We FINALLY Read Your Emails!

20:09This should be tons of fun. Marvel Television's Daredevil, Born Again,

20:13Romesh Ranganathan:now streaming only on Disney+. You did? It's turtles? Because back home, one of the guys lost it. His dick to a turtle? Yeah, I'm not making it up. He had to live without the dick. I don't know what he did after that for Bang Bang. Is this a true story? It is a true story. He went to wash his ass. Yeah. And something bit. Yeah. How did he know it was a turtle? I thought maybe crocodile is too big. People have taken the whole lot, isn't it? There's only a bit gone. Right. So basically a crocodile. So did he actually see the turtle? How can I go and ask? No, but at the time when you heard the story, did he say a turtle has bitten my dick off?

21:01That's what the people said.

21:02Romesh Ranganathan:What people? the people live around my area they said a turtle has eaten his dick Amma Amma Amma is turtle turtle Tamil word Amma Amma Amma Amma Amma yeah Amma has eaten his dick yeah and did they see it why were they filming I'm asking if they see it how do I know I was only a little girl okay if I ask my mother I just think because it to do with the dick, my mum would have slapped me. So I didn't ask any further questions. Okay, fine. So I just heard and I kept it to my side. You do see, I don't know if they have snapping, you know snapping turtles? And they go... That's it, yeah. But yes, they can apparently eat your dick.

21:52Romesh Ranganathan:Is that right? Can we look this up, please? Can torses eat penises? No. to be fair ben that is a good question to fire back at me what am i asking you to look for uh do turtles are there any incidents of turtles attacking humans yes okay they can bite and injure humans they generally do so only in self-defense if they feel threatened or if they mistake fingers for food but that could be a penis It could be a penis, yeah. Certainly mine. It's got a knuckle. Okay, what do you think about having your quote immortalised in artwork, Mum? It's wonderful. He put a lot of thoughts into it.

22:40And based on what I said, so I really like it.

22:44Romesh Ranganathan:Yes, it's based on what you said. Based on what I said, yeah. So it's beautiful. Beautiful, my dear. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. and thanks for including my words to what. Really felt special. Okay. Here's our next one as part of this email special. Are we going to have like a little, can we get license from Macarena? No. We're just doing emails because it is email special. Doing more emails because it is email special. Doing some emails, it's email special. Oh, email special. Don't sing. You can't sing, can you? somebody told me, don't let romance sing in podcast. But all my faith, try to teach you, you're singing through your nose.

23:35But as a mother, I know if you practice, but you can rap well, not singing, because you take it as a joke. You don't sing properly.

23:46Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, okay. Mom, just allow some self-esteem to develop on occasion. You don't have to pull your pants down and take a shit on my confidence every minute. Yeah, I mean, definitely don't shit on my face. This episode is brought to you by Virgin Red. The team had a question for me this week. All right, Rom. So your job is literally to give people an epic night out. You're on stage, people having the time of their life. But when did someone last give that to you? when did you last sit in an audience or turn up somewhere and just think yeah this is brilliant it's a very good point thank you so much for asking the question and obviously i'm somebody that does deliver epic nights out you know i don't want to overstate it but my job is literally to sort of change people's lives through the live experience do you mean they they come they watch the show it's transformative you know a lot of people are saying it's transformative it's a comedy show yeah yeah it's a comedy show that but it's you know it's an incredible experience that sometimes I watch audience members leave and I think to myself, God, I wish I was you.

24:52Romesh Ranganathan:The one curse of being me is that I don't get to watch me. It's sad. And sometimes I think, well, maybe I could watch somebody else. Do you know what I mean? But the truth is, a lot of the time you just think, I'm not going to do that. I've got a long list of people that I want to go see, a long list of artists that I'd love to go and see. A lot of time I think about I'm going to go and then I never go. But then every time I do go, it's an amazing experience. The ones I've actually done, you always remember, you talk to your friends about them, you go with your friends and you just think, I'm so glad I did this.

25:19Romesh Ranganathan:And every time you go to one of those, as you're leaving, you go, we should do this more. But thankfully, Virgin Red rewards include epic experiences, gigs, events, afternoon teas, hotel stays. You earn Virgin points from everyday life and redeem them on something genuinely memorable. And honestly, I know better than most what a great live experience feels like from the stage. Turns out it's just as good from the audience. If you want more of those experiences that actually stay with you, the ones worth sharing, Virgin Red is how you make them happen. Say yes. Virgin Red means go. Ready to dive in?

25:49Romesh Ranganathan:Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Can I go to one of your gigs? No.

26:00Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, should we do another email? Hey! Yay! What's special? Five years ago.

26:09Romesh Ranganathan:This is anonymous. Five years ago, shortly after getting married, my husband convinced me we should get a cat to complete the family. I'd never had a pet and assumed it'd be like a fluffy little roommate. Cute. Manageable. Wrong. The cat and I did not vibe. I gave it a full year of trying while being silently judged in my own home. My husband adored the cat. The cat adored my husband. I was clearly the third wheel. After many emotional conversations, we made the difficult decision to re-home the cat. My husband was sad, but we moved on. My in-laws, however, have not spoken to me since. Five years.

26:39Romesh Ranganathan:Apparently, I gave away their cat. My husband and I are very happy and very much in love. He's over the cat. His parents are not. What should I do? So do you get that, mum? I read it quite quickly, but do you get the gist? I did get that. The cat belongs to his parents. Yeah. Husband parents, isn't it? Yeah, it's anonymous, his or her. But anyway, go on. Anyway. Yeah, it's not a problem. She can't give the cat away because there's no wives between them. Yeah. Buy them another cat. Wildly available. Cats are. Yeah, so buy one. Cats are why they don't. And give it to them. Why? Why? Because they are sad.

27:20Romesh Ranganathan:No, they're not sad, mum. They're being pricks. They are not being pricks. They are being pricks, mum. It's not their cat. And now they're not talking to them because they gave away their cat. Do you know? Oh, the couple's cat. Yeah. The couple gave away their cat. Okay, now I got it. And now the in-laws are not talking to them. They are pricks then. There we go. Definitely. There we go. Definitely. they were looking for something to pick on them. Yeah, exactly. Horrible people. Horrible. What I would say to you is, if somebody that would get angry with you for a decision you've made about your life has stopped talking to you, congratulations, all right?

27:58I'll tell you something, Mark. Please do. If they, about the comments on the phone or everything, if they attack you, send it back to them because they have nothing better to do. They are not successful. They are missing on something. Don't worry about these comments. But they say nasty things to you. Just pray and send it back to them.

28:24Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, are you talking about this or have you been looking at my Instagram? Pardon? Are you talking about this still? No, it's a different thing. You can cut it off tomorrow. No, it's fine. But what are you talking about? Talking about, you know... Have you been getting upset about negative comments? No, I haven't had any negative comments. Anyway. That is actually true. Has mum had any negative comments online at all? No. Only you give me negative comments. When have I said anything negative to you? Okay. No, please, just quote me directly. I forgot. You forgot? I'd love you to tell me something negative I've said about you.

29:00I'll mark it down.

29:01Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I will let you know. Okay. Yesterday, you tried to fool me at the restaurant. No, that was not a negative thing. What did you do? What? What did you do? I told mum that sea bass was pronounced bass. But that was just like I was having a bit of fun. Just imagine the waitress come and say, can I take your order? Then because you're born here, I take your word for it. Luckily, I didn't say sea bass. How does it sound? I said it's pronounced bass. But you knew I was joking. It was so obvious I was joking. I was joking. Anyway, it didn't come out like that. We said to the wait, the waitress come over and then mum said, can I ask you a question?

29:49Romesh Ranganathan:And then I stopped you and I said, sorry, we're having a little bit of a funny thing about how you pronounce bass and bass. And obviously she's just trying to take the order. So she's like, oh, that sounds hilarious. What a hilarious family. I'm lucky enough to be serving today. Can you just tell me what you're fucking, so do you want the bass? Okay, cool. It was like that, wasn't it? It was delicious. She was actually very polite. Polite. Yeah, she pretended she found it entertaining, but it really is embarrassing. So anyway, what I would say to you is your in-laws are out of order. Yeah. I do think when you say, what should I do?

30:23Romesh Ranganathan:The answer is nothing. Okay. If they choose to not talk to you, they are losing. It's on them. And I don't think any good can come from trying to take ownership of somebody else's reaction. If that's what they want to do, that's what they want to do. Okay. Leave it. And they will regret it in time to come. It's on them. It's not on you. I hope that you feel all right about that. What do you think about that, Mum? That's a good advice. What do you give it out of 10? 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Okay, great. Thank you. Mum, are you a dog or a cat person? Both. Back home, I had cats and dogs. Yeah.

31:01Romesh Ranganathan:You had a dog called Ravi, didn't you? Ravi. Yeah. And I came here because of the houses. It's all cooped up and not big enough. So I didn't want to keep the animal indoors. So I didn't feel like, you know, they will dirty the house. But I love animals. I'm not saying I don't love animals. If I have a massive open place, I would have cats, dogs, everything. Horses? Huh? Horses? How can you have horses? Okay. There, you're making me a right fool. No, I'm asking. What animals would you like? How can you keep a horse in the house? Not in the house, but in the back garden. Back garden? Yeah. White horse.

31:46Romesh Ranganathan:So you would like a horse? I would like a white horse. Okay, fine. Well, that's a big turnaround, isn't it? Do you know what I really found? I saw a TikTok of. There's some type of duck that's so cute. I can't remember what they're called, but they're little tiny pet duck things you can have running around the house. I asked Lisa if you could get them. She said, no, I'll leave. Other thing I saw in TikTok, am I allowed to say? Yeah. One little bird feeding the chicks, the bird has got boobs like women. I saw it. I won't have sent it to you. What has it got? Tiny little boobs. They were sucking it.

32:25It's on TikTok. If you happen to see this thing, you are blessed.

32:34Romesh Ranganathan:If you happen to see that thing, you're blessed. Why are you blessed? You saw the bird with boobs. So what type of bird is it? I don't know the name of it. It's got two boobs. Yeah, and then what were the other birds doing? The babies are sucking. Mum, birds don't lactate. Maybe it's AI. I don't know. I suspect it is AI. A bird with tits is breastfeeding its kids. Shall we look for it now? Yeah, yeah, please. I thought, what did you type in? TikTok, the bird feeding. Come on, come on. Yeah, yeah, believe me. I found it interesting, though. Birds. Bird with boobs? Boobs, yes. Feeding the babies.

33:15Romesh Ranganathan:That's quite a lot. Bird with boobs. Would it be boobs? It is boobs. Yeah, what else? Oh, my God.

33:28Ah! What?

33:32Romesh Ranganathan:Do you think it's nice? It's fucking disgusting. No, I didn't like it. It's horrible. Yeah, it's bad. I didn't like it at all. Okay. It's AI. Oh, what a bastard. Can I... What a great takedown of AI. Why the fuck would you use AI to make that? That's what I don't understand. Maybe he's a pedo. Yeah, could be. Mum, that can't be your default answer for everything. Email special. Yoo-hoo. Oh, email special. Email special. Everyone together. Oh, email special. Aye. Aye. Late. Too late. Trouble. Oh, email special. Aye. Oh, sorry. Ready? Sorry. Oh, email special. Aye. I don't know if I think that's really good or awful.

34:32Oh, we can change it.

34:34Romesh Ranganathan:To what? I'd love a suggestion.

34:39There you go.

34:41Romesh Ranganathan:That makes sense. That's the logical replacement for that. I like this bit. Hi, Ramesh and Shanthi. I love the podcast. Would you like to read this out? No, no, no. You read it. Hi, Ramesh and Shanthi. I love the podcast so much. My favorite part is how you guys don't shy away from discussing sex and sexuality. Yeah. There wasn't something discussed in my home growing up. My kids are relatively young now, but I know soon I'll need to have the puberty and sex talk with my oldest. Shanti, did you have the sex talk with Ramesh and Dinesh? I did. Is it all right to get to the end of the email? I think you think that...

35:17Romesh Ranganathan:I'm that person. I'm just reading this email. So I'm going to get to the end of it, then we'll reflect on it. We'll discuss, yeah. Very rare to interact with the podcast. Sorry I interrupted, Mr. Ranganathan.

35:33Romesh Ranganathan:how did it go and have you got any tips you can pass on and romesh would you rate how would you rate your parents approach in that respect thank you so much ella ella email we got from ella

35:48Ella Mum

35:52Romesh Ranganathan:Sex talk Ella let me answer on my mum's behalf Didn't happen We weren't given any instruction with regards to sex We were just told not to have any until we finished university And we weren't given a birds and bees talk Or any kind of chat about that In fact Bizarrely Sex now is spoken about We talk about it much more than we used to You never spoke to me about it in the house No, we understand each other. I mean, you are going to go into that trouble now. Your boys are growing up. Yeah. So prepare yourself how you are going to explain. I've already explained. What did you say to them? I've already heard the chat.

36:26Don't do that. You say?

36:27Romesh Ranganathan:No. Then? I had like a talk about sex. Talk about how. Can you tell me how you explain to them? You are lying from me. I'm not lying. Feels like it could be a role play you could maybe explain to me. I'd love to thank you. I'd love to.

36:45God Come on Come on Come on What did you tell them It's a It's a Like We're working so well

36:52Romesh Ranganathan:As a team today It just feels like We're all Yeah On the same wavelength What did you say What did you say To Theo Okay So I didn't I didn't explain What sex is Because they get told That's school Yeah But I just told him About being responsible Responsible And Condom Yeah Did you say Yeah, I didn't say that. Why couldn't you say that? Wear a condom. I mean, but anyway, I won't change my mind. Don't touch women until you become someone. Okay? I didn't say that to him. Why didn't you? I said touching women makes you someone. Slightly different philosophy. Is it a challenge among the boys? No, it's not a challenge.

37:40Romesh Ranganathan:It's not a challenge amongst the boys, no. Oh, man. Did you? Like that, you see? Yeah, they often say, oh man, did you? Yeah, did you? Did you? How was the last night? Yeah. Is that the one? Yeah. Don't talk like that, don't teach them. I said, oh, hey Theo, enjoying your Coco Pops, did you? Hey man, did you? You know what I'm saying, did you? No, I just said to him, wrap up if he's going to have sex. And he said, oh, I don't have this chat. I said to him, I need to have this chat. No, you have to. Yeah. You never had that chat with me though. Your dad was there performing. So what chat do I want to give you?

38:16Romesh Ranganathan:Dad never had the chat with me either. He told me. I raw-dogged it all over Crawley.

38:26Romesh Ranganathan:Every time I go out in Crawley, I get nervous that I'm going to see some guy in his 20s with a lazy eye. Forget about lazy eyes. That makes you sexy. Don't ever talk about lazy eyes. I'm telling you I gave birth if you're actually do you know what I'd love an email if you are if you are in the crawly area and you've got a lazy eye and you don't know who your dad is podcast at rangaby.com email special email special bye

39:00okay

39:01Romesh Ranganathan:so in answer to your question Ella Ella Ella eh eh we got an email from Ella Ella, Ella, Ella, eh. Oh, it was special. I told you not to sing. Sorry. Yeah, so Ella, I hope that helps. Good luck. My advice to you is just be straight down the line frank. And also they look a lot like that from school. No, we were watching, when Claire and Dinesh were living with me, we were watching a film, Dim the Lights and Popcorn and everything. and we were watching and the sex scene came. Dinesh said, oh, switch it off. I said, Dinesh and Claire, we all have done that. You know what to do. I know what to do.

39:50Jesus Christ, you didn't say that, did you? I didn't say, so forget that. Enjoy the film. That's what I said. It's true. We all done it. What is it? If you'd have said,

39:59Romesh Ranganathan:if I'd have been sat in the room with you and watching a film and you said, I know what to do, I'd have jumped out the fucking window. I didn't say, what you literally just said no i know what did i say that you just literally said and then i said did you say you know i know what to do and he said yeah did you say it or not no i said we all done it i have done this no that's what i i'm doing i'm not twisting you are twisting can we go back to like 30 seconds ago you said no you know i'm doing an impression of you now you know what to door. I know what to do. You know what to do. I know what to do.

40:35Romesh Ranganathan:You said those words. Okay, okay, whatever. Okay. Don't give them extra work. Okay. Thank you, Shantan. No, the phrase you're talking about, don't give them work. Okay, right. My mind says something, the words come in a different way. I must have done that. So you had to forgive. So I told them, we all done it. So what do you do, Rom, if you're watching a film with your boys and there's a sex scene on the telly? I really lean into it and make it as embarrassing as I possibly can. Let's go, boys, they're banging now. Enjoying it? Do you need a cushion? Why do you need a cushion? Pardon? I don't know.

41:08Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, time for another email because it's the... Oh, email special. Ike. Ike, you say? Not Ike, no. Hi, Ramesh and Shanti. Love the show. It's always a guaranteed love for my commuter. Quick dilemma. My girlfriend has to sleep with a fan on every night, even in winter. Oh, me too, man. I hate it because it dries my mouth out, gives me a sore throat, and surely circulating air can't be good for you. Why? She says I'm being dramatic. I say I'm being dehydrated. Actually, Josh, I've got to say, quite a witty email. Please settle this for us. Who's in the right and what should we do? Thanks, Josh.

41:46Romesh Ranganathan:Mum. Josh's other half likes to have the fan on every night. Yeah. He doesn't like it. She doesn't like it. No, she likes it. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it, yeah. What should they do? I mean, if he's too hot, sweating, maybe some people have hot blood. So very uncomfortable to sleep in the night. So whoever's sleeping with him, they should understand. No, no, no, no, no. Josh doesn't like the fan on. Ah, right. His other half likes having the fan on. Okay. They sleep together. they have a friction now because they've got a difference in how they like to have the bedroom at night she likes the fan on, he doesn't but they want to sleep together I think having the fan on it's unhealthy in a way because it blows the dust so constantly this sounds like cod science to me can we look this up is having a fan bad it is bad it's dry your mouth you breathe in so much dust because in the air.

42:54Romesh Ranganathan:Clean your house, man. Sleeping with a fan is generally safe, but it does cause issues for some people, such as dry skin, irritated sinuses. That's what Josh is having. Or allergies due to circulation of dust. My dear, there you are. Believe in your mother. I stand corrected. But fair enough. That's correct. That's fine. I get it. Thank you. But it doesn't solve the problem.

43:24Romesh Ranganathan:I'll stop talking alright no let them sleep in a separate room well that was going to be that was going to be my suggestion when they want to do bang bang yeah they have to make one other room yeah air condition bang bang room that's what Victoria Beckham and they do yeah when they want to sleep they have a special room right to sleep so you imagine things and you are you know going to do so let them have a room with air condition you don't have to have the fan enjoy enjoy You enjoy in every position. No dust there. A lot of couples are sleeping in separate rooms now. It's like a big thing. Is it fashion or trend?

44:02Romesh Ranganathan:Not fashion. Why is that? Because they're not comfortable sleeping in the same bed. And so there's this idea that you have to sleep in the same bed. But so many people, even the people that sleep in the same bed as their partner, they actually find it quite annoying. All three of you sleep with your partner. No, we don't have to ask their personal questions. Why? Why do they have to tell? Will. It's personal. Just stop it. Do you sleep with someone else? Yes. And how do you find that experience generally? Are there any issues? Not really, no. I mean, if we're too hot, we have a fan on, but we're both fine with it.

44:36Romesh Ranganathan:You're both fine with it. So they're both okay with the fan. Ben, what about you? What's that? Are you in the same house still? Yep. Happy. And how do you find sleeping together? Fine. I think it works really well. I think we have a similar temperature discrepancy I relate to this quite a lot I'd happily have it I love fan on wake up and you're cold we should sleep together I love I don't care about the temperature I don't care how cold it is windows open, fan on as cold as possible and then you get under the blanket and you're like you can sleep naked isn't it yeah sometimes I do sometimes I do there you are definitely wash the sheets the next day John what about you which bit do you have any issues sleeping with your partner what about you what about me Lisa and I have got a temperature differential we can't really agree on temperature so one of us makes a compromise I have in the past become so uncomfortable I've gone to sleep in another room But that's happened a handful of times.

45:48And then every time it happened, we then had to have a chat about it. Maybe with three boys, they know what's happening. What do you mean? So that's why you sleep in a separate room. That's also possible, isn't it?

45:59Romesh Ranganathan:I can't follow the logic of what you're saying. Yeah, the two boys. They have grown up. They know what's going on. They talk about it in school. Yeah, but what's that got to do with me sleeping in a separate room? In case they walk in? Well, the idea of them walking in is horrific. so sometimes in order to avoid that happening we don't want to embarrass them so Lisa and I will announce it we sort of walk like we'll walk up and down the corridor going we're probably going to have sex tonight so don't come into the bedroom I don't believe you no no no it's easy it's better that than they walk in how many times a year does that happen well Lisa's birthday my birthday sometimes do it on your birthday

46:42Romesh Ranganathan:so quite recently if Arsenal win by more than one goal probably smash time if Arsenal looked good but they still lost but it was admirable I'll suggest smash time but I tell you something if you have lots of Murunga if I go to Coughlin's and they've still got Rangi Anyams left I'll suggest smash time when we got to 100 ,000 followers on YouTube suggested smash time when we got to 150 ,000 I suggested smash time she said let's wait until 500 ,000. Those kind of times. You wasted all these five minutes. What do you mean? You were mouth open. That's what Lisa says a lot. There's a punchline. God, so boring sometimes you are.

47:26Me? Yeah. In what way? I was listening. Maybe there was going to be a punchline. Nothing. Emily J. Okay.

47:33Romesh Ranganathan:What? I was just waffling on. Do you know what I mean? You were waffling on. Oh, you were special. Hi. thank you to everyone for your emails mum we've loved it haven't we it's been the spikiest one we've done so far we'll be back on Monday with another exciting top guest I hope you enjoyed our oh email special hi see you dumb shits fuck you love you eat a dick swivel yo thanks for watching and listening to the Romish Ranganathan show sup y 'all It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet.

48:19Romesh Ranganathan:If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursday's a me and my mum, Shanthi, answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to podcast at rangaby.com, voice not or text us on 07731 623355.

48:54Romesh Ranganathan:That's 07731 623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself on a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time. Oh, shut up, Romesh. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.