The Trauma Expert: 7 GENERATIONS Of Trauma Lives In Your Body, This Is How You Break FREE | Dr. Mariel Buqué

28:07Right. And there may be, you know, months of resistance and challenge where you've got to keep showing up as a healed person or in the process while someone's reactive or crossing your boundaries. You've got to keep creating those boundaries, which is a challenging thing to do. It's one of the biggest barriers to people being able to continue their cycle breaking process, which is going into the spaces that where people have not actually done the work and them feeling like, what am I even doing this for? Right. Like I may as well just like, you know. Let it go and just play their game. It's so challenging.

28:41It is very challenging. And it's a process that also is going to require that they, in essence, just tolerate the distress, which is why distress tolerance skills are so important when it comes to trauma-based work, because we have to train the mind and body to tolerate the guilt, tolerate the guilt of being the one that's doing the work and leaving others behind. That sometimes tends to be how people feel about their healing. And so when we're able to reorganize the body and how it's actually internalizing that emotion, it helps them to sit with whatever guilt may still be lingering in a more settled way and not just throwing the towel.

29:26What do you think of all the different traumas that you've worked on at your clinic and worked on with individuals, all the different types of traumas, abandonment, abuse, neglect, all these different things, bullying, being cheated on, all these different things. What one is the hardest trauma to overcome that you've seen? Or it takes the longest for people to psychologically wrap their heads around the wounds that they've received. You know, grieve, forgive, own, move on process. Which one is typically the hardest to overcome? What I have seen has been the hardest and what I have seen people struggle with the most and has taken the most time has been abuse, childhood abuse specifically.

30:15Them experiencing childhood abuse. Them experiencing it, yeah. From a trusted adult, someone who either cared for them or someone who was proximal to them. And the experience of feeling almost kind of like their entire life formation was around that experience also being a part of it. Right. And then having to extract that from all the layers of how it became a part of them is something that can be really, really hard. But also there's people that can live really abundant lives once they start doing the work in that direction. Usually wherever we feel the biggest triggers, that's where the work is.

30:56So when we can centralize the work there in that triggered space, right, it makes it so that we can experience probably the better part of our healing. I guess in storytelling mythology, there's heroes and there's villains. and they have a similar backstory. They've both been abused or abandoned or something happened to them, right? And the villain uses that pain to hurt others. And the hero, you know, works with that pain, transforms it into making sure that others don't have that pain ever again, right? And I probably had both of those in my life of like, I've used the pain to try to be angry at others and like dominate and win in sports.

31:42And then I've found transformation and be like, I don't want anyone to feel this pain ever again. And so I think we have a decision at different times of life of like, how are we going to use this trauma or this memory or this experience for us? You know, are we going to live it to harm others or to help others and be in service? And I think it's really tricky speaking from experience as an adult mind, trying to understand, you know, your 5, 7, 12, 15-year-old self who is sexually abused, childhood mind that's still stored inside of you, it's hard to reflect back and recall all those moments and then think about how you carried that trauma until the adult mind is reflecting on it.

32:26Process however many years that is and all the decisions you've made your entire life, why you've been reactive, relationships you've gotten in, challenges you might have, good that might come from it too, and then learn how to heal that time. It's like, it's kind of a mind, you know, it's a mind mess, you know, it's tricky. And so I think you're, you know, you're probably right in that that's probably a painful one to overcome. I know there's lots of different traumas, but that one's definitely painful. but I know from experience that there is incredible peace and love on the other side if you're willing to do the work.

33:06It took me a couple of years to really kind of feel like I could speak about it without having a nervous system response anymore. But I think also when you realize you can overcome something like that, it gives you a lot of confidence, a lot of poise, a lot of power, a lot of peace and knowing, okay, if I can take on this as a five, seven, 10 year old, what can I take on as an adult with these tools that you're providing? So I think it's a great, you know, it's a great thing that you're sharing these tools because a lot of adults don't have them still. And I'm still learning as many tools as possible.

33:43But why is that so challenging for adult minds to understand sexual abuse or some type of abuse as a child? Why is it hard for adult minds to understand that and overcome it? Well, because there's been a really pervasive intrusion. A person feels like they are accessible to people, like people can hurt them, right? They're vulnerable and they've remained stuck in that vulnerability. And so the challenge in our adult lives is in the fact that that vulnerability just got carried on and we still feel raw and open and vulnerable and like tender to the touch and people can actually hurt us easily and so that's why very often like people also develop the coping mechanisms to try and protect themselves because they don't want to land in a similar situation where they're you know then there's yet another intrusion and how will they then survive that, right?

34:45And so, you know, it makes it, I always say, you know, when it's doubly hard to actually get through something, the reward would be double. Right. Even more. It'll be even exponential, right? I think so. And I think your story, you know, which I know you've spent many years now sharing, and I think that it offers a beautiful moment for all of us to also reflect upon the fact that there is hope about abundance on the other side of healing. Because most of us think like, when will this ever end? Will I ever heal? And we kind of get stuck in that narrative rather than in the narrative of just do the work and trust that there will be abundance on the other side.

35:30There will be a steady version of you that is meeting you on the other side. Yeah. I started the healing journey 10 years ago with this, with the sexual abuse that I experienced as a kid. And I thought that I had healed a lot of it, but I still kept, and I did in certain areas, but I still kept entering relationships that proved otherwise and allowing myself to be kind of cross certain boundaries that I didn't want to, right? because I didn't have the skills or the courage to be able to stand for the inner child inside of me and what he really needed during certain relationships. So it wasn't until about three years ago when I kind of revisited it again through intimacy.

36:13Like I was able to heal in some areas, but not every area. And that's when it took even more work. It was like an extra couple years. So, you know, I feel like healing is a journey. It doesn't like mean, okay, I've done six months of intensive work. Now I'm good. Like new things might come up in a couple of years that you have to readdress. And at least that's what's happened for me. But not thinking you've got it all figured out, I think is something we need to have in mind. Be like, okay, I don't know all the answers. Even if I feel better, I'm going to keep working and processing. If we don't learn to heal our inner child as adults, what will happen to us?

36:53Well, we can actually develop the same type of inner child wound in our children. So they don't have to experience the wound, we're just passing it on, right? Yeah. And that comes up, of course, we're talking about intergenerational trauma having some biological connections, right? So there's already a family that perhaps is already from a nervous system perspective, from perhaps an epigenetic perspective, already having tenderness and vulnerabilities that are emotional. And then you have, you know, the possibility of there being like misattunement between a caregiver and their child. The caregiver may be so preoccupied with their own stress and trauma that they miss the social cues that their child is telling them, I need you.

37:42And that sense of emotional abandonment, you know, can surface or an inability to really relate to and connect with others, which is kind of like the general foundation of like attachment and attachment styles, right? A lot of those things can start to surface as a result of those initial imprints of the relationships that are primary to us, which are with our caregivers or individuals that are in essence taking care of us in the school system, any of the individuals that have proximity. And then, you know, it's going to be really important for us to also understand that whenever we're talking about not wanting that to carry on to the next generation, not wanting that tender little soul in front of us to then experience the pain that we have carried for so long, we have to talk about how we can also heal our own wounds.

38:33We need to reparent ourselves while we're also parenting others. So it's an intergenerational reparenting. Something just came up for me as you were saying this, because I think a lot of, I'm not a parent yet, but I get the sense and the feeling that a lot of parents in America today are very protective of their kids. You know, I see this. Maybe it's not everywhere, but I see a lot of that happening. They're more worried about, you know, who they're hanging out with. I hear a lot of parents say, I'm never going to let my kid do sleepovers anymore. You know, I'm taking them out of public school because it doesn't feel safe or whatever it is, right?

39:08They're just more protective as opposed to allowing their children to kind of fumble and learn along the way. And I'm curious in your perspective from what you've experienced and what you've seen with your clients, your patients. Is it worse to allow our children to be free in the world and be vulnerable to potential harm? or is it worse to overprotect them and pass on our own traumas and wounds because we keep them so close to our wound itself? You know, I would say that it is important for us to actually allow them to have some connection to the world that isn't necessarily overprotected by us.

39:56However, it is going to be really critical for us to, as parents or parents-to-be, to also vet the environments that they're a part of. We need to vet the people that are their babysitters and ask them questions that are taboo, that are uncomfortable, that are likely to actually protect our children. Right. Be uncomfortable with your questioning. Be uncomfortable with your questioning so that you don't have to live a life of discomfort because you didn't ask the question and properly vet the person. And then something would have happened that could have been avoidable. Not always. We can't say that.

40:32The onus is on parents. The onus is really on people who just aren't protective of the children that they're connected to. but beyond that vetting process right which is a vetting process that is permissive because you're also allowing the child to be in the world and exploring and understand and enjoy the world and fumble and pick themselves back up and what we know about that process is that that also builds resiliency right and so we need that process in our lives in order to actually be resilient adults But it's also going to be critical, as I see it, specifically as cycle-breaking parents, for us to then transition into also being advocates on behalf of our children.

41:17We need to also, in whatever way is possible, advocate for the systems that they're a part of, for them to keep them safe. Right? Like, advocate for better safety in schools, which, you know, as we see in today's world, especially in the U.S., is, like, really compromised. and also advocate for the laws that hold people accountable when they hurt children. And it's like all of these things that are also systemic are also going to be a part of the process of how we parent forward in a way that's different. Sure. What about the epigenetic element of this? You know, this is how much of trauma is genetic versus kind of emotional mirroring and then passing on through just environment, space, emotions onto another nervous system.

42:09Is it a genetic thing that we carry? Or is it more of like we're just observing it all day long and these responses? Well, what we know about intergenerational trauma, it is the only type of trauma that has a bit of both. Right. So it actually can be found at the intersection of our biology, which is all of those, you know, kind of epigenetic factors and our nervous system and really kind of like the structure of our biology really early on, cellular memory, all of those things. and our psychology, which is in essence kind of everything that happens thereafter, right? Like after we're formed, after we're born, after we're out of the womb, there's a lot of interactions that we have with people, with systems, like all of those interactions then actually create a certain experience, an emotional experience that can trigger a trauma response or perhaps never allow it to surface.

43:06And so it's a little bit of both. But the thing about coming from families that they themselves have had any kind of trauma that has been longstanding and has been held in the body and has been held in their behaviors is that typically what tends to happen is that our bodies actually reflect the trauma that we have engaged in, the trauma that our bodies are constantly trying to fight. When our bodies are in this nervous system alert and threat response for an extended period of time, it actually can transition the ways in which our genes actually turn on or off, which is the general premise of epigenetics.

43:54Whatever is happening in our environment socially is impacting the ways in which our genes are turning on or off. And so what happens at conception is that both parents actually have genetic markers or genetic messaging that actually gets translated to a baby at conception, including, of course, all the physical features and things like that, but also including a lot of these other things that are a part of just the general emotional makeup that a child can be born into. Wow. So if both parents don't break their intergenerational traumas, they're passing down two different sets of multiple layers of traumas from family history into the child.

44:39Yeah. And it gets really, really layered and complicated because I know it's a lot. It's like the trauma of every one of your tree. Yeah. How far back do these traumas link to? Is it like great grandparents or? They say it's an approximate seven generations. Seven? Oh my gosh. And there's a possibility that it might be 14 based on some newer studies. What? Oh my, until you break the cycle, it goes back 7 to 14 generations? Yeah. And it's, you know, when I... So all the traumas of my, you know, from like 300 years ago then... Yeah, yeah. ...are passed down to me. It's said that it's about 255 direct histories, including your own living in you.

45:23Oh my gosh. Which is why this... I know, I know. Which is why it's so critical that because it is transferable messaging that is there in our body, it's important that we go back to the body. That's why when we do these talk therapies, they can be good for an extent of the work that needs to be done, right? But not necessarily for when we're talking about layered trauma. When we're talking about these traumas that have been there for generations. And that have these imprints and have these ways of coming up in ways you would never imagine, right? Sometimes a scent just completely takes you back to two generations ago.

46:05Oh, my gosh. And that's also, you know, been widely studied, you know, in the ways that our senses are actually, you know, they capture memory imprints from generations past. And so all of that is a part of it. Do we have memory imprint? Do we have past lives that we have memory imprints on, like, all the things we went through there, too? You always said only from our current generations, from our past generations. Well, it's said that, you know, at least we have at least like seven or so possibilities of generations that can actually. Oh, my gosh. Now, the studies have only gone as far back as two generations, and especially I believe in humans.

46:46but at the very least we know that it that there can be like for example a scent that can actually be translated forward like I had this one this one client that I actually um I found that the work with this person was so like just it felt like it you know all of the things that I had been learning about that were research-based were not being represented in this person but the the The most interesting to me was the fact that he actually had a grandfather who had actually been attacked at a park by some random person who had actually had coffee prior to the attack. And he survived the attack, but then he actually didn't have kids yet, but then he had a daughter.

47:31And that daughter actually found the smell of coffee to be repulsive. Wow. And then another generation forward, my client, actually could not stand the smell of coffee. Wow. And so, you know, we started digging through some of those layers and it made a lot of sense through the studies that have been done around, you know, the ways that these like these kinds of smells and the ways that we respond to them through the generations are there to almost protect us. Because the smell of coffee is telling this generation's of family, of this family. Danger. There's danger. Yeah. Yeah. And so you must protect yourself.

48:07Watch out. There's something around here. Don't go there. There's coffee. in the area. Wow, how the body and the nervous system and the memory can transfer into different cells. Yeah. That's fascinating. It's a forward planning process that our bodies do in order to help us survive as a species. I mean, I guess if you think about just, yeah, evolution, you know, animals involve their bodies so that they can survive in the environments. So humans, I guess it makes sense that we evolve our senses so that we can survive are emotional or psychological environments as well. Precisely, yeah. That is fascinating.

48:46It seems like the world is very over-medicated right now. I'm not saying there's not a need for medication in certain cases, but when it's over-medication without applying therapeutic, natural therapeutic healing remedies, I feel like that's a problem, personally. Because I don't feel like it's allowing your body to fully heal if you're just constantly on medication. What's your thoughts around trauma, healing, and medication? When should we take medication? Should we try other therapies first before applying medication? Do we need medication to heal? What's your thoughts on this? I'm a big proponent of the idea that medication is something that can be used on a temporary basis and mostly when there's crisis involved.

49:42Right. When it's too much to think clearly. Yeah. Like the person is just in a place where they're not reachable. Like we can't pull them out of that state of dissociation or emotional shutdown in order to actually start doing the work. Then medication can be really helpful in just getting through those moments. But medication, I see a bit of like a Band-Aid, right? Like, you know, just placing the Band-Aid on the wound so that the wound can, you know, like then start to heal. And then we rip it off and we allow the wound to then do what it needs to do in order to reform into the skin, right? Very often we don't take off the Band-Aid.

50:23Right. Or if you're always staying medicated, you're never actually able to do the work. Exactly. Or people are being medicated without what's supposed to be supplemental or ancillary work, which is therapy or other kinds of modalities that can actually promote some sort of healing and restructuring of the mind and how a person is taking in their emotional experiences so that they do some learning and then apply different coping skills that then become default and then they don't need the medication. Yeah. So you never really learn to integrate the lessons. Yeah. Unless you're using medication, you're integrating at the same time, then hopefully you can get off the medication because you're doing the work.

51:04Yes. But if you're taking medication, you're not doing the work and you're not integrating lessons into the body, you're always going to need the medication, I guess, to disassociate it and numb the pain or something, right? Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be reliant upon it. And, you know, there's different kinds of dependencies, right? And some of the dependencies are very biological, but some are more psychological dependency on medications. Like, I need my meds versus this medication is really helping me to get through this stage of the process so that I can get into this stage of the process.

51:37That's the way we should be thinking about it. Something you mentioned before about peace. I'm a big believer. My philosophy in life is we should be thinking about our habits and our behaviors to support us having the most harmony and peace possible, right? So that when we're in a relaxed state, we can see wider, we can see things clearer, we can make better decisions, we feel better, more calm, we feel more abundant from a peaceful, harmonious state. but I lived most of my life not feeling peaceful. You know, I felt very anxious, very like driven to achieve constantly because I felt like I was never enough.

52:17And even when I did achieve big things, I still didn't feel like it was good enough. So I had to go after the next thing. Like I felt like I was in a state of anxiety and constantly needing to create and do more. Like it felt very anxious. I wasn't able to sleep at night that well for most of my life until I started the healing process. And I, and I realized, and I thought to myself, oh, what I'm doing is working because I'm getting results. Like I'm achieving as an athlete. I'm, you know, I have a business that's growing, whatever it might be. I'm able to get things done, but I still didn't feel good.

52:52I didn't feel enough and I didn't feel calm. And I think it wasn't until I started to realize like, oh, I'm in constant mental breakdown and I'm getting results, but I feel like there's no peace. That's when I started to realize I've got to dive in and do some emotional healing, some emotional work, some psychological, I guess, therapies to support me and merging the both worlds. How can I accomplish what I want, but also have peace and harmony? Knowing that it's not going to be some perfect thing where I never have, you know, discomfort, but how can I have more peace and harmony inside of me?

53:30And I think that's the main thing that I try to talk about in life as a philosophy. And I love that you talk about this higher self, you know, nervous system. It's like, what is your nervous system's highest self want? It wants to feel calm. It wants to feel relaxed. It wants to feel safe. And I think it's really important to go through your book and assess and ask yourself where am I allowing myself to fall short here with my nervous system? And if I can heal the nervous system in the body, then I'm going to have a lot more abundance and peace in my life. Is that what I'm picking up with everything that you're talking about here?

54:16Absolutely. And what you're referencing in reference to the goals that you were achieving was what in the science of behaviorism we call positive reinforcement. So you're getting actually reinforced by working. You get reinforced because you get the results. Then you work more and you get the results again. And so the same can actually happen. We can apply the same structure, theory, philosophy, method. We can apply it into the goal of peace. The more that we engage in the practice of meditation, the more of the neural networks inside of our brain and nervous system that are actually going to start forming around that calm and peace.

54:56And the more that our brains, which are neuroplastic, are going to start forming actual brain matter that is organized around peace. So we're going to get reinforcements. It's not going to look the same. It's not going to be that reward that's going to come right away and that we're going to feel like, oh, my goodness, it's all lifted. But we are going to feel better eventually if we continue that process. That should be the game. Not like how do I accomplish more and achieve more and make more, but how do I consistently be in a state of peace? When something stressful happens in the world or with a person around me, how am I responding?

55:33Did I respond in a way that my highest self would be proud of or did I respond in a way that my wounded self wants to justify? And I think it's finding those different types of reward systems, right? Which in a big city like LA, just driving anywhere, you can be triggered just with someone honking at you. Why are they honking at me? So it's how can you reward yourself every day with like, man, that I respond in a way my highest self would be proud of. That served my nervous system and my body. That my inner child would be grateful for. Right? Yeah. I always say, you know, every single day presents us with an opportunity to break a cycle.

56:13All you have to do is take it. every single day instead of rolling down your window and screaming out at the person in the other car. There's a choice that can be made every day in your relationship. You have a choice that continue that same cycle and pattern and yell back, right? Or integrate a different version of how you can engage in the relationship. Every day there is an opportunity in all areas of life. And it's a dance. How do you, you know, make sure you create boundaries so you're not getting walked on, but you're not reacting like a crazy person, all these different things. It's a dance.

56:46It's a dance. Yeah. And if someone has been through a breakup in a relationship and they have not yet healed from that breakup or from their entire childhood, what will happen if they don't heal going into a new relationship intimately? Well, the biggest risk is that they'll repeat the very same patterns that they're used to. I mean, there's this thing called repetition compulsion, which I know you're fairly familiar with. And it is when we, in essence, repeat the patterns that just feel familiar and that are already pre-programmed inside of our minds. We go into every single relationship and the relationships start looking the same with the same patterns, the same beginning, end.

57:28And then we go into the next relationship with the same beginning, middle, end. And so it just becomes a cyclical process where we're not actually like doing anything different. We just have different players in our lives, right? And so whenever we can actually identify, oh, look, that's when I start getting into those codependent qualities. That's the in. That's my thing, right? Like, you know, I start, let's say, you know. I feel like I need this attention or whatever it might be. Right. Like whatever your brand of it might be, right? You know, we all have a brand, right? Like, and that's true.

58:04then people you know can actually start noticing their own patterns and then start cutting those patterns we start cutting at the root when we're aware we cannot heal what we cannot see if we have something that we can actually identify as not being aligned with how we want to live a life then we can identify it call it out and then when we see that it's about to creep up saying Not anymore. Not this time, yeah. I'm not going in that direction. As a trauma expert, psychologist, what is the biggest challenge you face today? What's the biggest pain or problem that you face personally from your years of work and experience and education that you've learned but also teach?

58:52I still struggle personally with the experience of patience. Having patience? Yeah. What, with family, with intimacy, with friends, like in life? More so with family. Okay. I'm someone who's like typically really fast in my thinking, fast in my acting, and I'm just like very, I tend to operate on autopilot a lot. but it's actually something that I've been working on for a number of years and I'm still working on really intently. And even next year I want to work on, um, in a way that, uh, I hope can really, really make an impact, um, because I want to slow my life down, like really slow it down and really like do things that can actually help me to build the patients rather than, you know, just like tone it down, which is what I've been doing.

59:48And I think that that's also going to help me build greater compassion, be more self-loving and other loving, and have an opportunity to also be more mindful and attuned in the spaces that I occupy, including my space with my family. So all of that, I think, is going to burgeon out of me growing that sense of patience around my life, which is, it's been so hard. It's been so hard. It has been. To be patient. To just be patient. With family. With family, with my goals. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. With, if I'm in an intimate relationship with an intimate relationship and where things are going and where they're not going, like patience is just not.

1:00:32And my family will tell you, they'll say wonderful things about me. They're so kind. And then they'll say, but she's not very patient. They'll always say that. So they know me well, right? And I know myself. And, you know, it's not a quality that I love. And I know I can do better. Like I know it. And so I want to do better, which is the key, right? Like it's the motivation. We're very similar. And Martha, my fiance, is like, yeah, you don't have that much patience. I'm like, but I told you when we started dating that I don't. And so I've told you everything good, bad, in between about me. And I said, hey, you do what I accept this.

1:01:10And it's all about an evolution, right? Like I'm much more patient than I was 10 years ago. Yeah, of course. And I desire for myself. I really desire this to be better. That's good. Yeah. I'm sure when I have kids, it'll force me to be patient or I'm just going to feel more frustration and pain and anger. So it's either like I suffer or I become patient. It's like you suffer or be patient. Yeah. Suffering's temporary though. Exactly. It is. I'm so grateful for you in this book, Break the Cycle, A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma. I want everyone to get a copy of this, give it for a friend.

1:01:45Again, I just truly believe after my last, I guess, 10 years of healing journey, that this is the work we should be doing to better everything else in our life, to better our careers or our professions, our relationships. our health, everything starts with doing the inner work and healing. And I really believe that on any new chapter of life, if you're entering a new career, a new relationship, a new year of life, you should be reflecting on where do I need to heal first before I enter this new thing? Or while I'm entering this new chapter, what can I start healing in the process of entering this?

1:02:29And the healing will continue. It's going to be a journey, but it's got to be something you really are attuned to. And I think when you focus on that, like you said, beautiful things will emerge. There might be some pain and sadness and grief for a short period of time, but then on the other side, there is more abundance and peace. And so I'm really excited that this book is out, Break the Cycle. I want everyone to get a copy by Dr. Marielle Bouquet. Make sure you check this out. Where can we get this copy and where's the best place to connect with you. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. And the copy of the book can be purchased wherever books are sold.

1:03:06It's everywhere. And also I have it linked on my website, which is drmarielbouquet.com where I'm at. It's usually LinkedIn. Sometimes, you know - Are you more on LinkedIn than Instagram? I'm more on LinkedIn lately. Yeah. I love it there. It's just your name on LinkedIn? It's just my name. And I tend to learn a lot there and it's very invigorating. That's good. I love it there. Yeah. Make sure to follow you over there. Check out your content there. Thank you. Break the cycle. Maria, I'm very grateful for you. I want to acknowledge you for the constant work you're doing to put yourself out there.

1:03:39You know, you worked in a clinic for many years, a professor for many years, but now actually being a teacher and an educator to the masses through putting it in a book, by teaching content online, I really acknowledge you for bringing this healing work to us. Because again, I think this is what we should all be thinking about. I like talking about health and relationships and money and business. But if you don't have peace in those areas, it's not going to be fulfilling and rewarding. So you've got to have healing peace first so that those things can be abundant. So I'm really grateful that you're teaching this and doing this work and doing the research to dive in on how we can heal these things.

1:04:22Thank you. And I acknowledge you for the consistency that you have in serving us. Thank you. You're welcome. I asked you this question before, but I'm asking these two final questions. This is called the three truths. So imagine it's your last day on earth and you only get to leave three lessons behind to the world. You've got to take all of your work with you and everything you create from now until the day you die has to go with you somewhere else. What would those three lessons that you would leave behind be? It would be if we are not careful, history can repeat itself. So let's be mindful of that and cut the cord where we can.

1:05:05That it is important for us to be in healthy relationships with other humans because we are relational beings. So let's continue to foster the relationships that help us feel psychologically safe or build ones if we don't have any. And that even if our life has at any point in time felt like it has been in shambles, there is always something that awaits on the other side. if we are willing to not give up and just hold on to hope and maybe like take a couple points of wisdom from the people that have done it before. Wow, that's beautiful. I love that. Final question, what's your definition of greatness?

1:05:51My definition of greatness, I just love this question. My definition of greatness is, you know, being able to get back up. I think that's greatness. it's in everyday acts of just getting back up um really tapping into our resilience and into our internal strength seeing it the fact that it's really there and then using it to keep going i hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links and And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast.

1:06:40If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

1:07:15And now it's time to go out there and do something great.