Rebuild Your Identity in 3 Steps and Finally Make Habits Last | Dr. Kim Foster

25:23Lewis Howes:You got so many things from, you got your money from this. All these things came from being a doctor. Yeah. So leaving that identity must be challenging. It was incredibly challenging. It took me a long time to actually realize that that so much of my identity was wrapped up in this. And yes, exactly. I decided when I was 17 that I wanted to go to medical school. And so everything from that point onwards was because being an achiever, good student type, I was like, okay, that's the goal. Now what do I need to do to get there? Then it was just a matter of execute. So I needed to get the grades.

25:58I needed to write the MCAT. Like I needed to do all the things and then get into medical school and now can get through med school. And so I really adopted what I realized later is that I adopted a survivor identity. So yes,

26:15Lewis Howes:because I survived this survived the test of five med schools survived the residency it out no matter what no matter how hard things get um 16 hour days no sleep whatever it takes yeah there were times in the hospital when I'd be like in residency especially I'd be so exhausted I'd been working so many hours it's middle of the night the pager goes off again and I just wanted to ignore it go to sleep go back yeah and i put my head down cry for a minute and then get pull myself together walk out and do the thing that needed to be done survive survive one more call yeah just keep going so when i reached a point in my medical career where i was like i need to i need to make this move i need this new chapter i need to go my survivor had a lot to say about that my survivor I was like, this is hard.

27:10No problem. We can do hard. Keep going. And so I really had to understand that endurance isn't a virtue in all situations.

27:21Lewis Howes:Sometimes you need to know when to make a choice just because you can keep going. It doesn't mean that you have to keep going and that the strength can come from making a choice, especially making an unconventional choice and walking away from something that I get a lot of validation from status. Like, you know, it was very confusing for a lot of people. Why I would actually walk away from this is what you work for your whole life. Oh, and the sunk cost. This is who you are. The sunk cost was huge. Medical school or this, the investment. Why would you throw this all away? Why would you throw it all away?

27:58And I was asking myself that, too. Like, it wasn't just people external to me saying, why would you throw it? although I certainly had that. But it was, it was, yeah, that feeling of I invested so much, and now I'm just going to walk away. That's crazy. Who does that? And so that was really hard. And what I came to realize what I, the permission that I gave myself on that is that I didn't get that education to limit my life. I didn't get it so that I could only do this one thing forever and ever until I die. I gave it to my I gave myself that education because I wanted to have a meaningful life.

28:37And I couldn't have foretold when I was 17 that I was going to reach a point that it didn't feel like it was giving me that meaningful life anymore. But I had to give myself permission to just let that go. And it also didn't mean that none of that stuff mattered. It didn't mean I didn't have to pretend that it didn't happen or consider it all a waste. Just because you're not continuing on in something doesn't mean that the years that came before were a total waste of time. I learned so much. I mean, all of those years deeply shaped who I am and how I think and the patterns that I recognize and how I relate to people.

29:15So I get to bring all of that with me. I'm just doing a different thing now. And it's okay. It's not a loss. I brought it all with me.

29:24Lewis Howes:Wow. So when was like the last day you, I guess, had your practice or before you moved on? What was that like? And why did you decide to say now is the time to move forward into a new identity? Yeah. I had two days that were significant. One was the day that I decided to go. And one was the day that I actually did go. How much time was in between? There was a solid year in between those two. You made a decision like, all right, I'm done. Yeah. Done with this. I'm going to go create this new thing. Yes. And take a leap. Yeah. But then a year went, you said, did you say, I'm going to give it a year?

29:56Lewis Howes:I'm going to wait until this moment? Or are you just waiting until you knew the right time to leave? Yeah. Well, the day that I decided, I was working at a university clinic and I had just finished suturing up a patient's hand, which is something that I really like to do. Stitching. Yeah. And I like to think I was pretty good at it, but it was a pretty intense repair. It was just a little bit more complicated than usual. Anyway, I did a good job, but I wanted to kind of decompress a little bit. And at the back of the clinic, it was on a university campus. So there's woods out there. So I walked out, just put my earbuds in and listened to some things and went for a walk out the woods before my next patient.

30:35And as I'm walking, I realized I don't want to go back.

30:40Lewis Howes:You don't want to go back in. Don't want to go back. And it wasn't. The nature was calling you. I want to stay in this woods. Well, what I realized is that I didn't want to, it's not that I wanted to go, didn't want to go back that afternoon. I didn't want to go back at all. I wanted to keep walking through the woods and go emerge the other side. I had this vision of like emerging the other side into a completely new chapter of my life. And it was, and it wasn't because I had come. The interesting part to me when I think back about it is it wasn't because I had had a really bad thing. Like I just done a really good thing.

31:14I just sutured somebody's hand and did a good job and was doing what I had trained been trained to do and was quite capable of doing at that time. But I still didn't want to go back and keep doing it. So I did go back, though, that afternoon. I didn't walk through the door and throw my stethoscope across the room or like that because I still had I knew that I still had some work to do because that's when I realized. because the other thing is, I mean, I started dabbling with YouTube and coaching and all of that. And I was starting to make money enough that I knew I could actually support myself and my family.

31:54We wouldn't have to sell our house. Um, and I was like, okay, so you actually logistically could leave now. So why aren't you?

32:04Lewis Howes:You were making enough. Maybe it wasn't exact amount you're making as a doctor, but it was enough. It was enough that I could go. So what was it I really had to get intensive and intentional about addressing that identity piece about who am I here? Like, what? Why? Who will I be without being a doctor? Because I just couldn't let it go. I just it had been so wrapped up in my entire adult life that I just couldn't I couldn't walk away yet. So I needed to really think about, well, what is that going to be like? Like, what do I write on forms when they ask me, what's your occupation? And, you know, what do I say?

32:38I just needed to to really. Well, that's it, actually. I did. It's actually funny. I did have, the first time that I introduced myself as a YouTuber was pretty crazy. Cause that's, that is a strange YouTuber.

32:52Lewis Howes:You're not a doctor anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Like at dinner parties, your uncle isn't like, so your doctor, well, what are you really going to do with your life? But they do have that response when you tell people that you're interesting. That's so funny because do you know Ali Abdaal? Yeah. I met Ali last summer. Really? Yes. Yeah. So I, I've known him for a while and I was, or maybe he is interviewing me. That's what he was doing. He was interviewing me, I think. And he was still a doctor, like two days a month or something. But he was making more or just as much as a YouTuber. And I go, what are you waiting for, man?

33:24Lewis Howes:And he was holding on to this identity of, well, how are people going to look at me without me saying I'm not a doctor anymore? I'm not practicing. It was tied into his identity. He's like, then he finally took the leap, I think a few months later. And then he made millions of dollars pretty quickly after that, being a YouTuber. Right? Right. Just you. And but I think there's a for him, it was challenging for you is challenging. But when did you finally come to grips with like, it's going to be OK if I'm not identified as a doctor, I'm not getting this validation or this credibility that I've had for so long?

33:59Well, I finally came to terms with it and I actually had written up my resignation letter and I was I was feeling really at peace with it and I was good to go. and in the new year like in january i was gonna just let people know and i needed to you know i had obligations to make sure that everything was going to be taken care of all of those things and the new year was 2020 and covet happened yeah and i thought this is not the moment when i can walk away i can't abandon the health care profession at the absolute worst moment you can't abandon them but did they abandon you well the health care profession abandoned you in some ways yes possibly but i just felt like in my core i was like this is not how i want to leave this is not what i want to do and so i stayed through the first wave of covid and then and really i mean it was terrifying personally absolutely terrifying professionally and personally terrifying time to be practicing medicine but um especially primary care frontline and uh but it was beautiful and like the banging pots and everything like that's for me and my boys were proud of that they were terrified for me too but um it was a really nice sort of end and then we went through the summer and then it was october my birthday month and things were really quieting down 2020 things

35:19Lewis Howes:were very much quieting down in our area anyway the island yeah the the wave had passed and so I was like, okay, this is my time. So October of my birthday month, I sent in that letter and then I was done. And on my last day that when I was finished seeing my very last patient, so last day, last patient. Five o 'clock. Yeah. I walked out of the clinic and I got into my car and I ugly cried for 15 minutes. I just cried. It just all came pouring out because I knew I wasn't going back. And I knew that that was the end. And I just had visions of my 17 year old self, who had all like starry eyed, I want to be a doctor, got into medical school had worked so hard.

36:09And it was all over. And I wasn't going to see patients anymore. And I wasn't going to be Dr. Foster anymore. Like it was all at a chapter end. So so clearly. And so that was identity grief for me. What I recognize now is that it was like a cathartic moment of letting that old identity go.

36:34Lewis Howes:And it was, it was huge. How long did it take for you to step into the new identity after leaving being a doctor? The next five minutes. Really? Yeah. So you cried out, but you'd also processed for a year. I had been processing all of my stuff on that. I was ready. And then I had actually been ready and then was sort of held back by the world global crisis. And so, yeah. So then I stopped crying and I turned on the music. I put the windows down and it was a beautiful day. And I drove home and I felt so free. Total, complete freedom. I own my day. I own my life again. And I can do whatever I want.

37:16I mean, I knew what I wanted to do because it was already very much in play.

37:19Lewis Howes:I didn't already doing it. I mean, I did in some ways, I think of myself as leaping out of a parachute airplane without a parachute, but I knew what I was going to do. Yeah. My friend, I hope you're enjoying this episode and the school of greatness drops new conversations every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday around money, mindset, healing, manifestation, and relationships. And if you're not yet following the show, then you're missing all of them. Please tap the follow button right now. and you'll get notified the moment every new episode drops because the next one might be exactly what you need.

37:54Lewis Howes:Now, let's get back to the conversation. All right, there are some days when I can tell pretty quickly that I'm not staying on top of my hydration because my energy starts dipping, my focus isn't as sharp, and I know I need to get ahead of it. And that's where Drip Drop fits into my routine. I keep packets around my home, at the office, travel, for workouts or even just a packed day when I'm moving nonstop. Orange and lemon are my go-to flavors. I drink it all the time and they make it so easy to stay on top of hydration throughout the day. And that's what I like about it. It's super easy and there's just real science behind it as well.

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39:09You know that old saying, it isn't what you say, it's how you say it.

39:13Lewis Howes:I've always believed that. Anyone can talk about ambition or determination, but the real question is how you show up. Your presence, your energy, the way you move through the world. That's what makes the difference. Lending power, poise, and performance just like you. The Range Rover Sport was designed to make an impact. With a distinctly British design, the Range Rover Sport is built to take on roads anywhere. Free from unnecessary details, its raw power and agility really shine. It combines a dynamic sporting personality with elegance and agility to deliver an instinctive drive. And its assertive stance hints at an equally refined driving performance.

39:44Lewis Howes:Defining modern luxury, the Range Rover Sport features the latest innovations in comfort and convenience. The cabin air purification system, alongside active noise cancellation, creates a new level of quality, comfort, and control. Terrain Response 2 offers seven terrain modes to choose from, fine-tuning the vehicle for challenging roads ahead. And it's available with a choice of powerful engines, including a plug-in hybrid with an estimated range of 48 miles. The Range Rover event is on now. Explore enhanced offers at RangeRover.com. Now, you also disagree with the self-help advice that some people give where they focus on shaming people into becoming a better person or a new person or changing their beliefs or habits.

40:24Lewis Howes:Why does shaming people to improve who they are not actually help them? it's a really easy thing to think. And we all kind of do this. So we want to make a change because we, I mean, if it's weight, we catch a photograph of ourselves and we're like, oh, is that what I look like? I'm disgusting. I need to make a change now. So we do this as kind of a knee-jerk reaction. And it is quite normal, I think, to initially want to make a change out of that feeling of kind of self-loathing. But we know that self-loathing is never how you're going to actually make a longstanding change. It is so much more helpful to make a change because you love yourself.

41:06I mean, cliche, it sounds, but it's absolutely true and backed up by research is that you want to, if we just stick with the weight loss example, for example, lose weight and become fit and healthy because you love your body, not because you hate your body. It's just so much more effective long term. It's you're going to be able to stick with it because, again, the idea is sustainability. Right. So, as I said, when I was practicing, people would do stuff temporarily and then they'd come back and I'm like, I went back to the way that it was. And so if you're making a change because you hate yourself or you're so mad about that, you've let yourself fall into this pattern or that you are so useless or whatever, whatever negative thing that you're telling yourself, that's not a sustainable way of staying motivated.

41:57Lewis Howes:Yeah. Some of the people in this personal development space talk about stacking habits. A lot of people say, you know, just stack these habits. You know, if you're running, also listen to something or also do this or whatever it might be, or drinking water. It's like, how do you stack two or three habits at a time in order to shift the person you want to become. So your approach is a little bit different, though. You say we should be putting belief before ritual. Why is that? I love habit stacking. Like I love those tactics and those strategies. And I think that there are a lot of great techniques and approaches that you can take in order to help to facilitate the change that you want to make and make the actions that you want to take easier.

42:42But if that's all you're doing, you really are just addressing things on that one surface level. You're not really, so you can maybe like make some changes and stack some habits onto something that you're already doing. But again, like we were saying before, if you on a hard day, a tough week, if you fundamentally don't believe yourself to be that kind of person, then it's just so much easier to be like i don't really that's not me anyway and then you know it yeah sure i have a stack of habits but maybe if i just lop off the top couple like who's gonna it just feels more comfortable anyway so yes absolutely do all of those bite size habits stack your habits create a trigger create a reward all of those things are so great.

43:30But you also at the same time need to be addressing that deeper foundational identity level. It's like the example that I often the metaphor that I give is like your operating system and your apps. So the apps are like your goals and your habits and habit stacking, all that stuff. But when you so you can download all kinds of fancy new apps, but you open up your phone and those apps are glitching or they're not loading or they're crashing or whatever is happening. What you realize is that the operating system is hasn't been updated in a couple of years. You need to update that operating system so that the apps can run correctly in your actual life on a not just on your best day, but on a random Tuesday when things are really tough otherwise in your life or you're busy or you're tired or the kids need you or whatever needs you.

44:20Lewis Howes:Yeah. If someone listening or watching right now is stuck in a pattern that they find hard to break, where do they actually start today that you think will help them to become a better person? Well, the very first thing, of course, is that recognize step. So that's when you really need to, rather than blaming the habit or blaming yourself or blaming external circumstances or genetics or whatever it is that you're blaming on the outside, is to really recognize the story that you have been running underneath. Really recognize that, oh, I have not really been thinking that this is available to me.

44:57I have really been thinking that I am this kind of person, not that kind of person. And those kinds of statements, it's just stories that we don't just make them up randomly. I mean, it comes to us from a whole bunch of accumulated evidence and sources as we're growing up and going through life. So it's not just random. It came from somewhere, but it still is a story. and since it's a story that was written means it can be rewritten into something else and so that's really the the starting point is to just get curious and question and and detached curiosities is so key because we can beat ourselves up be like why do i why have i always believed this oh i'm such i'm the worst and that's not helpful either so you know it's a matter of becoming just granting yourself some grace and saying well of course this is what i've been thinking because there's been a whole lot of proof that I've been accumulating for, you know, how I'm going to live and exist in the world.

45:57Lewis Howes:Yeah. What's the biggest thing you struggle with today still after knowing all that, you know, from creating your content and coaching people, writing the book, where do you struggle around identity? My favorite lab currently for personal development and identity is golf. So I've become completely obsessed with golf. Yes, completely obsessed. And that's because one of the things that I absolutely love about it is that it is such a pure personal development lab. It shows all of your stuff. If I am distracted, if I am not trusting myself, it shows up in the flight of the ball immediately. And I love that.

46:37So committing to my shot, but then being totally detached from the outcome is the key that I have learned and that's what i'm practicing all the time and that applies not just to golf obviously um but to life making a decision being fully committed to the swing to the action whatever it is that you're taking but then not making it mean something if if it catches a bad bounce if the wind catches it like whatever these are life circumstances and so you know beep but not making that mean that I didn't do my job of being making the decision, being committed and doing the thing and then detaching from it.

47:20Lewis Howes:Well, what do you think most people get wrong in the self-help space about motivation and goal setting? I think that people do focus excessively on the goal. Like, what is this goal that I need to achieve? Actually, I mean, honestly, as boring as it might be to go back to the golf example, too, right? Like, so the goal clearly is to get the ball in the hole, right? There's a lot of different ways that you can get there. And it's a matter of, like I said, detaching from that goal. But who are you being in that whole process is so much more important than whether you actually achieve that goal. You know, you can have a great committed swing and then it ends up in the rough and you are, you can be all mad about that for a long time, But ultimately, you have to walk over and be like, OK, this is where we are.

48:14And that's where the hole is. And so how am I going to get there now? So it's but who are you being in that moment? How are you handling the adversity? So that's why who you're being like your identity is so much more important than just achieving the goal, which is just one metric. It's just one marker. But there's so much more that goes into it. So, yeah.

48:34Lewis Howes:What's a mental reframe that people need to apply when they have self-doubt? Self-doubt is a fascinating kind of thing. And I think it kind of gets a bad rap because we think that we shouldn't have self-doubt. I think that a lot of people feel like if I'm feeling self-doubt, that must mean something about my capability or about what's possible. Maybe this is the wrong thing. Maybe I can't really do this. Um, so for me, the goal isn't to never have self-doubt. It's to manage, to figure out how to work through it. The story that I think of most when I think about self-doubt in my own life, um, was when I was a resident and the very first time, like, so I'm working in the hospital and it's, it's very tough and on call that night and it's the middle of the night and we get called to a code.

49:25So that's when somebody is having cardiac arrest.

49:27Lewis Howes:Wow. So, and I'm in, so I'm first year, so I'm very new on the team. They're having a heart attack in the hospital. They are in the hospital. yeah code cardiac arrest in the hospital so we have to do the resuscitation and the defibrillation everything that's a lot yes quite intense oh yeah but it happened all the time like this was quite quite normal every week almost every shift that you're on someone's having a heart attack every shift almost yeah yeah typically if yeah if you're on the code team you bring the whole thing in this is wow that's intense yeah yeah your adrenaline must always be on always because because mostly you're getting woken up out of them oh my gosh out of a dead sleep and then you're running before you're even fully awake in the hospital in the hospital yes that's intense yeah that is like survival energy constantly right constantly yes you're surviving to make someone else survive exactly yeah holy yeah yeah we get called to this code it's my first so i'm like i said junior and so what like 20 something how old was i 25 wow okay something like that and um my senior resident was running the code so he's interpreting the rhythms and he's looking at and deciding what medications need to be given, what needs to happen next.

50:35And he tells me to take over chest compressions. So chest, so I'm like, eight years of studying. Here we are. Yeah. Go time. Um, so I climb up onto the bed to do the chest compressions. And, uh, up until this point, I've only ever done them on a mannequin, you know, practice. So I'm, I'm start doing the chest compressions and they're like, no more deeper because you really need to compress the chest enough to get the squeeze the blood through the heart so that they can start to see a blip on the monitor that you're actually pushing blood through the body so so i start going deeper and then i feel the ribs crack no oh no and they say that's normal and and i i flinch of course because i just cracked a guy's ribs oh god and i looked up and my my senior resident his eyes met me and he just nodded he's like keep going keep going Because that's what you had to do.

51:30Oh, gosh. Right? So I just had to keep going. So that was a pure moment of self-doubt. I'm like, of course.

51:36Lewis Howes:You said, yes, go. And you're like, uh-huh, crack, crack. And every few thrusts, I would just, I'd be cracking your ribs. And this is so anathema to what you're supposed to be doing as a doctor. Trying to save someone, not break their bones. Yes, breaking their body. So anyway. Gosh. But I think about that because in that moment of doubt, like, I don't, I can't, am I supposed to keep doing this? Is this right? This feels wrong. My resident was there to look at me and say, yes, keep going. In life, we rarely have the equivalent of a senior resident who's like, it's fine. I know you're uncomfortable.

52:11I know this feels weird and wrong, but you have to keep going because you're doing the right thing. And so I often think of like, okay, well, I'm feeling this self-doubt. Is it still the right thing that I am doing to keep going here and keep pressing board even though i don't have my resident they're nodding at me to keep going but

52:28Lewis Howes:we can create that for ourselves wow this is such a curiosity did you always break someone's ribs or was it like sometimes it was like well he was particularly elderly this guy so yes he had very fragile bones but it's not uncommon it's not uncommon oh no yeah gosh that's not fun yeah but it has to be done man that's not fun yeah because it's life or death i guess it's like you have to do whatever it takes to save a life yes even it means cracking up your ribs oh my gosh i broke three ribs twice back to back years and i just i just know the pain of that it's so painful it is exquisitely painful there's a lot of nerve endings in your rib cage you can't breathe for months yeah it's like you can't move so i want to know how someone can become more magnetic someone doesn't feel like they're energetically attractive like they don't create opportunities for themselves.

53:23Lewis Howes:Like they're not developing luck every single day for themselves. What are a few small habits that can make you instantly more magnetic? Yeah, this was actually quite a popular video on my YouTube channel. Um, a little unexpectedly. I mean, we make these videos and then you never know. Yeah. Um, but I really had a lot of fun with this one and, um, the core of it certainly is, I mean, it's the stuff that we've been talking about is your identity. So you first of all, need to stop telling yourself that you're not magnetic or that you're not confident or any of that kind of thing. Because when you carry that energy, that does a couple of things.

54:04First, it limits what you even put yourself out for. You just decide you don't even see opportunities because you've already pre-decided that that's not for you. So that's the first thing really is to decide that it's just find a more empowering identity. And again, maybe like the big, I'm a super attractor, like that might be too far. A bridge. A bridge identity. Yeah, you can absolutely do that and then start to gather proof for that. But then the other sort of more practical thing would be, and this also comes from having a disempowering identity, is to stop monitoring yourself so much.

54:42Lewis Howes:What does that mean? So you are checking in like, how am I coming across? How do I look? How do I sound? What am I doing with my hands? Am I awkward now? That kind of thing, which pulls you right out of the energy of actually being present in the room and present with another person and listening to what's happening because you're just all entirely in your own head. Self-focused. Self-focused. Be outward focused, not self-focused. Mm-hmm. Okay. What's the next tiny little house? Another one is pause, slow down. So rather than rushing into a thing and just blurting something out because you need to feel that silence or feel that awkwardness, just pausing, taking your time.

55:29And again, that's a present being present kind of thing. And the first time that I learned that was actually also in medical residency. See, this is the thing is that I actually learned a ton about myself and life and people going through that training because it's so intense. There's so much going on. So, and again, I get to bring that all with me, even though I'm not practicing clinically anymore. But yeah, I was doing a radiology rotation. So it's like x-rays, reading images and films and things. And so the attending physician would put a film up. This is when we used film, not digital. But anyway, put a film up.

56:07And he'd say, OK, so, Dr. Foster, what do you see? And the impulse, of course, is just to, like, immediately just grasp at something because it's awkward. Everybody is there. It's like a large group. It's not just a scene. We're doing rounds and it's a big group of people. I trained myself to not immediately grasp for the first answer, to just look and be OK with there being silence as I'm processing and read it. and then start to come with my initial thoughts, my initial impressions, that kind of thing. And it was really tough, but I trained myself to do that, and it made a big difference, I think.

56:49And one of the senior residents on the team actually pulled me aside, and he's like, really, you've got great composure. You really, it's impressive how when they ask you a question, you're not just babbling and blurting something out.

57:02Lewis Howes:and uh that probably feels like a lifetime but for five to ten seconds when everyone's waiting for you to answer you're like just pausing observing and you're like okay now i'll answer it's like a lifetime right and it feels like it looks like on the inside it looks like you're uncertain and you don't know and you're you know too new but on the outside it actually reads as composure and confidence that you're gathering yourself, you're assessing the situation properly and taking your time so that you're not rushing into an answer. Interesting.

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59:33Lewis Howes:The Range Rover event is on now. Explore enhanced offers at RangeRover.com. Was there another tiny habit that you liked? I like eye contact. I think that I can't and especially my goodness now eye contact like everybody's looking down it's crazy how we are becoming so not used to looking at people and yeah I mean it's I think it makes a huge difference like even an extra couple of beats of eye contact with someone like with a stranger the barista at the coffee shop or somebody that you pass by or anybody and And it really, that even just like two extra seconds makes that extra connection. And I think that makes a huge difference.

1:00:18Lewis Howes:Makes you more magnetic. Yeah. I love those. Those are easy things that people can do every single day. What would you say is the difference between being magnetic and being performative? It can be very tricky in the beginning to distinguish those things. And that's because in the beginning, it can actually be a little bit of a performance, right? Like, because it's not you're not used to it yet. It's not natural. But I think we can confuse something feeling comfortable with something being inauthentic. It's not necessarily inauthentic. You are working. You can work towards inhabiting a new identity, a new presence for yourself, a new way of being.

1:01:00And it's OK that it feels uncomfortable. It doesn't mean that something has gone wrong in the beginning. and so it's over time things start every new action or behavior feels uncomfortable to people in the beginning it's after it's over a period of time and with reps that it starts to feel more

1:01:19Lewis Howes:like yeah this is actually just how i operate you're six years removed now from being a full-time doctor yeah if you could go back to the you know the morning of the last day when you were a doctor, your last day of practice before you ugly cried at the end of the day and were free and could finally walk out in the forest like you wanted to a year before that. What advice would you give her right now, six years ago, the day you were about to leave being a doctor? It's kind of interesting. I would tell her it's absolutely going to be okay. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Except at the time, I actually knew that.

1:02:00Lewis Howes:But you didn't know what you'd create. I didn't know what I was going to create. So yes, I mean, now the validation has come. Now the proof has all come. And so yes, it would have been nice to have received some extra reassurance that like, it's going to be completely fine. You are 100 % making the right decision. You're going to be so happy on the other side of it. And it's going to be all worthwhile. Do you feel like it's it's all been worth it? Yeah, it's all been worth it. It's all been worth it. Not just the walking away, but also the doing the training, deciding. People have asked me if I regretted going into medicine and I absolutely don't.

1:02:41It made me who I am. And again, I don't have to abandon that. I don't have to pretend that I didn't go to medical school, that I wasn't a doctor. it does require some explanation afterwards. And even now, people still don't really understand. I think I met somebody last month who didn't really understand why I'd stopped practicing medicine. And it's a pretty long story and we didn't have 90 minutes to go through it like we are now.

1:03:05Lewis Howes:Well, because most people don't become a doctor and then stop. Most people don't. They just do it forever. Yeah, yeah. And I do catch actually quite a bit of criticism on my YouTube channel for that. Whenever I do actually address the fact that I left medicine and maybe talk a little bit about that, There are definitely some people who don't appreciate it and don't understand. There's various criticisms. I mean, one that does come up quite a bit is that I took a spot in medical school away from somebody who would practice forever. And I'm like, well, I did practice for 20 years. That's a long time.

1:03:34That's actually quite a bit of time. I didn't just abandon it immediately. And I didn't go into it thinking I'm going to stop doing it. I mean, that would have been a different story if I had done that.

1:03:44Lewis Howes:Exactly. But still, but as with all YouTube commenters, I think, OK, well, this person, maybe they had actually wanted to go to medical school and they didn't get in. So I totally understand that there could be other things that I do not understand about their lens. And it doesn't mean you can't still help people in a doctor mindset. You know, if someone's sick or hurting, you could give them, I guess, some type of treatment that you're aware of. Maybe you can't prescribe something. Right. But you can say, oh, we need to get you stitches. We need to do this. You should go see someone to get you this medicine.

1:04:14Lewis Howes:you can give them insights based on what you know to still help people. And the, yeah, the knowledge is all still there. And I think the reassurance is there too. I remember I was working in a clinic and a guy fell down on the sidewalk just outside of the clinic. And so somebody said, Oh, you know, come out and see this guy. And I went out and saw him and, and I said, it's okay. I'm a doctor. And the relief on his face, in his eyes, I mean, And I wasn't going to do anything other than he needed to get his. But just to know, just to go from being a guy on a pavement who just hit his head and was very confused to suddenly having somebody standing over him saying, I'm a doctor.

1:04:55That relief was there. And then I and so I get to I'm not going to practice medicine. Yes, obviously. But that that role. I mean, those are the sorts of things, though, that kind of role in society was part of what kept me in it for a long time.

1:05:09Lewis Howes:Yeah. Yeah. And if you're on a plane, if someone's going through something, you can go and support them or whatever. Yeah. And it's someone faints if someone has an issue or whatever. It's so much more about the reassurance and support, not necessarily like exactly technically what I would do. So I still get to inhabit that role. It's exciting. You got this book out called Redesigning You, which is about how to change your inner story to transform your health. and I want everyone to go get this book because for me, from all the information that I've learned on this show, I truly believe that identity is at the root of so many things.

1:05:46Lewis Howes:And when we have an identity or a belief about ourselves that is limiting us, it's going to be hard to create an abundant free life. But when we learn the tools and how to shift the identity and the story and the beliefs about who we are, and we start living into them with new evidence and start building the identity brick by brick with new evidence, it unlocks a whole new world of possibilities for us. It unlocks better health, better relationships, more financial freedom, better opportunities, better relationships with friends, whatever it might be that we want. Shifting our identity creates better opportunities.

1:06:27Lewis Howes:So for me, I want people to get the book, Redesigning You by Kim Foster. There's a lot of great content in here, a lot of great mindset strategies, information and tools that will support you in shifting out of the things that block you into the things that help you create breakthroughs. So I'm very excited about you having this book and people can check out your YouTube channel. You've got a lot more great content there. before I ask the final couple of questions, I want to acknowledge you, Kim, for taking that leap because that's not easy to do. And for, you know, where a lot of people might've criticized you for leaving, I want to acknowledge you for leaving because you were stepping into who you believed you were meant to be.

1:07:09And you stepped into, not that you weren't helping a lot of people

1:07:13Lewis Howes:as a doctor, but now you're able to help more people with what you love in a new level, in a new identity. And I think it's a beautiful testimony to what's possible for people. So I want to acknowledge you for being on this journey, for constantly evolving and helping people, even though it's not what your 17 year old self set out to do. I think it's what she truly wanted to be, which is how you can serve the maximum number of people in your videos and your coaching and your book are able to reach more people at a time rather than you one-on-one. And so there's no right or wrong, but I feel like that's truly what your heart desired and you're doing it.

1:07:54Lewis Howes:So I acknowledge you for that. Thank you so much for that, Lewis. I really appreciate that. Yeah, it's inspiring to see. And I can't wait to see more of your stuff online. This is a question called The Three Truths. I ask it towards the end. Imagine you get to live as long as you want and create whatever you want, but it's the last day for you and you have to take all of your work with you. The book, your content, it's all gone from this world. and you only get to leave behind three final lessons to the world. That's all we would have of your content. What would those three truths be for you? Truth number one is that you're not fixed.

1:08:27I think that we really underestimate how much we can actually change and evolve over the course of a lifetime. And yes, your history absolutely influences you, but it doesn't dictate what's possible for you. And I like to say your past is not your prophecy. so that's truth number one and then uh truth number two is don't confuse who you had to become with who you have to remain so like the story that i was telling you about the survivor in me so i had to become the survivor to get through what i was doing um and that i'm very grateful for that identity wasn't a bad identity it helped me achieve things and get through and but I don't have to remain that that doesn't have to be what I stay doing forever you are allowed to evolve beyond something that once served you beautifully and then number three is your life is happening right now because I think that um it's really easy to spend, I know I spent a lot of time preparing for the next thing.

1:09:39Once I achieve this, once the kids get older, once they get more clarity and it's a bit of a, it can be a trap for people who are ambitious to spend so much of their energy and time building the future, but forget to inhabit the life that you're in right now. So, you know, take the trip, take the risk, be here for it.

1:10:01Lewis Howes:That's beautiful. And final question for you, Kim, what's your definition of greatness? So my definition of greatness has actually changed quite a bit over the years. And I think that my younger self would have said that greatness is a lot about excellence. So discovering what you're capable of and then proving it and achieving really hard things and becoming exceptional at something that is ideally measurable and visible to other people. And but now I think that just greatness is much more about discernment. So meaning becoming really deeply discerning about what deserves your life, because just because you're capable of doing something doesn't mean that you are obligated to do it.

1:10:53And of course, that's my story too. But I think that it's really important getting clear on what actually deserves your effort and your precious life and the years that you have. And then going all in on that, like giving yourself fully to that, becoming discerning and giving yourself fully to that.

1:11:12Lewis Howes:That's beautiful. Kim, thank you so much for being here. Appreciate it. Yeah, it's my pleasure. It's a great conversation. My friend, I hope you're enjoying this episode right now because we are on a mission to impact 100 million lives every single week. And every follow here on this podcast helps us reach more people. Make sure to hit the follow at the top of this show's page right now. It's the single biggest thing that you can do to support the show and the impact of us reaching you every single time we have new episodes. I appreciate you and I can't wait to see you in the next episode. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.

1:11:51Lewis Howes:Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter.

1:12:30Lewis Howes:And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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