In short
Family wedding “resentment” and how grudges can spiral; listener dilemma about lying to parents over Glastonbury tickets; Shanthi’s views on faith and a celebrity-security-guard question.
Guest backgrounds
No external guests. Hosts are Romesh Ranganathan and his mum Shanthi; plus listener voice note from sisters Kavita (33) and Priya (27).
Key claims
Grudges can be repeatedly thrown back, eroding self-esteem until someone cries themselves to sleep. Shanthi argues resentment/grudges aren’t worth carrying and that family traditions can create long memories.
Notable examples
Wedding ritual of flipping the groom upside down and pouring dry rice down his trousers; Romesh’s mum forgetting/remembering meeting Lisa; sisters lying they were at a bachelorette party while actually at Glastonbury; Shanthi questioning why Romesh’s wife isn’t Hindu and why shoes are stored inside.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOFamily Traditions Discussion
0:45 to 2:28
Romesh and Shanthi discuss family traditions, including a humorous anecdote.
“It's from Mel Gibson, but not that Mel Gibson.”
Wedding Memories and Family Dynamics
2:28 to 5:24
They share experiences about weddings and family gatherings, reflecting on memorable moments.
“to go there's no question no there is no question it's just a statement mom what's the weirdest tradition you've ever seen?”
Emotional Wedding Moments
5:24 to 6:30
Shanthi recalls touching moments from Romesh's wedding and vow renewal.
“Why are you putting words into my mouth?”
Wedding Memories and Family Dynamics
6:40 to 7:46
They share experiences about weddings and family gatherings, reflecting on memorable moments.
“Britain's biggest generator of zero carbon electricity.”
Listener Dilemma: The Wedding Lie
7:46 to 7:56
Romesh and Shanthi discuss a listener's dilemma about lying to attend a festival instead of a wedding.
“recognises electricity from wind, solar and nuclear fuel produces zero carbon dioxide emissions at the point of generation.”
Listener Dilemma: The Wedding Lie
8:01 to 10:10
Romesh and Shanthi discuss a listener's dilemma about lying to attend a festival instead of a wedding.
“That's the sound of zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and the power to burn body fat.”
Shanthi's Perspective on Honesty
10:10 to 12:59
Shanthi weighs in on honesty and accountability in relationships.
“The way Romesh said, I can't come to the wedding.”
Shanthi's Perspective on Honesty
13:02 to 14:03
Shanthi weighs in on honesty and accountability in relationships.
“We've been doing this for a few weeks now, mum.”
Romesh's Singing Moment
14:03 to 14:55
Romesh and his mum share a light-hearted moment discussing singing Whitney Houston's song.
“Do you want to give us a little burst of that song?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome back to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Ranganathan show. I'm here with my mum Shanthi. Every Thursday we sit down, chat about Mondays, episode, read your stories and mum brings one of her topics to the table. Basically, it's like you've pulled up a chair in mum's kitchen, except I'm actually there. And as always, mum, give me some air horns.
0:21Shanthi Ranganathan:What are the air horns you're talking about?
0:25Romesh Ranganathan:Like doing an alarm, like a klaxon. And as always, mum, give me some air horns.
0:36Romesh Ranganathan:now we've got some uh stories from our listeners uh and this week they're all is it they're all family related are they um yeah i think that's family traditions the odd little rituals you only realize are strange when you tell someone else um do we have any family traditions mom family tradition yeah one of the things we've always done is resentment isn't it at family weddings we have this tradition of flipping the group who's who is this from uh it's from uh hold on it's have you got a voice note i don't think there's a voice note okay it was an email from who's it from um who's it from melissa uh melissa thank you for your email what why is it not is it not because it's i i just think this one's probably from a man Oh, I think this one is from Mel.
1:25Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry, Mel. It must be Mel, like Mel Gibson. It's from Mel Gibson.
1:32Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I'm saying... But not that one. No, I'm saying...
1:35Romesh Ranganathan:It's from Mel Gibson, but not that Mel Gibson.
1:37Shanthi Ranganathan:Just for defamation purposes, it's from someone called Mel Gibson, but not that Mel Gibson. Okay, fine.
1:42Romesh Ranganathan:No, no, it's not Mel. It's just Mel. But I'm saying like Mel Gibson. It must be like a man Mel. Okay. Do you want me to read it, or do you want me to read it? You can read it if you want. at family weddings we have this tradition of flipping the groom upside down and pouring dry rice down his trousers it started as a joke but it stuck i got i got done at my wedding oh yeah probably is a man and i'm just waiting for revenge on my brother mum what's the weirdest tradition you've ever seen no that's that's for rom to read
2:22Romesh Ranganathan:how do you think how do you just generally how do you think you did in the whole that whole section i'm a little bit disappointed yeah i'm not actually it was about how i'd expected it to do to go there's no question no there is no question it's just a statement mom what's the weirdest tradition you've ever seen?
2:40Shanthi Ranganathan:I can't remember about any tradition, yeah.
2:43Romesh Ranganathan:So anyway, it wasn't a question, but it's led to some great discussion.
2:52Romesh Ranganathan:Did you like how Lisa and I got married?
2:55Shanthi Ranganathan:I know, I remember.
2:57Romesh Ranganathan:I know, you remember. I'm asking, did you like it?
3:00Shanthi Ranganathan:I found it funny and when we went to see the boys, the theatre.
3:04Romesh Ranganathan:What boys?
3:07Shanthi Ranganathan:your son
3:08Romesh Ranganathan:oh yeah at the theatre performing
3:09Shanthi Ranganathan:at the theatre yeah
3:11Romesh Ranganathan:sorry it's just when I say to you about Lisa and my wedding you can understand my confusion when you go when we went to see the boys at the theatre
3:18Shanthi Ranganathan:yes of course I remember
3:19Romesh Ranganathan:how can I forget what about when we went to see the boys at the theatre
3:23Shanthi Ranganathan:theatre you came you were away for a few weeks you came the first time I was seeing you
3:28Romesh Ranganathan:right
3:29Shanthi Ranganathan:and you came and said come and meet Lisa you know I was just about to say I didn't realise from age you are married. Why you want to introduce her to me? I already know that she's your wife.
3:41Romesh Ranganathan:What are you talking about?
3:42Shanthi Ranganathan:You forgot from age. Maybe you were tired, jet lag.
3:45Romesh Ranganathan:What did I say? Come and meet Lisa.
3:47Shanthi Ranganathan:Come and meet Lisa. Do you know this is my wife? What? Yeah, you did.
3:52Romesh Ranganathan:I thought, what? People will say to me, when did you realise that you had dementia? And it'll be when you've... What are you talking about? So I came up to you and I'd forgotten that you'd met Lisa and that she's my wife?
4:05Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm not saying you have forgotten. You saw me, you walked towards me and said, come, come and meet Lisa, you said.
4:13Romesh Ranganathan:Is it possible that I said, do you want to come and see Lisa?
4:16Shanthi Ranganathan:Maybe I missed that first sentence, yeah.
4:20Romesh Ranganathan:What do you think is the most likely thing? Either I said, Lisa's here, do you want to come see her? Or I'd forgotten that you'd ever met my wife and said, would you like to meet Lisa? What do you think is the most likely thing out of those two?
4:32Shanthi Ranganathan:The third sentence.
4:33Romesh Ranganathan:The third sentence, there's only two options.
4:45Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay, okay. Okay. Sorry, I was just going to ask, Shanti,
4:48Romesh Ranganathan:what did you think of Romesh's wedding? What did you think of the wedding?
4:53Shanthi Ranganathan:I wasn't going to come for the wedding. Remember, I wasn't feeling well. Oh, that's right. It was illness related.
Read the full transcript
4:59Romesh Ranganathan:It wasn't a protest.
5:00Shanthi Ranganathan:The last minute I came.
5:01Romesh Ranganathan:I'm not coming to see you marry that white devil
5:05Shanthi Ranganathan:I never said that
5:06Romesh Ranganathan:it's not what she said no you were ill weren't you you were sort of having trouble leaving the house weren't you agoraphobic
5:16Shanthi Ranganathan:possible yeah I must have had it
5:17Romesh Ranganathan:every time you started to get anxious about getting out and about
5:21Shanthi Ranganathan:but you came which is very sweet of you yeah I asked you I wanted to come and see you yeah the wedding was wonderful it's a very small wedding in the pub not a will what the fuck is
5:36Romesh Ranganathan:it sounded like a transition on a rap album that was crazy anyway I enjoyed it yeah yeah
5:45Shanthi Ranganathan:so what is that describe
5:47Romesh Ranganathan:well did you like it
5:48Shanthi Ranganathan:I like it I like it two people getting together did you cry no I didn't cry no
5:56Romesh Ranganathan:she didn't cry what do you think about the vow renewal
5:58Shanthi Ranganathan:all that was good wasn't it that was good that day i cried because the theo was singing it's recorded they were singing when alex was bringing the ring on the cushion made me cry yeah and charlie what did charlie did alex brought the ring charlie did something i can't remember Yeah, and he did that belly dance. Did he?
6:23Romesh Ranganathan:No.
6:24Shanthi Ranganathan:Shut up! Why are you putting words into my mouth? Why would he do a belly dance?
6:30Romesh Ranganathan:I don't know.
6:31Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't talk about your children like that. You stupid idiot you are.
6:37Romesh Ranganathan:This episode is brought to you by EDF, Britain's biggest generator of zero carbon electricity. We all want to make a difference, but most of us can't even remember to take the recycling out on the right day. Now, imagine you've bought an electric car. You're proud. You're saving the planet. You legend. Until you realize you're also the person Googling, can you plug an EV into a normal socket? If you join EDF's EV tariff and pod drive, you can get an EV charger, standard installation and warranty with zero upfront costs. Were there any upfront costs? No, there aren't. They're zero. It gets better from just£40 a month for three years.
7:11Romesh Ranganathan:You get zero upfront costs for your award-winning solo-compatible 7.4-kilowatt premium Solo 3S EV home charger. which trusted traders stand in installation and a worry-free charger warranty. So maybe the future isn't about grand gestures. Maybe it's about small ones, like not having to sneak out at midnight to the charging point two roads down in his slippers, pretending it's a relaxing evening walk. Oh, have you seen my dog? We know what you're up to. Because when you plug in at home, you're not just charging your car, you're charging your conscience. So get started and join poddrive at edfenergy.com slash pod.
7:45Romesh Ranganathan:UK fuel mix disclosure information published by the government department, DESNES, recognises electricity from wind, solar and nuclear fuel produces zero carbon dioxide emissions at the point of generation. For verification, visit edfenergy.com slash zero dash carbon. That's the sound of zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and the power to burn body fat. Storm Energy for Life. Storm Energy Blend helps boost metabolism, which in combination with exercise and a healthy diet helps burn fat. This product alone does not produce weight loss. Individual results may vary. all right should we get a voice note hi remesh and shanti it's kavita and priya here hi um for context we're 33 and 27 so sisters um and fully grown yes fully grown so our dilemma is that we were invited to a wedding this year um we also don't live in the country so it's the only time where our family really gets together.
8:42Romesh Ranganathan:So it's quite important for our parents. But what happened was we entered the resale for Glastonbury tickets and we got them and it ended up being the same weekend as this wedding. So instead of, you know, coming clean and being like, hey, we got these Glastonbury tickets, we decided to lie. Yeah, we're not really sure where the lie came from. And it's still another two minutes of this. Okay, let's hear a bit more. in this web of like deceit deceit yeah we went to glastonbury it was so good um they went to the wedding they had a great time they thought we were at a bachelorette party which is happening in two weeks but they think it happened that weekend and full conversations on the phone where we're full out lying um because we just we got caught up we got caught up so So we would love to have some advice on what should we do next?
9:39Romesh Ranganathan:We really want this to come out. I want to be posting my Glastonbury pictures. I've got cousins that also think we were at a bachelor's. I've already posted and had a cousin say, you know, oh, you're at Glastonbury? I was like, don't tell anyone. Please don't tell our parents. Yeah. So what do we do? Do we continue the lie? How do we resolve? Yeah. And if we tell the truth, how do we do that? some advice would be really appreciated, especially from you, Shanti, a mum. Thank you. What do you think, mum? They don't want my advice.
10:11Shanthi Ranganathan:I think, yeah. That's the end of the ep, isn't it? No. The way Romesh said, I can't come to the wedding. Just say it. That's what you did when I asked you to come for the wedding. Oh my God. How is this come back to me not going to that fucking wedding? I'm out of the country. I can't come. Yeah, my mouth is shut. I couldn't do a thing.
10:34Romesh Ranganathan:What am I supposed to do, Mum? Did Dinesh come?
10:37Shanthi Ranganathan:Because you didn't come, he didn't come.
10:39Romesh Ranganathan:Right, so that's my fault as well.
10:41Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm not saying it's your fault.
10:43Romesh Ranganathan:What is it? Can we solve their problem, please?
10:46Shanthi Ranganathan:How can you solve? Yeah, you bought the tickets.
10:49Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.
10:49Shanthi Ranganathan:Go and enjoy yourself.
10:50Romesh Ranganathan:They've gone.
10:51Shanthi Ranganathan:That's it. So why worry about that after that? Oh, my God, what are they going to do? Forget that.
11:01Romesh Ranganathan:It's just that sometimes people can hold a grudge, can't they? They can throw it back in your face again and again and again. And then sometimes you'll be having a conversation about something completely unrelated and they bring it back to that because they're harbouring an ongoing resentment. And that resentment leads the other person to feel terrible about themselves. And their self-esteem gets gradually eroded away. I know you're talking about me and you. Until one night they're just sat at home and in theory they should have a happy life, they're happily married, they love their children, their career's going well.
11:29Romesh Ranganathan:but at the same time, they feel like they're a failure and they can't figure out why and they cry themselves to sleep. For example.
11:37Shanthi Ranganathan:For example what? You cry yourself to go to sleep.
11:42Romesh Ranganathan:Is that all you took away from that chat?
11:44Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.
11:46Romesh Ranganathan:Shanti, you had prepared some things you wanted to talk about. Yes, what would you like to talk about, Mum?
11:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Your shoes. Why are you collecting so many trainers? I don't see a God's picture in your house. I gave you Ganpati the elephant god
12:02Romesh Ranganathan:that's in my bedroom
12:03Shanthi Ranganathan:it's in your bedroom why can't you be outside outside? the sitting room
12:10Romesh Ranganathan:you pray inside you made a big cupboard and shelf
12:15Shanthi Ranganathan:to put your shoes but you don't have a shrine room there why is that?
12:21Romesh Ranganathan:well because Lisa and the boys are not Hindu
12:25Shanthi Ranganathan:what difference does it make? There you are. You are not teaching them a good lesson.
12:33Romesh Ranganathan:What? Why?
12:34Shanthi Ranganathan:Become a Hindu. They come from you. They should be Hindu. Lisa is atheist, isn't she?
12:42Romesh Ranganathan:Pardon?
12:42Shanthi Ranganathan:She doesn't believe in anything.
12:43Romesh Ranganathan:She's an atheist, yeah. She is. Agnostic, really, but yeah.
12:46Shanthi Ranganathan:What? What's that meaning?
12:48Romesh Ranganathan:It means sort of undecided.
12:50Shanthi Ranganathan:Undecided? Yeah. For all these years?
12:52Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.
12:52Shanthi Ranganathan:She's undecided. Yeah. And married you?
12:54Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.
12:54Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay.
12:55Romesh Ranganathan:She's not undecided about that. This part of the show is brought to you by Santander. That's where I ask mum a question relating to one of the benefits of the Santander Edge credit card. We've been doing this for a few weeks now, mum. As with the Santander Edge credit card, you could claim back suspicious payments even before paying your credit card bill. That's good, isn't it? Mum, the question that we're using, that we're asking, off the back of this is, which celebrity would you want to be your personal security guard?
13:22Shanthi Ranganathan:You?
13:25Romesh Ranganathan:Why? I don't understand that. Why? You want Jamie Redknapp? Okay. Why Jamie Redknapp?
13:34Shanthi Ranganathan:He's kind. He's always talked to me nicely. Is that what you look for in a bodyguard? Yeah.
13:43Romesh Ranganathan:Kind and protect me from danger. Yeah. So, that's it. Have you seen The Bodyguard, the film, The Bodyguard?
13:51Shanthi Ranganathan:I have.
13:51Romesh Ranganathan:What do you think?
13:52Shanthi Ranganathan:I loved it. I have watched it so many times.
13:55Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah? What's your favourite bit?
13:59Shanthi Ranganathan:That she was crying and singing. No, when she was singing that song.
14:04Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.
14:05Shanthi Ranganathan:It made me cry.
14:07Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, you can sing. Do you want to give us a little burst of that song?
14:09Shanthi Ranganathan:No, no, no, no. You prepare me, then I'll sing.
14:12Romesh Ranganathan:Okay.
14:13Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't suddenly come and sing a song. Next week, when we do the next episode,
14:17Romesh Ranganathan:can you please sing I Will Always Love You? Just the chorus.
14:20Shanthi Ranganathan:Of course I will.
14:21Romesh Ranganathan:Okay.
14:22Shanthi Ranganathan:Of course, yeah.
14:24Romesh Ranganathan:Great Thanks for that mum Now take a song with the brown mist
14:27Shanthi Ranganathan:Not the whole song
14:28Romesh Ranganathan:No just like
14:29Shanthi Ranganathan:Just a big note at the end maybe
14:32Romesh Ranganathan:I like the soft bit You sing I prefer the soft bit How am I going to sing I like the soft bit There's a big bit at the end But the bit I like is You know when it's really low
14:39Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay sing then And I
14:46Will always Love you
14:52Shanthi Ranganathan:What do you think? I threw my ice cream. I threw my ice cream.
14:54Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you. On bed, yeah, yeah. Okay, thanks for that, Mum. Now take us home with the brand message. Pay smarter with a Santander Edge credit card.
15:04Shanthi Ranganathan:Pay smarter with Santander credit card.
15:08Romesh Ranganathan:Santander Edge credit card. Go. Pay smarter with a Santander Edge credit card.
15:14Shanthi Ranganathan:Pay smarter with Santander Edge credit card.
15:18Romesh Ranganathan:Ben. 37.8 % APR representative variable. monthly fee applies. Yay! Credit, subject to status and eligibility T's and C's apply. Visit Santander's website for more details. That's it for this. And, that's it for this Thursday. Thank you for listening. Thanks again to our sponsor.
15:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Thank you, Santander.
15:37Romesh Ranganathan:Oh! We'll be back on Monday with another great guest. Mum, could you say goodbye in like, you know, like, like, give them a little message to take home with them. That's quite nice idea. Yeah. Like a sort of like, You know how Jerry Springer used to say, take care of yourselves and each other. Just something like that, like something heartfelt.
15:58Shanthi Ranganathan:I'll use the same sentence. Wait a minute. Thank you, Santander.
16:06Romesh Ranganathan:No, no, no, no. The Santander bit's over. It's just we're closing out the podcast. Okay, so what did you say? So just something to the listeners and the viewers, you know, to take us out of the podcast.
16:18Shanthi Ranganathan:Thanks for being so kind to the customer. No, no, no, no.
16:24Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, try and get Santander out of your mind.
16:27Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay.
16:27Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so this is just the end of the podcast. It's just the end of the podcast.
16:32Shanthi Ranganathan:So what do I say?
16:32Romesh Ranganathan:It's the end of the Ramesh Ranganathan show episode. So you just go, thank you so much for listening and watching and then do a little like nice little heartfelt message. Okay, whenever you're ready.
16:47Shanthi Ranganathan:Thank you for listening and watching and be nice to each other. thank you so much love you all
16:54Romesh Ranganathan:is it okay yeah okay bye everybody if you've enjoyed this episode of the Romesh Ranganathan show make sure you follow wherever you get your podcasts Apple, Spotify, YouTube all the big ones and you can enjoy more great content like this and in fact I'd go further to say even if you didn't enjoy this episode just follow anyway for shits and giggles and if you've got an interesting story or a question for my mum and I or even like a family dilemma you'd like us to help you with, please do get in touch via our email address, podcast at rangaby.com, or you can voice note or text on this number. 07731 6233 55.
17:34Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you for joining us. I'm Ramesh Ranganathan, and this has been the Ramesh Ranganathan Show. What a narcissist. See you next time.
17:40Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, shut up, Ramesh.
From the publisher
What's the weirdest family tradition you've ever heard of? Join Romesh and Shanthi as they talk about some of theirs, alongside Romesh's shoe addiction – plus the listeners get in touch with story of Glastonbury guilt.
Presented By Santander - Pay Smarter with a Santander Edge credit card. Find out more at www.santander.co.uk/personal/credit-cards
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Listen.
00:00 Shanthi's Airhorns!
01:00 Like "Mel Gibson"
02:50 Romesh's Wedding
08:00 Listener Glastonbury Confession
10:30 Holding a Grudge
11:30 Romesh's Trainer Addiction
13:00 The Bodyguard and Romesh Sings!
15:15 Shanthi attempts to sign off
---
Send us YOUR questions and dilemmas!
Email: podcast@rangabee.com
Whatsapp: 07731623355
---
Subscribe for new episodes! Follow us on socials: https://linktr.ee/theromeshshow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
