This Hidden Belief May Be Sabotaging Your Abundance | Brendon Burchard

28:02You interview them. But what I would say humbly to my humble friend is like, you're a Lewis Howes. You have a ton of mentorship to give them directly. But what you're so good at, you always ask us so many questions, which is a Socratic way of mentoring. I don't want to take that away. But I would say it's not something you're missing. It's just like, I see that for you. If I sat you down with my four billionaire clients, I coach four billionaires every week. If I sat you down with them, I know you would ask them tons of questions, but I also know you could push them. Because I've seen you push me.

28:34I know you push your audience, but it's like, I would say, there's a certain group of people in your future. I don't know what it is. I just see it for you. World leaders, world changers, like major impact people who, you're already friends with so many of them, but there's a mentorship component there that will be powerful. I also think of learning, and we all have to learn this, how do we run empires and have extraordinary amounts of free time that gives us adventure and deep relationship free time. You run a, I don't think a lot of people, they might be seeing us. And I feel weird again, for those who are listening.

29:13I do feel weird talking. I'm almost third person-ing this, so forgive me. But I'm aware, I'm in a room, guys, with Lewis right here. We're in this amazing studio, but right off the studio, everybody, there's a huge office with conference and team and it's gorgeous and it's a super expensive building in LA. You know, this is like, some of you guys don't know, we are so connected to Lewis in his heart. We don't know. He runs an empire. Like guys, this is bigger than you think. And sometimes when we're running empire, it takes, I love your experience right now, Now, new dad, that locks you into, oh, I need to set up more free time.

29:54A lot of people, they never understand the importance of setting up free time in their business until one of three factors happen. One, they have family. Two, they get sick. Or three, they get sick of doing it all and they desperately need team. They get burnt out. They get burned out. And those three conditions, when those happen, they go on a search to go, how do I make the business scale and have more free time. And that has been my quest in teaching our masterminds that. That's been my quest. Most people know I'm pretty happy and enjoy a lucky kid because I've had the free time I've wanted for 15 years.

30:31Yeah. I mean, because listen, if you're an entrepreneur or you got a side hustle, you're trying to like launch a business or whatever it might be. And if you start out on your own, you can really only get it. I mean, maybe there's some outliers, but you can only get it to a certain level on your own financially in terms of like creating the product, selling the product, servicing the product, doing the customer support, creating the marketing. If you do it all on your own, maybe you can get to a few hundred thousand, maybe a million on your own with a few freelancers, but it's like there's levels and then you're doing everything and it's the quality diminishes.

31:05And then your time diminishes with your family, your friends, your quality of life diminishes. You might be earning more, but then at what expense? And then you learn, okay, I've got to hire someone and then, oh, that person didn't work out. And then I have to create systems and processes and all these different things. And you have to learn new skills to scale to new levels essentially, right? And you teach us a lot as well in our joint mastermind that we have. And it's got growing pains to try to get there. But I think when you have the right people in the room to tell you, hey, you're going to come up against this in the future, you're going to be having the right coach or mentor to say, you're going to come up against this.

31:47So if you want to save three years of your life of going through hell, trying to figure it out, do these three things instead. It's like saving this time, hiring the right people, getting the right systems to support you in the step changes faster and less pain so you can still have a life. That's the goal. And we just don't run into that in business because in most business, even most of our peers, they're so passionate about teaching discipline to solve the problem of personal focus versus realizing if I got to solve your discipline problem, really what I got to do is solve your team problem.

32:26Because if your work has become such a chore that only discipline fuels it. When you started, you were interested, you're obsessed, you're passionate. My word, I geeked about it. I love to geek out. It's like my business was geeking out. And then it gets to a certain point and it becomes a chore. And now it requires so much discipline. I'm forcing my will upon it. It's like, I often tell people, we often think, oh force more discipline on it and it solves it and but the people who say that go look in their real lives they just bought a new building they just got a new team they're still espousing i'm just all disciplined and like and they are but often you get behind the scenes like actually they hired some excellent killers who are weapons at work yes and i think that a lot of people need to learn that it's like it it's that old thing i'll just share come back discipline metaphor for, because I resonate so much, because we're always trying to stay healthy.

33:23And I have one of my clients, extraordinary person, covers of magazines, unbelievable. I was at his house, has an amazing home gym, and he hired a personal trainer. So his goal last year was to get a certain fitness level. He didn't quite achieve it. So I'm at their house. I meet this personal trainer. I was like, oh, this personal trainer is famous on Instagram. So I knew who it was. and know the person gets results. So we're all talking there. And long story short, I take the personal trainer out in the backyard. This person has this huge acreage. You're like, why didn't he get the results? That's what I asked.

33:55I was like, what happened? And the personal trainer basically explains all these formats that he's tried with this client. I mean, tons of strategies, tons of programming, charts on the wall with gold stars and four by four splits and all this stuff that I didn't even know what he was talking about. And I was like, okay. it was good and he said I don't know I said honestly one of my goals was to ask you you're the high performance guy how do I get this guy to change I go do you have other clients in the area he goes oh yeah I said who are they kind of shared with me I said oh bring two of them to the workout from now on call me in 30 days we went back in talked to the client I said hey you know you're investing a lot of both of us i have a requirement of you the requirement is he's going to bring two buddies over to your home gym and you need to say yes do you agree he's kind of well and he's all right 30 days there most results we've ever got in a year of working together why you think because the two other people in the room create social standards social expectations two other people in the room can unlock you but we've been taught to go into siloed you know social media world and here's the thing that people don't think about in that experience i bet a lot of people listening to me just because i know people you think oh those two other guys really unlocked him i'm like that's part of it but guess what when he's in that environment with other achievers it's not just that he has to level up he finds himself cheering them on.

35:35Of course. He finds himself coaching them. That's all you got this. Yeah, yeah. He's, yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's the person there lifting the weight off. Others are lifting you up and you're lifting others. That's right. Yeah. It's not just getting you out of silo. It's putting you in some capacity of service. Yeah. That's interesting. If I put you in some capacity of service at people your level or higher, you re-engage. It's not discipline. It's not a chore. You end up looking forward to it because there's a little, we don't even know. it's like a hidden psychology. We all have little helper brains.

36:06But we want to help them. We want to help people. We have helper brains. We don't know it. And most people, because they're only helping themselves, they keep hitting the same discipline ceiling. I just socially construct the right people around. And all of a sudden it's like, you've seen us do that in our mastermind, right? It's like, I just put the right people around. And everyone wins. Everyone wins. Because that person, he thought he solved it by getting the best one person, a who. He got the physical... Coach. The trainer. He got a coach. It's like, yes, and now we need to put you in group.

36:43And as soon as we do that, it doesn't need to be a lot. For him, it was two people in a gym. For you and me, our first masterminds, they were super small. It was like five, 10 people in the room. So this is not about you need hundreds or two hundreds. You and I curate that for people now. Yeah. But you know - If a few key people. Yeah. It's like, there's three people at your church who could unlock your next seven figures. There's three people who you could go volunteer with in your local community who could unlock the next seven figures. Next seven figures in your backyard. The issue is you often don't know how to find it or how to scale it.

37:15So you've got to get around people. I know it's funny because I'm the high performance guy. I'm like, so much of high performance is high performance team, high performance culture, high performance energy. Like I walk into the school of greatness, guys, I wish you guys could see it. Like I walk in here, the vibe is on. Like we took pictures off camera, everybody. There's like a vibe. There's music thumping. Lewis is surrounded by like aspirational people. They're in great shape. They got good vibe. They have spirit. They have soul. Marta might come through and just light the whole place up. You know, it's like, like Lewis is surrounded by good energy.

37:48And I'm surrounded by, I know I can't do what I do in my life if I'm not surrounded by great energy. And I'm just here to tell adults, you can buy that. And it sounds terrible to say. It sounds really terrible because we just don't learn that. But a lot of people listening, you probably also went to college and that social environment - Bought it. Yeah. You bought college. You bought it a lot that isn't maybe going to give you the relationships you need later in life too. If you didn't get the right relationship in college, you're still paying off college. Oh yeah. I tell people all the time, if you're still making college payments, And I don't mean to be flippant.

38:22I mean, you didn't get taught how to do the networking there that would have gotten you the deal flow to handle the situation. That's true. It's really hard for people. It's not just about the right information or the right accreditation or the right degree that's going to get you the success or the financial abundance or the personal freedom you want in life. You need so much more than that. And for people that are looking to create the next level of financial abundance or personal abundance in their life? Is it a strategy problem or an environment problem? What would you say? I don't think you can separate them.

39:01I don't think, yeah, I don't, you know, only in college do you separate the hallways of psychology and sociology. In real life, you can't do that. Every person around is some way hitting those mirror neurons and shaping your thoughts, your energies, your belief. And everybody here knows that because everyone's probably dated a jerk or been in the wrong relationship or had a divorce. And you're like, that person like put you in the wrong state of mind. And what they usually did is they put you in a contemporary state of mind because there was drama and conflict. You were locked into a present mode with them versus being around a person who is a coach or a mentor or in a mastermind where you are pushed into what we call progress mode, right?

39:50You're like pulled into progress mode, like the tide's going out to a great new location. And I think that people just, it's so hard to say this because we love the self-work and I'm the self-work guy. I've written written six books in self-help. I deeply love that research. I've just found it to be limiting on its own and worse. I don't know, I don't know that anyone can have real fulfillment in life without the right people around them. I don't know. Last year I was - Even if you're introverted and even if you like to be alone, you still are going to interact with people and you need to be around the right people.

40:34Yeah. I work with, you know, person who's probably in the top five, six, seven, let's call it the top 10 golfers in the world. Unbelievable skill, unbelievable swing, unbelievable hunger, wrong caddy, not the right situation. Uh, has, you know, when I came in, had to replace an agent they were working with. I said, this agent is just cannot even see over a wall for you. It's like you need people who can see over walls for you. And if you don't have that, I'm telling you, that is the gift to buy yourself. Don't go buy the next stationary bike for your house. Invest in being in the right rooms. And I tell people all the time because they think I'm selling here.

41:20Let me just share with everybody. If you want to transform your life, I'll give everybody the free keys. You need to go volunteer in your local community in? Because who is in the volunteer group in the local community? Leaders. Leaders. Yes. Usually the most successful, highest earning people sit on those nonprofit boards, run those associations, help out in the community because they often already made it or they retired or they had that servant heart. I'm like, oh, you - You want to be around givers. Yeah. Because that's what I did. I moved from Montana to San Francisco to start a job, corporate job at a company called Accenture.

41:55And I was doing change management work there. I moved this big town I mean San Francisco is a huge town if you're from the town I was from yeah yeah huge and I went I didn't know anybody and the first thing I did is I joined a Kiwanis group and Kiwanis you know meet often you know once or twice a month depending on the Kiwanis group and you know you have you have your eggs you have your conversation people talk about volunteering and services but everyone there was older than me they were like a bunch of 60 year old dudes and they would just be like, hey kid, don't do this. Or hey kid, do that.

42:28And whatever it was, the two years of that particular group changed me forever because it gave me access to higher thinking. A lot of those guys were in banking. I knew nothing about money. I needed your book, Make Money Easy. I needed to read that like 5 ,000 times. That was not even in the repertoire of my thought process yet. and so getting around that group taught me about money so that strategy was intertwined with that social design socializing i'm here to tell you the best strategies are socialized you learn them by talking with other people like when we run mastermind we don't care that everybody's in the same industry at all we just want are you a go-getter do you have positive energy and you have high aspirations for yourself and other people if those three conditions are totally true it doesn't matter if you're a podcaster or a banker because guess what they can both learn from each other yes you know and so i think the diversity of your social sphere can also be very empowering and it's so you know i've been in the mastermind world for i guess 15 years now i guess i've like since going to my first one to going to many of them to speaking at them to hosting my own to having one with you now i've been in the mastermind world for a long time and even if it was like, I think it was like six years ago.

43:47I remember, and most of the time I'm getting invited to speak now and different things like that, just like you do. And I decided I was going to pay for one. It was like a weekend mastermind. It was 10 grand. And I was like, I'm just going to go and see if I can learn something from this guy, even though I probably know a lot of what he's already teaching, even though we're in the same industry, even though I'm doing really well already. But I was like, I'm going to pay the money. I'm going to show up for two days for the two day mastermind. and the people I met in there was just worth the investment.

44:17And I'm reminded of things by the teachings as well of like, oh yeah, what I'm doing is working. I'm going to keep doing it. And here's a couple of things new that I could try that could help accelerate my growth. That's worth it. But just like investing in yourself, when you make an investment in yourself to be in a room, you say, I matter and I'm worthy of being around the right people. I matter and I'm worthy of learning, of developing powerful relationships with big dreamers, with big doers. And when you make that investment, whether it's time, money, or energy into a group, like the Kiwanis group, maybe it was a hundred bucks a year or something, right?

44:54Or whatever. It's not a big investment, but you invested time and energy and you got a massive return. So it doesn't always have to be money to buy into a group, but that's what a lot of people do for college. You buy into a group and you pay 200 grand for a piece of paper. That doesn't guarantee you financial success. It doesn't guarantee you the right relationships 10, 20 years down the line when you really need them. Maybe you have a good time in college. And I'm not saying I didn't have a good time, but it's like, it guarantees you debt unless someone pays it for you. And you got to find a way to pay that off.

45:27And a mastermind is one of the best ways to do it in my mind to get to the next level in your life. And I want to ask you, because some people might have a confusion around what is a mastermind? Is it more just like networking? I think we've explained some of it, but what a real mastermind actually is doing, or I would say, what is a real mastermind doing at a psychological and identity level for people when they make the time, energy, or investment to join a group of like-minded or higher achievers than themselves? Yeah. I thought a lot about this before we started Ultra Together, and I want to just baseline what I'm about to say to people because it will sound offensive.

46:08but it took me a long time to figure this out. You know, I've been running masterminds since 2008. And, you know, for most of these years I've, you know, generated well over eight figures doing that. Just that piece of our business. Like it's been a big part of my life. And I think I had some years where I did them great. And some years I did really bad, like, because I didn't know this difference. So like there's some like real delineation here. It won't sound good, but I'll I'll share the truth part. I used to think when I first started my masterminds, it was like, oh, I take people places and we have a great time together.

46:39I took people, I took groups. They were paying$50 ,000 a year. I took them to the Caribbean. I took them to unbelievable places in New York City and Miami. I rented out yachts, jet helicopters, boats. I mean, I made these extravagant retreat things. I'm just, I thought it was that. The adventure masterminds. Yeah, I was like, and I did training. But I really thought that make sure that that environment thing is super locked in. I think that's a component. It can be a new experience for people, especially in an AI world. I think that's going to matter. But I made the mistake. That was too big. I made that such the big part about it.

47:17And I just watch how many people stay over how many years. And then I thought, oh, it really needs... The critical thing here is training. if we can train somebody's mind for a step change in thinking that's the investment and you think about if you if you did go to college there was you know especially if you took like philosophy right or political science or you took a major liberal art that really expanded your brain you're like oh wow right or you went into math advanced mathematics it's like those moments there were step changes and big thinking, that was life. That was the aspirational unlock.

47:57And so I learned that. And now I'm to the offensive part. And this applies to mastermind, but everybody listening, whether you're ever in a mastermind or not. Most people show up each day as their minimal self. So this is an identity conversation. And this is where I'm saying, this might sound offensive, and I don't want people to discount me because I'm using this phrase, but I hope you'll stick with me people show up as their minimal self they show up and they kind of go through the motions of the day they're in stimulus and response what what shows up how do i respond to it even if they try to show up and respond to it really well they're kind of locked into that position of today the contemporaneous how do i handle this even if i'm trying to be peaceful how do i handle this but most people throughout their day because there's this human thing called homeostasis we kind of fall back to the level of just like average we fall back to level of what if we had the power in the guts to say kind of mediocre it just means in that moment we weren't being intentional beyond stainless in response we weren't being aspirational in other words we didn't turn ourself on we didn't summon the best of who we are intentionally and so even if what we did was good, we weren't in the right head space to be aspirational.

49:19There's a minimal self, show up, do the bare minimum, even if you're good, but then there's the aspirational self. Asking, what would the aspirational self do? And I'll give it a real world example outside of masterminds. But a mastermind has to achieve this with a person. A mastermind has to achieve a percentage change of how people show up from a minimal self to an aspirational self. we know about strategies business money all that all day long but if we don't achieve that that's the unlock of the mastermind i i used to spend this percentage of a time in going through the motions guy in dealing with life as it came guy and i went way a step change in intention and aspirational living and it can be as simple as this you have date night with marta well after day of all this running an empire it'd be easy to show up in the being state of the person who ran an empire that day maybe you were energized and stressed that day or maybe you were just like wipe the f out yeah but most people they show up to handle things so i or you show up at date night to handle okay we're date night when you become extraordinary when you reach greatness in your life, there's a beat where you take a step back and you are not in stimulus and response at all.

50:36You're in high intention aspiration. You're like, what would make tonight an aspirational date night? Look - Not just going through the motions. Restaurants already chosen, but you see it all the time in movies, right? There's the couple in the movie sitting at dinner. There's other people sitting around them, but at some point one of them gets up and now they're dancing around their table and everyone else is looking at, oh my God, that's so beautiful. We used to dance. There's a magic element that you chose consciously to make that an aspirational date, not a normal date, not just a good, like something happened.

51:17So if you shift a person into that in their personal life and their business life, take them from a minimal self. And I want to say that a minimal self does not mean there's something missing and minimalist self does not mean there's something bad with you it's literally a homeostatic state human beings experience it it's not bad the least resistance the most least resistant we're built that way in some ways to have a comfortable flow but and i don't want you lose comfort i just want you to be more percentage of time in an aspirational state and i've learned this from you big time i just want to give a shout out like i last time lewis and i were hanging out guys i had just done this big major media thing and i super bombed like i was bad i was bad and i i left that situation and i came and i sat with lewis and matt and i told him i bombed i was like so bad at this interview it was bad and and and lewis was like laughing and jovial with me um but the first thing went to my mind was remembering us on stage uh-huh and seeing how you you're always Lewis Howes, but there's a magic you're able to do here that has opened me several times in our conversations.

52:26Like I don't do, people go watch it on the internet. I don't do interviews very good. It's like, I'm a teacher. I'm not used to being, I'm a very poor subject. And, but you unlock me because you, you quote unquote, turn on. Yes. And when you. It's intentional too. You intentionally turn on. It's intentional. Yeah. You intentionally show up for those babies. Yes. you intentionally show up for marta yes because you have an aspirational self that says you know i'm not just going to go with my state of being right now i have a view of a great man i want to be a great man so let me behave from that yes getting around the right people who have aspirational self uh as a core philosophy what i call a dominant psychological frame when you're around someone who has a dominant psychological frame that they want to live into their highest and best aspirational self, that's rare.

53:25Get around those people. Get in rooms with those people. I don't care if it's volunteering or paying a mastermind or going to a conference, get around those people because it will open you to a future. Dude, it's life. That's life. Proximity is power. And who you spend time with in your intimate relationship, your friends and your family, how much you spend time with them, whether they bring you life or they suck the life out of you, it's powerful or it can be disempowering as well of who you're in proximity with. And I'd love for us to do a proximity audit activity together real quick. And this would be a real life, real time proximity audit of our lives.

54:05We'll do it quick. It doesn't have to be so deep or anything, but I would like to give people watching or listening this kind of three prompt exercise to do at home as well as a takeaway for this to get them thinking about the powerful relationships or the disempowering ones in their life currently to see what's holding them back and what they need to invest into to launch them forward as well so i'll have us each do this there's three quick prompts and the first one is it can't be each other. Who is one person who expanded your thinking in this last year? One person, maybe it's someone known, someone not known, but first person that comes to mind, who is one person that expanded your thinking this year?

54:50Not me.

54:54My wife, Denise. Okay. Yeah. And she's been that steady, expansive force in my life for so long she expands my thinking because she wants so much for me which is what a gift for you and i both have why it's like they want so much for us and sometimes i'll be like oh i'm gonna do this deal she's like you're worth more than that uh she's expanded my thinking so much in health to to to stay healthy she expanded my thinking in And we have all certain, we have timelines. You and I building empires, we have like a timeline when something might happen. She's like, why can't that happen sooner? Why does that idea take five years?

55:40And there's no pressure to it. It's just expensive. Like, wow. It's Elon Musk's famous thing. It's like, well, if you think it takes six years, why can't it be done in six months? When someone does that to you and time becomes a forcing mechanism. It's why can't it be done and what would need to happen for this to be done in half the time than what you originally thought. That's right. You need to be around more people like that. That's right. Who tell you those questions, who push you and say, sure, if it takes six years, fine. But if you had to do it in six months, what would need to happen?

56:12And maybe you don't want to do what needs to happen in six months. Maybe it's requires too much time or energy, or it's, you got to get an investor or whatever it is and you're like, nah, I'd rather not do it that fast if it means doing this. But what if it was easier? What was faster? What if it came quicker and you didn't have to work as hard? What would need to happen? Those types of questions are what someone that you're in the right proximity with, you want to be around them more. So your wife, Denise, is the one person who expanded your thinking this year. Can I jump on that one? Because I love what you just said.

56:45I actually want to watch that clip like 10 times where you just said, because there's so many definitions are vital. I hope someone will rewind what Lewis just did there. That was great. I want to jump on it because I just want to tell people, if you've had the right business coach, if you're an entrepreneur, or you've been in the right rooms, you can recall a time when somebody gave a strategy or an idea that doubled your business and made it more elegant. Yes. Easier. effortless if you've never doubled your business or became more elegant because somebody told you that strategy it means you've never had the right coach never had the right strategy or never been right room you might be super smart but if no one's ever like handed that to you wrong rooms most of your life like doubling your business was like an awful slog or a genius luck moment and here's the thing it's like the power of a mastermind the person that you're choosing to be in mastermind with, whether it's the person you're investing in or the group of people, they don't have to have all the answers for you also.

57:53They don't have to be the one that's like, they've already done everything you want to do and they have to have all the answers. I'm not going to say the person's name, but there's a guest I've had on a few times who's a billionaire. And when he was around, I don't know, half a billion dollars in his business, I was like, I've never been a billionaire. I don't know what that feels like, but I just said, what would it take for you to get to a billion, from a half a billion to a billion? Because he had a plan for like a few years out. I go, what would it take for you to do it in the next six months?

58:22I literally said this question. And he got really frustrated with me. It's just not possible right now. He just kind of gets squirmy and frustrated. He couldn't think about how to make it possible. And I was just like, if you had to make it possible, what would need to happen? Just brainstorm with me. I'm just almost a billionaire and I'm not at that level. and he goes, well, you just can't. And I go, come on, really? You can't? You've already gone to a half a million. You can't do this. Like, what if you had to, what would need to happen? And just that question got him thinking, well, well, I'd have to make a call to this person.

58:55I'd have to get more courageous with this person and ask them for this. I'd have to go do these many more deals and I have to unlock this thing. And I go, okay, well, could you do that in six months? He's like, yeah, I could. Literally, I think it was maybe eight or nine months later, he had a billion dollars in his business. Wow. From taking these actions. And again, I didn't know how to do the strategy. Right. I didn't know how to execute what he was doing, but I just asked the right question for him to see a bigger, more powerful possible future that he hadn't yet seen in that timeline. And I think that is the key that you just said is being around people that are willing to ask you those questions.

59:33For you to kind of tap into life's golden ticket of tapping into your own inner wisdom. It's like, yes, you need a coach or the mentor, the mastermind to unlock it. But then it's you seeing what is that possibility? Yes. What do I need to become in order to create this faster or do it more elegantly or to unlock something in a more effortless manner? Right. What allows synchronicities to flow effortlessly as opposed to forcing it so much, being burnt out, grinding. Yes. It's like, it's finding the people that can unlock that in you, but then you tapping into the inner wisdom as well and acting courageously and boldly like you talk about in all of your work an insight instigator yes that's it you instigated an insight for him that's it that's what you got to be around problem solvers yes catalytic thinkers people who like like they don't have to have the answer uh-huh but their belief in you yes and the ability to socratically ask the right questions that instigate and you're like, oh.

1:00:34Belief is so key. I mean, it's like believing in a possible future identity for someone is such a powerful mentor that you can have. Not someone that's pushing you down or saying, yeah, slow down a little bit, but someone who's like, hey, if that's what you want, I see that in you. You had this with your teacher when you were 16. I've had that with coaches and mentors. And it's just having someone put more belief into you so that you can believe it's possible as well. Because if you don't believe it's possible, it's probably not going to happen. Right. Or maybe it happens longer or it's like you're grinding to get there.

1:01:08But if you believe and someone puts belief into you, it just unlocks more. So the first, this is the first prompt is one person expanded my thinking this year for you, it's Denise. For me, it's Martha. We got married. We had twins. It's like, you know, that whole year, it's been a big year. She's expanded my thinking. Twins is freaking expansive. it. But she, I mean, and I'm not copying because you said your wife and I'm saying my wife, but it's like, that was a big year. It's like being married at this stage, having children and going through everything we went through has been a powerful thing.

1:01:40And so I want everyone to think about the one person who's expanded their thinking this year. And then I want you to text the person an appreciation note. Oh, I love that. Of how you've expanded my thinking this year. And so you can just say, hey, I just did an exercise and you were the first person that came to mind. I wanted to tell you how you expanded my thinking this year and why I appreciate you. I love that. So I want everyone to do that for step one. This is the proximity audit activity that Brendan and I are going through. The second prompt is, what is one environment that sharpened you in this last year?

1:02:19One environment, whether it was a group, whether it was an event, whether it was, I don't know, the gym you built or whatever it is, like an environment that sharpened you this year? Definitely when United Ultra in Scottsdale. Yes. Ultra is our mastermind. Everybody is called Ultra. And Lewis had to fly in. And I mean, when I say had to fly in, he had to fly in like, Marta might be due with twins and like any minute later it was like crazy and how many days later it was fast what was the day that we there's a week later or something like that when was the i can't remember the exact date we did ultra but it was within a week yeah but it was like the babies could come any moment so i was like can i make it can i not make it i fly in like right before i leave right after it was like i need the plane ready to get back in case something happens yeah it was amazing So this environment, I'll give you to Aaron, most maybe for those who know my brand, I've been doing three and four day seminars for coming up on 20 years.

1:03:27For those counting, I've done 130 three or four day seminars where I was primarily the teacher, like almost just me. you know usually doing 40 to 50 hours over a weekend just me on stage teaching my curriculum on high performance or leadership of business so it was kind of a solo act for a really long time you know i have a lot of our friends come in and they might speak a little bit but i never got to do it with you know a partner or people yes and at that event two things happened one i co-hosted an event with place which is a billion dollar real estate company before you and I did Ultra. So I got to see them, they're on a path, going to be a multi-billion dollar business.

1:04:12They're already valued a billion dollars and just world-class. And I've become friends with the founders and I'm their chief growth advisor. So I get to see them with their people and talking about the future. And when you see billionaires talking about the future, It's just different. So I was watching, I was like, whoa, there's this game in this room right now. It was spectacular. Then meeting all the best agents in the country and seeing how they thought about the real estate market and thought about deal flow. And it was like, whoa, okay. I was inspired by that because it's a different industry than me.

1:04:51Just seeing that, I was like, whoa. Then bam, we flipped the conference to ultra mastermind. the next day yeah everybody shows up the next day they're just so energized because first time you're coming you know to to do the stage the way you did and uh honestly it was like i don't know so for me and the team we were on like day three or four and you were tired i was tired i was feeling it because it was so much running around in a different way than me just being on stage and you came in and i just saw your energy and when you went up on stage two things happened one seeing what you were teaching at the level that you were teaching, I hadn't gotten to see you do that for a long time.

1:05:32And so you hadn't run a mastermind forever. I hadn't done it in four or five years. It was unbelievable. I think everyone was like in shock and awe of what you did. It was like, whoa. And then also I got to talk with Matt backstage a little bit about what you guys have been building, just learning about all that. It was just, it was a moment of three or four days where I was in an aspirational setting of people doing things that are very different than me, but they all were on. Yes. Giving their best. Giving their best. Wanting to be of service. Caring about excellence. And one of the things I always say as a high performance coach is like, as high performance coaches, we're paid to push.

1:06:11And seeing you push the audience, but you did, I remember two of them, you might've done more. Some breakout. You did two coaching. Yeah, yeah. With entrepreneurs. And the way that you honored them, but then, And it was like, okay, getting to witness mastery in your life, that was it for me. What was yours? I'm curious. First thing that came to mind was Summit of Greatness that we did. So amazing. Where we announced Ultra. And for those that are interested, Brennan and I just launched this mastermind called Ultra. And you can go to lewishouse.com slash Ultra to learn more about it. If you're interested in diving into coaching, mentorship, and a powerful entrepreneurial community with us, go to lewishouse.com slash ultra.

1:06:54But for me, the summit of greatness at the Dolby theater was powerful because it's 10 years in and I'm always creating something new. So it challenges me to step up and be my best. That was one. The second thing that came to mind is a month ago, I took over the Los Angeles Handball Club a couple of months ago. Yeah, I thought you might say that. Yep. And taking on a new challenge where there's no money, I'm spending money, but there's no money coming in. I'm not earning something from this, but I had six Olympians on our team that we brought in from Europe. Six guys who've been in the Olympics, five who have medals at the Olympics to play on my team.

1:07:35Wow. And to invest in the recruitment and development of taking over a team, recruiting. I have a manager whose name is Jan who did all the recruiting of these guys, but I said, we need the best in the world. If we want to be the best or be the best we can be, we need to bring in the smartest, the most talented. And we need to do it with certain structure where it's not just spending all this money. Like how can we do it where people are bought in, but they don't want to get paid. They want the experience. They want the dream. They want to come be and play in America for a weekend. And they want to play handball in USA when they've never played.

1:08:15They've only played in Europe. So we need the right mindset, the right attitude, not people that are like, you got to pay me to come here. No one got paid. Wow. But they got an opportunity to experience something and they're going to do it again here in the next couple of months with the final tournament we have. But being the president of the team, you know, the, I guess the leader of the team in certain ways and a player on the team and also having humiliated enough to say, I'm not the best one here by any means and I'm okay. I want that. So as the owner and president, I have humility to also say, coach, your job, whatever you want us to do, I trust you.

1:08:58All the other players who have been in the Olympics, you know way more than me. I haven't done that. I trust you. What are we doing? And having the humility to say, hey, you lead. Sure, I'm the owner and president and I'm organizing with other people, but I sit the bench in the first half, you know, it's like, I don't need to start. I don't need to be the all-star on my own team. If that's the case, I'm doing things wrong. So I have the humility to say, I can sit the bench and come in when I'm needed, but I don't need to be the starter or the guy getting the ball all the time. I'm okay with that.

1:09:31I want to achieve my goal and dream of being an Olympian. And if that means being around the best and then rising to their level eventually, cool. I'll play five minutes a game. I don't care. If I'm getting better and I'm getting to my goal, then I'll do whatever it takes. So for me, sharpening my skills, that environment has sharpened me more than anything this year because it takes courage. It takes recruitment. It takes humility. Again, this is an amateur sport. There's no money in this in America. So it's like investing time and energy in something that has no guarantees of the dream coming true and being okay with that.

1:10:11and so for me that experience has been amazing um i loved it when we were talking about it because it's manifesting a passion yes but you you thought at like the club level yes i think a lot of people don't kind of connect with what we're sharing there it's like you have things you love to do watch the magic that happens in life when it's an equally passionate, geeky, loving people around it. Like I was like, get around obsessed people because it's so exciting because they're not doing it for money. You and I aren't even in this room for money. We're good on the money. We love talking. We love teaching.

1:10:55We love sharing. We love inspiring. We love empowering. And when you're around that in sports or in business or in your media world, it's just a different level. Relationship. Yeah. And so it's like I've invested in my own mastermind with handball. I love that. And I'm getting around the right players, the right coaches, the right people in the handball world to build those relationships. And I've been doing that for the last 15 years for a dream that's a few years away. And I'm doing it now for the future self. so I'm doing that in that passion as well so that would be the environment that sharpened me so again write down the environment that sharpened you and then we don't have to say the name but one relationship or input that you had to limit or cut this last year so it doesn't you don't have to say like the person's name or we'll bleep it if you say it but yeah just uh

1:11:50is there a person I would say it's not just a person it's almost like an avatar of people that I would say, you know, my wife has been good at coaching me on is like, I love people. Yes, me too. I mean, I just, and you know this the way I run our groups and I love people and I have to be very conscious and diligent and apologetic about boundaries. Yes. And a lot of people in our industry, especially they come in and it's just like, you know the number of favors requests that come yes and i don't like i'll do a favor but i'll do 50 favor i i don't have the intelligence i'm just not very good i know there's there's a line it needs to be and you know i need to make that line clear clear and i also need to make sure there's give and take yeah and because i don't care about the take piece i often also don't get value back yes and uh later on it feels draining and exhausting after a while yeah it can um but really i don't know that i sense the draining it's interesting uh i wish i did yeah but the reality what do you feel resentment or no commitment or no this this took me a long time to figure out because i don't my problem is i don't get frustrated in that situation my problem is I will keep breaking the boundary even though I know there's nothing coming back.

1:13:21I wish I got the bitterness or that edge that goes, F these people. Instead, what ends up happening is it becomes a clear, rational, intellectual boot to the brain of opportunity cost. Yeah. The time away from your main thing to helping all these other people. Yeah. And there's no bitterness there. It'll be a flash of insight like, oh my gosh, I just brought up this person and look at, they're doing these amazing things and they haven't done anything back, which is fine. But here's this other person who was struggling, who didn't get that attention. yeah and so or or there's a part of my business that you know plateaued because i spent over here and i don't i could reuse your coaching on that i don't know why i wish that i had that like i don't have the f you know mentality uh i just never have sure because for me that sent i think i you know i learned from the you know earl nightingales and then dale Carnegie's and the Zig Ziglar's and they all warned against bitterness.

1:14:29Like as bitterness is corrosive. It's not good. And so I kind of decided in my early twenties, I don't want that in my life. However, I do need more edge to recognize that earlier in the relationship. Um, not because they're bad, but because I have responsibilities over here. Yeah. And my time to give to these responsibilities is more responsible over here. And that's been, so it's a time management thing that I had to own. And I think what's opening up for me that you just triggered in me is like, if you're experiencing bitterness, it means you don't have a boundary. You don't have a clear boundary.

1:15:09You're like feeling resentment or I speak for myself and I'd feel like resentful or frustrated or bitter by feeling like, oh, I'm just giving this person for years. and then if I ask one little request, it's a no. And like, huh, okay, where's their... It doesn't mean they have to give something in return, but they're only reaching out to me to ask for something. Right. There's not a deeper relationship, then what are we doing? And I know you get a lot of that, so that's hard. Yeah, yeah. And so for years I had to learn how to be like, I was just bitter with people, but I wouldn't speak up because I was afraid or I didn't want them to think I was like, whatever.

1:15:41And so I've learned how to really make my circle tight. And I think when I started, you know, 18 years ago, I needed to expand my circle. You need to create opportunities. You need to meet everyone. You need to, hey, let's work together. Let's help you. And then you're just spreading everywhere and it gets to a certain level. But then I had to learn to be like, okay, now I have no time for anything to do my own thing where it needs the most time and attention because I'm just helping everyone else. And I like that state. I like helping everyone as much as I can. It's a fun thing to do. Yes. To see people succeed.

1:16:14It's enjoyable. but if it's at the cost of you not being able to reach your goal or or build the thing you're trying to build or there's a financial burden or whatever it might be you've got to put your attention and focus back to the thing that pays your bills and it brings you joy and fulfillment as well so i learned this phrase you might like um because someone was coaching me on this and they said brennan you have to learn to differentiate between a naive receiver and a taker yes yeah and And he was like, you don't know the difference. I was like, I don't think I'm doing it. I don't think I probably did either.

1:16:47You know, intellectually, I could say I do, but behavior is what matters. Yes. And if you're ever in that place where you end up wanting or needing something and you share a goal and the people who you've helped when you share a goal don't immediately go like, hey, I don't know, can I help? Yes. They don't have to help or know how to, but if they don't ask the question, it means that you were probably in a relationship there where there was some taking going on. It's not that they have to solve or even give. It's that, do they even ask? Yes, that's it. And that's what I was like, oh yeah, that's, cause that's behavior.

1:17:22You can measure that. Do they ask or not? Yeah. And one of the greatest gifts that I've received was learning how to create boundaries in my life, probably more in like emotional, intimate relationships. learning how to create boundaries and find, you know, developing a relationship with Martha, who is, I would say an equal or greater giver than me, which I don't know if that's possible because I feel like I'm giving all the time, but she's such a match of energy around giving that it's just a joy every day because we can both give it to each other. But I think if you've grown up with wounds that you haven't healed and you've been traumatized and you're a giver to please others, you tend to attract takers, you know, if you don't know how to create boundaries, right?

1:18:09And if you're like anxious and all the things that I was. True. And so I would just attract takers and I was just a good giver. And then after a couple of years, you're like, I'm exhausted. So it's learning how to create healthy boundaries with yourself and others in settings where you feel like there's a good give and take. And I think if you're only giving and you're not around a conscious receiver who also just wants to appreciate, at least appreciate the giving and say, Hey, thank you so much for helping me develop. You don't have to give equal back, but there has to be a conscious receiver.

1:18:44Yeah. Yeah. That needs to be, you know, a good energy exchange, I think. So anyways. I just want, I want to share this because I know a lot of entrepreneurs are listening and they join our masterminds and everything too. That whole metaphor we just shared, and I'm going to do this for myself too as part of the homework i'm going to flip the metaphor that we just shared about giving into relationships and give and take and flip it to opportunities too yes because i think that a lot of us give our heart and our spirit and our soul sometimes into opportunities and that opportunity doesn't give anything back no it doesn't and you end up i think a lot of entrepreneurs end up in that pit where it is just endless you know gambler's dilemma i put so much money i put so much time i better keep filling the pit and no return there was never any give and take there there was never any boundary there it ate up all of your life all of your finances or or even if it's good now it's corrosive for you because maybe it's not in the spirit in which you developed you got more conscious or you moved out of that wanting that particular business and i think it'd be cool to go okay because there's opportunity cost there too the opportunity cost of pouring yourself into the wrong opportunity that doesn't give you back we should be in opportunities that fill us yes and i see how i watch so many of your episodes it's like you're i can tell you're filled from the conversation yes that's cool yeah and i well like people would see when i teach you know because usually i'm just directly the camera talking to people teaching and i only do curriculum based like framework teaching and so I finished my framework.

1:20:24I'm full. I feel good, you know, versus there's been other business opportunities that were very lucrative in my life. I just never felt that give, the opportunity should give back to you too. Yes. Emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, always having fulfillment, joy. That's cool. So I want everyone to do this. It's called the proximity audit. And again, answer three quick prompts. Write down or say out loud one person who's expanded your thinking this year, one environment that sharpened you, and one relationship or input that you had to limit or create a boundary with, just for you to reflect on this to see, okay, how could I set my life up moving forward, 2026 and beyond, with the right people, the right environments, the right situations that expand my possibilities, that expand my thinking.

1:21:11And I'm around people that want to see me accomplish my goals bigger, faster, and better than even I do. Be in rooms like that with those people. Brendan, any final thoughts we should leave with people on the power of mastermind before we wrap things up in this conversation? Again, lewishouse.com slash ultra, go there, do the audit that we just talked about, the proximity audit, and that will give you a reflection of your life right now to hopefully help you start making some different choices in your life. Any final thing around masterminds, proximity for people to take away with. Yeah. I think this time of year, just realizing your breakthroughs will be social.

1:21:52We need to get back in that understanding of human awesomeness together. And when you're in the right room, you will know you're in the right room because there's aspiration beyond how you normally show up. The minimal self or the aspirational self. Your job won in life is to summon the best of who you are to advance towards who you know you could be. But sometimes who you know you can be is limited by fears and old worries and your obligations and the kids or the spouse or the other things. You have to be in groups or around people, whether it's best friend, a trainer or coach, I don't care who it is, somebody on your team, somebody who aspirationally leads you, who is that insight instigator, someone who gets you thinking and thinking about your future in a way that is maybe even beyond you thought about.

1:22:42I really get tired of this idea that, oh, we're just supposed to know our future. And I go, most people are moving towards a fixed future. That future is not what we call a growth-oriented future. It's certainly not a step change. They're looking at the incremental path and the incremental path has its places. We want compound habits, of course. We want compound affirmations. We want a good mindset and habits. but at some point as an adult you go i don't want just incrementalism for the next five decades of my life not that it's not bad but if you look at people who made real wealth or look at people who had like adventurous incredible fulfilling vibrant lives they they did have some of those peaks and valleys they allowed it to peak once in a while and that came from this idea of going there there's got to be a step change sometimes.

1:23:29In Jeff Bezos's last letter as CEO, he talked about the challenge that everybody will want you to fall into a normalcy. That's to me what the minimal self is. It's like they'll chip away at your specialness. They'll chip away at your uniqueness. You'll be around people in your life who will chip away with all their doubts and their concerns at the magic of who you could be, not just who you are, of who you could be. They're chipping away and you don't even know they're chipping away at it. And his whole idea was like, your specialness, your distinctiveness, we have to make sure every day is a day one.

1:24:03We don't need to get complacent. We need those big bets. He would talk about part of being an investor in Amazon as an example is that we're going to make billion dollar bets that fail, but we need to have the right to do that. Because some of those, they're going to be the home run. And a lot of people haven't made any bets on themselves in a long time because they've been stuck in incremental land. And I'm here to say, sometimes you got to make a bet on yourself. That's getting in the right group. That's making the right phone call. That's, you know, be in the right room. It's like looking for a step change.

1:24:35The reason people have midlife crises is almost never because of they didn't do the right incremental things. It's that they actually do need a step change in earning. They do need a step change in freedom. They do need a step change in fulfillment. And so be around a group of people who are willing to do that responsibly, who know the right strategies to make the right impact, the right fulfillment, the right growth. But I'm like, this might be the time a lot of people are listening. I need a step change. So I do that. I hope they get an ultra because it's about going the ultra mile, the extra mile.

1:25:04You have a marathon, but they have an ultra run. You and I want to be on that ultra run ideology of life. And I want other people to hear that. There's a step change waiting for you and the breakthrough will be social. So get in the room. Yeah. And it's about being on the right teams, having the right coaches and being on the right teams and uh we hope you guys if this feels like it's a calling for you we hope you join our team in ultra lewishouse.com ultra and you start seeing those exponential changes very quickly brennan love you man appreciate you let's do it brother love you brother thank you amazing i have a brand new book called make money easy and if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy.

1:26:03I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review.

1:26:41I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.