Start With Yourself: The Mindset That Built an Empire | Emma Grede

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24:59Lewis Howes:Visit amika.com and get a quote today. I mean, you talk about this, you know, managing your emotions on page 17. You say to reap the benefits of your gut-based intuitions, which we're talking about, and to use your emotions in a healthy way, you need to learn how to modulate and manage them. So what is the first step then to managing your emotions in an uncertain world? Yeah. Isn't that difficult? Because it is so uncertain. And I find that, you know, for me, like my default emotion was always anger. Yeah. Where I come from, it was like the first thing. I wouldn't get sad. I didn't feel like, you know, like I felt angry.

25:40Lewis Howes:About what? Everything. You know, also because that was what was around me. You know, I come from a really blamey culture where it's like, you know, I can't get a doctor's appointment. They're not picking up our trash. The weather. These people taking our jobs. The weather is miserable. And it was this blamey culture where everyone was angry about everything all the time. And there were moments in my life where I've really blown up and been so mortally embarrassed. Like to the point where I felt like the pits of the earth. I've been like, how can I ever recover from this blow up? Like from something you said or did or emotionally?

26:17Something I did and said away. Really? I behaved how I've acted. Like, yeah. And I, I mean, I went, I put myself in anger management counseling just before. Oh yeah. Like when I was 19. Absolutely. I was like, this is not, this is not going to serve me.

26:31Lewis Howes:You put yourself in it. Oh yeah. Something bad must've happened to put yourself in it. Oh, I talk about in the book, it's my most embarrassing moment ever. I, um, I just like, I think I can be as a, as a kid. I didn't understand that there was another way. There was nobody that ever explained to me that you could take a deep breath, that you could go inside yourself, that you can have an emotion and that there can be some detachment from who you are. I thought that was who I am, who I was. You thought the emotion was you. I thought it was me. I thought that I am that person. I'm experiencing this emotion.

27:11No, no such thing. I really believe that's who I was. And I only had that. That was my default mode. And so when I, you know, it's like when you know better, you do better. But I had to go out and find that because it wasn't presented to me in that way.

27:23Lewis Howes:Wow. That's fascinating. It's kind of like when my, I kind of had my turning point when I was around 30 years old because I had a lot of anger inside of me as well. And I think it's, I felt like I was being taken advantage of most of my childhood. And all of a sudden the anger just came out kind of in every area of my life. And my friend was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. I got in a physical fight on a basketball court, actually in the mean streets of West Hollywood. And I picked a basketball game that had nothing on the line. Like a physical fight in your 30s? That's scary. I was 29.

27:56Lewis Howes:I was 29. So almost 30. But I got in a fist fight with someone. And I remember walking back into my apartment and looking in the mirror and just looking myself in the eyes in the mirror, shaking and being like, I don't recognize who I am. Who am I? What am I doing? Like I'm a grown man getting out of his fight over nothing, nothing. And I could have like really done something bad, you know, thankfully the guy was okay afterwards, but just never know where that emotion could lead if you don't learn to like address it. Yeah. Right. And so that's pretty insightful that you did that at 19. No. And I, I've learned that over the years, you know, because I think anger is one that for For me, I was able to get a grip on and understand, but it's still there.

28:44Lewis Howes:Oh, yeah. Right? You still have to like take a breath. It's still there and you don't have to go that far to find it. But there are all of these very unhelpful emotions. And I think the older I've got, the more I've understood, you know, what would I do if I wasn't really scared? What would I do if I didn't feel guilt? And so, so much of what I'm talking about in this book is like figuring out like a vision for yourself and an idea of who you are. And I think that as a kid, I had a strong feeling that where I was from wasn't who I am. I was like, I am not supposed to be here. This is not the rest of my life.

29:21I belong somewhere else. There is better stuff for me. And I was like, what can I do? What is within my reach to get me out? And that for me was work. any type of work I was like get on a train and go into town and find a way that you can physically get away from this place and in the beginning it was just that the distance I was like if I get on a train and go for an hour I'm far enough to weigh that I can be somebody else and I really I remember the thought of that like you know I just could you know in London we have the tube map and I was like if I go from this zone all the way into this zone I'm so far away that I can be who I'm supposed to be.

30:00Lewis Howes:Did you not feel like you could be who you were supposed to be at home? No, it was too difficult. There were so many responsibilities and I was already set up to be mom to my sisters.

30:16I had to be really tough. And when I understood that that toughness was causing me to be unnecessarily angry, I was very clear about the correlations. I was like, I have to get out of here I have to be out of this place where I'm in constant reactive mode and I have to choose my choice and that's when I started to think oh my goodness like that's not the woman I want to be like for me it was Oprah right I used to watch Oprah on the tv and you have to go back you know if you go back 25 years ago she introduced all of this stuff to the culture that we take for granted now but it's like no one was talking about mindfulness meditation gratitude like that was she introduced that stuff certainly to me and so i was like oh i want to be that type of woman i was like she i didn't know anyone like that i didn't know a woman who spoke like that and of course she was a black woman and so for me i was like i'm gonna be like oprah i'm gonna be that woman i'm gonna say intelligent things and i'm gonna have a lot of money and i'm gonna be like graceful and i'm still gonna be strong but i'm gonna do it in this like really beautiful and feminine and this

31:22Lewis Howes:Yeah. And I was like, that's it. That's the blueprint. Like she's, she's got it, you know, and in my head I was like, she's also making a ton of money. Like, cause you used to see in the newspapers that Oprah's done this and she's done that. So to me, I was like, okay, I'm going to model that behavior. I'm going to like read everything that she says, and I'm going to speak how she speaks and I'm going to do this gratitude thing. And I was writing down, well, you know, I had nothing to be grateful for really, but I was like, I'm going to find the things. And so I found a way to vision a life for myself.

31:52And still now I think about that because I think there's so much in our culture and in society for you to measure yourself against. And I am always very careful that I'm measuring myself up against the things that I want, the vision that I have for myself, the type of mom I want to be, the type of leader I want to be, the things that are important to me, my principles, my values. and then I can have fear and guilt and disappointment, but not against somebody else's idea of why I should be.

32:19Lewis Howes:Interesting. This is fascinating because when I was 13, I begged my parents to send me away to a private boarding school. You did? I begged them. They did not want me to leave. No, who wants their 13-year-old to leave? But I grew up in such an environment, you know, that was just didn't feel emotionally safe for me, you know. And so I ran away, essentially, right? And I wanted to get out. and I couldn't get out fast enough. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get away from your environment or wanting to run away. For me, I needed to run away for certain reasons for my emotional safety.

32:54Lewis Howes:But eventually, I couldn't run away from myself later. Like I was still running away internally, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, right? Chasing and running away to try to fulfill something. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong, good or bad, but it's just what I did to survive until I had to come back home to me. What was the thing you were running away from the most? And when did you feel like you came back home to you, to emotional safety within yourself? I think that what I was always running from was a future that looked like all the stuff that was around me. I was scared less that I would end up like all the women I could see, crying over some guy that left them devastated that someone had cheated on them left broke and alone you know I could see that despair all around me and I was like that can never be me that can just that can never be me and also I saw a lot of women not my own mother but they were at the mercy of the partners that they had right so when he was up they were up new car new curtains lovely stuff you know all great but then when that went away it was it was gone you know you had a drunk husband and you know no money and the car goes and the woman's just like what happened and I was like no way like no way could that ever be me and I saw it in my own family and I saw it in the people around me and so that was like a fear of mine and so for me working and having this idea of my life was like that was going to be my escape that was like that's my plan that's my get out plan and then I get to decide and I'll create the the buffer and I will be in a position where it doesn't matter who is around me like I'll be good and to the point where that still shows up in my life today my husband laughs all the time you know I have my own lawyers like we have we have a family office and we have our companies and we have you know like business managers and i still have my own separate lawyers that will look at my stuff because i'm like i get it i love you we're together we're gonna do it and he's like but you know that you are just like paying through the nose our lawyers are your lawyers and i'm like yeah but you know what i don't know i don't want to be one of those girls you never know yeah never know you never know so it's in there still still in the deep down it's there and it ain't still worried still worried still worried so you still gotta start with yourself you're still doing the work i'm still working did you guys uh do a prenup before actually we did a post-nup we discussed it and then you know with wedding arrangements we never got around to it but the nuff is there oh yeah it was fully fully fleshed out and negotiated and it's actually a really funny story we were in a restaurant and it turned out that a very famous agent and her husband were sitting close to us but we couldn't see and watched our whole negotiation and every time i ever see this couple they're like no way your prenuptial arrangement dinner we heard the whole thing and they were cracking up and went home and like why don't we have a why don't we have a prenuptial agreement but you probably want i mean were you making the money a lot of money then not no so that is a great point no it at that point uh we were very uneven so my husband had started his business journey in his kind of late 20s early 30s and he was doing way better than i was but you know i'm always gonna bet on myself i was like it's a matter of time yeah i was like just wait so no i went in and negotiated like i was already who i am wow yeah that's interesting what a psycho now i think about it i'm like what was i being so hard-ass about i had absolutely in the future when i have this I was salaried.

36:45I had a company that I owned a piece in and I was a salaried person at that time. So I was really betting on my future.

36:53Lewis Howes:So you didn't have a big net worth or anything at the moment. No. At that time, absolutely not. Maybe a year's worth of savings or a few years maybe or something like that. I had very little and was spending. I've never ever spent beyond my means because I'm seriously frugal and I know the price of everything. And when I say frugal, it's like I love nice things. Like, don't get me wrong, because my people will be out there going, what is she talking about? She's spending on this. We just went to Chanel. She's a liar. But I am very mindful of money. And it's still, I still understand how much every single thing costs and the value of everything.

37:30I think that's what makes me good at my job. You know, it's like if I am expecting a customer to spend$150 on a pair of jeans, they're going to be worth every one of those$150. because I have an understanding of what it takes to make$150. So it's like I'm fully still in relation to what things cost.

37:49Lewis Howes:If you go back to the younger version of you, with all the lessons you know now and all the work you've done, and we're all a work in progress for the rest of our lives, what would you say to her? The girl who's there taking care of your siblings and the father's not there anymore and you're kind of helping your mom, you're parenting your mom and parenting yourself. I would say to her what I said. which back in those days I used to be like it's all gonna work out like I really knew and perhaps I'd made an unfair correlation in the work piece of it but I was like if you are just a good girl and you work really hard it's all gonna work out for you how can I really believe that and I still believe that do you believe that you would have been able to accomplish the results you have staying in your home environment no way really no and i say that in two ways right because for me home environment is one sort of east london and two england you know i'm going to be really honest with you and say something that's maybe deeply unpopular because of where we are in this country right now and we all know the underbelly of it right i'm not going to sit here and say that we aren't in a really tumultuous time and there isn't an underbelly to where we are and that America has a lot of yes around it having said that you know I look at myself and I think I am the living breathing embodiment of the American dream there is nowhere on earth that in eight or nine years you can come to and have the kind of success and trajectory that I've had and so as difficult as things are right now you have to look at me and go wow this country is kind of amazing because of the people and the communities and the way that you're allowed to come into a system and be successful within that system so what worries me about where we are right now is that you would take away the single best thing that this country is all about like that you would erase the very thing that makes you America like to me it's unfathomable because I look at it and I'm like, damn, this place is good.

39:57Don't get rid of that. Do you know what I mean? It would be like me without hair or I don't know, like not good, you know, like not a vibe. Like you need that in this place because that's what makes it so amazing. Like that fabric of the place coupled with those people that are here and the way all of that works together, like that's the magic of America.

40:19Lewis Howes:Where were you in your business or financial aspect of things before coming to USA? I was doing pretty good. So I had bought, I had created and sold two companies before I came here. So I started my first company in my kind of mid-20s. And that was a 12-year build before I eventually sold it. I sold it to IPG Media. And in the middle of that, I got involved in this kind of blog platform thing. They were bloggers, not influencers then, before we even had that language. where I aggregated the ad sales and sold, you know, like the ad sales of a group of fashion bloggers. And I also sold that company.

40:57So I had done pretty well, not well like I am now, but I had made tens of millions of dollars. Yeah. And I was like, to me, I was rich, rich, rich. You know, I was like, you know, I didn't feel done, but I was very much like I've done the thing. You know, it's like I've started something, I've built it, I've sold it. I made a lot of mistakes. You know, I had offices in London, in New York, in LA. I closed in LA. It's like I did all of the things. And that made it actually even harder because I was living, you know, I had a house in London. I had a beautiful house in the country, the dream of England, you know, and get away on the weekends.

41:34Yeah, you know, take my two beautiful kids to my country house. I thought I was like Kate Middleton, you know, like queen of the castle. um and so it was even harder to risk it all and leave all of that to come into uncertainty and honestly to come to la which was never a place that i fancied you know i was like english people i was i'm a londoner you go to new york you know i thought this was like for for the entertainment industry i was like who lives there it's sunny all the time it's so weird the people are weird you know i didn't i that's what that was my appreciation my first year i moved here i did

42:08Lewis Howes:not like LA. You didn't? My first year here, because I came from Ohio, but then I lived in New York City for a while. And I loved the vibe of New York City, the energy, the grittiness, the realness, the rawness. And I was like, everyone here is fake. You know, that's my first interpretation. Totally. But then after a year, I was like, gosh, everyone's in blizzards all over the world. And I'm like, look at us. It's pretty nice. With our legs out, just stunning ourselves. No, and I understand that because to me, you know, LA was like in yesterday, you know, I was like the time zone doesn't work i can't call my people yes what are you gonna wear if it's sunny every day so far behind everyone's already got their work done the next day they're gonna be ahead of me so it was a sacrifice um and because i was doing pretty well it was even harder for me to fathom like why like everybody around me was like but you've made it like you have all the things like you want more like what is wrong with you but to me there was something much bigger and And almost like kind of bigger than myself.

43:08You know, I'd had these two kids. Lola was three months old. Gray was about two and a half. And my husband at that point was like, you know what, Emma? He's like, you have in this company in Good American, he's like, you have a tiger by the tail. You can do with it what you will. But I think that you need to be and put yourself like right in the middle where it happened. Yeah, yeah.

43:30Lewis Howes:So you launched it in the UK? I launched it while I was in the UK. And it really took off. Like nobody had the visibility that it would take off like that. And so I, you know, with Jens' encouragement, I was like, okay, let's go to LA. We'll go there for three years and then we'll come back to civilization. Civilization. Eight years later and I'm not going anywhere. What's been the biggest mindset shift you've had since moving from the UK to the USA? And what is unlocked for you with that mindset? Well, I would say everything has changed because the possibility for me here seemed endless. Really?

44:04Yeah, because when you come from a place that is, you know, London is a big international city. But, you know, make no mistake, it's still a small place, right? It's still, in some ways, such a locked community. And I came here. No one knows my accent. Everybody thinks I speak like the Queen. I do not, by the way. I am not.

44:25Lewis Howes:Your team is like, nah, she doesn't talk like that. She ain't talking like the Queen. But there is no judgment here. There is like, here is a person. Like, how good are your ideas? How hard are you willing to work? And so for me, that was very freeing because you come to a place and you're like, there's no baggage. I am whoever I want to be here. Yeah. And people care about results more than anything. They're not like trying to put you in a box, I guess. If you can create something, the market will decide. Yeah. And that for me, that level of opportunity and that shift into thinking, you know what?

44:56I am as good as my idea. And there will be somebody who wants to think about this, to fund it, to get behind me. And so I guess to answer your question, like any limitations that I thought were attached to what I was doing completely disappeared. And I think that I started to think in a much bigger way. And America and Americans helped with that naturally, right? Like there's just, there's a, there's a speed and there is an appetite and there's, there's a willingness. Like, and also people want to take a bet. They're willing to be like, yeah, go on then kiddo, like go for it.

45:37Lewis Howes:For someone watching or listening that might've come from a similar environment where they didn't have the opportunities. They didn't have the educational side of things. They didn't have the resources. What's a limiting thought around money that is holding them back from what they can create financially? Well, the first thing is to think that you need a lot of money to do anything. I think that we've got ourselves into a really dangerous position when we feel like the only businesses and the only ideas that are valid are billion dollar unicorn sized and shaped ones. I have a lot of friends and a lot of people around me that do incredible businesses, incredible because they afford them a lifestyle.

46:18They can hire people from their community. They're little and lovely with four employees or with 40 employees. There's a lot of different ways to do businesses and to have a business. And so I would think about is are the limitations real or are you putting them on yourself before you get out of the gate? And that's something that requires an enormous amount of self-reflection and honesty. so you have to get out of your own way and what happens is that people really live in their heads you got to make sure that your biggest enemy isn't between your own two ears right you have to say to yourself okay wait a minute maybe this thing i have these giant aspirations but you've got to get out of the gate you've got to get off your desktop out of your head and do something and it also you've got to understand that life comes in seasons there are moments like you don't need You don't need everything to happen to you right away.

47:09You don't need it to be the biggest thing. You might do something that goes completely pear-shaped. There's another opportunity and another one and another one. So I want people to understand that actually you just got to do the thing. Have a go, get out of your own way. And within that, you can test and change and figure things out and learn. Like that's the beauty of business. Everything transitions, right? Like people imagine that you're going to start a company and that's what it is. The truth is, good American looks nothing like it did in the beginning. Your principles, your reason for being, the problem that you solved, your purpose, all of that stays the same.

47:50Everything else transitions on the way up. So you have to know that you're going to start with this thing and that it's going to change and shift and you're going to change and shift, but you've got to start. That's it.

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49:18Lewis Howes:Join the 3.3 million employers worldwide that use Indeed to connect with quality talent that fits their needs. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results now with Indeed Sponsored Jobs. And listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit to help you get your job the premium status it deserves at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring, do it the right way with Indeed. What is the thing in your life that you feel like needs a shift? There could be a different balance. balance you know what what happens is that um and when i say balance i mean i have been an owner and an operator for what am i i'm 43 years old it's like 20 years right that's how long we're both 43 wait what a lovely age and glorious by the way um you know i've been saying to everyone throughout my whole um press run around this book that i'm 42 and i did an interview at home the other day my husband was like when's your birthday September 23rd I'm gonna be 44 I'm not even 43 for that much longer he was like just so you know I was like oh my god people are gonna think I'm lying about my age I'm 43 I'm 43 I'm 43 um but your question I um the balance yeah so so I think that as your kids get older they require and this is a crazy thing because you imagine that they need you when they're babies right you have these two little precious five-month-old kids and you know there's so much that pours into them but actually as they get older they understand things in a different way and so I'm trying to make sure that I get that right that I get like that I can be around for the things that are important to my kids not all the things that happen because that's not possible but that I can be where I need to be for them and fulfilling my own needs and so it's really just making sure that as my life changes that I'm part of the design changes.

51:28Do you know what I mean? That I am being purposeful and thinking like, what is the shape of that?

51:32Lewis Howes:You can't keep doing what you did, you know, while you were launching and building this business at the next season with your kids is what I'm hearing you say. No, because I've been 200 % for the longest time. And, you know, I'm really lucky because a lot of what I do, it isn't in the startup phase now, but that is a choice, right? You can choose to stay with that mentality or you can choose to hire a ceo or a president and shift and change your role and i think again there are seasons there are moments where i've been 200 all in tunnel focused and there are moments where i've said you know what i've just had a baby i'm going to take a minute i'm going to outsource some of this stuff and there's other moments where i have to lean in but i want that to be my choice i don't want that to be dictated to me and so I try to make sure that I'm really mindful and understanding of that.

52:22Lewis Howes:I mean, I can only imagine the complexities of being a driven business leader while having kids. I can only imagine the potential maybe judgment, but also praise that you might have had over the last decade of like, wow, you had four kids and you launched all these billion dollar brands and people either praising you or maybe judging you for what they don't know. how did you deal with that judgment of people saying well was she really you know if she's 200 here in her business is she really there in her family like how did you navigate that internally i think that i've learned as i got older that i it's you know like it's just me against me at the end of the day like i really tune it out and i am one of those people that But don't really let like, you know, it's like everybody's going to have their point of view.

53:16And, you know, you've got other parents at the school and people that you work with. And that's why, like, I'm very clear about what type of mother I intend to be. Like, what is really important to me? Like, I like the kind of like, I like to wake my kids up in the morning and I really like to put them to bed. I don't take them to school every day. I don't make their lunches. I don't I'm not at the school gates to connect them I don't get to every event if it's a thing that's really important to them if they're racing if they're in a play like then I am there but it's like that's okay by me because I have my things and I'm only measuring myself against that everything else can just kind of drown out and I do try to talk a lot about this idea of trade-offs because people imagine yeah you're trading off stuff you don't want to do no the trade-offs are always things that you really want to do so you have to choose your life sacrifice right it's it's a and it's a huge sacrifice and so again that's why i like to think about my life in these seasons because i think there's a time and a place for me to be all in there's a time and a place where it's like i'm going to be in lockdown i'm not going to speak and see my friends as much as i want to that's the reality right something's got to give and it's usually not going to be my kids so there's other places of sacrifice um but i think so long as you choose them and you're not impacted by other people's opinions.

54:40Lewis Howes:I mean, maybe this was your British upbringing of having kind of thicker skin, but how did you learn to not focus on criticism in business, success or failure, personal life, whatever it might be? It's not useful. It's not useful. It doesn't serve me. You know, like I am not, when I say I'm not a people pleaser, it's like I'm missing the gene. Like, I don't care if you liked it. Like, do you know what I mean? Like in a way, I'm like, I really am so, I mean, the book is called Start With Yourself. Like, do you know what I mean? The first interview I did about the book was this wonderful woman. She said, Emma, I can't believe I opened the family chapter and it starts with you.

55:18I'm like, that is so me. Like, I didn't even think about that. But that's how I think. Like, I am right at the top of my list because if I'm not good, then no one around me is good. And I know that feels difficult to hear from a mother of four, but it's really the truth. And I believe that. Like, I believe that I can live up to exactly the type of woman that I want to be and I can be a good mom. I believe that I can, you know, do deeply meaningful and impactful work and make a load of money doing it. Like, I don't think it needs to be either or. I write a whole chapter. It's both and. You make those decisions for yourself.

55:56Don't be thinking about what everybody else has got to say because it will never please you. And here's the thing. Nobody's watching you. You know this. Like nobody's thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. So you've got to kind of sit back and go, it's totally fine. No, like I'm good with me. And as long as you're good with you and you can lay your head down on the pillow at night and be like, you know what? I feel really good about the decisions I made. I feel really pleased with the type of person I am. Like what else matters?

56:25Lewis Howes:Yeah. I'm not watching for other people's opinions. If you could bottle up that gene or lack of gene and sell it, that's your next very long thing. That is the idea. We need an emmapeptide. Most people are so worried about the opinions of others. They're so worried about the one negative comment or one negative review rather than the hundreds of positive ones or thousands that it cripples them. And to focus on that one thing where it sounds like you don't have that. I just don't think it's useful. And I try to focus on the things that are moving me forward. You know, I always get these questions of how do you do all of these things?

56:58How do you have the businesses? How do you don't have kids? Are you a good wife? And I'm just like, how do I do that? Like I have a set of goals and I say no to everything that isn't getting me closer to those goals. That's it. I have a set of things I want to do with my kids and I say no to everything else. Like it isn't that difficult. We made it difficult. We also have kind of like got into this space and place right now where parenting has gone completely mad. parenting didn't get harder the expectations of parenting got harder you know and back in like when i was a kid if we had fresh milk and an apple in the house my mom was like job done you know like they'll survive now we have to watch every ingredient we have to monitor every friendship we have to understand how our kids are thinking and feeling and playing and we got the right developmental toys for the stage that they're at like it's do you know what i ate so

57:50Lewis Howes:much crap as a kid and i turned out it's not that deep do i think that your kids should sit and be you know like raised by the ipad no i don't but at the end of the day when we've turned parenting into uh another part of our ambition that's failure to me right my kids need a mom who loves them they need someone they can rely on they need somebody that can give them like a big lovely cuddle and they need like presence attention and presence from me for about 15 minutes a day there are four of them then it's over then they're moving on they're bored they're thinking about something else they're on to the next one and that has to be okay because the spin that we've got ourselves in and this idea that we're constantly failing like that's about as useful as the people pleasing stuff it is don't do it don't do it to yourself i love that you said your friend opened up the book to the parenting part it started with you the book is called start with yourself and also you end the book with your starting with yourself which i loved i love when you reference to Snoop Dogg because I love that video when he got me.

58:50Lewis Howes:It's the greatest. I feel like in some ways someone could look at that and look at it as an egotistical approach. But I was like, man, giving yourself permission to acknowledge all the hard work that you do or you do or someone does to create it. Yes, you can thank the people that supported you, but you're the one who had to live with you all day long and show up and do all those reps. A hundred percent. And here's what I know that I have, I'm such a team player, right? I really do look at myself as like, I'm the coach. It ain't my job to get in the middle of the game and go and score the goal.

59:22But it's like, I'm going to be the best I can be for all of my people. And leadership is what I happen to be very good at, right? It's like, that's, I am really good at building a strategy and bringing everybody along on the ride and saying, here's the vision. Here's how we're going to do it. And everybody come with me. Here are the parts that you guys should play. I have to be a great team player, but I don't imagine for one second because I don't know everybody's little piece of the pie that I shouldn't be the one in charge. Not for a second. I'm the leader. I'm the one who's doing this thing.

59:54And so it's just, I have a great appreciation for everybody else and the role they play.

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1:01:42Lewis Howes:Pages load quickly, files upload successfully, and I can stay focused without constant interruptions. It makes a big difference. Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability today. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on UCLA speed test intelligence data, second half of 2025. All rights reserved. I just also have that for myself. Yeah, that's great. Now, I'm curious, Emma, do you feel like you were destined to be wealthy? I mean, it would have been a hard life to live in the way that I wanted to if I wasn't. Let's be fair. I think I didn't enjoy being poor.

1:02:22I remember a time when all I wanted was to order something from the menu and not look at the price. You know, like that feeling. I just wanted to be able to like, I'll have the burger and the foie gras and a glass of champagne, please. And not worry. And that took a really long time. I think that I was destined to be successful. And I have always been focused on making money. Yes. I always put money in the center of my plans. I never imagined it would find me because I didn't know anybody that that happened to. And I never was shy about asking for what I am worth because I have audacity and I have a work ethic that matches it.

1:03:08And so I wasn't expecting anyone to come to me and be like, here you go, dear. But by the same token, I was like, if I work like this, you better be ready to pay me. Do you know what I mean? I was like, and I'm going to take it. So that was the conundrum. Like I really thought about money in that way. I was like effort in, product out, correlation. Like I'm going to find the money.

1:03:26Lewis Howes:If you don't make money at the center of your work, what will happen to you? Well, it avoids you, right? And again, this happens. You know, I have a husband who's in business and he sits on the phone to his guys and they chat and they tell each other like what, you know, they're investing in and what money they're putting in the market and what crypto thing to do and how they paid this lawyer and this like deal that they did to structure the house before they had the money. And I'm literally sitting there going, I haven't had one of those calls with any of my girlfriends. Why not? Because still there's some stigma attached to the way that we think about money.

1:04:05And somehow it's like, ew, like she's gross. She said money like 20 times. I write in the book that I did a panel and this wonderful, incredible woman said to me, Emma, darling, you really speak about money too much. And I was like, but the name of the panel is Women, Power and Money. What are you talking? about you know and so i don't think that we should avoid subjects when that's exactly what we want yeah right i think that we have to put ourselves in line to get what we're owed and i don't expect that anybody is coming to save me that anybody's going to pluck me from obscurity and go here's the thing that you want it never happened to me like that so if you don't ask you don't get 100

1:04:48Lewis Howes:100%. Wow. Do you feel like, I was asking you beforehand off camera, I said, do you feel like your last name supported your destiny for having, you know, greed is your last name? Do you feel like words have intentions that set us up for a future destiny that you were eventually going to earn more? It's a, it's a really funny question because when I am, when I met my husband and my mom said you know how do you pronounce his surname because I took his name um and I told her and she said well of course you were destined for that name and I thought she kind of said it in a derogatory way and I was like I just thought it really suited me like it was I was I'm gonna get a t-shirt you know like the Mr.

1:05:34Man Mrs. Greedy like I felt totally at ease and comfortable with it um you know I still feel like that feels like his name and I've taken that name and that is our family name i'd have been successful if you called me emma poor do you know what i mean like i it was always going to work out for me that's how i feel really yeah but do you feel like anything shifted

1:05:55Lewis Howes:with taking that on and like embodying that word or either way because i've been embodying you know i was a poor kid in you know plasto which you know so far i went back there two weeks ago and And if you see these photos, it's so great and so grim and so bad. And, you know, even there, I was like, this is not where I'm supposed to be. This is not for me. I felt not special. I felt like this is just not my end. This is not where I'm supposed to be. And to the contrary, when I got a job and went into, you know, into the center of London and worked on South Moulton Street, I felt like I had arrived.

1:06:43I was like, oh, like these people are more interesting and this place is much more beautiful. And I would go into, you know, in England, we're full of galleries and I would go into galleries and I would go to museums. And I thought this feels much more like what I wanted.

1:06:59Lewis Howes:Your environment. Yeah. Yeah. And again, never, ever feeling like I was better than anyone, but better than my situation, for sure. And just a willingness to do whatever it would take. You know, I feel like I've spent my whole life with my hand up. You know, I always, whenever I speak to people and they say, Emma, how can I, you know, how can I get ahead in my job? I'm like, just have your hand up. I'll do that. I'll do that. I did everything. I've worked such miserable, unsatisfactory jobs for ages because I was just like, I'll do it. What do you need? I'll go. Please may I like all the time because I was sure that if I could just be excellent and show people that I was excellent, that somebody would find me, that somebody would recognize that there was a skill.

1:07:46And guess what? It totally works. Because when I'm looking at people in my business right now, I'm like, look at that person being excellent. The way she packs up the boxes and puts every bit of tissue so nice and writes notes like beautifully. I'm like, that's an excellent person. That's somebody who takes pride in what they do. Like people notice when you do that. 100%. They really do. And they notice it in every way. And so I really believe that if you apply yourself and if you work really hard and if you don't try to make it a secret, great stuff is going to happen.

1:08:20Lewis Howes:If you try to make what not a secret? That you're up for it. that you want more, that you're ready to work hard. But again, it's like - And I'm willing to do what it takes. I want you to be with your hand up. I don't want to have to come and find you out of 500 people. And that's why I talk so much about proximity and visibility. I need you there, right in the office where I can see you, where you can see me, where you can see how I move, where you understand the flow of the business and what we're doing here. I don't want you on a Zoom call. I'm uninterested, like entirely. And again, people are like, oh, but Emma, you're a woman.

1:08:53then a mom so surely you understand flexibility of course i do of course i understand that but surely you understand that if you're really ambitious and you want a great career visibility and proximity is essential it's not a nice to have it's just essential yes let's not set people up for you know failure it's like just be honest about what is needed you want to pay rise i need to see you like in the office i like the attitude there's no other way i love the attitude

1:09:24Lewis Howes:I've got a few final questions for you. I love your questions. Thank you very much. What is one question you wish more people asked you? Like the reality of what it takes. Because I feel like, you know. What does it really take? Oh, it takes like, you've got to be resilient. I know that that gets chucked around in podcast land so much. But what does it mean to be resilient? Like taking a lot of knockbacks. taking a lot of information that rightly or wrongly is going to be leveled at you. And it comes from all places. You know, it comes on a board level and an investor level from your customers, from your colleagues.

1:10:04Like you have to absorb a lot of stuff and you have to go forward anyway. You have to do it anyway. And it's every day that I have resistance. From all places. Everywhere. Nobody calls me and says, guess what's happening today? We're selling out. It's going amazing. Nobody, nobody ever. I only have problems. My day is a series of problems morning to night. And you have to get with that. And so I wish people could understand like the reality of my life and how complex it is and how nuanced it is and how many hoops I have to jump through and how heavy it can be sometimes. Because when you have that responsibility, like that's your responsibility.

1:10:47That's yours to deal with. I can't outsource my work. I can't go, could you not do it? It doesn't work like that. The buck stops with me. And so I often, you know, and I try to be really honest about this. I try not to sugarcoat it. And so much in the book, I had a level of honesty throughout about all the mistakes and all the things that I could have done differently. And a level of, let's just like, get real with this, because it isn't how we're presenting it to be right now.

1:11:17Lewis Howes:How do you navigate the heaviness and the weight of all the responsibility that you have? I guess I kind of juxtapose it with all the stuff that I've got as a result of it. You know, and I don't just mean like the, you know, a house or a car. I'm like, wow, what choice I have. You know, I get up really early in the morning, but that's a choice. I really love what I do. You know, I really love the work. I really enjoy like working with products and solving problems. And I love being around people. You put me in a proto review meeting with 60 people around and trying to figure out what a seasons collection looks like.

1:11:55That's me in my element. That's to me the single best job that you could have in the world. And I really appreciate that so much because where I grew up, people just went to work to pay their bills. and they did mostly unenjoyable work and they got to five o 'clock and they were like let me get out and they went to the bar right like that's what they did that was the flow of their day and i'm

1:12:20Lewis Howes:like my day is i am so lucky it's an adventure it's it's it's a privilege and an adventure and i don't take one single thing for granted like not like i opened my fridge this morning and i was like imagine when i was there oh if you had a fridge with all those drinks in there that's And I'm fully having that conversation with me, myself, like fully. So to me, it's like I'm so aware of everything that has happened. And, you know, I always think of this funny story because I'm obsessed. I love comedy. And when I was younger, I used to always watch Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. And Chris has this thing where he talks about like when he gets his first big house and he keeps the bag packed at the door.

1:13:04because he imagines one day someone's going to be like, knock, knock, knock, you're out. And that's how I feel. I'm like waiting for someone to say, this is not your life, girl. Are you crazy? Like, go back. So there's a constant like thing for me to always be like, okay, I'm not going to rest on my laurels. If I get an opportunity, I'm going for it. If I have somebody saying to me, Emma, have you looked at this? Is this possible? But like, I'm going to go all in because I imagine that all of it can be lost in a second. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

1:13:37Lewis Howes:Do you feel like you've made it? In so many ways, I have because I'm so happy and I'm so like, I'm very aware that I am living the single best moment of my life. Like, I don't get happier than now. I don't get better looking than now. I don't get fitter than now. Like, in fact, I'm on my way out. It's all down here. um but i i really have an awareness about that and so when i think you know it's like i take a long time off in the summer like real euro style you know it's like i go away month whatever yeah yeah i go to europe and i like you know i really go in because to me like that time you can't get back those summers you can't get back my kids are only going to be little for so long and so i really try to put a lot in and I'm like a memory maker.

1:14:24I am crazy. I will celebrate everything. Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas. I love America because you're always celebrating something. Like I didn't even know what Thanksgiving was 10 years ago. Now you're doing it. Let's go. Christmas practice. I'm like, let's go. Let's do Turkey number one. But you know, it's like I'm, and I do it big. I go all in and I make the celebration because I know that life is so precious and I'm so excited about it and I am just like here for like every single bit of it so as much as I love the work and the and the chase and the and the whole thing I'm very um I'm very mindful that I also need to really enjoy it yeah and there's an awareness of that to both and like you talk about both and all day long two final questions for Emma again this has been

1:15:10Lewis Howes:really inspiring and powerful so thank you for opening up and sharing your book is called start with yourself a new vision for work and life make sure you don't only get one copy but get at least two one for you and one for a friend give a gift away uh because something you mentioned earlier made me think about when i started making money for many years a lot of people had to buy my meals and i remember the first time because you mentioned like the first time you could like not look at the price and then you just say i'm gonna i want this whatever 50 steak or 100 thing and I'm okay and I'm not going to go broke.

1:15:45I remember the first time I could pay for a friend's meal.

1:15:50Lewis Howes:And the feeling it gave me of like, I'm safe. Like I'm going to be okay and I'm not going to be broke. When for years people had to buy my meals. And it felt very shameful when I was in my mid-20s and I couldn't pay for my own meals. And so I want to acknowledge you for the journey you've been on, for all the things you haven't had to overcome. even though I know you said like you knew from the beginning and everything was fine I still know that there must have been there was anger for a reason yeah there was a lot of anger for a lot of reasons that I know you talk about in the book but also that you're probably still unpacking in your own life and you don't need to share it all here but I want to acknowledge you for finding some peace in your heart because I think you with peace is better you with anger oh god And I think if you with a level of anger can have created what you've created, I can only imagine what you with all love can do in the world.

1:16:47Can you imagine?

1:16:48Lewis Howes:And so I really acknowledge you for the journey you're on. We're all on a healing journey forever. You know, it's going to take time for me, you, everyone. But I'm so excited to see you in three, five, seven, 10 years with love continued to be added not that it wasn't as well but at a whole different level of your life and i'm just so excited for the difference that you've made and you'll continue to make with that intention living in your heart so i hope people get to yeah you're welcome that's such a lovely thing to say you're welcome me too by the way because again i was driven by i was driven by anger frustration you or whatever it was, not feeling good enough, all those things to go achieve.

1:17:31Lewis Howes:And I did it. But then I was like, oh, but I still don't feel good with me. Why is there still anger in me or what? And then I started to shift and started to do the healing work. And it's like, oh, look what I can create with more love. It's not that I don't have some of that in me still. No. And you need that little bit in you. You have to transform. Yeah, exactly. So I acknowledge you for that. It's pretty cool. People can get your book. Start with yourself. They can go to your Instagram. You can create a lot more content, your podcast as well. Thank you. EmmaGreed.com, that's G-R-E-D-E.com as well.

1:18:03Lewis Howes:This is a question I ask everyone at the end. It's called the three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want, but then it's the last day on this earth for you. And in this hypothetical scenario, you create all of your wildest dreams. All the memories happen, life, it all works the way you want it. But on the last day, for whatever reason, you have to take all of your work with you. This book, this conversation, everything you shared in the world, It's got to go with you to the next place. So we don't have access to your content anymore. But on the final day, you get to leave behind three lessons.

1:18:36Lewis Howes:I call it the three truths. What would those three truths be for you? And the first one has to be about who you surround yourself with. Because I was so lucky that I had such an incredible family unit coming up. And I've seen what that has meant and the sort of stabilizing factor that that had in my life. I felt so loved as a kid. I didn't have much. We didn't have a lot to go around. But it's like there was never a question of whether or not I was loved. And so the big truth would be that, you know, how important family is and to love one another and to lead with love. like that was just you know and i was i can't remember who i was listening to it might have been oprah recently who said nobody ever told her that they loved her i was like wow i was told every day every family member in my you know they kiss you on the lips like it or not and they tell you that they love you and they mean they love you and i always felt that and i do the same with my kids every day that's beautiful so that would be the first thing that's beautiful i think the second thing the truth is that and i'm learning this and continue to learn this as i get older but i have a great friend um diane von fustenberg and she says the most important relationship you'll ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and i take that so seriously like how i speak to myself how i treat myself how i think about me and my needs my wants my abilities and as you get older getting close to yourself is so important and I think that the more of that that I'm doing you know I'm not religious I have a spiritual practice but like really getting close to myself and understanding myself is like probably my best investment it's beautiful The last thing, the last truth is maybe that your work isn't what you think it is.

1:20:49You know, this idea of self-fulfillment, like I do a lot of nonprofit work and I'm on the board of the Obama Foundation. I'm on the board of an incredible organization called Baby to Baby. And when I think about the sum of my work, not just in the businesses, but the full sum of it and what I'm able to do. And I would never be able to do those what I do in nonprofit world had I not had the commercial reality of my businesses. But the full sum of my work has been so important that you have to choose really carefully where you put your energy as it pertains to your work. And that's a real truth because I could just keep going and going and be thinking about me.

1:21:31And so much of what I'm doing between my podcast and the book is actually about creating a blueprint and a new model. but for people outside me like i didn't write the book because i thought people care particularly much about what it is that i've done and how i've become successful i think people want to understand how they can be successful themselves and so i think about your work and your energy as being so important and how you use that is like such a big thing for me so i would be really mindful about how you use your precious energy as it pertains to your output.

1:22:10Lewis Howes:Amen. Final question for you. Again, make sure you guys grab a copy. Start with yourself right now. The final question, Emma, what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness, it has to be, I guess, self-fulfillment because I think at the end of the day, that's what we're all here to do, right? We're here to live up to our highest potential. and I think that that is what I'm trying to do. It's what I'm on a journey for and I think that that's greatness. Thanks for being here. Appreciate you. Thank you, my dear. What a pleasure. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.

1:22:48Lewis Howes:Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

1:23:26Lewis Howes:And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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