3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything

29:19Let's just break it down from the get go. Okay. So my gift in this lifetime is to just simplify big ideas. And so, and my gift to Dick Schwartz, who's one of my cherished friends, the founder of IFS, is to take his extraordinary body of work that healed my life and to translate it and demystify it from... And simplify it. And simplify it and democratize it. So here we are. Internal family systems therapy is not about your external family. It's about an inner family of parts of us. So we have these lots of little children inside. Which sounds crazy to think about. It does and it doesn't. Let me keep it simple, right?

29:54Have you ever said, a part of me gets really outraged when Marta does this, or a part of me flips out when I can't control something? Sure, sure. Yeah, yes. You're kind of familiar with those parts of yourself. You even said it earlier. A part of me is really, I don't even know if you said a part of me, maybe, but you're like, I can be really impatient. Yeah, of course. Yeah. That impatience is a part, right? And these parts of us, often the extreme ones, are protection mechanisms. So the controlling aspects, the managing of the day-to-day things that we have to get done, the perfectionism, the overthinking, the playing small, these extreme roles that we play in momentary situations in our life, or really sometimes all day, every day, are protection mechanisms.

30:49So if you look at your life and you're saying, okay, there's parts of me that I don't like, or there's parts of me or ways I act out that feel extreme, or there's behaviors that I have that I just can't kick, addiction, overeating, drinking, and you see these things that you do, these behaviors that you have that you just don't know how to change. It's because they're very, very young parts of yourself. They've been around for a very long time. They haven't grown up yet. They never got a chance to grow up, these parts of you. And where do these parts of us live? Okay. So let me get this. Let me keep it simple.

31:24So I'm going to keep coming back to the simplicity, okay? Like I'm putting my, okay, let's keep it simple. How many parts of us does each individual have? We can have many, many parts of us. So let's keep it simple. So very young, we grow up where we come into this world. We're like these perfect little people. We're so happy. Everything's beautiful. Hopefully we enter the world in a safe, peaceful way. And from a very young age, we start to experience the burdens of the world. A parent that doesn't have a strong attachment. In the case for you and myself, having sexual abuse as children. So sometimes it could be extreme traumas like that.

31:57Or it could be something along the lines of being bullied in the classroom. Or being told that you're stupid by your teacher. these moments in time are so extreme for our child brains to process. We don't have the resources, we don't have the brain capacity, and oftentimes we don't have the parents or caregivers to help us process these extreme disturbances. They don't have the tools either to teach us. Or in the case of you and me, we don't have anyone to tell. Right. Right. Or we're too afraid to tell. Yeah. Or in my case, I dissociated, didn't even have the memory, right? And so what do we do?

32:35We build up protection mechanisms. For me, one of those protection mechanisms was straight up dissociation, like left my body, like dissociated from reality. For others, it could be, and this is young, at a young, young age, you know, it could be, okay, this thing happened to you as a child. And all of a sudden you go into this extreme protection mechanism of trying to be perfect because you had this shameful experience. So you give my son for an example i have a six-year-old son when he was three years old he was in a montessori program and so it was three to six-year-olds there was a six-year-old in his class and he was just out of diapers and that six-year-old was sort of like you know who is this three-year-old i want anything to do with him i mean it was it was just kind of bossy to him and at a very young age ollie learned like i got to be the boss because that was so extreme this kid is bigger i want to be like him he hates me he tells me he hates me he tells me to leave him alone.

33:27It's just kids are mean. But my little boy has this thing of, I got to be the boss. So he's got this misguided belief. I need to be a boss. So what does he do? Walks around with his Nerf gun, you know, and he walks around like with his shooter. He's like, I'm the boss. This is like little innocent six-year-old. But he wants to be the boss because he's protecting himself from that feeling from three years old. Okay. I watched this whole part develop in a person. So an extreme thing happens, big or small. In the case of Ollie, it was a six-year-old, right? In the case of me, it was something much more extreme.

33:59Hopefully, Ollie never has to experience that. But whatever it is, we have extreme experiences and we exile them. We exile them. Those are called exiled parts of us. Exiled parts. These are the little, young, traumatized children that had nowhere to go, no one to care for them, no one to support them. And we said, I'm going to lock that up. They send them into the basement. Don't ever talk to that person. See that part of me ever again. And at three years old, five years old, whatever it is, we start to decide, I'm going to do this to protect myself from feeling this. So Ollie's the perfect example.

34:34I got bullied. I'm going to start to be the boss so that I never have to feel that fear again of that bully. Right. So we have, we, and does everyone build these defense mechanisms up? Everyone. It's just, they look different for each person. Yeah. And we have, and then lots of different protectors. there's two types of protectors. So you're still tracking with me here. I know you are. I just want to make sure that the audience is still tracking with me. I'm going to take this slow. So exiled parts of the young, traumatized little children don't want to feel those feelings. So they're too extreme, right, Louis?

35:06It's like, how could a child, you can't understand it. Your brain's not able to process it. Most adult brains don't have the ability to process that. Or most parents would say, you're fine, you're fine. Just get shut down. If you even did bring it to somebody, you'd be shut down, right? Especially with or in cases of, you know, real extreme trauma, you don't feel safe enough to talk about it. Shut it down. Then you build up these protection mechanisms, protector parts. There's two types of protector parts. But in my book, I really just focus on one type. So we'll stay close to that. There's managers and firefighters.

35:41And so the managers are who we talk about in the book because the firefighters are who I want people to go to therapy to work with. but the managers are the control free, you know, for me, I'm just going to name my managers, you know, like one would be like knives out is another one I named. Like if you with me, I'm like knives are out, like, you know, like, you know, destroy you. Yeah. That's a manager. Vigilance was a manager for me. Um, just sort of like, um, anxiety was kind of a manager for me. Think about it. Anxiety, right? If I'm anxious and I'm, you know, moving, moving, moving so fast, Like when you first met me, totally out of my body, hadn't remembered the trauma yet, totally scared.

36:19It's been a crime when I think about that time, you know. That anxiety was actually a form of protection. Of course. Because if I'm an anxious state, I don't have to feel the horror and the fear and terror of that other state. So that's a manager. The parts of us that are with us all day long, managing the big feelings of the exile. Okay. And then when the managers don't work anymore, like let's say something very big happens in your life, something extreme and the managing is no longer working, that's when the firefighters come in. The firefighters will do whatever it takes to put out the fire of those impermissible feelings.

37:01And that's when you pick up the drugs, pick up the workaholism, pick up the alcohol, the sex, the porn, the binging, the extreme addictive parts of ourselves. And those are the most extreme parts of us are the ones that are working the hardest to keep us safe from those feelings. And then there's good news. You ready for the good news? We all have an inner parent inside of us. So those are all the young children inside, right? The exiles, the managers, the firefighters, the protectors and the exiles. They're all like running our world, right? Where like one trigger happens, this protector shows up.

37:42Another trigger happens. It's like protector to protector. It's like a boxing match all day long, walking through life. Exhausting. Exhausting. Why do people have burnout? Why do people have stress? Why do people have chronic pain? Of course. There's a whole chapter in the book called Body Parts, how the body, like physical pain is a protector. Yes. Like, if I have back pain, I don't have to feel my childhood wounds. We're going to get into that. But the good news is that we all have what Dick Schwartz has coined is self with a capital S. And self is our adult, undamaged, resourced part of who we are.

38:18It's the truth of who we are. It's the spirit of who we are. It's the God within us. It is an energy. And self has eight C qualities. compassion, calm, connection, creativity, courage, clarity, commitment. I'm missing one. I don't even know if it's a C. They're all in there. And connectedness. I think I got to them. We'll find the eight C's in the book and we'll get these together. Curiosity, compassion, calmness, clarity, creativity, connectedness, courage, and confidence. You know, it's so funny. Confidence is the one I always miss, but it's the one that I often feel quite connected to. So I won't forget confidence anymore.

39:02There you go. So I'm going to really try to keep this simple. So just think about it like you have an inner parent. So everyone has an inner parent. We all do. And let's just keep it simple. Let's keep it super simple. You know those times in your life when, let's say, Marta came to you and she was really struggling with something and you just, your heart was filled up with compassion. No matter how extreme the thing that happened to her. You just felt connected to her. You were a calm presence for her. You had deep compassion for her experience. You had clarity on how to communicate. You felt like you had the courage to speak up for what was true.

39:39And that really just, it wasn't even what you said, but it was that presence alone that helped her. Yes. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, of course. That's self-energy. With a capital S. With a capital S. The adult self. it's your true self. Yes. It's your essence. There's a really beautiful quote in the book that I share that's about how self is like the sun behind the clouds. And it's there, but the clouds are just in the way. So self has always been there, right? You feel self in Shavasana. You feel self after a long run. you feel self you're we're in self right now like this is our creative force right we're in the flow like we have so much connection we have so much creativity right we have clarity about what we're talking about this is self-energy right here like if you're watching and you're feeling elevated excited calm soothed that's because our self-energy is coming through the screen or through the audio and so we all have it it's that we've we have to release the blocks to the presence of it And how we release the blocks is how?

40:54So. Is that through the core beliefs of like understanding core beliefs? It's a four-step practice that I put in the book. It's a four-step practice. Okay. Yeah. The whole book. So what I've done is I've taken this huge therapy, internal family systems therapy, super in the zeitgeist right now. God bless. It's the most valuable healing modality, particularly for trauma. And it's the kind of thing that I felt only people that were going to find their way to IFS therapists were going to get this. and I was sitting at a dinner with Dick Schwartz. I hosted a dinner for him just again. He's the founder of IFS, started this about 40, 43 years ago, 44 years ago.

41:29And I was sitting next to Dick and this was shortly after I'd taken the training and we'd become friends. And I looked at him and we're at a dinner, I'm hosting for him. And it's like having Lady Gaga at my house. And I look at him and I'm like, I don't have to tell you something. I'm like, I'm scared to tell you this, but I want to write a book called Self-Help. Self-Help. And I want to make IFS self-help. And he looked at me, his eyes just like widened. And he was like, I've always wanted somebody to do that. And in the foreword, he says, you know, I've always been looking for that person with the self-help spiritual bona fides.

42:04And then Gabby's here. Wow, that's cool. And so that's one of the greatest privileges of my life is to take someone else's body of work and translate it. Right. And you created a four-step process for this. The four-step is not IFS. It's an IFS-informed self-help practice. And that's really important for me to say, Louis, because if you're going into IFS therapy, you have a therapist with you. You're doing a six-step inquiry, almost like an interview with the parts. It's like an unburdening process. You can work with firefighters and exiles. And I am not doing that. I am not a therapist. I'm a spiritual self-help author and teacher.

42:40I am trained in internal family systems therapy, but I'm not a therapist. So it was really important for me to take this and make it IFS informed. So there's four steps. IFS approved. IFS approved, IFS informed. It's backed with Dick's blessing. And it's the way that you can take this model into your own hands. Safely. Safely is a really important point. Yes. Because I'm not trying to guide you to those exiled parts. the book is not trying to work with firefighters. That would be, and I say all throughout the book, like if this happens, if you're with a firefighter, there's an exile, go, here's an IFS therapist registry, go find somebody.

43:27But I'm trying to help you access these managers, the extreme parts that are with you all the time, day to day. And through a four-step inquiry, Let's self help. Okay. So you let me know when you're ready for it. Um, yeah, I'm ready to go. I feel like I'm just so excited about this. This is my first real interview about this. So it's like very thrilling to me. Questions before I go on. Well, there's something you said in chapter three about core beliefs, because I think a lot of people hear about their behaviors and beliefs and that we have this, a block based on our beliefs, whether that's a childhood belief or a current belief as an adult.

44:09And you say that the hard truth is that although we can make surface level adjustments to our actions, true change can only happen when we heal from within and address the core beliefs that block us from manifesting the life we desire. So I guess, would this four-step process help us address the core beliefs that are blocking us in manifesting what we want? And if so, then what is that process? Okay, so first of all, 100%, that's exactly the answer. This is the a four-step process. The other thing is, is how many personal development programs have we sat in where someone's like, oh, you have limiting beliefs and the limiting beliefs are blocking you.

44:47Then you're like, how the do I get rid of these limiting beliefs, right? Like you never leave and you're like, okay, I know the playbook, right? For changing. Maybe you have a little tip here or manifesting tool there. And look, you know, I've, I've written, this is my 10th book. So I have nine other books with other practices, which all work, all are valuable, all have their own purpose, right? Particularly spiritual practices in these other books. And they all are bringing you to self for sure. But this is addressing the actual neural redirection in the brain. Because when you practice this four-step method, what's happening is you're rewiring your experience and your relationship to these parts of who you are.

45:33So you're connecting higher self currently to the self that was destructive or harmed or the manager... The parts. Yeah. The manager or firefighter, parts of you... That's correct, baby. ...that cause stress or anxiety or control or perfectionism or whatever it might be. You're taking all these little people inside of you that have these belief systems that are holding you back, and you're bringing the internal parent of self to them to help them.

46:00What is the biggest challenge with having success, fame, and money at a young age? I think anecdotally, it's the feeling of have I peaked? Because there's always that feeling of why is this coming? Sometimes there's an ideal question of why is this coming easily? Why is this coming easily? you know i've i've had i've just felt very lucky in that i wasn't the kid that woke up and said i had to be an actor for me it was i have a creative urge and instinct i started in printing commercials i said no to auditioning for my first movie when i was seven because i'm like i love printing commercials i go play like i play and half the time i'm playing with my family uh just taking photos yeah i'm taking photos or a commercial like you're hula hooping you're you're biking You're just doing different things.

46:55And so when I had done my first movie at seven, I think what it unlocked in me, again, wasn't even the instinct of, oh, I have to do this for the rest of my life, but that was a lot of fun. I learned how to ice skate. I got to make pancakes. I got to work with these cool people. That was super fun. And I think because, again, I've always had this diversity of interests, in some ways, As much as I think every actor, and I'm always dealing with rejection and misdirection, it's come kind of easy in that I'm like, I've gotten to go to school and be on a show. That's unheard of. And they made it happen.

47:32After a call, it took a lot of work, but after a call, they were on board. There was no convincing that had to happen. I think if it wasn't for COVID, they were going to move the entire shooting schedule to the summer. So I just had an unencumbered year. Again, unheard of. And that comes from everybody from the president of ABC to the president of Signature to the president of – to the line producer all working in tandem. Do you ever feel like guilty for how easy it's been? I think that's the flip side feeling of like, is this right? Is this right that it comes with ease? But I think I've started to realize ease is the alignment.

48:07And it's because – There should be ease. Yeah. When there's alignment, there's ease. And I think the thing I've been in my family has always been is pretty discerning. There's still ways to become more discerning. But I think it's like, oh, some of the ease is because there's been such a discernment of pretty immediately. Like, oh, that's not for us. Right. You haven't said yes to every shiny opportunity. You've been like, no, no, no. This is for us. We're going to do that. I like this. And I mean, there have been challenges within that. But for the most part, I'm like the fact that macro, I'm not walking out with any crazy stories about being on set as a child actor.

48:43Yeah. I'm not walking out with any crazy traumas from 10 years on set. Like, I'm like, how lucky. When you're hearing all these other child actors coming out about. Yeah, you hear all these other stories. You know, I have a family that takes pride in us as individuals, both me and my brothers handling our money and having a grasp of money management. So I'm like, we've never had a fear that one day it's going to be gone because I know where it all is. Wow. You don't have any money wounds or traumas, huh? I was doing an interview about money yesterday, and they were like, so what were your money troubles?

49:12And I'm like, you got to see how I was raised. Again, I feel so lucky. I was raised with a family that was so intentional about being like, we want you to feel in charge and autonomous, and we're here to guide you. But I was going, mommy set it up so I'd go make friends with accounting at Blackish, and I'd go pick up my check every week, where typically you don't see it as an actor. It gets sent to your team. And then you see kind of the end result. But I got to see it. I got to see how much the percentages were. I got to see what the taxes were. And I was able to check. I remember one time there was the wrong amount on my check and I was savvy enough at 14 to be like, hey, this isn't the right amount.

49:46Wow. Oh, yeah, you're right. So I'm saying like I like I again. It is easy to feel guilty to be like, why have I why have I had it so good in the in the general scheme of things? And I really couldn't tell you why. But I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that even on this road to self-discovery, I do have to say I've known myself pretty well. And so I'm realizing that some of this is the result of having known myself and continuing to learn myself. Yeah. Well, it sounds like your parents have been an amazing foundation for you for knowing yourself, being yourself, empowering you to step into yourself.

50:28It's so quirky. It's amazing. It did not cross my mind. It's interesting that the first thing we talked about, I don't know if it was when we were rolling or right before, you mentioned how you want to learn how to build mental fortitude and how to overcome challenges. Yeah. Does it feel like, I mean, because it kind of sounds like from your perspective, what I'm hearing is that you haven't had a lot of challenges in your life. It's come pretty easily. I'm sure you've had to work 18 hour days and fly back and forth from Harvard to LA. and do like work at a high level. Yeah. But not a lot of extreme adversities is what I'm hearing.

51:04Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah. I think, I mean, part of it. Like intense work and effort, but not extreme adversities. Yeah. And I think for me, there are two things I realized. One, I think I minimize maybe some of the challenges I do face. We're also dealing with a lot of pressures from just being in the industry and all these different things. Yeah. So it's funny. I think some of it is that because I've moved through it, eventually sometimes I think my ability to look back with the rose-colored lenses, I'm like, no challenges. Yeah, it wasn't that hard. Mind you, while we were in it, deeply challenging.

51:38So some of it is that I do know I'm minimizing past challenges and I'm trying to come to terms with just being more honest with that. But I think some of it too is just knowing, again, coming back to the cause and effect thing, so many things happen to good people. so many yeah so many things you can't account for it has nothing to do with how morally upstanding you are has nothing to do with how many resources you have what you have what you don't have and I think maybe it's just maybe it's hitting my quarter life crisis a little a couple months early but I think I hear I hear stories of what people go through whether it's it's family members passing, certain things like that.

52:17And I go, would I be willing, would I be not able to overcome, willing to overcome? I think I have the capacity to do things, but I'm like, do I have the willingness to see a challenge and push through it? I'm always, part of it comes from just my genuine amazement of, of the courage that people muster in times that feel almost impossible, at least outside looking in. So maybe some of it, it just, it comes from that space of like, I'm truly amazed. I can't wrap my mind around it when I hear other people's stories of like, what made you double down and push through these hard moments? Again, part of why we started the podcast was being like, I want to hear what did make you go through that.

52:59And it's been really clarifying to me because I think it almost felt like there's some sort of magical alchemy that I couldn't name that's happening versus like, no, it's a mixture of human perseverance and the fact that hopefully, God willing, the traits that you need come to you when you need them. The qualities that you need come to you when you need them. And so that's helping me make sense of it. But I think for me, I'm like, what is the mental fortitude regimen that helps us as young people just continue to build a sense of not even just discipline in terms of schedule, but discipline in terms of being like, I know what my mind is doing.

53:39I'm kind of aware of it. That's interesting. I'm able to move through this. I'm able to move through the inevitable losses we're going to deal with, challenges we're going to deal with, the things I can't account for. Yeah. That's really insightful though. Yeah. So it's been top of mind, but I don't know how helpful it is to be thinking about it too much. Because I think if you're not willing to invest in doing hard things now, you're going to experience a lot of pain later. And it's going to be a lot harder to manage them mentally, emotionally. And so learning how to navigate your own minds at this age and investing in, which I don't think people should say, I'm just going to experience pain all day so that I'm prepared for pain later and it doesn't hurt me as much.

54:21Because I really do believe life should be about creativity and flow and joy and love and fun. I believe that's what we should be focusing on and intending to create every day if we can. How can we bring joy and love and service to this moment? and how can I be my creative, authentic, honest self like you talked about, which is alignment. And when we're in alignment, things flow to us easily and we can see and discern things like you talked about. But I do believe there is a level of time every day where there's discipline, where I'm going to say no to temptations or no to the Coke all day or no to the alcohol all day or to partying every day all night or to only fun extreme things because if you're not fortifying your mind it will be hard to face adversity later when it will come it will hit you hard it'll be unexpected and it will hit you and if you're not preparing little by little it's going to be daunting i think that's the thought that keeps me up which is what should i be doing do you feel like you've always been disciplined?

55:27No, no. I mean, as a kid, I was confused and scared and, you know, rebellious and, you know, even as like a college athlete like that, that's something, even if I was flying back and forth and doing all of that, my friends that were waking up at 5 AM every day, I was like, no, I learned it. I mean, in high school, I learned how to be disciplined because then I had a goal of sports. And so it was 5 AM, you know, I was waking up at 5 AM and doing study hall and reading the Bible in the morning. I went to private boarding school when I was 13. So it was like very strict in terms of like, you study from six to eight, you go to bed, you get up, you work out, all these things.

56:04And in college, when it was like, you didn't have the house parents in the dorm kind of telling you what to do, you had to create your schedule. But I was so clear in my vision and my dream that I was willing to sacrifice anything. So I would give up all of the fun of life. you know i would have fun but i wanted to do the things that people said were fun drinking and going out and do these things i was like that's not fun to me that's a great way of naming it because i think that's something i've struggled to name being like it's not that i'm sacrificing these things it's not a sacrifice i wasn't interested wasn't interested yeah and um learning that skill set of disciplining my mind to say no and to be okay with people not understanding me that was the scary thing because i wanted to have friends because I kind of felt alone as a kid.

56:51So I wanted friends, but they didn't understand me because I was going off chasing a dream and I was getting up at five or going to bed at 10 or whatever it was because I was committed to something. And so maybe people didn't understand you. Oh, you're on set 18 hours a day. Just come hang out with us after school. We're just going to go hang out and run down LA or whatever. But you're like, no, this is fun to me. And this is part of a dream and a curiosity that I'm leaning into. And it's providing financial abundance and opportunities that are going to set me up for my future. So it's just making a decision.

57:26Do you think a lot of your peers, in terms of people your age, struggle with discipline and they just chase fun and hours of social media distraction that isn't supporting their vision? I'd have to say it's 50-50. I'm pretty lucky to feel surrounded by people that are chasing a dream. And all of it looks very different. Some of them I don't even understand, but I see the passion. And so I think just by the nature of maybe just who I've ended up in community with, I'm surrounded by people where I feel like generationally there are a lot of people that are moved by whether it's their art or their career.

58:04I think I saw that both in the creative landscape. I saw that at Harvard. And so... But you've been in communities of people at the top of the top. These are people that are like working full time that are in the acting world or the production world or Harvard, which is a very elite level, like commitment. But I think even in the creative space, what was a good example is I'm like, all my friends are at the top of the top now, but they didn't start that way. And so many of them had really interesting kind of non-traditional ways of getting into their respective field, which required just a lot of belief in self.

58:38not necessarily traditional schooling to be a musician, traditional this to be that. And so in that regard, I see a lot of discipline there. And I think what's funny is I hang out with people that all have bedtimes. They're like, well, I'm cool tapping out. And also people that are very sure about what is fun to them and participate in like, oh, this is what's fun to me. It's different for each of us, but it's cool to be like, oh, yeah, people are only showing up because this is enjoyable to them. And they have felt freed of showing up for the sake of showing up. But that's a lot of people that are like, again, who are striving to be at the top, that are very creatively talented, that are in elite rooms.

59:13But that's not, I wouldn't say that's most 20-year-olds or 24-year-olds or people in their late teens right now in America, right? Yeah. I think it's a mix. Like when I see somebody like my little brother, 16, we're technically same generation. It feels like a world of difference. What generation is that? What is it? Gen Z. It's technically Gen Z still. And, you know, he's someone that's also very creatively inspired. But I think the difference that I see is that even having like Instagram didn't come about till I was 13. And even though that was young, it was enough time for my brain to have had a life before social media.

59:47And it was, sorry, it was years before it became a regular part of my life. Right. And it was years before we were using that to compare. So I just feel like I had more mental tools about how to deal with it. Still hard. Still on my phone way too much. I turn on grayscale at random times to be like, let me, I don't know, does it disrupt the serotonin? I don't know the science behind it, but I'm like, grayscale. But I think the thing that I see is like, oh, their world is so busy all the time that I can't even blame the feeling of distraction. Because I'm like, between all the news that's being intaken and between the fact that I feel like when I was growing up, I was only preoccupied with the life that I was living.

1:00:26because there was no... You weren't watching everything online about every problem in the world all at once. Yeah, and there was also no way of seeing the life that even my friends were living, except for the handful of times we were having a play date. Right, and going to their house, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, there was just no way of checking in on that. They could see everything all at once. And I think even creatively, I've had the privilege of being in all these luxury fashion spaces, but that was all tied to work. I did not find myself in any of those stores prior to working with these brands because it just wasn't on my radar.

1:00:55The way my brother has friends where it's like, oh, they know all of it all the time. They're tracking Fashion Week. And I was like, I think I learned what Fashion Week was when I got an invite to attend because I was working in this space. I didn't have, again, all these worlds I was checking in on that didn't have anything to do with me right now. And so I do feel like there's a particular challenge and I have a lot of empathy for just generationally that feeling of what are we going to do with this information overload? where it's even hard to parse apart what do I need to intake. I'm a severe over news listener, and I think my task has been listening to a little less news.

1:01:31Because it's like there's only so much you can do about it, and it pushes, at least for me, I think it pushes me into a space of feeling very overwhelmed versus feeling activated. So I've been trying to be like, okay, what amount of news makes me feel activated but not overwhelmed? Yeah, one of the things, you know, So my, early on, I was just taught never to watch news and entertainment, just get updates, you know, because you can easily, emotionally, especially if you're empathetic, you can be like 10 ,000 people died today in this other part of the world. Like what is wrong with you? That can take over your whole life.

1:02:10One person died in my town and there was a shooting that could take over your whole life. And if you're seeing it sensationalized, if you're entertained through the visual expression, sound, audio, video, making it like a movie, for me, it's exhausting. So I can't watch the news. I can read it and be informed and educated and be like, okay. But the entertainment of it or the clips of it just constantly, I don't think it's good for the brain. And I think building mental fortitude is learning how to block out that and say, how can I be educated and updated, but not entertained by fear. Yeah. And some of it, it's a great point because some of it was that I've always been an audiophile.

1:02:53We grew up in a house where we didn't watch TV except for Saturdays for an hour, which I love, but it meant that I love audio. That is my form of entertainment. And so you're absolutely right. There was a time, even though I don't know if I would call it that while I was listening, that it was more so like, oh, I'm listening to NPR. Yeah, it's different. You're listening to NPR so much that they're sending you free merch that made me a cue. That may be a cue that you're listening to too much NPR because I was like, I have the app on my phone. I'm not even waiting until I'm in the car. I'm listening all the time.

1:03:23I'm waiting for the midday update. I'm waiting for the end of the day update. I'm cycling through local news. I'm typing in local stations. And so I think changing that, because then I was listening to political podcasts at night. I was falling asleep to them. I was like, oh, bedtime, time to turn on. Every news channel and every political podcast has their bias and their opinion. So they're going to be, you know, spreading opinions one way or another. But when you read it and you just read the updates, usually you're just saying, okay, this is what happened. Yeah. And you can form your own opinion.

1:03:54You know, that's what I've learned. I love NPR because I'm like, it is pretty, it is pretty straightforward. But I think for me, the amount I was consuming of just, of like every podcast available again was fulfilling more of an entertainment side. So it's been nice to literally reintroduce. I have those moments where I'm like, okay, time to get updated here. I'll do, I'm a, I'm a twice a day. Maybe I'll get to a once a day person. I'm a twice a day person, but in between I'm back to listening to old time radio shows. Johnny Dollar is my favorite insurance investigator played by Bob Bailey. And so I'm like, Oh, if this is fulfilling the need to be listening to something, what else can I be listening to back to this American life back to just like feed your soul?

1:04:33Yeah. Feed your soul. Um, this has been awesome. I want to ask you a couple of final questions. That's cool. One of the things, I got to meet your mom, lovely lady, and just seems super wise and fun at the same time. So congrats on calling in your mom as a child and entering this world with your parents. But I read that you grew up with your parents either teaching you or showing you how to live a life of service. Living a life of service was important and how can we add value and contribute to whatever might be, friends, family, society. and I'm curious what are your thoughts about service and what have you learned through being of service being a giver finding ways to add value what have you learned about how giving allows you to receive as well yeah well like you said I come from two really wonderful thoughtful parents Afshin and Kerry, who I call Bubba and Mommy, but really wonderful people that have their own global backgrounds.

1:05:41So, you know, my Bubba moved to the States from Iran when he was eight, comes from a very global service-minded family. My mama comes from a family where it's like my papa and Nana, my papa in particular was really involved in the civil rights movement. So that very direct idea of what it is to be of service, to sacrifice kind of your own comfort for the greater good. And so much of the dialogue around being of service just happened at the dinner table, happened in a very natural way where I don't think I even realized, oh, I'm having these heady conversations. And I think there were also things that they did that were very supportive of that, of going to schools that had volunteer requirements, whether that was the Montessori or the public school or the Catholic school I went to, they all had volunteer requirements.

1:06:25And so I think it was also being modeled for me in every environment I was in of not just how money is a resource, but how your time is a resource. The idea of giving as being just a part of the fabric of life and not as something that you wait to do once you have, quote unquote, made it. Even when they were giving me and my brothers just allowance, they, again, having really thoughtful parents, what mommy had done was we'd put all of the money that we made from acting right into savings. things, but they'd give us an allowance for being on set. And from that allowance, from those 10 bucks or however much we decided, they had the save, spend, and donate bucket.

1:07:03And we got to choose how much are we donating, how much are we saving, how much are we spending. And again, I think these were, I say this all as a foundation of saying I had a great foundation of ways in which being of service can be integrated into our day-to-day life. And I think even still, having Lamy as a business partner, one trait I think I admire most that many people can attest to. I was in a room she wasn't in talking about something random and literally somebody else, another actress paused to be like, can we talk about Carrie Shahidi? Because what she is is so deeply tapped into the world around her and so deeply curious that I think she is constantly of service by giving kind of her mind as a resource.

1:07:40We will see someone at the airport who say, oh, who says off randomly, oh, I really want to start this shirt company. It's like, oh, that's interesting. I've cataloged, oh, I met this one entrepreneur that makes her, said I would love to connect you. She's connected authors with lawyers for their multi-million plus book deal and not realizing that's what it was for, but just being like, oh, you're an interesting person. This is another person that's interesting. You guys should be connected. That's cool. But it comes from just being so deeply attuned and paying attention in spaces that we're in the same rooms and she's picking up on things where I'm like, huh?

1:08:14Oh, yeah, I guess that did happen. But I say that to say I feel like it's an example of what it means to be attuned towards service. And it's not even necessarily, oh, I'm working with this organization or this foundation. It's truly I'm operating from an anchoring place of how can I be of value to you, even if it has nothing to do with me. Most of these things never circle back. It's a thank you that you may get. But to answer even your question on being of service and then receiving, I think I've had a lot of examples of how things, time, resources that I've given have come back around in ways that I could never expect.

1:08:56I wasn't expecting it when I gave. And I think even in our starting our production company, we were both astounded by how many people wanted to work with us when we were just opening our doors. had yet to prove ourselves as producers because they knew what it was like to be in relationship with us and the things that we'd give generally without saying, Hey, we're going to circle back around in a couple of years when we have our own offices to da, da, da, da, da. Um, and so I think a lot of what I've received has been the result of giving. And I think I've learned so many lessons about how that happens.

1:09:30My papa has this great term. He uses relationship equity, which is one, just logistically, especially for us 20 year olds, call between needing things, especially from the people around you. It's okay if you need things and you need to call people, but call between, see how they're doing. Yeah. Not when you need that. Yeah. Not just when, not, Hey, how are you by the way? Yes. But more than just calling between needing things, I was raised on relationship equity, which is your, your, the priority in this world is building relationships with the people around you. It's not building networks. It's not building contacts.

1:10:04It's building relationships. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward.

1:10:43And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great. you