Shanthi's £35K Garden Room, A Big Apology & Conspiracy Theories

3:52Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, you don't want me to say those things

3:53Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, but Jimmy Savile is disgrace

3:57Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I don't think that's That's not the hottest state you've had But I'm saying that I was joking I don't actually think you look like him

4:04Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay, right

4:06Romesh Ranganathan:But I haven't seen you in a tracksuit Mum, what did you think of our art special?

4:13Shanthi Ranganathan:It was good Give it a try, anything

4:16Romesh Ranganathan:Everybody should give it a try, shouldn't they?

4:17Shanthi Ranganathan:Everybody should sing or

4:19Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think everyone should sing no

4:21Shanthi Ranganathan:no you pick up the talent isn't it somebody sing or they can improve or they can't sing

4:27Romesh Ranganathan:yeah

4:28Shanthi Ranganathan:but I think you can sing

4:30Romesh Ranganathan:I can't

4:32Shanthi Ranganathan:but you straight away you said I can't no because I can't you don't even try

4:37Romesh Ranganathan:alright can you sing can you sing no no okay so it feels like you're having a go at me for the same thing that you're guilty of doesn't it

4:45Shanthi Ranganathan:because I have heard you singing right

4:47Romesh Ranganathan:it's good okay can I hear some of your singing though?

4:49Shanthi Ranganathan:No. Why are you pulling me into that trouble?

4:52Romesh Ranganathan:You're doing exactly the same thing to me.

4:54Shanthi Ranganathan:I used to sing Tamil songs.

4:55Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, let's hear a bit.

4:56Shanthi Ranganathan:No, no, no.

4:58Romesh Ranganathan:So do you understand what the problem is? You're sort of having a go at me and then you're doing the same thing.

5:02Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay, okay, okay.

5:02Romesh Ranganathan:Anyway, how are you generally?

5:03Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm fine, thank you. Coming here, it's meeting you. It made me so happy.

5:13Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. Explain to me this outfit today.

5:17Shanthi Ranganathan:Outfit?

5:17Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

5:17Shanthi Ranganathan:Can I say the shop?

5:19Romesh Ranganathan:I'd love you to, yeah. Lidl?

5:24Romesh Ranganathan:I'm not saying it's an insult, it's just I know you like shopping at Lidl.

5:27Shanthi Ranganathan:Food.

5:28Romesh Ranganathan:Food, right. Okay, so where do you get this? Talk me through this outfit.

5:32Shanthi Ranganathan:It all comes from Next.

5:34Romesh Ranganathan:Wow.

5:35Shanthi Ranganathan:Yes. I'm wearing Krause and Nickeran bra from Marksman.

5:42Romesh Ranganathan:Good to clarify. Magic. You did ask. Yeah.

5:51Shanthi Ranganathan:And the top and the trouser from next.

5:54Romesh Ranganathan:What about the...

5:55Shanthi Ranganathan:That's attached to the blouse.

5:57Romesh Ranganathan:That's attached to the blouse?

5:58Shanthi Ranganathan:Attached to the blouse. It looked like a tie. I loved it.

6:02Romesh Ranganathan:It's attached to the blouse?

6:03Shanthi Ranganathan:Blouse, yeah.

6:04Romesh Ranganathan:Wow. Yeah. I used to wear one of those. In fact, I used to wear one of those. Does anybody remember those jumpers that are pretending they've got a shirt under them? Oh, yes. I do remember these. Yeah. and I wore one of those off the curb my agents were running like an industry showcase thing where where like they get all the comics in and then there's a load of tv people in and then you do five minutes and then um and then they decide whether they want to book you for something or whatever anyway I did one of those and I was wearing one of those jumpers with the shirts thing and off the curb actually like staged an intervention the the next day Flo phoned me up they'd obviously had a chat about it and she went, um, the jumper that you're wearing, I think it's probably just a good idea to think about what you're wearing

6:49Shanthi Ranganathan:Maybe because you were fat at that time?

6:51Romesh Ranganathan:I know, it was nothing to do with that actually, but thank you for bringing that in for no reason It was the jumper shirt

6:59Shanthi Ranganathan:Jumper shirt? Yeah. What year?

7:01Romesh Ranganathan:What year do you think?

7:02Shanthi Ranganathan:I think it's 2016

7:06Romesh Ranganathan:No. How do you know? You've only just heard the story for the first time How do you know what year?

7:10Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, she's answering what year were you fat? I think that's the question that mum's answering.

7:18Romesh Ranganathan:No, he's asking what year I did that showcase.

7:21Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, because I was thinking about the years you were fat. So maybe 2016.

7:30Romesh Ranganathan:I reckon that was 2012? No, 2013 maybe. yeah so but the answer to the years the most appropriate answer to the years what years were you fat are most of them

7:43Shanthi Ranganathan:listen Danny when you were Asian provocateur you were running around your boobs were going up and down

7:55Romesh Ranganathan:yeah this is body shaming

7:56Shanthi Ranganathan:it's not body shaming

7:58Romesh Ranganathan:if that's not body shaming what the fuck is body shaming I don't know what could be body shame if that isn't? One of my friends said just shouting shame at someone.

8:08Shanthi Ranganathan:I was working at that time. Yeah. This bitch came and said to me.

8:11Romesh Ranganathan:Oh Jesus. Yeah. Alright Snoop.

8:16Shanthi Ranganathan:No he said while Romesh is running around bouncing his boobs.

8:22Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

8:22Shanthi Ranganathan:I did get angry. Right. She's talking about my son. Yeah. But it was at working place so I shut my mouth. Otherwise I would have given. So what was your response? If it is now.

8:31Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. What would you have done?

8:33Shanthi Ranganathan:I would have said do you think you are beautiful? Do you think you are Cleopatra?

8:38Romesh Ranganathan:Holy shit. So don't accuse my son. No wonder you didn't say that at work. Bloody hell. Really taking the gloves off. So in Asian Provocateur, this is genuinely true. There's a bit where we're doing martial arts and I took my top off and I'd never taken my top off on camera before and I was pretty, as Ben knows from years and years of filming with me, is that my body issues are numerous and confidence crippling. I took my top off and everyone was like, it's fine, it's funny, it's really funny. And then when the show went out, which I was quite nervous about, somebody messaged me saying, I was eating my dinner while watching that and I couldn't finish it.

9:17Shanthi Ranganathan:What a fucker he is.

9:19Romesh Ranganathan:At Shanti 27. It was a mistake making it the title sequence. It probably was. It's in every episode. It freeze frames and then turns into an animation. This is the most humiliating bit of the whole thing. Do you remember we got that indigenous tribe to dress me? And they made a grass kind of skirt thing for me. And they've been doing it for thousands and thousands of years. And one of them said, he's got quite wide hips, hasn't he? They have been doing that. They have made those skirt things for thousands of years. and my body provided them with a puzzle. The dimensions of my body were something they hadn't come across.

10:08Romesh Ranganathan:Generation through generation of making those. That was quite sad. And also, yeah, I mean, I've had lots of weird things. We went to get measured for uniform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the guy in the shop said to my mum, could I have a quick word with you? Yeah. And they went over where they thought I couldn't hear as a 10-year-old. and he said the problem is he's so big I heard that anyway have I told you that before what was the problem what was the problem they couldn't find trousers yeah alright stomach they couldn't find they couldn't

10:48Shanthi Ranganathan:never mind me

10:49Romesh Ranganathan:so savage yeah I didn't see I don't think I saw my penis until I was 13

10:55Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah that's very true yeah very true only side view you can see

11:07Romesh Ranganathan:is this okay do we think this is okay i mean obviously it's funny but like is it okay i mean is this okay i think it's important that we this leads to a conversation about our bodies how we Yeah, that's right. It helps people. Does it?

11:23Shanthi Ranganathan:It doesn't help me. No. When I started accusing you of getting fat. Yeah.

11:30Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, accusing me of getting fat.

11:32Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, the people, the comment was, the mother has been nasty to him, horrible to him.

11:38Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

11:39Shanthi Ranganathan:The reason I attacked you.

11:41Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I don't think you're helping yourself with your choice of language. You've used the word accused and attack. Anyway, go on.

11:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Health issue.

11:52Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. You didn't say that though.

11:54Shanthi Ranganathan:How can I say it? Another thing is, you want to look good. Yeah?

12:00Romesh Ranganathan:I think looking, I think the idea of being thin means looking good. Of course. No, it's not of course. Don't have any... Hold on. In my opinion, that's a result of social conditioning, right? Yeah. Is that the certain things that we think are, that we celebrate as looking better than other things, because that's what we've decided as a society looks better. There are other societies in other countries where being bigger is more attractive, right? So the idea that it's cut and dried, that thinner is better, is a fallacy. And also, I think, like, if you're trying to lose weight to look better, I think that's fine, right, if that's what you want to do.

12:39Romesh Ranganathan:And I did, right? To feel more comfortable. there's a vanity thing there but the implication that you're that you're not enough when you're bigger is i i think it's really bad but but mom shops can make people of different sizes feel more comfortable in the in the things that they stock there are certain brands that try and uh stop bigger people from wearing their clothes by making stuff that doesn't fit them i don't agree with that and even when you try and lose weight to feel better about yourself you are actually contributing to that and and i think if you're if you're bigger like all of this language and this like this body image stuff and all that it's really destructive i think like then you get to a point where like people who are bigger that's all they can think about because because when they look in magazines that their body size is not being represented when celebrities lose weight everybody goes don't they look at the incredible transformation that this person's made all of the things are geared up that smaller is better and so if you're bigger it's really difficult and then you just have like super low self-esteem about yourself that's all you can think about and then you then you you put on a nice outfit and then you think people are looking at me because i'm bigger like all of that stuff is really hard and i think like all of us could probably do do a do a better job of thinking about how we talk in the images that we present and the way that we talk about people's body size.

14:05Romesh Ranganathan:All of those things, we could be better at that.

14:07Shanthi Ranganathan:What is the advice you are going to give?

14:09Romesh Ranganathan:I'm not in any position to give any advice.

14:11Shanthi Ranganathan:You are talking about getting fat and things. You went through.

14:14Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

14:15Shanthi Ranganathan:So what's the advice you can give?

14:16Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think it's right. The point I'm trying to make is you are conditioned to believe that if you're smaller, you look better. We all are. Particularly in our society. We're all conditioned to think looking smaller is better. And I don't think that's right. That's the point I'm trying to make.

14:35Shanthi Ranganathan:Sometimes you wear the clothes and you come and ask me, do I look okay? I tell you the truth.

14:41Romesh Ranganathan:I know you do. You tell me your truth. You look horrible. Yeah.

14:44Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah. That's what I said.

14:46Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

14:46Shanthi Ranganathan:Then you didn't like it. And I said, only the mother can tell you the truth from it.

14:51Romesh Ranganathan:I would change that phrase slightly. Only the mother thinks that they should, but they shouldn't. Do you know when I went on Mock the Week? The first time we did Mock the Week, I was wearing, I would say, a slightly too tight cardigan. I would say the buttons reminded me of, do you know when Spider-Man's trying to keep that train from going off the thing?

15:14Shanthi Ranganathan:There you are.

15:14Romesh Ranganathan:And he's like that. That's what the button was like. It's like Tobey Maguire, Peter Parker. Anyway, I did Mock the Week. And then I said to Mum, what do you think of Mock the Week? She said, you looked horrible.

15:26Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

15:27Romesh Ranganathan:And she said, if I don't tell you, who will? and my answer is ideally nobody. I don't want to hear that from anybody. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, should we move on? We're still in the fucking intro. Okay. Right, we haven't even introduced the show yet. No, not even close. Right, mum, could you do me a favour? Could you introduce... How long are we... Fuck me. Could you introduce the show as if you're doing a stand-up comedy set?

15:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Stand-up comedy. Comedy show.

15:53Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, so you just walked on stage. Yeah.

15:56Shanthi Ranganathan:All right.

15:56Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, good luck.

15:58Shanthi Ranganathan:Hi, everybody. I'm going to I'm going to introduce a wonderful, wonderful person show I want you to give it a guess but let me introduce, I don't want to waste your time here we go it's genius talented, good looking and generous towards the mother Ramesh Ranganathan show

16:32Romesh Ranganathan:I was getting a lot of stand-up comedy from that, but good intro. On Monday, we had American comedian and podcaster Rick Glassman on the show. Mum, he was visiting from LA. We stayed in LA for a while, didn't we? We stayed in LA. We stayed in LA, didn't we? Yeah. We stayed in LA.

16:46Shanthi Ranganathan:I know. I left some money there in the bank.

16:52I'm asking you.

16:53Romesh Ranganathan:Feels like the time to get it sorted.

16:55Shanthi Ranganathan:Huh?

16:55Romesh Ranganathan:We should get it sorted.

16:56Shanthi Ranganathan:We can. But why am I going to get sorted?

16:58Romesh Ranganathan:Mum's got some money in an American bank account.

17:00Shanthi Ranganathan:American bank account?

17:02Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

17:04Shanthi Ranganathan:There's Studio City.

17:05Romesh Ranganathan:In Studio City?

17:07Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

17:07Romesh Ranganathan:So it's a branch in Studio City. The branch in Studio City. Okay. If anybody...

17:11Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm trying... You know what you said to me? What? You know what you said to me? If you carry on like that, I'll give you some money to shut you up, he said.

17:19Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. And then that happened?

17:20Shanthi Ranganathan:No. No.

17:22Romesh Ranganathan:Enjoy your house. if anybody knows how to get the money out of the Studio City branch Shanti's account if you if anybody if anybody is watching on this thing in Studio City could you go into Bank of America and say I need the money from Shanti's account then if you could send that to us I have to put a seating area

17:49Shanthi Ranganathan:in my garden I need money

17:50Romesh Ranganathan:so could you go and say Shanti's account she needs the money for a seating area in her garden can you get the money out I think that's I think that's all you need to do will they need any more details than that that would be fine I have tried

18:04Shanthi Ranganathan:everybody

18:05Romesh Ranganathan:she's tried everybody we've had six or seven people go in and go can I have the money from Shanti's account and they have all been banned from the back if anybody thinks they can do that with any increased level of authority yeah please

18:18Shanthi Ranganathan:I think just walk in

18:19Romesh Ranganathan:I think maybe the surname do you think would help The surname? Yeah.

18:24Shanthi Ranganathan:I gave you the card, cash, the card, and the number. Yeah. What did you do?

18:29Romesh Ranganathan:What did I do?

18:30Shanthi Ranganathan:You lost it.

18:31Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, yeah, I did lose it, yeah. If you could go into the bank and say, Shanthi Ranganathan needs her money. If you're a what?

18:38Shanthi Ranganathan:Bank manager.

18:39Romesh Ranganathan:If you're a bank manager, that would be even better. Even better. Yeah, that would really help. If you could get...

18:47Shanthi Ranganathan:Sorry I'm mentioning this.

18:48Romesh Ranganathan:No, it's okay.

18:49Shanthi Ranganathan:But I love to get the money.

18:50Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. So mum would love to get the money. If anybody in Studio City is watching or listening, please do get in touch. Any of the branches in that area, just go in and say Shanti's account, please. What sort of seating area are you after?

19:09Like, I went to the gun center, I think, the Huskins.

19:14Romesh Ranganathan:Oh my God. Can we just, let's address this now. You go there every day. I do. I do why do you love that place so much

19:23Shanthi Ranganathan:because I like that I am trying to get the seating area

19:27Romesh Ranganathan:right

19:27Shanthi Ranganathan:and there are so many different things one is 30 ,000 other one is 45 ,000 fuck me yeah sorry mum are you opening a football stadium

19:40Romesh Ranganathan:what the fuck are you talking about

19:42Shanthi Ranganathan:that's the price for me

19:43Romesh Ranganathan:35 ,000 pounds for a seating area in your garden what the sorry What the fuck are you talking about? £35 ,000 Let me finish the sentence, will you?

19:58Shanthi Ranganathan:Is it a nice one? It's a very nice one Then I thought

20:02Romesh Ranganathan:No, no, no, no Not then you thought What does a seating area look like That costs£35 ,000?

20:09Shanthi Ranganathan:It's like a Sitting room Well, you've got a sitting room In your house

20:15Romesh Ranganathan:Why are you putting another sitting Can we have a look at this, please? Where is it? Haskins

20:19Shanthi Ranganathan:Haskins

20:19Romesh Ranganathan:Is it Haskins or Huskins? I thought it was Haskins.

20:23Shanthi Ranganathan:H-A-U-S-H-U. I thought it was H-A.

20:25Romesh Ranganathan:Is it H-U? Look up H-U. Mum's there every day, so she probably knows better than me. Seating area?

20:30Shanthi Ranganathan:They are going to sue me now.

20:31Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think they're going to sue you. They might send you a free one. No, no, no, John.

20:36Shanthi Ranganathan:I never get anything free.

20:38Romesh Ranganathan:Don't you? Is it like one of the cups? Apologies. Yeah, like a... Apologies to... Like a summer house.

20:42Shanthi Ranganathan:It's like an aluminium gazebo.

20:46Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, okay. So this is not a seating area. It is a seating area.

20:49Shanthi Ranganathan:The way they've done it.

20:51Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, there are seats in it.

20:52Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

20:53Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

20:54Shanthi Ranganathan:No, the furniture doesn't include it.

20:56Romesh Ranganathan:The furniture's not included for£35 ,000.

20:57Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah,£35 ,000. I had to buy extra. So you're going to pay£35 ,000

21:03Romesh Ranganathan:and there'll still be nowhere for anyone to sit? I would describe... In my... Where there's a seating area... In my... Mum, mum, where there's a seating area with nowhere for anyone to sit, that is just called an area. Never know who it is. Okay? You're paying£35 ,000 for an area.

21:22Shanthi Ranganathan:What do you mean nobody is there to sit down?

21:24Romesh Ranganathan:Well, you said there's no furniture.

21:27Shanthi Ranganathan:I had to buy that extra.

21:28Romesh Ranganathan:Extra. How can it be extra? 35. Mum, you're in a family house on your own. Why do you need another seating area? I love to relax.

21:38Shanthi Ranganathan:Relax in the living room? I like to go and sit there and read a book. When I'm sad, it helps me. 35 ,000 I got a beautiful house have you found it

21:49Romesh Ranganathan:have you found it is this the website yeah so it is Haskins Haskins

21:53Shanthi Ranganathan:in Sussex Haskins

21:54Romesh Ranganathan:very good very very good garden centre oh you're a fan of them

21:58Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah they are good actually thank you thank you

22:00Romesh Ranganathan:the cafe's really good

22:01Shanthi Ranganathan:Ramesh you sit there and all it arrives for me I can't afford it I had to walk around wherever I can get a cheaper one

22:09Romesh Ranganathan:there's so many I don't think are you talking about what are they called orangery or Or an outdoor office?

22:16Shanthi Ranganathan:No, orangishly is attached to the house. Yeah, what's this? This is not attached to the house.

22:19Romesh Ranganathan:This is not attached to the house.

22:20Shanthi Ranganathan:It goes in the corner.

22:22Romesh Ranganathan:It goes in the corner. Corner, yeah.

22:24Shanthi Ranganathan:End of the garden.

22:24Romesh Ranganathan:End of the garden. Yeah. Okay. Is it a shed? Is it like a cabin?

22:31Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

22:32Romesh Ranganathan:It's a cabin. Oh, it's like one of those posh outdoor cabins, isn't it? Oh, so you want a posh outdoor cabin. Why not?

22:38Shanthi Ranganathan:My son is a celebrity. Why can't I have a posh one?

22:43Romesh Ranganathan:because it costs 35 ,000 pounds so that's the thing yeah oh my god

22:51Romesh Ranganathan:that's only 10 grand that one oh there you go Ben's managed to find one a third of the price in three minutes do you think you might have expensive habits but losing one you can't even fit that in your garden by life make it smaller make it smaller Does that cost£25 ,000 to make it smaller? I cannot believe it's£35 ,000. Does anybody else think this is insane? Yeah, I mean, it's... Then I spoke to my neighbour... Even the animals are not agreeing with you. This is the first time the zoo has not supported you.

23:27Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I'm not finishing the sentence.

23:30Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so, oh Christ, all right, go on. Finish the sentence.

23:34Shanthi Ranganathan:That was so funny. I am not finishing the sentence!

23:38Romesh Ranganathan:Go on.

23:39Shanthi Ranganathan:My neighbour, I discussed with him because he has got two of those.

23:45Romesh Ranganathan:He's got two of them?

23:46Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah. He's dropped 70 Gs. He said, I'll give you a link, Shanti, that you can buy it for£1 ,100.

23:56Romesh Ranganathan:But they will come and fit it, but you have to furnish it. You've managed to find two prices at opposite ends of the scale, and neither of them do I trust. if something is supposed to be 35 000 pounds that's a very luxury thing that one yeah who makes that one that he's talking about the first little pig i i don't understand how that's going

24:22Shanthi Ranganathan:to be the same quality as the 35 000 maybe it's bad quality i don't know it probably is yeah

24:28Romesh Ranganathan:It's 1.35 of the price. Does that not ring any alarm bells?

24:33Shanthi Ranganathan:You can close the shutters.

24:38Shanthi Ranganathan:I have a seating area. The birds are shitting on it. So I don't like it. I had to remove that. So you're going to get a cabin? So if I get the money from the Citibank, then I can put one in there.

24:53Romesh Ranganathan:Or let's start a GoFundMe.

24:55Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I'm not saying that. You have done enough for me. I'm so grateful. I'm not suggesting I don't answer it. Yeah.

25:02Romesh Ranganathan:All right, listen, we're almost at the end of the episode. It's time to do some listener questions. Moving on to listener questions. You have a burning question or a dilemma you want my mum and I to answer. Send your WhatsApp messages and voice notes to 07731 623 355 or email podcast at rangabi.com. And don't forget, if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. apparently somebody told me because remember I think I don't know if you remember me saying I don't know what the use is to the audience and they said to me that if we get liked and subscribed then it benefits the audience members because they get to know when the new episodes are coming out that helps support the podcast and that means that we can create more exciting and enriching content in the future of course

25:45Shanthi Ranganathan:we are ready for that

25:46Romesh Ranganathan:and then mum can get her seating area

25:48Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah yes please

25:51Romesh Ranganathan:we've got a voice note from Int.

26:23Shanthi Ranganathan:You're a horrible boy. Me? Yeah. That is unbelievable.

26:29Romesh Ranganathan:I am so sorry, my dear. Mum, what are you talking about? Can we hear the voice note again? I cannot believe he's got in touch. I don't understand. Sorry. I don't understand. We abuse people. And they get in touch. Idris, we shat. Mum shat on him. No, I didn't. He's sitting in a hamper. This guy's called a pedo He's not a pedo That's what you said It repeatedly No I didn't say You did Yeah but in fairness Only because he didn't have a bag He didn't have a bag with him

27:01Shanthi Ranganathan:He's a pedo

27:03Romesh Ranganathan:He's a pedo

27:05Shanthi Ranganathan:Do you remember? Oh this is the guy Yes

27:09Romesh Ranganathan:The guy on the train My darling

27:11Shanthi Ranganathan:Why didn't you have a belonging?

27:15Romesh Ranganathan:Hello Romish Shanti I'm the Uggos I'm the man that was on the train Sitting opposite set from a couple of weeks ago. Just saw the podcast this morning. And I'm not a pedo. I was actually on the way to a meeting. I had my laptop in my bag. And I had a great chat to you. And I corroborate everything Ramesh says. Still love you, Shanti. I enjoyed listening to your podcast. Thank you. Bye. So you did have a bag? You did have a bag. Yeah.

27:45Shanthi Ranganathan:My son told me you didn't have any belongings. I said he had like a little... Yeah. No, I said... He came with a little file or something. Do you think he's over there?

27:55Romesh Ranganathan:Who are you talking to? I'm just saying it. Why are you doing this? Were you talking up there? I'm pissed off. He's not there. Why are you pissed off? I said he had a little...

28:05Shanthi Ranganathan:Your description was terrible. What? He came and sat in front of you. Do you think she really did the list?

28:14Romesh Ranganathan:He did say that. He just said, I corroborate everything Ramesh said about her interaction. Okay. So everything I said is true. That's what he's just said. You should have told me what he was wearing,

28:26Shanthi Ranganathan:what he's carrying. And you said, no, he came in.

28:28Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, I wasn't giving you a witness statement. I came in and I told just a casual story about this guy asking about the list. And then you said, I think he's a pedo. Is he a pedo? Did he have a bag? Pedo. He must be a pedo. No. And then he, for some reason, and thank you very much for your voice note. I never said. He gets in touch and says, I'm not a pedo. And then you go. I'm glad to hear that. I'm so sorry about my son. You repeatedly called him a pedophile.

29:01Romesh Ranganathan:It's mad that you think I'm in the wrong here. If I upset you, I'm ever so sorry.

29:05Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah. Well, he seems to be a woman. I like to go out with you for a cup of tea. Fucking hell. Can you show yourself? I'll pay for the tea. Only tea. Because until the money comes from the bank, I can't afford it.

29:26Romesh Ranganathan:Why do you want to meet him now?

29:28Shanthi Ranganathan:I want to meet him and I apologise in person.

29:31Romesh Ranganathan:No, I don't think you need to meet him. In a way that Idris should do in a way.

29:35Shanthi Ranganathan:Where's Idris Elba? Have you ever tried to contact him? No.

29:40Romesh Ranganathan:I did contact him. You're a lazy fucker you are. I did contact him.

29:44Shanthi Ranganathan:Did you? What did he say?

29:45Romesh Ranganathan:I said to him, thanks so much for the hamper.

29:48Shanthi Ranganathan:You didn't have the guts to ask him to come for the show?

29:51Romesh Ranganathan:No, I didn't ask him to come to the show. Why did you call him then? I didn't call him. I messaged him. You messaged him. What's going on with you? You got really suddenly angry. Okay, I'll calm down. I messaged him and said, thanks so much for the hamper. He said, no problem. That was the end of the interaction. What did you want me to say? Do you want me to follow up with a request? I mean the monsters should be doing that shouldn't they that's not my job they are not monsters

30:17Shanthi Ranganathan:you are the monster ask him

30:20Romesh Ranganathan:please ask him I'm not in charge of bookings

30:22Shanthi Ranganathan:if you ask him he will love it

30:26Romesh Ranganathan:then I want to

30:27Shanthi Ranganathan:explain why I didn't like him

30:30Romesh Ranganathan:we've heard it so many look Idris is not I can't believe we're talking about this again Idris is not coming on the podcast

30:35Shanthi Ranganathan:please ask him Rami okay don't be so lazy darling

30:39Romesh Ranganathan:It's not laziness, mum. Why don't you ask him?

30:44Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't have his number, otherwise I will ask him.

30:47Romesh Ranganathan:Right, time for something a bit different. In this special segment called Plus One, brought to you by American Express. People say I'm always so busy, and I am, because I'm in such demand. But I love to take time off in the summer and spend it recharging, hanging out with my family and doing fun things together. that. And Amex membership would be the ideal way to do this because as an Amex card member, you can unlock more from the things you love across summer, whether that's music, sport, food, and loads more. Ben is going to help out. Apparently he's going to read out some experiences one by one.

31:19Romesh Ranganathan:And I'm going to decide which family member or friend I'll take to enjoy all the benefits I can unlock with Amex. The tricky bit is I can only bring one person to that event. And I don't know what experience will be revealed next. And I can't double up on the people. Let's start off. Ben. So what about the Formula One British Grand Prix? So you can get pre-sale access to select Formula One races. You can get early tickets. Complimentary Amex race radios. I love a race radio. Yeah. You can also get access to the trackside lounge, Amex trackside lounge. Okay. F1. So you really want to take somebody, because I think with something like that, you want to take somebody that also appreciates it.

32:02Romesh Ranganathan:I love F1, yeah. do you know what i'd probably take john you know john is somebody that i think would appreciate it alongside me it'd be fun to use the race radios so get staying across the action and then i'd go hang out with john in the trackside lounge okay what's the next one um so what about the uh the championships wimbledon the championships wimbledon that's how everyone refers to it. So tell me more about the Championships Wimbledon, Fed. Imagine it's the Wimbledon Championships. So you can get access to Amex Cardinal Lounge. Great. Where you can relax and recharge between matches. You can get complimentary Amex radios again.

32:45Romesh Ranganathan:And the Amex experience in the Southern Village, which offers games, photo moments, personalised touches that enhance the day. Again, I want to take somebody that can appreciate it with me. I'm a tennis fan. I obviously spent a lot of time hanging out with Andy Murray. We did a TV show together. We take Tom Davis. Tom Davis is a good friend of mine. I know he's really into tennis. He goes to Wimbledon every year. He loves the championships. I actually love to get just one Amex radio and then sort of gather around it like that. So we're having a light and it was sort of almost romantic bromance kind of experience together.

33:19Romesh Ranganathan:What's the next one? So this one's more music based because I'm speaking as a music lover myself. iconic UK festival. So including the American Express Presents Roundhay Festival in Leeds, as well as the BTS Hyde Park and All Points East in Victoria Park. I can get down there quite easily. You've sort of misspelled BST there. What's that? You've misspelled BST. What did I say? BTS. Who are the Korean? I love BTS as well. Yeah, yeah. I love music. Yeah. With me, I'm often just thinking about bands in my head. Sure, sure, sure. you can get access to the festivals helping car members secure tickets you can access the card member entry lanes at merchandise stores on site so you can get the swag okay well I do like music we have actually really similar music tastes I think I'd probably take off the top of my head Georgie I know that you love your music I think it'd be great to go there, have access to all the different experiences, and she's fun to hang out with and not too high maintenance.

34:31Romesh Ranganathan:Food next, Ben. Food next. What's the next one, Ben? The London Restaurant Festival. I've always wanted to go. I've not been. Right. Access to over 45 exclusive foodie experiences, including tasting tours, masterclasses. You would love that, wouldn't you? This is like it's designed for me. Yeah. Food can be quite an emotional sort of experience if you share it with a friend, so it feels like the right person. And I guess maybe in a way it's good because it's the last one. Save it. Save the best to last. Well, this is right up your street, isn't it? And I know you're a big foodie. To me, it's obvious.

35:02Romesh Ranganathan:And obviously I'll be messing around with all of this. But I think I'll probably take my mum. She's super into food. She loves the idea of tasting different things. I'd love to be a curated experience with my mum. So I think that makes sense. So I think it's pretty much all the people I care about sort of covered across those different experiences. Remember, all those experiences and more are possible when you're an Amex card member. Do something differently with Amex. Search Amex experiences to learn more. Preferred rewards gold credit card representative. 85.8 % APR variable. Annual fees apply after the first year.

35:41Romesh Ranganathan:Rates may vary. 18 plus. Subject to status. T's and C's apply. Okay, next up we've got an email from Will. Do you want to read it, Mum?

35:52Shanthi Ranganathan:No, you go ahead.

35:53Romesh Ranganathan:Hi, Ramesh Shanti and the team. Ah, lovely. Of freaks. That's not written. My girlfriend occasionally visits her dad at his flat for the weekend. Spends a lot of time on TikTok. He's convinced he's watching educational content, but it's actually pure conspiracy theories. He's spread many crazy debates. by the way you guys owned me on that TikTok algorithm thing didn't you

36:20Romesh Ranganathan:we're all in the show in the Diane Morgan episode I noticed that got clipped up good moment that was the lead clip what do you say I think you did get the better of me in that exchange sun's got to shine on the dogs arse someday it's actually pure conspiracy theories these have spurred many crazy debates he's convinced that there are hidden families with wealth way beyond the rich list who secretly run everything the government has been putting stuff in shampoo since the 70s to alter hormones and make people gay he takes these things so seriously she doesn't know how to react how does she survive a weekend without her brain leaking out of her ears I'd love for Romesh to roleplay as her dad and Chanty to be the voice of reason oh good fucking luck with that that casting thanks Will from Leicester so do you understand so basically he's Will's other half keeps going to see her dad and her dad's on TikTok getting conspiracy theories yeah so you're going to pretend to be the girlfriend and you're going to be sensible and I'm going to be the dad who's reading these things on TikTok

37:32Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm supposed to be his girlfriend

37:35Romesh Ranganathan:you're Will's girlfriend yeah Will's girlfriend yeah is she English I don't know

37:40Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't think my accent will be suitable for that

37:43Romesh Ranganathan:So what Okay I think we'll be fine Okay He's not said that she's not here illegally from Sri Lanka So it could be appropriate Alright so shall we Okay Shall we do it Okay Okay so we're at my flat Yeah You are all bugger Yeah What do you want your name to be?

38:06Shanthi Ranganathan:Sheila Sheila

38:10Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. All right. Okay. And we'll set the scene. A bit of music. Oh, yeah. So we're in my flat. Okay. I've got my 80s playlist on in the background. Okay. Bloody hell, Sheila. You're right. Thanks for coming to visit.

38:33Shanthi Ranganathan:You're welcome, Dad. Anytime.

38:35Romesh Ranganathan:Thanks for the biscuits.

38:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh. You're welcome again.

38:42Romesh Ranganathan:I love our chat, Sheila.

38:44Shanthi Ranganathan:Have you... How are you, by the way? You're feeling okay there?

38:50Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I'm feeling good, thanks, love. I was just...

38:55Shanthi Ranganathan:How is your blood pressure? Did you check it this morning?

38:59Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I don't think it's funny, is it? I did check my blood pressure. It's at normal levels, yeah. Why is that funny?

39:05Shanthi Ranganathan:It's not funny. Before I forget, I want to ask you and make sure. Before you go into your TikTok account, that's all. Okay.

39:16Romesh Ranganathan:You all right? I'm fine. You've got the giggles there. Anyways, look at this bloody TikTok. You find out a lot of interesting stuff on there. For example, what shampoo do you use? Me? No.

39:39Romesh Ranganathan:Yes, you. What shampoo do you use?

39:42Shanthi Ranganathan:I forgot what shampoo.

39:44Romesh Ranganathan:Right.

39:44Shanthi Ranganathan:I make my own shampoo. You make your own shampoo? Yeah.

39:52Romesh Ranganathan:What do you make your...

39:55Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I can't give the name.

39:56Romesh Ranganathan:What do you make your shampoo out of?

39:59Shanthi Ranganathan:Shea Khan.

40:00Romesh Ranganathan:Shea Khan? Shea Khan. Shea Khan?

40:03Shanthi Ranganathan:Shea...

40:03Romesh Ranganathan:From the Jungle Book? It's a herb. It's a herb, right. What's it called?

40:10Shanthi Ranganathan:You boil... Shiaka.

40:11Romesh Ranganathan:Shiaka. Shiaka, yeah. Shiaka.

40:12Shanthi Ranganathan:Shiaka.

40:13Romesh Ranganathan:Shiaka. Sounds like General Levy. Incredible. It is incredible. Shiaka, Shiaka. Boom, boom.

40:27Shanthi Ranganathan:Anyway.

40:28Romesh Ranganathan:Anyway, yeah. You boil it. Yeah. Put some pellicric seed in there. Right. and then I wash my hair with that.

40:40Shanthi Ranganathan:Shear kerker.

40:41Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, shear kerker.

40:42Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, it's so good for you.

40:43Romesh Ranganathan:All right.

40:44Shanthi Ranganathan:But if it looks a bit horrible, then I use the baby shampoo.

40:48Romesh Ranganathan:Baby shampoo? Baby shampoo. That orange one?

40:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, that's the one.

40:53Romesh Ranganathan:Do you ever feel like when you're...

40:56Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I'm not talking like an old man.

40:58Romesh Ranganathan:I would say you're not talking like my daughter very much either.

41:01Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, okay.

41:04Romesh Ranganathan:Now, when you're using that baby shampoo, do you ever start to feel a little bit like you might be into other women?

41:15Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I don't.

41:16Romesh Ranganathan:Are you sure?

41:17Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, what made you ask, Dad? You have a dirty mind. I don't like it.

41:25Romesh Ranganathan:Okay.

41:32Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, sorry about that, sweetheart. It's okay. It's just that on this thing, it says here that the government are putting stuff into certain shampoos to make people gay.

41:43Shanthi Ranganathan:What benefit that the government is going to get by making a lot of people gay?

41:50Romesh Ranganathan:I don't understand.

41:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Why are they making them gay?

41:53Romesh Ranganathan:What are they going to benefit out of that? It's very difficult even in a role play situation to not cancel yourself, isn't it?

42:05Romesh Ranganathan:I'm going to be honest with you darling you've really backed me into a corner here career wise anyway end scene Will I don't know what you're trying to do man but that role play was incredibly dangerous

42:22Romesh Ranganathan:I think she did it though she cornered you didn't she

42:25Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah you were

42:26Romesh Ranganathan:she convinced him fine but I don't think when his girlfriend speaks to her dad, he's going to be in the middle of a podcast. I mean, that's what made it awkward for me. I think he's just going to say openly, isn't he? Do you know what I mean? He's going to start saying something like that. I don't know. If he's a conspiracy theorist kind of guy, he might have his own podcast. That's true. That's also true. I mean, all of you guys, I don't know if people know, every one of the animals has their own podcast. You should check it out. Like and subscribe if you like, but it is just a series of guttural noises.

43:00Romesh Ranganathan:and just sort of emissions.

43:06Romesh Ranganathan:Ben did an hour of him just scratching himself the other day that you can find wherever you get your podcasts. But the stuff on the Patreon is even better. Oh, it's really good. They start flinging each other's shit at each other and stuff like that.

43:22Romesh Ranganathan:And they play a game every week called What's That Smell? and it's always one of them

43:33Romesh Ranganathan:anyway good luck Will we hope that we've solved your problem is that what we've got time for? I guess was the solution just to put up a logical argument against the conspiracy? yeah because your girlfriend is so nice that's what Shanti did no I know that's what mum did the problem with conspiracy theories is absence of evidence is just further evidence that it's a conspiracy so it's actually very difficult to dispute a conspiracy theory because they go well that doesn't make any sense because why would they do that and they go well that's exactly why it's so clever that's why it's so smart because you wouldn't think of it but doesn't it make absolutely no sense at all and they would never do that that's what they're wanting to think

44:19Romesh Ranganathan:you've fallen into their trap that's the problem

44:23Shanthi Ranganathan:he's very clever Look at the question he pulled.

44:26Romesh Ranganathan:What question?

44:27Shanthi Ranganathan:The government is pulling something in the shampoo

44:31Romesh Ranganathan:to make you holy. Is it holy? No, gay.

44:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Where did he get that idea from?

44:38Romesh Ranganathan:So what's happened now is, actually, Will, as a result of your email, my mum is now a conspiracy theorist. That's how quickly these things can spread. All it takes is one email and my mum now believes they're putting stuff in shampoo

44:54Shanthi Ranganathan:to make people gay or horny.

44:57Romesh Ranganathan:Do you believe any conspiracy theories?

44:58Shanthi Ranganathan:No, I don't.

45:00Romesh Ranganathan:Good chat. Voice note from Rob. We've got time for one more. We've got time for one more. Voice note from Rob. We've got time for one more. Hi team, my name's Rob. Just a quick prefix to say I only listen to the Thursday show because of Shanti. and this is my second favorite podcast behind the wolf and owl because i really like smog davis here is my question i work in an office and we throw around a lot of would you rather and sort of hypothetical scenarios and one that gained a lot of traction this week was this if for example hypothetically promise you've got a comically small penis and you're on the dating scene say sort of tinder at what point do you drop that bomb the men in the office seem to you know pretty much agree that you you would do it in the texting stage maybe like third or fourth text and most of the women said you know let it get to the first date night where the trousers might be removed uh which surprised me thoughts very detailed email very abrupt ending I thought well thank you so much Rob based on what you said so far I think you might be the office

46:36no I'm joking

46:38Romesh Ranganathan:thank you for your email voice note sorry so comically small penis mum Rob's a big fan of yours yeah what do you think if you if a man had a tiny tiny penis yeah when do you think he should reveal that to a potential lover

46:57Shanthi Ranganathan:before you get married

46:59Romesh Ranganathan:before you get married before you have sex before you have sex don't give a heart attack yeah don't give a heart attack

47:05Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah because you're showing your tiny penis so

47:10Romesh Ranganathan:well the way Rob thank you for giving me the opportunity to hear my mum say those words out loud.

47:19Romesh Ranganathan:What would you do? What would I do? What did I do?

47:27Romesh Ranganathan:I find it incredible that the men's consensus was on like a text. What the fuck are you talking about? Who do you work with? In a text? You're going out with someone. By the way, did you watch... Have you been watching Widow's Bay? by the way I've got a tiny penis what are you talking about

47:45Shanthi Ranganathan:as long as it functions properly

47:48Romesh Ranganathan:no but these men in the office where do you work I'm sorry I could not disagree with that more drop it in a text I guess it means you're not worried when you're going on that first date I get it I get it you're not sort of getting anxious about revealing it sure but I think it's I think these things are better done face to face from my experience and I think I think you wait until you know you're heading towards that there would always be part of me that would hope that it's going so well that we might not just have to mention it do you know what I mean that you just go I don't know that was good wasn't it and you go are you finished no I'm joking I think you say it in conversation I think you're probably worrying about this more than I think if you had a comic it depends how tiny tiny is do you know what I mean he said comedically small didn't he

48:52Romesh Ranganathan:like really like no smaller than me so

49:00Romesh Ranganathan:I guess if you look at it from the other end of the spectrum what if you had a sort of comically large you probably wouldn't say that feels a bit presumptuous. You wouldn't say that in a text. They do, don't they? It feels very arbitrary. Guys do. Do what? Guys with big penises, they'll find a way of letting people know. We had a guy at uni that just walk in breakfast and just start whindling. They want everyone to know. No. Yeah. I think that might be your personal experience, Ben, that you've assumed as a general observation. Much like my nose trimmers on TikTok.

49:35Romesh Ranganathan:No, I know what you mean. is it's you're more likely to let on yeah that um i could barely see the urinal beneath the shadow

49:45Romesh Ranganathan:that sort of thing is what you mean isn't it yeah um i uh i i think um i think you bring up i think maybe if if the evening's heading that way you sort of maybe bring it up in com in conversation do you mean i think a text it's just super presumptuous and i also think like that that is look sex is an important part of a relationship but you you i think you can if you're with somebody that you've decided that you're gonna if you're with somebody that's that you're looking to actually have a relationship with i think you just have a mature conversation about and i think it'll probably be all right is what i think yeah but i think sort of what did it what's his exact wording if you love somebody Well, we're not talking about love at this stage.

50:34Romesh Ranganathan:This is the beginning of... Yeah.

50:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay.

50:37Romesh Ranganathan:What was the exact wording? Do you remember? Around which part? About, sorry, when the men in the office have agreed that you should let the woman know. It was text. He said over text, yeah. Over text beforehand. Before the date. Before the, yeah. Before the first date as well. I think that's insane. I think it's absolutely insane. Because you might not even vibe at all. I guess what the men are saying is that they are assuming that the woman might then go, do you know what? I'm out. I guess that's what they're trying to avoid. It feels like you forced her to go on a first date by that. I feel like you're the opposite.

51:14Romesh Ranganathan:You can't reveal that. And then she's like, she then bails. No, you'd send a couple of follow-up texts and then you'd go, we'll go to the mill. Do you know what I mean?

51:27Romesh Ranganathan:you go yeah not bothered about that anyway how's things excited about tonight oh feeling a bit gippy

51:37Romesh Ranganathan:yeah that's tough yeah that is tough but really a first date is about whether or not you get on with the person that should be your primary fear yeah and you know tiny comedically small penises can be worked around can't they?

51:54Shanthi Ranganathan:You can enlarge it.

51:55Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah you can enlarge it or you can do other stuff.

51:59Shanthi Ranganathan:Medically?

52:00Romesh Ranganathan:Medically yeah. Or a sheath.

52:02Shanthi Ranganathan:Sorry?

52:03Romesh Ranganathan:Nothing. No what did you say? A sheath you can get a piece of sheath can't you? How would that help? Well it's like a little extender.

52:11Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay. Pull

52:13Romesh Ranganathan:it out? Anyway I wouldn't know but I'm just no. Is it pronounced sheath? Sheath or sleeve? well it's a sheath what you put a sword in i would say that's a different word sheath what you put a sword in isn't it sheath is what people call condoms yeah well it's like a condom but like extra large like an extra large condom that doesn't that feels like that would make it worse doesn't it yeah you just look like you've got a sock strapped to the front it's not a sheath i don't know what it's like a scabbard yeah yeah yeah something like that yeah so what you're suggesting you what you role play as if you're in game of

52:46Shanthi Ranganathan:thrones okay well i hope that helps now that we've covered conspiracy theories and penises

52:59Romesh Ranganathan:i guess that means it's time to end the show uh thank you so much for listening and watching remember to like and subscribe join us on monday for another great episode unless you're rob in in which case you'll be waiting for the Thursday one. Bye. Mum, could you say bye? Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you so much for watching and listening to this episode. Before you go, if you've enjoyed this episode and you've not subscribed, that's a bold decision. Crazy behavior. Follow and subscribe to The Romesh Ranganathan Show wherever you listen. It helps me.

53:38Romesh Ranganathan:Really, like, really helps me. It helps the team. and it costs you absolutely nothing. We drop episodes every Monday and Thursday. Mondays, I'm joined by great guests. Thursdays, my mum, Shadi, joins me to answer your questions and family dilemmas. We'll see you Monday with another great guest and back here with mum on Thursday. If you've got a problem you want to solve or a story you want to share, send it to podcast.rangabi.com, voice not or text us on 07731 623 355. We can't promise good advice, but you might end up on the show. See you soon