Why You Keep Manifesting the Wrong Things (And How to Fix It)

31:10Really? And the interesting thing about that is that, and this is in some ways the point of this book, because, again, the average person thinks they know what they want. They don't understand what they need. And that's the critical aspect here. What's the difference between knowing what we want and having what we need? So, as you know, there's what we call hedonic happiness. So the list I just gave you relates to pleasure and hedonic happiness. I want, it will make me feel good about myself, I, I, I. That is the worst thing you can do if you want to manifest the best. Really? Yes. When you make it about self.

31:55Yes, because in some ways you're talking about insecurity. The driver of that is insecurity, fear, right? And not enough. and not enough. And especially poor people look through the lens of not enough. And so when you're acting by a belief based on fear, that has a negative effect on these cognitive brain networks. Now, it doesn't mean it's not possible. It just means that you're limiting yourself. And so we talk about this idea of hedonic or selfish happiness, And this is transitory. It's shallow. It doesn't last long, right? Eudaimonic happiness is a sense of purpose. And that actually is in terms of benefiting others.

32:48It's not about yourself. And the key to that, though, is that when you look through the lens, and we're talking about looking through the lens of compassion, what happens is that you then change how you see the world and what you need not what you want interesting right you see and that changes everything because you you realize when you're of service when you're caring for others you don't necessarily need the having that big house or the porsche isn't going to make you whole right and so you probably don't chase that anymore because it's a chimera that you're focused on because you think it's going to help get rid of the shame and the emptiness.

33:28Right. You see, so it's a different mindset. So when you shift to the parasympathetic nervous system, that activates all of your brain networks and allows them to sync together, if you will, and then has the highest likelihood of manifesting. Interesting. So what I'm hearing you say, and correct me if I'm wrong, when we come from a place of lack and wanting more for personal gain by itself, it's not going to bring us the ultimate level of happiness versus when we come from a place of wanting to create more to serve or impact others in some way that is connected to a purpose, a greater purpose, we will have more fulfillment and hopefully manifest exactly what we need.

34:15Exactly. That's exactly right. And that summarizes it. That is the fundamental key here. Interesting. And I can tell you, you know, for myself, as I said, I did get everything I wanted and I was miserable. And then I went through this period where I'd been very successful in business and during the dot-com period, and I had$80 million or so. And then the crash came, I was three million dollars in debt but I had been miserably unhappy anyway with 80 million or negative three billion well there was not much difference actually when you had 80 million of I guess net worth in the bank or on paper how did that make you feel did you feel any better about your self-worth no really no not even for like a moment like oh I've got money now I did this thing and look, I proved all you wrong.

35:08Yeah, but yes, I proved them all wrong, but it did nothing for me. And that's my point is, you know, I, well, let me back up a little bit. Did I enjoy driving Ferraris? Yes. Did I enjoy Porsches? Yes. Did I enjoy having a villa in Florence? Yes. But that That being said, I was missing so much that it limited how good I felt about any of it. Because, you know, having friends who tell you how great you are, unless you believe it, it doesn't mean anything. Wow. And, you know, I didn't believe it. And so when the dot-com period came, I lost all this money and I had to sell everything. So I went through this period of deep reflection.

35:59And the part of it was, what had I missed in what this woman was trying to teach me? And obviously, I was 12, and I had no self-awareness. But the other thing that happened is, even though I was a doctor helping people, my actions, though, were based on, I want people to see I'm a doctor, right? Status. Yes, status. Acknowledgement. Look at me. Yeah, I'm the doctor. I live in this mansion overlooking the ocean. I have all of these cars. I come into the hospital and everyone praises me, right? And that was out of my own insecurity and anxiety and fear. When I went through this period of self-reflection, I really understood that.

36:40And then it changed, right? Because it was no longer about me. It was about other people. And as an example, I mentioned Jim Carrey. I love that part about this, yeah. Yeah. I love the story of the$10 million check and the whole thing. But what he said with his audience was, you know, when he started, it was all about his own ego being involved. Yes. And then he realized, though, he was there for a purpose to be of service to the people. And in fact, Jimmy Page with Led Zeppelin, I don't know if you ever heard this story, you know, he used to get really angry because he'd always be asked to play Stairway to Heaven.

37:22And he said it used to make me boil over because I had new music. I did all of this, but everyone wanted to listen to Stairway to Heaven. And he said, then I realized it's not about me. It's about serving others. Yes. What they want. Yes. And they had grown up with this. They had an emotional attachment to it because it represented events in their lives that were positive. And they just wanted to experience that. And so he was being very selfish by looking through that same lens. And again, this is what we get into. So when you change how you look at the world, it changes everything. And again, this is a choice that each of us can make.

38:04Wow. As someone who's been a doctor and a neuroscientist, neurosurgeon for many years, researching this work for a long time, what is the biggest challenge you face at this season of your life when it comes to manifesting that you still have yet to overcome or are overcoming? Well, one of the things I learned is not to have attachment. Yeah. To what? To anything. And look, it's not perfect, but my point is, and yes, if you'd say, well, what about your child or your wife and something? Yes, but that being said, the nature of life is disappointments oftentimes. times. And we cause our own suffering by having these attachments, right?

38:54And so do I like nice cars? And yeah, I drive a Porsche. Luxuries. Yeah. And I've worked very hard. I've given immense amounts to other people. I have no bad feeling about those things. But what I can tell you is if all of it goes away tomorrow it will have no impact on my mental state wow and that is the key because you see freedom yes and that's exactly right because if you grow up in poverty what is the thing that binds you or holds you or imprisons you money okay so when i lost everything and then I had this choice of this stock that I could give away to charity or not, I chose to give it away, which was$30 million, but giving it away liberated me.

39:50I just didn't care anymore. It no longer imprisoned me, you see. And that is a level, you know, it takes time and work to get to. And, you know, many people, my wife said when I gave all that money, There was an article in the Wall Street Journal. She goes, I don't mind him giving money away. I just wish he hadn't given it all the way. I'm curious, you know, is it a bad thing for people to want to have material possessions, a nice car, a nice home, you know, a million dollars in their bank account or nice clothes? Is that a bad thing when they're thinking of manifesting because it's about them?

40:32Well, if everything is about you and your narrative is always about you, I think you're going to live an unhappy life. Right. Because you have no purpose or meaning. Right. Right? I mean, yes. Is it cool to walk around in designer clothes and go to parties and hang out with whatever? Yeah, sure. There's nothing wrong with that. But when every action in your life is a selfish action towards your needs, then it's a hollow existence. As an example, I tell people, of course, they can't attach to a woman. They have to have the next beautiful woman, right? And their whole thing is be seen with the beautiful woman.

41:16It's not about I care about this person. I really like her. She's really special. It's does she have the attributes that make me look good? or it's, you know, God, I can't go to this event and that car of mine, I need to be in a Ferrari. So people look at me. Right. And that is a hollow, very selfish existence. Now, I'm sure there are people who are listening to go, I'm not that way. Well, you are that way. Sure. And you're saying you can have it, though, but as long as you're also in have meaning or purpose surrounding your life as well. Otherwise, it'll be hollow. If you just want the material home or the bigger, bigger, bigger thing.

41:57Yeah. But you can still have it. Of course, absolutely. I have it. I have no complaints and I work hard and I have no guilt about that whatsoever. But I still do tons of actions that are benefit to a larger goal or mission or to a larger purpose outside of myself. You talk about these networks and vibrations. You mentioned this, the physiology of manifesting. I'm curious, is it more important to be thinking a certain intention or certain ideas or beliefs, feeling certain emotions, or physically in a vibration total body to help you manifest? Well, certainly if you can bring it all together, I mean, that's the ideal.

42:42But I think one is, again, we've talked about limited beliefs. Yes. You have to understand what causes you to limit your belief. And in some ways, it comes down to self-compassion. When you're kind to yourself, then that changes your own physiology. It shifts you from the fear network. And critical network into compassion, right? Yes, exactly. And so I think that's an important aspect. And again, as an example, I talk about these different networks. There's the default mode network. There's the salience network, the attention network, and the executive control network. Now, the reason I mention these is the executive control network actually gets things done, if you want to put it that way.

43:33But if you're driven by fear and anxiety and insecurity, then that limits its ability to do so because you don't have full access, because that's where you have productivity and creativity. Full access to what? Your entire, your memories and past experiences. This is what the executive control network contains. And it's shut down when you're fearful or anxious. And so that's one aspect. And then, you know, the other aspect we talked about embedding your intentions. You know, you have to make that thing you want salient. What does that mean? It means it has to be something that touches you that you really feel like it's there with you and you want it.

44:22And the reason I bring that up is because salience is it activates, if you want to call it, a bloodhound within your head where it looks around for opportunities for you to manifest. I'll give you an example. Are you talking about bloodhound or are you talking about something else? Not a, it's search for things, right? It gets a scent, right? You know, that's what they do for rescue missions, right? Yes, yes. Exactly. So what I mean by that is that if you're able to embed your intention, that activates the salience network, which is the bloodhound. And the analogy is as follows. I'm sure you have been to parties, and they're loud.

45:07And your name will be mentioned, and you'll immediately turn. even though it's in the loud. Yeah, you're like, where is this? Yeah, but that's because your identity is deeply embedded within you. Interesting, yes. So when you do this in terms of an intention, and I'll give a recent example, I'm working on a new project, and I was at a coffee shop. Again, loud, everybody talking. But I heard somebody specifically talk about the project type of thing I'm doing. So I got up and introduced myself. We connected. And that's how it works because it creates these synchronicities because it's always turned on listening for opportunities, how it can make your intention happen.

45:52And another example is as a neurosurgeon, you know, I would see patients as an example, let's say somebody with hydrocephalus, right? And most people don't know about that. And they go, oh, my God, I've never heard of that before. Is that rare? Well, it's not that rare. And obviously, if you're seeing a neurosurgeon, it's not rare to us. But what will happen is I'll see them in a few months, and they'll come in and say, the most amazing thing happened. I've run into five people with the exact same thing. Right, right, right. Because they have embedded that. Interesting. And so they're attuned to it, and suddenly it's like it's everywhere suddenly.

46:26Yeah. You talk about synchronicities in the book. How important is finding and looking for synchronicities when it comes to manifesting? Well, I think if you do it correctly, they naturally occur over and over again. And you may think they're shocking and how did that happen? But that's because you have made your intention salient. It has grasped your attention network and it is solely focused on having that happen. And once that process occurs, then you engage your executive control network to actually then respond to it. Interesting. So you set your intention for what you want to create or desire, and then your attention starts to focus on that in the world and your environment, and you start to see where the synchronicities line up.

47:17And then you mentioned this thing called the filing clerk, right? Yes. Yes, exactly. And that relates in some ways. First of all, one of the process, which we talked about, you know, having the ability on a conscious level to embed your intention, that is to, we call it value tag, right? which makes it important. Rather than intention. Yes, yes. And so once you value tag that, that becomes important in your subconscious, and then the networks start working together. To look for it. Yes. Now, what I will emphasize, and I don't want to completely poo-poo every article that's been written about manifesting.

47:58I mentioned the issues I have with the secret or other, the self-serving narratives. But the reality is we know that what fires together fires together. And my point about that is, number one, you have to work. This isn't like, oh, I thought of it, therefore it should happen. It's like anything, and we talked about it earlier. You know, everybody's manifesting every day. They just do it very inefficiently, right? So when you do it efficiently, all of these things come together to have it happen. This is why, as an example, what this woman in the magic shop did, and this was before these ideas sort of were out there, she made me write my list of things I wanted to manifest down.

48:50because again when you use every sensory organ then again you're engaging all of these different things that go into your subconscious so you write it down you read it silently you read it aloud you look at it you visualize and this is what athletes do they visualize how it's going to play out they see themselves in that role and the more and more you do that the stronger that wiring gets in your brain and therefore that increases the chance of it happening. Interesting. So she taught you this, you wrote it down and you started doing these processes. Oh, I would really do this like tens of, maybe hundreds of times a day over and over and over again.

49:39But it took you a while until you were able, from 12 until you were able to get, you know, a million dollars in the bank in the mansion, the Ferrari. It didn't happen in four years, I'm assuming. It probably took 15 or 20 years. Well, sure, but there was a whole process, right? Because, first of all, I had decided to be a doctor in fourth grade. Right, right. And this was based on a professions day where a doctor came to our class. And I was so impressed by this person that that second I decided to be a doctor because he was kind, he was thoughtful, he answered my question, he appeared interested in what I had to say.

50:13And so saying if you're poor and you don't have resources, saying I'm going to be a doctor is easier said than done. Sure. And in fact, I did have challenges. But I'll tell you a couple stories, though, that tells you how the system works, even though you haven't done all the typical things to make it work. Okay. And so I'll tell you how I got into medical school and how I got into college. I was so clueless about college, even though I said I was going to go to college. I was in a science class, and there was a girl sitting next to me, and she was filling out her college application. I had no clue about that.

50:58That you had to apply or? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sort of waiting until I was supposed to happen. Sure, sure. So I looked at this girl. I asked her what she was doing. And she says, well, I'm applying to college. And this is the application. I said, really? And she looks at me. She said, yeah. And I said, well, where are you applying to? And she said, UC Irvine. And she looked at me and she said, where are you applied? I said, UC Irvine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the process. And I said, I haven't got my application yet. She said, I have an extra one. Wow. There you go. Yeah, and I filled that out.

51:31And I got in. Isn't that interesting before you go on there? because you were given the opportunity that you saw that was in front of you. You didn't think beyond other schools. You saw something. You didn't know another process. You said, yeah, I'm going to go there as well. And she said, here's the application. You filled it out. You got in, and you went there. Right? Yeah, no, and that's my point is it was in there. I didn't know how it was going to play out, but it played out, and it certainly wasn't the typical way it would play out. Yeah, exactly. So then what happened is, you know, I had a lot of struggles.

52:06I had to leave college multiple times, as an example, get my father out of jail, or to deal with my mother who attempted suicide, which are not pleasant things. No, not enjoyable. And so when I applied to medical school, the average GPA to get into medical school was 3.79 at that time, which is, you know, out of four, that's like an A -. Yeah, sure. My GPA then was 2.53. Wow. And I was not going to— You and me both. Let's go. Yeah. And I was not going to graduate from college. And so I went to the pre-med. And, of course, as you know, when you have all these quote-unquote friends, and you say, I want to be a doctor.

52:45And, you know, many of my friends were pre-med, and they were the type of pre-meds who had 3.7 pounds. Sure, sure. And, you know, it was very hurtful because they said, you're never going to be a doctor. That GPA, what a joke, right? Which, you know, this is your dream, right? It's painful. So anyway, I went to, we used to have to, or you used to have to have an interview with the pre-med committee. So you had to go get an appointment. And then they would write a letter of recommendation for you. So I went to the office. I asked the secretary. I said, I want to make an appointment for my pre-med letter.

53:19She looked at me. She said, I'm not going to give you an appointment. I said, well, why? You know, she had pulled out my phone. She said, because it's a waste of everyone's time. Oh, man. Now, could you imagine a human being telling you that you're a waste of their time? I mean, how hurtful. Very. But I looked at the woman, and I said, you know, I appreciate what you're saying, but I said, I am not leaving here until you get me that appointment. Wow. I said, if you want to call security, that's fine, but I am not leaving. So she did. But imagine, so it comes time for my appointment. Now, do you remember these photos we've seen of Putin sitting at one end of a table?

54:00He's by himself. Yes, yes. So I go into this room, and I'm at one end of this long table. And I'm, what, 20 years old maybe? And then there are these three people at the other end of the table. And the guy in the middle, he has my file. And he looks at me and says, he takes the file, lifts it, throws it on the table, and he says, say what you have to say so we can get this over with. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness. And you sit there and, you know, how intimidating. And what a jerk, right? So what happened is I looked at the guy and I said, I am not going to let you turn me into a grade point average.

54:40I'm a human being. Wow. So I proceeded to lecture them for about 20 minutes. Oh, my goodness. They were all crying at the end. because once you show your humanity, they can't turn away from you. They can't objectify you if you're right there in front of them and force them to look at you. Wow. And so what happened is they ended up actually giving me the highest level of recommendation. Wow. And as I was leaving, that secretary actually was in the room. She said, listen, I want you to take this. and it was a trifold brochure for a summer enrichment program at Tulane University in New Orleans for socioeconomically disadvantaged students and minority students.

55:25And she looked at me and she said, you know, I have to tell you something though. The deadline has passed, but I don't think that will impact you. Wow, right, right, right. So I called the lady and she let me into the program. and I applied to one medical school and got into one medical school. Wow. And I didn't have a degree. Wow. Now, to show you, though, the importance of this is that after Hurricane Katrina, the dean of the medical school went into depression and resigned. Okay. And so they were looking for a new dean. At Tulane. At Tulane. And they had a guy from Harvard, but he wanted an endowed chair.

56:09And I don't know if you're familiar with an endowed chair. So an endowed chair is a private donor, donates a lot of money. And it is a chair named after that person. It's one of the highest honors in academic medicine or in the university. And that money is made into an endowment. So then the professor then gets to use it for whatever they want. So it's a very prestigious thing. so I actually ended up endowing the dean's chair you know fast forward many years sure wow yeah which was several million dollars interesting so still at Tulane the dean of the medical school is the Doty professor wow I rebuilt the library after her Katrina and so the point of the story is no one has the ability to tell you what you can and cannot do.

57:00And in theory, by every, quote, criteria, I should never have gotten into medical school, right? Yet, I'm one of the largest donors to the medical school. And in fact, they're actually building a Doty Center for Compassion in medicine at Tulane. That's cool. Yeah. So when we think that things are impossible, when we think that it can't happen, or I don't have the criteria that is usually, don't ever believe anything anyone tells you. If I believed what so many people told me was not possible for me to do, I would never have accomplished anything. And again, it gets back to this limiting your beliefs, once you unleash this understanding of the power you have, then you can do almost anything.

57:56Yes. You just have to believe. Absolutely. I love this story because, you know, you mentioned don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. I guess the challenge is so many people do believe what others say about them. You know, they do receive the criticism or the limits that others talk about. And a lot of people hold on to those conversations and believe them as truth. And I, the thing is, I feel like there's only one person, like you said, that can agree with the limits or disagree with those limits. And that is ourselves. and at the same time, you know, everyone can tell you, you have all the skills, all the tools, all the potential, all the ability to do something great.

58:48But if you don't believe it, it's not going to matter as much. Even if everyone in the world has said, we believe in you, you're incredible. If we are limiting ourselves from receiving those words and receiving that understanding and identity, we won't accomplish what we want or we won't create the lives we want. So how do we overcome ourselves from the conversations and the critics in our own mind and also the conversations from others, whether they're positive or negative, how do we overcome it and believe we are capable? Well, first off, I would say that a lot of people, you'll hear, let's say, a statement I made, and they'll sit there and go, okay, I'm going to do this tomorrow.

59:27I'm going to do everything. Okay, I'm going to get into shape, and I'm going to run 10 miles, and then I'm going to study for this. And the problem is, that's the worst thing you can do. And in fact, I'm sure you probably know B.J. Fogg. He wrote this book, Tiny Habits. But he and I were having a conversation recently. You have to start slow. Pick one simple thing to show that you have the power. And it could be something as simple as, I'm going to get up at 6 in the morning and walk around the block. And you just do that. Because what happens is, now you're changing your belief system. You're saying, I set this goal, and I was able to do it, and I do it every day now.

1:00:08Right. Then it can be a little longer and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, until suddenly you're running a marathon when before you could barely get up and walk around the block. And I think that's really the key is start small, congratulate yourself for small wins and accept that and then let that sink in and then just do another thing. and it's a slow process. Nothing happens overnight. And again, if you think, well, it's going to happen and it's all going to be perfect tomorrow, that's not how it works. And, you know, obviously in my own life, you know, this has taken decades. And, you know, I think hopefully what this book does though, it allows you to see the world in a different way to use the techniques that are outlined there to not have to go through the pain and suffering that I and others have gone through.

1:01:03And it gives you some insights, some tools. And again, And I'm sure you've experienced, you'll get like a book sometimes go, that is what I was missing. yes this is what you know I need and what I've tried to do is both by showing you the science behind it but also intertwining stories like I mentioned the one about Jim Carrey and I've also included actually individuals who I have interacted with in my own life who've had these profound changes based on having a different perception of who they are and the power they have yes there's a part of the book we talked about tapping into flow states I think you even said like the placebo yes and something else and hypnosis so how do we tap into flow states placebo effect and hypnosis to start to manifest better so one of the points of those examples is to show that actually very simply, you can get there without anything, right?

1:02:09I mean, hypnosis, you can, and you can do self hypnosis, of course, but I'm sure most of the listeners are thinking of the guy who comes and he goes like this, right? But that is how fast, if you train yourself to get access, and I talk about monks, and I talk about Wim Hof, you know, these people access the power they have within, and it takes practice and diligence. Yes. But the same processes are similar to hypnosis and the placebo effect. And the interesting thing about the placebo effect is that you can even know it's a placebo and it will still have the same effect. And it still gets results.

1:02:50Yes, yes. And also, if you think about exercising a particular muscle group, your muscles will increase without you doing anything. Wow, that's crazy. You see, but this is the power because the brain doesn't know the difference between what you're thinking and reality, right? So if you embed it in there, now that's not to say your muscles are going to get as big as an Olympic weightlifter, but they do increase in mass. And so getting access to these things within you that you don't appreciate is very, very powerful. And you talk about the flow state. This is the state of being where everything aligns, right?

1:03:30Yes. And that's where we want to be. We're not paying attention to time. We're not paying attention to externalities. We're just doing it. Now, again, you don't want it to turn into, I've ignored everything in my life to get to that goal. But you want to live in a way in which things naturally come and you're living it. And it's a process that's all working together for you to manifest your goals. Wow, that's beautiful. What is the most recent research about the placebo? And how can we use that science or data to impact our lives positively? Well, again, the weird thing about it is you don't even have to believe it and it will happen.

1:04:12Wow. Now, if you believe it's the real thing, it'll probably be more powerful. Even better, yeah, yeah. But again, it's embedding this belief into your head. And there's a six-week program in the book, but it gives you a step-by-step way to do that. And again, it's not one and done. You have to do the work. Although I say the universe doesn't give a f*** about you, I also would say God only helps those who help themselves, right? Right. And and, you know, when I make that statement at the end of the book, basically my statement is you are the universe. Right. You are the power that decides. And again, it's understanding how much power you have within yourself.

1:05:02You know, there's a we're talking about people getting stuck and things. You know, sometimes you cannot predict what's going to happen to you. But there's this attitude, it's called dispositional optimism. I don't know if you recall reading that. But it's understanding that things don't work on our timeline. And having a constant state of an optimistic view of the world, again, that aligns you because it keeps you in this constant state of engagement of your parasympathetic nervous system. And again, if you can live in that state and look through the world through that lens, your physiology is going to be at its best.

1:05:47Your longevity is going to be increased. You're going to be much happier in terms of purpose and meaning in your life. You know, nothing, or at least I can't imagine nothing worse than, you know, being a crotchety old man still chasing 20-year-old women. Right. Having three or four Ferraris. And actually, it reminds me, I'll tell you a funny story. I was in Aspen giving a talk. And one of the benefactors was an 80-year-old fellow, a widower, who survived the Holocaust. Wow. And so he invites everyone up to his house. So, you know, you pull up to this huge mansion that's, you know,$20,$30 million.

1:06:34Right. In Aspen. In Aspen. Yeah, yeah. You know, one of his multiple. Sure. So I go in there. And, you know, I've been one of the main speakers. So he comes up to me and starts talking. And, you know, he looks at my watch and he says, see this? He points to his watch. Million dollars. and I'm like who cares yeah who cares and he says come here and I said okay so he takes me out to his garage and again tons of cars and yeah and uh I'm looking at him and then he starts saying you know I've I've never been happy and uh I said okay and he goes you know he tells me about actually his tragic holocaust experience and how he you know married this woman but he was never in love or passionate, et cetera, et cetera.

1:07:23He said, you know, I'm miserable. I'd do anything to be happy. Wow. Okay. And I said, okay. And he says, can you do anything for me? And I said, yeah, I can. I said, if you spend 10 hours with me, I will give you that gift. So he says, really? And I say, yeah. He says, well, how much will it cost? And I said, it'll cost$100 ,000 an hour. okay he looks at me says 500 000 an hour total no total well it was yeah it was half yeah and i said no it doesn't work that way it's a million dollars and i'm guaranteeing you guaranteeing you wow and and uh so his his uh daughter is there and she overhears her talking and she comes over and she says Papa, you know, this is like a neuroscientist.

1:08:19He studies this. You should do this. And he looks at her and he says, Foolish girl, you don't know anything about money. And he says, I have to save this money for you. And she looks at him and she goes, I have everything I need. I don't need anything. And she goes, do it. And he goes, no, no, no. You're foolish. And my point is, here was an opportunity for him to learn something, to get what he said. he absolutely wanted yet his own selfish self-interest and drive overpowered anything to actually give him what he wanted wow interesting yeah yeah well he had a belief he had an identity around what he thought he needed to hold on to which was more money yeah yeah and and but that was what always was making him happy or unhappy his whole life exactly but it gave him a sense of false security or status or influence or power or something well unfortunately though you know there are people like that but the reality is all the people around them are laughing at them yeah and then they're they're making he they are making the people around them more miserable probably oh yeah be well because they have to win right million dollars you know that's a one-up to everyone else yeah big yeah and that's a very classic thing in fact I'm not being critical of Warren Buffett.

1:09:40But, you know, I mean, there's a story that his wife wrote that said, you know, he was never interested in the money. He was interested in winning. The game. The game of winning. Right, right. And, you know, it's not always about winning sometimes. It's about caring for others, understanding people, being of service. You know, imagine somebody who has that degree of wealth, what he could have done to, let's say, fund an orphanage or help the people who can't afford food in Aspen. Right. Right. And it would have been a minuscule amount. So small compared to what he actually had. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

1:10:20This idea of identity, you know, we start to build our identity as children and our teens and our 20s. How do we start to identify what our identity actually is and how it is empowering us or disempowering us in this pursuit of manifesting? Well, the problem is for many people is that they have bonding and attachment issues that have been imprinted on them. Yeah. It's ancient, anxious, or avoidant, attached, or... Yeah. Yeah. And so they don't appreciate, you know, look, when you're growing up and, you know, or eight years old, you're not understanding this. But these types of connections, they get deeply embedded and you carry it with you.

1:11:11And so one is you have to make the effort to understand. As an example, I'm sure some of the listeners go, oh, well, now I have a little idea because I keep choosing this jerk to be a partner with. Well, why do I do that? And you have to sort of go backwards. And self-reflect. Yeah. I was giving a talk one time and there was a woman And she raised her hand. We were talking about this exact issue. And she started crying. And she said, my father, when I was a kid, told me I would be nothing. Wow. So sad. Yeah, it's horrible. And this is what people need to understand. Words matter to children. And so the woman said, you know, my whole life I've spent trying to be something.

1:12:00Wow. You know, she said, I became a nurse. I got a PhD. You know, she's a senior executive at a hospital chain, right? She's doing extraordinarily well. And her whole life has been trying to overcome that baggage. And imagine the difference, though, if her father said, you know, you are amazing. You can do anything you want. I am so proud of you. I envision you doing incredible things. and how the 30 years of her life or whatever it's been, 40 years, would have been one of love and connection and feeling worthy versus every day waking up, repeating, I was told I would be nothing. Wow. Yeah. I guess there's a question within that is if you are given all the love and empowering affirmations and words from your parents that you can do and be what you want to be versus you don't have what it takes, you're never going to amount to anything, you disappoint me, you need to do better.

1:13:09Which one drives the person to create bigger or better results or impact? You know, because she has lived a life of impact, but it's from a place of lack, right? Sure. Would she be as driven to grow and expand and reach beyond what she felt she was capable of if she had all the love in the world? I guess that's the question. Well, of course, in that case, we can't specifically answer that. But, yeah, there's no question that, you know, I used to have a coach when I was a rower crew. And I used to have a coach who would just scream at me all day long. That's the worst. Yeah. It's the worst. Well, and it's exactly what we're talking.

1:13:49did that make you strive and work harder it just made you feel like the guy's a jerk i hate the guy i was living in fear too yes yes and and versus then i had a different coach the new coach was an extraordinary human being one you would model yourself after he won the gold medal in the double skulls in melbourne in 52 i think it was and uh you know he was like listen You know, you need to work on this, but I know when you do this, you're going to excel here. You know, you're doing an amazing job. I can just tell you're really into this. I'm so proud of you, right? It's more fun, too. Yeah, of course.

1:14:30So can you get a similar result? Yeah, but it's like, you know, somebody putting a backpack to keep stabbing you in the back your whole life saying, get going, get going, versus somebody who's hugging you and embracing you and telling you how much they love you. Yes, you can do incredible results from horribly mean people, but that's not a long-term strategy. Yeah, and it's not a healthy life. No. You know, there's probably a lot of stress and anxiety and chronic pain that you're carrying with that energy, with that vibration, which you talk about in the book, the vibration. And when we can get into flow state, we're able to really create more abundance in a harmonious way.

1:15:13Exactly. Not in a hard way of grinding constantly to accomplish and then feel exhausted when we get to the top. Yeah, and so then, you know, instead of having accomplished and going, that son of a b**** I showed you, you're sitting there, God, I'm happy to have, God, it felt so good and I'm just so happy I was able to do this. It's a completely different way. And I would hope that people want the other way where it's one of positivity and encouragement, not somebody driving you. And this is one of the problems in corporate America, right? You have bosses who think that creating fear motivates.

1:15:51And it does on some level to a point. You know, there's a great story about a fellow, what was his name? Carnes. I can't remember his, I think it was Jeffrey Carnes. He was in Australia. But he gives an example, which is quite interesting. He said, we did a 360 review in our company. I'm sure you're familiar with that, right? They checked out everybody. he said you know they came to me to share the results with me he's telling us why this he's they came to share the results with me they told me in their entire history of doing this i was the worst ceo wow they had ever met wow and he said my you know they told me my employees fear me and uh that i i was creating an environment that was unhealthy blah blah blah blah blah And he says this to his wife, and he says to her, so what do you think of that?

1:16:45Can you believe that? I'm thinking of firing them. And she goes, why would you do that? They're absolutely correct. And he goes, what? And she said, I have been telling you this for 20 years, and you have not listened to me. Said, you need to sit back and reflect on this. so he went through a two-year analysis with therapy and actually ended up meeting a buddhist monk and got into a meditation practice so they did a re-evaluation a few years later and now you know they had like one of the highest retention rates one of the highest productivity rates one of the compassion, thoughtfulness, kindness as a motivator versus fear as a motivator.

1:17:34Wow, that's beautiful. One of the things, you know, you give this six-step process, and one of the things in step six, it's about releasing these expectations and being open to magic, being open to the wonders, the mysteries of the world, when things will come to you, maybe it's different than what you originally wanted, all these different things. why is it important to manifest by not being attached to the results that you desire and being open to magic at the same time you know one of the challenges is that and it gets back to attachment because once you are attached to something you have a vision of how it has to be right and then that creates uh potential disappointment and the nature of manifesting is it doesn't turn out exactly the way you want because what you may not appreciate is that there are other factors which are competing here and sometimes you may not appreciate it but on an unconscious level the right decision is being made on a conscious level it's not what you thought it was, and therefore you resist it.

1:18:50And that creates unhappiness. The other thing is the same as having a timeline. Like, it has to happen by this date. It doesn't work that way. As an example, I have been planning a World Compassion Festival, which is a huge event, right? For 13 years. Do I, am I disappointed? No. It hasn't happened yet. It hasn't happened yet, but it will happen. And this is also dispositional optimism. I have an absolute belief that that will happen. And in fact, I mentioned a little earlier, I was with Kalash Santi Yarthi, who's a Nobel Peace Laureate, yesterday.

1:19:38And we were talking about this world. Compassion Felser just came up. He said, well, why don't we join forces and make this happen? That's cool. Right? So, you know, it's a process and it has not worked in any way the timeline I had imagined. But I do not, I'm not disappointed or don't believe it's going to happen. Otherwise, I was sitting there, I'm a failure. You know, this should have happened 10 years ago. Why didn't it happen? You know, it's just like everything else I do. I'm a loser, right? Versus saying it will happen. It's sitting there. The things have not all come together to allow it to happen.

1:20:14and even if it doesn't happen the exact way I envision it, if it happens, it's an extraordinary thing. And so I think you have to look at it that way. Otherwise, you're creating unhappiness for yourself. Of course. And why do that? And again, life doesn't work that way. It's like, as an example, sitting there saying, I want to manifest this beautiful woman. She has these attributes, da-da-da. Then this exact, and your visual indircer has a blonde. And then this dark haired woman comes in and has every one of those things. She goes, oh, get out of here. You're not a blonde. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah.

1:20:50So it doesn't always work the way you want. What would you say is, you know, something that we should think about or do first thing in the morning to set us up for a daily rhythm of manifesting? Is there a mantra? Is there a process? Is there a way of thinking? A way of feeling? A way of acting? Is there something we should believe right when we wake up or in the morning?

1:21:19Well, what I do may not work for everybody. And everybody has a different biology. They have a different way of seeing the world. Now, I'll tell you what I do to center me in the morning.

1:21:35But it sets the stage to manifest. And what I mean by that is I was talking about having the mental state of being of service to others. Right. So my practice every morning is I wake up and I say every morning. That's a lie. It is not every morning. It's most mornings. You know, it's funny. I don't know if you ever saw it. You know, Deepak Chopra's son did a movie about him. Gotham? Yes. Gotham Chopra. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it showed him like, you know, dad should be meditating. and he goes and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know Deepak actually. But anyway, what I do is I sit up in bed and I do a breathing exercise because as you know, that will shift you over to engagement of your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest mode.

1:22:27It makes you open. It makes you thoughtful. It makes you more creative. And then I think of the awe and joy in this world. And there's a great book about awe by Dacher Keltner. I don't know if you know Dacher. But, yeah, so, you know, that sets the stage of this seeing the world through this lens of this incredible awe of being in this world and the joy of being able to interact in this world. And then I go through a 10-letter mantra. And this actually developed when I was asked to, which was an incredible honor to me, by my medical school to give the white coat ceremony lecture to the incoming medical students.

1:23:13So imagine the guy who should never go to medical school giving this very prestigious lecture. But what I wanted to do was I wanted to inspire these students through something that was simple and easy to remember, but would center them in their lives going forward, not only as a doctor, but as a human being. So it was 10 letters of the alphabet. It was C, compassion for self and others. D, recognizing the dignity of every person. E, practicing equanimity. and this is this idea of evenness of temperament. We were talking about chasing goals and having attachment. It's great to achieve a goal. It's great to have that high that you get when you achieve it.

1:24:01It's wonderful. It's amazing. But it's transitory. Sure. And you can't live at that state all the time. Conversely, having disappointments, having things fail, losing at things, as horrible and as painful as they are, they're also transitory. So having this evenness of temperament and not getting lost on the extremes is very, very important. Plus the other thing is if you reflect on it, what teaches you the most? It's not the highs. It's the disappointments, the challenges, the things you've had to overcome. And that makes you who you are and creates resilience. And so somehow thinking you're going to avoid those, number one, it's not healthy, but that's where so much teaching comes from.

1:24:50The other, of course, is forgiveness. And we know that when you carry emotions attached to an event or to a person, every time you think of that event or that person, it negatively affects you. So when you're able to not carry that baggage and release it, and that's not to forget what somebody did to you or that. It's just to understand that carrying those memories is not healthy for you. Then you're released again. And, of course, one of the most powerful things, and I think it's really important, is having gratitude. And there's an immense amount of research that demonstrates having a gratitude journal or in the evenings writing three things that you are thankful for.

1:25:36Because what people forget is, in fact, probably everyone listening to this podcast, you don't appreciate that half of the world's population lives on less than$2.50 a day. Crazy, isn't it? It's horrible. And when you look at your life, you are actually blessed. It's funny, as a neurosurgeon, you know, I've had situations where, let's say, somebody will have an accident and become paraplegic. And, of course, they send me, this is horrible. My life is ruined. I say, look, I'm going to take you in the room next door with the guy who's a ventilator-dependent quadriplegic. Can't move anything. Yes.

1:26:14And is on a breathing tube and nothing. And then they say, oh, right? It's about perspective. It's about perspective. And this is the thing is you have the choice of the perspective you look at the world through. Let's see. We were at gratitude. H, humility. Now, I will assure you for a neurosurgeon, humility is one of the challenges. You've got to stay humble when you think you've got, you know. Exactly. Well, you know, being a neurosurgeon is still one of the professions in medicine that's still nominally highly respected. But anyway, humility, understanding you're no more important than anyone else.

1:26:57And I is integrity and values that bound your behavior, and if you want to call them rules to live by. J is a recognition of justice, meaning that we have a responsibility for caring for those who are vulnerable. K is simply being kind to others. It has nothing to do with suffering. Compassion has, by definition, a recognition of suffering with a motivational desire to alleviate that. So kindness is simply just being a good person. And, of course, what contains all of this, and that's love. That's great. So that was part of my lecture for the white coat ceremony. That's beautiful. What I use every day in my own life.

1:27:47Now, I'll tell you an interesting story about that. I gave that lecture, and a month or two later, and I think it was put on YouTube or something, but a month or two later, a woman reached out to me, and she said, I heard that lecture. I read your book, which I talk about it in my first book, Into the Magic Shop. And she said, I'm the spiritual director of the largest homeless shelter in the United States. I'm a person of faith. My friends had sent me all of the scripture, but I was burned out at my job and I couldn't do it anymore. And I had resigned. She said, I read your book. I heard that talk.

1:28:26It gave me the strength to return to work, which I'm like, oh, my God, that's beautiful, right? So then a month later, she sends me another email. She says, you know, I have to tell you the story. I was telling my best friend about this and she has a daughter named Jenny. And Jenny is 12 and she makes beads. and Ginny made a set of 10 wooden beads that each one represents one of those letters of the alphabet. Wow, that's cool. And she added a golden bead to represent the golden rule. Would you mind if we sold these to support the homeless shelter and we have a peace center there? And I said, absolutely.

1:29:00A few months later, she sends me another. She's like this stalker. She sends me another and she says, you know, this has been so powerful I went ahead and I created a YouTube video. Can I post it? And it shows this little girl making these beads with beautiful music and she's talking about this practice. And she then posted that. And long story short, her and I became friends. I ended up going down to the homeless shelter and touring it and giving a talk in the church or a sermon. I'll even talk about particularly religious. And then she has two heroes in this world. One is the Dalai Lama, and the other is Desmond Tutu, when he was alive.

1:29:49And so, as I think you know, I used to be chairman of the Dalai Lama Foundation. He's the founding benefactor of the center I run at Stanford. I said, listen, I'm hosting the Dalai Lama. I want to invite you to come, and I want to introduce you to it. Wow. And she's gone, oh, that's incredible. She says, but you know, unfortunately I make very little money and I can't really afford it. I said, well, listen, I'm going to hire you as a consultant and bring a bunch of beads with you. And I did do that. And we had these beads blessed by his holiness. Wow. And, uh, uh, and she got to meet her hero.

1:30:25So fast forward a few years later, I, uh, I'm friends with, it was friends with Tutu. So I was down in Cape Town at his 80th birthday party. So during his 85th, they invited me to come down again to his birthday. And I was in Oslo. And I called. I said, listen, you need to do me a favor. I said, I want you to go to Cape Town in my place. Wow. Wow. And meet Tutu. And while on the one hand, obviously it costs something to do that, In the big scope of my world, that was irrelevant. Right, right. But for her, it was the world. Exactly. Wow. And you see, that epitomizes what every one of us can do.

1:31:12To simply do a simple act. Yeah. And it can be saying hello. It can be holding the door open. It can be sitting with somebody. It can be buying a homeless person a meal. Well, and the thing is, the benefit you get from this is so, so powerful. You know, his holiness says, if you want to make others happy, be compassionate. If you want to be happy, be compassionate. Well, if you want to make others happy, be compassionate. If you want to be happy, be compassionate. Yeah, because we know when you are care, when you're compassionate, it has a very positive effect on your physiology. because you get shifted over to engagement of your parasympathetic nervous system.

1:31:58Your cardiac function's improved. Your peripheral vascular function's improved. The expression of inflammatory proteins is diminished. Your immune system's boosted. Your cortisol levels are decreased. And so there's a whole cascade of events. And plus, when you're kind and compassionate, your reward and pleasure centers are stimulated. Wow. You know, who wouldn't want to be that way? And that's what, you know, people forget sometimes. Wow. And most people forget to be compassionate towards themselves the most. Oh, well, and that's the key of what we're talking about. Absolutely. Mind magic, the neuroscience of manifestation and how it changes everything.

1:32:39This is extremely powerful. I want everyone to get a copy of this book, get one for a friend as well. I've got a couple of final questions for you, James, before we wrap up. But before I ask them, where can we send people to? Do you have a website we should send people to or just go on Amazon and get the book? I think there are many places besides Amazon you can get books. Certainly, I'm a proponent of supporting independent bookstores, but it is on Amazon. You can also publish or purchase it from Penguin Random House if you use my name and the book title. But it's pretty much anywhere which can be sold.

1:33:15And do you have a website as well where we can stay in touch with you or connect? Yeah, it's James R. Doty. md.com and all of my work is there the other book I mentioned briefly was into the magic shop which was a New York Times bestseller it's in 36 languages also the center I run at Stanford is there and certainly people can go there and we offer courses on self-compassion and compassion as well as even corporate programs and programs for first responders, police officers, and things like that. That's very cool. And that's at ccare.stanford.edu. Okay. And actually, another project that I'm actually very excited about is for the last couple of years, I've been working on creating a mental health app.

1:34:06Mm-hmm. And because so many people are suffering from stress, anxiety, and lack of self-compassion. And the interesting thing about it is because, especially adolescents, so many are suffering that there are not even enough therapists to take care of all these people. But the reality is most people are suffering from just living in the modern world. It's not, you know, drug-resistant depression. It's just the stress and anxiety of living in the modern world because, as we're talking about with the blue zones, we're far different in the modern world. So what it does is it utilizes an emotion assessment engine to analyze facial expression, voice analysis, and context of speech connected to a conversational AI knowledge base of compassion-focused therapy and psychology, which is then hooked up to a human avatar who talks to you.

1:35:02Wow, that's cool. And what we know is that having brief conversations, like 10 minutes, when somebody is feeling stressed and anxious, the very nature of a conversation can significantly decrease those feelings. And what's interesting is so many people are afraid of being judged. They're called shamed. Yes. So being able to talk actually to an avatar who is compassionate, empathetic, nonjudgmental, accepting is very powerful. Now, this isn't to separate you from people. What it is is to support you so that you can go forward and actually have better connections. And it's available 24-7, unlike your therapist, which, as you know, I should say, I don't know, maybe you don't have a therapist, but most people have a therapist.

1:35:55Sure. But, you know, you call after 5 o 'clock and they go, if this is a live-friendly emergency, please call 911. Well, if you're stressed and anxious, that's really not the thing you want to hear. But anyway, that company is called HAPPI, H-A-P-P-I dot A-I. And I'm very excited about that. That's cool. When's that coming out? Actually, people can sign up now for free. Okay, cool. We're letting people use it just to get input from them. Yeah, and certainly if people try it, please drop me a note. and that's cool because we're trying to of course improve it but it's pretty amazing uh the type of conversations you can have even i mean i've been like wow that's amazing that's cool happy h-a-p-b-i.a i check that out as well um a couple final questions for you james uh one of them is called the three truths question it's a hypothetical scenario imagine you get to live as long as you want.

1:36:48And you get to keep creating and manifesting and serving humanity the way you want to do it. And everything that you desire, you manifest until the day you die. But for whatever reason, on the last day in this world, you have to take all of your work with you. So this book, we don't have access to this conversation is no longer around everything you've created. It's for whatever reason, gone somewhere else. We don't have access. It's a hypothetical scenario own question. But if it was the last day many years away, and you could only leave behind three lessons to the world, and this is all we have of your information, your content, what would those three truths be for you that you would share?

1:37:33Believe in yourself, care for others, be kind to yourself. Before I ask the final question, James, I want to acknowledge you for the consistent contribution you make on the world. I think this topic is extremely interesting for so many people because a lot of people are suffering and they want to have a better life, but they don't know how to create the life. So bringing neuroscience research and your own practical lessons into this work, sharing it here for people for free, creating it in a book people can follow with the program and everything else you're sharing with the world. I just really acknowledge you for the contribution you are making currently on humanity.

1:38:15And I'm grateful for the wisdom and the lessons that you share. So I wanted to share that with you. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. That's very kind. Yeah, you're welcome. And my final question for you, James, is what is your definition of greatness? Being authentic, understanding yourself, and caring for others. There you go. Mind Magic. Thank you, Jay. Appreciate it. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast.

1:38:59If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

1:39:34And now it's time to go out there and do something great.