7 Science-Backed Frameworks That Will Rewire Your Brain for Unshakable Confidence

31:48But I started listening to salsa music. I started going to group lessons, then private lessons, and going out any night of the week that I could to salsa dancing, you know, events in the city. And I was just obsessed for months until eventually I became fluent at the art of salsa dancing. Now I'm not the best salsa dancer in the world and I'm not performing on stages and doing all these crazy things, but I can dance with anyone at any moment and have a great time and feel good about it and not feel insecure. I've learned and mastered a language that I didn't once know, but I would have never done it had I not initially taken that first step.

32:32And so your mind learns I can handle this when you're willing to face the challenge and push through the fear, even when you're scared and terrified. So I want you to try something. I want you to face one small fear today. I want you to speak up when you know you want to talk about something, but you're afraid of people responding or reacting. I want you to ask for feedback on something, ask a friend, ask your family member, ask your boss, ask whoever and say, can you give me feedback on this thing? And getting feedback is not fun until you learn how to receive feedback and not take it personally.

33:08Or I want you to start a tough conversation. If you face one small fear today by speaking up, asking for feedback or starting a tough conversation, it's just going to get you through that insecurity. It's going to get you through that and you're starting to think, oh, I can do this little thing that creates a lot of fear. I got through it. What if I did this every single day? Just like I did with salsa dancing every day for three months when I was terrified. I still did it anyways. And now I have the skill for life. And here's the cool thing. When you overcome something that you're afraid of and you push through it and you get all the way through where it doesn't make you fearful anymore, you now have this new tool in your psychological tool belt where you said oh wow I overcame this thing that I thought I would never do I never thought I would speak up to this person I never thought I would have this tough conversation I never thought I would start practicing a new language I never thought thought whatever I never thought I would do this and I did it I can freaking do anything it's like that's what your mind starts to believe oh, you did the thing that was the most terrifying for you, you can do anything.

34:24And it builds this unshakable confidence in you where you feel like, I know I can do the next hard thing. And it's okay. And it's okay to fail at it at first. So the key takeaway here is that resilience builds confidence. So make sure you push through boundaries to expand your comfort zone and you'll start to create unshakable confidence. Listen, I wrote a whole book called The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today. It's a New York Times bestseller. This is the book that I wish I had when I was 16, living in total fear and insecurity, constantly feeling humiliated, not enough, doubting myself.

35:01It's everything I wish I had when I was younger. It's everything I wish I had 10 years ago as well and at new stages of life because this book has all the tools from the top minds in the world around neuroscience, around therapy, and around healing to help you build unshakable belief in yourself because self-doubt is the killer of dreams. But when you believe in yourself by going through hard times, by exposing yourself through fears and going all in, you build unshakable confidence. So make sure you get a copy of this book as well. We'll have it linked below. But the Greatness Mindset is the playbook for the next step for you in your life and building unshakable confidence.

35:46It's all about the greatness mindset. Key number four is to build confidence through failure. Gosh, most people in the world do not like this. Most people think failure destroys confidence. But the truth is, it's the fastest way to build confidence. And if you're afraid to fail, then you're probably going to fail. This is a quote from Kobe Bryant, who we had on the School of Greatness, and it's one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. He said, if you're afraid to fail, then you're probably going to fail. And a lot of people I talk about this, there are three main fears in life, three fears in life.

36:28The fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of judgment. and if you're afraid to fail, which 70 to 80 % of people in every room I go into with thousands of people and I say, raise your hand if you're afraid to fail in your life right now. Usually 70, 80 % of people raise their hand. If you are afraid to fail, then you're probably going to fail. And so again, this whole book is teaching you how to overcome these three main psychological fears, the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of judgment, which is other people's opinions about you. When you live in those three fears, you're always going to be blocked and you're not going to feel free to be you.

37:15So again, if you're afraid to fail, then you're probably going to fail. Kobe, Brian, Michael Jordan, under the coaching of Tim Grover, who we've had on this podcast as well, their coach back in the day that trained them physically and also mentally. They treated failure as data, learning and adapting from each setback. For me, I've always said that failure is feedback. Failure is feedback. It's just the information that you need to give you the tools, the wisdom, and the knowledge on how to be successful in the next step. So we must be reframing failure, not as making me, I'm a loser, but more, this is a lesson.

38:02This is a lesson teaching me that I need more information. I need more practice. I need more time to be successful with the thing I'm trying to do. The people with the most confidence aren't the ones who never fail. They're the ones who can fail in public and still have their own back. because if you only like yourself when you win, you'll never truly feel confident. And that is a key. And truly, if you only like yourself when you win or when other people are celebrating you, you'll never truly feel confident. You need to be able to celebrate yourself when you fail, when you make mistakes, when you mess up.

38:43You need to say, okay, I made a mistake, I messed up, and how can I improve? What's the feedback? Failure is feedback. How can I apply the feedback and take action the next day in a better way? And this is a powerful thing for us, okay? It's a powerful thing. We got to be thinking about failure as feedback. So here's something I want you to try. I want you to identify one failure today and write down its lessons in a sentence or two. So think about a failure you've had recently or a failure today or a mistake you've made. And then just write down one sentence with the lesson that you've learned from this.

39:23And how can you learn from today and get even just a little bit better for tomorrow? And stop thinking of it as self-criticism and judgment and just make it more neutral. Okay, I made a mistake. I failed. I put this thing out online. It didn't do well. Stop attaching the failure with you as a loser and start looking at failure as a really positive thing and say, all right, this is the process. This is the step. This is what I need to keep failing because it's getting me closer to success. But I need to learn from the failure and take it as feedback, information like Kobe and Michael talking about as data.

40:05Takeaway is to collect your failures as fuel. Every stumble is a step towards stronger confidence. So make today's ceiling tomorrow's floor and you'll keep stacking confidence on top of it. That's number four, build confidence through failure. Number five is to find proof and become undeniable. Confidence isn't about feeling ready. It's about stacking undeniable proof until no one, not even you, can question it. This is key. The exciting thing about this is that neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to change itself and form new connections, proves it's perfectly possible to make the leap from self-criticism to self-belief.

40:54It's simply a question of determination and proactive positive thinking in a focused and consistent way. This is a quote by Dr. Tara Swart, who's been on this show a couple of times. She's a neuroscientist that has blown up online and has some incredible books and work as well. So an example around this is tennis legend Venus Williams, who we've had on the School of Greatness as well, one of the top tennis players of all time. She didn't build confidence from hype. She built it match by match, practice by practice, swing by swing. and a growing ledger of proof that she could perform under pressure.

41:36She built the proof rep by rep, day by day. And that mindset led her to seven Grand Slam titles, 14 more Grand Slam double titles. She crushed it. And you've got to stack the reps and stack the evidence and stack the proof. You can't just hype yourself. You can't just fake it till you make it. You can't say, I'm going to jump in this thing and I'm going to be confident right away, even though I haven't mastered the skill yet. You've got to put in the reps and master the skill. But a lot of people have mastered the skills, but still aren't confident because their mind gets in the way when there's pressure and there's an audience you have to perform in front of.

42:16So we have to train ourself to be able to handle pressure and the performance so we don't choke. You want to be in clutch mode, not in choke mode. So something I want you to try is to begin a proof journal, a proof journal. I've got a gratitude practice, but this is something you can add in your gratitude journal where it's a proof journal. This is something where you're building evidence and you're writing down and tracking the proof, whether it be the time that you're committing to something to develop a skill, whether it be the amount of mistakes you've made and the lessons you've learned from this each night record three wins every night i talk about three things i'm grateful for but i want you to record three wins when you win in life you build confidence you build a more prideful body language even micro victories count it could be the smallest thing smallest thing could just be like i did what i said i was going to do today i showed up on time to this thing that I wanted to go to.

43:20I followed through on my plans. I made mistakes today. That is a proof journal. That's great. Okay, that means you actually tried. You acted. You took action on the thing you were trying to take action on. Instead of just thinking about it, resisting it, hiding from the thing, you took action. So create a proof journal. And the key takeaway here is over time, Your brain leans on real evidence and you'll start to be like, wow, I'm stacking this evidence. Look at this day by day, page by page. Look at all the reps and you'll look back three months, six months, six years, and you'll have journals stacked of proof.

44:08Not emotion, but proof to validate your confidence. That's what we need, real evidence for ourselves. Because a lot of the times, you watching right now, you've created a lot in your life, you've done a lot in your life, but you still discount yourself. You constantly discount your abilities, even though you went through some hard challenges in your life. You accomplished some great schooling. You learned, you developed accomplishments. You have skills. You have the ability to connect with people. You have done some incredible things in your life. I don't care if you're 18 or you're in your 50s or 60s, you have done some amazing things.

44:50And sure, there might be things you haven't done that you want to do right now, but you have to look back at your life through your own memory-proof journal, if you haven't documented it yet, and start just reflecting, where was I five years ago, 10 years ago? Oh man, maybe I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also farther than where I was back then. and start using that. Even if you feel like you've missed out on opportunities, you still have proof and evidence. Start leaning on that in your life. And that is key number five. Find proof, become undeniable. Number six, this is a big one. And this is probably not one that you're going to like.

45:32You don't want to hear because we're living in a world right now where this is what everyone talks about. But the sixth key is don't trust your feelings. Trust the data. Most people wait to feel confident, but feelings lie. Confidence comes from the data you build with every rep. And sometimes we wait until we feel like, ah, I'm ready or I feel ready or I feel confident. Man, feelings are going to be up and down. They're going to come and go. It's going to be hard. And I like this quote. I'm going to share the quote from my guy Novak Djokovic. Again, one of the best tennis players of all time who we've had on the podcast.

46:16Great episode on the podcast. He said, normally, when you are feeling down, that's when you have an opportunity through those trials and those tribulations to grow stronger, better, and to use those lessons to become a better version of yourself. it's a constant evolution the example that novak talks about is he acknowledges bad feeling training days where stats revealed improvement anyway and this is sometimes you know as an athlete i've had so many days of practice in my life in sports great practices bad practices all these different things, but you can't allow your feelings to get in the way of the data and the improvement that you're making.

47:04And great performers, great athletes, great artists, great musicians, they show up and they play their music even if they sound bad. They play their sport even if their shot's off. They make their art even if the strokes are out of their alignment. Whatever it might be, the great performers in life show up anyways even when they're not feeling great. And that's the difference between someone who's building confidence and someone who's living by their feelings and saying, I don't feel a certain way. I don't feel confident. I don't feel good today. So I'm not going to put my art out there. I'm not going to express myself.

47:43I'm not going to have the challenging conversation. I'm going to give some part effort today because I don't feel good. This is just going to hold your back in the future with your confidence. We've had another great therapist on, Dr. Marielle Bouquet. She explores how our emotions can distort reality. Now, this is research from a therapist. Our emotions can distort reality, but data is objective. Dr. Marielle Bouquet talks, her work encourages us to acknowledge this interplay and actively work towards emotional healing to foster a more grounded and accurate understanding of ourselves and the world around this.

48:27Here's the thing. I wish I knew this sooner. I wish I had these tools sooner because when I was studying sports psychology, again, how we think and feel in life's biggest pressure-filled moments of our own personal lives around sports, performance, performing in front of an audience, performing when there's a when there's something on the line, can you show up and give your best? That is what we all want to learn how to do. And what happens with that is in sports psychology, you learn about what's in between your mind and how you think in those moments will dictate a lot about how you feel in those moments.

49:12And how you think and how you feel in those moments of pressure will determine and influence how you show up, how you perform. And if you're distracted, if you're living in self-doubt, self-criticism, worry, fear, what are people thinking about me, you're living in one of those three fears, the fear of failure, success, or judgment. And you're not living in the present when you're living in self-doubt. You're living in worry about what will happen if I fail. What will happen if I succeed? What will happen when people judge me and criticize me. So you're not living in the present. A lot of sports psychology that I learned from the past had great strategies about visualization, about breath work, about meditation, and all these tools I would use, and they would all help me.

50:06They all helped me perform better. They helped me get back into the present. They all helped me not stress about what was happening around me, but more be now, be here and just give my best. Because when you're here in the now, you get into flow. And flow state is where confidence exudes out of you. You flow, you respond in a natural state of being rather than stress, anxiety, worry. What are they going to say? What are they going to think about me? What happens if I fail? What happens if I succeed? What happens if people judge me? That cripples us. That cripples confidence. That cripples you.

50:44And the big thing that I learned over the last decade of doing this podcast, of interviewing the world's leading psychologists, therapists, meditators, healers, and individuals that understand the chemistry of the brain, the chemistry of the heart, the nervous system, is I realized that there was something else that we needed to unlock. Something that I wish I would have learned when I was a teenager because I was living in a lot of fear. Even though I had the tools to overcome those fears, I always needed the tools, but I still never felt fully confident within me. They were hacks that got me a certain level, but I still went back at night and stressed out in my bed.

51:29And it wasn't until I did over 12 years of research, 1700 episodes on this podcast, where I learned the keys were in this book that I created from all these top experts around healing the nervous system. Because you can have all the hacks that we've talked about here. You can read all the psychology books that give you the tools for performing better in life and being more confident. And you can do a lot of these things that will get you a certain place. But if you still don't feel emotionally and psychologically whole in your heart and in your mind. And if you still look at yourself as a bad human being with a lot of shame, with a lot of guilt, from all your mistakes or all your thoughts you've had in the past that you feel are bad and wrong, and you believe you're a bad and wrong person, you're going to live with a hole in your heart.

52:25Your nervous system is going to be out of alignment. And it's always going to be shaking. little shakes in your nervous system throughout the day. And you'll use these tools, you'll use meditation, you'll use all these other tools, visualization, manifestation techniques, all these things are great tools. But when you're using them at a place from out of alignment versus aligned harmony, where your nervous system and your body and your whole system from the ground up is vibrating in harmony and alignment, then it's building this unshakable energy within you that has more poise and confidence. It doesn't mean you're not going to fall off at times and make mistakes and react in life situations at times.

53:11I'm still not perfect, right? I'll never be perfect. But it means you hopefully have more inner peace, more wholeness through a process that I call inner healing. And when this whole book is around the greatness mindset is getting to a place of wholeness and healing first. And we give you the entire strategy and blueprint in here on how to create inner peace, inner healing, and a sense of wholeness within you. So that when you go out into the world, you have more confidence in you knowing you're going to make mistakes, knowing when you're not going to be perfect, it doesn't mean you're never going to doubt yourself.

53:54You are at times. But when you learn to have wholeness within you, you can always come back to you and feel good. When you're out of your alignment in your nervous system and you feel like you're a bad person, which is what I felt for most of my life, I'm a bad and wrong person. I made this stupid mistake when I was younger. I thought this bad thought. I had this harmful thing to think about someone else, whatever it might be. I had this judgment and therefore I'm bad and wrong. Your nervous system is going to believe it. And then you're always trying to override what your body truly believes.

54:28Your mind is going to try to control your body. And then your thinking and your emotions are going to be constantly in conflict. And so, yes, these hacks are important. They've helped me accomplish things, achieve goals, build relationships. But if you don't do the inner healing work, everything I talk about in the greatest mindset, the whole process is in there. If you don't follow the process of inner healing, you will never have inner peace. And if you don't have inner peace, it's hard to have outer confidence. So this is a big step. And it's deeper than the mental hacks of building confidence that we're talking about.

55:12But something I want you to try is when doubt creeps in is open up your proof journal and read yesterday's wins out loud. When you read what you did yesterday and then you say it out loud, you start to speak into your nervous system and into your heart and start to build a little bit more belief, a little bit more confidence saying, oh, I did these three things yesterday. Maybe you did 20 things yesterday. Great. Read them out loud. almost like someone else is reading them to you. Imagine someone who's like your mentor, your coach, or a parent that you really admire, who's reading these things to you.

55:50You did this really well. You had this accomplishment. You made this mistake, but you took the action. And it's like someone is speaking it to you. You're building that inner relationship of, yeah, look at this proof that I have for myself. It's almost like you have to speak to your mind, your heart and your nervous system all at the same time so they can get back in alignment and in harmony. If you're watching this, maybe it seems like some crazy talk to you. Maybe it seems like, ah, I don't know what Luce is talking about. But if it makes sense to you, if you're like, yeah, there's something he's saying there.

56:23I don't like it. I don't like that he said that. But probably the reason why I don't like it is because there's some truth to it, that I need to find a way to create more healing and harmony within my body, within my psychological thinking, within my heart, and within my nervous system. Because when you heal, that is confidence. That is calm. That is cool. That is collected. You know, healing energy is what attracts opportunities. Healing energy is what attracts babies to want to like stop crying when they're in your arms. It's what attracts the opposite sex to you that says, yeah, I'd love to give you my number and go out on a date.

57:04Sure, because you have this healing, calm energy about you. It attracts career opportunities. It attracts synchronicities in your life to flood to you because you have a sense of inner peace. And I'm not saying you're going to be like this peaceful Zen master every single moment of your life. I am not. I still have moments where I freak out, I spaz out, I react to people, and I'm not proud of those moments. That's why I do this and I create this as a reminder to me to keep practicing these things just as much for you. Because I'm completely flawed and I've got to constantly stay on top of these things in my own life.

57:44That's why I created The Greatest Mindset because this is the book that I wish I had for myself 10, 20 years ago. So confidence comes from facts, not fleeting mood swings. And unfortunately, in today's world where everyone's on their phone all day long, reacting to the stresses and to the highlight reels of everyone's life, the feelings take over our body and our minds more than anything. And we have to learn how to manage and regulate our emotions. Because emotional regulation is the greatest skill that you can have in order to build confidence. So don't trust your feelings. Trust the data. And the seventh key to this process of building unshakable confidence is that your circle shapes your confidence.

58:33Confidence isn't built alone. It's contagious. So surround yourself with believers and your self-belief will multiply. Now, what does this mean? Let me share a quote with you. Your circle is either an anchor or an elevator. One drags you down and the other one takes you higher than you thought possible. I love this example again from Serena Williams. I'd love to have her on the show someday. She's amazing at what she's created in her life. She credits her sister, Venus, and her dad and her trusted team for keeping her grounded and resilient through both triumphs and setbacks. And neuroscience reveals that supportive relationships help regulate stress and strengthen self-identity, making confidence more sustainable and resilient over time.

59:27So again, I'm trying to back everything here for you personally through personal stories with myself, through examples from people we've had on who are at the highest level or other inspiring people who have achieved incredible success and from science, research or neuroscience that backs the principle. I want you to not just have some fluff or here's some motivation. I want you to have principles, exercises, research, science, personal examples from me, personal examples from others. So you have multiple ways of seeing this. So something I want you to try is to build yourself a confidence circle.

1:00:06Again, this might sound a little weird and I can do everything on my own and I don't need other people or whatever it might be. I'm telling you the people you surround yourself matter. Look at, you know, the greatest athletes. You think Kobe Bryant, when he won his first NBA championship, said to himself, you know what? I think I've got all the skills. I've got all the tools. I just won the championship. I'm the best player in the world. Now, I don't need a team. I don't need a coach. I don't need support. I'm just going to do it all myself now. No. He doubled down on saying, we need the best coaching.

1:00:40We need the best coaching staff. We need better players around me. I need better recovery. I need better mindset training. I need better all these things. Surrounding himself with people that could take him higher and keep winning. It's hard to get to the top. It's harder to stay at the top. So I want you to build your confidence circle and write down three people who lift you up, whether it's family, friends, or mentors, or even someone that you don't know yet, but someone you admire from afar that you can follow their content or read their books as kind of a silent mentor. And I want you to choose one person and reach out for encouragement or accountability this week.

1:01:22And I want you to be thinking about nurturing that connection. I have had coaches my entire life, from my parents to my older siblings when I was a kid to then coaches and teachers. And now for the last 15, 20 years, I'm hiring coaches. I'm seeking mentors in different disciplines of life who can continue to give me tools, feedback, wisdom, insights. And do I need them? No, I don't need them. I mean, I could live my life without them and I could get results and I could accomplish things and learn on my own probably. But man, it sure as heck helps a lot. It makes it better. It makes it more enjoyable to not try to put all the pressure on myself and say, I'm going to learn everything on my own and I'm only going to do this myself.

1:02:11It's exhausting. Life is meant to be lived with other people and shared with other people. And then no way do I think I'm like, you know, I'm confident enough to know that I don't know what I need to know about a lot of things. And I think confident people lean on mentors, coaches, guides, family, friends, support, and they ask questions. Confident people don't have it all figured out. They're willing to say, I want to learn more. They're willing to watch game film in their sports. They're willing to read books in their studies. They're willing to learn from people who have experienced life before them that know skills.

1:02:51So I want you to choose one person and reach out for encouragement. In fact, I want you to type in the comment right now, who is one person that you want to reach out to right now that you're going to text or call in your life for accountability and just have the accountability this week and just say, hey, can you hold me accountable this week for this one thing, whether it's giving me feedback, whether it's checking in on me once a day to see if I've taken action on the thing that I want to do and type that person's name below and then text that person. Again, confident people take consistent action.

1:03:25So if you're just going to consume this, take notes and not do anything, it's a good step that you're learning it and letting it sink in. But confident people say, God, I'm scared to reach out to this person. I'm scared to write this down. I'm scared to take this action, but I'm going to do it anyways. And you are a confident person for being here because you want to break free from the chains that have held you back. And that's why you're going to leave a comment about the, you just put the first name of the person you're going to reach out to, and then you're going to call or text them right now.

1:03:56If you need to pause this, you know, this video, this episode and text or call them, do it and say, Hey, I'm listening to this video by Lewis Howes. He told me to call you because you inspire me as a person in my life. And I would love for you to give me feedback on how I can improve in this area of my life. I would love for you to do that. And also bonus points if you leave a comment also in saying what happened after you called or texted that person. Let's see who replies in the comments. Key takeaway here is that confidence deepens when it's supported. Let your circle help you become unstoppable.

1:04:37Don't do everything on your own. Don't try to live this life on your own all by yourself. That is key. Build confidence by having the right circle. Now, here's the truth. In just seven days, if you do these seven keys for the next seven days, science shows your brain begins to rewire and you'll start to feel the shift immediately. You'll start to feel the notice of change in your body emotionally, mentally, physically. A month later, others will notice. Other people are going to come up to you and say, you've been drinking something different? Like you've been eating some different food? What have you been doing?

1:05:15Because you're just starting to show up differently. I don't know what it is. There's something about you. What have you been doing? Did you get a makeover? Have you been working out? Like they're going to think, what has this person been doing? Because they're showing up ever so subtly. or you just look like you're a different person. Again, instead of being, you know, scared emotionally or physically, you just show up in more poise. And then months later, man, the world's going to notice. Other people will notice and your self-confidence will snowball naturally with momentum. A year from now, confidence won't be just something you practice.

1:05:54It will be who you are. But the key is consistency. It's not about perfection. Tell you what, the story of me salsa dancing, those first three months where I was taking action every single day, I was the most imperfect, tall, goofy looking, you know, white guy trying to salsa dance in a world where I did not fit in and belong. I looked awkward. I made mistakes. I was like, just what am I doing sometimes? But the key is consistency, not perfection. And I'm telling you what, When you start to build confidence through consistency, not perfection, you will start to have this undeniable confidence in your life.

1:06:35And that is the key. Do it even when you're scared. Do it when it's not perfect and be consistent after that. Don't stop when you make mistakes. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to leave a comment below of your biggest takeaway. Like this video right now. click the like button and subscribe to our channel right here because we have a ton of great content for you. And if you love this video, then I want you to check out this video right here, right now. And it's all about what to do every single morning for the next seven days to really help you manifest and unlock more in your life. So check that out here.

1:07:16If you're looking to unlock can manifest more in your life, make sure to watch this video right here because I was shocked what happened after I learned these strategies. And I think you're going to be very surprised what you see as well. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

1:07:53Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I wanna remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.