Why Your Past Trauma Is Costing You Real Love | Pastor Michael Todd

28:54To numb, to medicate, to whatever. To release. All of those words. Right. And that's when people start making stupid decisions. Oh, man. What is the decisions that most people make? Oh, I mean, it's been the same since the beginning of time. It's the girls, the gold. It's the greed. it's like you start you start you start taking more than you're supposed you start investing in relationships that have no actual benefit for your life you you start you start becoming folk you got into it with the right motivation and now the motivation is just money and so it changes the heart and the content of what you're doing because it's not about actually helping people it's about how many people can help me like when motives change the ways that I release change and then I mean we haven't even talked about the substance abuse like I can't tell you how many athletes and people that I mentor and pray for and help that they're literally inebriated more than half of the day like smoking alcohol drugs mushrooms whatever yeah they're literally not remembering the life they prayed for.

30:05Wow. They were in some locker room or somebody's mom's house praying that they could get into this situation. And now they are so overcome with their past traumas and their current pressures that they are literally numbing themselves and saying, I don't even remember. I don't even remember. So you're living the greatest moment of your life and you don't even remember it. And it's because this is what we do as humans. Cause I don't believe that God created our bodies to be able to handle that kind of stress and trauma. And so we have to figure out a way to keep going because we want the results of it, but we can't really keep going because it's killing us.

30:45And so we try to find ways to do it. And that's why I say the, the safest way to get into the place that you need to be is you need to deal with your past issues so it can change your present situation and it can prepare for you a great future. Yes.

31:02Lewis Howes:Do you think we are ever able to run away from our past or our traumas? No. Your body keeps the score. It does. Like, I mean, people act like not saying it does something. No. Your body is a computer that is taking all the information and it's storing it. stress, hypertension, all of the, I mean, we have people dying of heart attacks at 32. Crazy. Like there are so much information coming to us every day, all the time. So many ideas, so many opinions, all of those things were never a part of the core creation DNA for a human being. So you think about processing all of that and then processing processed food and then taking on all of the freshers and digital information and then worried about everybody's comments of you and how skinny and how, like, think about the stress that you, your body and your mind and your emotions is under, not to mention that the real life stuff happens.

32:09You have a miscarriage. You lose a loved one. COVID happens and your business has to shut down. Like, that means that something has to be prioritized. prioritized and that something is not anything external it needs to be us we need to deal with the issues the lies the hurts the layers that have made us into this person but maybe the very thing that's trying to take us out right and so for me i mean i just know that part of my issue even with food and weight and emotional eating i need to delay i need to talk about some stuff i needed to What did you need to talk about? What are you talking about?

32:54I needed to talk about insecurities for. OK, so I talk about it in the book, but I'll just I'll just sum it up right now. I had this revelation that I. Had become allergic to being good, I could only be great. I was in a situation when I was young where I was good at playing the drums at 12 years old. and I mean I was really good and I was in uh our church back at the house and I was better than the drummer that played for our main service like the adult like the adult service you know what I'm saying and all I wanted at 12 years old is to play drums in the big church that's what I called it playing drums at the big church and the guy who was over all the music he was like you are really good and they were always giving me props and all the other stuff but he would always let this older guy play that was not as good as me and I would come every Tuesday the only kid there for their rehearsals and I'd be there with my sticks I would come early I'd make my parents drop me off I'd know all the music and everything like that but they would never let me play and I did this for months like months I knew all the music I knew all the songs I was hoping that he would just fall dead and just fall off the thing and then I would able to catch I mean this is in my 12 year old mind.

34:13You know what I'm saying? But like, I knew I could do it if somebody would just give me an opportunity and they never let me play. And I remember being on that maroon chair and see, this is how subtle trauma can come into your life. And this is why we have to evaluate it. I remember sitting on a maroon chair in the back and I decided that being good was not good enough. I had to be great at everything. Cause if I was great, they couldn't deny me. like if I was great there's no way they wouldn't let me do that and from that day on at 12 years old my engine changed I couldn't be good at anything okay no I'm not playing a game unless I'm gonna smash you wow like I'm not and now this now seems like at that age it seems um endearing it's like wow this this young man is wow he's he's proactive and he's he's gifted and he's He's hungry.

35:09He's hungry. Like and so now I'm getting attention from it and now I'm getting accolades from it. And now I'm getting so it's like, oh, this is great. I made the right decision. Like I'll never be good. Nothing good is good. I will only be great. So my car had to be great. My business had to be great. My wife had to be great. My family had to be great. My everything had to be great. And this served me for almost 20 years until I reached this level of success. and everybody wants me to come speak and everybody wants me to do this. And we found out that my only son had autism. So now my wife is broken.

35:47She's depressed. I'm confused. I'm the guy that's supposed to have crazy faith, but I can't do anything about my son. He's no longer looking at us. He's not saying any words. His younger sister is developing past him. Like he's peeing and pooping on himself every day. Like what's going on? and now my motor is I'm I have somebody here that looks like me that's not great and it's not even good I don't know how to process this so now I'm gonna go and I'm gonna make more money I'm gonna da da da da but my wife needs me I have I have the person I've loved for my whole life sitting here saying I don't care if we have any more money I need my husband I need you to sit with me and I'm like well yeah you sit there but I gotta like because now my motor to be great is no longer what's gonna help me if I would have taken all the dates if I would have kept going I would have lost my wife and my family I would have lost my legacy I would have lost the thing that meant the most to me and this is the culmination of me having to deal with like where did that come from and so I was sitting with my mentor outside of Oklahoma City in a crackle barrel and he was he's listening to me talk and he just he's sitting there his name is Tim Ross and he has this huge pile of eggs that he's eating he loves eggs for some reason and I just remember seeing the eggs and he says so when did you have when did you decide that your standard for this life was greater than God's and I was like what are you talking about and because I'm a person of faith, we look at the Bible as principles and practical things that we can use to live our lives by.

37:31He said, remember in creation, it said in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and the star. And he told the ocean how far it could come and created land and did all of these things. And he looked back at his work and he said, it's good. He created the solar system and the galaxies and all the animals. And then he looked back at it and said, that's good. And he does all this creating on the sixth day he creates man and woman and he looks at him and said this this is good he said if god's standard is good why is your standard great and something inside of me was like whoa i can't keep living and not even appreciating all of the good that's around me because of the trauma that happened to me at 12.

38:23And now I don't even like good. I don't even appreciate good where people would love to have good. I can't have good money. I have to have great money. I can't be good in my relationship. My relationship hasn't been great. I'm literally missing the essence of life and what's right in front of me. I can't even be grateful for what people would kill for because of the trauma that happened on the maroon chairs when I was 12. Wow. And this is part of what led to me going through this healing journey and transformation so that I could really, really live life to the fullest. This is a powerful story,

39:02Lewis Howes:man. And in your book on page 49, you have a little quote that says, our fruit is always connected to the root. Yes, sir. So when you thought back to your 12 year old self, Where is the fruit that was in the root of your pain? Yeah. So the fruit was now I'm a very successful workaholic.

39:26Excellence expecting perfectionist person, Mike Todd. But the root was I was an insecure little boy who felt like nobody saw him. So I was going to make sure you saw me. So now everybody will look at the fruit and be like, yeah, like, wow, like that is phenomenal. But the root was trauma. The root was damage. And the foundation foundation helped you get there in a sense. Yeah.

40:00Lewis Howes:Yeah. It was motivated negatively. Right. But if you never stop and examine it, it would have been the same thing that destroyed me. Right. It helped you get to a certain level. But just like the same thing that helped Mike Tyson get to world champion status is also the thing that destroyed him. And this is why I'm telling everybody who's listening right now, it may be time to stop and evaluate. Just because you're doing good doesn't mean you're doing good. But Mike, how can I stop when I need to be relevant? How can I stop when my competitors in the space are going to outperform me? How can I stop when so much is dependent on me right now?

40:39And so what I'm going to say to you is your value system is broken. Like if that's all that matters to you is your competitor. And not your actual piece. If all that matters to you is I need to be relevant instead of I actually need to be real. Have it. And we'll see how long you can do that. But I'm telling you, as I counsel and I lived it and I've been with and I'm on the phone with people every day who are like, I mean, how do you how in the world you commit suicide with hundreds of million dollars in the bank? How do you how do you beat all your competitors and you don't want to live? Like we've seen that story a hundred times and we always chop it up like, man, that's sad for them.

41:26But we don't realize that if we don't deal with the things that that that we got stuffed back in the closet of our lives and how our parents treated us and and and how how we didn't get picked for certain things. And I'm not trying to give anybody their story. But what I am saying is that for all of us, if we live in this world, there is something that has happened to us. And for many people, it's very dramatic stuff that has happened to you. You don't even talk about nobody. Your husband, your wife, your closest friends don't even know. But if you don't deal with it, what ends up happening is at some point it may be the very thing that delays or totally destroys your destiny.

42:05Absolutely. What I'm trying to tell you is like right now you watching this, you listening to me and Lewis talk about this. This is your sign. It's time to start working on the old stuff. Absolutely. It's time to start dealing with the trauma. And I believe that all of your damage can actually be the thing that turns into your destiny. every wrong bad thing that i've done i have now used and turn that pain into a platform and it's the very reason why people relate to me it's the very reason i'm on this podcast right now it's the very reason that we're doing anything but it's like if you don't do it it's going to

42:41Lewis Howes:take away from you instead of add to you so over the last you know few years for you as you transformed the emotional eater in you and the insecurity in you into something greater, into security and peace and conscious eating. I'm sure you're not perfect in your eating stuff, but you're more intentional eating. I brought my meals with me. Exactly, man. What was the value system that you had before and now what is the new value system that you've upgraded to? Okay. So I'll have several layers to this that go into the book, But let me just say this. It can be broken down very simply is I cared about people's thoughts of me.

43:23Now I care about my inner peace. Right. So you can't have both. If people's thoughts of you are more valuable, then you will do everything to keep that going even at the benefit at the peril of yourself. You'll be a constant people pleaser. And that is exhausting. It's it's not just exhausting. It will make you extinct It will king the reason why you do what you do So like practically how this works in my life is that I'm telling you my engine is I gotta be great I gotta be great. I gotta be great. Like this is my whole story My we have a breakdown. My son has autism. My wife is depressed. All of these things are happening I had to cancel six months of engagements.

44:07Wow Speaking engagements. I mean commitments. It was all my money, right? I literally had to say what do I want? Do I want to look up five years from now and have made how many ever thousands of dollars that would have been or do I want my family? It was a no-brainer. Are people going to be mad at me? Are people going to be frustrated? I'm already on the bill. They may never invite me back but these are the people that I committed to and I want to be healthy more than all of that. So I could have been a people pleaser or I could have done what would have happened, what was best for my inner peace.

44:46And so it hurt to cancel all summer 2019 all the way to December. I mean, every conference I'd ever gone to, they were paying me to come. I was flying all over the world. You were on the rise. I was going, I mean, literally everywhere. Australia, Africa, London. I was everything. And I had to call them and cancel all of them.

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46:56Lewis Howes:Don't risk your business on unreliable lenders. Go to nerdwallet.com slash greatness to find the funding you deserve. Fundera, Inc. N-M-L-L. S I D number one, two, four, zero, zero, three, eight. So you had to cut the idea of being a people pleaser as well, which is painful for a people pleaser. For anybody who wants to be great. And you think that your greatness is on the other side of a connection. Oh, and I had to realize that my greatness came from the purpose that I believe God gave me before I was here. And so maybe this was something that was going to make me. And I was right. like literally that was the summer that everything changed really oh my god when I wasn't going after it something started happening in me and so many times we're so busy that we cannot see what's actually going on and I needed a break I needed time to be out of the hustle and bustle to be able to actually evaluate like what what do I what do I care about like what's important what brings me peace like okay I got money in the bank but that I'm still stressed like I'm still hurting I'm still frustrated like and once that happened just it was like the floodgates opened like everything in business everything in my relationship everything because I started working on what was going on in the inside of me man and that's why again the message that I'm coming with with damage but not destroyed I just want to be a coach I want to be a guide because I've been through it and And most people write this book at 65, 70.

48:28Like the stuff I'm talking about in here that you wait till you're way past it. And I was like, no, I said, because somebody needs to know in their late 30s, in their early 20s, in their mid 40s, in their 50s. Like now is the time to start dealing with this stuff, because the life on the other side of it has way more value than the one you're living now. Right. That's so true.

48:51Lewis Howes:You know, I think something we have in common is we both lean on mentors and guides to give us counsel, to give us feedback. And one of the things that stood out for me the last time we connected is that you lean on a mentor and you have for over a decade, at least as you've been a pastor. and one of your mentors early on i don't know if this is the same guy who's eating the eggs but one of your mentors said you've got to take at least a month off a year that's the same guy same guy yeah what's his name tim ross yeah and that stuck with me because i go wow you had just come off like i think again the number one your time bestseller i think when i saw you and you're like you either just came back from a month off or you were like i'm about to go on a month no i'm about to go on it yeah you're like but i was like but this thing just hit number one don't you have to go like promote it more and like do all the press you're like you said something like this is the time where when everything is hot and you feel like you've got to go even more and go farther and that's the time you need to take a break if you've already pre-scheduled that yes you know don't just jump in because there's more opportunity yeah be there for yourself first and allow for opportunities to continue to come yeah i told i told you last time i said i live on principle Most people live on opinions.

50:03I live on principle. And so a principle is something outside of you that governs you even when you don't want it to. Right. And so for me, the principle was for what I do, I need to take a month and I need to give to myself, my family, my spiritual health, because I'm giving out a lot. I'm trying to add value to people all the time and I need to do this. And so literally when we did relationship goals, it hits number one. Number one, I barely passed English class. Okay, let's be very clear about this, Louis. And my first book goes number one New York Times bestseller, okay? 13 weeks, it's on the New York Times bestseller list.

50:4213. And it comes down to the time that I'm supposed to go on my sabbatical. And the only reason it's going to come off the New York Times bestseller list is because I stopped promoting it. My publisher's like, hey, hey. Keep going. I know what you said. But what and this was where I felt like my internal spiritual guide was saying to me, this is when I'm going to see if you're a real man or not. Wow. Are you going to keep your word to yourself? And I said, I got to do it. I shut off social media. I shut off everything. And as well, I shut off the New York Times bestseller. Right. Because the week you left is off the list.

51:25That's crazy. How did that make you feel, though? I felt like I won. Wow. Because at the end of the day, I became a better man. More than I sold more books and became a better success to other people. And this is the crazy thing. My next book, New York Times. bestseller so I feel like it was the seed I sowed on obeying what I knew I needed to do and live on principle that then like paid it forward for the next book most people don't get get one New York Times bestseller let alone two but your first two books are both New York Times bestseller books I didn't have no big marketing team or anything like it I believe that was the nod from God like Um, you did it.

52:18You did it. And that's where for me, I just feel like when you do the things, you know, you need to do to preserve yourself, it always works out for you in the end. That's true. It does.

52:29Lewis Howes:When someone goes through the damaged, but not destroyed path. Yeah. And they start facing their traumas or things from their past. They start facing it as opposed to running from it. Yeah. And they start to feel a sense of inner triumph. They start to feel a sense of peace. They start to feel a sense of harmony. They start to feel like they're full authentic selves. Yeah, yeah. And maybe they've gotten out of a couple of bad relationships, and now they did this work because they realized that I'm part of the problem. I am the problem, right? I'm in all these relationships about me. Yeah, I'm the only one that keep going to the relationships.

53:02Lewis Howes:And they've taken this time, and they've reflected, and now they start going on some dates. They start having some fun. They start connecting with people. They start meeting people. How do they know when they're choosing the right partner for them? So now you asking a real big question. It depends on where you feel your purpose is. You do not pick partnerships based on pleasure. You pick partnerships based on purpose. And I think that's where a lot of people get messed up. There are a lot of people you can be compatible with, but they're not going in the same direction as you. If me and you were to say right now, let's go to Disney World.

53:39There are probably 15 different paths to get there. like and there are some people that are like well let me stop way over here and let me go over here but if we were riding in the same car together we would have to go on the same road on the same highway getting to the same place because our purpose was to go to this destination i think a big part um of my burden for our generation when it comes to business partnerships relationships all those things is to pick partners for purpose, not just for pleasure. Yes. Because the pleasure wears off when you get in a pit. Like when, when it ain't working, when we lost the money, when you used to dress up for me and now you looking like a grandma, like all of those things, that's when you have to pick partners that you remember.

54:29Why did we get together? What was the purpose of this? What did we say we were going to do? And so a lot of times, um, when people are starting to date and have fun and do all the different things they're not thinking purpose and it's hard to think purpose when you have not spent enough time with yourself personally that's true so because you don't know like the only way again congratulations to you and your beautiful fiance but part of the reason y 'all connect is because of where y 'all both want to collectively go 100 if she wanted to be uh in a different country as a scuba diver instructor and and you knew you were supposed to be here doing this, it would conflict with what you could do together.

55:11And maybe you could be in a relationship for a while and then you start saying, hey I miss you. And she was like, well the fish, I love the fish. Like, and I'm being very sarcastic, but what I'm saying is that is what a lot of our relationships look like. It's like the sex is bomb, we connect physically, but our purposes don't align. And so...

55:32Lewis Howes:And it lasts so long to have the sexual chemistry or connection all by itself. That never has worked. If that worked, all relationships would be together. Like, the truth of the matter is there would be no divorce. And that's why I say, again, in relationship goals, like, there is a formula or a pattern that I believe that has been set out that has worked from generation to generation to generation that if you get the right relationships right first, if you get the relationship right with yourself, the relationship right with God, and then you can get the relationship right with somebody else, then that pattern takes you to where you need to be.

56:12Lewis Howes:What I'm hearing you say is that when you're in alignment with your higher purpose, and when you're in alignment with your own individual purpose of who you are, you'll start to align with someone else, and you'll start to see, okay, we're on the right track together. And maybe you like different things, but we have a similar idea about a vision and a value system for our life. And then what happens is the most magical part. Tell me. Is that you guys make each other better. So my purpose, I thought I had a purpose until I met my wife. And when we got together, it was like, oh, I thought it was going to happen like this.

56:49We are greater together. That's where the scripture says two are better than one because they have great success on their investment. And two are better than one because if one falls, the other one can be there to pick them up. How can one stay warm by yourself? No, they need each other. Like there is exponential growth. There is exponential clarity. There is exponential success when two people are going the same way for purpose and they're in partnership. Interesting. And that's why a lot of times I just tell people it's very hard to pick a partner if you don't know the purpose. If you are starting a company and you're doing tech and somebody else is doing agriculture, that's not the partner you would pick.

57:31you would pick somebody in that same space yes so that y 'all could go the same way together

57:36Lewis Howes:but what about someone like you you met your wife when you were in high school high school sweethearts you didn't really know what your purpose was at that point no you just were like ah we do want to we like each other we love each other we want to be together let's do this let's have fun let's be together you know and i think a lot of people not that that's wrong but a lot of people get into relationship out of attraction like ability and they start loving each other And they're just like, let's just be together without asking the questions about purpose. So if someone's already gotten into a relationship and they're like, we don't have a purpose.

58:06Lewis Howes:How can they create that as opposed to just end the relationship? And how can they make sure that they're both in alignment? So what I would encourage everybody to do, and this is why I encourage you, if you have teenagers or if you have young kids or anything, you need to get them relationship goals. because there's just certain things that if it's not talked about or you're not known, like you're just going to fall into crap and then you're going to have to deal with the consequences. So like, I don't think people should do that, but this is a practical step that people can do. You need to go somewhere that you guys like as a couple and have a vision retreat.

58:39I did this with Martha.

58:41Lewis Howes:You did it? After three months of dating her, before we got committed, we went to Sedona. Okay. And we did a vision retreat. Yes. A vision and a values retreat. I love it. We both had a journal. I told her to bring the journal. I took her to a top of a vortex. I don't know if you've ever been to Sedona, but essentially a rock. It's supposed to have like energy or something, right? Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So we went to a top of a rock and I said, listen, I'm going to do an exercise for us. Put in some like meditative music, just us two up there, sunset. I said, I want you to dream. dreaming about the future about what you want to create in your future and our potential future and i would love for you to for a few minutes to write down all of your main values in your life now and what you're going to value in the future at least what you think you're going to value maybe some stuff changes but at least your core values and she did this exercise and i did it separately on a different piece of paper and i did the same thing because i want i didn't want us to be influenced by seeing someone else's and we brought them together and we said let's review this and kind of a moment of truth through our values align and thankfully our values were very much an alignment and you know maybe there's a few things that she had different than me and vice versa but i wasn't like okay cool i have no problem with that and she had no problem with mine so we aligned and that gave me clarity and peace yeah and i said okay what is our vision for relationship what is the vision that you want because maybe it's completely different than what i want so we both did that exercise and we came together and we said this is the vision it's really to have a purposeful relationship to be a relationship that is of service to each other and to the world that's beautiful and since we were both in alignment i was like man i feel really peaceful let's make this happen yeah you know let's commit to this but let's think about it what is an alignment if you take your car in for an alignment what they do is they lift it up and they start making sure that everything is balanced yes so that we can actually get back on the rough road and still stay together right yeah I fall apart fall apart it's true the wheels don't want the wheels to fall off and we don't want one wheel to be low so it makes us drift a certain way.

1:01:00And so I would just encourage couples, business partners, friends that may have gone through different seasons, because that's what me and Natalie had to do. I went from a boy to a man. And so we had to we had to revision every decade. Wow. Like and I would encourage every relationship to do that. Revision every decade. All right. You're not the same when you're in small kids to now you have teenagers. You're not the same to when you have teenagers to when they're out the house. And a lot of people that have great relationships in one season have horrible relationships in a different season because they've never revisioned.

1:01:35They've never faked, okay, the kids are gone. Like what, what do we value now?

1:01:39Lewis Howes:Yeah. And your vision when you were 17 together is different than your vision now. It's completely different because of the trials we've been through, the trauma we've been through, the triumphs we've experienced, as well as the, the world we live in right I mean the world we live in now compared to when we were 18 19 is completely different and so I would just encourage people like yeah like get a vision and values I love that that's a beautiful ad a vision and values retreat or some time and just really realign and when you add the faith component into that and you add the family component into that it changes the focus faith family focus when you get that together bro it then gives you motivation or why you go to work wow it gives you it gives you a why and too many people i'm finding especially out of the pandemic they've lost their why why am i doing this like why is this important and that's why i again in this book try to help people realize like this may be a pain point This may have been a hit you didn't see coming.

1:02:43I say this all the time There's no hit like the one you don't see coming who like that's when you like get the haymaker and you Get weak in the knee and I think relationally as well as personally a lot of people have had some hits in the last five to ten years I didn't know this was gonna have health relationships career money. Well, I didn't know There was no way everything was bright and sunny and then it was just a storm and that shit has caused trauma that has made people not get back up. Right. But I believe that all of those things, if you would just get some of the right tools, and that's what I try to provide you with in this book, some right tools, you could actually turn all that trauma into your greatest triumph ever.

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1:04:02Lewis Howes:It feels good to be understood. Amika goes above and beyond to customize the right coverage for you by taking the time to really understand your needs. Because creating peace of mind is at the heart of Amika's mission. And whether you're at home or on the road, Amika knows it's not just about where you're going, but who you go with. Go with the insurer that truly understands you. As a mutual company, Amika puts its customers' needs first. Visit amika.com and get a quote today. So when did you start preaching? Was it 10, 15 years ago? yeah bro i don't even know it was an accident like it was like something over 10 years right it's been over 10 years about 15 call it 15 years and you've been married almost 15 years yeah and you have seen a rise of service of opportunity of abundance to yourself of transformation of healing all these different things you got four beautiful kids four beautiful kids right beautiful kids you got all these different blessings that have come to your life and you've been able to bless countless people in your community and globally, some that you know, some that you'll never meet.

1:05:07Lewis Howes:And you've done a lot of this in the last 15 years. And you have a lot of mentors that you reach out to that give you wisdom, that give you counsel. But if you had to go 15 years into the future, to your future self, 15 years from now, and be the mentor to you today, Yeah. What would be that counsel you would say after all the things you're about to go through in the next 15 years, after all the ups and downs, the beauty, the joy, the impact, the service, if you could imagine time suspended and you're creating and developing, all these things are happening and you're now 40, I don't know, you're almost 50 at that point, 52 or something.

1:05:52Lewis Howes:What advice would you give yourself today? Yeah. Authenticity. your superpower. Be real and admit when you're wrong. If you enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you. History will be on your side. I heard the quote that said that people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in 10. I've really adopted that because our our world right now is so what's in the news media today what do you do today what do you do today but like 10 years how many times have people risen and fallen how many times has the market went up or come down how many times have people made tons of money and lost money like how many like but if you just stay consistent be disciplined enjoy the journey be authentic i never have to walk into any room and be something i'm me and i see a lot of my friends and a lot of people around me and they gotta get ready they gotta put on to do something and i that must be exhausting but if you could be authentic and enjoy the journey people will enjoy it with you.

1:07:14You'll find that people will enjoy it. History will be on your side. Like if you do everything that adds value to people and you actually are valuing who you are too, it just creates a life that is actually admirable and a life that I believe that more people really want to live. They're searching for it everywhere. They're searching for it in the bottle. they're searching for it in pills they're searching for it in porn they're searching for it in success and i know because i've looked in all those places but the only place i found it is in in a relationship with the creator and in a relationship with myself like that's where everything started coming together and when that stuff started to come together everybody around me is blessed by default wow like being a service to the world you only can be service to the world when you first become a service to yourself.

1:08:10And now everybody, everything around me, every time a tree is planted with fruit, that fruit's coming off and it's going to nourish everybody. But if that seed is jacked up, it never gets the opportunity to grow and produce the fruit. And so, yeah, I think that's what I would just, I would tell myself or anybody else if I was the mentor. Yeah.

1:08:32Lewis Howes:Speaking of service and purpose, you live a life of service. Yes, sir. and we have a mutual friend in common that you have been of service to, even though, you know, it wasn't a popular decision for you to do so. Or people didn't want you to support and help out or whatever when they were on the fall or when they were struggling or when they were, you know, in a, in a, in a bad light. Why make decisions to help or be of service to people or lean on people and let them lean on you when maybe others don't think that's the right move or it's not good image or they don't like that decision. Why make those decisions when it could hurt your business, people could leave your church, people could say nasty things about you?

1:09:22Lewis Howes:Why try to lift someone up when maybe they've done something justifiably that's caused other people to be upset? Why lean on support and lifting others up when they're in a bad place in society. Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and show my whole faith card right now because this who I am. I believe for me, number one, the Bible says, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. So for me, if I was in a bad spot, if I messed up after helping all these people in the name of God and declaring Jesus and being a Christian and all this other stuff, and I still am human and I messed up, I would pray that somebody who says that they love God and God is love.

1:10:10I pray that somebody that represents him would come and help me. And for me, doing unto others as I would want them to do to me, I feel like is a seed and a testimony of what I've what I call the grace of God. Like I'm a jacked up person, Lewis. Like I've written some cool books and and I've made it to 14 years of marriage. but I was addicted to pornography. I was a liar. I was a manipulator. I had been arrested for car insurance fraud. I had all this other stuff. Like I know what's in me without God, without the transformation that has happened through my relationship and my faith. And so when I see people down and out, when I see people hurting, when I see people broken, especially people who carried a heavy weight in the faith community.

1:11:03Like, I just feel like it is my responsibility as a brother or sister to reach out and to just help. There's a story in the Bible with the Good Samaritan. People have heard it even if you're not a Christian or anything like that. This man's beat up and jacked up on the road and the priest passes it. And then the person who leads the worship passes him. and it's just this Samaritan that comes and usually they don't even communicate with each other but they takes them to the end and says hey clean this dude up put it on my tab I'll be back tomorrow I'll take care of everything and Jesus is telling this story and it's like which who's more like me the guy who represents me and is in the church the person who sings to me or the person that was just on the street that said i'll take care of it there's nothing they can do for me but i'll take care of it that's who i want to be right i don't you don't got to know my name you don't got to know all that i just want to actually be of service we've said it several times be of value and help people because one life can turn into millions of people's lives being changed and so for me man i had to get rid of that people pleasing to even do that though gosh it's so hard Do you understand what I'm saying?

1:12:20Because like if you stand by somebody who people don't want you to stand by, they're not going to like you. They're not going to like you. And for me, people cannot like me as long as I know I'm in right standing with God. That's beautiful. And so for me, I've gotten used to like, actually, I say this all the time is a lot of people hear the message of the Bible or and they hear they hear it, but they don't live out the method of the Bible. and for me I want to live it out I want to actually be loved to people I want to show love I want people I tell people at our church all the time you can belong before you believe like you don't gotta believe like let's just be friends let's have relationships maybe something you hear you be like I can use that like like and then I'll take it a step further you can belong before you behave right okay you still going to the club and having sex with everybody all right cool like But at least maybe you're hearing something that could potentially encourage you to do something different.

1:13:21Right. Like, and for me, I know it's not popular opinion, but that's what I needed. Wow. I needed somebody to be that real, that authentic and that accepting. And I believe that the message of Jesus Christ is actually that. Sometimes we've just had bad representatives. Sure. And so I'm just trying to represent. My man.

1:13:40Lewis Howes:We're talking about damage, but not destroyed from trauma to triumph. Make sure you guys get a copy or two and give it to a friend. This will inspire you. Lots of great stories, lessons, tools, and takeaways. So make sure you guys get a few of these copies. We can get it at your website. We can get it everywhere on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. And people can follow you on social media. You are IamMikeTodd. Yes, sir. And also IamMikeTodd.com. We'll have the links up for this as well where people can get it. If they follow you anywhere, they'll see this out there. A couple final questions for you, man.

1:14:17Lewis Howes:This has been really powerful. This has been amazing. Thanks for coming on. This has been really cool. This is every time, though. Yeah. The next time will just be just as good, man. Let's go. I asked you this question last time, the last couple questions I have. I asked you this last time. I'm curious if it's changed. It's called the three truths. So imagine, hypothetically, it's your last day on earth. You get to live as long as you want to live. Okay. You get to create and generate and serve the way you want to. But for whatever reason, on this last day, you've got to take all of your content with you.

1:14:47Lewis Howes:Books, conversations, they're all gone to the next place. And you got to turn the lights off in this world. But before you leave, you get to leave behind three lessons. And this is all we would have of your content are these three truths. What would be those three truths for you? Number one, God is love. The second message would be you're valuable. And the third would be let your family be your greatest achievement.

1:15:25Because I would be gone, but they'd still be here. And if you take all my content away, it would live through them. I just got the chills thinking about that. This book I dedicated to my grandchildren. Oh, that's beautiful. I have no grandchildren yet. My oldest is 10 years old. But it was said a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. And so the inheritance I want to leave is not just physical things. I'm going to leave them that. But I want to leave them emotional health and spiritual health. and I believe this book, the content, the value, it's showing up in my daughters and my son and in their kids.

1:16:16And my family will be my greatest success story. Wow. And because that keeps living on. Absolutely. That is beautiful, man. Can I share something about the back cover real quick? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, so if you look at this back cover real quick, and I wrote this, this is the one the publisher wanted me to have. They wanted me to smile. Okay. But this is my cover right here. And we did a double cover. This is three generations of Todd men. Of you? Of my whole family. Every man in my family. Oh, wow. This is my dad's cheek. These are my brother's. This is me. This is my eye. And this is my son's eye.

1:16:55Oh, my gosh. But it still looks like me. Wow. That's great. But it's every man that is close to me. and this is to paint the picture that if you don't deal with your damage you affect every person you love wow and this is what I said in the book what's not transformed is transferred so if I don't deal with what I'm seeing in my eye it goes to what my son sees in his eye wow and so this is like the most powerful creative picture shout out to my little brother Grayson and my god brother john who came up with this concept but this is why that's beautiful you need to deal with your stuff because the people you say you love the most will experience the most effect if you don't wow and if you can't figure it out for yourself at least do it for the people you

1:17:44Lewis Howes:love dude this is amazing man i'm so excited for this i want people to get a copy damaged but not destroyed that's a really cool concept right there um before i ask the final question michael I want to acknowledge you, man, for doing things that are of service, not to impress people, doing things that are on purpose, not to people please, and doing things your way, which is an alignment to a higher power for you, not because you're trying to keep up with everyone else. So I really acknowledge you for that, man, because I've heard great things about you from other people. I loved our interactions.

1:18:25Lewis Howes:I love the conversations we've got to have. And I hope we have many more to come on and off this show. You're about to get married, brother. So I got a lot of wisdom that I can share with you, baby. Hit me up, bro. Hit me up. Final question for you. And this is an interesting one because we all have a different definition of it. What is your definition of greatness? Oh, my goodness. I'm on the school of greatness. My definition of greatness if you would have asked me this a year and a half ago through two years ago huh it would have been different um because that's all I could accept I want I'm fine with people being great but but it cannot be the only thing that's acceptable so for me um my definition of greatness has changed to greatness is being good at what you know your purpose to be.

1:19:21Like if you're good at what you know your purpose to be and good at what your purpose to do, you're great. And a lot of people want to be great at everything, but now I just feel like good is okay at what? Let me say it like this. Good is okay at the right thing. And if you're good at the right thing, you're great.

1:19:39Lewis Howes:I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward.

1:20:17Lewis Howes:And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

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