A Message For Women in 2025: This Lie Has Been Holding You Back!

33:05It's an ant. It's a flower. It's a leaf. Every day our daughter goes up to class. She's like, Mom, do you have something for me? And so we exchange a gift, but the gift is usually a leaf, a rock, a stone, a little flower, like sometimes a stick. You know, today she, in the car, she, she wrote me right before I left, she's printing her name. And so she wrote, you know, her name and, and mom and love and hearts. And, and I was just, I don't know. It's so the simplicity of life and the beauty of noticing. That's beautiful. Of noticing. Wow. When do you think was the season of your life where you felt like you were the most in victimhood in your own personal life?

33:51Well, I think we can, I mean, mind can still, ego is such a seductress for all of us. And by the way, I don't think this is just female. This is human. This is human. And so, you know, I look to catch that voice. I'm aware when I'm in victim mode, when I'm only seeing the external as the wrong. You know, he did this. I remember he's young. I'll give you an example. I used to, I remember saying to Tony, like, you know, you don't understand me. You're not being present with me. And I wasn't present with myself. I didn't understand myself. How could I expect another human being to understand me? I wasn't tuning in and inquiring to be able to even see or witness what I was believing and thinking.

34:48So, you know, if I hear, everybody knows what that voice sounds like. It's righteous and, you know, the external. It's you did this. How could you? That's what it sounds like. You never. Why don't you? That's the voice of the victim. We all do it at times. And then so I think freedom is, you know, the other day I had a moment with Tony and I heard myself and I was just like, hon, this has nothing to do with you. Like this has nothing to do with you. This is all inside of me right now. And thank you for your grace. He was just there. I was like a force of nature coming. If it was a hurricane coming through me, he was like, what the heck?

35:28but it was just it was honest like i think you know emotion is moving through us and i think it's different than emotionality different than the drama of it the voice of the victim is always very dramatic and wants to share and the sympathy of you know all those you won't believe this and you don't know and it just grows it is the drama of that yeah yeah yeah uh-huh different than just raw emotion moving through you and and um and i think that that's it's honest to allow emotion to uh has a voice of itself and to express itself because it's it's life force yeah but do you feel like there was a season of life or a year of life or a decade of life where you were like more in victimhood mentality than...

36:2020s, 30s. 20s and 30s. 20s and 30s. And what did that... But I mean, there's a falling away. Of course. And by the way... It's not every day. It's not every moment. Of course. And it still can be today. Of course. Of course. Don't you relate to that? Can you relate to hearing the voice of like, what the heck? Like, why did you do this? Or she did this? He did this. A month ago, I was traveling in Spain and my home got broken into. Right? It was broken into and I was like, you know, why did this happen? And I was really frustrated and it was a violation. and privacy and all these things. And I was like, and as a kid who grew up feeling abused through sexual abuse that I went through, that I've talked about publicly many times, that abuse, it was like, it's always been in me as like wanting to protect and defend myself against abuse, right?

37:06Or something not being right and feeling like, oh, that person took advantage of this person or they tried to take advantage of me or whatever the story is. So I've had to learn how to not be a doormat and say, oh, walk all over me and do whatever you want, but also not take it personally and let it rob me of my joy. That's beautiful. You know what I mean? And it's like, it doesn't mean for a few days I wasn't angry and frustrated and I'm not going to spiritually bypass my emotions and just be like, oh, everything's going to be okay. Like it's not. We have to take action and take certain measures to make sure we're protected, all these different things.

37:40And I'm allowed to express and experience whatever I want to feel, right? But I don't want those people who robbed my home to rob my heart longer. I don't want them to rob my emotion, my energy, my thoughts from creating goodness in the world. That's it. I'm pondering as you say that. Does anybody, can anybody rob our heart? I'm curious what you're saying. I think we can allow them to if we focus and think on it. If I allowed that act of them robbing our home, that offense to take it personally and to hold on to that so tightly and anger and frustration and police, you need to find these people and get justice for me.

38:22I think that could have, I could have robbed myself. Okay. That's accurate. If I allowed that energy to stay stuck inside of me. Yeah. I could have robbed myself. Yes. That's beautiful. From that victim mentality, right? Yes, that's beautiful. Sure. and am I justified to feel however I want to sure but is it going to serve me and becoming the highest best version of me to impact people to feel peaceful inside of my heart and to feel safe and at home within me no yeah I'm going to hold on to that

38:57so I think I used to have a lot more victim mindset where I would blame and get angry and hold on to stuff for long periods of time. Long periods of time, yes. And it only robbed my joy. That's beautiful. And so now it's... Beautiful to notice. It's constantly learning how to get back into a centered place, you know, feel the emotions, take the actions I need to take. Yes. And then, okay, move forward. Yes. Do the best I can to move forward. Yes. Not forgetting about this and saying, I'm going to trust everyone's going to be good to me. You know, it's like, there's got to be stuff that happens and how can I prepare?

39:29Yes. And also be ready when stuff happens. It's interesting because we were talking beforehand and you mentioned Fiji. I think you said you got married in Fiji, is that right? We did. You got married in Fiji and I'd been to your guys' place in Fiji in 2018, 2019. I was there for a mastermind retreat with Dean and Tony. And everyone kind of went around. I don't know if you were there or not, but we were... I was not. Yeah, you weren't there. And so everyone went around for like half a day and was asking Dean and Tony questions and we all got to kind of share and for whatever reason I was the last question I think and I asked um I asked a question about relationships started bawling every time around Tony it's always gets to my heart like ah you know we always like okay what's the real question I was like um but someone was asking about like just what's to come you know what should we be thinking about in the future and he said prepare Tony Tony said prepare this was like 2018, 2019, right before our pandemic.

40:30He was like, prepare, winter is coming. He said this before the pandemic. He said, winter is coming, prepare. And I think if people think, how can I emotionally prepare for life's adventures that are going to throw themselves at me, no matter what, unexpected adventure. If we can be emotionally prepared, we're less in victimhood. True. Because winter is always going to come at some point. Yes. It might be a day of winter, maybe a year of winter. Diagnosis. You never know, right? You never know. And so how have you learned how to prepare emotionally to get out of victimhood as quickly as possible when winter hits you personally or as a family or your business or whatever it might be?

41:14How do you prepare emotionally to stay in responsibility and not in victimhood? That's a great question. So a couple of things. So Tony, number one, Tony, he's just been such a pioneer for this space. I love to hear that you went to Fiji and were with him. And yes, it's so beautiful. And I think prepare is, um, I'm just reflecting on his, uh, his, uh, advice to you. I think, you know, we prepare for business. We prepare through education. We prepare for sports. We prepare to, for all these things. And yet we can miss, um, you know, uh, how am I being, I would say, is probably what is most transformative for me at this stage of my life.

42:04And I think, you know, you utilize a lot of tools, whether it's meditation, whether it's prayer, whether, you know, there's so many different modalities to neutralize charges, whether it's tapping or EDM or what they call them. EMDR. EMDR, yes. Oh, there's wonderful. And like, there's many ways, homes or many paths home. uh and so i think like you know learning ways inquiring learning ways that uh unravel the survival mind because that's all that the victim voice is it's just survival mind it's innocent it's innocent and uh for myself i really if i'm in survival or if i'm feeling even even if i'm not in survival even if i'm just in between zoom meetings or yeah yeah rushing moving from work to the space to going having dinner as a family or, you know, going to see our daughter, I'll take a moment where I invite my attention and my awareness back to my own breath.

43:06And I call it 60 seconds of peace or 60 seconds of grace. And I feel like that practice in the moment, if I feel myself starting to speed up, I'll like drop into this moment because that's where reality sets. That's where reality exists. And I find that to be incredibly powerful. Do you want to do it together? Sure. All right. So sit so you're completely comfortable. And let's close our eyes. And as you invite your awareness to this moment, noticing the miracle of your breath

43:52notice your body being green

43:59noticing the presence behind your breath

44:05and just sit and be completely comfortable as your mind wanders simply invite it invite your awareness your attention back to this moment

44:50Gently open your eyes.

44:55What did you experience? What did you notice? For me, I just... I feel peace. I feel centered. I feel present. When I do that. When I did that and when I do that. So hence, that's what I find very helpful because a lot of times, you know, when I first started meditating, I, and by the way, I still will do, you know, sit in meditation, of course, but then there's the living in between the morning meditation, the nighttime meditation, you know what I mean? Uh, and it's this moment, it's this moment. And I find that that was probably only 30 seconds. I don't even know I was being mindful we're on air here.

45:39But that practice I find so powerful because it's our energy, our attention being external. That's where at times we can fall asleep. And I find as I, you know, just start to pay attention and bring my awareness back to my breath, which also just connects me to the miracle. Yes. No matter what is happening, life is still a gift. Life itself. the fact that we're actually even alive and that can be missed, that can be missed in the busyness and, uh, the responsibilities or doing or identities, um, that continues to blow my mind and heart. And I, even if you say, if I'm sometimes sitting at our daughter's gymnastics or something and I'll just close my eyes and just, just take a moment and just, and then also what's amazing is to notice even just the sounds, like there's so much when we're moving quickly that we miss.

46:44And it's like, we have this whole symphony of life. You know what I mean? Visually, it's a feast and, or like acoustically that we can miss that. I, I've never, I think that's been one of the greatest miracles and powers of having these little humans in our lives. They call us here now to this moment. Visually, it's a feast. I've never heard that. That's cool. It is a visual feast. It's like, there's so much around us. Yes. Or even sometimes like, you know, like sun and light and illumination or the moonlight. And like, it's just, wow. Like life is really beautiful. Life is really beautiful. and to notice that at this stage of my life, when I noticed all that beauty was always here and innocently how we can miss so much, Lewis.

47:40A couple of things I'm hearing you say, Sage, about getting out of victim mindset, whether it be in a moment or days or years or whatever. Innocently. A couple of things I'm hearing you say is asking the question, what am I missing in this moment? Yes. So when I'm feeling overwhelmed or like someone has hurt me or taken advantage of me or I'm not getting what my friends are getting and life isn't working the way I envision. Yes. Instead of blaming, asking the question, what am I missing? That's what I'm hearing you say. Yeah. What am I missing? And is it true? That's the gift of Katie's. Yes. Is this true?

48:14Is this true? And now what I've come to recognize, mind, you know, has a, well, it has a mind of its own. So the story gets long. And, you know, before I never used to write like and actually inquire and fix it on paper. And I thought I was doing it so well in mine, but mine's working so quickly. But I find to actually just in a simple statement to write down the belief, the thought, the whatever it is, you know, she was so harsh with me. You know, she's always so harsh. I'm making it up right now. actually writing it down and being specific about the situation is a short sentence so you don't get into the drama of it.

48:54Yeah, the story. Yes, the story of it. I find that's very helpful for me. Like I said, you know, I shared the example the other day with Tony when I walked into the room and there's some family members of mine that have been having some health challenges and I was just, I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling scared in the moment. And, uh, and then you're walking into a space and I, I was missing what he was experiencing because I was in me. Do you know what I mean? Uh, and so I think that's the gift when we are relating and in relationship and the freedom, uh, where both people are saying like, Hey, this is my responsibility.

49:38That's your responsibility and I think, uh, but not in a harsh way, it's actually creates more closeness, more intimacy. Um, because rather than you did this to me, you always say that, why are you so loud? Why, whatever you, it's, you always know you're in the kind of more of that mindset. And by the way, you can drop victim. You could just call it egoic or fear mind or survival mind. You know, if the victim is like, Oh, that doesn't feel right to me. Just okay. When I'm in survival, it's just kinder it's human it's human this isn't it isn't male it isn't female it's just human and i i feel i know what it feels like to be in that state of mind it's overwhelming it's scary it's it's yuck feels resistant fighting with reality believing that life should be different what for me that's absurd yes life is what it is and it's it's just kinder when we I suppose can come to a place of acceptance with what is that doesn't mean that it's you don't feel all the emotion yes um at times but it's certainly a saner kinder reality it would be like when when you were robbed and you got to the point where it's like okay I don't know I'm projecting right now but at some point it's like this is what it is you can be mad about it you can be angry about But does it change it?

50:58No. It doesn't change it. That's unreal to me. I miss that as a younger version of myself. You missed it? I missed seeing that being whatever. It's like the inefficiency of being so mad or angry or judging what was. And it was inefficient. Did you used to hold on to anger more in the past? Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Would it be like you'd hold on for days or weeks or years or what would you hold grudges or you'd? You know, I selfishly, I like to feel it's so selfish. I prefer to feel free inside. Right. I prefer it hurts to not forgive. It's painful to not forgive. It's painful to not let go.

51:46uh it's painful to only demonize others and not see my puzzle piece how what can i shift um and so you know forgiveness in my own life at times when i haven't ouch there are a few more yes it's so painful to hold that level of constriction to hold that perpetual story uh it's just kinder and saner to let go. And so many times, I think that's the gift of life is it offers us the moment to be able to throw our breath, to realign. I think also each moment in mine and Tony's relationship, we'll ask each other, it's like, hon, can I begin again? Can we just begin again? Can we reset? And that has been so powerful in our relationship.

52:41The gift of beginning again. And so we both committed that if he asks or I ask that we truly have a willingness to. And so sometimes if I say if I was charged or if I was really, Tony will normally change his physiology. Maybe he'll go jump in the pool or go on a cold plunge or something. I don't know why, but I'll go brush my teeth. I wash my face. I'll say a prayer. I'll catch a breath. Yes. And I'll come back. And, you know, responsibility looks like. And you know what? I was so not being my best self and I'm sure I came across harsh and charged and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And thank you for this moment.

53:23Thank you for this moment to begin again, because life is always offering us this moment to begin again. Yes. And I find that to be so healing and so powerful. or the, you know, hey, we had a bad 10 minutes. Not even a bad 10 minutes. We just had a wonky 10 minutes. You know, hey, I went to sleep. I was being dreamed. I was in the nightmare. Thanks for your grace. Thanks for riding that wave with me. You know, like what the heck? But that dance, that space, I think you, you know, Tony and I have been together for 25 years. Wow. So you get over yourself. How long married? 25 married or 25 together you know great question i think we've actually been married let me think about this 25 years so we've been married 23 that's what 24 not 24 years we've been married uh but i you know the first 10 years when you first get together there's that like enchantment and you know it's it's the kind of romance stage of uh life and it's exciting and amazing and each chapter and it's been my experience or season or a decade, you could even say has had its gifts and its opportunities.

54:40I'd say the first 10 years or even maybe 10 to 15 for some, but I'd say the first 10 years is you're getting over yourself. You're getting over your conditioning, your impressions, past relationships, who you thought you needed to be. You're the stuff with parents. So you don't know. It's like, okay, this works, but this doesn't quite feel sincere. This feels more honest the getting over yourself of like if you really for you and your lady like we came it came through time yeah you learn it's like the hon can we begin again or honey i love you way too much to go here right now i remember one time we were in this lawsuit and he was stressed and i was stressed and we just we had that moment it was like i love you way too much like i i i don't want to speak this way i'm sorry i'm sorry and i i i think sometimes through the egoic filter that we can all have or just a fear mind or survival mind you know it's um less willing uh to admit or to just tidy up our messes take accountability you're just like hey i missed it's like i wasn't my best self can we begin again that's really beautiful that you're able to do that because I've been in many relationships in the past where, you know, me or the other person were unable to apologize and take ownership for what had happened.

56:04Even if it wasn't their fault or my fault, just say, listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Just say, I'm sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. How can we be better? How can I be? So I'm sorry. How can I, that's real freedom. Yes. I always, cause before it was a wee thing and then mind measures what you're doing at this stage of my life. It's like okay and i don't say that like me what can i shift here because that's what i can change i can't change him i can't change her but i can change how i'm being and i can uproot that like madness by just simply going first and by the way tony is so generous and so such a love and we meet in that willingness to go first usually like say if i don't know say if i was upset and i was like I always somehow end up in my closet and I was like marching off to my closet, a younger version of myself.

56:59I, they were told me, you know, hon, you know what I mean? I think that's the unexpected disarming in relationship is just go first. Cause otherwise we're waiting for the other person that he should say sorry to me. She should answer. It's all the shoulds and shouldn'ts. And it gets weird. Yeah. It gets weird. And then we expect them. I have a, uh, some friends who are married for a long time and they have like a game within each other in the relationship that's whoever apologizes first wins. It's like, and whoever listens to, hey, what did I do that can really support better the next time? Like whoever listens the most and apologize first, like get some type of like winning in the relationship where it's like, it's not about you did this to me.

57:45It's like, let me understand you more. And I'm sorry I didn't understand you are I messed up in some way and and letting her guard down first as opposed to holding that grudge or yeah you know because because the true winning Lewis is our own inner clarity and our own inner freedom our own inner way of being every time I say I'm so willing to say sorry at this stage of my life because it's so selfish I want to I want to feel free I value you ease and peace and it doesn't mean that I'm that every moment and so you know through all these I suppose they're just awareness awareness because it's so you know we can just all fall asleep believing it's them I know you do a lot of teaching with Tony about relationships and at Date with Destiny specifically.

58:41Date with Destiny as we share. But you also have an event online, She's Unstoppable Summit dot com that's coming up where you teach just a lot of these different things. I'm curious, in 25 years of the relationship, is that right? A quarter of a century? That's crazy to think about. In a quarter of a century of being in a relationship at such a high level where you guys are both leaders running massive businesses on stage in front of tens of thousands of people every week, every month, virtually in front of millions of people every quarter, whatever it might be. What is the three biggest lessons you've learned about marriage, intimacy, and relationships over 25 years together personally?

59:28It only gets better. it only gets better especially if we're willing to get over ourself um the second part is the key yeah yeah especially if we're willing to get over it doesn't get better if you're not willing to do that it's wonky gets freaking wonky uh reality is more beautiful than the fantasy of the dream and the romance of What, you know, I, I, it's, I, I, it's been my experience that like that, I don't know, like it looks this way. It's supposed to look this way. It's supposed to feel this way. But then when you see that life and love, it contains it all. Contains it all. Contains the beauty of it.

1:00:13Contains the mess of it. Contains life, birth, death, all of it. And I think through our trajectory, being together for 25 years, you come to recognize that. And it's just, it's actually more beautiful. It's more beautiful. And it's, you know, I remember when we first got together and it was always, it was like, you know, we're going to get married and, you know, we're going to have a baby. It was all these things that, you know what I mean? These things that we're going to do. But I'd say the third thing is actually the most powerful and intimate is actually, it's just, it's the simple, the simplicity, the nothingness, the just being, you know, bedhead in the morning and, or just catching a glance.

1:01:07I know even if just sometimes it's just that moment that is so much more powerful and true and beautiful than all the things we've you know we worked we were traveling doing events like gosh close to like 260 75 days of the year and we've worked incredibly we'd pull like a 20-hour day and not even blink an eye literally and still can and do. But we make our moments matter. We make our moments matter. And I was sharing with you ahead of time as well, like having new rituals, you know, we have dinner together as a family and we always start out by saying a prayer and everybody goes around. Our daughter will share, what are you grateful for today?

1:02:02What was beautiful about your day? And so we all will start by just saying thanks. And for those that don't believe in God, you can just thank the life that gave you your life, the source, the source that gave you life, that breathed those 20 ,000 breaths within your body today. Give thanks to that. And I think when we do, life is not only more beautiful, but it's more connected to noticing. Yes. You've spoken about God a few times during the interview and also before the episode when we were connecting. Was there ever a time where God was not in your life? Well... Or you were not as connected to God?

1:02:42Yes, I think life is... You could call God reality. And so you could call God life. I think it's when we're... If I'm asleep and being asleep or dreamed in the nightmare, it's that moment, It's that time. I think it's being, God is experienced through witnessing and noticing. Was there ever a time where you didn't feel as connected to God or felt like, or upset with God? You know, I'd say just not connected, possibly not even aware or believing that I'd say, here's something, the younger version of myself, believing that God was in this place. you know that I had to go to this place maybe it was church or a temple or something and and not that God isn't there too uh but I'd say that's probably been the greatest shift is that wow like God is life or if you want to call God shift God for creation for the source of our life however you want to call it life itself blah you know all the beautiful intangible invisible gifts that we're blessed with, that that's how I perceive God at this stage, that lives inside of you.

1:04:02Yes. Lives inside of me, lives inside of everybody that's tuning in right now. And that's powerful and transformative for myself versus I had to go do this thing or say this thing or, or, or go to this building and not that it didn't, it doesn't include that. Of course, if that's true for you, uh, I think as well, you know, maybe the third, uh, when you said his relationship, I think another freedom is, you know, gosh, this is the person that life that God gave me the love. I really think like that's right action in my thinking. I see it differently rather than you know Tony always says you trade for your expectations for appreciation and you know I I don't know what you hear that yes you hear that and you you know as life starts to exchange but when you really just like what I get to love this human being how cool rather than you did this for me that gets wonky it gets wonky at least for me it did yeah you know even with our daughter, just like, wow, what a privilege just to be able to love her and hold space and just actually watch life unfolding and growing and evolving.

1:05:21Because, you know, once you grow to a certain, you know, physical stature of life, you're not growing anymore, but we are growing and evolving internally. But that isn't, that's the intangible. But to actually see life like flowering and like through these little ones, it's, it blows my mind and heart for this. It really does. That's cool. I mean, I've been in many long-term relationships in the past that ended up working out, obviously. And we never had God at the center. But in the relationship with Martha, we have God in our center of our relationship. And I'm not saying that's the only reason why it's thriving right now, but I feel like it's definitely a factor that supports our values, aligning, things like that.

1:06:04How important has God in your relationship been over the 25 years in making sure it's really helping bond you guys spiritually, emotionally, physically, in every way? Such a core component. I mean, you could exchange God for goodness. You know, Tony, he's got such a soft, endearing heart, and he'll be moved to tears when he experiences others. like you don't mean uh choosing goodness or kindness um and so gratitude you know those are all attributes of this of creation and i think it's it's it's beautiful it's beautiful and so it's absolutely centric and uh i think it's really um you know i remember when tony's mother passed And there's really nothing that we can say to a human being that, you know what I mean, diminishes one's journey through loss or grief.

1:07:04But we can be with them. Yes. We can pray with them if that's true or not. And sometimes that prayer is even through, I remember when his mother passed and just putting together like photos and just memories that we had shared. And she loved this big pink elephant. I don't know why I'm thinking of this right now, but it was such simple things that reflected the goodness and the beauty of his mom and their relationship. And so, yes, and I think the version or the what's the word? what's that word definition of uh life of god whatever you want to call it the life source creation has certainly expanded for me and that's been very and and recognizing it not only external but internal yes and that's that's uh powerful uh end frame yes i heard tony once say that i don't know i'm paraphrasing paraphrasing what he said but he said the purpose of our life is to walk our parents home.

1:08:16I don't know if that's how he said it, but I remember him saying that at some point, like one of the purposes of our life is to learn how to walk, take our parents home. Essentially walk them to death to their home. Absolutely. And I was like, wow, I never thought of it that way. It's interesting. Well, it's interesting and it's beautiful. And I think like that's life is, there's the return, You know, there's the return of life, like life completing itself. And I think that that's when possible, right, action. And there's, you know, the West, the East has such a greater, maybe it's not even greater, it is, a greater awareness of a reverence for your elders.

1:08:59The elders, they have lived wisdom. And in the West, you know, there's, you know, there's less sometimes of that appreciation and recognizing. And so I think it's, you know, my parents at this chapter, it's so poignant and beautiful and kind to be able to just be with them, to hold my mom's hand. to also just get to know them as human beings at this chapter of life with all that is life is offering them. And it's certainly been a lot lately. What have you learned at this season then with your parents, you know, getting older? Don't wait to say thank you.

1:09:54Don't wait to say I love you. No. Um, and to, I suppose, you know, as we notice the miracle in little ones, uh, I see life as that return to innocence in that chapter of life. And so letting our parents off the hook, letting them off the hook as we let ourselves off the hook, recognizing that everybody like you, like I am doing the best I can. I'm not perfect. You're doing the best you can. You know, our parents are doing the best they can. And so that we can hold space and it can be sacred and beautiful and to the best capacity of just, um, my, my nephew the other day went and Took my dad, his papa and his grandma.

1:10:47He went golfing and I don't know, just making those moments matter, I think. Yes. Yeah. In our busyness, we can miss that generation. Yeah. And then once they go, life can change in an instant. We never know who's going to be here today or tomorrow. That's true. So don't wait. That's true. You know, speaking of not waiting, I know you mentioned earlier when you were getting in the relationship with Tony and you were like talking about the plans and we want to have a baby and create a family and all these things we want to do, but you, you struggled with infertility. Yes. Yes. And what has that process been like for you?

1:11:24Part one and part two, I think a lot of women, I'm hearing that a lot of women today are struggling with infertility. Men too. And men too, right? And it's like the, you know, and there's a shame, there's a guilt, there's an unworthiness for some people that is like surrounding that. Yes. Did you experience any of that? How did you overcome that if you did? And what has the process been like for you? Well, I think there's like, there's many paths to life and there's many paths to that. Some people, my sister got pregnant like that. Do you know what I mean? Like she had babies, like, I mean, effortlessly.

1:12:00Yes, for myself, it was a different path. And I never imagined I'd be 47. It was like over a 20 year journey, but miscarriages and IVF and all the, you know, experiences of disappointments or because really a disappointment is just wanting life to be different than what it was. I feel like I miscarried a number of times, but I feel like it, it schooled me to, I don't know, I thought I knew what surrender was. I thought I was doing it but through continual losses and then also you know once you go through all of that and then I had a doctor I went to some specialists because I was miscarrying so often and so frequently and I had this rare genetic disorder that my body was attacking itself even a little one like an autoimmune type circumstance so they recommended chemotherapy and radiation it was just it looked different It looked different than I ever imagined.

1:13:04And at this stage of life, I'm so grateful that it came in the timing that it did. And I wasn't always trusting divine timing. And I was impatient at times along the path. And those were the times and spaces that I suffered, wanted life to be different than what it was. but I matured and I grew and we never would have had the capacity to travel this world and and meet so many beautiful human beings and do the events that we had the privilege to share and life grew me up and you know I I don't know I'm really passionate actually about people taking a sacred pause and having life at a little bit of an older chapter of life when it's possible because I think we have more to offer them.

1:13:54And that more is... More wisdom, right? Yeah, more time, more wisdom, more presence. Everything. If you're 20 and you need to work full time... Or even if you're 40 and you need to work full time. That's true. You can still catch a beat differently to witness and notice a miracle. Yeah. You know? Wow. But there's no mistakes. Whether if you're listeners who are young and they're having a baby, that's beautiful. that has its gifts because whatever our life circumstances, it's just all here to hopefully grow and evolve us or humble us anyways. And that humbling on the other side grows and evolves.

1:14:32Yes. And what's the biggest lesson your daughter has taught you? That, uh, to be here now, uh, recognizing to love her, um, as I mentioned earlier to just to serve her, and that doesn't always please her. I'd say that's been probably the biggest. And to know that I'm not the teacher. I'm not the teacher. I feel very much a student. I feel very much like I don't have all the answers. And she offers so much wisdom. And I think sometimes as, I don't know, I think I did. I had a, uh, unconscious belief or thought that it's like, oh, you have to teach everything. You have to, uh, oh my gosh, this little human has schooled me so greatly.

1:15:26And I recognize like baby, all that you think, you know, wherever you think you've arrived, they just take care of right back down to like planet earth. And she has so schooled me. Um, she has so schooled me so beautifully. and she has offered so much and I learn so much from her uh on a daily basis that's the truth of it that's beautiful I'm always like we're in class and I'm like she asked me about dinosaurs and I'm like did I even go to school like I'm serious I feel like did I even go to school she what she is I'm blown away and she'll be like mom yeah I tell Martha I'm like you're gonna want to do all the schoolwork stuff because I was I'm not gonna remember any of this I don't I don't but you know I think that's okay and many times I'll say to him like honey I don't know actually I don't know but let's go let's go discover this together and I think I see she very much has she loves to be able to I think we all do to feel seeing that her voice and what she thinks and how she does it we're all autonomous beings.

1:16:37And I think to reflect that to our children is powerful. It's powerful. That's cool. I've got a few more questions for you, Sage. I want to make sure I let people know about an event that you're doing. It's a free virtual event coming up here very soon called She's Unstoppable Summit dot com. Yes. It's a two or three day event. And it's mostly going to be you teaching and educating and sharing with people, even though you say you're still learning, but you're, you have a lot of wisdom too to share and you're going to be sharing a lot over these two or three days. What's the biggest takeaway that you think people will gain by, by signing up for this?

1:17:15And is it mostly for women? Yes, it is. It's an all women's virtual event. Yes. And to give you context last year, Louis, we had close to a 500 ,000 of them to in from all around.

1:17:31But what was so beautiful is just, you know, sisters being true sisters and honoring and celebrating and shedding light upon one another. And the beauty, I love being a woman. I love everything about being a woman. And I also have experienced that. I think as a woman, we have our own unique challenges. And so the true empowerment that we each have the capacity to free ourselves and that there's tools and strategies to be able to unleash her, you know, all of our aspects of self and as well free our mind from the sometimes self-perpetuated dramas and emotionality and the stressors or anxiety or overwhelm.

1:18:21you know as women we're such extenders you know we're such extenders and and also just you know all the places and spaces are you know caregiving you know just external external that a lot of times we can miss ourselves and I'm just really passionate about women being and expressing and exploring and being the most authentic, radiant versions of ourselves. Because I think that's what's most decimating about a woman is a woman who is truly connected to her nature. And, you know, there's the external beauty, but internal beauty, it's intangible and it's invisible and yet it's palpable and it's captivating and life-changing to the world around her, to her family, to her coworkers, to her business.

1:19:19And I think our greatest capacity as a woman or as a woman is our capacity to love. So any way to tune into that reality, to that truth, I'm really passionate about. So yes, it's She's Unstoppable. It's coming up August 20th to the 22nd. 21st, 22nd. And it's just two short hours a day and it's virtual. And like you mentioned, there's no cost. It's amazing. Yes. Maybe your lady Martha can... I'll get her signed up for sure. You too. I'll tell them that too. I'll watch it. I got to learn, you know? It's like, hey. Do we all? I'm always learning from women. You know, I'm always learning from women.

1:19:56Incredible, mythical creatures. Oh, yes. Like truly, I have, being a mother, I have such mad respect for women like I never did before. Yeah. Like really, it's just unreal. And incredible intuition too. Yeah. Like if you can, for all the men watching or listening, if you can surround yourself with a woman who is tapped into her intuition, you will always win in life. Yes. She will always steer you in the right directions of what to or not to do or who should be in your life, who should not be in your life, what to watch out for. True. That's a good business opportunity. I wouldn't do that. Like this is a good person on your team or this is where you should go work.

1:20:39Like if you support a woman in your life to, and being present with her, she will be even more in tune and present with herself and give you the world. That's what I've learned. Wow. That's a beautiful statement. I mean. That's beautiful. And is it women or is it the feminine? I think it's. I mean, yeah. I mean, it's all human beings. It is. Yeah, yeah. Yes. But yes, it's. The feminine in all of us. In all of us. Because I feel like in some ways I have a lot of feminine energy as well. Yeah. And I'm very creative and I feel like I can tap into that when I want to. I experienced that in you. And Tony the same way, I'm assuming.

1:21:15Yes, exactly. He has a lot of feminine energy and he's able to cry at any moment and he's tapped into his emotions. Yes. And it's like it's being connected to yourself, I think. It is. And recognizing that we're not one thing. I'm as male as I feel female and I have a ridiculous access to a masculine force that dwells within us. And I think that's also a freedom to recognize, I think, in unleashing her, unleashing just who we are as human beings, is to recognize that I don't have to choose. And in each context, it invites or invokes different facets and aspects of ourself. Yes. That makes life more interesting and beautiful, because it isn't this or that.

1:21:59Yes. A universe lives inside of us. A hundred percent. But you guys have taught, I mean, you guys have taught about relationship dynamics, feminine, masculine energy for years now together. I've seen some of your content. I know you do this at Day With Destiny. I'm sure you're going to do some of this at She's Unstoppable Summit as well. Absolutely. But when a woman is too much in her masculine energy or too much in needing to have control of whatever, everything or the man she's with or whoever she's with, what happens when a woman is not able to step back into her feminine energy more frequently and she's more frequently in masculine or in control in a relationship dynamic in a relationship dynamic what happens in your mind uh yes well i think any time that one aspect whether it's could be flipped men being overly feminine and pleasing yes women being overly dominant and controlling.

1:22:54And I just find that so interesting. Like you look at the reverse of that male, female, and those energies and the imbalances of being out of alignment with our nature. I don't know. Of course, I've been guilty of, not even guilty. I can get, you know, at different stages caught in that masculine. I think as a younger version of self, I equated masculine energy to be control, you know, control. And I actually at this stage experience it to be much more liberating. It's less about control and more about clarity, more about conviction, more about accuracy, more about the capacity to have the resistance and the capability to persevere.

1:23:35Certainty. Yes. Clarity of certainty. Absolutely. Because the control, it's a, it's, that just puts us asleep into the whole, you know, we can't control anything in Life is in a constant flux and shift. Every moment is same with human beings. And so, oh yeah, anytime I've ever thought that I've wanted to control a situation, life, a human, never even my husband, God bless. It gets weird and it feels dense and it feels constricting, not only to ourselves, but also to whomever, you know, we're with. And so, and that can happen reversed too. You know, that can happen. I think any time and energy, I think there's the gift and the power of the masculine and feminine.

1:24:24And then there's the immature aspects of masculine, the immature aspects of feminine. And so, but that's the gift of this human journey is to, you know, integrate and claim what we're not. I think that's also one of the beautiful aspects of an intimate relationship is the mirror. I suppose that even all relationships for that matter is we're mirroring one another. Yes. And in that mirror, you begin to claim parts of ourself. We're not even claiming the other, but the other is showing what I'm not and vice versa. I see, oh my word, so much of tone inside of me at this stage of my life. And he'll even tease me and call me Tony Robbins.

1:25:09And I see so much of who I am inside of him. And call you Tony Robbins? And then you will flip that and I see who I, not who I am, but those attributes. Tom laughs so much more today. And, uh, just, you know, I'm much more structured and the level that I will prepare today. Whereas before you may not used to be. No, yeah. Before I was just like, and by the way, I, I, you know, I still prefer inflow in the moment. Yes. Uh, but I've built the muscle. I think of the Tony just really, even at the stage of life, he could just walk on. If he could walk in here and do the interview. But he's sincerely interested.

1:25:48Prepares. Yeah, but he's interested. He's curious. He has a desire to serve and to bring his best self forward. And so, you know, last night I had my Lewis Howe prep binder with my reading glasses on and getting to know you and your handball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the Olympics, all the wonderful things you're doing in your life, never mind your love with Martha. But I think it creates a more close connection, a more authentic connection. So I really have always respected that about him. And I've certainly claimed that at this stage. Now, what's the thing you love about Tony the most at this season of life?

1:26:29Oh,

1:26:32Tom's capacity to love at every season of life or every chapter of love. He truly has such a huge heart. But I would say at this stage that I'm so passionate for other men and humans and women just seeing him is he takes time to be. He takes time to be with himself, with his daughter, with his family. And he really makes his moments matter. And there's such a sweetness and a tenderness and a softness in the strength. and that's what I really admire and so appreciate for our daughter as well to get to know there's Tony Robbins and then there's Tone this dear heart and and she you know she'll see her daddy on stage and she's like whoa she's so cute she models as well clap so she'll see she calls like today she's like mom you're going to talk to the people so she'll say that we're going to talk to people or her daddy, but she knows the dearness of his heart.

1:27:43And yeah, I think that that's the gift of age and lived experience. You know, life has its way with you. And all of a sudden, you're pretty much left with love and gratitude for it all. And I really see that in him, the wisdom. Yeah, that's beautiful. The wisdom and him passing that forward. He's like I said, He's been such a pioneer to so many in this space. Yes. He's like the godfather of this space. He really is. He really is. Inspiring. And wise father. And a wise father. Yes. There you go. That's beautiful. Okay, I have two final questions for you. Okay. So this question I ask everyone towards the end, it's called the three truths.

1:28:24Okay. So I'm going to ask you in a little different way. Imagine a hypothetical scenario, you get to live as long as you want to live. and thanks to Dr. David Sinclair and all the, you know, Peter Diamandis and all the experts in longevity, hopefully we get to live a very long life. But for whatever reason, it's the last day for you. Many years away. Yes. And you've created and accomplished all the things you want from this moment until then. You've seen your daughter, your family grow into the way you want to see it grow and life continues to bring you lots of magic and wonder and awe. But for whatever reason on the last day, all of your content has to go with you.

1:29:05So anything you've ever recorded, this interview, anything you ever make in the future, it's gone, hypothetically. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. And I would love to know what would be the three lessons you would share with your daughter. And this is all she would have of your message, your content from this point moving forward. What would be those three lessons or three truths for you? You know, as we hear that life or the notion that life is happening for us, I suppose the fact that life does hold, I've mentioned this earlier, but the totality of it all and that that it's all happening for us and that it's okay and that all is well, even amongst the pain or even amongst the confusion or even amongst whatever it looks like, it's all is well.

1:30:01Yeah. All is well. the fact that her nature, our nature is love and that that is the greatest, I suppose, discovery or experience is to experience and touch upon our own nature with inside of ourselves and with the side of one another. That powerful and beautiful. and I would say the third one is I think I have to go back to the miracle that honey, life's a miracle and it's prescient and it's a gift and the fact that we don't live forever that's I suppose that's this divine orchestration if I was to think of three things that would be it, that it really, life truly is precious. It's so precious and it's such a gift.

1:31:05And as we fall in love and accept what is, it only gets kinder and more beautiful because we experience it. And with all the big things or whatever we believe that we're meant to achieve or do or people wanting to find their purpose, I think the true purpose or truth is to experience the intangible, invisible space and place called us, called life, called love, called this moment. and that's what I would hope to bestow as simple truths not by what I was saying but how I am being that that's what came through that's beautiful I have one final question for you Sage but I want people to follow you Sage Robbins on social media SageRobbins.com that's it and on Instagram yeah Sage Robbins right yeah And then She's Unstoppable Summit dot com.

1:32:13Yes. August 20th to the 22nd, two hours a day. Make sure you guys sign up. Yes, please come join me. Share with your friends. I want to acknowledge you, Sage, for making this moment matter together. I've heard you say that multiple times and I appreciate you for opening up and sharing all your truth and wisdom that you have to share. And just being present in this moment with me. has been very beautiful and I appreciate your time and energy and the connection we've created here. So thank you so much for this. And I want to acknowledge you for stepping in at this season of your life to continue to share your wisdom of the world and putting yourself out there.

1:32:50And you mentioned you've been more behind the scenes for the last 20 plus years. And now you're in front of the scenes, creating your own events, sharing this content more. And so I acknowledge you for putting yourself out there. Thank you. Being a leader in the world and giving your best. No one's perfect and you're giving your best. So I appreciate that. Our best is, you know, just really what's true and real and authentic in the moment and whatever life has offered us and schooled us. That's really, you know, that lived wisdom I feel is what I can share at this stage of life. And you know, you get over yourself, you get over, regardless whether I was more comfortable behind the scenes or in front of, you know, life has a way of, uh, expanding us, uh, and inviting us forward in this moment.

1:33:39So I've listened to that call, tuned into that. And hence why I'm here with you today, which has been really, uh, such a lovely conversation. And thank you, Louis. And I echo what you shared. I just really appreciate, uh, your heart, uh, and sincerity and love of truth because truth is really an inner experience. Yes. Yes. Final question. What's your definition of greatness? Oh, I think I've probably answered it throughout this, but I think, you know, greatness is, I mean, if you're a human being, you're awesome. You're already a masterpiece. you know we're hello look at like it blows my mind learning with our daughter like just the human body and anatomy and it's just like what the heck there's a whole universe inside of us and you know mind will offer up i'm not enough i don't know how to do this i'm too like all the limitations of mind and but i think greatness is the capacity to see life accurately and to rise above the stories and to connect here now with what's most true and real.

1:34:52And as well, I think greatness is also just the magnanimous of the goodness and attributes of, I suppose, gratitude for the ride, for the path, for the experience. You know, life is, it's an experience and it's meant to be lived and experienced. And that doesn't mean it's meant to be perfect. It's meant to be experienced. And I don't know. I think that that's just, that's a beautiful thing that can often be missed. So thanks so much for being here. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links.

1:35:36And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.