Nicky Jam Discusses Struggling with Panic Attacks, Drug Addiction, & PTSD

26:15Probably has a billion views already. I think it has a billion views already. I do this song and it becomes one of the biggest hits in Colombia. And it starts being a hit in the States, but without the radio support. just YouTube, social media, Spotify, just people sharing it? We didn't have Spotify in those days. Oh, wow. If all my hits would have been in moments of Spotify, if you think I'm okay now, bro, it would have been a whole different ballgame. I was one of the singers that got huge without Spotify. And then Spotify came. Hate that, but yes. What do you think it was about these hits? Was it, were you strategic in the, I have to make a great YouTube video, obviously a great song, but then the video needs to be something that's shareable?

27:03First of all, it was just my moment. People loved the music that I was doing. I was doing really great music. You were inspired. Apart from that, it was the Instagram era when it started. And I was one of the first influencers in the Spanish movement. Nobody was doing that. I was doing videos, 15 minutes, 15 seconds. 15 second videos. Back in the days. Back in the days. And I was killing it. Wow. I was walking the streets of Medellin, showing people when I bought my first car after all the days that I was messed up, all my success, everything, everything. I was really working social media. And that combined with the really good music made people just go crazy about me.

27:46Because they saw the human part of me that they never saw. They didn't know. A lot of people heard Nicki J, but never knew who Nicki J was. They just heard the music, they didn't know who you were. They didn't know who I were, because in those days we didn't have that platform. Today we have the platform. And people also love a comeback. Oh, yeah, they do. They love watching someone crash, but then they love watching someone come back. Oh, 100%, 100%. And, yeah, it came from that to making work in the States. There's a lot of parts of the story that, you know, there's too much. We'll probably be here until tomorrow.

28:21But I worked the States, and it came from having five number one hits in Columbia to having five number one hits globally. Wow. In the world. Come on. Yeah, globally. So from that, World Cup, movies in Hollywood, Will Smith, Vin Diesel, my series, my Netflix series. Oh, my God. I've done so much. I mean, I don't even know where to finish or start, to be honest with you, but I'm really grateful for what Columbia and my fans and the whole world have gave me. And I'm proud of myself, too. I busted my... Of course, man. Now, I'm curious because you grew up in an environment that wasn't a rich mindset environment.

29:10It sounds like both your parents were involved in drugs. You didn't see your mom really at all or much, I think, for a long time. Okay, so you understand the story. My dad, when my dad was, when I was nine years old, they caught my dad with 25 kilos of cocaine, an undercover cop that hanged out with us like he was our friends and the family and all that. So he goes to jail. He bails himself. And instead of going to jail, he takes us as a fugitive to Puerto Rico because he knew that my mom wasn't in, my mom left the house. and my mom wasn't in a position to take care of us or nothing like that.

29:49We was going to be alone. So my dad just, you know, he just took the risk. And in those days, the system was not like today. Today, you travel from the States to Puerto Rico, they're going to catch you in the airport. Today, back in the days, back in the early 90s, it wasn't really like that. So my dad takes us to Puerto Rico, and that's how we end up in Puerto Rico. You know, my dad, as a fugitive, was, you know, taking care of us and and that's why i didn't see my mom for more than i don't know 20 years something like that i mean you did you talk to her at all the phone or you i lost my mom 20 years yeah she was a drug addict she she she was in the streets yeah she was in the streets and then she uh she had a problem where she stabbed this guy and they deported her to the dominican republic i didn't even know she was in the dominican republic So I didn't know where my mom was.

30:41Most of the time that I tried to do music in my comeback was to see if I got famous enough for my mom to recognize me and get to me. What happened with that, with her mom? It did happen. Really? I did a show in Dominican Republic. Come on. You'll see it on the Netflix series. I did a show in Dominican Republic, and my bodyguard told me, Nikki, there's this lady outside. She's saying that she's your mom. No way. And I'm like... You hadn't seen her in 20 years. Yeah. And I couldn't believe it. And I just went outside, and she was arguing with the bouncers of the event. And then I called her, and then obviously we hugged, and we had our moment.

31:31Wow. Yeah. Holy cow. To this day, you know, we have contact. We talk every day. I bought her a house. I, you know, I take care of her. I can't really see her as much because she lives in the Dominican Republic because she got deported because of the situation she can't come here. I'm fighting that. I'm trying to get the pardon from the United States so she could come back. I'd rather have her over here because it's hard to make a, how do you say? Connection. A connection if she's not with me. Fizzily with you, yeah. Yeah. What is that like? I mean, I can only imagine just the challenge of having a father, you know, doing drugs, your mom not really being around or being in the streets and you guys having to leave her.

32:11I mean, how do you, I mean, it sounds like you didn't have a good foundation mentally or emotionally on how to navigate the world. No, I never did. Well, I have the street smart. Thanks. Thanks for that situation. You know what I'm saying? Thanks because of the situation of my mom and my dad. I have a street smart, and that's something that you don't study anywhere. You know, I was raised in the streets on my own, literally. I've been singing since I'm 12 years old. So I was always in the streets trying to hustle and trying to make money and trying to do it and trying to make it, trying to get there.

32:43And the big guys would take care of me from the streets, and all the guys from the hood would take care of me. And, you know, my father did a good job as a father, and I respect him. I love him so much, and I will always respect him because he did the impossible to take care of us. But I have guys from the streets that I have to give credit to that were my father too as well. Really? Yeah. Who kind of helped raise you as well. Because you were in, what, Old Town, San Juan? Is that where you kind of grew up then? Well, the reality is we lived everywhere in Puerto Rico. So I can't say I'm from one spot from Puerto Rico.

33:19Yeah, yeah. Because when you're poor, you don't really have to stick to one spot. You move around wherever it's easier or cheaper or whatever. So yeah, I lived in pretty much all the big cities in Puerto Rico. When did you start to, I guess, navigate the emotions of all the trauma? Because what I like about you and your story is it seems like you've been able to kind of break this generational trauma and do good in the world. Yeah. Whereas a lot of people would just keep traumatizing themselves or doing things that would harm others because they don't have the foundation. The reality is in the moments that I did street stuff and all the bad stuff that I did, when I was a rebel and all stuff like that.

34:00If I ever did something bad, I did bad to bad people. Oh, yeah. You know, I'm not justifying it, but the reality is that I never did anything bad to somebody that was a good person, because I'm a good person. You know, I never disrespected any person that was humble or a good person. and it was nothing that, you know. So I'm really proud of myself as a human being because I've always been a good human being. Like the kid that I see is this eight-year-old kid that would help all the ladies buy their groceries and bring their stuff and always smile. That's Nicki. That's my essence. That's just who I am.

34:41I'm a humble guy. I've always been like that. I just got crazy and I lost myself, you know. But even in those bad moments, I always saw myself as a good guy. Really? Yes. I didn't have that mom and dad to take care of me the way they had to. And yes, that could probably take a toll when it comes to confronting the world. But at the same time, I appreciate that because today I have so much street smart. And it's because of that. It's because I'm a survivor, you know, and I learned so much in the streets. And being street smart is something that's very important. You know, I know a lot of people could say, why would I want that?

35:29You don't want that. You don't know you want that until something happens to you. Yeah. You know, until something that you be like, well, if I had a little bit of street smart, I probably wouldn't fall into that situation. and thanks for that. I learned not only about bad situation, but I learned how to hustle my way into making business and being smart and just, you know, making things happen because the street gave me that. The street gave me that knowledge and college doesn't even give you that. You know, I mean, no disrespect to people that go to college, but they should show people in college how to pay taxes and stuff like that and how to, you know, be an entrepreneur and make money and survive in this world.

36:11And I feel that it's just they show you too much stuff that you don't really need in the day to day. But that's a whole new conversation. We'll talk about that some other day. Absolutely, yeah. But yeah, I didn't have that foundation, as you say, but at the same time... The streets gave you that. The streets gave me that. They gave me something even bigger. What about the biggest lesson your dad taught you growing up? Be humble. Oh, yeah. Be humble. and my dad is one of the most humblest guys in the world. And it hits me hard, you know, because even in bad situations, my dad was the type of guy that if somebody needed something in their house or they needed help or they needed anything, my dad being broke, my dad, you know, being in a bad situation, he would go and he would help them, you know?

37:03And that's something that I learned from him, you know? And that's the human being that I'm sorry I can't show you up, but that's the human being that I am. You know, it don't matter the money that I make or whatever I have, I'll help anybody. Really? That's just the way I am. And I learned that from him. He never gave me advice. You know what I'm saying? He just showed me how it is to be as a human being. And that's Nicky's essence, you know? I'm a humble guy. I don't know what you saw when I came inside because sometimes you don't automatically feel it, but the energy I give people when I go to places, I'm just a cool guy.

37:41You know what I'm saying? It's all love. You know what I'm saying? Well, you see, when I came in with a big crew, I'm like, oh, that's a big crew. They're going to wait in the room. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but automatically my mentality is I'm not here thinking I'm a superstar and I'm coming into your house doing whatever I want to do. I'm automatically letting you know, don't worry. I'll put my people on the side. Yeah, yeah, I wasn't worried. No, but you probably didn't care. For sure. But you saw my intentions. Of course, yeah. You saw my DNA is that. I am not the person that thinks he could do whatever he could do just because I'm famous or nothing like that.

38:20I'm just a humble human being, and my dad showed me that. That's beautiful. How do you stay humble when you're one of the biggest Latin pop stars in the world, and you have a lot of money, businesses, success, followers, fame? You sell out arenas, 50 ,000 to 100 ,000 people at a time. How do you stay humble and have the essence of little Nicky inside of you at all times when the world adores you? I could say I stay humble because it's just part of my DNA. It's just it's in my blood. I do not. If I have to stop being a human being, a good human being, to be a superstar, I'd rather stop being a superstar and be a good human being.

39:05Wow. You know, it's a... That's cool. There's something in Hector Lavo said in Spanish, it's...

39:19And the way you could say that in English is... It's good to be big, but it's bigger to be good. And that's something that I have in my head, you know? That's always that stuck in my head. And I'm the type of guy that when I leave a place, I want people to say, yo, he's a cool guy, bro. I like being with him. I enjoy, but I don't want to be the guy that leaves me like, he's a jerk. I don't want to be that guy. I don't like being that guy. I'm not happy being that guy. I don't want to be the guy that comes to a place and brings a bad energy or people be like, oh, my God. Or people just deals with me because I have the success or the money or the power or whatever you want to call it.

40:01I have. I want to be the guy that you really want to hang out with me. I want people that work for me, admire me and not fear me because of the check and work because they admire what I'm doing. And you show people the blueprint of how you should be.

40:22It's not easy. It's not easy. But I think what helped me was falling at the same time and coming from the ground. And if you see my background, automatically you'll realize I was never a cocky guy. I was always the guy trying to help his sister eat. You know, I would go to Dunkin' Donuts and wait in the back when they throw the donuts away. And I'll pick them up and I'll take them to my sister so she could eat. I would go pack groceries and make$20 a day so I could buy ham, cheese, milk, Coca-Cola and cigarettes for my dad. I've always been the guy that, you know, helps people and I'll get out of my way.

41:04And I know it's easy to say it from the mouth. Whoever knows me knows that if I have cash in me, it's not mine, it's everybody's. You know, I'm the type of guy that there's a guy in the light. And even if he's going to take drugs, I'll give him$100. I don't care because you'll probably get a heart attack in that sunhouse, in that light. And I'm probably avoiding that, you know. And I know everybody will be like, oh, cool, that doesn't make any sense. Well, because it doesn't make any sense because of the world you live. You don't come from that. I came from that. I understand that situation. My mom came from that.

41:33My dad came from that. My uncle died from that. So it's just, you know, it's just who I am. Right. What about your mom? What do you think is the biggest lesson that she taught you from a memory that you have, either good or bad, or from her absence for so long? What is something that she taught you to do or not to do? Whether, again, that she said it or she embodied it that you witnessed. I think what I learned about my mom is Just to like Don't take for granted any time You know, just be with your kids, man Enjoy your kids the most you can You know The better you can I'm not gonna lie here and say I'm Mr.

42:19Father of the Year I am not I wasn't raised like that But I'm the type of guy that if my kids need me They can get me anytime they want me. And I'm there for whatever they need. I am not Mr., what are you doing, daughter? Because I didn't have that. I never had that. And my kids, if they see this interview, they know. They're going to say, he's real. I do not, I am not that father. But if they call you and they get a hold of you. Whatever you need, I'll be there in a second. Whatever you need, I'm that type of dad. And I'm that type of dad. And I'm not saying that's the best type of dad. That's just that's the dad that I am.

42:58Why? Because of the foundation that I had in my house. Right. And I know my mom doesn't live the way she wants to live today. Is not happy the way she should be just because she was she wasn't there for me. So I learned that lesson. I'm not saying that she was. I'm not saying she was bad or good. Because when I learn about her situation and what she went through, I understand it more and I forgive her. you can have compassion for her. A hundred percent. And hey, forgiveness is not for her. It's for me. Forgiveness is not for the other person. It's for yourself. And that's what I do. You know, I forgive.

43:38And I'm happy that I do because I live better. I don't care. I have friends that... I have a friend here that I had a problem the other day. I had a problem with him four years ago. I didn't talk to him four years ago. And he's hanging out with me this week. this week here in LA. And we squashed the beef months ago. And the reason why we squashed the beef was because in my mentality, I don't feel good having problems with people. I just rather fix the problem. I feel better. I sleep better. And that's just the way I am. I have friends in my life. I will never forgive that guy what he did. You crazy?

44:17Bah, bah, bah, bah. You know, with that macho mentality. Bro, do whatever you want to do that makes you happy. I'm happy. forgiving. I'm happy forgiving people doing bad. I don't care. You know why? Because it makes me a better human being. It makes me get all that weight off my shoulders and live a better day. That's beautiful, man. I've heard you mention a little bit about your faith in God in some interviews, written interviews, but I haven't heard you speak about it. Maybe I just haven't seen them. But when did you start to create a relationship with God or what is your faith like today? Well, the thing is, Puerto Ricans, we're very, very Christians.

44:54You know, like, we believe in God a lot. We have a lot of, you know, we have a lot of faith in God, and a lot of people who, you know, this world today, a lot of people do not think about God and care about God. I've realized that back in the days. There's a whole bunch of singers, Daddy Yankee, Farruko, they're they're in church right now and they they're working they're they're worshiping god and they and they giving the word they spreading god's word around the world and people are making fun of it like it's a joke i come from everywhere you can't even joke about that so it's it's always been for me god has always been like first for me even if i don't go to church i have a very big connection with god really i respect god and i know that god exists because i'm living proof because I remember that I told God on my knees, I said, God, there's a whole bunch of talent out there, but none of them got the talent I have.

45:52Please, please help me conquer back my career. And I felt that God told me, stop doing drugs, and I'll give you everything back. Wow. He didn't give me everything back. He gave me$150 ,000 more. And if you saw where I came from and the hole that I was and what I went through and how my mom was in drugs and prostitution and my dad was a drug addict and I was a drug addict and I was in jail at the same time that my dad was in jail, because they caught my dad off that case that I told you the same time I went to jail. You can't be in a deeper hole than that. and then doing Hollywood movies and doing the World Cup and owning businesses and having more than five number one hits globally?

46:49Come on. You think that's a coincidence? Wow. So what was that conversation like, or do you have a consistent conversation with God? Yeah. If I tell you I pray, I'm alive. I do not pray. I have ADD. And to pray, you really have to have patience. Yeah. I just talk to God. What do you say? Everything. I like God. I know I messed up. I'm sorry. I need your help here. I need you to help me with this. Tell me, just guide me. Tell me what I have to do. I know that I'm messing up. Like I have a conversation with God like he's my friend. I don't have a, I don't sit down and pray because I know there's codes of praying.

47:25You can't just sit down and ask for stuff. You have to first, thank God for what you have. Then second, you have to ask for other people's petition, what they want. and then you talk about yourself. That's the right way. That's the Bible way to, I don't have patience for that. Right, so you just have a conversation. And it's not that I'm selfish. Yeah, yeah. I'm not selfish at all. It's just that I have ADD. Like, I'm the type of guy that I could talk. If I talk to somebody and the first minute is not interesting, you're going to lose me. You're going to lose me and I'm going to be zombie with you for a long time.

48:05And you're going to talk, just talk, and I'm not really going to listen. That's just the way I am. I don't know. It could be probably the genius part of me because of the music, because I'm always thinking about stuff, and my mind goes$150 ,000 per hour. I said that was$150 ,000 an hour, too. I can make that, too. I mean, we don't really need that, but the reality of everything is. So you made a pact with God, it sounds like. Yeah. You made a pact. You made a promise. Yeah, I made a promise. I ain't saying that I haven't broken my promise a whole bunch of times. I ain't saying that I'm perfect.

48:43I ain't saying that I'm not messing up. I still have my skeletons in the closet. I still have my problems from the past attacking me right now. Really? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course. They're still coming after you. They come back, yeah. Really? They come back, man. I mean, come on. Look. What does that feel like? I saw my mom do crack cocaine. I saw my mom do stuff that people normally don't see. I saw my dad do drugs. You watched it as a kid. I watched it as a kid. I saw people getting killed in my face in Puerto Rico, in the hood, like normally, like every kid will see. And as a teenager, I saw a lot of people die.

49:27Best friends. I saw my best friend die in my face. Wow. See, when somebody goes to war, they get PTSD, right? And they get treatment for PTSD. The reality is there's no really treatment for PTSD because most of them, they stay messed up. They come from the war. Okay, so what's the difference from a guy that goes to the war from a kid that sees the war from his house and sees what's going on in the streets and sees his mom going where she goes through and all that? We still have PTSD. Ain't nobody telling us we have PTSD. Ain't nobody studying us. But of course, I saw the traumas that I have of the stuff that I've seen.

50:06So yeah, I could be clean a whole bunch of years, but I ain't saying that sometimes I have my alcohol days when I go crazy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, till this day, I smoke weed because I need to deal with the anxiety. You need a release. You need some calm. Yeah. Because I have a lot of anxiety problems. I've been here standing down. You can see I move my leg. I can't stop moving my leg. I used to be like that a lot. Just constantly shaking my knees, constantly anxiety. I always do that. I always do that. I move 24 hours a day. I can't stop. My girl says I have a motor up my... Have you ever looked into ways to heal the trauma emotionally?

50:45Well, I thought telling my story was going to help me in Netflix, and it helped me a little bit. But you still have those problems, you know? I don't think you ever heal it completely. I think you get better. Yeah, I've been on a really like a 12-year healing journey. You been? Yeah, yeah. I was sexually abused by a man when I was a kid when I was five. I went through that too. Yeah. My brother was in prison. It wasn't like you, but it was watching a hero of mine go to jail. Yeah, but that's not easy. That's not easy. Being there and the trauma of that, just parents going through stuff, all those things.

51:22We all have our own levels of trauma. I'm not comparing mine to yours or anything like that. It still affects you. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is something that I tell people. A lot of people tell me that, no, well, you know, after everything you went through, bro, I know people that their parents got divorced. They are more affected... Than what you saw. Than what I've been through. So I can't say your trauma is less than mine. Yeah. No. I mean, bro, not everybody's built differently. Absolutely. About 12 years ago, I started opening up about the sexual trauma. And I started reintegrating a relationship with my younger self.

52:02You know, you have little Nicky, I've got little Louis. And I started having conversations with him. As kind of weird as that sounds, I started to build a relationship with the parts of me that were wounded and scared and insecure and traumatized for years. And said, listen, as an adult, I'm going to be here for you. I'm going to give you that compassion, that grace, that love. and I'm going to protect you. Like, I've got you now. And I started to do that work. But opening up about it, for 25 years, no one knew that I was sexually abused because I was so afraid and ashamed and insecure. No man wants to talk about that.

52:37No, no one talks about it. But it started opening my heart more. I lived with so much anger and frustration and just wanted to dominate and just win at all costs. And I never wanted anyone to hurt me again. And so that mask would come out in different scenarios. But as I started to heal that, it took many years and still a journey. I started to feel a sense of harmony and peace that I'd never had in my life. I never felt peace inside. Just always on edge. Like, who's trying to get something from me? Who do I need to please? Constantly. And constantly shaking my knees all day long. Constantly on edge.

53:10Like, where's the attack? I still do that. Where's the attack? Even if I'm on my couch, where's the attack? Where's the tiger coming at me, right? Exactly. and you opening up about it sounds like it started to support you you know you did the netflix thing starting to support you it's been a journey for me and i'm 12 years in in the last four years i've really delved deeper into having a coach support me healing all the different relationship dynamics 12 years 12 years of healing yeah that's what i'm saying journey like you said it's it's not like oh i'm i talked about it i'm healed i did my netflix i did my And then for 2018, I still got so much to go.

53:49But people won't understand that. Yeah. But I've realized you can't just talk about it a little bit. And it's not about rehashing the past and talking about it, but it's about integrating the vision and the version of you that you want to start living today. And mending and healing the past in the process. And when we can integrate the vision from the past to the present, we create harmonious freedom. And it doesn't mean every day I'm like perfectly feeling peaceful, but it's a consistent practice, just like the conversation you have with God on a consistent basis. It's a consistent conversation with self, higher self, God, and creating that forgiveness process like you talked about.

54:29So I really acknowledge you, Nikki, for starting to open up about it because I know it's extremely hard to talk about. And I know no one's got to understand but you, what you've been through. Some people can relate, but no one's got to understand fully the traumas that you've had. 100%. And I acknowledge you for, you know, it's the amount of pressure and the weight that you've probably had to carry from the past skeletons. And things you're still carrying. Things you're still carrying that you haven't told anyone and maybe you never will. Every day. while also trying to be an artist and be on stage and, you know, be of service to your team and your family and your friends and your communities.

55:08The pressure and the weight, I acknowledge you for being in the process of the journey. I know it's not perfect. I know you make mistakes. I know you're, you know, you've got stuff. I make them every day. I'm gonna make them tomorrow. Exactly. But the journey you're on, I think is beautiful. And I don't think a lot of people in your position, specifically in the Latin communities, open up and talk about this stuff? No, no, no. Especially what you were saying about sexually abused. Those are things that people from my music industry... You want to talk about that. ...being a thug and a rapper. You know, people don't open up about stuff like that.

55:48But I've always been known as the guy that just talks about everything. and I use everybody as therapy. I'm using you as therapy right now. I use my friends when I play basketball after I finish and I tell them all my problems. And they sit down and I tell them in a funny way, but at the same time I'm releasing. So that's why, you know, I make it through. I make it through the days and, you know, I have these days where I have anxiety and a lot of things go and, you know, depression and stuff like that. And I have 16 days where I'm just smiling and laughing and having fun. So, hey, man, it's better.

56:28It gets better and better. I am not here saying, oh, I live a sad life. No, I live a beautiful life. I'm happy. I have a beautiful kid, beautiful friends, beautiful girl. And I enjoy life. You know, I enjoy life to the fullest. But I have my black moments, too. Sure, sure, sure. Dark moments, too. And I just, you know, that's being a human being. That's just what it is. But, you know, my past hasn't been easy, so I deal with a little bit more. You know, I deal with a little bit more. But, hey, there's some people that have been worse than me. You know, there's people having worse than me and they still living, you know.

57:02Some people can't eat. Some people don't have legs. Some people don't have arms. Some people don't have, they lost their parents. Some people, this guy said, this guy was sad. What is this saying about this guy that was sad because he didn't have any shoes? and then he saw the guy that didn't have feet. Then it's like, you know, it's like you say, like, there's always somebody that lives a worse situation than you, so be grateful. Absolutely. Be grateful for what you got. I mean, you've seen extreme poverty of, you know, my fiancée, I was telling you, she's from Mexico. I visit Mexico City a lot, and even in the nicest parts of Mexico City.

57:43You'll see it. You know, I'm always reminded when I see a 7-year-old girl walking up just trying to get five pesos to sell a little bit of gum and just day by day yeah i see that in colombia for her parents puerto rico everywhere i mean in la too there's homeless people everywhere it's like there are people and there are kids that don't have much and we are blessed even with the problems the challenges the traumas that we've experienced we are blessed and there's a lot to be grateful for we are we are i'm curious do you um do you ever think about do you ever visualize and think about what you want to manifest in the future?

58:21Do you put thoughts out in the universe and the world and say, I want to manifest this. I want to create this. And do you ever look at the world that way? Or is it more of, I'm just speaking to God and I'm going after my goals, but you're not visualizing as much? I don't really have a goal as how I want people to see me. I know the reality is that people are going to value me way more when I'm not in this world. And I know that's just the way it is. They'll value you more when you're gone. Yeah. Why do you think that is? It's just the way it is. Especially with artists and people that's done what I've done and been living where I live.

58:57And I know this for a fact, because I've seen a whole bunch of rappers that haven't even done one little part of what I've done, and they die. And then everybody... Then they're relevant. Then they're relevant. And I'm not saying I'm not relevant. But you're massive. I'm talking about... But it's not about being relevant. But your impact is huge right now. Yeah, but it's not about that. It's about the message of your life. Getting to people. People really valuing what you've done in life and what you've been through in life. People do it because of the Netflix thing and stuff like that because I was smart enough to do it now instead of wait for somebody to do it when I wasn't alive.

59:42Right, right, right. But the reality is that's just the way it is. I know for a fact it's the way it is. I'm telling you, when people see everything I went through my whole life and I'm not here, people are going to... Really? Yeah. But I feel like people, you know, see you, respect you. I think it's going to be way more. Wow. I think it's going to be way more. And I don't see that people do not respect me. They do respect me. They love me. They have way respect for me and love. And I have loyal fans. And I'm very grateful for everybody and grateful for the fans and everything. But I know for a fact that that's just the way it is.

1:00:22It's just crazy. Life is crazy. I mean, you have a new album that kind of talks about some of this, some through lines through some of this. Can you share what this is about and what you're excited about? Well, the album was called Insomnia. Insomnia. Well, in Spanish, it's Insomnia. It's talking about everything, this album talks about everything I've been through these last two years. You know, I went through, I've been through a lot these last two years. Alcohol, a lot of partying, a lot of problems with my relationships and stuff like that. And I have a problem with it, insomnia. I don't sleep a lot.

1:01:05You don't sleep much, right? I don't sleep much. and when I listened to this album I put together the album and I listened to every lyric and everything that I did to this album I realized I need to put a name that reflects this and automatically I was in the plane and I said Insomnia every song is at night every song talks about 3am this I haven't slept because of this or I'm in my cyber truck at 5 o 'clock in the morning or every song has... even the nice songs that have an upbeat type of vibe takes place at early dawn. You know what I'm saying? So automatically in my mind I said, Somnium. So I have this new song coming out called Insomnium.

1:01:56It's like a merengue type of vibe. Urban merengue. It's really insane. You're gonna love this song. It's really crazy. it's a sad song but it's an upbeat song Insomnio Insomnio so when you listen to the song you don't even realize it's a sad song you're gonna enjoy the song you're gonna dance you're gonna have fun with the song but the lyrics are sad but the lyrics what it says is like a sad song and that's what Nicky's known of because I did El Perdón with Enrique Iglesias and if you listen to that song it's a sad song but it's an upbeat song it is and so when you listen to if you make a sad song to an upbeat song, that's Nicki's DNA.

1:02:35That's what I do. Mm, interesting. Yeah, and it's just... Why do you like doing that, making a sad song to an upbeat vibe? It's just my way of working. It's just the way I am. I think everybody has their own color, you know? And that's the genius part about my music. You know, if you... Oh, it's a contrast. You would think a sad song is... If you pay attention, if you pay attention, if I would sing this song... Actually, I do these songs in different beats in slow, sad beats. And then... And then you bring them back. I make them faster, and then I upbeat. I make it an upbeat type of vibe, and I make the tempo quicker, and then you be like, oh my God, bro, I would have never thought this was a sad song.

1:03:18That's just the way of me working. Yeah, because when I think of a sad song, like a Spanish song, like a Mexican-Spanish singer, it'd be like... What's the guy's name? The guy who passed away. Juan Gabriel? In the last couple years. Fernando. Fernando, Vicente Fernando? Yes. Yeah, Vicente Fernando. Yeah, I mean, he would have these, like, romantic sad songs. But even if he had these... Slower, like slower, yeah. Yeah, but you can make that happy. It's all about the beat. It is. You know what I'm saying? Because if I tell you, I'm dying, I don't want to live anymore. And then you go, I'm dying, I don't want to live anymore.

1:03:57You even forget he's saying that. Oh, yeah, let's go, baby. You know what I'm saying? if you make the song an upbeat song automatically you forget it's a sad song that's just my way you know what i'm saying the music is is crazy you could say even the worst thing like something like very bad to a girl but if you say it's an upbeat and you make it sound nice she's gonna like it she's gonna like it what do you think if you could reflect on all the music that you've written and you sung just something that speaks to your heart right now maybe this isn't the the ultimate lyric for you but what's one sentence or one line in a song that you've written that speaks to your life right now whether it be in a new album your first song ever any of the songs you've worked on what's a a sentence within one of your songs that speaks to you right now

1:04:54Why you guys always got to come with these punchlines? You got to make me think, because right now, a song that represents me right now, right now has to be Insomnia. What's a line within the song that speaks to you?

1:05:24Then translate that in English. I used to hate alcohol. Now I don't stop drinking. I do it to hide the pain that you can't see at Simple Eye. Man. The reason why I did these lines is because there's been a lot of controversy about me drinking and hanging out and partying and stuff like that. after me stopping drugs 10 years before and people thinking that... Because, you know, people don't understand. My drug problem was not alcohol, was perks and cocaine and stuff like that. So, yeah, that sentence right there. Wow. There's a... I love this... I can't remember if it was... I think it was the Oscars acceptance speech from Matthew McConaughey when he won the Oscars years ago.

1:06:11He talked about his hero that he was chasing which is himself 10 years in the future he was like i'm always chasing my hero who is me 10 years in the future yeah i heard that one and i really like that concept of kind of imagining your future self and what does your future self look like if you could see yourself 10 years from now nikki in 10 years and it could be the ultimate version of you emotionally mentally spiritually physically, you know, lyrically, musically, financially, whatever it is, relationally, what do you see for yourself as that person in 10 years that you would love to be able to get to?

1:06:53I would like to really, I can say, just be behind the scenes and work with new singers, you know? I enjoy the music industry. I enjoy the creative part. I would love to be the guy that, you know, I already have some artists and stuff like that, but I want to like really focus into that. And, you know, just always be in the music scene. You know, I just like music. It's my life. It's my passion. So just to be like a manager, producer, and, you know, create and have, being part of one of the biggest singers in the world in that moment and 10 years from now, for me that's awesome you know because it's just something that I want apart from that I just want peace I want peace I want to live okay I want to have health I want to be happy and nobody's 100 % happy but at least anything close to 100 % 80-90 % yeah what do you think would allow you to create more peace in your life allow me to have more peace in my life change It's called the school of greatness, not the school of average, Nicky.

1:08:12So that's why I'm bringing these questions for you. The thing is, you really want that answer. That answer is really, this is a strong answer. To be honest with you, I have to retire. Really? Yeah. From music? There's no peace in the music industry. Being on the road, constantly creating hits. There's no peace. Really? I have to retire. I'm not doing it now, though. Right. You're in your prime. I don't need that peace right now. I need the other peace right now. No, but I ain't retiring right now, but I know retiring and just relaxing and enjoying life and not worrying about making more money and making more money and making businesses and stuff like that.

1:08:51There's no peace in there. Peace is not caring about anything anymore. Okay, analyze this. Who has peace? Old people. They're 60, 70 years old. they don't care about nothing. They let go of their possessions. You're stressing about stuff. I know you are. I don't know what it is, but you're probably stressing about stuff. I'm stressing about stuff. 90 % of the people in this room outside are stressing about stuff. I don't think old people have that situation. No. You know why? They're retired. Yeah. They're chilling. They're relaxing. They might have regrets, but they're not stressing about other stuff.

1:09:32But you're not going to have peace when you're grinding. There's no, when you're hustling. There's no peace. There's going to be a little bit of happiness, but there's no peace. That's a lie, bro. There's no way you can have peace because you're always trying to get something more. And then how can you have peace when you're stressing about getting more and more? You know? So, that answer that I'm giving you, I know it's not the one people want to hear. But that's just Nicky. I'm the oldest guy. For sure. I've got a few more questions for you, Nicky. this has been awesome. I'm really grateful for your time.

1:10:07And before I ask them, I want to make sure people check out Insomnia. Right? So Insomnia, I want to make sure they check out the new album. You got a lot of content on social media everywhere. So people can follow you on Instagram. I don't know if that's the main place. Instagram is Nicky Jam. TikTok is Nicky Jam. Everywhere you're at. So follow you. Check out your stuff. You're on tour right now also. You're doing shows. I'm going to start. Yeah, I'm doing shows, but I'm going to start doing my tour, the U.S. tour soon. And so people can go, where can they go to get tickets for the tour as well or the shows that you're doing right now?

1:10:39They go to nickijam.com and they'll see, they'll find everything. Everything, okay, cool. How else can we be of service and support for you today before I get into the last final questions? No, man, just being here and, you know, making this interview and having people listening to what we talk about and really thinking about what I'm saying and taking it as a constructive way. I'm cool with that. That's beautiful, man. What do you think would be the biggest fear that you'll face, either now or in the future, as you're trying to continue over these next 10 years within your career and building what you're building?

1:11:18Do you have any fears in the process? The fear I have is having a... not having health. Really? It's the only thing that scares me. I mean, everything else I'm not really scared about. You know, it's not having health. Health is everything. Yeah. If you have health, you can be poor. If you have health, you can be rich. If you got health, you can deal with any situation. Health is everything. That's all I want. I want to have my connection with God and have health, the best health I could have. Sometimes I don't do things right for my health to be okay, but hey, we're human beings. You know, we're learning every day.

1:11:56I've heard many times from different people that health is wealth and inner peace is the new rich. Yes, sir. I agree with that 100%. Yeah. There's a question I ask everyone towards the end. It's called the three truths question. It's a hypothetical question and a scenario. So I'd like you to imagine for a moment. Do I need to have a huge IQ? No, no, no, no. You just need to have an imagination. And I'd like for you to imagine, Nicky, that you get to live as long as you want in this world. Okay. And you get to accomplish and create everything. Anything financially, physically, businesses, is, you're managing the biggest artists, whatever you want to do, it all happens.

1:12:35But for whatever reason, it's your last day on earth, many years away. And in this last day, you have to take everything with you that you've created. This conversation, all your music is gone. Anything you ever make, for whatever reason, it's hypothetical scenario, it's gone. Let's just hypothetically. And on the last day, you get to leave behind your three lessons, everything you've learned from your life. From all the music you've created and all the work and the health and the problems and things you've overcome, you get to share only three things. And that's all we have within your content to remember you.

1:13:12Let's just hypothetically. What would you say would be those three lessons you would share with the world? I like to call it three truths. What would those be that you think? Three lessons that I would like to lead the world. Share with the world, yeah. Before I leave. Yeah, and that's all they would have to, you know, they wouldn't have your music anymore. Words? Yeah, any words or lessons. They could be lyrics. They could be that you think if this is all you can leave behind, what would be those three lessons for people? I would love to leave behind all the funny moments in my life. Because it shows people how to smile always and enjoy life no matter what.

1:13:56That's one of the things.

1:14:01You said I can't include music. All your content is gone, but you get to share a lesson. I would like to share my traumas and how I surpassed them in many ways. Wow. That's the second one. and

1:14:30I would say I would like to share

1:14:42my humbleness

1:14:47the human part of me that makes and makes my essence beautiful that's beautiful I've got one final question Nikki before I do I want to acknowledge you for a moment I want to acknowledge you for

1:15:02the evolution of you again this is the first time we've met I've only seen your stuff online I see the the the creative genius in you through your music and your work and your content this is the first time we've met and I've heard good things about you from other people that I know who know you and I would acknowledge you for being here today through all the traumas and the troubles you've been through. I want to acknowledge you for taking care of little Nicky inside of you. And I know it's a beginning journey that you're going on with, with being there for him and all the stuff that he was neglected.

1:15:36And I want to acknowledge you for being honest and open with people in this conversation, but in everything you do, because I think people look at you and they look at people like you and think that you don't have any problems because you're famous, you're successful, you've got money and everyone wants that. But there's a lot of, you know, complexities behind the scenes within you. And I just want to acknowledge you for being on the journey and acknowledging your humanity, your imperfections and the things you're working on. And my hope for you, if you don't mind me speaking into it, is that you do find peace in the process and you don't have to wait till you retire.

1:16:15My hope for you is that in your conversations with God, you find a deeper sense of peace and a deeper sense of love and you heal everything that you need to heal. Because I believe when you keep doing that with yourself, you're going to transform the world in a bigger way that you're not even, you're not even scratching the surface on how you're able to transform the world and help heal others through your art and your music when you continue to do that for you so take or leave that i was just wanted to acknowledge you for the journey and i see incredible things in you for the future so if i can support hopefully i can come watch a show one day and you can and uh come support can't wait bring my lady and we'll have some fun but i have my uh my final question nikki what is your definition of greatness greatness is is humbleness.

1:17:08Greatness is falling, losing everything, and getting up, cleaning your shoulders, and getting back again. Greatness is smiling even if you have the worst moments in life. Greatness is helping other people and having fun while you're doing it and smiling while you do it. Greatness is being rolled and then realizing that you could be rolled and then make it right. That's for me. That's what I think greatness is. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links.

1:18:06And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

1:18:45And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.