Jameela Jamil: Accidentally Becoming A Hollywood Star & Why I Don’t Trust Journalists

29:59I have no idea what I'm doing. I am the most unpopular person in this industry. Well, not being funny, based on those two stories, rightly so. Yeah, exactly. It's insane. It is insane. But I did have a very, you know, I had a difficult childhood and stuff, so I feel like the universe has just been like, ah, fuck. We really fucked her. Let's make up for it. So I feel like my luck's going to end on February 25th next year. Okay. I think like my first 20 years was so bad that in the next 20 years was amazing and now I'll just be like normal and shit like you. I'm going to learn what it's like to be a mortal.

30:42I'm dreading it, honestly. Yeah, let me tell you something, it's not great. You have to sort of hire a room and pay three blokes to laugh at the shit you come out with. Tragic. They're doing a really good job. One of them's almost crying.

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31:45No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. Use us directed. turn it up storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine so you can turn that workout up a notch good energy in good energy out energy for life uh what was it so good place is an amazing show thank you incredible yeah and what i think is like i think elevates it above most stuff almost all the sort of stuff like that on tv is first of all it's very funny you are brilliant because i know you talk about not having the acting experience but the part you play is actually quite it's quite a tricky comedic part to play and you do it really really well thank you i don't want you to think i'm overstating this because uh because it's you but the philosophy in that show actually changed the way i think about you know like that whole kind of the grappling with what it means to be alive and what having a sense of purpose and what constitutes a good person and what doesn't, that show asks all those questions in a really beautifully silly way.

33:05It must have been an amazing thing to be part of. Because the other thing is, I was about to say spoiler alert, but if people have not watched it by now, I shouldn't be responsible for that. But there's a mad twist at the end of the first. It's so unexpected. And I think that's the point at which you go, this show was high concept before, but now it's going into another. Did you know that you were making? No, we weren't told what the twist was. So it wasn't until episode 11 and we only shot 13 episodes that we were told because they didn't want it to inform our performances. They didn't want us to have any kind of hidden innuendo under anything.

33:42That you were trying to layer something in. Yeah, they didn't trust us to be talented enough to carry it off. So they just kept us in complete darkness. and then we found out about two weeks before we shot the finale I think the clip's online isn't it of you guys finding out yeah it is there's an amazing clip of us finding out and we're stunned we are stunnethed they kept it secret yeah they wouldn't tell us they also didn't want to tell us because they were worried we'd tell other people so they just told Ted and he told fucking everyone it was insane like it was he's got the loose lips in the industry it was mental how many people he told yeah but it was it was an incredible thing to do and that show was very formative for me i stopped killing insects that's good i wasn't doing it like a serial killer i'm gonna pick the ring but it was more of a just like get out of my house um so i don't do that anymore i save them the point system exists firmly in my head all the time and i'm always asking myself you know like for example when you donate money to a cause they're like do you want to put your name on it and i immediately think about the show where it's like is it true altruism if you want to be acknowledged for it like should it be silent so it just it constantly lives with me.

34:52It's the most formative thing I've ever done. That transformative thing I've ever done. And I think it made me just like a 5 % better person, which is, you know. Listen, you needed it. But like the, because the truth is like comedy is sort of seen as disposable, isn't it? And like what was interesting about that show is it wasn't. Do you know what I mean? And I think that's, it makes it kind of special. Well, also I think what makes it special is the fact that it seems to be like the last kind of like one of the last of intelligent shows that are being made you know where they don't underestimate the audience i don't know if you're aware of this but there's something called second screen viewing right so it's a directive that's being handed out by big studios to filmmakers please don't this sounds like what i'm hope i'm really hoping it isn't it is exactly what you probably think this is something that stands up which is which means that you have to acknowledge that people are on their phones the whole time they're watching telly.

35:47So you have to simplify the plot so that they'll be able to follow along while they're browsing on their phone. So that's why you'll notice now in random, like in TV shows, even with good actors, they're saying really obvious things about what's happening. They're laying out the entire plot line and all of their emotions and motivations, like the language has become really bait and on the nose. And that's because they're being told, the writers, that they have to write in a way that someone can carry on with doom scrolling or shopping online while following it in the background so nothing can be too complex nothing can be too high-end it has to be like we are we are purposefully dumbing down content and that is leading to a less nuanced less interesting less thoughtful society but the good place was like the perfect way to like you know it was the spoonful of sugar that helped the medicine go down it said so many important things one of the most important things about the good place is it got all these different people with very different backgrounds like there's no way that the character Eleanor isn't a Republican yeah Chidi is like a Democrat or whatever and like Tahani is an elitist aristocrat like all these people from different backgrounds different countries different cultures all having to put their differences aside to get to a better place yeah and we're in a society that is just obsessed with labels and differences especially on the left not just the right yeah we're all just like you know we're so defensive and we don't get anything done because all we do is spend all of our time working out what we don't have in common with each other rather than the vast majority of things that we do have in common with each other and so i think the good place the reason people watch it like four five six seven times is because it's a it's a subliminal reminder that you can't have everything in common with people but as long as your fundamental humanity like links yeah you can do better when you work with one another yeah no it's it's amazing everyone's become such an insufferable yeah and i was one of them you know i led the charge in insufferable yes i mean you were a pioneer.

37:41Yes, that was very quick, yes. You're a pioneer in many ways. I'm not profound, no. I was an insufferable, yes. Can we just switch those responses around when it goes out? But, you know, I was very, like, scoldy and finger pointy because I had all this anger and I was speaking from the wound, you know, rather than the scar, they say, you know, when you're actively still hurting and you're speaking out in a way that's very inflammatory. so I got really celebrated for that and I got put on like Time Magazine's 25 most influential list next to my good friend Donald Trump um and I got you know like I was on the cover of Vogue and I was called the feminist hero we need so people watched me get rewarded for being like yeah and so I've been kind of walking that back for the last four years and just being like all right actually I was wrong and that was the wrong approach and it pushed more people away that I'm the I most needed to pull in and open the minds of and we have a massive change to make in the left so I'm on my mea culpa tour it's interesting that because like the problem is attention is a currency right and and if you if you don't do that what you're talking about that's sort of like this is shit the algorithm favors outrage yes exactly and it doesn't favor nuance and and you know looking at it from all sides and all of that so it's a harder path to tread really it is it is but then maybe i find a smaller audience and we just do it grassroots is that contributing to this shit show that like your kids are gonna have to fucking grow into and i'm also doing more comedy now like i've stepped away from some of the more serious stuff i do i still obviously maintain like social advocacy stuff but i've been going back to comedy i've got a new podcast at the moment that is just pure unadulterated silliness because actually right now i feel like the world is such a dumpster fire that we need lols yeah we desperately need lols we need some escapism and i think people feel guilty about looking away for even a minute to to watch something distracting like you getting a colonic yeah or my podcast but it's just it's very important yeah listen you're doing a podcast i'm getting colonics it's um you're doing a podcast i'm on your podcast yeah It's colonic.

39:55It's, what's it, Inception? It is Inception. It's Pooception. It's shit content Inception. Ben Green is obsessed with Larry David. Oh, yeah. Is it right that you, did you officiate at his wedding? I did officiate his wedding, yes. How did this all come to, how did this all come to, because actually what people, I don't think what people don't, what people might not realise is underneath the surface, Larry David and yourself have got a lot in common in terms of your outlook on stuff, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are the same person. I don't want to give too much away about his own privacy. No, sure.

40:27It was a panicked moment on a quiz where it came out of my mouth that I said it in the first place. But I met him. I didn't know who he was. I thought he was a Bernie Sanders impersonator on SNL, which is my bad. But Curb Your Enthusiasm wasn't on Channel 4 when I was, you know, whatever, coming up. I get it, I get it. And I didn't know he wrote Seinfeld. I just wasn't aware. He just wasn't in my, you know, lexicon. So I just, I was like asking him, like, how he got that role. Yeah. what he's going to do if Bernie dies and stuff. And he thought I was kidding. And so we had a whole one-hour conversation about me asking about his career where he was giving funny answers and I was taking them seriously.

41:05And he just thought I was doing satire. It was just a complete... He just thought you were hilarious. Yeah, and so we had a really funny... Like Kaufman-esque commitment to the bit. Yeah, so we had this really funny chat and then we just became mates after that. Oh, that's cool. Once I started to understand. So it's all by accident, wasn't it? Totally, but everything's by accident. Yeah, so it must be so cool to have things just fall into your lap like that. Yeah, it's crazy. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, it's been a funny one. I don't know how you feel about this, but I get asked a lot about how it's been to be a brown woman in this industry.

41:37And for me personally, I've just had quite an all right time. So I always try to not. Yeah, listen, I don't think. I try not to play a card that isn't relevant to me in this. but what do you feel? So I feel like the same as you that I can't I can't really comment on difficulties I've experienced as you know you get racism online and stuff like that but that doesn't stop you getting jobs so I can't really comment on it being harder for me or what it's like you know but but the thing that I don't know if you've ever engaged with the idea of like for young brown women growing up seeing somebody like you and this is something I've become not become conscious of but something I've a friend of mine tell me to engage with a bit more than I do probably is that for when I was growing up you know we're both comedy fans yeah when I was growing up I remember watching goodness gracious me and then thinking I wonder what's going to happen next and the answer is nothing for 20 years right or have like it just didn't happen and so for for a young you know for brown girls growing up and seeing you do what you what you're doing are you do you think about that at all about do you feel like you've got any responsibility do you feel like no i'm closing all the doors behind me that's what i think i i just think do you know like why damage the usp do you know like occasionally get sort of no scarcity yeah it's the way forward you sort of get young brown communities going oh i like i i watch you for one i decide to get into it i don't want that no no that's not what this is about i wanted you to go oh that's cool i could do if i want to but i'm not going to yeah because romesh needs work you should be the king yeah yeah yeah king of the browns you've been a big inspiration for me and that's upsetting isn't it what because you feel old now well no not that because you're like you know you're in fucking pixar films oh shut up you're a national treasurer i've got a very shaky shaky reputation in this country shaky indeed um but i uh yeah no i i think the biggest thing for me is that i don't want young brown people to hear all the time this discourse about how much harder it is for you if you're melanated like it is true there are going to be discriminations there are less parts available to you there are difficulties there is you know this is not there is an amorphous kind of discrimination that exists within the industry yeah but i i really feel like if we go on and on and on about it all the time we'll hyperbolize it sometimes even when things are getting better and we do have like wonderful young talents and like maya jammers and all these different girls coming up.

44:05I don't want to scare young brown people off from even trying because they think it's just going to be like a big hunger games of racism. It can be brilliant. And I think part of it is also your mindset. I don't walk into a room as an Indian Pakistani woman. I just walk in as me, not knowing why I'm there or what's going on. Yeah. I don't carry around the weight of my... You stumble into a room and they go, do you want to be the lead in this movie? And you go, I guess so. yeah I only came in to get a sandwich but I'll do it yeah no I'll stand in um but I uh but you know I just I try to not walk into any room whatsoever burdened by my identity I think we've become obsessed with it in a way that is actually starting to put young people off trying yeah I hope people look at yours and my career and realize that we got to do what we loved like we've gotten to do such ridiculous things for money we didn't have to get proper jobs no after we were a certain level of adult we're just children you know overpaid children yeah with great hair you know that's it that's what it is um but you know like we're so lucky and so i do hope young people um especially of like melanated ones know that it is possible and it's not helpful for you to just sit there thinking about all the hurdles all the time yeah i have a very white man opportunity like um i have a very white man brain like straight white man brain where i'm just like why not me?

45:28Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, fuck it. I live my life in just a fuck it bucket. Yeah. I do that same thing. Why not me? And then the person I'm auditioning for tells me. And sort of... And forwards the feedback to my agent. I'm sorry, but this is the world's smallest violin. Like, why are you talking? Like, we're just sitting in your, like, doorway where you live. Shut up, rubbish. Listen, I'm trying to be humble, but I fucking smashed it. You smashed it? No, your name's written in gold, bro. I know. It comes off. It's already flaking away. You mentioned 25th of February. Yeah. Big birthday for you.

46:04Yeah, 40. 40. How do you feel about it? Obsessed. Really? Can't wait. Just want to get older and older and older. I want to be a wild old woman like Miriam Margulies who has no idea who the fuck you are. It was such a mad interview. I know. I love her. You handled that like a champ. Well, how else can you handle it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just hit her. Yeah, I mean, listen, after the interview, what happened is between us. let's just say she couldn't handle herself as well as she thought she's such a ledge isn't she i want to be just like her yeah yeah sort of borderline racist is she just kidding no she's not no there's no borderline involved i'm kidding i'm joking no she's i'm joking but i don't know what she does wild older woman and i get like a bit sad at how much women my age are like worrying about growing older or getting sad about getting older it's like why the fuck would anyone want to be in their 20s ever again like even if you think you're having a nice time in your 20s you're not yeah even if you think you are wait till your 30s and 40s when you actually start to understand the world obviously that brings like life and children and difficulties and rent and tax and blah blah blah blah but it is so amazing to get further and further away from my youth I love getting older and I want to look my age I want to like I want my age to face like my face I want my oh god I think old age is happening right now.

47:22It's definitely early signs of dementia. Yeah, yeah. Dementia, I call it. Yeah. No, I just want to embrace it all. I want to be a wild old woman. When I'm throwing out clothes sometimes, there's something that feels a bit young, but I'm like, but it will be funny again when I'm 80. So I'm going to keep it. Right. So I'm just sort of planning for my old age self. Like I think about my 85 year old self all the time. Every decision I make, it's like, what would she have wanted me to do? and so everything I do is I'm being haunted by my 85 year old self. Oh, that's good. I don't do any of this like, oh, my 16 year old self, she can go fuck herself, she destroyed my life.

48:00But my 85 year old self, I don't want her to think about me the way I think about my 25 year old self. Got you, that makes sense. I've never heard anyone say that before, but it's interesting. I'm very profound. Yeah, you are, you're one of our profound thinkers. I'm known to be very profound. And an interminable. Yeah. It's not what I said, I said insufferable. Did you? That's new, that's new. sorry I added a bit of stank to it what are you going to do for your 40th? I'm going to have a big pillow fight party in pyjamas with serial stations all around the dance floor do you want to come? well I'll probably just watch it on AliFans it's not sexy underwear it's like proper underwear yeah I'd love to come it's proper underwear it's like supportive it's M &S Yeah, no, it's proper pyjamas.

48:50You're having a pyjama party with a pillow fight and everyone's favourite cereals and milks. Really? That sounds wicked. That's the plan. Can I come? Yes, I would love for you to come. I'd love to come. I've got a friend of mine that you don't know that would like to, but you've not really engaged with him. I'm going to send you a text about that later. Can you tell us a bit about your podcast Wrong Turns, please? Yes, I have become sick of inspiration. I think we need to get rid of it. I think everything's become too inspiring online. I want to be anti-inspiration, pro-commiseration. We need to stop shoving silver linings up people's assholes.

49:29Yeah. All right, especially mine. It's not going to fit. I'm sick of it. And I think that we need to own our shame and humiliation and not try and turn it into some sort of palatable, positive experience for the listener. So I invited all my favourite funny people, you're invited, to come on and tell us their most humiliating stories. And we don't package it up with a nice bow. We just laugh together. There's no punching up, punching down. We just punch ourselves. And it's very funny. And it seems to make people very happy because it makes them feel better about their lives. Because everyone likes knowing someone had it worse.

50:00Yeah. Everyone. I've got a little, it's not a game as such, but a little thing. It's not from your mum again, is it? No, it's not. This is quotes from you. Okay. Oh, God. Okay. It's called misquoted. I'm going to need more cake. Sorry, the game's called Misquoted. Oh, great. That's the story of my fucking life, isn't it? See, it's a good game. Rob wasn't sure. I think this is going to be good. Yeah. When did I say I wasn't sure? You didn't seem sure. Well, I'm not sure about any of this. I mean, why have they got elephants in here? Fucking racist as shit. Isn't it? Yeah, yeah. That was Will. It's very Bud Bud Ding Ding, man.

50:34Yeah, I asked him to take out the poppadons. It's Mark Sri Lankan. He chose them. It's fine. Okay, fine. I guess that's okay. Right, so two of these quotes are real. The one's made up. All right.

50:48It's misquoted. I just want you to tell me which one you haven't said. I'm insane. God knows what I said. Okay. This first one. Yeah. I took so many laxatives, I'm amazed I still have an arsehole. That is true. That's 100 % me, but go on. So what happened? You're taking laxatives for weight loss or something, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when I was a kid, I had anorexia for 20 years. And so I was a laxative addict and shit fire. But this, this. You've still managed to keep it quite popular, haven't you? My leathery bagel is quite tight still. It was probably fully clothed before then. It's like when you use a handbag a lot, it starts to, do you know what I mean?

51:27But you're like still. No, it's tight. Okay, this next one.

51:35This next one. I am what you would call a serial erection killer. Yeah, 100 % true. I met Harvey Weinstein and he didn't try anything.

51:47Did you feel sad about that? No, I didn't feel sad about it. But it's discombobulating when everyone's like, I've been hunted by predators in the industry. And they have, and I've seen it, but never got harassed really beyond ask for an inappropriate dinner. But I've been fine. I've been fine. and you know go to enough brunches and you're like god i really like give off a weird vibe i think like i'm grateful for it yeah but like i give off a fucking weird vibe i've only kissed six people ever i'm 39 like you've only i've only kissed six people ever is that my first kiss was when i was 21 and i've kissed five people since then i've shagged five so five for six slut uh Love it.

52:32But yeah, so I've got like good odds, you know. Yeah. But yeah, but yeah. Is that an exclusive? Pardon? Is that an exclusive? No, I'm always telling everyone that I never got fingered until I was like 23. But it's just, it's my vibe. I just like, I'm a serial erection killer. I love the way you threw that fingering fact just out there. Oh, for you to have. This is why you have so many fucking terrible quotes from me because this is what my brain is like. Yeah. 23 fingered. when I first got fingered when you first fingered me no I'm joking let's not put that out there

53:08okay well we know this one's false because two of them are true if Karl Lagerfeld designed a personality it would be cruel allergic to carbs and women over 30 no but I think I said worse stuff about him yeah you said he's a ruthless fat phobic misogynist yeah that was it and a racist yeah so that's good So there you go. So our quote we made up was way nicer than what I said. I was annoyed, wasn't I? All this Me Too movement and all this activism from liberal celebrities. And then the Met Gala happens and they're like, oh, let's design the entire theme around a man who hates Muslims, who hates the Me Too movement, who victim shames all the women, who hates fat people, who was mean about Adele, our lord and saviour, for being in a bigger body at the time.

53:56Like, why are we all celebrating this man? Like, when we freak out if anyone says anything wrong and we cancel them from the industry, but he gets a pass when his comments were, like, three years ago just because he's dead. Yeah. So, yeah, I probably alienated my industry a bit when I said that. Well, it's worked out all right, hasn't it? I don't like me, though. You're in a Pixar film. Okay, so, final question time. Gone. So you've been interviewed a lot. You've talked a lot in interviews. And, you know, you did podcasts. And, you know, as we said, you sort of every time you walk into a room, you get some sort of leading role in a Hollywood thing.

54:31But the team have decided that we we need some sort of viral moment or exclusive. So it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be spicy. It doesn't have to be borderline illegal or anything. Just something you've not said in it or a fact you've not delivered in an interview before would be amazing. if you can't think of one that's also fine a fact I haven't said publicly or you can take the alternative question what? if you can't think of anything I've got an alt question for you well I'm scared of that let me think of an exclusive exclusive I've really like god I've really given it all away to the public in 17 years even in this podcast it feels like there can't be anything no I know I know what's left?

55:22What could possibly be left?

55:27I did talk about having an orgasm in front of 6 ,000 farmers already. What? Do you want to know? Yeah. I'm sorry. If somebody says to you I had an orgasm in front of 6 ,000 farmers and then you go no further questions. How How lacking in curiosity would I have to be? When I was a DJ in England, I used to DJ for the Young Farmers Ball, which is like, because they don't get weekends. Walk us, that one. Yeah, yeah. They don't get weekends. And so like they live up like it's New Year's Eve every few months. And there's all sorts of themes like where's Wally, where they're all dressed as Wally. And then they're just drunk and can't find their mates because everyone's dressed identically.

56:12But one time the venue was so big that they had these ginormous speakers and there was nowhere to put the decks other than on top of the speakers. and I'm a sensitive young woman or I was at the time I was 26 I think and I had to DJ on the speakers but the vibration of the bass was you know wake awakening something in in my groin area and so I um in my vag uh and so I um started having an orgasm in front of 6 ,000 people and I'm trying my best to like cover it up but it's very intense because I'm playing like dizzy rascal so it's like some people think i'm bonkers and i'm just like and my um and uh like my my my tour manager runs over and he's like do you need like with my little inhaler my asthma pump and i'm like go away so i have an orgasm and then i think i've like gotten away with it and i think it's mildly funny but then once women pop we're like pringles we can't stop and so it happens That's not been my experience.

57:18Hasn't found fame in America. Or the clipperists. The lid went on very quickly. After one and a half prings. Yeah, well, it just started happening again and again and again. And after like three, it stops being funny. I didn't. I didn't. I was looking for Bach in my set. I was like, how do I stop this? Where's the Adele? I need something with no bass. But all my stuff is very hype because it's for uni students and farmers. Yeah. So everything was very orgasmy. So I think I came relentlessly for an hour's set and then fainted at the end and couldn't feel anything from the waist down and then couldn't even pee for like 12 hours.

58:02But I barely survived. And you know you can die from that. You can have heart failure if you come too many times in a row. So you don't have to worry about that. But it's very dangerous. Yeah. But it's very dangerous. So I was like, imagine if this is how I die. Imagine if I come as I go. What a fucking nightmare. Also, the other thing is, for anybody that then goes on to sleep with you, thinking about who is your best ex-partner, it was an hour set in front of some farmers. Yeah, James said that recently. My boyfriend, he was like, and I've been competing with that DJ set ever since. Why are you playing Disney Rascal?

58:35It doesn't matter. Just get into it. Get into it. Okay, let me ask you this. That was great, by the way. Do you want to do the alt question anyway? Yeah, we'll do it anyway. Yeah, fuck it. But if you don't want to answer it, if you don't want to answer it, it's absolutely fine. All right, okay. Out of all the celebrities you found infuriating, who's the worst one? Ooh.

58:57Who's the worst one? For what sort of reason? Who's yours?

59:03Who's my most infuriating celebrity? Well, I mean, I don't think, I've sort of got into this, I don't really think anybody's an arsehole. I mean, look, I got into a little bit of online beef with, and I've not met him, but I got into a little bit of shit with Lawrence Fox. Well, so did I. I said he looked like a freshly wanked cock. Well. And that was a problem. And I take that back. I went on tour and talked about Lawrence Fox. And I must have done 100 dates, which means I think, roughly, I think I've called him a c*** 25 ,000 times. Oh, that is actually worse than what I did then. But you know what happened to me is that I went and like did letters live at the Royal Albert Hall recently.

59:45And I bumped into Richard Iowadi there. And I don't really know that well, but we were about to do the last leg together. And so I thought I'd go over and like say hello. And I say hello. And he was like, oh, you should meet my wife. She really likes you. So I was like, oh, I'd love to. So I go over and I meet Richard Iowadi's wife. I don't know, you know, her background or anything, but she's a lovely, smart, wonderful woman. And we're having a lovely chat. and I was telling her that you know I'm sort of writing a book at the moment one of the things I'm writing about is how much of a cunt I used to be publicly and she's like oh god I'm not aware of this like what's an example of a time you were terrible and I was like oh like I said Lawrence Fox looks like a freshly wearing cock and then suddenly all the oxygen leaves the room and she goes oh that's my brother and I was like you can't fucking you you can't be serious and and then I thought it would be appropriate to say um well for whatever it's worth you don't look anything like him which which didn't make it any better you know obviously and i adore her um and richard just went yeah there was really no time to warn you there um

1:00:55was she all right she was all right she was so sound about it like she could see how embarrassed and sorry i was but she said that's my brother and by the way i work for pixar yeah that's exactly the kind of assassin bin but that's why I made the podcast the reason the podcast is called Wrong Turns of Jameena Jamil because my whole fucking life is just like moments like that stitched together like I met Catherine O 'Hara from Schitt's Creek and Home Alone and everything she's an icon and I'm in love with her and so is my boyfriend like he's just like got such a huge crush on her and so I was telling her this when I met her at like the Elle Awards or whatever I was like oh I just love you so much and like oh and you you know my boyfriend's obsessed with you and he hopes that I look like you when I'm old that's not what I meant and then it just hung in the air and then she just was so gracious about it and was just like oh and I was like why why is this my life why is this my brain like why am I like it's like my worst the reason I don't care about like being trolled from the outside is because my main op is coming from inside my own brain like the call is coming from inside the house like I came in front of why did I have to come so many times I've gone 6 ,000 farmers.

1:02:03I'm a private person. Obviously not about my stories, but sexually I'm quite private. I call myself Frigid Jones. I don't know why this is happening, but my life is just so the podcast covers a series of these sorts of things that happen. Just disaster follows me all around. And by the way, I was just telling you that since I fucking uploaded the podcast into the world, I've sort of triggered some sort of phenomena in the universe where bad things now keep happening to me from the second I uploaded it into the system I then went and did one of my mate's podcasts and he's like oh it'd be really funny if you let me write balls deep across your throat in like a red tattoo.

1:02:40I told you that would have been good. Yeah exactly I'm up for anything so I was like yeah it'd be so funny and I had to be interviewed by Martha Stewart the Martha Stewart in the morning on stage in New York and I just thought that'll be fine but obviously my skin is drier than Gandhi's arsehole So it took to the tattoo, like, I'm very bumhole orientated today, sorry. But like, it took to like, the tattoo just took to my skin and then wouldn't come off. And it's balls deep written across my throat. And I haven't got a polo neck or anything. It's fucking summer in New York. And I have to go and, this was about six weeks ago, I have to go and meet Martha Stewart.

1:03:15And I'm nothing, I'm pouring like pure alcohol on it from the minibar. Nothing's coming off. I eventually had to claw it off my skin the whole journey on the way there. barely got it off and it then just looked like I'd been choked it just looked like I'd been choke fucking just before I meet her so nothing I got bitten by a fly didn't know they bite people got bitten by a fly last week and then it infected my entire eye my entire eye blew up and then my face and then my body like none of this was happening before I started this podcast I don't want to freak you out but that happened to me and it stayed like it please can we give it up oh god for my favourite pack sheep Jameel and Jameel!

1:04:24mum and I or even like a family dilemma you'd like us to help you with please do get in touch via our email address podcast at rangaby.com or you can voice note or text on this number 0 7 7 3 1 62 33 55 I'm Ramesh Ranganathan and this has been the Ramesh Ranganathan show what a narcissist see you next time oh shut up Ramesh hey it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for$15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made$15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial.

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