Noah Beck’s Business & Life Lessons From The World’s Biggest Male TikTok Star EP 1467

0:01Calling all conscious achievers who are seeking more community and connection. I've got an invitation for you. Join me at this year's Summit of Greatness this September 7th through 9th in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio to unleash your true greatness. This is the one time a year that I gather the greatness community together in person for a powerful transformative weekend. People come from all over the world and you can expect to hear from inspiring speakers like Inky Johnson, Jaspri Singh, Vanessa Van Edwards, Jen Sincero, and many more. You'll also be able to dance your heart out to live music, get your body moving with group workouts, and connect with others at our evening socials.

0:44So if you're ready to learn, heal, and grow alongside other incredible individuals in the greatness community, then you can learn more at lewishouse.com slash summit 2023. Make sure to grab your ticket, invite your friends, and I'll see you there. I think social media has changed so many things for the better, but also for the worst. I think this constant culture of like comparison going on with like young individuals, and it's not, it's not really a good way to view life, constantly comparing yourself. And I think welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur and each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness thanks for spending some time with me today now let the class begin

1:39so three years in the making we met uh you know two blocks away from here about three years ago as you were on the rise to your social media, TikTok, internet, sensational fame that you've been on, I think, what do you have, close to like 40 or 50 million followers now on all your platforms, but three years ago, you kind of, who's counting? We lost count a while ago. But back then, you were just kind of taken off month by month, just like doubling. And from out of nowhere, you were, I remember seeing videos of you as this, you know d1 soccer kid right who was like 19 and then all of a sudden covid hits and you have nothing to do you're kind of like what do i do with my time school year gets cut short soccer season gets cut short you had one dream going towards i'm assuming soccer and trying to play professionally and then you start making tiktok videos for for fun as a little side thing and in one month, I think you said you got your first million followers.

2:44Is that right? Around that. Yeah. Something like that. Something like that. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, when did you realize that, oh, maybe like this soccer thing, dream that I had for probably a decade, isn't the main thing anymore, or maybe school isn't even the main thing, but I'm going to start trying this other thing. When did you realize like, this is a new possibility for you? I would say when I think the opportunities became just too good to pass up. I think when the numbers started to grow, when emails started to come in, my email was attached on my TikTok and I started getting emails that I couldn't even believe with numbers that I'd never seen before.

3:23Like financial opportunities, like sponsorship deals, brand deals. Yep. All of those. And as a NCAA division one athlete at that time. You couldn't make money. Couldn't make money. And I talked to the Dean about it and everything. Like I went to the university of portland and i literally told my coach i was like hey coach i have a question who can you put me in contact with i have some questions regarding like ncaa and the rules because i know you're allowed to have a as a d1 athlete you're allowed to have like a job if i was like a barista somewhere or something like that minimum wage right but you're not allowed to make money off the likeness of your name and although i wasn't selling jerseys or autographs or whatever they still I had a long talk with my dean about it I was like look making videos you know has nothing to do like I post some soccer content but like for the most part people don't even know I play and so so I'm like is there something we can do here because I'm getting money thrown at me that I've never seen before and I was like a college student that had never really had work experience I was like please let me do this and he was like unfortunately like it restricts NCAA rules.

4:26And so that also kind of helped me make that decision. Isn't that crazy? But now like just six months after that, I think NIL, uh, started, right? Like shortly, like six months later, it was like, okay, now you can make money with your name and likeness. It was right before that the money was, I'm assuming it was in the five, 10,$20 ,000 opportunities at that time early on, if not more. And you're like, okay, one video to make this, to pay for like a year of life. right it's hard to say no it's hard to say no and who knows what would have happened if you were able to make money as a college athlete do you think you would have still been playing well that's the question isn't it i think uh there's so many things that played that would have played a factor that i go back and i think you know what if you know what if he said yeah go ahead like do do the sponsored posts do brand deals like i don't care um i don't think I ever would have stopped.

5:25I don't think there would have been that. You would have kept playing. I think I would have kept playing. And I think because it was crazy because I think my dad, my dad's like my biggest fan and he's my biggest supporter. And he was my coach since I was three years old. And so, and he coaches a local high school team. And so having a coach as a dad, I mean, it had its ups and downs for sure. He, uh, sometimes the car rides home were not fun, but it's one of those things where he was hard on me for the better. And it just got to a point where he was like, if you're seriously considering quitting soccer, you don't even have to tell me.

6:03He knows my love for the game and he knows how passionate I was for it and I am for it. He was like, this must be something huge. Because he's like, I've never seen anything throw you off as much as this is. so I think he understood like the magnitude of the opportunities I was given um and obviously he said that he didn't even really need to know but of course my mom and dad were still kind of hands-on with being like you know talking to the right people looking things up and like I give them as much info as I could but for the most part I didn't even know what was going on I was like I don't know this brand but they're offering to pay me like so it was pretty it was pretty nuts.

6:41I can't lie. And I think, uh, there are so many what ifs if really, yeah. If, uh, if the NIL would have been a thing six months prior, that's crazy. Yeah. But here we are. I think life, uh, puts us in different directions at different moments. You know, I got injured playing football. I was telling you before he jumped on camera and that was the dream. That was a passion. So for a year and a half, I was recovering from a surgery and an injury. And, um, I didn't know what was going to happen next, but I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have done this show for the last 10 years had that injury not happened.

7:15I would have kept pursuing the same thing. And who knows, maybe it would have a great run. Maybe I'd have broken my neck or something. You never know what would happen. So you might've been redirected for something greater, which is interesting. And that's why I can't help, but kind of frame my mindset as I'm like, this happened for a reason. So I'm just going to, you know, do, I mean, as athletes, I feel like growing up as athletes, I think I was telling you before the cameras were on, it's just kind of how we're programmed with being so structured and disciplined and being like, all right, if I'm going to do this, I have a new, like, I got a new job.

7:48You know, it's like having a new coach, like you want to impress the new coach. And so every time I would do something new in the entertainment industry and then in this space, I was like, I'm going to give it the best I can. And I'm going to try to really throw myself in and like, what's the worst that can happen? Yeah. You know, you fail. What was the biggest challenge over the last three years for you with getting so much popularity and I guess social media following and fame in a time of extreme cancel culture and a time of extreme celebrating individuals and cheering for people, but then also criticizing them and these kind of two extremes.

8:26Yeah, of course. Let me follow you, comment on everything, celebrate you and talk about you in a positive way. But then when I don't like something, let me criticize you. Let me pull you down and let me shame you publicly. Yeah. How at 19 and now 22, have you navigated that process? Yeah, I think you hit it right on the nose. It's one of those things where it is just such a flaky industry. And it's such a, you know, at one moment you're on top of the world. And the next moment, like, you can breathe the wrong way. And someone's got something to say. And I think in the world we live in now and with the social media, I think social media has changed so many things for the better, but also for the worse.

9:10I think this constant culture of, like, comparison going on with, like, young individuals. and it's not it's not really a good way to to view life constantly comparing yourself and i think i don't know i yeah when i first started people at first nothing bad to say you know as i'm gaining traction and numbers kept rising people were like my god that's like you know this guy's amazing let's keep him hidden like don't let him blow up too much like that kind of thing keep him hidden let's keep him hidden like that's kind of the thing let's keep him our secret like really yeah because I think you're not a secret of 10 million followers no not at that point I think when it was like just before the millions people were like uh where are these guys coming from they keep spawning and it's like I just made an account I guess as simple as that and I think uh I don't know when someone feels a part of something like small it feels a bit more intimate and then like it's funny that that is being said though because I have like uh I have like my OG fans that have been there since the early days, since like 10, 20 ,000 followers.

10:13That you recognize still. That I still, to this day, like, you know, I'm in group chats with them on Instagram. I'll chime in here and there and just be like, hey guys, hope you're all well. Like it's, it's really fun having a community like that. And like knowing that, that 10, 30, 30 seconds out of your day can, to stop and do a group chat and be like, hey guys, I hope you all are well. Like not forgetting about you. I think that can really like, it's crazy that that can make someone's day. Yeah. And, um, yeah, with, with, with cancel culture, it's a, it's one of those things where you kind of, I don't know.

10:44I don't, I like to think I don't really have any, have any skeletons in the closet, you know? So like, I'm, I'm just kind of like, I'm able to be authentically myself. And if you like me, follow me and like, let's go on this journey together. But if not, like I'm not going to lose sleep over it. Like if you don't like me, that's fine. But, but how do you deal with maybe not cancel culture for you? Cause you don't have a skeletons, but a criticism culture. and make wrong are just like comparison. Yeah. Comparison and criticism culture where, okay, you were the, and still are, but you were three years ago kind of the newer person coming out and creating content.

11:20And now there's newer people doing that. Exactly. Younger or more defined abs or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Longer hair looking, of course, yeah. And how do you not let your self-worth be defined by criticism or comparison at such a young age? it's hard. It really is. And I can't lie. I think I can't sit here and say it hasn't affected me. You know, there have been times where, you know, the likes are down, the engagement's low, you know, and as much as I don't want to ever look at that, like it's your job, you know, and it comes to a point where you kind of have to look at that and see what people are saying and seeing like what they want to see.

11:59And you can either choose to do two things. You can give the people what they want, or you can just keep posting stuff that you like. And I think I saw or read this quote the other day. It was about, I don't know if I'm going to say it correctly, but it was basically something about like the work's never as good when you start to cater to other people. But as soon as like you start doing it for yourself, then it's a lot more like people can see right through the authenticity. And I think, I don't know. I think that's just what I've kind of always kind of stayed firm to is the belief of just being myself and just posting stuff that I want to post.

12:33And I'm very, very blessed and grateful to have the fan base that I have and people that support me the way that they do. Because at the end of the day, there are people that will do just about anything for a like or a click. And I'm just grateful that I have people that will click no matter what, if I put out something. But that being said, I'm never going to take advantage of that. And I'm never going to take that for granted. And I'm always going to try to put out my best stuff. and yeah but I think going back to what I was saying with like it is a very you know one moment you're on top of the world the next moment you're you're nothing and then all of a sudden you have a big project coming out and bam you're back on top and it's just like I'm very aware of that and I'm I would tire myself out if I constantly tried to be at the top and constantly tried to do things that would make sure that I'm at the top get stay people talking and like I enjoy the time when people aren't talking, you know, I think so.

13:30I mean, you're, here's the thing. You're, you got 50 million followers. It's not like you're not relevant. Right. But what do you mean? Like being on top versus, of course, your bottom is like 5 million views versus on a post as opposed to a hundred million views. Right. Or that would be someone's dream. Exactly. I, it was, it's funny that you mentioned that because I was having a conversation the, the other day um with some of my friends and we were talking about like who are also kind of influencers in the space and they were they were kind of talking about the idea that you know like you know it's the constant thing of you know the algorithms change you know views aren't the same anymore like back in 2020 like prime time with like when i had just you know entered the house with sway boys and like i could post a video of me staring at the camera for five seconds and it would probably do 20 million come on and it was like i think we took that for granted like i think we really it's hard not to be spoiled to that it's hard not to like see that and be like oh anything less than this it's like oh like am i falling off you know it's like one of those things because i like the content that i'm putting out now way more than what i was putting out back then you know but like i said there's an audience for everything and so i think uh the stuff that i put out now is definitely more authentic to who I am and more like catered to a specific audience whereas back then it was just like all right anyone who wants to make a video let's do it's dance let's have our shirts off you know it's gonna it's gonna do well like at the end of the day like so it's uh it was funny because we were talking we were like if you really put it into perspective our least viewed video is someone who's just starting this like dream and it's hard to kind of zoom out of that like when you take yourself out of your shoes and really zoom out and see for what it is it's uh it's pretty insane how how spoiled we were back then with all those views and still to this day like i like we were talking about before the cameras turned on i just think i joined at a perfect time where covid hit and everyone was all of a sudden like what do we do i'm just gonna go on my phone and scroll you know like tiktok blew up at that time and being the new up and comer like it was uh it was definitely a weird feeling because it wasn't till a few months after i started gaining followers i didn't think it was anything more than just numbers on a screen and then my first time kind of going out after the pandemic like going out meaning like i went on vacation with my family in california recognized you people recognized me came up to you and you're that guy from tiktok like you're noah beck and i was just like yep i was in a i was in a dorm room like three months ago you know like training for soccer and this is this is definitely and my parents like my parents knew about like the numbers and like but they thought the same thing they were just like oh that's cool you know like we don't know where these millions of numbers are coming from like it could be wherever and so when you first kind of get like start getting spotted my parents were like what like it was just a new thing to all of us.

16:30And I was crazy. It was truly a surreal feeling. Now, how do you manage your ego and not let it get to your head so much as a, you know, 22 year old heartthrob, you know, athlete, social media sensation. How do you, or maybe you haven't figured that out yet. How do you keep a good heart, a kind soul, uh, and still be compassionate towards humanity. right what with all the success the fame and you know 16 year old girls running after you everywhere you go yeah uh it's it's flattering for sure and it's definitely and got me blushing but like it's one of those things where i think again like like we were talking about before um the people that i have chosen to surround myself with in my personal life have really helped manage that and you know i'm like i said i'm not one of the i just don't think that's how i am as a person anyway like i i have give a big shout out to my parents for for uh raising me i think in the right way and yeah i owe everything to them and i think uh yeah i don't know i i just i know that i have you know i've always been confident in who i am and i've never really struggled with like confidence but at the same time i'm human and i have my insecurities but i think uh i don't know i i think yeah the people i surround myself with and like we were talking about it's hard to find here in la with yeah how transactional the city can be how everyone wants something from everyone wants something why are you being nice to me like why did like you know all these questions before that are just kind of like unsaid but um yeah so i'm still very much a family man and my parents and my sisters definitely keep me humble.

18:22My friends that I grew up with playing soccer from Arizona are still like my best friends to this day. That's great. And we're all kind of off doing our own thing, which is amazing, but we connect somehow, whether it's through like playing Xbox together or even just like, you know, in a group chat, just checking on each other. You mentioned insecurities though. Do you have insecurities? Of course. Because you you seem like such a positive, you know, always smiling, happy guy, fit, millions of followers, making money, you know, Paris fashion week and all over the place. Like, yeah, you're the guy.

18:55How can you have insecurities? And if you have them, what are they? Yeah. I think, uh, uh, yeah, I don't know. I think I'm human. You know, I know I'm human. I don't mean to say, I think, uh, I look, I know I'm human and I think, uh, what is that insecurity for you for me it just changes every day you know i've i have i think when i look into the mirror i see things and i'm just like you know you can't help but think like when you especially the comparison you know it goes back to that it's like or when i'm on tiktok i'll be like you know this guy this guy's just better looking or whatever it may be like yeah of course but it's like i sound shallow i think i'm also just like insecure about sometimes the, I don't know, just kind of the way, I don't know.

19:46I'm trying to think. Is it a feeling of like, you're not enough. You're not talented enough. You're not smart enough. You're not good looking enough. You're not as experienced enough. You're, you know, well, TikTok gave me this, so do I really deserve it? Okay. Yeah. You got the wheels turning. Yeah. Yeah. What's the - 100%. And this is a thing that my team gets mad at me for. My managers, my agents, like they're all like get out of your head and you know I think going back to being raised as an athlete and kind of having that like background you know if you want to win a game you work your off and you win the game or if you want to get better you train and you work harder at it whereas in this industry I haven't I felt like I haven't done enough to be in some of the rooms that I've really found myself for sure and I think I think it may be one of those things where it's just a world working in weird ways where you know all my training as an athlete growing up has led to this in a weird way it's rewarded me in a different way that I never thought I like would translate but there are definitely rooms that I find myself in events that I find myself at I'm like why am I here?

20:57You know, there are world-class athletes. There are amazing artists. There are, you know, every vertical. And I see myself and I'm like, I just don't think I've done enough yet. And I think that definitely is probably one of the biggest insecurities of mine is that feeling like I earned it or the feeling that I deserve this. And I think, yeah, I would, I like that definitely got the wheels turning. I think that is probably the biggest one that I've kind of have faced. How often do you think about that? Like, did I really earn this? Do I deserve to be at all these big events or with these, you know, celebrities or with these talented artists or talented athletes who put in their whole life to create this career?

21:44Is that a weekly thing? Is that daily? Is that like just kind of when you're at the events, you're like, okay, why am I here? I think it's just about every time that I get an opportunity that kind of makes me reconsider everything like whether it's uh you know a big like endorsement deal whether it's a big brand sponsorship that I get or whether it's you know fashion week I'm sitting front row next to who knows who yeah you know exactly it's like I think it happens just about every single time because I know that they're sitting or it's just in my head and maybe they're not but in my head they're thinking like why am I sat next to this guy you know really this little tiktoker and it's like that's what you think they're thinking of course and that's just me like self-sabotaging if you will and i think uh so you feel like an imposter of course which is not good and like my team gets mad at me for it because they're like i i don't know because then it's one of those things where i i almost enjoy that feeling i always i don't enjoy the feeling but i would rather have that mindset than being like feeling like i'm entitled to to be sat here it's like you know looking at the yeah like you're sitting next to me you know like i was not like right which i am very well aware that there are people out there that may have that mentality and it's like go it like i applaud the confidence um but i i don't think i would i think i would rather take the you know i haven't quite earned it yet so I'm going to continue to work until I do feel like I earn it.

23:13But I just don't know if I'll ever... I think it's something within me that I don't think... If I continue to chase that, I might just tire myself out because I don't ever want to have that entitlement attitude of being like... But I think there's a fine line between the gratitude and being like, I earned this. I worked my ass off for this and I deserve to be here or I deserve this opportunity. opportunity and so that's where i'm always kind of split in between minds of uh do i deserve this or should i just be grateful for it and i'm always grateful but there are times where of course like i'm insecure and i'm like you know it should have been this guy or really yeah are there any other insecurities or feelings of being an imposter besides that that you experience nothing really like jumps to mind, but I'm sure that there are.

24:04That's the main thing though. Right. I think that's the main thing in terms of like feeling like an imposter. Every time I see one of your photos or a video or a post of yours, you're, you're pretty much smiling. Yeah. Yeah. This whole time you're smiling. You seem like a very happy guy. This is obviously the first time we've connected really, uh, in person in a meaningful way, but you seem to be a very happy kid. You seem to be youngest of three. You have good parents. you know, two older sisters who supported you and probably like my older sisters told you how to treat women, told you how to be respectful, like they did with me.

24:41Yeah. But is there ever any moments where you are sad? Yeah. Yeah. And I think, uh, I don't know. I, uh, I think growing up in a female dominated household, it was, uh, it taught me a lot about women. And, you know, they gave me a lot of lessons about how to treat, you know, and I've had a lot of people in my life tell me how evident it is that I've had that sibling, like that sister upbringing. And I take that as a compliment. And I love that I'm able, you know, I love that I have that respect and that I know that my mom has given me everything. And my dad has as well, don't get me wrong. But I think I have a certain appreciation for what women do.

25:29and um but yeah going back to it i think um of course i get sad you do of course and i think you're always it seems like you're always happy yeah you got everything going for you how could you how could noah beck be sad i think that's you know i it's weird with tiktok and with um anything social media anything on my phone you know the moment i start to i bet it's listening right now it's crazy because i'll uh you kind of it takes you down this rabbit hole of like i'll mention to like a friend being like hey like i'm feeling my best today like i'm sad about this that then all of a sudden like i'll go on my for you page later and it's about like it's like sad core tiktok and it's like making me even sadder it's like oh man yeah it's it really sucks because i'm like i don't want to see this right now i want to see like funny videos or like something that'll, but at the end of the day, like, you know, I read or I'll see often, um, you know, the people that are the happiest, you know, like checking on them, you know, cause it may be a blanket or it may be something.

26:35And, uh, I don't know. I don't think I've definitely, definitely get sad and but i think it's one of those things where i try and i had a therapist once tell me this and i and i think it really helped me um i try to like not enjoy obviously that's the wrong word for it but i try to appreciate the times where i feel sad because that's what makes you human and i'm glad that i have those feelings because if i wasn't then i will be a robot and i but I know people that are pretty numb to like, I know people that I don't know. I, I, I like how in touch I am with my emotion and I am not afraid to tell people if I get sad, I'm not like afraid to reach out, but there are definitely times where I have been and I'm getting better with it.

27:27But I think there have been times where I've kind of, you know, like it's the classic, like I'm fine. I'm fine. You know, it's like, that's when I want someone to come. But you're really not. Yeah. Like that's why I want someone to be like, just be there with me you know like I know because I've had friends that you know needed the same and and I always want to think that I've tried to think that I'm a very compassionate person I try to be empathetic you got a compassionate heart I can feel it thank you and and I try and that's something I work out a lot and I don't ever want to let that go but I um had times where like I can see like close friends you know something's off and then I just would want to give them what I would want in that moment.

28:08And everyone's different. So it's like they may react to it differently, but I know at the end of the day, it's easier or it would be better if I was there for them than if I was not, despite whether they want it or not. And I don't know. But what I get sad about, it's so many things. But I think recently, what we were talking a bit about off camera and what I have no problem talking about is we're all human. And, you know, we all have relationships with other humans' interactions. And, uh, yeah, I think that that was one of the things that I've probably been most sad about, really. Really? Yeah.

28:49And I think, um. Well, to give the context to this, uh, you know, when I first heard about you, you were blowing up on social media. And then I started seeing you in a relationship on social media. and this is something I think is there's some pros and cons to being in a relationship publicly of course especially in a social media world yeah what has been the the best part about being in a relationship publicly on social media with someone who's also growing in their own inspiring ways yeah and what has been the most challenging part about that experience in relationship on social media yeah I think I think the best part was that we were there for each other and that we understood how one another were feeling when something, like, it wasn't a completely new world.

29:41I didn't have to explain to my partner, you know, this is how I'm feeling. And them being like, well, I don't understand because I can't even imagine, you know? And it was kind of just like an unsaid thing that we both just kind of understood. Like, hey, if you were getting, if something were to happen and they were getting hate online, whether you know even though it blows blows off in a day or two like there would just be times where I'm like look I know I'm here telling you not to look at it I can't be naive and be like you know I like I understand like I'm like I get it like seeing it despite whether it gets to you or not I can only imagine like because when it happens to me like when they're whether it's like a controversy like I don't know I haven't been in anything like crazy thank God and knock on wood because like i said comments here and there yeah like i like i said it's one of those things where i just in myself so if i if i ever i don't know like i have nothing really to hide so thankfully and but there were times when just something would happen and you know she would get comments that were not very nice and i'm just like you know it's it's not like a totally oblivious thing where if i was dating someone else that wasn't in the industry they would be like just don't look at it you're fine you know and it's like i get it and i think that was the bet like one of the best parts of the relationship was knowing that we just we were in it together and we both just understood we both had this like unspoken like yeah like we just kind of just got each other yeah in a sense and uh and the biggest challenge about being in a public yeah i think the biggest challenge was especially as a 20 year old yeah yeah you know and really your first deeply intimate, you know, kind of relationship is what it sounds like.

31:29Yeah. I think that, that right there was probably the hardest part was, uh, it kind of us just figuring this out together. And despite, I don't know, she, she had moved out to LA a few months before I did. And when I came out to LA, like, we, we, we kind of hit it off very quickly. We started off as like really good friends. And I was just like, I just really like being around this girl. And then, you know, one thing led to another and we're dating and then the word gets out. And so now we're in a public relationship at 19 and it's like, whoo, she was 19 as well. Same time. Yeah. Same age. Yeah.

32:08Same age. And, um, I think the biggest challenge was just like everyone having a say everyone, like you could have zero followers and your comment could blow up. and typically with how social media is and just how everything is it's like typically the things that go the most viral or to get the most attention are negative things you know it's never like i love them so much together like and people are gonna see that many whatever like you know it's like or on the latter it's like i hate them together here's why and it's like that'll get more views i don't know it's just everyone having a say despite who you are, where you're from, what you know about us.

32:51Like, I think everyone has a voice. Everyone's in the relationship at that point. Wow. And that was very tricky because we were figuring this world out. You're figuring life out. Right, we're human. You're figuring out social media out. I'm 19 years old. Like, we're human and, like, no one ever has it figured out. But at 19, you really don't have it figured out. And, like, despite, like, I think I'm very grateful for everything that I have to this day. But, like, I'm still figuring it out. I still don't know what I want to do. I'm still like, it is not all sunshines and rainbows. And I think, uh, I think that's just part of being human.

33:24And yeah, I would say. What made you most sad about the experience? The, the ending of it. Um, and I think, yeah, I think just having someone in your life, like having that support system and someone that knows every little thing about you literally like and I don't know we just such a weird time like it was something that not many people can relate to and so like everyone has their first true love and I I she was mine and I think everyone's experience is different but I think the ways are the way hours trickled down was just so bizarre and so unique in terms of you know you like a girl you start dating her you're 19 years old this is a normal thing you'd be in college you know you're going to school you're holding your bags you know you're doing that stuff whereas like this time it's like hey like do you want to hang out today like no I have I have a photo shoot or you know no like I'm shooting a music video or this that And it's like, or you're together every single day and there's just so many like factors to it.

34:40And I think us, I don't know, I can go, I can go on and on about like what makes like a breakup hard. But at the end of the day, I think most people know what makes it hard. I think just like our, our bond that we had was really tricky. And I think, uh, what was tricky to recover from? Cause it was so good. And then, uh, I remember seeing a video of you. I can't remember where it must've been a year and a half ago, two years ago. Someone asked you a question. It might've been a vlog somewhere. Somehow this popped up on my Tik TOK or YouTube or something. And I, and I saw it where I remember hearing you say, someone asked you a question about, will you marry her?

35:18Yeah. And you said, yes, like without a hesitation. Yeah. Or would you like to marry her or if, you know, whatever it was, but they said something about would you want to marry her? And you were just like, yes. Yeah. Like straight on in their face, like no hesitation. So when you have that expectation, especially in intimacy and a relationship that then who knows what happens in the future, but then there's a breakup. How does that make you feel when you had that vision? Yeah. My mom always told me that I thought a lot with my heart and I'm a very, I'm a logical thinker as well. but I think when you're blinded by love, it's like, you know, there's that hope.