Shanthi on Being an Immigrant in the 70s & Superstitions

0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Why are you shaking, darling? Pardon? Shaking your leg. I've had this for a few months now. Is it bad? Dinesh does that as well. Yeah. Don't do that. It sort of looks like you're masturbating. Is it? Yeah. Is that how you masturbate? Outside your trousers? Two hands. During a podcast. That's how I do it. I cannot get off unless I'm broadcasting. Now it all makes sense. Hello, fuckmonkeys, and welcome to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Rangan motherfucking Nathan show. Woo! I'm here with a woman that needs no introduction.

0:37Every Thursday... Do I am supposed to say something?

0:42Romesh Ranganathan:That was very good. The team are also here. A group of people I've grown to tolerate in the way that you tolerate a noise from your boiler. You don't know what it is. You don't want to look at it. But you'd love to beat the fuck out of it. every Thursday we dissect the Monday celebrity episode and we become sort of like an agony aunt and uncle to the TRRS the TRRS community it doesn't work does it no should we call it the TRRS the TRRS the TRRS every Thursday we dissect the Monday celebrity episode and we become like a sort of agony aunt and uncle to the TRRS community feels a bit JK Rowling sounds like a charity with possibly mixed success but we hope you get a bit of entertainment.

1:26Romesh Ranganathan:Am I right, Mum? Of course you are.

1:33It's the Romance, Rangar, Nathan Show. With me, Shanti.

1:42Romesh Ranganathan:On Monday, we had the one and only Miriam Margulies on the show, Mum. Do you know Miriam Margulies? Of course I do. Do you? Yeah. What does she look like? I can't explain. You can't explain. Here's a picture of her. I think you'll recognise her when you see the picture yeah the picture's not on my face over there i whatever she said i remember her jokes and things i like it you like some of them yeah okay she was promoting a new documentary made by a filmmaker she ended up becoming really good friends with it's a bit like us isn't it ben i don't know i feel like it's that this is a trap it's not a trap we are good friends yeah that's what i'm saying yeah we've become good friends ah you both of you yeah we don't spend i mean we don't do a lot of socializing really but we are friends yeah yeah yeah we speak a lot texts and stuff well yeah because we've got this stuff that you want to run by me you've got a new idea that you need me to host even though i don't want to to sort of shoulder the burden financially of this company anyway miriam margulies anyway miriam margulies mum if you were to make a documentary and have a director follow you around who do you think you'd choose and what would the documentary would be about?

2:48About my life. About my life.

2:51Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. What would you call it? Narcissism on screen. So you do a documentary about your life. Yeah, go on. So many interesting things happen in my life. Which aspect do you think you'd focus on? Focus on the time I came here. Nice. An immigrant story. I enjoyed life with my husband thoroughly I thought he's the king I respected him and I put him on the throne then he threw everything away but whatever it's happened, forget that concern rate and the motivation you could become better and if you don't sit there and sulk so you don't wallow in it Yeah, yeah. Just forget it. But once in a way, I do.

3:40Romesh Ranganathan:Draw a line under it. Don't be somebody that on a podcast 15 years later is still banging on about it. Am I right? Banging on about it. It's interesting. The people should know what I went through. Some people say I get everything very easy. It's not. Who says that? I heard. You've got this thing that you think that everybody's against you. It's not. You're quite paranoid. Yeah, I am. I am paranoid. You're a bit paranoid. Yeah. Yeah. You're a bit like, you know. You think that there are people saying things about you, but there aren't. Okay. Can I ask a question? I'd love you to. Don't have to put your hand up.

4:14Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. What was it like? Do you remember when you first arrived here? 2nd of February. There you are. That's my birthday. Oh, happy birthday. Oh, cool. 2nd of February. Let's make a note of that. Can we put a little caption? 1975, I arrived in England. When you arrived at Crawley, what was your first impression? Crowley, we walked and we were living in a council. Ranga was... Got given that straight away. Key worker.

4:45What?

4:46Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean? What do you mean? I'm joking. I was just making a joke. Sorry. Go on. Give that straight away, you said? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was asking. What does it mean? It means you were given a council house flat straight away, right? Straight away because dad was a key worker. Key worker. Yeah, he worked everywhere. And we were living and we were walking near one of the church. The big letter they have written, no Asians. Really? No Asians, yeah. The church is still there, no Asians. I was so worried. I asked Ranga what's going to happen. But where we lived, it's a really nice lesson.

5:28Romesh Ranganathan:Do you know what the tone of that sign was? Don't come to the church. Okay, but that's one interpretation. One interpretation could be, what a shame. We've got no Asians. And it's actually encouraging Asians to walk in. Yeah, the way you take it. You're not even a very positive person. Yeah, I mean, it depends on the font. If it was Comic Sans, I would say that's sort of welcoming. No Asians. You're reading it like, no Asians. But I see it as, no Asians. Okay, that's fine. So maybe you should go in. Fuck yes. Yes. We can finally take the no off. Just put Asians.

6:08Okay. Whatever you say, my son. You are the comedian.

6:14Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry. So that's actually quite shocking. I've made a joke about something quite shocking. So there's really a sign saying no Asians. No Asians. But then one incident happened. We were started living in there. And I love to cook for my husband. So he was fast asleep. And I thought I'd go and get some chicken and leeks and everything and cook. What were you making? Those days, what do you cook with the chicken? God!

6:49Romesh Ranganathan:I'm sorry, God. You know, in 1970, they used to wear the platform shoes. platform and a bell bottom. So I was wearing that. With the bag I fell down on my face. And there was a guy, a young guy, he put, stopped the car, came running towards me and lit me up and, you know, did all these to me and said, are you okay? Do you want to go to the hospital? Nothing broken. I was lying there and turned around. The frozen chicken was rolling on the road. He ran behind the chicken, came back home. My body was aching but I pretended that I was fine. He was fast asleep. 10 o 'clock, snoring away and I had to throw the kitchen.

7:38I wanted to be a good wife. I did everything. So 20 years it lasted. He ate my food and enjoyed. After that, playboy hit him.

7:50Romesh Ranganathan:So that was your first impression. Yeah. Who would be a good director for your documentary? Do we know any directors that would make a good documentary? Probably worth choosing someone that you've got a bit of an established relationship with, I guess. Just adjusting the lens. I let you choose. No, but think about who would be the director for that. I guess like you want someone you trust, I guess. I want three of them. Yeah. They don't direct. What do you mean? You are a director. You are a director. You should not direct it. No. You directed me in so many. I think they're all equal. And they will help you.

8:28I think you're right, mum. They're all equally qualified.

8:30Romesh Ranganathan:Ben, mum's worked with you loads. And the main takeaway from that is he needs two people to help.

8:41Romesh Ranganathan:What a compliment. Okay. Every week we hear from listeners and viewers with their dilemmas and or problems. And we try and help you. And we appreciate all of your messages, don't we, Mum? Of course. Yeah. You can always text or WhatsApp on 07731 623 355. What do you think of the way I read the number, though? It's fine. It's just really good. 07731 623 355. What about that one? I just think get through the number. 07731 623 355. Oh, fuck. I fucked it. Or you can email podcast at hangabi.com. First up, we've got a voice note from Jess from Yorkshire. Apparently, is this true that you, Jess, sent a text, but you asked for a voice note because I think you'd made it up?

9:30Romesh Ranganathan:Yes, that is true. Okay, let's have a listen. Hi, Ramesh Shanti and the crew. I'm Jess from Yorkshire, and I love listening to the podcast. Great. This is actually a question for Ben, if you don't mind. Your voice sounded really familiar, and I realised that I recognised it from your work with the legendary Carl Pilkington. so my question for you is what is Ramesh like to work with compared to Carl? Thanks. How did that get in there? This is fucking mental.

10:02Romesh Ranganathan:This is fucking mental. Okay do you want to come and answer the question? No no no I'm fine here. Okay let's hear the answer. Working with both of them has been the privilege of my career. That's it. That's the end. Well, no, it's been great. Let's be absolutely honest. Carl's better. I've really enjoyed working with both of you, and you're both great. God has directed him to meet you and me. Yeah. But Carl Pilkington, I'd say, he's got like a... There's something else. He's got a... I have watched this program. The universe has given him kind of a genius thing. We've got a question. Okay, let's go for another question.

10:42Romesh Ranganathan:This is from Jordi. Hi, Ramesh Ashanti. and first of all i just need to say shanti you are absolutely hilarious you crack me up the way you tell stories and some of the insanely hilarious stuff you've come out with honestly it kills me i laugh so much when i'm walking around with my headphones in people must think i'm just having a full-on mtb so mtb i suppose um right so i have a little dilemma and i'm hoping you could both help me out i'm a vegan and my boyfriend is a meat eater however he does eat vegetarian in the house. When we moved in, the oven was brand new, so I wanted to keep it meat free.

11:20No meat's ever been cooked in that oven. It's basically the virgin area of ovens. We also have a one-year-old little boy, and we compromised on a vegetarian diet when we come to weaning him. He can make his own choices when he's old enough to understand and earn some money. The issue I've got is my mother-in-law, who I do love dearly, but she's very old school and she's already started making comments like oh you can have chicken nuggets in nana's house and oh what about the little ham sandwich so far i just sort of laugh these comments off and let it go but uh the problem is she does have form she often gives my vegetarian sister in law beef gravy and she once gave me what she claimed was a vegan cheese and onion pasty and I can say with absolute certainty it was as vegan as a sirloin steak.

12:12So my question is how do I politely say, please don't feed my child chicken nuggets secretly behind my back without this causing an incident? And also, Ramesh, I know your kids aren't vegan, but you are. Do they show any interest in a vegan diet? And have they got any favourite plant-based dishes that you all enjoy together as a family? I'd love to hear from you. Love you both. Bye.

12:37Romesh Ranganathan:Geordie thank you so much for your message Mum what do you think What she's doing is a wrong thing Wow It is a wrong thing Okay John loved that by the way It's true John If your mother decides What she wants to feed the child Respect that Respect that That's it Respect that It's very true Yeah What mother-in-law is doing very naughty thing. Really naughty. Making him a ham sandwich doesn't take and he's tempting him. It's very bad. Very bad. Jordi, I agree with my mother. Yeah. Your mother-in-law is bang out of order. Yeah. Bang out of order. You decide, as you said, it's a very sensible path you've taken.

13:30Romesh Ranganathan:You're vegan and by the sounds of it you feel pretty strongly about it and you've decided to compromise and have your child eat dairy and stuff, but still be vegetarian. And your mother-in-law isn't respecting that. And for that reason, I think she loses visiting privileges. That's what I think. I think if you cannot be trusted to feed somebody's child what they've asked you to feed their child, then they don't come around. I think you can be as strong about it as that because it's not a joke. Do you know what I mean? You've got strong views and you're bringing up your child a certain way and your mother-in-law isn't respecting that.

14:05Romesh Ranganathan:I think she's out of order. It is. I think she's really out of order. I don't agree with that, no. I don't agree with that either. And for mum to not agree, fucking wild, you know? So, you know, Geordie, good luck with that. And with regards to plant-based dishes, so none of our kids are vegetarian. One of my kids went vegetarian for about a year and a half and then stopped. But we try and include as many vegetables as we can when we're eating at home so that they kind of don't see it as a, sometimes people see vegetables as kind of a dirty accompaniment, you know what I mean? But we try and incorporate as much as we possibly can.

14:43Romesh Ranganathan:And the kids know the reasons that I'm vegan and how I feel about it. And so maybe in the future they'll choose to go that way. But I feel like me personally, I don't want to enforce that on them. So if they choose to do that, fair enough. If they don't, then I respect that equally, you know. But what I don't respect is your mother-in-law's policy on feeding your child meat. she's bang out of fucking order. Don't you think, Mum? Yes. Down the barrel of the camera, if you're talking to a mother-in-law. My dear mother-in-law, stay away from that. Don't feed the child meat. He's going to grow. He's a healthy man.

15:20So please help your daughter-in-law to do that. So stay away from that. Please. Stop it! Stop it, yeah.

15:29Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, okay. Thank you, Jordi. Ben what are you doing that face for what is the difference between that and let's say you don't want your kids to eat lots of ice cream or lots of sweet things and then the grandparents end up doing that despite you expressly saying well the main difference is is that analogy doesn't work got you what you're saying is if you don't want them to eat a lot of ice cream if you don't want a kid to eat a lot of ice cream and then they feed them more ice cream than you want them to I think that's a bit of a grey area. If you send your parents, your kids around and you say, I don't want to eat any ice cream and they give them ice cream, then I think that's also a red flag.

16:10Romesh Ranganathan:Also, the other thing is I'm adding a bit of context to the fact that Geordie feels super strongly about this. This is not a preference thing. This is part of her life's philosophy. She's come to a compromise with her husband to be vegetarian. And Geordie won't be that happy about, I imagine, with her child eating, but she's come to that compromise. That's where they've got to. And then, you know, who knows how many conversations they've had as a couple, as a family about how they're going to bring up their child. And then the mother-in-law is disrespecting that. I think that's, I think it's really bad.

16:43Romesh Ranganathan:So the answer to your question is a big difference and you probably shouldn't have brought that up as an example. Great question. Okay, shall we have our next question? Yes. And in future, if you want to ask a question, put your hand up. Yeah, sorry, I forgot that time. Hi, Ramesh and Shantyanti. like everyone else calling in i am a massive fan of your podcast i'm completely in love with all the chaos and laughter on set um i used to actually listen to your podcast when i would go out for a run or a walk and i actually had to stop doing that because i look like a completely batshit insane person for just laughing on the street by myself um anyway shanty auntie you remind me so much of my mother especially the way you end sentences sometimes with da or ma so it's very heartwarming.

17:25Anyway, my question for both of you today is, my mom has gotten a lot more superstitious the older she gets and a lot more religious. For example, one of the many superstitions she believes in is that you're not supposed to start anything new on a Tuesday. So if you're signing a business contract for the first time or a proposal or just anything important or like booking flight tickets.

17:54Romesh Ranganathan:You're not supposed to do it on a Tuesday because it'll end up like it won't be successful or it'll just end up really bad. So I'd love to hear from both of you. Are both of you getting more religious or superstitious as you get older? And are there any superstitions that you believe in, even if you feel like it's irrational? I'd love to hear from both of you. Thank you so much. Sending love from Vancouver. thank you laxmi vancouver vancouver baby we're international that's pretty sick isn't it uh mom superstitions superstitions yeah i am number 13 um i had experience i i will never start anything on number 13 on the 13th my house was number 30 i didn't like to buy that house But dad said, I don't have time to run around and look for another house because we got the school and everything.

18:54Number 13. And I wasn't happy. I wasn't driving, so I moved it. Then he went and got the office. Remember the office, number 13. Then he died on number 13. so after that I hate that number yeah Tuesdays because it's for the goddess so you don't you respect that you become vegetarian that day and pray for it yeah I am I am very careful which day I start doing things and Thursdays you mustn't wear any new clothes that's what we believe but we are in England you buy your clothes the children won't wear I won't stop there

19:45Romesh Ranganathan:I don't really have any superstitions I know that I don't like to visit relatives on a day that ends with a Y but apart from that I don't think I have any superstitions really you are going to regret that Y disappears for good the Y? I'm going to go see Mama Satada or maybe thunder if I'm going to get me in the weekend I might just pop in a manda what are you talking about

20:22yeah sometimes you surprise me in what way how he doesn't call me or talk to me and he stays for weeks and weeks what do you mean does he not call you a lot no

20:34Romesh Ranganathan:I text a lot don't mess I text a bit God will punish you Mom, you don't call me a lot either. Shall I get my bloody phone and show you how many times I've called? Mom, why do you talk about this all the time? Okay. There you are. You get worked up. I don't get worked up. You're the one that's worked up. I'm responding to your level of energy. Just check whether I'm still alive. Okay, fine. Text me. Morning, I have sent you some spiritual things last three days. Did you check it? The tick mark is, you haven't even opened it. I've removed that. It's black, isn't it? You haven't checked it from it Why am I watching all these videos That you send How to pray How to correct yourself There's a cat that can talk It's important isn't it Anyway I'm not fighting with you Every episode you start this fight Every episode Because it hurts Do you think you get more superstitious Have you got more superstitious Well done John Well done Ben.