The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Success & Happiness w/ Wayne Brady EP 1425

32:28And then when that person's gone, it's like, oh, now what? Now what? And that little battery plucked right out my back. Really? So I've spent this past year really trying to dig myself out of that. Wow. What has been the biggest, I guess, realization you've created in this last year? It sounds like you've been doing emotional coaching and therapy and supporting yourself in that. What is the thing you've learned since her passing in this last year that has supported you in facing the depression or the different things that you were chasing and running from to now face and heal and mend? What are those lessons you learned?

33:15Two, one of the lessons is definitely how to start to try to forgive myself, which is very hard. especially if you think that you've you've done things wrong because there are no time machines so the most that you could do is is is either sit and dwell on it and go i'm such a hole and i've blown all this stuff and i'm wrong i'm wrong and live in that or decide to go i did or that really wasn't your fault man like you you you just took blame for something that because it's also easy, especially where depression lays, it's very easy to, well, I've already got 10 pounds of stuff on my back. Yeah, I'll just take more because now it's an excuse.

34:08Now I can just wrap up in it and now I have a reason. To be depressed. Yeah, now I have a good reason. So learning to - I got this pressure and this thing and this weight and all this responsibility. Bring it. Wow. Um, so to forgive yourself. What have you had to forgive the most about yourself?

34:30I think one of the things that I definitely felt was I wish I would have been there more for my daughter in her formative years because I was chasing. Mmm. I wasn't there for her on her first day of kindergarten because I had just released a record and I was performing at the R &B museum in Philadelphia. It was a big deal and I'm singing and doing this stuff. But my daughter screaming because dad wasn't there. And I'm telling this small kid, no, no, no, it's okay. But daddy, it's all right. But daddy's doing this. Dad, daddy has to and stuff like that. I have incidents. I have all these incidents all throughout her childhood that are little slivers that I can replay all over and over in my head.

35:23And now she's 20. So I think I always feel a lot of guilt about those things. And I've always tried my best to be there for her otherwise. That is my heart, my pride and joy. She is amazing. And I'm proud of the person that she's grown into. but I see where you can't not be affected by certain things in your childhood. And like with her, I see that she craves stability. She craves stability in her choices and she has intention. And I see that, that, uh, you know, that's the positive and the negative. The positive is she has intention and she's doing that. But I see where, where, and she's even said, you know, this is the kind of place I want to live and this is the life I want to live and these are the things I want to do because, oof, you and mom.

36:21Wow. You guys were always going and going and going. There was no stability or no, you know, that feeling. And so we had stability, but of a different kind. Like she wants like the white picket fence stability. Right. She's like, I want this. Someone there at a certain time every day. Yes. And that's what she's looking for in a partner. That's what she's looking. So it's interesting to see the effects of your conditioning and your parenting on another human being now that she's becoming an adult. And so things like that. It sounds like you've got a pretty good relationship with her now and you've been communicating these things with her as well in this process.

37:01Yeah. We have a great relationship, man. We buttheads. We buttheads a lot because she is my mini me and we will all the time but with love we bump heads we're mad then we turn back go back around we hug and we kiss and and um and i'm really fortunate that she she is the person that she is what's the thing you love about her the most and the lesson she's taught you about being a better man. The thing I love about her the most now that I see her, because I did a very... I'm going to say toxic and unhealthy because I can't think of a better word for it. But I realized a while ago, a couple of years ago, and she had to tell me, at first I thought she was joking, but whenever I see a baby picture of her or pictures from when she was little, Yeah.

38:02She's always climbing on top of me like, look, see, we always were like this. And why aren't you affectionate now? And you're always it. See, that's how I love it. And just like, Dad, you know that I'm a grown person now and you love that version of me so, so much. You know, I'm here. I said, I know, but I loved when little Miley would, and that was weird that I wanted so badly to have the little person who needed me would climb on top of me and make me feel good. And, and, and so I needed her to check me on that. So I think the thing that I love most about the woman that she is becoming is I love that she is taking the lessons that she's seeing from her parents.

38:49I love that she has a voice. Because I was not raised in a household where I think like a lot of kids of my generation, I'm going to go on a limb, especially I think a black household where you weren't allowed to talk back to your parents. There are memes we make fun of like, you know, when you go to little Timmy's house, screw you, mom. Folks make fun of that, but really, there was none of that in the household. You're getting slapped, you're getting spanked, you're getting... Beyond it being a military, beyond the fact that my dad was always in the picture, and I could tell you stories that my dad was...

39:31If my household was a country, dad was the defense system that was always on alert and the president, the ruler of my country who ruled with an iron fist, Wayne, if you step out of line, I'm bringing in the dad. Wow. And there were a couple times when the dad, let's just put it this way. When your dad flies from Stuttgart, Germany, because of something that you did in school, and you walk home that day off the bus, and you see a car in the driveway that you know should not be in that driveway and your heart sinks because the last conversation you had with that man was, listen, Junior, if you put my mother through changes, I'm going to put you through that wall.

40:25Wow. Yeah, well, you're not here and she's always on my back. Okay. Oh, man. I'll see you later. See me later. He's in Germany. I'm smart. I know how far Germany is. And the army's just not going to let you come. So that being said, there was rarely any talking back in my house. So even when I felt that I wanted to express myself, because as much as my grandmother and I, and my grandfather was in the picture to a certain point. He passed when I was 10. Love that guy. It was not the household. My grandmother was right. So whatever it was, it was right. so if I know that is not fair that is not not to sound artsy-fartsy but there are times when I've had to as a character what does it feel like to be shut down I've had to go back and I'm like oh yeah I know exactly what that means to to to have to hear something and and my mouth is so closed that my jaw's hurting and it goes up into my, and I feel it and I'm just, I can't say anything.

41:39And then it's like, do you have something to say? No, ma 'am. Inside you're like, yes, but you're like, yep, no ma 'am, I don't. And just, so I never wanted that for her. So the fact that I have this beautiful, intelligent daughter who can speak and she has her voice, she's like, dad, I disagree with you. Mom, I disagree with you on that. Not disrespectfully, but the fact that she has that, I love that in her. And for a while, I think there were times when I reverted to the old school to I reverted to what I knew. I was like, don't say that to me. That is disrespectful. How dare you? That is disrespectful.

42:20And her mom did it too, because we're both children of that generation until, thank God for therapy, we had to go, she wasn't being disrespectful, man. She was just, she's just speaking and speaking her piece. And that's what I love about my daughter. I love who she is. That's beautiful. And I love what she will and will not accept. Right. I love that. That's beautiful. I'm so glad you guys are, you know, deepening that relationship now. Oh, that's my girl. Yeah, that's cool. You talked about in the beginning about chasing, You know, I was, when you were 16 and moving out here to LA in your early twenties, you were chasing after any gig you could get and money to come in and opportunities.

43:03I also know that you, I talked about, you know, you got a stutter and you were bullied, picked on as a kid. I had a similar situation for my, my childhood. Do you feel like you were more chasing success to prove people wrong? Or were you running from something because it was too painful? Hmm. That's a great question. I think in equal measures, right? I think it's in equal parts because both of those things have to exist. So,

43:42and all of our childhood journeys and the things that we remember only recently because I'm because I'm writing this one-man show. So it's made me try to remember things. And as we know, our memories are the most unreliable narrators, right? We blow it out of proportion. We change things that didn't happen. Right. It's the most unreliable. So even now, it's forced me to really try to rethink a lot of things that I've taken as, as my, as canon in my own, uh, superhero origin story is like, well, that's exactly how it happened because that's how I got here. So it's made me go back and re-examine things.

44:29So yes, I was definitely bullied. Yes, I definitely dealt with that. I think by internalizing things. And there, there was a time when I did have a, what I think of as a, as a close to debilitating stutter. Really? How old were you then? Oh gosh, I was in early elementary school because a few things happened, right? So my grandmother was from the Virgin Islands and my grandfather. So the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Thomas and St. Croix. And so the neighborhood that I was raised in, it was predominantly black, middle to lower income housing. Um, and so from the get go, I never quite fit in with the kids around me because of, because of how I was raised in the house and because of the, my grandparents' accents.

45:22And I had a very thick accent to, uh, up, up to a certain point. And, and then I was,

45:33the big part of my early story is deals with how do you learn to become a man even when you're a boy because you know it starts when you're a boy so how so what are those lessons that you're learning and what are those toxic lessons and what are the lessons that you're learning culturally so so i'm so i'm this black kid in this black neighborhood being raised by these parents that even though they're black, they are not like the other people in this neighborhood. So I'm learning a whole different cultural lesson and vocabulary and everything. So I'm already different. So I'm already different.

46:15So that's one layer. Kids smell something different. They don't like it different. I'm already a bit of a, you know, back then a nerd was a dirty word. Now, finally, it's grown into folks like, oh, I'm a nerd too because I cosplay. Great. But so I enjoy certain things that are not what the other kids enjoy. Then in kindergarten, and I don't know how, I would never do this to my kid now. I'm glad I was tested. And so I go, I'm, it's advised that I go from kindergarten to second grade. So he's smart, skip them. In order to make that happen, then I'm bused from my neighborhood to an all white school that's more affluent and they have these, this pro program.

47:05So I'm splitting time between there. I'm dealing with identity issues. There was a lot that I was working with that I didn't know how to handle. And I couldn't talk to my grandmother or I didn't know how to, even at that young age, I didn't know how to talk to them about the things that I was feeling. So in second grade, I'm already dealing with issues of race and belonging that I was not equipped on top of regular bullying. Kids, kids are assholes across the, across, we are little jerks, but I was dealing with something and only recently have I seen that I was dealing with a big issue that how do you deal with an issue of race and identity and then and then and then on top of the regular hazing that we do to each other so I didn't know how to deal so my defense mechanism which starts the beginning of that am I running from something is is now I either fight back or I run from it.

48:12I feel bad. Can't talk to grandma, which became my whole life. I loved my grandmother more than anything. It was one of my best friends. And we talked about stuff, but I tell you, there are a lot of unresolved conversations that we never had. We never had in my life. I've kept a lot of stuff that... So we never had these talks, no one to talk to. So I kept my own counsel. So that was the way that now I'm very used to keeping my own counsel. I don't talk to people about things and I'm very quiet, very serious and very withdrawn because that's my way of not dealing with these people that, that now I get, get into it with them.

48:53So then that's the kid that goes, I'm going to get out of here. The first chance I get out of here, the first chance I'm getting out. Wow. And I'm going to use whatever is at my disposal to get out. Because now I understand, and especially going to the schools that I started to go to, now I understand what it's like to be, you don't know that you're poor until somebody else points it out. Makes fun of you and laughs at you and bicks on you. Making fun and there are a whole bunch of things. But so now I see that. So now I'm like, okay, I see what it's like. those people must be happy because I've been to their homes and I walk in and they make me feel special because they let me in and, oh my God, the house is so big and they're closed.

49:41Clothes are nice and they let me in here because some of them feel I talk a certain way or that, so they've now attributed this thing to me of like, oh, you're a good one, especially being from the south so winning from from the south you'll know what i'm talking about so so you're a good one so now the race issue comes back how do you deal with your identity i'm getting a little older dealing with issues of race and culture and and i internalize all of it so yes i run away because i'm like as soon as i get the chance to get the out and i'm going to show all of you i'm to show all of you how much better I am.

50:28The fact that you kids in my neighborhood said that I wasn't this and I wasn't that and I wasn't good enough. And then the other kids in the other school, you made me feel small because of everything that you had and you made me feel this way. I'm going to show everybody. And that is a very unhealthy place to start from, that because there wasn't love and acceptance of self. There was no self-love. I didn't want to started acting because I loved myself and I loved when I found a talent and I was like, I love this thing and I'm, and I'm going to hoard this thing and keep it to myself. And no one knows that I wanted to do it until I was 16.

51:08No one knew. So I was in a, in my bedroom percolating, doing voices, writing scripts, learning to sing and copying people on TV. So when I actually came out and did it, the kids that group was like, what the hell? Wayne's on stage. He says, yeah, it was like, yes, This is what I do. Ha. See? Gotcha. That's me. I'm out. And it was also to show my grandmother. It was to show my family because none of them got it. So when you start from a place of your whole thing is based on, look at me. I'll show you. That is not the healthiest spot. And now you can't make me feel bad. Now you can't shut me down.

51:47Now I'm going to have a voice. So I'm mad at my grandmother. I'm mad at the kids in my neighborhood that made me stutter. because I was too afraid to speak. That's not going to happen again. In fact, I'm going to be able to speak better than all of you. In fact, words are going to become my thing. Wow. But I didn't know that I was working with all that because once I started, I was just running. So it wasn't until I started therapy at the age of 40 that I realized that I'd been running my entire time, running without intention, going back to the thing, I was just running. Let's go. every run let's go i will not look back let's go that's what i do do you think we do you think human beings can be truly happy and have inner peace inside of them if they are constantly running and they never take a look at take a second to look back and address and create harmony and new meaning around the memories that causes pain and forgiveness of ourselves and others do you think we can find happiness and peace without at some point turning around and creating amends with our younger selves?

52:54Of course we can't. No. I think if you live in a state of, even with all the fame and all the success and everyone telling you, you're amazing and you've got this gift and talent not even in it's it's it's is it in spite of because if you live in a state of flight or or fight when do you you're constantly running from something when do you stop and then when you do stop because you the because you know at a certain point when and I don't care if this is the the biggest Instagram influencer or somebody who has 20 ,000 followers as soon as one person says hey man I know you are like that hit of dopamine that you get in the early stages that oh that feels amazing.

53:53So you start chasing that drug, that feeling, that feeling, because that makes you feel better. And that paycheck that lets you buy whatever the thing is that you, oh, now I'm happy because I feel better. But like any drug, I assume, because I'm not a, you know, I'm not a, a, a goody goody, but because of that old lady slapped me in my head, I'm, I've never used drugs, but I've drank, so I can only imagine like any drug or liquor or anything that you take that, this feels so good right now. The law of diminishing returns. It can't feel great after a certain point. It's just cool. It's like whatever.

54:40So then you're running and running, you're running and you're running and running and running and like I talked about that battery it wasn't until later on that I realized what that was that truly is the physiological effects of that when you're adrenaline that you have to create adrenaline you know you're you're you're thyroid and you as you get older you burn those things burn out yes and I just did a did did a panel you know your your blood work and everything and as you get older of course your testosterone lowers and everything happens but when I saw what my numbers were in terms of of my adrenal gland in terms of my testosterone in terms of things that you take for granted because you're going you're going all your life and you're fighting, you're fighting, you're fighting this.

55:36I'm going to fight that person. I'm going to fight online. I'm going to fight this job. I'm going to fight this thing. I'm going to forget. That's, that's the battery. Nature, nature took that battery and said, Hey, look, man, you've been doing this for too long and too much. Let's just bloop and force you to sit down, force you to sit down. That's real. That is absolutely real. How did you keep the mindset? because I know that that has happened over the last 25 years in different stages of your life in show business. But whenever I have watched you on TV, you look like you have all the energy in the world, all the creativity, the spontaneity, the genius in you comes out in those moments.

56:19But I'm assuming, I don't want to assume that much, but based on what I'm hearing you say, there's probably days where you're like, I don't want to go to this show right now. There's so many days like that. How do you keep your mindset in a place of, I'm here to deliver and perform a great performance that you can do while your battery is drained? How did you learn to do that? I think a piece of me just says that it's as simple as I'm an old school showman and a performer. And, you know, that adage, the show must go on. Wow. Which is also one of the most toxic, self-toxic sayings. um yeah the show must go on i've learned to perform through family tragedies through migraines through through ripped acls you know like but anyone i think that functions at a certain level an athlete um you know especially athletes and injuries and play play with injuries and then you go home and you'll collapse later.

57:21You know, an athlete, a dancer, an actor, the CEO of a company. Yeah. You got to show up, make money. You show up and you're given a presentation. Nobody's sitting there's like, oh, you know what? Let's go ahead and write a check anyway, even though I know that he's sad right now or he has a migraine. No, it's okay. Don't give the speech. Don't, don't make the stockholders happy. We're good. That's not going to happen. You got to show up. But how did, how did you develop that mindset for so long? Like it's been decades for you showing up and performing. Like, how do you keep your mind strong when your emotions or your heart feels weak?

58:03I developed that as a kid. I think that that was one of the first things that I developed being on stage is like, this is, this is my, I developed that because if you derive all of your identity and everything that is good, you think in your life from the thing you do, if you don't do that thing well, or it goes down at some point, then what does that say about you? Oh, interesting. so I developed very early on I might suck at relationships which I do I might suck at this and I can't cook that thing I'll burn this I'll but but I tell you what I will get on that stage and I will kill that so don't even and if you don't kill it what does that say about you right then I have slash and or am nothing.

59:07Wow. So I have no choice. So whatever I'm feeling, I am going to drag myself on that stage and do it. But that also only works for X amount of time. And now, you know, like I was saying, being in being in fright or flight, I understand that more so because no matter how much, sometimes I go, all right, I'm going to get rid of it. If you're not in total agreement and accordance with your mind and your spirit and your body, it becomes harder to do. And I only assume, because I haven't gotten there yet and I don't plan on it because I'm doing the work, I only assume there does come a time when the machine will not go, no matter what you say.

59:54You can't outthink it. You can't outthink it. Right? Like it's got to have some, it's got to just break down. It has to. So that's my thing. I'm not going to let that happen. So that's my, so I think that to any performer watching, that's why I feel that your intention has got to be set because you've got to think of this in the longterm. You have to think of it as not a sprint. You have to think of your career as a marathon. I'm going to lay the seeds. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'm going to take care of myself each step of the way. Did you think you were a bad kid? No. Did you think you were a good kid?

1:00:32I know I was a good kid. I absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt. But also, what do you think of as a good kid? Did you believe you were a good person, like a good human? Even when other people were bullying you and picking on you and saying you can't do something? Oh, absolutely. because none of that ever, because that's why I asked you, it depends on what your connotation of good or bad kid is. Like when I think someone, they say that you're a bad kid, you're either bad, bad to your parents, which, which is a construct, which in therapy, you know, that, that comes back to you. It's like, well, I was bad.

1:01:06I shouldn't have done that thing. I was bad. I fell off the wagon. I was bad. But as a kid, I know that I listened to my mother. I know that I was a good student. I tried to do my thing. I know I didn't intentionally hurt anybody. So my value in terms of that was cool. But in terms of your identity, my, I, my identity wasn't even good or bad. It was like, I wish I would have been accepted. And that's why I even said, you know, that unreliable narrator. Now, if I could go back, I know there were times when I think it's a cycle. you feel unaccepted because this guy like just off the top of my head and this is stuff that i'm gonna watch this podcast later and go back and write down the stuff i said so i could put it in the book in the script yeah is that i remember a guy named alan i don't even know grade i was in maybe third maybe fourth fifth grade i remember alan and i being in the bathroom and him saying something to me to the effect of, I don't remember the exact words, but especially as a kid and especially where I was from, one of the worst insults that you could call somebody is to call them gay or to use the F word.

1:02:26You're going to talk, so yeah, really clever. So I remember being in the bathroom doing something, at Alan and him going, stop looking at my, my, my, you, you must be a insert F, F word. You get it. Like it came out of nowhere. I was like, I don't, why would you, I don't know. I, I was so sheltered that I didn't even know what he was talking about at first. I was like, I don't. You asked about it later. Right. And so I asked him, but I was like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you is. And so even when someone's saying something like that, it's not a matter of being bad.

1:03:03It's a matter of like, well, why am I, what did I do that I am so different or not acceptable? So I don't think it's a matter of good or bad. I think it's why am I so unacceptable? Why don't I fit? How can I fit? What can I do to fit in? Why do, why don't I? So let me try whatever I can do to fit in. so that maybe I'm not call these names so that maybe I can hang out with these people and do these things. You're celebrating and accepted and not outcast. Right. Did you ever learn how to accept yourself?

1:03:43Not until recently. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Not until recently. So were you, you know, and I'm not sure if you were cautious or unconscious about this, but were you chasing something to be accepted by others? Absolutely. And I think you talk to most performers or anyone in the spotlight. I mean, that is the, I, I never chased fame. I'll be the first person to say that. I didn't care about being, being famous because that wasn't even in my mindset. So when I said I was 16 and run and run chasing, I was chasing the work piece of it because work equaled money, which equaled success, which equaled stability, which equaled the bragging rights, which equaled me being able to say, ha ha, look.

1:04:27But to me... Proving people wrong, yeah. Right. But I felt cool when I was just working at Universal Studios as a, you know, as a Ghostbuster in the theme park or the Wolfman or Dracula in the Beetlejuice rock and roll show because I was making a living. So if anyone would have said, do you feel good about yourself? It's like, yeah, look, I'm on stage. Thousands of people see me each day. Granted, I'm dressed as the Wolfman and I'm break dancing and saying it as well, but I'm on stage. But you're working and getting paid. Right. So my scope of that just, I think show business is one big theme park show.

1:05:02No matter if I'm hosting the AMAs in front of thousands of people there live and millions of people at home, Mandy and I, when we were doing our walkthrough when I just hosted the show, and before the show, when looking at the cameras and everything, we started laughing because we thought, this is just like being at Universal Studios, except it's on AABC in front of millions of people, but I'm at a theme park. Yeah. So fame was never, because I always look at it in that way. The fame wasn't a part of it. So I never chased that to make myself happy. I was chasing the work piece so I could have the financial gain, so that made me feel good about myself.

1:05:41When did you feel like you started to accept who you were and accept yourself and not need the outside acceptance? And maybe it's still a process you're in right now. It is. No, it absolutely is. Because I wish I could go, oh no, I look, no, but you do chase that external. And now, especially in the age of social media, because that is a, that's a barometer of how well you're doing in the world. And it's also a business thing now. Yeah. You want to make sure that what you're doing is, is accepted. Am I still relevant? Am I good enough? Am I, because those things impact your, your, uh, your, your work.

1:06:24But I think that my thing personally, still, I still have those issues from when I was a kid. I think I saw one of your acceptance speeches of something. I don't know if it was recently or not, but you were mentioning how you didn't get in some cover band or something. And you're like - Oh, that's at the AMAs. Yeah. Yeah. Which, if that isn't that kid Wayne speaking through grown Wayne doing a natty natty boo boo, because I wrote it into the thing as a bit of the comedy to set up the song, but it was real. I was like, you know what? Y 'all didn't want to let me in your cover band. And now look at me now.

1:07:05So. Right. Right. But where, I mean, I know that feeling so well because most of my life I was chasing success as an athlete, you know, in college and professional sports and then in business transitioning it because I was picked last on sports teams over the girls. I was picked last because I was made fun of and in special needs classes all the way through college and couldn't read and write and just struggled in school. and had similar, you know, bullying tactics towards me. And I always remember feeling like I don't belong. I don't fit in. So what can I do? My gift was sports to say, okay, you're never going to pick me last again.

1:07:45I'm always going to be the most valuable person on every team I play on. And I will work harder than anyone, even if I don't have the size or the speed or the natural strength, I will do anything and everything to be as successful as possible so that people have to pick me. That was me for most of my life until I hit about 30, about 10 years ago. I just turned 40 last month. And I realized, wow, I was, you know, as successful as I could take my sports career professionally. Right. And I played with the USA national team for eight years for a sport called team handball. And I was driving in business and making money and building my personal brand and getting all this acknowledgement.

1:08:25I remember at 30, my entire life was still breaking down in every relationship because I was so focused on chasing success as opposed to feeling self-love, feeling acceptance of me and all the parts of me from my first memory until then. And it wasn't until I was able to start looking back and healing and mending and forgiving others and myself and accepting all the parts of me when I started to have some growth. And it's been a 10 year journey of healing and, and facing these things, but it's been a process. And so I know, you know, similar feeling of like, I left home when I was 13 and I was like, get me out of this place.

1:09:07I need to get away and start new and, you know, chase something. So I understand that feeling of not being accepted. And I don't think anyone listening or watching likes the feeling of not being accepted. And what I've learned is, you know, for nine months, I had a photo of my five-year-old self on my screensaver a few years ago. And I did so much work on facing my little Lewis inside of me and asking him, what did you need to hear? What did you need to feel? What did you need to experience in this moment at seven, at nine, at 12? And I had someone the most profound healing experiences emotionally within me by creating those kind of spiritual exercises for myself, my younger self.

1:09:59I'm curious, it sounds like you've been starting some of this inner child healing and addressing some of it. What is it you think, you know, little Wayne at five, seven, and nine, and 12 really needed to feel and hear that you didn't receive? Well, first off, thank you for sharing that with me. I know that your viewers and listeners have heard it, but in listening to you and listening to those things and seeing, even as you talk about it, looking in your eyes and seeing you get transported back to those places, oh, man, I feel for you. and what's interesting is I know that there's still someone that will watch this at some point because I just think it's human nature that'll go well why you griping look at you man you still you got the school of greatness so shut up you you did the thing but it's deeper than that yes you did the thing but I feel you did it out of out of self self-defense out of there being no other option.

1:11:12And I know that feeling to want to be, you said to be the most valuable player. That's how I've always wanted to be is like, I will be the MVP of every show, of every stage. If I do something, I will be the MVP in that group. You will remember. It will be.

1:11:36so to hear that just oh man i i just feel for you because i know that but the you know the last two and a half years of healing that and really having a beautiful relationship with my psychological five-year-old seven-year-old 12-year-old 17-year-old self that was not feeling accepted that was not feeling love that really hated myself and would say mean things to me all the time. It's been a beautiful journey because I never, I always felt chest pain and heart palpitations throughout stages of life, pain, tightness in my throat. I don't know if that, you can relate to that. Yes. That's why, as you say it, like, oh my God.

1:12:14And I would have like a ball, I almost feel like a ball of pain in my chest that would come and go. I could manage it sometimes through like having good habits and sleeping and eating well and working out, but it's still always there. And a lot of it was because I wasn't willing to heal and face the scariest parts about myself, the shames, the insecurities, the things that I felt like I was not enough in. And when I, and it took me many, many months of exercises and practice and emotional coaching with support to where there was one day, this ball of pain that did not seem like it was going away.

1:12:54It literally like popped and disintegrated throughout my body. And I'm getting chills now thinking about it because it like something released inside of my chest. I don't know how to explain it, but the pain released, disintegrated. I felt like all over my body coming, this fluid flushing through my body. And I was like, that's interesting. This thing just went away and it hasn't come back since then, almost two years ago. And it's been extremely profound. It's probably the hardest work I've ever done in my life, harder than any sports training, any business that I've launched was facing the parts of me that I was the most afraid of and allowing myself to feel self-love without needing someone else to love me or accept me or celebrate me, but me celebrating me.

1:13:41And it's something I want everyone to feel and experience because I suffered for so many years of my life. And I know a lot of people are suffering. Absolutely. And people can be super successful and still suffer deeply inside. Absolutely. Yes. In fact, there's no, of course, you can't prove this by any true standard, but I would dare say you sitting home watching your favorite athlete or performer on stage or musician or CEO of the biggest business that you're like, ah, that life, that person that... That could be like that, yeah. That person probably goes home and is just absolutely lonely and somewhat broken.

1:14:37and I know some of those people, I know you've seen those people for the last 20 years here, 30 years. Yeah, man. And to hear you even say, you know, that thing that dissolved, mine was going back to that thing of like when I was a kid, the pressure in my jaw and the headache, for years the headaches that went along with when I would feel that I was being... My trigger is feeling disrespected or looked down upon in any given situation. That was your wound. That sets me off. It's a trigger. It's a button. And when it does that, and it could be my daughter that says something that makes me go. It could be my partner.

1:15:24It could be my friend. It could be someone that I'm a random stranger. It could be somebody online. Immediately, I go to rage, because how dare you? Right. Disrespecting. Don't work so hard. Don't disrespect. To go to that place. So I wish... I love your journey, and that's inspiring to me, because I have started the work with the... And it is some of the hardest work to go back and deal with the past traumas and to address yourself then. into it. I've started it, but I have not by any stretch of the imagination finished it. And I do wish that I could go back. It's a journey, you know, it's a healing is a journey.

1:16:01It's not a destination where it's like, I'm healed in this, you know, it's never going to affect me anymore. Yeah. I'm great. Although that pain has subsided, that was in my chest for decades off and on. I still feel anxious and, you know, stressed and overwhelmed at times, but I feel so much more sense of inner peace that I've never had in my life. but I'm also practicing it every couple of weeks with an emotional coach. You have to. It's like, I'm not like, okay, I've figured it out and I'm done dressing this. It's almost a constant progressing beyond and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that we neglected or ran away from.

1:16:37And making sure that we are in congruence, like you talked about, like heart, mind congruence, where we are in alignment of the parts we're shamed of, the parts where we haven't forgiven ourselves of or that we held onto for too long or the things that we resented in others. And we create that healing and alignment. And again, I'm not an expert except for my own experience of what I've learned from it, but I know there is peace and freedom on the other side if people are willing to face and address these things. I love that. And that's what I want. That's what I'm working towards. And I think that's what anyone who starts this journey, ultimately that's what we want.

1:17:13And I feel like, you know, I want that piece, but not only do I want that piece for myself. You know, I look at my father. My father passed when he was 45. How old are you now? I'm 50. So I always had this clock. My dad passed when I think I was 23, 23 or 24. So he didn't really get to see you make it. No, but he did get to see me work Really, really fast. I'll just say when I, I guess maybe I was 19, 20, no, no, 20 or 21. I booked these two really big roles back to back. Being in Orlando, the work was always in Atlanta. So I got on a Greyhound bus six hours to get to Atlanta to get to audition for the first thing was on this NBC show called I'll Fly Away, this civil rights drama.

1:18:08and I booked a recurring role and it was, and it was in the newspaper in Orlando because I mean, slow news day and local boy does, does, does good and ends up, you know, on a net network show. And then right after that, I booked, um, uh, this old TV show in the heat of the night starring Carol O 'Connor of Archie Bunker fame. And he was also the director. Well, he was the one that cast me. I auditioned for the role of this thug, and especially when I was 17, 18, this skinny, tall kid, I was definitely not going to be the thug. And as I'm walking back to go get my Greyhound bus, the casting director ran back and said, Carol wants to talk to you.

1:18:51And I went in and I'm just starstruck. This was the first star that I really met. It's Carol O 'Connor. You know, when I'm kid, I'm watching Archie Bunker. He said, son, do you know anybody with autism or who's on the spectrum? I said, yes, I have a cousin who was on the spectrum. And, and I know, you know, I love him and I know what he acts like. Read, read this, go back and read this. And I went and I applied what I knew my cousin to it. And I booked, booked the role. I got, I got the job. Big two part episode. So two weeks of work, two and a half weeks of work in Georgia in this town called Conyers.

1:19:25Conyers was about 20 minutes from where my dad was living. Wow. I hadn't seen my dad in a couple years at that point. I drove up to where my dad was. I went in. He was so proud of me. I told him that I was working up the street, doing the thing, and he saw that I had done the other NBC show, and we hadn't really seen each other spoken after I graduated high school because my family was basically angry that I decided to go into show business because I turned down a couple scholarships to a couple really big universities to follow that path. And I hated being a student. That was one of my things because I maybe had the opposite of your thing because you said that you were placed in those special learning programs.

1:20:09I was always shoved into every AP course and everything else. And it wasn't that I didn't mind it, but some of it, the expectations of, oh, you should be able to do that. I couldn't do some of it. I was taking general math at the same time that I'm in AP English and AP studies. I felt so stupid at some points. I'm like, I don't understand these figures that are in front of my face. So I had a whole issue with that. So I said, once I'm out of school, I'm done. I'll continue to learn, but I'm not doing that anymore. So we had a whole thing. So I see my dad. I tell him that I'm working on this show.

1:20:46He hugged me. We sat down. He was like, you want a beer? He called up a couple of his friends. He said, my son is working. He's doing this thing with Archie Bunker, blah, blah, blah. And then later I moved to LA. And so a couple of years later, that's when he passed. So I always had this clock of my dad had a massive coronary when he was 45. I didn't know my dad well. So I still don't even really know his health issues well. I know that he suffered from a lot of, like a lot of Vietnam veterans. He had PTSD. He was struggling with a lot of stuff. I know that he might have been on uh on I'm ads or something or on on what the antidepressants and excuse me and whatever he was going through for his heart so when he passed immediately I go I'm gonna die when I hit 45 oh man and I never talked to anybody about it I just knew I knew I had a clock holy cow so you're running so that whole fight fight-or-flight thing that was in full gear so I just knew so whatever I was gonna do I have to finish it before Ford 45.

1:21:47I was ready to go. So the fact that I have lived longer than my dad, so the fact that I've done those things, that's one of the joys that I can, not joy that my dad, but that's one of the things that I can actually go, look, Wayne, look, man, just look. That was an unfounded fear. you're breaking trauma you are breaking this thing so just calm down just try to learn just try to heal yourself you still have time you still have time and that's what i'm trying to work on now that's why i'm in therapy and i wish i could say that i do my that my therapy game is perfect it's far from perfect i will absolutely avoid my therapist on some days It's not fun, man.

1:22:35I was like, nope, not going because I feel as soon as we leave here, I've got an hour session with him because I'm so inspired by you. We've been talking about the childhood thing and I've been avoiding some of it because I don't want to talk to that kid. Because there are a couple of things that it's easy to talk to the kid when I go, hey, look what you did, man. You were starring in this TV show where you just created a show and you're on this thing. but it's hard to talk to the kid when I have to address very specific hurts because I don't want to revisit them. So even just for today, just talking to you, I'm going to go and I'm going to have a conversation and begin a piece of that process.

1:23:18That's beautiful, man. It's work. And I'm not here to have you revisit those painful moments. I'll let you do that in therapy, but I'm curious if you could have a conversation. Yeah. What would he need to hear from an adult that truly loves him and accepts him? What would you have needed to hear at five, seven, or nine?

1:23:42Just off the top of my head and just really trying to think about this, I think at five, I'm trying to picture that kid at five.

1:23:54I think even starting at five, if I were that adult, I would hug him. Never underestimate the value of affection of a hug on a child. My grandmother loved me. You couldn't tell her nothing about me. She loved the pants off me. but affection was in short supply. She wasn't that person. We, we, we were not those people. I was affectionate. I was very affectionate. That's one of the things that I've gone back in, in my, in, in, in that work. I always was on, but you could not pry me off of my grandmother. And, and once I was there, she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She loved me. But I initiated it. And I don't know nobody else in my family was like that so i learned that i need this please give me that so i i would hug him and then maybe when i was 10 i have a memory of my sister and i i've got a younger sister that came to live with us of us playing with these other kids and part of part of my memory is that that wayne even now that loves to shut down and shut everybody out because If I'm like that, then you can't hurt me or whatnot.

1:25:16I remember these other kids trying to play with us, and I completely put up this wall, and I was like, no, don't talk to them, because they're going to say mean stuff, and we're better than them. Who says that? But that's a story that I had to tell myself at that second because I didn't want to be hurt. I would go to him and go, hey, you can be completely open and don't try to, don't shut everybody out. Don't shut everybody out and build this armor. Because even the way that when you say that you watch on a show or even for when I start, when I teach acting classes, I always say, know your strengths.

1:26:06And I know that for me, one of my strengths is when dealing with an audience, I make you feel like I am completely open to you. And I'm not going to say the word charming because you don't call yourself charming, but I do know that I have a thing that I can draw people in and I can make you feel good and I can feel good. And we've got that thing and I'll smile at you and we do that. But as soon as I step off stage, then I am very much the whole thing, the armor's back on. Really? And it's not because I'm aloof or I think I'm better to... It's because I'm not on stage anymore. I'm going to protect myself now.

1:26:46Wow. And I would tell the Wayne that develops that armor, which can sometimes seem aloof, which every blue moon, someone has run up on me in real life, and maybe it was the day that they were expecting, hey, Wayne, you been in? Like, yeah. Hi. Wow. But you didn't... They just caught me on that day was never to offend anybody was I have gotten so used to protecting myself. So I would try to go back and and tell that kid, hey, it's OK to be open. It's OK. You don't have to. Not everybody is trying to punch you in your face, man. Wow, man. This is powerful. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard you talk about this stuff in interviews.

1:27:29I think I've definitely started talking about it more in the past couple years because it's the only way I'm trying to reach a point by the time I leave this earth, knock on wood, which I hope is many years from now, that I can honestly say I'm living in transparency and also taking control of my narrative. because even in a bigger stretch even in terms of my work I know that for some people in this business I've been placed in a box and I fight that box all the time whether it's because there's work that I want to do and work that I'm creating but they're like oh well Wayne Brady doesn't do those things because I see I like him when he does that and talk about well talk about fueling the resentment train don't even get that's a whole I'm oh yeah like mad don't even talk to talk about that but but the only way that i can break that and take back my narrative of and letting me really express myself creatively and doing some of the roles that other people are in control of i believe is to truly instead of being the smooth wane that is on these shows and that has from my time on who's lying to that's how i'll go along to get along is you'll never know anything about me.

1:28:48And that armor will make me smooth and I'll smile at you and we'll do a thing. But that's all it is. I'm going to keep this at bay. By letting myself be open and being more transparent and showing the cracks into armor, the wrinkle here, the blemish there, I can show that this is real life and I'm a real person who is capable of not only artistically delving and doing the things that I want to do, but I'm a real person who maybe my story can touch and affect someone. I've got a couple final questions for you. Yeah, please. Before I finish these final three questions that I ask everyone towards the end, I want to ask you if you're open to try something and feel free to say no.

1:29:34This is coming to me. We can edit this out if you don't want to do it. Let's see. I'm curious if you could. I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I want to see if there's something here. I'm curious if you could - You see, remember offhand, we said that the best type of improvisation is a conversation. Yes. So this is the yes and. So the yes and. So I'm curious if you'd be open to doing some type of recap of this conversation in some type of artistic way. from the things that you've talked about, if you could go back in the last hour and a half and pull in all the conversations that we've had, if you'd be able to, I don't know if, I don't want to call it a song or something, but if it's a way you could improv or a rhyme or something of a recap, kind of your strength of what you do best.

1:30:29And we can cut this out if this doesn't make sense, but I'm curious if there's something there. it's interesting uh let's see um you know we don't have any music so uh so i don't know if i would call it a straight up rap but let's see if there's some sort of uh some sort of read recap yes that's that's interesting um it could be 60 seconds it could be a 30 seconds a couple minutes whatever speaks to your heart whatever's on your mind from the conversation we've had what it's brought up for your life in the past and where you were intending to have in the future Let's see, just off the top, your top of my head.

1:31:07Okay. So, I've been challenged right now on this very spot to create this. Here I am, sitting down on the spot, the school of greatness. I tried to arrive on time so you can't impugn me or talk about my lateness. All right, put on the spot. I do this fairly well, so I can't hate this. So let me start. I go back again. Where can I begin? I mentioned I felt like a superhero. So this is the story of my origin. Kid raised in Tangelo Park, complexion, chocolate, very, very dark to parents from the Caribbean. thinking of all of the places and the dark spots that I've been again, thinking of how I was raised, thinking of the things that have been said that stuck in my psyche, thinking and dreaming in my mind, in my room, ruminating on the great man that I might be, keeping these dreams and visions to myself because I felt that maybe I could see visions of wealth.

1:32:11Fame was never really on the chalkboard. It wasn't something that I saw. Really, I was thinking more of a car or never get in trouble with the law. Using that type of privilege that money could be and that would be that. Trying to become so rich that one day maybe my green would equal black. Trying to work my way out of the neighborhood by using these skills that I would develop. And thinking about the relationships, a hug from my grandma in her arms that I could be enveloped. Being bused to one school and saying that I wasn't white enough. than back with the other kids not black enough where life was tough.

1:32:48I swore to myself as soon as I started to work that I'd be the person on top. You couldn't call me a jerk or any other type of name that would come out of your mouth. If I mentioned this before, I'm from Orlando, deep in Florida, the deep south. So every single day was a battle. Every single day was war. Every single day was some type of fight with words and barbs that I tried to ignore. So I took it on the chin, kept it. And sometimes I felt my heart would break. I couldn't speak it loud at home. So I would develop this high, this horrible headache. I had a migraine that wouldn't go away. The only way to stop it is to do a job and get that money.

1:33:29There's something in the store and I'd go out and not cop it. I learned early on that affluence was meant to attain wealth, and I equaled it very foolishly with wealth would equal great health. And I moved from Orlando. I was a musician and a dancer. I was an actor and doing all these things that would just take my chance. So I went to Japan. I sang overseas. I came. I did things. I did everything to the best of my ability from Broadway to stage. I learned to improvise. I thought I was being smart. I thought that street smarts equaled wise. I just kept on running, running, running until the feeling would settle in.

1:34:11And then I recognize now that I was running on pure adrenaline. I met my ex-wife, well, my ex-ex-wife, because I was married twice. But the second marriage, it worked out rather nice. I met her in Hawaii. We both moved here in 95. And then later on, we had a child. She's 20. So for 20 years, we've managed to keep her alive. Between the two of us, we had ups and downs. We worked at theme parks and theater. We did every single thing. All we can do with that paper chase and my daughter, the greatness that I could see in her. All I wanted to do was to create. Fame, I didn't want it. All I wanted was the external things, a nice car and a house so I could flaunt it.

1:34:52But then people knew my name. But then with people knowing your name came with a greater awareness and you'd have to learn to play the game. So I put on the shield and I put on the gloss and I'd sit there and smile at the ABC and the CBS at the boss. And inside, I was just angry as can be. I was ready to snap on anybody at any second if I thought they were disrespecting me. Still, it wasn't until the age of 40 that I realized I needed therapy. Because my daughter, she said, Daddy, I don't want you to die. Those are real words that she shared with me. Oh, wow. So in the decades since and in my experience, I've kept on trying.

1:35:30My dad, he passed at 45. So every day, that's the number that I keep that I kept from dying. So now all I can do is day by day, live my life. Single, we've talked about how bad it was at relationships. Not necessarily looking for a wife. First, I've got to work on myself and establish a relationship with the deity from above. Because just like RuPaul said, and I'm paraphrasing, you need self-love. So that's where I am. I'm working at this point to parenting little Wayne and so here on the School of Greatness my life story I hope in this rhyme I've explained oh my goodness that was incredible man wow that was amazing oh thanks now I'm light headed good I'm glad I did it that was amazing man thank you for the reason that was again on the spot recap thanks man no one has ever no one has ever asked me to do that you win for the most original thing that has happened in an interview.

1:36:33That was incredible, man. Well, thanks. Again, I love, you said to focus on your gifts. And so I wanted you to be able to use some of that gift because, you know, we talked more about the emotional side of things, but, which is what I'm most curious about or fascinated about human beings and what makes them become great and what made them run from pain that turned into greatness. And how can we also create that inner peace while we are using our gifts and our talents so that we're not in shame or hurting or in pain, but we are using our talents to make an impact on others. I love that. And just to add as an addendum to this, to folks watching, we've talked about all the negative stuff that forges you, but the positive piece of it is, just like you were saying, to use your gifts.

1:37:22The positive piece is when I was a kid, I developed whatever the natural thing is that I have that I put technique to later, but the natural inquisitive nature that makes me want to learn, that made me want to read everything, that made me a sci-fi nerd, a history geek, that a musical lover to be able to write songs on the spot, to do these characters, to do these things that I did create when I was a kid in that room by myself, that ball of creativity that I was able to year by year. And as I've gotten older to use that, to use that as my way to express myself so that whether it's an hour and a half show, whether it's a Broadway show, whether it's my improv show, whether it's a game show or playing a character, I was able to channel that into my thing.

1:38:18and to be able to have something that you have built and grown, I wish that everyone did have that. I wish that everyone would have something of themselves that they can develop that talent because that is a shot at greatness, to become an outlier in something, to be able to put in your 10 ,000 hours at something and go beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can look you in the eye, that I can look anybody watching in the eye. I look the audience in the eye every night and go, I am great at this beyond a shadow of a doubt. No matter what my other stuff is going on, I do this, and this is something that cannot be taken away from me unless I let it.

1:39:04So that is a beauty, that is a beautiful thing of being able to have that art come out of that pain. Mm, man. how again i've got i still have these couple final questions but how can we how can we best be of service to you i want people to follow you over on instagram and your tiktok and thanks your website we'll have it all linked up here yeah that come come and follow follow me on my instagram at mr brady baby mr brady baby um my my tiktok is wayne wayne brady um and i think that those are the two two that I use the most of course on face Facebook if you find me I'm the official Wayne Wayne Brady how else can we be of service to you wow that is such an amazing thing to I think even on Instagram reach out because here is the thing that we've talked about all this other stuff some of the things that I'm trying to put in out out into the world I'm trying to during the pandemic one of the good things to come up was, in the conversation around race and Black lives mattering and these voices and giving voices to voices that aren't heard, one of the things that came up was in the world of comedy.

1:40:20You know, UCB and Second City and some of the giants in comedy here in L.A., a lot of stories came about the inequities of how minorities were maybe treated in those spaces. And my goal, my dream is to create a space where the kid that looks like me or the kid that doesn't look like your average person in a sketch group or an improv group or whatnot can find a safe space to develop those talents. If I would have, that's, that's one of the things I think that really helped me is when I was, I think I was 18 or 19 when I started really doing improv and learning the art. I learned it from a group, a group that became my friends and my family at the time, a SAC theater out in Orlando, SAK.

1:41:11okay, so if any of you in the South, you know, go to Orlando, SAC Theater. I helped form this thing called the SAC Theater Comedy Lab. And that's where I learned the art of being funny. Not where I learned to be funny, the art of building. And of course, I was the only person that looked like me. And I didn't know that when I did Who's Line, that it was such a big deal that I was the only person that looked like me in that little group. But I want to create a space here in Los Angeles, one in Orlando, and hopefully one in New York, where I can make it okay for these kids to come into this space to use their minds, to use their imaginations, to feel free to play, because that's what I do.

1:42:00All of this serious talk aside, when I'm on stage, I'm playing. I'm playing like a little kid. I want them to engender that sense of play and to embody it and to feel it and to also teach them a bigger conversation about the art, not just the art of improv, but the things that I feel that helped me. So giving courses in history, giving courses in singing, dancing, acting, how all those pertain to improv and sketch and writing. So hopefully I can create a generation of writers and even kids that don't go in the show business. how amazing to be able to have the confidence because you've taken an acting class or an improvisation class to be able to speak in which is one of the fears i think that most humans have speaking in front of yeah of and and assemblage yeah so it's like yeah i'll share with you now one of the scariest things in the world to to give them the confidence to take take that into a job interview, take that into work.

1:43:02Take, know that you can walk into a place and I can talk to anybody in this world and feel confident. I would love to be able to bring that. So we are starting an academy. I started to partner with Freestyle Love Supreme, Lin Manuel's group, my buddy, Anthony's group, to be able to bring an academy like that to life. How can people support or be or should they sign up for a newsletter to be... Contact me on Instagram. The way that I'm building that slowly is I'll be doing workshops. In the middle of all the other stuff I'm doing, I'm gonna start doing workshops here in Los Angeles and at other places in the country, doing free improv workshops and public speaking improv workshops.

1:43:47So if that's interesting for people, they should DM you on Instagram or message you... ...or they have a comment somewhere. And someone will get back to you, and I'll put together a mailing list. and it has to start small at the grassroots level. It's amazing, man. Yeah. So make sure you guys reach out and send them a message on Instagram. And I'll definitely hit you up to come and be a speaker. Amen. So please know that. Thank you, sir. This is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths question. Ooh, okay. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. Yes. It's your last day on earth many years away.

1:44:18You get to live as long as you want to live. Ooh. But eventually you got to turn the lights off in this life. Right. Right. And you have created everything you want in your life from where you are now at 50 until the last day you get to create and make an impact and do the things you love and have the family and the relationships you want. I love that. But for whatever reason in this hypothetical scenario, everything you've created has to go with you. So no one has access to this workshop and this conversation and any TV show you've ever done. All those videos are all... So you're erased from?

1:44:51It's hypothetical. Okay. Yeah. No one has access to your content anymore. Got it. But you get to leave behind three things that you know to be true from your life, from all of your experiences, from your first memory till, you know, 50 plus years away from now last memory. What would be those three truths that you would leave behind if we had no other access of your content or information. That really is one of the best questions I think I've ever heard. That's a, wow, three truths. Okay. Well, I guess there's self-truths. So the first one that I can think of

1:45:32is, like I said earlier, I think approach life with intention.

1:45:42and i'm going to steal something from my barber my man trey who said something to me a couple days ago that i think goes along with that that then i went what'd you say oh i'm stealing that he said have a good day on purpose so i think definitely the intentional piece of don't let life be something that we just get up and we do because we're lucky enough to still be breathing when we wake up it's like all right all right it's tuesday it's cool no it's tuesday let's go whatever that is let's go so i think that that's one live with intention it may not always work out but live with intention

1:46:38another one of my truths is

1:46:45family is everything but then in parentheses that family is whatever you make it. So I don't necessarily mean your auntie and your brother, your cousin or folks that your family is whoever

1:47:13is good for your soul and is on your team.

1:47:20not not blood does not necessarily make family i have a family i have people in my family by blood that i love but i will say one of the best things about my time here in los angeles all over these near 30 years is i made a family i made a family with my ex-wife Mandy, who now is my... I do believe she's my soulmate. I've made a family with her, with her partner, Jason. I've made a family with my biological daughter, but with the... we call ourselves the core four, with Jason, Mandy, Miley, and now they have a son, Sonny. That's a family that we chose to stay together. Mandy and I did not have to be in each other, lives.

1:48:13In fact, some would say it would be easier sometimes to make a quick cut and be like, okay, well, I can just go in and do everything I want to. But most of the good things that have happened in my life, it's because of my relationship with Mandy and the faith that she's had in me and the love that I get from her. Your ex-wife. Yes. Yeah, my ex-wife and her support and this beautiful daughter that we've made together and the things that we are still trying to put out and make in world right now. Wow. Because she's your business partner on a lot of things right now. She's my business partner and we have our company and she is my...

1:48:45We right now have a show that we're shooting for a major streamer that is based on our family because of our dynamic. And I have other friends here in Los Angeles, like my brother Harrison, who I worked with in theater and who is Mandy's godfather to Chris from Hawaii. that I've got people who I know that if I call them and said, hey, I'm in jail, come bail me out, or I need you because I just need a cry. Yeah. So make your family. That's your family. Don't make your family. Okay. And lastly, and this is something that I'm still trying to learn, ironically, because of my, because of one of my jobs and my profession is laugh at yourself.

1:49:40And for me, it is very hard to do because I always am very sensitive to, I never want to have the joke. I never want to be the joke. I always don't want to make the joke. And that comes from that little kid Wayne being laughed at or feeling like he was the butt of the joke. and like you will not make fun of me now. So, but that being said, maybe if someone does make fun, the fun of you, it's not gonna kill you. And if what they're saying isn't true, then maybe laugh at it and don't give it as much power. That's something that I can definitely learn. Right. Yeah. That's beautiful, man. I love these three truths.

1:50:25I have one final question before I want to ask it. I want to share what I see is possible for you. Please. What I see is possible for you is a human being filled with love, abundance, peace, and health. A human being that feels a ton of self-love for who you are and accepted by you, all the parts of you, and someone that accepts all the parts of you as well. And what I see is possible for you is a human that continues to transition and using his gifts, not just to make a living, but to make others' lives more fulfilled, which is what you've done, but it wasn't what your intention was originally.

1:51:10And I see for the rest of the time that you want to create in this circus world that we're in, in show business, that you continue to to intentionally create things that fuel you, your soul, and your spirit, but also make a positive impact on others as part of your intention. And something I see as possible for you, and I really want, I will acknowledge you in the beginning, and I'm acknowledging you again for all the gifts you've had, the commitment you have to working and growing on yourself, because it's a journey for me as it is for anyone, and the impact you've made, even though you don't know you've made it.

1:51:49I acknowledge you for all that you've done for, for the world. And, uh, I'm excited for you to step into understanding the impact you continue to make moving forward. So that's, that's what I wanted to share before the last question. Thank you for the, of course. Thank you for that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Yeah, of course. And I, and I accept that and I take that. I love it. And that's what I want. I love it. I love it. Final question. what's your definition of greatness?

1:52:19I'm going to go with my first mind. So as soon as you said greatness, my definition of greatness is,

1:52:31and I've got to go with self-greatness, not necessarily what other people think of you. I think my definition of greatness is striving for something and because who knows if it'll ever really be achieved, but striving to be the pinnacle of a craft or of being yourself. Whatever that best version of that looks like, and I'm not talking about the version that competes with other people to be great because you won this or whatnot. No, it's to be great where you go, I love what I'm doing or I love this thing or myself so much that it transcends just a job, it transcends a hobby, it transcends, oh, I like clothes, it becomes such a pure, joyful state of being.

1:53:45That's what I equate with greatness, is joyful, that you are so joyful in this thing that you're in. And I'm still trying to achieve that. And I think I see snatches of it every blue moon, every time I'm on stage, I, ooh, I like that. But the greatness of going, I feel so good in this space. I feel so good in myself. I feel great, great in my skin right now. That's greatness. I feel like I'm glowing. I think that's greatness, achieving that state. So no matter what your job is or your thing, just achieving a state of, I feel so joyful in it. And I hope that's clear because I know what I mean. Yes.

1:54:37Because as I'm saying it, I'm kind of feeling, you know, I feel it. It's like I picture it's like that it's like uh you know and i always bring things back to the soup as superheroes and whatnot but feeling that that glow like just being in the middle of it whether it's in the middle of of a great game your your personal best great greatness i think is your personal best that's what it is like i don't care what you did but i know as i woo i can't touch that that's just Oh, I feel that. And I'm glowing from it. And I feel it at the top of my head and the energy is crackling out from my fingertips.

1:55:20When you hit that state, I think that's greatness. And being proud, proud of it. Greatness can't live in the shadows. Greatness can't live in shame. Right. So that's why I think you're so joyous and proud of whatever that thing is, because there's not a thing shameful about whatever you just did or what you do to to feel to feel that. Yeah, that's that state. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast.

1:56:07If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I wanna remind you that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter.

1:56:42And now it's time to go out there and do something great. Bye.