How To Embrace Your True Strength, Turn Your Pain Into Power & Create A Legacy

30:13Right? Be able to shoot it with speed because those kids are so much more athletic. Yeah. And then the next summer I came back, it was a little better. The summer came back. You scored. The next summer, it was a little better. I scored. You know, it wasn't much. Right. But I scored. This is 12, 13. 12, 13. And then 14 came around. Back half of 13, 14 years old. and then I was just killing everyone. And it happened in two years. And I wasn't expecting it to happen in two years, but it did because what I had to do was work on the basics and the fundamentals. Well, they relied on their athleticism and their natural ability.

30:44And because I stick to the fundamentals, it just caught up to them. And then my body, you know, my knees stopped hurting. I grew into my frame. And then your athleticism, once you have the fundamentals, the hard work, the mindset, and you tack on the athleticism, It's game over. Then it was game over. Wow. So from 13, you're good average still? I was good. I was good. And then about the end of my – like right when I was turning 14, I became the best player in the state. At 14? At 14. So from 12 to 14, you went from scoring zero to being the best in the state of all ages. Yep. But it's simple. Like if you do the math on this, right?

31:22Like if you're thinking about how often kids are playing. Right? And I'll tell this to my daughter and my daughter's team as well that I coach. It's a simple thing of math. If you want to be a great player, if you play every single day, two, three hours, every single day, over the course of a year, how much better are you getting? Most kids will play maybe, you know, an hour and a half, two days a week. Right. Put the math on that. It's not going to get it done. It's not going to get it done. Right? So if you're obsessively training two, three hours every single day over a year, over two years.

31:58You're going to accelerate. You made quantum leaps, man. Just doing a summer camp for two weeks, you see a difference. I remember playing basketball. You see it. You get a lot better. You come back more confident playing on the playground with guys who used to beat you. Yeah. And I tell the parents on my team, I say, your kids are going to become great basketball players. They're like, really? Yeah, it's not. It's math. It's it. Show up every single day. Show up every single day. Do the work. There's a beautiful story that I love from Jay Williams. I don't know if you remember Jason Williams. where he did an interview a while back, and he talked about how when he played you, I think the first time, or one of the first times he played against you, he was like, I'm going to show up so early to the court to warm up and practice before anyone.

32:41And he shows up at the court. I don't know if it was in LA or where it was, and you were the only one there, already shooting free throws, already doing your fundamentals. And he goes, I'm going to stay here until Kobe leaves. And then he was like, gosh, an hour and a half, two hours later. I got to go. I'm tired. and Kobe's still shooting free throws, scoring, like just going over the fundamentals. And he goes, and then we played that game and you were lights out. And he came up to you afterwards and said like, dude, why were you in there for so long and how'd you do it? And he said, this is what he said, you said, he said, I knew you were watching and I wanted to show you that I was willing to outwork you.

33:14Something along those lines. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you remember this. I remember it. You remember, yeah. And I thought that was so powerful that you have this mindset, but how did you develop that? I don't know if that's what you call the Mamba mindset, but how did you develop that? And when did it start? It started in middle school and high school. Because a lot of the kids that I was playing against were inner city kids. And so you're looking at me as if, okay, this kid's soft. He's from the suburbs of Philadelphia. His father played in the NBA, played professionally. He's got it easy.

33:46Got it easy, born on second, all this other stuff. Right. And so it felt like they could try to be physical or try to intimidate me and do all this other stuff, which they couldn't. Right. But now I'm saying, OK, well, you're trying to attack me. How am I going to attack you? How can I mentally figure out ways to break you down? How can I show you that? No, I have the edge. Right. And so that's when it first started for me is figuring out how to get the upper hand on an opponent that way. And what would you do to mentally break people down then? Well, I mean, you know, like we used to have an all-American camp that I used to go to.

34:19And at the time, I first showed I was a sophomore. And one of the things I would do is everybody would be at the cafeteria work, you know, eating and doing all sorts of stuff. I'd just go back to the gym. I'd just go back to the gym. They'd be resting, eating. And they'd see me leave. Right. But now you're in a tough position. You're just like, OK, I want to be like I'm following the kid to go work out. But I know he's working. He's up early and he's doing all this stuff. stuff and so that was my way of showing them yeah yeah i may be on the suburbs but you're not going to outwork me wow and i'm mentally gonna did someone teach you that was that just a thing that you decided like i'm gonna get in people's minds um i think it's just it's just figuring out ways to to to be better and and to win the game and it started out as a defense mechanism because you know they were the ones talking trash to me and you know kid from italy blah blah blah and all this stuff it was like okay i gotta i can't let them i gotta defend myself here right and then it became okay you know i'm i'm pretty witty i can say some pretty witty things yeah and an italian and italian yeah yeah yeah it's interesting you know i never i never was physically gifted to uh an extreme level i was always really good but i was never like the fastest or biggest or strongest but i remember my edge was i'm not going to go party and i'm not going to drink alcohol right so i've never been drunk still because i was like i need every edge when guys were out partying late at night who were better than me and drinking and showing up hungover i was like i'm gonna be more focused and have clearer vision and um but i wasn't waking up at 4 a.m like you so well that's that's interesting because like when i when i played um one of the things i had to learn is how to get the best out of my teammates yeah and most people think it's a simple thing.

36:05Pass them the ball. That's not how you make guys better. You have to really affect their behavior. How do you do that? I would tell guys we got back-to-backs. I don't care if we're in Miami. I don't care if we're in a great city or Chicago. You can't go out. We got to get rest. Back-to-back games. Monday, Tuesday. You play Monday and you play again Tuesday. Guys aren't going to listen. A few times I said, I'll go out. We'll go out together. I'll drink with you. right? But the next morning I'm banging on your door at five in the morning. Let's go. They're not getting, where are we going? I hung out with you.

36:44Now you come hang out with me. This is what we do. All right, let's go. And we're at the gym. We're working out, right? We hit the bus. We go to practice. We play that night and they're dead and they're dead. And they're like, lesson learned. Lesson learned. Take them out once. Listen, if you're going to do that, do that, but don't let that compromise what we're here to do. Right. This is why we're here. This is why you're here in the first place. Yeah. Right? And if we're going to win a championship, we have to have that championship mentality and work ethic. That's it. So you got to show them, no, Kobe can do that and still has the energy to get up and do this.

37:13So either I got to meet that same energy or I got to keep my butt in my room. Go to bed early, yeah. Wow. What are some other things you did to rise the level of your teammates? What are some other ways you can... And what do you think people can do in general with the business team or any sports team? I think you have to listen. You have to pay attention to what your colleagues or teammates are saying and what are certain things that drive them, certain things that motivate them, that trigger them. And one of my favorite ones, Powell hates it every time I tell this story. He hates it. He hates it.

37:45But we lost to the Celtics in 08. And it was a physical series. I mean, they beat the crap out of us. Yeah. And so we go into the Olympic year that year. We wind up playing Spain for the gold medal match. And we beat them. And so now we come back to start training camp. and Powell shows up first day of training camp. I had my gold medal hanging in his locker room. Oh, no. And he, I mean, like the one thing that he truly, truly loves is his country. Of course. That is like everything to him. So it just drove him crazy. I said, Powell, listen. He said, you're an asshole. I said, listen, Powell, you lost to the Celtics.

38:22You lost to us in a gold medal match. Let's not make this three in a row this year. Wow. Let's win this thing. and that was that was it for him and he probably stepped up at a whole nother level well you you know powell was a phenomenon to begin with and then for him was just stepping up to a level of physicality yeah that we needed him to get to which he did and we went on and went back-to-back championships my man yeah how important is understanding human psychology and human behavior to work with a team as opposed to just relying on your gifts and talents it's uh it's probably the most important thing.

38:57You know, when you're in this culture in our society, you can do some phenomenal things individually, but they'll never reach their full potential unless you do them collectively. And you have to figure out how to do that. And, you know, Phil Jackson was great at that. Phil, you know, he wouldn't just coach the team or coach the game, but he'd read everything about every single player. Really? Learn about your history, how you grew up, how you were raised, where were you raised? You know, He'll read every interview and he'll learn about you and gives him a better understanding of what's motivating you or what your insecurities are.

39:37And then it just helps him communicate with you better or even push a button here if he needs to. When did you learn that it was important to understand who your teammates are, what their likes or dislikes are? Was that in high school for you or more? No, I learned it from Phil. There was a stretch in 03 where Shaq was out with an injury. And Phil called me up to his office and said, okay, we need you to really turn on the afterburners and start scoring a ball if we have to win. So I did, and I wound up scoring, I think it was nine straight games with 40-plus points. Nine straight? Nine straight games.

40:13And then Shaq comes back second to last game of that. And then Phil calls me up to his office and says, Kobe, okay, I need you to dial it back. I'm like, why? Like, we're winning. I don't understand. It's because our goal is to win a championship. And we can get through the Western Conference with you playing this way. But in the East, you know, we can dominate them inside with Shaq in the post. But if you continue to do this, we'll lose Shaq. We'll lose him. His motivation, his excitement. What triggers him, right? So I need you to pull back so we can pull Shaq forward for June. Wow. And I just looked at him like, this is a smart dude.

40:55Wow. This is really smart. This is one smart dude, man. So I pulled it back. Wow. Yeah. What do you think has been the greatest challenge you've had since leaving the game? The greatest challenge.

41:13I think it's you know I mean you won an Oscar you're launching podcasts and shows and you got a book coming out yeah but it's it's it's different though like you know we were just talking about it here in the office the other day you know when you play the game you hit a game winning shot you miss a shot the reaction's there you can see how people responding to it right you can feel it the energy is my energy is there what i do now you don't like i don't see how people are affected by deer basketball or you know creating the punies and you put it out there like i wish i could see a car ride of a family the first time their daughter hears lily's lemonade and what she's doing you know she's singing along to it that's not there right so that's the the challenge that's the one thing that i miss is being able to feed off of the energy the instant feedback you get from missing or scoring a shot, winning or losing a game.

42:09It's like either way, you're getting a result, right? Yes, yes, yes. That's the one thing. And I went to, because I spent a lot of time with mentors as well. I've been at Pixar and Disney Studios. They've been absolutely wonderful animation, Disney animation. And I've talked to them about Frozen and Moana and how kids love them. And they're always like, oh, that's awesome. And they want to hear it because they don't ever get a chance to truly see it. They're not sitting in a movie theater like... No, no. And they don't have time to go to Disneyland and walk around the park and see how many families are enjoying the content that they've created because they're busy making the next one.

42:41Creating. Yes. Yes. So that's the one thing. What do you think the biggest challenge is for most athletes after they retire? I think it's the fear of starting anew. And that was certainly present for me as well. Really? Yeah. Like identity you mean? Well, it's starting from scratch, right? Because when you play for 20 years, I played for 20 years, you reach a certain level. You're like, okay, wait a minute. I have to start again at the base of a mountain and try to climb the top of this mountain. First of all, what mountain am I climbing? I don't even know what the hell am I going to be doing.

43:14It's very scary. It's very scary. Even for you? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And the thing that helped me actually was hurting my Achilles because that forced me to sit there and say, okay, the day could be today that your career is over. At any time when you were playing, you mean? Yeah. Now what do you do? You have these ideas about doing something with your life after basketball. But what if today is the day that you, that's it. Now what do you do? So I had all this time sitting there with my Achilles injury and contemplating and thinking. And I said, I better get to work. Wow. That was that.

43:51What was the vision for you afterwards then? Was it to do what you're doing now? Did you have other ideas? Or what's the vision for COVID? I struggled with it at first because the first question I asked, which is the wrong question, is what's the biggest industry I can get into? Was it more money thinking? Yes, money thinking. Saying, okay, athletes are saying you can't make more revenue when you retire. This is your source of your income is here. Saying, okay, that's a challenge. What can I do? And I remember going for a - Didn't you launch a fund or something? I did. I did. And so I went for a ride and I said, okay, stop thinking of it that way.

44:26You're thinking of it the wrong way. Why did you start playing basketball? Because I loved it. What do you love to do? Oh, I love to tell stories. All right, let's do that. And then that's where it started for me. And then on top of that, it became things like, you know, you start learning more about the financial industry and about players going broke once they retire. And saying, okay, how can I minimize the chances of that happening? What are things that I can do to invest my money smartly? also helped control some of that outcome to a certain extent. Right. And that's when I called Mike Rapoli.

45:03Mike Rapoli was an entrepreneur who built Vitamin Water, Pirates Booty, and some other companies and started learning from them. And then from that came the opportunity to invest in Body Armor. Yeah. And which, yeah, which we're drinking now. It's delicious. But all that came from the injury and really happened to self-assess and face that really dark room of what comes next. Storytelling is something you're really passionate about. What's a story over your life that's been a constant theme that you go back to? Is there something you heard as a kid that really resonates with you or a book or a movie that just feels like this is me?

45:43Yeah, that's funny. Movies, there are plenty. But there's a quote from one of my English teachers at La Merion named Mr. Fisk. He had a great quote that said, rest at the end, not in the middle. And that's something I always live by. I'm not going to rest. I'm going to keep on pushing now. There are a lot of answers that I don't have, even questions that I don't have. But I'm just going to keep going. I'm just going to keep going, and I'll figure these things out as you go. And you just continue to build that way. So I try to live by that all the time. Rest at the end. Rest at the end. What's the question that eats you alive the most that you haven't answered yet?

46:25The question that eats me alive that I haven't answered yet. You're still looking for the answer. I'm still looking for the answer. How to tell a good story. I don't think anybody has that answer. You know, like when I sat down to write Deer Basketball, I was like, okay, what do I want to say? And, you know, you have certain acts in how you can structure certain things, right? ebbs and flows of story, certain formulas that have been there since the beginning of time. But it's such an exact... So challenging, yeah. Right? And so that one question is really interesting. Why do you want to tell a great story?

47:05I think stories is what moves the world. Whether it's an inspirational story, it's an informational one. Nothing in this world moves without story. You know, being from the political world, sports world, nothing that we have moves without story. And so I think that is the root of everything. And if we're going to try to make the world a better place, story is the right place to start.

47:36You were the epitome of the tough, strong bodybuilder football guy for a long time. And you portrayed this image in movies, TV, and all these different things. Why do you feel like you had that anger inside of you? And when did you realize that you needed to let it go? Well, wow, that's a great, great question, man. You know, for me, you know, my world was designed around competition. Yeah. You know, growing up in Flint, Michigan, it was in the middle when the auto industry imploded. You know, I was around 10 years old and then the crack epidemic happened at the same time. So you're talking about a double whammy on a city.

48:29um and so it was very violent you know lots of crime lots of drugs lots of gangs lots of of powerlessness is what i like to call it because people felt powerless especially me okay because you couldn't do anything about it you know one thing that people didn't know or forgot is when around that time in the city there would be smokestacks around the city and what they were doing were burning foreign cars. Really? And I remember just seeing you walk through school and you go across a parking lot in this factory and they'd be burning a car and effigy and throwing rocks at it. And, you know, ain't gonna have them damn, you know, Toyotas up in here, you know, because it was foreign.

49:18And it just hit me about how, you know, the problem was the city was very resistant to change. But change is inevitable. And this is what I was going through. And but it was also about competition. It was always about, OK, it's got to be me versus this dope man. It's got to be me versus this gang initiation that they're trying to bring me into. It's got to be me versus, you know, the the grown men in my neighborhood and in my area that were always challenging me as a young man. So you had to come up and it made me very mad. Really? And growing up with an alcoholic father on top of all that. Big Terry.

50:06Whitney, big Terry. Yeah, I was little Terry. He was big Terry. And, you know, one of my earliest memories is him knocking my mother out. And I was like, got it, man. You run the world right now until I do. Ooh. I'm going to tell you, man. How were you then? Oh, I was five. Oh, man. I was five. But I have to tell you, one of the things I knew that my desire to get strong and my desire to have power to be really, really just, I was obsessed with muscle, even as a little kid, because I knew one day I might have to kill my father. Oh, my gosh. He was that dude. Wow. He was just, he was unending, never bending, just constant intimidation.

50:52You know what I mean? Fear, intimidation. You never felt comfortable. You never felt like he accepted you. You never felt safe. You always felt like something was wrong, you doing it wrong. You didn't iron your pants enough. You didn't do something enough. You didn't clean enough. You just felt always inadequate. And that was the mindset of a lot of men in that culture, in the city, at the time I was growing up. And they weren't going to let you off easy. But when you ask them questions, they would never answer. Why not? I don't know. See, that blew my mind because I was like, OK, just just tell me what you want.

51:36And one day you're going to find out. Let me tell you one day, one day you'll get it. And you're like, but I'm 12. Right. Can you give me a clue? Yeah. And man, it was I mean, it was only after I grew up when I realized that they didn't know. so that was a kind of a cop-out. But it made me, I had a vow with my best friend, and we were about 13, 14 years old, because this was such a big problem. Like, his dad would never talk to him. Really? My dad would never talk to me, and the older adults wouldn't tell, you know, the only thing they would tell you about is how to be a pimp. You know, like, man, you want two or three, girl, let me tell you how to do it.

52:19You know, this is the game you got to run. And you're like, that's the only thing they would volunteer. But any of the other life stuff, like, what does this mean? What does life mean? What's the true meaning of this? Right. You ain't getting that. Go to church for that. And the whole concept with a lot of men in that world was that if you're scared, go to church. Like, you know, church was for scared people. Interesting. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, we're too tough for that, you know. and what was so wild is we made a vow and we made a vow, me and my best friend, that you know, we would I said, if you find out something before I do promise me that you'll tell me and if I find out anything that you need to know before you do, I'll tell you and we literally shook on it I'll never forget it, I'll never forget the day we did it.

53:10Did you guys start telling each other advice or wisdom? Yeah, we were just trying to find out stuff like, oh man check this out about this is in school and this is this and this is this will this will get you to this level and man we got to start working out and man we got to do this you know because we were just alone yeah i mean this is in the early days of even fitness yeah there was no there were no information on fitness really about how to build your build your muscles really no yeah no we would get i remember ordering the books at the back of comic books you ever get sand kicked in your face and you know and i would get this little book and it had like drawings of people exercising and then you had an old exerciser thing that was like a it looked like a bow like a bow and arrow and then we would just push it together and have a string and you just do that it was like yeah primitive but we were like eating anything up just to improve our lives yeah and uh it was a really the competitive culture created in me this thing.

54:11And when we talk about rage, what we're talking about is an attempt to control things you can't control. Because what couldn't you control at that time? Nothing. Outside, I just looked and it was like, I had to do what everyone told me. And, you know, my father was addicted to alcohol, but my mother was addicted to religion. And he despised that, you know, because, again, it was weak to him. But she was living in fear. And she was living in fear. And so she's like, hey, we got to run under the protection of the church. But it was a basically a Christian cult. I grew up in a church called the Church of God and Christ.

54:58and it was so, it was what you would call holy roller. You know, it was a lot of speaking in tongues and a lot of music and shouting and bawling out and people running around and the whole thing. And I remember just feeling like I wanted that. I wanted to be close to that. Like I said, okay, this is what God is, but I never felt it. Like I was going, when is it going to take me? Because I would see everybody jumping and running and shouting. And they were like, well, you just got to feel it. And I was like, but I don't feel it. And no one would tell me what was going on. I mean, no one. My mother, people in the church, I would be asking, like, when do you know how this feels?

55:46Like, is it supposed to grab you? And they were like, oh, if you don't. Let me tell you, the day it freaked me out is what my pastor looked at me and he said, you don't feel nothing. You must not have nothing. Ooh, man, that's not fair. I went, what? So it's like forces you to try to act like you feel something to fit in or belong or. Oh, yeah. And now I'm bad. Oh, man. And so I learned real quick. I said, man, you got to have two lives. You got to be this way in church. You got to be this. I mean, my father and mother fought constantly because of that. Yeah. You know what I mean? But it was all about everything that I do now.

56:27I couldn't do as a kid. I couldn't play sports. I couldn't go to secular movies. I couldn't listen to secular music. I couldn't dance. I couldn't do anything when I say nothing. I mean, I remember I was like, what can I do? And they were like, sit down and shut up is what you can do. Wow. And what I would do is listen to kids at school talk about the movies. They would talk about all the stuff that they saw and all this stuff. And I remember going home and drawing what I thought the movie was about. And that's where my art ability came. I mean, it was hours of, like, imagining what this movie was.

57:04How old were you when you started drawing and being, you know? I was probably six, seven years old. But I remember kids talking about things that I couldn't experience. Did anyone teach you how to draw? I learned off comic books. You're so talented. I was seeing your stuff. But see, you got to understand. She would see it and then you would kind of mimic what you're. Exactly. Any comic book or anything I saw, I would just try to. And let me tell you, I had the most frustrating experiences because nothing would look the same. And it was a desire for me to make things extremely real. And I wanted it to really come to life.

57:43And what would happen is I would be satisfied with the drawing. Like, oh, man, this is good. And I go to bed and wake up and it would look bad again. And you're talking about this for a young kid. And then it just continued where this drive and this whole thing because it had to look better than this. And it's got to look better than yours. When you're talking about a world of competition, it created this excuse for your age. You know what I mean? And now I'm going to tell you, man, what happened for me, and especially once I hit my teen years, I started living my life like I was in a revenge movie.

58:20Trying to get back at everyone, everything, the world, your dad. Remember the vow I made with my best friend? I made a lot of vows. And I vowed that I was going to get every person who ever doubted me, whoever insulted me, whoever made me feel slightly uncomfortable, I was going to get you back. Wow. And I was going to show you. Now, let me tell you something. That is a recipe for tremendous success. You understand what I mean? Like people expect you, oh no, it's going to fall. No. And also a lack of fulfillment, a lack of joy, a lack of peace inside of you. Now. Because I was so similar. You see what I mean?

59:09I wanted to prove everyone wrong and I accomplished all these goals and I was like, but why am I am I still unfulfilled and angry? Listen. Why am I so angry? You get a lot done. A lot. You're obsessed. Extra energy. You know what I mean? Because I'm like, I would work out. You got to understand, man. I would go in. I remember I would do this stuff where I would go work out and then I would work out until I couldn't move. And then I would rest up and then I would go and I would flex my muscles until they cramped. And I would force my muscles into cramps. It was sadistic. It was masochistic. But I said, no one, I want this.

59:48I will never stop doing sit-ups. Again, sit-ups and push-ups, my stomach, until I was curled over in tears. And then I go do more. Because I said, no one's gonna beat me. You will never, ever, ever beat me. And listen, understand this, man. You know what's so crazy? I didn't even like football. Didn't like it. it at all. But it was my way out of Flint. It was also my way to code black. This is what I mean. To code what? Code black. Meaning in the black culture, sports coded like hardcore. Success. And it was the way the drug dealers, the gang members, everybody would leave you alone if they knew you were an athlete.

1:00:36Why is that? Because they said, this man he might go somewhere. He might do something. He might be, because you got to understand, walking to school, here they come. I had to fight my way into school because it was like, who do you think you are? Okay. Oh, Mr. Smart. You smart now, huh? And you're like, man, why you talk so white? I was like, all right. So what I did, I remember developing a whole other personality when I was on the street. It was like, man, what's up, man? And, you know, I don't even, you know me, yeah, boy. Right. And I would mimic that just so I could fit in. Right, right, yeah.

1:01:19You wouldn't, you have ideas, you had goals, you had things you wanted, and all of a sudden you knew, you didn't dumb down. Wow. They were like, wait, man, who you think you are? Remember, everything's a competition. Yeah. So you think you're smarter than me? No, man. No, I'm just. But here I was, this artist, drawing, really trying to excel, had ideas, had visions, being a creative person. You played music too, right? Yeah, I was a flautist. That's crazy. Listen, I hid that. I was able to do that in church, however. Oh, man. But see, this is another thing about the religion thing, which was nuts, is that, you know, here I was just, you know, I was a pleaser.

1:02:07I became a pleaser. It was like, all right, please my mom, whatever. Please the alcoholic dad, whatever you want. Here's another beer, whatever. And my mother, what I decided was I was going to be the best, you know, kid in the church. But then my church was a cult. It was crazy. because a lot of it didn't make any sense. And it really hit the fan when my pastor, we found out my pastor was selling drugs and using drugs out of the pulpit. He had several girlfriends in the church. I mean, everything imploded, you know, and everyone thought this guy who was so upstanding, you know, because this thing, even with religion, is that, you know, everybody starts out with great intentions.

1:02:54You know, and then power and success and money and people praising you. You got to learn to really stay humble in the face of success or fame. Exactly. How have you managed that? I mean, for a long time, I didn't. I'm just being real. You know, there's two Terry Cruises and there's two experiences. You know, the competitive Terry Cruz was not humble. that competitive Terry Crews would look humble so that you could be lulled into sleep so that I could destroy you. Wow. I'm just telling you, man. When was this up until? Oh, my God. I mean, we're talking 2010. Okay, wow. You know? And I was an intense dude, man.

1:03:41You understand? I knew, I said, this is how I work. You were intense or still? Well, I'm still intense. I'm still intense. In a different way. You know, my thing was, man, I knew how to manipulate. Really? What was the strategy? Well, I would look at whatever scene it was and what the rules were. And I knew how to play the game. Wow. But it was always to beat people. To one up, to be number one, to be a little bit better than or. Always. I mean, it got me to the NFL. Of course. I mean, dude, it goes a long way. Like I said, I didn't even like football. But that way of life, the NFL is like, come here.

1:04:22We like you. You know what I mean? Oh, you're going to be good. You know, they say the phrase I heard before is that, you know, the best soldiers know how to check their morality to the side. Like, keep it away because you're a good soldier. Don't think about what's right or wrong. Right. Don't really get that out of your psyche. What's good and bad. And now, yeah, now you can do whatever we need. And I determined that I was going to be that dude, like whatever it took. And you got to understand is that this kind of mindset is very rewarded. Of course. It's very, you know, I was tough. I was, you know, in this rage.

1:05:10But also I could turn it on to the point where I could beat people up. Like, I could start, I started to defend myself. You know, I got from being a little kid to being a big teenager, to being, you know, what they say, he's got a little neck. You know what I mean? Like when you get some traps and you get like, whoa, okay. Got no neck. Gang members think twice. You know what I mean? And like, all right, all right. Because again, everything's a challenge, right? Yeah. To an exhausting level. Was there ever a point where you felt like Like you were strong enough and big enough to beat up your dad?

1:05:47Well, I did. How old were you? I was 30 years old. Really? I got to understand the context of what happened. My father, you know, I was already, I just started my acting career and I just got a show. It was a TV show called Battle Dome. I retired from the NFL. And again, I was around 29, 30 years old. No, I was 30 years old. So I took my family home for Christmas and I told my father. Back to Flint. Back to Flint from L.A. And I told my father, do not act up, man. Because this is the thing about holidays for alcoholics. Oh, man. It's the worst, man. I mean, they go right back. It's all the bad memories and they need to placate and they need to medicate with alcohol.

1:06:34And I said, man, look, my kids have never seen this. My kids never came up in this. And at the time, I had three girls. And I said, dude, do not act up, okay? And he said, no, I ain't gonna do nothing, man. Ain't no wrong with you. I don't know what you're talking about. So I take him home and we all over there. Everything's going fine. My wife and I are headed to Detroit to hang out with some friends. So it's about a 45-minute drive. We're about 10 minutes into the drive. And I get this call from my aunt. And she's like, Terry, your father hit your mother. Oh. I said, what? Oh, man. And what happened, he knocked her tooth sideways.

1:07:14Like, it was hanging out of her mouth. And I mean, he hit her right in the mouth. Oh, man. And then I found out, Louis, he did it in front of my kids. Oh, no. And they were all privy to this. Something that I vowed. Your trigger went in deep. I said, take the kids over to Ann's house. I said, just leave them there. I dropped my wife off. I drove over the house, and I'm looking at him, and I met with him. I'm like, hey, dude, didn't I tell you? And he was like, oh, man, f*** you. And I'm like, pow! Wow. And I mean, let me tell you something, man. I don't know how long the beating happened. Oh, my gosh.

1:07:59I don't know. Because you black out. I black out. And when you get to that level of rage, I know that feeling. You don't feel anything. You don't think anything. It's a... Man. You know what? even, ooh, I'm getting, it's, it's, just thinking about it, it was so like, because all I can remember was being like five years old. Wow. And, and feeling so weak and powerless as he was doing this to my mother. And we just had to take it. I was, I was like, I can't, what can I do? Right. He's a giant. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't, I can't do anything. And man, now I'm 30 years old. You're big, you're strong.

1:08:41I'm post-NFL. I've never had an injury. I'm ready to go. And you got 30 years of pent-up rage. 30 years. And resentment. And I beat his all over that house. Wow. And Louis, let me tell you, man, I felt nothing. At the end, I thought this was it. I thought this is the revenge I've been waiting for. I told you not to do it. This is it. Now you're going to get everything full bore. All Terry Crews is going to blast you. And when I was done, I remember I beat him from the bottom, all the way to the bottom of the house, all the way up to his room because he was trying to run from me. And he ran into his room and I bust the door down, man.

1:09:30I kept beating him, right? He's on the ground in tears, bleeding, tears. the whole thing.

1:09:43I'm sitting on this bed. Just look at my hands and I'm like, I'm just like you. Didn't work. It didn't work, man. It was supposed to work. What were you hoping to feel? I mean, release, like there it is. I said it right. You're supposed to feel justice. You're supposed to feel like this is this. Now the score has been settled. And when I say living life like a revenge movie, I mean it. But you have to understand it. That stuff is better than sex. Right. You look at a movie like that, you're like, man, yes, get them back one at a time. Like, yes. And here I was, I was living it. I was like, this is man on fire live.

1:10:30You know what I'm saying? This is like get back city. This is the payback. and I was like, nothing, nothing. And I was like, I'm done. And I left and I never went home for 10 years. 10 years. And my mom went right back to him. Didn't change, didn't change any of the home situation. Didn't fix not one thing. And I was, I just remember going through all these issues and all this stuff like, oh my God, I lost it, man. And I couldn't go home. I couldn't even deal with it. And that was the thing that I said, that rage, it was uncontrollable. But I took it out on other people. And I never, even though I didn't beat him up again and didn't go back home, that rage was still in me.

1:11:32It's still inside of you. And I was doing that to various people in the street. There's a long list of people who've been knocked out by me. And what's so crazy is that a lot of people go, oh, no, Terry, no. You're funny and you're so nice. My wife would be like, y 'all don't even know. Y 'all have no idea. He wasn't so nice back then. Because I could flip. Of course. Oh, no, you have to understand, being two people and learning how to manipulate and move. That's why it would shock everybody. Right. Because you could be the lovable, fun, energetic, passionate guy, but if there was a wound that was being triggered, the other tear came out.

1:12:11It would be a nuclear bomb. Yeah. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward.

1:12:51And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.