Why Healing Your Past Won't Change Your Life

28:52That's why people are frustrated. Yeah, exhausted too. Yeah, and exhausted. Because you can't work hard enough to get over that. No, no. You can't analyze it enough to get over it. You can't outrun your past. You can't. But what you can do is you can isolate it with the simple question, how old are you, sweetheart? You, the adult who has wisdom and depth and capacity can turn to yourself and say, sweetheart, how old are you? And where are you in my body? Now there's two of you in the room. And what we want to make sure is that you're not taking action from the wounded self because you'll only create more evidence.

29:37And learning how to then begin to mentor that younger self. And the first way you do it is to say, I'm sorry for not loving. I'm sorry for not loving you in the way you need to be loved. You repair that within yourself because the source fracture story gets played out in the relationship with the self. I'm sorry, sweetheart, for abusing you. Some men are uncomfortable with sweetheart. Right, right. Little Lou or whatever. Buddy or son. Let me just tell you, if people can't locate their adult self, think about who you are for a friend in need. You are that person already for other people. Yes. Think about the parent you are.

30:25Think about the leader that you are at work. Yeah, great way of, I mean, for people that are coming for the first time, it might sound weird that you're thinking there's two people in the room, but I've talked about this a lot in terms of like people understand internal family systems and it's like the different parts of you and we've had these types of conversations, similar types of conversations. so hopefully my core audience would understand this concept. But if someone's coming for the first time, they're thinking, what are they talking about? There's two parts of you and one person. You know, we have these wounded parts of us from childhood, the psychological memory within our body that when I get triggered from something based on a wound, and if I'm not aware of it and catch myself, I'll react based on the wound versus respond based on the wisdom, like you said, that wiser part of me.

31:14And so it's just learning how to respond to things that might trigger us from the wisest version of us, from the higher version of us, rather than from the wounded version of us is what I'm hearing you say. And that's what, you know, Catherine's talking about here is when you're coaching a friend who maybe is going through a bad dating experience, and let's just say the guy is not whatever, being attentive or not being kind or cheating on your girlfriend or whatever it might be. And you give that person advice and say, you're better than this. You deserve more. Create a boundary. Leave this guy, whatever it might be.

31:52But sometimes we don't know how to do that for ourselves, but we can coach someone else. And so what I'm hearing you say is learning how to coach the wounded version of us inside of us. And how to calm down. And how to say, hey, I've got you. I'm here for you. You're safe. I'm parenting you, essentially. I'm coaching you. I'm mentoring you. and let's make a better decision together from a safer space. That's what I'm hearing you say. Beautiful, beautiful. It's hard for people to understand that. Like if you told me this when I was 25, I'd be like, you're crazy. What is this? Like, just tell me how to make money.

32:26You know, just tell me how to like get the girl, tell me how to do something else because I'd be too afraid to address the parts of me that didn't feel enough. And I'd be too afraid to even speak them out loud that people thought I had a weakness. and I think there's a lot of specifically men in the world that are afraid to to even speak out loud that they have one of these beliefs that I'm bad I don't belong I'm a burden I'm crazy I'm damaged goods whatever it might be and I think the the faster we can name our source fracture story and go through these seven steps you talk about the better our life will be and manifesting faster anything we want.

33:08Well, wherever we're centered at the level of identity is where we're generating our whole lives from. There's a lot at stake here. Say that one more time. Wherever we're centered at the level of identity is where we're generating our lives from. So there's a lot at stake. I can tell you a story. You know, sometimes stories help to integrate the concepts, right? So these ideas have really been informed by my privilege of teaching tens of thousands of people in live interactive classes since 2007. I don't think there's many people who can say I've had the opportunity to teach 60, 70 ,000 people in live classes where there's interactive coaching and people writing it and stuff.

33:52So it's been, I'm a clinician, right? It's on the court and I'm a transformational teacher. I didn't do that as a psychotherapist. I did it as a teacher, but these ideas are big ideas and they're actually they could actually turn psychotherapy into a new direction for those who are ready to move into a future forward focus and start to really take these ideas and work with them and see how quickly the work goes when you have the context of a positive possible future and when you're willing to help your client to understand themselves as the source of the patterns and get off of the victimization, like take a zero tolerance for victimization, which doesn't mean they weren't victimized.

34:36Right, right. Okay, it's just the most powerful place to be standing in life for those of us who are fierce about getting over this, right? So yes, you were victimized and let's not make a home of it. Right. Okay. What happens if we make a home of being a victim to things we are victimized by? You just don't progress. You actually cannot progress in your life when you are making a home of victimization. But what if something really bad happened to us? We were traumatized. Someone hurt us. They abused us. They abandoned us. They left us dead. They stole from us. They robbed from us. What if all these bad things happened to us?

35:12Yeah. Shouldn't we feel victimized and pity and have everyone help us? It's not an either or. Yes, you were completely victimized. But victimization has two parts to it. One is, who was I being that allowed that to happen? That's canceled in any childhood situation. Okay, cancel, cancel. You were never, ever, ever responsible for anything when you were a kid. But who was I being in that relationship that this person ended up cheating on me, for example. As an adult. Yeah, yeah, as an adult. That's a smart question to ask yourself. Okay, so what might my 3 % be? What was my role? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:53In conscious on a couple of people are so angry when they're getting separated. So much the other person's fault. I just say 97 % them. What's your 3 %? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So you want to look at how is the source of it. And even if you were a kid and you were victimized and abandoned and abused and it wasn't your fault, why is it not worth it staying in victimhood as an adult? Well, the second part is who will I be in the face of it? Okay. That's the second part of none. It's just the refusal to be in reaction to life because we really want to be creators of life. And most of us are stuck in the being in reaction to life, which means we're not going to be able to generate the miracles that we came here for.

36:39Okay, so that's why. So you have to kind of put your big girl, big boy panties on and really show up for yourself. Because it's hard to create from a victimhood is what I'm hearing you say. You can't create from a victimhood. the first entry to creativity is giving up victimization. And you're not free if you're a victim. You're never free. The other person is bigger than you. They have the power over you. Or just the interpretation of the moment or whatever happened that you felt abandoned or abused or neglected or whatever it might be, right? Yeah. That's issue. And those feelings are valid.

37:13Of course. Okay, so that's where you have to hold the complexity where you sit with yourself. And how long do you stay in victimhood? You know, it's like when you've been traumatized. It comes up, it comes up and you have to just turn towards yourself and you say, yeah, that hurt. Yeah, that was really crappy. And if I want to have a positive possible future, I can't stand that. Yeah. Right. It's like, yes, that happened. Well, the context is, so the context of a positive possible future will give you a way to hold your challenges now in a way that's noble, that makes them bearable. because you know the whole thing about a positive possible future also you want to have a meaningful why in your positive possible future if you're just in it for yourself it's okay but but if you see that you're modeling for your kids or you care about the next generation on the planet service to others is everything so then you're going to go farther you know inside of your resolve okay well i'm going to see this this is what we're all learning now how to be stronger how to be wiser this is my teacher of love you know some of us have very dark gurus in our lives people who really betrayed us really hurt us and you know on some level you think about okay what they woke me up i will never give my power away to another narcissist that won't happen again painful though you know oh yeah right life lessons man so we got to name your source fracture story would that be like me naming the time i was sexually abused and be like okay it will be this for?

38:42What the I am. So you're not going back into the trauma. It's looking for the identity you form. One of those 22. Yeah. I'm not loved. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not a love. I'm not a love. I'm not lovable. I'm not lovable. Other people don't love me. And, uh, life is pretty barren when you're not loved. I mean, it's just kind of, you can't really expect much out of life. That's true. Yeah. So it's naming your source for action story and then And then mentoring that part. Okay. Having a relationship with yourself. Step three then is then from the wise self, you actually tell the truth. Because what we distinguish, you've got to distinguish trauma from truth.

39:22And you were talking about when it happens, it feels true. So the first thing you say to yourself is, sweetheart, that's not true. That's trauma. I'm so sorry you were wounded like that. Wow. Yeah. But that's not true about you. How do you believe something is not true about you when it feels so true? Well, you have to really kind of, you know, look for the evidence of it. There are parts of us that know that the story isn't true. And it can be, you know, look, psychedelics are all about this, right? Trying to wake people up out of the trance of the identity. and it can be big and lofty and it can certainly be you can go off into spirituality we're all children of God or whatever but it has to be related to the actual story that was created by that younger part of the self you can't just split off and just have a new identity over here this part of you needs rescuing truthfully there was no adult there Lewis who was able to sit to you with you within 24 hours and say honey I'm so sorry that happened You are so loved.

40:29You are safe now. We've got you. You're okay. Even with that, you might still be traumatized. You might still. And still need to be reminded over and over. That's right. And have a healing journey. Right. So what happens - Of feeling safe, yeah. Absolutely. And what happens is when we get triggered, our own adult goes out the window. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And there's still no adult presence to wake us up. So it's almost like you've got to be your own fairy godparent and come down. You look Glenda the witch. or whoever the warlock. You've got to come down with love. Now, I'll tell you another story that showed me how easy this could be, actually.

41:06So I was sitting in my 20s, and I was a wannabe actor in New York. And obviously nothing really worked for my life, so I had a lot of rejection, a lot of failure. And I was waiting tables, and I had this great group of people I was waiting tables with. A couple of them are still my friends today. And one of them was named Billy. and I had a really bad audition that day and I'm sitting there complaining and crying and crying over my wine. It was after the shift was over, I'm crying and nothing's ever going to happen for my life. I'm never going to make anything of my life. It's over. I was crappy again today and Billy reaches across the table.

41:43He takes my hand and he says, I'm so glad you're facing it now, Catherine. And I grabbed my hand away. I said, how dare you say that to me? He said, thank you. what was the part of me that was like, how dare you say that to me? That was the wiser self. That was the part that just knew, this is a story I've had right now. So all of us know, there is a part of all of us that do, we know that that's not true. We're just so captivated by the emotions because the false centers have an emotion to them. So we have to train ourselves to step outside, to witness, to mentor, to find the part of us that actually knows a different story.

42:24and to begin to work with that self. And that's where we come up with power statements. Power statements deconstruct. What's an example of a power statement? I am alone. I didn't come here to be alone. I was born to love and be loved. I have the power to grow my relationships, healthy, strong, vibrant, and long-lasting. There's an assertion. There's a ferocity to it. It breaks up the I'm alone. It wakes you up out of the trance. So you almost have to coach yourself in that and using those statements. Yes. That's good. Yeah. Because you talk about the next step is seeing yourself as source. What does that actually mean when you've been a victim or had bad breaks most of your life?

43:08This is one of the most important things that we can ever do is to see yourself as source. Very few of us are trained in how to do it. Most of us, when we go to say, well, what's my part, that 3%, we'll drop into shame. see I'm just too stupid I have bad karma I'm too screwed up for my parents my parents screwed me up too badly you know I'm just not good enough we'll go back into the source fracture story so one of the things you have to learn is how to objectively notice your own choices and behaviors without dropping into shame the other thing that we will do is we will then how am I the source of this will go back into our psychology.

43:55Well, my sister always competed with me and so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's why I am the way that I am. No power in that story. Interesting story. Good to know. Right, right. There's no power for a greater future. No power to generate a greater future. So what we're looking for is what's your access to power? So this skill of being able to really own your choices. So an example from my life, when I was looking at my patterns in love, right? But as I was first writing Calling in the One, you know, 20 years ago. And I saw, you know, my pattern was unavailability and married men. So from a psychological perspective, you know, one married guy after another was really horrible.

44:42I was horrible. to even do that. But that's what I was doing. From a psychological perspective, it's just kind of like ABC, because my father left when I was young, married a woman who didn't want anything to do with me, wasn't allowed in their home, condition of their marriage, that it wasn't part of their family. So he used to sneak out and see me. So I'm the other woman by the age of eight. Oh my gosh. Okay. So you kind of get it. I mean, it's very dramatic. Oh my gosh. You were the other mistress by the age of eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. You know, not a big mystery why I'm dating married men, okay?

45:16Because I'm finally getting my dad to choose differently, which never actually worked. But so that was one way of seeing it, which gave me no access to power. The other way of seeing it when I looked for myself, how am I the source of this, is that I realized that inside of this deep, I am alone story, I had a corresponding belief that no one will ever really be there for me. So when I would date people from that perspective, it didn't occur to me that I needed a man who would actually be able to show up for me. Yeah, emotionally available, not in a relationship already. I'm looking at chemistry, how cool is he?

45:58You know, like what car is he driving? I don't know what I was looking, but it wasn't that. I wasn't looking at his character. Yeah. None of the things that actually matter. So in owning that and seeing that clearly, like, wow, I wasn't looking at the right things. There's no shame in that. And actually it was off my radar. So there's no shame in it, but that was key to recreating my criteria for the man that I was looking for. And then I was able to find a man and get married and have a great relationship. So that changed my life, was seeing how I was the source of it. Because once you identify the old way of relating, how you were generating that story, you can just flip it to what's the new way of being?

46:47Okay, here's my new list. This is what I'm looking for. I know it sounds easy to say, okay, once you're aware of the old way of being that you've been for so long, we can flip it into the new way of being. But we've lived an identity of that old way for 20, 30, 40, 50, whatever, how many years of that way of being. yeah how do you grieve and kill off an old identity essentially maybe not killing off but it's like you're shifting an entire lifetime of being and all of a sudden saying i'm just going to be different today and i'm going to think differently and i'm never going to go back to this old past and it's all going to be easy like it's hard sometimes for people to transform into a brand new person a new identity they've never stepped into consistently and letting go of a familiar comfort zone, even though they might have been living in pain and suffering, it's familiar pain and suffering of an identity, right?

47:45And even if you step into a more powerful identity, people just don't know how to do it. It's unfamiliar.

47:55Even if it's better for you. You're absolutely right. That's exactly where people go. Even if it's better, it's unfamiliar. Right. So now you're in step six and seven. Okay, so we're at step five first, right? So five is new ways of relating. Identify new ways of relating. Identify new ways of relating, which you will not know how to do. You don't know how to do. You're like, I've never done this before. I don't know how to have boundaries. No, I'm not going to have courageous conversations. I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to have faith in the goodness of life. Yeah, I don't know how to trust people.

48:25Yeah, whatever. You do not know how. So it's really important that we take the how-to out of it. Okay. Okay, and just say, well, that's the new way of being because step six is to embrace a growth mindset. Okay, and that's what I was talking about before about when you have a positive possible future, it will initiate growth in the direction of that dream. Yeah. You are not yet the person you will need to be to manifest and sustain that future. if you think back to when you first saw the vision of what you have today Louis yeah you were not the man you needed to be for that future to happen no but the future excited me though and I was like I was hungry to learn and grow and develop and you know it's in two weeks it'll be of recording this it'll be 13 years since I launched the show and I remember before launching the show like a year before and I was kind of in this transition phase and I was like, gosh, I've done a lot of things.

49:28I've made money. I've gotten out of being broke and I've figured this out, but I'm still not fulfilled. I didn't have this big future beyond just not be broke and make more money. It was like, get off my sister's couch, make money. But then once I got there, I was like, I'm not fulfilled and my relationships are falling apart. There's something missing. and I just kept thinking about, God, all I want to do is just sit in front of really inspiring people, learn how to be better myself, and then share that with others. And that has been every single week for 13 years, showing up and doing that, doing it not perfect all the time.

50:06And, you know, go back to my old self at times, all these different things, but it's like, I'm constantly showing up. But I remember having that vision of like, this is what I want to do. And I just want to inspire people through interviewing and learning as well and sharing my story of what I'm learning. And it's just, I'm constantly doing that. And you're still growing. Still doing it. You're learning all the time. 100%. Yeah. So when you have the courage to set a bold future that's outside of who you currently know yourself to be, you can expect a jolt in the direction of growth. Which, by the way, isn't always pleasant.

50:46Usually the first act of creation is destruction. So things start falling apart because you've got to get rid of the structures that have been locking your own identity. Or relationships that have been - Yeah, relationships end or things start blowing up. You get fired from your job. All sorts of shenanigans happen. That future is not kidding. That future wants you. But it is to recognize. But if you know that boundaries are the key to your new life, there's a lot of books on boundaries. There's a lot of weekend workshops on boundaries. I would rather somebody put their efforts in personal development, personal growth, transformation, and healing into that development rather than go back for the 18th time and talk about what your father did when you were four.

51:34Yeah, yeah. Okay? That's where the real gold is. So we have to recognize that this is a developmental journey. When you got stuck in trauma, there were skills and capacities that were missing. When you were alone in life because you were a latchkey kid or you were neglected, you were left alone for hours at a time, you didn't learn how to be vulnerable. You didn't learn how to engage conflict in a successful way. you didn't learn how to reciprocity or mutuality in relationships you only learn self-sufficiency or how to receive and relate you know it's like how to receive it's like if you don't feel worthy how are you going to feel like you can receive something that's right you know you're going to say no thank you but no whether it's a gift or someone buying you lunch or love yeah you're going to always kind of be emotionally psychologically or physically rejecting love if you don't believe you're worthy of receiving it, right?

52:33In some way. Or feeling guilty by receiving it or whatever, right? But there is a part of the person who's worthy that's a very hard one to overcome. And you're basically living as a servant to others when you don't have an I'm not worthy. You know, you're showing up kind of subservient everywhere. Really? Well, that's one of the ways of being that that could generate. um that if you there is a part of you that that knows it's a wound and not your destiny and not your truth so that's what we're looking for it's a you know and some of the book is there it takes people very very step by step so you know yeah and the growth mindset is the embracing the growth mindset is step six step seven is making those new choices and taking new actions yes which is correct me if I'm wrong, how we integrate the new identity.

53:24It's like by making new choices, taking new actions, you're stepping into something you've never done. You've had 10, 20, 30, 40 years of an old identity. Now you're doing new actions, new choices. And it takes time to kind of integrate saying I'm safe in this new identity. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's actually where the rubber meets the road. Here's the thing. Things can change so quickly once you understand how you're creating evidence for the old story and you make a different choice. It can be very, very subtle. A lot of these things are very subtle. When I was... When I divorced my husband, which was the foundation of conscious uncoupling, I found myself back out on the dating pool, right?

54:13Which was kind of weird because now I'd written calling in the one. It's a weird experience there. People say, well, I'm not the next one or whatever. You know, it was an awkward situation for sure. But I remember one of the things that happened is that I started automatically recreating the old pattern of unavailability. Really? Yeah, like that pattern is just sitting there, you know, ready to bounce. Yeah, he came out, yeah, yeah. You actually have to generate your life. You have to create a different future. If you don't create something consciously, your past will determine your future. That's just what's so.

54:50That's true. So I noticed that that was happening. And so I went in and I did some work on it. One of my false centers, my source culture stories, and by the way, there's not only just one for every area. Sometimes they're kind of - Intertwined. They're intertwined a little bit. But you work with the one that has the most energy in that moment. Okay, so the one that had the most energy in that moment for me was I'm not wanted. And one of the ways of being in the I'm not wanted is overgiving your energy. Because you're kind of anticipating people are going to reject you. So you've got to be kind of a salesperson, right?

55:25You've got to be like in their face a little bit and tap dancing and don't reject me. But what happens is, of course, it makes people back up. Again, how are the sources? Needy, clingy energy. Yeah, it's like leading you. And then people back up. They're like, see, they don't want me. Exactly, that's it, that's it. So I realized that sometimes with men, if I liked them, that I would come on too strong. That was like a nervous thing that I did. So with my beautiful partner, Michael, now, on our very first date, I knew this about myself. So the new way of being was to hold my energy in, to just bring my energy in to kind of hold myself, be more self-contained so that when I walked in the room, I was self-contained.

56:15I wasn't over giving my energy. You were like a golden retriever, like, ah, love me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you know. Which gave him a chance to get to know me. Yeah, of course, yeah. And he actually fell in love with me that night. So, you know, it doesn't have to be, it can be very quick how life changes. It can be. That's true. So a lot of it is just - All based on your way of being. Absolutely. And being self-aware and self-responsible. What would you say then is the difference between healing yourself and transforming yourself? Well, healing, I say, is the domain of the past, but transformation is the domain of the future.

56:52So healing, again, is about regulating yourself, facing the truth, understanding what happened, recognizing that you are not that, learning to regulate yourself, all of these beautiful things. And so, you know, there's a piece of healing where you just have to be witnessed and held with love. But there are parts of us that will always be healing. Of course. It's a journey. It will, you know, every New Year's Eve, I might feel sad because someone died on that day. And so a lot of it's about just some of these pieces of ourselves. We just need to learn how to hold them when they come up with love.

57:31we don't have to get to the bottom of them before we can have what it is that we want and that's the message that i'm really excited to be delivering to people yeah yeah so there's healing which is the domain of the past transformation which is the domain of the future yeah and it sounds like identity is the domain of like the present almost where it's like our way of being is our identity or our belief is our identity that's the true you oh yeah that's That's the true you. Because the true you is in the now. Okay. Who am I really? Is it true that I'm not good enough? Oh, I was going to tell you.

58:09Do we have time for one more story? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I was going to tell you this story about the, so here I am with these big ideas. I've got all these big ideas and I don't feel good enough to be the one to deliver them. Oh, I'm not Brene. You know, I'm not, I'm not at that level. Right. You know, so, so who am I to bring this forward? and I'm struggling and I'm struggling, but they so want to be born that I'm struggling with the book proposal. I think I struggled for like three years in that, trying to write this book proposal. I got frustrated and I finally just sent it to my agent. Like, okay, this is what I have.

58:48And she read it and she said, I don't get it. Right? Mirroring, hearing, yeah, I'm not good enough. She rejected it. Wow. And I was crushed. I was heartbroken. but this is what I realized out of it. Oh, here I am writing this book about waking up from the trance of your source fracture story to be able to create the life that you came here to live. I'm writing it from the source fracture story. You can't create the future from the self of the past. You actually have to go into the future and begin to source yourself from there. So I asked myself what's really true about this idea you're not good enough.

59:26Well, you know, all of us are imperfect and all of us are doing the best that we can. And life seems to have given this teaching to me. So I guess if life thinks I'm good enough, it's just mine to do. Like I don't need to get into that business about who I don't need to compete with anybody. I'm just me. Right. So I woke myself up from the trance. A few months later, I called my agent because she's my friend and I needed advice. And I believe that people can say no to you and you can still love them. They get to have boundaries. They can have their perspective and their feedback. They can disappoint you and you don't withhold your love.

1:00:01But I called her because she's smart and I wanted her opinion. By the end of that conversation, she said, I need to revisit this book. That was because who I was being. It was different. It was different. Different energy. A whole different energy. She got the book. She ended up shaping the book. She got me an amazing book deal. the book is integral to her. So that's what I mean, like we're sourcing ourselves and our lives from the identity we're centered in. But the true you is actually a flexible you. If I say, okay, I'm not a perfect person, and I'm open to learning and growing and becoming who I'd need to be to create that book, now I'm a fluid self.

1:00:41The old false centers are a fixed identity. They never change. They never change, there's no fluidity, and they're shame-based. So if you collapse into a shame-based identity, you'll stop growing. From the true you, you're open to feedback, you can learn, setbacks don't crush you, they disappoint you, but they don't crush you, you keep going, you grow from the experience, and you can stay on track to actualize the future you're committed to. Hmm. When you mentioned kind of how you had this, I guess lack of self-belief or maybe, I don't know if it's a... Insecurity. I felt a bit inferior. Imposter syndrome is what I was thinking of.

1:01:26Imposter syndrome. So you're saying, oh, I'm not Brene, or I'm not this, or I haven't done this yet. I'm sure there's a lot of people listening or watching that have this kind of imposter syndrome. Yeah. How do we overcome that when we're trying to create a bigger, powerful future that we've never done before? Well, I think the imposter syndrome is reflective of where am I centered at the level of identity. So you look at what it is that you're committed to creating. And then you, I mean, the actual practice is to first connect with the part of you that can be a witness to your own experience, you know, that has some wisdom.

1:02:05You're not going to collapse into getting blended with that younger part of you. and then you think about the pattern what usually happens in this area so I want to be a successful actor what usually happens is I get rejected at everything I do and then I get bad reviews when I get cast that's the pattern so then you say well how does it feel in my body when that pattern happens you just imagine the patterns happening now when I get rejected or something yeah when I get rejected how do I feel in my body where do I feel it and then you say what's the i am in the center of that feeling right and you're smart enough i'm not lovable i'm not whatever it is yeah yeah that's how you find the source fracture story in that particular area and then you identify well i guess then you wake up to the true you see yourself as source identify new ways of relating etc etc yeah yeah and go through the process.

1:03:04Yes. But I mean, you, you say that transformation lives in the future. And I know I've heard Dr. Joda Spenza say to remember the future. And I like to ask questions on here. Like if your 10 year self in the future was giving you advice now, what would that wiser version of you be saying to yourself right now when you feel stuck? So how do people in this process, when they're feeling stuck, what is the process you really like to tap into that, I guess, wiser future self to overcome the imposter syndrome, to overcome the I'm not enoughness, to overcome all these feelings so that you can actually feel good again as opposed to feeling bad?

1:03:46Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think what you're talking about is how do I shift centers when I'm really captivated emotionally by the story. Of the past. Yeah, the wounded self. The wounded self. And it does feel very, it is very pervasive. And that's sometimes why it's very hard to language. Yes. I think one of the ways that I have found helpful is to name it accurately. To really name it and to give it the age. Because once you give it that age, if you can't get outside of it then, what I sometimes do with people is I have them imagine then like a four-year-old sitting in front of them who just had a trauma and has collapsed into this meaning.

1:04:33And they are coming as the light. And what might they say about this conclusion? We're talking about the conclusions we came to that limit our lives. Yes. Right. So what might they say? And usually people have enough compassion if they can externalize that younger self to be able to speak to that younger self in a way that brings some light and some hope. But you're right. Before you talked about many of us are kind of rusty in that area. We're not used to that dialogue. But it is one of the most important things that we'll ever learn how to do. It is the thing that actually allows us to really transform beyond the pain of the past.

1:05:17I mean, they talk about this in the sports world as like this self-talk, something that I learned all the time when I had insecurity or fear before games. it was like a self-talk or before a big moment if i'm shooting a free throw when the the game was on the line it was like what i how i spoke to myself would typically determine the results you know it would influence the results if i'm like i'm gonna be a fool i'm gonna don't mess up it's like if i'm thinking about the negative i'm probably going to react from pain or a wound or a fear rather than seeing a bigger possible future of you've got this or stay present or be in the moment or you You can do anything like speaking into a bigger future.

1:05:59And it's a practice. And it could be a moment by moment thing that we need to be doing to remind ourselves, these mantras, the self-talk and finding tools that we can master to overcome whatever life is throwing in our way. And speaking of tools to master, you've been doing this for many decades, right? And you've mastered certain levels and gone higher and higher or deeper and deeper in mastery beyond being a therapist, right? And learning about transformation and bigger ways to transform and heal at the same time. And you were telling me beforehand, when you sold the book deal, you also got the call that you had cancer around the same time or that same week.

1:06:44Two days later. Two days later. Two days later. And so when you feel like you've mastered these tools for so long and you've overcome all these challenges and created a beautiful new relationship and you have this wisdom to share with the world, but then you get some news like this with a new challenge or potential obstacle in your way, how did you not fall back into old patterns of wounds or whatever that could have shown up? And how did you stay focused on the future and not living in the past or fear? Well, fortunately, you're right. I did have decades of experience of this way of being. So it's actually organic to me to live from the truth of who I am.

1:07:30And when I collapse into a story, which I do, because that's human, it's very important people know that this doesn't really go away. You have to learn how to work with it. I don't tend to stay there for very long, thank goodness. Yeah, that was a really wild ride, right? On a Wednesday, you get this major book deal. Six houses were bidding on it. We went with the one we loved. We're so happy with Penguin Life. Two days later, cancer. And the book was due the exact same time that the cancer treatment was scheduled to be over. so I wrote the book when I was in cancer treatment but I the truth is is that that helped a great deal like it because it was so joyful to write this book it was so uplifting and to finally be at a place I mean it's taken really decades to to to put this all together right so this is out of all the work I've done calling in one conscious uncoupling this is my true purpose for being born.

1:08:35And it actually is the teachings underlying both of the other books and why they work. But it lifted me every day. So I just, you know, you just decide who am I gonna be in the face of this? And the context of the future that I was living into, which is really the big future I'm living into, is that this book recontextualizes how we engage our personal development work. You know, I've pioneered two other, things into the world that I'm very proud of, calling in the one, even though everybody's now aware of law of attraction and your beliefs and your manifesting love. It was actually the first conversation in 2004.

1:09:15Nobody else was talking. I almost didn't get a book deal because the editors would come back and say, well, she's saying something nobody else is saying. And I remember saying to my agent at the time, I think that's a good thing. But I mean, I don't want to brag, but this is the reality of like who I get to be is that I pioneer new things into the world, which I feel so grateful, grateful, grateful for. And then Conscious Uncoupling kind of broke the glass ceiling on how we do divorce. And now there's a lot of different books on it and teachings. So there's a way that I'm given that privilege.

1:09:48And so I see this book as the privilege that it is. So that future of repositioning, how we all engage personal development work to turbocharge our capacity to outgrow the imprinting of our past and create the lives that we want to be living. And ultimately, Lewis, the world that we want to be living in, this is what we need to learn how to do for ourselves so we can bring it into the world. That future just carried me and is carrying me today. Like I'm still in treatment, right? So it got better and all the tumors went away and they shrunk and now some of them are back. And, you know, so you're on a journey when you're dancing with atypical cells, but you see, like, truthfully, I'm just, you know, this is life and we all go through hardships.

1:10:39So when you have a context of the future that you're living into, it repositions the challenges that we're in. And you can live your life not from where you are trying to get to that future, but from that future, which then informs who do I need to be today. Yes. Right. So it has really only truthfully increased my strength and increased my capacity to stand in that positive possible future. I vision every day a future where my body is healthy. I thank God every day for healing my body. And at the same time, I'm aware that we're all only here for a minute. And we better as well, you know, we might as well do what God put us on this earth to do or what we feel in our souls were put here for and get busy living into that future.

1:11:31Because time is finite on this level. And so I accept that. I'm 68. And, you know, we're lucky to be living this long, really, because 100 years ago, people were out by 40. So, you know, I'm grateful for my life every day and I'm really committed to the privilege of being able to birth these ideas into the world. Wow, that's beautiful. Thank you. Beautiful wisdom. If you could, I'm going to turn 43 soon. I never really celebrated my birthday, but that's my birthday is coming up in the next couple months. 43, and I just had twins, which you're aware of and my audience is aware of, twin girls. if you could give me one piece of advice on how to best approach fatherhood for two girls in the world that they're entering in right now and the life that we have right now and what's happening in the world and the culture and everything you know i'm sure everyone's got a piece of advice on how to be a conscious parent but if you could just give one piece of advice to myself or any new parents on how you would approach fatherhood or motherhood at this season, what would you say with your infinite wisdom?

1:12:46Such a sweet, sweet question. I mean, the first thing that comes to me, I know you're already doing, which is to sponsor their potential greatness. Oh, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Speaking into it. Yeah. Yeah. Creating it with your words. Speaking into it. Absolutely. Absolutely. But the other thing, and once this book is out, we're going to be looking at doing a parenting book. Children do a little meaning making machines and making meaning out of everything. You could probably have the best of intentions and they could interpret it in maybe not the best of ways sometimes, right? It's like, maybe, who knows?

1:13:22So it's to pay attention to the meaning that they're making at the level of identity. I saw this with my daughter when she was six years old. My daughter has autism and she was having a hard time socially connecting. And it was something that happened at school with the kids and they kind of, you know, weren't nice to her or something. And she immediately, I could just see the collapse in her. The shrinking. It's not like they come to you and say, I have a belief now that I am not good enough. No, but the energy shifts. The energy shifts. They come back and they're like just quieter, more in their room or whatever.

1:13:56Yeah. They're not as free. Yeah.

1:14:03They're I caught it and I was able to sit with her and intercept it and I was able to language it. I think what you're making it mean is that honey, what it really means is this and who you are is this. And I did see a shift back when I was able to catch that and do that for her. So I think there's a lot to be explored there because I haven't done a lot of research yet in that area, but that's what I would encourage you to do. Yeah, it's by catching the, when they make a weird face or their energy shifts, it's like catching it and communicating with love on, you know, what they're trying to make meaning of, I guess, and trying to shift it.

1:14:40Well, you know, children don't have the cognitive capacity to hold complexity until they're about seven. So they, that's why if you look at the - I thought Santa Claus was real, you know, it's like until a certain age, you're like, oh, well, it's not real. You know, it's like you can't see the complexities of life. Everything is very black and white. Uh-huh. Everything's black and white. So, you know, you have to be careful with how they're interpreting their experience. So to just be the - Pay attention to it. Yeah, pay attention to be the one who helps them too. This is powerful. I want everyone to go get this book, What's True About You?

1:15:21Seven Steps to Move Beyond Your Painful Past and Manifest Your Brightest Future. If you feel stuck or if you feel like you haven't been fully living your truest gifts or you have something you want to bring into the world, but for whatever reason, it's not manifesting yet, make sure you go through this book because when you break free from your past and you embrace the true you, you unleash your brightest future. And that's what everyone deserves to be living if they're willing to do the work. They can get the book anywhere. Again, what's true about you? Get it for a friend. They can check you out on your website, CatherineWoodwardThomas.com.

1:15:55the same thing on social media. And I hope everyone gets this book and shares this interview with a friend as a starting point as well. I've got a couple of final questions for you. Okay. I think I might've asked this to you 11 years ago when you were on the show. Oh my goodness. But I'm not sure if I started asking these questions back then. So I'd have to actually go back and reflect and see if that was the case. But I started at some point asking people a question at the very end of the episode. It's called the three truths. And maybe I did this with you. I think you did. Maybe I did. So I can't remember if I did it in my first six months.

1:16:27You did. I had no idea what I said. Yeah. All right. So we'll see where you're at now, 11 years later, and we'll reflect back on what you said then. So imagine you get to live as long as you want in this life. Amen. And you get to create everything you want from the most powerful future version of you. Wow. Wow. And it all comes to life. But at the end of the day, when you pass away, many years away, you have to take all of your work with you. All of your messages, all of your books, all your conversations, they're gone. Hypothetical scenario. But you get to leave a final message with the world.

1:17:04Your final three lessons. I call it the three truths. What would those three truths that you would leave behind be? You are the creator of your life.

1:17:19the purpose of life is to create heaven on earth.

1:17:28And the essence of who you are is love. Yeah, yes it is. Before I ask the final question, Catherine, I want to acknowledge you for your constant journey of transformation for your personal life and for bringing your message to so many people one-on-one, group settings, and even more so with your content and your books and your programs that you have online as well. The fact that you live a life of service to help people heal and transform into their greatest self, I don't know a better way to live. So I want to acknowledge you for the constant journey, even through the challenges you keep facing.

1:18:02And it's a beautiful thing to witness how you approach life with everything you've been through and everything you're going through right now. So I want to acknowledge you for the love you bring to so many people. It's really beautiful. Thank you. Of course. my final question is what is your definition of greatness

1:18:24it's to live in the most expansive calling on your life for who you came here to be for the world and the gifts that you the golden gifts that only you can deliver in just the way that you can we're all needing to do that now You know, as the world escalates in tensions and conflict and negativity, it's pushing on all of us to step into that yes to greatness, that call to greatness. So I'm glad we're all in it together. Amen. Catherine, thanks for being here. Appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you. I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. and if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you wanna make it easier, you wanna make it flow, you wanna feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy.

1:19:31I really think this is gonna help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review.

1:20:10I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.