Romesh & Shanthi Respond to the Haters

0:01Romesh Ranganathan:Every soda's got something to say. Colas brag. Probiotics give TED Talks. Then there's Mr. Pibb. No pitch, no promises, just bold cherry bringing the flavour. Bold kick of cherry. Hey yo Mr. Pibb. What's up? Welcome to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. The usual suspects are here. Shanthi, Ranganathan the team and me. Thank you. And now you know the drill. We chat about Monday's celebrity episode, answer, listen to questions, shoot the breeze. You might think I'm a broken record, but if you're enjoying the show, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. It really does help.

0:34Romesh Ranganathan:How does it? Does it actually help? If they like and subscribe? Yeah. Of course. Why? Because then if you subscribe, you get served the episodes and then you're more likely to listen. You won't miss one. Okay, so it helps them. How does it help us? We get a plaque for getting 100k subscribers on YouTube. Do we get a plaque? Yeah. Do we get a plaque? When it arrives, it's going to go behind your head, I think. Or behind Shanty's head. What does it look like? Silver. little silver plaque is that true yeah oh that's pretty sick that's cool and then what do you get do you get another one for 200 ,000 no the next the next milestone is a million after 100 ,000 the next milestone is a million oh fucking better enjoy that plaque then

1:18Romesh Ranganathan:mum could you please introduce today's show like you're an Elvis impersonator oh I can't do that that was pretty good so just welcome to the I can't do it myself actually okay oh good evening ladies and gentlemen please you know like that like Elvis whenever you're ready oh welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen what show is it Rummage Rungan Eton no like Elvis Rummage Rungan Eton show yay

2:08I don't want to comment about men after that comment.

2:12Romesh Ranganathan:What comment? One of the guys put a comment for me that he's aggressive all the time. Why are you getting so upset about this comment? You keep bringing it up. I'm not upset. I'm not upset. Here's a little tip for you. Don't read the comments. I won't then. Because the team have been upset about the comments sometimes because people say they talk too much and their laughs. Laughs? Is that the plural of laugh? Their laughs are annoying. They got really upset by that. For a time, they decided they weren't going to laugh for a while. So you shouldn't read the comments. Maybe the people who have nothing better to do, they put these comments, very negative comments.

2:55Romesh Ranganathan:Why don't you down the barrel of the camera give a message to the people that have made negative comments about the podcast? If you have nothing better to say, please don't write the comment. And please, please, please. And there are so many people giving me, you know, a lot of motivation reading the comments. But some people write very bad comments. Please don't do that. Shut the f*** up, you f***ing sad prick. You're not paying for this. So just f***ing enjoy it. Keep your f***ing mouth shut, dickheads. Like and subscribe. We do episodes on Mondays and Thursdays. And we love all our audience.

3:39Romesh Ranganathan:And we love every audience member, even if you've got negative questions. I love you all. Yeah. It's all good feedback, isn't it? Yeah, it's good to get good feedback. Not any feedback, actually, is useful to us. Shut up, you sad f***ed loser. But keep commenting. But keep liking and subscribing, and commenting helps with the algorithm and all that. So actually even the negative stuff helps. But f***ing get a life, you c***. But we're really building a community. But we're building a community here and it's a really safe space and all that. I don't want everyone to feel involved. But f*** you, man.

4:10Romesh Ranganathan:It's almost their show, isn't it? It's your show as much as it is ours. But don't comment. They can say whatever they like. Yeah, whatever they like. Keep on coming. Yeah, we like to read. Yeah. But keep it f***ing quiet, you f***ing muggy little rats.

4:28Romesh Ranganathan:but do honestly genuinely it's like such a safe cool environment and it's like a community really and obviously when we do live shows come to those yeah do come to those yeah you f*** but we're pretty thick skinned about it all none of it's really we haven't taken anything these guys all of them have read a comment from somebody and spiralled yeah so just you know bear that in mind you f***os okay now and tickles yeah

4:59Romesh Ranganathan:Now someone has actually sent you a gift mum Pardon? Yeah You've got a gift here There you go Would you like to open it? Do you want me to open it for you? It's on a dildo I'm just asking Why would that be your first guess? Hey Shanthi We know how much you love your cooking And we wanted to support your culinary journey With a little seasoning essentials kit from Cornish Sea Salt. Love the Tape Agency and Cornish Sea Salt. Here you go. Here's the first one. It's salt. Salt. Sea salt. Do you like salt? It's different salt. I do like salt. Yeah. It's different types of salt. What does it do? What does it do?

5:41Different type of salt.

5:43Romesh Ranganathan:So it's different flavorings. Yeah. Okay. You might want to use it in different dishes. Okay. Thank you so much for taking you. Thank you to the Tape Agency and Cornish Sea Salt. Now we're going to hear from some of our listeners. As always, WhatsApp messages and voice notes are encouraged. Let us know if you want to remain anonymous. The number is 07731 623 355. Or you can email podcast at rangaby.com. First up, we've got a voice note from Shelley. Hi, Romesh and Shanti. I had a dream where me and Romesh were just talking to each other. And then all of a sudden we started touching hands and getting a bit touchy-feely.

6:22and I was wondering if you've both ever had any dreams where it's really stuck in your head and made you think about it all day or changed your opinion on anyone. Love to hear your feedback. Bye.

6:42Why are you having gone quiet? Did you do that?

6:47Romesh Ranganathan:Did I do that? No, she dreamt about it. I'd love to know what happened. We touched hands and then what happened. It sounds like she was thinking about it all day. Mom, have you had any dreams that have stayed with you for the day? Only bad dreams. Okay. So I don't want to talk about it, actually. We're trying to generate content here for the podcast. You know, suddenly you put the question onto me. I have to think. Okay. Well, let's think quietly. And then when you come up with one, we're happy to wait. I can unwrap the tubs if you want while you're doing it. Do you want to have a think? You want the dream I had?

7:25Yeah, please. Right. It's not a good dream.

7:28Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. So I was dreaming whatever happened to me in 95, 96, 97. There you are. This is why I live water jelly. Okay, carry on. Don't rub your fucking eyes. Okay. Carry on. Okay. And I thought I was going to have a heart attack because sweating badly. Then I got up. In the dream? In my dream. And I sat there and cried for a while. Then I went to my shrine room. I prayed. I said, give me the energy to go through this day. And I'm relying on you completely. I felt much better after that. I did a lot of things. Membership means more with American Express Business Gold. Earn four times membership rewards points in your top two eligible spending categories every month, including eligible U.S.

8:20Romesh Ranganathan:advertising purchases and select media and U.S. purchases at restaurants, including takeout and delivery. What are you waiting for? Get the card that flexes with your spending every month. Terms and points cap apply. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash gold. MX Business Gold Card, built for business by American Express. And I was happy. There you are. This is the truth. Well done for sharing. You're welcome. One of the most vivid dreams I had that stayed with me for the day is actually So full disclosure, I'm currently suffering from an issue with vaping I don't like you vaping Because it doesn't do any good to you And I read a lot of things about The damage it does to your body The truth is we don't really know what the full long-term repercussions of vaping are Yeah, that's right And I could be getting myself into a world of health issues down the line.

9:17Very true.

9:17Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. So why are you still doing it then? It tastes so good, triple mango. No, I'm addicted. I've got a problem. Anyway, we were going to India to film. Yeah. And vapes are illegal in India. Illegal. Illegal. Illegal. Illegal. So Ben Green said to me, Ramesh, whatever you do, please don't try to smuggle any vapes into India. Yeah. Very clear on that. Yeah. So I didn't. And instead, I bought a Nicorette patch. Not one. I bought a packet of them. Okay, okay. To help me with my ongoing issues. Now, the truth is I should just stop. I decided not to. We were filming. You were being quite moody on that shoot, weren't you?

9:54Romesh Ranganathan:No. It was a difficult shoot. It was probably one of the worst jobs I've done for morale. I've literally said to you that's my favourite job we've ever done. I've said it to you several times. There you are. It was hard. It was really hard. So I didn't want to go without nicotine. So I bought a Nicorette patch. We're in Mumbai. Horrible time there. Mumbai is great, but just the nature of the shoot was brutal. So grim. You're staying in a lovely hotel. Huh? Had lovely food. Did you like the food? Food is nice. Such long days. You were so stressed out, like constantly barking orders at production and stuff.

10:28That's his job. That's his job.

10:30Romesh Ranganathan:It was bad, wasn't it? We can admit it now. It was bad, wasn't it? I genuinely think it was one of my favorite shoots I've done. It was horrific. so we so one day I had the Nicorette patch on and then what you're supposed to do is take it off at night I forgot and if you don't take those patches off at night it gives you very vivid dreams right I had a dream that was in a sort of a wood cabin and it was vivid like I felt like it's as real as this is happening to me now so by the way there's a strong theory that we're all in a dream this is not real have you heard about this did you know that there's a high probability that this is a simulation?

11:06Romesh Ranganathan:High probability. High. Over 50%. Over 50%. Not true. What do you mean not true? It's real, isn't it? What's real? Well, this is. Well, what is real? This. What does real mean to you? Real, real, yeah. Real, real? Yeah, it is real. You say it twice, you've answered the question. What I'm saying is there is a high probability. I think it's like, is it 90 % or something? I would just make that up. Can we look it up? What's the probability we're in a simulation? Today. This podcast. Not just this podcast. Generally. It could be from 50-50 to over 99.99 % between those two. What did I fucking say?

11:49Romesh Ranganathan:Simmels. So this could be a simulation, my G. How do you guys feel about that? I don't like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Yeah. I would say that the way you guys behave and dress only supports the theory. What do you mean? I don't know 100 % that you're real. there's part of me that believes that once we leave this room you sort of just evaporate you only exist in our kind of well from your brain maybe but we're still here like yeah I know that you don't think about us at all once you leave the room no I don't think about you in the room only when you kind of occasionally cheer up anyway so I had this vivid dream that I was in a log cabin and I was attacked by zombies and so I took a spade and I started smashing their faces in but I felt the the contact between the spade and the face like it's crunch is pretty full-on pretty full-on and then when I and then eventually after I'd smashed a few of them and I woke up and then I I was in the hotel room in Mumbai but it was so vivid that dream that I was I was not convinced I'd woken up for about 20 minutes and then it was time to go to the shoot and that's when the real nightmare started okay should we go on to our next question yeah this is a voice note from anonymous do you want to play it yeah no why do we ask that hi romish hi shanti hello i have to remain nameless okay as my wife listens to this podcast hopefully she won't recognize your voice this goes back to the pandemic and to now sorry stop this is a pandemic why have you sent in a voice note maybe he's doing an accent i hope so for your sake good luck mate my elderly mother and father-in-law who live with us just started fighting just normally they would fart before covid and say sorry beg my pardon all the rest of it but during a pandemic they started fighting and not apologizing and now they've become really emboldened and every single dinner time it's like a an orchestral soundtrack coming from their rectums my wife and i feel that we've left it too long to say anything on top of that my mother-in-law who i love unconditionally she she eats with her mouth open and as i sit opposite her quite often the rice that she's eating ends up on my plate so i've stopped eating my whole meal for fear of catching whatever diseases she might possibly have and it hasn't gone unnoticed.

14:29For that saying to my wife, I want the news, not the weather. So if you could tell me any coping strategies, that would be really great. Thanks a lot. Have a wonderful day. I've said too much.

14:41Romesh Ranganathan:Bro, you should not have sent this voice note. That's the first thing I'm going to say to you. You should not have sent this voice note. Your wife will recognise you immediately. the description of your mother-in-law is so brutal it might be accurate but it's brutal what do you think mom any advice i was thinking if lisa says something to you what will you do uh what do you mean say that for example that i am staying with you yeah whatever i ate is going into her mouth into her mouth that's what you said no yeah right yeah no onto his plate but he's not feeding him like a baby bird.

15:21So, what would you do?

15:23Romesh Ranganathan:Well, I'd probably have a chat with you about it. Ah, okay. That's the answer. What are you doing? Sorry, what are you doing? Eking the answer out of me? Take them. She's talking to like Mr. Miyagi now. I'm a Miyagi. You're a Miyagi? I am. In what way? Every way. In every way you're a Miyagi? Yeah, when I look at somebody, nowadays, nowadays, Yeah. I know what they are thinking, man. Okay. Look at me. What am I thinking? What a fucking bitch she is. That's... Fuck it. You got lucky. Okay.

16:01Romesh Ranganathan:Have you got that ability, Rom? Have you got that ability too? No. I can't read anybody. I'm really bad. Even when people talk to me, I don't know what they mean. I'm not very perceptive in that one. So I react according to that. Right. Okay. Okay. So be careful, Sana. so take that couple to a nice eating with your mouth open is bad disgusting you could see the whole world in there so talk to them nicely and he should talk to them I love to have you in my house but these are the things bothering me please forgive me for saying all these things but it doesn't mean I hate you what do you do about the farting?

16:45it's natural. When you get old, the fart comes, isn't it? Yeah. Because of the digestive system, it gets weaker.

16:51Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I mean, you're non-stop, aren't you? Have you ever seen me farting? No. You do silent but deadlies. God. Actually, this is a weird thing. I've never heard or smelt a fart from you in my life. Yeah, you are. I control myself, eat a lot of fruits. That doesn't help, does it? It does help. How does fruit help? Fruit makes it worse. Because it's clear your gut. Yeah, that's the problem. It's the gut clearance that leads to farting. The early morning, you get up and do that exercise to get everything out one by one. Or do this exercise from here to like the intestine. Yeah. And do the malasana.

17:36That will come and empty your gut.

17:38Romesh Ranganathan:But you do fart, don't you? maybe when i have a shower i do i will fart nobody's around yeah okay have you farted since you've started this podcast episode no have you no just be honest have you even if it comes i'll control it me neither me neither i heard you farting that day when outside you mean just earlier yeah what are you talking about i'm having a toilet break you went on the way this is such a lie. On the way when you were walking through, you didn't get there. I think you were trying to be fair on you to get to the toilet. Do you honestly believe that I shit in these toilets? I don't know what you do.

18:17No, I'm not saying you shit in the toilet. So what did I do? You just had a little release. What are you talking about?

18:25Romesh Ranganathan:No one minds. This is bollocks. This is bollocks, by the way. Okay, you did fart then. I didn't. I know, you didn't. You definitely didn't. What's that noise then? Yeah. I didn't. What is coming in the zip up. It could have been like maybe they were new trainers and they were squeaking. Squeaking. That's true. All the animals have got together and it's like a little gaslighting. They've taught themselves gaslighting in between episodes. No man, because they suspect that you are a vegan. Yeah. Full of dalgos in your body. No, I don't eat just dal.

18:54Soya makes you fart.

18:55Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, but I don't, I eat that very rarely. Yeah, I'm cooking tonight and dropping it in. Oh yeah? You didn't tell me that. I send you a message voicemail man I'm cooking so many different dishes do you want me to put it in the freezer when you are home I'll drop it in yeah no reply am I dead at least you could send me not a voice note just a text no mum I'm going to India hold on to the cooking you didn't why man why I'm going to India I don't know you're going away yeah sorry about that okay now in answer to your question your query you need to speak to your wife I think speak to his wife no not you he needs to speak to his wife about how to deal with this because you can't deal with this that's true your in-laws you can't you should love them yeah you can't do anything about this you need to chat to your wife about it you need to embrace the discomfort of having that conversation Give your wife a diamond necklace.

20:05Yes.

20:05Romesh Ranganathan:Why? Why, darling? Yeah, why? I'm asking you, why? Then prepare, prep herself and leave this problem, what he's having. So you buy the diamond necklace to ease into having a chat without the problem. Do you not think you're going to lead to a situation where she starts telling her parents to do other stuff that he's going to have to? Can you do me a favor? Could you do a shit on the table tomorrow? I fancy a new handbag. I think you're creating an issue. Okay. if you think my advice is useless don't listen I thought it was good yeah of course you did soften the blow you're saying like get something nice nice yeah because she will be upset otherwise of course her parents that he's talking about darling I love you if I was a man I will do exactly the same I will say you're so beautiful you know I love you so much by the diamond necklace.