Shanthi on Girlfriends, Overprotective Parents & “Love You, Mummy”

18:29Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, my God. Do you know what happens? Definitely. If it was me, I would. Bloody mother-in-law. Or chew even louder or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your mother said that. I don't like that bitch. There you are. Nobody's going to take them, your partner calling your mum a bitch. If you're madly in love doing bang, bang, that's what happens. No, no, sorry. I'm sorry. If a girl I was going out with called you a bitch, that's a red flag. That's like you're on a warning now. Do you know what I mean? It's unacceptable. You know, like you can't talk about your partner's mum. That's a red card, isn't it?

19:04Romesh Ranganathan:Surely that's done. Well, I mean, look, if Lisa called mum a bitch now, I mean, we've got three kids together, you know, there's have to be discussion. I wouldn't say leave immediately forever No, no, no I won't expect that Romesh No I want you to be happy forever Right So I don't think she'll ever call me bitch No, she wouldn't She wouldn't I know that, yeah Maybe Shanti If we sort of pretend We're going back in time Yeah So pretend that Romesh is 18 Yeah And he's brought a girl home And you don't like her Yeah How would that What would you say to him? Hi Bikini B80 Yeah, be 18-year-old Romesh.

19:4318-year-old Romesh.

19:45Romesh Ranganathan:Did you have the bandana at that point? All depends on whether he was qualified or when do you need... FUBU, A-Rex jeans. He chose that girl. I will say yes, go ahead. Okay, but we're going to... But we're going to play it through. Hi, Mum. Yeah. Hi, Mum. Yeah. Can I introduce to my girlfriend, Sarah? Hey. Eczema is unpredictable. But you can flare less with EpGliss, a once-monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EpGliss achieved itch relief and clear or almost-clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

20:27EpGliss, LibriKizumab, LBKZ, a 250 mg per 2 ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kg with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to EBCLIS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS.

20:57Before starting EBCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about EBCLIS and visit EBCLIS.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979.

21:11The answer is...

21:12Romesh Ranganathan:There's no question. No question. I'll go quiet. No, you're doing a role play, so you've got to go and roll. So you want me to... I turn up at the date. You're 18. I'm talking to an 18-year-old. I'm 18. You're talking to an 18-year-old Romesh. I'm going to ring ding-dong. Okay, right. Ding-dong, come in. Right. You're not really committing to this. I'm going to. Okay. Hi, Romesh. Is that your girlfriend? Yeah. This is Sarah. Oh, hi, Sarah. How are you, darling? Yeah, OK? Then how much you like my son? And what do you see in him? I will ask the question. What do you see in him? Yeah, what made you attract my son?

21:58Ben, do you want to be Sarah?

22:03Romesh Ranganathan:um i think he's just he's really cool and he has great clothes and we just like hip-hop and garage and dancing that's what attracted you yeah okay let me think about it think about what whether you're going to carry on with my son or Mum, no disrespect, right? I don't really think it's any of your business. I like Sarah. I like Sarah and I want to go out with her. You idiot. That's not the way to talk to your mother in front of this girlfriend, Sarah. Okay? Knock your teeth out. Yeah? I will. Listen to me. You sound like Yoda.

22:45Romesh Ranganathan:Knock your teeth out, I will.

22:51Romesh Ranganathan:Well, I like her. I really love her, actually. You like her. She's like, we go to garage. If you like her, why do you want our opinion? God, mum. Yeah. Yeah, get lost from it. You sort yourself out. Okay. Chuck you out. That's it. And you throw me out forever. I will. Okay. End scene. Jan and Ken, listen, I'd love some more details. Please feel free to send a follow-up voice note. But in my opinion, I think you just have to live with it. Your son's made his choice. And I think the supportive parent thing to do is just to accept. That's what his choice is. Good luck. Hope that's helped. Yeah. Don't think it has.

23:28Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, let's hear the next one, please. Who's this from? Hannah from London. Hannah from London. Hello, Ramesh. Hello, Shanti. Hello. This is Hannah from London. I'm after some advice. Basically, my boyfriend calls his mum every day and he always ends the call with, love you, mummy. And I'm just thinking, is that a red flag? because I personally call my parents at most once a week and we never tell each other we love each other. Also, the mummy thing just gives me the ick. Hannah, thank you so much for your voice note. I think there's a lot to unpack here, in my opinion. Yeah. Mum, would you like to give your take first of all?

24:16My son, Robert, calls me mummy sometimes when he's in a happy mood. And end of the conversation, end of the conversation, he said, I love you, mummy. There you are. That's the answer from me. So you make up your mind and deal with it.

24:34Romesh Ranganathan:I feel that's going to change your response to this.

24:41Romesh Ranganathan:I think, Hannah, in my humble opinion, bearing in mind neither of us are qualified for family relationships or therapy, that somewhere in between yourself and your boyfriend is where I think is the sort of normal space. I think that it depends how he's saying I love you, mummy. I agree. Saying I love you, mummy is a bit of an ick from a grown-up. It is. But he might be, it is a bit of an ick. It's not sexy, is it? Do you know what I mean? I feel like, you know, if he's going it like, I don't know, I kind of say it in a jokey way. You text me. I sort of go, love you, mummy, like that. It's not like, mummy, I love you.

25:17Romesh Ranganathan:It's not like that, is it? No. No. No. No. So... Would you ever refer to Shanti to other people as much, like, I have a friend that will go, I'm just going to have lunch with Daddy and Mummy and we're going to have to other people. No, no, no, no. Because I don't live in the real housewives of London. That's really weird. Yeah. Go on, Mum. He's making her happy because now he's living with her girlfriend. Yeah. So mother always feels sad, you know, suddenly she's gone with another, she's got a girlfriend. will he call me so just to keep everything quiet love you mummy that's it I think calling every day is sort of fine I get why I love you mummy is a bit of an ick but I think you can kind of I often find a great way to tackle these things is kind of to fold the truth up into a joke like I don't know something like oh you know when you said I love you mummy my vagina completely dried up why do you want to do irrigation no what vagina right now yeah no I get it you've got to irrigate irrigate the vagina that's what you have to do yeah irrigation yeah do you irrigate don't you lubricate no you can irrigate I've taught a thing about it on comic relief yeah you know you know never in India what lady Henry yeah just trying to irrigate that's it we've been digging This year, thanks to your donations, we irrigated 35 ,000 vaginas.

26:58Anything dries out. Take a plant, garden, you irrigate.

27:05Sometimes too much dried out vagina. So you had to irrigate, isn't it?

27:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, sure. I would sort of fold it into, I mean, I was being deliberately disgusting there. but the point is you can sort of deal with it in a... I think you can deal with it in a jokey way. Sometimes Lisa will go to me and she'll just sort of take the piss but I know that in their piss-taking, there's like a real... Not a mood. She's not in a mood about it but she's like, you know, I don't know, she'll fold something into a joke but I know that there's a real point there. Do you know what I mean? All right. So I think you could try doing that. I think never telling... I think it's unusual to have parents...

27:43That girlfriend. What's her name?

27:44Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry, I must have given you the impression I was finished by taking a breath. Go on. Say she had a son. Yeah. Put herself into that boyfriend's mother situation. Boyfriend's mother situation. Say she had a son, put herself into the boyfriend's mother situation. Ask her if your son, if he has a son, anyways, now he's starting the family. Yeah. Will she, when she had a son, when she have a son. When she have a son. Yeah, in future, future. In future, future.

28:19The son rings up and tells her, I love you, mummy. Do you think she's going to hate it? No, she will love it. So leave him alone. Let him say what he wants. That's it.

28:29Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, yeah. I think that's actually great advice. It is. You put yourself into that mother situation and appreciate what he's doing, at least loving the mother. The other thing I'd say to Hannah is that, you know, different people interact with their parents in different ways. And I think what she's doing is she is judging her boyfriend's set of expectations with his parents against her own. Now, to me, if I, you know, if somebody I know never, ever told their parents they love them and never heard it back, to me, that's unusual. I'm not going to judge it because different people interact in different ways.

29:08Romesh Ranganathan:but I think because Hannah's so far this way and her boyfriend's so far this way this looks odd from here but actually that's just because of your experience I tell you I love you all the time and you tell me you love me all the time that's just how we are but some people aren't like that it's just different parents and children have different relationships so I feel like what I think is there's two separate issues here I think the telling you I love you is one thing and calling every day I think that's fine maybe the lady's living alone son, son. Maybe. Living alone, no husband, maybe she's vulnerable, not strong enough to handle the loneliness.

29:46So when the son says, I love you, mummy, that giving her some sort of motivation and happiness.

29:53Romesh Ranganathan:So he's doing the right thing. But I don't think she's necessarily doing the wrong thing. It feels unusual. Maybe Hana is a bit jealous. Jealous of what? Why is he saying, I love you, mummy? Maybe she's a jealous person. Okay, I mean, she is the one that's sitting in the voice notes. I'm minded to take her side a little bit rather than saying she's a jealousy, jealousy person. I mean, a couple of weeks ago, you called someone that voice noted in an idiot. Yeah. I'm saying we need to be nicer to people that get in touch. I'm telling the truth. I think you've got to be honest. You've got to be honest.

30:28Romesh Ranganathan:Hannah, get over it. Stop being such a fucking loser. You've got to speak your truth, Shanti. No, you're right. Speak your truth, mum. You think she's jealous. She is jealous. Oh, okay. So it's gone from she might be to she is. Hannah, I don't think either of you are doing anything wrong, actually, to be honest with you. All I think is it seems unusual to you because your relationship is very, very different. But I think we should accept all relationships. Is that a new relationship? We don't know. Both of them? It doesn't sound like it. They're living together, I think, is the implication. Hannah, I think, you know, just be a bit more relaxed about it, you know.

31:03Romesh Ranganathan:I do think if the I love you, mummy, is unusual to you, then, you know, if everything else is all right, why start creating a problem over something so little? You know? Good luck to you. What do you think? That's a good advice. Really good advice from both. I think we did very well. Love you, mummy. Okay, should we do the next one, please? Hi, Ramesh and Shanti. I'm Claire and I'm from London. I'm planning my wedding and I want to try and include my mother-in-law so she doesn't feel left out, but she has some quite strong opinions. What job can I give her, do you think, that makes her feel part of it but doesn't allow her to take over?

31:38and should I invite her to my hen do? Because she's quite a leery drunk. Thanks. Bye.

31:44Romesh Ranganathan:That is tricky. Don't invite her. What was her? Claire. Thank you, Claire, for your voice now. Come on, what's your advice? So should we summarise the problem? Mother-in-law, a bit pushy and over the top. Potentially. Don't invite her for the hen do. Don't invite her for the hen do? No. How do you? But she might be expecting to go to the hen do. No. She's an old woman. What is she going to do with the hen do? She'll get drunk. Yeah. So keep her away from there. Okay. And when the wedding cake comes, you know, sometimes you have to put the cake in the box and seal it. Yeah. Wedding cakes, we do.

32:19Giving her the job. Keep her mouth shut.

32:21Romesh Ranganathan:Putting the wedding cake in the box. Yeah, whole night because that's what you serve. So at the wedding, her mother-in-law is putting hundreds of pieces. At the wedding, give her some work. Okay. You are talking about during the wedding, when they are getting married, She wants to give some. Make sure everybody, ask her to make sure that everybody get the drink and walk around and talk to the people. She will love it, dress up nicely, walk around. And have you got a drink? Okay, I will sort it out. So how many tables will be there? So we'll be very busy with that. That's good advice, really good advice.

32:58Romesh Ranganathan:I wonder if you can find like, I mean, first of all, I don't think the mother-in-law should come to the Hendo. No. That is wild. So you call the guys and they take their panties off and things like the underwear off and showing their thingy-bop. So we don't want to excite her. No. Yeah? If she's a widow. Yeah, if she's a widow. Yeah. We don't know that she's a widow, do we? I'm just... She's extrapolating. That's it. Okay. I wonder if you can do something, you know, because the other thing is like, so don't invite her to the hendoo, that solves that problem. Yes, no. But then the other thing, she says she's quite a leery drunk, so the possibility is she's going to get drunk at the wedding.

33:38Romesh Ranganathan:How would you deal with that? If you give that job. She might just be having a few drinks while she's throwing the cake in. You can get drunk while doing that. You can't really stop someone getting drunk at a wedding, can you? Well, I was wondering if you did something like, for example, said one of my other half's relatives really loves you. No, one of my relatives really loves you, and they just, they really love hanging out with you. And they said they don't trust anyone to drive them back to the hotel apart from you. At the end of the wedding, would you mind doing the honour of driving? She would absolutely love that.

34:14Romesh Ranganathan:She just likes you so much. She's always going on about how much fun you are. Well, she says, yeah, but I'll have a couple of drinks. Good luck, relative. No, during the wedding, we had to pick her up from the police station. Okay. Yeah, all right. I mean, you know, could end up like a succession. No. Carl's in the river. Return to the wedding, pretend nothing's happened. Karen putting cake in the box. Thank you, Claire. This is the part of the show we call Altogether Different, brought to you by Channel 4. There's always something new, funny, or just outright bizarre to watch. How do you like the way I said bizarre?

34:51Beautiful.

34:52Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you. Do you want to try it? Beautiful, yeah. Bizarre. Bizarre. Bizarre. Good. We like to celebrate the weird and wonderful here too. So, Mum, what's been the most ridiculous thing that's happened in your week so far? Ridiculous thing. No, nothing, nothing. I can tell you something ridiculous that happened to me, and I'd love to know what you think about it. Okay. We, this week, Reggie, you know Reggie? Yeah. Our dog. Yeah. We've got two dogs, Reggie and Ivy. Yeah, Reggie and Ivy. Big shout out to them if they're watching. Yeah. It was Reggie's fourth birthday. We had to have a party. Let me tell you this.

35:30Romesh Ranganathan:I think it's bullshit. Why is a dog having a birthday party? Whose idea is that? Lisa's. He had a little handkerchief that he wore around his neck saying it's my birthday. Yeah. Do you have a picture of this? He got a cake. I will have a picture, but I don't have one on me now. Did he cut the cake? Did he cut the cake? Yeah. I'm just asking. Yeah. She must have trained you. Yeah, we gave him a knife. Oh, look at what? How well trained do you think he is? No, some people, they train their dog. To cut a cake. Cats are talking in TikTok. Cats are talking in TikTok? Yeah. I have seen cats talking.

36:08I don't know. I find it funny. They talk.

36:11Romesh Ranganathan:But you can't... Okay, it sounds... First of all, let me just say something. It sounds like they're talking. Okay? And secondly, you can't go, well, if cats can talk, dogs must be able to use a knife. It feels like a weird leap. Do you know what I mean? anyway he didn't but he had a cake he had some treats and shit himself he didn't shit himself how could he shit himself he doesn't wear clothes no the cake wouldn't have agreed it was a dog cake oh okay I think that's a bit and he had a salmon supper it was a birthday dinner yeah and sat on the chair or on the floor what do you think's going on I don't live with Marmaduke it's a dog he didn't sit on a chair he just sat and he like stood and ate Hollywood dogs sit on the chair, isn't it?

36:58Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Okay, Hollywood dogs do. Crawly dogs don't. He just stood. By the way, don't get me into the gravitational issues I've got with dogs eating. The bowl's on the floor. The dog's head goes down like this, so it's got to go up the neck. Do you not think that's weird? You're going against gravity. I just don't understand. Anyway, I get they're having to counteract it, but the neck muscles must be incredible. The point is, I don't think dogs should have... What are they actually... Is it their tongue? Yeah, but what I'm saying is they're swallowing and it's going up their neck. Their head's down like...

37:31Romesh Ranganathan:You know, that's the dog's head. There's his body. So he's eating and the food's got to go up there. That's a bit of a good name then. I know, but I'm just saying, it feels like a design flaw. Doesn't it? Anyway, far be it from me to argue with the great big man upstairs. Great design. Kudos to you. Anyway, what do you think about dogs having a birthday party? Depends on how much you love your dog. She loves the dog so much. She's the first dog that she had. And why not? Yeah. Husband's duty, whatever your wife wants, make her happy. Yeah. The life will be peaceful and happiness. Speaking of husbands and wives, have you been watching Married at First Sight?

38:20I have. I have.

38:21Romesh Ranganathan:Do you know the whole concept of the show? What's the meaning of concept? Married at first sight is where the first time you meet them is on the wedding day. That's stupidity. Yeah, well, that's the whole thing. That's why it's such a mad show. So, like, basically what happens is they have these experts. Now tell me, explain to me. I'm trying to. Okay. So they have the experts who, like, talk to them. They interview them beforehand and then they go, this is what I think you like. And then they pair them up. So these people come in and go, I'm looking for love, I'm looking for love. They pair them up with somebody they haven't met.

38:55Romesh Ranganathan:They have a stag do. All the grooms meet up and then all the brides meet up on a separate stag do. Then the experts come in and go, you're about to have this amazing adventure. And then the next time you see them, they get married. They get married, yeah. And then it's what happens after that. And this series I've been in Because Sarah and Dean Sarah says This is the couple that took my attention initially Sarah turns up on the wedding day Immediately she doesn't find Dean attractive Tell me what you think of this Dean does a rap at the wedding

39:37Romesh Ranganathan:I'll finish talking Rap at the wedding And what do you want me to say? What do you think of that? Do you not think it's a bit egg? It is. She doesn't like it. Well, he didn't know that, in fairness. But to give you an idea of what type of rap it was, he turned to the people at the wedding and went, when I say wed, you say ding. Wed, ding. Wed, ding. It's egg, isn't it? Anyway, she didn't fancy him. He thought he's a nice guy. And it's the age-old dilemma. Not age-old, but he's a nice guy. She doesn't fancy him. Are they going to stay together? Separate race, yeah. Well, I don't want to give any spoilers away.

40:13Yeah.

40:14Romesh Ranganathan:That's it. I don't want to give any spoilers away. There's nothing happen. What do you mean? Okay, right. I'm going to watch it. We should do. It's a great show. Yeah. Lisa and I watch it. But you're quite obsessed with it, aren't you? I'm obsessed with it, yeah. Why is that? Why is that? I just think it's an amazing concept. But, you know, first of all, let's be honest, some of those couples, the experts know what they're doing. You know, what happens sometimes you see somebody go, you know, what I want is somebody, you know, open and loving and equally respectful of all cultures. And then it cuts to their groom and he's like a neo-Nazi.

40:47Romesh Ranganathan:You know, he's just finished painting a roundabout. And he's like heading towards his wedding day. And you think, okay, I think I know what's going to happen here. But it's just like, I think like one of the things I find amazing about Married at First Sight, them taking part in it, is the groom's confidence in their face. Because what happens is the bride arrives, the groom's facing that way. and the first time they see their groom's face is when they turn around to look at them. So if you imagine it like this, how good looking do you have to think you are? If you just imagine it like, you just go like this.

41:22Romesh Ranganathan:It's horrible. I don't see how you have that level of confidence in yourself. Do you know what I mean? What's happening? No, I'm shocked. So the girl says, I don't like that. I want to get married to you. No, that doesn't happen. They have to get married. That's the experiment. They have to get married. Yeah. So they do the bang-bang as well. That's up to them. No, I just want to find out. No, it's up to them. So sometimes they just fancy each other straight away and they do have sex on the first night. Some of them, they go for weeks and weeks and weeks. They don't consummate it. And then at the end, they decide whether they want to stay committed or not.

41:59I'm thinking why they are putting themselves into that situation. Because they've tried to find... They are creating a show and they're...

42:07Romesh Ranganathan:Anyway, genuinely, Married at First Sight is a Romy recommend. Channel 4 has something for everyone, so stream something altogether different today. I think you should watch it, Mum. I will. I promise you I will watch it. Well, you don't have to promise, but I think you should. Yeah. Enjoy. Thank you. That's it for this Thursday. Thank you for listening. We'll be back on Monday with another great guest, probably them at table tennis as well. That's right. Sarande. You got done. Mum, do you want to say goodbye? Bye-bye. everybody. I love you. Bye. Love you so much. Love you, mummy. Love you too, my son.

42:45Romesh Ranganathan:Very well.

42:48Romesh Ranganathan:If you've enjoyed this episode of the Romesh Rangan 8th and Show, make sure you follow wherever you get your podcasts. Apple, Spotify, YouTube, all the big ones and you can enjoy more great content like this. And in fact, I'll go further to say even if you didn't enjoy this episode, just follow anyway for shits and giggles. And on the Thursday episode, we're going to be taking questions from viewers and listeners. Oh. So that's exciting, isn't it? It's interesting. Yeah. And if you've got an interesting story or a question for my mum and I or even like a family dilemma you'd like us to help you with, please do get in touch via our email address podcast at rangaby.com or you can voice note or text on this number.

43:27Romesh Ranganathan:07731 6233 55. I'm Ramesh Ranganathan and this has been the Ramesh Ranganathan Show. What a narcissist. See you next time. Oh, shut up, Romesh. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic. Legally, we can't say drinking storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking storm storm good energy in good energy out energy for life