Discover How ACTIVE LISTENING Can Change Your Life Forever

33:08Back then, it wasn't what it is today. So I'm going crazy for weeks and I can't find anybody named Yuri Hernandez anywhere. So I decided, let me go look at the white pages. People still know these. I'm sure you're still familiar with the white pages. Yeah, the yellow pages and the white pages. Putting on my acid wash jacket to flip through those. So we had the entire, you know, white pages going back, you know, like 100 years, actually, in our collection. So I go back and I started looking year by year. And I said, well, this boat, I think he arrived in 93. So I started looking in 94, 95, 96. And I couldn't find Yuri Hernandez.

33:41But somebody told me, he goes, you know, you're looking for the wrong name. His name is Yuri Cardente. Hernandez is a surname, his mom's name. When you come to the United States, you usually drop your second surname. Tell me about it. I'm like, man, this is. So I look up Yuri Cardin and there he is in the phone book. There's two addresses for him. I start calling. Back then, again, there's no cell phone. So the number you're calling is a landline. And why would he pick up the phone from nine to five when I'm at work when he's at work, right? Yeah. So I finally decide, let me go in person. So one day I leave work late.

34:14I wait till like 630. and it's in that little Havana neighborhood I grew up in. So on the way home, I stopped by this duplex and I knocked on his door. And he, this person, I knew it, I had his photo ID. He opens the door, kind of startled, like, what did I do? You know, who are you? Who are you? I hit my door. And here's something in the background. And I say, you know, Yuri, is this your wallet? And I open it up and he looks at it and then he just breaks down crying. That's his daughter. He left in Cuba. And he was the owner of this boat. and just one of those moments you know we both can get so emotional he goes that's my id where did you get this and i said we found this wallet in your boat and he goes what boat that boat was lost at sea when they rescued us so he goes on to tell me this amazing story which i'll paraphrase here because it's longer but so they wanted to leave cuba him and his brother and a friend of his and they start building this boat he worked in an auto part uh in a body shop fixing cars and every day he would steal or take home one little bolt or screw so they wouldn't notice that he was taking them wow and eventually he starts getting uh sheet metal from different abandoned cars in the streets and they start putting together this boat this frankenstein looking boat and it's all the sheet metal they can't weld it they can't do anything else so i had to screw it together with these bolts that he took each day and they find an old generator for a motor they They put this thing together.

35:41They launch it in the river, him and his brother and a friend. And in the dark of the night, they time when the patrol boards are going by on the coast so they won't get intercepted and caught. And they finally launch and it breaks down within like 100 feet. Wow. And they're devastated. After months and months of planning, they have this thing hidden under a tarp in their yard and they're scared of getting caught. They had said goodbye to their family already. He's leaving his wife and daughter behind. So they had to drag this thing back. They have no trailer. and they go looking for a part for the carburetor that broke down so they find someone that has the part and he says well i'll give you this part but you got to take me and my cousins and also but now it's five men on the small on this smaller boat and they launch again and they make it out to sea it's amazing they're out in the ocean they're trying to you know get on the straits because if you find the current it will just take you up along keys and along the coast of florida it's only 90 miles from launch point it's amazing so they um they get on there they're sitting on the gas cans the gas fumes are killing them he decides at one point to change to his swimming trunks takes his pants off that has his wallet inside rolls it all up and puts it under the center console and forgets about it right so they're drifting the boat breaks down they see a big freighter coming by like a day or two later you know there have been thunderstorms and sharks everywhere typical story and he says well there's a freighter approaching the freighter drops a rope ladder to rescue them and they're worried they say is this a soviet freighter is this a friendly freighter so he says i'll go i'll go up the rope ladder if it's friendly i'll wave you on if it's if it's not friendly if soviet i'll take my hat off my baseball cap and throw it into the ocean so he so that's the plan right he says if it is just start swimming do not get on get away from us so the uh scary so they so he starts climbing the rope ladder it turns out to i think it's like a danish or swedish ship it's friendly they take them on they bring them to the coast guard in the keys and back then the policy with the wet foot dry foot was that if you made to land or you were rescued you were allowed to stay in the united states so they they made it they get to the united States, their boat is left out in the Gulf somewhere in the straits, out in the straits of the Atlantic.

37:57And eventually it drifts and makes it to shore in the Keys. And the boat is found by someone and it's donated to the museum. Jorge. Holy moly that story. That story. And I'll tell you, back in July, we had our board meeting in D.C. And we actually had our board dinner at the museum. and so we took our entire board through uh through the exhibit and I gotta tell you there were um there were some real emotions being displayed and that story and so many other stories like that are being told in this exhibit so I would encourage anybody who if you happen to be in Washington DC please take the opportunity to visit the Museum of the American Latino it is It is certainly worth the time.

38:45Isn't that exhibit, it's called Presente, I think? And it's right now housed in the National Museum of American History, right? Correct. And it was certainly worth it. There are so many incredible stories. I mean, what really struck me about it was just these stories are just so incredibly human and relatable. And these are the kinds of stories that need to be elevated, that bring us together, that close these gaps and divisions between people. Because you cannot listen to that story and not feel the incredible desire and the love and the yearning to do anything to improve them. And the pictures of his kid.

39:27These are not one side or the other stories. These are human stories. Could you imagine seeing that photograph of your daughter who you had to leave behind? to it's just so heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. And I mean, I'm reluctant to add this coda, but I don't think it will surprise you. I saw in the news fairly recently, there was a Time article and there was a New York Times article about controversy surrounding our friend Jorge's efforts. It boils down to, so perhaps you know this. U.S. Bank funds is helping to fund the museum, but 50 percent of funding comes from the government.

40:16So that means Congress gets to vote on this. And there has been pushback from conservative Latinos in Congress. Some Republican Congress people have asked to put some exhibits that were planned. There was an exhibit planned about the civil rights, the Latin civil rights history of the 1960s. And that exhibit has been put on hold and a new one on salsa and Latin music is being developed in its place to be fair and to give voice to both sides. Conservative activists are adamant that Latinos should not be painted as victims of oppression and liberal activists and historians believe that Latinos fight against injustice is a vital part of their history.

41:13And it just, I mean, Greg, it just comes back to stories. Just tell all the stories. Tell the truth. This doesn't have to be a fight. Tell all the stories. Tell all the stories. And you use the word truth and that's really what's being debated right now, isn't it? what is true anymore and who's true. And who gets to tell it. And what's changed for me in such an incredibly beautiful way is what you just said, who gets to tell the history is what has changed. And so from my perspective, we have gotten more at the truth now because because it's not just a certain point of view that has been able to document the history, but now we're able to include more inclusive voices, different perspectives, lived experiences that actually are individual and collective truths.

42:17And there are some who don't want that to be shared. And that's what you and I get to do. That's what we do in the show. That's what we get to do. To add, it's not just letting new or invisible voices, if that's a thing, speak and amplifying them. It's also more, I would like to think more people are listening, right? Again, you can have all the stories in the world, but if people aren't listening, where are they landing? People are listening because they're looking for their stories to be told. They're looking for their voices and faces to be represented in every aspect of our culture and business and politics.

42:57People want to see themselves in their lived experiences reflected. And that, my friend, is the perfect segue to this next clip because it's about Rudy Valdez, the incredible director of a film that you're the executive producer of. I know a little bit about it. Award winning film. Yes, sir. And counting, winning and counting more, I think. This is Rudy talking about what it meant to him to listen to John Leguizamo. I was always somebody, even as a young kid who wanted to tell stories and wanted to be a part of that landscape and wanted a voice so badly. And, you know, I loved things like The Wonder Years and I love things like Stand By Me.

43:44And I love, you know, so many of these films that people are goonies, you know, that are pillars in, you know, the coming of age stories. But what I noticed at a very young age is there's nobody who looks like me in any of these. And that was very apparent to me. and um it was very frustrating to me as a young kid especially as I started to become an actor and and a writer and I really wanted to go out into the world and you know talk about a full circle moment you know when I I had a friend send me this or give me this VHS tape which was a bootleg uh recording of a one-man show called Freak by John Leguizamo and um I remember watching that and being in just absolute awe of what was happening on that stage.

44:31Here was somebody who looked like me, who was commanding the stage, who was entertaining and had everyone in the palm of his hand with his story, with his narrative and controlling his narrative. And that was one of the final straws in my life that was like, I didn't watch that and think, oh, I can do that. Like, I never thought that. But I watched it and I said, I know it's possible now. I know that that can happen. And so I dropped out of college and I left. I was like, I'm going to New York and I'm going to figure out how to have a voice and how to do some of these things. And that changed me.

45:16It truly changed something in me to say, you know, and that's why these stories that are emblematic of larger stories are important. Rudy's incredible. He's such a great storyteller, and I hope everyone has had an opportunity to see the film. And if you haven't, you can still watch it at translatorsfilm.com. It's the story of 11 million kids who currently translate everyday life for their families, and Rudy's the director. And U.S. Bank was proud to bring those stories to life. But Rudy touched on it perfectly. If you can't see it, then you don't believe it's possible. The kids themselves who are in the film, it follows three different kids and their families, expressed to you and me, I was lucky enough to be at a screening, that not until they saw themselves on screen in this film did they realize that they were part of something bigger.

46:17so first of all we should say the three kids are uh denzel who at the time of the film was 11 he's now so they're all a year older uh denzel uh hottie who was 13 at the time of the film filming and then virginia who was 16 and from the first time i met them as these uh shy tweens and teens who were just sort of overwhelmed by this whole experience and why these cameras were coming into their homes and why these cameras were in their face to now being coming to these movie premieres in New York City and Los Angeles. Red carpet. Now they're taking selfies and even, you know, they're feeling this immense, not only sense of pride, but self-worth.

47:06And I just, it's one of the incredible benefits and outcomes from this entire project is just seeing how this changed the perception that these kids have of themselves. And not only the kids, but the families as a whole, like the parents who were very hesitant because they didn't speak great English very early on in the process. Now they show up at the premieres, you know, dolled up and doing media interviews and they're just excited to do media interviews and they don't care that their English is not perfect. They just lean into the process. And it's just been beautiful, beautiful experience in every way for the entire family and certainly for all of us that were involved.

47:45So these kids felt that they were separate, that they had no idea how many other kids were like them. And every day they speak for their parents, but it took being seen in this way, in this film, to feel like they were listened to, right? And now they can be heroes for, you know, 10 ,999 ,997 other kids. I hope I did the math right. Yeah, close enough, close enough. Just the way that John Leguizamo was that for Rudy. A hundred percent. And we did a screening. As you know, Faith, the three families are all from the general Tampa area, just coincidentally. And we did a screening recently for the friends of the families and relatives of the families in Tampa.

48:46And so they invited the aunts and the uncles and the boyfriends and the girlfriends and the teacher in the films. I won't ruin it for those. She was there. and just to see the impact and the influence that it has, not only on the immediate families, but all of the folks around them and just the shared joy and collective sort of pride that comes with them. They're so proud that the story is being told. We're all translators in one way or another. We all translate, whether it be for colleagues at work or our parents, right? I teach my mom who's 93 how to text or use social media or understand certain things.

49:31I think we'll all be able to relate this notion of how we translate everyday life for each other. We translate lived experiences. We translate culture. And we do that for each other. And that's part of our coexistence. Was there someone when you were younger who was, you know, what John Leguizamo was to Rudy? Was there a person who represented something for you where you're like, wow, either you could see yourself in him or her eventually or they inspired you? Yes. It was not even somebody whose name I even remember. I must have been like six or seven. And my mom had given me some money to go get my haircut.

50:19And I was sitting in the barbershop and there was this magazine. And on the cover of this magazine was this black gentleman in a suit and tie and a briefcase. And he was walking, you know, he was, it was a steel shop, but he's apparently walking through a city like New York City and with these caps. And I just remember looking at that photograph and saying, that's going to be me. I'm going to be a businessman. I'm going to wear a suit to work because nobody in my neighborhood was wearing suits. I'm going to have a briefcase. remember, remember briefcases? But I just remember looking at that and saying that that's what I'm going to be.

50:56Like I hadn't seen that. I had never seen it. That wasn't part of my, my experience at that time, but seeing that it was aspirational for me. I love that you just placed that as a kid at a barbershop because we've had the gift of having so many interviews that you may or may not remember this one, but somebody we interviewed in like season one or two said that the defining moment in his life was when he went to the barbershop and he noticed that it was either the owner of the barbershop or someone who drove up to have his haircut, drove up in the nicest Mustang. And he was like, did he steal that?

51:31And the guy was like, no. And he said, and this was, this was the, the, you know, this was the culture that this kid lived in. Right. So he's like, Well, does he sell drugs? He's like, no. Dude has a job. He's a businessman. And the kids have exploded. Uh-huh. Like, what is that? What is a businessman? What does that mean? Yeah. Yeah. I just remember that so vividly. Greg, I love that you are, you're not, this reminds me of the movie Anchorman. You're not just a businessman. You're the businessman. But you, you wear the suits. Yeah, exactly. I learned that in season three, I think. That's a Jay-Z lyric, everybody.

52:10You're welcome. You're welcome. But you also wear the fly sneakers. Like, you make it yours. You're not wearing any wingtips with your briefcase and your suit. Yeah, no, I usually have some fly sneakers on to go with mine. It's just a part of – but it goes back to some of what I think, you know, Rudy is talking about and what these kids are experiencing. And I literally said to each one of them, at the end of the screenings in Tampa, we provided each one of them with a movie poster with their image on it. And I had the privilege of presenting each one of them with their movie poster as a gift on behalf of USP.

52:51Oh, my gosh. And to each one of them, I said the very same thing. I said, you are enough. Don't change for anyone. You are enough. Who you are is enough. And I literally said that to each one of them as I handed them this. And I could tell, you know, each one of them reacted a little bit differently. You know, they won't necessarily know what it means until years later. And I said, it probably doesn't mean anything to you right now, but I just want you to remember this moment that somebody said that to you. And years later, it'll make more sense to you. And I was just so proud that I had that opportunity to share that with them because you could just see how much that they've grown over the course of this process.

53:34And look what you're doing. You're helping out Joelle on her mission to help people accept approbation and validation, right? The sooner the better, seeing these kids and telling them they're enough. Yeah. So the last clip we have today is our friend Eric Tota. Talk about generous. He was so vulnerable in our conversation with him. Yes, he was. Holy moly. He's the global head of social marketing at Meta and the executive general manager of Meta Prosper. And here he talks about, well, he talks about being asked to speak and actually trusting that there would be people to listen to what he had to say.

54:21And boy, we're there. At a surge of anti-Asian violence in New York and Oakland and San Francisco, there were about eight, nine days straight of attacks against the community that left a few people, a few elderly people dead. And then we go into the Super Bowl and all the Super Bowl spots are very positive. You know, Joe Biden's in the administration now. Hooray. You know, and like we got through the summer, you know, and I thought that was really wrong. I thought that was really wrong, most because as an advertiser and a marketer, all it takes is for one. It's going to take consistency to defeat racism.

55:00It's going to take it's going to take consistency, you know, to stand with minority communities. It's going to take consistency of messaging, you know, to reinforce your commitment, you know, to your employee base. That probably isn't just one race. And none of the brands did that. And it was very disappointing to me. and I get a phone call from Adweek asking if I wanted to write a thought piece on what's happening to the community as an Asian American executive. I said, no, pretty quickly. I was in 10 seconds. I said, no, I was like, wrong person asked, sorry. And the reason is because I was like, I don't have a place to do this.

55:40Like this is what, what, what, what possibly could I say, what possibly could I say that could help people? And well, their, and their convincing argument to me from them was, Eric, you're actually our last call. There were about eight other executives that said no to us. Wow. Eight other. And I know every single one of those eight, right and i respect them i respect them i respect why they said no um and to me i was i felt ashamed i felt super ashamed and you know those other eight executives speak other languages you know they're they're further down the spectrum than i am you know and and i was like you know what like i might have something to say i might and um and that's when i put pen to paper and i i wrote it and I sat on it for about 48 hours.

56:36And Adweek kept calling, like, did you, like, are you going to do it? Did you write it? We don't watch this thing, man. And I was like, I wrote it. I don't know if it's any good. I don't know if people are going to read this, but I wrote it and I wrote what was in my head and my heart. And I remember sending it in to Adweek and crying, crying quite a bit. I remember not sleeping. I remember my wife asking me why I'm not sleeping. And I was just really nervous. I was really scared. I was scared for a couple of different reasons. And this is kind of what part of the evolution of me. I was scared because I didn't think I had a place to talk about the community or lead the community or even be a leader in the community.

57:26I've always known I've been in a great executive, a great leader that certainly looks like other people. But that was never like a con like I was never like, yes, and that's me, an Asian American leader. Let's go. It's always yes, that's me. I'm a marketing executive. And I just happen to be Asian. And that, you know, still continues to be true. But now there's this other part of me where I'm like, but the part of my identity that I was not proud of before, I am proud of now. And that was the change that I am proud of now. I am proud of it. And even if you don't like it, and even if you don't think I should be proud of it, or even if you don't think I have the right to be proud of it, I'm going to be proud of what I see in the mirror.

58:05And that was the change when I sent that piece in was I became proud of what I saw in the mirror and every my faults um where i was on the ethnicity spectrum all that stuff like i was like that's it now as an advertising and someone that's also in corporate comms um launching something on on any publication uh on a friday is is not advised it's not advised and ad week was it's shabbat man they're like and they're like they're like you know what this is launching today friday and i was like i was like guys no one's gonna read this it's also president's day weekend i was like no one's gonna read this i was like this is doomed this is doomed forever um and i was so sad i was so sad i was like i poured my heart into this piece and now no one's going to read it and i went to sleep and when i woke up i look at my phone and I'm, you know, as a brand marketing professional, you always tell your agencies and, you know, the people internally like, oh, I'm going to make this go viral, you know?

59:14I'm going to like, watch this go, watch this start to trend, like watch this. And then you do things and you make work and it goes viral and it trends. And like, I won literal awards for doing just that. But seeing what I wrote that represented me, that represented my truth, that represented my experience, do what I do for a living, do those types of numbers, have those numbers dance, have those numbers shut down ad week because they didn't have the server space.

59:48It showed me that I shouldn't have waited so long. And I felt really bad about that. I felt super bad about that. and it opened the floodgates to a number of different people speaking up. I think a lot of people saw me go into the fire and not die. And so they spoke up to it. But the biggest thing that I felt was, damn, I didn't know it was going to be so easy to be proud of who I was.

1:00:28Wow. Where he landed on that when he said, what took me so long, is something that I think strikes a lot of us who do this work. And when I say this work, meaning the work of being in service of others and being in service of something bigger than yourself. is it does take a great deal of courage and bravery to put yourself your your personal capital and everything that you've worked so hard for status money whatever it is and you have this fear of putting yourself out there safety yeah and once you muster up the courage to do that you know it goes back to where we started this conversation like that we all have an individual responsibility to help make the change happen.

1:01:24And we just need to lean into that. And I'm so glad that Eric did. It also really drives home how hungry people are to listen. The fact that it went viral, beyond viral, right? For sure. It goes back to something you were saying before. People are so hungry to see themselves and to listen to people who are brave enough to tell their own stories that somehow with the alchemy of storytelling, the most specific human honest story that's only about you becomes universal because there's so many points of entry for people. And the listening, as we've said a number of times today, it's having the curiosity because in order to make those numbers dance, as Eric said, there are a lot of people who weren't a part of the Asian community who took a great deal of interest, who took action, and found inspiration from his word.

1:02:36So this notion of listening has a profound effect beyond your intended audience. And it also empowers others to take action and accept their responsibility as well. And you never know who's listening and whom you are affecting. And, you know, his story, what he wrote for Adweek and what he told us in our conversation with him begins with his grandfather, who was fifth generation American, didn't even speak Japanese, but was a Japanese American and who was beaten. And P.S., who also served in World War II after his own family was put in an internment camp. I've told that story to my kids who aren't Asian American and are incredibly moved by it.

1:03:22And and Greg, you know, you have like a magician's hat of stories. You know, you can just put you pull out the rabbits, you pull out the scarves. You you have so many stories. You forget how many stories you have. But I have soaked them up. And and the stories I have reminded my son, for example, who, you know, is a big baseball fan. And I've reminded him like, hey, you know, my friend Greg used to tell me that when he played baseball, the other teams didn't want to come to their field because it was all there was no grass. It was rocks and branches. And, you know, that's when we have to, like, leave the island of Manhattan to go somewhere.

1:03:58And it takes forever and it's raining. I'm like, hey, kid, you got grass. At least you got grass. Right. Or I'll never forget, this is like briefest little story, but when you mentioned that you and your brother used to switch shoes on the basketball court, one of you would go in and get to wear the shoes with the good souls and then come out and switch shoes because your mom was a single mom and she didn't have enough money to buy you both great basketball shoes, right? Most embarrassing thing ever happened to me was that, having to do that. Those stories stick with you. My kid knows your stories.

1:04:35Wow. I'm honored. And I think that Eric said something else that really stuck with me. And when he said it's a part of his identity that he wasn't proud of before, but is proud of now. and that journey that he went on is a journey that I think all of us you know learn to accept the things that are that make us who we are and to be able to share that proudly and to to lead out loud it was I was glad he touched upon that I'm glad he had gotten to that place in his own personal journey it was one of the most important things that he said amongst many many really important things. We're coming to the end of our conversation today.

1:05:23And it's really gratifying to see that this conversation that's been woven through with lessons about listening ends again with pride. Because if you have something to say and people listen, that's going to make you proud. A hundred percent. You said you never know who's listening. That really sticks with me as well.

1:05:48Thanks for listening to another episode of Real Good. We've been doing this for five seasons. And in this episode, we looked back at only our most recent set of interviews. And I have to say, there is so much more to check out in our catalog. I was held at gunpoint in utero because of this issue of race. In the barbershop after the Civil War, this was one of the first ways for Black men to be entrepreneurs because white men didn't do service work. When a tornado stays on the ground for hours and travels 200 miles and destroys everything in its path, who puts that back together? If you like what you heard, subscribe anywhere you get your podcasts.

1:06:31Check out those earlier seasons. As for what's next, we hope to see you soon after a little bit of a break. Real Good is brought to you by U.S. Bank. It is hosted by me, Faith Saley, and my very good friend, Greg Cunningham, Chief Diversity Officer at U.S. Bank. This season was produced by Willis Arnold, Thea Pope, and Jenner Pasqua. Edited by Matt Winnegar. Executive produced by Heidi Riley and Erin Goulden. Special thanks to Courtney Morales, Caroline Ehinger, and Samantha Yates, and all the folks working behind the scenes that helped bring this season to the life. Thank you for listening and for doing the good work.

1:07:39over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

1:08:12And now it's time to go out there and do something great.