The Identity Shift That Unlocks Wealth | Jen Sincero

26:39And I think that if you're in alignment with those three things and other things, certainly, but those are sort of my big three. Is it fun? Does it give me energy? And does it give me meaning? Yeah. And is it meaningful? Yeah. Is it meaningful? Yeah. I like that. Yeah. And where were you at 39 doing things that weren't fun, that drained your energy and that didn't give you meaning? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I was a freelance writer hustling my butt off. And then like, when I really did the math, I was like, the amount of time I spent hustling for this gig, and they don't pay that well, like magazine articles, come on.

27:11I was making like, I was probably losing money, quite frankly. So yeah, no, there was none of that. It was not fun. It was exhausting. It had some meaning, but you got to get all three, you know? Yeah. Or at least start working towards it because you may not be able to at this season, but you got to focus on, can I get one? Can I get one? And is it leading in the direction something that is fun that is going to give me energy and has meaning because you're right like when you're building a company or when you're doing something like it is exhausting and but if it's still exciting and fun and has meaning then yeah yeah it doesn't get to be a picnic all the time when was the biggest aha moment for you then like was it after you made a certain amount of money or a client paid you something or was it just a feeling you had like releasing all of it in the process of working?

27:59Like when was that moment where you're like, I'm actually emotionally and mentally free around the idea of money? Oh, interesting. Maybe I'm not abundant of money. No, I will tell you. No, I actually did. And I did put it in You Are a Badass. I put it in one of them. It was when I had, oh my God, it was such a cool moment. So because money is currency and currency is energy, right? So we're really going to get woo woo with the money, like really shifting the mindset around money. And bring me back to my story if I go off on a tangent, because I'm about to go off on a tangent and I want to work.

28:34But I... Money is currency and currency is energy. Yes. Money is currency, currency is energy. And I've had so many clients that have told me, and it's happened to me too, where they manifest when they get into the meditation and they start to raise their frequency and they focus on the amount, the exact amount comes in from outer space that you didn't even think of. And so my story is around that where I was working with my coach and we were really going to shift my money reality. And so she's like, you know, what amount of money would be really great for you to make right now? Like, what would have a lot of meaning?

29:05And I was like,$10 ,000 because I'm$10 ,000 in debt on my credit card. And I hate being in debt. She's like, perfect. And so she's like, okay, so how soon are you going to make it? And she goes, you know, like about a week, two weeks. Cause I, you know, and I was at time making like 30 grand a year. And I was like, my God, if I made 10 ,000 in a week, that'd be incredible. And I was like, but you know what? I got to do it in two days. Cause I know myself and I won't keep myself in that frequency. Like I'll lose steam and I'll decide that like, yeah, it's not, I can't do it or whatever. Like I knew that the stuff would start creeping back in.

29:37So I was like, all right, 10 grand in two days. She's like, great. Okay. So how are you going to do it? At the time I had this little online coaching business that I had just started coaching writers and I said, I'll get three private clients, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So then we're, you know, putting all the pieces in place. And then she's like, okay. And Is there anything else? And I was like, well, you know, there was this guy that I was coaching years ago. He was my first private client. I was charging him like 50 bucks an hour. And I was like, I could also call him and see if he wants to work with me again.

30:05And she's like, OK, great. And we're still on the phone. And I checked my email and he has written me. I have not thought of this manner communicated with him in years. Email, he's like, you know, are you still coaching? Can you help me? When can we start? Wow. And so she's like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to put together a$10 ,000 package for him and you're going to sell it to him right now. Holy cow. I know. And I was like,$10 ,000. I was charging him 50 bucks an hour. And I really adore him. He's such a special person. And I felt like a greedy pig, blah, blah, blah, all the things, fraud complex, gigantic.

30:43Imposter syndrome. Oh, beyond, beyond. And so she's like, and what we'll do is we'll put together a$15 ,000 package and a 10 so that the 10 looks cheap. And I was like, I can't do 15. She's like, all right, 12. Pain in my ass. I did a 12, sent it to him and literally wanted to throw up. I was just like, if he, because I really cared about this guy. He bought the 12. Holy cow. I know. You're like, I should have made a 15. I know, exactly. I know. Well, here's the thing, you know, it's not like you were charging him$12 ,000 an hour. Obviously, So you created a position and a packaging of services that would over deliver, that would serve him a big way.

31:20I worked with him for five years after that. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not like, I'm just going to charge some number and give very little. Oh, no. You made sure that the value was there. Totally. How did you learn to package and position your value to be able to charge for what you wanted? My coach helped me put it all together, but then I had to rise to that frequency. And I'll tell you, you know, when you're charging something that scares the fuck out of you, you show up with your A plus game. And he did too. It was a lot for him too. We knocked it out of the park. Because you pay attention to what you pay for.

31:48Yes. Yes. Yeah. Totally. You'll rise to the occasion. I got to focus. Yes. I got to show up on time. I got to deliver the results on time. Absolutely. Give my best here. Yep. Interesting. So now I'm curious about the next thing. Was that everything to the story first off? I want to make sure I get it. Yeah. Okay. Money is currency and currency is energy. I'm curious about the next thing. So once this happened and you sold a$12 ,000 package and you were like, this is crazy and this is more money than I've ever made in my life, essentially, in two days, did you fall back at any point or did you stay focused?

32:23Oh, interesting. Because sometimes people get an opportunity and they decided and then, well, I tried it again and it didn't work. So maybe this is a fluke. Maybe this is a one time and the thermometer goes back down to what they're comfortable or familiar with. Very common. Very common. I did not, but only because I continued to get coaching. And I got bigger and bigger and bigger packages. I mean, I was paying six figures by the end. A hundred grand for like a year of coaching? Wow. So I just, because I knew myself, I was like, I am rickety in this whole sort of wealth consciousness department.

32:58So I knew that I had, it's like getting a personal trainer, right? So I just kept investing in the coaching and now I'm good, but I do still have to work at it. I mean. It's different levels. It's different levels, you know? You feel comfortable at this level, but if you want to break through... Exactly. Exactly. ...you do something you've never done, it means you've got to have a different frequency still, right? Exactly. Yep. There's always more growth to be had. Do you feel like you're kind of at like a block right now? Because again, you've sold, I don't know, five or 10 million copies of your books.

33:26You've got a coaching program. You've got all these core success, financial freedom, all these different things. But is there like a level you've reached that you feel like, okay, well, can I break through that? This is so much now and I feel abundant, but could you break through? If I could decide what I want the next thing to be yet. I'm still in that sort of incubation period of like, what would be fun? Give me energy and have meaning. I'm getting there. I definitely feel like I'm getting there and I'm doing a lot of things that meet those requirements in the meantime, but it's not the big thing.

33:58What's your biggest fear or insecurity around money right now? That, I don't know what to do with it when I make it. like I'm good at making it. My bookkeeper called me one day and she's like, would you please just open a savings account at your bank? Because I had like a million dollars in my checking account. This was a while ago. I finally got my, so I've hired financial plan. Like I've hired people who have grownups who know what they're doing with money, but like I'm teaching myself about it, but I find it boring. I find investing boring and confusing and out of my league. So luckily there are amazing people who know what they're doing.

34:32So I have finally gotten that team together. Gotcha. And there is a little tiny part of me, if I gave it any attention, that is a little scared it's all going to go away. Really? Yeah. But it's not that bad, and I probably should not even speak it out loud. Right, right, right. You're being honest about it, I think. There's one thing about speaking it out loud so it doesn't happen, but another thing about saying it so it doesn't have power of you. Right. Yeah, okay. We'll take that version. If you're afraid of it, you're afraid to have the conversation around money. Yeah. I'm all believer like don't speak into something as this as you don't want to happen.

35:05But I think, you know, when I started talking about my fears and my shame and my insecurity, it actually felt like the poison was coming out of me. And now I can see it outside of me or I could have a conversation with it as opposed to it being in me and afraid to talk about. Right. And then I could get coaching about it. Right. And then I could, okay, let me create a game plan. Okay, well, I'm afraid of it. but now I have a coach to help me, you know, invest it the right way and whatever I need to do. Yeah. You know, so. Yeah. As opposed to ignoring it and just, I hope I don't lose it, but I'm not going to speak about it.

35:39Right. That's a good point. That is a good point. Okay. I'll tell you another one. What's the other one? The other one is that I'm going to make too much of it and I won't, and it is, it's kind of like the same as the first one, but I won't know what to do with it. Like I'm scared of it coming in too fast and too much because it's going to bury me alive almost. Yeah, I know, I know. Holy cow. Bury me alive. Kind of. Yes. Why would money bury you alive? Just telling you what I... Well, this is the interesting thing, Jen. I think it's powerful that you're talking about this because there's different levels of insecurities or fears at the stages of money we make.

36:17And when I was broke on my sister's couch, I had a lot of fear and insecurity, uncertainty of the future. And then I remember in one day I made$6 ,200 in an hour doing like a live webinar selling a program. This is in 2009. Before there was like courses and webinars, all this stuff. And I go, I'm the richest man in the world with$6 ,200. Now I had to split that with the person who promoted this training for me, but I still felt like$3 ,100 in an hour. I go, I could do this every day for the rest of my life, right? Because I was sleeping on my sister's couch yeah but there was still I never made six figures and so there was still a challenge like how do I do this and how do I manage it and I understand it and now taxes what all my money's gone from I just made money I have zero again and this fear of like this tax thing and then you get to the next level the next level and next level and I just think there's different challenges or things we get to overcome at every level of money as well sure yes you know what I mean level new the devil, right?

37:16So one of the fears is, will the money bury me alive? Why do you think that is? Gosh, why do I think that is? I think it's my insecurity about not knowing what to do with it. When I had very little of it, I could manage it, right? That was easy. And then as I started getting more and more, and so I do have pieces in place, but I've hired a new financial team so I can build the nest and it will come. Because I was like, if I don't take care of this, I will literally block it. I will energetically block it if I'm scared of it coming in and think it's going to bury me alive. Like that is not a abundant mindset, you know?

37:54So yeah. So I, um, I just created the nest. So now bring it on universe. Right, right. So now you can, you have, you have a foundation for it to come in. Yeah. Yeah. So it's not scary anymore because I know where it's going to go. Yeah. But I realized that I was just like, wow, I am kind of scared of it coming in too much. I know. It's interesting, isn't it? I think it's fascinating. I think we all get to experience at different levels how to break through. Otherwise, wouldn't it be interesting if it was just, I don't know, if there's no obstacle. What do you think are the key things that abundant mindset people around money do differently than scarcity mindset people around money?

38:37If you had to say three or five kind of key things. they appreciate it as you said that that is a biggie they appreciate it and they speak about it as they love it they're not weird about it they're also generous with it because when you pinch yourself off from giving you that is sort of a subconscious way of saying there's not enough to go around and it's not going to come not in the flow so when you don't give generously it's because you're scared that it's not going to come in anymore um they take risks you know you got to take risks. You are where you are because you've been doing what you've been doing.

39:13So if you want to change your life, you've got to do stuff you've never done. What else? Wealthy people. They learn about money. You focus on money. That was such a big thing for me too. When I was broke, I never wanted to think about money. I was all about writing songs and doing much more noble things. But when you're broke, all you think about is money. I don't really think about money that much now that I have it, but every single decision you make when you're broke is about - Well, I have enough to pay for this. Can I afford it? What happens if I don't have it? Right. You wake up first thing in the morning in a panic because you got to pay your bills.

39:47So you're always thinking about money. So it is really just sort of getting in the flow with that and just being on good terms with it and focusing on it. And how are you going to make it? Like being realistic about your income streams. And if want to make it you've got to coax it in you know give it yeah i'm curious about this okay you you're a starving artist you wanted to do noble things which about art and making art and all these different things what would have happened if someone would have said jen you know what i love that you're an artist i love that you have this you know passion for art and you want to keep doing this and this is the way you've been for 40 years and we don't want you to change here's 100 grand a year for the rest of your life.

40:36Don't worry about money up to a hundred grand. What would that have done to you if someone would have given you a hundred grand a year and you would have just been like, okay, I'm going to write and do whatever I want. And how do you think it would have been mentally, emotionally, spiritually versus you having to risk emotionally, mentally, you getting to heal, let go, overcome, challenge yourself into asking for money, into becoming something greater than that limiting belief, what do you think, what do you think it'd be now? Probably would have spent it on beer, honestly, back in those days.

41:09Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't, you, you're absolutely right. It's an, it's an, it's a frequency, you know, it's like, it's like, uh, I don't know. I mean, I always, I always had, I guess I'm going to say gall. That's not the right word, but I did, I did do a lot of stuff that was pretty edgy and I pushed the envelope a lot. So, I may have gotten there, but I don't think it would have been as exciting as it was to do it myself. You know, there really is. You do grow. And they say, you know, starting your own business is the best personal development course you can probably do, because all your stuff comes up, right?

41:49All of it. Relationship training, it's leadership training, it's inner child training, everything. Everything, totally. Every button is pushed. Totally. So it wouldn't have been as satisfying, I don't think. I think I still would have done it though, because that is kind of my personality. When I'm ready to change, I'm ready to change, and I do it. But I think it wouldn't have been as glorious. And I probably wouldn't have written UR of that. It would totally change my entire life. It changed yours, but it also changed other people's lives. Yes. So it's who you become, the lessons you learn, the wisdom you have, to then be able to be of service and teach from your own experience.

42:23Exactly. Yeah. The book about me getting 100 grand a year just for being would not be that interesting to people. Right. Right. That's interesting. What is the question you get asked by your readers the most that you wish they truly could hear and believe the answer to? Oh, so many. Well, the one that I said about what do you do when the people closest to you don't support you. Another one is how do you keep the motivation? Like, you know, go to these seminars, we read books, we listen to the podcast and we're all raring to go. And then a month later, you go back in your old patterns. Exactly.

42:58Yeah. So how do you stay motivated on your vision and on your growth journey? Well, I call it going to the spiritual gym and you've got to have a spiritual gym practice because you do not get to work out physically and then stop going to the gym once you're in shape. So just because you got in shape at the seminar or listen to the podcast or whatever, you don't get to stop doing stuff. So, and it doesn't, and you know, it was like, oh, I'm working so hard to start my business. I don't want to do this in the damn way. So it's like, it can be 20 minutes. You know, you working out for 20 minutes a day can do a lot of great things.

43:33So it's like spiritual gym workout, meditate for 15, read a self-help book for five. Like what music are you listening to? Who are you hanging out with? What makes you feel like you could flip over a car? Like what are those things and do them every single solitary day for 20 minutes. It's not that big of whoop-dee-doo. You know, when you think about that, it's going to change your entire life, you know? So, and take it as seriously as anything else because that work will make everything else that you're taking seriously and trying to achieve so much easier. And, you know, I'm giving a lot of talks right now and the thing that I'm just so excited, and I'm so excited to be speaking right now too, because it reminds me, it's my spiritual gym, right?

44:12Like we all need it. So, but the thing about, because we are spiritual creatures having a physical experience, right? And if you, and like, instead of just giving it lip service and talking, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that. But think about it. We are the universal intelligence that created everything that is. We are, our thoughts are universal intelligence stuff that created everything that is. Why are we not more stuck up? Why are we not feeling so powerful all of the time, if we're really going to believe it, if we're really going to go steroids on woo woo and go there and really like, if you thought about that all day long, about your thoughts being, you know, when you're in alignment, not the garbage thoughts that you think, but when you get quiet and you tap into your inner yippee skippy, as I like to call it, and you're there and you're in the flow.

45:05It's like, it's so exciting, right? Instead of spinning out on how pissed off you are at somebody, you're freaking out about this. Judging people. Judging people, what we do all the time, right? If you can just catch yourself and that's why awareness is the key to transformation, right? So you just catch yourself when you're in the spins. And this is why meditation is so important because it gets you into the habit of catching yourself, right? Because you're trying to stay clear. So it's not just about catching yourself in meditation and moving the thoughts away. Meditation is practice for doing it all day long.

45:36So catching yourself and be like, ah, I'm going to tap back into universal intelligence, the stuff that created all that is. So, and then just going from there. If you could reflect on You Are a Bad, which when I read it, it gave me like this jolt of energy because I was like, this is exactly what I want to talk about consistently. You know, I had the School of Greatness, I think, had come out for maybe, I don't know. I think I read your book maybe a year after I started. I saw it out on the shelves, but I ended up getting it maybe a year after I started the show. And I was like, this is amazing.

46:09I'm so glad you're talking about this because it's everything that I believed in and everything I wanted to continue to express in my own way. If you could reflect on one idea from that book, and you can only share one idea. You're so mean, man. All right. That you believe is the thesis of the book that you want people to remember and remember a concept, a phrase, an idea from it. What would that be for you? Well, kind of what I just said, but since I just said it, I'm going to use my point for another one. I'm going to use my one thing I get to say. I really believe that if we all did something that scared us every single solitary day, our lives would change so quickly we wouldn't know what hit us right let's go and scary in that like tear excitement way like terror excitement like you don't have to like run into traffic you know but something that's like in the direction of where you want to go that scares you because fear is the sign it's the compass that you're getting outside of the familiarity zone so true right so if you just take those steps outside and just do the scary thing every day every day wow because that's really when I was making all of my huge financial transformations, it was always, you know, my coach would always tell me something.

47:28I'd be like, totally didn't want to do it. But I knew if I did it, it would transform my life. And it was exciting. You know, it was like leaping into the void, just like, and that's the sign. Yeah. I have this concept in my latest book, The Greatest Mindset, called creating your fear list. If you want to become fearless, you've got to create a fear list. That's brilliant. And really go all in on this. This is something I did as a teenager in my 20s and my 30s at different seasons of life. I was like, what is the thing that makes me feel so insecure right now? I had a lot of false confidence. I love that.

48:00I was like this jockey ego, like I'm big and tough and I'm an athlete and I can dominate on the sports field. But then I couldn't talk to girls without being, you know, sweating and being terrified. I couldn't dance or sing in public without being like humiliated or whatever it was. I couldn't speak in public also. So all these things I wrote on my fear list in my twenties, after I broke my wrist and was on my sister's couch, I was like, I'm already humiliated. I have no money. I'm living in my sister's place for a year and a half. You know, my dad just went to this thing that I don't have him really in my life anymore.

48:33My, my passion, my dreams are gone. So I have, what do I do now? Let me just conquer all my fears. And it was the greatest gift I gave myself because it gave me so much belief and confidence in me every time I would just get a little bit better in my fears. It's not like I had to like overcome it all in a day. But I just saw a little bit of progress every day in practicing my fears, public speaking, a little bit every week. I was like a little less nervous, a little more confident, had a little more skill every week over a year's time where I was like, man, I'm a powerful human being. I can do anything now.

49:09Let me figure out the next fear and just kept repeating it. and I'm still in that now. Like I'm trying to learn Spanish and I still get insecure like speaking Spanish. I'm still like a beginner, but it's like I got to keep practicing and a little bit of growth every day, a little bit better, you know? I don't have to be fluent overnight, but what am I overcoming just little by little? That really gives me a lot more confidence in self and belief. And I think my thesis is self-doubt is the killer of dreams. Right. When we doubt self, it's really hard to do anything. Right. Courageously because we're constantly in doubt mode.

49:41Right. That's why I loved your book about stop doubting yourself and start stepping into your greatness. Yeah. And a lot of people are stuck in doubt. What do you think beyond facing fears we can do to believe in ourselves more and overcome the self-doubt that we have better? I think not waiting until you're ready. And this is kind of saying the same thing, like facing the fear, but making sure everything's perfect. making sure you've got all the money tucked away, making sure you're the right weight, you know, whatever, like just doing it now, you know, just do it now and take action now is a really big one, I think.

50:24And, um, and also, you know, paying attention again to how you speak about yourself and what you think about yourself and what you, how you treat yourself. And, you know, I wrote a whole section in Bad Habits about boundaries. You know, boundaries are huge when it comes to self-care and self-doubt. And we make lousy boundaries and put everybody in front of us because we want to be liked. And, you know, and then we're passive aggressive and resentful, which is super fun for everyone, you know? So it's like, but, you know, really getting clear on who you are and what you love and making that a priority.

51:01When did you stop abandoning yourself? You know, I still do it sometimes, of course. Really? Yeah, yeah. In what ways do you... Oh, God. Is it in relationships? Is it in self-care? Is it in the way you talk to them? Not speaking, you know, sort of not standing my ground in the moment if somebody says something really crappy, you know? And it doesn't have to be... I'm not... I also don't want to be the personality police, like if someone's going to say something. But more just not saying anything, like instead of like brushing it over because it's awkward just letting it sit there like the big turd it is and let it everybody like have a good look at it instead of helping them recover or you know just like in the in the moment is always interesting to me so slowing so my mantra for the past five years has been like slow down and shut up like just slow down and shut up like I'm you know just listen and just choose your words wisely you don't have to react to everything Exactly.

52:00So yeah, for sure. Personality police is everything. Yeah. It's not your job to teach everybody how to behave. Let them say what they want. Let them, you know, and this is all part of my whole like not giving a crap that people think of me. It's just like, think what you like. Think what you like. It's not my... Right. It's almost, you know, in a way, and I've done this many times, it's not like I'm saying I'm above or anything, but when we judge another person because they didn't do it the way we liked it or they think they should do it or it's appropriate in the setting, we are being judgmental.

52:29We are being judgmental. We're not accepting. I'm not saying that's the right or wrong thing to do, but it's just something to notice. There's a judgment that's happening. Oh yeah. And when there's a judgment, there's usually a right and wrong. And so it's just, is that serving us in the flow of our peace, our happiness, our abundance, and being in harmony with the world? And maybe there is a time where we need to step up and create a boundary and say something and say, get away from me or whatever it is. But, but it's really more about, it's the inside job thing where it's none of your business, you know, that's their journey.

53:01So that's really, you know, and I don't think we ever get there. I don't think, I think it is human. To judge. To judge. You know, and it's fun. Come on, let's be honest. Sure, sure. But, but I do think that it's a very worthwhile way to spend your time, like working that muscle and just getting, because it's also more fun. Like if you don't, if you just leave it to them and let them do it. You're not spinning out on it anymore. You're not focusing on it, which pulls more of it into your radar anyway. Like if you can just focus on what feels fun and good and true and just like let them have it back.

53:35How important is healing our past and our thoughts tied to having peace around making money? Super important. Because if you go out and make a ton and you're still weird about it, right you're first of all not going to enjoy it and you'll probably lose it or you'll be you know put it in a hole in the backyard and never spend it or yeah yeah yeah so it is what is the thing that people should focus on healing the most in order to set themselves financially free i think it's different for everybody i think we all are fed different lies and fears and things. So I think it's, but figuring out what your bag of worms is, you know, you've got to get clear about that.

54:23And I'll tell you the way that I discovered the big kahuna for me, which was my dad, like stabbing my dad in the heart, like I was talking about earlier was spending money. So the way that I, so I did, I did the letter to money. I was doing all, I was really serious about figuring out my stuff with money. And I was at a coaching seminar and this coach is speaking from the stage and he said that he charged$85 ,000 a year to work with him. And he was great and I really loved him and I totally wanted to work with him. And when I heard$85 ,000, because I had been doing all this work on my wealth consciousness, instead of being like, he's high, like what?

55:01You know, but about a million. He's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Very rational excuses not to do it. Instead of going there, I went to, okay, how am I going to get 85 grand. Like that's where my mind went first. And that's only because I'd been going to the financial spiritual gym for so long that that's where my mindset was. So I went, how am I going to get$85 ,000? And I had a vision of my father and a lot of stuff comes to me visually, a vision of my dad. And he always wore this yellow V-neck sweater and he had his hands in his pockets and he was looking down at the ground really sad. And I was like, oh my God, that's it.

55:31It's, it's going to kill him if I get rich because he won't be able to show me he loves me anymore. It was so profound. And that really was a straw that broke the camel's back for me. So what did you do after that then? Well, it was interesting. I ended up not working with that coach, but I ended up hiring a different coach a couple of weeks later for the same amount. Oh, wow. Yeah. So how did you heal that belief around like, I'm going to kill my dad if I make a lot of money? Did you have conversations with him? Did you do something internally what it wasn't about him at all it was about me and my perception so what i started doing was visualizing him being so proud of me and supporting me and being happy and like turning it around just being like he's he's going to be so relieved that i can take care of myself because my dad was had me when he was older so it's like he'll he'll feel so rested and and the other thing too that was so funny like my relationship with it was pretty was pretty rough and so whenever um um when i started getting when i started making money and i would tell him about he didn't really listen very well and i'd be like dad you know i just got paid this much he's like that's nice he has an italian accent that i always try to imitate that i'm terrible at but um at the end of the call he'd be like you know do you need some help financially and i'd be like dad i just told you that and so i get you know all after the yellow sweater hands in pockets moment i was like it's the only way he knows how to show love so i could be like dad i just made 10 million dollars And at the end of the call, he'd be like, do you need 20 bucks?

57:03I'd be like, you know, that'd be great. Thank you so much. And I could see how much it meant to him. And I get 20 bucks and everything's good. So it was a really beautiful, and it really healed my relationship with him a lot. Wow. Did he say, I love you? Did he speak? Oh, he always said, I love you. Like he was, he was good that way, but he was a real, um, he just, he was a super introvert and he just was really uncomfortable with emotions. Yes. And he's Italian. I thought they're all screaming and yelling. Right. And I was like, are you sure you're Italian? Sure, sure. Yeah. But that was his way of showing affection, that he loved you by this act.

57:34And he also was raised to think men are providers, and that's how you show, yep. Even if you make money, I'm still going to provide and support you. Yes. What do you think would have happened if you would have stopped allowing him to give you, you know, 10, 20, 50 bucks? Because he wanted to give it to you. What would have? It would have really hurt his feelings. Like, it really would have made him feel cut off for me. so this is interesting because you don't need someone to pay for you for things right like you can pay for your own life you can pay for food and dinner and trips and your home like you don't need someone to pay for right the thing that i've learned in the last couple of years of being with my with my girlfriend martha is that it's it's you know i don't she can take care of her own stuff and she takes care of certain stuff and there's certain things that I take care of for us and I take care of myself financially in certain ways but I've gotten to the point where I don't feel like I need to pay for everything to feel like she like I'm enough right like I'm I'm good enough or that I'm deserving or worthy or this is my value in being able to give everything financially now again and I don't want to rob her of being able to pay for the things that she's made her money.

58:53I want her to be able to pay for certain things for herself. But it does mean I get to show up in a different way, maybe not financially, but spiritually with my presence, with my generosity of my words and my time, my thoughtfulness, and provide value in other ways not tied to money. And sometimes that can be uncomfortable if we haven't trained ourselves how to provide value outside of money in relationships. And I've had to learn that. And it's been a powerful breakthrough in a lot of ways. It hasn't been in the last two years. It's been like a decade of me doing this, but it allows me not to feel like, oh, she's paying for her own food right now.

59:41I'm worthless. Right. You know? Yeah. Then I'm nothing to her. I mean, you know. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's been powerful to empower her to be able to make decisions financially, which she was doing before me. She doesn't need me to do that. She was already doing that. But to me, I feel like I have to pay for everything. She just has to let me provide. Yeah, I know. It's interesting. It's more of a mutual providing of value in the relationship, intimately, peacefully. The highest currency for me is peace. I would take peace over money all day long. And she brings peace to the relationship.

1:00:22Therefore, I don't need her to ever spend money on anything. Just be peaceful and you've got a happy man. And I think that's just something to look at. Like how can you bring value into a relationship not related to money? Yeah. Well, listen, Lewis, I'm cutting you a check after I leave. The fact that you said that right after, I was like, of course it's my daddy's stuff. I mean, come on. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. No, that is something to look at for sure. What was the best lesson your dad's taught you? You know, he. Oh, I don't know. This is such a great lesson, but it's a really funny line.

1:00:57So I have to say it. But I remember when I think he taught me a lot about perspective because he grew up in Italy, in Naples, and he didn't come over here till he was in his 20s. and so I did and he just always thought American children were so spoiled he was like oh my god you whiny little like I can't believe so I remember like one time like in college I was like dad will you help pay for therapy I'd really like to talk to a therapist he's like you don't need therapy you know what you need a war fought on your soil and I was like okay right good perspective but just sort of his um I mean I think also that you can love in different ways.

1:01:36Like, I feel like that's sort of what he has really taught me, you know, with the money stuff like that was just his, he, you love however you can. And that he really did. I mean, the guy could not look at me without crying. Like he just, but he couldn't express it. So it was like, it was really, like he couldn't. And I was so angry at him for so long for not telling you certain things. Yes. And not listening to me the right way and all stuff. And I'm just so, he lived into his nineties and I'm so glad he did because I feel so good with where our relationship was by the time he passed because I put down the bag.

1:02:05I was like, let it go, Jen. He is doing his best. The best that he can and he loves me. And how lucky am I that I have a dad who loves me that much? So it was really, really great. So I just feel like he really taught me a lot about it doesn't have to be the way you expect it to be. It can be different. Somebody can love you differently than you would love them and that you expect it and to be grateful that they do. Yeah. That's beautiful. I love that. I want to ask you about coaching because I've heard coaching a few times. As an athlete, I know the value of coaching from sports into business.

1:02:40I have a relationship coach. I have a health coach, nutrition coach. I have coaching in every area because coaching worked for me as an athlete to get to my goals and accomplish the dreams that I had in sports. So when I transitioned from sports into life, the first thing I did is look for mentors and coaches to guide me on my path. I don't think I'd be where I am today without having great coaches and guides. Do you think we should all find a money coach or have some type of coaching within money, whether that's a financial advisor or maybe it's reading your book around money or listening to content about money?

1:03:16Or should we have guides and coaches? Yes. I mean, especially if you're not making it. You need money and you need it now. So get a coach. I always talk about Olympic athletes have coaches. Why do you think you and your scraggly little trying to scrape it together, why do you think you don't need one? That's what got me doing it. I was just like, who am I kidding? I've been trying for 40 years on my own and I couldn't do it. right yeah no i think coaching i think coaching because also we all know what it's like like when you're saying you know how would i coach somebody who's going through what i'm going through super easy right when it's not me so that's what a coach also does it's like they see they're not in your forest with all your trees like they're looking at it without all your around it you know so they can see it so much more easily and so a good coach can save you so much time and money in the long run yeah do you have a coach right now i don't have a coach right now yeah but i'm still in that sort of incubation.

1:04:10Maybe I need a coach to help me figure out what I want to do next. Yeah. No, but I'm not scared of hiring them. I mean, I love that. Right, right. Yeah. But you're in a season of discovering and reflecting on what you want next. Yeah. You've done so much in the last decade. Yeah. And now you're figuring out, okay, where am I at? Yeah. What do I want to contribute or how do I want to show up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. It'll come to you. It's fun. And I'm still doing stuff. And I really believe in not sitting around and trying to figure it out because when you're about to do something new, you don't know what it is.

1:04:41You've never done it. So you got to go out and do stuff. Try things. Try things. So I'm out there trying things for sure. And I'm, you know, and I'm still doing all the bad stuff. You know, we've got a lot of really cool things happening in that arena. So, um, so that's all super duper fun. That's great. That's great. But just, you know, live the dream, Jen. I got a couple final questions for you. Okay. Um, what is the thing you're most proud of that most people want to know about you?

1:05:06I would say that I'm a really good friend. I have friends. I have lifelong friends from forever and a lot of them and we're just like a family. That's cool. I feel like I'm an art collector and I have all these masterpieces of humanity that I just, I pick good ones. That's a great... And I keep them around because they're really important to me. That's cool. Yeah. I like that explanation of it. You're an art curator of humanity. I am. I like that. I'm telling you, I want to have an unveiling, which will just be called a party to some people. I like that a lot. I asked you this question on our previous interview that was a virtual interview, but I'm curious your response to it now.

1:05:49Okay. We'll have to reflect afterwards on what those answers were before to where they are now. This question is called the three truths. Okay. Imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want to live on this earth, but then one day you turn off the lights in this physical world. And you get to create and achieve and accomplish all the things you want to do. But for whatever reason, all of your written audio and video material has to go with you. From all your books and this interview and everything is gone. Hypothetical scenario. But you get to leave behind three truths, three lessons you would share with the world.

1:06:26and this is all we have left of your words. What would be those three truths for you? Well, let's see. Three truths would be the most important thing to develop if you want to really live an awesome life is your mindset. Really develop your mindset and pay attention to it. Do the scary thing. Definitely do the scary thing every single day. and have as much fun as you can. Like, what else are we here for? Yeah, that's beautiful. You have, again, 10-year anniversary of You Are a Bat. You've got other amazing books as well. You're a Bat at Making Money. You're a Bat at Every Day. Bat's Habits. So many amazing books.

1:07:19Number one, your time bestseller. You've got an amazing course, I believe, as well. Coaching course. A group coaching course. It's so fun. Group coaching course at jensincero.com, S-I-N-C-E-R-O.com, where they can get that information. What do they get in this course and this coaching? Well, I'm doing it live now, which I haven't done in eight years. And it's so much fun. I missed coaching. I really miss talking to other people. And I've been selling it as a DIY course for a while, but now I'm back in it. So basically you get, it's eight weeks long. And what I love about this course is I wrote it right after I finished writing you are about it so I put in a lot of like time management and sort of like you know brass taxi kind of thing and every other week is a spiritual element so you start applying the spiritual to the tactile so because I really feel like you know we talk about all this stuff but unless you're actually doing it while you're taking action who cares so people it's been so much fun so basically you get a video at the beginning of the week, you get a PDF with the video.

1:08:19And then every other week you get a 90 minute coaching, group coaching call with me. Wow, that's cool. It's recorded. So if you can't be there, it's fine. And then, or a guided meditation or a guided motivational. That's beautiful. Yeah, it's really fun. And a Facebook group where you can hang out with the other people in the course. Everyone can use more coaching from you. Thank you. The strategy, I love it. You're also on social media everywhere, Janet Sincero everywhere on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. What's the main platform you hang out the most? I like Instagram the best. Yeah. Okay. Make sure to follow you there.

1:08:52So if you enjoyed this, make sure to follow, share a story, leave a message about your biggest takeaway from this episode on social media and also in the comments below over on YouTube. I want to acknowledge you, Jen, for your journey. You being an example of what's possible for people. Someone, you know, your whole life until you were 40, really being stuck in a mindset and having the courage to bray through, through taking action on your fears consistently, through investing in yourself, through investing in coaching, through being willing to risk feeling vulnerable, feeling overwhelmed, feeling embarrassed, feeling like a failure at times, and doing it consistently over the last, I guess, 15 plus years now.

1:09:35So I really, really acknowledge it for you being a channel to share this work with the world and impacting so many people along the way. It's been a beautiful journey to watch. I'm a fan of you, your work, your books. It resonates so much with me. So I acknowledge you for the gift that you are to humanity as well. It's beautiful. Thank you so much. You're welcome. It's so nice to meet you in person. You're like the easiest, but you're totally kindred. You are like, you're just there all day. Yeah. My final question is, what's your definition of greatness? Allowing yourself to be, do, and have everything that lights up your little heart.

1:10:14I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better.

1:10:49And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.