Shanthi’s Own Cooking Show & How To Stop Tantrums!

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1:28One-time only offer. Yeah, my terms apply.

1:30Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome back to the Thursday edition of the Ramesh Ranganathan Show. I'm with my mum, who lots of people started calling Aunty Shanti. That's cute, isn't it? Oh, that's wonderful. How are you, mum? I'm fine, darling. Happy to be the nation's auntie? Love to be. Love to be, yeah. Okay. Yeah. How about you introduce the podcast like you're at a formal banquet and you're calling everyone to attention? Big table. I'll give you some visuals so you can really get into the role. Okay. Big table. there's like a boar on the table and there's some people are drinking from goblets and you're at the head you've got a crown and you get up and you say you know welcome to the ramesh ranganathan you're introducing the podcast i'm introducing the yeah but you've got to do it in like a real sort of formal almost medieval way welcome to ramesh ranganathan show oh blimey i'm ready to start drinking some mead well done yay

2:30With me, Shanti.

2:32Romesh Ranganathan:I don't really think you made much of a concession to the brief. Oh, my Lord. What's wrong? Nothing. It's a bit disconcerting for your son to look down your top and go, Oh, my Lord. Were you surprised by your own nipples? I'm not saying anything What's wrong? No I shook myself I felt my boots were shaking That's why Sorry Front of my son I shouldn't have said that So you're surprised by them? I am Because I'm wearing a proper bra Yeah But still shaking I don't want to say Just as a favour to me and the team If it happens again, don't reference it I won't, I won't, I promise you I won't, okay? Every Thursday we sit down, chat about Monday's celebrity episode And try our best to answer some of your questions and dilemmas And before we crack on, do us a favour Hit subscribe or follow Wherever you're listening I'm just trying to get people It's all very well being a casual But I want them to be in, locked in Every time an episode drops, pings up.

3:46Pings up, yeah. Okay, I'm pleased that you are doing that. Yeah. Doing it nicely.

3:51Romesh Ranganathan:Thanks. I'm here with a team, basically, that people keep saying they want to see on camera. And I just want to start off by saying, trust me, you don't. What I am looking at is a fucking horror show. I don't know if anyone's seen Event Horizon, the ending of that, when he sees hell for a few seconds. That's what I'm dealing with the whole time I'm doing this podcast to give you an idea. If I said it was like a car crash, it would be doing a disservice to car crashes everywhere. Now, Mum, we're almost at the end of January. Yes. What were your news? We had a lovely Christmas. We did have a lovely Christmas, yeah.

4:32Romesh Ranganathan:Do you feel like, how do you think the list went? It went well, but the only thing is one mistake. What was that? That I thought you were supposed to bring the Christmas pudding. And it came with just a champagne bottle. Yeah. Well, we brought loads of the stuff that was on the list. On the list, Shanti Christmas pudding. Yes. Yeah. You pointed it out. That's why we thought that you were taking care of the Christmas pudding. Because on the list that you put together, without sans assistance, you didn't buy one of the things that you're supposed to buy on the list. Oh, just the pudding. Yeah. But what I'm saying is...

5:10Anyway, you brought the pudding.

5:12Romesh Ranganathan:Well, Lisa had to go back to our house and get it. No, back to the house and you had a lovely hamper. Yeah. But let's leave that in 25. Thank God for that. Yeah. Complaining all the time. Not all the time, just... You do complain all the time. Do you think so? Yes. Do you think you complain at all? No, I don't. No. I don't. I only complain. I don't see you more often. And when you are not at home, I can't go to your house. You can. Do what? Do what? Talk to the dogs. Mum, mum, mum, I can't believe you're talking about these problems in the big two six. This is, last year, you had this, you met Lisa for coffee, didn't you?

5:48Yeah, I'm expecting the invitation from her.

5:51Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean? Yeah, she could ask me to come for coffee. Oh, my God. Is this this weird set of rules? No, don't go. Like fucking Game of Thrones. Don't go like that. Oh, my God. No. Terrible impression. You made me sound like Janice from Friends. Okay. Okay. Let's leave it now, all right? Oh, yeah, we leave it because we started the new year. Yeah. Be happy. Yeah. What were your resolutions? Learn to forgive everybody. Right, okay. That's what I'm going to do. Okay, good. People do make mistakes. Or not get angry in the first place. No. Not see it as a transgression in the first place. I'm not going to find faults with anybody this year.

6:30Fuck me. Fuck you.

6:40I'm just saying it in a nice way

6:42Romesh Ranganathan:Oh yeah of course The nicest way Yeah So mum Yes dad What were your resolutions for 26? I want to learn more Computers About computers Because I tell you why This is how I feel I'm not complaining Okay I'll make it a point. And when you don't know anything about computer or sending email or little things or video calls, people do look down on you. Who does? Oh, my God. She's a dumb idiot. She doesn't know anything. My boys as well. I don't do that. Oh, she can't work that out. Leave it. So I am going to improve myself to do everything I can. So we're almost at the end of January now. How have you actioned that?

7:34I have been learning things. How did you learn? I learned from a gentleman. Yeah. He's not my boyfriend.

7:43Romesh Ranganathan:I didn't say he was, but now I think he is. No, I can't see your face. Who the fuck is that? No, I'm not thinking that. I'm not. Or is it Asian or English? No, I'm not. Sorry. I'm not just joined Reform. Who is this gentleman? I brought you up. I know how you think. Right. Yeah. You take everything as a joke. Me? But one day I'll be excellent with everything. Okay. Can I just get some background into this gentleman? Why do you want to know? No, but how have you met the gentleman? No, I can't tell you. Then you can work it out. So everything's secret. Once I learned everything, I will tell you.

8:23Okay?

8:23Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What a big reveal that's going to be. Yeah. So is this a business arrangement? I'm a friendly arrangement Right Okay Because I started to feel really bad about my knowledge of these things You don't need to Why can't I learn? No, I'm not saying I'm just saying you don't need to feel bad Alright, okay So Really is a new mum for 26 Definitely Now on Monday You will get a lot of surprises though Will I? Yeah Like what? Like what? if it is like what that's not a surprise there you are like what we're like three minutes in you've done nine impressions of me you can do the impression of my accent so why can't I do that why don't you do an impression of me then okay introduce the podcast as an impression of me as Ramesh hello this is Ramesh on the Nathan show and mum is here.

9:27You can ask her any question.

9:29Romesh Ranganathan:It's not bad. It's not bad. There you go. I don't think you made much of a concession of my voice. Okay. Now on Monday, mum, we had a guest all the way from Hollywood. Hollywood. Yeah. Will Arnett. Now, mum, he's known for his gravelly tone. He's got a great voice. Voiced Bojack Horseman, which you're a big fan of, aren't you? I am. Yeah. What's your favourite bit of Bojack Horseman? This is digging. It's not digging. It is. put me down. This bitch don't know anything. I didn't say... You really... That's what you're thinking. I'm not thinking this bitch. Never know, Ramesh. You are a comedian.

10:06Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Oh, my God. Sorry, my tits jiggled a bit. Okay. Do you like a sexy voice? Have you got a tits? Mum, okay. Do you wear a bra? No. Thank God for that. What the fuck is going on? Then why are you talking? You're being very punchy today. And I don't mind it. Huh? The team like it. That trail of ugly fucks on the other side of the camera. Absolute mess of faces over there. They're enjoying themselves. Difficult to tell when they're smiling, though, isn't it? I went to do my... Can I say this? I'd love you to. Okay. Do my nails. I came out. Two guys just stood there. You on TV, aren't you? You're Romesh's mum.

10:44Can you pass the message? We love him so much.

10:47Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, that's good. So I made my day, jumping and came home. Oh, that's good. Yeah, and had a whiskey. No! I'm going to be honest with you, it feels like you've had a whiskey today. No, I haven't. I do drink. Yeah. I do drink. When I can't sleep, I'll have brandy. Little bit of brandy. That will knock me out. Okay. I wake up in the morning. Okay. Fingers crossed. Okay. So, Will Arnett, you like a sexy voice, don't you, Mum? I love sexy voice. So I believe that John's got a little, have you got a little bit of the voice to play in for us? Anything I do, they go, it's very much like Bo, you sound like BoJack.

11:32Romesh Ranganathan:I always say, of course I sound like BoJack because he has my voice. I hope he performs well as well. What's happening? What do you mean by that? When you have a sexy voice, you imagine listening to the voice, oh, is he sexy? Yeah, we've seen him there. Do you think he's sexy? Very sexy, yeah. Okay, great. Now, Mum, at the end of last year, I don't know if you remember this. Don't look around. Don't look at them. Why not? Why can't I look at them? You don't order me. This is not a zoo. You don't have to keep looking at the animals. Okay. Mum, at the end of last year, he gave some pretty amazing, well, not amazing, astounding advice to a listener.

12:11Romesh Ranganathan:He was looking for some help for getting a baby to sleep more. Do you remember this? Yeah, yeah. About looking at the American presidents and looking at the globe and identifying the capitals. No, teach him. Let his brain start working. Okay. Who is the president? What's the capital city of this place? Yeah, all right. The baby responds, Romesh, look how clever you are because of me. You show me the presidents. I don't want to get into this again, all right? This is crazy. We just about managed to avoid you being institutionalized last time. Okay, so we're going to do a quick fire round now, Mum, where you give your hot takes on various parenting conundrums.

12:45All right.

12:46Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, we might even role play a little bit. So what would be your advice for the following? So I'm going to give you some situations. And you're going to give me the advice, okay? Okay. You're happy with that? I'm happy. You've gone wide-eyed like you're a bit confused. Are you happy? I'm happy. I'm listening carefully. Okay, great. Okay, right. You're about to say something really angry there. I could tell. I could feel it bubbling within. I am angry? No, I could feel you're about to say something spiky, but you didn't. No, no, no. All right, Mum. Imagine somebody got in touch and said they've got a baby who only wants Mum and refuses Dad at bedtime.

13:19I have seen this on TikTok. Can I say that?

13:22Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, sure. You fix the mother's picture with the elastic band and put it on his head and start feeding the baby or talk to him. That works. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Who puts the face on who? The husband. The husband puts the mum's face on. Mum's face photographed around his face. Okay. And attached with the elastic band. Yeah. We can feed the baby. The baby will like that. Okay, but aren't you making the problem worse? Why? Because the whole problem is that the baby's refusing dad. Refusing dad. So he only like... It doesn't matter as long as he obey the dad or be happy with the dad. That's all we are working on.

14:11So you put a mask on. Mask on.

14:13Romesh Ranganathan:And what facial expression would you have for that mask? I mean, they are babies. They are not looking for facial expression. They are. That's all they're looking for, actually. Babies go by expression. No, they don't. Yes, they do. Just stick the bottle and they will be quiet. But what should the face look like on the mask? Mother's face. I know it's mother's face, but what facial expression? If dad said, Shanti, I need to get a photo of you to put on a mask for the boys, do the face. Okay, ready? Pose. it's not bad there you are okay good advice it's a bit of advice I think it's terrible advice but okay it's not rummage okay what advice will you give you are a clever dickie tell me well okay I think in my opinion they should do more of the interacting with the baby together so that the baby associates them together and then gradually you sort of take the mum out of the equation until eventually the baby's used to just being with the dad Yeah.

15:16Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, next one. Toddlers who touch him in public, e.g. face down on the floor screaming in the supermarkets, they want sweets. What did you do with that? You used to do that, okay? Once I had a very bad experience. I didn't have any money on me, and he wanted a toy, and he fell down on the floor and started screaming. And the poster, everybody was looking at me. And I wrote, I don't know how I found the money. my purse just two, three so I bought something else I didn't buy what you asked for and you quieten down it's not sweet it's a little car I think okay and do you think that was a good thing to do?

15:56no no

15:57Romesh Ranganathan:what should you do? talk to them nicely okay can we can we imagine that I'm a child tantruming now and then you try and calm me down okay I'm on it I'm on it I'm on it oh shut get it for me Oh, you look so ugly and shut up.

16:33Romesh Ranganathan:That's what you'd say to a child. Okay. Fussy eaters. Kids who only want pasta chips or white bread, what do you say to them? What do you do to get them to eat better? I talk to them nicely and try these, you know. If they, white bread, you don't want to give them white bread, is it? That's all they eat. That's all they, that's bad. So you have to try and change the diet. How? Start giving some sweet fruits or something, apple and, you know, just talk to them nicely while you're feeding and bribe them, bribe them. You eat this, darling. I was so close to saying this sounds like not bad advice, and then he said bribe them.

17:13Romesh Ranganathan:How would you bribe them? Darling, when I take you out tomorrow, I'll buy you this. And then you go out and you've not got any money on you, and they throw a tantrum. As long as the baby eats and gets all the nutrition, apple doesn't harm them. Yeah. So just eat them with an apple, and gradually, then the baby will grow up and start to introduce the proper diet. This is not a baby. It's like a kid. This is not all the same child. It's old buggers, is it? Not old buggers, but like older child. Older child. Yeah. I think it's parents' fault. They spoiled them. Smart, smart. Yeah, so. I mean, I couldn't disagree with that more.

17:53Romesh Ranganathan:Some kids are just like that. You know, some kids have got like a, there's a gene or a thing that you have that makes vegetables taste horrible to you. So when you think kids are being fussy, it's actually. I used to tell you that you should eat broccoli, cauliflower, and you'll be genius in meth. It worked. Yeah, it was either that or the Coca-Cola in the baby bowl. That's the truth, I'm telling you. Yeah. Neither of us are geniuses. Huh? Neither of us are geniuses, if that's what you're getting at. This episode is brought to you by NOW. Are you ready to return to Westeros? A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms is a brand new series based on George R.R.

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