The One Trick You Can Use to Avoid Failing Like 90% of People | Dr. Phil McGraw

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0:36But the numbers are by the end of the first week, about a quarter of the people have broken their New Year's resolution, whatever it was. By the end of the month, 40 % have broken them. By the middle of February, 80 % to 90 % have given up the ghost. It's like, I'll tell you why, even if they take it seriously. Here's why. Willpower is a myth. It's a con. Willpower is a joke because it's emotionally fueled. Willpower is emotionally fueled. So you're all jacked up today, January 2nd, and you're going to do it. You're going to do it. But you put those jogging shoes out on the front porch and the damn things just won't jog.

1:25You know, you're all jacked up. But then first week of February, it's cold. The wind's blowing. It's warm in bed. And you just don't get up and get out there. So what's the gimmick? What's the gimmick? Yeah. So what's the gimmick you have to use or the trick you have to use to kind of defeat that so that you keep going?

1:52I'm Dave Rubin. This is The Rubin Report. And I assure you, people, we are kicking the new year off in style. Joining me today is legendary television star and host of The Real Story with Dr. Phil. My friend, Dr. Phil, what's up, Doc? Happy New Year. Happy New Year, my friend. How are you? I'm good. So you're kicking this off with me. I'm flattered. Well, that's a lot of pressure, but I thought, you know, so many people went so completely insane in 2025 that I had to set the table properly for 2026. And it was Dr. Phil. Hey, we're going to calm everything down and get everybody excited and on the right track, right?

2:36Sanity, sanity, sanity. Well, that's the hope. And actually, one of the things that I discussed with my team before we went off for the for the Christmas and New Year break is how can we bring some sanity back to to the country? Because I think, you know, we're going to roll into the midterm elections. You know, I have a general feeling that there's going to be a little bit more terrorism. I mean, there's just weird stuff in the ether right now. So so let's start with that. I mean, how do you set up your year before we before we get into all the cultural and stuff happening in the country? I mean, how does Dr.

3:08Phil, your businesses, your show, your family, how do you look at every new year that comes around? Well, you know, I'm not a big one for new year's resolutions. And we'll talk about that maybe in a minute. And I'm not a big fan of them because they don't work for 85, 86 % of the people, but they can. And, but I'm, I'm in favor of any time somebody wants to sit down and say, Hey, let's call time out and take stock. Let's look where we've been and let's look where we're going. And I think you learn from where you've been, but you got to focus on where you're going. There's a reason the rearview mirror is this big and the windshield is this big.

3:52It's huge. There's a reason it's like a hundred to one ratio because you need to look where you're going instead of where you've been. You learn from it, but you got to focus going forward. And so anytime people take stock and say, okay, let's make a plan because I think that if you're going to break psychology down to some fundamental principles, I think you start with be who you are on purpose. I mean, don't just be a lemming and kind of ride the river of life. You got to be who you are on purpose. And so if, you know, here we are January 2nd, let's take stock and say, okay, what do I really want this year?

4:31What's important to me? What's important to my family? What's important to my community? What's important to this country? let's consciously decide that and move towards it with purpose, with intention. If people would just be who they are on purpose, own it, and live with intentionality, we would solve a whole lot of problems in this country. I really believe that. If you live with intention, I think we'd solve a whole lot of problems. Do you think that modernity is the distraction to intention in that we are slammed with news and social media and the rest of it, that we don't have a moment in many cases to do that sort of, that relook at everything and figure out what our intention is?

5:18Well, I couldn't, that's so well said, David, really, because we're so overstimulated, we don't have time to be pensive, to be reflective, to sit down and just have some quiet time And we're so overstimulated with, you know, we used to look at news at five o 'clock in the evening when you got home from work and six o 'clock news. Now we're bombarded with a constant stream. And we, honest to God, need to put those devices down. Look, nobody's going to get off their phones. Nobody's going to get off their iPads or their computers. That would be an unrealistic goal. We could sit here and talk about it all day long.

5:59Nobody's going to do that. But you can balance this out. 96 % of kids between 10 and 15 years of age are on social media, and 7 out of 10 of them are bombarded with harmful content, either misogynistic or they're talking to them about eating disorders. They're giving them anxiety-inducing, depression-inducing content. seven out of 10, but yet we don't make it top of our to-do list with our teens and preteens. And that's just kind of an American phenomenon, by the way. One out of seven of them are groomed. They're actually groomed by predators on the internet. And half of them, one out of two are bullied.

6:49So we're just sitting by letting this happen. That's what I mean by living with intention. We've got to say, look, and it's not just adults lecturing kids. Kids need to understand they're being manipulated. They'll rebel against that if we make them understand it. But we do need to put it down and have some quiet time. Even if you wake up 15 minutes early or you make an appointment with yourself during the day to reflect on, am I doing what I want to do or am I doing what I'm being manipulated into doing, what I'm assigned to do? I think that's a, it sounds like a small thing, but I think it has big consequences if we do it.

7:28You know, you'll probably appreciate this, but on my last live stream before leaving for Christmas, I said to my audience, look, we've got a whole bunch of stuff that we pre-taped, which, you know, I like to think I'm making some valuable content, but really what it's about is that I have to stay in the algorithm, as you know. Otherwise, if you take two weeks off and put nothing else up, you're basically cooked for January and it's not till February until my own audience will see my show. But I said that to the backdrop of, I hope you guys take some time off. I hope you will be with your family and friends.

7:58We are putting some stuff up. I like what we're doing. I know you guys do too. But all of this stuff should not always be top of mind. There's something else that we should be thinking about, like intent for your life. Well, they can take a break, but you and I can't. Because we are governed by an algorithm, we have to keep feeding the monster. But they can take a break. We just have to keep putting the content out there so we're there when they want us and when they need us. So those two things aren't mutually exclusive. And people will come back and find you after the break because they rely on you for sanity because you talk common sense and you give them the facts and let them make up their own mind.

8:40You encourage critical thinking. And that's what I love about you. And I think that's what America loves about you. I appreciate that. You said 85 % of people don't follow through with the New Year's resolution. Is that just because in some sense it's become a gimmick? You know, I'm pretty good about taking stock throughout the year and trying to shift and change as I see where the weaknesses are or that sort of thing. But that it's too gimmicky in some sense. So everyone could be like, all right, I'm going to drink less or I'm going to this, that, the other thing. But, you know, it basically lasts, you know, they always say that the first three days at the gym in January and then it's empty in February.

9:22Yeah. The only exercise you're going to get in the first month of the year at the gym is walking from the parking place you had to find three blocks away because everybody's in there. But I think the numbers are so bad because a lot of people, they do it in fun. You know, they don't take it real seriously. But the numbers are by the end of the first week, about a quarter of the people have broken their New Year's resolution, whatever it was. By the end of the month, 40 % have broken them. By the middle of February, 80 % to 90 % have given up the ghost. It's like, I'll tell you why, even if they take it seriously.

10:07Here's why. willpower is a myth it's a con willpower is a joke because it's emotionally fueled willpower is emotionally fueled so you're all jacked up today january 2nd and you're going to do it you're going to do it but you put those jogging shoes out on the front porch and the damn things just won't jog you know you're all you're all jacked up but then first week of February, it's cold, the wind's blowing, it's warm in bed, and you just don't get up and get out there. So what's the gimmick? What's the gimmick? Yeah. So what's the gimmick you have to use or the trick you have to use to kind of defeat that so that you keep going?

10:49I'm so glad you asked because it's so doable if people will just do it. Here's the thing. You have to set up your environment to support you when you don't want to do it. It's easy to do when you want to. It's easy to do when you're emotionally excited about it. What you have to do is structure your world to push you through it when you don't feel like it. Hell, anybody can do it when they're all pumped up and stimulated. You've got to set up your environment to support your compliance when you don't feel like it. You've got to set your schedule up. You've got to have accountability where you've got to look somebody in the eye and confess that you didn't do it if you didn't do it.

11:35So people come home from, they're going to be on a diet. They're going to exercise. So they come home, they park the car in the garage. Where's the garage door open to? It opens to the kitchen in most of the homes. They'll eat more calories grazing their way through the kitchen to the bedroom to change into their exercise clothes. Then they'll eat the whole rest of the day. So you know what? Change your environment. Don't go through the kitchen. Park the car, go back out to the garage door and come in the front doors. Don't go through the grazing patch. Just simply changing that. People eat junk food.

12:11So you know what? Get rid of it. If it's 11 o 'clock at night and you're hungry and you go in the kitchen and there's a sack of cookies there, you'll eat them. But will you get dressed, get in your car and drive to the convenience store to get them? No. You're less likely to do that than you are if you set your environment up to support you. Get rid of the junk foods and fill it up with foods that you can eat. You don't ever need to be hungry, but we don't set our environment up to support us when we don't have the willpower. Gold has officially gone mainstream. You're seeing it everywhere and prices just keep climbing.

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13:23With Noble Gold Investments, protecting and growing your wealth isn't just their job, it's their commitment. Visit DaveRubingold.com today to claim your free wealth protection kit. That's DaveRubingold.com. Noble Gold, helping you build a stronger future. Are you kind of surprised that being in the business of common sense, as you said before, is a good business to be in? Like, you know, I mentioned to you the first time we met a couple of years ago. I remember watching you on Oprah when I was kind of struggling with some things and you just were just so it was so obvious what you were saying.

13:58And I mean that with respect. It was just like obvious truths that nobody says. And yet here we are now, 20 something years later, and those those things are still as needed, maybe more. You know, I know a lot of 75 cent words. I just try not to use it. It just seems to me, I really don't just play a doctor on TV. I actually did go to school and get several degrees. And I know a lot of big words to tell people about ergs and meta-ergs and all the motivational terms and all. But the simple fact is, if people understand what you're saying, they will embrace it and use it. if you give them tools that they can use to change their life today, then they will actually do that.

14:47It's not always easy, but you will either find a way or you will find an excuse. You're going to find one of the two. You're either going to find a way or you're going to find an excuse. And one of the biggest things that people are confused about is to say, I got to break this bad habit. We don't break habits. That's a myth. That's another myth. We don't break habits. What we do is replace one set of behaviors with a new set of behaviors that are incompatible with the first set of behaviors. So you've got to come up or you'll go back to the old things that you didn't want to do. So you've got to target a behavior and replace it with new behaviors that crowd that out, and that becomes the norm.

15:29There are simple things that if people learn, they can affect change across time. And little changes each and every day add up to big results. And hey, we're sitting here January 2nd. January and February are going to go by whether you're doing something about your goals or whether you're not. So you might as well make even small changes over the next 60 days. And then you wake up March 1st and go, hey, wow, that didn't seem like a lot, but it added up to some big changes, either by saving money or eating more healthy, losing some weight, setting some financial goals, whatever it is, little changes.

16:11You don't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. You can do this a little bit at a time and it adds up. How much of the problem that people feel they have around all of that is that they're not surrounded with people that are supportive of that? I mean, I can tell you here in my studio, My team, I'm right now at 49 years old. I'll be 50 in 2026. But I'm in the best shape I've been in in 20 years. And it's partly because my whole team here, we're constantly challenging each other with what kind of workout we did, what we're eating for lunch, what are we doing all the time. And so it's created a culture around that where when we occasionally fall off the wagon and go for the fast food, it's like, ah, here, I did it.

16:51Let me just tell you about it and we'll get back to it tomorrow. listen you guys are setting up your environment to support your goals if you surround yourself with like-minded people and so you're all pushing the rock up the hill at the same time it's so much easier i mean just think about somebody that's an alcoholic and they're trying to stay sober and they surround themselves with sober people how much easier is it to stay sober versus being around a bunch of people that are saying, hey, let's go to happy hour. Hey, let's have a little drink at lunch or they're drinking in their office or whatever.

17:33Temptation, temptation, temptation. If you're an alcoholic, you don't go get a job as a bartender. That's just stupid. That's just stupid. So you're surrounding yourself with people that want to be healthy. They eat healthy. They live healthy. They adopt habits and behaviors that are consistent with those goals. That's what I mean. Your structure, your environment, there's probably days that you don't feel like being healthy. You don't feel like eating right. But you've got people around you. You probably couldn't find an Oreo if you patted everybody down. We got nothing. What's the least healthy thing we got in here?

18:10Find the least healthy thing. Let's see what we got. It's all health. It's all health. There's going to be something in there. Let me ask you this. while he hunts for our least healthy snack. What do you make, moving aside from the sort of personal, individual part of it, as you look at 26 and kind of what's going to happen and everything else sort of politically, culturally, et cetera, what's your sort of prognosis of where we're going to be at? Oh, and I've been given what's the least healthy thing. I don't know what these are. Barbie Smart Sweets. They look like some kind of gummy bear. Who's in charge over there?

18:44All right. Yeah, that's probably petroleum and sugar.

18:51I'll deal with him after the show. But what are you looking for sort of politically and culturally this year? We're going to miss that guy. He's going to be on a curb eating gummies. You know, listen, I'm like you. I know at the end of the year we had the terrible shooting down in Australia. and it's just anti-Semitism going to the highest level. And I hate those kinds of things. But in spite of that, I continue to be the incurable optimist. And I hope people, when I say that we need to be who we are on purpose and live with intention, we need to stop letting legacy media tell us who we are what we believe and what defines our culture.

19:48I don't think we're nearly as divided as we're being told we are. And I'll tell you something that, you know, I spent a lot of time in the litigation arena, spent a lot of time negotiating with people. And I had a rule, anytime I was negotiating against someone, the rule I always followed is I said, okay, as we sit down here, first thing I'd like to do is talk about everything that we agree on. There's plenty of time to get to what we disagree on. There's plenty of time to get what we need to problem solve. But first, let's talk about everything that we have in common and everything we agree on.

20:29And I always found that that list was a lot longer than everybody thought when they showed up ready to do battle. And I think if we can get people to start talking again, if we can get people to realize we all want some of the really big same things. Look, everybody wants a healthy America. We all want our children to grow up healthy and happy. We all want them to have green grass when they become adults. We want them to have clean water. We want them to be safe. We want them to be prosperous. We can all agree on some really macro issues. We might disagree about what's the best way to get there.

21:14But if we recognize that we all want the same things and we just disagree on methodologies, but it opens up the conversation and it opens up the dialogue. And that's what I hope we could all resolve to say, you know what, I'm going to make it my mission to open up a dialogue with somebody that I wouldn't necessarily talk to or didn't necessarily talk to in 2025. I'm going to, maybe it's at church. Maybe it's at a neighborhood barbecue. Maybe it's at the mall and the food court. I'm going to find a person that looks least likely for me to relate to and just say, Hey, how's your day? Break bread with somebody, talk to somebody, get out of your bubble, get out of your silo, get out of your echo chamber and talk to somebody else and listen and maybe start out that way and say, hey, I think we disagree on some things, but can we make a list of what we do agree on?

22:14And then maybe next time we'll talk about something we disagree on. But I think if we can just get people to start saying, hey, quit telling me how I think and feel. I'm going to start asking questions and listening, I think it would make a huge difference in a real grassroots way. You mentioned the mainstream media when you started there. And why do you think they've been so unable or unwilling to shift? Because I think most people hear what you just say right there. It's what you and I try to do on our shows all the time. And obviously, it's working to some extent online. Why do you think they're so unable or unwilling to change the direction that they seem to consistently be going in?

22:56I think they've gotten into a comfort zone, Dave. I think there's a certain mindset, and they suffer from confirmation bias. And for people listening and watching, just real quickly, confirmation bias is when you seek out and you only hear things that confirm what you already believe. And actually, when you bring people contradictory factual evidence and they're suffering from confirmation bias, it actually makes them dig in even more because it creates such dissonance and threat to them. They actually dig in even more. But But I think the reason they've done it is I think a lot of people got into identity politics by agreeing with one idea.

23:55And then before long, they kind of signed off on the whole slate and they quit questioning what was happening. And then it got to the point where you're not permitted to question anymore. If you start asking questions, okay, you're a doubter and we're going to put you on the naughty list. And I think that's where cancel culture came from. I think we just got into such a closed mindset that people suffer from confirmation bias. And I've heard a lot of people say, you're not going to convince anybody in America of anything anymore ever because they're so entranced. And I don't believe that. I think we can, but I think it starts neighbor to neighbor.

24:41I know it's corny to talk about talking over the back fence anymore, but maybe we need to get corny. Maybe we need to start just one conversation at a time and we take our power back from this legacy media. And I think we can do that. I think we get off the phones. We get off. People don't realize that so much of what they're seeing on these devices are robots that are programmed to start a zeitgeist that they get swept up in. And the only way you can defeat that is to look somebody in the eye and know that they're a real person and have a real conversation. And we can do that if we just will.

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26:00Like that's that's kind of the strange catch 22. We've all we've all been put in. Are you are you? Well, you said you're an optimist and I definitely get that. How do you feel about sort of where we'll be politically? You know, I mentioned to you last time that I had you on at the Trump MSG rally. What I love that you said was that you said you would have been at the Kamala rally, too, but they just didn't invite you. It's not like you were this hardcore MAGA person, but you just speak to people. And, well, obviously, we've got midterms rolling in this year, and I think you'd prefer the Republicans stay in charge for a series of reasons.

26:37I mean, what do you think we can do to angle people towards a more sensible politics? I think, again, I think it's critical thinking. I think they have to look at, let's look at what's happened on climate change, for example. And listen, when the climate people talk about their climate objectives, I'm right there with them. Let me tell you, I want to have a good planet. I want to have, like I said, green grass and clean water and all of that. But let's look at the results. We have spent trillions of dollars. And climate change has become a religion. And it's heresy to even ask questions about it.