Inky Johnson’s 5 Powerful Mindset Strategies for Conquering Life's Challenges & Embracing Abundance EP 1483

28:47It was so traumatic to him. Like, all right, God, like what's like, what is this, man? This hurts. Like, I don't like this. Like, why did this show up at this point in time? I remember being like, God, just let me make it to the NFL, get the contract, help my family. And then like, we can go through something like, just let me help my mom, help my grandma, help my cousins. Like when I was a kid, man, I remember saying to my cousins, like if I make it to the league, man, we can get our own beds one day. Right. We just wanted our own beds. Right. Right. And so when it happened, I remember seeing certain things happen that it caught my attention.

29:27Right. But I was so in the midst of what had happened to me that it just caught my attention. I think the beautiful thing about adversity and opposition, when you live with it, it teaches you. Right. If you're open to it. Right. When you live with challenges, it teaches you. And so the reason that I wouldn't change what happened to me or go back and even change the incident is because of not only the man that it's shaped and molded me into, but the way it's impacted those close to me. Right. My mother, my father, their relationship was fractured. Majority of my life. Yes. Like I'm talking about.

30:02Were they living together or no? No, no. Like never. Right. And so they couldn't even. How many kids your mom had? My mom just got me and my sister. Yeah. Yeah. And so my dad, he's married and he has two daughters as well. But when they had me, they were teenagers. Right. And so my dad's trying to figure it out. Mom is young. Right. They don't have tools. They don't know how to connect with each other or communicate. None of that. Deal with conflict. None of that, man. Act like a child. That's it. Act like a child. Have a child. Yeah. And so it created a lot of hurt, a lot of resentment on both ends.

30:36And so for me, when I started growing up, I had a level of resentment toward my father that I very rarely spoke about. And so I would speak to him and we would be cordial when we got to the point of communication. For a long time, I resented him. And so my mother and my father could very rarely be in a room and it be peace. Very rarely. When my injury happened, they had to be in a room. It had to be peace because it was a much bigger issue at hand. They didn't know if they were going to have to amputate my arm. They didn't know any of that. Right. But fast forward a bit, what's happened not only in my life, but in my family's life, it's been phenomenal.

31:16Like my mother and my father can be in the same space and place in the same room. Wonderful grandparents. My father came and lived with me for 30 days after my injury under the same roof, helped take me to rehab for my arm. Wow. Take me to class. Wash my clothes. like what it did for our relationship, what it did for my family's relationships, what it did for me and my buddies, my friends. Right. Guys tying my shoes, our connection, what that produced like. It was phenomenal. Right. The way it shaped and molded my perspective in my life and how I treat people. Right. Not that I was a bad person before because I wasn't.

31:54It's just the way that it's shaped and molded my perspective and how I view this thing called life every single day. Right. Because of what you just spoke about. When you go through something, I asked the guy this, Louis, I was in St. Louis speaking. Pandemic, one of my live trips during the pandemic. And I said, can somebody tell me something good that's happened as a result of the pandemic? Lady stands up. She says, my mother lives in Japan. I get to speak to her every single day. I know if I was working the same schedule, I never would have got the opportunity to have those moments. Gentleman stands up in the back of the room.

32:32A man looked like he's supposed to have been in the movie 300. Traps up to his ear, to my yoked up. Lewis, right? Starts bawling. And he says, I'm thankful I got to watch my first child being born. Crying. He said, I knew for a fact if I was working the same schedule, I never would have got the opportunity to witness that moment. He said, what's something you're thankful for, Inc.? I said, man, I'm thankful for 3 p.m. He said, why 3 p.m.? I said, man, I get to race cats and be the first one in the carpool line, right? He was like, the carpool line, really? I was like, yeah, the carpool line. I was like, but not the carpool line.

33:09He's like, what you mean by that? I said, the carpool line is extremely important. I get to pick my kids up from school most days. Phenomenal. Love it, right? I said, but more than that, it's about can I condition my mindset and my perspective that when uncertainty happens, opposition happens, adversity happens, I can put my mind, my perspective in a space and place to extract some good. Right. And so with adversity and opposition with my arm, I got a paralyzed right arm and hand. My perspective, my drive, my dedication, my commitment, my essence, my ethos, the thing that makes me ink, it never got paralyzed.

33:44That was just my identity in sport. Yes. That's what people knew me by in sport. But who I am as a man that never got paralyzed, right? I'm extremely grateful for that. My right arm and hand gets paralyzed. I get to go to disability services and learn how to write with my left arm and hand. Like I get to try different things, right? I get to go up to the Mayo Clinic and my first visit there, I sit down and I come out of a room to where they had just shot four needles in my back full of dye. I'm talking about biggest needles I've ever seen in my life. I sit down, I'm feeling sorry for myself. A little kid had to be 10 years old.

34:20Sits down. I don't know what the condition was. A mother sits down on one side of her. Father sits down on the opposite side of her. And it's like they're holding skin up on her face. And I was like, man, I just got an arm and a hand. But I got put in those environments and I got to see that. Extremely thankful and grateful. Most people don't get to see things like that on a daily basis. that conditions the mindset and the perspective to look for good in the midst of adversity, opposition or uncertainty. I tell people all the time, man, the easiest thing in the world to do is to be negative. So easy.

34:57Easiest thing in the world to do is complain. Easiest thing in the world to do is to quit. That's easy. Me and you both can walk out of this building and see something on the streets of L.A. and say, man, that's whack and complain about it. Or we can look at it and say, you know what, man, that's really unfortunate. But if they did this, if they can change this about it, I think that can be a beautiful situation. That's a gift and that's a talent that not everybody has. It's extremely underrated, extremely underrated, but it's extremely powerful when used in the right manner. How did you learn to have the positive perspective in the pain and into trauma.

35:38Like, was there someone helping you get out of that? Or did you just flip the switch into that mindset? Yeah, I would, I would say part of how I grew up. When you grow up in that two-bed miles with 14 people, you don't have a lot of choices in terms of what you're going to eat, you know, how much of it can you get? Like, I remember watching my mother count change in a old Buick Regal, man. Never forget this. And she was counting up change. She had a few dollars in there. And she was trying to get me a pair of cleats. Never forget it. Shaped and molded my perspective at practice, how I practiced.

36:21Like if you ask any coach that ever happened to you on their team, I'd let them be like, man, that cat used to practice hard. Because I remember moments like that. I remember it as a kid. my uncles were standing on the corner all night, engaging in their illegal activity, come in the house, take the clothes off that they were on the corner in all night, wearing a 2X t-shirt, put it on me. I'm 135 pounds. And I wear it to school the next morning. I remember me and my cousins coming and they're saying, hey, man, y 'all just make sure y 'all got a lot of t-shirts from the corner store and y 'all just change out the jeans, right?

36:56And so I might wear it one day. My other cousin will wear it the next day. Other cousin will just be shifting, you know, spinning it around, right? It shaped my perspective. It made me extremely grateful. I remember Christmas Eve. We got our first pair of Nikes and somebody broke in our house and me and my cousin was going back and forth in the room like, man, I can't wait till we wear them Nikes. We're going to race. Like any other kids, like kids in the streets of LA, Chicago, Florida, Atlanta. Like we used to race coming up, right? You race with your boys coming up. We used to race light pole to light pole.

37:28We got our first pair of Nikes for Christmas. We're going room to room. You know what I'm saying? We're just talking. Man, I can't wait. We're going to race tomorrow. And I'll never forget when we walked in that room and they were gone. Oh, man. And you saw a cat had came through that window. Hurt, right? First pair of Nikes. Hurt, right? And I'll never forget. My mother called my coach. My little league coach, man, that put me in sports. A guy by the name of Trey Hurst. and he showed up the next day and we were sitting on the curb and no people outside with whatever they had for Christmas and we're sitting there and he drove up and he gets out of the truck and he says, Inc, I'm sorry, man.

38:08You know, I got the call late and he had like a little brown bag that you get from like a corner store. And he was like, but you know, I was able to get some stuff, man this is all I could do at the last minute and he had drawers and socks in the bag right and I was grateful that my guy showed up right more than what he had in the bag I was like my dude showed up and my guy still tries to get me drawers and socks till this day on Christmas and I don't even need them right just my dude you know what I'm saying but it's moments like that that you remember that shape and mold you as a person as you go throughout life and I think we all have them right we all have these moments right whether it be humility moments whether it be you know moments that keep us grounded it's just we choose sometimes to forget them yes but i feel like we all have those encounters that as we navigate and we go and we grow throughout life it's those moments that keep us grounded that makes us remember where we come from that makes us remember how we've gotten to the points that people know us at that we look back and we think and we reflect on to where we can say, all right, I got it.

39:18Right? And so it's those moments. What would you say was the biggest fear or insecurity that you overcame or needed to overcome since after those two years until now? Was it learning how to do public speaking? Was it learning how to accept yourself and the way you looked? Was it connecting with your boys in a certain way or being perceived as someone who got injured? Was the fear or insecurity you had to overcome? Man, I would say it's layered, so I want to touch on it. It was extremely difficult when I first started going out with my arm. It was extremely difficult, you know, because— Were you single at the time, or did you have a girl at the time, or— No, me and my wife, you know, we've been on and off, you know.

40:02She's had more patience with me. Yeah, yeah, but at the time you were with her, or on and off with her. Yeah, yeah, on and off, but she was always there, man. It was my immaturity. Sure. But, you know, my arm, you know, it's just naturally, you know, smaller. And so when I first started going out, sleeve, and I would go out and either people would shy away, which would hurt, you know, in the early years, or a person would just look, right? Like, man, what is that? you know and very few people would ask right when i started going out with my sleeve very few people would say just in terms of if i'm out in the area like if i'm at habitat for humanity i'm there with the football team so it's all good people gonna come over boom but if i'm out like solo yeah walking through the mall very few people would just come up and be like hey man what happened they would just look right and just stare and that was extremely difficult for me for a long time right just thinking about okay man like what are they thinking right or it really hurt when people would just look and they would think i'm looking and they would shy away like that hurt you know early on but i would say the biggest thing that i've had to overcome like public speaking i was fearful of that but the biggest thing man was um running from poverty you know what i considered to be poverty, man, because I thought football was going to help my family.

41:34And so when I started speaking, I started doing extremely well. You know, I have been for a while with speaking to where I would just go. And I was just trying to accept gigs, gigs, gigs. Make as much to do. I was just running, right, just trying to speak because I grew up a certain way. And I was like, man, I don't want my family to have to grow up the way I grew up, my kids, or go back to that environment. And I love every element of it. Right. I love the encounters with the people. I love the impact that it gives you. I was just running from my past. And I'll never forget. I was in a small group and a gentleman was walking around in a circle.

42:11And he was like, what's something that, you know, you guys feel like in your childhood you're still dealing with or you're running from? And, you know, everybody would raise a hand and say something. And he got to me and I was like poverty. And he was like, are you in poverty? I was like, no. He was like, well, stop running. And his simplicity was profound, but it was simple, right? And I thought about it when I got to my room. And I'll never forget, Louis, I got a gig. And it was one of the biggest gigs I had gotten to date. And they were about to pay me more money than I'd ever gotten. How old were you?

42:49I was 36 now. I was probably 30. Okay, six years ago. Yeah. You're about to pay your biggest check ever. Yep, biggest check ever. And I was stoked. And the challenge was it fell on my wife's birthday, right? And so I'm like, man. And so, you know, you start working it out in your mind. Oh, man, my wife's birthday. I started talking. I'm negotiating with her. Oh, I'm negotiating. We do a birthday week before or week after. Like, I'm working it out. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I bring it to her, I already done worked it out. hey babe, this gig, you know, like I can send you and grandma to the spa.

43:28I can come back right after that. We can work. I got it all figured out. Oh, I got it all figured out. And she could see how excited I was. So she was like, oh yeah, yeah, go, sure, go. And my wife, man, my wife been at it since fifth grade. So she knows me. She go. So I go, it works out, do the gig. I send them to the spa, fly back the same day, pick her up. Everything goes great on the birthday. two days later I think it was something about might have been some socks or something something small wife blew up right she showed a side to me that I hadn't even seen yet right and I knew exactly what it was like it clicked immediately I was like that was the gig I was like she's blowing up not because she's blowing up about the gig she felt as if I value the opportunity the engagement and the money over her and her birthday.

44:23That was the damage, right? Over the kids, over the family, over that moment, right? And so what I had to do was realize that, man, you got renewable and you got non-renewable moments in life, right? Renewable, you can always make some more money, right? Non-renewable, my wife would never get another 30th birthday. My son would never have another 10th birthday. My daughter never have another 11th birthday. Right. And so my biggest thing that I had to overcome and destroy and grow through was that spirit and that thought process of running from poverty. Something I encountered as a kid. And once I got to a solid space as an adult, you know, every next level of our lives demand a new version of us.

45:09right taking that toolkit yeah reconstructing it growing to another level so i didn't do damage but having the right intentions while doing damage the right intention i want my family to have a better way of life but i'm doing damage with the right intention because i'm not growing beyond that level in that thought process yeah so how do you negotiate what if you got a hundred thousand dollar gig on her birthday yeah yeah yeah i used to say no sorry nike man i can't call him and She might be like, no, we good. Go, go, right? We good. Yeah, but man, just trying to communicate, you know, that's a skill that I don't think as men we always get or cultivate, you know?

45:50So, but yeah, it worked out. Why do you think so many people hold on to their tragedies or traumas so intently in their present from something that happened two, five, 10, 20 years ago? Why do you think people hold on to it so long? I think just the nature of the impact when it happens, right, and how it stuns their life, right? Like I had one of my friends who is a high-level coach, Division I coach, that ended up getting fired. And great coach, man, just had a bad run, bad couple of years, and hit me up and was like, Hey, Ink, man, I need you to help me with something. said why am I resisting opportunities to get another head gig it's like I love ball like why am I resisting the opportunity why am I fearful and I was like I'm not saying this is for certain but I think for one maybe the embarrassment of being fired and how that made you feel how that impacted your children how that impacted your family because I think painful experiences they always come with a lot of different emotions, right?

47:00Like me talking about going out and it was hard for me with my arm when people would look at me, right? That was a bit embarrassing at first, right? And so sometimes we hold on to these different emotions that attach to the experiences that we have. So I think you got the experience and then you got the collateral damage of the experience, how it affects our mindset, how it affects the way we see people, how it affects our emotions. And I think sometimes it's challenging to separate the two and deconstruct the two. And so therefore we hold on to the feelings that the trauma may have given us, right?

47:36The feelings that the adversity and the opposition may have given us. And so I think the moment that we can grow through it and figure out a way to use it, I think the quicker we get through it. Because I think it's a powerful thing, Lewis, and I think you probably know this to be true. when we use what happens to us and it creates a light bulb moment for another person that's a great feeling it's like when you get something for yourself for christmas that's awesome it feels great but when you do something for another person that you know is in need like that feels 10 times better for some reason and so i take adversity and opposition and i i interconnect it the same way yeah when we go through things it hurts or we figure out a way to get through it but when we share something and we identify with another person to let them know that because oftentimes when people go through stuff you feel alone you feel isolated and you feel like man like is something wrong with me and I think what happens when we go through and we create a level of empathy we show them that no man you're human like we all go through things like nobody is perfect like I told a guy that had a brachial plexus injury he's like man I see how you got through it like it hasn't been that easy for me i was like no bro it took work it took years like this was painful i went through every emotion that you're probably going through and i had a lot of people that helped me with them and so i feel like sometimes it's just the feelings that are attached and interconnected to the experiences that we have that creates the reason that we hold on to it for so long yeah right and i think the quicker we can get through and use what we go through the quicker we can go out and we can make the world a better place.

49:13Absolutely, man. Yeah. Where do you think you'd be right now if this didn't happen? Do you think you'd have the same level of emotional intelligence and wisdom

49:27and service mentality that you do now? Or do you think you'd be in a different place? I think I'd be in a different place, much more reserved. Really? Yeah, much more reserved because just the nature of my personality. you know I speak and people see me speak but to be honest I'm an introvert by nature that's why it was so hard for me to do it but I know for a fact if I had to play ball if God would have blessed me to go to the NFL play for a few years play for a few years I'd have just faded to black man I'd have helped the people near and dear to me probably like they would have knew me but I wouldn't have been out in front of the world sharing or traveling it just wasn't my personality like just to be able to go out and share that took work for me to be in front of a crowd and so I know for a fact if I had to play ball and I think about that often if I had to play ball went out got a couple contracts did well I probably just sat on the porch every day you know I'd be doing work take my kids to school be involved in local community stuff but I never would have discovered some of the gifts that now I know I possess like I'm being completely honest with you bro I never thought I would speak like ever they put me in public speaking in college I dropped the class on the second day yeah terrifying never never like and so for me this is extremely humbling for me like to speak to go out and share it's the thing that I feel like honest like I could do forever.

51:02Right. The interactions never get old to me because I wasn't the guy that was saying, man, I want to go speak. I want to go share. Right. I never thought I could speak. Right. When I got to college, they were putting me in public speaking because they couldn't understand most of the words I was saying from where I was from. You know what I'm saying? And so I never thought. And so for me to understand and know that my life was being guided by a force by a source that was a lot greater than me, it's extremely humbling to know that there was a plan in place, even when my plan didn't work. That was extremely humbling for me.

51:37And so when a father comes up and says, hey man, like I saw this story, it helped me hang in there with my family. Like I take that to heart. When a kid comes up and is like, man, I watched that before the games. I'm like, man, that's amazing. Right. That can never get to the point in my life to where I'm I'm like, oh, they're just saying that because I never imagined. I never thought. I never knew I had this gift. Right? And so for me, man, I thank God that this happened. And for some people, it's hard to understand and look at it that way because it helped me discover things about myself that I never knew.

52:18What would you say are the three biggest lessons you've learned from the trauma you've experienced? Patience.

52:27empathy, and always being willing to extend the level of grace to others, but also to yourself. Did you beat yourself up for a long time? I wouldn't say beat myself up, but I definitely thought about, like, man, like, why did it happen you know what i'm saying like just going down that rabbit hole of searching like what is this like why did this happen and then when i released that and it was like all right man just survive it stop trying to understand it survive it this did happen i can't go back i can't change it so you gotta accept it gotta accept it get through the pain and the emotions and then find meaning from it absolutely is that the process that was the process bro is that what you would suggest to anyone if they go through a devastating divorce or some type of heartache or injury and they're questioning why did this happen?

53:30I've been following the rules and I've been a good person and living a good life and why did this thing happen to me? What would you say? Sometimes you got to stop focusing and thinking about what could have happened and what should have happened and you got to live in what is happening, right? Because I always say to them, stop trying to understand it and focus on surviving it because the quicker you can survive it, the quicker you can use it, the quicker you can extract a lesson from it, the quicker you can glean perspective from it. And for all of us, we're going to encounter those defining moments in our lives, right, to where it's going to hurt, right?

54:05You went through it, I went through it. I remember I said to somebody like, man, it felt like I was in a boxing match and I just got KO'd. Life just knocked me out, bro. And I'm on the mat trying to find my mouth piece, right? I'm like spitting out blood. I see him over there counting, right? I'm looking at my guy in the corner. He want to throw in the towel. I'm like, not yet. And I find the strength to muster up, to get myself up, be like, all right, let's go. I'm ready. Now, I'll never forget that person saying, you know what? Life is so cold-blooded, you're going to get knocked out like that again and again and again.

54:45So the challenge is, will you learn the lessons from it? So the lessons doesn't have to keep getting repeated and you keep having to learn. Right. So when you go through these things of opposition, adversity and challenge, it's always a lesson. It's always a blessing. It's up to us to extract it. And if we're so concerned with trying to understand why, why, why we're going to miss the lesson. Right. We're going to miss the blessing. And the lesson is going to keep repeating itself. I know that from repeating certain relationships over and over again. We all got things like that, man. It's like, I got two kids.

55:26I always try to teach them, like, one of our big things is attitude drives performance, right? Attitude drives performance. I say to them all the time, when you get negative and you get frustrated, what does it do to your performance? Like, it goes bad. It just gets bigger and bigger, negative and negative. I'm like, exactly. And so when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to turn out and you get negative, the lesson is just going to repeat itself until you graduate. Right. Until you learn how to celebrate the pain. Celebrate. My son, sometimes he'll come out, go five for five. Right. Might get two home runs.

56:01Right. Other times you'll come out, go over five. Right. When you go over five, you're going to start huffing and puffing. And then you got to get the lesson repeated again. Or are you going to learn at a certain point to say, all right, man, it's baseball. It happens. So what? Clap it up, cheer on your teammate and say, you know what? Today I'm not getting it done on the offensive side. Defense, I got you. Right? Sometimes I'm not getting it done on this side. I got you. And so that's the key to life, I think, sometimes when things don't go our way. The quote says it. You judge the true character and caliber of a person, not by where they stand in times of comfort and convenience.

56:35You judge the true character and caliber of a person by where they stand in times of challenge and controversy. Right? It's an incredible thing, and character can be cultivated in the midst of opposition and adversity. That's the reason it says it. It's King's quote. It doesn't say you judge character by how a person responds when everything is going good. They know how you're going to respond. Happy-go-lucky. Celebrate. Hand clap. Great. Hippie parade. But when things go wrong, things don't go the way you want them to. They don't unfold the way you want them to. Who are you? because that's the true test of who you are as a person.

57:13That's your true character. That's the essence and the ethos of who you are as a person. Everybody is going to smile when the sun's shining, man. But the song says it. Can you stand the rain, baby? It says it. And so in light, can you stand the rain? That's the true test of character. I love the love, remember the Titans. Oh, that's one of my favorite movies. Man, I think I was in college when that came out. That's one of my favorite movies. And we all watch the night before a game. That's the joint. That's one of my favorite movies. Attitude, reflect, leadership, captain. That's where it's at.

57:51How real is that, though? That's real, man. That's true, man. That's real. And you know the crazy thing, Lou, is like attitude is a small thing that we often underestimate. But we really can control that. Absolutely. Dude, when I bring someone on our team, we've got 20 people on our team now. Nice. And when I bring people on, obviously we look for skill set and experience and all these different things. Make sure they have certain skills. But I tell people over and over again, they're probably sick of me saying it, that the things I care about the most is your attitude, your energy, and your effort.

58:31Because we can teach you a lot of the things that you need to know. We can get you a consultant we can hire. We can get you a course. so we can get you whatever to learn than a skill better. Absolutely. You can get coached up on a skill. It's hard to get coached up on attitude, energy, and effort. It's got to come from within. You've got to make a decision and a choice. I'm going to have a positive attitude. I'm going to have an attitude of gratitude or appreciation or whatever it might be in this moment, even when it's not going my way. Absolutely. Even when things are going off in my life or I just feel sluggish, can I shift my attitude?

59:05Can I have a different energy? and can I give effort? You know, you appreciate the guy who maybe isn't that skilled on basketball or football, but he's always diving for the ball. You're just like, man, he's doing what I wish I was doing this. You know, he's making me look bad. That's the man. The hustler that's just like, he doesn't have the height or the speed or the strength, but he's willing to hustle and fight, right? And I think it's the attitude, the energy, and the effort you put into your relationship, your career, your health, which will dictate the quality of your life in a big way.

59:40But if we have negative attitude, negative energy, and negative effort, you can't expect great things to happen to you. Absolutely. Absolutely. So attitude is everything. I don't think it's a small thing. I think it is the thing. Absolutely. That's good. I think... That's good. What did Lombardi say, his quote? If you're not fired up with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm. yeah that's strong right it's like if you're not strong if you don't have an attitude of enthusiasm what you're doing even when it's painful yeah try to be enthusiastic and you'll make it a more enjoyable experience you know that's strong those three days i don't know if you ever did three days but we did those i think it might have stopped when you were yeah yeah we just at two days yeah we said two because a couple kids like died in high school at it was like my senior year 2001 a couple kids in the country died of like heat exhaustion and so we used to do three a days and then they cut it back to two because of that and um but i remember thinking like and we had like a military coach in high school yeah and it was like no water break it was like you just push through you're just doing burpees for hours you know it's everything you'd fumble the ball and everyone's running a mile whatever it is and then back in there and it was painful man but I just remember thinking this is only going to last two hours, you know, or three hours.

1:01:00Yeah. Can I get through this, you know, and try to have a positive attitude in this time frame? Then I can rest, you know. I'm going to ask you something just listening to you. Do you think mental toughness is a skill? Or what's your thoughts about mental toughness? I think you've got to develop it. I think it's trained. I think it's something you develop for sure. I don't think many people have it. Like, as a kid, you've got to develop it. Absolutely. And sports has been the way that I know to develop it. I know musicians develop it as well in a big way because they practice and they're dedicated to a craft.

1:01:36But I don't think you're just born with mental toughness. I think certain things happen that cause you to have to step up. Bingo. Right? There's some type of adversity or you don't have the connection with your parents the way you wanted or you're picked on and bullied and you have to endure. Bingo. You either endure or you just fall behind. Bingo. I think that enduring energy coupled with the emotions behind it keep you going. Absolutely. So I was driven mostly to prove people wrong as a kid because I was picked on, right? Yeah. And I was going through some stress at home. and so I was just trying to prove everyone wrong in my life and I was willing to do whatever it took to prove the people who made fun of me wrong.

1:02:18And so I developed mental toughness in a negative sense which made me more angry and reactive when things didn't go my way in sports. It would drive me to be the best I could be but I was a really sore loser. And I was, you know, you hit me, I just wanted to hit you back. I didn't respond well. Yeah, get that lick back. And so I had to learn the lesson so many times until I was like, okay, I need to be better than the situation. I need to rise above it. I can't react to everything because then I'm on the bench. No doubt. So you get on the bench enough, you get kicked out of the game enough, you're like, oh, I can't play.

1:02:52Done. So I had to learn how to manage the emotions at some extent. Yeah. But that was a challenging thing, man. But when we want something bad enough, I think you're willing to be mentally tough. Absolutely. You have to be. Absolutely. But if you don't want it bad enough, then you're, I don't care about it. You don't have a meaning attached to the thing you want. And I was so committed to accomplishments to get accepted and to be praised by others because I wasn't accepted and praised by others. And I would go years, a decade to accomplish my goal in sports. And when I would accomplish all these big goals, I wasn't happy still.

1:03:32Yeah, it didn't. It's because I was trying to get acceptance from others, but I didn't accept myself. So it wasn't until I shifted it when I said I'm doing this because I want to be in service of others through my art, my expression, my inspiration. And I'm doing it because I purely love what I'm creating, what I'm doing, and I accept myself. Then I started to actually enjoy the process. That's good. It wasn't about winning. It was about the process. That's good. and I think it's hard for us to truly love what we do until we fully accept who we are it's really hard that's good it's hard to love what we do until we fully accept who we are that's strong that's strong we can enjoy the things we're doing but if we don't accept who we are then we're doing it from a place of lack we're doing it from a place of unwholeness if we don't accept who we are then we're not whole.

1:04:26Yeah. And so we're giving it an energy that is not a true, pure love. Absolutely. It's like I'm doing something I enjoy, but for what reason? To make myself whole? To prove to others? To impress other people? Yeah. But we should just be doing it from a whole-centered place. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. That's my thought. I love that, man. I love that. What do you think is the... I love that. What is the biggest struggle you're facing with now? Is it, you know, your parent, You're a father of two kids. They're about to be teenagers. It's about to be a whole new world. You know, you've been doing your speaking career for 15 years now, essentially, you know, 12 to 15 years.

1:05:07What is the biggest challenge you face today? The biggest challenge I face now, you know, and I really don't look at it like, you know how it is. As athletes, we thrive off challenges, right? Like, we thrive off of it. But, you know, I would say, man, fatherhood has really pulled the element and the side out of me that, you know, has really served me well. Right. Because we're blessed with two beautiful kids, 11 year old daughter, 10 year old son, totally different in terms of how they view life, how they approach life and how they do things. Of course, my son is like my wife. It's total opposite.

1:05:47My daughter is like me. right and so some of the tactics early on that i would try to use with my son it wouldn't work and my wife is phenomenal my wife you know at one point in her life she was an educator teacher love kids right and so communicating with kids for her comes second nature you know i'm more like toughen up a coach yeah yeah let's go right and so i leaned on her a lot and she would share things with me like I remember my my daughter man I had this moment it broke my heart man but it broke my heart but it created extreme revelation like it was a light bulb moment but it hurt me as a father like when my daughter was probably say eight and you know I would have this mentality you know whenever they would do something great you know I was the guy that would see it you know and be like, man, that was great.

1:06:43That was cool. But if you do this, it would have helped you get that. If you did that, it would help you get this, right? I was that dude because that was the way I was wired and how I looked at things coming up, you know, just in sports and life because I was that type of person. And I'll never forget, my daughter came out one day after school, sitting in the carpool. She comes out. She has like a test grade. She had like a, maybe like an 89 and she gets in the car and she was like, Dad, I got an 89 on my test. She was like, you probably don't think it's that good but I'm really proud of myself.

1:07:23Like I worked really hard. I gave it everything I had. Right? And I was like, have I became that guy? Like, I make my kids feel like nothing is ever good enough. And I remember talking to my wife that night and I shared with her what Jada said. And I was like, man, that really hurt me. Like, as a father, that hurt, bro. Like, I get emotional about it. That hurt me. You know what I'm saying? Because I never wanted my kids or want my kids to ever feel like, I don't care if you do your best and you get a C. like as your father I got your back and I'm going to love you and I'm going to be proud of you regardless like I'm going to ride with you regardless I'm your dude you know what I'm saying and I was like man that really hurt me that I made her feel that way that she had to say like dad you might not think this is much but I'm really proud of myself right and my wife said something to me and she said And, you know, sometimes, Inc., we can be so focused on who a person can become that we forget to acknowledge who they are and where they are.

1:08:43She's like, sometimes we just got to acknowledge who they are and where they are. Make it 89 and they gave their best at it. Hey, man, great job. Sometimes they're going to have a 95. Sometimes they're going to have a 104. Right. But as their father, it's my job to always be supportive, to always be empathetic, to always be understanding. Of course, correction comes, accountability comes. But at the end of the day, they should always know that I'm going to be loving, I'm going to be understanding. And if you do your best and you say that's your best effort, that's enough. That's big, yeah. I can live with that.

1:09:23And one of the things, I think that's beautiful. And one of the things I learned from Kobe when I interviewed him, he said something similar. Like for one season, when he was like 12, either 11, 12, or 13, he played basketball for like a summer league. And he didn't score one point the whole time, like the whole summer. All the games, he said he didn't score one point. I go, really? And he goes, yeah. And I went and talked to my father. and the reason I knew it was okay is because my dad said that he was going to love me whether I score all the points or no points. So it gave him permission to even go harder because he's like, I'm going to still feel loved.

1:10:01No doubt. Even if I fail or don't score or don't do the thing. And he said it was a very powerful experience for him to not score and not succeed and still be loved. That's strong, man. So I think it's a good reminder for us. And I think it could go another way where it's like, hey, you can do whatever you want and I still love you. And they're like, okay, I'll just sit around on the couch. So you got to have some like the drive also inside of you. But, you know, you got to manage that somehow. Oh, no question. No one to push the buttons, but. Oh, no question, man. No question. You got to know your people too, right?

1:10:33Exactly. You got to know them, man. He was driven also to keep winning, you know, to keep learning, so. You got to know your people, man. What's the biggest lesson being married has taught you since going through this adversity really together and then kind of rising in your career and your kind of celebrity and your personal brand. How has that worked in your marriage? It's made me realize that my job is not to change my wife. My job is to love my wife unconditionally. You know, because we all involve ourselves, whether it be relationships in terms of personal marriage or relationships in terms of people, friends, you know, compadres, whatever the case may be.

1:11:22Like, when I was early in my marriage, you know, me and my wife, I'm sure I did things that got on her nerves, right? I would be speaking in the mirror when I'm trying to learn how to speak, right, doing certain things. And she did certain things that I was like, man, like, I'm not feeling that, right? And so I had a cousin, right? He got married young, Louis. I'm talking about young. I'm talking about right when he graduated high school, this joke was married. I'd been married for years. Wow. Right? And so I called him one day, and I'm complaining to him, right? And he'd been married for a while.

1:11:55I'm complaining. Man, yeah, she does this, and she does this, and I'm really not feeling that. He listened, and he was like, you know you do stuff that get on her nerves too, right? Right, right. I was like, yeah, yeah, but, man, this bothers me. He was like, man, listen. He's like, your job is not to change your wife. Your job is to love your wife. for who she is. Like she got delivered to you. Like your job is to love her. Right. And there was a period in my life because of certain things that I may didn't agree with. And there were certain things she didn't agree with me that I thought I was supposed to present them to her and she was supposed to change him.

1:12:29Because for most of us, when it comes to love, I feel like we love the version of people that suits us. Right. We love the version of them that suits us. We don't always love them unconditionally, like who they are unapologetically, who they're not. We don't always love people like that. We love the version of them that suits us and makes us feel well about ourselves. And so for me, in terms of my growth in my marriage, like I love my wife. Right. Because she not only holds me accountable. Right. But she she makes me better. And we've been rocking since fifth grade. And so if nobody else on the planet Earth knows me, she knows me.

1:13:08She knows when I'm not feeling something. She knows when my energy is off. She knows when I'm having a tough time. She could just sense it. And so for me, it's been my growth and my challenge in terms of just trying to be a better man. Because I look at it like this. Because if I get toward the latter years of my life, man, and I journal. Like I journal to my wife. I journal to both of my kids. And I journal to myself. I got four journals that I write in every single day. that I haven't presented to them yet. Wow. But I just write in them every single day to where I write down why I make decisions, choices, why I do certain things.

1:13:46And the reason I do that is because, you know, when my time comes, right, and God forbid something happens, whatever happens, and, you know, our people come up to people, right, kids, spouse, whatever the case may be, they say, Hey, man, let me tell you about your father. Let me tell you about your husband, right? And, you know, I would like to think that my kids and my wife, they're going to listen, right, because of the type of people they are. But I also want them to have something that they can refer back to like a life guide. They can say, man, I know exactly who my dad is. I live with him every single day.

1:14:23But also he left me this, right, that explains our values, our morals, our principles, why he did certain things, why he lived by certain things, right, why he made me do certain things. Right. Because if I get to what the latter years of my life and, you know, somebody comes up to him and say, man, he was a great athlete. That could be cool. And that's all they talk about. I fail as a man, as a father, as a person. And so I want my wife and my children to always know, like, oh, that's a real dude. That's not a guy. That's not a public success. But behind closed doors, he's a private failure. No, that's our guy.

1:15:06Like, he is who he is. And so I work just as hard at being a husband and a father than I do at anything else in my life. That's beautiful to hear, man. My dad just passed in February a few months ago. Yeah, it's hard to hear that. Thanks, man. And it was kind of a sad thing because he had a brain injury. He got a car accident 17 years ago. So he was in a coma for three months after his accident. then he woke up and he was never the same you know he had this brain trauma car hit him on top of the forehead through his car and he just he had to learn how to read how to write how to talk again how to do it function as a human so it was like he was a five-year-old again almost in an adult body and so emotionally i wasn't able to connect with him the same way eventually he was able to communicate and you could have normal conversations but certain things were off where he would forget a lot so it was the same conversation every time I saw him it was kind of like hey where did you go to play you played football in college right and he came to every game right so he's asking where did you go to school again so he could communicate but it wasn't all functional so for 17 years I didn't get to have that relationship with him right he was there but it wasn't the same but he wrote letters that I still have today from when I was 15.

1:16:34And I kept those letters and I get to see the way he thought, the way he loved, the way he learns. And those are very meaningful to me, those letters, to have that. Because for 17 years, I didn't get anything from him. I didn't get letters. I didn't get a phone call because he just wasn't there mentally. So it wasn't his fault. He was just the brain trauma. But those letters are very meaningful. And so the reason you're doing that, I think it's really powerful just for you and going to be for them. Another thing, we had his funeral here in February, and all of his old friends came out who I hadn't seen in a long time.

1:17:11And they got to share stories about who he was back then, 17 years ago when we kind of remember him before the accident. It was beautiful that they came out and said, this is the man your father really was. And here's how he showed up for me. and this is the type of character he had in the community and it was really touching and emotional for me to to meet these older men and women who were talking about him that way because for 17 years it was so hard because it was kind of like we lost the man who once was but those memories didn't die with them the impact didn't die the connection didn't die and so i'm really glad you're doing that for your wife and for your kids man man that's the first time i've heard somebody say that they've had something like that yeah that's strong man yeah that's strong it was beautiful it made it really meaningful during a time that i couldn't find meaning within 17 years wow it was like why did this accident happen without when i felt like i needed him the most you know what i mean when i i got injured in my injury and stopped playing right after his injury and i didn't have him to lean on anymore so it became this like challenge but to hear those stories and to have those letters was a beautiful part of the journey for me so i'm glad you're doing that man that's strong i'm really glad you're doing that if you could only let's hypothetical this isn't going to happen but say hypothetical scenario you you don't get to give those journals to them and you only get to share one message with your kids what would you say to them and they could hold on to this message forever but it would only be one message what would that message be enjoy every aspect of life enjoy every aspect of life and don't waste any experience because I feel like for most of us we enjoy the good parts right and for most of us most days are good days right but we often waste experiences that don't show up or turn out the way that we want them to and I feel like that's a big mistake because in those experiences are some of the greatest lessons and the greatest opportunities to shape and mold us into beautiful people, right?

1:19:29And so when I say enjoy every aspect of life, enjoy everything, ups, downs, successes, failures, highs, lows, like everything, right? Because in the end, it's the culmination of all of that that shapes Lewis. It's the culmination of all of that that shapes Inc. It's the culmination of all of that that will shape who they will become. And so enjoy all of it. Don't waste any of it, man. On the days where it's great, hip, hip, hooray. Celebrate it. Days when it's not, celebrate it. It might be hard, but celebrate it. Like, enjoy it, right? Tough times don't last always. Tough people do. We hear it all the time.

1:20:08But everything passes with time, right? And so I just tell them, enjoy every aspect of life and don't waste experiences. A couple years ago, I looked up, I was curious to figure out how many people die every day. I was just Googled it and said, on average, 150 ,000 people die every day in the world, just for whatever, every cause. And every time I think of maybe I'm going through something sad or a challenging moment, I think 150 ,000 people didn't wake up today and I did. Amen. Just for that reason alone, it's a beautiful day. Absolutely. And I think it's any way we can find perspective is powerful.

1:20:48It doesn't mean we shouldn't feel our feelings and we, you know, grieve and go through sadness and cry and all these things. Don't stop these feelings. But I think it's, you don't want to stay in those feelings forever because they hold us back from service, from being there for our loved ones, our friends, our family, our team, our community, and our creator. And it's like, what can we do with the tools and the skills that our creator has given us to be of service to the next person? Absolutely. Whether it's hundreds of people, millions of people, or one person. Absolutely. Focusing on that. Like you said, it's the greatest gift when we give it to someone else, not when we buy something for ourselves.

1:21:27Yeah, man. And use that with your tools and your story as well. If you could only share one thing with your wife and she didn't get your journal, what's the thing you'd say to her? I think I would say to my wife, this is funny, man, because this past anniversary, our anniversary was in April, and she had to be. How many years? We were around 11, and she had to be in Orlando with my daughter at a cheer competition. You should have said, oh, it's our anniversary. Where are you at? I was with my son. And so I sent there a little text and a little message, and I was like, I'm there. I'm there. She was like, you're not here.

1:22:11Like, you're all in Atlanta. So I was like, no, I'm there. I'm always there. Like, no matter where you go, I'm going to always be there. Right? A piece of me will always be with you, and a piece of you will always be with me. Right? Because of who we are and how we've grown throughout life. We've been together since we were kids. Like, talking 10 years old. Crazy. Like, been at it for a long time. And so the one thing that my wife lost both of her parents when she was young, like elementary school, she lost both of them. So she was raised by a grandmother. And I always felt like my wife was a gift to me, right?

1:22:49Because when my wife, you know, even when we was young, I felt like God delivered my wife to me, like as a gift. That's beautiful. Right, her spirit, right, what she had been through in life, the hurt she had endured. And so I felt like it was always my job to protect her heart, to protect her. She was being raised by a grandmother, grandmother, elderly lady. And so for me with my wife, I always want her to know that you got this, babe. Like I always tell her, you got this. And what you got this is, is everything. You got this, right? As a parent, you got this, right? If there's ever a time when I'm not there, me and my son was in a pretty bad accident last year.

1:23:32flipped over. Wow. Like, yeah, man. The car. Yeah, like flipped over. By the grace of God, we both made it out. I had a little scratch on my arm. Car flipped. Car flipped. Damn. Thought it was about to flip off the ramp. Was this icy or snowy or something or what? Rain and storm. Dang. And we both made it out. That's scary. And I'll never forget. Yeah, it was scary, man. And we got out of the car. I'm getting in the car with my wife. And the whole car is just crying. But she was like pouring like, man, I almost lost y 'all, right? And it was a tough moment, but I remember just thinking at night, like, man, have I prepared my wife if there was ever a time where she had to move forward without me?

1:24:19And so for me, my message to her is always, babe, you got this, right? It's preparation. You got it, right? And so for me, that would be my message to my girl. Like, if there's ever a time when I'm not present, And Lord forbid something happens to me. You got this. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like that word we hear when we're young from a coach or a parent, that belief that injects belief in us. Right? Like, hey, Lewis, man, you got this. When you're young, you're trying to figure it out and you remember it. Hey, man, you got this, man. I'm telling you, I'm a smaller guy. Yeah. Right?

1:24:54And you remember those things, man. And it's the simple things in life that people don't think always makes a big difference that when a person gets alone or a person really needs something like that they can rely on to get through adversity, opposition or just a rough patch. You remember things like that. You remembered them letters your father wrote. Absolutely, man. You know, like you remembered that. And so just sometimes simple words of, hey, man, you got it. You know, remember the Titans.

1:25:27I got a couple final questions for you but I want people to follow you InkyJohnson.com Yes sir Inky Johnson on social media Inky Johnson Motivate on Instagram as well is that where you spend the most time Instagram? Yeah yeah I be on IG and Twitter man you know every day I jump on Twitter and IG but yeah Nice we'll make sure to follow you over there and if anyone listening or watching wants an incredible speaker at one of your events Oh, my God. Then make sure to go to inkyjohnson.com and send you an email. My God. See if he's available. He's an in-demand guy. You know, you never know when he's available.

1:26:03So make sure you schedule it a year in advance. Get the discount for next year. That's right. In advance now. You know what I mean? School of greatness. That's it. You know what I'm saying? That's right. That's it, man. Anything else we can do to support you? Man. Following you online and checking out your stuff. Yeah. And, you know, and I don't say this in like a cheesy way, but like, you know, we always look at the world, all of us. Right. And when something happens, right, like you see the mass shootings that happen or whatever the case may be. And we all see things that happen in the world, man.

1:26:38And our heart hurts, you know what I'm saying? Whether you see and we can't control it, you know what I'm saying? Things happen sometimes. It's just out of our control. and you always think about like, man, what can I do? It's just something I can do. And just go out, man, and just be a good person, man. Like it don't cost nothing to go out and offer a kind word to a person every day. It don't cost nothing to go do a random act of kindness. It don't cost nothing to go out and just share a word of encouragement to somebody. Like every day, just doing our part to make the world a better place. It doesn't take anything grand, right?

1:27:16Like, it doesn't take anything special. Just go out every single day and do our part. And just watch the triple effect of that when we go out and we serve. You know what I'm saying? And so just make the world a better place, man. Yeah, kind human being. That's the key, man. It don't cost a thing. You know what I'm saying? Just go out and be a good person, man. This question is called The Three Truths. So imagine, hypothetical, it's your last day on earth, many years away. You get to live as long as you want to live. 100, 200, however long you want to live. But eventually, you've got to turn the lights off.

1:27:49All right. And you've got to go to the next place. You get to accomplish all your dreams, live your life, see your kids grow up, all these different things. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your message with you. Gotcha. This interview is gone. Anything you create online is gone. Books, anything you create, gone. Gotcha. The journals are gone. Your family doesn't have the journals. Another hypothetical. Right, right. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the whole world. Three things you know to be true from your existence. And that's it. What would you share your three truths?

1:28:21My three truths would be the first one, this too shall pass. Whatever you encounter, whatever you go through. And I say this obviously referring to tough moments, right? This too shall pass, right? Every storm has an expiration date. Every storm runs out of rain. This too shall pass will be the first one. Learn the art of patience. Be patient. In the midst of good times and bad times, learn the art of patience. Patience will reveal certain things to you about situations, circumstances, and yourself that you didn't know exist. And always be willing to be empathetic. right for most of us right when things happen we have sympathy for people right like oh man that's really unfortunate what happened to that person we have sympathy i think the power of empathy is when somebody goes through something or somebody is dealing with something empathy says hey louis i'm with you bro you got it yeah i'm gonna walk with you man call me if you need me That's empathy.

1:29:36Sympathy is. And you see what Lou is going through? It's tough. I hope he gets through it. Empathy is. Hey, bro, I'd be willing to walk through five with you if you need it. Yeah. Right? Be empathetic. Inky, I'm so grateful we got to connect right now. I hope we do a lot more stuff in the future and hang in the future, man. I want to acknowledge you for your courage. It takes a lot of courage to overcome what you've come from, the pain, the trauma, the identity of loss, to transition it into something for good. I think a lot of people hold on to their pain so much and it becomes their identity moving forward.

1:30:12You used it, you let go of an old identity and you're using a new identity for good as opposed to holding on to the pain. So I really acknowledge you for expressing your talents and your gifts with the world in the way that was scary to do. You didn't think you were going to speak. You had to overcome that fear to even get this skill out there. So I acknowledge you for all the things you've gone through and most of all for being a great father, man. I think that's the most beautiful part is hearing your story as a father, which I'm sure you make mistakes. Absolutely, ton of them. But stepping up for your kids and being a great husband is what makes an impact on communities.

1:30:49Thank you, man. So for you showing up in that way, man, I acknowledge you for that. Appreciate you. Can I say something to you, man? Sure, brother. I think as men and as people, we don't say this enough to each other, but I'm proud of you, bro. Thanks, man. Proud of me. Appreciate you, man. Absolutely. From one brother to another, man. Every day, one step at a time. That's it, bro. That's it. One step at a time, man. Thank you, brother. Final question, what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is I heard Kobe say something great, and I know you asked mine, but I got to say this.

1:31:25He said every single day I was pursuing greatness, even though I knew I would probably never catch it. just the fact that I was willing to pursue it. I would defeat most of my opponents because they would never pursue something that didn't have any guarantees attached to it. So when I think greatness, I think about having the courage to pursue it. Because most people won't even pursue greatness because they feel as if it's something that's so far-fetched that they'll never attain it. I feel true greatness is having the courage to just involve yourself in the pursuit, the process of trying to be your greatest self, right?

1:31:59Self-mastery is the constant pursuit. So being willing to show up every single day and constantly pursue greatness of trying to be our best selves. Yes, sir. Thank you, Johnson. My man. Appreciate you, brother. My brother. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend.

1:32:36Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I wanna remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.