In short
A Romesh Ranganathan Show “Thursday” episode with Shanthi Ranganathan (“pod mother”) answering listener dilemmas and running a “philosophical questions” segment (Ship of Theseus/identity), then a “love languages” discussion and audience Q&A about age/socializing, family contact, and relationship expectations.
Guests/backgrounds
No external guests. Main hosts are Romesh Ranganathan and Shanthi Ranganathan, plus recurring “team”/Ben/Will/John mentioned in production and listener interactions.
Key claims
Replacing parts raises identity questions (Ship of Theseus; “same ship” depends on criteria). Love languages include words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and receiving gifts; relationships can decay into a “husk” after romance. For a 33-year-old returning to uni, age gap worries are “in your head”; do what you want and focus on studying. For a son abroad, stop scorekeeping about who initiates contact—keep calling to maintain closeness.
Notable examples
Trigger’s Broom/Only Fools and Horses; ship/plank and face/arm thought experiments; listener Cecilia’s uni socializing email; listener Kush’s mother-contact email.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOMutton Rolls and Family Banter
0:45 to 1:17
Light-hearted conversation about mutton rolls and family dynamics.
Mutton Rolls and Family Banter
1:22 to 2:12
Light-hearted conversation about mutton rolls and family dynamics.
“From the moment he took over in 2016, right through to the tournament runs that had the whole country holding their breath.”
Scary Movie Talk
2:12 to 2:38
Discussion about the new 'Scary Movie' and their experience with horror films.
“It's the sixth one, but it's not Scary Movie 6.”
Addressing Listener Feedback
2:38 to 3:18
Hosts discuss listener feedback regarding the show's language and content.
“You're in luck, Mum, because it's a parody movie.”
Philosophical Questions: The Ship of Theseus
3:18 to 6:00
Exploring the philosophical concept of identity through the Ship of Theseus.
“ZetBound is a prescription medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, OSA, and obesity to improve their OSA.”
Philosophy and Personal Identity
6:00 to 9:23
Continuing the philosophical discussion on replacing parts and identity.
“If the mirror is broken, you put the mirror back.”
Learning and Growth
9:23 to 11:00
Shanthi shares her learning journey and desires for personal growth.
“So many different ways they ask questions.”
Listener Messages and Interaction
11:00 to 14:01
Reading and discussing listener messages, highlighting audience connection.
“If I come and tell you, Rumi, I like to learn about this.”
Listener Emails and Reactions
14:01 to 14:52
Listeners share their thoughts on the podcast and its hosts.
“Okay, well, can we add them to mom's thing then?”
Listener Emails and Reactions
14:55 to 16:02
Listeners share their thoughts on the podcast and its hosts.
“original series exclusively on Disney Plus.”
Show all 19 chapters
Voice Note from Fans
16:02 to 17:20
Fans express their admiration and inquire about love languages.
“18 +, subscription required, T's and C's apply.”
Exploring Love Languages
17:20 to 23:00
Discussion on love languages and personal interpretations between hosts.
“No, Emily and Charlie, thank you so much for your voice note.”
Shanti and Relationship Insights
23:00 to 28:00
Shanti shares her view on love languages, gifts, and relationships.
“you can't if you're you won't be able to see but Ben is trying to do some sort of mime I don't could you sort of mirror him so yeah sure Ready to soundtrack your summer?”
Mum's Watch Shopping Distraction
28:00 to 29:12
A humorous discussion unfolds as the podcast hosts navigate a distraction involving watch shopping.
“genuinely he's aroused because he's a watch guy.”
Mum's Watch Shopping Distraction
29:20 to 30:48
A humorous discussion unfolds as the podcast hosts navigate a distraction involving watch shopping.
“Rom, I just got back from a trip of a lifetime to Egypt.”
Advice for Returning Students
30:55 to 36:21
The hosts discuss an email from a student feeling out of place at university due to age differences.
“And Ben will show you some Rolexes afterwards.”
Navigating Family Communication
36:22 to 42:00
The discussion turns to a listener's struggle with maintaining communication with their mother.
“Don't worry about other people, what they are doing.”
Advice on Connecting with Family
42:00 to 43:06
Learn how to strengthen your connection with family members through communication.
“And I think you sound like a really nice guy.”
Looking Ahead to Future Episodes
43:33 to 44:49
Find out what's coming next on the podcast and how to engage with the show.
“We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday playing fast and loose with the word great.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Hello and welcome to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Every Thursday we chat about Monday's Celeb Episode and answer your questions and dilemmas. Listen, we don't always get it right. And when we don't, it's made very clear in the comments, but we try our best, don't we, Mummy? Of course we do. Talking of which, I'm joined by the pod mother. Oh, that sounds disgusting. Shanthi Ranganathan and the team.
0:23Romesh Ranganathan:And for those who have expressed any concern about them and suggesting I'm too mean, Mum has brought them a bumper... You've brought so many mutton rolls today, haven't you? I have. Yeah. So they'll be happily snuffling them from their troughs. It's delicious. Thank you so much. A bit spicy today. They were a bit spicy today. Is it okay if I take some home, shall I see? That's horrible, Robbie. Mum, you look absolutely delightful. Oh, thank you. Coming from you. How are you? I'm fine, thank you. Hmm. All brown. All brown. All brown. Now these days. Like the podcast. Because we're both brown. Oh, yeah.
1:17Romesh Ranganathan:This episode is brought to you by Dear England on BBC iPlayer, the brand new fictionalised drama telling the story of Gareth Southgate as the England manager. From the moment he took over in 2016, right through to the tournament runs that had the whole country holding their breath. And before you think it's just a football show, it really isn't. At its heart, it's an underdog story about leadership, pressure, belief, and those moments we all lived through together, whether we cared about football or not. Gareth Southgate, obviously, another son of Crawley, taking the England football team and changing the culture around them.
1:48Romesh Ranganathan:We shared memes about him. We got excited. We had a belief in England that we didn't have before. He united the country. And we also got very excited about the potential comeback of the waistcoat. With the World Cup around the corner, it's never been a better time to remember those we all felt that moments. And maybe we will again dare to dream. Dear England, watch on BBC iPlayer.
2:12Romesh Ranganathan:On Monday, we had two of the Wayans brothers, Marlon and Sean, who just made Scary Movie. It's the sixth one, but it's not Scary Movie 6. Mum, do you like a scary movie? I do. Boo! Jesus!
2:26No, I think if I see somebody at the window when I'm blowing up, I will have a heart attack.
2:32Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I find that. And often if I'm in the park and somebody chases me with a knife, I find it scary. You're in luck, Mum, because it's a parody movie. It's taking the piss out. I'm not taking the piss, parodying. What's the title for that? Scary Movie. No, what's the name of the movie? Scary Movie. That's it? Yeah. Scary Movie. Scary Movie. Where do I watch it? You can watch it in the cinema. Mum, would you like to go together? I'd love to. Will it happen, darling? Yeah, let's go and watch it together. Okay. Now, this is... Well, we're addressing listener, not concerns, but feedback. Some listeners think we swear too much.
3:11Romesh Ranganathan:We often end up talking about shit or toilets. So the team had a fucking idea to elevate the fucking pod a bit. Make it a little bit *** highbrow. they suggested we talk a little bit of fucking philosophy mom you up for that i am okay okay so this is some philosophical questions i want you to think about this okay the idea that this first one yeah it's going to go okay it's gonna be great snoring gasping during sleep feeling fatigued ask your doctor about zep bound terzepatite the first and only fda approved prescription medicine for moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, OSA, and adults with obesity.
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4:09Romesh Ranganathan:terzepatide and should not be used with other terzepatide-containing products or any GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if ZepBound is safe and effective for use in children. Don't share needles or pins or reuse needles. Don't take if allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or if you've had multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck. Stop ZepBound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction. Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems.
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5:35Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, Mum. I'm going to say this slowly. Just listen carefully, okay? Imagine you've got a ship. Yeah. Over time, bits of the ship break. Over time, bits of the ship break, so you replace them. One plank at a time. Plank here, take it off, replace it. Eventually, every single bit of the ship has been replaced. Yeah. My question to you is, is it still the same ship? No. Why? Because they repair it. If the mirror is broken, you put the mirror back. It's not the same, is it? So it works on the same thing. Okay, but if the ship was called HMS Shanty and you replaced all the parts, That ship is still referred to as HMS Shanthi, isn't it?
6:30The name?
6:31Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. But nobody knows. They repaired it. Yeah. So that's still the same ship, isn't it? The same ship. I don't know whether it will function properly. I don't know. Okay. What about if you... So is your kitchen your kitchen? Yeah. What if we took every part of that kitchen and we took it out and we replaced it with a more expensive part that your son paid for? Just hypothetically. Why do you have to say son paid for? I'm just saying it's just part of the philosophy. Once or twice is enough. This is like a violin the son paid for. All right. The son paid for. Yeah. So is that the same kitchen?
7:14No, it won't be. It won't be.
7:16Romesh Ranganathan:But it's still your kitchen, isn't it? It's my kitchen. But it will look that. Maybe something different, the colour won't match. No. It's not the same kitchen? It's not the same kitchen, no. But if you swap just one part of the kitchen, is it your kitchen? Of course it's my kitchen. Two parts? No. This only really works if you know how many parts. Okay. 20 % of the kitchen is swapped? I last time to see the whole bloody thing. Yeah, once you change 20%, that's the old rule with kitchens. Once you change 20%, change the whole lot. Yeah. Yeah. What if you replaced me? What if I changed my whole face and then they replaced my arm and then they replaced my other arm and then they replaced my torso and then replaced my, you know, the other stuff?
8:04Romesh Ranganathan:Am I still the same person? No. You're not a robot. I'm not.
8:13Yeah. Yeah. You can't find exactly the same thing. Okay.
8:17Romesh Ranganathan:How about this one? This is slightly tricky one. Yeah. Say if there was a list. Pardon? Say if there was a list. List. Okay. And somebody says they completed the list. Yeah. But somebody else has helped them with every part of the list. This is bullshit. I know what you are getting at. Well, I'm not getting... No, I'm saying this is a philosophical thing. You know what I learned from you and your brother's conversation? What? Mum is a dumb idiot. Yeah. If you believed in me that she will be able to do it. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about, I'm staying for this question. Why it has to be a list?
8:56You could have spoken about something else. All right, fine. It goes in your head. How the fuck she made the list? you didn't have any belief in me that mum can do it you don't have to say it from your actions I know you think I'm a dumb idiot
9:18Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think you're a dumb idiot even if you needed help for the list it doesn't make you a dumb idiot everybody needs sometimes help but I did my list on your own with no help yeah and when we talk about the list we're referencing the christmas special episode yeah if you want to find out what the list is about and fuck knows why you'd want to go to the christmas app where we discuss it there's a list of items that ben helped mum with did not help she's denied didn't help for god's sake don't blame ben honest to god he didn't help but somebody did help you Going around in circle, you are becoming like a lawyer.
10:01The lawyer to find the culprit. So many different ways they ask questions.
10:07Romesh Ranganathan:Right. It happened last Christmas. Yeah. Why is it bothering you? Last Christmas, I gave you a list and Ben helped me, but you won't admit. Okay. That was the first question. That was philosophy. Thank you. That was a famous philosophical idea called the ship of... Theseus, isn't it? Yeah, I thought it was Theseus, not Thaddeus. Thaddeus is one of the fucking Chippendales, isn't it? Yeah, it would be the ship of Theseus, wouldn't it? Yeah. That's called the ship of Theseus, where the bits are removed and da-da-da, you know what I mean? It's good to do philosophy, isn't it? They did it in Only Fools and Horses, too, didn't they, with Trigger's Broom.
10:51Romesh Ranganathan:Same philosophy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trigger's Broom, they replaced the broom. That was good, wasn't it? You guys were great. It was interesting. Yeah, it was interesting, yeah. I hope that helps people, like, a little bit of learning. Do you know what I mean? I like to learn. Yeah. If I come and tell you, Rumi, I like to learn about this. Will you help me? Yeah, of course I will. Hello. Oh, what's wrong? Who was that, Ben? No, I have to have. Answer it. I have to have. It's a commissioner at TRC. I have to, because when I play the clips, I have to have the sound on. Okay. So that's why that was on.
11:22Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. I'm not having a go. I just, I felt bad, but that was the reasoning. that's legitimate yeah that's fine and I think Will you're happy with that aren't you yeah John you're happy with that mum you're happy with that I'm always happy but I'm sorry I interrupted the podcast to pick back up Shanti what have you out of the things that you've learnt is there anything that you've learnt recently how to do or something new well the list yeah I do it now normally when I want to write a list I take a piece of paper. Now I do it on my phone. So that helps me. And the appointment, I learned to put on the date, you know, the week, what I have.
12:08I'm trying to learn, but I'm successful, but I want to learn more, more and more. Every week, some new thing. What would you like to learn next? How to hit you.
12:26Romesh Ranganathan:what do you really want to learn next it doesn't come in my mind how to book holidays how to book holidays where did you want to go on holiday I want to go to Greek island the one you went is it expensive yeah
12:53Romesh Ranganathan:oh you didn't did you put your mom on rare yet did you set that up no i've not set it up yet because i didn't know i didn't know how comfortable she felt about actually i don't mind i can talk to any guys no problem at all do you want to go on raya then i'll set you up a raya profile yeah yeah i mean i could smell it it's a bastard how can you smell it the way he talks yeah the sexy voice comes. Hello, darling. What are you wearing today? Fuck off. Okay. Well, that's... I'm sure the men of Raya are excited about that possibility. It's time for audience interaction. Thank you so much for your messages and voice notes.
13:31Romesh Ranganathan:They are brilliant. We really love them. We can't go back to everyone individually, but we do read them all, don't we, Ben? Obviously, I don't personally. We do. You should read as well, Romy. All of them. Why not? I mean, you're always on the phone and laptop, take it. Just read it. I can add it to your mail account so then it comes forwarded. It helps you. When you talk about things, that thing will help you. What? Emails from listeners? Emails, of course. Help me to do what? Of course, customers. It's a kind of respecting them. You read it. I don't feel the need to do that. Now, do you want to read them?
14:12Romesh Ranganathan:Such a rule bugger you are. Do you want to read them? I love to read, yeah. Okay, well, can we add them to mom's thing then? She can read them. I will read everything then and tell him. All right. I'd love to get that summary. This one, I wasn't really sure what he was saying, but it's something about us. I really don't talk like that, Ramesh. The next one is from a guy, Philip. He said, I'm wonderful, natural, funny. And he called me Auntie Shanti. And he said he loves me. The next one, a lot of the emails are just, I've got to be honest with you, Ramesh, a lot of it is just I'm the reason they listen to the podcast Oh you have read them Rom
14:52Romesh Ranganathan:This episode is brought to you by Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series exclusively on Disney Plus. My friendships are very important to me. My mates have stuck with me through thick and thin and dodgy sweater vests I'm hard to offend so they'd have to do something pretty bad to put our friendship in jeopardy For example, if I saw one of my friends being rude to a member of serving staff, that would put it in jeopardy. If one of my friends thought that Tottenham potentially going down wasn't funny, that would jeopardise our friendship. But that is nothing compared to what goes down in Alice and Steve, a new six-part comedy series from the producers of Baby Reindeer, which can only be described as the ultimate wrong-com.
15:31Romesh Ranganathan:Alice and Steve are lifelong mates, until Alice's adult daughter sleeps with Steve. Yeah, unbelievable. Pretty difficult for a friendship to recover from. I'm not speaking from experience, but I'm saying I can imagine. Obviously, that blows everything up, and their friendship is tested to the absolute max. Starring Nicola Walker and Jermaine Clement, it's a hilariously messy and complicated exploration of friendship, family, and love, where best friends make the best enemies. Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series, exclusively on Disney+. 18 +, subscription required, T's and C's apply.
16:09Romesh Ranganathan:a reminder that you can always text or whatsapp us on 07731623355 or you can email podcast at rangabi.com that is podcast at rangabi.com okay we've got a voice note from emily and charlie hi ramesh and shanti i'm emily and i'm charlie and we adore listening to you guys every week without fail. We never miss an episode. Oh, thank you. We think you guys are such an amazing duo. One of you is a true national treasure, a comedic genius. You're stylish, hilarious, and one of our favourite personalities to ever grace the screen. And the other one is Ramesh Rangan. You want to know what is your love language?
16:53We'd love to find out. That's nice. He went there. He went there. Fuck me.
17:03Romesh Ranganathan:Let's have a reload on that one. A comedic genius. You're stylish, hilarious, and one of our favourite personalities to ever grace the screen. And the other one is Romesh Ranganathan. What is your love language? We'd love to find out. What's that? Why don't they say, fuck you. Okay, let's... Keep going. No, come on. What is your love language? which we'd love to find out. Lots of love. Bye. Bye. Okay. Are there a couple? Yeah. Yeah. First of all, hope you break up.
17:48Romesh Ranganathan:And I also hope it's not amicable.
17:54Romesh Ranganathan:No, Emily and Charlie, thank you so much for your voice note. Yeah. This is a good question. It's something Lisa and I've talked about quite a lot because I think my love language is sort of, is jokes and stuff and being affectionate and, you know, like a lot of chat, you know, I think verbally, you know, I like to express my feelings to Lisa and stuff like that. Whereas I think that her love language, I think they call it, well, I think it's like she likes doing, you know, she likes to show she cares by doing, you know like if i mention that i like a particular thing even in light conversation i go i really love this cereal or whatever i'll say it in a throwaway thing it will be there the next like she'll remember and get it do you know what i mean so like and that's the way that so she's not as i wouldn't say she's as uh extroverted with it in the way that she talks and stuff like that but she so we i think we do have different yeah in her actions whereas i say a lot and deliver nothing As a mother-in-law, I think she's so lucky for you since you started, you know, you're after the...
19:03Smashing.
19:07That it helped you so much.
Read the full transcript
19:10Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, she's great. And she got to know you when you were not popular at that time. Well, I wasn't popular, but I was at the start of my career. Do you have friends, though? Pardon? Do you have friends at that point? Yeah, like both of them. Yeah, yeah. But she waited. They were very patient. And she told me it takes so long to get into this media. So she understood because she's a drama teacher. Doesn't come just like that. So in that matter, I do like her. And she's lucky, I think. What's your love language, mum? Love language, cooking. And if I like somebody, love somebody, I will cook whatever they like to eat that day.
19:54Romesh Ranganathan:I believe they call it acts of service, don't they? Yeah, that is. And whatever they need. What are the love languages? Can we look it up? Yeah. Is it gift giving, acts of service, words of affirmation? Words of affirmation, sorry. Well, so I didn't hear what you... Can I be honest with you? Physical touch. Physical touch. Oh, there you go. That's what I meant. That's what you said, I think. And there's another one. So these are all acts you can... I actually don't know much about this. This is all apps you can do. No, this is like what your favourite... So in terms of how you show your love to your partner...
20:32Romesh Ranganathan:Quality time. It's your default. Oh, yeah. You know, how you... Physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts. Receiving gifts feels like a good one. Words of affirmation, quality time. So I'm a words of affirmation guy. I know but this is I'm talking about receiving not delivering I'm talking about delivering not receiving because you have different love languages for both yeah I think words of affirmation is what I deliver and then a lot of physical touch like loads
21:13Romesh Ranganathan:yeah I don't know what I like I don't know what I like to receive I don't know what's yours man what do you like out of those Yeah, make sure that whatever they need, you do that and look after them. If you are going out or you are living together, for example, prescription, you collect it and make sure everything is in order. Make their life comfortable. Yeah. And the food is important. Yeah. And I think what is important to remember is after the initial kind of romance phase, you are just going to settle on being friends and essentially the relationship will be a husk but don't think that you can get better elsewhere because it will just be fun for a little bit then that will decay and then you'll be in a husk again and actually the whole idea that you're lovey-dovey and it's going to be magical forever is a fallacy and people believing that is part of the reason that so many relationships break up I think Chanchi was describing acts of service Yeah, right.
22:19Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, she was. Yeah, sorry. Ah, there you go. And I was describing the husk that can be left behind where the relationship inevitably decays. Same person. Same person. Same person, yeah. They want to get hold of me. So you didn't message back saying busy at the moment? No. What's stupid is I could have put a mute straight after the message. Don't be hard on yourself, man. You're doing really great. Thanks, I appreciate it. You're doing really great. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry Will I'm sorry Shanti I'm sorry John it's okay there's nothing to forgive there's nothing to apologise for there's nothing to forgive words of affirmation yeah there you go and I'm doing acts of service in what way
23:05Romesh Ranganathan:you can't if you're you won't be able to see but Ben is trying to do some sort of mime I don't could you sort of mirror him so yeah sure
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24:01Romesh Ranganathan:Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you wreck. Shanthi, what about your love language that you receive? Because you said that you would do a lot of acts of service. Would that be the same? Would your love language be? I never... The first 20 years, and he used to buy, when he goes out on a working trip, he will bring so many expensive presents. He was a good man. I love receiving presents. Yeah, I'm going to tell you now, that is mum's love language.
24:43Romesh Ranganathan:Over and above, receiving gifts, that's your favourite. I love it. That is your favourite. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, my husband used to bring a lot of stuff. And he used to help me with cooking and everything. And he used to come on time to see the children. But when he reached 40... That's when you get horny. What? Sorry, I didn't realise I was talking out loud, sorry. So anything moves, he jumps. Right, that was the bad behaviour. Bad, bad behaviour. Something gone wrong. And anybody, it doesn't matter whether they are thin or thick or horrible, only thing they need, fuck, that's it.
25:25It's very true.
25:27Romesh Ranganathan:I guess my service is like just bringing us all here together. Yeah. Yeah. Have you brought us all together? I'm the linchpin, aren't I, between all of us? You are not the fucking linchpin. you are you're barely a pin Christmas time you ask me Christmas time yeah listen you talk about this I can tell you you ask me what do you want for Christmas yeah if I said Rolex you would have bought it for me yeah wow I missed a lot oh my god
26:01Romesh Ranganathan:will you yeah we could oh we could do that but I've but I the only my only thing with that is if you really wanted a rolex right they're fucking expensive if you really wanted one if i thought you really wanted one and you that was something you're like you yeah like no no no no just hear me out a second i what i don't like is people asking me things just on a whim because they fancy in that moment so if you really want a rolex and it's something you like then i'll consider buying it for you but if you just go i want a rolex because you've heard the word rolex and it's expensive. No, no, no. Have you seen a Rolex you like?
26:38I have. I have. I have. Dinesh took me. Now we have... You know what?
26:44Romesh Ranganathan:We need to get Dinesh back for an episode because you can't... I'll be honest with you. Go on. Dinesh said to me, I have got so much jewellery, darling. So many necklaces. None of them are going to wear it after I am gone because it's those type of jewellery nobody wears. Dinesh said to me, collect all those jewellery I'll take you to the jewellers and we evaluate how much is going to come and we'll go and buy the Rolex I'll take you to Horsham or whatever shop you want I think Dinesh's love language might be inheritance that's a horrible thing to say I'm seeing how this benefits him how? well you've got a lot of fucking shit jewellery that nobody wants to wear how about you trade it up for a Rolex that maybe after you go we can do something with it's unbelievable that's a horrible thing to say about your brother it's a horrible thing to do by my brother I'm only joking I'm only joking Dereesh I'm only kidding what model did you want Shanti I don't know much about that thing but when I look at it I will read by the way just so you know Ben right now he's got a genuinely he's aroused because he's a watch guy.
28:05Romesh Ranganathan:He's got very excited. He's now Googling it straight away. I will. Let me sell all my jewelry, everything going. Yeah. Because my granddaughter is not going to wear. No. My daughter, grandson's, girls are not going to wear. It will be sitting there. Yeah, okay. Rather make. This feels like, I mean, I know that the podcast is supposed to be natural, but this feels like some admin that you could do afterwards, right? I just want to. We're now on the podcast. You're Googling watches for mum to have a look at. It's fucking insane. Can we make some concession to the fact there's an audience to this?
28:40Romesh Ranganathan:I literally cannot fucking believe it's happening. Rami. I know the lines are blurred between it's like a behind, you know, you're looking. This is crazy. What were you thinking? You're then going to get your laptop and show mum some watches? We'll do it afterwards. Fucking hell. Yes, you are. They say the best podcast feel like when you've just been dropped into a room. Yeah. You know, just to fly on the wall. Because of the podcast, we are all together. Exactly. Quality time. And I'm the linchpin. Quality time. I treasure this. Otherwise, I won't see you, man. Mom. Yeah. Please, we cannot go down this road again.
29:17Romesh Ranganathan:This episode is brought to you by Virgin Red. Now, the team had a question for me this week. Rom, I just got back from a trip of a lifetime to Egypt. It was my first time. I didn't know what to expect. And honestly, it was one of those trips that just completely blow you away. The food, the streets, the people. I came back a completely different person. And I thought, you talk about places you want to go all the time. So what's actually stopping you? Well, that is true, Will. I've got a long list of places that I want to go. And I always talk about going to them. And I talk about them like it's actually happening.
29:51Romesh Ranganathan:You know, there's so many times I've thought about booking places that I actually think I know enough about them that I could actually report back as if I visited. But every time you do go, when you just like take the plunge and go for it, you always come back from a trip thinking, I'm so glad I did it. Why did I delay that so long? This is an incredible experience. It's something I'm going to talk about forever and certainly will even, ideally alongside a slideshow or something. And so I never regret going. And I wish I did it more. Thankfully, virgin points build up from everyday spending. Food shopping, clothes, train travel, stuff you're already doing.
30:26Romesh Ranganathan:And those points unlock real trips, hotel stays, flights, experiences. The list doesn't have to stay a list. One destination already closer than you think. Virgin Red means go. If you've been meaning to actually go somewhere, Virgin Red is how you finally go. Ready to dive in? Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Do you want to go on holiday with me, Ron? No.
30:53Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, we've got another email. And Ben will show you some Rolexes afterwards. This is from Cecilia. Hi, Ramesh and Shanti. I would like some of your brilliant advice. I'm a 33-year-old student at university, so naturally around 10 years older than most of my classmates. I decided to return to university after wanting to try something different career-wise. I tried to go to some student parties and even joined an association, but I constantly have this underlying sense of not enjoying it and feeling too old. Should I keep trying to be social and hope that eventually I'll enjoy some aspects of it?
31:22Romesh Ranganathan:or is it okay to only come to university for the lectures but then spend the rest of the time doing what I want to do? Sometimes I feel like age doesn't matter, but then other times I feel like there's a huge age difference between 23 years of age and 33 years of age. Thanks a lot in advance regards, Cecilia. Mum, what do you think? If she likes socialising, she should get a friend at her age, like her, and enjoy life. I mean, if she spend another 10 years, she'll be 41. she's 33 is that right okay okay 10 years what is she going to gain by qualifying herself more and more mum the question she's not going to go back again 20 years and 31 years old it's a big gap darling yeah it's 10 years she won't enjoy she won't enjoy their company you are dating a 16 year old girl mum mum I told you this is between us listen listen sorry god what Say a 50-year-old man going on with the 60...
32:25If he asked...
32:26Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, this is such a wild comparison. What film you want to watch, she will say Winnie the Pooh. What 16-year-old is watching Winnie the Pooh? Whatever, whatever. I don't understand. You're saying six-month-olds know the capital is every country. 16-year-olds... You have to... I mean to Winnie the Pooh. Your fucking age perception is wild. Yeah. She should mix with her own age people and enjoy life. find a way of enjoying what she likes. Oh, I'm going to uni for another 10 years, get fucking old. Mum, she's not been there for the whole 10 years. She did it when she's been working or whatever she's been doing and then she decided to change direction.
33:03Why is she changing direction? I've got the same information you have. She must have a reason. I'm sure she does. Maybe she fancy somebody that's working there. That's what it is.
33:12Romesh Ranganathan:She's gone back to university. That's right. She's gone back to university because she fancies somebody there and she decided to do a course. Okay, Cecilia, I don't want to say to you, I think my mum's high or something. I don't know why she... First of all, what I would say to you is congratulations on going back to university. It's a very brave thing to do because a lot of people get stuck in a thing and they go, this is my life now, and it's actually you get an inertia. So for you to make the decision to change direction and try something new is actually really, really impressive and admirable.
33:43Romesh Ranganathan:So first of all, congratulations on that. is actually something I did because I was a teacher up until I was 30 years old and then I decided to start doing comedy and I had the same situation that you did. I was 10 years older than everybody else. I was doing the comedy competitions and contrary to what my mum believes, it wasn't because I fancied somebody that was in comedy. It's just because I wanted to start doing comedy and you do feel self-conscious. She's never been to uni before. I don't know, mum. Again. It's a bit difficult question to answer. Well, I'm trying to answer it. I'm in the middle of giving it a pretty good go.
34:20Romesh Ranganathan:So you do feel self-conscious because you're 10 years older than these people. And also I was in a different stage in my life. They're all like getting on it. And I had kids, a kid at that point. So you are self-conscious about that. I would say to you, first of all, it's in your head more than it is anybody else's. I think, yes, mum. You are a maths teacher. if he comes out from you that advice, I am out. Okay? Okay, this is so bizarre. You now seem to think you're on Dragon's Den.
34:54Romesh Ranganathan:Your behavior during this lesson, this answer has been fucking wild. Look, the truth is, your age difference is in your head more than it is in anybody else's, right? I think you make your choice. I don't think, I think you are in a different place in your life to people who are 23. When you're 23, you just want to be out all the time. And so much of your identity is caught up in the times you're having and going out and stuff. And some people are still like that at 33. But it sounds like you're not, like you're finding it a bit. So I think you want to find a middle ground. I think you spend some nights hanging out with the people so you don't feel excluded from the people you're studying with.
35:28Romesh Ranganathan:And then other times you just go do your own thing. You know, the truth is it's completely in your hands. Do whatever you want. You should not feel any external pressure from anybody else to do anything. do exactly what you want and if you're worried in your head that these people that the 23 year olds on your course are going oh she's not socializing very much and so what like let them think that so much so much of our life decisions are based on what other people what we think other people's perceptions of our us are and stuff like that it's just you become so much happier when you shake all that shit do you mean when you stop worrying about uh what uh people on your course are thinking about you what you stop worrying about what people you don't know think about you when you stop worrying about what an elderly asian woman on a podcast is thinking about you do you mean these are the things you need to just let go fucking rude what i'm saying i'm giving it a hypothetical anyway the point i'm trying to make is it's taken us three quarters of an hour to get here but do exactly what you want to do and congratulations on making a positive change if you are going to study hard why does it bother her oh 20 year old is not mixing with me she didn't say that that's what she's worried about the age gap can we go back to the email she feels too old should I keep trying to be social and hope that I'll eventually enjoy some aspects genuinely you are going there to study why you are worried about your age you can study when you are 60 70.
36:58Don't worry about other people, what they are doing. Just concentrate.
37:02Romesh Ranganathan:Weirdly, we're sort of agreeing with each other. It's been an incredibly spiky journey, but we do agree. Do what you want to do. That will distract 20. Now we get to the crux of the matter. You should not be thinking about anything but studies. It's true. Okay. So that's, now I understand where, now it's taken a while, but I get it. Basically, my mum thinks that you should not be thinking about anything apart from... If you're going to go back 10 years later and study, why are you thinking about socialising? That's your problem, isn't it? That's it. Pass the exam and out. Yeah, don't have any fun.
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38:40Romesh Ranganathan:How's it going? Thanks for your time. And I really love the show. I tried to send an email since last week. You guys said that you didn't get emails, but didn't get chosen. Thank you very much. So my question is, I have the same issue you have with your mother in the fact that I am the one who does all the effort and the communicating and my mother does not reciprocate. I call her all the time. I try to keep her up to date as I am abroad. I live in Spain. I'm from Kenya and we try to keep in touch. And recently it's completely gone off because I've stopped putting in the effort. So I'd love to hear exactly what you think, Ramesh, is the best solution.
39:28Romesh Ranganathan:And I'd love to hear Shanti's take on exactly what's going on because we often get labeled as sons who do not put in effort. Yet here I am putting in effort with no actual results. Thank you very much. I fear you, Kush. Yeah? They don't bother getting in touch, do they? No, mum, what's your advice on this? I feel sorry for him. He's a good son. He's trying to keep in touch with the mother, and she's not appreciating. But in my case, it's totally different. You are a busy man, and I keep on calling you. I don't mind, I don't mind. Mother's feelings are different to the children. But I feel sorry for him.
40:14Romesh Ranganathan:I can almost guarantee that we see each other more than most people, father and son. At work. It works. But I'm almost certain that we talk to each other more than a lot of people. Do you think so? Yeah. I do. In my experience of talking to people, I think we chat to each other loads more than a lot. I think you're underestimating how much we interact with each other. Okay. It doesn't sound like you agree. I don't want to be horrible to you all the time. No. I need to accept. I would love for you to follow that instinct. Okay. kush i've got some advice for you i think first of all i think it's a very sweet thing that you're wanting to keep in touch with your mom it's a great thing and family's important and i think it's a great thing you're doing um
41:11Romesh Ranganathan:i think you need to let go of your attachment to who it is that instigates the contact Your mum is not being as good as you'd like at keeping in contact with you. And the only way you keep in contact is by you contacting her. Who cares? And what I mean by that is, what do you want? I often think that a way to solve a problem or the way to think about a problem is what do you want the result to be? And what you want the result to be is that you speak to your mum and keep in touch with your mum. Now, if you don't contact your mum, she won't contact you. And so you don't speak to your mum. But if you contact her, you will keep in contact with her and you will speak to her so it feels obvious to me that you need to continue getting in touch with your mum and i know that like you're saying well it's always me that instigates it then it's always you that instigates it then but you are speaking to your mum and keep in touch with your mum that you're hung up on who is making the initial reach out when actually you're not trying to you know this is not a scorekeeping exercise this is an exercise of being close to your mum and you know that you can guarantee that by calling her.
42:20Romesh Ranganathan:So that's what you should do. That's my advice to you. IMHO. What do you think, mum, of that advice? That's fantastic advice. Kush, good luck to you, brother. And I think you sound like a really nice guy. He sounds like a lovely guy, doesn't he? Of course. He sounds like a great guy. I mean, he loves his mother. He likes to be in touch, but some mothers, oh, now you are calling me, I don't talk to you like that. No, you don't. I don't. No. I always talk to you nicely. Yeah, you're never rude. Hello, darling. How are you? Did I ever say, oh, I don't want to talk to you. You didn't call me. No, but if I can play devil's advocate, you have said on more than one occasion, I will kill you.
42:58I will kill you. Even now I'm saying. Yeah.
43:05Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. Hope that helps, Kush. Okay. Thank you so much, everybody. Mom, awesome work today. High five. We'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest. See you later. Do you want to say bye, Mum? Yeah. Love you all. And bye, everybody. Please watch our program. And I'm so thrilled that we won the badge from YouTube. And be kind to us and support us. Love you all. Have a good day and good holiday. Thank you so much for listening, guys. Wrap your tongue around the ball bag. Peace out, bitches.
43:46Bye, Mr. Ranganathan.
44:10Romesh Ranganathan:Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh and Thursday's a me and my mum Shanthi answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem a story or a family dilemma send it to podcast at rangaby.com, voice not or text us on 07731 623355. That's 07731 623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself on a future episode.
44:45Romesh Ranganathan:Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.
From the publisher
What should Shanthi learn next?
In this week's episode of The Romesh Ranganathan Show we talk love languages, getting Shanthi on Raya and we even get a bit philosophical, plus Shanthi always wants to learn something new so send in your suggestions.
We also answer more of your emails and voicenotes (as well as some roasting of Romesh) discussing career changes, age gaps and communication between sons and mothers.
Plus, will Shanthi be seeing the Wayan brothers new movie, Scary Movie? And is Romesh going to buy her a Rolex for Christmas? Speaking of Christmas, THAT Christmas list pops up again…
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform.
Chapters:
00:00 Intro02:12 On Scary Movie03:03 Philosophical questions10:26 What has Shanthi learnt?11:40 Raya12:11 Your questions15:08 Love Languages23:31 Shanthi’s wants a Rolex27:12 Memorable trips28:42 A question on university and changing careers39:29 We answer another question from you39:56 Outro
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