We Accidentally Ignored 632 Emails…

18:38Get him out of the gun!

18:43Oh, my God. I feel sorry for Louise's dad.

18:49Romesh Ranganathan:I do, too, because she's emailed in for fucking advice and you keep saying, take Farmington. I'm not saying take Farmington. Or don't. Yeah. and she didn't email because we'd never have oh she didn't email sorry she voice noted sorry we'd never have got to otherwise I do feel sorry for him well done John that was really that was great work your father slowed down when he was 60 didn't he yeah then he's dead yeah okay what's wrong Ben's really you're really pissed off at him he did like that Expedia and Visit Scotland invite you to come step into centuries of history that await in Scotland Castles steeped in legend Walk along cobblestone streets Come share the warmth of stories Passed down through generations This is a place with a past That is fully present today And all yours to explore Plan your Scottish escape today At Expedia.com Slash Visit Scotland With Plan B Emergency Contraception We're in control of our future It's backup birth control you take After unprotected sex that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts.

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20:08Romesh Ranganathan:with no ID, prescription or age requirement needed. Together, we've got this. Follow Plan B on Insta at Plan B One Step to learn more. Use as directed. Louisa, my advice is that you're, Let's assume that there's not a medical issue and your dad is just slowing down at a faster rate than your mum and there's a six-year age gap. I think, as with all relationships, you need to find some sort of compromise, don't you? And so I think your mum could sometimes offer to... Sorry, I paused for half a second. Did you think I'd finish my answer? am I still allowed to take gaps in between words sometimes you do yeah I do I try and take a gap between every word

21:03Romesh Ranganathan:sometimes you can stay in and watch Britain's Got Talent or whatever I can't remember what the other thing was or you go out I think you need to find a compromise that would be my suggestion taking for a walk taking for a walk to begin with yeah this is good for you walking I think a lot of the time when people sort of get tired, what they don't realise is getting out and doing... It starts from the legs. Sorry, I took a gap between words to go. I'm so sorry. Go on, Mum. Sorry, that's my mistake.

21:34You get lazy because it starts from the legs. Right. Because there's so many connections in there, the calf muscle. So exercise the legs.

21:42Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Yeah. So, Mum, in answering your question... To be fair, you did hesitate. You just stopped her. I did.

21:56Romesh Ranganathan:Mum's advice to your mum and dad would be the same that she would give to somebody that's suffering from deep vein thrombosis. But what I would say to you is, sometimes people don't realise that, you know, actually getting out will energise them. That's it. That's it. And then find out. her mum will know what are the things he likes. So let him do that. Maybe there are so many restrictions you put on. The husband, you can't do that. You can't do that. I'm active. Don't do that. Just praise him and energize him. Tell him the good encouragement. What? Well, a lot of your advice you would also give to somebody that owned a dog, wouldn't you?

22:36Romesh Ranganathan:Take him out for a walk, encourage him, praise him. Don't compare a human being to a dog, okay? Thank you.

22:46Romesh Ranganathan:this episode is brought to you by virgin red the team had a question for me this week um all right rom so your job is literally to give people an epic night out you're on stage people having like time of their life but when did someone last give that to you when did you last sit in an audience or turn up somewhere and just think yeah this is brilliant it's a very good point thank you so much for asking the question and obviously i'm somebody that does deliver epic nights out you know i don't want to overstate it but my job is literally to sort of change people's lives through the live experience do you mean they they come they watch the show it's transformative you know a lot of people are saying it's transformative it's a comedy show yeah yeah it's a comedy show that but it's you know it's an incredible experience that sometimes i watch audience members leave and i think god i wish i was you the one curse of being me is that i don't get to watch me it's sad um and sometimes think well maybe i could watch somebody else do you what I mean?

23:39Romesh Ranganathan:But the truth is, a lot of the time, you just think, I'm not going to do that. I've got a long list of people I want to go see, a long list of artists that I'd love to go and see. A lot of time, I think about I'm going to go and then I never go. But then every time I do go, it's an amazing experience. The ones I've actually done, you always remember, you talk to your friends about them, you go with your friends. And you just think, I'm so glad I did this. And every time you go to one of those, as you're leaving, you go, we should do this more. But thankfully, Virgin Red rewards include epic experiences, gigs, events, afternoon teas, hotel stays.

24:09Romesh Ranganathan:You earn Virgin points from everyday life and redeem them on something genuinely memorable. And honestly, I know better than most what a great live experience feels like from the stage. Turns out it's just as good from the audience. If you want more of those experiences that actually stay with you, the ones worth sharing, Virgin Red is how you make them happen. Say yes, Virgin Red means go. Ready to dive in, become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Can I go to one of your gigs? No.

24:40Romesh Ranganathan:Louisa, thank you so much for your question. Our next one is from Sweta. Hi Ramesh and Shanti, this is Sweta. I absolutely find your podcast incredibly funny, especially with Shanti. I've got a question for Shanti since she's the most hilarious one. No offence, Ramesh. My question is, Shanti, if you could swap your life with Ramesh for 24 hours, what would you do? other than making him call you every single day, what would you make Ramesh do? Thank you. I would say if she's only me for 24 hours, calling me every day is going to be tricky. Far be it for me to be picky with someone that said that my mum's more hilarious.

25:17Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, what would you do if you're me for 24 hours? In your position? Yes, if you're me for 24 hours. I'll visit. Visit who? You. You'll visit me. You'll visit me. No. No? I didn't understand. I've disappeared into the ether, I think. She's not said we've done a body swap. Yeah, I'll keep in touch. I'll bring the warmth in my relationship. And yeah, yeah, I love to see you more often. I don't think you've got your head around this, what she's asking. I think so, I think so. You've become Romesh. You're Romesh. You're Romesh for a day. I'm Romesh. What do you do? All right. I enjoy all the lovely things that you are having.

25:57but I can't do the comedy. Why not? You are the number one. You are the best.

26:04Romesh Ranganathan:Swetha has just said you're more hilarious than me. Without you, son, I'll be nothing there. I'm telling you. Okay, finally we get to the truth. Yeah. So I'd rather tag along with you and enjoy myself. You're me. Yeah. So what would you do? Ah, right. Say that I'm a comedy. Let's say you wake up, you're me. Yeah. Look alongside. Yeah, right. Okay. I get up, I'm Romesh, I look at the phone, oh, bitch, I've called. You know, the phone calls. They even say, bloody hell, mum is sending this, what's that, all these spiritual things. She's mad. Put the phone down and not to call her, leave it for a few days.

26:49If she's dead, nobody will inform you. That's it. That's Romesh.

26:54Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so that's the morning. Morning gone. And then what happens? I'll be in the car, traveling with Jim or John. Yeah, Hobbesy. Yeah. Or Seve. Seve, yeah. And then you won't talk. Because I'm sleeping. So you're going to sleep in the car. And you wake up and you see men and everybody. And whatever you are so... I will be so good at performing. That I admire. I will do that. And give all my energy towards it. because that brings money. There you are. That's it. And then after that? After that, just start snorting in the car, go back home, eat that Wagamama or whatever chili because your body is starving for spicy food.

27:47That's it.

27:48Romesh Ranganathan:And then go to bed. Go to bed. Play with the dog for a while. Yeah. But you still haven't... I won't check the phone about the mother. Yeah. So, Swetha, I hope you were hoping to... I have a question being answered, yeah. Could I have a half-assed description of Ramesh's day? Because that's what you got. What if it was like a Freaky Friday or that... Remember the Little Dickie? Yeah. Where it's what with Chris... First of all, let's not... Freaky Friday, let's not attribute that original idea to Little Dickie. Okay? That's when I felt... This is what's a fucking problem with people like you. Because you love Little Dickie, you think he came up with the body swap idea.

28:23Romesh Ranganathan:Okay? that's what that's one of the latest iterations of body swap and by the way i love that song right reservations about chris brown's conductor side it's a great song okay but okay let's so imagine we body swapped so so i we've heard what um shanty would do but what would you do as shanty then i think i'd just be first of all i couldn't be naked why you had to be naked i just wouldn't be nice i wouldn't but you wait you're gonna wake up what do you wear night dress nice sexy night dress i wear i just i i think it's a bit i don't like it i don't like this i don't like this imaginary thing i don't i don't feel comfortable i can send mine to you no i don't this is not he's woken up as you so you'll be wearing whatever you were wearing when you went to bed so you've woken up in your sexy night dress yeah what would you think do you gonna go out like that i put on i well i feel i'm i'm only for 24 hours right i don't want to see my body at all so you're gonna look in the mirror because you won't know you'll look down i guess yeah and that'll be horrifying right so then i'll be i'll just got fucking have like some sort of seizure no let's not say you definitely go and look in the mirror no i would not i i would then if you were your mum and you woke up and you saw your body wouldn't check yourself no i check no but i First of all, have I been notified that I'm going to be my mum for a bit?

29:50Romesh Ranganathan:No. So I've just woken up. Yeah. So I think pretty quickly I'd know what's going on. Do you know what I mean? I'm in my mum's bedroom. Yeah. Right. I've woken up. I'm in a sexy night desk. All right. So I think, okay, classic body swap.

30:09Romesh Ranganathan:It's the old body swap. Invented by a little bit of a pickle. If it goes the way I think it might go, this is only going to last for 24 hours. So let's get on with my day. I wouldn't have a shower or bath. Probably brush my teeth. I don't want to see... I'd probably try and avoid using the toilet at all. I'd probably take some Imodium. I don't want to, in my mother's body, take a shit. Why? I just don't want... I don't think you lose that, man. That fucking defines you. Knowing what it's like to pop a squat as your mum. I think it's horrible.

30:55Anyway, you want to have the hanging bed.

31:00Romesh Ranganathan:I'd put on 27 layers. No, I'd get dressed. But to get dressed, you'd have to take? No, on over-the-night dress. Oh, okay, okay. I'd put stuff on over-the-night dress. I'm really sorry to ask this. What would you put on? I'd go for joggers, sort of loose joggers. probably a top like that might be all right yeah maybe something big i'd go for the biggest stuff uh and then i would uh i don't know what i'd do what sort of i'd go do pilates yeah i've always wanted to try pilates but i don't want to join any pilates class as ramesh rangonathan so i'd go as you you know all those people i go to pilates yeah uh go for a coffee morning with one of your friends yeah and i'd go like this i'd be like so because i'm a bit suspicious about how you've conducted yourself.

31:49Romesh Ranganathan:So I'd go, darling, what are some of the things that I've said about Ramesh during our previous meetings?

31:59Romesh Ranganathan:And then I'd find out what sort of shit you've been saying about me. Then I'd go see Dinesh. Yeah. And I'd say, you know, I've always loved Ramesh more. See you later, Baldi. And then I'd leave.

32:19Romesh Ranganathan:Then I'd go home. I'd look through the house. Yeah. And I'd get all of the needless shit that I've got in and around the house. And I'd stick it up on Vinted. I don't know how to do that. No, but you will do after I've done it. And then I'll go to bed. Probably about eight in the evening because I don't think you go to bed early enough. No. And that's my day. Okay. What do we think? Thanks, sweater. All right. Have we got time for another one? Yeah, we've got time for one more. Okay.

32:56Romesh Ranganathan:This is from Jamal. Hello, Ramesh and Shanti. Big fan of the show. I'm Jamal from Leicester. My question is going to Shanti. I'm getting married in summer. And my mother-in-law, future mother-in-law, is her English is not that great. what is the best tips that you can give me to impress her and do without really speaking her language what would you say would impress her and also same for romesh what did you do to impress your mother-in-law if you even impressed your mother-in-law anyway thank you okay um sounds like jamal had to end that because he's getting a message through um mum jamal's future mother in law is it future mother-in-law yeah doesn't speak much english what do you do

33:51ask him to learn the language he speaks oh that's going to take a while isn't it oh talk to her in english she will understand yeah oh give her a class yeah english class and english lessons that's not yeah yeah you know slowly start and she will pick it up the people used to come from different countries some of them couldn't even pronounce a word they used to say excuse me so some of the guys understood kiss me excuse me yeah it's I heard at work they used to because the pronunciation is even some of the words I pronounce can you give me the context of this so I'm gonna say no somebody said excuse

34:41Romesh Ranganathan:Excuse me. Excuse me, yeah. Yeah, and somebody else thought they said kiss me. Kiss me. I mean, I think things like that, throw a bit of context in there. You're at work. How likely is somebody said kiss me? I'm just for example, teacher English, that's it. Okay, teacher English. English, yeah. Yeah. I think you should say to her, I'm going to teach you English, and if you don't want to learn, fuck off back home. No, no, no. You don't say things like that. Oh, sorry. Well, she won't understand anyway.

35:12Romesh Ranganathan:I'm joking I actually think your first thing that I poo-pooed is actually a good bit of advice learning her language could be a nice way of bonding and even if you don't like you're not going to get fluent but even if you learn a little bit a little bit she shows a bit of willing and it's a nice way to connect and you can do a little exchange thing she can learn a bit of English you can learn a bit of whatever language it is she speaks but I think if I had told you my mother tongue yeah I think we'll be very close. We are very close. We are close, but I can't shout at you in my language, isn't it?

35:45Romesh Ranganathan:Go for it now. Imagine, like, just start in Tamil, just really have a go at me. No. No. No. You won't understand a word. No, but we can put captions underneath. Go on, go for it. No. No, no, no, I don't want to be. You really need to learn to yes and on this. Do you know what I mean? You're a very negative ninny sometimes. Shanti, How do you say you never call me in Tamil? Fuck you, John.

36:14Romesh Ranganathan:How do you say, thanks to you, I have no mortgage?

36:24Oh, I like it. It sounds musical. So you understood that because I used the mortgage?

36:29Romesh Ranganathan:No, because I told you English. I can't do that

37:00Romesh Ranganathan:You're going to go through 600... I genuinely feel very bad about this. Okay. Well, you should do. You fucked it. I think Will and I could split it up, probably. We'll do some. I would email Ruth as well to apologise to her. I regret bringing Ruth into it. So mad. Mum, what do you think about this episode? How do you think this episode's gone? Fantastic. I enjoyed so much. Yeah. Everything. Yeah, really good, Mum. You have been? Machen. Some people think... They think you're saying maan. Machen. But you're saying maan. Machen. Machen. San. San. Maan. Yes, maan. Maan. Yes, maan. Yeah. like the Jamaican?

37:32Romesh Ranganathan:You got a question? No, I just thought maybe you, would you apologise as well just on behalf of everyone? For what? For the email thing, I just feel like it'd be me more. Why do I have to apologise? Because it means more from you, doesn't it? Okay. Everyone that emailed in, I'm so sorry for Ben's fuck up. And Ruth, I'm sorry that Ben brought your name into this podcast for the first time, merely to throw you under the bus. No, it wasn't. Okay. I hope you have the opportunity to remove the tyre marks from your back. Ben's, on behalf of the Romesh Rang and Nathan Show, sorry about Ben. You're sorry too, though.

38:09I am sorry that Ben was in charge of emails.

38:13Romesh Ranganathan:And John could have stepped in. John could have stepped in, but it wasn't his responsibility. John does a lot. We made it a runner that we only had one email. We all laughed about it. We thought it was a funny little thing. Turns out lots of people were emailing in, and Ben was checking a different account because he fucked up. So I'm sorry about that. Why didn't you check it? Why do I check it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why don't I fucking hoover the carpet while I go? I'm the fucking talent. You're also the exec producer. Yeah. Am I? Yeah. What does that mean on a podcast? I don't know. Is everybody sending email?

38:45Did you read? You could have asked that question. Oh, sorry.

38:48Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, sorry. Miss, you're on every Thursday episode. Why don't you check? I'm fucking reading this. I'm doing all of the functional work on this. Do you not think in retrospect, though, one of us could have thought like, oh, that's weird. why we only had one. We all are responsible collectively. No, we are. We're all collectively responsible. We can all go, why is that? Surely maybe, let's think about Ben. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you why they didn't? I did think it's weird that we've only got one email. Not in a million years did I think it's because the person checking the account is so fuck-minded that they would check the wrong email.

39:22Romesh Ranganathan:That is so far from the realms of possibility of what the answer is. Could it be, it's more likely than only one email has been sent than somebody is so fucking stupid and incompetent that they check an email account for an email address that we've never ever given out on the podcast ever the idea that that is the solution is so it's like going oh a unicorn has been deleting the emails that's as likely so that's why it didn't occur to me and with that in mind you will apologise sorry about Ben. So not only people are asking to see him I don't want to fucking hear him now. How many? 632. 632 emails.

40:12Romesh Ranganathan:632 apologies. But please keep emailing. Well will you see them? We'll check. No in all seriousness we are sorry about that. We are sorry. We are sorry about that. You've got to laugh there haven't you? Yeah of course you have to. You send in an email you tune into the podcast they're complaining about only getting one email and you think well i have emailed it's quite a serious problem that required some advice as soon as asaps yeah then you come into the first episode still not there and then we do another joke about unless anyone email and you think bloody hell that's weird i definitely sent an email and then you send that same email 632 times we prefer voice notes though anyway don't we as a rule well we've had to I've got no idea whether we prefer voice notes to emails of course I don't fucking see it anyway thank you for all your messages and your emails mum it's been real we'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest see you later see you later go fuck yourselves you dumb assholes I'm sorry sorry I'm sorry about Ben fuck you oh my god thank you so much for watching this episode of the Romesh Ranganathan Show, I've been told that some of you are watching this, enjoying it, wallowing in it, but you still haven't subscribed.

41:26Romesh Ranganathan:That's mad behaviour. You're going to miss episodes. Very silly. So follow and subscribe to the Romesh Ranganathan Show on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. We drop new episodes every Monday and Thursday. On Monday, I'm here with amazing guests talking about their career, what they're up to, having a laugh with them. And then on Thursdays, I'm joined by my mum, widely regarded as the audience's favourite Ranganathan. And we answer your questions, your stories and your family dilemmas. We'll be back on Monday with another great guest and then mum will see you again on Thursday.

41:55Romesh Ranganathan:Send your questions and stories to podcast at rangabee.com voice note or text on 07731 623 355. We genuinely love hearing from you and there's a good chance you'll hear yourself on the show. See you next time. Oh, shut up, Romesh. Stitch Fix. Stop shopping. Get styled. A plus on the outfit, Miss Turner. You are about to slay parent-teacher conferences. Oh, these? Just the most perfect fitting jeans my stylist sent me. Oh, hello you, who didn't set one foot in a mall and still looks amazing. Just show your size, style, and budget, and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitch Fix.

42:35Romesh Ranganathan:Get started today at stitchfix.com. To my stylist, this look is dedicated to you. Thank you. Thank you.