Sara Pascoe: New Travel Show, Life On Tour & Parenting

28:30Yeah. You know, anyway, I think, fingers crossed she doesn't order that gumman. My oldest is called Theo as well. Yeah, you said Theodore, didn't you? But Theo is not Theodore. No, that's okay. We've caught, is that a bad, they're all abbreviated. Why would that be bad? Not bad, but... But you just like the name Theo. Yeah. Yeah. Alex is not Alexander. Yeah. Charlie's not... Charlie Bald. Yeah, he's not... He's not Charlington.

29:05Charlington. So are you able to fit in reading? Yes. How much reading are you doing? I know you're going to be able to answer that question. If you're on a future podcast, you'll be able to answer a question like that. Yes, I'll always have that in my bag. Lots of reading. Reading's my happy place. And reading's what I... I would rather do that than go to the pub. Yeah. Like I work and then when the kids have gone to bed, I read or sometimes watch TV. I watch a lot of TV as well. Would you read on a train? Oh, yes. Best place to read or an aeroplane. Yeah. Would you go wander down to a park and then just open a book?

29:37Yeah. Do you always read physical books? Yes. Yes. Okay. That sounds like you're quite passionate about. Well, because when you have a physical book, you then also have the proof of all of the books you've read on your bookshelf. And then when other people come around, you can go, oh, you'd love this. Oh, that one. If you read the new one, I'll borrow it. Yeah, but then it's quite cool to have them all in the thing. Looking at screens, I don't think I take anything in. Proper books. You don't read proper books? I do. You do sometimes, yeah. I do. I mean, I actually had to be cut off because I don't know if you think these are proper books or not, but I would say I had a comic book issue.

30:14They're definitely proper books. But I was buying lots of them. And also they're so expensive, rightly so. Because they're works of art, aren't they? Because they're works of art. But I was ploughing through them. And then they were just like, I mean, they're everywhere. Yeah. I think that's a good thing to spend money on because you're giving money to other creatives. Yeah. I don't think that's a bad habit. I know, but then you've got them everywhere. You know? Yeah. So do you want to keep them? I want to. I'm not the only one that lives there. Oh, I see. That's the issue. Oh, I see. Got a loft.

30:43Yeah. A little loft you can put them in. But then I don't want to go, I want to read Arkham Asylum. Let me just get the ladder. Do you know what I mean? I can't, you know, it's difficult. Anyway, that's part of an ongoing dispute. Yeah. Steen buys loads of shoes. Trainers or shoes? Trainers, yeah. Yeah, I've got that problem as well. Yeah. So where does he store them? Well, I got something built. I had a wardrobe company building wardrobes and I said, this little strip of wall, could you do me like a floor to ceiling? so it's got enough space you can't ever complain again. By the way, can I say this is really wonderful work by you.

31:17Thank you. I think it's really sweet. Anyway, carry on. Before we get to the end so it's got this thing built so now when his shoes are on the floor I'm like I built you that thing for you to put your shoes in. Pick up your bloody shoes. So it doesn't end the thing but I was validating because you know John and Lucy had that couple's show. Yeah. On it I was saying he's got too many pairs of shoes and then when they flashed up a picture of his shoe collection the audience gasped and I always remind him of that. Like they thought I was being like a woman exaggerating. How many has he got, do you think?

31:44I don't know. And also that's only half his collection because half are in Australia. So he does have like hundreds of pairs. Will he get them shipped over, do you think, Emma? I don't think if he wants me to still be his wife. I think if we break up, then yes. That would be like a divorcee's kind of statement, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Just his crate. That's the next wife's problem. So when you're reading, because with your writing, I just I remember doing a preview with you this must have been 10 years ago we're each previewing our show and I know we're mates but I'm always I remember feeling slightly intimidated because I just feel like my stuff is so much thicker intellect wise I think you've got low self esteem that's true lots of people with low self esteem you find a stick to beat yourself with so rather than going because there are other comics who go I'm naturally funny I've got funny bones they would say that about themselves because they're not scribbling there on a pad they would say and i've had other comics say that to me you know like i've got this very dweeby like very what i used to call like a hermione approach to comedy like you overwrite it and it's ideas first and sometimes you just have to drop it because it's never funny that kind of thing so someone like you it's so interesting you can turn it into a negative i don't think i've ever watched you and not learned something interesting i don't i definitely do a lot of a lot of comedy that doesn't teach anyone anything but you're not you're you're reading for pleasure you're not reading to inform your writing no i think there was a period where i did i think there was a couple of edinburgh shows well before i had children where i'd like i'd done a relationship about falling in love and then i was still in that relationship and i was at a status point of like then you're gonna do another edinburgh and then like a little mini tour off the back of it i will have to find an angle of something i'm interested in so you can do sort of like themed shows based on something you think is interesting.

33:35And so for those you're like, you're looking at stuff and figuring out. I guess like some people would do topical comedy or some people would like talk about climate change. It's so relevant to the world at the moment. Like there's that aspect of it. But sometimes, you know, the really big idea stuff that you think, oh, I really want to talk about this just doesn't translate to comedy. It's too much talking. I know. And then you're going to go, if I have to talk for that long before a punchline, I can't call it comedy anymore. but that's that conflicting thing isn't it because you sort of go I've got this really interesting thing but you need to but that's why the comedians we all get to do other stuff we get to do podcasts write articles write books thank god for podcasts so if we do want to be ourselves and talk about genuine beliefs without having to undercut it we have all this space to do it I think we're really lucky just tell some fucking jokes on stage and that bit you do have to be funny I honestly think there's a social contract because people might go to one, two stand-up gigs a year.

34:36It's expensive. If you went to see a film and it wasn't a film, you'd be like, how dare you? How dare you do this to me? But then there's levels of like, not levels of, I don't mean levels of funny, but what I mean is... Yeah, a spectrum of what comedy is. Yeah, and also some of it is like, sometimes you just want to, you go because you want to spend the evening in this person's company and you know it's going to be quite funny. which can be very funny. But what I mean is some comedians you go to and all you want is to just rattle out jokes and you want to be like wrung out from it. Yeah, and you want your cheeks to sort of ache and to come out going, I actually do feel better.

35:12Like I've been laughing. But you don't always go to this comedy talk. Sometimes it's gentler than that. Do you think so? Yeah. I can't imagine anyone going, no, not tonight. Just want some nice gentle chatting. I think sometimes that might happen and still be really pleasurable. But I don't think anyone ever goes like, I don't want to come. Let's just hug. Do you know what I mean? People definitely want to be titillated. So if people do say that, they don't mean it. Is that what you're saying? I've never heard anyone like in the courtyard in Edinburgh being like, is there a section for just almost comedy?

35:47Yeah, but I can't think of a night when Lisa hasn't said, I don't want to come, let's just hug.

35:54Has your stand-up evolved then in that way? Because I don't think you would have been as adamant about this. in the past as you are now. Yeah, I think lots of things have affected me. I think comedy is really democratic and people have to really want to come. And there's something about having a worthy theme that I think puts people off. I have book signings after my shows and the amount of times, and so probably once every show, a woman with a man will say, he didn't want to come. He thought you were going to be a raging feminist. And I have this thing with that, this vindication of like, I wasn't, but also the reason I'm not is because I would like husbands to come and have a nice time and think, oh, I just thought she was going to be like not my cup of tea.

36:36Put it kindly, you know, I want to be everyone's cup of tea. I'm a people pleaser. And that hasn't stopped. I thought with a level of success, maybe I would have, you have an option, don't you? When success, you either sort of batten down the hatches and go, I am what I am. And anyone who doesn't want that can go somewhere else and get something for them. But I actually think I got much more softer of like, I would like to be more accessible. I want to be accessible. I want to make money. I want to be able to tour every few years. So I think - And these are something that's come to you recently.

37:06I think that's what's happened over the last 10 years. I think realizing that it's a trade-off, I'm not an artist. I don't have an idea of what I want to say and I'll just say it anyway. Yeah. I absolutely - Want money. Want people to laugh. Yeah. And want some money. Yeah. And want a career and those kinds of things. and I think I could still have a career. If I just said what I wanted to say, number one, it would be different every day. I would never repeat a joke. I'm pretty sure, James Acaster's done one where it's just like all crowd work. People do things. Hector's welcome. Tommy Tiernan did one where he knew his last line and his first line and then in between it was improvised.

37:47I think you can definitely get away with one in your career. Do you reckon? Improvise show, absolutely. Because I'm going on tour next year and I haven't really written lines of it. Do it then. Yeah? And I tell you what loads of people are doing half of the show is Q &A. So you do either half an hour have a break and then it's the questions from the interval or vice versa you do a Q &A and then you do a 40 minute headline your own game. Loads of people and audiences love that. What about Q &A in a dance? I think so. I think with the new host of Strictly everyone's going to be looking out for getting their dance from other places.

38:23What about yeah this is it put on an episode of Traitors in the first half and then do a dance and a Q &A in the second half. I mean, that's avant-garde. I actually think that's quite a good night out. I think it is quite a good night out. I think commentary, I was just heading my favourite programme, Dragon's Den. I don't know if you've ever watched Dragon's Den. Yeah, I've not watched it for a while. I watch Shark Tank as well. Do you watch that? I do, but I find it too much, that one, The American Is It. But I would love to just do commentary over Dragon's Den episodes. No one ever watches it with me.

38:47It's me by myself. But I would love to do a lot of like, what are they thinking? What does Peter really mean here? What are they saying about this? Can't you do that as a podcast? I asked one of the BBC PRs the other day and the facial expression she pulled when I suggested it made me think that that wasn't something they would be keen for. But I would love to just do that as a live show. I just go, you know, and each week, obviously the show would be brand new again. So I'd probably do a couple a week on the same episode. Yeah, that's a good idea. I think it is a good idea. Actually, I'm not joking.

39:18I think it's a really good idea. People wouldn't have had to see it, but also capitalism is in the late stages and Dragon's Den is the epitome of it. Isn't it? Like pretending that business is nice and pretending that business people are like, oh, I just wouldn't have the passion for you. Yeah, I know. I mean, that is. And getting sad for people's stories. They're very good at the breakup chats, aren't they? Yeah. I just don't feel like this story works for me, which is what they mean is you've remortgaged your house for no good reason. Yeah. You're fucked. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You idiot. It's sad.

39:48yeah if you were only good at anything be rich like me now get out of here now congratulations on winning the inaugural Judy Cooper award oh thank you how much do you enjoy writing books how much do I enjoy writing books well it's your first novel wasn't it your first novel weirdo I feel really lucky to be able to write books and I do really like it obviously it's work but not work like working in a call centre is work and working in a supermarket is work yeah jobs that I've done that feel a lot more like work yeah writing is one of them but no writing is much much easier I just feel like you always hear writers going I know it's so lonely and it's so hard and it's like yeah but yeah I know it's also you've got coloured pencils outside the window you don't have a manager and also you're able to just leave you know like if you just go this is shit I'm just going to go you can always go like no it's not flowing I guess I'll just have a glass of wine at two o 'clock that's what Hemingway did isn't it yeah do you struggle because you've written books as well obviously yeah yeah what's your thought process with it because they do they come to you with book offers or do you decide okay i'm ready i want to do one i decide to write like a memoir but what always happens is i'm incredibly excited at the beginning of the process going along to the meetings and yeah we would like it and they go what sort of thing you think about doing and you do i love all of that bit of writing yeah and i would say for the first third to a half of the book, I'm having a really good time.

41:16And then I start to think, oh, maybe I should just not do this. Only because I think it's when you get to the nitty gritty of trying to finish it off and they're starting to... Also, once, I don't know if this happened to you, I got sent the unedited notes on the book. Oh. Has that ever happened to you? Unedited notes on the book? As in, like, it obviously wasn't meant for me to read. Who was it for then? I think it was for the publisher. and then they were supposed to like nice up and send me the feedback. Oh. But I remember... I think that it is meant for you. I don't think it is. They don't try and be nice.

41:48One of them said, this isn't funny. I've got no idea why anyone would think it would be. That is the kind of thing they write. What? Honestly. What the fuck? The notes I've had are things like, is this a joke? Question mark. That kind of stuff is. Because then you have to justify it. You know, these are your... I mean, it is like... Sorry, Sarah. We're comedians writing books. I know. We're fucking fragile. don't start sending stuff like that i know i know um sometimes i can't even write open the email with the notes in like i'll know that it's there because it's so like having your homework marked yeah but so much more personal it's hard and then for a week you can't write anything yeah you can't write anything you just go what's the point i'm a piece of shit that well that's that's another thing one of the night says yeah yeah it's horrible it's really okay so So you are supposed to read that.

42:35I think with authors, there is a level of you get the notes. Maybe not quite as harsh as what you're saying. Because it would be a taste thing. I've had people write their own joke suggestions in the notes. That kind of stuff. I think the notes are hard. And that's why the relationship with the editor is so important. And that's a real job. And when I say that, it's not spell checking. They really are shaping and bolster it here. and you know yeah how much more writing are you thinking in a day I'm writing another novel at the moment but it's much much slower my children take up so much of my time now yeah and anything I took so and I'm a bit like you know like we say with Lisa I could write after bedtime if I'm not gigging my brain is broken yeah like by that time of day yeah and Steen and I we really need to work on like having conversations yeah because like even like talking to another adult it's like my brain goes okay the kids are asleep now they survived another day.

43:33I think you should take, I do think, my advice would be to take that responsibility out of your day. You know, lift out the easy things. You don't have to chat to Stine. No, or write a book. These are all things that you can just go, just go to, just watch Dragon's Den and go to bed. So when, so how much writing do you think you're doing a day? I don't have a set amount. Do you have a set time? No, nothing like that. I describe it, the difference between, basically, a craft, if you had to have your house painted you'd paint as much as you could every day and you can physically do that you wouldn't go i can only paint for five minutes and then i'm done yeah whereas i think with creativity sometimes if you were painting the painting you would paint a little bit of it and go that's that's all i got yeah i'm exhausted by this so i don't know what to do next or and they say you should stop when you know what you to do next so that you always come back to it the next day when you know what the next step yeah so and then you always sort of like then a bit impatient so you're always supposed to do slightly less than you're supposed to you're never supposed to exhaust it and obviously if you're on a deadline people have to and yeah and you can be like workmanlike about it but i'm not did you have you read that rick rubin book creative steam started it so we've got a half read one in our house okay no i've heard it's really good my dad's that blew my mind yeah and then i was thinking i'm that's i'm gonna write stand up and then i didn't okay but i imagine if you actually implicated it but he he's quite workmanlike about creativity well he's like you know these are all ideas and you take away the rules and you know you give all of your different ideas equal kind of and you'll feel a tingle when the one that's supposed to be nourished sort of comes to you and and all of this it's like when you read it you sort of think i'm going to create something amazing but i've you know it's i've not created anything amazing since all before when i hear creative people talking about creativity it always feels like it's in a vacuum where they wake up in an empty house and have a decision about whether they have a coffee or water yeah and then it's then like and then they do some like stream of consciousness just to get it out it's like that is not possible for most people I've got the little space like from leaving my house to come in here if I'm going to have my laptop on my lap that's a good time to write yeah so it's like it's that it's not which of these ideas is tingling it's like just to say that's the ending say you know it's a bit rushed at the end but sometimes just crapping it out and then figuring it afterwards is alright I think that's a lot a daily amount is a bit like doing a poo yeah where it's just there's some pressure a release yeah you've got no more no yeah it's done you flush and move on you flush don't think about it never think about it ever again but there will be more poo that's tomorrow you'll do another one hopefully okay you've got a new travel show congratulations thank you everything you've prepped me up for so far I've been very negative about so watch me actually pump this up okay great it's a dream you and Rob get to work together so you know yeah you've ripped off Rob and Ramesh versus haven't you we said to them make sure it's just like Rob and Ramesh except really good so this is zero stars zero stars you and Ramesh Inconity yeah so that was the pitch was you and Roisin get to go to the worst reviewed places in Europe.

46:29And I was like, sign me up. And then I had to go to the worst reviewed places in Europe. And I was like, you never properly listened here. You had me at Roisin. I shouldn't listen to the rest of the sentence. It's so hooky. Yeah. And also they make it, they always make it sound like it's a holiday. Yeah. Yeah. It isn't. Often with travel shows like that, cause it's not your first travel show. No, but it's my first one with somebody else. They'll often say to you, you won't enjoy it at the time, but you look back at it fondly. But I did enjoy it at the time. Lots of elements of it, even some of the really hard stuff.

47:00It just honestly, especially because TV, it does feel like the end of days in lots of ways. Yeah. It might be the last travel show I ever do. That's highly likely. It might be the last travel show ever. Ever, exactly. To get to go to these places and just some of the stuff they made us do because they wanted to, they don't want you to have a nice time because that would be a boring television program. They do have to put you in situations. but I remember being in Albania about to shoot a gun and I thought, this is cool. I would have had my entire life. I never would have picked up a gun. I hate guns.

47:32I never would have shot one. And I just have this memory now, this experience with someone that killing a cameraman.

47:44And I do think there's a, and again, after having had kids and being like, who am I? I've got no life. suddenly being away for like four nights at a time only thinking about what we were doing and being with ocean and you know like you'll have dinner after filming and those kind of stuff no i know i know that can be done but i i will have it delivered to the room um so how how hard because obviously like with that the premise of the show means you're going to stay in shit places and do shit things uh we did we did we went on the worst cruise in europe and as they were telling me that i was like how bad can a cruise be um because cruises are amazing cruises are amazing you're on the water and also and this is where russian and i both are the same i don't want to piss on things that are other people's holidays okay so uh food wasn't great um you know stuff's a little old the boat's a bit it was supposed to be you know sort of wrecked and they're still you know it's a sort of 70s cruise ship i had to take my youngest with me uh on the cruise on the cruise and um so we were sharing a room and he dropped my phone down a hole in the bathroom i didn't i didn't shower for the whole time because um it had no it's obviously a very small room anyway on a cruise ship and the bathroom just smelt so bad it had carpet like a little bit of carpet but it's also been soaked for years and years and years anyway there's a hole i think it's like a drain that didn't have a cover.

49:12My son dropped my phone down there. This is the kind of stuff they're not filming. And so I have to get it back. It's not even worth it really, is it? I have to get it back. And it's all hair. So putting my fingers that deep into hair. Wet hair, Romesh. What does it smell like? Disgusting. It smells like shit. It smells like rotting, rotting shit. It was, there was stuff that was so confronting, but then you also aware this is someone else's holiday and it is trying to, the premise of the show really is like, okay, this is rubbish, how do you make it fun? And that's you and your friend and you go and find one of the entertainment crew and they teach you how to play mini golf.

49:54And that's what we did on the cruise ship. And there was lots of fun stuff that we did do. And yeah, you're at sea. And we did a couple of like stop offs, like we went to Sardinia, but we took so long walking up the hill by the time we got to the top, there was no time to go for lunch we had to walk back and get on the boat so there was stuff that was it was an adventure element to it um when you do travel shows it's like i don't know if you found this to be a pretty but it's hard it's hard and people are tired yeah and you're traveling around together and you have to not only obviously with racing but you're also got to you've also got to get in get on with all of the team yeah and that's quite a fragile i think it can i think certain personality types can find it exhausting yeah yeah it's a 13 hour day maybe even more with travel you're underslept i do think you have to sort of convince yourself you're delighted to be there i just kept telling myself i'm so lucky did you ever lose your shirt my shit like did you ever like flip out i don't think so um there was one kebab shop it there was there was there was waggling of meat in faces knowing that you're a vegan i don't think they listen to anything i I don't think that our director, no one had set them up to do it.

51:05It was just this guy thought it would be funny. And you know, when you have a language barrier and you're like, that is a man in real life, I would call the police. So this isn't funny. We're not filming it. So it was just elements that was like that a couple of times, but not losing my shit. There's a lot of stuff I didn't do. We went to Turkish barbers. They were like, you're gonna get your noses waxed. And I was like, all right. And then Roisin sits down. I watch her have it done. I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. And Roisin's like, it's so unfair. I'm like, I'm just not doing it. I'm not doing it.

51:32I don't want to do it. I'll have a hairy nose for the rest of my life. And so we tried to then alternate who did first on things. So then I had to have leeches on me. And I felt, and it was really difficult because like, they were trying to, they were like, because I know you're a vegan. I said, I don't think this is a very vegan thing to do. You know, you're using animals. They were like, they sort of persuaded me that, oh, it's actually good because you as a vegan are feeding some animals. And I was like, okay. So I'd sort of legitimize it to myself. and then i was like what happens to them afterwards and like don't ask what happens to them after yeah so but it's all in the in the rush of it you're just going along with stuff and doing things again i'm such i'm such a people pleaser i'm so aware that like everyone has a show to make quite often i just go yeah yeah i'll take all my clothes off and jump in loch ness like whatever we're doing did um they were talking we went to loch ness to look for loch ness monster and there's something about something that league of their own had lost did you crash a plane in there or something oh we did well we oh i think there we lost a we left a car in a june thing there maybe that's what it is um but um we we i went to albania for misadventures oh did you and i had um we were staying in the shepherd's hut and this thing about being you know sensitivity to the so i said i'm vegan so they took they gave me a plate of one less lamb chop than everyone else yeah and then you just got to sort of i mean i didn't eat it but you have to go okay cool yeah and then the city can sleep in the next room which is kind of their living room oh and i was laying on the sofa and i was thinking fucking hell like something stinks in here i didn't know what it was and i just tried to get to sleep and every every sort of half nudge in the night i'd wake up going god it still fucking stinks now anyway i never got used to it anyway we woke up um i got up and they started filming with me and then i was completely i was in full fully closed because it's so cold yeah and then the director said ramish what's that on your back and it turns out what had happened the smell was that one of their cats had shat on the sofa and i spent the entire night rolling in it and just smearing it across my back yeah and then you know like um one of those air freshens that every now and again it sprays it that's what was happening every time i moved i was like re getting like a fresh thing of it like a scratch and then and then i came out and i was like fucking hell like this is awful like you know it's just i'd catch it just over my entire time and then did they film that and make it fun no no because they said you can't this is a bit you you've stayed at someone's house yeah and now you're laughing about like you know they didn't know they had cat shit on the sofa of course yeah so you have to you know we couldn't and that's it is they've signed this sort of disclaimer of like we'll be in your program yeah and and they will watch it yeah and you just cut to can't humiliate people or be rude even in like the Roshan and I just at the stage of sort of doing the press for this it's such a careful line between these are people's businesses and livelihoods that we went to we went to stay in we really don't want to say yeah it was so crap because actually a lot of the places have got bad reviews and you got there and go it's not fair yeah yeah there's no stairs you have to carry your luggage that is hard for some people traveling but it's because the listed building yeah and they can't put a lift in so like let's be human beings about things sometimes it was just ridiculous and people do like complaining too much cat shit it's horrible and i'm really sorry you had to go through that but you know i think people complain too much yeah i mean i wouldn't well i mean no no you wouldn't and also it wasn't a hotel it was someone's house yeah i had the i felt more sorry for them yeah cat that's just shitting wherever it wants yeah i mean i was just happy that i was able to clear up one of them um but you enjoyed doing it i felt very lucky Felt very lucky.

55:13I went to places I'd never go to Albania. I'd never go, probably never would have gone to Bulgaria, which I really loved. And I'd never go to Benidorm. And I went to Benidorm. What was Benidorm like? Good. I mean, it is what it is. Yeah. That's Roisin's, that's her catchphrase. It is what it is. But, you know, we did darts and we went on a hen do. And we had an amazing, massive roast dinner in like the blazing hot sun. Roisin didn't want to go on this like banana boat, so I went by myself. and there's nothing lonelier than being on like one of those 12 people banana boats all around Benadol coast just by yourself and then all I just kept doing was going you're so lucky like this is your job you get to go there all you have to do is say a couple of things to camera afterwards so yeah in terms of some of the jobs that I've done it wasn't it wasn't too hard it wasn't too horrible yeah and also there's nothing educational about it when I've worked on the BBC it's been like and now how will the viewers learn from this whereas well it was at the time it was discovery but now it's TLC.

56:11They're just like, and what's funny? What's funny about that? And what was funny about that man? And what did you think was going to happen? Because with the BBC and I did this in Misadventures a lot, you sort of go, I guess like, what it all boils down to is it's a difference in experience, isn't it? And then you start doing that piss camera and then somebody goes out, that's really good, we'll put that in. Yeah. And then you go, I'm really intelligent enough to do that. I went to Albania and got the Albanian flag tattooed on my arm. Did you? As part of the, because there was a guy there doing it.

56:38Yeah. I went to, and then I just thought I was going to get it covered up after because no disrespect to Albania but But you didn't have like strong attachment No I enjoyed the trip but I can't I'm not going to get the flag of every country So who suggested that one of the story producers You know they've got the bunkers over there I don't think I saw any bunkers One of them had become a tattoo studio Okay And so there's this guy this ex-con had started becoming an artist and tattoo thing so I just thought that would be funny not funny fun nice to get a tattoo so I got that and then I thought I'm going to get it covered up but then the week after the show came out I was just walking through town and then this massive Albanian guy came up to me and says, did you really get that flag on your arm?

57:14I said, yeah. And he said, can I see it? And I showed him and he said, you'll have no problems. Walked off. Yeah. Because there are some really dodgy ones. But what does that mean? I don't think he knows. How does he know I'm going to have any problems? At that moment I was close to the wall. No, no, no. He means from like, they can look out for you. Oh, okay. Fine, fine, fine. You know, like a lot of the doormen and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So what he's saying is like, you'll be - I always get really looked after at hotels and stuff. Yeah. You'll be looked after. So the show's called Zero Stars. Is that right?

57:42Yeah. For a moment there, I thought it was like Nort Stars or something. Zero Stars on TLC. First episode's Istanbul. Second episode's Norway. Oh, yeah. Looking forward to it. You also go to Transylvania. Yes, yes. Fucking sick. What did you think of Transylvania? Did you like it? No spoilers. It's amazing. But it's dark. They put me in a coffin. Oh, well, we had to watch a ceremony where this is where they used to do, if they thought they were getting haunted, they would dig up the corpse. Did you have this? No. They dig up the corpse. What the fuck? Who's the researcher on my show? They dig up the corpse, bring them in, like candles or that, and then put a stake through their heart and then bury them again.

58:19So we watched that. You watched that happening? With a fake corpse. But yeah, but that's like what they do. Transylvania is so dark. It's hard to talk about because essentially it is like a mass murderer. Yeah. And that's what their entire tourist industry is set up about. It's cool. Yeah. looking forward to the trump park in the future um right it's time to play a game sarah i'm very excited to say it's called misquoted do we ever do we ever do a jingle yeah but there's every week is there a jingle every week every week i don't think i watched that bit how does it how does it go it goes a bit music yeah you go it's misquoted every week that happens every week Every single week without fail.

59:03It's misquoted. Okay, so this is misquoted. Five quotes. Some of them you've said, some of them you haven't. You just have to figure out why, and it leads to some light chat. Here's your first one. So it's not quick fire? No. No. We've tried to do a quick fire in the past, but people tend to fucking elaborate. Okay, here's your first one. Yep. I knew I wanted my main character to have chutzpah. right did you say that or not I might have said it but I mispronounced chutzpah for a very long time so if if I did say it I would have said chutzpah it's very close to what you said yeah what you actually said was I knew I wanted my main character to have hemorrhoids oh great yeah it's very similar a lot of people with chutzpah do have hemorrhoids because of the stress yeah this is you talking about weirdo yes Why did you really want your main character to have hemorrhoids?

59:58Because I think loads of people in the world have hemorrhoids, but they're never reflected in a story. I've never seen characters with hemorrhoids and it just being part of it. There's never a rom-com, like how to lose a guy in 10 days. It was like, they both work in advertising. She's an editor. Oh, she does have hemorrhoids. She's got to go to the chemist quickly. It's just a human experience. And I also feel like it's relevant. People never have cystitis. No. No. I think that's a good point. I mean, it was ages in Star Wars before they made any reference to anybody even going to the toilet.

1:00:33Well, that's it. Lots of books. No one ever goes to the toilet. And there are some programs. They're on a spaceship for ages. You don't ever hear Han Solo go, Chewie, take over. I'm going to curl one out. Yeah. It doesn't happen. No. And they definitely have them on spaceships. They must do. Yeah, they have to. They must do. Mad Men. Mad Men, I don't think anyone goes to the toilet. No. They're in the Millennium Falcon. drinking all that whiskey. For the fucking ages, yeah. They would have to go to the toilet. Anyway, it's a good point. I think you make a great point. Everyone on Mad Men would have hemorrhoids.

1:01:01Yeah. Because they don't eat any fiber, just smoking and drinking. Just really stressed and smoking. Yeah, exactly. Never shitting. People have sex all the time. I'd much rather they send people to the toilet. Yeah. I don't want to watch people kissing and things. No, agreed. And also, having sex when you're so blocked up like that. I just can't imagine it being fun or pleasant. No. I can't imagine it. okay here's your next one I'm a putter offerer I think how great to have someone make you go no no no looks rubbish I'm a putter offerer I'm a putter offerer no no no no I think how great to have someone make you go no no no looks rubbish so how great to have someone going no no no looks rubbish I mean without a context God knows I don't know I'm gonna no I didn't say that no you did say it Guardian April 25 you're talking about being the opposite of a parenting influencer oh yeah i think my stand up puts people off having children there you go and it genuinely i think does i mean it's great to have someone make you go no no no and looks rubbish yeah and yeah and it's the opposite of an influencer which i've now discovered is a d influencer it does i didn't invent it it's not called a putter offerer it's called a d influencer is d influencer d influence is somebody is that somebody that actively tells you to not do the thing yeah it's someone saying you don't need a thing oh great that you could buy into so de-influencing is like you don't need botox we could we could all just be old yeah yeah actually you're anti-plastic surgery aren't you we discovered anti is not too strong because i do not judge or think anybody that does it is awful no i think everyone who does it looks amazing and i'm really glad and i hope it but i think it's sad and pathetic no i think i'm just trying to finish it off i think i think i think we're all fucked and it's getting worse because things become normalized and it's really expensive and it brings people no like pleasure it's not an enjoyable thing to do to yourself no and it then gets normalized and it's like i do think there needs to be some pushback for like maybe we could all just be threes yeah and be still be alive and worthy of love i think that's a really good shot that's my de-influencing yeah i think that's smart um okay uh here's your so hold on did you get the first one?

1:03:15No, kind of, no, not really. Okay, the second one, you absolutely fucked it. Okay, here's your third one. I used to think comedy was for idiots. Yeah, I definitely said that. I definitely did, yeah. Because that was, I was very serious and I didn't realise that comedy could be such a powerful tool to talk about serious things. Yeah. So I thought, why is everyone laughing? There's wars going on. You got it, you got it. Yeah, so that was my, and this is like when I was at university and I wanted to make political theatre. And then when I was doing stand-up comedy, I read Bill Hicks' book. And obviously Bill Hicks died really early.

1:03:50So he died at 36. So it's really not fair for me, almost a decade older, to criticise what he says in his book at 36. But he didn't like gag comedians. He had this quite strong feelings about don't just go out and make jokes when there's all this stuff to talk about. Happening, yeah. Whereas I really understood by then the jokes are the sugar that helps the medicine go down. No one is going to comedy clubs if everyone's doing Bill Hicks. If we're all just shouting at the audience about commercialism, no one's going to come. They're not going to pay to see it. So you think it's idiots, but you don't know.

1:04:24Now I think most, I mean, there is a large proportion of comics that I think are genius, the genius level of intelligence. And it looks effortless and easy. And it's only when you've tried to do it that you see the work that's gone in. Yeah. Okay. that's the first one you got fully correct actually we've got two to go I don't care about the scores just so you know I'm not invested in this is a scoring exercise okay we will

1:04:59I mean we will do the other two but no I really I like I mean doing the game but not this points element sure

1:05:10are you not a competitive person oh I am usually it's just I don't am I competing against this is quite a big deal to us okay I don't know if you heard but we have like a jingle for us I know there's a jingle a jingle that you've forgotten

1:05:25okay here's your next one I fantasize about a solo drink with a book oh yeah I think I would have said that yeah that sounds like something I'd say can you tell me which month and which public no I'm joking if the evening started in February 25 five okay um how often are you solo drinking with a book do you reckon i definitely have only since having children yeah maybe a couple of times before but probably not more than once a year yeah that's rare once a year yeah but i've got this sort of plan for the spring summer to drink in the garden it's a nice idea when they're at nursery that's a really nice idea but and then you know nursery you know pick up make dinner yeah and then you sort of sober up have a glass of water as the day goes on yeah yeah okay well done really good you got that right as well thank you but you only don't give a fuck here's your final one men's bums get better with age no that's not me I said the exact opposite I said I made fun of men's bums going very flat yeah in my stand-up show the last one how does Steen feel about what's Steen's bum like Steen goes to the gym a lot so it's flat Steen Steen wouldn't get paranoid about something like that also he's a young man he's not even 40 I think he's like 38 I was talking about old men I was trying to comedically flip this idea that women get like you know worse with age and men are silver foxes because I don't think that's true I think men also age terribly I think it's a lie we used to tell men because they had all the money and we would have said anything and then I say your bums get very flat you know they should squat yeah I think young men do squat now loads I squat a lot but it's not really made any you don't know you don't know no I do you do squat a lot it has made a difference no it's not made a difference how do you know because I'm looking okay but what would it be like if you didn't squat that's what I'm trying to say no but I have I've gone from you've gone from you've gone from not squatting into squatting again to give you an idea when I wasn't squatting that League of the Own used to make like bits like you know little bits in the show that centred around the fact that my ass that's complete like that was a a source of comedy that's bullying yeah that's bullying but lucrative bullying okay yeah but imagine if i was like yeah mock the week ago thing about me being flat-chested yeah so then i started squatting yeah so now i've seen you know yeah marginal yeah okay so you're not squatting heavy enough i want to squat so heavy that you can leave a drink on there and currently i have to staple my trousers up i don't know how you get this information but I just watched industry and Jon Snow is sometimes in the shower and he definitely squats.

1:08:09He's got a very muscular behind. I think you need to find out what he's doing. Okay. Oh, fuck. It must be about the weight. It's always just, you can go much heavier than you think. I know, but it's really hard. Not my butt, sadly. But you know, when you squat heavy, it's really hard. Okay, well done. What was the final score for Sarah? Three. I did really well in the end yeah you did really really well well Sarah it's been a delight to have you on the podcast has it yeah I've really loved talking to you thank you I've loved talking to you too actually there was a time we see each other all the time and then we've not seen each other for ages it's true of lots of people though isn't it because you see them in a work context like this or you tell other people yeah I know him and then you go is that a lie yeah is that a lie well I'd love to next time like a monetary opportunity comes up I'd love us to be able to do this again well maybe if we get another series of Zero Stars, you and Rob can come and we can do like a documentary mashup.

1:09:03Oh, that's a good idea. Where you're making one show. Cross over it. It's the same production company. Yeah. Same production company. The same production company. Yeah. So we could do in the same country at the same time and then spot each other. Yeah, I'd love that. Is that another camera crew? Is that Rob Mommet? Oh my God. What the hell are you doing there? Exactly. Roshin always used to talk about, I think there's a Gary Barlow one he did about wine. And there's a moment in it where he goes, who's that? Is that Ronan Keaton? Oh, God, I saw that episode. Okay, Sarah, thank you so much for coming on to the podcast.

1:09:37Thank you for having me. We always look for like a viral moment or an exclusive. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Have you got anything for us? Oh, God. A viral moment. Something you haven't said publicly before. Oh, no. Honestly, I'm filtering so many things now. That's a naughty question to ask people. We ask everybody, don't we? We ask Brian Cranston. What did Brian Cranston say? he killed someone did he um we asked uh louis theroux did he say well he prepared he came prepared didn't he because he knew i don't know how he knew that uh he had a letter that he wrote into hip hop connection uh so the reason i'm i got you to take actor out of my bio is because i did try to be an actor for many years and then via stand-up comedy and having an agent i did get some acting roles and sometimes you achieve your dream and then you realize you're not very good at your dream.

1:10:24Do you really think you're not a good actor? I'm really not a good actor. Yeah. Don't most actors think they're not good actors? No, that's not true. No, I don't think you should tell me that. I don't think it's like, oh my God, they're just negging me at the Oscars. I'm really the best. No, I was bad. And also, I was just really aware that I wasn't putting the work in to be good at it. That thing where you like subsume yourself into another character I never did. And then you realise it's that, and that's what you do, you dedicate your life to a thing. You can't have more than one of those things.

1:10:56Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't dedicate your life to doing them all really well. No. And I think that's what I realized is I'm very lucky to have, you know, I did a couple of days on the thick of it. That's a career highlight. Lucky me. You were great on that. Thank you. I was very lucky to be there. Yeah. But yeah, just, and also self-tapes. I can't do self-tapes. No. I can't video myself at home. No, but I can't even do face-to-face auditions. I had an audition for The Martian and the casting director started corpsing during my read. Oh. I did an audition for Mary Poppins 2. Yeah. The casting director lost her temper with me because I wasn't in the frame.

1:11:34Yeah. And I kept repeatedly stepping out of frame. I did an audition where I didn't think it had gone that badly. I'd had to play a song on a ukulele. So you'd had to learn a song on a ukulele. That's already going badly. So it's pretty bad. Yeah. And it was really hard. But I did it in the audition. and it was only when the casting director came out in the hall to hug me and say, I'm so sorry we'd put you through that, that I knew how badly it had gone. The kindness sometimes, a woman coming to call you, the kindness has made you go, oh, that was humiliating. I hadn't even realised I was humiliated until I got my cuddle.

1:12:09Please give it up for Sarah Pascoe. Thank you. Thank you so much for watching this episode of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. I've been told that some of you are watching this enjoying it, wallowing in it but you still haven't subscribed That's mad behaviour You're going to miss episodes Very silly So follow and subscribe to the Romesh Ranganathan show on YouTube, Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts We drop new episodes every Monday and Thursday On Monday I'm here with amazing guests talking about their career, what they're up to having a laugh with them And then on Thursdays I'm joined by my mum widely regarded as the audience's favourite Ranganathan And we answer your questions, your stories and your family dilemmas So I'll see you on Thursday when I'm back here with my mum, Shandy.

1:12:52Send your questions and stories to podcast at rangaby.com, voice note or text on 07731 623 355. We genuinely love hearing from you, and there's a good chance you'll hear yourself on the show. See you next time. Oh, shut up, Romesh. This Mother's Day, celebrate the woman who's been there through it all with Pandora Jewelry. Choose jewelry that reflects the love you share and the moments that matter most. Make it even more meaningful with engraving, a name, a date, or a message just for her. Because the best Mother's Day gift says more than I love you. It says, I see you. Find the perfect Mother's Day gift at your local Pandora store or tap the banner.

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