Which World Cup Footballers Would Shanthi Date?

20:51Romesh Ranganathan:good physique do you like to smiley face inked that beard reminds me of somebody so i don't like oh no okay let's move on okay okay is this the last one this is the last one last one He plays for Arsenal, so be kind. Leandro Trossard. He looked like a prime minister. Okay. I don't know how to process that as a comment. Would you? Date. Yeah, that's what I mean. Would you date? Whenever I'm asking that question, can we just assume that I mean date? Would you date? No. No, why not? I don't like politics. He's not in politics. he's not in politics I know he's a footballer I know I'm not that daft from it I know I know but I'm saying so why are you rejecting him for being in politics if he's not in politics politicians or lies okay but he's not a politician they when they want the vote they come and say also I know mum I know listen I'm not disputing he looks like a prime minister okay there you are so Kai Havertz yeah Kai Havertz Kai Havertz if you're watching we'd love you to sort of send a video message.

22:02Romesh Ranganathan:I guess he's probably on Cameo, isn't he? So there you go, Mum. What do you think? Kai Haver's your favourite? Yeah. Okay, great. This episode is brought to you by Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series exclusively on Disney+. My friendships are very important to me. My mates have stuck with me through thick and thin and dodgy sweater vests. I'm hard to offend, so they'd have to do something pretty bad to put our friendship in jeopardy. For example, if I saw one of my friends being rude to a member of serving staff, that would put it in jeopardy. If one of my friends thought that Tottenham potentially going down wasn't funny, that would jeopardise our friendship.

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24:31Romesh Ranganathan:Now, Mum, we've watched football together, haven't we? Yes, we did. Very rarely, by the way. You don't make me lie, okay? I don't think I watch football. Really? You watched the Euros final at my house? Oh, yes, yes. Of course, with the pizza. Pizza van. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had a pizza van? Yeah. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. So many of them came, Ben. They didn't invite you, OK? No, I didn't get invited. There you are. He also went to the Champions League final, also didn't get an invite to that. But you had a pizza van. Van outside, yeah. Because you know they deliver. You just call them up. Call them up and already booked, already booked the van.

25:09Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah.

25:11Romesh Ranganathan:Wow, what a day. I'm just waiting for this bit to unfold until I can defend myself. Defend yourself? It's called, it's a thing in Crawley where if you order a pizza, they turn up in a van. So it's like ordering from Domino's. Sounds different to me. Whatever filling you want, whatever topping you want, they will do it then and there. A pizza van is like, actual hiring a pizza van is like what you had at your wedding. Yeah, like that. That's a wedding. I didn't just do it for... It cost me like 50 quid for the pizzas, but they turn up at your house. And then the reason they do it is because in the street, then other people can't go, I'll have a pizza as well.

25:48Romesh Ranganathan:And then they start. I didn't hire a pizza van. I didn't hire a pizza van. Shanti, did you hire a pizza van? You did. No, I didn't. I did not hire a pizza van. I was all in the morning. What other food stalls did you have for this event? We put a Starbucks in the back garden. No, no, genuinely, I think it's folded now, that thing, because actually I don't think it's economic. I'm going to invite all of us, man. Really great work. He doesn't interrupt much, but when he does, it's good value. But they lost, isn't it, that day? Yes, England lost. After spending all the money. I saw Alex jumping on the thing.

26:30Fucker, fucker.

26:32Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, okay, all right. Some details. Anyway. I have seen those vans. Yeah. Like they do it with fish and chips as well. Yeah, exactly. You're right. Yeah, thank you. It's for everyone. If I'd hired a van. This is what we like, man. You call all of us, including your mother. Yeah. Including your mother. And hire a pizza van and have a party. I didn't hire a pizza van. So you know anyone from the street can use it, is the idea. So do they have to come through your gate? This is in the old house, isn't it? It was at my old house. Old house. Not in this house. No. I can't even get into that house.

27:07I had to jump over the fence.

27:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

27:12Romesh Ranganathan:Well, the fence isn't working properly, actually, since you crashed into it on your way out last time. Did you? Yeah, I said to her, the gate opened slowly. She twatted it as she drove off out of the driveway.

27:27Romesh Ranganathan:Just smashed into it. Then I rang him. Rami this is almost exactly how the call went down Rami, I don't think the gate is shutting oh, weird, what is that? I hit it

27:49anyway what exactly happened I saw my friend looking at the next door neighbour's house and when I saw her two ladies I got a shock so my concentration went on them and I hit the gate

28:11I slow down and I turn around and I look gate is not closing no often

28:16Romesh Ranganathan:what they said to us is when they fitted it yeah is try not don't crash into it that will that will affect the mechanism how's your car as well fuck you Ben no damage no damage Gate made. Gate, on the other hand, mechanism had to be replaced. Replace. Okay. The way he said, don't worry, mum, that's not a big thing. Yeah, I mean, that's a good reaction, isn't it? I was chilled about it. I mean, it's just a thing. I don't get upset about stuff like that. No, you don't. But inside, you would have complained to Lisa. I didn't, no. No, you didn't. I don't know why you think I'm some sort of like, I'm Sauron when the door shuts.

28:57Romesh Ranganathan:I just said I mean obviously Lisa said oh my god that stupid old cow no she didn't another thing I wanted to ask you I used the opportunity please do yeah do you know what I prefer it when you do it on stuff that is broadcast go on when I'm in the car with you when you ring Lisa why do you say mum is in the car why do you talk about me

29:29what do you talk about me warning goes first can I okay

29:34Romesh Ranganathan:yeah all right

29:39Romesh Ranganathan:hold on one second all right first of all let me address that that is true and I do do it deliberately so that I accept that I do immediately say to Lisa immediately you'll say but Lisa doesn't Lisa doesn't ever say anything about it. I promise you. Lisa doesn't ever say anything. I know she doesn't. But my fear is, do you know when you have that paranoia that in this one instance, she will go, are you with the old bitch now? She would never talk about you like that. But it's just that fear that she might in that instance. Or she might go, I can't wait for you to get back and give me a good smashing.

30:19Shut up. If you're 100 % sure that she won't talk about it. She doesn't say that either, by the way.

30:23Romesh Ranganathan:just to be clear. Let's be honest, mum. You're not known. One of your trademark things is not underreacting. So, you know, what my fear is that she says something for a joke. Oh, my God. And then it's like an ongoing issue forever. So that's what I do do. OK, OK. But isn't it a normal thing to say? It's good etiquette. It's good etiquette, right? Yeah, I do think so. Yeah, you should try it. OK, so mum, what we're going to do is we're going to give you some stock things to say when you're watching a football match to make you sound more knowledgeable. OK? Are these on mum's card? Yeah, she's good.

30:53Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so if you want to pick up your card, Mum. So this is stuff that you say when you are watching the football. Okay. So can you give us the first one, please? You can sort of set the scene. You're watching football. Oh, yeah. So we're around my house. Okay. Got it on the big screen. Okay. Ben's not there. Uh-huh. John and Will are there. Have you got the sushi cart? Okay. No, we've got the pizza vans there. Uh-huh. I've rescued that business. Okay. Okay. Go. come on England very good I actually thought that was excellent because normally we have to give you like three hours of coaching okay here's your next one go on come on get in my son come on no

31:39Romesh Ranganathan:that sounds like you're watching me and Lisa have sex so do you do you think somebody has to say come on yeah okay get in my son it's like after a goals, but you know, like, or a good pass or a good tackle or something. So shout it with a bit of aggression. Get in my son. No?

32:04Yeah. It sounds like you're, can I, the way you're, no, I don't like the sentence. I know. Get in my son. Yeah, but it's, can I tell you honestly,

32:13Romesh Ranganathan:the last two times you've said it, it sounds like you're asking someone to be inside me. Okay.

32:24Romesh Ranganathan:okay okay do you want to do the next one then this is just like when the game's looking a bit lacklustre or somebody's made a mistake wake up guys I don't know you've got to really shout like it's like when somebody's done something shit and you just shout or they're like they're you know they've lost concentration just really give it some oomph like shout you're aggressive shouting wake up son yeah Why do you keep saying son at the end of it? Oh, did I? Because you're in front of me. Yeah, okay. But just imagine you're talking to a footballer. There's no son in there. I know. Get in my son. No, no.

33:09Romesh Ranganathan:Please stop asking that. Okay. Those are the beginners ones, and they've gone terribly. Is it? No good? Here's the intermediate. Okay, so go on. Shout this one. Imagine you're watching the football on the TV. Get in the mixer.

33:28Romesh Ranganathan:You keep doing it like it's a suggestion. All right. It's a command. I don't know how to command. Like rowdies. Like who? Rowdies. Rowdies? Yeah. What's a rowdy? When they're drunk. Oh, like a rowdy person. Rowdy person. You call them rowdies? Yeah. Okay. that is kind of the that is kind of the energy it's like you know you're really telling them yeah go on try that yeah go on do the mixer one can you say yeah get it get it in the mixer so just shout that down at the TV get it in the mixer yeah it's actually it's actually pretty good okay the others are more like opinions that you can yeah so these these are these are yeah opinions so why don't you try try the next one say it like you know what you're talking about of course the women already brought it home okay so that one that one's probably the first one that doesn't require that tone

34:33Romesh Ranganathan:that one's more of a conversational one okay so this is just imagine we're at the pub having a drink after the game and just you two lads. Just us two. I'm a lad now. Imagine you've got a pint of beer in the house. Or a glass of wine or something. And then you say, what do you say? How could you not bring trend? It's alright. Next one. We miss Southgate more than people realise. Oh, yes. That's pretty good. Okay. This is God tier. So this is half time. Okay. What I want you to do

35:17Romesh Ranganathan:is just read this out as best you can. So imagine this is in conversation. At halftime, we're all just a bit fed up. Maybe you'll ask Shanti what she thinks of the game. So mum, mum, so I'm going to say, what do you think of the game? And then you read this out, okay? Fuck all. No, so mum, how do you think it's going? England are struggling to create overloads in the half spaces because of the inverted pullback. It's in synchronising properly. with the rest different structure, which means they are unable to generate enough numerical superiority between the lines during transitional phases. And you spot on.

36:02Romesh Ranganathan:Spot on right now. Really good. And that is probably going to be what's happening. Really good. Please give it up for Mum's World Cup game. Okay. This week's segment is brought to you by Dear England on BBC iPlayer, the brand new fictionalised drama telling the story of Gareth Southgate as the England manager from the moment he took over through the tournament runs that had the whole country holding its breath. It's an underdog story starring Joseph Fiennes as Gareth Southgate and Jodie Whittaker. At its heart, it's a story about leadership, pressure and belief. And belief's easy when no one's watching.

36:37Romesh Ranganathan:It's what you do when everything's on the line that really counts. Gareth Southgate, one of Crawley's own mum Yeah, of course I know Went to the same school as me Haselic? Yeah Oh Yeah Yeah, I know he's from Crawley And his sister lives closer to Linesh Oh, that's nice, there you go But we're very proud of him in Crawley, aren't we? Of course I am proud of him And he took the England team and turned it around And he made the public image of Crawley Yes Of England, sorry Much better, didn't he? Because there was a time when I didn't support England No What I mean is, is that England felt a bit like, it wasn't like a family experience supporting England in the tournaments.

37:17Romesh Ranganathan:And I think Gareth Southgate kind of, he revitalised how players felt about England and how the fans felt about England. So he did a lot. And is it annoying that he's from Crawley and he's done so well? Yeah, it is annoying. It's not annoying. What's wrong with Crawley? Well, just because I want to be the main Crawley Don. Do you know what I mean? No, no, don't be a big error by that. but it's a great story mum do you think that like when we were watching the Euro finals together first of all we couldn't believe that England had got to the final you were very excited weren't you I was but we were very excited that one of Crawley's own had got England to the final of course and you were screaming and shouting and it was great wasn't it I think what Gareth Southgate did was took England from a point where we had such low expectations the press were on their backs yeah and he sort of I think he turned that whole thing around.

38:07Yeah, of course.

38:09Romesh Ranganathan:That's very exciting. I'm excited. I was excited. I thought they were going to win. Yeah. He worked hard, of course, to, you know, get up early in the morning. Yeah. Get the guys here. That's the main thing about being a manager. No, it is. Men don't like to get up. No, that's true. So the main thing about... But when you look at them, when you look at them, they look so healthy. Yeah. Because all the exercise they do. Yeah, all the exercise. I wish I could do that. early in the morning and men don't normally like that. I'll tell you what else made me reconsider wearing a waistcoat. Gareth Southgate loves a waistcoat, doesn't he?

38:44Yeah. Why not? He likes it. He feels comfortable. Let him wear it.

38:48Romesh Ranganathan:Do you think I could rock a waistcoat? Yeah, why not one day I wear a long dress and you wear the thing? If there was a reason I'd wear a suit. Yeah, do you want me to wear a suit on the next episode? Yeah. We could do a fashion special. Okay. Yeah, all right. Yeah. Yeah, okay, great. I'll wear a suit yeah we'll see how hard those buttons have to work with the World Cup just around the corner there's never been a better time to remember how we got here and maybe again England will dare to dream Dear England watch on BBC iPlayer iPlayer iPlayer Dear England watch on BBC iPlayer there we go my dad loved it Ben's dad loved it wow and we've got some other stuff you won't care about later on in the episode.

39:39Romesh Ranganathan:Mum, on Monday, we had Emily Atak on. Yeah, I saw that. I saw that. I haven't watched that, but I like the guys. Okay. Emily Atak is one woman. Oh, God. Who am I mixing with? The Wayans brothers? Yeah. Okay, right. Yeah. So Emily Atak is one white woman that you've confused with two black men.

40:02Romesh Ranganathan:Easily done. Yeah, it happens. It's happened to you. What do you mean? It's happened to me. Now, sometimes you do. Not everybody is perfect. No, absolutely. There you are. So don't take the mickey out of me. I'm not taking the mickey. I'm just explaining what happened. Okay. All right. She was very funny. Very good. Really great guest, wasn't she? She is good at acting, stand-up writing. She even shared a poem with us. And did you know that her first ever stand-up show, Mum, was at the Horth in Crawley? Wow. We've got a clip. show so i just i invited a load of execs and again fucking mental um not to the hall and you didn't invite to the first one fucking hell are you serious i did that's how i got my sketch show i fucking nailed it rom how do you meditate three hours a day how the fuck are you doing that i got everyone for my tv to come and all the jungle lot and and yeah and then they came and they commissioned my sketch show sorry it's we had so many stand-ups on here talking about how hard it is oh and the craft and they talk about you just like it's an impossible craft turns out it's quite easy i'm sorry no just write it and perform it yeah everything you've been talking about with all these comics just write the jokes stand and say them yeah get a show just like say really funny things make it does make sense funny things ben i am i've got to say your behavior in that was pretty disgusting what what did you do well you just basically you basically shit on stand-up as an art form didn't you to sort of make to sort of make emily feel good you took you took stand-up that you supposedly love and you just rinsed it you just ridiculed it i don't think i did that i think it was just you say it was really hard but she found it very easy that was all um yeah i mean stand-up is quite hard not for me obviously generational talent but it can be it It can be really hard.

41:55What? Say that again?

41:55Romesh Ranganathan:No, I was going to say, Emily, she did her first ever gig, invited the ITV people, got a show commissioned. Yeah. And she wasn't, I mean, I don't know if she was nervous. She didn't seem to be nervous, did she? No, she doesn't look nervous at all. Do you get nervous? If I want to say comedy, yeah, of course I will be nervous. Do you get nervous doing this podcast? No, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not because I was very confident when I was at school, when I was in my teens, got married and came here. I lost all my confidence. So I don't know why. But you're confident now, aren't you? I am. Really confident.

42:36Nobody can fuck around with me.

42:39Romesh Ranganathan:There you go. Nobody. Nobody. Yeah. I was very quiet for so many years when I was working. Was that before I was born? When I was working, man. Okay. I speak English, no? Yeah, you do speak English. That's it, okay. So I was at work. It's just I don't remember the quiet years, that's all.

43:08I was very quiet at work. I never say anything. I don't hurt anybody. I was so good.

43:15Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. there's a reason behind it I thought if I open my mouth and start saying they will ask about dad what happened what exactly happened why he went to jail so I completely shut my mouth I never started any conversation I was friendly but that fear in my head they are going to ask about your father when you've talked about it on this podcast lots of people have commented that it's really brave of you to share and it's a really it is it is but oh god what is it no nothing why Ben laughed because I said I'll tell you why Ben laughed and it's an unusual misstep for Ben in his ongoing arse licking of you but I said it's really brave to share and then you went yes it is and then Ben started laughing because he looked at me you pulled a bit of face and it's just it was a funny that's what I told you you were joking you were joking I'm not joking no I can't get the expression from your face.

44:18Whether it's a joke or you are taking it seriously.

44:21Romesh Ranganathan:I am being serious right now. You'll be a good actor. Thank you. Yeah. Tell the Telegraph. Why they sacked you? The Telegraph didn't sack me. They very rarely employ actors as a newspaper. I see. I see. Anyway, Ben's gone bright red because he's upset that he's offended you. I feel bad. It was just a funny reaction. Anyway, it's time for audience interaction, Mum. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready. Thank you for all your messages and voice notes. A reminder that you can always text or WhatsApp us on 07731 623 355. That's 07731 623 355. Or you can email podcast at rangabi.com. And don't forget, if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

45:03Romesh Ranganathan:First up, we have got a voice note from Ray. Hi, Shanti and Ramesh. My name is Ray and me and my boyfriend, Joe, love your podcast. Thank you. And we're obsessed with our queen, Shanti. I'm wondering if you guys could give us some advice. So we live in a flat next door to a lovely old lady with a very loud chihuahua that we are obsessed with. If we don't hear her barking through the wall, we genuinely miss it. And every time we see her in public, it literally feels like seeing a celebrity. We're such fangirls and we've always wanted to tell our neighbour that we'd love to look after her chihuahua or walk her if she ever needs help.

45:37Romesh Ranganathan:But we're scared that we might seem a bit creepy. Do you think we should ask? And if so, how do we ask? Okay, so thank you, Ray, for your message. And I'm so glad that you love mum so much. Chihuahuas, do you like chihuahuas, mum? Yes, the little dog. The little tiny one. Chihuahuas are the smallest dog, right? Yeah. Are they bigger or smaller than the one that Sheridan had? Smaller, smaller one. No, but Sheridan had like a, what did she have? A griffin. That looked smaller to me. The chihuahua is the world's smallest recognised dog breed. How come you didn't know? You've got two dogs. yeah I know that mum what's that got to do with it but did you see Sheridan's dog when she came on it's like that tiny how can a dog like that how does he poo and wee out of his little tiny arsehole I mean

46:37this size

46:38Romesh Ranganathan:it was this guys although it was a puppy but she said it's not going to get that much bigger than that really really small. Do you like little dogs like that? I do. You should get one. Do you know what would be a really good look for you is having a little dog in a handbag that you carried around with you. That would complete your queen state. Okay I'm just saying it would be cool. If I have an open house. Yeah what does that mean? Open house means some space, veranda and things like that. I think you've got enough space mum. Where the hell am I going to put the dog? Mum your house is for a family of four.

47:09Romesh Ranganathan:You're in there on your own. How much more space do you need? Need more space. I like a conservatory. Then I can have the dog. I bet you would. Okay. Well, that's my... I will look forward to the invoice.

47:22Romesh Ranganathan:How should Ray approach looking... Will he look after when I go on holiday? Will I look after what? The dog? Probably not, no. Ah, there you are. Who do I leave the dog with? There are places. When Leisha and I go on holiday... I'm not that rich to leave and pay for that. Okay. What would you call it, though? what would you call it Shanti? I don't know I can't get the name Sylvie? No That was a very that was an incredibly niche callback Shanti and Sylvie Only absolute mega fans of this podcast will get that Answer that I don't think Ray I'm loathe to say this because you're a big fan of the podcast and mum in particular I don't think you can ask that question No I think that okay you can ask that question but I don't I think the way you phrase it is this I think you say to your neighbour if on the off chance you ever needed somebody to look after your dog we would love to be the people that did that for you okay but what I don't think I think that's fine and then if she needs somebody to look after her dog then she can lend she'll think about you what I don't think you can do is say can we please look after your dog because I think that, I just think it puts a bit of a social pressure on her.

48:44Romesh Ranganathan:And people are really particular about their dogs. Like if somebody... Shall I tell you something? You should get friendly with that person. You build up the trust first because dogs are expensive. If you don't bring the dog back or you sell it to someone, be friendly with the person. It's happening all around the world. So get friendly with her Bake a cake And give it to her And be friendly She will offer it Can you look after the dog my dear That's what you should do Bake her a cake Go and ask her first Shall I do your shopping Do you want anything But I don't think you should do that Just so that you get her dog They are not trying to get the dog They want to help her that's the reason no that's not why they want to do it they don't want to help then how can you ask for the dog well this is the point I'm making mum they want to look after the dog because they love the dog they're not doing it because of a sense then get a dog for yourself okay well there you go I wish you'd arrived at that conclusion earlier I got introduced I was walking the dogs the other morning one of our neighbours introduced I don't really talk do you talk to your neighbours much no I'm not really do you talk to your neighbours much I mean I know you've had an issue with your oh yeah one of your neighbours shouted at Georgie right Will do you talk to your neighbours?

50:05No not much

50:06Romesh Ranganathan:So one of our neighbours I was walking the dogs the other morning And she introduced herself to me And we had like a nice little chat Don't normally do stuff like that They do They do I mean You don't smile I'm surprised that she spoke to you Okay Thank you Well it's supposed to be a light story But there we go Give myself another hang up To add to the collection Okay Okay, our next one is an email from Rana. I'm going to be reading this, mum. Okay. Unless you want to read it. No. Hi, Ramesh. Yeah? I wanted to ask, oh, my God, what is this? I wanted to ask if you could dispense five liquids from your hand with each finger dispensing a different liquid.

50:51Romesh Ranganathan:What the fuck is this? What would they be and why? Love the show. And hello, Shanti. Thanks, Rana. Hi, Rana. That's a good question, darling. Is it? I'm very proud of you to put that question. Good. Answer it. I think one of them, you'd have to be water, wouldn't it? Yeah. That makes sense, doesn't it? Still or sparkling? Sparkling. I'm not gonna do two fingers to give the option. That's a crazy waste. So I'd go sparkling water out the thumb.

51:34Romesh Ranganathan:Black coffee. Yeah. Ribman, holy fuck, hot sauce. What am I going to do with the hot sauce? You are not eating. She's asking for liquid, isn't it? Yeah, it's a liquid. Hot sauce is not a... That's not a liquid. I'll do this. Mum, do you want some seasoning? And same to you, my son-in.

52:01Romesh Ranganathan:That's what I'm doing. I'm putting hot sauce on the food. Do you want some over here? Do you want some on your side dish? No. Mum, what else would you like? No, thank you.

52:14Romesh Ranganathan:Liquid. Sanitiser? That's not a bad shout. Yeah. Sanitiser. And then finally, I just had the thought of what it was going to be. A moisturiser. Only four, isn't it? Only four what? Forget the sauce. That doesn't count. It does count. That's what I want. Okay. What would you have in your five fingers? No. She didn't ask me the question. I'm asking you. I don't know. Orange juice. Orange juice. Okay. What else? That's it. Orange juice out of all five? No, I'm filling it in. In your fingers. In my fingers? Yeah. Orange juice? Orange juice. That's it. I used to, when I was a kid, I used to love the idea of ice cream coming out of your finger.

53:01Romesh Ranganathan:would you eat an ice cream if it came out of my finger? out of your finger? yeah but directly into my mouth or into a cone? no, I'd put it into a cone wouldn't it be my first choice? no, I'm not asking if it'd be your first choice I'm asking would you eat it? if it went like that and then the flake came from somewhere else

53:24Romesh Ranganathan:no, would you eat ice cream would you eat ice cream if it came out of my body? it's a very simple question yeah yeah okay would you know it's hot no no if it was hot it's like a hot day oh right yeah will would you eat ice cream from my body no not off my body but yeah but i produce from my body you're saying you'll put it in a cone yeah okay do we have to watch you do it or could you just deliver it to us i think watch me do it with unbroken eye contact does that make it weirder or yeah there you go uh john would you eat ice cream that i'd secure Decreted? That's horrible. Yeah, I would though.

54:02Yeah, okay, good. There you go. You have petrol coming out of your finger. Yeah, that's true. That's good. Oh my God, that's a good shot. That's a money saver.

54:07Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

54:12Romesh Ranganathan:If you urinated out of your finger, would that be better? Yeah. Better? Would that be better? Why would it be better? In my head, it means you could discreetly do it without having to go to the toilet. It feels less discreet than having a pain in this, doesn't it?

54:30Romesh Ranganathan:no I just think you could put it in a bottle like you could be just like oh right you go yeah no go carry on and then you've got a bottle of piss with you for the number of times I've been out and about and I've thought I wish I had a bottle of piss on me Shanti if you could wee out of your finger would you would you wee out of your finger actually do you know what we're being a bit because we're all men here It's a bit difficult. No, but women might find that useful. Men can go... Because then you can piss anywhere. Right. Literally, mum could go like that. No, carry on, darling. You know what I mean?

55:06Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Whereas normally, I don't know what you do. So I think women get annoyed because men can... Can go anywhere easily. Yeah, but they've got she-wees, haven't they? But half that, you know. No, but you can get she-wees, can't you? Yeah. But you have to carry around with it. For ladies, they have to scotch down too. and insect might go in. You've got a third question. Yeah, please. Thank you, Ben. The next one is a voice note from Brooke. Hey, Shanty and Ramesh, a huge fan of the show. Thank you. Transparently only found you guys about two weeks ago and I'm a little bit obsessed. It's all I've listened to and I'm quite picky with my podcast choices.

55:47The first episode I listened to was the AI phone conversation and the desert island question, which I was thoroughly enjoying. I was about 10 minutes in and I had to take my son, my 13-year-old son, somewhere. And I'm sure that you're going to agree that it's wholly inappropriate, but he listened along with me and whilst I was wiping my hysterical tears of laughter from my cheek, I turned around to see that he was doing exactly the same. Oh, that's nice. Both of us big fans.

56:15Romesh Ranganathan:Cross-generational filth. And that leads me on to my question, which is for both of you. Okay. Shanthi, having raised your very own, I think you've actually raised two of them, 13-year-old boys. Is there any advice? Having never been one myself, I'm finding it quite tricky to navigate. So anything that you could advise me so that one day maybe I can have a relationship with my son where we're also recording a podcast and he's threatening to smash me over the head with a Kindle. That's the kind of vibe I'm going for. Oh, my God, did I say that? And Romesh, any do's and don'ts for me? anything that stands out that I should absolutely not be doing or saying um or anything that you would encourage me to do to you know get us all through the next few years um thank you and I love you guys thank you Brooke um when people quote back to you things that have been said on this it's quite a horrible it's a horrible mirror to look into isn't it um mum for Brooke thank you What a lovely, so glad that you discovered the podcast.

57:17Romesh Ranganathan:It's good. And to your teenage boy as well. Mum, you've raised two teenagers. Any advice? I must, Brooke, when I had a problem, three of us left behind. We didn't know what to do. And we were very friendly and started watching comedy films and things to keep us happy. and the friendship is grew and I love them. First, you have to get friendly with your boys and I love them with all my heart because I didn't have any siblings. When the baby arrived, they were everything to me. But you have to create the relationship with them. It's in your head. You should be very clever and listen to them all the time, what they want, what they need.

58:07And don't just ignore them when they ask you something and answer them and you can do the same thing like what I do. I love the boy. Both boys, it's difficult sometimes because I was suffering so much but still, I regret now. I wanted to give so much love because I had so much problem but they turned out to be such a good behavior, loving boys that God has given me. I must tell you that.

58:39Romesh Ranganathan:Really, really nice advice, Mum. Tied up beautifully. Brooke, I think, I mean, look, we've got two teenagers in our house at the moment and one preteen. But I think that, I think the key is to, I think there's a lot of things, but I think to be friends with them is good. I think I'm very lucky to have a lot of common interests with the boys and that sort of helps you know it helps with your relationships and stuff like that and we we chat a lot about stuff that isn't to do with parenting and stuff and i think forming that relationship but then for them to also know because i think sometimes you can be friends with them and then they don't understand that what the relationship is but but also for them to know what your expectations are i think you can be friends with your kids but have high expectations of them in terms of their behavior and their conduct and they know them knowing that there's certain things that are non-negotiables in terms of the way they speak to you in terms of where they speak to other people and and i think showing your kids a lot of love i'm sure you're doing that but showing your kids a lot of love i think kids will accept any level of discipline from you or any level of kind of bollocking or whatever you want to call it as long as they feel like you love them and you've got their best interests at heart i really think that goes a way and and our boys know that i hope and so when i'm having a go at one of them for something they've done they kind of they accept it because they know that the reason i'm saying that the reason that lisa and i are talking to them like that is because we we're trying to guide them in the right way so i think all of those things are really really helpful i do think also with teenage boys what's important to them is different to what's important to us at our age as parents you know they're so tied up in their identity they're so tied up in what other people think of them they're so tied up in the changes they're going through and navigating the world i do think that whatever your kids come to you with you have to treat that with respect respect and ultimate importance because even sometimes i think parents fall into the trap of a kid says something to them about i'm really worried about this this thing happened at school and they go well that's not a big deal but to them it is a big deal and you have to treat it appropriately and I think dismissing your kids about things that you don't think are big deals are the reason that are the road to them no longer telling you about those things and and I think that you know your kids will have issues and I think what you want is to build up enough trust that whatever their problem is they'll come and speak to you about it but you know can I'm not an expert yeah please do I'd love you to yeah because dad gave me an advice you know always i wanted the boys to be doctors or engineers or whatever my my husband i'm so grateful to him he said let them do what they want to be you don't advise them you should be a doctor or you should be an accountant or if you say that you are going to hurt their feelings they are clever they are very clever do something like you become a comedian.

1:01:48So listen to them carefully and support them whatever they want to do. And they will be very successful and a happy human being.

1:01:59Romesh Ranganathan:Really? Wow. Do you know what? Yeah. Beautiful what you just did. That might be one of the best things you've ever done in this podcast. And it's a high bar. Was I bad all this time? Not bad, but not as good as that. Okay. That is about all we got time for. thank you so much to all of you for your emails and messages. We're going to be back on Monday with another exciting guest. Don't miss it. And if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Mum, do you want to say goodbye? Yes, darling. Thank you so much for watching us and supporting us. I'm so grateful. I do pray for you all, all, whoever who listens.

1:02:36I do say prayers for everybody. Thank you so much. The questions you ask, it motivate me and help me to live and be happy and I love you all so much God bless you

1:02:49Romesh Ranganathan:thank you so much for listening tongue of crack bitches we're going it was such a nice ending can we get one more get in my son to finish it yeah oh yeah do get in my son one more come on England get in my son come on England get in my son and then can you just can you just shout invert those fullbacks no okay peace out motherfuckers Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Sup, y 'all? It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time.

1:03:27Romesh Ranganathan:Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's the Big Guest Conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursday's the me and my mum, Shanthi, answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma send it to podcast at rangaby.com voice not or text us on 07731 623355 that's 07731 623355 we love getting you involved and you might hear yourself on a future episode Plus, it means less content for us to generate.

1:04:10Romesh Ranganathan:See you next time!

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