Should Gifts Be Equal in a Relationship?

5:00Shanthi Ranganathan:And giving the... Yeah.

5:02Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, it was good that, wasn't it? Beautiful. Then there's the one with the little fire-breathing creature. Then there was the...

5:08Shanthi Ranganathan:I can't remember that. Yeah. Fire-breathing creature. What the hell is that?

5:13Romesh Ranganathan:Everyone knows what I'm talking about, right? Not everyone.

5:15Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

5:15Romesh Ranganathan:And then what was the other one? There's a Man on the Moon one, wasn't there? Man on the Moon. They're good, those John Lewis adverts.

5:22Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, they, you know, plan and do it so nicely.

5:26Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, yeah. Favourite jingle from an advert? Jingle? No. I'd rather have a bowl of cocoa pops. Like that. Any others catchy ones? Autoglass repair, autoglass replace.

5:42Shanthi Ranganathan:The other one, the fishy drink. the guy comes and opens the fridge, and I can't remember that song.

5:50Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Ah, well, it's lemonade. Yeah, that's I like. I'm a secret lemonade drinker.

6:01Shanthi Ranganathan:I love that.

6:06Romesh Ranganathan:That's so funny that you love that. The other thing I used to love, I mean, I'm really, I'm showing my age here, but you remember that? My mum says if I don't drink my milk I'll only be good enough to play for Accrington Stanley Accrington Stanley Who are they? Exactly Do you remember that?

6:29Shanthi Ranganathan:No, Romain Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah Who are they? Exactly Exactly

6:39Romesh Ranganathan:You're so good though It sticks with you, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they do, yeah. It's good, isn't it?

6:45Shanthi Ranganathan:Maybe I haven't seen a lot of men. Any men comes in the advert, I like it.

6:51Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, yeah. I used to like the little sexy bunny from the Cadbury's Caramel advert.

6:57Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

7:00Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, that was good.

7:01Shanthi Ranganathan:That's good.

7:01Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I don't think adverts do that as much anymore. You know, like those kind of like...

7:07Shanthi Ranganathan:No, they don't.

7:08Romesh Ranganathan:That's why I think people love the John Lewis adverts so much. Because the new generation, they don't fall for those adverts.

7:13Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah. So you have to create something that they will accept.

7:17Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Milk tray? Those were good adverts, weren't they?

7:20Shanthi Ranganathan:Those days, the guy jumped through the window or whatever. Yeah. And what the... Sorry. What the hell is that?

7:26Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, no. You must sense yourself now.

7:30Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm not going to fall for milk tray.

7:33Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean?

7:34Shanthi Ranganathan:The guy leave the milk tray.

7:36Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Maybe because the lady loves milk tray. Loves milk tray. Yeah. What's wrong with that?

7:40Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't love milk tray.

7:41Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, fine, but you don't have milk tray.

7:44Shanthi Ranganathan:So there was advertisement I don't like.

7:46Romesh Ranganathan:Why don't you like it? Just because you don't like it, it doesn't...

7:49Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't like that guy.

7:51Romesh Ranganathan:What? What's wrong with the guy?

7:52Shanthi Ranganathan:He jumps through the... They showed him recently.

7:55Romesh Ranganathan:Because it's like a James Bond thing.

7:57Shanthi Ranganathan:It's not bloody James Bond. Nothing like that.

7:59Romesh Ranganathan:Who would have thought that would be a trigger?

8:01Shanthi Ranganathan:Other thing I hate, the coffee advert.

8:04Romesh Ranganathan:Why?

8:07Shanthi Ranganathan:The guy you... Would you like to come in for coffee or something?

8:12Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, yeah, it was like a sitcom, wasn't it? Yeah. Gold blend.

8:15Shanthi Ranganathan:Ah, gold blend. That's sexy. Nice. Do you remember? Yeah, that was nice. You like that? I like that, yeah.

8:20Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. What about George Clooney doing the Nespresso adverts? That's horrible. Oh. Unpredictable, isn't it? Why is that horrible?

8:31Shanthi Ranganathan:Put that bread thing in there. Yeah. I don't like espresso. I don't like coffee machine. By the time I take it, all right? That's why I don't like it. I don't want coffee machine in my house.

8:42Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, fine. All right, fine. It's just a trend.

8:45Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, I got a coffee machine. Okay, relax.

8:50Romesh Ranganathan:One thing I can say, and I don't think it's going to change, coffee machines only come into your house with consent. I don't want.

8:57Shanthi Ranganathan:By the time you take it, you, it's cold.

9:00Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean? How far away are you? Yeah, if I used the coffee machine in my house and then came to yours, yeah, it might be.

9:08Shanthi Ranganathan:It's just a show-off.

9:10Romesh Ranganathan:It's not a show-off.

9:11Shanthi Ranganathan:I love my coffee. I like to make it with the hot tap.

9:14Romesh Ranganathan:The quokka tap, yeah. The quokka tap. Got the invoice for that. Yeah, go on.

9:21Romesh Ranganathan:So, what... By the way, just so you know, Ben, who's normally very much on your side on these things, he is a coffee snob. I mean, I don't mean it in a horrible way. Well, you're a coffee connoisseur then, let's say. He's a coffee c***. Right, so... What? Coffee ****? No, I'm just checking. He's a coffee wanker. He's very particular about his coffee. So you've got coffee machine? What's the best way to make coffee, Ben? Have you been to cup at your house? Yeah, well, I've got a little coffee machine. Yeah, he's got a coffee machine. And how do you make... You've got those little... Not the pods.

9:59Romesh Ranganathan:No, he's got the actual... He's got like a grinder. He grinds the beans.

10:02Shanthi Ranganathan:Ah, right. Perculator.

10:04Romesh Ranganathan:No.

10:04Shanthi Ranganathan:Is it a percolator?

10:05Romesh Ranganathan:I have... Yeah, I've got one of these. Oh, he has, yes. Yep.

10:08Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, okay.

10:09Romesh Ranganathan:And then how do you make your coffee, Mum? Now I make the... Okay, so can you just explain to Ben how you'd make it? If I said to your mum, could I have a cup of coffee? Or say Ben came around and said, could I have a cup of coffee? Just talk us through the process, please.

10:21Shanthi Ranganathan:Take the coffee bottle. I put one teaspoon coffee in my cup. One teaspoon coffee, granules. The favourite cup. I love Ben. What's your favourite cup? Which coffee you like? And then I use my tap, my favourite tap, and make the coffee.

10:35Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, so you add hot water to granules.

10:38Shanthi Ranganathan:Granules.

10:38Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

10:39Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm an instant queen. Yeah, okay.

10:41Romesh Ranganathan:And then what would you say to Ben after you've put the hot water in the...

10:44Shanthi Ranganathan:Would you like milk in your coffee? No. Or sugar? No.

10:49Romesh Ranganathan:No.

10:50Shanthi Ranganathan:There you go.

10:51Romesh Ranganathan:There you go. Okay.

10:52Shanthi Ranganathan:That's it done. I don't believe in those little tablets.

10:57Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

10:57Shanthi Ranganathan:Pots.

10:58Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

10:59Shanthi Ranganathan:That doesn't sound nice, is it? Pots. It's interesting, isn't it?

11:03Romesh Ranganathan:Because back in the day, that instant coffee was like considered, you know, when you got like the really good stuff people liked it but now instant coffee is something you almost

11:10Shanthi Ranganathan:I like the perklift one

11:11Romesh Ranganathan:you almost apologise for it don't you nowadays has it got better do we know has anyone here drinking instant coffee I don't think it's changed has it not but the technology must have got better now right it can't be how it was do you not think

11:25Shanthi Ranganathan:what's that instant

11:26Romesh Ranganathan:I mean you drink it all the time

11:27Shanthi Ranganathan:I do so then when you go to a coffee shop

11:29Romesh Ranganathan:and you get a really like special specialist coffee

11:31Shanthi Ranganathan:to be honest with you Ramiz I don't know because of my taste or something yeah

11:34Romesh Ranganathan:you don't like it

11:35Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't like it

11:36Romesh Ranganathan:You prefer the instant.

11:37Shanthi Ranganathan:Instant.

11:37Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, there you go. Okay, well, there you go. And that's a lesson for all of us, isn't it? Like what you like, not what you're told to. Daisy May Cooper was like that as well.

11:48Shanthi Ranganathan:She swore by instant coffee.

11:50Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, she did Daisy May Cooper.

11:52Shanthi Ranganathan:It's warm. It's warm. It's warm, honestly. It's hot, hot. Take a cappuccino or drink it. Only you drink the front.

12:02Romesh Ranganathan:I think that's a fair point. Cappuccinos when they're very, like... But you don't have to have a cappuccino.

12:09Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, latte.

12:10Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Bubble it up or froth in the...

12:14Shanthi Ranganathan:That's all you take it and you have a moustache. No.

12:18Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. All right, so mum doesn't like... I don't like it. Coffee shop coffee because it gives you a moustache. So at the end of last year, we played a game, most likely to, with Dinesh on our Christmas episode. That Christmas episode, by the way, it went, as the kids are saying, gangbusters. so a listener asked if we could play another game mum we're going to play would you rather okay so i'm going to give you a choice and you've got to choose one of those answers and explain why you've chosen that one okay okay so for example if i said instant or cappuccino you'd say instant and then you say and then i'd say why and then you ask the question yeah okay yeah okay Mum, would you rather eat only very, very spicy food or no spice ever again?

13:04Shanthi Ranganathan:I won't eat very, very spicy food because it's burning them out. I'd rather eat medium hot.

13:12Romesh Ranganathan:No medium. No medium. The options are very, very spicy or no spice.

13:16Shanthi Ranganathan:I'd rather not eat.

13:18Romesh Ranganathan:No spice.

13:18Shanthi Ranganathan:No spice.

13:19Romesh Ranganathan:No spice.

13:20Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

13:20Romesh Ranganathan:Okay.

13:21Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay.

13:21Romesh Ranganathan:All right, that's good. I thought you justified it.

13:23Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

13:24Romesh Ranganathan:Next one. Oh, do I have to give my option?

13:29Shanthi Ranganathan:What do you like?

13:30Romesh Ranganathan:I think I'd go for no spice. Less spice? No spice. There's no less spice. No spice. No spice. Okay, yeah.

13:36Shanthi Ranganathan:That's a good idea. It would be sad, but I think very, very spicy.

13:41Romesh Ranganathan:Jesus Christ, you're never more than 90 seconds away from a shit.

13:44Shanthi Ranganathan:You'll be in the toilet the following day playing trumpet. Playing trumpet, yeah. Yeah.

13:49Romesh Ranganathan:Playing trumpet. So there you go. So we're both in agreement. Mum, would you rather have a beak for a nose or hooves for hands?

13:55Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't understand that question. Would you rather have a beak, you know what a beak is? Yeah, beak, yeah. For a nose, or hooves for hands?

14:07Shanthi Ranganathan:Hooves for hands.

14:09Romesh Ranganathan:Wow. Why?

14:11Shanthi Ranganathan:Because the beak on your face, the first thing people see, your face.

14:16Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

14:16Shanthi Ranganathan:Then they just...

14:18Romesh Ranganathan:Where are your hands when they see you?

14:19Shanthi Ranganathan:Hide it like that.

14:20Romesh Ranganathan:You hide it like that, okay. You have to have big pockets, you've got hooves.

14:25Shanthi Ranganathan:Doesn't matter. I'll make a big pocket. I'll wear a jacket. You'll make a big pocket. You'll make a hoof pocket. Okay.

14:30Romesh Ranganathan:How are you using your phone, mum?

14:33Shanthi Ranganathan:Phone?

14:34Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

14:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Hold it like that. Dong, dong, dong. What number's up?

14:44Romesh Ranganathan:I would rather have a beak for a nose.

14:46Shanthi Ranganathan:My God. People look at you and think, what a knocker, they will say. What a what? Knocker.

14:52Romesh Ranganathan:Knocker?

14:52Shanthi Ranganathan:Big knocker.

14:53Romesh Ranganathan:Big knocker? Okay. Knocker?

14:58Shanthi Ranganathan:Like a boobs.

15:00Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, big knocker on your face. It's a beak, though. It's a beak? Yeah.

15:04Shanthi Ranganathan:How can you have a beak, man?

15:06Romesh Ranganathan:I just think your hands are so useful. And your nose, you know, okay, visually it's...

15:13Shanthi Ranganathan:You adapt yourself, all right? You have that. Learn how to use your head. Mum, look. How are you going to do that with boobs? Somebody's introducing. Oh, they won't listen to you. They were looking at your beaker. Well, somebody introduces you.

15:30Romesh Ranganathan:Hello there. Oh, sorry. That was a horse. Sorry, let me do that again. Sorry. You can't pick anything up. You can't cook anymore. You can't use a quokka with hoops, probably.

15:46Shanthi Ranganathan:But I'm not having a beak on my face, though. No.

15:49Romesh Ranganathan:I think that's a bit of vanity there, if you don't mind me saying.

15:52Shanthi Ranganathan:Definitely. ladies what do you think

15:54Romesh Ranganathan:yeah sure

15:54Shanthi Ranganathan:yeah

15:55Romesh Ranganathan:okay here's the next one I think you might have already been asked this I would like to have

15:58Shanthi Ranganathan:three boobs can I

16:00Romesh Ranganathan:okay fine here's the next one would you rather talk only in a whisper or only ever shout forever say that again son would you rather talk only in a whisper or only ever shout forever

16:13Shanthi Ranganathan:whisper

16:14Romesh Ranganathan:okay and why would you pick something that's so far ladies don't talk loud they don't I think that's quite old fashioned way of

16:23Shanthi Ranganathan:No, the men will get attracted to you when you speak softly.

16:27Romesh Ranganathan:Right.

16:28Shanthi Ranganathan:If you shout, they will run off.

16:29Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think I've ever heard you whisper.

16:32Shanthi Ranganathan:Who is there to whisper?

16:33Romesh Ranganathan:No, but I'm just saying, I don't think I've ever heard you whisper. Of course. What one used to do, this is genuinely true, by the way, I'm about to say, she would do this thing, it was like a little thing that she thought was funny. She'd go, come here, darling, I've got a secret to tell you. Come here, come here. And then you go like that, and she'd go, co-coo! So loud. and your hearing wouldn't be right for fucking ages after that.

16:57Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't think I used to... And then she goes, come here, Dan, I go,

16:59Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, no, I'm going to sit down here, go to see, go to see. Mum, no, I don't want to... I'm not going to do that, I promise you, I promise you. Come here.

17:07Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

17:10Shanthi Ranganathan:Then other thing I do...

17:12Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

17:13Shanthi Ranganathan:Lift your head, remember?

17:14Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, she used to go, this will make you taller. Like that. She'd put her hands over each other's head and then lift us off the ground.

17:21Shanthi Ranganathan:They believe me. They line up for spring Lendonation.

17:32Romesh Ranganathan:This episode is brought to you by NOW. Are you ready to return to Westeros? A Night of the Seven Kingdoms is a brand new series based on George R.R. Martin's acclaimed novels set 100 years before Game of Thrones. Dig into a part of Westeros' history you haven't seen before. and follow Sir Duncan the Tall, or Dunk, a humble hedge knight, and his clever young squire Egg, as they travel the kingdom facing danger and the quiet tensions of a world on the brink of change. This heartfelt story brims with wit and charm, following two unlikely companions as they forge a deep bond while navigating the trials of knighthood and the meaning of loyalty.

18:07Romesh Ranganathan:Perfect for fans old and new, A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms has adventure and intrigue all rolled into one. This is one you'll want to watch. Stream a night at the Seven Kingdoms weekly on now. Okay, it's time for some listener questions, Mum. Oh, love to. Let's see what we've got in store today. First question comes from Jenna.

18:28Shanthi Ranganathan:Hi, Ramesh and Shanti. It's Jenna here.

18:30Romesh Ranganathan:Hi, Jenna.

18:31Shanthi Ranganathan:My question is, you've been gifted a magic lamp and three wishes. What would those three wishes be? However, there is a catch. You both must agree on all three wishes.

18:47Romesh Ranganathan:That's our next three episodes taken care of. Okay. So, Mum, you and I are in a cave.

18:55Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

18:56Romesh Ranganathan:We find a magic lamp.

18:57Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

18:57Romesh Ranganathan:The genie comes out.

18:59Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah.

18:59Romesh Ranganathan:And we get three wishes. Are you okay, Mum, by the way? You keep dabbing your eyes. What's going on? No, I don't know.

19:05Shanthi Ranganathan:Laughing and watery.

19:07Romesh Ranganathan:I don't want people to get in touch.

19:08Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm not crying. No. Why would I cry?

19:10Romesh Ranganathan:I don't know. Emotion? Feeling something? All right. Right, so, mum...

19:24Romesh Ranganathan:No, mum. Right, mum.

19:28Romesh Ranganathan:The genie gives us three wishes. We've got to agree on the cave. The cave sort of... I just said that as a scene set up. Don't worry about the cave.

19:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't put the cave.

19:37Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, sorry. Yeah. I can't even agree on...

19:45Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, we've got a genie. A genie gives us three wishes. We have to agree on them.

19:49Shanthi Ranganathan:Yes.

19:50Romesh Ranganathan:I think if this is happening in reality, I'd let you take the lead on this and then try and debate with you. So what's the first wish?

19:58Shanthi Ranganathan:I will ask the genie, rub the lamb, and I will say, produce a man with a broad shoulder and tall and with a big dick.

20:08Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, well, there's one. the problem with that is he's just going to go he's stood opposite you okay

20:15Shanthi Ranganathan:okay say good one

20:18Romesh Ranganathan:and also mum by the way I would love you to be a little less selfish about your why do I want a six foot marrow broad shoulders and a big dick that's your problem

20:28Shanthi Ranganathan:I'll give the lamb back to you you'll rub it okay I'm saying what I want

20:33Romesh Ranganathan:okay fine alright so you'd say

20:37Shanthi Ranganathan:a good looking man with broad shoulder I am on this

20:41Romesh Ranganathan:broad shoulder

20:43Shanthi Ranganathan:with a big dick

20:43Romesh Ranganathan:okay fine and then for my wish just for fun I'd say get rid of that man so that's that's the second wish so we've now we've now got ourselves we've now got ourselves one remaining wish

20:57Shanthi Ranganathan:okay we've painted ourselves

20:59Romesh Ranganathan:into quite a corner here but we're not in a cave of the room so what would our final wish be?

21:05Shanthi Ranganathan:Final wish be money.

21:07Romesh Ranganathan:Money. How much money do you want?

21:09Shanthi Ranganathan:I can't say how much money. We have to. Then the third wish, do you remember me, Charlie?

21:14Romesh Ranganathan:We're on the third wish now.

21:16Shanthi Ranganathan:No, first wish. No, how are we still on the first wish? We've done two.

21:21Romesh Ranganathan:You create the man, I got rid of him.

21:23Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah, all right. Okay. Money, money, money. If you have money, you can do anything.

21:28Romesh Ranganathan:Not true. But anyway, how much money do you want? Million. A million? Million. Why do you want a million pounds? Enjoy. You can have anything. You can end world conflict. You can end world hunger. You can have everyone on the planet be content with their lives. I'm being selfish. And you're choosing a million pounds. It feels like a wild decision.

21:50Shanthi Ranganathan:If I get a million pounds.

21:51Romesh Ranganathan:And by the way, that's your second most selfish wish you've done. You are not selfish, are you? I'm saying I wouldn't. I am selfish. But I wouldn't wish for a million. If I could have anything I wanted.

22:01Shanthi Ranganathan:If I had a million pounds, I could help everybody.

22:04Romesh Ranganathan:No, you can't. Why? You've got no idea of the budgetary requirements for sorting out the world.

22:09Shanthi Ranganathan:I would send money to all my relations and I'd buy them things.

22:12Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

22:13Shanthi Ranganathan:Make sure they're comfortable.

22:15Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, I don't agree. So we're a stalemate here. Okay, can I make a suggestion then? Yeah. Everyone on the planet is content. Okay.

22:26Shanthi Ranganathan:That's a good thing. Okay, good. Okay, good. There you go.

22:28Romesh Ranganathan:All right.

22:28Shanthi Ranganathan:Then you don't have to give me money, isn't it?

22:33Romesh Ranganathan:doesn't hurt but maybe that might mean I'm content to give you content yeah yeah yeah I'm content to give you money give money of course of course you're a good chap what a lovely little insight thank you so much Jenna that was a great fun game wasn't it

22:47Shanthi Ranganathan:it is okay eczema is unpredictable but you can flare less with Epglyss a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase about four in ten people taking Epglyss achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing. EbGliss, LibriKizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema.

23:19Shanthi Ranganathan:Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EbGliss can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to EbGliss. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS. Before starting EBCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about EBCLIS and visit EBCLIS.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979.

23:48Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, our next question comes from a mother of three.

23:51Shanthi Ranganathan:Hi, Ramesh and Shanti. I've been a big fan of you guys for a long time now. I am a mom of three very young children my youngest is six months my oldest is five and i love my children more than anything but this period of my life is um a bit challenging and i was just wondering if you guys have any advice for when you have really really young kids and um good tactics to make it through the day and not feel so overwhelmed by bedtime that is uh well uh first of all thank you so much

24:28Romesh Ranganathan:for your question i'm sorry that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed uh oldest is what sorry five five and the youngest is six months so they'll all know they're presidents by now three kids three kids yeah um mum you've got any advice she's feeling quite overwhelmed as is often the first of all the first thing i say to before we get into mum's advice it's perfectly normal to feel like this okay is feeling overwhelmed is kind of part of parenting and i know that's not helpful but i'm just saying you're not unusual in that sometimes when people get overwhelmed by in my opinion when people get overwhelmed by their children or have feelings of like i'm not really enjoying this they then there comes the inevitable guilt that you feel like that because all of the sort of stuff we're told is that people love having children etc and you do love having children but that doesn't change the fact that sometimes it can be frustrating and difficult anyway mom What's your advice?

25:18Shanthi Ranganathan:I was in that situation.

25:21Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I don't have to tell you the story, but I don't laugh at what I'm going to say.

25:28Shanthi Ranganathan:Okay. I didn't have anybody to help me or talk to me. I asked for the guidance from the mighty power. It happened. I had so many experience. Don't think that I'm talking rubbish. It happened to me. So you had to calm yourself down, meditate, and ask for help. You can't ask any human being when you are in the situation, oh, they won't help. They won't help, man. Through my experience, I'm telling you.

26:03Romesh Ranganathan:Okay.

26:03Shanthi Ranganathan:Yeah? Maybe it's not a great answer, but your answer.

26:09Romesh Ranganathan:I'll get to it now. What I would say is it feels like you've unlocked something else there in mum. Uh, but, um, look, the truth of it is, is, um, uh, it is very difficult. The first thing is that you might be feeling quite lonely in your experiences. So I would try and connect with other people who are in a similar position. If there are any, like, if you haven't, if you're not able to get out, maybe even online or being able to like chat to people or get involved in groups and maybe see if there's people, parent groups that like near you that you can go and sort of all, you know, sometimes helpful to share your like your woes and your kind of concerns and stuff like that and try and feel connected to a community because often when you've got three when you've got children doesn't matter how many children you've got when you've got children you can feel because every minute of every day is taken up with thinking about looking after these kids you actually end up isolating yourself and you feel very lonely so it's good to try and connect with communities of parents if you can the other thing I would say to you is and this is easier said than done but I do think it's good to prioritize it, you need to try and find a way, in my opinion, of doing something regularly that isn't involved in parenting, whatever that may be, right?

27:22Romesh Ranganathan:Like taking up a hobby or getting somebody to come and watch the kids where you go for a walk or do some painting. I don't know what it, you know, whatever it is, the problem that you face at the moment is from the moment you wake up, from the moment you go to bed, you are mum. and what you need in order to recharge your batteries, in my opinion, is some time where you're just being yourself, some time for yourself. However frequently that is, is down to circumstances and how much you want. But I do think it's important for you to reconnect with who you are over and above being a parent to these three kids.

27:54Romesh Ranganathan:And that hopefully will, you know, try and combat that feeling of being overwhelmed. The other thing I would say is from what mum said, I do think actually meditation is actually probably a useful thing to do. Even if you don't believe in the kind of spiritual side of it, but even just like sitting down for 10 minutes and just getting a moment to reconnect with who you are and just disconnecting from, because your mind can just get overloaded with all these things. So there you go. That's my advice.

28:22Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't feel sorry for yourself.

28:24Romesh Ranganathan:You can do.

28:26Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't. Oh God, your face.

28:31Romesh Ranganathan:What's wrong with my face? This is my sympathetic face. Do you want to say it again?

28:39Romesh Ranganathan:Go on, what are you going to say?

28:41Shanthi Ranganathan:No, don't feel... You have to pick the right people to discuss things. Some of them, they will listen to you and spread the story to others. What's the story? Oh, she's having depression.

28:54Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, I think this is quite a negative way of looking at people. There will be people... I know that you've been let down by people in the past. Yeah. But you don't let that... In a big way, yeah. Yeah, sure. But don't let that colour your impression of everybody. Do you know what I mean?

29:07Shanthi Ranganathan:That's right. Yeah, I agree with you. Yeah.

29:10Romesh Ranganathan:So I'm saying I don't think your default position should be people aren't going to help. You know, often people are more willing to help than you think. Do you know what I mean? So, you know, just try and. But when I said you can feel sorry for yourself, what I mean is don't be unkind to yourself for struggling. It's like totally normal. So be nice to yourself about it. We all struggle. OK, this next one is a message from Liam. Yeah. Via WhatsApp. Hi, Ramesh and Shanthi. Just discovered the show and have been binge-watching ever since. I have a dilemma. My girlfriend lives in Paris. Do you know Paris?

29:47Shanthi Ranganathan:Don't I know Paris? Am I a dumb idiot?

29:51Romesh Ranganathan:Well, these are all separate questions. I would spend hours, even days, searching for the perfect gifts for her before I visit, and she loves them. But in return, her gifts are kind of crap. But I pretend to like them so that I don't offend her. How do I tell her? Or do I just keep pretending? Last time I visited, I bought her four necklaces, around£400 worth, not that the price matters. Well, you mean, okay. And she gave me a fluffy hot water bottle and some socks, which I was told to close my eyes for her to unveil. Another time I bought her two gold designer bracelets and some Ralph Lauren shoes.

30:22I received a 2024 Olympics t-shirt, some tight ass Christmas Y-fronts and a mug.

30:30Romesh Ranganathan:I wear boxers, not pants. This time around, she's brought me an electric toothbrush that I already have. I'm dreading what else? I have loads of mugs from her. I had to tell her to slow down on the mugs as I'm running out of space. She gets pissed off if I don't wear the 2024 Paris Olympic t-shirt, so I need to make sure I bring it every time I visit. She also asks why I don't wear the Christmas Y-fronts. I'm not wearing those ever. She has a well-paid job, BT-dubs. I feel bad talking about it. I know it's a thought that counts, but damn. I showed her Rommash's vids on YouTube. She loves them.

30:57Romesh Ranganathan:I'm going there next week, praying this episode doesn't get suggested while we're watching YouTube. LMAO. Okay. Mum, what's your advice?

31:08Shanthi Ranganathan:The gentleman, he works. He got enough money to buy his wife or girlfriend all the gifts he can buy. Maybe she doesn't work. That's all she can afford to buy.

31:19Romesh Ranganathan:He's said in the thing she's got a well-paid job.

31:21Shanthi Ranganathan:Well-paid job. Then she's a stingy bitch.

31:31Shanthi Ranganathan:that's all i can say

31:43Romesh Ranganathan:christ what's your advice about that uh liam thank you so much for your message um i'm gonna be honest with you i am gonna slightly side with your girlfriend on this one and I'll tell you why. Why are you getting so angry?

32:02Shanthi Ranganathan:Why are you outside in earth?

32:04Romesh Ranganathan:Well, for a number of reasons. One, you don't give for what you're going to receive in return. Giving a gift is giving a gift and their response and what they get back to you is not the reason you're doing it. And if that is the reason you're doing it, I think there's a problem there in you, to be honest with you. No, he doesn't have any problem. I think he does.

32:28Shanthi Ranganathan:She's got a well-paid job. Why can't she buy something nice for him? Okay.

32:33Romesh Ranganathan:It's like, I don't know, it's like not being angry when...

32:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Maybe she's saving money and to treat herself.

32:39Romesh Ranganathan:Maybe. Why is it? That's not right for me. But, Mum, monetary value is not what presents are about. She's got him a Paris Olympics T-shirt. Maybe, like, she discovered that he was... Maybe he doesn't like it. ...swinging a bit loose, and so I got him some my-fronts as a bit of extra support.

32:55Shanthi Ranganathan:What?

32:59I'm just saying, it's not about the money.

33:02Romesh Ranganathan:It shouldn't be about the money. That's what presents are about. Do you know what I mean? I like to give people nice gifts and see them being happy.

33:10Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't want to give gifts because I want to give something.

33:14Romesh Ranganathan:Listen, Liam seems like a really nice guy.

33:16Shanthi Ranganathan:I'm trying to help Liam here.

33:18Romesh Ranganathan:I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm not saying he's in the wrong.

33:22Shanthi Ranganathan:Liam, buy her gloves. Don't buy any expensive chain for... Liam.

33:28Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Liam. Please, you're going to give him advice that's getting him more angry. I'm trying to calm this guy down.

33:36Shanthi Ranganathan:Why is she giving cheap stuff for him?

33:38Romesh Ranganathan:Because cheap doesn't make a difference. It's not about cheap. It's about the thought, isn't it? Thought, yeah. So what you're saying is he's giving to receive something expensive. Do you think that's a great way to conduct a relationship?

33:48Shanthi Ranganathan:To appreciate his relationship.

33:50Romesh Ranganathan:But she's appreciating it by getting what she thinks.

33:52Shanthi Ranganathan:If she doesn't have money, Romesh, I understand. Right. She can't afford to buy. Yeah. She got a well-paid job. Sure, but what I'm saying is that's what she does. My boyfriend is giving such a nice gift. I better treat him nicely. What's a dangling underpants that leave out?

34:07Romesh Ranganathan:It's not dangling. It's the opposite. They're very secure, wife-friends.

34:09Shanthi Ranganathan:A wife-friend. Fucking hell.

34:12Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, Liam. Liam, this is my advice to you, okay? You could take it or leave, but mum and I disagree on this. I think that, you know, gifts, the quality of gifts is if you think your girlfriend is not spending enough money, then I think that's a bit of a different issue. OK, I don't think presents should be counted in terms of their monetary value. If you don't think she's thinking enough about them, then you need to have a conversation.

34:35Shanthi Ranganathan:Maybe she doesn't love him there.

34:37Romesh Ranganathan:OK, well, that's we've extrapolated quite a lot from that. But I think, you know, if it's really bothering you, then you need to have a chat with your girlfriend. and just, it's not gonna be an easy chat, but what's happening is you're not happy with the presents you're receiving. If you look at it from your girlfriend's point of view, you've not told her any of this. So she is giving you an electric toothbrush that you already have. And you're going, oh my God, that's amazing. Where is the information to her that you are not happy with the presents you're receiving? There is none. She's giving you a present.

35:06Romesh Ranganathan:You're going, this is amazing. So she's working on the data she's been given. I'm giving him this present. He's reacting positively. why should she change her behavior if you do want her to change her behavior then you need to have a discussion with her about it what i would say though to you is most of the misery in relationships comes from the difference between the reality and your expectation your girlfriend gives you those presents and you keep expecting different ones and every time it's making you angry there is a very easy way to fix this you either talk to your girlfriend and say you know like could we have a chat about gifts that we give?

35:41Romesh Ranganathan:Or you just accept that you buy your girlfriend expensive presents and she buys you presents that she thinks are on a level. And you live like that. A relationship is not about gifts that you give each other. Do you know what I mean? That's my advice to you. I don't feel as strongly about it as mum does.

35:59Shanthi Ranganathan:All the gifts I give you for Christmas, do you ever use it?

36:02Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, of course I do.

36:04Shanthi Ranganathan:I've never seen you wearing it.

36:05Romesh Ranganathan:Well, it's face cream. How much do you want me to put on?

36:08Shanthi Ranganathan:That's last year.

36:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, last year.

36:10Shanthi Ranganathan:I bought you a jacket. I bought you a suit. I wear that jacket all the time.

36:13Romesh Ranganathan:I bought you a... I wear the suit all the time. Not all the time. I don't wear suits very frequently.

36:16Shanthi Ranganathan:Pyjama.

36:17Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I wear the pyjamas. The Ralph Lauren pyjamas. It's an expensive one. Yes, there you are. Okay.

36:21Shanthi Ranganathan:So you wear them.

36:22Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

36:24Shanthi Ranganathan:What's the point you're trying to make? I've never seen any things that I give that you wear.

36:31Romesh Ranganathan:I think your presents are great.

36:33Shanthi Ranganathan:Oh, shut up, Rameet. They're great presents. You gave one of the jackets to Tio?

36:38Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I did. But hold on. That's not because I was trying to get rid of it. It's because he liked it. And then I thought mum would be happy if he took that jacket. So I was trying to be quite gracious, but it turns out I'm a piece of shit. I get confused.

36:50Shanthi Ranganathan:I don't know what to give you sometimes.

36:51Romesh Ranganathan:No, I know. But you got me face cream this year.

36:55Shanthi Ranganathan:Expensive face cream, isn't it? Expensive face cream. Look at your face now. Look nice.

36:58Romesh Ranganathan:I know. Good. And I got you a handbag and a kitchen. Presents don't always have to match each other. because you are a rich man, not me. Oh, I see. That's it for this Thursday. Thanks for listening. We'll be back on Monday with another awesome guest. I've been Romesh. And Shanti Ranganathan. Thanks for joining us on the Romesh Ranganathan Show. See you soon. Love ya. Love you. Thank you so much for watching this episode of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. I've been told that some of you are watching this, enjoying it, wallowing in it, but you still haven't subscribed. That's mad behaviour. You're going to miss episodes.

37:36Romesh Ranganathan:Very silly. So follow and subscribe to the Romesh Ranganathan Show on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. We drop new episodes every Monday and Thursday. On Monday, I'm here with amazing guests talking about their career, what they're up to, having a laugh with them. And then on Thursdays, I'm joined by my mum, widely regarded as the audience's favourite Ranganathan. And we answer your questions, your stories, and your family dilemmas. We'll be back on Monday with another great guest, and then mum will see you again on Thursday. Send your questions and stories to podcast at rangabee.com voice note or text on 07731 623 355.

38:11Romesh Ranganathan:We genuinely love hearing from you and there's a good chance you'll hear yourself on the show. See you next time.

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