy executive producer

1:20:02Bill Simmons:let me check Ringer Films with a Z with a Z yeah my vertical of Ringer Films that's it I like it it's better than half Italian job Sierra thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford how to stake a word I already did mine did you do yours no I'm trying to think of the right way to put this but I think John Wick killed my brain so when I watch this movie now I'm just like shoot him like every almost every scene I'm like how come nobody just pulls out a gun and kills him right here he's the guy he's the guy who killed Donald Sutherland like kill him you got him why are we having foreplay and also if you're Ed Norton and you've already shown the capacity to kill Donald Sutherland just shoot these people or have these people killed and you shot the Ukrainian guy but there's just like a weird rule in this movie of when gun violence can or can't be deployed and I think modern action movies have kind of made it hard to watch because you're like I don't understand like he killed Donald Sutherland you're supposed to just take this dude out what do you have?

1:21:05this is you know Charlize Theron Theron whatever you call her is the white Halle Berry I have no intellectual thoughts to back this up I've always felt this way they each have an Oscar like they they're mirroring each other in weird ways. It's like they're the bizarro version of one another. I don't have it fleshed out and thought out. I actually wanted you guys to help me make this case. I feel she's the white... I was a little older. A little bit. Just a little bit. Like seven or eight years.

1:21:36Bill Simmons:A little older. They're both potent female forces that seem like they could be happy alone if they have to be. Absolutely. They have the one Oscar each, like you said. Have been in franchises. Been in franchises. They've really figured out social media how to make splashes. Like how he did that Juicy Peach thing recently. You like that shit, yeah. It's good. Charlize had that whole thing about she's like, I just like one night stands with 20 something guys. Yeah. They just come in and do their business and then they leave. They understand their place on the desirability scale. Yeah. And we are investing in them both culturally and on the screen.

1:22:13They are the same. Have they been in a movie together?

1:22:15Bill Simmons:I don't think so. I hope it would work. It's almost like having two dominant ball handlers on the same NBA team. It's like, is there going to be enough ball around for them? Hopefully. For many years to come. The Van Lathan Award. Did this movie need more black people? I think so. Yeah. Where would you put him in? You know where they needed it? They needed, not to cut you off, because this is obviously your award, but... I mean, but no, it's the way to go. I mean, you did cut him off. It's okay. Well, I just got inspired. There you go. You wanted to be an ally. Steve needed a black sidekick. Yep.

1:22:48Yep. Steve and Rightier. You know what I mean? And like, that was maybe, maybe it could have been Mo Steff's brother.

1:22:55Bill Simmons:Steve needed a bodyguard that went with him everywhere who didn't, who was... Let's make this guy his equal guy. It could have been his computer guy. He's like, let's make this guy, you know, you guys are making this guy. I just think Seth Green didn't have to be Seth Green. He could have been black. That could have been Dave Chappelle pretty easily. I think that actually where the movie misses some brothers and sisters, it definitely misses some black women. It's like throughout, sprinkled throughout, like, the cornucopia of LA. There was an awesome opportunity to have, like, I don't know, like, Snoop pop up in this bitch or, like, young black actors from around the town pop up in this motherfucker somewhere.

1:23:31They missed a spot when Ed Norton takes Charlize to dinner. That could have been, like, a cooler restaurant. We could have had some more celebs there. Yeah.

1:23:39Bill Simmons:I felt like they missed a big set piece scene in the middle, which is what Fast would have done. They would have had a Statham trying to evade police scene. about the hour mark of this movie just to get our adrenaline going. That's when they do all the LA underworld crime stuff of the Ukrainians and the gold bars and all that stuff. So you're saying the dinner scene with Ed Norton. He said that, but I agree. No, but he's taking Charlize instead to some concert or some club. What year is it? It's 2003. So 50's in town. They're going there or something like that. Just a little bit more. Steve Frazzelli loves 50.

1:24:16Whatever. He's hanging out with him. Like, whatever. Like, there's an opportunity. L.A. has a very, very potent black cultural fingerprint. So there's just a little bit of that missing in the movie. It's like Martha's Vineyard. Incredible. If Steve Rizzoli was just chilling out with G-Unit. Yeah. Incredible.

1:24:31Bill Simmons:Tony Yayo in that bitch. Casting what ifs. Not really a ton here, except Wahlberg dropped out of SWAT to do this. Colin Farrell got that role. And then apparently Giovanni Ribisi was supposed to be the Seth Green part, but couldn't do it. I've never understood. much better movie with Mark Wahlberg and what? SWAT. I mean, I like SWAT, but if Mark Wahlberg was in SWAT, I think SWAT would have been better. Who was in SWAT? I don't remember. Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell. Wasn't on my list. You said, You would like SWAT. You've never seen SWAT? It's good. No, I saw it when it was in the theater or whenever after, but I haven't seen it in 20 years.

1:25:10Bill Simmons:Am I missing something? That's just, it's an enjoyable action movie. If you have 20 million dollars, break me out of jail, whatever you say. Joey Pants Award for Best That Guy? I have a couple here. Okay. I think you moved this down a little bit. Where'd it go? Skinny Pete said that guy because I just know him as Skinny Pete. Scott Adsit from 30 Rock is the actor rehearsing in Traffic. Oh, that's a good one. Boris Krutnog is Yevon, the Ukrainian. He was in Hunt for Red October. He's on the Red October with Conor. He's one of those guys. And Oscar from The Office is the security guard. That's the one that jumped out at me.

1:25:46the Oscar he just sticks out like a sore throat but both of the Russian guys could be that guys yeah

1:25:52Bill Simmons:Deion Waiter's award Donald Sutherland or Skinny Pete I had Sean Fanning Sean Fanning and he mugs for the camera he's like I'm in this movie inspired choice I had Donald Sutherland yeah it's like in for 15 minutes recasting couch director or city I mean obviously we gotta get Philly the fuck out like is it better in Boston or would you go Chicago in the summer

1:26:20Bill Simmons:Steve Frizzelli we gotta get filling the fuck out and your response is Boston in 03 Steve Frizzelli is taking a helicopter from New York to go see his money in Philadelphia that's right I don't have any real recasting other than the Mark Wahlberg part so who would you ideally put in the Mark Wahlberg part somebody else Damon because Damon can't do it because he's got more identity He's already in Oceans and stuff. Ben Affleck. I hate doing this because you're shooting too high. But I want you to think about the time this movie came out, 03, in Leo DiCaprio. Oh, Bill, just get the fuck out of here.

1:27:01What are you?

1:27:04Bill Simmons:The beach was 01. Okay. Right? He's about to hit. He just did Gangs of New York. and he's about to hit the Catch Me If You Can The Aviator part of his IMDb. This is pre-Blood Diamond. Pre-TIA. I think he could have snuck this in here and I think it's a much better movie. Yeah. No shit. If Leo is the Mark Wahlberg part, I think this movie's a home run. This would just be... Honestly, it would be so fucking cool if DiCaprio just made one of these now. If he was just like, eh. Why don't we just bang out an Italian job? But this is legitimately the point in his career where he goes, you know what?

1:27:44I made the beach. Fuck it. For the next X amount of years, it's Spielberg, Scorsese. Those are the guys. These are the guys that I'm working with. And he doesn't make movies like this. Inception is kind of just prestige Italian job. That's a really good point. That's actually not bad. Getting the gang all together. He's the leader. It's a really good point. But it's Christopher Nolan. It's Christopher Nolan.

1:28:06Bill Simmons:Yeah. Do you think Leo's IMDb in the 2000s You should basically trade this for Blood Diamond. Why can't I just have this movie too? Okay. What's wrong with that? That's fine. Why do we have to be so precious about Leo? About Blood Diamond. About Blood Diamond. If he goes this movie right into Catch Me If You Can Aviator with bookending with Gangs of New York, and this is the next one, it's just like, oh, I'm doing a fun little caper movie. Drive some cars out. I think you would have been really good in this. All right. Craig, you did your flex. Yeah, but can I do a hottest take? Yeah. I think all of the heists in this movie are in the wrong order, and they chose the wrong heist to feature.

1:28:47I think the Venice heist, by far the coolest heist in the movie, should have been the finale. It should have been the end of the movie. Yeah. It's also the Italian job. Yes. It should be the end. Falling through the three levels with the paint was super cool into the water. It was like a great reveal that you think it's in the boat, it's not. And then the heist that they were planning in Steve's house was super cool. I wanted to see the Mini Coopers in the house driving around that was so cool I feel like the one they finished the movie on was the least interesting heist that's a great take

1:29:21Bill Simmons:I don't know how that changes calling it the Italian job but I guess they have to do the Italian job I'm currently in a Twitter algorithm where I keep getting served coward clips it'll be about like you know quarterbacks are like comedians You don't want to have to explain it too much. And then the tweet is like, holy fucking shit, look at him cook. And I'm like, I don't really get it. I actually saw that cook. I was like, it's like a pretty okay take, but that's just like. Can we put this on Twitter? We should do that for Craig. Holy fucking shit, he cooked so hard. We almost ended the pod here.

1:29:59We couldn't believe it.

1:30:07Bill Simmons:I did see that quarterback take and I was like what's going on? The more you have to explain to a comedian and how funny they are the odds are they aren't that funny and the same goes for quarterbacks but doesn't that isn't what he's saying doesn't that make fucking sense? Sure I guess Half-Esser in research not a ton here other than The Norton stuff. The Norton stuff, the stunts. There's a fuck ton of Mini Cooper stuff that you just kind of glaze over after a while. Apex Mountain. Coopers. Probably nobody in this movie really except for maybe Seth Green. This might have been the peak for Seth Green.

1:30:48Bill Simmons:You're looking at me like I... I mean, you know. I'm not his defense attorney. You're a people. It's not Austin Powers. It's after Austin Powers, after the third one. He's one of the leads in an Italian job, basically. And I feel like this is... Yeah, like this was his shot at being a big boy type of... Yeah, this is... Maybe it was the last Austin Powers. Nothing really else except for Mini Coopers, I don't think. You know what's funny? How about Venice scenes? Is 03 21st century apex for Los Angeles? So I was thinking for the Hollywood area, it might be. That's when Kimmel Show relaunched there and...

1:31:23Bill Simmons:It goes all the way to... They're spending money and they're really trying to restore it and make it a place you go. and the man theater they spent money on and they built a new mall. Arclight's cranking. Arclight, it goes all the way to the end of Entourage. You know what the, and Katsuya goes in on the corner of Katsuya goes in. Sunset and Vine. And it became like the place for two years. And then Sunset, every little part of Hollywood has its own deal. Sunset and Vine has its deal. Then right there, the corner of Fairfax and, not Fairfax, the corner of La Brea. It really ended when The Ringer moved into Sunset Gower in 2016.

1:31:56Bill Simmons:No, we had a nice couple of years there. No, but I'm saying that was the beginning and the end for the entire area. We took out Hollywood? Yeah. Getting chased by hobos in the Gulch? Kevin Clark got run over by a car. Now we're Gulch. It's a big deal. I think Hollywood's coming back. I hope so. I think Hollywood's coming back. David Ellison's going to save it. Cruz or Hanks? You could do both. You could have Cruz play Charlie. I think Cruz could have been Wahlberg really easily. You would have loved the driving. I think Cruz in the Edward Norton role. evil cruise evil cruise mustache evil cruise and collateral yeah what else that's it think about this movie with cruise in the edward norton role and then leo he would have tried harder i'll tell you that much yeah and leo picket knits um just charlie's pretending to be a cable repair person it's ludicrous they figure out the right brinks truck in the hollywood chase scene yeah based on tire size cause seth green apparently has some incredible computer program and he measures the tires and one of the tires we love.

1:33:01Bill Simmons:They have set that up where he keeps telling them it's this wide, it's this tall. What if that car just had less air in the tires just by some coincidence? I don't know. Blowing up the exact square spot in Hollywood Boulevard, the car has to be in the right lane. That's the stop right on that spot. It can't take out any other cars. I'm just saying high degree of difficulty. I think this movie is less interested in the planning and the execution of stuff in any heist type movie that I've seen in taking seriously yeah cause in Oceans you're like holy shit that would work and in Oceans they do so much they have multiple cons running at the same time that let you know you're in on the heist almost they make you an expert in it like they immerse you in it this movie doesn't give a fuck about that we've talked about a lot of the other Pikinitsa I was just gonna say if you stole a bunch of gold from Venice would you really have a roadside party at the border for Austria and then get on a one lane road?

1:34:04Probably not. Probably not. Just mine is... Also bullets don't work like that when they hit the water. Like travels full speed that way. And yeah there are no police in the world. CR fucking correcting us. Yeah Mythbusters. They die in the water. The water's cold. They're all sharing the thing. They're dead.

1:34:21Bill Simmons:Sequel, prequel, Prestige, TVL, Blackcaster, or untouchable.

1:34:28I'd watch six of these films. We already talked about this. I'd watch six of these movies. Boston job, Philly job. I'd watch a prequel prestige TV show about Donald Sutherland. And you could have Kiefer Plan.

1:34:39Bill Simmons:Honestly, missed opportunity. This movie made almost$200 million. I don't know why they just abandoned it. I mean, there's a lot of talk about what was supposed to happen and why the Brazilian job never got made. You could have done the Stella Bridger series as like an international safe cracker. And that could have been a whole series cracker. Fucking Craig over here. I would have gone to at least the first one of those. Yeah. Or Halle Berry. This category leads me to the question of all black cast. Hmm. Has there been an all black cast heist movie? Oh. Well, you have Fight Night. And if not, why not?

1:35:15You have Fight Night a couple of... I mean, there's an answer to why. didn't Eddie Murphy do Tower Heist Tower Heist but there's an answer to why there's an answer to why why has there been a Black Ocean's Eleven there are heist movies that involve black people but there's an answer to why it's because that when you do these movies like this the criminals in the movie seem elegant they seem highbrow and that's because like crimes committed like this by an all white cast, they seem like ingenious. There's ingenuity. And on screen, when black people commit crimes, even if these crimes have all of this intricate shit to it, they just seem like criminals to the audience.

1:36:01Like that same elegance and that same ingenuity, I think people view it in a different way.

1:36:06Bill Simmons:Institutional bias. I completely think that... Maybe that's the challenge and the thing to upend. Yeah, I agree. I thought we couldn't do a movie like this, but we just fucking did. Right. By the way, there are movies out there They're black heist movies. Even like, some of them are comedic, whatever. Even like, you know, Uptown Saturday Night, Let's Do It Again, movies like that. But when you talk about all of this type of shit, Takers is kind of like that. Well, it's just the idea of having, honestly, like a movie. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, but when you start looking at it like that, it's different. CR, is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Fergie the Flores, Zane Lowe, Robert Evans, Dr.

1:36:40Bill Simmons:Charles Nichols, Ted Levine, or someone else? I have a new person to introduce to this melange. Can't wait. Derek from American History X. I got a bet. I come in this game right now. Same score, but we play Mini Coopers versus helicopters. If you win, we will walk away, but if we win, no bitching, no fighting, right here in front of everybody, you pack up your shit and you get your little British cars out of here. When are we doing that? Fucking craziest scene in movie history. I fucking loved it. I loved it. I love that fucking movie. That's my favorite performance of him ever. He's unbelievable in that movie.

1:37:22He's phenomenal in it. The movie, I know it makes people uncomfortable, but the movie is sublime. It's really good.

1:37:29Bill Simmons:Sublime. 99, man. Somebody just asked me like three days ago if we were ever going to do it. Did you not do it with Shay? We never did it. Not for Luminary? No. Let me ask you this. Seriously, all jokes aside, are you a little bit scared of me? No. Not at all. Yeah, when you go back and watch it. I love that movie. I think it's also a fascinating text to use now. No, it's always been on the list. We just never did it. Just one Oscar who gets it. What do we do here, Craig? What about the... Is there like a stunt driver Oscar? Stunts. Okay. Stunts? Stunts. Yeah. Probably unanswerable questions. I didn't really have any other than we made$24 million and caused$490 million of damage.

1:38:16Bill Simmons:Yeah. Yeah. Now what? I feel like people are looking for these people for the next five years. It's weird. There's one reference. The people who ruined LA have escaped again. Most Def gets them cell phones at the beginning of the LA portion and he's like, you know, we'll have to switch these out a lot because there's going to be heat on these lines and like there is no heat on the lines. There's no cops. Nobody is looking for them. This is probably answerable, but I want to ask you guys this question. Is there anybody in this movie that you think is better at their respective job than their counterpart in the Ocean's Eleven.

1:38:49Is there anybody here that's better?

1:38:52Bill Simmons:Honestly, I thought Seth Green had all the answers for an hour and 50 minutes. Is there anybody in the Ocean's crew that has Handsome Rob's skill set? That's the one. I think he would... Getaway driver. He's the only member of this crew. Both send cars. He's the only member of this crew that I think could be on Danny's crew. That's a good question. So who are you bumping? off Danny's crew? Yeah. Carl Reiner. Yeah. Oh, damn. Oh, wow. No, I'm saying like, I think... There's got to be a sunset clause somewhere. I know he's the guy in Ocean's Eleven, but like, you know... Maybe the combo of Casey and Scott, even though they're really funny.

1:39:30Yeah, you don't need both.

1:39:31Bill Simmons:Yeah. Memorability you'd want from this movie is easy. It's got to be a gold brick. Yeah. Mini Cooper. I would have put that right there. My wife has a Mini Cooper. Really? It's pretty harrowing driving it around. Yeah, I agree. Everybody's, especially now, everybody's bumper is basically at brain level. So like as you're pulling out, you're like, this guy is going to decapitate me. Like everywhere. I don't. I talk my wife out of anyone. Coach Finstock, Mr. Braggie Award, best worst life lesson. It's got to be the devil inside, right? Yeah. Best double feature choice. I'd go with Fast Four, just so you could see how many things they kind of secretly stole from this movie.

1:40:08Bill Simmons:And then who won the movie? Might be Ed Norton. That's the funny thing. It's tough. I think it's the funniest of all the performances to revisit during a rewatchable. It's him and Charlize are the reasons to go back to kind of see pre-superstardom Charlize and Ed Norton being like, you fucking guys. I can't believe this. What do you got, Craig? I think it's the first inanimate object to win the movie and it's the Mini Coopers win the movie. I don't think it's close. Wow. Mini Coopers win the movie. You're cooking with me today. That fucking take is one of the best things I've ever fucking had before.

1:40:39You're like a young Colin Coward today. Crazy. Yeah. You will believe what this kid just said about his Italian job. Craig Corbett did it again. Anybody I know who likes this movie, who watched it growing up, the first thing they say, Italian job, oh, Mini Coopers. Yeah. It's the Mini Coopers. Oh, that's true. Probably right. Yeah. I watched this movie a ton growing up. This was like peak cable movies. I almost feel like it was made for cable. There's like no sex, no blood, no swearing. It's like made to just live on television. And it's like the perfect gateway action movie for a 12-year-old boy.

1:41:09Bill Simmons:You're absolutely right. It's great. people to look at things happening I remember watching this when I was like 11 years old and thought it was fucking awesome so you were excited when we did the Italian job yeah this is great it's been on the list for a while yeah damn Craig was like Carmen and the Bear with this thing the thing about Mini Coopers is they're like a New York City apartment they're small but they do a lot the Italian job first of two rewatchables this week we have about last night 40th anniversary coming on Thursday with me and CR and Mallory Rubin, who's going to make CR about as uncomfortable as it gets.

1:41:48Bill Simmons:I can't wait. She does get you. You guys? He's 15 years or 14 years of this. Guys, perhaps. Go back to the infamous blowjob story. You know what it is? It's just like those stories come out of nowhere. If you watch the blowjob, I'm sorry, which is the funniest moment I've personally read about. I don't even know if Bill knows this. Which movie was that one? Oh, Jesus Christ, bro. So like a couple of years ago, we do the, I can't remember which movie draft it was. 2000 something. It's the whole couch full of people. Rob, Joe, me, the big picture. And Mallory goes into a story about, you know, giving blowjobs in her basement.

1:42:27And like watching Snatch. And if you guys don't fucking believe me, just go back and watch it. The reactions from Dobbins, from CR, and from Phenasy, all when she gets to it are hysterical. I'm sorry you guys were We didn't cut social out of this? She legitimately got you guys.

1:42:46Bill Simmons:She did. And it was the element of surprise. You know? That's what makes her so special. Anyway, that's going to be Thursday. So two episodes this week. Ben, pleasure as always. Sierra, pleasure. Thanks, brother. Craig, thank you. And we'll be back on Thursday.

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