‘The Legend of Billie Jean’ With Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

30:09Bill Simmons:It's like, all right, you got me. Yep. This one, same thing where we're just like, I'm in some weird part of Texas. There's guys and there's a gas station and there's a scooter. You just kind of get the feeling like what's going on. It's like this guy, obviously he's very proud of his scooter, but these four jerks are chasing him around and his sister's hot. And like, yeah. And then Hubie steals the scooter. We get the whole, uh, yeah. The whole swimming scene, which was a big thing back in high school, way back when. Next one. Billie Jean gets harassed by Mr. Pyatt, who is so fucking evil in this scene.

30:43Bill Simmons:And then gets to come up. You know what the funniest thing about this? I was going to save this for earlier, but I have to mention it now. Is that in my memory, Mr. Pyatt was like an oil baron. And he's like a seashell and souvenir store on the boardwalk. Right. You actually probably didn't have$600. No. I was just like, actually like, this guy is just like a piece of shit tourist trap. Right. We're going to have a little arrangement, a layaway plan. It's like, oh my God, this guy's disgusting. She gets out of that. I always like when somebody picks up a gun. Yeah. In a movie. No, in a movie. No.

31:21Bill Simmons:And they're like, hey, what's this? And you just know somebody's going to get shot at me. It's like, oh boy, here we go. Somebody's taking a bullet. Yeah. Usually, like, the bullet right, like... That looks like it was, like, an inch above his heart. Yeah. Yeah. With these movies, sometimes when somebody gets innocently shot, but they're fine, when you actually think about getting shot... That was much more of an 80s thing. It was like, oh, I just have, like, my arms are the swing. There's, like, two spots up here that you could get shot, and maybe it's okay. Other than that, you're getting a shattered shoulder.

31:50Bill Simmons:You're getting shot in the heart of dying immediately. You're getting a shattered collarbone. Yeah, and what's the response time for Corpus Christi paramedics? That's a lot of blood loss. He's like, I lost two pints. The mall exchange. Yeah. The mall exchange gone wrong with the sped up rebel yell by Billy Idol. Yeah. Chekhov's marbles. This could have just been the whole movie. Yeah. I could have spent 30 minutes in the mall. The Sunrise Mall in Corpus Christi. And I just, I wanted some more stores. We only really get Florsheim in the background. Yeah, I don't know where Spencer's Gifts was. I guess they were probably in KB Toys when they're getting all the G.I.

32:30Joe walkie-talkies and stuff.

32:32Bill Simmons:KB Toys, there should have been some sort of Foot Locker type sports shoe store. You got to have an Orange Julius moment. Yeah, where was Orange Julius? Where was a weird pizza place? But something about the malls back then, I don't know why people just haven't tried to recreate that. Why they haven't recreated the malls? I know Craig, it's near and dear to his heart. Oh, yeah. I mean, just in general, the mid-'80s, the mall era, it's like the Duffer brothers cashed out on this with Stranger Things. It's the most nostalgic era to go back to. It sounds wonderful. I caught the tail end of malls.

33:01In my childhood, I used to go to the mall in the Bay Area that was near me. But I guess kids still go a little bit, but it's just hard. Nobody shops in person anymore. There's no reason to go. Half of them are shut down.

33:11Bill Simmons:Maybe they'll come back like movie theaters did. People are going to movie theaters again. Maybe malls will come back. I think it's hard because here it's like the outdoor malls kind of pervert your idea of what they're supposed to be. But yeah, maybe. I don't know. A couple good things in this part. the two mustache guys that work for Peter Coyote. There's like a whole separate movie going on with those guys. At one point, he does the midnight run, like a couple punch to the chest. And then they just seem like it's a buddy cop that they just decided not to address. And then Hubie coming out of the plants is fucking hilarious.

33:46He's like, ah! Yeah.

33:48Bill Simmons:I can't wait to talk about him. Please. Billie Jean watching Joan of Arc get set on fire and unleashing her new haircut for the videotaping.

34:00Bill Simmons:Iconic scene. Yeah, and then that's where she, you know, they meet Lloyd there. You get some really great hallmarks of a rich guy house. It's dark. There's no lights on anywhere. If you're super rich, you apparently don't use electricity anymore. You've transcended it. You have security cameras all over the place. You can't see anything because everything's pitch black. He's got the slide from his bedroom into the pool. It's like one of the great dreams of my life is to have that. Yeah, except nobody would ever actually have that. I know. It's probably a fire hazard. Can you imagine when we were doing my house if I said to my wife, so I'm thinking out of Ben's bedroom, a giant slide.

34:41It's the most 13-year-old invention ever. It's the best. But it's like a perfect, probably divorced dad for sure. Just being like, I got to buy this kid's affection. I got some money.

34:52Bill Simmons:it's corpus christi like they'll do whatever you know also for keith gordon's character for uh being a pretty cool guy for the most part yeah but yet is also like basically who's the guy who did the michael jackson thriller all the creatures for that oh stan stan winston no the guy i can't remember the name but he's oh vincent price no no the guy the guy who like made the mask i can't remember who did American Werewolf in London and Thriller, all those. He basically has this weird horror movie side. Yeah. And it's really weird. It's not like normal weird. It's not like, come to my room. But it's cool because that was what horror was back then, was like weird guys who would read.

35:32Bill Simmons:But imagine that guy taking a girl back to his room that he's been dating. Was it Rick Baker? Rick Baker. Yeah, it's like, yeah, come to my room. You can see my 20 horror movie mass characters. Well, I get the impression he spends a lot of time on his own. I mean, Lloyd probably has like a nice chunk of change in his pocket. I had this as Nipik later. For the amount of time he spends on his own, he sure knows how to like vibe with the fucking super hot Billie Jean. Yeah. And he's also wearing a pretty cool suit when she shows up. Yeah. Is this like hanging out in a suit? That character's all over the place.

36:06Bill Simmons:It's like, is this guy a loner dork? Is he cool? What is he? Billie Jean's tape getting played in the police station with the Ferris Fairs, which is great. little kid doing the arms uh i think that's a really good scene though though actual like her talking to camera oh yeah mr piatt you sleaze um i put in crazy couple chases billy jean and shoots at guns at her for the ransom i had that for what's age of the worst but yeah well it's just so insane i kind of enjoy it yeah like he's like i'm gonna shoot the tires it shoots through the windshield twice but it also is like kind of indicative of how these stories tend to get a grip on people and drive them kind of crazy.

36:48Bill Simmons:I think this is my winner. Billie Jean gets exchanged around Texas as Pat Benatar cranks Invincible for five minutes. Also, Kid Cudi, Pursuit of Happiness, where Best Needle Drop. She calls the cops to kind of... She's like, I'm going on my own. I don't need anyone attached to me. And it's like... This bloody road remains a mystery. there are so many great 80s cars in that scene like there's like a celica there's like a good mazda um i don't what are we waiting for also like how did this exchange network work with no internet i don't know with no cell phones what's going on i mean it's pretty cool though it's pretty cool i don't ask questions i loved it yeah then there's the one guy with the motorcycle who's like, he's in the Sons of Anarchy but looks like Fabio.

37:49Then at one point she goes downstairs to a rave. I think it's supposed to be a rave.

37:54Bill Simmons:Whole thing. And it's basically a live podcast. No, I think it was supposed to be like... It's like a Billie Jean Davies sponsored by State Farm. Tonight on the Billie Jean Davies show. Today I'm going to talk to my brother Binks about a scooter. But yeah, so everyone applauds. they go nuts what's the next hour there after that meet and greet step and repeat just check hey good luck yeah great to see you um and then uh billy jean burns down pyatt store joan of art burns down people sadly throw billy jean merchandise into the uh into the fire yeah um and the director's like should we do invincible for a third time yeah let's do that John Peters is like yes the director's like what about Love is a Battlefield maybe we switch Benatar and they're like nope we paid for Invincible you can use it so what do you have for most rewatchable her coming out of the scene at Lloyd's house like her coming out of the house and making the tape the first time and that's got my favorite line of the movie where the Putter sisters really or like putters like oh my god you look and then christian slayer's like you look famous yeah yeah yeah there you go that's when the internet was created right there that created twitter was like that we gotta do that i have an idea what's the most 1985 thing about this movie i mean the answer is everything but some nominees the key musical moments for pat benatar the vinyls billy idol yeah the honda elite scooter this is right when it was really climbing in pyatt store there's a huge stand of panama jack sunscreen with like negative five spf it's basically putting gasoline on your body pure peanut oil yeah i don't know if i think jack i think that it's all been outlawed what if kennedy's like we gotta bring back That's a great American company.

40:06Bill Simmons:We need Tanner people. We see at one point gas is a dollar and five cents. That was probably high. We've seen this in a couple other movies we've done. Multiple people who don't know each other watching a wall of TVs in a store. Yeah. I want to go back to that. Yeah. And then like that being how you found out about major events. How you found out about major news. Yeah. An authentic beta movie camera. I think is the winner. I do want to shout out Hubie's shorts in the scene when they steal the bike. We called them back in the day jams. Or at least we did where I live. The shorts, they were like, had like these crazy patterns.

40:48Bill Simmons:They almost looked like they'd been electrocuted. It was also like very indicative of in the summer, if you were a kid, you'd wear your swim trunks all day long. Yeah. Because you never know. You never know when you might swim. Right. But they were like, they were like, they could go with swim trunks, but you could also just wear them when you went out. They all had like weird designs and colors and this was a two-year run that I can't really explain. Yeah, it was day to night. It was okay to wear to the beach, but it was also okay to wear to Chili's. You know? You missed the biggest 1985 thing.

41:16What is it? I can't believe we haven't talked about it yet. What's here? Jimmy J. Judge, C101 Talk Radio. Oh, yeah. Just taking calls about local crime and weather and playing hot tunes.

41:36it's like five years later that makes no sense also the only thing anyone in all of corpus christi is constantly listening to is jimmy jay it's how binks finds out that they have to go on the run it's like they listen to it all the time in the car i don't think i ever realized until this viewing of this movie they never leave corpus christi yeah like they don't even get out

41:56Bill Simmons:of town right i think it's corpus christi is it like london i know what was the most 1985 thing for you what jumped out watching it krick oh man i mean her hair probably the haircut choice has to be the most 80s thing yeah i gotta say jimmy j judge is up there with my favorite movie radio djs with clint and play misty for me oh steven wright DJ in Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. Was it Lynn Thigpen in The Warriors? Don't forget about Ellen Barkin in The Fan. Ellen Barkin in The Fan. Playing the fabulous sports babe. Adrian Barbeau in The Fog. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. What's age the best? Mr. Pyatt is just an amazing 80s villain.

42:46Bill Simmons:I don't think he's gotten enough credit for how disgusting he was in every respect. Really, really well drawn out. I fucking hate this guy. I'm glad his store is burning down by the end of the movie. And also like the, it's perfect that he actually has this store that he has because that's the guy who would get t-shirts printed up as fast as possible. I had a exchange scenes in an eighties mall going wrong. Yeah. It feels like a recurring theme. Like we'll meet there. 1230. Meet me in public somewhere. Always like places for the cops to hide. And there's plants and weird stores and then chases and escalators.

43:23Bill Simmons:and people can hop from the escalator going down and the one going up always worked. What'd you have? I had a few more. Young Christian Slater. Yeah. Billie Jean's haircut becoming a local phenomenon is pretty good. Yeah. And I love in the mall after the exchange goes bad, the local TV doing man on the street responses and the woman's just like, they're just picking on her because she's a lady. And he goes like, there you have a woman's perspective. The female perspective. He's like kind of poo-pooing it off. I had any time in a movie when people shoplift with IOU notes I don't think it's ever happened in real life isn't that basically Klarna

44:07Bill Simmons:you're gonna Chipotle it's like I have a dollar I'll be back the fact that the Slaters aren't related but they actually genuinely look like their brother and sister yeah here's one that I honestly could have used more of in the 80s and 90s when characters found an empty, really nice suburban semi-mansion to hide in for a couple days? Amazing. Why did we stop doing this? Yeah. This is the whole plot of Beverly Hills Cop 2. This is why, like, maybe ring cameras were a mistake. You know what I mean? That would have been a good hot mistake. Because you don't get to find out that a bunch of teens have been living in your house while you were on vacation.

44:45Seems great. I mean, it could have been the whole movie.

44:47Bill Simmons:They're just living there and ordering whatever, delivery, pizza delivery. I had 80s high school bad guys. Yeah. Like Hubie's crew, Cobra Kai. Yeah. James Spader's crew in Pretty in Pink. Like just, they were some of the most evil people we had in movies. Always a blind guy. They were just like 17 year old. Yeah. Always a blind guy. Always like super flirty and borderline sexual harassment. They're always chewing gum. Named like Hubie or Bart or some shit. And at the end they have some sort of realization that maybe this was the wrong way to go. Yeah. Hubie at the end of this movie is like I'm gonna let my dad burn to death I don't care go get a pizza Johnny Lawrence the Danocratic Kid I'm going to TCU in the fall this is too heavy for me

45:34Bill Simmons:this is a deep cut what's age the best movie characters getting mad that the ransom number for them wasn't high enough oh yeah Keith Gordon being like only 10k I like any time that happens That's actually a ton of money for 1985 in Texas. Yeah. I like any time a movie character says, your money lets you get away with anything. Lloyd's hostage plan, which is ridiculous, but I also have it as a What's Age the Best, like really inventive way to try to get laid. Yeah. She's like, I just need to stay around Billie Jean and keep taking shots. Yeah, he knows what he's doing. Also, just like him being like, I'm super into Houdini, so this is a chance to put my tricks into action.

46:19Mark Safin did the theme music for this.

46:23Bill Simmons:He also did the closing in song for the golf course chase. Yep. Do you know what song he did? That's an absolutely all-time iconic 80s movie song. Win in the end in Teen Wolf. Really? The whole basketball scene. Win in the end. I'm gonna win in the end. You remember that one, Craig? From Teen Wolf? No, I don't. It's like five minutes of him just singing Win in the End. The music in the scene where she walks out and she first gets her hair cut, I'm pretty convinced is just where Stranger Things got the music. Yeah, I mean, this could have been a hottest take. I think Stranger Things really studied like three, four movies.

47:13Like E.T.

47:14Bill Simmons:E.T. I think they studied this movie. Maybe Goonies in this. Yeah. I think there was some Karate Kid in there. Yeah, Eleven having the haircut. Yeah. But I think if you gave true serum to those guys, I think they would admit they watched this movie. I think they would admit it. Yeah. Big Kahuna Burger were best use of food and drink. I just always enjoy when somebody dumps a milkshake on a movie billy. That's just going to win me over every time. It's also very 1980s to be like, it's hot out. let's get like a big cup of milk you know right who would get a milkshake and yeah it's a 90 degree weather one in the afternoon i had the uh the shopping cart full of junk food that potter potter tries to buy and oh yeah convenience store it's like all butterfingers right yeah great shock order where most cinematic shot there is a nice big wide shot of them lying on that whatever that big wood thing is in the lake yeah and it just seems calm and quiet and you're like oh man something bad the hair reveal is cool when it starts down at the pool this was shot by jeff kimball jeffrey kimball who shot fucking top gun like wow yeah that makes sense it looks really really good chest rockwell brocklander's award for best character name billy jean davy is pretty good awesome i do love binks yeah and i and i but i i think the winner is hubie piatt that's just somebody you want to punch in the face yeah we don't name kids hubie anymore do we nor binks i think binks is a nickname right oh is it i'd assume for what so his name would be binks davey i would assume his name's like bradley or bobby or something like that what do you have for a flex category cr um i have a couple but i i did can we do z want now can we talk it out does Lloyd get heavy into VHS porn?

49:03Because I think it's in play. He becomes like Buttman? He's got all the equipment. He's got a little bit of startup capital. He's had his taste of crime.

49:20He launches a competitor to Vivid Video? Binks moves to Burlington, Vermont and becomes a scooper at an early Ben & Jerry's store and kind of bums around the mountains, sells some bad acid at a dead show and gets his ass kicked. Lloyd's dad winds up having a low-key role in the David Koresh standoff. Hubie becomes lieutenant governor and Billie Jean gets embroiled in a years-long copyright litigation. No, Hubie's the governor in Texas

49:48Bill Simmons:for like 28 years. What do you mean? I actually, ironically, put this in the rundown after unanswerable questions and I had the Zawantanea Award. What happened the next day? Binx eventually becomes the father to Doug McRae. Oh, that's good. In the town. Yeah. Yeah, that's his dad. His dad is Binx. I mean, his idea of what Vermont is like must be so fucked up because it's just that chick on a poster. I mean, honestly, even people in Vermont are like, dude, calm down. Yeah, don't get your hopes up. Yeah, Vermont's fine. Do kids still hang up posters of hot women in their rooms growing up? Did Ben do that?

50:28No. What a shame. It's because it's all on our phone, right? Yeah. That's a bummer.

50:33Bill Simmons:Yeah, I had some good ones. That's such a vibe. Kathy Ireland. Sure. On my wall. I like Hubie being in some sort of major political role in Texas. Yeah. Like playing off the Billie Jean thing. Yeah. I learned my lessons. The Butch's Girlfriend Award weekly in the film. It's either Billie Jean saving the Kenny the Random Abuse Kid. that whole section or Billie Jean getting shot at by these two people trying to get a ransom that whole section of the movie by the way I like that whole section of the movie it's just we kind of go sideways there for a second I know that Yardley Smith is like in an interview is like I don't understand why my character gets her period like in the middle of this movie for the first time but I do think the child abuse section where it's just like you gotta save Kenny it's like well I'm on the run from the law so I can't do that I like when she comes out of the house and she's like Kenny's gonna live with his grandmother and the crowd's like yeah and we literally know the grandmother's worse than the fucking dad Kenny has CT but he's gonna live with his grandmother what's age the worst we mentioned earlier about dreaming about someday living in Vermont weird like why not go I don't know like California well I think it's because it's 120 degrees He's only seen one poster of Vermont.

51:56He probably can't name another city there. He thinks all of Vermont is chicks who are naked underneath their ski suits.

52:02Bill Simmons:It would have been funny if he had just saw Hot Dog the movie and was like, this is my jam. This is the jam. Yeah, this is what I need. What do you have? I have a few. I have a good old boy taking a shot at Billy with a hunting rifle while she's surrounded by kids in order to get the down payment for his house. Pretty fucked up. And station wagons fishtailing a lot. you know we we just have better suspensions now yeah but like that was like some of those fucking cars were really dangerous back then it's a good point because the chase scenes were just better back then but it's because the cars were worse just like spin yeah how but like now it's a really good point thank you um thanks i would say it's worse i would have toned down benatar and invincible maybe by one song or brought it up by another three here's a i don't think it was at the right number.

52:53Bill Simmons:Maybe five more or two less. It's too bad that I think Pat Benatar has a strange relationship to this movie, but it would have been great if she would have recorded like an acoustic version to play like during the second version. You know, or something. Yeah, so I read in the research she didn't like this movie. Yeah. But then I didn't know if that was true, because she still plays it at concerts. Well, I mean, it's her song. I think she's just like, this is the song from the dumbest movie ever made. Come on, Pat. I mean, that gets... I almost want to break out the fuck you Raj for that. For Pat.

53:25Bill Simmons:Settle down, Pat. Settle the fuck down, Pat. Like what other song in a movie does she even have at this point? The way adults talk to Billie Jean we mentioned. The original title of this film was Fair is Fair? Tough. You like that more or less the legend of Billie Jean? I think if it had been called Fair is Fair, I wonder if it does better at the box office. but it does not become a cult classic the way it did. Yeah. I think that's fair. Legend of Billie Jean. Here's my big one. So, and it makes sense because in the research, they said this, they had to do some reshoots and her hair was different.

54:03Bill Simmons:So she had to wear a wig for some of the scenes. Yeah, you can tell. You can just, it's like, it's really bad. Like she, she looks like there's a couple of scenes where she just looks like she has Steve Kerr's hair and the 98 bulls. It just makes no sense. and then it goes back to the old hair. But man, I wish, it's funny that Peters cared so much about the haircut and then didn't care. He was on the back end by then. He was like, whatever, move down to Top Gun. All right, let's do one more break and then we'll do the rest of the categories. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Want to be as confident behind the wheel as I am about a movie nobody else will admit as a top five all-timer?

54:43Bill Simmons:Get the Mazda CX-50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined in electronic all-wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Visit MazdaUSA.com, discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits, and other factors used for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary. This episode is brought to you by Netflix. The MLB at Field of Dreams returns. Bryce Harper and the Philadelphia Phillies face Byron Buxton and the Minnesota Twins at the iconic Field of Dreams ballpark.

55:24Bill Simmons:The field is calling. Watch the MLB at Field of Dreams game live on Netflix Thursday, August 13th at 7.30 p.m. Eastern, 4.30 p.m. Pacific.

55:37Bill Simmons:Evening, buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. all right ruffalo hand and ruben egg partridge overacting word putter's mom uh who's just the worst person i was gonna go kenny's dad oh kenny's dad seemed like he was really methoding out there like all right so i've been living in the back of this trailer for like two months they're like hey we just need you for yeah just can you just be evil and smelly cr thinks luke wilson could have been harris support how does take a word what do you got i think in my lifetime uh mass media should have stopped evolving right at the moment of this movie depicts so that would basically be early cable radio you have some people who have like video cameras so there is like you're able to make your own stuff but not easily and it just basically means that i would never have a job and i would work at a record store for the rest of my life but i'd be okay with that if we could go back to like this moment because it was just so perfect in my mind which i think probably most people who are like I would like to go back to when it was like I was 10 that was the perfect moment like whether it was this game platform or this kind of like the cable TV like you had HBO but that was it everybody probably thinks that for whatever they are but it was like this is just such a perfect moment in my mind like I still remember sitting in the backseat of my mom's car and like listening to WMMR or Eagle 106 and just being like these are the only 20 songs I need to know 84 and 85 you're right We had it all figured out.

57:34Bill Simmons:My take, Keith Gordon. Widest range of excellent performance to horrible performance of any actor in the last 50 years. In this film specifically or across the course of his career? He has a run. I think he's really good in this movie. He's pretty good in Dressed to Kill. He's good in Christine. He's horrific in Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield. it's one of the worst performances of the 80s and Christine he's kind of all over the place I don't know what he's going for there and then Jaws 2 pretty solid but he's just all over it I don't have a read for him he became a director he did a Midnight Clear which is really good did he direct Chocolate War I can't remember he directed a bunch of ones anyway but he's become like a very good director yeah but that's a hot take he was in kind of more movies than maybe he should have been.

58:29Bill Simmons:I think we would have been good with like three Keith Gordon movies, but he's in six. Yeah. It's funny. He's like kind of like the he's like off brand Matthew Broderick a little bit. Yeah, like darker. He has that kind of like a little bit of like, I'm a little bit of a nerd, but I can also be cool, you know? Yeah. But I also might have seen him in war games. I also might have tried heroin. Yeah. Casting what ifs, couldn't find any. Nah, me neither. Best that guy a word yardley smith as putter lisa simpson is she hardly smith i think she's lisa simpson she's lisa simpson i had barry tubb who was wolfman in top gun and he's qb in this movie i had richard bradford as mr pyatt because the only other thing i he's just one of those guys he was in the untouchables apparently yeah he's the he's the cop who's like this is a cop spot yeah i never knew that guy's name i knew who barry tubbs that's a really let's do bradford you're right Barry Tubb I knew from Top Gun.

59:28Bill Simmons:And he's been in some other stuff too. Dion Waiter's award. I don't think the undercover mustache cops can win this. It's probably Putter. It's Dean Stockwell. What are you talking about? Dean Stockwell? Yeah. Really? Yeah, he comes in. He's like, I'm fucking 10 months away from making Paris, Texas. He's like a really good actor and I'm just going to be the district attorney of Corpus Christi. And the scene he has with Peter Coyote in the beginning where he's like, pretty smart to do it this way. like if you were going to do it like blah blah really good scene he's good i go with putter i think putter's funny okay recasting couch director of city can i offer you young james spader as lloyd in the same city or you want to move it to like concord new hampshire or something no i he i think he texas is it up by the way keith gordon no accent in this movie for corpus christi i assume me goes to private school.

1:00:21What about young Cusack for Lloyd? 18, 19 years old at this time. There you go, Craig.

1:00:28Bill Simmons:I would have crushed that. I have a rarely seen recasting a music scene choice. I felt like this was one away from being a pretty great soundtrack. The golf course scene, the song's not good enough. Pretty Persuasion by R.E.M. Ooh. Needed something with a little kick where they're running. and I think that was I went through all my 80s playlists trying to find the perfect one and I think that's where I landed Can I just off the top of my head throw it at you? Yeah When they are doing the like Let's Help Billie Jean Escape Across the City with all the girls who look like Billie Jean Yeah Voices Carry by Till Tuesday Ooh Female artist Yeah, Amy Mann Female artist Empowering women That's what we're doing I like because we got the divinals in the beginning Yeah Craig, your flex category or did it?

1:01:21I have another one, though. I guess it's a... I guess I'll call it a weak link. Maybe it's a picking knit. I'm going to double down as a feminist ally here with CR.

1:01:30Bill Simmons:I don't get to be a feminist ally. What happened? After the cup situation. You're cancelled. You have to earn your way back. I don't know if Billie Jean needed a love interest. I feel like that kind of... She just fell in love with the first random dude she meets on the road. And I think it takes away from the female empowerment that she needs this man and she immediately falls in love with this guy. I fucking like that idea, Craig. And it also is kind of like, we don't get to explore the loneliness of fame. No, it's like she just falls in love with the first guy she sees. And mid-80s, they were like, she needs a love interest, I'm sure.

1:02:07Yeah. But I thought they should have held strong. Little revision of that. What if it would have been a love triangle with her, Hubie, and Lloyd. And she had had something going with Hubie and that's just his way of communicating to her. I mean, Hubie was the heir to

1:02:22Bill Simmons:this crappy tourist store in the middle of fucking nowhere in Texas. All of these seashells. This could all be yours someday, Billie Jean. You'll work here with me. That whole paint-em-a-jack stand right there. We can adopt Kenny.

1:02:37Get skin cancer together.

1:02:40Bill Simmons:Half-Esser in research. The actress who played Putter's mother apparently slapped Yardley Smith for real. Oh my god. And then the DVD commentary, that's why she went flying backwards and her face was numb after. They really went for it in the 80s. Yardley Smith almost, she refused to cut her hair for the part. So when they show her their hair cut, she's got a ponytail I thought she was great in this movie. I thought she was really good. I obviously know she went on to do The Simpsons, but was she in a lot of other comedy movies? Did The Simpsons just kind of gobble up all of her time? No, I don't.

1:03:09Bill Simmons:She was in City Slickers. And she was in a was she in a sitcom for a while before she bounced around she had a couple she had great timing she could have been the friend in a lot of good comedy she's really funny um the the miniature golf course is gone it's now the texas state aquarium the mall is done yeah you can watch a 30 minute video of the guy a guy made of just like going through this decrepit, dilapidated, abandoned mall. We should buy, the ringers should buy a mall. That should be our office as an old mall. In Corpus Christi? Yeah. You ready to move? It's probably like 15 grand to buy right now.

1:03:47Would it feel like return to work? Like return to the office, but in Corpus Christi? Do you remember when I seriously - You can work inside of the husk

1:03:55Bill Simmons:of an Orange Julius? That'd be awesome. Yeah. Were you working with us when I seriously investigated buying the Boogie Nights house? Yeah. Doing the video there? Uh-huh. That probably would have been a mistake. That's like very, very - It's just too far away. East LA, right? Where is it? No, it's in... It's in Tarzana, isn't it? No, it's closer toward Chino. Oh. Yeah, I forget what... We should have done it. It was like a good 40 minutes away. How close were you to actually doing it? Not actually that close. Once I actually wazed it out and did a couple different times, to imagine poor Gahal being like, hey, we're shooting at the boogie tonight.

1:04:30Bill Simmons:It's rush hour. All right, I'll leave today to get there tomorrow. Three-hour drive. the last research thing was just the Pat Benatar thing we mentioned earlier where she said this was from the worst movie ever made and then belted out Invincible I hope that's not true and if it's true it's a borderline settle down Pat it's not a fuck you Raj but it's a settle down Pat there's this really cool website called fast-rewind.com and it's got a ton of stuff about the kind of movies that we were talking about in the beginning of the PA 80s VHS classics but their their way of like posting uh behind the scenes information is like you can just write in and be like i was an extra on this movie and helen slater sucked so i don't know like whether it's true or not but it does sound like uh helen slater was like very opinionated about her haircut and about like how the movie was being made good for her though apex mountain helen slater good for her though yeah i guess though this is supergirl i think it's secret of my success because wouldn't you say this is a bigger movie now and no?

1:05:36Bill Simmons:because it bombed when it came out and Supergirl bombed too oh that's right secret of my success, she's in a movie with Michael J. Fox he's on Family Ties, he's like one of the biggest TV stars in the world that's a pretty good movie and it felt like she was headed for bigger things. Well by that same token wouldn't City Slickers be her Apex Mountain then? because she's in, wasn't City Slickers like the biggest movie in the world for a little while? I'll just tell you this here I know you had a lot of aspiration stock it was sad to see in the bankruptcy filings I had a lot of Helen Slater stock CR LLC K2 I had a lot of Helen a lot of us did a lot of Helen Slater stock when she was in that Michael J.

1:06:19Bill Simmons:Fox movie it was like here we go same thing with Elizabeth Shue when she's in cocktail it's like here we go everyone on the bus we're headed toward the Oscars and you know some of these people just never made it. Kelly Preston was another one. If Helen Slater had been in Working Girl, what are we talking about today? You know? Wow. Look at you. Christian Slater, no. Hondo Elite Scooters. Yes. I think yes. This is right. This was somebody who Lou Reed did the Hondo Elite Scooter ad in 85. Yeah. What? Oh, yeah. Wait. 100%. What? Lou Reed did a Hondo Elite Scooter ad. Like an endorsement or he did a song for it?

1:06:59He did the Oh, the walk on the outside? No shit. Fuck yeah.

1:07:04Bill Simmons:Oh, I had no idea, man. That's cool.

1:07:10Bill Simmons:Self-haircuts? Has anyone ever pulled off a better self-haircut? No, she crushed it. Yeah, she really did smoke it. And it instantaneously becomes iconic. Craig, who cut your hair during COVID the first two months? Liz. Liz did it? Yeah, but it was like basically just she didn't really touch the top. you just kind of like shave the sides let it get long I just I don't have to cut my hair very much my wife did mine it was kind of fun for a couple months my hair just goes up and it was just like I just looked like a mushroom so we got this razor and she just started because we were doing pods on Zoom at that point and I think we were wearing hats most of the time you should have kept it going for the castaway solo pod you should have just had i wish that was on video could you imagine that was just existed on youtube oh i should check no i it's not i didn't do it on video do you think i just turned the the recorder on and did it this is apex mountain for peter coyote or is it narrating ken burns's civil war what is apex mountain for him he's been in bed no it's et right i guess so yeah he's got great hair in this movie he looks like bob myers i was like peter coyote i think it's the civil war uh apex mountain for billy jeans we have the song billy jean we have legend of billy jean that's a great call and billy jean king i was gonna ask about that if the name was especially popular if they specifically chose the name billy jean because of the no it was actually they were really annoyed about that i think i've read something about it really i think billy jean because the song was a more common name back then is that right yeah there's been a billy jean in 30 years i thought that this that was the name was supposed to be like a play on billy the kid you know what i mean like she's like a outlaw rises we had billy joe's and billy jeans and now we'd have neither no billy jean the song came out in 83 yeah so it was hugely popular craig i'm aware interesting i'm just saying like how could the biggest moments of my life in 83 i feel like billy jean video the producers being upset that people were comparing this movie to that movie or you know connecting the names it's like why would you do it then it's super obvious yeah you've just named your character after one of the five biggest songs of the 80s maybe people are gonna be confused fair being fair apex mountain i mean it certainly isn't now yeah short-haired 80s women benatar slayer who else had a cool short haircut back then i mean it was the look for a while there it's yeah it's kind of like it's going back to veronica Cartwright and Alien.

1:09:48Courtney Cox on Family Ties?

1:09:49Bill Simmons:Yeah. Courtney Cox in Dancing in the Dark. Short hair in that? No, she has longer hair in that, right? No, I think it was shorter. Martha Plimpton in Goonies, right? She's longer in that. Sturby Beach had to have been Apex Mountain, the final scene. That's what it was called. Our radio guy's like, we're a big day here at Sturby Beach! Yardley Smith, it's The Simpsons, which made her probably, she's probably buying the Portland Trailblazers. Corpus Christi movies? I'm going to say yes.

1:10:24Bill Simmons:Barry Tubb. Top Gun? Top Gun. Keith Gordon? Christine. Movies built around him? Yeah. Joan of Arc? Probably not. No, I think it's got some other peaks. All the other peaks she had. Defeating the English. Cruise or Hanks? How about very young Tom Cruise as Binks? You could see it. Yeah. Like all the right moves, Sarah? Has Cruise ever bleach blonde his hair? Just for collateral. He'd grade it. He'd grade it. Yeah. You could also see if things had gone a different way, Cruise being like a good guy in Hubie's gang. Right. You know? Like the guy taking the photos? Yeah. Yeah. Scorsese or Spielberg?

1:11:10Bill Simmons:Clearly Scorsese. We get cocaine. Yeah. Mr. Piat's like selling cocaine. Mr. Piat's running a cocaine. selling cocaine in the top floor i mean they probably should have done that anyway right yeah it should have been she burns this thing down but then it turns out he's also the biggest coke dealer in corpus christi and like lloyd is way more of like a like a paul schrader character right like i never leave my house i just i just write my journal yeah what role would philip seymour hoffman have played clearly hubie yeah all right picking this can't wait for this let me go first for this one okay it just seems like there are a lot of detectives working this case in corpus christi there's like no other crime scumbag got shot in the shoulder and he's fine um but as a part of that it's like how many times does hubie try to take matters into his own hands during a literal police intervention like yeah did obstruction of justice just not exist in texas in the 1980s pretty tough yeah i had my first picking it is these kids would have been caught in 45 minutes yes they never left corpus christi they went to the same three spots pretty sure we could have found them um would all right so they're living in a corpus christi trailer park yeah it's apparently still there binks gets some money and he buys a really expensive honda elite scooter I have some questions.

1:12:37So what do you think he should be spending his money on?

1:12:40Bill Simmons:I just had some questions. That's like a$1 ,000 scooter. He wasn't worried it was going to get robbed by somebody? He's just parking outside with no bike lock? He's 15. He's like, this is as good as it's going to get. I support the choice. I'm just saying. Okay. So they break into a house and it just happens to be the district attorney's house? Yeah. Out of all the houses? A little bit of a fairy tale, yeah. And the district attorney lives in Corpus Christi? But isn't home. But's never home. Yeah. He's somewhere else. He's in Dallas. Okay. And he has a private shopper. Why not just stay at Lloyd's house when you're hiding?

1:13:18Bill Simmons:I don't think anyone would have looked there. He's like, let me come with you and I'll be your hostage. It's like, or we could just stay at your house. Nobody knows we're here. I think it's supposed to be that they have to get the two sisters home. Like, this can't go on forever. But it just seems like Lloyd probably could have given them$100 for gas and they could have gotten pretty close to Vermont on that. I'm going to stay at the house for a couple more days. Maybe use the pool slide.

1:13:43Bill Simmons:My number one. I have a couple more, but sharpshooters at the Billie Jean rally? Insane. Insane. Sharpshooters. Sharpshooters who are also seemingly only taking orders from the district attorney, not from... Yeah, not from the head of Corpus Christi police. Yeah, the number one detective. Yeah. Shoot her in the head if you get a good shot. The Binks hostage plan at the end is legitimately insane. I don't know why anyone thought that was going to work. And then at the end, they just let her leave. I know. All charges have been dropped? Well, I think it's supposed to be that Mr. Pyatt has clearly done some bad shit.

1:14:20And so they're just like, it's like offsetting penalties. Do they think that Billie Jean shot Pyatt? Or do they know that Binks did? I think they know that Binks did. but I think Billie Jean is, they've reported Billie Jean has made like 600 robberies in two days or something. So that's why he's like, this is ridiculous. All these robberies are happening at the same time. Also, if her goal is to not, I don't really know what she's, is she trying to be recognized or is she not? Because if she wants to remain anonymous, she should have cut her hair after the video. She wanted to remain anonymous until Piatt and everybody started going on the news.

1:14:56Yeah. And talking about her. Because if she didn't want to be recognized, You record the video for the news and then cut your hair so you look different.

1:15:02Bill Simmons:She realized she couldn't be anonymous because she was creating the internet. And she saw Joan of Arc and she was like, I'm going to start the internet. She called out Gore and she was like, I have an idea. And she's like, now I'm the most recognizable person in Corpus Christi. Yeah. Where we can just somehow drive around in a station wagon with license plates on it and evade police for seven days, just in different spots. Let's go back to the miniature golf course again. You have any other pick and nits? I don't. Sequel, prequel, prestige to be all black cast or untouchable. The prestige version of this is interesting.

1:15:38Bill Simmons:Written by Brad Inglesby. Would you set it in Philly? I'd set it in Corporate Christy. Okay. Mr. Hyatt is the biggest coke and opium and heroin dealer in Texas, but he has this thing as a shell Ponzi thing. There's a shooting there, but he now has to kill her because... Yeah, Binks is on fentanyl. Binks tries fentanyl for the first time. And we just go. Yeah, I like that. I just call it Billie Jean. I also like the sequel where Lloyd becomes the Jack Horner of VHS porn. Is this movie better? The Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Mad Dog Russo, Doris Burke, Sam Jackson, Nell, Byron Mayo, Tony Romo, Chris Collinsworth, Daniel Plainview, Long Legs, or Wilford Brimley?

1:16:27in the firm. I have a new addition to the category, and I want to say that this is out of the utmost respect, the deepest appreciation and love, but we have to add Peter Schrager to the category. Let's go! Bill! I've been talking to the Jack sisters, Ophelia and Putter, and you know what they said? Billie Jean is even more committed to fairness. I know there are a lot of girls out there with the haircut, and they are getting attention. And let me tell you, Billie Jean has been listening to C101 And she hears everything And it's just motivating her to get back to the top of the mountain You think he's going to get back at that?

1:17:09Let's go He'll love that

1:17:12Bill Simmons:That was great I had Mad Dog Russo I mean, Mike, here's the DA He's got sharpshooters at the beach rally What's he doing? Headshot of Billie Jean, baby? what are we doing just one Oscar I wonder how many people who are listening to the 57th minute of the legend of Billy Jean Pod know who Met Dog and Schrags are probably not many just one Oscar who gets it probably Benatar was Invincible an original song for the movie yeah I mean it's hard to give Jeffrey Kimball best cinematography but I think it's the best part of this movie I feel like I have to look at the 1986 Oscars now it could have been best original song right if she did the song for the movie, which I think she did.

1:17:58I don't know that she did do this. I mean, the video is basically from the movie, but I don't know.

1:18:03Bill Simmons:The winner was Say You Say Me from White Nights. Music and lyric by Lionel Richie. Power of Love from Back to the Future did not win. What an outrage. Oh my God. And then three more of it. Whatever. I feel like she could have made it. All right. We are near the end here because we have probably unanswerable questions.

1:18:28Bill Simmons:Is this movie better if Binks accidentally shoots Mr. Pyatt's head off at the beginning, like Pulp Fiction? Oh, I shot up Marvin's head! I shot up Marvin's head, whatever he said. If he just does, if he just actually blows his head off and now they're on the run because they've committed an accidental murder. Yeah, would it even be better if the wolf came and helped them? Right.

1:18:55I had one more but do you have any Who do you think Mr. Pyatt had in the Danny White, Gary Hogaboom Quarterback controversy from the Cowboys In 84 He's got a Cowboys shirt on Did he have Mavs tickets When did the Mavs come into the league 80

1:19:15Bill Simmons:The 85 Mavs were good Did Mr. Pyatt create MAGA Like 30 years later he's definitely like right in there with trump i mean he's he's got every supplement he's like red hats yeah shirts he's he's he's in but he's articulating a lot of that like you know i'm just i'm a voter and i just think these kids are running wild you gotta clean this up uh what piece of memorabilia would you want or not want from this movie lloyd's av setup home theater that would have been sick you know fantasy was just like oh this guy he's got all this all the good stuff. I would take the scooter, and that was the exact scooter I had for like a year and a half before I crashed it.

1:19:54Bill Simmons:The Honda Elite? Yeah. I had the suped up one. That was the one when I really got banged up. Yeah, because I was driving that. Those things were fast. They went up to like 60. Damn. Yeah. But those things were great. Lou Reed was promoting them. It was you, Lou Reed, and Slater. They were great. Best double feature choice... I had the Terminator so we could have female empowerment heroes from the mid-80s. Sarah Connor and Billie Jean. I would pair it with Last Starfighter or Rad, which are just two classic cult VHS movies from this time period. And Helen Slater won the movie? What about the Coach Finstock Award?

1:20:34Is it fair is fair?

1:20:36Bill Simmons:Oh, I forgot the Coach Finstock. Yeah, fair is fair. Helen Slater wins the movie? She did. Or, you know what? Did Pat Benatar win the movie? I think Helen Slater wins. Is there anything that people remember from this movie? I think it's Helen Slater. Okay. Craig never saw it. What did you think? I had never heard of it. I even asked Matt Bellany today as we were taping the town. I said, have you heard of the movie The Legend of Billie Jean? He was like, no. So I was like, all right. Excited to get into this. We still got some tricks up our sleeve. Every time they think we've zigged, we've zagged.

1:21:09I really enjoyed this movie. I thought it was a really fun 95 minutes. I thought the plot was entertaining and smart. and uh you know with these movies i kind of always toe the line between genuine love and ironic love for them but i kind of think that's part of the fun of these 80s movies is you know they're a little bit on the on the on the fringe but i enjoyed it that was good sometimes they just feel like time capsules to me now like there's i sent you guys that screenshot of like a bunch of the teens at the beach in the end scene like in the exchange at the end and i'm just like look at these fucking guys man like that's like a life magazine photo this is i think i've said life magazine twice now in two pods but it's like it is like a document of what kids kind of like used to look like and yeah how they used to hang out back then and it's just like this movie is aggressively representing culture at this exact time and i think a lot of stuff now doesn't maybe 30 years from now we'll look back and be like wow the summer i turned pretty really encapsulates what 2024 was like but it it doesn't feel like it in the moment i guess yeah yeah it's interesting

1:22:12Bill Simmons:this movie comes down to the four people are just a good hang. Billie Jean, her brother, and the two sisters. It's just fun to hang out with them. And it's a cool setting. Yeah, like the first, what is it, 20 minutes of Jaws 2, we were talking about, like, this just looks fun. Fun hanging out here. It's a great setting. It's like, you know, you can... Roy Scheider's got some problems. He's dealing with them. It's fun. It's cool. He's probably using that tanning oil. Roy Scheider. There was a lot of movies like this in the mid-80s, like Anthony Michael Hall made one where it's like wrong person, now on the run.

1:22:42Bill Simmons:And I think this movie did it the best. Yeah. Because there's a lot of bad versions of this. Yeah. And a lot of the good. Out of bounds. Remember that one? Anthony Michael Hall and Jenny Ray. I don't know. What's the one Cloak and Dagger? Where like the kid's on the. Like Dabney Coleman is like the spy. Right. Right. And the kid goes on the run. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great. It's a great premise. Yeah. I thought Helen Slater was great. I really liked her. Yeah. All right. There you go. Thanks to Gahal. Thanks to Ronick as well. Eduardo. Thanks to Ed Warbeck for producing. Thanks to Eduardo. Thanks to Eduardo.

1:23:10Bill Simmons:Yeah. We got the whole crew. This is some crew. I don't know what we have next week, but it'll definitely be interesting. We have one banked if you want to run that one. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe we're filming another one next week. We'll see. CR, pleasure as always. I hope they throw to AJ Brown more next week. We'll see. Good to see you.

1:23:40Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures. More than ever, America needs a laugh. Enter the Super Troopers to the rescue. The cult comedy classic returns in the most offensive installment yet with Super Troopers 3, a debaucherous bachelor party, an over-the-top wedding, a dangerous drug smuggling ring. All of them are threatening the troops' future. Fill your liter of cola and roll up to the multiplex with Super Troopers 3, only in theaters August 7th. Get tickets. meow. This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures. More than ever, America needs a laugh. Enter the Super Troopers to the rescue.

1:24:17Bill Simmons:The cult comedy classic returns in the most offensive installment yet with Super Troopers 3, a debaucherous bachelor party, an over-the-top wedding, a dangerous drug smuggling ring. All of them are threatening the troops' future. Fill your liter of cola and roll up to the multiplex with Super Troopers 3, Only in theaters, August 7th. Get tickets. Meow.