‘There’s Something About Mary’ With Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Sean Fennessey

10:37Sean Fennessey:funniest movies of the 1990s you're just gonna give this away right now?

10:40Bill Simmons:yeah

10:40Sean Fennessey:you should put this on Substack

10:45Bill Simmons:this is gonna be the new running joke just saying I can't tell if you like it you'll have to read it on projections this Wednesday and number 1 coming Thursday Actually, I'll give you a top eight because I bumped Dirty Work. Dirty Work, eight. We've done that on Rewatchables. Hell yeah. Groundhog Day, seven. Happy Gilmore, six. Wayne's World, five. Austin Powers, two. Four. I think that was 1999. Dumb and Dumber. Tommy Boy. There's something about Mary. That's what I have.

11:24Sean Fennessey:Sorry, Billy Madison was not on the list?

11:25Bill Simmons:Was not. that's my top eight shameful doesn't mean that this shouldn't have had 20 movies but I think Mary was one of the fun I think it was the funniest movie of the 90s leading me to my next list funniest movie by decade oh how far back did you go 70s okay

11:40Sean Fennessey:they didn't know comedy in the 60s funniest movie of the 1930s go is that bringing a baby in the 30s sure yeah 39 got it nailed it got it is it 39 I don't even know I think it is

11:53Bill Simmons:what do you have for the 70s The funniest movie of the 70s? Funniest movie. Slap shot. Interesting. Yeah. But here's... My comedy tastes tend to go more towards character stuff than it is like Tommy Boy. Like, I think.

12:10Sean Fennessey:I would say Young Frankenstein. It's probably my favorite.

12:12Bill Simmons:All right, I had Animal House. 1980s. Caddyshack, Naked Gun, and Airplane were my three finalists and I need more time. But those were the three I had now. When will you be deciding? I don't know. Maybe like seven podcasts from now. I'll let people know where I land.

12:27Sean Fennessey:You should be doing a pod with Van and Joe and be like, just want you guys to know I've decided. I talked about this with Chris and Sean.

12:32Bill Simmons:I don't know if you knew, but three weeks ago. 90s, Mary. 2000s gets really hard with Anchorman, Superbad, and The Hangover. And I need more time to decide on that.

12:43Sean Fennessey:I think it's Anchorman too. The Hangover, which has many complexities in this day and age, did have a very similar feeling to this movie in theaters. In theaters where it was like, this is a rock concert. Yeah, like when he gets tased in the hangover. In the face!

12:59Bill Simmons:Not at the table, Carlos. It's still the funniest thing that's ever happened. Yeah. And then 2010s, I actually think it's Bridesmaids. Is Step Brothers 2010s? No. Oh, that's 2008. Oh, so Step Brothers could be in the 2000s too. What's your 2000s movie, Craig? Oh my God. I have to pick one?

13:15Sean Fennessey:Yeah. Now, quickly. Bill gets to wait seven weeks. You go now. Probably. I mean, Anchorman, I think, has like the most quotes that I've taken with me throughout my life and then maybe Superbad and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Oh. Yeah. It's impossible. Stepbrothers and Hangover is so good.

13:33Bill Simmons:You almost need more time with it. I do think it's Bridesmaids for the 10s. Use any time. That would be good. Bridesmaids is so fucking funny. Yes. It's like clearly the champ of that year. Anyway, I don't know if you had any quibbles. Wasn't prepared for this query.

13:47Sean Fennessey:Do we have a 2020s? Do we make comedies anymore?

13:52Bill Simmons:Do we have comedies anymore? What happened to comedies?

13:55Sean Fennessey:Yeah, we just, well, Craig and I were just talking about one that's coming out in June called The Invite, which was pretty funny. Yeah?

14:00Bill Simmons:Yeah.

14:01Sean Fennessey:Seth Rogen, Olivia Wilde, Edward Norton, and Penelope Cruz. God, what is the funniest movie of the 2020s? How sad is that? We can't even think up top of our heads. There was just a big, biggish comedy, smallish comedy this year. What was the 2026 comedy? The one comedy? Well, didn't the Naked Gun remake came out? That was in 2025. Yeah. Which you said you were not. A 2026, like a comedy this year that did well? Yeah. Well, the drama's pretty funny. Yeah.

14:25Bill Simmons:Is it? I haven't seen that. Not Step Brothers funny. Not a different kind of funny. Cool festivals like you guys. It's the movie that made$100 million. It's been out for like weeks. You could have just got to see it. The drama? Yeah. It's the fucking basketball playoffs. I'm not going to the movie theater. It was out before the basketball playoffs. It was Pattinson and Zendaya. You're the consumer. You're the guy who's got four screens. I'll see it when it's on a streamer.

14:44Sean Fennessey:Did you see Netflix's new film, Oops, I Pooped My Pants, and Also Killed My Daughter's Boyfriend? does that exist have you if you go in public that's a great title

14:59Bill Simmons:they should do that but it's like have you talked publicly about how you watch things called like I'm my own mother on Netflix and you're like you're sending texts I've never seen that one as if you're like you guys up on this yet like me and Sean are sitting around I'd like to let you guys know what the common people are watching nobody dumps my daughter is something you guys need to know about yeah It's always like... Husband, father, killer.

15:23Sean Fennessey:I just stabbed a drifter with a tire iron, and also, I found my mom! 2032, Nobody Dumps My Daughter rewatchables.

15:32Bill Simmons:Nobody Dumps My Daughter is the best title of all time. Just wait till we're doing our rewatchables next year. This movie laid the ground for the 2000s R-rated comedy boom. Yeah. Really starting with American Pie and Road Trip, but then old school really officially kicks it off. But I think this pulled the seal off. comedies cannot be R-rated because they won't make as much money. This movie made a shitload of money.

15:55Sean Fennessey:See, I thought of another movie that I chose for my double feature, but I feel like is in concert with this, which was American Pie. I felt like American Pie came one year later and it was like those two summers.

16:07Bill Simmons:But did American Pie, part of the reason it pushed the envelope was because this movie pushed the envelope and they were like, no, maybe he can fuck a pie. Yes, totally. I think it did help.

16:19Sean Fennessey:Yeah, I think that's right. The stories about the test screenings for this movie and how the Farrelly brothers were like completely open to the idea of like, maybe this will be too far and maybe this won't work. And then them showing it and Peter Chernin just being like, yeah, don't don't change a thing. I was disgusted, but don't change a thing.

16:35Bill Simmons:Well, they filmed the two different versions of the hair gel. You know, that was the deal they made with Cameron Diaz. It will have this too. And if it doesn't work or however they did it, not knowing if people would be like, that's disgusting. I'm leaving. And it was the opposite. it it was and if you watch that scene when it cuts to her with the hair like not a lot's happening in the dialogue because they know how funny it is and now everybody's gonna be laughing so it kind of doesn't even matter what they're saying yeah i have no idea what's said in that yeah um cameron diaz who did the mask in 1994 out of modeling it was like the first thing she ever did 1996 she's the one which i consider the dream team too a lot of people think it's the olympic team that year we had no shack and no it's actually it's burns burns gets aniston maxine

17:23Sean Fennessey:bonds aniston cameron diaz and leslie mann and leslie mann petty on the soundtrack don't forget don't forget and john mahoney and then amanda p yeah that's my that's my 1996 dream team my best friend's wedding good film she's fantastic in that too really good very fun and then mary

17:43Bill Simmons:in 98 and she becomes a list star ends up in being John Malkovich any given Sunday Charlie's Angels, Shrek, Vanilla Sky tough casting in Gangs in New York, maybe that's a redo and it just keeps going from there and she also had high profile relationships Sean with Matt Dillon, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake and A-Rod

18:04Sean Fennessey:you know what I've learned?

18:06Bill Simmons:She doesn't have a type she married Benji Madden, she just love his love for her, doesn't matter who it is she could have fallen for Craig Could have been anybody. Matt Dillon, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake, and A-Rod.

18:19Sean Fennessey:That would be weird if she fell in love with 13-year-old Craig in 1999. How old were you? I was five. Five, okay. That would have been really weird. Is she married now? Benji Madden. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know. You're not checked up on her. She's back, by the way. She's back. She was in the Johnny Hole movie, right? And one last year with Jamie Foxx. She was.

18:37Bill Simmons:Back in action was last year, and this year was outcome. Where do you stand on Mary as the perfect girl? Because this movie does a lot of tricks. I think it's the most interesting conversation that's probably come out of the couple of decades of discourse about this movie is how knowing it is about the different ways you can read it. So you can read Mary as, I think there's a Dave Kerr line, the critic Dave Kerr, who said that she was like a fantasy of flawlessness and that everything Mary does is like the exact dream scenario for a guy. Dave Kerr sounds like a fun hang. and then

19:14Sean Fennessey:very good critic but then you could also flip it and say that the funniest thing about this movie is how it's the guys who are doing all the acrobatics to like bend their personas to what they think Mary wants from them I don't know I mean that's the ingenious idea of the movie right is that she is supposed to represent this like ideal of male desire right where it's like she's into sports she just wants to eat hot dogs she loves beer she golfs in her free time

19:38Bill Simmons:I really want to dive into this. Loves football. Yeah. 85. She's in on the Niners early. She smells the dynasty. Do you want to come upstairs and watch SportsCenter? Yeah. She has takes on Montana's draft status. She has a fucking great golf swing. Yeah. That's really her. Apparently, they had a golf standby, stand-in person. She over-rotates, but yeah. And you think so? Yeah. A CR with golf tips. Well, I've been in the YouTube minds with golf. I mean, let's talk about it. I forgot your true passion. I've been studying under the tutelage of a man named Mr. Tropicana. Thank you. Who's taught me a lot about.

20:18Sean Fennessey:When you say studying, you mean just watching his videos? Yeah, watching his videos. Like you don't know the man. No, I don't go to Covina to like get his tips.

20:25Bill Simmons:Great golf swing. Loves meat on a stick. Yeah, sure. Really underrated cigarette smoker in this? Yeah. I don't know if she denaroed it. Did you see that? Which is odd for an orthopedic surgeon, even in Nigeria. Just she casually was like checking out people in the Copacabana. What bar was he in? I think so. Copacabana. Yeah. Great person. Works with special needs adults. Gives apples to homeless people. I think that guy just is a guy with a boat. Is he homeless? He's not boatless. Yeah. Was he hanging out? I thought he was like the dock master. He's in the IMDb as homeless man. Oh, okay. So I don't know.

21:04Bill Simmons:Maybe it was a miscalculation. but yeah she's basically great hang laughing at everything uh but the idea that all these guys

21:13Sean Fennessey:have to lie about who they are and what they want to get her even though she is the on paper if only you know my wife could be like this right right it's like the whole genius idea of the movie

21:25Bill Simmons:and also these guys are all losers who don't really deserve her and they have to come up with these elaborate stupid ways to get her yes that's i think the joke of the movie yes but it's like I think that there's like you could probably do the opposite read which is like this isn't a real person so then does the character work but I tend to believe the opposite you know what in the summer of 1998 I was just thinking about the laughter yeah I think we all were I think we all were

21:51Sean Fennessey:I definitely did not realize that this was a high level stalker comedy in 1998 I mean that is what the movie really is it's about a bunch of guys that are stalking this woman so like that's the funny other funny thing is that you could say that this is like an update of a Preston Sturgis plot like of a of like a real screwball comedy like you're never going to believe what happens next kind of story but I do think that all the guys are like basically should be in jail by the end of the movie including including Ted I wrote down this is when Harry Metalli for weirdos I mean that's really what the premise and plot of the movie is Matt Dillon

22:26Bill Simmons:in an all time elite scumbag in this movie phenomenal and was dating Cameron Diaz in real life career resurgence of In-N-Out Wild Things and There's Something About Mary. We just did Wild Things. He, as a kid actor, he was in three S.E. Hinton movies. He was in My Bodyguard, which was the first time I saw him. And women just love Matt Dillon. Drugstore Cowboy, right? Over the Edge. He's kind of all over the place with his IMDb with a lot of twists and turns. He'd never really done a comedy like this before. He was the original choice for Butch in Pulp Fiction, which we talked about when we did the Pulp Fiction, that I think would have been an important thing for him.

23:10Sean Fennessey:I think he would have been good in that part, too.

23:12Bill Simmons:I also don't know why he wasn't an entourage as their older brother, why he couldn't have come in and done a three-episode arc. Yo, bro, I can't believe you're here. I can think of a few reasons why he's got that. Would he be playing Matt Dillon, or would he be playing Drama's... I think he's playing Drama's older brother, or their half-brother. Steve Drama? Steve Drama. Steve Drama. Stevie Trauma. Weird career in the sense that it feels like there should have been a TV pivot to some sort of prestige show in like 2014 that never really happened. And I don't really know what he's been doing the last 15 years.

23:48Bill Simmons:But everybody likes Matt Dillon. He never did like his version of like that Kevin Bacon show on Showtime or...

23:55Sean Fennessey:Eight, nine years ago, he did a Lars von Trier movie called The House that Jack built. It was like five episodes. No, it was a movie. It's like a movie about a serial killer. It's a crazy movie.

24:05Bill Simmons:Oh, I thought it was a split up. I never saw it. No, no. He did an Apple show with Patricia Arquette. That was kind of like a crime show, like a noir desert show. Was it a show where somebody dies in the beginning and then you go backwards? I think it is actually. It's called High Desert. Did they solve it? Well, I think they only did a season of it. I remember when I'm watching one. We'll never know. Craig, have you seen that Apple show when somebody dies in the beginning? I think so, yeah. I saw that one. we don't know who did it but then each episode ends and then could have been that person but then and then there's another season it's a whole new cast but there's also a murder at the beginning of that season but it's spiritually under the same umbrella yeah yeah yeah it's like the same theme song but a little different every time and every actor peaked like six years ago but their agent definitely told them it was gonna be a great idea yeah I like that show Matt Dillon feels like he he's primed for a White Lotus appearance that's the thing I feel like if Matt if Matt Dillon gets dropped into any sort of cool if he had been in beef anything people the reaction would have been hey Matt Dillon sure I love Matt Dillon but he's always kind of existed in that world where people like him I don't know I feel like he's two movies short Sean I know what you mean you know it's a little like Mikael Bridges on the Knicks right now

25:14Sean Fennessey:alright alright just settle down please it's only six years later that he's in Crash which is a joke now but at the time won Best Picture and he's the handsy police officer

25:23Bill Simmons:and he's good in Crash whether you like that or not he's good in it not

25:26Sean Fennessey:not Not a great character. Not a good character, but he's the performance. He gives a good performance. But then after that, here are the movies he makes after Crash. Lover Boy. You seen that? Not the Kirstie Alley one. No. Factotum. Never heard of that. Which is a Bukowski adaptation. Herbie Fully Loaded. You, Me, and Dupree. Oh, yeah. I don't mind You, Me, and Dupree. Nothing but the truth. The Cape Beckinsale political drama. Old Dogs. with Robin Williams and John Travolta. I don't know. Old Dogs? Isn't that the motorcycle movie? No. No, that's Wild Hogs. Oh, come on, Chris. Old Dogs is about...

26:05Bill Simmons:It's Wild Hogs.

26:06Sean Fennessey:Yeah, Wild Hogs and Old Dogs is a killer double, though. Takers? You seen Takers?

26:12Bill Simmons:Yeah, the Wild Hogs. Thriller with Paul Walker? Couldn't he have been in Prisoners instead of Hugh Jackman?

26:17Sean Fennessey:I mean, this is a rough 10 years. Is he in, like, 187? Or what is the thriller he's in? It's, like, Anthony Mackie one. that's pretty good where he plays like a but the wheels have come off. Yeah, and he plays like an armored truck security guard. Yeah, that's called armored. Yeah. He plays Mike Cochran opposite Lawrence Fishburne, Jean Reno, Milo Ventimiglia, Skeet, Ulrich, and Columbus Short.

26:38Bill Simmons:Oh, okay. This is like when I texted you guys a couple days ago with Mark Wahlberg's IMDB in the 2020s and was like, when did Mark Wahlberg just give up? It's seven straight years of just, ugh. yep it's just oh and i thought i didn't realize it was over but apparently it was sometimes i guess that happens i think it's i think for do you want to have the mark walbert conversation or the matt dylan conversation oh either okay the mark walbert thing i think he he used to work routinely with really interesting and challenging directors and now no longer does for the most part

27:11Sean Fennessey:you know matt dylan was in asteroid city the wes anderson movie you didn't see that Maybe it's not done, right?

27:18Bill Simmons:He's the mechanic. He's the mechanic. He's phenomenal in this part. It's really, really funny. I can't even think of anybody else who would have been good in this in the same way.

27:28Sean Fennessey:So he's like always likable and interesting. And I think he's a good leading man in all those teen movies in the 80s. But do you think that because he was dating Cameron Diaz, he felt like more free? He's never been this funny. Like what explains, you know, deuce, deuce and a half. Like his facility with the jokes is so good. They're changing their image. It's gonna work for Rice-A-Roni. I think it's always fun when an actor who's known for dramatic parts does a comedy and is in the comedy treating the part as seriously as he would any drama. But he, Matt Dillon knows how fucking funny this is.

28:11Right. But he's like Pat Healy, private eye, who falls in love with his own subject. I'm like 110 % committed to it. Even when he's mugging, it's funny. But his willingness to do it, to put on the veneers

28:25Bill Simmons:and to wear the stupid shirts is just unreal. Or when Tucker's telling Mary all the fake stuff about him, like he killed the guy and he's just in the car like... He just knows the jig is up. He's really great in this. Do you feel like this movie... like when you were like, let's do something, there's something about Mary, I was like, absolutely. Like this is such a singular experience watching this thing. Do you feel like its second life has been more muted than you would have thought when you first saw it?

28:56Sean Fennessey:I had a follow-up related question to this. If you had to guess, what number in terms of popularity is this movie for Cameron Diaz on Letterboxd?

29:08Bill Simmons:Interesting.

29:09Sean Fennessey:Because you could make the case this is her biggest and most important movie.

29:12Bill Simmons:I would have said The Holiday's first. Holiday's ahead of it. Malkovich is ahead of it probably. Charlie's Angels is probably ahead of it because people are dopes. That movie's awful. What else? How far is it? How far down is it? 14.

29:29Sean Fennessey:That's wild. How is it measured? People's star ratings. It's popularity on this app. It's just how many people have starred the movie. Yeah, I think who like it, the ratings, all those things are taken into consideration, but it is you know you've got some weird outliers or you've got like fear and loathing in las vegas she's in like one scene in that movie but like gangs of new york is ahead of it the mask is ahead of it all the shrek movies are ahead of it vanilla sky is ahead of it my best friend's wedding is ahead of it in 1998 you know we were like not only is she the new julia roberts she's like the new audrey hepburn like she's like this is a person who's on the collision course with mega stardom And from 1998, this movie is standing on its own two feet against Titanic, Private Ryan, and Armageddon.

30:10Titanic, Private Ryan, and Armageddon have gone on to all be rewatchables, I believe. All be rewatched by people routinely all the time. And this, I feel like, when you mentioned it to me, I was like, oh yeah. But I haven't watched this movie in forever for some reason.

30:28Bill Simmons:I think part of the problem with it, other than there's probably some stuff that people feel like hasn't aged well, it's like big set pieces that people feel like they don't need to see it because they know what the set pieces are where it's like oh yeah there's gonna be the two scenes with the dog and there's gonna be the one the hair gel scene and there's gonna you know the zipper scene and they have seen that but i don't think it gets enough credit for how smart the script is and how good the actors are in it it also feels like it belongs to a different generation yeah because i was looking at the 98 movies that were comedies there's something about mary big lebowski waterboy rush hour wedding singer night at the roxbury half-baked dirty work and basketball just feels very 90s you know and then yeah but lebowski has endured you know like some sometimes movies have been you know why yeah i don't know why this one didn't endure look at the cohen's oh it became it was a cult movie that you know i think grew some legs as the years passed and has a bunch of fun people in it it does i i had the

31:32Sean Fennessey:same thought though while watching it whereas like it has kind of turned into a little bit of an artifact which is an interesting for me it's probably one of the first examples of a movie that when it happened i was very aware of it i was consuming a lot of media around it a lot of reviews of it magazine stories about it and i felt like well this is just an absolute neutron bomb for a teenage boy like this is a huge thing and now just and i think some of it is what you're describing but the thing about the stuff that is insensitive or has an age well or whatever is the only people who are doing that stuff are the people who were meant to believe are buffoons in the movie.

32:05Sean Fennessey:Like, the movie is relatively sensitive to some of the ideas that it's portraying. For sure. For the people who are impacted by it and understand it are in that world, the family, for example. It's all the guys who are made to be the butt of the joke throughout the movie who are the ones who are insensitive. So, like, that can't be the only reason, right, why it's come down a little bit. I was also wondering, like, you know, it's such a sincere movie in so many ways. like the soundtrack, the colors of the movie. It feels very pop. It feels very kind of weirdly optimistic when you're watching it.

32:35You kind of have a mild grin on even when it isn't one of the big set pieces. And for better or for worse, so much comedy has gravitated towards, especially on-screen comedy, not only is it on TV, but it's like Nathan Fielder and Tim Robinson and this kind of like, if you're going to do something that's got an incredibly extreme psych gag, it has to be like really weird. You know, like there can't just be like, this is really funny that this guy thought like masturbating before a date was a good idea. Yeah. But it would be like. Flogging the dolphin? Then he gets caught by like a local newspaper if it was Tim Robinson.

33:12Right, right.

33:12Sean Fennessey:Or just even Tucker like wobbling back and forth. Oh my God, yeah. That's just like, that's like three stooges. You know, it's just pure psyched comedy.

33:20Bill Simmons:Farrelly Brothers, the Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin, and There's Something About Mary in a row, basically. But this is the, they had to save themselves after Kingpin. Yeah, Kingpin Bombs, which I had forgotten.

33:30Sean Fennessey:Just an all-time classic. I popped it in immediately after watching There's Something About Mary. I love that movie so much.

33:36Bill Simmons:That was Ed Dechter and John Strauss, Friends of the Farrelly's, wrote the script, Farrelly's bought it, ran with it, and they wanted to do something more for adults, Animal House style, and they knew this was their last chance, basically. This doesn't work. It's not going to happen. we'll take a break and then we'll talk about a couple other things including the Oscars for that year this episode is brought to you by McDonald's right now at McDonald's you can get great deals all day with McValue that's right jumpstart your day with the under$3 menu featuring a sausage McMuffin for just$1.50 or grab the perfect lunch with the McDouble for just$2.50 honestly nothing pairs with a movie marathon like a McDouble in hand.

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35:08Bill Simmons:Find out more at apple.com slash health. Apple Watch is not a medical device and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice so Goldman was adamant that this movie should have been nominated for best picture and that Cameron Diaz should have been nominated for best actress I'll give you the best picture that year Shakespeare in Love, Elizabeth, Life is Beautiful Saving Private Ryan and The Thin Red Line who are you bumping Sean? Easy, Life is Beautiful, get it out at the time that also got nominated for directed our director he won for best actor best actress in a leading role Gwyneth Paltrow wins for Shakespeare in Love Cate Blanchett Elizabeth Fernanda Montenegro for Central Station way to go what are your thoughts on that one

36:00Sean Fennessey:it's a Brazilian cinema classic in fact her daughter Fernanda Torres was nominated two years ago for best actress

36:06Bill Simmons:Streep one true thing kind of like when Kobe would make the all defense near the end of his career. I gotta be honest. Automatic nomination. This is the first I'm hearing of One True Thing. Yeah, I don't even remember what that is.

36:15Sean Fennessey:Well, you haven't listened to our Meryl Streep Hall of Fame then. I'm sorry. Oh, sorry, Sean. Just outed himself. Sorry, it's basketball playoff. Yeah. What is One True Thing? You're grinding tape. He missed the drama. I missed the Meryl Streep. That's the one with William Hurt, right? Where she gets cancer. Meryl Streep's character gets cancer. And Renee Zellweger has to come home to help take care of them. Renee Zellweger, I think, plays a magazine writer. Very sincere drama.

36:37Bill Simmons:She gets nominated for that. Emily Watson and Hillary and Jackie. But as we've discussed many times on the rewatchables, comedy performances and comedies in general do not get treated with any sort of reverence from the Academy. It's a little harder to get Dylan into supporting actor because it's Coburn, Duvall for a civil action, Ed Harris Truman show, Jeffrey Rush Shakespeare in Love Me is pretty amazing in that, and Billy Bob Thornton for A Simple Plan. So it's hard to know who you would kick out, but that's who I would, of the actors that I feel most passionate about, it would be Dylan for Supporting Actor.

37:11Sean Fennessey:I would have had Simple Plan and Truman Show in my Best Picture race that year too.

37:15Bill Simmons:Well, if they had the nine films, I wonder if those two get added with their Something About Mary. So anyway, nothing happens. They don't get nominated for a screenplay either. $23 million budget made,$370.

37:24Sean Fennessey:Crazy.

37:25Bill Simmons:Fourth biggest movie in 98. Roger Ebert, three stars. What's a blessed relief is laughter. It flies in the face of manners, values, political correctness, and decorum. It exposes us for what we are, the only animal with a sense of humor. We don't know that for sure. I don't know. I'm cooking. Could have added a half star. William Goldman wrote, my choice for best picture was There's Something About Mary. I would have given it best actress and best screenplay as well. The Academy has always ignored two of the hardest genres to create comedies and adventure flicks. He just loved this movie. Anyway, categories.

38:04Bill Simmons:Most rewatchable scene. Piggyback ride into... He's only 230, huh? He's just like his back's destroyed by Warren.

38:13Sean Fennessey:Just the noise of his back cracking

38:15Bill Simmons:when Warren jumps on it is very... Well, I don't know when we want to talk about Warren, but... W. Earl Brown. I think Warren's incredible in this movie. I think it depends on what maybe some of your background is with the special needs community. We've had, my wife has that in her family, her uncle David. My dad worked with special needs people for 15, 20 years. I love the way it approaches the whole concept in this. Like, you're always on Warren's side. I feel like they're not making fun of him anyway. Like, he's just a comedy machine. But then as the years passed, it became, the Farrelly's have even talked about.

38:53I think it's just the issue of casting somebody outside of that.

38:56Bill Simmons:The Farrelly's basically, in the 2010s, they're like, look, we tried a million people. This was the best performance. It was a key part. By the 2020s, they were like, yeah, we blew this.

39:07Sean Fennessey:Yeah. And I get it. It's a complicated thing because that was not how people were thinking about it at the time, that that's who should be cast in these parts. And that's changed pretty dramatically in Hollywood. So it's really hard to come down on it. But that's, like I said, still one thing I like about the movie is the movie's not making fun of Warren. You could misconstrue it, though, if you were a teenager. I will say that. Like it was pretty easy for people that I knew to misunderstand what the movie was trying to do. I know people who also have like special needs family members, what have you, who were upset by that.

39:40But it's just like, but it's just, it depends on your personal experience and your taste level and your, I think also like, it's a very different experience watching this movie in a theater and 350 people are clearly laughing at Warren. and you're like, that's fucked up versus like watching it at home and being like, I see what they're doing here and how they're kind of, they're not, they're not, they're celebrating this guy. They're not like making fun of him.

40:06Bill Simmons:Yeah, and the Farrelly's who have done this in a lot of their movies about all types of people and all different types of handicapped people. He's actually the key to the movie because he's the trust, he's the barometer of which Scott works. Him trusting Ted is the most important thing that happens in the movie. Who's good for Mary? Yeah, and they built, they built it up. Anyway, um, The prom invite's really adorable, too, in that first scene. All right. Ted shows up to take Mary to the prom. This is just an unbelievable seven minutes, five minutes, whatever it is. This is my most fun part about re-watching it, is I had forgotten Keith David and Markie Post.

40:39Just crushing it. Yeah. Keith David. The wedding photo? Flawless.

40:44Sean Fennessey:Flawless in the scene. It immediately got, like, my energy up, just watching him fucking with Ben Stiller.

40:51Bill Simmons:the wedding photo of them from the 70s is funny which was clearly taken like one minute before they started shooting yeah when Mary comes down the stairs and Keith David goes ah shit look at that and then Warren attacking Ted is so fucking funny yeah him going to the bathroom the she's a dental hygienist she'll know exactly what to do and her answer to get Bactine. And then... When she sprays the Bactine on him. I don't know what the technical name is when you're doing comedy to just keep adding layers and layers on top of the same punchline and then the fireman and then the cop. It becomes like Naked Gun for a second.

41:39Like the cop's climbing him through the window and the fire department shows up. It's so good.

41:43Bill Simmons:And Warren's throwing 110 because he hears the Franks and Beans and he starts yelling, Franks and Beans! that he was masturbating. It's hilarious. Lenny Clark pops in and out of nowhere, this is just an A-plus comedy scene. I just have no notes. Every part is great. And even when you see the zipper for a split second, they don't stay in it too long. It's like, oh! Ow! Also, just the decision to have every actor just be playing their teenage self. You know what I mean? Like not having kids play the parts anyway and having Stiller as a teenager makes his character so funny immediately.

42:19Sean Fennessey:Yeah. I think Keith Davis, especially wanting to like get in there and take a good look at it. I think he puts his glasses on. This cracks me up.

42:26Bill Simmons:It's just the perfect comedy scene. And then it goes right into the therapy appointment with our guy Richard Jenkins. This is like a dark horse for me, but Jenkins is unbelievable. Look at the food in his mouth. Slowly creeping back. He doesn't have anywhere to wipe his hands. Rest areas are homosexual. highway arresters are the bath houses of the 90s bath house of the 90s one of the funniest ideas of any comedy many many many many game is the insinuation when he's like we'll talk about this

42:58Sean Fennessey:more next week isn't that he wants to talk about it yeah we'll delve into that this is his only scene right yeah it's like uncredited i think he like lived in the area and they were just like, do you want to do a day? There's a funny cutaway to him in the montage at the end too where he's like rubbing Stiller's back from behind that is also very funny to this joke.

43:20Bill Simmons:Jenkins, like underrated comedy actor. Speaking of stepbrothers, right? The therapy appointment with Jenkins and then the next one is Healy lies to Ted about Mary after he comes back from Miami. She's about a deuce, deuce and a half. Ted, don't you want the name of the housing project? just that two minutes is really great

43:41Sean Fennessey:my favorite part of it I'd say about a deuce and a half is when he's like not bad uh

43:50Bill Simmons:healy ropes Marion at the golf course every part of this is my real passion is my hobby he says that I work with retards and she goes isn't that a little politically incorrect well to hell with the hat no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with right we got this one kid Mongo that scene is out of control I love those goofy bastards a leash plenty of room to dig that kid is really blossomed I don't know how they did that scene that scene's unbelievable the crazy dog scene when Puffer passes out passes out? he dies he fucking takes him back to life that's also got Healy telling them In Nepal, the villagers there called me Kintanti, which means noble man who is loved by many animals, who in kind he loveth too.

44:51Bill Simmons:The hitchhiker scene, where do you stand on that one, CR? Seven minute abs? 11 out of 10. People don't know about Harlan Williams. Yeah, do you know about Harlan Williams, Craig? Yes, because the movie where he's the astronaut was one of my favorite movies as a kid. What's the name of that movie? Spaceman

45:05Sean Fennessey:is it Spaceman I loved that movie it was really funny yes step into my office cause you're fucking fired 7's the key number here think about it 7-11 7 doors 7 man that's the number 7 chipmunks twirling on a branch eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch you know that old children's tale from the sea rocket man by the way it's like you're dreaming about gorgon's olive cheese it's brie time baby

45:31Bill Simmons:he comes in hot DM Waiters is gonna be impossible yeah The Joe Jackson scene with the flag football. Spikes them all. Exceptional by ass. He cheats in checkers, and then he goes right and gets his teeth capped because he overheard her talking about big white teeth. Chris Elliott goes to see Ted is the next one. You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you? Tell me you spanked the monkey before any big date. You got baby batter on the brain. You're going out there with a loaded gun. I do love the most honest moments in a man's life is the few minutes after he's blown its load it's a medical fact says that we get the hair gel scene the cut is great to the hair we get Puffy and Magda going bonkers on speed and then Puffy attacking Ted I like when he throws the fourth one he's like you're gonna kill him don't throw another one and he looks at him and just whips another one out we get the big confrontation when all the stalkers are all together.

46:32Bill Simmons:And then the closing credits are really good in this movie. Yeah. I like how much foresight they put into just filming on location as they were finishing scenes and then forcing everybody to do Buttercup. All right, CR, what do you got? Most rewatchable scene. Man, I'm so tempted to go with Richard Jenkins, but I think the Healy meeting Mary, for me, honestly. The golf. That's for me as well. Me too.

46:56Sean Fennessey:It's the funniest stuff. And he's like, how do you know my name? It's written on your golf bag.

47:00Bill Simmons:Yeah. And she's so likable in it, too. Where it's like, it's actually believable that she might fall for this guy. Well, it's also like he's trying to do the game. Like, I'm going to neg you a little bit. Yeah. And kind of act a little aloof to see if that works. But just that their chemistry is very palpable. And outside of the major set pieces, that's my... You know what else is impressive about that whole scene? The first driving range shot he takes? Off the wall. Yeah. Where he goes and it goes off his bag. Like, kind of hard to do. I don't even know how they did that. Dylan's dad was a golf pro.

47:32Bill Simmons:Yeah. So it's all he must have been intentionally dead.

47:34Sean Fennessey:What do you have? That's my favorite scene. I will say anytime Ted and Pat are talking to each other is incredible. But specifically when he's updating him, the deuce, deuce, and a half scene, there's a moment near the end of it where he gets handed a Budweiser when they're sitting outside. And he goes, excuse me, I ordered a whiskey sour. The waiter walks in and he's like, yeah, whatever. There's also... That killed me this time. When Ted goes to see Pat to tell him, like, actually, he does want to get in touch with her, but Pat's in the middle of quitting. Yeah. And he's just, that's the whole, like, I'm going to Miami.

48:06I got a job with Rice-A-Roddy. Isn't that in San Francisco trees? Like, well, they're changing their image. It was. Think about, wait, it was like, it was the sumo thing. It's like, she's a mail order bride. What do you have from us? We'll watch the scene. It's probably the golf scene, or I do think any scene in Mary's apartment is really good. The dog stuff, the first time I saw this movie, the dog stuff slayed me. It's like a 13-year-old. Just the physical comedy of that, of like pile driving the dog.

48:35Sean Fennessey:Yeah, when he puts the dog in the side headlock and then drops him down, that's pure gut busting.

48:39Bill Simmons:Great prop. The dog prop is really good. The dog going out the window? It really seems like the dog's alive, yeah. Go away from the light. Yeah, him shocking the dog. He also asked for a butt cake when they asked him if he wants anything. Do you want a Heineken or a Budweiser? what's the most 1998 thing about this movie I have some runners up being excited about giving somebody a Tony Caneguero signed baseball sure that had a shelf life of about maybe 2003 Brett Favre cool Brett Favre Brett Favre being a goody two shoes cool Brett Favre any part of Brett Favre got it Magnus smoking cools a whole carton of cools are cools still around I don't even know what they have.

49:25Bill Simmons:I think Cools are still around. I have a winner, but what'd you have? I had just like watching sports highlights at the end of the night being something that you build towards in your life. It's like, let's go home and watch game highlights.

49:37Sean Fennessey:Picking up Hitchhiker? Sure.

49:39Bill Simmons:Oh, that's a good one.

49:40Sean Fennessey:I mean, there's a tremendous amount of gay panic jokes in this movie. Like a hundred of them. Yeah. You would never find that in a 2020 movie.

49:48Bill Simmons:Well, our winner is Cops, the TV show, being promptly involved in a scene. Yeah. That's not the only thing that's happening in that scene. Yeah.

49:56Sean Fennessey:Woogie getting his knob polished while watching Cops is elite. Completely uncommented on. It's also the last moment the wife is in the movie.

50:07Bill Simmons:Well, the wife, she's like the ideal, crazy, perfect wife. But he's still obsessed with Mary. Yeah. What's age the best? Can I say one more thing?

50:17Sean Fennessey:The way that bad taste is played for laughs instead of dramatic thrills is something really interesting to me about this movie. Like, bad taste is a skill, and you can display it in a clever way. The Farrelly's always do that. But, like, now bad taste, to the point about the drama or, like, Eddington, like, then, like, those taboos are things now that people play for, like, ooh, like, is it okay to be talking about this? Whereas, and there's something about Mary, it's just pure comedy.

50:41Bill Simmons:Yeah, they're just going for it. What stage is the best? Rest areas being the bathhouses of the 90s. That joke is just as funny as it was in 1998. I don't know how you even come up with that. I don't live into that. also from a what stage the best standpoint just stopping at a rest area you got like 10 years out of mileage of yeah yeah rest area go up there um the musicians popping in which we did not mention yet jonathan richmond yeah i can't believe this worked but i really do think it worked yeah thought it was a really funny distinct part of the movie it's uh such an unlikely choice

51:16Sean Fennessey:obviously a New Englander, right? So the Farrelly's very New England filmmakers. But I can't, for whatever reason, picture Peter Farrelly rocking out Jonathan Richman. This is just like an amazing commitment to a bit. Because if that doesn't work, you're like, what the fuck? But that kind of speaks to... One of the things I have for What's Age the Best is the regional specificity of it. The Rhode Island, Boston... Yeah, he's got a Providence Bruins poster. Yeah, and the Miami stuff is just like... They find a lot of humor in those places. And I think one thing that's really been lost in more modern movies is like, you know, the drama is set in Boston, but it might as well be set in Copenhagen.

51:55Like, it doesn't really feel like Boston.

51:57Bill Simmons:It's a great point. We've talked about this with other movies. Like, we were just better in the 80s and 90s at going into locations. Well, I feel like they just shoot in a couple of places in the country and then they're like, yeah, this will stand in for this. Or it'll just be any city. And you can get a lot of jokes. I mean, just having Lenny Clark in this movie is like a very knowing wink to the New England. And Steve Sweeney. Don't forget about him. Do you have any What's Aged the Best? Because I had a couple more.

52:24Sean Fennessey:I just think most comedies age really badly. And this one, I think, is still really, really funny. It actually makes me laugh out loud.

52:32Bill Simmons:So I have a few, because this is a big movie for me and my wife. Magda jokes about anyone you know in your life who got way too much sun. Like, veering a little toward the Magda side. Magda's just become a 28 year over Suntandra Markie Post I'm just so glad she's in this movie just an absolute 80s icon and a legend and was trying to think her NBA example like kind of like the Dominique Wilkins of the 80s didn't get her just due everyone's talking about Heather Thomas Heather Locklear some of the other greats yeah I don't know Markie Post everyone loved Markie Post yeah But what's on the resume from R.C.

53:15Sean Fennessey:Post? Night Court. Night Court. Right. Night Court.

53:18Bill Simmons:Some killer posters.

53:21Sean Fennessey:Yeah. A couple good TV movies. She went to any dunk contests? Where is she on the all-time scoring list? She should have been at one point. She should have been at one point.

53:29Bill Simmons:So maybe she's more like a Terrence Stansbury. I don't know. That's nice. Yeah, that's good. Don't get me wrong.

53:34Sean Fennessey:I think she's great.

53:35Bill Simmons:She had an unbelievable Cheers episode when she came in as Diane Chambers' best friend from college and hit on Sam Malone. And it might be the single best years episode. And Diane finally flips out because they're flirting with each other the whole episode. She apparently was like pretty scandalized by this movie and was like really nervous to do it, but then was very happy she did. Yeah, I'm glad she's in it.

53:59Sean Fennessey:She's one of the only people that really, really, truly pulled off 80s hair because she had some real 80s hair. Yeah. For sure. And it worked.

54:06Bill Simmons:where you have to have basically the same haircut as Patrick Swayze in Youngblood. Flogging the dolphin for a big date. That's aged well. That's just a running joke now. You flogged the dolphin. Did you ever say that to Ben? Yeah, Ben, you go down.

54:24Bill Simmons:Pat Healy Teeth, another running joke. Whoa, some big choppers.

54:27Sean Fennessey:They're more common than ever.

54:30Bill Simmons:The lie that becomes a way bigger cover-up lie, I think has aged the best for me, but we grew up with this with 70s sitcoms. And now I don't feel like we do it anymore. This was like the staple of half of the comedies for 20 years. Yeah. I also, I feel like in my life, after this movie came out, like if a guy ever came home and was just like, but you know, she lives with her sister or something like that, people would be like, first chick in the arm or dead. Right. What about Brett Favre? when Stiller says that at the end. The Brett Farber thing, I think, kind of came with him for five, six years, and then people forgot.

55:11Bill Simmons:I like that they have young Cameron Diaz and young Ben Stiller with the wig and braces. And it actually works, and they look younger. Sometimes when comedies do this, it looks ridiculous. There's also something very sweet about opening with that, aside from the Franks and Beans thing and Ted's inciting incident, is to have that idea of him as a character, as a kid, and be like, oh, this is like this sweet teenage love story and not just this deranged middle-aged man who's like, time for me to stalk my high school girlfriend. Yeah. Well, the key is that he still wants to see her even though he's being told she's a deuce and a half.

55:49That's right.

55:50Bill Simmons:Tucker calling sex a good rogering? I'd never heard it before or since, but it always makes me laugh. British slang.

55:59Sean Fennessey:Maybe he would give you a good rogering. Is there a rogering gag in Austin Powers? I feel like there might be.

56:03Bill Simmons:I've never heard the phrase rogering. Mary's theory that we need more meat on sticks. Does make you wonder why we don't. Can we talk about. Why it's just a corn dog. Let's talk it out. I don't think I've ever seen you eat meat on a stick. Well, what's the other one they have? Like a long. Well, it's like kebabs. But we're talking about fried ones. Teriyaki beef and appetizers. Yeah. I always like having the stick. Yeah.

56:27Sean Fennessey:What do you think there should be more corn dog style? Like, should there be like a steak dog of some kind? No, I mean, I just, I was just more surprised that this is something that's aged the best for Bill, because I don't often see him indulging in corn dogs.

56:40Bill Simmons:I think the theory aged great for me, because I do like corn dogs. They have one in Santa Monica Pier that my wife has stopped. My wife loves hot dogs, as you know. But they have a... As you know. Well, I've discussed before. She's a big hot dog fan. You must have missed that sub-stack.

56:58Sean Fennessey:I know a lot about your wife. Does your daughter eat hot dogs?

57:01Bill Simmons:She loves hot dogs. Because the best part about hot dogs is when you have little kids, you get to relive the hot dog experience through the kids. You get hot dogs back. You get mac and cheese back. That's true. You're honestly 100 % right. You're going to find out someday. You get all this food, you little mini chicken nuggets. Yeah, one day, Craig. Things you just stopped eating. I will say it is okay for you to have a college diet,

57:20Sean Fennessey:even though you don't have a child. But what you're saying is true, that like they're like a weekly occurrence.

57:25Bill Simmons:People don't go out of their way to have hot dogs unless they're at a baseball game. You know what? My wife and I, I think it was like during or right after COVID, we'd have like cookout nights, but it would just be the two of us. And we would make hot dogs. And I'd be like, it just doesn't hit the same when you're not with a bunch of people. If you're like, we're making hot dogs as our dinner, it feels a little beaten down. It goes quick. It's not a luxurious meal. When we went to the Giants game a couple weeks ago, I couldn't decide whether I wanted a kielbasa or a hot dog. Got them both. Double fisted.

57:57Sean Fennessey:No kidding. Yeah. Many people have told me that we really fucked up by not getting the crab sandwich. Oh, really? Yeah. I was so close. I wasn't going to do it. God damn, that really hurts. The lady next to me was like, you don't want to break that. Baseball stadium crab. I don't care if we're having it. It's on the bay, though. We're on the bay. Come on. Yeah, sure. Lots of stuff happens on the bay. Great ballpark, though, right? Awesome.

58:16Bill Simmons:My last one to say is the best is when Pat Healy is pretending he built the soccer stadium and Norm says, you built the Estadio Olimpico? And he goes, no, just down the street, the Salento Caliente Towers. Okay. I have one more which was when when he goes to, when Ted goes to see Wogey Dom at his law office and Chris Elliott's got the poster up that says bus crash, 12 kids killed. What does that cost us?

58:48Sean Fennessey:on the whiteboard. During their meeting. It's in some sort of like insurance adjusters meeting. We didn't talk about Chris Elliott yet. We have a couple spots. You want to do it now? I just think that like there's the Lee Evans, like there's the Tucker character and then I found Chris Evans to be fucking hysterical this time around. I don't know if I... Chris Elliott. Sorry, Chris Elliott was hysterical

59:12Bill Simmons:this time around. It's funny because I was an early letterman guy and he was a writer and they started using him on the show. It was the first time. So initially he was the guy underneath the stairs and he would come out. He'd like pop up and it was like this running bit. He would interrupt the show as like the psycho who lived in the stairs. And then he did the fugitive guy. Yeah. Which was basically every episode would end like the fugitive, but it would be three minutes. But then everything peaked when he was Marv Albert. He would come out and do the Albert Achievement Awards. in this Marv Albert wig.

59:51Bill Simmons:And I just would have bought all this. I had all the Chris Elliott stock in like 1986. I was like, this guy is going to transform comedy as we know it. And this, I think, was his biggest movie.

1:00:01Sean Fennessey:And this is after Get a Life and after Cabin Boy, right? Yeah. It happened and it didn't hit.

1:00:08Bill Simmons:He had a bad SNL run. He had like a year in SNL. It didn't really work.

1:00:11Sean Fennessey:So this is kind of after all of that. And he's still, it's such a fearless performance because Woogie is so gross. All the hives and stuff, yeah.

1:00:19Bill Simmons:He tried to do Marlon Brando was another running character who tried to do Letterman 2, but he was just, kept you on your toes. Matt Damon and your trip award for most unexpected A-lister cameo, Brett Favreau. Great shot corner award. What do you got, CR? You know what? Do we just go for the ball shot?

1:00:37Sean Fennessey:It was the first one I wrote down. Yeah. I think it's just the most confrontational piece of cinema I've ever seen. Yeah. It's like several moments in cruising, right? a torsioned testicle. I have a better answer. Okay.

1:00:52Bill Simmons:Better. Yeah. I think how they hide the giant wad of cum on Ted's left ear for 12 seconds until she's like, what's that on your ear? And he turns. If you actually watch it, they do a really good job of you only see him from this side. You never see the left ear. And so they really spring it on you. And I think it's impressive. Yeah.

1:01:13Sean Fennessey:A lot of leering shots of Cameron Diaz through binoculars in this movie as well. I don't know if you guys picked up on that.

1:01:19Bill Simmons:I like when he got the bigger binoculars and then sees Magda. And then sees Magda. It's like, his binoculars work enough if he needs the whatever. Chess Rockwell Brock Lander's Award for Best Character Named Magda. I had Dom Wogey Woganowski. Oh, that's good. All right. Kid Coddy Pisturda Happiness Award Best Needle Drop. You love this soundtrack, don't you? I really like Mary's Prayer by Danny Wilson. I have Every Day Should Be a Holiday by Danny Warholz. Guys, it's Build Me a Buttercup, please. coming. Buttercup's the answer, the ending. CR, you have a flex category. Brandy Booth Award for the best performance by a pet goes to Puffy.

1:01:55Absolutely amazing dog performance. I don't know how often they were using a dog puppet or a dog zombie. Zombie? Not zombie. Does Make You Want to Get a Dog this movie? No. But I like to observe from a distance and it seems fun and it's just one of the funniest dog characters I can think of.

1:02:14Bill Simmons:That's the right answer. Dorfler's Door Award for how much did that hurt? The beans getting over the frank and the zipper? Ever had a friend who had some sort of injury down there? Honestly, no.

1:02:28Sean Fennessey:I've been thinking about this recently.

1:02:30Bill Simmons:I think it would have been the most important thing that ever happened to any of my friends if that happened.

1:02:34Sean Fennessey:You were saying about how when you have young kids that mac and cheese and hot dogs come back into your life. The other thing that comes back into your life when you have little kids is accidental nut shots. which like I just or sometimes they're not accidentally I have a daughter not a son so I'm fortunate to not get the

1:02:50Bill Simmons:purposeful ones Ben had six months where he was just like this is the one area I know I can hurt him this is the funniest thing in the world and they're like the same height and that's like

1:03:00Sean Fennessey:that's the true human the true male frailty you surprisingly get hit in the nuts and you're like I perhaps I should just die now there's no recourse from that so just pump that up this is just such a great like depiction of everybody in the 90s and the 80s I'm sure like had the story about the kid in the other town over who hadn't pooped all summer you know like it was just like the kid at prom who zipped his balls up and had to be taken away by an ambulance it's just so resonant. That's actually what that movie I told you about oops I pooped my pants and killed my daughter's boyfriend and that's what that's about it's about that kid i almost said that guy's name on the real job there was a real guy well just say it just what's gonna happen is he alive he is he didn't die from that that no but he had to go to the hospital he did yeah what'd they do

1:03:57Bill Simmons:we forgot to talk about how funny it was when they do the one two and then it cuts there we got a pleader it's a great cut you don't have a zipper story do you correct i don't unfortunately If you come up with one later, tell us. So far, so good. I had a, I'm throwing in here, it's a book about medals award for belatedly best quota exchange. I took a job with Rice-A-Roni. Isn't that the San Francisco treat? It was. It was kills me for some reason. He's like, no, no, it's over. It's not the San Francisco treat. I really enjoy that. And then the Billy Bats Jack Waltz award for most biting and scalable insult.

1:04:35Bill Simmons:Come on, cough it up chompers. Pat Haley won't pay his check right away

1:04:41Sean Fennessey:I love this one isn't directly to someone's face but when Pat and Ted are talking and he goes who roller pig are you nuts and Ted says you said she was a real spark plug no I said butt plug she's heinous you can't forget it's a sumo culture Ted they pay by the pound over there sort of like I'm tuna my favorite Billy Bats is actually far being like I'm in town to play the dolphins you dumbass butch's girlfriend word wink click in the film i got this one what do you got uh theatrical cut sully the jeffrey tambor part oh so and this is also because after you've watched like arisen development you're like jeffrey tambor's in this movie it must be like really significant uh in the extended cut he has an entire plot line about him falling off the wagon and being eaten by a python but in this theatrical cut you're just like why is he in this movie and And what was the point of this?

1:05:37Sean Fennessey:Which one did you watch to prepare for this? I watched the theatrical and then went to just the Jeffrey Tambor scenes or the extended cut.

1:05:45Bill Simmons:It's tough to cut Jeffrey Tambor, but I don't think this movie needed more stuff in it. No.

1:05:49Sean Fennessey:He's very funny when he picks Pat up from the airport as well.

1:05:52Bill Simmons:What did you have for Leak Link?

1:05:55Sean Fennessey:I mean, there's not really like a person that is not good. I have a strong Leak Link. What do you think of Tucker? I like Lee Evans. You're about to go in on Lee Evans? Let's hear it. I have Tucker. Oh, no.

1:06:10Bill Simmons:It's a nitpick as well. I just don't understand Tucker's plan. Well, okay, but that's... To me, it's a weakling. Tucker's plan is the weakest link.

1:06:19Sean Fennessey:I have that in a category. So he meets Mary.

1:06:23Bill Simmons:He falls for her. He pays somebody to break his bat with a baseball bat so then she can treat him as an orthopedic surgeon. pretends he's an English guy with a cane who's basically crippled now from this injury but he's also delivering pizza on the side and he thinks this is going to land Mary but what happens when he actually lands Mary he has the worst plan of any one and if Mary is an orthopedic surgeon wouldn't she look at new x-rays of his back and be like your back has been healed all of it falls apart I don't understand really any part of it what he's up to but it's only one of the things you notice after watching this movie 12 times.

1:07:01Bill Simmons:And taking it seriously when it's not meant to be. Yeah, I just felt like Tucker could have maybe three more hours in the spitball session on Tucker. Maybe Tucker got injured on a motorcycle, Mary treated him, and then he'd be... Yeah, there's some better version. I don't disagree. I think he's a little bit turned up. I know the movie's ridiculous, but Sean, what you were saying earlier about how Matt Dillon's character is taking it seriously, Chris Elliott, I feel like he's taking it seriously. I do feel like Tucker is the only character where I'm like, this actually does break the world a little bit.

1:07:28He is like... doing something bigger than the rest of the characters in the movie. It's a little more slapstick and screwball than anyone else. Yeah.

1:07:35Bill Simmons:I also had him for the Ruffalo-Hannah-Rubinick Partridge overacting award.

1:07:39Sean Fennessey:I was concerned for that. He really dials it up

1:07:41Bill Simmons:one of the times.

1:07:42Sean Fennessey:It's weird what happened with him because he was the star of Mouse Hunt. Remember the movie Mouse Hunt in 1987? Did you ever see that movie? And then there's something about Mary and then he's in The Ladies' Man. He was in The Fifth Element. He was in a bunch of stuff in the late 90s. He was a big stand-up comic in England and then basically never acted in movies again. He's only in a few more movies. The world agreed with you guys. Wait, what was your weakest link? You just didn't really have one. There's not really an actor in this that I think is bad. In fact, I think it's like overstuffed with way overqualified actors.

1:08:11You guys all like the musical interstitials?

1:08:13Bill Simmons:I personally do, but I'm used to them. I can see why. It's one of the only signals also that there's another consciousness. There's another POV on the story of the movie that's kind of like tongue-in-cheek. You know what I mean? It makes it like a fable. It's like a fairy tale. Yeah. You're just not a Jonathan Richmond guy, apparently. It's okay. I feel like that's such an easy four minutes that you could take out of the movie. And I don't think... He's always thinking about length. Well, it's not even that. I just like, those are the moments in the movie where I kind of like, okay, I guess I'll check my phone until they're done singing.

1:08:45You don't find it funny when the sniper kills? That was funny. Sure, yeah. The gag at the end, maybe it's all worth it for that. That's a good gag. But I did feel that. I felt like that was a little bit... The second time in, you're like, okay, I kind of get this.

1:08:57Bill Simmons:Craig I forgot to ask you what the Horlbeck scale was for this it's a two hour movie um like I said 119 minutes so we're plus plus 19 I do think you could probably shave 5 to 10 minutes of this movie and it's maybe a little bit so what would you take out besides Jonathan Richman I think I would you're probably going to hate this I would probably I don't think you need the hitchhiker scene and then I think you could get rid of the musical stuff and it's probably like an hour 40 no the hitchhiker scene is how could you not have the hitchhiker scene this doesn't have anything to do with the movie It's good.

1:09:27Bill Simmons:Listen, he's just horrible backing it up. Can I give you this on the Jonathan Richman? Uh-huh. Is that the musician? Yeah. The music stuff. It walks so the Dan Band could then run. Fair. With The Hangover. And what was the other movie they were in? They're in a bunch of stuff. They were in two big ones, though. Oh, Forgetting Sarah Marshall? No. I mean, no. Wedding Crashers? Wedding Crashers. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's worth it if I get the Dan Band.

1:09:56Sean Fennessey:I think it's a great choice, the Jonathan Richman stuff. It feels very 90s. It does. Cutting the hitchhiker and then the subsequent interrogation scene is non-negotiable. And we do get the kindergarten cop guy. Speaking of which, he's my Ruffalo Hannah Rubiak is Richard Tyson, the sweating detective. Just tough. He's really going for it.

1:10:15Bill Simmons:Tough month on the rewatchables for Richard. What do you mean? He crushed it in this movie. We're going to take one more break and then do what's stage the worst. This episode is brought to you by Adobe Firefly, the all-in-one creative studio with AI-powered image and video generation. Built for today's creative process, Firefly helps you generate, edit, and experiment fast. Because the asks aren't getting smaller, and the timelines?

1:10:41Sean Fennessey:Ooh, yeah, still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to life.

1:10:48Bill Simmons:Learn more at adobe.com slash firefly. This episode is brought to you by Brooks Running. Sometimes in the film world, we see performances on screen that are so mind-blowing, you think someone somewhere is bending the rules. Like when one actor plays twins or nails a really difficult accent. The glycerin flex from Brooks is that phenomenon in shoe form. It provides a flexible cushion ride that's made to move with you. With a breathable upper, your shoe feels like a distraction-free second skin. It's the ultimate blend between human movement and tech. So if you want to experience the best parts your performance flex the rules in the new glycerin flex shop the glycerin flex at brooks running.com all right what's age the worst brett farvra yeah it's a great casting in 1998 now it's kind of weird to see him yeah it's tough tough times for brett also quarterback the jets and then uh warren warren i think even the farrelys are like yeah we probably fucked that up we should have cast somebody who was special needs yeah um that's not how they thought in the 90s peter said i wouldn't do that today i would hire an actor with intellectual disabilities they're all over the place at that time they weren't didn't get the opportunities they're getting today i don't have any other what's age of worst uh i i didn't really have i mean once you go in on the premise of this film it's yeah it's a comedy um sean you have a flex category

1:12:16Sean Fennessey:yeah usually this category is reserved for thrillers and horror films but when would i have died um is not the zipper it's not when my date's father would have come into the room it's when the police officer would come through the window that's when i would have died from zipping my johnson up in my zipper police officer would have intimidated you yeah i think i would

1:12:37Bill Simmons:have just sort of bled to that scared stiff yeah yeah that's when i would have died i like it The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. What do you got, CR? Is Ted the most deranged of all these guys?

1:12:52Is Ted sitting around? Well, I, you know, obviously. I would rank Tucker first. I think Tucker's a fucking maniac. But that's why it's the hotter take. It's not the, like, here's the mid-speed take. Ted's lies are just kind of harmless. Does Ted have a job? He's a magazine writer. Yeah. Magazine writer. Yeah. I'm curious what kind of pieces he writes. It's funny when Cameron Diaz is like, you could just work from anywhere. Yeah.

1:13:15Sean Fennessey:Searing explorations of fascism in the New Yorker. Yeah. He's just like, God, I'm really obsessed with this girl. So what's the case for Ted being most? Well, I mean, hanging on to that obsession for so long that you're still in therapy about it.

1:13:27Bill Simmons:You horrified her entire family. Yeah. In the course of 15 minutes. Like, it's not really, I understand why the severity of your injury made you go retreat within yourself. But like, you have plenty of opportunities probably to reach out. You stalk her. You use a private investigator to go after her. That private investigator winds up lying to you about his results. But then you still pursue her all the way down to I-95. You really get arrested for murder. And yeah, obviously learn some lessons. But I think that there's something about the lengths of what he goes to that suggests he might be like the craziest one of the three.

1:14:04Solid take. What do you got?

1:14:06Sean Fennessey:Ben Stiller is the greatest cuck actor of all time.

1:14:09Bill Simmons:wow who is this competition

1:14:11Sean Fennessey:if you need a cuck if you need a guy if you need a bitch boy right if you need somebody who is like

1:14:18Bill Simmons:he makes the most sense

1:14:18Sean Fennessey:not only does he make the most sense but there actually is like not a second choice there's not a comic actor who you could be like I'm gonna humiliate you the whole premise of the movie is this guy is a loser and will lose all the way until the end and then he'll get the girl but that's the premise of like nine 100 million dollar Ben Stiller movies

1:14:37Bill Simmons:really good so mine is also a casting what if the Farrelly brothers wanted to cast Drew Bledsoe as the Brett Favre character and he passed because he had just had this mosh club incident which was a big deal I was living in Boston at the time I forget who was playing but it was it might have been I think it was in Providence I don't remember what city was in, but... It was Everclear. Yeah. The Pats... That's knowledge right there. Him and a couple offensive linemen, and it was just bad, and it became a huge deal. And, like, this was... Pete Carroll was the coach. The inmates are running the asylum kind of stuff.

1:15:25Bill Simmons:And right around then, he got... And he was like, I better not do it. My hottest take is... I think this is the most underrated thing that ever happened to Patriot fans. Because if he takes this movie... and it makes$380 million, and he becomes a little bit cooler, that confidence then goes on the field. And I don't know if Tom Brady ever happens. Do you think that this, does he still do the Everclear concert in this version of the best? He'd already done it. That's why, yeah. He just said yes anyway. He redeems himself somehow. Redeems himself. He becomes a huge movie star. Becomes, he goes, Jerry Maguire in this, he's got his mojo back.

1:16:02Bill Simmons:Tom Brady's right there. He's like, you know what? I was in there, something about Mary. I made$350 million. I'm not I'm not afraid of you He starts dating Cameron Diaz Yeah maybe he doesn't run out of bounds He just runs out of bounds instead of taking the hit from Mo Lewis Because he's not like insecure He's just out Yeah in this version of events it's like Cameron Diaz dates Drew Bledsoe And then Neil deGrasse Tyson And then like And then we don't get six Super Bowls

1:16:28Sean Fennessey:But have you considered that that level of confidence In Drew Bledsoe Could have led to Super Bowls From Drew Bledsoe

1:16:35Bill Simmons:like it's very possible I'm just saying it's an alternate universe for the Pats fans would you rather

1:16:40Sean Fennessey:you'd rather have Tom knowing what we know now about Tom I'd rather have the six Super Bowls

1:16:44Bill Simmons:and I'm fine with Brett Favre being in this movie

1:16:46Sean Fennessey:what about six Super Bowls from Drew and then not Tom you know not choosing a rooting interest in the Super Bowl you know some of the deflate gate stuff I don't think he could've

1:16:56Bill Simmons:won the six bringing in his health consultant maybe one Alex Guerrero

1:17:00Sean Fennessey:getting cucked by Gisele Bundchen like all these things that happened you know That video where he kisses his kids on the lips. That was a tough one. Yeah, he kisses his kids on the lips. You don't get that.

1:17:13Bill Simmons:Tom Brady roast. What else happened to Tom Brady? Some other stuff? I'm sorry I brought this up. You're maybe not the warmest room to do it in. Casting what ifs. Owen Wilson and Jon Stewart were the other two candidates for Ted. Bill Murray was considered for Pat Haley, but the Fairly study was too old. Vince Vaughn, Cuba Gooding Jr., also considered for Pat Haley. I think Vince Vaughn could have done this. I think he could have, but I think... I'm glad we ended up with Matt Dillon. There's an element of Vince Vaughn that I think also would have been like a little mugging to the camera. Like, yeah.

1:17:41Is he too tall? He was going to be Ted?

1:17:44Sean Fennessey:Yeah. No. Oh, for Pat. Pat Healy. Oh, for Pat. He could have done Pat. Yeah, I think he could have done Pat.

1:17:49Bill Simmons:And then they also offered the Mary part, the Redfire part to Steve Young, but he turned it down due to the film's coarse nature. Because he said the Mormons would all come out and see it and that they would reject him.

1:18:00Sean Fennessey:Where do you stand on Steve Young? uh always admired that he knew when to hang him up yeah hmm

1:18:09Bill Simmons:the weirdest what if that's why this is my last pod I did not know this one Chris Farley turned down Warren this would have been a real and uh they couldn't have insured him anyway he did dirty work and then uh he died as they were making the movie so uh probably a good miss by all parties but uh I think that that would have been really distracting. I think that ruins the movie. Yeah. I think it would have been seen as more, it would have aged worse. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Best that guy award, not eligible. Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney, Richard Tyson, Harlan Williams. Why are they not eligible?

1:18:46Bill Simmons:Because I'm making them not eligible. Richard Tyson is not eligible? We just covered him two weeks ago. He was crisp. People know Richard Tyson is not. Okay. Right? Do I think people know his name is Richard Tyson? No, they probably don't. Fine, he's eligible. I don't. did you know who played Magda? yeah, Lin Shay sure, Lin Shay Lin Shay Bob Shay's sister, yeah we also have Sanford from Sex and the City aka Willie Garson that's right wearing the long wig with like big sits on him that's who I had that's a good one I've got him on the list I think the winner is

1:19:15Sean Fennessey:W. Earl Brown as Warren he's up there Deadwood fans rejoice the master

1:19:19Bill Simmons:he was Kenny the Cameraman in Scream he was in Deadwood he was in the master and he apparently had three years in NYPD Blue Joaquin and him getting the fight in the master, right?

1:19:29Sean Fennessey:that's right real ones would go I think Rob Moran who is in Dumb and Dumber Kingpin and there's something about Mary he's the bartender in Dumb and Dumber he's one of the bad guys Stanley Ozymanski in Kingpin and he's clearly a Farrelly Brothers extended player he's in The Troop and he pops up in a bunch of their movies he's in Shallow Howl me, myself, and Irene he's the other cop he's Tyson's partner

1:19:53Bill Simmons:oh that's a good that guy Dion Waiters our nominees include Avery Brooks Richard Jenkins Jeffrey Tambor Magda Harlan Williams Chris Elliott Brett Favre Mongo We don't see Mongo But I think he's in here anyway Sure And then Jonathan Richmond What do you got CR? I think it's Jenkins I don't

1:20:16Sean Fennessey:Did you say Keith David?

1:20:18Bill Simmons:Oh I didn't I don't know why he's I said Avery Brooks And I meant Keith I just got Avery Brooks And Keith David confused We did a whole podcast segment About this I was like who the fuck is Avery Brooks? Yeah Yeah Keith David Keith David we did a whole segment before about how those guys you could have swapped them in different roles I think there will be a contingent of listeners who think it's Harlow Williams I would go for they're the same people who don't think Richard Tyson is a bad guy I think my answer Harlow Williams is pretty good

1:20:47Sean Fennessey:you know that old children's tale from the sea

1:20:53Bill Simmons:who'd you pick? Keith David I think it's Keith David Okay. I'll now vote it. No, I just called him Avery Brooks. Recasting couch director of City. Can I test drive Norm MacDonald as Tucker for you guys? Oh. Yeah. Doing the British accent? Maybe we get rid of the British accent for Norm, but he's just doing Tucker, pretending he hurt his back, but now he's delivering pizzas.

1:21:19Sean Fennessey:What about Norm as Pat?

1:21:21Bill Simmons:Norm as Pat could have worked, too. I just feel like Norm MacDonald could have been in this movie. Could he have been the Richard Tyson character? Could he have been Worgie? He could have been Wogey. Like, I just felt like we needed him in this somewhere.

1:21:30Sean Fennessey:He was busy making dirty work this year.

1:21:32Bill Simmons:I get it.

1:21:33Sean Fennessey:I mean, Norm fits in perfectly with this movie.

1:21:35Bill Simmons:If Norm is Tucker, this movie I think is better.

1:21:38Sean Fennessey:Can I make a suggestion in this category? Yeah. I want to recast the genre. Because I think you can remake the movie exactly the same, but as a lurid thriller. Oh, my God. It would be such a great From Hell movie. From Hell movie. Yes, but it's like five stalkers from hell that are all going after Mary. It's basically like a Shantweed movie. Like opening up her heart and getting it like and then finding out the guy is a complete lie. Exactly.

1:21:59Bill Simmons:I feel like Black Stars might be making this right now. It's like Power Season 7. Or MGM. MGM Plus, you mean? MGM Plus. Yeah. I mean, the Chris Elliott turn is legitimately chilling in this movie. Yeah, it's like Pacific Heights. That he was two minutes where it's very kind of scary. Yeah. Well, when he's got like his face is full of boils. He's like twitching. He's got the eye boil. He's got her shoes. Yeah. Yeah, the shoe thing really deflates it. They very smartly pivoted to having it not, because you obviously think it's going to be like him doing something physical to her and he's just smelling her shoes.

1:22:29He stole my shoes. Yeah.

1:22:31Bill Simmons:Craig, you have a flex category. I'm going to put on my van hat and I'm going to do a top five list. Top five most shocking and hilarious male nudity in a major comedy. Okay. The zipper scene in There's Something About Mary. Mm-hmm. The ball sack on the drum set in Step Brothers. Yeah. Jason Segel full nude surprise and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. the Borat naked hotel fight. Yeah. And Ken Jeong naked crowbar scene in The Hangover.

1:22:59Sean Fennessey:So those are all comedies. Yeah, that's the category. Oh, it's just comedies. Funniest nudity. Most shocking and hilarious male nudity. I think Badly Said it is funnier. Well, to live and die in LA when Peterson is just like letting it go, I laughed. The other contenders, MC Ganey in Sideways. Oh, that's a good one.

1:23:17Bill Simmons:That's a really good one. Yeah, we could see him running. And then the giant devil penis in This Is The End. but I don't know if he counts as a male did it yeah how did you Google search it I delicately investigated yeah hey Claude yeah you'd be surprised there are Reddit threads about this this is the first time you talk to Claude just like hey was the search I'm curious about AI comedies male nude scene penis I really made the I made sure that Google knew like humorous male nudity scenes that are jokes funny male nudity scenes

1:23:49Sean Fennessey:let's get your search history up on the screen right now can we get that I got nothing to hide. I stand by this top five. It's just Mekhi Lemon team.

1:23:56Bill Simmons:Can I give you the answer? Okay. First of all, great category. It's not on this list, the answer? No, the answer is Borat. That's the fucking funniest. Hotel fight? Borat ever with the fucking Azumar. Azumar. Like that's it. That's the peak of everything.

1:24:12Sean Fennessey:Another movie that had the same kind of energy.

1:24:14Bill Simmons:Yeah, Borat in the theater is the same thing. Half-ass internet research. the scene when Ted gets his scrotum stuck in his pants was inspired by a real incident Farrelly Brothers their sister was listening to records and one of the kids went to the bathroom friends with their sister had that happen not the same thing but some of it when Ted falls off the stretcher not scripted they kept it in it was a mistake Ben Stiller fell off the waterfront you see him grab his arm realistically the waterfront house where Mary lived in Miami was destroyed in 2008 by a construction accident. It's gone. High school scene in the beginning was shot at Plantation City Hall in Florida.

1:24:54Bill Simmons:They saw a rough cut. They thought it was too raunchy and they requested to not be acknowledged in the credits. When you offend Florida, you've really pulled something off. And then we mentioned the tambour scene and then the Diaz worried that the gel scene was going to gross people out. So they shot two versions. There's also like a pretty pointless but like I guess you know it's like if you're curious there's one of the extended cut scenes is about like Ted's family and it's like oh Ted's brother and like donating kidneys to the brother there's like they build it up a little bit more about what he's been doing Apex Mountain still or no we're not there yet

1:25:35Sean Fennessey:okay I don't have a star

1:25:38Bill Simmons:Diaz I think yes I think she comes out of this is this her biggest movie because it's my best friend's wedding the year before than this and i i feel like she has the juice now that leads to charlie's angels she gets 20 million

1:25:51Sean Fennessey:for charlie's angels too i think sure it's not charlie's angels might be but i i feel like she

1:25:56Bill Simmons:was the anchor i she kind of takes julia roberts's uh ironically like probably her her title here right i think she could have done whatever she wanted after this movie yeah she she's like two rom-coms late when i was looking at the imdb because thought she eventually does in the holiday The sweetest thing isn't really a rom-com, but you don't think so? Well, it's a comedy.

1:26:20Sean Fennessey:She just made more sex comedies than rom-coms. She was not really a rom-com. She's in the holiday, but she was not really a rom-com person.

1:26:26Bill Simmons:She didn't make it like a while you were sleeping, but she really took some chances. She made like sex tape, you know? Yeah, she made the Malcolm Vidge movie. She did the Gangs of New York. Matt Dillon, though.

1:26:38Sean Fennessey:What's Matt Dillon's Apex Mountain? I think it's in the 80s. Do you think it's Outsiders? I think at a rumble fish or whatever

1:26:45Bill Simmons:he felt like he was the biggest teen actor in the world in the 83-84 range for a couple years then the Farrelly brothers yes so this leads to me, myself, and Irene a year later which is a bonkers movie a year and a half

1:27:01Sean Fennessey:I wrote down the Farrelly's and I think it's probably the answer but you know Peter Farrelly won best picture like whatever 20 years later

1:27:13Bill Simmons:So would you say this was Bobby Farrelly's Apex Mountain, but Peter Farrelly was winning for Green Book? I think it's theirs just because... As a combo, this is it. I think Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly would probably go out and they could do a screening for this movie tomorrow and it would be full and they would be like, I don't know that Green Book has that legacy. You can't have a comedy do better than this, I don't think. This movie was an absolute comedy phenomenon that made a ton of money and either created stars are made stars bigger. It's also just so striking because like we just did Ghostbusters and to watch a movie where it's like, Ghostbusters still at the last 20 minutes is like kind of a sci-fi movie.

1:27:52Like a lot of the jokes in Ghostbusters are said to the side of like the plot. This movie is like every scene is a gag. Every scene builds up to a big, big punchline.

1:28:04Bill Simmons:The Providence Bruins? No. Chris Elliott? What was the Providence Bruins? Apex Mountain. The huge poster in the one-bedroom scene with Ben Stoller. But I'm saying, was there another Apex Mountain? No, they won a couple of AHL titles. Chris Elliott?

1:28:22Sean Fennessey:Letterman.

1:28:23Bill Simmons:Yeah, I think it's Letterman.

1:28:24Sean Fennessey:Apex, it's probably this. I mean, maybe that first episode of Get a Life where I was like, it's happening. It's like the premiere episode. It's on Fox. Was it Sunday night? Like after The Simpsons, right? That was, right? Herman's had hours here. I was more of a Herman's Head guy.

1:28:41Bill Simmons:Would you go funny cum scenes or something else here? I mean, Buffalo, Migs is pretty high up there for funny cum scenes, but it's unintentional comedy. This is the most... Intentional cum scene funny. What are some other cum scenes? Craig, want to Google that for us? Yeah, I'll pull that up. Funniest cum scenes. Hold on, guys. Franks and Beans. Apex Mountain for... The terminology? The phrase? Franks and Beans. I think it's the funniest penis injury I've ever seen on screen. I will say this. Franks and Beans has been a running joke in my house ever since about actual Franks and Beans and like, you know, changing.

1:29:20Bill Simmons:This could go anywhere. Like, I don't know where you're going to take this. Changing our son's diaper. Okay. Okay. Like, make sure you get under the Franks and Beans like that. It's just been in the lexicon in the Simmons house. Sorry, Ben. Miami comedies. I'm going to say yes.

1:29:37Sean Fennessey:Yeah. Okay. Miami Vice is hilarious. to me.

1:29:40Bill Simmons:Miami movies gets a little more interesting. I think it's Miami Vice. I think so as well. Are you excited?

1:29:48Sean Fennessey:It's Scarface. What are we talking about? For Miami Vice 85? I'm not ready to talk about it. Did you want to do a separate little segment at the end of this? Did you hear Sean's idea? Flipping him?

1:29:58Bill Simmons:Flipping him. Oh, making Oh, making Butler's tubs. MBJ's Crockett and Austin Butler's tubs. That got me excited. Right? Isn't that the move? That is the move. I don't think Austin Butler can be Sonny Crockett. But MBJ can be Sonny Crockett. Have we ever seen him smoke a cigarette? I feel like he smokes cigarettes and caught stealing, right? He does. Is that not what they're doing? It's not MBJ as Sonny? I don't know. I feel like it would have to be. That would be weird for Michael B. Jordan to be like, I'm happy to play second fiddle to Austin Butler. I just won an Oscar. Jamie did it.

1:30:34Sean Fennessey:Yeah. And he was bigger at the time and was coming off an Oscar win.

1:30:38Bill Simmons:Crazy suntans

1:30:40Sean Fennessey:It's actually the same thing It was coming off the Ray win

1:30:43Bill Simmons:Crazy brown suntans I think yes Jonathan Richmond Definitely yes Cruz or Hanks I had Cruz Cruz as As Ted or somebody else I would like to see Cruz With the chompers As Healy See I think

1:30:57Sean Fennessey:Actually 80s Hanks could do Pat Healy

1:31:00Bill Simmons:Yeah Oh interesting I had Hanks either As Ted or Pat Healy Hanks could have done either part Cruz could have done The hitchhiker

1:31:11seven minute abs

1:31:14Bill Simmons:I think Hanks is the answer Scorsese or Spielberg tough one for these guys I think it's Marty and it's Cape Fear it's basically it's just a thriller that's good the Catherine Trammell would you throw your life away for this obvious stay away award is that for Mary who's the stay away I think it's Mary just because she has all these psychos after her oh yeah oh once you find out her dating history and it's like She's dated NFL quarterback and three guys who have broken. Yeah. She's a maniac attractor. You'd be looking over your shoulder the entire time. You'd get murdered by some stalker. I would still throw it away.

1:31:46Bill Simmons:Picky Nitz. Why does Mary's an orthopedic surgeon but lives in this weird complex where she shares a balcony with Magda? This is where... What's going on here? I feel like this is basically right out of 90s sitcoms where it's like, yeah, they all live together. Why would they all live together? Why would you live with Magda? Wouldn't she be in like a, on the 34th floor of some high rise in South Beach? Is it supposed to be that she's Magda's next door neighbor and is like kind of shares a balcony with her? Or does she live with Magda? No, she lives next door. She explains it, right? Magda's husband dies and was lonely.

1:32:19And Cameron Diaz is like the most altruistic human that's ever lived. Right. So it's doing her a favor by keeping her company. And then Magda starts nailing the homeless dock worker.

1:32:29Bill Simmons:Speaking of Mary, does she have patience? Is she working? What's going on here? She sees Tucker in her office. Yeah, but that's the... Otherwise, it's like during the day, she's like driving around. No surgeries? Play golf and buy like checkers for... She's working at the camp. Yeah. She's checking out her golf swing. You wanted more scenes of her examining patients. Why she's living in a small apartment.

1:32:53Sean Fennessey:Not getting a lot of business. Yeah.

1:32:55Bill Simmons:Would have liked to have seen her at least like move somebody's knee around and been like, how's your ACL feel? Better?

1:33:01Sean Fennessey:That says that what happens?

1:33:03Bill Simmons:Yeah. Okay. Does that feel better? Wouldn't Ted have known that he went to the same high school as Woogie? Woogie went to four towns over.

1:33:10Sean Fennessey:He went to Borington Falls or whatever. They talk about it.

1:33:13Bill Simmons:But she knew Mary's, okay, same town at least. Yeah, neighboring town. It says four towns over. We heard about it four towns over. But he knows who Woogie is. Yeah. He knows this guy's name is Don Wuganowski. Never put the two and two together. I guess Ted's not a rocket scientist. Yeah, he's just a magazine writer. I have one more big one, but do you have any? I don't really know what Dom's plan here was. Dom gets the ball rolling downhill. Yeah, why is he helping Ted but trying to sabotage him? He's a maniac. But he wants Healy to find Mary, and then he's going to go. But when he's home watching cops, was he like, I might go down there anyway, or does he only go down there once Ted gets arrested?

1:33:53Sean Fennessey:Well, he's relieved earlier in the film when he hears that Mary is overweight, and he's only interested really in coming down when he finds out it's a ruse, right? Yeah. So then when he learns that Mary still looks good. Then his face starts breaking out.

1:34:08Bill Simmons:How would Ted ever get a hold of Brett Favre the week of the Dolphins game? That's an incredible question. Brett Favre's like 30 million people are watching NFL games in 1998. I don't know. Back in 98, did those guys have to go through massive film sessions? Wasn't it just kind of go out there and throw some frozen ropes?

1:34:24Sean Fennessey:Out of all 30 starting quarterbacks in the NFL, who's the one you think you get closest to getting in touch with right now? Oh, this is a fucking awesome question.

1:34:31Bill Simmons:not Jalen Hurts I'll tell you that much

1:34:32Sean Fennessey:that's for darn sure I would have said he's barely awake before the Super Bowl why not because he seems like a regular guy he seems like the kind of guy who would be like I also like prestige television and I look at the watch and maybe DM once I think the answer

1:34:50Bill Simmons:is Drake May because you go through his wife wouldn't I just go through you no you go through Drake May he's the wife and she's on social media all the time and you just be like I want to hang out with your husband. Like, hi, I'm Chris Ryan of The Watch. You say that?

1:35:05Sean Fennessey:Is that how you introduce yourself to new people? I'm Chris Ryan of The Watch. No. No, who's like the least successful active quarterback? I bet Bryce Young. Bryce Young. Yeah. Number one overall pick. Oh, this is stupid. Baker. Baker would definitely do it. Baker.

1:35:19Bill Simmons:Isn't the answer Tyler Shuck? He's like 25, happy to be here. No, but Baker actually would do this, and Baker would be like, yeah, man, I'll come hang out on like a Thursday. Yeah. I feel like Baker's does like three pods a week. Any other pick and nits?

1:35:33Sean Fennessey:To me, the biggest one is, like, I get Pat's move here. Okay, let me go back. Is Pat's move to have sex with Mary? Or is it to be in love forever with Mary? I think he loves her.

1:35:45Bill Simmons:I think he wants to marry Mary. Yeah, he loves her.

1:35:47Sean Fennessey:Okay, so that plan is going to fall apart at a certain point, right?

1:35:50Bill Simmons:And he's probably got to uncap his teeth.

1:35:52Sean Fennessey:Right. And then you already pointed out, Tucker, Norm's long game is just baffling. Yes. but speaks to Mary's flawed orthopedic surgery career.

1:36:03Bill Simmons:Sequel, prequel, prestige to be all black cast or untouchable. I think it's untouchable. Is this movie better with...

1:36:08Sean Fennessey:You sure you don't want to do all black cast?

1:36:11Bill Simmons:I think it's an untouchable. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Fergie the Florist, Zane Lowe, Robert Evans, Ryan Rucco or somebody else? I definitely think that there was some space here for Fergie because of the new England thing. What do you got? And it's just like Fergie being like, you're going to do this for me. You're going to go down to Miami and find this Mary. Or I'm going to clip you.

1:36:38Fergie playing Ted? Yeah.

1:36:43Fergie is, Fergie is, I don't think I can handle Fergie as Wogey.

1:36:52Fergie the florist watching Cops is not okay.

1:36:55Bill Simmons:You don't want to do Robert Evans exploring Mary? When did Robert Evans come back into it? Robert Evans is back. Get me. I don't know if you want to do it. Robert Evans or Robert Loggia? Robert Evans. Was Robert Evans ever in the mix here? I don't know. I just thought we'd throw him in. Mary had the kind of legs that could stop a room. She had Nellie Court as golf swing. She loved meat on a stick. and she could hit a three iron, 190 yards.

1:37:29Bill Simmons:Where did Robert? I introduced her to Steve McQueen and I never saw either of them again. I introduced her to Brett Favre. She was living in Green Bay this time next year. Brett Favre never won another game that year. Just one Oscar, who gets it? You'd go Dylan?

1:37:48Sean Fennessey:Yeah. I'm going the prop master. oh i'll go the script we got puffy we got we got lobe come you know yeah probably unanswerable

1:37:59Bill Simmons:questions what replaced rest areas as the bath houses of the 90s for the next three decades that's a great question bill what were the zero zeros i don't know how to answer that i'm not sure i know yeah i don't really know either my uh question was i think tinder hopped in there yeah I think online, like, swipe left, swipe right. Or, yeah, one of those swipe. Yeah, that's 2010s. What's the podcast equivalent of emptying the baby batter before the date? Like, is that like when I do the watch before the rewatch?

1:38:31Sean Fennessey:Before we recorded, Bill was like, you guys fresh? Done any pods today? Don't want to be all used up. Trying to squeeze a second one out.

1:38:39Bill Simmons:Well, I had Zach last night. We recorded most of the podcast, but then we did the top late night. and he's like groggy and half asleep and it's the best version of Zach I think you guys were talking about Io and he's just like I don't know what the fuck you do there I love groggy Zach did Ted and Mary get married I think they date for like six weeks and break up yeah cause he's he can't carry this what do you mean no she's she's like marrying Ronnie Cycling I also think he gets nuked by we didn't talk about this by Sarah Silverman and Candy Alexander. I don't think it lasts five seconds with them.

1:39:17Bill Simmons:Oh, true. We forgot to mention them. They had two very stereotypical 90s rom-com comedy girls hanging out scenes. Yeah. This is my big one. How did this movie not have a sequel?

1:39:32Sean Fennessey:I assume they had a chance to do it. This is just good thinking. This is like, let's not fuck with this. Like, a sequel, a bad sequel to this movie screws up the integrity of this movie. All right. You're saying that rationally.

1:39:49Bill Simmons:I'm surprised too. Somebody that is treating the movie industry like something that's not going to bastardize good IP the moment they feel like they sniff some dollar signs. It's crazy to me. Ben Stower is a much bigger star. Cameron Diaz is a much bigger star for this movie. The Farrelly brothers probably needed some sort of comeback thingy in the around 2005, 2006 range. and they never thought about doing a sequel?

1:40:13Sean Fennessey:It's crazy. They did a sequel to Dumb and Dumber. They did the Three Stooges movie. They remade the Heartbreak Kid. So it's not like they were above this kind of thing.

1:40:21Bill Simmons:I just thought it's the all-time layup. I can't believe they didn't do it. Do you think that there's anything to the idea? So they basically, this movie comes out in 98. They essentially need to make this movie before 08 to get it under the social media wire. Because after that, it's just like, yeah, I know what Mary's doing. I look at her on Facebook. Right. And so like there's only like a small window to kind of pull off that premise.

1:40:44Sean Fennessey:Cameron Diaz is only 53. I mean, you could easily, we're getting a Spaceball sequel next year.

1:40:50Bill Simmons:Well, we're getting the Meet the Fockers Grandkids movie, right? Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah, that's right. Meet Focker-in-law. Focker-in-law. The secret handshake memorabilia you'd want from this movie. I have a great one for this, but you go. Mary's signature golf bag. Oh. Warren's earmuffs. That's really good. The headphones, right? So. Earmuffs too?

1:41:09Sean Fennessey:He wears the red earmuffs.

1:41:10Bill Simmons:This is what Peter said about the hair gel. Somebody hired a guy to make different loads. He showed up with a leather briefcase, like a businessman that had 30 or 40 loads in it. We called Ben over and would hold one up at a time, like an earring. People would say, no, too small, kind of lumpy. That's how we decided afterwards. We never saw the crew member again. He shed his briefcase and left. We were laughing like, who is that guy and how does he have that job? I'd want the briefcase. the briefcase full of loads

1:41:41Sean Fennessey:you want the loads in the briefcase

1:41:43Bill Simmons:I want the whole package

1:41:45Sean Fennessey:I want everything they probably like calcified since 1998 what's some everyday use for the loads for you people come over like hey

1:41:54Bill Simmons:do you like something about Mary have you seen my load case

1:42:03Bill Simmons:Floyd Gondali butter in my ass lollipops in my mouth award for something I just enjoy a load case I like a movie where everybody has a job but nobody works so like Cameron Diaz is an orthopedic surgeon but spends the day hanging out at the driving range Ben Stiller apparently has just umpteenth amounts of PTO to like stalk his ex-girlfriend I don't want to spend a lot of time working with these guys

1:42:31Sean Fennessey:I love when a movie introduces a character who seems completely ancillary and incidental and turns out to be the psychopath at the center of the movie. The woogie reveal in theaters. This is pretty great.

1:42:43Bill Simmons:Double feature? I would go Kingpin just to get the Farrelly Brothers oeuvre.

1:42:47Sean Fennessey:I said American Pie. It just held us down two summers, two Julys in a row. What do you have? Dumb and Dumber.

1:42:54Bill Simmons:Okay. Let's just laugh for three and a half hours. Who won the movie? I know it's the Farrelly Brothers, but it's Dylan. Interesting. For this viewing, so there's There's four candidates for this. And I actually think the answer is Ben Stiller. Because he goes from, I didn't know you could be the lead of a comedy, to then ripping off 11 straight years of comedies. And it's because of this movie. And I don't know if it happens without this movie. Are you the deciding vote or do you have a third option?

1:43:24Sean Fennessey:I think it's Cameron Diaz. There you go. I think there's a really good case for both of them. I think Matt Dillon's the funniest part of the movie. I think Ben Stiller goes on to the greatest amount of success in the movie. But it's Cameron Diaz on the poster. It's Cameron Diaz's movie. Her character's name in the title. This is the thing that catapults her.

1:43:41Bill Simmons:I thought about her, but I feel like she's going to win the next 15 years anyway.

1:43:46Sean Fennessey:I'll tell you what else I was thinking about.

1:43:47Bill Simmons:I don't know if Ben Stiller wins the next 15 years.

1:43:49Sean Fennessey:She never been nominated for an Oscar. You know, not really remembered. Has she ever done any Oscar beat? Gangs of New York and being John Malkovich. She was nominated for a Globe for being John Malkovich. And she's been nominated for awards before, but never kind of got to that mountaintop. The Anna Faris thing felt like that was bad for a little bit. Yeah, it was a shot. What was the Anna Faris thing? In Lost in Translation. Oh, yeah. She got a Globe Nom for something by Mary. For this, yes.

1:44:17Bill Simmons:A Globe Nom. And now it's time we go to Craig for his take on the movie. You'd seen this movie before. We didn't decide who won the movie. Who do you think won the movie? Oh. We had three different choices. In the moment, it's Cameron Diaz. But I think if you watch the movie now, it's Matt Dillon. Because going back, you're just so surprised at how funny he is. and I can't believe that he didn't go on to do more comedy. Well, this is like, this is a little apex mountain-y because it's like, who won the movie is different than who won the movie. Right. Right. Like, there's the best part of the movie and the person who benefited most from being the movie.

1:44:49Which, I think if you're doing that, I think it's Ben Stiller. It's Stiller. But when you walked out of the movie in 1998, probably Diaz. Yeah. Being like, wow, who is that?

1:44:58Bill Simmons:Yeah. Well, also, the Farrelly brothers, I would have been like, give me season tickets now. I'm with you guys

1:45:05Sean Fennessey:where do you stand on the like the run after this me myself and Irene Shallow How Hall Pass all those movies

1:45:12Bill Simmons:I didn't like Shallow How I did not like what was the other one

1:45:18Sean Fennessey:me myself and Irene no me myself and Irene was carried his peak like that was worth seeing in theater

1:45:23Bill Simmons:Shallow How and Stuck on You I wanted to like Stuck on You it just didn't work

1:45:26Sean Fennessey:yeah it's not great

1:45:28Bill Simmons:it just didn't happen and then Fever Pitch is in the front I still like Fever Pitch you do yeah It's fun. I like it too. Craig, what was your take? I love this movie. The script is just really impressive. Like the amount of callbacks that they're able to weave back into the story, like there is no stone left unturned. It's really impressive. Like every little mention, her having an ex-boyfriend named Brett, everything ties up in a really - Pac-Man. Yeah, in a really, really impressive way. It's just a great set piece comedy. And I think there was a sweet spot for set piece comedies. And I think CGI kind of ruined them.

1:46:03where I think when you have to live in like the reality of what you're literally physically able to do while shooting a movie I think set pieces were just way funnier because it was like real humans doing real stuff and this is like a perfect sweet spot with that and then once you get got past certain like 2010s there was like way more CGI and things and the humor to me felt more like artificial yeah when Warren beats up Ted it's real it would be so fake now yes probably and I think there's like Stuart looks like

1:46:30Bill Simmons:he took those bumps but they would do it the way they do like those fake like those John Wick movies like Bob Odenkirk action movies where it's like oh I'm like flying through the window because they always think bigger is better and then with CGI you can go huge but I actually think it takes away some of the humanity of it and so this movie is within like a 10-15 year sweet spot of all the set piece comedies in my opinion I forgot to mention I like when they try on the outfits and Warren's dressed as like a cowboy and then Ben Stover comes out with a pink superhero outfit also a driving range on the water is like the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life how many of those are there it's probably bad for the body of water why isn't there one of those in LA uh I bet there is somewhere in the valley so then is the idea

1:47:12Sean Fennessey:that you've got a underwater ball scooper I guess that seems like it would only improve the water in LA or there's a guy in a boat out there just like there is you know

1:47:23Bill Simmons:CR Phil it was a pleasure it was a pleasure yeah I'm sorry you didn't like my idea of having the suitcase of all the stunt cum loads I just wanted to know what you were going to do with it. Like, I think it would be if you did a series of - You'd look at it if I had it in the house. I would check it out. I would be like, how can we ruin Ben's night with this? I love that they made 30 of them. I'm just so fascinated by this. It'd be good, like, Halloween, handing those out. Yeah. Do you think the guy who made the loads has, like, had a good job? Do you think he is - I think he said he was in props.

1:47:54Bill Simmons:But now, I think probably about 2007, probably moved back to wherever he came from. It was like, I'm moving back to New Jersey. Yeah.

1:48:02Sean Fennessey:into his mom's house?

1:48:04Bill Simmons:I just don't think it really probably worked out for him. His career has load-bearing.

1:48:07Sean Fennessey:It's a correct point. CGI came in.

1:48:10Bill Simmons:You might say he was load-bearing. Sean, new newsletter? Yeah, hey. Hey, projections? Yeah, that's it. They do like a paragraph, but there's something about Mary.

1:48:19Sean Fennessey:Oh, that would be nice. I would love to promote this fine podcast. Hey, thanks.

1:48:24Bill Simmons:Anything you can do to help us out? That would be great. You gotta pump those numbers out. Thanks for your help. Thanks to Craig Coralbeck as well. thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well thanks to Louis K for hanging out with me for the first time in two years I was big of him we're doing all comedies this month so we'll see you not sure what the comedy is going to be next week but we'll see you next week

1:49:00everywhere in the fresh breeze of a riverfront stroll or nightlife that hums with electricity let it bring you together in pure Michigan find your season at Michigan org