How To Make Vulnerability Your Greatest Strength With Jay Glazer

27:27And every one of us is just, man, we got your back, we were there for you. Well, Andy, for the first year and a half, Andy, we met Andy, she was homeless, and I think she was living on the VA campus by then, but Andy's and she came in she didn't say a word for the first year just came in didn't say anything and after a year she's like wow these these these are brothers and sisters I could sit team I could a vulnerable team she finally stuff she's held on to she finally opened up and she was she grew up in a cult she was Wow repeatedly repeatedly grown up by her father She used the military to get away.

28:12And then she was. Oh, my gosh. And then came back over here, homeless, drugs, alcohol. She is now my second highest ranking female executive. Oh, my gosh. It gives me chills. She is. So she talks about this now. And last year we had Josh Burrusson in who is the CEO of GNC. And he was listening to a session. She was open up. She goes, guys, today's this anniversary of this, this, this. and she starts opening up and she's like, for the first time I have brothers who get my back. I have men who get my back. And Josh Burris is like, oh my God, this person just said all this? Oh my God. And he said, I'm donating a million dollars right now.

28:52Wow. To MVP. And it was because this woman was so vulnerable and open with us, Andy. And she went from homeless to our second highest ranking female executives. And she works at Unbreakable too. She's amazing. Wow. So when you turn your, we just had a Dallas chapter opening. She went down there and spoke with me and Dan Quinn, the defense coordinator down there, and a bunch of us. And Trey Akin was there and a bunch of people were there. And Andy told her story. And afterwards I said, how do you feel? And she said, I think pretty cool. And I said, you're the biggest rock star in this room right now.

29:26There are people, and she goes, I actually am feeling it. And she said, but you know what? I deserve to. It was my suffering. I'm like, yeah, here you go. But that's what I'm saying. Like we've all, this isn't heaven where we live, right? It's not going to be perfect. We've all had really bad things happen to us. We could overcome it, right? And we could use it to motivate us or we could let us just, let it beat us down. And it's easier to let it beat us down, but that can't be the option that I want us to all take. But it's more worth it, overcoming it. Absolutely. Look how good you feel. I know.

29:58What was the biggest, the first thing you felt like you had to overcome early in life? No, it was, so I was tiny.

30:08It was, growing up in Jersey being the smallest one in a room all the time. You were getting picked on a lot, probably, yeah. Not even, yeah, but not even picked on one. Yeah, I just, I couldn't fight. I was, you know, I wrestled 101 pounds in high school. Right. I was 101, right? So kind of always kind of got left. I was a few years behind everybody. So that was always hard. But I was always kind of this in-your-face type of cat. but it was in your face I knew I can only get a certain point um in your face until you started so the guys were 200 just like I'm one-on-one I've always been like a tough kid but I couldn't really do a lot about it and and I just also yeah I just never felt loved growing up that was the hardest never felt loved did your parents love you yeah and I just didn't I didn't feel it I just didn't yeah and then actually I'd go upstairs at night I always get punished because I'd lash back out and I was always and I was afraid of the dark and I just started talking to God by myself like really oh yeah just no one taught me I just did and that's my choice to have faith yeah I believe in a loving God and it's like my best friend parent and that's my choice it's not not a hateful God where I'm getting punished for everything yeah which is weird because I always feel like I deserve to be punished yeah it's kind of odd I think that way what was the biggest lesson you learned growing up and who taught you that lesson biggest lessons because we're from my dad.

31:31Outwork the world and be loyal and your dreams will come true. Wow. Absolutely. From your dad, huh? From my dad. Outwork the world and be loyal. So loyalty was, man, it's always, it's my brand. That's cool. And I have just worked my butt off my whole life to make sure, like I got a text from a Navy SEAL buddy of mine the other day. He said, I had a dream the other night that man, I was about to get jumped in these football stands and you were right behind me. And he just said, I was good because you were there. and it's just like it's just as loyalty and he goes we all know you're there for us that's nice and I was like that's yeah that that fills me up but they know I am like drop of a dime if you're stranded anywhere in the world you know to call me and I will drop everything for you that's and I kind of view it I view everybody like I'm gonna be so loyal to them hoping it's gonna sound a little morbid here so loyal that I want to be in their pallbearer Wow right That's as loyal as you get.

32:30And if I can get 10 or 15 % of my crew to treat me back the same way, I got a pretty good little team around me. And you got 15 pallbearers for you too. Yeah, wow, man. What was the biggest lesson your mom taught you? Biggest lesson my mom taught me. My mom, so I have a million, I have six careers I do at the same time. My mom did the same thing growing up. Yeah, yeah. So she was like a stay-at-home mom, but she started all these businesses in the house. and they ended up starting preschools for communicationally handicapped children. Oh, wow. So I worked at those my whole life. And that's actually how I got diagnosed with ADD in 1989, through them.

33:08It took me to, they had one place over by Princeton University and they brought me in and this is 89. So I got diagnosed with that. I got put on Ritalin, which, oof. Talk about messing up your brain chemistry. And then I have to go tell my teachers, hey, I got this new thing called ADD. and explain it. And they're like, and I was like Ferris Bueller. They're like, oh yeah, you know what? You need to take a pill and step out of the room? Yeah, whatever, right? So yeah, they didn't, and it was my first year of college. For my first year, I didn't get kicked out of college. But, you know, I had to educate college professors.

33:45And then I was also trying, and I've tried to do this and I've read a lot of this in the book, don't call it a learning disability. What should we call it? ADD. It's also, they've decided to lump it in all together, ADD and ADHD. Not, like, my kid has ADD, and they call it ADHD. He is not hyper at all. So they kind of lump things in, but also, like, man, when we're growing up and they say, oh, this kid has a learning disability, there's a negative connotation to it. Absolutely. We just don't learn like everybody else. It's not a disability. But I know the way I learn is way better than the way that teacher over there may learn to that coach over there.

34:20You just didn't learn well in school format. Yes, we didn't learn their way. sports and in the world and we were able to connect with people and learn in other ways but if you brought them into a football meeting room and they couldn't pick up your playbook would you call them disabled no they shouldn't call us disabled yes that's true yep yeah just not good at that thing not good at that yeah it's not disabled we're just we don't pick that up we're not going to call you disabled because you can't pick a playbook that's true and that that would always hurt me a lot when they would say yes and i was you i was a remedial english early and here I wrote a book.

34:53I know, I almost flunked out English my senior year. My teacher, my senior year teacher, she was like, Lewis, you can't go to college if you don't finish high school English class. And so she was great at just like tutoring me every day after class, like trying to help me just get a passing grade so I could go play football. Yeah, wow. My parents got me a tutor every day for my class. I just didn't get it. It's the worst, man. It's hard to remember. I would read like pages in a book and just have to keep rereading the same pages. And be like, after an hour, you're like, this is pointless. I'm going to fail anyways.

35:25What's the point of doing this? I skipped the reading comprehension part for my SATs. Yeah. So I was just like, skipped it. I know I had no shot. But clearly, I'm not learning disabled. Clearly, it hasn't held me back from reaching my dreams. I have accomplished my dreams. So, you know, again, there are certain things I'm good at, certain things I'm not good at. We all have that. Let's not call us disabled in any way. What's the three proudest moments of your life? Three proudest moments of my life. That come to your mind, you know, obviously, if you have more time to think about. But what's the first thing that came to mind, three proudest moments from early childhood till now?

36:01When I started, again, coming from the Giants for all those years, just broken and broken. The first day I walked in that Giant locker room in 1993, which is already four years into my career, finally got a break for that$450, which was like nothing. But it was my first real job. I walked in that giant locker room and I said, okay, I have no education compared to everybody else in there. I have no, this is the mecca of television, sports, New York City. I have no experience. How could I be different? And for me, I try and preach that to people. Let's not be a face in the crowd. Let's be the crowd.

36:35Be your own crowd. That's what stands out, right? You're different. We're different. So how could I be different? So what'd you do? So I said, number one, if these reporters here work, I said, I'll be the last dude standing. So if they work 40 hours a week, I'm not going to work them by a little. I'm not working by a lot. A lot. So I'd work 100 hours a week. And I couldn't afford Subway to bus to Giant Stadium and back every day. So Michael Strahan drove me into New York City. How'd you convince him to drive you? Nobody talked to him. Michael didn't make it until his fifth year. No one talked to him.

37:10I mean, he got drafted to be the top pass rusher to the Giants to replace Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor's still on the team. Michael has bad teeth in his speech impediment and comes from Germany. Wasn't a good thing, right? So no one talked to him. Those other reporters didn't talk to me. We met our first ever days on the job, ever. Wow. And latched on to each other. And we just, every day, and what I would also do is I would get these other, so. So he would drop you off? Every day of my life. So I owe him about$29 ,000 at Lincoln Tunnel Fair. and like but Michael validated me to other players that you can trust this guy he's a hero but also the other thing I did is I said okay A I'm not working by a lot B I'm not going to use my pen as a weapon back then you know talk bad about them well I'm just not going to I'm not going to use my pen as a weapon back then it was everything splashed on the back page it was bad right I said I'm going to start relationships I have more in common with these players than I do my fellow reporters so I'm going to start relationships it was so frowned upon back then really oh my god they used to kill me and Michael now that's all they want to do is try to build relationships I get the story I've started a different way of doing it so I had every scoop and every start but that's the smart thing build a relationship the scoops will come if you go for the one scoop you burn yourself relationship short-sighted but I also again me needing a team even though I was the reporter and they're the players and the coaches that was they're my team for my own mental health I got I latched onto them.

38:37I needed that. So it took me, again, overall 11 years to get a full-time job. Wow. But I just kept going. I kept crying. And what I did too is I got those players that I was covering and the coaches to see my plight. Man, this guy's so broke, but he's the first one here by hours. He's the last one here by hours. We want to see him make it. Like I got them to see my plight. I collected more of a team around me to walk this walk together with me. finally in 1999 I am on a driving range on Randall's Island with Tiki Barber the Giants run back and my agent is still with me more gosh Trent who can I got turned down by 20 agents I'm just I was just trying to build this team that it's not just me like doing this and he just happened to be home sick one day and saw me doing a free show on Channel 5 there and he's like oh this kid's good he calls me up and he says hey what are you doing I said I'm playing golf for Tiki, a little driver in, she said, okay.

39:37And I get choked up here, because this is my moment. There's a few times in life we really find out who we are. This is one of them. And he said, you can excel. And I said, what do you mean? He said, we finally got you a full-time job. Now this is 11 years of, and let me back up. Not only did I outwork these guys, I was trying to get a job every week of my life. I got rejected more than any human being you'll ever see in your life. But that relentlessness I told you about of me having that depression, anxiety, I had to go for something bigger. So I felt that love from the outside in so hard. I'm like, I'll be rejected over and over and over and over and over.

40:19Just constantly rejected. And I had this thing where actually every week, so for six days, I got rejected. I'd cover the Giants, cover the NFL, grinded, grinded, grinded. It's exhausted. swimming upstream. And again, I tell you, I'm real spiritual. I read in a prayer book, the fourth commandment, God commands you to take a day off and drink some wine. He was a good time. I take it literal. Every week, I take one day and say, okay, whatever happened this past week, it's done. It's over. Like all the rejection, it's over. And I'm giving myself a day to heal. One day. And literally after that one day, I would look up to God and say, I said, okay, God, I'm not asking you to get me this job.

41:02I'm not asking you to help me win this interview, and I think we do that too much, right? I'm not asking you to get me money. All I'm asking is you pick me up, brush me off, and let's keep walking this walk together. Yeah. Right? So I've never felt fully alone, right? Wow, that's beautiful. It's, and I didn't look at it as an 11 year span of being rejected. I looked at it as 11 years of one week periods. Interesting. So it's much more easy to manage. As opposed to like, I've been going for a decade and nothing's happening. I have a thing in here that says you never know what lies around next Tuesday.

41:33Absolutely I was always hunting for that next Tuesday when something happened Finally 11 years in a Tuesday game Wow, so he said you can exhale and what did I say? We got your job I said he said you finally got a full-time job. I said with who he said the NFL today on CBS They just got football back. I said He said you're gonna be there NFL insider. I said, I'll take it And he said don't want to watch it for and I said I don't give it's more than what I'm making now probably And here gets the choked up part. I said, Maury, this was my validation. When I walked in that giant locker room all those years later and I said, I'll be the last dude standing.

42:09Wow. This validated that. All this stuff I've done, all the rejection, it validated it. And I said to him, before you tell me the salary, if it took me another 10 years to get this, I would have done it. And it takes, and listen, it takes a lot out of you. It does beat your soul down. And it was for 50 grand a year. and it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me in my life. Wow. It's a long story there. It was 2005? Is that what that was? No, no, no. 99. Oh, 99 when you got this. 2005 I went to Fox. To Fox, yeah, gotcha. 2004. Gotcha. I went to Fox. So five years later you got to Fox. Yeah.

42:43And that was more than 50K. Well, what happened when I got the 50 grand from CBS and also that internet thing came out. Of course. Which I think is going to take off. You should have invested it now. Yeah. And I became the first minute by minute breaking news guy in America. Me, John Clayton, who just passed away, and Len Pasquarelli, we were kind of battling out, and no one did that back then. So before us, there was no, it was you had to wait for the newspapers the next day. And before us, there was no crawling on the bottom of the screen. So we started it, and so I got an extra 50 from CBS Sportsline to do that.

43:22Nice. And another 25 or 35 from local CBS to do the Jets-Giants. So I went from$9 ,750 a year to$135 ,000. Yes. Pretty good coin back then, too. Oh, my God. It was just... $99? That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good money back then. Yeah. But again, what I realized is as I started moving up the ladder, and then Fox saw me from CBS, which obviously way better fit, my wallet's not an antidepressant. It's not an antidepressant. What do you mean by that? I thought when I made it big big big there was gonna be rainbows and unicorns that's why I've worked so hard to man look where I am now I've got now I've had a lot of those moments so it's it was definitely there's two sides it was there's a lot that's better I've been broke and I've been unbreakable right right it's born you're broke there's a lot of things like I had nothing to lose yeah so I didn't have that fear of losing stuff that anxiety now when you have all this you're so horrified you're gonna lose it really so you have more anxiety now than then I think so I think you just petrified to lose it all the time it's like maybe that 2005 was when you went to Fox yeah and there was more to lose then well now as I've gotten to this level yeah yeah that home more money more problems thing and yeah it's all different type of problems but I just think that yeah when you get when you work so hard and you finally do make it you're so afraid to lose it don't lose it yeah you almost it's almost like fighting not to lose instead of win yeah so I've had to start through that I've I'm trying to make sure I recognize it, just go.

44:50Play. Play for you, man. Yeah, yeah. Just be me. Look, it's all, and a lot of it, too, is like, I don't think logically a lot because those roommates in my head don't like me to have joy. So anytime I want to enjoy something, you don't deserve it. You're not worthy of it. So I think that's part of it also. I don't know if it's for everybody. Sure. It's part of it for me. And listen, I'm a work in progress, man. Yeah, of course. We all are. yeah I'm trying to learn to get there that's why I'm you know I keep doing things like this to hope that okay maybe this is the thing that's gonna help finally get me to meet in the middle Wow where I could feel that worth from the inside out and I it's like I know I'm worthy being loved so here's the crazy part I know I'm worthy of it but I don't feel like I deserve it really no it's probably the way around I feel like I deserve it but I don't feel doing a little stuff.

45:47When was the time you felt the most loved? Hmm. And this isn't good because this isn't real love, but, like, when I would, like, would break huge stories in the NFL and everybody would be like, oh my gosh, when, again, I was ahead of the game in this and I was like, man, I was the first one doing this. It's like, on a different, like, I had the Spygare video. That was a crazy time in my life that, you know, that was my second week in Fox and that's the biggest scoop in the history of sports. The actual video when the Patriots got caught, you know, filming the Jets coaches and cheating. But you're asking me like, the love, that's not a real love.

46:23I felt admired and people like, oh my God, this is like, you know, this is different. This is amazing. But the most loved, I don't know, I don't know how to answer that question. Yeah, I don't know how to answer it. You have a son, right? Love you, the son or with friends, family, I mean, when have you had I had the most love, yeah. I don't know how to answer that. Yeah, I don't like, I enjoy being with my friends. I love being with them. You don't feel loved, yeah. Yeah, and I always feel like, they're gonna catch on soon to this fro that I am because I'm this terrible person inside. And that's what tells you a lot.

47:07Yeah, that's why you have the mask on. Why do you think you're a terrible person? That's what it tells me, I don't know. My mother asked me that recently, she said, do you because she sees how exhausted I am from it is exhaust me yeah and she said how do you and I told her how bad and I don't say to her how bad I do to myself she's like what she said look at all the good you do I said I I know but I just don't feel that I deserve that right and no or the worthy of that and she said has to be exhausting and I said so exhausting so I said mom when I don't get right back to you. That's why. Like, I'm going through it.

47:44Right. Right? And it is totally exciting. So yet all I want to do is be loved, and then people kind of reach out and love me. I'm already so tired from. You can't receive the love yet. Yeah. It's hard to receive it, man. Yeah. Well, that was one of the most proud moments, you said, when you got that phone call. Yeah. What was the second and third most proud moments, would you say? Man. And it can be a big thing. It can be a small thing. it can be I would say when I first started MVP that was pretty cool it's pretty cool having having comment that say like man thank you you saved my life yeah that's that's got me a lot or for a real another employee named Denver Morris who's my who's our national outreach director we met him he was living in a homeless shelter coming off his third suicide attempt Wow he's So first time he told him that, man, you saved my life.

48:43Like, oh, my God. MVP saved my life. And those moments. Now there's a lot of those. Yeah, that's nice. Those get me. I had one two days ago from one of our guys here. Hey, brother, just checking in on you. Hope you're doing well. I'm co-stating the weekend with a positive mindset. Love you, brother. Next time you look in the mirror, tell that guy thanks for saving my life. Wow. and tell that guy, thanks for saving my life. Wow, that's pretty. Grateful you've made this impact on the world. See, I can't, like, listen, I'm a, you know, no one's questioning my manhood. I could cry in a drop of a dime.

49:20I could sit there and be like, oh, Glazer's a wussy cell, but let's, think about that. To me, I'll just read this to you. It's pretty, so these come in a lot, so there's a lot of proud moments now, and it's for me being of service to people. That's pretty cool. That's incredible, man. Yeah, it's pretty cool. That's beautiful. What do you see, I mean, you've accomplished so much in the last, really in the last 20 years, I guess, 23 years since you, I call it 30 years since you started the journey for 11 years of going after the dream. I'm 52 now. I look fantastic, don't I? You look great, baby.

49:53And then, you know, getting the job, you know, the bigger job, and then on Fox, and then Hall of Fame and TV, and all these, you know, Unbreakable, and all the thousands of athletes that you work with. Don't forget Ballers. Five years on Ballers. That's one of my favorite shows, man. Heck yeah, absolutely. You got a great role in that show. I know. Yourself. Great looking Jewish reporter. Exactly. And I didn't follow my lines because I couldn't remember them. So I just. You just make it up. And I just messed with Dwayne. So that's the whole thing. That's amazing. That's actually. We've been close for a while.

50:20But we really started having mental health talks way back then. Really? Yeah. We get real vulnerable with each other. What's the biggest lesson DJ has taught you in the space of mental health and also in just life? Man, he is. He saw me a couple weeks ago on TV promoting this. And he called. He said, what's up? I said, what do you mean? He said, I saw you today. He said, what's wrong? And something was wrong. I was going through it with another, an issue. And he saw it. But the fact that he stepped away and saw that, and he said, okay, I'm going to call you four times a day. I got you, brother.

50:54But the biggest thing for him is, man, he is like this authentic dude. Same thing, though. Like, that dude thinks he's going to be broke next week. He literally thinks he's going to have seven bucks in his pocket again next week. And for me, we're special. Here's the biggest star in the world. And yet we call each other and send each other notes and lean on each other for mental health almost every day. Wow. Whether it's when I had that anxiety attack the other night, I reached out to him struggling. And there was another issue I was going through. Hey, how did you handle this? And boom. When I had the book too, again, he's like, you're going to be that voice of the gray for all of us.

51:34And I'm going to put my team behind you also. Wow. because it's gonna help you it's gonna help me it's gonna help a lot of us it's gonna help the next generation of Dwayne's and J's out there and stuff so he's very selfless he's incredibly selfless and that's the biggest lesson I learned from him is you could be the biggest star in the world and be still be incredibly selfless yeah still just give give give and I think he does so much charity work and all this work he does for people same thing he's trying to show himself I'm okay like when you work so hard and you get all that rejection that he did or I did it you did right he's showing up stream all those years it's exhausting it is so yeah it takes it it beats that your soul a lot so we're there to love each other up man um it's just so crazy he became him my niece who looks like Sasquatch when did you first meet him but you guys know each other I did a movie with him called a game plan a Disney movie where and I was just like, and I just started messing with, again, the laughter part, I mess with everybody.

52:37And it just kind of stood out. Everybody else was like, and I was just, so when I go down and do ballers, like he'd be over there with his team and then everybody else would be over here and I'd come walking through and I'd be like, where's Sasquatch? I can't work like this. And I'd go through and he would sit there and he'd have his lines and I'd be like, don't say it like that. He's like, who are you telling me that? I got this, what I do for a living. He's like, no, you don't. I'm just messing with him. or I would change my lines. They eventually had, it went from scripts, they said, to like glazier scripts, at least for my size.

53:07To the notes. It was a bullet point. Yeah, just say something. They knew I just wouldn't remember it. And I would just be it myself. So I would mess with them all the time and we try and get a little, you know, me, I run a fun locker room so I try and make it rancid and dirty and kind of shock value and they kept most of it. That's great, man. It was great. You got a great little cameo in there every time I see you. I was like, I have five seasons of that. It's pretty big, man. It's pretty cool. It was like, that was, that's the, obviously Fox and Evil Sunday for me every week is just incredible because that's our locker room.

53:37Yeah, it's fun. And we sit back there and watch games together and just crush each other. And there's six of us on the show and there's 19 personalities and Bradshaw and I have 11 of those. But Ballers was so much fun. That's cool. Because I probably could, I didn't care because I'm not an actor. Right. So you're like, I'm just going to be myself. Yeah. I'm not being judged by it. I don't care. I can't care. But I also know, don't fire me. I got this guy. I'm all right. He's going to keep coming in there. I'm okay. That's amazing. And he would just be like, yeah, just keep rolling. I would just, I mean, I would say, yeah, 90 % of my stuff probably wasn't, it was supposed to be scripted.

54:11I just didn't follow it. That's amazing, man. I'm really excited about people to get this book, Unbreakable, How I Turn My Depression and Anxiety Into Motivation. And you can too. This is powerful because I think a lot of people feel unmotivated when they have anxious thoughts, stress, depression. Or just issues where they don't feel worthy don't feel loved don't feel enough. I know I faced a lot of that in my life But I was what was your turning point? man, I was driven The thing is I had a drive to prove everyone wrong about me so everyone you know just being bottom of my class special needs picked on being kind of Pressure you were the short kid.

54:50I was I was this tall when I was like 11 But not this built so I was like this goofy kind of like big-eared, you know big teeth just they've made fun of the appearance. So it wasn't until I really turned 16, 18, 20 where I started to fill out my body. So it's kind of like the opposite. You know, I was tall, but I was made fun of being tall. And so I just remember many moments being made fun of, picked last, and, you know, on the playground, whatever it is for little sports. And just being like, I'm going to prove everyone wrong who's made fun of me, who's doubted me. Were you resentful to them?

55:24Do you want to get back at them? I just wanted to show them, look, I did something that they never thought I could do. And it drove me to get incredible results. And it gave me motivation, but it was a motivation out of more anger and resentment than love and inspiration. And so I would accomplish and achieve. And then I transitioned from sports. And then I played with the USA handball team for nine years, played, you know. I don't know how your knees held up in that. I know, right? Are you kidding me? But I was like, I'm gonna do this in sports. And then I did it in business. But then I hit a turning point at 30, 39 now, where I was like, I'm accomplishing and accomplishing and accomplishing, but I still don't feel lovable and I don't feel enough.

56:04The turning point was facing the sexual abuse and talking about it and allowing myself to be vulnerable. And that's where everything shifted because I was in such a competitive mindset. I had to win at everything. I had to be the number one and win at everything at everyone else's expense of being a loser. and if I lost then I was worthless I was not good enough even if I broke the day I broke the world record for the most yards in the game we lost so I was beating myself up for days even though that's a good quality though because you lose it's not yeah I won the win exactly it's a great quality yeah but it wasn't until I hit 30 and I started down a healing journey of therapy and lots of different stuff where I said it's not going to be about competition it's going to be about collaboration It's about how can I win and how can I get everyone else with me?

56:55Yes. And that collaborative, and I didn't know collaboration was a thing. I knew teamwork was a thing, but not against someone else like collaboration. So now it's just like, how can I win by lifting everyone else up? That's exactly right. How can I make you win? Right. How can I shine the light on you, put you on a platform, support your message, your mission to serve people. In return, good things are going to happen. you know, good things are going to happen to me. As opposed to, I need to be the biggest show, the best show, the most successful in the world to make me feel good. Instead, how can I serve the world?

57:29And I feel great. And that's that give, give, right? That loyalty I talked about how it'd be. And that, you know, whenever we train football players, I help a lot of coaches kind of move up in the NFL ranks. And that's why I have this loyalty. But I always tell them, listen, I know I'm crazy. You can follow along. Man, we'll change your grandkids' lives. Yeah. Right, so it's like we'll lift you to such stuff, but it's not, we don't get anything out of it. This is for you to change your kids. And when I do see that and this guy gets a head coaching job or makes a Pro Bowl, it just starts getting up here where he can give back to charities that, again, when things happen to other people, so your question was, what's the best thing that's happened to me?

58:09I don't see that. If you said to me, what's made you feel the best out of it's when something's happened to everybody else. Like you were saying, you lift people up, then I have something tangible for me. Man, this has happened. That's happened. I've walked this walk with this person. I've helped this person overcome this. They've gotten up here now. That's the key. That's really the key to success. Absolutely. The best thing that's ever happened to me that I think at this moment was learning how to heal my heart. Because my heart was in a prison for so long. And it felt trapped and it felt painful and it felt tension and all these things.

58:41And learning how to, and it's a journey. It's not like it's one night, it's all better. It's been like a journey of finding, having more inner peace than I did stress. Because it used to be all stress and anxiety, and I couldn't sleep at night. It would just be up all night thinking, worrying, stressed. Learning how to find inner peace has been a game changer. Because I feel like I have more energy. And look at, it's hard to see right now that we live in a good world, right? There's so much stuff. However, look at two guys right here. We're in sports. who've talked now about sexual trauma, suicide, depression, anxiety, cry to hear.

59:17So we are actually coming along a lot further in certain ways to make this world a better place. That's kind of our only hope moving forward for this next generation. Absolutely. I think specifically for men who are holding on to trauma, I think in order for the world to heal and relationships to heal, I think men need to heal personally and start talking more like this. and it's interesting because i thought obviously me being center of judyism with you know football and fighting and ballers i thought it's going to be a male-centric book and oh yeah it's majority female of like god so they can and they're saying hey to their boyfriends or husbands and they're all just like hey that's not me yes you it's definitely you and that's why i want it we got to get dudes together so like it's you dude it's so you you tell me i wrote a book five years ago called The Mask of Masculinity, which was for men on how to open up and be more vulnerable.

1:00:10Almost 80 % women bought it and tried to give it to the men. But this is the challenge that we're going to face where women are going to hopefully bring this in and share with their guys more. And that's why we got to continue to be a Trojan horse. Talk about sports and do the rough and tough stuff, but slide in the vulnerability when we can, I think. But were you able to make that, did it switch over it? there's a still. Yeah, there's a long tail now where it's like. Oh, so you gotta tell me off here, you gotta tell me what you did. Yeah, yeah, no, it's been great. I was kinda shocked, I thought it was smooth, you know.

1:00:40But it's, like I had dinner recently, and there was a couple there I'm friends with, and this dude's a big dude, and his wife was sitting there with me, and his wife was like, she was just telling me, somebody said, oh, just, just read a book, and she's like, and we just talked about how Miss USA just committed suicide. There's the most beautiful girl in the world feel that lonely that alone right and this woman said to me that's me that's how i feel oh man i said well talk to your teammate he's right there and she says he won't get it and i said you deserve to have him understand what you're going through you deserve this at least try right and she literally is saying that she wants and i said you need to i called him over and i said and she said we have some homework and he said i heard about his book and she said i do need you to read a couple of these chapters than me.

1:01:30So like that's, yes. That's good, man. Yes. But that's exactly what you're talking about. Took a woman. Yeah, of course. And she's like, he won't get it. Well, dudes need to start getting it. Absolutely. They need to start getting it. They deserve to get it. Their wives and girlfriends and their moms and dads and children, they deserve for them to get it. But most importantly, the dudes themselves deserve it. They deserve not to be in this kind of pain that we're talking about. Absolutely. I don't deserve this pain. Absolutely. I didn't sign up for it. I know. Well, you're working through it. You're working through it, too.

1:01:56It's just beautiful. I can use it, man. I've got two final questions for you before I ask them. I want people to get a copy of the book. Get it for your friends. If you have a friend that maybe is feeling more stressed or anxious, get them a copy to really inspire them. Follow you all over social media. You're mostly on Instagram, right? Is that the main place you're hanging out? Instagram, Twitter. Twitter, you're a lot on Twitter too. Instagram too. My IG following sucks. I don't know what I'm doing. You can share more on Twitter. Well, I used to break stories on Twitter all the time, but now I try not to look on social media because it's just, yeah, because it pulls me out.

1:02:27So follow me up too much. If you're in LA, check out Unbreakable. It's an amazing gym. It's world class. It's so inspiring. And it's going to get you another level of. And it's a great community. It's the only gym in America. I have a therapist in there. That's incredible. I hired a full-time therapist in there. That's cool. So, because that's when, like, for me, from done working out is when I feel the most vulnerable, going to talk. That is cool, man. And our motto is we build you from the inside out. Oh, I love that. I love that, man. And there's not the only gym in America missing no mirrors.

1:03:00That's cool. Because I don't want anybody's back turned to the rest of the team. If you're sitting there checking yourself out, you've got your back turned to everybody else. So we really are. We build you up from the inside out. That is cool, man. Appreciate it. So make sure you guys check that out. This is a question. And anybody can get in. Yeah, of course. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of the show. It's called Three Truths. Okay. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario. Well, then it wouldn't be true. The scenario is it's your last day on earth, many years away.

1:03:28You get to live as long as you want to live. You get to accomplish everything. You put out more books. Whatever you want to do, you do it, right? But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your books, this interview, video content, anything of you speaking or saying anything, written, audio, video, it's got to go to the next place. So no one has access to your information anymore. Just memory. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. Three things you know to be true, and this is all we would have to remember you by. What would you say would be those three lessons or three truths?

1:04:00Vulnerability is true strength. Ooh, yeah. That's right out the gate. Vulnerability is true strength. The secret of success is outworking the world and being loyal.

1:04:19and last one would be love yourself up yeah we gotta give ourselves a break amen learn to love yourself up learn to love yourself up that's beautiful before I ask the final question Jay I want to acknowledge you for going on this journey I think it's really hard for men in general but specifically a guy like you from Jersey in this world kind of grown up, you know, before me, when this stuff wasn't even talked about. To be able to open up about it, write a book, pour your heart out to the world, and really share a lot of rough stuff that you're sharing here, and the vulnerabilities at the platform that you have, I think it's really inspiring.

1:05:01And you're allowing other men like you to be inspired to do the same with their communities, their families, or girlfriends, whatever it might be. So I really acknowledge you for doing the work, showing up, and being willing to not be perfect, not have it all figured out. You know what I mean? So it's a beautiful journey, man. I'm really excited for you. And like I said, look, I'm trying to learn to love myself. I'm trying to learn to be loved because like, like that's all I want is to be loved and have that love, right? And I haven't felt worthy of it. So it's gotten in the way of most of my, a lot of my relationships.

1:05:36And now I think I'm, if I can, you know, again with this, the more I can do that, I could hopefully feel, feel that worthiness, then I'll have that happiness. I've been kind of searching for it. Of course, man. It's coming. This is the part of the process, man. It's that journey where probably wasn't, I couldn't recognize it years ago, but now that I'm talking about it like this, this is the version of me that I do want somebody else to be with and me to be with. Absolutely. That's beautiful, man. Thank you, brother. Final question, what's your definition of greatness? This is lifting somebody else up.

1:06:08Yeah. This isn't being cliche. Like, again, it's it's um it's not success in like a career no it's how you use whatever you have for somebody else but it's like you see what some of the great the great ones have done for what they've done with their platform that's greatness if you just do it for yourself it's not greatness you've just done a lot of really good stuff you've accomplished some things but it's not greatness greatness when you lift everybody else up right like listen i said it in straight hands hall of fame speech i I said, you know, being a great player, you're great. But Hall of Famer, you lift up everybody else around you.

1:06:48That's what greatness is, lifting up everybody else around you. That's a great definition. I always say that success is what you do for yourself. Greatness is what you do for others. There we go. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys. So share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most.

1:07:22And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.