Bert Kreischer on Selling Out Stadiums, Following Your Dreams & Perfecting Your Craft EP 1453

25:44How do I do this? Like, can someone help me? Because I was funny. I knew I was funny. But you got to go like, I got to learn. I want to learn. But there's an art to stand up and comedy versus a group of five buddies and telling jokes and just having people laugh at you. Completely different. Or, I mean, let's be honest. with the guys I grew up around, just calling your friend gay. Right. That was like, that was the sense of humor. Right. Look at him, look at this shirt, you know, like, and it doesn't translate. You got to figure out, I mean, number one, you got to find your voice. Well, number one, you got to learn the craft a little bit.

26:14You got to figure out how to write a joke and learn how to write a joke and learn how to, learn stage presence, learn how to think quick on your feet. There's a lot, be comfortable on stage. There's a lot of that that goes on. And then after you get all that, you got to find your voice. And that's going to take you longer. How did you find your voice? And was it different than what you were in college for those years? So what's interesting is that I had my natural voice the very first time I got on stage. Really? A hundred percent. Was closer today to where I was that first time than ever in my life.

26:43What happened is I moved to New York and comedy wasn't doing what my natural voice was. I was more of a storyteller and New York was very set up punch very crowd worky very quick on your feet very very uh improv-y but like trick improv like uh you ask someone a question but you already have the punch line and then and then you could like trick people to think you came up with it on the fly and it's it was like that and so I had to learn that and I had to learn crowd work interesting and then I moved to LA and I got further away from my voices I learned real set punch like like uh i don't i'm trying i wish i could remember one of them but you know you know what cops hate when you touch their faces like and then that was that was me and then i took it on the road and and i got a little better but i was always sort of derivative of what else you were seeing and i think that was a lot of us comics were we're all derivative we're all derivative of dane if we're gonna be very candid dane and david tell and mitch edberg with like the guys Right.

27:43Dane was like a god back in the day, right? I mean, I saw him a couple weeks ago at the club, and he's still just so powerful. He's so good. And he can extend a story for like 15 minutes and keep you hooked. He's so good. There's no joke yet. It just keeps telling it and building it. He's amazing. But I think podcasting helped me find my voice. Really? Yeah. But you started in 2012, right? Well, I started whenever Rogan started. I started doing my podcast a couple years after Rogan, but I started doing Rogan's podcast when he's, you know, right the first year he was doing it. Yeah. And I remember going in with jokes to do his podcast the first time.

28:22Interesting. And this was like 10 years ago or something, right? This is 12 years ago. It's going to be 13. Yeah. 11 years ago. And he... You came in with jokes. And this is my impression of Joe. Huh? because you don't tell a joke to another comedian. You would never run. I'd never fly a joke by you. Or I might go like, hey, let me ask you. Have you heard something like this? I'll do that. But I would never like really tell you a joke as a comic. Why not? It just isn't. It's not. That is against the law in our business. What are the unwritten rules in comedy? You do not run a bit by another comic and think they're not going to catch it or smell it.

29:04Like I remember Patrice O 'Neal. someone was doing a bit and he goes are you doing a bit to me right now you think i'm gonna sit and listen to a bit wow out in front of the club do it on stage don't do in front of me gross and i told rogan a bit about on his show on his show i said it and then i watched it started to fall apart and then i was like i was like i was like you know never mind he's like no tell me jump in the story whatever finish it i go i don't think you'd like it he goes tell me why not why would I like it Joe is like Joe's like my wife just brutally honest and you're like good god I'm so uncomfortable right now no tell me why don't you like you're a fan he goes just tell me the thing and then I told it to him and he goes I like it okay and then I was like okay this is not jokes this is not jokes this is not morning radio this is going to be two friends talking and having a conversation and at best the best of two friends talking is when people go hey did you hear about that time Joe and you're like, wait, what?

30:07Or, Hey, did you hear about the time a pizza box or I fought a bear? And that was what, and that was what worked on Joe's podcast was my dad's on speed and he's been putting pregnant women's under his tongue. And he's like, wait, tell me more. And then you're like, okay. Or, or I got, I got, I had this weird interaction with a bellman and then I told her on Joe's story and then all of a sudden that became a bit. And then I'm like, oh. And so I started developing bits based on a real authentic conversation like I would have had in high school, like I would have had in college, like I did the first time on stage.

30:38I started having these authentic conversations. And then I got known for a little bit. I was like, hey, next time I'm on, do you want me to tell you about the time I got involved with the Russian Mafia? And he's like, wait, what? I was like, I'll tell you when next time I'm on. That's a good promo. And then a week later, he's like, dude, you got to come on and tell me the story. And so then that's when I found my authentic voice. Interesting. What is your authentic voice, if you could voice it? I think it's a little bit Florida. I think there's this, and this is way overthinking it, but there's a little bit of the wild men that went through Florida that I have a little bit of all of them a little bit in me.

31:20I have a little bit of Meathead, a little bit of Moron, a little bit of Carl Hiaasen, a little bit of Ernest Hemingway, a little bit of this weird Florida eclectic man that is the Florida man. And it's like, my stories are a little outrageous the way you would hear in Florida. Because no one, no one told you, no one just told you facts. They told you the story they told, they would, they wanted you to, I mean, I remember older men when they'd tell a story and, and they, and they have words like monstraza and you're like, I don't even know what that means, but I know what you're saying. You know, like, you know, like, and, and like our, our, our, our, our baseball coaches growing up would just tell you these stories back in the day when I was playing ball and this and this.

32:06And they were ball busters and they were men and they'd fist fight, but they drank and they chewed tobacco and they thought you were weak if you didn't chew tobacco. And like, I feel like, and then, and then juxtapose, juxtapose all of that with my father, who's a very pretty straight-laced Brooks Brothers-wearing Democrat in a sea of Republicans. Wow. Very, very, very, to this day, very progressive. Huh. To this day. If you, like, and he is very, he's very humble. His mantra in life is eat cash checks. Wow. Instilled that into me to a fault. And, but I think I'm a little bit of Florida. I think I fit in in Florida.

32:47I think I, people get my energy in Florida, you know? Like, and I think, I think that's how we grew up with the crazy and wild stories. Sure. You know? Like, I'm definitely not in New York. Right. I'm definitely not in LA. How long have you been out here now? I've been out here like 20, I was since 2000, so. Wow. 23 years. After college, you went to New York for a little bit? Went to New York, got discovered by Will Smith, did the bi-coastal thing for like two years, like 97, 98, 99. And then 2000, booked a TV show and moved out here full time. Still did the big coastal thing, but never went back.

33:28Right. Booked a TV show and then started living out here. And I mean, it's funny, I was just telling someone the other day, I never, sometimes if you're like, we didn't have any civic pride in Tampa. Like there's no, no one's like proud to be from Tampa. Now I am. But like when I was a kid, it was like, I thought I belong in LA. Like, I really thought I belonged in California. And my first time in California, I was here. I was right where we are right now. Literally right here. Over at the mall right there. Yeah. I was there. You know how unattractive this area is. It's very sterile. It's getting a little better, but yeah.

34:00It's great. I call my dad. Corporate. It's 98. I call my dad, and I go, I'm going to live here for the rest of my life. Really? And I was here. In the corporate world, it wasn't even beautiful. It wasn't even beautiful. I haven't seen the good parts yet. Wow. I'd driven from LAX to here. Why did you have that feeling? the energy the air the temperature the vibe everything and then and then when winter rolled in and it got windy and cold and i was like but not too too cold and the mornings would be like a little brisk but then they cooled down comes out and then when the rain showed up everyone got excited it's raining it was like well it rained every day in tampa i hated rain but then all of a sudden out in la like it's raining and if you ever got thunder you'd be like how lucky are we right i loved it i loved it i loved it i would go out to the beach every single day when When I first moved here, I'd go out to the beach and run on the beach.

34:47I'd drive from the Hollywood Hills to the beach to do a jog and drive home. I loved LA. I still love it. I still love it. It's hard to beat it. It's hard to beat it. I mean, I grew up in Ohio. Great people. Great, you know, all four seasons though. Super muggy in the summer, very cold in the winter. You deal with it, but it's not perfect weather like this every day. Every day. I know so many people have gone to Florida in the last three years. I can't do it there. It's so muggy. I was just there the other day. I have to shower three times a day just to walk outside. I was just there the other day.

35:21And, you know, something will happen, you know, wherever you are. It's like you work out, you take a shower, and then you still sweat for a little bit. In Florida, you never stop sweating. You're all day. You have to carry a towel. You have to carry a towel. Yeah. And I remember my assistant was with me, and he's like, this is unlivable. And I go, bro, I had swamp for the first 18 years of my life. I had to wear khakis to school every single day. Yeah, it's Florida. That's what I don't understand. Damn, people are like, it's incredible. There's no taxes. You can do whatever. You're freedom. Oh, there's so many predators.

35:50You got alligators. You got lightning. You got sharks. You got poisonous animals. Hurricanes. Tornadoes show up. Florida's like, the fact that you come out of Florida makes you a strong person. I mean, look at Germany. They got no predators. They don't even have wolves. Right. They got nothing. They got nothing. Those people are so soft. The Germans are, you know, they die in Australia like every day. Like nine Germans die a day. Really? Dude, they go to Australia and they're like, dude, look at this water. It's so nice. I'll just jump in. What's that a big loser? Oh, no. I wonder if I can pet him.

36:23Yeah, German. Every sign in Australia is written in English and in German. Come on. Really? I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. I didn't have this. No predators. They got no predators. If you go over the world with no predators, no predators, then you just look at the, like, every, like, why would I ever check the grass for snakes? I check every day of my life. I walked into my backyard and I looked where I stepped. Because when you step on a snake once, you never enjoy the grass again. Oh, man. Step on a snake once. I stepped on a snake one time. Stepped on a snake and then I'm telling you, I sprinted.

36:54Gators? Oh, no. I couldn't do it, man. We go water skiing. You felt water skiing? No one was ever like, no one was ever like, that was fun. You were like, get me. Wait, you can go water skiing in Florida? I didn't know you could go with those gators there. Oh. It's the water skiing capital of the world. Isn't it gator infested waters? Gator infested waters. I was 11 and my dad was like, have fun water skiing. That is the perfect size for a gator to fit you in its mouth. Wait a minute. What are you kidding, dude? Our lightning is so bad we can't even have giraffes at our zoo. Are you serious? No, that would be a serious thing.

37:31Imagine how scary that would be, though. Oh, man. So, water skiing, I didn't even know it was possible. Oh, yeah. I thought it was like they just made the lakes and then gated it so there's no animals in the water. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I would never go in it. I would never go water skiing in the lake. There's gators in every lake in Florida. And people are skiing. And they're 13-foot gators. Remember when that - How do you get in the water? There was a kid that got attacked in Disney. Yeah. And everyone was like, can you believe it? I go, 100%. Yeah. We never went to a lake at night.

38:04Never went to a lake at night. They're sitting there waiting for you with the little eyes. You never went in the lake at night, mother. No. And then our oceans, New Smyrna Beach, shark attack capital of the world, of the world. Dudes get bit on the reg. Come on. All the time. All the time. Shark attack capital of the world. Google, just Google aerial view of Florida beaches and then type in sharks. And you will see one fat dude from Pennsylvania sit in the water, and 90 sharks around him. Holy cow. You will see, there was a dude that went kiteboarding. Kiteboarding failed. Sharks just ate him.

38:42Come on. Dude, that's Florida. So when you grow up in that, when you grow up in that, I think it creates a different person. A little bit of anxiety. A little bit of anxiety. Like, I'm hyper-aware of sharks. I'm hyper-aware of gators. I'm hyper-aware of the weather. I'm literally, dude, I knew dudes that got struck by lightning. I knew one dude that got struck by lightning twice. In Florida? In Florida. Holy cow, man. Dude, lightning was very real. And our parents would just drop us off on the golf course at like 10 o 'clock. The pause of the air. And be like, you guys play two rounds of golf.

39:16We'll grab you at four. You play one round of golf, go in, get a root beer, get a cheeseburger. Then you come back out, play another round, and that's when the rain comes in. Anyone from Florida right now is going, oh, it starts raining around two or three. Every day it rains and two or three thunderstorms roll through. Every day in the summer. and our parents just left us out with steel rods and go, go in this field. Good luck. Hopefully I'll see you at four. It was, dude, I'm trying. I wish I could work a bit out of it. I feel like you're working on one right now. This is good, man. It's so true that like you start realizing, I was on a hike with, I was on a hike with my daughter Isla.

39:49My daughter Isla says some really insightful things sometimes in her own little weird way. How old is she? I don't know. She's 16. Yeah. She's 16. and uh and she uh she's hyper aware of like of like snakes and spiders especially black widow spiders are really bad in the valley oh yeah oh yeah I just moved to Studio City oh oh brother take your Adirondacks and flip them upside down you'll see little white balls underneath it it's all the babies it's all the black widow spider webs that's where they put in your Adirondacks if you have one of those stop at Rock City little mailboxes all in I mean they're bad so we're in Hawaii with the family we're on a hike and we're with this guide and he is like super like casual and Isla is everywhere and he's like very laid back it was like he got really high and he was like he's like I'm not going to do the Hawaiian accent because it won't sound Hawaiian it'll just sound racist he's like well I don't even know what it sounds like and he says to and Isla goes aren't you worried about snakes and he goes we don't have snakes in Hawaii.

40:56She goes, you don't have snakes in Hawaii? And I went, no. She goes, well, that explains everything. And he goes, what? And then she looks at me, she goes, I've been wondering why this guy's so relaxed. He didn't grow up with snakes. And she goes, can you imagine that, dad? Never worrying about a snake. And then I thought, just casually, every time we play softball in our front yard and the ball rolls under the bushes and you stick your hand in there, it's that flash Gordon moment where you're like, am I getting bit by a snake? Right. Like, and my whole life. And if you grew up in Hawaii and you just, hands in bushes.

41:30You put your whole face in there. The whole face. I wonder what's back here. Hey, let's flip these rocks over. This is hilarious, man. Here's what I'm fascinated by. You've got three shows. You know, you've got three, essentially two podcasts, a YouTube show. I don't know how you do those three. You got a Netflix special right now, which is hilarious. You got the machine movie in theaters and you got a world tour coming up. I don't understand how you were mentioning before we started about how you aren't really doing therapy right now because every day you're talking about yourself. Yeah. How do you manage really staying healthy, happy, keeping up your relationships while doing so many incredible projects all at once and having to be on to promote them all and come up with great, you know, promos and hooks and just be on constantly?

42:15How do you manage it all? Well, it's interesting. it's interesting so like so the hardest part is that all the promotion stuff is a hat you wear like it's your brain is in that mode and staying healthy is oddly enough is not and I'm not the most healthy guy in the world but like as I cough even like mental health and just you know relationship health so I try to stay super grounded in like just how lucky I am like I it's gonna sound super silly but like Rob Dyrdek did this talked about this. I love Rob. He's, he talked about this, like, uh, quantifying his happiness one day. Yep. Yep. He measures it all every day.

42:53It's I'm not that guy. It's unbelievable. So I draw, I draw a lot of inspiration from people that are totally not like me at all. Like David Goggins and Rob Dyrdek and yeah. And, and Cam Haynes and, and like, you know, I can't do, um, half a marathon every day like Cam does, but one day I just go and I'm going a full cam. Let's go half a marathon today. Let's just do 12 miles on the treadmill. Let's have from um rogan is a great inspiration uh jesse itzler he's great i just texted with him last night i think i'm gonna do you go to hell the hill yeah no no no i'm gonna do the run 29.29 or the all day running the whatever the one is the party one dude yeah it's gonna be a blast and so um so from rob dierdak i got this i actually figured out i'd heard of gratitude my whole life but i figured out how to quantify gratitude and really yeah i started keeping this thing called a happiness journal.

43:42I started writing down things that made me happy and then writing down things that didn't make me happy. And then going like, okay, let's identify the happy things. And then let's start doing more of those. Even if there's stuff that's out of my comfort zone, super silly, like super easy to quantify. I was like, I know making dinner for my breakfast for my daughters makes me very happy. And having breakfast with them makes me even happier. One morning, I know that I read it down in my happiness journal. One morning I'm hungover. It's seven in the morning. girls are in the kitchen and I hear them and I'm like, I'm going back to bed.

44:12And I go, hold on. I've proven that making them breakfast makes me happy. So let's just make them breakfast. I get up, I make them breakfast. We start laughing. I kind of forget that I'm hungover entirely. George is like, you want to go for a hike? And I go, I know that makes me happy. We go for a hike and then I go for a hike and I feel amazing. And I'm like, and so, and then I started listening a little more to Rob Dyrdek and I can't apply everything he does because I'm not totally that guy, he's, he's very dialed in. But I really started quantifying gratitude and trying to be grounded, grounded in gratitude and, and, and place that gratitude and, and, and understand that anything from the outside is just stuff from the outside.

44:52And like, and like, and for, as far as mental health, I stay off all social media apps. Like I don't really like, I don't read comments and I don't read, I stay away from it and it'll creep in at times. Like you can't help it. Sure. Like you'll, you'll slip in and you're like, God dang it. Like, uh, like YouTube. And I'm like, and I'm, I'm so promoting myself. I'm everywhere right now. I can't open an app without seeing your face. I'm everywhere. And I'm still, I'm like, I'm like, okay. So I've been totally off my phone entirely. I've, I like, I almost entirely. And then, uh, and just, and my wife's pretty regular, like pretty regular, like, like, yo, be a dad right now.

45:29And so she's grounded. Yeah, and I'm very, as far as everything else, I wake up every morning at probably like 6 in the morning and I work out really hard. I have a trainer that comes to my house and I work out really hard. Not as hard as Wahlberg, but pretty hard. Not as hard as Wahlberg, no. We got to do an F45 class, Seth. Dude, I'm in. I'd love to. I would love to. So when I have that hat on of promoting stuff, the problem is when you're doing stand-up, you got to put on a totally different hat where all you think about is jokes all day long. One's a marketing hat, another one's an actually entertainer joke performance full hour hat, which is a whole another skill set.

46:08Well, it's a whole another skill set and it's all kind of found a little bit. Like for me, my material's a little found. It's not like crafted. It's more like I stumble on something and then you roll with it. Yeah, and then I roll with it. And so that for me, I just got to book spots and that's the hardest part is you work all day long. last thing you want to do is go to a club and wait until midnight to go on. But like I do that. Like when I go to Austin to do our podcast, I'll do Rogan's club. And then I'm off the grid. I'm not, I don't have to feel like I'm away from my kids. Um, how do you set yourself up to get in the pocket when you're on stage?

46:45Like if you could remember the times where you're like, man, I was just in the zone, the flow, the pocket. Was there a process for getting in there that day or that hour before, or that week that allowed you to get the, the best possible chance? Cause obviously you got the energy of the crowd. You got to deal with other situations, but for you to be in there where it's just like, man, this is, everything is landing. What does that process look like? Um, you can never, even on your like best day, we're like, man, I'm, I'm firing hot all day. Wait till this happens on stage. You still bomb. And then you're like, wait, where did that come from?

47:20Um, and then on days where you're like, I'm not feeling it. I don't want to go to the club. And then you have like the best set of your life. The only on the road, I have a little bit of a schedule. I like to work out around 4. I like to take a nap around 5.30. I like to wake up at like 7. I like to start drinking coffee around 7.30. I don't have coffee all day long. I like to have it right before I go on stage. That's really helpful. Really? Yeah, a cup of coffee is really helpful. I heard nicotine really helps too. A lot of my friends are all using nicotine before they go on stage or while they're on stage.

47:53But I'm not going to do that. But coffee right before I go on stage really helps. I have little things that I do. So if I'm pretty thick in an hour, like say 16th month into an 18-month run of getting ready for an hour, I like to get drunk or high when I go on stage, like pretty lit. Why is that? Because it's nice to fuck up what is a very rote material, like material that you've been doing. Oh. This is my beginning. This is my thing. It's good to be a little fucked up and be in a club, not in the theater, but be a little fucked up and screw things up because it forces you to think on the fly and it forces you to rethink things that were like, it's, it's, it's almost like, like painting blind and just, and then taking the blindfold off and going, Oh, well, what is that?

48:40Um, as some of my best bits were bits that were doing just fine. And then I tried them once drunk and they go sideways. And then I'm like, wait, I gotta fix that on the fly. And then I go, wait, I probably took this bit and you're thinking it's forcing you in the moment. Yeah. I like to do that. But for the most part, I really enjoy... This is going to sound not like the answer anyone wants to hear. But I like a little structure and I don't like to be drunk on stage. I like to be sober on stage. I like to have coffee on stage. I don't mind having a drink on stage, but to go on stage drunk's never like a winning recipe for me.

49:14Right. And how do you keep your confidence up? How do you build the confidence, keep it up if something's not going your way on stage. Oh, that's part of the... I don't know if this is fool's gold, but that's... You kind of need things to not go right on stage to know you're going in the right direction. Really? Yeah. Anyone who's killing every time they go on stage, they're not taking enough chances. And not risking. Yeah, you got to risk things and you got to fail. And you got to fail epically at times. and you got to fail like... It took me like a solid year to get the machine story to work at all.

49:53You kept trying and it just wasn't working. Dude, we're talking about... This is back when I toured clubs. So we're talking about six shows a weekend, working 40 weekends a year. And then at the end of that year, I kind of got it where it started working. Because you're doing what, 10, 15 minute segments? No, no, no. I was doing an hour. An hour, six times a weekend. Six times a weekend. Holy cow. And it wasn't for a year, it wasn't landing. Wasn't landing. How do you, why do you keep doing it when you know? Because you know it's there. You know it's there. You know it's there. Even though it's bombing every time or there's no laughs.

50:24There's always something, there's always something where you go, this is God. Like it's, it's a, I had a joke about Confederate statues that I'm still never told on a special, but it was a really, I knew there was something there. I didn't know what the joke was, but I knew there was something there. And it, it was like nine different ways of racist before it got to work. But I knew something was there. And when I finally solved it, I went, I got it. And it's a great joke. It's a great joke. And if it is anything, it's very progressive. But you got to figure out the ones that, you got to just break the eggs to make the omelet.

50:59You can't just make an omelet with no shells anywhere. Is there any joke that you thought was there that you haven't figured out yet over the years? Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch. Yeah. There's a bunch. and do you still feel like it could be there? Oh, there's one I figured out last week in Austin that I've been chewing on for like 10 years. Come on, 10 years you've been thinking about it? 10 years. And then I got it. You try it every now and then once every couple of years? I got it and it would get like a smash. The statement in and of itself was working, but nothing around it was working.

51:34Ah. The punchline was working, you mean, or like? No, the concept. The concept. The concept was there. I just couldn't figure out how to tell it. And it was based on a true story. And I couldn't figure out the thing. And I'd always had it. And I remember I said it to Segura one time. And he laughed hysterically. He's like, is that a bit? I was like, no, but I said it at a Chinese New Year's party. And it killed when I said it. And then I told him the story. And he goes, shut the fuck up. And he's like, are you doing that? I was like, I can't get it to work. Because you tried it in a club. You tried it and it just came off.

52:12You got to find, there's sometimes with some jokes, especially, you know, anything a little edgier, you got to find the lubricant to get it there. And you got to find the friendliness. Like, I had another joke. There's two jokes in this new hour that, one I wrote, probably, the child that it happened to now has a kid. So it had to be like, probably 13 years ago. 13 years ago, I had an experience with this child. He's not an adult. He has a child. He's bigger than I am. And I had an experience with him 13 years ago that made me giggle. And then the word that he used to talk to me. And then my wife one day said something about how she had dated a cousin and found out at a family reunion.

53:04And I was like, huh? and she said something that made me laugh like what her dad said to defend it was hilarious and then i was like oh if i can marry okay i'm gonna i'm gonna tell these as one so you just you know it's almost like keeping like really good notes about your ideas and then going back and going like oh that that can work now or i'm a better comic and now i can get that to work and that's a lot of it is like you've got more reps now you get your big you come in better comic and you can figured that there was a story that happened to me there was a story that happened to me um when i was when i was 25 years old that was just a hilarious story it was a it was a simple interaction a phone call and that was it i tried telling it 25 years ago and nothing and the other night i told in austin and mark norman came up to me he goes that's the best story i've ever heard Come on.

54:03Swear to God. Now, is it a better story because you told a better story or is it because you are who you are? People love you. They know you. They think it's funnier because you've got the platform and the specials and the movie and you're just a funny guy. I think you get more confidence on stage. I think it's exactly as funny as it was 25 years ago. It's the same story. It hasn't changed at all. At all. It's more your energy that you bring to it. I think it's your energy and I think your confidence. Like, look, if you watch Dave Chappelle, who's the greatest at what we do, he's changed. He's grown as a comic to now he can open a show singing Prince.

54:43He opened a special quoting Prince, and you're just like, oh, that's amazing. Whereas maybe if he did it 20 years ago, you would have been like, what the f*** are you doing? Right. Yeah, I think you'd be, I remember Louie saying that. You become a better comic, and then you look at bits that you couldn't get to work, and then you're like, oh, I can get that to work. Interesting. So is building confidence for you all about the reps, or is there other ways to build confidence, especially in the world of comedy? I think it's about the reps. I think it's about getting confident on stage and being really comfortable on stage.

55:13I think as a young comic, I came in going like, I'm going to be aggressive, I'm going to be this, I'm going to be that. And then I got older and I was like, oh, I don't need to be that guy. I can be a guy who tells you just what his life's about and talks about his own personal experiences. Yeah. There's some, there's some great people that do that on stage today in your mind. And I don't want you to single anyone out cause I know there's lots of great comics, but, and people just in comedy, but who are two or three that really inspire you today? Or maybe that resonate with you in a special way, um, today.

55:45Uh, well, I mean, David tells my favorite comic there is David tells the best comic that's, I was talking to Segura about him last night and he was like, you know, he's in Austin and I went down and he goes, I just went down to watch him. He was like, and I said to him, I forget how great you are. And I'm on tour with Dave on fully loaded. And I just, I do it because I like watching him. His brain is so different than anyone's. And he's such a master at our craft. Chappelle's, Chappelle's, I mean, that's hand in hand is those two. Chris Rock. Chris Rock's the reason I got into comedy, you know?

56:17Yeah. Bring the pain. Oh my God. And then there's a ton other ones you know that are fantastic bill burrs are brilliant i mean he's brilliant brilliant i mean legit brilliant you know like there's no like it's in there again there's a ton more i mean nate bargotsi mark norman shane gillett there's dudes younger than me that i go watch out these guys are monsters wow yeah and you like nate bargotsi can get you can get you to laugh about eating like he can tell you about eating a cracker and you cry laughing What is the thing that you're the most proud of that maybe a lot of people wouldn't think you're that proud of or they don't know about?

56:56Something maybe that you don't talk about too much that you're really proud of, whether you do or you've done or you haven't done. This is so stupid. So sometimes you see something you did and you go, oh, I forgot. Like, I'm pretty funny. Like, because you forget, like, you do a special or you do a movie and, you know, I did this thing called What Will the Maid Think when I was working on Travel Channel. I would leave hotel rooms. The maid? What would the maid think? What would the maid think? It was a hashtag I'd use. And I'd leave hotel rooms in interesting fashions. I'll show you some on my phone.

57:35And every now and then I'll see one and I'll go, I forgot that was me. Huh. Like that's legit funny. That's legit funny. And I would do it and I would make myself giggle. And then I would laugh throughout the day about it. And I'd leave a hotel room like it, leave a nice tip, but I would laugh hysterically. And so every now and then I see it and I go, what would the maid think? What will the maid think? And I see them and I go, so, and I forget, oh, that's me. so like i'm gonna okay this was the very first one i ever did okay very simple my god i just put my shoes behind the curtain yeah and left holy cow right every now and then i go like i like i'm so self-promoting so so much especially with all these projects that every now and then i'll see something something that'll show up and i'll go sometimes i was just funny just for funny sake right sometimes like some of the most brilliant things are the things that no one really knows about but you did it for yourself i look at that and every now and then i go i was just a funny dude like a really organically funny guy yeah like when i talk to my friends from college and they tell stories about me the ones that i'm not telling everyone else you know like you're just doing it like it was i remember we had we had theta homecoming and we were in chapter and so they told us the other night they were like do you remember when you got kicked out of chapter at a Theta chapter, and I was like, I definitely remember.

59:08The president said, you know, we got homecoming coming up, but I made a joke. And everyone laughed. And he was like, hey, let's not, we're trying to get through this. For real. Theta homecoming. And I made another joke. And he goes, hey, I'm being dead serious. I hear one more joke about Theta or homecoming, and you're out of here. And it's quiet. And he sits down. He goes, all right, are we ready to start? And under my breath, I go, two Thedas walk into a bar. And the place. And I was like, but you forget about these. Like, when you were genuinely funny, not for a TV show, not for social media, just being funny, and everyone doubled over, and it was just for that group.

59:52Those are the times where I, like, when, like, people tell stories about me that I grew up with or something, and they're like, do you remember that? And I'll be like, oh, man. I saw that What Would Have Made thing and I did it and I just posted it there was no viral thing when I was doing that. Tribal Channel hated it. I think you should bring that back. I like that. Bring that back to Instagram. I liked that. When I was good at it I was good. Oh man I liked that a lot. I was good. That's a good I haven't done it in forever. Dude you gotta bring that back this tour. What happened is the hotels started expecting it so i get to my room and there'd be 30 towels 45 pillows oh wow a ton of toilet paper they'd be like leave us something and then i'd be like panicked anxiety of like how do i outdo the last one and then they started doing it to me i'd get there and my bedroom replaced by a white water rafting raft and they'd have mannequins all over my room kind of cool it was a good content now though yeah well uh caverns of the winds i think yeah i mean that should be on this next tour oh yeah next tour i live in a tour bus now right right i'll be doing it to myself I'm curious about, there's so many great comedians that bring laughter and joy to the world, but there must also be a dark side to comedy or to comedians.

1:01:11There must be pain that comedians go through, suffering, sadness, loneliness, insecurities, doubt. Can you speak about the dark side of comedy if there is that? I mean, look, I don't want to dictate how people think about comics, but I think there's something inherent in every comic where he or she felt like a little bit like an outsider looking in. Maybe a little bit of bullying that happened. They were bullied. Yeah, they were bullied or they felt like an outsider. I always felt, I still in this business always felt like an outsider. Really? Yeah, I never had industry praise. The industry, when I was young, I was never on the top 10 comics to watch.

1:01:55I was never given the half hour comedy central special when everyone got them. I, I kind of always had to make my own way, which I think is inherent in every comic. You feel like you have to make your own way. And I think everyone, I don't, I don't know if I have like a real sincere darkness. I don't think I do, but I know I deal with anxiety and I deal with like a little bit of OCD and I don't say depression, but not really like not someone who's watching now. I have it. I don't have that. I was bullied, you know, a fair amount as a kid. Just regular back school then, like 1980s bullying that happened.

1:02:31But I think every comic has a little bit of an outsider's view, I think. And that's why they're funny is they see things a little bit differently than everyone. And you don't want your kids to go through it. You don't want any kid to go through it. But sometimes you'll see a kid going through stuff and you'll be like, that kid's going to be a great comic. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, where you're like, so wait, so wait. Like, I mean, I remember, and it's just like, just little things that set an example on you where you're like, here's how we're dealing with life. Like, I had closing ceremonies for Little League Baseball, and I did make the All-Star team that year.

1:03:03I was young. That year I was young. I was in the young kids group. And there was an All-Star game that day. And the coaches were like, hey, we need your uniform. I was like, huh? He was like, you can turn in your uniform. I was like, I'm not keeping this? And he's like, no, no, no, we keep them. Turn it in. I was like, all I have is a Speedo on. He was like, oh, that's what you're wearing. And so then for an entire All-Star game, I had to watch an All-Star game in a Speedo, knee-high socks, stirrups, cleats, a glove and a hat. And I was Magic Mike. And I was like... You're like, what, six or seven years old?

1:03:36Eight. They would have let you take it home, bring it back tomorrow? I might have been 10 because I wasn't 11. 11 is when I got my teeth knocked out. I was on the All-Star team that year. I was 10 years old. How did that let you take it home? I just sat there, and I had to watch a whole R-Star game. I sat in the toilet by myself in the bathroom at Forest Hills Baseball, and I sat there just, like, mortified. Mortified that I was like, no one else is wearing Speedos. No one else is wearing this outfit. And I'd walk around with people like, what's up with this? And I'd be like, hey, what's up? How you doing?

1:04:06And I think that you don't want that for your kid. No. But if you want your kid to be a comedian, you need to have a couple of those. A couple of those moments. Do you think if comedians in general went to therapy consistently, worked on healing the traumatic events from the past, would they be funnier or would they be less funny? No, you'd be funnier. It's stuck on you. It's stuck on you forever. I've made my therapist literally spit coffee out of his nose. And then I write it down. I'm like, I'm talking about that on stage. Right. Like, yeah, it's stuck on you forever. The way you see the world is different, especially when you're a comedian.

1:04:38Once you become a comedian, your brain shifts into a different parallel universe where everything's a joke. Everything's a joke. You're looking for the joke in just about anything. You're at a funeral and you're thinking, what's funny about this? I mean, my grandmother was dying. She was having congestive heart failure. And I'd never seen my uncle or my dad cry. And they called me up and they're like, yo, grandma's dying. And I was like, okay. And then I come over to the hospital. And so I get there and both men have their heads in the curtains because they're holding back emotion. And my grandmother's laying there and she goes, Bert.

1:05:11I said, Grandma, how are you feeling? She goes, not good. My back hurts. And I said, well, what do you want me to do? She goes, would you rub it? And I went, yeah. And I go to rub her back and I'm looking at my dad and my uncle. And they're looking at me going like, it's so, they don't have what I have that I can hold it together and give her comfort. And they're both looking at me. and then I said, Grandma, I think someone dropped a tissue behind you because I'm breaking up a tissue behind your back. And she goes, that's my skin. And I watch my dad and my uncle just... He's like, he's rubbing skin on my back.

1:05:47And they start laughing and then I'm laughing and we're all three laughing our ass off. And she goes, rub it harder. And my dad's like, he's going to rub it harder. He's going to rub it harder. The three of us are crying. Oh my gosh. But even in that moment when my grandmother's dying, I go, I remember saying, well, I'm a better comic. That'll be a bit. Like, I'm not ready for that now. And I'm not ready for it soon. But when I figure it out. Wow. When my dad dies or something, you know, like when, like it's got to be, got to be later. Man, how do you, how can you tap into vulnerability though?

1:06:23Or is that a thing that? Dude, I sit in vulnerability. I sit, I live in vulnerability. I put myself out there. Sure. So much. But I mean, emotionally. Are you able to sit in vulnerability without it being a joke at the same time? No, I lay in vulnerability. I tell everyone everything about myself, every aspect of my life. I say everything on podcasts. I tell them everything. I tell them I want my wishes, what I like, literally everything. And I hope that people are responsible with it and gentle. Some people aren't. Some people take that as like you show a little bit of your neck and they go for it.

1:06:58And some people appreciate it. and they're like, yo, thanks for talking about what you're talking about. Thanks for talking about anxiety. Thanks for talking about your drinking. Thanks for talking about you and your wife's sex life. Thanks for talking about your shortcomings as a dad. I really appreciate that. Other people are like, yo, he's a dad. And he's just some alcoholic who tells the same story. You hear those and they hurt your feelings. And you go, I guess it's my fault. I've overshared. I've overshared. I've given them ammunition to hurt me. And I have to live by that sword and die by that sword.

1:07:28But I just know that when you do connect with someone and maybe you take someone from a place that isn't so great to like a little bit better place by being open. And I know there's comics that have done that for me on podcasts. I know that they have. Rogan has. I know that that's invaluable. And so you just hope that you're flooding the market with good and you're helping more people. And then you're helping. I don't know. This is hilarious, man. I'm so glad you've been open and sharing today. You've got the Machine Movie, which is out now. I'm able to go watch that. That FX special is hilarious.

1:08:03Razzle, thank you. Thank you. You guys check it out. If you want to see the sexiest man on stage shirtless, check it out. World Tour coming up. You know, you got all your podcasts. We'll have everything linked up. How can we, before I get to the final two questions, how can we be on best service to you today? All right. Just, I don't know. I don't know. I hope you like me. And that's the saddest part is like, we've been talking about vulnerability. because I just want people to like me. Yeah. So I hope you like me and I hope you enjoy this conversation or I hope you draw something from it. And I hope we made you laugh a couple times and then if you like it, this is the rub.

1:08:38Yeah. If you liked it and you go, I wouldn't mind seeing more of that guy. Absolutely. Come see me live. That's what I do for a living. I do live comedy. That's my thing. I do live comedy. I'm on tour with Fully Loaded until mid-July. I'm on Top Soft World Tour from beginning of September till the end of December. I'll be touring the world again. Check out my specials and check out my movie and just see me live. That's the thing I do. Where can I get tickets? Go to BurtBurtBurt.com. Go to BurtBurtBurt.com. Three Burt's. B-E-R-T. Because four would be ridiculous. Yeah. Go to BurtBurtBurt.com. You can get tickets.

1:09:15All the tour dates are there. Everything. All the tour dates. We've got a full stacked schedule for the fall. We've got my cruise. We've got Red Rocks coming up. Wow. and fully loaded. I'm bringing 26 comics out on the road with me. We're alternating dates and having a blast. Live comedy is really important. I think people, it's going into a moment, it's having a moment right now. It's huge. And I love it. I love it. First time I saw it live, I was blown away and I was like, this is the most amazing thing in the world. This question I ask everyone at the end, it's a hypothetical scenario. Imagine it's your last day on earth many years away.

1:09:48So you're just, so we're giving you a heads up. Yes. If you do not want to see a grown man cry, I'm telling you, I get really emotional. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I get really emotional, especially when you think about towards your end of life or any of these things. So I'm just giving everyone a heads up, okay? Cut it off right now. Stop watching. Stop watching and go watch some face-jumping video. Oh, my God. I've been thinking about the end of life, yeah. Imagine you live as long as you want. Ooh, I love this. Live as long as you want. That's a great question. And you accomplish all your dreams.

1:10:24Yeah. Well, by the way, I've already accomplished a lot of dreams I didn't know I'd have. Right. But it's the last day, hypothetical scenario in the future. And for whatever reason, all the content you've created has to go to another place. It's not in this world anymore. It goes with you or it's erased or something, right? This conversation, all your specials, and everything you create from here to then, for whatever reason in this world, is gone. So no one has access to your content or information anymore. But you get to leave behind three final lessons, three final truths that you would share with the world before you got to turn the lights off for your own life.

1:10:59What would be those three truths that you would leave behind to us? The three truths would be life goes by way faster than you think.

1:11:19Slow down. That's number one.

1:11:28There's no place in this world for hate. It doesn't serve you. Find love, find laughter, find happiness and bathe in that. Get rid of that negative. It does not serve you. Yeah. And then the last one,

1:11:50the last one would be leave a mark. Leave a mark. Leave this world in a way that when you're gone, people think about you every now and then. I just drove by Buddy Hackett's house. That's where I blew out my tire. And I was still thinking about Buddy Hackett. Leave a mark. Leave a mark so people think about you. Not famous, but just people miss you. And they go, God, I wish you were still around. Leave a mark. Leave a mark. Yeah. Those are the three things. That's beautiful, man. I want to acknowledge you, Bert, before I ask the final question, for your realness, your authenticity, for you being vulnerable and also just being an incredible storyteller and bringing joy to the world.

1:12:34I think you're leaving a mark in a big way. I think your consistency over the last two decades of showing up and being of service to people in your unique way inspires people and brings them joy when they might be feeling bullied or hate or less than or whatever it might be. So I really acknowledge you for your gifts, your craft, and how you share it with the world. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, of course. My final question is what's your definition of greatness? Greatness is a silent trait.

1:13:11Ironic coming from me, it isn't one you have to tell people it's something they just witnessed, they smell and they know. You know when you see it, you know when you see it.

1:13:24it's effortless it's pure joy and it's inspiring

1:13:35and I think it's something we should all aspire to find our thing that makes us great you don't need to be a comedian, you don't need to be a movie star, you don't need to be a rock star to acquire greatness I grew up with a guy named Brad Racky, one of the best pitchers I've ever seen in my entire life, went on to play in the pros. He had greatness. You don't need to be that. You can just be great at being a dad. You can be great at being a PE coach. You can be great at being a baseball coach. You can be great at being a cop. You can be great at being a fireman. And you don't have to brag to anyone.

1:14:11It just shows up and people can sense it and they can see it and they can smell it. And then it inspires other people.

1:14:20and greatness is like true beauty. It's like the purest form of beauty and it's so soft and it sneaks up on you. And then when you're next to it, you're just like, God, you just want to stare at greatness. I've been lucky. I've been very lucky.

1:14:48to see greatness hit all over the spectrum. I've seen the greatest comic work. I've seen the greatest dad in the world, the greatest mom. I got the greatest wife in the world. I surround myself by greatness, hoping that it elevates me to just pretty good. But yeah, greatness is sexy, man. So sexy. Seek out that greatness and then surround yourself of greatness. It's so cool. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me, as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast.

1:15:36If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

1:16:11And now it's time to go out there and do something great.