Mel Robbins Reveals a 5-SECOND SECRET That Will Change Your Life Forever!

27:44So I was talking to our buddy, Dr. Daniel Amen. Right. And so one of the world's leading experts on brains, He's got like 60 ,000 brain scans. I think it's like 120 ,000. Oh, is it at this point? Yeah, it's some crazy, yeah. So he was so excited about the high five habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes. He's like, yes, neurobics. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So we then, he said, let me tell you what else is going on now. And I'm like, really? There's more? He said, yeah. He said, you know how when you do it, you said you felt like a little kind of boost in your mood.

28:16He said, well, there are two things going on there. He said, first of all, when you cross a finish line in a race, what do you do? Put your hands up. Yeah. What do you do when your favorite team scores? You high-five someone. Yeah, you high-five somebody. What do you do at a musical concert? Yay! What do you do? You know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high-five somebody or fist bump them or put your arm around them. That raised arm gesture in a positive sense triggers your nervous system to tingle with celebration. It's the energy of celebration, even if you're going through something difficult.

28:48And even more, you get a dopamine drip when you do this. And so part of the reason why you feel this kind of shift in your mood and you feel a little bit of like, oh, okay, I can face this. I can do this. I got this. It's because of the dopamine. It's because of the nervous system. And it's because of all of this positive programming associated with that gesture. Isn't that crazy? That's powerful. That's powerful. I mean, so what does someone do, though, if they just constantly have the negative self-talk on their mind that they're no good? Do they go in front of the mirror, you know, every 10 minutes and do this?

29:22No. Or is there another strategy behind the negative self-talk? Well, okay. So first things first, definitely make this high five in the mirror a habit, okay? So start practicing it. Give it five to 10 days and start to see what happens. The second thing that you can do with negative self-talk is you need to start to interrupt it. So the thing about negative self-talk is that it is typically something you've engaged in since you were yay high. And in addition to it being wired into your brain, it is also something that can get triggered by your nervous system in stressful situations. And so the first step, and we can talk more about the filter in your brain and how the filter in your brain is causing you to stay stuck in a lot of this negative self-talk and how to use your mind to help you.

30:15But the first step is you got to do the awful part of getting self-aware of what the voice is saying. and the way that you do that there's a couple techniques that you can use to create what researchers or psychologists call objectivity you want to separate yourself from the voice yep so you can do what lewis is doing he's writing down right now in a journal you can keep just a little notebook with you and you can kind of catalog when your attitude tanks and what are you actually saying to yourself okay so should we write down all the things we're saying you could negative about ourselves you can you can i personally do it this way i start to notice when i feel down or i start to notice when my energy drops and then i tune into what i'm thinking about and if it's negative i go five four three two one yeah i literally notice oh you're sitting there thinking you're a bad person again oh you're sitting there thinking that uh somebody's mad at you again oh you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again Oh, you're sitting there thinking that nothing ever works out for you.

31:21Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you've blown it. Interesting. And then I go, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and I go, I'm not thinking about that. That's the most basic technique to use because what I want you to do, since this is like operating on autopilot, it's encoded right here. When you're not really thinking this is what's running, kind of like the soundtrack of your life, when you just start to notice that you have a thought that's not helping you, you can't control that it popped up but guess what you can do you can smack it down yeah and so i use the five second rule which we've talked about a lot on your show count backwards five four three two one the counting backwards awakens your prefrontal cortex it gives you a moment of control and then the way to build distance lewis is say i'm not thinking about that and here's why you're so used to thinking this way i can't just say stop thinking you're fat and start thinking that you love your body.

32:14It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. So you've got to go, oh, there I am. I'm trashing the way that I look. I'm telling myself that I'm overweight. I look like I'm hideous. Nobody's going to love me. You'd be like five, four, three, two, one. I am not thinking about that. It's an act of defiance. See, I want you to go from these negative thought patterns to a more positive, empowering high five attitude. Because if you continue to live in, I'm fat, I'm unworthy, no one's going to love me. I've screwed up my life. That will be your life. Right. And the trick on this is I'm not saying change your thoughts and unicorns appear.

32:58I'm saying change your thoughts so you stop the 24-7 beat down and learn how to lift yourself up so that you can face the things that are going on in your life and so that you can take the actions that you need to take to change your life. Because the reason why you're not changing is not because you're not capable. It's not because of the trauma or your past or anything else. It's because of the beatdown. That's why you're not changing. It's draining. It's draining. It's demoralizing. It is. And by the way, if you constantly are like, I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that. Why on earth would you feel motivated or do you think you deserve to change?

33:45If that's the thing in your mind, it doesn't work. And so pay attention. when you feel your energy go negative you're like oh okay when i oh whoa that's disgusting five four three i'm not thinking about that you don't have to insert anything else let's just practice shutting it the hell up right the second thing you can do is once you kind of get good at interrupting it i want you to um name like let's turn it into a character so i did this with our son oakley when he was struggling pretty profoundly with uh anxiety when he was in the fifth grade uh he named his anxiety oliver and then we asked him to describe oliver and oliver uh was like this pimply faced kid that uh what is that um the diary of the wimpy kid kind of bully looking kid and whenever the negative worries and stuff would come up he would literally you could literally hear him go oliver shut up and it is the ability what's happening when you name it and picture the person is that you're able to detach yourself from that voice in your mind that's talking.

34:56Because that voice is typically a caregiver that either talked to you that way or talked to themselves that way or some bully or some trauma experience or some nasty coach that beat this into your head. It's from somebody else. And so we want you to separate yourself so you can be like, oh, that's what Oliver sounds like. That's not actually how I want to talk to myself. Right. And so identifying it, interrupting it, and then you can get into the really incredible magic of rewiring your brain to work for you. Yeah. I think Ethan Cross, who's a psychologist out of the University of Michigan, has a book called Chatter, which is about all the different psychological strategies for eliminating the negative self-talk and improving the quality of your mind.

35:43And he says, start coaching yourself just like you would have a great coach coaching you. Have someone like a character in your mind coaching you, celebrating you with your self-talk to help you kind of shift out of that by interrupt it. Then coach yourself. Yeah, what would Lewis say to me? What would Mel say to me? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. And here's the tricky part of this. So the tricky part of this is that I personally think most mantras are also complete garbage. And the reason why I say that is because you don't freaking believe them. Right. So if you think you're worthless, you're never going to be able to stand in front of a mirror and change your life by going, I'm worthy.

36:18Because your brain's like, who? No, you're not. We've been talking about this for your life. You're not worthy. You don't want me to show you something. So you have to interrupt it. And if you're going to try to replace it, what you need to do are two things. Number one, you have got to come up with, I should have called it pathetic mantra because it would have been easier to remember. In the book, I called it a meaningful mantra. We should just call it a pathetic mantra. You need to come up with something that's like, okay. You know, like if you're really like bad and you think you're a horrible person, like don't make your mantra, I'm amazing.

36:52Make your mantra like, I'm doing the best I can. Yeah. That's it. Something simple. Yeah. You can believe that, right? You can believe that. I'm trying. You know, I'm not meaning to screw up. I'm doing the best I can. Like that, I believe. Yeah. And that's better than, boy. I'm the best in the world right now. Yeah, no. You're never going to believe that. Ever, ever, ever. Like, for example, if you struggle with health and weight and stuff, it's probably going to be hard for you to stand in front of a mirror and be like, I love my body. Because you've been rejecting it. So instead, look at yourself in the mirror and use a meaningful mantra.

37:28I deserve to feel healthy. Right. And I'm going to treat myself in a way that proves it. That's it. That's different. It's different because it's believable. The only other thing that will change the way that you think is behavioral activation therapy. So there's a lot of the tools in this book that are grounded as a baseline in the body of research around behavioral activation therapy, which I know you talk about all the time on the show, which is basically act like the person you want to become. Right. If you want to be more like Lewis, act like Lewis. Follow his morning routine. take his advice interrupt the garbage Oliver in your head five or three I'm not talking to you Oliver what would Lewis say to me how would Lewis talk to Lewis and start to act like the person you want to become and something interesting happens and this is why the high five works by the way because it is an action you are acting like somebody who believes in and loves themselves Yeah.

38:31That's why it works. Moving to motion. Don't just think only, but moving action. So when you see yourself, you know, we always talk about positive morning routines. Let's talk about negative ones, okay? Because your negative patterns are the reason why you have horrible self-talk. Right. Like when I was in law school, I hated my life. My anxiety was out of control. I was out of control. I hated law school. And so my behavior actually reflected my state of mind. I would wake up hungover. I would immediately think, oh, my God, I'm late. I would then reach for a cigarette and light it. Then I would run around the apartment getting dressed and trying to find everything because nothing was organized.

39:14I would then quickly drive to Dunkin' Donuts, even though I had no time, to stop for coffee. I'd get a big old coffee with four sugars and two creams, smoking another cigarette on the way, speeding my whole way there. Then I would sit in class, be panic-stricken about being called on. Same thing again. Then I would sit at lunch, picket a salad, gossip with friends, avoid the homework. Then I would go to the library, procrastinate forever. Then I would drive home, split a bottle of wine with my roommate, fall asleep, wake up, repeat. When you see somebody's actions, you can typically predict just how bad they're trapped in their mind.

39:48Absolutely. But I think we all are. I mean, I think even people that have healthy habits don't have a healthy relationship with themselves. that your self-talk is ground zero. Because how you talk to yourself, what you think about yourself when you look in the mirror, that sort of default setting in your mind, geez Louise, I mean, it makes me really sad, honestly. I gave my first speech in two years because of the pandemic yesterday in Salt Lake. And there was a book line. And even though everybody had masks and they were six feet away, you could see the pain in people's eyes, the isolation, the sadness, the overwhelm, the feeling of uncertainty.

40:38And I think that people are feeling way more uncertain and afraid than they're actually saying right now. That the sustained amount of change that we've been having to manage. It's too much. It's a lot. And if you stand in front of the mirror and you can't see somebody that's worth supporting through this, you're just going to continue to go down. Because the one person that you spend your whole life with is you. And this is the relationship you need to be working on. You want to be loved? You better learn how to love yourself. You want to feel worthy? Stop looking for it out there and treat yourself like you're worthy.

41:23How do you do that? Well, by pushing through the resistance and raising your head. Like, if you can't freaking high five your reflection. Right. You can't you can't you can't do that. How are you going to make things happen in your life if you don't think you are worthy of support and celebration, particularly when life is hard? Yeah. How are you getting how are you going to believe that other people are going to do that for you as well? If you can't do it for yourself, why would other people do that? Well, actually, this is why people's relationships don't work out. Because you're looking outside yourself for the things you actually need.

42:00For validation. Correct. You are chasing people and seeking validation in romantic relationships. And that will end when you can stand in front of that mirror and validate yourself. When you build yourself up, when you support yourself, you show up totally differently for everybody else. when you know that you can have your own back, you're not going to be looking for the validation from your boss or your friends or all these other things. People have problems with boundaries because they can't look themselves in the eye. So how are they going to look somebody else in the eye and say, actually, this doesn't work for me?

42:33What about when things start to shift and we start to see, oh, here's a great potential relationship I could get into, or I got a great job opportunity, or something's coming my way. How do we learn to not self-sabotage the good things that come to us. So give me an example. Like how have you self-sabotaged things in your life? I can't think of a good answer. I don't think I really do that that much, but I know that other people do and it's a big issue. Maybe I'm trying to think. Okay. So I'll tell you. But if people get into a good relationship. This is a really big answer though. You ready? Yeah.

43:09Okay. So now let's detour into the lane. We talked about this on the last time I was on, but let's detour into the lane of anxiety, of patterns and trauma, and talk about why people self-sabotage. People don't self-sabotage intentionally. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, today I'm going to screw up my life. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to drink myself on the ground. I'm going to cheat on my wife. I'm going to embezzle for my company. I'm going to lie to everybody about how I'm actually feeling. I'm going to stop taking my meds. I'm going to kick the dog. Nobody does that. What happens is people get triggered.

43:54And they react. And then they fall into old patterns. And so what happens, I believe, in relationships in particular or jobs where you're like, this time it's going to be different, is it's different for the first three to six months when it's novel. And when you're intentional and when everything counts. Then when you've got to face yourself. Then when it becomes like part of your life, you get lazy and you slip into old patterns. Or when the stakes get really high. Let's say you're somebody who had a parent die early or your dad abandoned the family and you're scared to love somebody. And so you fall deeply for somebody.

44:37And then what gets triggered is this tremendous fear that they're going to leave. Yeah. Because that's your lived experience. And if you go back to what you did as a child to cope with that fear that somebody's going to leave, that's the exact pattern that you will repeat as an adult. The only way to end this or to try to get your arms around it is to attack it holistically. Because so much of this happens at the subconscious level, and it also gets triggered first by your nervous system and you're not even aware of it. And so there's a tool that I talk about in this book called High-Fiving Your Heart.

45:17Your heart. Your heart. Yep. So what you do, and I started doing this because I was having this incredible response from past trauma happened when the pandemic hit. So when the pandemic hit, I started waking up feeling like something was terribly wrong. And it would start in my ankles and it would flood up my legs and go all the way up my body. And I would feel this wave come up. My immediate thought is something's wrong. And my heart would start to race and I'd feel this full on like anxiety response. And I know what that is now. So I now know that the anxiety response of waking up, which so many people do, this is really actually very, very common.

46:11People wake up anxious. Yes, feeling like they're in trouble or something's wrong or something's about to go wrong. Yeah, that's not good. Well, if you grew up in a chaotic household. That's normal. Yep. If you had a caregiver that gave you the silent treatment or had mental illness or had a drinking problem. Or narcissistic. in your house. Yep. You did wake up. Anxious. Yeah. Because your anxiety, by the way, was trying to protect you. It was putting you in a state of being alert so that you were ready in case something happened. But for a ton of us, Lewis, we have lived our whole lives with a dysregulated nervous system.

46:46That's what I've come to learn during the pandemic, that I have literally lived since probably the fourth grade with my nervous system never truly resetting back to a calm resting state. And so I started to wake up every morning in the pandemic, like so many people did, but, and I've always kind of had this sort of wake up and feeling like something's wrong. Like, Oh, I didn't, you know, Chris is mad. Like my first thing is like, Chris is already up. He's meditating. He's angry that I've slept 15 minutes longer than it. Like, it's so stupid. You know, this is how we torture ourselves. But during the pandemic, it was like a full-on anxiety response.

47:20And so I started doing this thing where I would put my hands on my heart, like right in the center of my chest. I got big mitts just like you. So you can kind of hit the whole thing. Take a deep breath. And then I would say, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. If you can say those things in this moment, it's true. You are okay. You are safe and you are loved, whether you're waking up in a mansion or a homeless shelter. And what would happen as I I was doing this, high-fiving my heart, is you're pressing on the vagus nerve. Like, that's what you're actually toning. That's the same thing that Wim Hof is teaching with the ice bath.

47:59You're toning your vagus nerve. And what the vagus nerve is, as you very well know, because you talk about it on the show, is it's the switch between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Fight or flight versus rest. So if you ever find yourself in a stressful state, give your heart a high-five. Put your hands on your heart. Go, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. Repeat it 111 times if you need to. What you'll feel is you'll feel your nervous system start to settle. You'll feel yourself come back into your body. You'll feel your mind slow down. And you will literally take control of your nervous system.

48:34It is unbelievable. And it's also really important because, you know, in researching this book, I talked to, you know, the acclaimed Dr. Judy Willis, who's an incredible neuroscientist. She explained something I never knew, but it makes a lot of sense. If your nervous system is on edge, it's in an alert state, you're dysregulated, it's impossible for your cognitive function of your brain to work. I can give you an example. If somebody were to bust in here with a gun and try to rob us, would you be able to do a math problem? No. No. I'd be like, just thinking, safety. Yes, exactly. Save my life.

49:14I can't, I bet the majority of people actually walk around with a nervous system that is on edge like that, particularly post-pandemic. Yeah. And for me, the reason why, I've actually linked it all the way back. So when I was in the fourth grade, I was molested while I was sleeping by an older kid. Wow. And in the kind of array of things that can happen in terms of sexual abuse, mine was very tame. Yeah. It was a one-time incident. It was a kid who was slightly older than me. It was confusing, not scary. I just possum, disassociated, don't even remember how it ended. And for a long time, I didn't even remember it.

49:56And then I remembered it when I was 28 years old. And I believe that the reason why I have always woken up in a state on edge is because of that incident. Since the fourth grade. Yes. And the thing is, Lewis, is that the morning's a trigger. If you have that stored in your body, something happened to you, something happened to you, something's wrong, something's wrong, because something was wrong. And you don't have the tools, and no kid does, to smooth out your nervous system and heal the trauma, that trauma lives in your body. And so I believe most self-sabotaging behavior that people continue to repeat is nothing but stored trauma and your best ability to cope with it when it was happening.

50:49That's why we sabotage. Yes. So I don't think it's intentional. I really don't. Like even somebody who's diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, they don't know that they have that. Like they're not like there's not it's like such a program behavior. There's no I'm going to go do that. I'm in love with this person. Let's go screw it up. Right. That's not what happens. And this is also why I'm telling you. I know I'm crazy passionate about this topic of this standing in front of the mirror and changing how you see yourself. If you don't get a hold of that story, I'm worthless. I'm unlovable.

51:29I screw everything up. I'm a bad person. I'm not good enough. Nothing works out for me. If you don't change that and start cheering yourself forward, you will stay locked in these self-sabotaging patterns because you will act in a way that you believe it subconsciously or unconsciously. I know, it's heavy. Oh, sorry, I keep starting. It's all good, yeah. Man, so you're saying you're 52 right now, as you said? Yeah. So you're saying I have a lot of work to do still for the rest of my life. I don't know if you've screwed up your life as much as I did. And I don't know how much you torture yourself.

52:07I'm really good at torturing myself, or at least I used to be. And so back to your original question about learning to love yourself, I also think that even if you're wildly successful, whether it's successful in your relationship or successful at work, a lot of us, the more successful we become, the harder we are on ourselves. We harp on the things that aren't going right instead of really focusing on the things that are going well. Yeah, we don't celebrate enough. Yes. Just on to the next or what could have been more perfect or something like that. Uh-huh. What is that saying to ourselves when we don't celebrate the hard work we put in?

52:43You're not worthy of it. You haven't done enough. Interesting. Even this amazing podcast that you have is enough, Lewis. Mm-hmm. I'll high-five you when, you know, I sell it for$100 million. dollars or I'll high five you, right? It rings true because it's true. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not there yet. And somehow if I celebrate this, am I going to get the big thing? Like think about a marathon. So a marathon, I think life is a marathon. And if you've ever watched a marathon or run a marathon, I'm running one in a few months. Are you? My first one. Oh, fantastic. I'm a little terrified. Why? You've done it?

53:19Yeah. I've run four of them. Well, run is a very aggressive. Jog run? Sort of. Yeah. Like, you know, if over five hours could be, you know. Okay. You finish. Yeah, I finish. I walk through the, you know, the water things. But you're a big guy, so it might be hard on your knees. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So here's the thing that you're going to love about it. Okay. Tell me. The entire time you're running, spectators are high-fiving you. It gets you through it. Yes. That's what I keep saying. I'm like, I feel like running alone is so not fun. If you can do a 13-mile training run. I did a 13-mile.

53:53Well, yeah. Yes. A few months ago. Then you can run a marathon. Really? Well, because - It's just going to get you through it, right? Well, all of the people get you through it. Yes. Every high five is a transfer of energy. It's a transfer of belief. Wow. It drips dopamine. What did Dr. Amen say? It actually harnesses the energy of celebration in your nervous system. Every high five says, keep going. It says, I believe in you. It says, you're going to get there. It makes you enjoy it. Right. The same thing happens in your bathroom mirror. If you have big goals, you better stand in front of that mirror and high five yourself every day.

54:36Every single step of the way. Stop looking around and waiting for everybody else to do it. Start giving it to yourself and you'll be shocked at how much more quickly things start to happen, at how much more joy you experience along the way, at how much more present you are. Yeah. It's wild. What's the difference between high-fiving yourself in the mirror versus high-fiving your partner or best friend or business partner? Yeah. You already do that. Yeah. You're already throwing all this energy at everybody else. Uh-huh. And then you get pissed off when it doesn't come back to you. Right. Yeah. Take some of that and give it back to yourself.

55:13Okay. Improve the connection you have with yourself. And this isn't about, like, pumping yourself up to think you're, like, the best person on the planet. This is, like, the baseline. this is literally being like you know what you're gonna have an okay day let's go do this you know what i see you i know this is hard keep going i know you're nervous to have this hard conversation with this person i believe you can do it yeah let's go yeah like it's just one little boost along the way you know if you think about the things that go viral it's little kids in front of a mirror with their parents getting them to talk believing themselves yeah correct we all know that's how we're supposed to feel.

55:50But we feel weird and cheesy practicing it? Are you kidding me? The other thing that goes viral, all these teachers that are high-fiving and fist-bumping kids with their handshakes as they go in and the mirror one with the I am that just kind of went viral. Why do we all love that? Because we know each one of those kids just felt seen and felt good and felt motivated walking into that classroom. Start your day that way. Yeah, It's easier to learn from a place of empowerment than negative self-talking. I'm glad you're here. I see you. Right. Glad you showed up today. Yeah. Let's go do this. That's cool.

56:26I'm curious about manifesting. You've been really good at manifesting results in your life, especially since the last book. What is your thoughts on how to manifest? Everyone's doing it wrong. That's my thoughts. Okay. Yeah. Then how should we manifest the dreams that we have inside of us? Okay. and what's your thoughts about the law of attraction on how to apply it the right way? Yeah, well, I think the law of attraction and manifesting are the same thing. So law of attraction, for everybody who has not read The Secret, is simply your thoughts become things. And it's true. We've talked all about how when you have a negative self-talk, it tends to draw more of that to you.

57:08I think about it like lint in a dryer. Once negative stuff starts collecting, it collects a lot more. We can also talk about your brain filter or something called the reticular activity system and how it is a live network that filters the brain. We'll dig into that deeper, but let's do surface level right now, manifesting law of attraction. So here's what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. Everybody, at least kind of in the mass market, what you're trained to think about when you think about manifesting is vision boards. And when you hear the word vision boards, you think about the big stuff.

57:43Should you have big dreams? Of course you should. Should you dream of building a mansion on the ocean, if that's your thing? Yes. Should you dream of the log cabin? Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the new Ford Bronco, should you? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. If you want the family, if you want the body, should you think about it? Yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. You dream about the end. You make this gorgeous collage of all this stuff that has nothing to do with your current life. That literally, as you're sitting in your studio apartment with the cat box that hasn't been changed in two weeks.

58:19No food in the fridge. No food in the fridge. And you're looking for a job and you're staring at a mansion going, someday. It's going to make you feel like a loser. Yeah. Because the gap between where you are and where you want to go seems insurmountable. And so what happens, based on the research, is when you only visualize the endgame, Lewis, it's demotivating. At first, it's really fun to have a bottle of wine and make your collage. I'm going to visualize. I'm going to slap this up. There's my vision board. It's fabulous. Law of attraction, baby. Come on. I'm going to think about it. It's going to come to me.

58:55Okay, I've been doing this for two days. I'm still in this apartment with the cat box that needs to be changed. The way to visualize properly is to visualize the bridge between where you are and where you need to go. The bridge. Yes, and particularly the horrible stuff. So let's use your example of the marathon. The vision board would be Lewis crossing. The arms up, the metal. Yeah, the arms up, the metal. Exactly. High fives. High fives. Yes, I did it. Exactly. That will not help you because when you hit mile 13 on the actual race and it is sleeting rain. You're saying, why am I doing this? Yes, and it feels nothing like that thing on your vision board.

59:39You're going to start a negative dialogue. I can't do this. My knees hurt. This is not what I thought it was going to be. I'm not ready for this. I didn't train for this. I'm running New York. I trained in LA. Are you running in New York? LA. Okay, good. Well, then at least you trained in the right weather. So on and on and on, and you are going to tank yourself. What you do by visualizing the bridge is you train your nervous system and your mind to do the hard work. So you should visualize not crossing the finish line, but what is it like to be at mile 12 when your batteries run out on your earbuds?

1:00:12Yeah. No, I'm serious. And you keep going. What's it like when your shoelace breaks and now your heel is lifting and you're starting to get a blood blister at mile 17? What's it feel like when you wake up and it is pouring rain and you visualize yourself running anyway? That way, when you visualize the work, you are preparing your body for it so you're not resistant to it when it comes. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think it's great. It's a story that I had. George St. Pierre, who's one of the greatest UFC fighters of all time, he said that he always puts himself in the most uncomfortable situations in practice leading up to the fight.

1:00:59the most, you know, the hardest situations to get himself out of. When his arms are behind his back and he's facing against the mat in between the fence and he's just getting punched in the face. He's like, how do I get out of this? Right, right. He's like, visualize that and seeing how can I get through this? Yeah, yeah, exactly. When it seems like I just want to tap out. Yes. Instead of tapping out, what's the process for figuring out how to get through it? Yeah. To then raise my hand at the end victorious. Totally. And so you are literally building up almost like this resilience and this muscle inside of you to do the work to get the thing.

1:01:35So, yeah, create the vision board, but make sure in addition to crossing the finish line, you have somebody running in the rain. You have somebody who you have an alarm clock that says 513. You have, you know, these images that show the stuff that you don't want to do. So like for people who want to launch a business, for example, like a lot of people that I'm sure follow both of us are dying to launch a business or interested in being an influencer, social media or making money online. And what you visualize are the checks or you visualize the money you're going to make or you visualize how cool it's going to be when you're a lifestyle entrepreneur or whatever the hell it is.

1:02:10Don't do that. Visualize working a day job and telling your friends that you're not going to go out tonight because you're working on something. Visualize making cold calls and being told no. Visualize not going to that party because you're staying in on a Saturday and not going to the barbecue because you're putting in the work. Visualize sitting at a seminar and learning from other people. Visualize watching YouTube videos. Visualize your first ever course failing miserable. Like literally that's the sort of thing that you want to visualize yourself doing and pushing through because that's going to help you do the work.

1:02:45Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think that's great. Yeah. Yeah, visualizing. So in order to manifest what you want, don't just visualize the good things happening. Visualize the bridge, all the things it's going to take together. Yes, and the hard parts of the bridge because then you're ready for it. Then you're like, I didn't expect this to be this hard. I mean, it's still going to be hard. Right, right. But you're less likely to quit. Yes. People can go get the book. I've got a couple of final questions. They can get the book, The High Five Habit, Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit. Simple high five in the mirror.

1:03:14Just boom. Boom. Boom with yourself. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. You also have a challenge. Yes. And I've got a link I'm going to send people to. You just go to lewishouse.com slash Mel, and it'll send you to the High Five Challenge. Lewis is doing it. That's right. Yes, I'll be doing it. Five days. Five million people, Lewis, start their day with this stuff. It's a five-day challenge. That's it. It's super free. It's easy. It's easy. It's free. It's fun. And it'll help you build self-confidence, momentum, all that stuff. So make sure you get a couple copies of the book. This is going to be a game changer for a long time for many people.

1:03:45I believe that. You see, the five-second rule, it helped you get moving. Yes. And this... This will keep you going. No. This goes deeper. What's it do? Helps you believe in yourself. It helps you stop the self-hatred and the self-doubt. Yes. That keeps you from doing what you need to do. The five-second rule is a hack that helps you find instant courage and motivation. This fundamentally changes how you see yourself. Oh, that's good. That's what we need. That's what we need. Because if you don't learn to love yourself, it's going to be hard to keep going. You can go for a day or two days, but it's hard to be consistent when it's painful.

1:04:21Most people go through life not loving themselves. Right. I thought I did. You thought you loved yourself. I really did. But the truth is, I was not actually demonstrating it. I mean, I was doing it by eating the right stuff and taking care of my body and being very loving and nurturing to my kids and going to therapy. But in terms of that intimate moment with myself and how I viewed myself, I still saw what was wrong. I still saw a person who needed fixing, a person who had screwed up. And what I see now is somebody that I love. That's good. It's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard for a lot of people.

1:05:05Everyone. so I'm I'm proud of you for doing that because it's not easy I'm not done like tomorrow I could wake up and be like okay high five come on I was a negative again people can get the book melrobbins.com melrobbins everywhere on social media lewishouse.com slash mel to get the free challenge audio book as well which is going to be powerful they can go to audible and check that out this is going to be a big book for a long time so I want people to get this I think so it's the thing I'm the most proud of Louis that I've ever put out I'm excited for you very excited it's a great book thanks I asked you this question before I'm going to ask it again so we have it and see what your response is from a few years later now this is called The Three Truths so imagine it's your last day on earth many years away from now and you've accomplished all your dreams but for whatever reason you've got to take all of your work with you so people don't have your books this podcast is gone, your videos, your content, it's all gone to another place.

1:06:11But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world, three things you know to be true from all of your experiences in life, and this is all we have of your body of work. What would you say are those three lessons or three truths for you? Oh, well, for sure.

1:06:29The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. so treat yourself like the most important person in your life the second one is

1:06:48I think what we talked about today

1:06:54that oh I know we didn't talk about this this is part of the high five attitude this has saved my And this moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. That saying, which I deeply believe because life is the greatest school you will ever attend, hence we're at the School of Greatness Man. It anchors me down in hope, optimism, and faith, no matter what's happening. It is like a mental high five. and it has always borne out. That there's always a skill or an experience or a life lesson or a person that I have gained in every horrible thing that's ever happened to me or because of me that has prepared me for something amazing that's coming.

1:07:47And then the final thing is for sure the five-second rule. And the application I would want people to know is that you can 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and interrupt any thought you don't want to think. And that will give you immediate control of what you think next. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, and I know. And don't put too much MCT oil in your pocket or else you will literally have an accident trying to hike. You know, crap yourself, crap your pants. True story. Before I ask the final question, Mel, I want to acknowledge you for being an amazing friend. You're a great friend to me and to so many people. And I acknowledge you for constantly showing up because I know you go through a lot of different challenges, a lot of different weight in your life, pressures, and the fact that you constantly show up in service of creating a book like this and creating content for people so that they can overcome the crap in their life is a beautiful thing.

1:08:47So I acknowledge you for being a symbol of inspiration and constantly showing up, even when it seems like there's a lot going on in your life. So thank you for doing that. Thank you. And, Lois, let me acknowledge you for something. Okay. You have been such an amazing friend to me. I'm going to get emotional probably. Pull it back. You have been so open and so generous with your friendship and with your wisdom, both the wisdom that comes from doing great and the wisdom that comes from being shitty. And you have allowed me to experience what it feels like to be considered a really good friend. I appreciate it.

1:09:38I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. I'm making me emotional here. Okay, final question. What's your definition of greatness? Oh. this moment right now. Two friends, fully present with one another. Yeah. Sharing and doing life together. There you go. I love you. High five. Love you. I love you. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

1:10:20And if no one has told you today, I wanna remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.