The Chili Oil Special

17:30Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, okay. Does it have a rule meaning in other language? Right. Leave on the... Um... What's going on? I'm going to say... It's a tough one. Obviously, this is everything to play for here. It all hinges on this. I'm going to say, yes, it does have a rude meaning in another language. What do I say? No, it's not. It's a wrong... You got it wrong.

18:19so hold on what's the answer does it have a rude meaning if you read the next answer if you go according according to our listeners it does have rude meaning

18:30Romesh Ranganathan:so why did you say no it doesn't oh yeah we have pushed into google Wait, have you got that little extra bit? Be honest, how do you think this is going? It's not the finale that I, yeah, but it's good. It's just the bit below that autism is according. Keep all of this in, please. Okay, ready, Ashanti, and go for it. Ask the question? No, no, definitely not. No, Mum, ask the question. No, no, ask the question. Ask the question one more time. No, I think we need it. We have really covered the question. No, because then she can float straight into it. Mum, go for it. Let's just go from according to some of our listeners.

19:04Romesh Ranganathan:It's Rudin. on to our final question no don't don't shut up where everything is at stake your favourite chili oil shut up Romesh okay according to some of our listeners it's ruled in Gujarati they have said it means and the team have torn this down from what our listener wrote in And it means, may I interest you in some rear-entry intimacy. It's up in the asshole, isn't it? Thank you for providing the... Don't doubt it. So according to our listeners, it does have a real meaning. However, we have put in the Google Translate and it doesn't agree. The answer is no. Oh, no. What a twist of face. Can I just say something?

20:03Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think you're right. I think it does mean that. Oh, no. Okay, well, Shanti, maybe congratulate him and better luck next time. Why? Shanti, congratulations, Ramesh. Congratulations, darling. For what? Better luck next time. Better luck next time. Mum, I can tell you. That was a chilli oil mastermind. Well done. You talk about chilli oil. Chilli oil. You don't know nothing. Well, I've got four of the five questions. Deep one. Yeah? First of all, I'm pretty sure I got five of the questions right out of five. Why don't you check it out? It's a Gujarati phrase, and these honks have put it into Google Translate and have decided that it's not true.

20:47How do they say it in Gujarati then? I'd like to know. I don't know what they're trying to say.

20:53Romesh Ranganathan:It's a controversial ending, this one, isn't it? Ganma means my ass. So the big question is, what does Lao mean? Lau seems to be doing a lot of the lifting. Yeah, it does. It all hinges on Lau. Spoil. You got a nice little sign-off, actually, Shanti, at the bottom there. Ramesh, you are... Ramesh, you are a winner. Loser. You choose one. Well done. By the way, can I once congratulate you for not briefing mum on this before we did this? That's fine. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So I'm a winner-loser. All right, right, right. It continues. but how do I say this Ramesh you are a winner loser thank you for Ramesh you are a winner loser thank you for playing chili oil mastermind I have been Shanti Ranganathan you stay spicy goodnight well done really good mum really good hosting well done Shanti yeah it was really good okay it's time for some audience by the way mum genuinely okay congratulations that was good thank you really good I think that went well I was happy with that yeah it was good as always we're answering your questions today which this week are also spicy because it's the chili oil special remember you can send us a whatsapp message or voice note to 07731 623355 or email podcast at randamie.com and don't forget if you haven't already please please please mum can you say please down there please like and subscribe like and subscribe.

22:33Romesh Ranganathan:Wherever you get your spicy podcasts. Wherever you get your spicy podcasts. Please. Please. Like. Like. And subscribe. And subscribe. Okay, we've got an email from Anonymous. Yeah. Okay, this email doesn't directly reference Chiluol apparently, but the content is very spicy. So this is an explicit warning. Okay, this could get dirty now. Alright. Dear Romesh Shanti and team, I hope you're all doing well. I love the show and the guests are fantastic. That's the first theme I've had saying that. I've got a short story and a question for you. I play in a covers band and last summer I went to All Points East Festival with two of my bandmates.

23:12Romesh Ranganathan:We thoroughly enjoyed our day and we're just getting ready to see the headliners, the Maccabees. As we jostled for position amongst the gathering crowd, we heard a couple of gasps and some whispered voices nearby. An attractive woman in her 30s approached us. I'm going to try and do this in the... Excuse me. she said in her sultry south af oh sorry south african toes excuse me is your friend single she was pointing at the singer we're three middle-aged dads so if i'm being totally impartial all a solid 6.5 nothing that special i've got to be honest the other two of us had to work pretty hard not to take it personally that she'd singled out the tall handsome singer instead of the two hideous trolls she brushed past us and walked straight up to the singer Now imagine this in the accent.

23:55Romesh Ranganathan:Maybe read it out in your best South African. Oh my God, are you single? As soon as I saw you, I became instantly wet. Then just for emphasis, so wet. Whilst staring him straight in the eye, there wasn't even the slightest hint that this was a wind-up. We all agreed that she was completely serious. After making the expected jokes about when the next appointment at Specsavers was, we turned around and enjoyed a fantastic gig. The singer brushed it off as if it happens all the time. His wife, who was standing directly behind him during the whole exchange, was oddly quiet. Sorry, is that the end of the fucking story?

24:36Romesh Ranganathan:So here's the question. Are you joking?

24:42Romesh Ranganathan:Mate, you cannot. That can't be the end of the story. How can that be the end of the story? I'm very impressed the way you are reading. How do you mean? after you did that quiz you're not impressed in my reading you are stuck as well in between I'm trying to do the South African accent it doesn't work what do you mean try again okay scroll out please try again yeah I don't think I did anything wrong don't get me wrong I don't think my South African accent straight to his face oh my god are you single as soon as I saw you I became instantly wet then just for emphasis so wet while staring him straight in the eye.

25:21Romesh Ranganathan:There wasn't even the slightest hint that this was a wind-up. We all agree that she was completely serious. What's wrong with that? Okay. So here's the question. What is the most memorable or inappropriate chat-up line you or the team has ever given or received? This one was off the charts, and I'd be interested to hear a reaction. I'd love to know, is that the end of it? Was that the end of that? And what did the wife say? Well, she was oddly quiet. Yeah, but that can't be. She must have had something to say at some point. Like, I'd love you. Could you get back in touch, please? podcast at rangabi.com and let us know presumably you and Shanti have had your fair share of approaches not really any stories to share thank you mum no you've never been approached approached for what like that like that yeah no I haven't nobody's ever chatted you up ever I mean people have but in my brain it didn't affect me I thought they were being friendly so I never gone into any other thoughts or anything like that yeah if somebody talks to me i think they are being friendly that's all have i uh i haven't really had inappropriate i mean occasionally very people seem to think that you get loads of messages being like on tv or whatever i don't like that but i did have i told you the vibrator story yeah yeah that was the worst one probably where the girl had two vibrators she showed me a photo of two vibrators and one said Rob and one said Romesh that's probably the worst so she slept with both of them don't know I didn't ask follow up questions pardon?

26:52Romesh Ranganathan:she didn't tell me no Lisa I mean actually when I was reading that South African it was very similar to what Lisa did when we first met what did she do? oh my god what did she say? what did she say? just seeing you teach maths made me so wet and it was in an assembly. Are you kidding? Yeah. Yeah, that didn't happen. Thank you so much for your message. I'd love some follow-up on that, to be honest with you. Occasionally, you get weird DMs. Like, I did a bit in my last tour. What was this? It was something about if Lisa and I split up, I wouldn't care if the next woman I got together with liked me for me.

27:49Romesh Ranganathan:I wouldn't be thinking about that. I'd be pouring maple syrup all over her. That was like the joke. And then somebody got in touch with me and said, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever split up with Lisa, I'd be really willing to be the girl you pour maple syrup all over. P.S. I'm very flexible. So, no, we kept in touch. Okay. Next message. This is a voice note from Holly. Hi, Romesh and Shanti and Ben, Will and John. Never forget you guys. Absolutely love the pod. My name's Holly. I'm from Bristol. Rom, you are my favourite comedian of all time. I have seen every single stand-up show you've ever done, every single show you've ever done.

28:33Absolutely love you. Please never stop what you're doing because you are the absolute best and I can never stop laughing when I'm watching you. So thank you.

28:42Romesh Ranganathan:Oh my God, you need to watch my comedy, really. Shanti, I also absolutely adore you. I think you are the most beautiful woman inside and out. Now we get some context. My only criticism, Rom, is I feel that you need to let your mum talk about her experiences more on the pod because I do think that the way that your mum sees the world and the things that your mum has been through could help so many people who have been through the same or similar things. And I also think it would be a really cathartic process for not just your mum, but for you and the family. And I just think it would be really helpful for lots and lots of people.

29:24And I think your mum's amazing and she deserves to tell her story. Thank you. Bye.

29:34Mum? I'm ready to tell this story

29:38Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you Holly for your voice now Thank you darling I find it Can I just Well first of all Why don't you respond And then I'll give my response Thank you my dear That put that question into Ramesh I don't know what his answer going to be I'm waiting to find out just now Oh okay It's very literal response to that

30:08Romesh Ranganathan:um holly uh well i've got a number of things in response to that first of all i find it um i i can't i find it hard to believe that you think that mum hasn't shared a lot of her stories on this podcast i i i think there's a strong argument that my mum has shared more than anybody else has on any UK podcast in the history of podcasting. She's talked a lot about it. Maybe she knows about me. Yeah, maybe. So I think she has shared a lot about it. I do think... You're asking serious questions, so I'm going to answer seriously. One of my issues is that I think we might get legal action from the ghost of my father.

30:55Romesh Ranganathan:He hasn't got a right to reply or to respond to anything that we're saying. Or defend himself. I'm just saying, I'm not saying that, by the way, what I thought dad did on the face is, I'm not siding with dad. But all I'm saying is, there's a lot of people that don't know dad, dad passed away before I started doing any television. And sometimes I feel if I'm being honest, I feel a bit bad that we talk really negatively about this guy that's passed on. And people don't know his side of what happened. And I'm not saying that his behavior is justified. but he might have been going through a series of really horrible mental health issues that made him behave like that.

31:33Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, he must have had a... Sorry to interrupt, Sana. No, go on. Childhood trauma? I think he had childhood trauma. I think he had a validation issue. I think he had low self-esteem. I think he had lots of those things. So the direct result of that is that mum went through a lot of hardship. I feel like to just have us kind of go and then dad did this and dad did this and dad did this and we're not for understandable reasons hearing from my dad or his side of it I feel like that's a little bit I actually feel that's a little bit irresponsible actually to be honest with you I don't think that's really fair on the memory of my dad that's partly how I feel you know like all of the stuff that we've said publicly about him I know we've joked about it but has been pretty negative i think i i think we have do you know what i mean and so that that is what i worry about the other thing and i've said this to my mom a lot is that i think my mom still hasn't got full closure on all of that yeah it's true and there's part of me that thinks that going back to that on this podcast actually without kind of us being professional therapists is not actually helpful I think it's, I think actually sometimes I worry that mum is dragging herself mentally back to that.

32:49Romesh Ranganathan:And so she's, you know, she's revisiting all of that pain. And I think that if you're not doing that alongside somebody that's actually professionally trained to guide you through that, I think that's also slightly irresponsible. So while I do, I do, and mum and I have talked off podcast about what she's been through a lot, actually. We talked about it loads, haven't we? So in answer to your question, I do think that you're right that sometimes I do shut mum down from talking about these things. But I don't think the podcast is the right place for us to be engaging in all of this. And so actually, I do agree with you.

33:29Romesh Ranganathan:I think mum talking about it is cathartic. but I think it's I think there's a thin line between catharsis and danger in terms of like really spending too much time dwelling on those things it's a hell of a spicy episode we have got another question we've got a voice note from John please be funny John Hi Ramesh, hi Shanti me and my wife Gabby have been big fans of yours for a long time Ramesh, just over 10 years ago we were out celebrating Gabby's birthday a few weeks before our wedding. It was late night and we were pretty drunk when we spotted you and a friend sitting near us. I thought it would be a nice birthday present if I got you to shout something funny at her so I waited till Gabby went to the bar then I came over and asked if you could turn around and shout Oi Gabby, why don't you just fuck off at her when she came back.

34:30Romesh Ranganathan:You seemed a little unsure about this at first, but I managed to persuade you that she'd find it hilarious. Anyway, you very kindly went through with it. She laughed her head off and you've remained our favourite comedian ever since. Fast forward to now and we have two beautiful daughters and are about to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. so my question for you both is do you have any advice for us for the next 10 years of our marriage and shanti to make up for your horrible son telling my wife to fuck off can you send her a nice wedding anniversary message instead or if you prefer you can just tell her to fuck off as well it's fine love you bye bye can i just say i don't remember this interaction at all oh that's very rude I don't remember I don't remember I don't remember how long ago did you say it happened 10 years ago 10 years ago do I remember saying fuck off Gabby that does happen weirdly a lot a lot of people not get in touch will come up to you and go can you say something horrible to the person I'm with and I'm yeah like because they I don't know why they go can you say this person's a prick or whatever and I'm always a little bit hesitant so that's why that does sound consistent with how i would react to someone because he'd like i don't know that he's married to this woman so then like somebody comes back and i don't know if they've had an argument or something like that and then gabby why don't you just fuck off i don't know what the context of that is so that's why i was probably hesitant because it's like you don't know i don't know and also even if john thinks it's a joke gabby might not you know you don't know what the dynamics are there's so many times where somebody thinks something's funny what i don't want to go is gabby why don't you just fuck up and then she bursts into tears and runs out anyway that didn't i did it so for all of my bullshit about being hesitant about it clearly i did it unless i didn't and john's a racist and some other random brown man told your wife to fuck off but I don't think that's what happened um mum yeah oh how do I how do you any advice for the next so do I have any advice John for you for the next 10 years of your marriage uh Lisa and I have recently discussed uh 777 uh as a way of keeping our marriage spicy which is uh A date every seven days, a night away every seven weeks, and a holiday every seven months.

37:08Romesh Ranganathan:That is because I think actually, and we haven't stuck to it, we managed to go for a date one week and it's been two months since. But the intention is there. And I think actually what you, I think you can get, you can fall into the trap. One thing that Lisa and I have realized is that marriages or relationships are just really, really hard. And actually, you can fall into the trap of forgetting why it is you got together with somebody because you're so busy with work or so busy with other aspects of your life. So actually, you need to, in the same way that invest in your work and your work relationships, same way that invest in your friendships, you've got to invest in your relationship and make sure that you actually, often your partner will see the worst version of you.

37:54Romesh Ranganathan:You know, you come home, you're knackered, you're not performative in any way when you're with your partner because they know you're the best and then you can be a bit of a prick without realising. And so it's kind of being mindful of that and putting an effort in and actually you'll be disproportionately rewarded for your efforts. That's my opinion. Mum, what did you think of that advice? Fantastic. Yeah. I agree with you. A lot of things that you say. Absolutely right. Thanks. Thanks so much. Thank you so much for your voice. Mum, can you do them an anniversary message? Hi John and Gary Happy anniversary my darling Be nice to each other I love you a lot I never met you But everything's going to work out I pray for you Probably Thank you Statistically it's unlikely doesn't it Just kidding Happy anniversary Everything's going to work out That is all we have got time for It's been real guys Some would say too real I think we're going to go and have a few more table spoons of chit-o-hole and then lie down to recover from this is so appropriate recover from whatever the fuck that was see you on Monday

39:08thank you so

39:09Romesh Ranganathan:much for watching and listening to this episode before you go if you've enjoyed this episode and you've not subscribed that's a bold decision crazy behaviour follow and subscribe to the Romish Ranganathan show wherever you listen it helps me really like really helps me it helps the team and it costs you absolutely nothing we drop episodes every monday and thursday mondays i'm joined by great guests thursdays my mum shanti joins me to answer your questions and family dilemmas we'll see you monday with another great guest and back here with mum on thursday if you've got a problem you want to solve or a story you want to share send it to podcast at rangabi.com voice not or text us on 07731 623 355 we can't promise good advice but you might end up on the show see you soon oh shut up romish