The 3 AM Truth That Cost Him $14.5 Million | Matthew McConaughey

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25:57Lewis Howes:Quince.com slash lewis. Now you had your first kid right around then or a year before then? Yeah, no, right in there. It was about a little less than a year into that. One of the things I respect and admire about you is, yes, your career is incredible, but the fact that you, you know, have been in a loving, committed relationship for, I don't know. 16 years. 16 years. You've got three kids. And you have found a lot of fulfillment in the richness of living, not just in making money in the career and the success and the fame. It's one of the things I respect about you. It's one of the things me and Martha were talking about this morning about how you could have been the bachelor forever.

26:39Lewis Howes:Yeah. Where do you think your life would have been in that year had you not had the loving, committed relationship, child as well, first child? Where do you think temptation would have led you or do you think you would have made the same decision with the sand on the ground? Or was it having a committed, conscious, loving relationship and partner and teammate that allowed you to have the courage to act with that line in the sand? Well, the only reason I pause here is because I'm trying to wonder how little of credit to give the relationship. Because I'm not going to say it's 100%, but it's up there.

27:22The relationship having her and now about to become a father, which was the only thing I ever wanted to be, had great resonance for me. I, one, had a relationship which gave me just singularly with Camilla, gave me more license and courage to fly. But now I'm going to become immortal, so to speak, with a child coming into the world. It's one thing I ever dreamed of being, become a father. That was at the top of my list since I was a kid. Now I'm like, well, this is what I'm doing. This part of life has always taken precedent for anything I did since. Got famous, won this or won that. My career was always in front of a Hollywood career.

28:07Always. That's what I mean by JK Living. That's why Just Keep Living has always been sort of a mantra. At the end of the day, I argue with that. At the end of the day, that wins out. I've always wanted to have a life that I'm leading first and I became an actor and a movie star and famous but not oh I'm an actor and a movie star and famous so now what do I do how do I live my life according to that no I wanted to keep those in order

28:34Lewis Howes:if you didn't have that relationship at that time what do you think would have happened that's a good question what would have happened do you think it would have been more tempting to take the money and let me just yeah I mean yeah the nights would have been even longer the the the the I think it would have definitely got more wobbly I would have really had to I mean I believe I could have pulled it off I'm glad I didn't have to find out if I could pull it off on my own I might have I might have run off to the monastery and still be there

29:12I, you know, or because I had I look I had very somewhat reliable temptation from people very close to me going. What's your malfunction? My brothers and family were like, what is your major malfunction? What are you doing? You own this land in the wrong, but why are you making a straight line crooked? Which is lying on the allergies. Why are you making this complicated? do you know how many people would dream to even be doing this and so I did have that understanding which I bring up in the book about being less impressed and more involved I was very thankful I was never disrespecting the rom-com I was just like I don't know I didn't make this up this feeling in me you were in a new season there's a new chapter to come so what would I be doing now if I didn't have Camilla and she didn't have her first child on the way I don't know.

30:07That 20 months would have felt like 20 years if I'd have stuck with it. And would I have had the patience? Would I have had the fortitude? Would I have been able to stay still in the long, lonely nights where I didn't feel like I had purpose, where I didn't feel significant, where I didn't have a newborn child and a relationship to look at and go? Because I knew then. I was like, you put time into that, you cannot go wrong. I looked at my newborn child. I looked at him. I was like, you put time into this, you are in the black. There is no debit, no matter how much. You can't overdo that. So that gave me something.

30:43If I didn't have that, no, no, no, no, I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

30:47Lewis Howes:There's a lot of men that are driven men. I'm in LA. So I see this in LA where they feel like they need to be single for a long time, or they need to jump from partner to partner or have multiple partners at the same time, all these different things. No judgment, no right or wrong here. But I'm curious, what have you learned about 16 years in a relationship that has taught you about how much more successful you can be in other areas of life versus single life when you were also extremely successful, but maybe there was something missing, you know, emotionally or spiritually. Yeah. Well, I'm going to piggyback on where you first started.

31:23I've got friends that are poly and I've got friends that are perpetually single. And to see them when they do pull it off and still have a healthy spirit and a healthy body and a healthy mind, I applaud it right on. I do. I have seen a lot of them have to. Oh, I got to recalibrate. I got, you know, I got I got off. I got spread too thin. Energy everywhere. You know, a bunch of little campfires, but no bonfires. Right. you can do it I think a person can do it on their own I think a person can do it in solitude I think a person can do it even with a relationship with just themselves if you think it can be done but when you have a relationship that you're committed to that you want to make work that it's part of your especially when you have a child that is not only committed to is dependent on you, that goes to the top of the value system.

32:28And so career choices can go into the two-hole or maybe the three-hole. Now, I would argue that I got better at my career when it went to the two - and three-hole and wasn't in the one-hole.

32:40Lewis Howes:Really? Because I didn't, and I feared this. I was like, whoa, I was having a family and the fact that when we had kids, My wife said, if we have kids on one condition, Matthew, when you go, we go. So my family comes with me. When she said that to me, I remember going through my mind, wait a minute. I'm an artist. I'm a lone wolf. When I go to work, I'm in my Airstream all alone. It's me and my dog, maybe. But nobody else. And as I'm saying that in my head, this other little smarter voice comes in and goes, Nadja didn't say, yes, ma 'am. And I said, yes, ma 'am. It was the greatest decision I've ever made.

33:12Right. Because seeing my kids or leaving before they woke up and seeing them when I got home after work was a beautiful energizing reset for me at the end of the day that filled me up with real life and made me more creative going into work the next day. To tell a child when you're doing something like True Detective and they go, what was the scene about today? And you go, I better tell a good parable because I can't tell them the real thing. It's some heavy R stuff, right? So I became a better storyteller in how I'd make it a nursery rhyme or something. But you're living for someone else and something more.

33:48And, you know, for Camilla and I living for the covenant that for her and I to do what we can to stay together and keep promoting each other and ourselves in a relationship and then to have the kids. I'm living for something else. And that empowered me and made me better as an individual.

34:04Lewis Howes:And when I go out the door, I have more courage because I know I've got that stability at home. Wow. Where do you think you would have been if you had been in a relationship, you know, five, ten years prior? Yeah. and it'd be 25 years as opposed to 16. Do you think you would have been better in your career or you'd made that shift sooner? Or do you feel like being the lone wolf, you had its time and its place? I think you had its time and its place. I'm not arrogant enough to say, oh, if I go back and change time. I mean, I've thought about that. I was with and dated seriously some wonderful women before I met Camilla.

34:39I think it wasn't the time for me and it wasn't the time for them for us to take it further, to take it as far as, say, could you marry or something? But, you know, I often wonder, what if I felt like it was time? I never did. What if I did? You know, do we meet the right person sometimes, but it's just not the time for us? Do we, or is it, the two play, it's got to be the right person and the right time for each person. But I know I cannot go back, you know, going forward to mystery, looking back to science. When I connect the dots, I don't dare to go back and go. If I changed 10 years earlier, I'm thinking about who I was dating.

35:24If we got married, I mean, who knows? I don't think I don't think it would have been the same realization 10 years earlier. I was a different man. Yeah, I was. I was seeing the world differently. and we'll never know but i don't i think it was the right time for me when this happened and my single years were the right amount of time for me when i was there and those relationships before that that ultimately ended that was the right time for them to end so how old were you

35:55Lewis Howes:when you met your wife we're 16 53 40 37 37 so when you were 37 before the moment you met her Yeah. I think you met her at a bar. Sunset. Club on Sunset. Salernest Club on Sunset. Club. Let's call it that morning. Don't go to many clubs. Glad I went to the club this night. Yeah, I was kidding. Let's call it that morning or that season right before you met her. What was it that made you feel loved then? Yep. And what is it today that makes you feel the most loved today? Okay. What does it make me feel the most loved before? Yes. About her? Okay. When I was spiritually strong. And look, I had some relationships that were loving relationships, or I loved the woman she loved and cared for me.

36:47And those were real. Yes. I also had a season where it was just affairs. It wasn't about love. It was lust. It was fun. It was fun, and it was a healthy, fun transaction, and we laughed and kept it light, and that was all it was ever going to be, and we're not even, you know, and that was okay, too. I am happy to say that through most of that, I was able to keep someone spiritually strong. Really? How did you say that? I had no, and didn't really have trouble sleeping alone in my own bed, because I've had those times, I think we all have, if we've had this single life, where there's times where if you're rolling like that, especially if it's like affairs and flirt popping around here and there, boy, all of a sudden you end up in bed alone.

37:40You can't sleep. And you're like, whoa, wait a minute. Now I'm the company I can't stand being with? If it's only me, that would always be a trigger for me. Like, you better bend a knee and go. Go inward. Catch your breath and go inward here. So what made you feel the most love before you met her?

38:01Lewis Howes:What was it? I mean. Was it the success or the fame? No, I knew. Was it the chase? Was it the, you know. No, it wasn't the chase and catch. I knew what that was. That always felt like a stop and not a stay. To me, it was a season. Yeah. I understood it to be a season. And I gave myself freedom and license to have that season as healthily as I could. I don't think I was any more shallow. I didn't think, oh, this is all there is. I did have a dream where I thought where I was 80 and 80 at your bachelor, but had a lot of children. You did? Yeah, and it wasn't a nightmare. 88-year-old bachelor? You had a lot of children, and that wasn't a nightmare?

38:58I was sitting on a porch, and it wasn't a nightmare. Really? And I woke up from that dream not going, yippee, that's what I'll do. I did wake up with it going, that's possible. And as soon as I said, that's possible, I did quit looking so hard. And when I quit looking for her so hard, that's what you came. Because before that, I will say, in my thought of I do want to find someone to fall in love with and start a family. I mean, every red light, bro. In L.A. Possible, possible. Produce section. You know what I mean? Possible, possible. You know, you just. Yoga class, Whole Foods. He was checking, you know, everywhere.

39:53And I was looking. I was leaning in, leaning in. And I said, well, maybe that could work. Like that script, well, maybe that could work, you know. And then when I had that dream, it was like, oh, on a spiritual sense, I was like, well, you might end up being an ADO bachelor. And if you've got spiritually, if you're spiritually strong, your relationship with God is strong, that's okay. It didn't make me go, that's what I want to do. But just saying that could be a reality for you, let me exhale and I quit looking everywhere at every rest. I quit looking in the first second was like and I what happens when you do that you become more attractive you allow yourself to be loved you allow yourself to see someone who actually you might love but mainly you allow yourself to be someone that can be loved and you're not selling you're not soliciting yourself you're not in a rush about anything you're gonna meet somebody you also what you look at you want to see how they move.

40:46How far back are the shoulders? How do they talk? What do they say in between the lines? Not what they say. What do they say in between the lines? And I remember when I saw Camilla walk across the club that night, it was the way she moved. I saw history. I saw dignity. I saw somebody that was not for sale. I saw somebody that didn't need, that when I called her over, was not happy to meet me, wasn't impressed with my vocation. And she knew who I was. I wasn't impressed with that. She was about a lot more than that. So my eyes were open to seeing what I wanted and needed. And I also was able to, in that moment, completely be myself, not oversell myself.

41:31Not undersell myself.

41:33Lewis Howes:Did you feel like you needed to oversell yourself before then, even though you had all the success and the fame and the hits and the money? I think, when just it's a sped out process, you know, especially if you're like in, you know, if it's more of a string of short-term relationships, it's like, it's not overselling. It's just like, let's skip the, let's skip a lot of the real stuff. Let's skip a lot of the, you know what I mean? Come on, we're just here, we're laughing, we're having a good time, you know what I mean? And that's all we're both in this for. So, you know, so you speed up the process.

42:15So I don't know when you say, what did I love? It wasn't my fame. Did I did I feel more? Did I feel more loved if my movie did well and more people came up and was like, that was great. Sure. Sure. But that was never my top source of feeling affirmation of feeling loved. Did I feel less loved movie bombed or people like? Like, sure. But that was never my.

42:41Lewis Howes:Main thing. The source of my lack of confidence or lack of significance. It was spiritual. And then I always had, look, I always had family at this time. Being my brothers and my mom and stuff. There was always that. That I knew was 100 % reliable. But mainly I would say spiritual. And then your follow-up question to what makes you feel more loved now. Yeah. When do you feel the most loved now? oh the good night group hug with my three kids my wife after we've just talked about what her day was like what we're looking forward to tomorrow and we've had a few fun disagreements and somebody said something real honest that they didn't have the courage to say maybe a week before and for the first time noticed that if they shared that they weren't going to get in trouble that they were just going and to see them grow and going, you got the courage.

43:34Me and then to feel like a dad, me and your mother giving you a place to feel like you can go. I did like her and my heart hurts because she doesn't like me. To be able to, for a child to be able to say that to you, it's like, okay, we're doing something right. There we go. That's a feeling of love, to have an honest talk, not just about all of the happy times, but about the stuff that sucks in my kids' lives as well. And even from my wife to share it and it not be like, da-da-da-da. Right, right. To be like, yeah, we're going through this. And one thing we know is we're going through it together.

44:10That's where I'm most full.

44:11Lewis Howes:That's beautiful. One of the things that you talk about in the book, in the last couple of pages, was this list of goals that you wrote down. One of them. Isn't that wild? 10 Goals in Life, 1992. One of them, becoming a father. And number two, finding and keeping the woman for me. The woman for me. And you had 10 of them. I'm curious, how important is it to write down our visions, our dreams, our goals in order to manifest what we want in our lives? Because this whole book is a journal of you writing down everything. And all 10 of these, you've accomplished all of them. And you're still accomplishing and living into them.

44:55Lewis Howes:So how important is it to write down our dreams, our goals, our values in order to manifest and attract them? I think it's a lot more important than we give it credit for. Look, writing things down, it seems like this old fashioned sort of archaic things. Type it. It's on the screen. Put it on a word doc. Save it. Put it in a folder. It can be lost back there to actually write it with the hand. Is it a different kind of objectivity you get? because it's come out of you. You've put it down. Now you're looking at it. It's outside of you. It's freed up now. It's alive. It's moving. Now, more so than having that goal by your bedside every night, which can be good, but to write it down, if you're writing down true goals, they become written in your lineage.

45:50They become written in your body, whether you know it or not, in your subconscious. It exists. It's a way to get it into your subconscious, to write it down. Now it's out of me. It's on a page. I'm objectifying it now. I'm looking at it. So now I'm having a dialogue where before it was just Socratic. But now I'm having a dialogue and it starts to reciprocate. Those 10 goals, I wrote those down in the top bunk in the Dell house, University of Texas, 1992. My roommate was Monty Wills. I remember the night I wrote them down. Wow. I never looked at them again. I found those in writing this book and found out that, oh my gosh, all 10 you actually did and four you're still doing.

46:27Lewis Howes:That's crazy. I never looked at them. 30 years later you found them. Yeah. That's crazy. But they all happened. They all happened. I don't think they happen if I don't write them down. I don't think they do. it. So that practice of writing something down that you into that you want or that you yearn for and to add to it or subtract from it along the way if you want to, or just write it down, fold it up, tuck it away so you can find it 30 years later when you go want to share a journal or write something about it like I did. I don't think it happens, but then just go back and see the invisible contract I made with myself.

47:12Gosh, I love that. Because obviously I did. Because I mean, those 10, people go, you've done all 10. I said, well, no, I'm in the middle. I'm still, I have to maintain, I'm still maintaining for it. But I have engaged. Some of them I've just done. But I am in full engagement with all of them.

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48:53Lewis Howes:With Empower, you can start making the most of your money so you can go out and live a little. Isn't that why we work so hard? To have some fun with our money, like treating yourself to something special or spontaneously doing something extra for a loved one. So use Empower and get good at money so you can be a little bad. Join their 20 million customers today at empower.com. Not an Empower client paid or sponsored. Well, it's an invisible contract until it becomes a physical written contract. You know, but it's with yourself. I guess it becomes, there's an invisible way. It becomes subconsciously non-negotiable with yourself.

49:34Lewis Howes:And here's the interesting thing on this. Is this the exact image or is this a recreated image? No, that's it. This is the photo of it or you signed it. Yeah. And that's what I think is actually really important because you did create a contract with self. Right. You signed the goals at the bottom. You have 10 goals in life, 9-1-92 and you bottom, at the bottom, you signed it. And I think that's really important in creating a, you know, this contract with self is putting your name on something that you write down from the ideas in your mind into paper so that you can actualize this in life. And I think that's what's beautiful.

50:08Lewis Howes:You were like, what, 20 years old when you did this? 20, 21. And folks, anyone who thinks so, that sounds like Mike Tyson talking about Mike Tyson when he's himself talking about the third person. Do it. Don't worry. Sign your stuff to yourself. You know what I mean? Write to yourself and sign it. It's a great practice to do. You are then getting a third person objective view of yourself where, so you will have a better chance of subjectively creating those and activating those things and having them happen. One of the things in here, number seven, stay close to mom and family. I know there was a period, I think you said six or eight years where you pulled away from your mom.

50:48Lewis Howes:I think you're still close with your brother, but you pulled back because she was kind of loving the fame and it was making it about her as opposed to supporting her son. so that was something that kind of came and went and you danced with but now it seems like you guys are in a great place she's living with us four years now she's 91 and then also you had number 8 win an Oscar for the best actor how do you at 20, 21 write down a goal of winning an Oscar and I wasn't even acting at that time that's nuts you didn't even do the first movie yet? no why did that come in your mind? why was that even a thought, a dream, a goal?

51:26so this is i believe right after i had soon after i had called my father to say i don't want to go to law school anymore i want to go to film school now i'm looking back and he said a great line back to you he said a great line he said don't half don't half ass it yeah which was three or whatever four however many words into the best words i've ever heard from the man who i ultimately really wanted my ultimate approval from and he didn't give me he gave me a lot more than approval with that line. Kicking the backside, privilege, freedom, responsibility, kick, go do it. And I suppose, I know consciously, but probably subconsciously too, there's things that I've done where I wanted to let something slide and those words came to my mind.

52:08I was like, uh-uh, no way. Uh-uh. That'd be half-ass in it. So those words have lived with me.

52:17I decided I wanted to go to film school. and I went back through these journals and I find something like that I was like dude you always wanted to be an actor oh interesting like you just wouldn't admit it and I remember always being sheepish about someone go like well you just want to why don't you perform I'm like no I don't I don't something about it and I had felt fraudulent then something about being behind the camera to go to director school learning story felt like well, that's my, I'll sneak in the back door to the acting, right? But that's the better way. And I'm glad I went that path.

52:55But I think I wanted to, and I'm talking to my buddy Rob Bendler, who I bring up often in this book about it. And he was like, yeah, you were wanting to, he reminded me of talks we'd had late night. And he was already at NYU film school. He was like reminding me, yeah, you were already wanting to at this time when you first went to film school. So I write that down to myself. I'm not afraid to write it down to myself, but I'm afraid to say anything like that out loud. I'm not afraid to even say I'm interested in going into acting at this point. Wow. But yet I write down, I want to win an Oscar.

53:30That's crazy.

53:32Lewis Howes:Wow. So when you saw this paper, you had already won these goals. Yeah. You know, for the first time after, I guess, close to 30 years, you'd won it, I think, I don't know, six, seven years prior to that. Yeah. What did that feel like when you read this and you saw win an Oscar for Best Actor? I read it. I was like, ah, you can't get out of here. Camilla, check this out. Are you kidding me? Wow. And then I went right back to the night. I remember sitting in the top bunk. We'd just come from the arcade, me and Monty Wills, our roommate. He was in the bottom bunk. I was in the top bunk. Like a Tuesday night, I'd been journaling.

54:15and I wrote in this little journal. I remember

54:21that night. Other people were actually going out for a later, we'd been out, kind of party and other people went to the next party and I decided to come home and sort of buy it. I love the top punk, I could brush my teeth, went out, put them in shorts, kind of bed, kind of cover set up there and had a little window right here and I had my little diary on a little windowsill with a pen.

54:41Lewis Howes:Punk bed. that we made. We made these bunk beds. We were the first bunk beds in the Dell house. Pulled over and I wrote it. I think I even a form of a headlamp. They even had headlamps. I still do love headlamps. Written that and I wrote that down. Curious. If you didn't create this contract for yourself, do you think you would have accomplished all 10 of these goals and dreams for your life? Or would some of them maybe fall through the cracks because you didn't create that, turn the invisible contract into a physical written contract and make it real? I don't know. I mean, I have to believe that writing them down subconsciously led to me, actually.

55:25I knew what they were. I couldn't recite them to you because I never looked at them again. But I knew what they were. And it tells me I had good goals because actually they were true ones. I mean, we all write down goals that we go like, later on, oh, you were bullshitting yourself. You were just writing down what you think someone wanted you to say. And this particular night, I obviously wrote things down that had real – I mean, I told my future in a way. Wow. I don't – trust me, when I write, every time I put a pen to paper, I batted 1 ,000 on this one. I went 10 for 10. I don't go 10 for 10 all the time.

56:05Right, right. You know what I mean? but writing them down the right ones. If I, and even without looking at it, I don't, I doubt I would have pulled these things off.

56:16Lewis Howes:How do we learn to listen to the true highest version of ourselves and write the right goals and follow that path as opposed to chasing the, you know, the stuff that leads to a lot of red lights and actually create a lane of green lights for us. Yeah. Obviously, you had obstacles to overcome on this journey, and that's part of the human condition, but you actualized all these. How did you, you know, you were listening to yourself and you authentically said, become a father, finally keep the woman from me, keep my relationship with God, and chase my best self as your first four. You didn't say become a billionaire, have 20 mansions, have three Maseratis.

57:01Lewis Howes:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is what you think a 20-year-old might. I mean, that's probably what I was thinking when I was 20. You know, it's like, how did you think about these, you know, the first four? And the sixth one, take more risks. It's like, stay close to mom and family. Then number eight was a more material thing, win an Oscar. It wasn't win an Oscar first. Right, right. We got to ask ourselves what we all, I think we can all agree we all want more. We have dreams. We have goals. you gotta ask yourself first more what and that starts I think by going answering that question what do I value the most and so look at the things that you already got in your holster that you value because you don't want to be reckless with those things and cast them off and let all the weeds grow around those and then all of a sudden you can't even recognize that garden so I think that the first things were about taking care of things that I that I valued.

57:59They were very personal. They would take care of myself. They would take care of my mom, take care of the family, take care of my relationship to God. They were very, very, very personal things to me that I knew and believed would be lifelong maintenance journeys. And that things that I believed at that time that, no, taking care of those is never going to go out of style for you, bud. Pick out the things that are not, not the fads, because we'll write things down those three maseratis yeah hey man you get 20 years from now you don't like maserati you know like a bugatti you know i mean so all right you know what i mean watch out what proper nouns we're using because they some of them may be just fickle you know what i mean so those the proper nouns family god myself jay so those are things that i gave value to and gave me value and meaning in my life and so i was like i i was already in the i was already in the midst of those and those are things i said i'm not going to forgive these and i'm not going to no matter who I become, I'm not going to say, oh, these are no longer on my plate.

58:56I don't need to worry about these. Like you said, the Oscar, that's a new one. That's something that was out there.

59:03Lewis Howes:That's big. Becoming a father. That's out there. But since I was eight years old, the one thing I knew I wanted to be was a father. I knew I wanted to meet the right person, the right woman for me. Didn't have her. Hadn't met her yet. that point it's far from it

59:24so start with the things that we got in our saddle that you do already give you meaning and value in your life and double down on those project forward and if that happens what will what would I dream of it to become and then if you're going to talk about I think when we're talking about a career here.

59:51We've got to ask ourselves first, I think this would be really valuable for everyone to ask ourselves first. What do you have an innate ability for? An innate talent for? And what are you willing, is that the same thing you're willing to work your ass for? And then thirdly, which is a little bit more of an asterisk, is that something that the world would demand? if we're going to go straight capitalism, supply and demand. But we often look at things, and I've done it. I'll bust my hump for it. But I'm like, I'm really not that good at it. Okay. Or I've got something that sometimes we have things that we're really good at, but I'm kind of just a natural.

1:00:42I don't want to work at it. If you can find something that you have an innate ability for, We love doing things we have an innate ability for, right? We have an innate talent in our DNA for. And then go, now I'm ready to educate myself, learn, hustle, go after, see, create opportunities. Bam, bam. It's going to be in the prism of my how I measure every situation where I am going forward. Hunt it down. And do what you got to do to get better at it. And then if it's hopefully something that the world can demand, you're... That's a sweet spot. Now you're paying your rent, man. I got food on the table.

1:01:18Now we're rolling. Now we're waking up with some purpose. Now we're waking up with, you know, yeah, it's going to be a hard day today, but I don't know. I'm not dreading Monday morning, you know. May want to sleep in, but I'm building something. I'm building something here. I'm in construction.

1:01:37Lewis Howes:One of the things that you want to connect that to this thought here, 622, Matthew 622, too. If nine, I be single, the whole body will be full of light. I believe that's your favorite passage. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you went on a journey, you know, after the, it was either in the middle or at the end of the tail end of your rom-com, you know, stardom. And you went to on a trip, went on a journey with yourself. Yeah. I think for 20, 22 days, 22 days, uh, in the Amazon. Yeah. And there was a moment in the book where you talk about essentially you had to kind of have a coming to moment with yourself where you had to shed all the identities that you were holding onto.

1:02:17Your rings, your heritage,

1:02:19Lewis Howes:your background, your clothes. I'm famous. I'm a rom-com guy. I'm an actor. You had to shed all of it. What was the thing that you found when you let go of your identity in the outer world? That I was a mammal.

1:02:36A mammal and for me, as a believer, a child of God. That's it. I baselined it.

1:02:48And the mammo, we can all agree on, right? The child of God, that was for me and any other believer, but baseline it. I got rid of, I remember my dad's ring, which had M on it, gold melted down from my mom and dad's class rings and gold from my mom's teeth. It meant a lot to me, but it was an identity marker. I'm a McConaughey. This is about my dad. I had my American cap that I'd worn for two decades. I'm an American. I'm going to get rid of that. Got rid of all these little talismans that were identities and titles that meant something. They weren't random. They were healthy ones. Yeah. But I stripped them all off.

1:03:23It was like, bull. No, you're not famous. No, it's not. You were before you were ever an actor. Before, what are you? What were you? Before you were McConaughey. Before you were Texan. Before you were an American. Before you were an actor. Before you were a movie star. Before you were a celebrity. Well, come on. Get it all off. And it was a purge, basically. And I was a naked, sweating mammal.

1:03:54I was like, you're a mammal? Child of God. And that's what you are. So we've stripped off all the accoutrements. We've stripped off the ornaments. Here we are. and that is the night that I was like, this has happened a couple of times in my life and I think this is important for us all to do at some point. That's when I was like, okay. And what other truth do we know, McConaughey? Tell you what another truth I'm realizing right now is that you're the only son of a bitch you can't get rid of. So we're going to duke it out for the rest of our life here or are we going to figure out how to get along?

1:04:36Lewis Howes:Wow. What are we going to forgive right now? And what are we going to say? The buck stops here. No more. I'm not putting up with it because I'm tired of playing grab with yourself. I'm going to cut the shit, man. Let's get along. I can't get rid of you. Everybody else, every other relationship out there is a choice. You're the one person I don't have a choice to hang out with. So let's work this shit out. and just like going back and saying the embarrassment and shame turned into giggles, I began to go like man, maybe you're being too hard on yourself on this thing. You know what? Get that monkey off your back.

1:05:12You're human, man. Forgive yourself. And these other things, dude. You've been a repeat offender. It hadn't been paying you back. You've been regretting that choice every time you make it and you keep freaking making it. Cut the shit, man. Evolve. Turn the fucking page. No more. and next morning I remember even the the Sherpas and stuff in Peru I came out of the tent and they also gone La Luz La Luz Light The light Light and they were talking about me and the way I was moving and I went for a walk and for the first time during that trip I didn't give a damn about what was around the next corner

1:05:56Lewis Howes:You weren't thinking about the destination. I wasn't thinking about the destination getting to the Amazon and how it's been 11 days. When are we going to get there? Mind you, this 11 days prior, I had not really been present in the trip because I was thinking about the result, getting to the destination so much. And then this morning after that night, I'm walking. I'm not even thinking about what's around the next corner. and when I did turn the corner, I was stopped by this sea of atomic plugged in neon blue like a puddle, like a bubbling puddle in the middle of my jungle path and it stopped me.

1:06:36And I looked at it.

1:06:37Lewis Howes:I've never seen colors this neon and bright. It was like it was not man-made. It was glowing. I'm completely sober this time. No, I lost no payout in that. This is straight-eyed, right? And it stopped me, and as I stared at it for about 30 seconds, all of a sudden it started to flutter and rise and dissipate. It was tens of thousands of these Amazonian butterflies. Wow. And I stayed there for a minute, And then this little word, words came into my brain from the prime mover that said, all I want is what I can see and what I can see is in front of me. I was free. I was light. It was magical. I walked.

1:07:30I turned the corner, went down the trail. There was the Amazon. I finally made it. Made it to the river. Right after that moment. I did not know if I was still days away, weeks away. Stuff like that happens. We got to listen. Those are some of those truths that come that you go, nobody else was here to witness that. That was not for the whole class. That was not on the speaker. That was not on the bulletin. That was not on the nightly news. That was not even at church on Sunday with the congregation. That wasn't at school. that wasn't sitting around the dinner table with mom and dad learning lessons.

1:08:09It wasn't from a mentor.

1:08:14That was for me in this moment.

1:08:20I must heed that truth.

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1:09:28Lewis Howes:a visibility boost so it's seen by candidates who actually match what you're looking for. Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all your boxes with Indeed Sponsored Jobs. Listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. You've been on this journey of a lot of people seeing you on screen and your personalities on screen and your talent in characters. But now over the last three to four years, you've been revealing yourself more and more through your book, through all of your amazing content online, all the interviews you've been doing and all the solo content, which I think is amazing.

1:10:12Lewis Howes:Please keep doing that. Thank you. I think it's amazing. These lessons that you share. You know, the last story you just told, you know, had the entire room just like in awe and in shock and just silent here as you were talking about this truth that you realized from within, essentially. You came through God and you realized from within. No one was around you. And I mentioned this quote before that. If thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light. Right. Matthew 6.22. What does that mean to you? If thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light. And that light came to you in that moment.

1:10:50Lewis Howes:And these Sherpas were saying, you know, la luz, la luz. You were radiating light after this came to you. Why is this your favorite passage? And what does it mean for you? And how can we start to step into that? So the Mandorla, this is what the Mandorla is. So we see, we so often are seeing life in contradictions, right? Future, the past, heaven, hell, technology, culture. And we see them as contradictions. And when in truth, that's two I's, right? And there's judgment on either side. and there's a duality there. But the truth is in that third eye where they overlap. And that's not a shade. So we go, oh, that's a shade of gray.

1:11:48No, it's not a shade of gray. What the verse is saying, what I get from it, that's where all the colors live. All the colors of the truth live. That passage, when I always tell myself, keep a high eye, keep the high eye, it's third eye. It shows up in all the religions too. It shows up everywhere.

1:12:11It's a way of perceiving the truth, I think, which lives in the paradox. And paradox is a word that some people go, oh, don't get into paradox. That's too, I don't know, academic or whatever. No, paradox is where it's both are true. Two things can be true at the same time. It's today we could utilize it. It's like if I seek to understand you and where you're coming from first, I'm probably going to, before I seek to be understood, we don't usually, it has to do with listening, it has to do with how we see things. It's how we judge. It's very easy, and especially today, I think we love to be judge and jury on others and ourselves.

1:12:55It's a very arrogant thing for us to do. and this passage if i be single and not a dual contradiction and seeing the contradiction things have gone oh this is true and that's true and instead of or right there's that's where the truth lives i believe um and it doesn't mean that you just straddle the fence and you're non-committal about anything right that's not what it means it doesn't mean you're you're just mystery in between so that's true and that's true it's all okay no you can then have judgment but But see both first. See the overlap of the truth and understand it from both sides and then be understood.

1:13:35And you can then have judgment, but see it through that lens first. We just don't do it. We come in with one eye or we me, us versus them. Me versus you. My idea versus yours. Left versus right. Democrat versus Republican. broken. Even how far can you go? Can you go down to right versus wrong, good versus bad? I mean, we see them as contradictions, and they're not. We all know. We all got a little good in us, we all got a little bad in us. It's a choice we make where we then have judgment. So that passage

1:14:14has elevated my POV quite a bit, and it's one that I daily remind myself of. If I'm getting a low eye on somebody, if I'm condescending people, if I'm objectifying people, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. High eye, buddy. Come on. Open that third eye. It's not open. My kids can see it in my eyes when I'm talking to them. If I'm talking at them or if I stop and really look at them and maybe there's something, maybe it's a form of discipline. But then they can see if I'm looking at them like, I love you, man. This is why I'm trying to teach you this. All of a sudden they go, my son said it. I see you at their act.

1:14:54Really? 622. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. He's like, I heard you. I didn't hear you before when you were talking just at me. So it's a great reminder. Matt's 622. The whole body will be full of light. And you will move lightly. And with discernment. It doesn't take away discernment. It doesn't take away judgment. Just saying, see it through that lens first and understand that that truth is where those overlap. Yeah.

1:15:25Lewis Howes:And then make your decision. Wow. I think it's beautiful that your, I believe it was your son that was born at 622. 622. It's crazy, man. So there's another one. I'm all about the symbols and the signs and the synchronicities of life. And me and my girlfriend, Martha, we talk about how impactful it is to listen and watch for the signals and signs and synchronicities. And, you know, and I think you would probably say that that might be a green light that you should be looking towards when you see those things kind of coming in your peripheral. I think so. But let's talk about this, because I was writing this yesterday.

1:16:03Seems our greatest strength is our greatest Achilles heel. And if you overcompensate for something that works for you, all of a sudden you go into the equal and same amount into the debit section. meaning on this instance if you're we've all been there if you're looking for the signal and the significance in every situation you start creating ones that aren't real making them up it's like well you're getting stimulus from everywhere oh that was a sign oh that was a sign oh and i remember writing this line about everything has significance but not everything is significant Right? And so we have to watch that fine line of where do we intuit?

1:16:49Where do we feel a truth? But if we're, again, like we were talking earlier about finding Camille when I quit looking for, if we're hunting for the significance in every single thing, it could be mental meditation. The subplots become unmanageable. You know what I mean?

1:17:06Lewis Howes:How do we know when it's significant? Right. Can we put ourself in that place to receive it? And be aware to see it. You got to be light. You got to be light. And you got to be in a place where you can hear it, feel it, and see it. But if we're out there going, well, you know, we've all been there. Look at that heart. Wow. That tree. And all of a sudden, you look up three hours later and you were on your way to the bathroom, but you didn't move six inches because you were so, oh, wow, wow. And we've been around those people like, whoa, subplots are a little unmanageable, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:17:37At the same time, you've got to be open to that mystical math that comes to us because there's a metric to that mystical math. There's a metric to that spiritual, those gifts that come to us. We don't know how to put them in a category and go, there's how their currency, there's the credits and debits, there's how they bring us ROI, and this is what they're worth. They don't come in numbers like that, but there is a real, true, valuable metric to them. And I think, again, art of living, how are you aware of them and be open to them and put yourself in a place so you can receive them. At the same time, not go hunting them down in every single shape, size and smell, because then you'll just spin in circles.

1:18:29And that's an art. you know and and i don't know explain what that art is got times where i feel like i'm in the people call it maybe the flow state where you're kind of intuition's right on time and i don't know what time it is i don't even wear a watch but i was right on time again wasn't i whatever that is you know your reactions you you you understand what someone's saying even it's not what they're saying kind of come back you see where they're coming from you're you're taking care of yourself but you're taking care of others at the same time it's a wonderful flow wow um And it starts, I think, a lot.

1:19:02A baseline for that would be to be in that position to see those mystical sort of gifts that come. Starts with gratitude. Yes.

1:19:11Lewis Howes:I love in your acceptance speech, one of the first things you said was, it's a scientific fact that gratitude reciprocates. I love that you said that in your speech, by the way. Thank you for putting that out in the world because I feel like gratitude is the pathway. It's the doorway that opens to the pathway of abundance, of love. Coming in and going out. Yes. To light, all these different things. And so it's the magnifier and the magnet to what you want in a conscious, healthy way. You could also magnify in other unconscious, unhealthy ways, but I think that's what it does. So I'm so grateful that you said that on a big platform, a big stage, because I feel like when people see someone accomplish a big thing, a big award or a big fame or success, they want that.

1:20:04Lewis Howes:But I'm glad you fed people the peas and carrots right away and talked about gratitude. It's gratitude. It's gratitude. It's a scientific fact. When did you realize that gratitude was the key for you in opening up so many doors? My mom was big on gratitude. And I mean, she instilled it in us at an early age. I remember it was, you know, you get up grumpy in the morning, you come into the kitchen from your bedroom for breakfast, and you wanted to sleep longer, and you're kind of grumpy. And she'd see the way we would walk. And if we were kind of, she'd turn around from the kitchen making breakfast.

1:20:41She goes, go back to your bed, and don't get out of bed until you're ready to come in here and see the rose in the vase instead of the dust in the table. And you'd be like, oh, geez, okay, I got to go back. I rearranged. And she would preach just the very baseline basics. Like, who do you think you are to think you were guaranteed the sun was going to rise for you today? Jeez, Mom. I remember, Mom, I got this old pair of snotty sneakers with holes in them and stuff. I need another pair of sneakers. Oh, yeah, you think another pair of sneakers? Let me introduce you to the kid with no feet. Oh, jeez, Mom.

1:21:12You see, always like baseline sober to sup on stuff like that. Right? So it started with the very baseline stuff. Now, we get more fluent in life. We have things. I don't think we should take even those things for granted. But a lot of us are out there going, okay, I get that part. But how do we become thankful for, you know, more things we have around us in our life? I think that the more we are, give thanks for. it's it's we give more value to that thing or that person or that place that you give more value to it it means more to us if something means more to us we tend it we take care of it when you take care of something something grows so it scales so actually gratitude is the root of generosity coming in and going.

1:22:09And it's a self-serving thing. It's not just a selfless serving. It is self-serving. I applaud that it is. And if you're going to give gratitude out for selfish reasons, I say bravo. You know, because it will reciprocate the same way back out. It just, you know, in our foundation, we have these young kids that we give them a safe place to go after school. They learn nutrition. They make a physical goal. and they do community service. These are Title I schools. And at the end of every one of those classes, they opt to sit around in a circle and share something out loud they're thankful for. And these are high school students.

1:22:47It ain't cool to say thank you for stuffing you in high school, right? Well, when they first started saying thank you, they were like, I'm thankful for the Just Good Live Foundation. I'm thankful. And they all repeat themselves. They're like, no, no, no, no, no, guys. Y 'all feel like this is too serious. So one day it got to me and I was like, Like, I'm thankful I got up and got a kiss from my wife this morning before I got out of bed. And they all started hooting and hollering. And I was like, see, you can be thankful for fun stuff, too. So they all started saying thankful. I'm thankful Halloween's coming.

1:23:15I'm thankful. I'm looking so sharp. Everyone laughed. What that led to was then people started to feel free to go.

1:23:26I'm thankful my mom is out of the hospital. I'm thankful my sister got into that college. I'm thankful my dad got a job. And when we asked them, what's your favorite thing about the Graduate Circle? This is the coolest answer. They started coming up to us and saying, well, my favorite thing about it is that I'm for the first time hearing peers of mine say thank you for something in their lives that I have in mind that I've always taken for granted.

1:23:57Lewis Howes:There's that reciprocity again. Where do you think you would be if you had zero gratitude in your life? Oh, geez. Zero gratitude in life. If you never expressed it, if you never experienced it, if you never talked about what you're grateful for? I'd look a lot older. I'd feel a lot older. I'd have less energy. I'd be a cynic, which is a great disease of getting older that we all should stave off.

1:24:27You wouldn't want to be hanging out with me, man. No, no, no, no. You wouldn't. I mean, I'd probably be right about a lot of things. Righteous, yeah. And you'd be like, good for him. I don't want to be around the sun. You know? Yeah.

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1:25:56Lewis Howes:Do you think we can manifest abundance in the things we want, the goals we want without gratitude? Is it possible? Yeah. I mean, you could mathematically compound things that are technically good or should come in abundance, I think.

1:26:19But you're not going to enjoy it. Right, right, right.

1:26:22Lewis Howes:That inner abundance won't be there. it'll be a little antiseptic. Right. It'll be all treble, no bass. It won't have much, it won't have any feeling to it. I don't think you're going to be, why cheat yourself out on the, on the, on the, the great feeling of being thankful for something. It's there to be thankful for. And again, And I don't mean, when I bring up earlier, be less impressed, more involved. I don't mean that by, oh, disrespect. Because we have to be more than just happy to be here. We can't just all run around going, it's just so great. I'm just so happy to be alive. We want to be more than that.

1:27:13I mean, again, have some discernment. Make a choice. Have some identity. Define what you want more of and you want more value of in your life. and set goals and go after things, create things. So we have to be more than just happy to be here. But that doesn't mean that if we are ambitious, that we quit respecting and giving gratitude for the fact that I'm happy I'm here. I respect this situation. I respect the position I'm in, this table to talk to you, that we're here to talk to everyone here, set up the camera, that we're able to do this. I'm not in jail right now. There's a whole list of long things I'm happy I'm not.

1:27:54You know, we can, that's never, that never goes out of style to go underneath where we are to lesser, harder situations and just realize this is cool. This is cool to be here. So when we do that, we're going to give more, again, more meaning to this, more value to it. I'm going to be more generous. It's going to work not only for me. It's going to work better for you. It's going to work better for you. It's going to work for all of you. It's the kind of epidemic we want.

1:28:28Lewis Howes:It's a win-win-win. Yeah. It's a win for us. It's a win for others in the world. Gratitude epidemic is not being a delusional optimist. Right. No, don't be a fool. I'm not running around going, no, nothing's ever hard. Everything's always great. No, it's not. No, I'm always happy. No, you're not. Maybe you're not digging deep enough. Because you're always happy. Are you really chasing the things that have meaning in your life? Because things that have meaning take maintenance. They break down. It hurts. It sucks. We get bruised. We try to tickle, but we end up pinching. It doesn't always come in and go in.

1:29:09It doesn't always work. It takes maintenance.

1:29:11Lewis Howes:What's the thing you struggle with the most in your life right now? After all this success outwardly? Yeah. All the the it's what seems like a lot of love, a lot of inner peace, a lot of family, community, connection, service, impact now greater than just your talent and your on screen. But also changing lives and touching people emotionally and spiritually with your message. What is your biggest struggle at this season of life? Am I doing enough and is what I'm doing? Am I doing it the right way? The best way?

1:29:51I need accomplishment for significance.

1:29:58I wish I didn't as much. At the same time, I'm like, I'm glad you do need that. If you didn't have that, again, like the times I was talking earlier, being arrogant put me in situations to get humbled. If I didn't want accomplishment, I was like, okay, nothing wrong with that. But I I say this, we talk about midlife crises, and then I heard there's this thing called quarter life crisis. Now, okay, we're going to 10-year-old, whatever, whatever these crises are. The original one, which was kind of titled the midlife crisis, I think, one, bravo. Way to go. You're turning the page, you're wanting to do more, you're wanting to find more, something different.

1:30:43Bravo. a way to make it hard on yourself at the right way, at the right time after you usually have already accomplished quite a bit. But don't forgive this. Let's go back to gratitude. And this is where a lot of people, I think, get hung up in the midlife crisis. Wanting to do more and something different. Great. But not at the expense of disrespecting what you've already done. Right.

1:31:05Lewis Howes:Not discounting what you've done. No. And too many of us discount. Oh, I've done nothing. Oh, that's not worth anything. Oh, it's the stuff I've built. And when usually, no, that is something. No, that is something. And when I say give yourself credit for that, that doesn't mean trust that you're not going to go, oh, okay then. I actually don't want to do more new stuff. I'm cool. It's not like you're going to go just retire and go to the beach or play golf or quit doing anything, but it doesn't cancel that. Your ambition's out. But we need to give more respect to what we've already built. And then we'll take on our male life crisis, which I'm going to return that something.

1:31:43Crisis. I don't like the word crisis on that, but you're still ambitious. You can be ambitious and have an entrepreneur spirit to want to go change things in your life while still respecting. I actually think you'll find more and do more of what you want to do the best way for yourself when you do have a respect and a connection to your lineage of what you actually have built. And give yourself credit for what you have built to this point. Yeah, yeah. It's not cancel that out. So I need to feel like I'm barren to go forward. No, that's going to help you. This next story is connected to that one.

1:32:15Sure. All right. It's not a new book. It's the same book. It's just a new chapter we're looking for, right? Those stories are connected. It's the same hardcover. We don't start over in our lives and start a new book. Start a new chapter, maybe. And those things that we like to tell ourselves, oh, it's a new chapter. They're usually just commas. Those things we like to say, oh, it's the end of the book. It's usually just a period at the end of the paragraph. And those things we go, no, it's a whole new means of communicating. It's a new encyclopedia. No, it's just a new chapter in the same book.

1:32:54We only get one book. Right. But I've got three final questions for you.

1:33:01Lewis Howes:The first one is about significance. because we mentioned significance and everything has significance, but not everything is significant. Yeah. I think is what you said. I'm going to butcher this, but something like 20 years ago, one of the things that most kids grew up wanting to be was like an astronaut. Now it's the number one thing is a YouTuber or like an influencer. And it just seems like the youth wants fame and success and influence more than ever before. and essentially wanting significance, right? Wanting to be significant and significance. Yeah. What is your thoughts on fame, you know, having been famous for a long time now and experienced probably the juice of it, the pleasures of it, and also some of the stuff that's not so nice.

1:33:51Lewis Howes:Sure. What is your thoughts on fame that you want people to know, whether in their youth or at any stage of life, on what it is, what it isn't, and how to manage it when you got it. Fame. Before you go, I want to be famous. It's a great ambition. It's fun. I'm famous. I'm glad. It's the access. It's given me. And it's definitely in the black in my life. It comes with its harder and challenging things like loss of anonymity. I don't meet strangers anymore. I do something, say something, it's out there. I can feel the energy of the world, whether it's pro or con, what they think about it, whether it's true or whether it's not, whether it's completely or whether it's valid.

1:34:47But don't say, before you say I want to be famous, let's find my table, let's scoot that over. For what? We all want to be relevant. I do. you? Better damn sure ask yourself relevant for what? What do you want to do really well? What do you want to do? Do you have an innate ability for that you're willing to work for that? Maybe you can become an expert on them. Maybe you can, maybe you're just really good at winging it, but what do you want to do that could give you fame? But But fame without an understanding of a structure, of a competence, of a skill, in my experience, is a real sort of vapid mirage of a moving target.

1:35:52Because there's, you know, the old word, 15 minutes of fame. There are fads that come in and out all the time that are very seasonal. We can do heat seek and chase them. And we do all the time. I got nothing against that. But understand that. That may not be lasting. And when you are going to do something that you think, oh, this is going to get me more likes or give me some fame. Just check in with yourself and go, well, if that goes out of fashion or if in 10 years, as far as you project, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years. Am I going to still feel like I will stand by that? Just measure yourself.

1:36:32Give yourself a little projection before you go. Because we can do stuff right now to get famous that we will absolutely regret tomorrow. But tonight, we're going to be famous, maybe. Have a little sense of delayed gratification and project forward of what the possible consequences of what you're doing to get attention and fame. will be. And bet on yourself. Just bet on yourself because the best way, if we can, is to build something and be competent at something where even if it goes out of style, it will be looked back going, nope, that person did that really well. That's what they were known for.

1:37:15And even though we don't do that anymore, things have changed or the medium has changed. When that was happening, that person was doing it well. So ask that because we're tempted and we're rewarded for a lot of things that can make us famous that are going to give us a proverbial hangover one day. Check in with those things. Yeah. All right. It's a slippery line. It's very tempting. But give yourself enough credit. Give yourself more credit to go. is this who I really am? Is this who I want to be? Am I doing this because I love it and I'm good at it? Or am I doing this because I think it could get a lot of attention, even though I don't believe in it, even though I'm going to probably regret it, deal with it later.

1:38:07Don't, hold on. Don't press send that. Don't do it. Hang on. Time is more on your side than you think. so just watch what you put out and also things with like and I'm leaning back into social media that we just were simple reminders for all of us adults and our children just remember those things you say those likes and those dislikes they're going to outlive you they're going to outlive me they're going to outlive all of us they will be on our record they will be on our great great great great great great grandchildren's record. Just think about it a little bit. Just have a little touch to take a little inventory before you go.

1:38:55Lewis Howes:And a follow-up to that, what's the number one skill you wish you would have either learned or mastered before, you know, becoming really famous? Oh, the number one skill. To be able to manage it or, you know, navigate it. The number one skill. for me, it would have been, and I did learn this about five years in my career, but preparation. I had a run early on my career where I thought I could just, I was better if I just weaned it. Like, oh no, if I get prepared, I'm getting too mental. I'm thinking too much. I'm getting too hemless. I'm getting, no, no, no, I'm an instinct. All right. And I embarrassed it out of myself.

1:39:38In a movie, in a role. And one of the most regretful things I've ever done. It's so embarrassing. and I learned preparation on that day and I still prepare and I prepare so I can have freedom so I can wing it so I can throw a chunk the script away and go let's dance call audibles game time they play the defense we thought they were we're reading the defense chunk the playbook here's what we're running then it's really fun yeah you know but that comes you can only do that if you prepare the right way your playbook or your roadmap whatever it is um and I didn't I didn't understand that early. Luckily, I figured it out and I still got to work and got it.

1:40:19Lewis Howes:Sure, sure. I've got two final questions. That was a follow-up, so I'm adding two more real quick. I want to acknowledge you, McConaughey, for not half-assing it. I know it's something that your dad talked about, is that if you're going to go on this dream, this career, this path, don't half-ass it. and I love the nod you added at the end of your book about not half-assing it. So I really acknowledge you for not half-assing it in every stage and season of life that you've gone after. And I really acknowledge you for how you've been able to be successful and also have a really beautiful marriage and be a beautiful father.

1:41:01Lewis Howes:And I know you talk about how you have C's in lots of these areas you talked about, not A's. Yeah. But the fact that you keep living the way you do. and showing up with your heart, open-hearted, in service to people. I really acknowledge that for you, Matthew, for your willingness to want to teach constantly and at the same time being a student of life. Amen. Thank you. I'm trying. I'm trying. I ain't making A's and all of it, but I'm trying. As you know, part of that's the deal. If we can get the right playbook and just keep getting back in the game each day. We ain't going to get there. We ain't going to get to the ta-da moment of, oh, I got it all figured out.

1:41:37That ain't happening. But if we can see how far along we can get while we're here.

1:41:42Lewis Howes:Amen. I asked you this question before. So these final two questions, I'll ask them quickly. The first one is called my three truths question. I asked you this before. If people want to see what those are, we'll have linked up the previous interview. We can see and compare your last interview, what your three truths were to today, a couple of years later. A lot has happened in the last couple of years. And here's the question. you get to live as long as you want. You get to continue to create, make art, write books, do programs, movies, everything you want to do, you get to do. Forever? For as long as you live, but then the lights go out at some point.

1:42:18Okay. When they do, not like, you're not saying like, if you live forever. No, no,

1:42:21Lewis Howes:you're going to live for as long as you want, you know, another 50, 100, whatever years, however long you can extend your life. Okay. Then one day you've got to turn off the lights. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. And, and you create and accomplish everything. Let's say you got another list of 20 goals that all happened, you know, just like you did in 1992. Yeah. But for whatever reason, all of your work, all the movies, books, content is gone. Gone. Hypothetical. Okay. Gone. No one has access to it in this world anymore. Ever. Ever. But you get to leave behind three truths with the world. And this is all we would have of your wisdom and information.

1:43:00Lewis Howes:Three lessons, three truths that you get rolling right now. Would I take a time out before this answer? I get to come back and write this one in on an email. Oh, my goodness. Three truths. Whatever is. I answered this before last time? You did answer this before. Can you tell me what I said? I'll tell you afterwards. Oh, geez. Three truths. Whatever's on your heart or your mind right now. Three truths.

1:43:23When in doubt, make sense of humor, your default emotion.

1:43:33Don't make a straight line crooked.

1:43:42And loving your kid's mama is one of the best things you can do as a parent.

1:43:53Lewis Howes:Final question. What's your definition of greatness? Of greatness. Greatness. greatness par excellence what is greatness not perfection greatness

1:44:13pursuit capture and proof at the highest mortal level

1:44:24yeah I like that one

1:44:25Lewis Howes:that's good what did I say can I remember that one capture and proof at the highest mortal level. You want to say it one more time? Yes. Pursuit, capture, and proof at the highest mortal level. Amen. I'll go with that. All right. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on apple podcasts share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on apple podcasts as well let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review i really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward and i want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved you are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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