Shanthi Opens Up About Life In Sri Lanka

18:16Romesh Ranganathan:I would say I think it might be less to do with the place. more to do with the company. What's your favourite meal of all time? Meal. Veal? Crab curry. Crab curry. Curry and hot rice. It's a lot of work though for what you get out of it, isn't it? Yeah, hot rice. Hot rice. Yeah, yeah. Crab curry though. I mean, I don't eat any of that stuff anyway, but it's a lot of effort, isn't it? For me, it's not. For me, it's frozen crab I buy. No, I'm not talking about making it. I'm talking about eating it. You've got to crack the bastard open. Do you know what I mean? It's so tasty. It sounds like a fucking episode of the Transformers is on in the background.

18:53Imagine that, you know, how much you will enjoy.

18:56Romesh Ranganathan:You know, that's the bit my dad used to do, to suck the bit out of the legs. Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah. And rasam? I used to go to work on that leg, man. What? Like that.

19:15Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry, and the rasam. Yeah, very nice. Rasam is a kind of spicy. spicy gravy soup like gravy delicious why they drink it because it helps to digest your food it's and us most of them after meal they drink that cup so so many things go in there you boil it with tomatoes drink it it's a health reason that they drink it yeah okay what's been your best celeb encounter and why I didn't understand the question who's been your favourite celebrity that you've met and why?

19:58I could say Jamie or Knapp.

20:01Romesh Ranganathan:Jesus, really? Because there's something in him and the father. When I came to record something, the way they treated me and the way he spoke, I'm not saying I fancy him. No, I didn't say that. But that's your favourite out of all of the celebrities you've ever met? Yeah. Now, at the moment, I like Catherine Ryan. Catherine Ryan? Yeah. Why do you like her so much? I see something in her and she's wonderful. Right. She's really wonderful, yeah. What is your motto you live by? Be good to people. If I can help within my power, I will help them. and now I am becoming really, really spiritual. I go to the temple, I'll come back, I say so many mantras that are taught by my grandfather and end of my life, I want to be good and other thing is, all the money you paid me, you paid for the house, you paid for my kitchen, I like to return that before I die.

21:09Otherwise, I had to have another birth in earth and I had to pay it. So I'm praying to God I should earn some money and pay everything back.

21:22Romesh Ranganathan:That's quite a long motto. Thank you so much. Mum, give it up for Shanti Ranganathan. Mum, you don't have to pay me back. Darling, you say it, but you've got three boys. You worked hard. I have seen, it made me unhappy that the things you have to do to make that money. It's not difficult. Mum, I'm a generational talent. It's fine. Okay, we're now going to move on. That's a bit bichel, isn't it? I'm just, you know, stating facts. I'm absolutely smashing it. What? John's got a little tree. Got something for you. No, this can't be. This can't be what I think. It is what I think it is. Oh, my God.

22:03Romesh Ranganathan:This is so exciting.

22:08Romesh Ranganathan:congratulations on your 100 ,000 subscribers oh my god guys we've got the fucking fuck my fuck look

22:22Romesh Ranganathan:you made me so happy I'm so happy for everybody this is one of the haters that said we're never going to get this fuck y 'all but also really positive still oh my god but this is anybody that thought we weren't going to make to this point suck a dick motherfuckers Let's have a look at the plaque. And thanks for all the support. Most people have been really, really positive and actually willing us on to get there, which is really... Thanks for your support. For anybody that didn't support us, how's that? Fuck you. Stick that in your craw. Fucking. It's a real positive moment. And we've fostered a really lovely community.

22:56Romesh Ranganathan:They have been so good to you. Recognize your team. Thank you so much. Oh, that's the light. No, no, no, no.

23:09Romesh Ranganathan:No, that's amazing. Amazing, yeah. Thank you. Can you take it out the plant? You can take it out. You don't have to put it back in the box. Keep it out. Really? Keep it out. Where should we put it? Why don't you put it on the shelf? I might take it home, actually. That'd be cool. No, it's for the show. You saw the show. Should I take it home? Should I put it here? Whoa. Oh, my God. Yay. How good is that? I know. Does that look good? How happy? We're not keeping that there. So happy. It's a bit garish. it some way. I mean, it's lovely, but yeah, it's a bit on the nose, isn't it? It looks nice, but you can't have that in the background.

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25:11Romesh Ranganathan:Girl, winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. that perfect hang on the patio sundress those sandals you can wear all day and all night and you've had enough of shopping from your couch done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope it's time for a little in-person spring treat it's time for a trip to ross work your magic this episode is brought to you by virgin red now the team had a question for me this week what is it um so rom i recently went to a gig well done thank you with friends or alone alone tiny venue the whole room was going absolutely berserk it was an epic night yeah and i thought when did you last actually do something like that not watch it on a screen actually go and be there in the room with someone and you know feel like yeah this is it uh well when I went to go see Nas live, I was so close to not going, but then I decided to, I thought, look, when are you next going to do this?

26:21Romesh Ranganathan:I don't know. I went and it was one of the best nights of my life. So there you go. A lot of the best ones aren't solo either. You take some with your friend, a partner, family, and you know, it's all about making memories, guys. Every single experience I've actually done, I remember everyone. The screen stuff kind of goes into a blur, but when you're actually there, those are the moments that stick with you. Virgin Red has epic experiences as rewards. gig events, afternoon tea, things you just never book yourself. You earn Virgin points from everyday spending and redeem them on something you'll actually talk about.

26:51Romesh Ranganathan:It's not asking you to become someone who goes. It's just making it easier to go. Epic rewards from Virgin and brands you love. Ready to dive in? Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Do you want to go to a gig with me? No.

27:10Romesh Ranganathan:Now we're going to move on to some listener questions. Last week, we had the incredible fan favourite email special. Oh!

27:22Email special! Bye!

27:25Romesh Ranganathan:I'm pleased to say even more emails and voice notes have been flooding in. They're brilliant.

27:35Romesh Ranganathan:They're brilliant. And now we're actually reading them. We appreciate you. A reminder that you can always text or WhatsApp us on 07731623355, or you can email podcast at rangami.com. First up, we have got a voice note from Evie. Hi, I'm Evie. I'm from Nottingham. And last summer, I was struck by lightning. I think it must have bounced off some trees first, and then it passed through my umbrella. And I saw a lightning jump from the umbrella onto my finger and I felt a small electric shock, but no worse than a usual kind of electric shock. But because it didn't really hurt, I just carried on with my day.

28:20I went for a swim. This was before I told anyone. But then when I told my friends, they made me go to the hospital and as predicted, I was absolutely fine. But yeah, best to get checked out. But I was just wondering if you think that this makes me lucky or unlucky, because me and my friends debate this quite often. I think I was unlucky to have been struck in the first place, but they always say that I'm lucky that I didn't die or get any injuries. And I was also wondering on a day-to-day basis in both your lives, if you tend to be lucky or unlucky, ignoring the look, if you would say it's look, that contributes to your success.

28:59Romesh Ranganathan:Evie, thank you so much. First of all, we're glad you're all right, aren't we, Mum? Yeah. Thank you for your message. That's a great question, isn't it? Is she lucky to have not been harmed by the lightning or unlucky to have been hit by the lightning in the first place? Mum, what do you think? I mean, nothing happened to us. She should be grateful to God. I know, but she could have just had her day without being hit at all, couldn't she? Everything happened for a reason. What do you think the reason for that might be? Just God is reminding her. Think about it. How do you like that in your finger?

29:46I would have said something, but I'm trying to be nice to you.

29:49Romesh Ranganathan:What were you going to say? Fuck off. Oh, okay. You can say that. I know that's fine. That's all right. You can say stuff like that. Yeah. But I will never, I don't get angry with you. I love you with all my heart. Yeah. So when people say, oh, he's been horrible to mum, it hurts me. Yeah. Fuck you, man. Oh, yeah. Evie, I don't... Do you think you're lucky or unlucky? Me? Yeah. I'm so lucky. What makes you say that? I went through all the trouble and I had so many help during that period. I never expected that, but it's a long-term experience. I don't know whether you want to know or it'll be boring for you.

30:35Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, it'll probably be boring. Okay, should we go to the next question? Yes. Come on, I'm joking. Come on, Mum. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, go on, Mum. What is it? No, I... They put... Dad went to prison. So they put him in Arundel prison. Ford Open Prison. Huh? Ford Open Prison. Ford Open Prison. And that day I had to go and see him because you get the invitation, he will send it to me by post. Then I go and visit him. I went alone to Ernie. I mean, first day when I was driving there, I was so nervous because I didn't know. When I went there and I saw him, whatever he needed, I gave it to him with them watching.

31:24Driving back, my car broke down. That morning, one of my friends, I don't know what he thought. He said, take my AA card in case something happened. because you are driving alone. Came back, both boys are at school. Car broke down. So no mobile phone at that time. So 96, 97, something like that. So I went, started walking, all farmers there. And this guy, Asian gentleman, I have to thank him. I thought he was God. He was driving opposite side. saw me walking and he turned the car on the roundabout I came where do you think you're going I said my car broke down it's all smoke coming and he said no don't go to the farmers they'll have a gun and things they might shoot you you know you're going to see so many I'll wait until we call the AA from so I used the AA card he waited with me he took me to the phone booth to call AA, he said, until the truck comes, because it's an automatic car, the tow truck, I'll wait with you until you get into that truck, I won't leave you.

32:40And then he put me in the truck and then the truck took me to the garage and dropped the car. I got the taxi, went home and went in a taxi and picked him up. But why that happened, I think, is God was trying to help me through somebody else. Otherwise, if I didn't see that guy, so I took his number, I rang him. He said, you don't have to thank me. You don't have to give me anything. I didn't want you to walk around like that. I must have been 40, 41, my age. So I cried that night. My God, what would have happened? The children were no phone. I can't contact anybody to go and pick them up. So little things, so many other things happened to me.

33:29So I become...

33:30Romesh Ranganathan:Can I ask you a question? I'm just presenting the argument that Eve is presenting. If God worked through that guy who helped you out, why isn't God responsible for the car breaking down in the first place? He's trying to teach me a lesson. But what lesson? Maybe I wasn't praying the way I used to pray. Right. I used to be everything I say something, praying, praying. With all the trouble, I wasn't praying. And he said, trying to tell me that I'm with you, just do the right things and everything will be okay. What I thought, it came into my mind. You should listen to your heart in the morning, okay?

34:13It is true. He helped me through a difficult period and you became a comedian. Without you, I couldn't have survived. I couldn't have had that house.

34:24Romesh Ranganathan:No. Can we close up our mom? Do you want to say that again? If you say the words, without you, I couldn't have had that house. Without you, my son, I couldn't have had that house. And then, Will, can you add some effects and stuff and make it sound dramatic? You know what I'm thinking is, you know at the end when he says, my name is Maximus Aurelius, whatever. Can you give it that kind of gravitas? Yeah, perfect. But don't put it in the Sri Lankan kitchen again, all right? You should get some shots of Shanti, like just brushing the leaves. That's a great idea. Can you just brush those leaves with your hand?

35:01Fuck off.

35:08Shlameesh, you went through, how did we feel when we were in bed and breakfast? Yeah, horrible. No food to eat.

35:14Romesh Ranganathan:It's horrible. No food, darling. I don't even have 50 pence in my purse. Yeah, but that, yeah, fine. No, I agree. I agree. It was bad. Bad, very bad. Yeah, very bad. But then, well, first of all, I'd say people have gone through worse than that. The other thing I'd say is that it's difficult then to believe that there is somebody looking after you and you're in those circumstances. So that's tricky. But in terms of like whether you're lucky or not, I mean, I do, it's weird because I do feel uh i do feel very lucky because of you know my the children are healthy lisa's great i'm happy have you know jobs great you know all of those things live near you know all of the there's so many great things so you do feel lucky in that way but i do think that um a lot of like whether you're lucky or not is down to interpretation like you know sometimes you know something goes against you and then you start to focus on that or or become obsessed with this, you know, you could, I think two people have the same experiences and one person believes they're lucky and one person believes they're unlucky.

36:18Romesh Ranganathan:I think a lot of it is down to, in my opinion, is down to your interpretation of circumstances and stuff like that. I don't really believe, even though I feel like - Are you trying to say that you don't believe in God? I'm not saying, I'm talking about luck, mum. Luck, luck, okay. I'm talking about luck. I don't know if I believe, I think that it's up to you how interpret things even if you even when we were in the bed and breakfast yeah and we were like a terrible time crying yourself to sleep every night i remember and dad goes and stay there yeah yeah fine so that feels unlucky but we had enough to eat we always had enough to eat we had light we had each other yeah so in that way that another interpretation of that is we're very lucky to be in a situation where we got through it.

37:09Romesh Ranganathan:So what I'm saying is that is very much down to how you decide to interpret that circumstance. There was lots of stuff that went our way. But you don't think about that, you think about all the negative things. Some of my friends, they never had any problem. Lovely husband, they look after the wife and everything. Why it doesn't happen to others? But I would say you don't know if they're happy, you don't know what else is going on you know you we don't know what everyone's going through but what i'm saying is i i just don't believe in bad luck and good luck and all that kind of uh should we go to question two keep it light please hi ramesh and shanti i absolutely love the podcast shanti you are a legend and ramesh needs to be nicer to you i'm after a bit of marital advice so my husband and i have been together for seven years we've been married for five and we have two small children a three and half year old and a two-year-old we clash about the chores constantly so I'm looking for some advice he feels that because he works full-time he can come home in the evening have a meal cooked for him and go to bed and that's it correct the things like washing hoovering cleaning getting the school bags ready all of that comes under me yeah now I do also work but I'm a dog walker so I work about four hours a day and then I do school pick up and drop off and so he feels that my job is a part-time job therefore it is my job to do all the chores yeah however I feel if he is going to wear the clothes and make them dirty he should contribute to washing them please can you give me your thoughts who is right who is wrong and also a way to stop this conflict because it's becoming a contest as to who does the most and who contributes the most and yeah i just need to be a happy wife and have a happy life again thank you from kelly kelly thank you so much for your voice note it's very stressful situation mom what do you think darling i feel for you uh i feel for you i didn't say it in that no i'm doing the song i think i love you it's classic i do love her because exactly the same life I have.

39:27Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. He goes, pick up the briefcase and he goes to work. Yeah. After work, five o 'clock, he goes to the clubs or pubs and he comes back. Should we try and focus on Kelly's situation? I'm trying. That's what I'm aiming. You can't change them. That's the way they are going to be. So don't worry too much. Talk to him nicely, whether you can change him. if he doesn't change divorce him Jesus Christ it's true why you have to have a miserable life look I don't I mean divorce him is quite an extreme step but I didn't want to divorce him no because I grew up without a father yeah but I want you and Dinesh to have a father yeah if you don't have a father figure in your family somebody else will take over so okay okay um kelly i think from your voice note your situation has become untenable like you sound really stressed out about it sounds like you're doing what you feel is more than your fair share and i'm guessing what we're not hearing from your husband that he's not being particularly receptive to your concerns the truth is is if you're not happy something has to change And so you cannot continue as you are.

40:53Romesh Ranganathan:You can't because you're not happy. So there has to be some sort of compromise. So I think if I was in your position and I'm somebody that's been guilty of not doing enough around the house and it has been a bone of contention at my house in the past, I think what you need to do is actually, I would think about itemizing what it is that has to be done and sitting down with your husband and having a real chat about what it is you want him to do. Because at the moment, when you have these things that just, in my opinion, this is when you have these things that just roll on, they're never actually really tackled because your husband will start to fall in the trap of thinking, oh, Kelly's just going on again about this and da-da-da-da-da.

41:41Romesh Ranganathan:And you're just arguing about it and it becomes an ongoing thing. that can grow bigger and bigger and bigger and it can become a situation where it becomes it can become at the very extreme relationship ending so I think communication is the key so I think you need to sit down and I think always in these situations you have to in my opinion you have to have the hard conversation so you don't sugarcoat it for the benefit of sparing honest feelings because if you're straight down the line you'd have to say in an angry way you don't have to shout you just calmly say i am not happy with this situation and this is why and this in order for me to feel comfortable is what i need you to do what i would like you to do now he will come back to you and say well i don't want to do that and then you'll there'll be a bit of back and forth and you arrive at a compromise a solution that'll make you happy you've been listened to he's taken on more you have to try and accept his points of view in return and get to a point where you find an equilibrium because at the moment it doesn't work and so if you're i think anything where you're continuing to be unhappy it's like if somebody if your partner does a one-off thing i think that's all right do you know i mean like if somebody does one-off thing to piss you off you go i'm annoyed by that don't do it again and then you guys carry on and you forgive or whatever this is much more serious than that this is an ongoing the running of the relationship is not good.

43:03Romesh Ranganathan:So it just needs to change. If I was you, I'd have that conversation today. Today, right now. Right now. Well, after the end of the episode. Yeah. No, she should be happy in her life. Yeah. God has said to be happy and be nice to people. She shouldn't suffer like they're all doing the house work and suffer. No. But, you know, we're not having a husband. She could be an absolute fucking nightmare. Anyway, thank you so much for your voice note, Kelly. Just kidding. Okay, it's an email, everyone. from Kamal. Hi, Romesh, Andy Shanti, Ben and... Fucking what? And John. Ben and John. Where's Will? What about Will?

43:39Romesh Ranganathan:Wow.

43:42It's fun.

43:44Romesh Ranganathan:It's weird, isn't it? By being inclusive, you've actually offended somebody. That's the lesson. Don't bother addressing them at all. I'm Kamal, a 38-year-old South African Indian living in New Zealand. God, it's so sick, isn't it? We're getting emails from New Zealand. my family moved here over 20 years ago but most of my extended family is still back in south africa here's the issue i go back to visit them all the time at least once a year sometimes more i thought i was trying to give it a bit of pep but in all that time they've only come to visit me in new zealand once every time i suggest it i get the classic line will come when you get married well now i'm engaged and i'm getting married next year congratulations kamal that's nice isn't it so they've run out of excuses but this is where it gets tricky my nanny is now pushing for the wedding to be in South Africa saying your family is here.

44:31Romesh Ranganathan:Meanwhile, all my close friends in the life I've built are in New Zealand. So I feel a bit stuck. I don't want the only time to visit to be for a wedding. I spent years and a lot of money flying back. I'd like them to make the effort too. And I'd also like to travel elsewhere for a change. So my question is, how do I convince my South African family to visit me more often, not just for big events? And how do I handle the wedding location pressure. Cheers. Come up. Mom. Wow. That's a difficult situation. Very difficult situation. Yeah. It's a wedding. It's a beautiful ceremony. So they're asking her to come to South Africa to have the wedding.

45:08Is it?

45:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Impossible. Impossible? Yeah. I don't think it's impossible. Why is it impossible?

45:17It's already expensive wedding. and all their friends are in New Zealand. To go to South Africa, they all have to buy the ticket, spend money, wherever they are going to stay, it adds up. So they should understand, come to a mutual decision. Somewhere in the middle, they can have the wedding ceremony.

45:40Romesh Ranganathan:I don't agree with that because then everybody's got to travel. Some people can't afford to buy the ticket and go to South Africa from New Zealand. Yeah, but what you're saying goes, but I'm just saying that everyone has to travel, don't they? Why everyone? Because if you're doing it in between, then everyone from New Zealand has to travel and everyone from South Africa has to travel. So what is your solution? Well, I've got a suggestion. It's not a solution. But Kamal, first of all, I think your family being unreasonable. I think you should have the wedding in New Zealand and they have to like it all on.

46:17New Zealand is a lovely, lovely place. But it sounds like they don't want to travel there.

46:21Romesh Ranganathan:But I think they, your family, you've made the decision to live in New Zealand. You want to get married in New Zealand. They need to come to New Zealand. And I think you need to let go of ownership. How old is the grandma? I've got no idea. She's too old. I don't think she'll be able to travel. I think Kamal would have said that if it was an issue of them being too old. I think they're just unwilling. so I think you have the wedding in New Zealand I would stop thinking about having it in South Africa like now, it's your wedding after the wedding they can go and visit them it's your wedding have your wedding where you want it to be and your family just have to deal with it that's what I think and then with regards to them visiting I don't think you can I think what you can do is you can say to your family I'd love you to visit us more and then that's all you can do you can't control other people i think so much of our misery and and discomfort is by expecting things from people that they're not willing to do the easiest thing is to stop expecting and i know it's not great you want them to come and visit you more but the truth is is it the other thing is is you are through your behavior you are encouraging them not to bother to come to new zealand because if you're going to go to south africa every time then why do they need to come to New Zealand they can just they'll see you because you're going to be there I think if you don't if you I think you've done a lot of bending over backwards and I know it's your family and you should love them and family's important but you have your have your wedding in New Zealand if they want to come they can come and then if you want to go on holiday somewhere else you go on holiday somewhere else and you can say to them look I would love you to come and visit me more and that is all you can do right that is literally all you can do you You cannot take ownership of how they respond to that request.

48:14Romesh Ranganathan:I think when you expect things of people that they are not going to deliver, it just makes you unhappy. I think you just go, this is what I'd like, and then see what they do. But I think Kamal's family being unreasonable. I'm sure they're nice people. I'm sure they're lovely. Yeah, they're lovely. Kamal, you sound really lovely as well, because even despite all of that, you're actually thinking about acquiescing to having the wedding in South Africa. But I don't think you should. I think you should do what you want to do life's too short it's you really exactly that's it enjoy hope that helps thank you so much for your email that's all we've got time for thank you for your messages this week we've covered a lot of bases can people tell when I'm switching to autocue and script no I'm trying to segue it completely naturally most people don't even know we have one that's not going to help thank you for all your messages this week we covered a lot of bases we'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest mum do you want to say bye bye darling everybody everyone thank you so much supporting us I love you with all my heart Tongue of Gooch motherfuckers before you sign off do you want to try just a more natural one just to help you out

49:27Romesh Ranganathan:thank you what happened there what I sort of started to channel the next door neighbour in Friday night dinner for some reason what's his name his dog's called Wilson Jim that's Michael my guitar anyway thank you for your messages this week we've covered a lot of bases we'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest we'll see you then lick some balls you dumb bitch ass motherfuckers suck it but what would it sound like if you did like a nice one yeah just soothing yeah that's it some people will like that put some jazz under it yeah we've had not everybody's motherfuckers go black and white some people are nice nice so nice okay do you want to shut the fuck up and let me do it okay okay okay we've had a lot of nice messages on this week's episode lice lice we've had a we've had a lot of nice messages on this week's episode yeah a lot of different topics covered a lot of different advice given and as always on Monday we'll be seeing you again with another exciting guest you know we do our best to bring a variety of guests to you that will help you through your commute or when you're sitting at home and having a listen and we appreciate each and every one of you we'll see you next time on the Romesh Ranganathan Show suck a dick he was doing so well yo thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show sup y 'all it's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet.

51:12Romesh Ranganathan:If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh and Thursday's a me and my mum Shanti answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to podcast at rangaby.com, voice not or text us on 07731 623355.

51:48Romesh Ranganathan:That's 07731 623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself in a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.

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