Yara Shahidi Opens Up: How To Prioritize Mental Health & Overcome Self-Doubt To Achieve Any Dream

25:50It's those moments where the growth is so granular and so small that I've had to continue to move through to be like, no, you got to wait it out. It may not be, you may not know how to cartwheel four times doing this. You may not know for the whole year. I still don't know. But my friends have signed me up to teach me next week. What is it about not being good at something right away that bothers you? I mean, again, a question I ask myself, I think some of it is the public facing pressure of knowing the stakes of failure at times, knowing we don't, I think especially the time that Black-ish came on air, you know, we're still one of the only, we were one of the only Black families on broadcast.

26:40And so it also meant you're kind of a part of this small group of people of actors that have this opportunity to be on prime time you know television every week for the whole world to see and I think it just created this sense of responsibility of being like oh I want to be as responsible as possible and I think however my brain worked I moved being responsible to being again as correct as possible moving as as proper yeah as properly as possible and still couldn't tell you where I got it from because not how I was raised I was raised under like yeah you make mistakes, you figure it out. That's part of life.

27:15Like you can fail. And as long as you feel like you learned something, even just spiritually worth it. So I don't know exactly where it came from, but I could tell you, I also doubled down because people didn't believe that I was as, let's say perfect or put together as I, as I presented. And I think that made me double down because I also didn't like dealing with the doubt. To look more perfect or to? Yeah. I'm just, I think there is a sense of perfectionism I deal with, but there's also like, I kind of landed on the planet this way of being like, yeah, I just was never really drinker because I just never really had the desire to.

27:51It wasn't from some like, I can't drink because. I've never been drunk in my life. I mean, I know I just started drinking, but I'm like, same, because I'm just like, either it has to taste phenomenal, which most times it doesn't. And I think being introduced to drinking on a college campus where I'm like the warm beer or warm orange juice, not appealing. Right. And I think to me, I was like, yeah, never done drugs, never desired to. It was never even a decision of, oh, I can't because that would look like this or that. Never desired to. It's just kind of your makeup. Yeah. Yeah, some of my makeup.

28:22And so I think a lot of times I felt as though people were challenging my makeup as though I was moving super strategically when it wasn't that. Of course, I definitely had a fear of failure, but I think the core tenets of who I am and how I move through the world came from authentically just how I landed here. And I think some of that, some of the attention I got for moving the way I did made me feel more, what is the word? Made me feel like people were waiting for me to slip up. Really? Because it was always so voiced. It was voiced to me so constantly the more I did that feeling of being like, oh, but you know you can be just a regular kid.

29:04Like, I don't know why you think you need to do all this. I'm doing this because I want to do it. Like, I would not have been able to go through four years of school if I didn't want to be there. No one could have convinced me into that flying back and forth. No one could have convinced me into doing it like a voting initiative unless I wanted to do that. And so I think the mistrust people had that it was coming from just truly who I am. And I have a team of people that were honoring who I am. It wasn't coming from external voices of like, you know, it would look great. Right. But I think it made me skeptical.

29:33Like, are people waiting for me to slip up? Are they waiting for me to be? I don't know. Something that I'm not. And I think that definitely made me aware, more aware of how I came off in the world. Because before I never questioned it. Until I got the comments, I never questioned why I was making certain decisions because it was just kind of second nature. Because it's who you were. Yeah, it's who I am. And so I think that's something that I had to move through where the strategic thinking didn't come in until after I had heard, oh, people are kind of waiting for me to slip up for whatever reason.

30:07Right. So what's your biggest fear moving forward now? You've had so much success from TV and film and graduated Harvard and all the things you're creating. What is the fear moving forward? Well, I think, honestly, the fear moving forward has been not living authentically. I think I spent, luckily, I don't think I was in that headspace for too long. But I think, again, feeling like, okay, people are waiting for me to slip up. Okay, I need to be on my P's and Q's. Also, just having an immense responsibility of being like, I'm on a show that needs me to be on my A game. It doesn't matter if I didn't sleep.

30:46It doesn't matter if I have to catch a flight. I'm at a school that needs me to be on my A game. It doesn't matter if I was working. I can't write at the end of the paper. Sorry, I was on set. So this is why this is like this. I was writing my thesis. And in that week, right before leading up to my thesis, we were in Paris, Dubai, LA for work. And then I landed and I had 48 hours to turn in my thesis in person. And again, an abundance of opportunities and things I'm grateful for. But I think after graduating and after, again, kind of my general health journey and what that spurred for me mentally, I think it's been the fear now has been not learning from all that.

31:26You don't feel like you've learned from it. I think I have. I'm saying that the fear to me would be if I don't continue to take it as seriously, if I slip up from all the learnings that I've had in the last year, two years. Got it. And I've made such great leeway, I feel like, in being able to show up as myself, show up authentically. And so I think as I figure out what that next phase of life looks like, what that next phase of career looks like, I think – I don't know whether it's a fear, a want, a wish. I think my wish is to maintain and hold on to with a fierceness this feeling of authenticity that's been curated.

32:03How do you navigate other people's opinions about you? Whether they're directed towards you speaking to you about their opinion or just online or just what you think people are thinking about you. How do you navigate opinions? You know, I think it was a great therapy session that I was in where she asked the question, how do you feel about people? And I think as simple as that was, it changed the game for me because I was so curious about what people thought of me. And it wasn't even about, I was able to opt out of what people thought of me publicly pretty quickly. And by just opting out, we realized like being on Twitter is not mandatory.

32:45Like you may feel like it's mandatory, isn't. Getting off of Twitter, great feeling for the spirit. Sure. You know, getting off of TikTok, not looking myself up. All those things were, I think, adjustments and things that I was able to learn in real time and get support to be like, all right, this is how I'm going to navigate the fact that I'm a public person. You need all these social media things for your job, but you don't have to engage in this way of being super accessible all the time and always looking at what people are saying. So luckily, that was a lesson that I think I learned in real time and was able to learn from.

33:15But in terms of like just interpersonal relationships, I think it's the nature of just my job is when you're in an audition room, half of it is acting well, but also being liked. And so I think it made me aware of what people thought of me. and I'd like to think it didn't take up too much of my brain space, but particularly if I was at events, I'm like, I'm so preoccupied with how am I coming off right now? Even the idea of - So you were thinking about it at events, like here's how I'm coming off or how am I coming off? Or even that feeling of, it sounds so silly. It's a good problem to have, but here I am coming in with my little Harvard degree.

33:51And again, seeming so put together that I'm putting in an extra effort to seem super chill. I'm super laid back. Like I know you know me as the kid that multitasked harvard and the show but i'm relaxed i'm relaxed the thing is i am relaxed but i was doing this other like layer of performing because i knew that people saw me as this like type a getting things done person or even if i'm at events and not drinking then there's a lot of questions because if you don't say oh it's because i'm sober i have this weird hard and fast rule unfortunately you still get a lot of questions like why is that and never stops right so now my issue is I'm like, I drink Coca-Cola at events just to have something in my hand, but now I'm drinking so much soda that I never intended to drink.

34:35Just drink water. Spockily water is my go-to. I know, but I'm saying for some reason within this age demographic, getting water is even more like, wow, you think you're all that. You're drinking water. Why care about what people think about you? Precisely. So anyway, after drinking a ton of soda and being... They're going to poison their brains. You know, it's like, why care when someone who's poisoning themselves thinks about you being healthy. And I think that's truly the work. I think I knew immediately, okay, this is something to sort through because my journey is not drinking this much soda to make people feel comfortable as simple as that was.

35:09My journey is not doing all of this, this extra work to seem chill because I think they think that I'm this way. And so I say that to say, I was, I was talking through it with my therapist and she was like, oh, well, how do you feel about the people that you meet? And I realized I wasn't developing an opinion. I was so kind of preoccupied with what they thought I was like. And as simple as that was, going into events and going into spaces, checking in with how I was enjoying myself has gotten rid of almost immediately all of the little thinking and like notes I made in my head about, oh, I wonder if that was awkward.

35:46I wonder how they feel about that. I wonder da, da, da, da. But yeah, I was prompted by me going to this event and knowing immediately. I was like, I'm so in my head. And here I am in a beautiful room with beautiful people. It's a privilege to be here. It should feel like a privilege. It shouldn't feel like this, this constant job. And so luckily I'd learned, she had asked me that question almost like a couple of days after, because I was like, it's time to work through this. And I really did feel a such an immediate twist in being like, oh, if I am always asking myself how I'm feeling, there's just less room and space to ask myself how they're feeling about me.

36:20Still not perfect. I still go through my moments. But it definitely made a big shift in just how I move. Wow. Yeah. When you have a big casting, a big meeting, a big event you're going to where it seems big, right? In the grand scheme of things, maybe it's not. But it seems like, oh, this could be a big opportunity. I'm meeting someone that could influence my career or whatever it might be. What is the intention you set before going to the events, the meetings, and situations where you know this could change the trajectory of my career or future? I think part of the positive thing in suspending the traditional cause and effect, if I do this super well, then this is going to happen for me because of this event or because of this meeting.

37:09I've started to have more kind of personal self-development goals and less career goals when I go into those things. Like what? meetings. Again, it's being honest. Like my goal in this meeting is to be as honest as possible about where I am, how I'm feeling. And it happened even last week. I was in a director's meeting and it was a great meeting. I liked the person, but they had some questions on the fact that I live such a straight and narrow life and whether I'd veer from that for the sake of a role, whether, and it was nice where I think I typically would have just kind of laughed my way out of it and then had the team handle like, oh, tell them they're maybe misaligned.

37:46Yeah. It was so nice to have the wherewithal to be like, hey, yeah, I don't think that's the journey I'm interested in going on. I'm not excited by that. So you were honest with them? Yeah. And I said it in the meeting. And I think that was really new for me to be like, I have the feeling. Thank you. I know where to have the courage. Yeah. But I think it was setting intention of saying, oh, if my goal is honesty, if my goal is finding what excites me, then it changes how I move in these rooms and I honestly feel so much better about it because the times that you that I've gone in I speak in second person in time the times I've gone in to to a meeting with the idea of they are the keepers of this opportunity or thing I feel like a short circuit just because it's like what are you supposed to do with that information like how does that change how you affect like relate to somebody or how you show up in the world and so I think the idea of having fun at events as simple as that is, that's so much, so many times been the intention.

38:43Let's say it's the Met Gala. And I think there was, it's always like a high energy thing, but I think we realized pretty quickly, it shouldn't be high stress. Again, it's a fundraiser. It's a fundraiser. People spent X amount for you to show up and get your team out there for you to look a certain way. And so it's nice because when we've been intention setting, it's been like, no, the priority is having fun and having a new experience. The priority is being open. And so the intentions change time to time, but I think as of late, they've really been more so about in my 24 years of life, what experiences am I looking for in myself?

39:24What things am I trying to unlock for myself? And it has pretty immediately affected how I show up in rooms because, yeah, I used to feel as though I was auditioning for things, but even in non-audition settings, it feels like, oh, it's an audition. Really? What do you feel like now? I think it's just an opportunity. It's just another day. I think it's just another day. It's another opportunity to learn about myself. I think especially in an industry where I'm grateful that the question that I'm being asked more than anything is what do I want? And I'm not 100 % certain. I have ideas. I have things that, again, pique my curiosity, but I have no hard and fast.

40:05This is where I want to be in five years. This is what I want to do. My top priority right now has truly been, I want to have new experiences. I've been in school for 16 years of my life. I've been on a show for 10 years and I'm grateful that those have been net positive for me, like things that I've really enjoyed doing. But it means that even as an actor, I've been acting for 20 of my 24 years and there's still so many experiences I've never even had on a And so I think it's been nice even honoring the uncertainty in times where I think, no, my job is to come in super certain. Like, you know what I want?

40:38I want da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right now you're not clear. You're like, I'm open. I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm unclear in a great way in that I'm like, there's so much that excites me right now. How does that feel, though, to be not having a current show, I guess, on TV when you've had 10 years of success with that and not knowing what the next, I guess, big project on TV or film will be? Do you feel at peace about that where most people in transition be like, when am I going to book the next thing? I'm going to make money. Or if I'm not relevant, then who am I? Do you feel about that?

41:10I mean, I think the thoughts are inevitable now and then. I'd have to say it's not a main thought I have primarily because of how kind of diversified my interests are, what we're involved in. I think that's where having the production company is really beautiful because while there are projects that I'm connected to that may start filming soon, but just again with this industry, you never know. It's nice to be like we have our hands in things that inspire us, that get us to wake up and do the work every day. I think today there should be a script coming in. We're very excited to read. But it's from a project that started with myself, Carrie, an incredible other producer across from us, an incredible writer looking at each other and saying, oh, we want to be in business together.

41:55We just enjoy how we all move. We're all from the Midwest. So I think that also helps. Very similar sensibilities amongst the team. But I think that is really helpful. the fact that I, whether it even be like, I love doing college tours and public speaking at colleges. I was in North Carolina last week. I was in Boston the week prior. And I think having those things are very anchoring because it feels like I'm not sitting here literally waiting for the call because there is a real pressure to it. Auditioning, I think what's funny is that it is so not personal and so personal at the same time because it's extremely subjective and there's nothing you did right or wrong most of the times because they're putting so many puzzle pieces together.

42:38It could be your height. It could be like, oh, they have a new vision for the character. And so I think those feelings of doubt and those feelings of, okay, what's next will always be there. But I feel like having a very well-rounded world has allowed me to enjoy the challenge of that and has allowed me to then, even as an actor, prioritize. Working on television is a very different thing because it's a job. You're working for eight months. You're doing 20 episodes. You're doing 18 episodes, 13 episodes. The edits of the lines are happening day of. You're getting your script and getting rewrites as you're heading to set.

43:14And it teaches you kind of how to be a professional actor. But it doesn't necessarily, if you don't prioritize it, teach you process and what do you enjoy as an actor. Because I'm like, yeah, my skill set is learning lines incredibly fast. It's how do I get this end result? I mean, I come from, you know, my Bubba's a director DP, so I'm thinking that Steadicam is super heavy. The little rig that they have to wear. I need to get my lines out as fast as possible because I'm thinking about everybody else on set. And so I think it's actually been really exciting to be kind of in this kind of theatrical, more film-centered part of my life where it's really been about what is my process as an actor.

43:50Because I was approaching the other sets as a producer, and I know how behind we are. I know what we're supposed to be shooting. I know our schedules. Let me nail this the first time. Yeah. So I wasn't necessarily giving myself the space to play. I'm happy with what we did. I'm happy with the set environment. But I think the space to play is kind of what I've been given now. Wow. Even just in auditions of being like, oh, my task is how do I do something I typically wouldn't have. I had an audition yesterday morning that I was taping. And it was just really what was most fulfilling was that feeling of, oh, I'm really happy I did this process because that was something new for me.

44:24And I wouldn't have done that typically. And so that felt like the win in that. How do you not take it personally when you're auditioning for something and you spend a few days or a week imagining, you know, and practicing and rehearsing what you're going to do and getting really excited and investing in the character and then pouring your heart out in front of, you know, whether it's taped or in person. And then crickets or it's a no or we're going in a different direction. How do you deal with the rejection or the not getting the part? I honestly, it's where community plays a big part. Like I'm grateful that mommy and I are business partners because I think not only do we make the business side of it fun and we think similarly in that business side and then she thinks beyond even where I imagine.

45:07But she's also invested in me as a human being, not as a client, not as an actor. They're trying to get on a job. And so when I think about her and I think about even the rest of the team that I have around me, they're great people to talk to. So I do get to pick up the phone and be like, yeah, that kind of hurt a little bit. That sings a little bit. and have people to talk through it with. So rather than trying to avoid the feeling, I think the more I've just, the quicker I've leaned into the feeling, the quicker I'm through it. The more I've tried to hold off and be like, that's fine, they went in another direction.

45:37Yeah, it doesn't hurt me at all. On to the next. The more I'm spending time at night actually being like, oh, that kind of stung. But I remember getting a note even a couple months ago for a director session that I had a very particular cadence. and that's something that didn't necessarily make me a fit for the character. They said you had a particular cadence. Given. It was because you have agents asking for notes like, well, she got so far, so what could it be? Right. And so it wasn't like they called like, hey, her cadence is so off she doesn't have it. It was after asking, hey, what is it?

46:10They said cadence. And I remember just kind of being stuck on it for a second because I'm like, do I? I mean, I know I have particular speech patterns. I have to do voiceover for the show all the time. I'm always hearing myself talk. But I think that was a really funny instance because when there's very little you can do about how you speak, but it was actually a great, it was like the perfect exercise where it wasn't personal enough to super sting. It wasn't like, yeah, she looked funny. Like, you know, it was something that was just a little bit annoying and it was just a great exercise. And how am I going to move through this?

46:44How am I going to talk through this? How am I going to just kind of keep it pushing. And I ended up keeping it pushing because at the end of the day, it was like, yeah, they handed out a note because they feel like you have to give an actor something to hold on to, especially when you make it really far in a process. And it's what they thought of. And they have every right. They have a vision of the character that I only kind of approximated. And the vision of the character also being on the producing side of the things, I've seen casting sessions and it was so enlightening because when you go in as an actor, you don't realize how much is happening around you that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

47:18The producer shaking their head in the corner, not having anything to do with your performance. They're handling some line item. And so being on the other side when we did Grown-ish and seeing those sessions, I was like, oh, my God. This is like the best. This is the best education because it meant that in auditions, I already know there's so much happening. And I just happen to walk into the room right now. Yeah. And so some of your reaction is going to be about me. some of it like you're not even gonna have an opinion about me till i leave the room and you watch the tape the next day because so much is happening and you got to see all the people that have auditioned and it's like okay maybe you you're not the right fit in the beginning but two days later oh that person was great actually absolutely there's so many times where it's like oh yeah that the height doesn't work out because we just cast this person that's really tall or oh you know now that i've seen all these people i have this new idea for this character and i may not have even said it in the room but they're able to they're allowed to honor their creative instincts because that's their job.

48:14And so I think my job is to honor mine. Yeah. And try not to take it personally. Yeah. Try not to. What is the emotion that you do really well on camera, but struggle in life? That's a great question. I think being frustrated. I have a character, my character Zoe, for the last 10 years, she's always perplexed about something, always a little frustrated by the people around her for something that they did. And I'm actually proud of her. She voices what she's upset about pretty immediately all the time. And I think that's something that I don't always do because I'm working through this again, but I think so much of my personal process is, let's say I get annoyed by something.

49:00I go, why am I annoyed by that? Why is that annoying me? And I automatically think of that as just internal work I got to go sort out. And I think there's some truth to that, But I also think there's certain external variables that are just annoying. The two of the rights are annoying. And so I think I've been on a journey of finding the middle ground of like, I can't always internalize, oh, there's something about that that made me angry. Why am I angry about that? Let me go figure that out at my own time. It has nothing to do with that person. Sometimes it has something to do with that person.

49:30And it's important to voice that. And so my character does a really good job of that. And I think in many ways, it's what's fun about playing a character that's so opposite of who I am for so long. It's like I wish every teenager, imagine going through puberty and having an alternate world with no consequences where you got to just be a different person. Like it's a real treat to be like, oh, I never am inclined to yell in real life, but here I am on set screaming. That's kind of fun. Yeah. I get paid to do this. A real win. What is the biggest challenge with having success, fame, and money at a young age?

50:06I think anecdotally it's the feeling of have I peaked because there's always that feeling of why is this coming? Sometimes there's an ideal question of why is this coming easily? Why is this coming easily? you know i've i've had i've just felt very lucky in that i wasn't the kid that woke up and said i had to be an actor for me it was i have a creative urge and instinct i started in printing commercials i said no to auditioning for my first movie when i was seven because i'm like i love printing commercials i go play like i play and half the time i'm playing with my family uh just taking photos yeah i'm taking photos or a commercial like you're hula hooping you're you're biking You're just doing different things.

50:54And so when I had done my first movie at seven, I think what it unlocked in me, again, wasn't even the instinct of, oh, I have to do this for the rest of my life, but that was a lot of fun. I learned how to ice skate. I got to make pancakes. I got to work with these cool people. That was super fun. And I think because, again, I've always had this diversity of interests, in some ways, as much as I think every actor, and I'm always dealing with rejection and misdirection, it's come kind of easy in that I'm like, I've gotten to go to school and be on a show. That's unheard of. And they made it happen.

51:32After a call, it took a lot of work, but after a call, they were on board. There was no convincing that had to happen. I think if it wasn't for COVID, they were going to move the entire shooting schedule to the summer. So I just had an unencumbered year. Again, unheard of. And that comes from everybody from the president of ABC to the president of Signature to the president of – Wow. To the line producer all working in tandem. Do you ever feel like guilty for how easy it's been? I think that's the flip side feeling of like, is this right? Is this right that it comes with ease? But I think I've started to realize ease is the alignment.

52:06And it's because... There should be ease. Yeah. When there's alignment, there's ease. And I think the thing I've been and my family's always been is pretty discerning. There's still ways to become more discerning. But I think, I was like, oh, some of the ease is because there's been such a discernment of pretty immediately. I was like, oh, that's not for us. Right. Oh, that's not supposed to be for us. And so... You haven't said yes to every shiny opportunity. You've been like, no, no, no. This is for us. We're going to do this. I like this. Mm-hmm. And I mean, there have been challenges within that, but for the most part, I'm like, the fact that macro, I'm not walking out with any crazy stories about being on set as a child actor.

52:44Yeah. I'm not walking out with any crazy traumas from 10 years on set. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm like, how lucky. When you're hearing all these other child actors coming out about - Yeah, you hear all these other stories. You know, I have a family that takes pride in us as individuals, both me and my brothers handling our money and having a grasp of money management. So I'm like, we've never had a fear that one day it's going to be gone because I know where it all is. You don't have any money wounds or traumas, huh? I was doing an interview about money yesterday and they're like, so what were your money troubles?

53:13And I'm like, you got to see how I was raised. Again, I feel so lucky. I'm like, I was raised with a family that was so intentional about being like, we want you to feel in charge and autonomous and we're here to guide you. But I was going, mommy set it up so I'd go make friends with accounting at Blackish and I'd go pick up my check every week. where typically you don't see it as an actor. It gets sent to your team. And then you see kind of the end result. I got to see it. I got to see how much the percentages were. I got to see what the taxes were. And I was able to check. I remember one time there was the wrong amount on my check.

53:44And I was savvy enough at 14 to be like, hey, this isn't the right amount. Wow. And I go, yeah, you're right. So I'm saying, again, it is easy to feel guilty to be like, why have I had it so good in the general scheme of things? And I really couldn't tell you why. But I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that even on this road to self-discovery, I do have to say I've known myself pretty well. And so I'm realizing that some of this is the result of having known myself and continuing to learn myself. Yeah. Well, it sounds like your parents have been an amazing foundation for you for knowing yourself, being yourself, empowering you to step into yourself.

54:29They let me be so quirky. you know it's amazing like it did not cross my mind it's interesting that the first thing we talked about i don't know if it was when we were rolling or right before you mentioned how you want to learn how to build mental fortitude and how to overcome challenges yeah is it feeling i mean because it kind of sounds like from your perspective what i'm hearing is that you haven't had a lot of challenges in your life like it's come pretty easily i'm sure you've had to yeah work 18-hour days and fly back and forth from Harvard to LA and do like work at a high level. Yeah. But not a lot of extreme adversities is what I'm hearing.

55:05Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah. I think, I mean, part of it as we're talking - Like intense work and effort, but not extreme adversities. Yeah. And I think for me, there are two things I realized. One, I think I minimize maybe some of the challenges I do face. We're also dealing with a lot of pressures from just being in the industry and all these different things and child starts. Yeah, so it's funny. I think some of it is that because I've moved through it, eventually, sometimes I think my ability to look back with the rose-colored lenses, I'm like, no challenges. Yeah, wasn't that hard? Mind you, while we were in it, deeply challenging.

55:38So some of it is that I do know I'm minimizing past challenges, and I'm trying to come to terms with just being more honest with that. But I think some of it, too, is just knowing, again, coming back to the cause and effect thing, so many things happen to good people. So many, yeah, so many things you can't account for. It has nothing to do with how morally upstanding you are. It has nothing to do with how many resources you have, what you have, what you don't have. And I think maybe it's just, maybe it's hitting my quarter life crisis a little, a couple months early. But I think I hear stories of what people go through, whether it's family members passing, certain things like that.

56:18And I go, would I be willing, would I be not able to overcome, willing to overcome? I think I have the capacity to do things, but I'm like, do I have the willingness to see a challenge and push through it? I'm always, part of it comes from just my genuine amazement of the courage that people muster in times that feel almost impossible, at least outside looking in. So maybe some of it, it just, it comes from that space of like, I'm truly amazed. I can't wrap my mind around it when I hear other people's stories of like, what made you double down and push through these hard moments? Again, part of why we started the podcast was being like, I want to hear what did make you go through that.

57:00And it's been really clarifying to me because I think it almost felt like there's some sort of magical alchemy that I couldn't name that's happening. Versus like, no, it's a mixture of human perseverance and the fact that hopefully, God willing, the traits that you need come to you when you need them. The qualities that you need come to you when you need them. And so that's helping me make sense of it. But I think for me, I'm like, what is the mental fortitude regimen that helps us as young people just continue to build a sense of not even just discipline in terms of schedule, but discipline in terms of being like, I know what my mind is doing.

57:40I'm kind of aware of it. That's interesting. I'm able to move through this. I'm able to move through the inevitable losses we're going to deal with, challenges we're going to deal with, the things I can't account for. Yeah. That's really insightful, though. Yeah. So it's been top of mind, but I don't know how helpful it is to be thinking about it too much. Because I think if you're not willing to invest in doing hard things now, you're going to experience a lot of pain later. And it's going to be a lot harder to manage them mentally, emotionally. And so learning how to navigate your own minds at this age and investing in, which I don't think people should say, I'm just going to experience pain all day so that I'm prepared for pain later and it doesn't hurt me as much.

58:22because I really do believe life should be about creativity and flow and joy and love and fun. I believe that's what we should be focusing on and intending to create every day if we can. How can we bring joy and love and service to this moment? And how can I be my creative, authentic, honest self, like you talked about, which is alignment. And when we're in alignment, things flow to us easily and we can see and discern things like you talked about. But I do believe there is a level of time every day where there's discipline, where I'm going to say no to temptations or no to the coke all day or no to the alcohol all day or no to partying every day, all night, or to only fun, extreme things.

59:04Because if you're not fortifying your mind, it will be hard to face adversity later when it will come. It will hit you hard. It'll be unexpected. and it will hit you. And if you're not preparing little by little, it's going to be daunting. I think that's the thought that keeps me up, which is what should I be doing? Do you feel like you've always been disciplined? No, no. I mean, as a kid, I was confused and scared and, you know, rebellious and, you know. But even as like a college athlete like that, that's something even if I was flying back and forth and doing all that, my friends that were waking up at 5 a.m.

59:42every day. I was like... No, I learned it. I mean, in high school, I learned how to be disciplined because then I had a goal of sports. And so it was 5 a.m. I was waking up at 5 a.m. and doing study hall and reading the Bible in the morning. I went to private boarding school when I was 13. So it was very strict in terms of you study from six to eight, you go to bed, you get up, you work out, all these things. And in college, when it was like you didn't have the house parents in the dorm kind of telling you what to do. You had to create your schedule. But I was so clear on my vision and my dream that I was willing to sacrifice anything.

1:00:17So I would give up all of the fun of life. I would have fun, but I wouldn't do the things that people said were fun. Drinking and going out and do these things. I was like, that's not fun to me. That's a great way of naming it because I think that's something I've struggled to name. It's not that I'm sacrificing these things. It's not a sacrifice. I wasn't interested. Wasn't interested. Yeah. And learning that skill set of disciplining my mind to say no and to be okay with people not understanding me. That was the scary thing because I wanted to have friends because I kind of felt alone as a kid.

1:00:52So I wanted friends, but they didn't understand me because I was going off chasing a dream and I was getting up at five or going to bed at 10 or whatever it was because I was committed to something. you know and so maybe people didn't understand you oh you're on set 18 hours a day like just come hang out with us after school we're just like going to hang out and run down LA or whatever you know so but you're like no this is fun to me and this is part of a dream and a curiosity that I'm leaning into yeah and it's providing financial abundance and opportunities that are going to set me up for my future so it's just making a decision yeah I think do you think a lot of your peers in terms of people your age struggle with discipline and they just chase fun and, you know, hours of social media distraction that isn't supporting their vision.

1:01:42I'd have to say it's 50-50. I'm pretty lucky to feel surrounded by people that are chasing a dream and all of it looks very different. Some of them I don't even understand, but I see the passion. And so I think just by the nature of maybe just who I've ended up in community with. I'm surrounded by people where I feel like generationally there are a lot of people that are moved by whether it's their art or their career. I think I saw that both in the creative landscape. I saw that at Harvard. And so... But you've been in communities of people at the top of the top. These are people that are like working full-time that are in the acting world or the production world or Harvard, which is a very elite level like commitment.

1:02:22But I think even in the creative space, what was a good example is I'm like, all my friends are at the top of the top now, but they didn't start that way. And so many of them had really interesting kind of non-traditional ways of getting into their respective field, which required just a lot of belief in self, not necessarily traditional schooling to be a musician, traditional this to be that. And so in that regard, I see a lot of discipline there. And I think what's funny is I hang out with people that all have bedtimes that are like, well, I'm cool tapping out. And also people that are very sure about what is fun to them and participate in like, oh, this is what's fun to me.

1:02:57It's different for each of us, but it's cool to be like, oh yeah, people are only showing up because this is enjoyable to them. And they have felt freed of showing up for the sake of showing up. But that's a lot of people that are like, again, who are striving to be at the top, that are very creatively talented, that are in elite rooms, but that's not, I wouldn't say that's most 20 year olds or 24 year olds or people in their late teens right now in America, right? Yeah. I think it's a mix. When I see somebody like my little brother, 16, we're technically same generation. It feels like a world of difference.

1:03:29What generation is that? Gen Z. It's technically Gen Z still. He's someone that's also very creatively inspired. I think the difference that I see is that even having Instagram didn't come about until I was 13. Even though that was young, it was enough time for my brain to have had a life before social media. And it was, sorry, it was years before it became a regular part of my life. Right. And it was years before we were using that to compare. So I just feel like I had more mental tools about how to deal with it. Still hard, still on my phone way too much. I turn on grayscale at random times to be like, let me, I don't know, does it disrupt the serotonin?

1:04:06I don't know the science behind it, but I'm like, grayscale. But I think the thing that I see is like, oh, their world is so busy all the time that I can't even blame the feeling of distraction because I'm like between all the news that's being intaken and between the fact that I feel like when I was growing up I was only preoccupied with the life that I was living because there was you were watching everything online about every problem in the world all at once yeah and there was also no way of seeing the life that even my friends were living except for the handful of times we were having a play date right and going to their house yeah yeah I'm like there was just no way of checking in on that.

1:04:42They could see everything all at once. And I think even like creatively, like I've had the privilege of being in all these luxury fashion spaces, but that was all tied to work. I did not find myself in any of those stores prior to working with these brands because it just wasn't on my radar. The way my brother has friends where it's like, oh, they know all of it all the time. They're tracking fashion week. And I was like, I think I learned what fashion week was when I got an invite to attend because I was working in this space. I didn't have, again, all these worlds I was checking in on that didn't have anything to do with me right now.

1:05:14And so I do feel like there's a particular challenge and I have a lot of empathy for just generationally that feeling of what are we going to do with this information overload where it's even hard to parse apart what do I need to intake. I'm a severe over news listener and I think my task has been listening to a little less news because it's like there's only so much you can do about it and it pushes, at least for me, I think it pushes me into a space of, of feeling very overwhelmed versus feeling activated. So I've been trying to be like, okay, what amount of news makes me feel activated, but not overwhelmed.

1:05:48Yeah. One of the things, uh, you know, my early on, I was just taught never to watch news and entertainment, just get, get updates, you know, because you can easily emotionally, especially if you're empathetic, you can be like 10 ,000 people died today in this other part of the world. Like, what is wrong with you? That can take over your whole life. One person died in my town and there was a shooting that could take over your whole life. And if you're seeing it sensationalized, if you're entertained through the visual expression, sound, audio, video, making it like a movie, it's for me, it's exhausting.

1:06:28So I can't watch the news. I can read it and be informed and educated and be like, okay. But the entertainment of it or the clips of it just constantly, I don't think it's good for the brain. And I think building mental fortitude is learning how to block out that and say, how can I be educated and updated but not entertained by fear? Yeah. And some of it is a great point because some of it was that I've always been an audiophile. We grew up in a house where we didn't watch TV except for Saturdays for an hour, which I love. But it meant that I love audio. That is my form of entertainment. And so you're absolutely right.

1:07:04There was a time, even though I don't know if I would call it that while I was listening, that it was more so like, oh, I'm listening to NPR. Yeah, it's different. You're listening to NPR so much that they're sending you free merch. That may be a cue. That may be a cue that you're listening to too much NPR. Because I was like, I have the app on my phone. I'm not even waiting until I'm in the car. I'm listening all the time. I'm waiting for the midday update. I'm waiting for the end of the day update. I'm cycling through local news. I'm typing in local stations. And so I think changing that, because then I was listening to political podcasts at night.

1:07:34I was falling asleep to them. I was like, oh, bedtime. Time to turn on. Every news channel and every political podcast has their bias and their opinion. So they're going to be, you know, spreading opinions one way or another. But when you read it and you just read the updates, usually you're just saying, okay, this is what happened. Yeah. And you can form your own opinion. You know, that's what I've learned. I love NPR because I'm like, it is pretty straightforward. But I think for me, the amount I was consuming of just, of like every podcast available, again, was fulfilling more of an entertainment side.

1:08:07So it's been nice to literally reintroduce. I have those moments where I'm like, okay, time to get updated here. Yeah, that's good. I'll do, I'm a twice a day. Maybe I'll get to a once a day person. I'm a twice a day person. But in between, I'm back to listening to old time radio shows. Johnny Dollar is my favorite insurance investigator played by Bob Bailey. And so I'm like, oh, if this is fulfilling the need to be listening to something, what else can I be listening to? Back to this American life. Back to just like. Feed your soul. Yeah. Feed your soul. This has been awesome. I want to ask you a couple of final questions.

1:08:39That's cool. One of the things, you know, I got to meet your mom, lovely lady, and just seems super wise and fun at the same time. So congrats on calling in your mom as a child and entering this world with your parents. But I read that you grew up with your parents either teaching you or showing you how to live a life of service. Like living a life of service was important and how can we add value and contribute to whatever might be, friends, family, society. And I'm curious, what are your thoughts about service? And what have you learned through being of service, being a giver, finding ways to add value?

1:09:20you. What have you learned about how giving allows you to receive as well? Yeah. Well, like you said, I come from two really wonderful, thoughtful parents, Afshin and Carrie, who I call Bubba and Mommy, but really wonderful people that have their own global backgrounds. So, you know, my Bubba moved to the States from Iran when he was eight, comes from a very global service-minded family. My mama comes from a family where it's like my My papa and Nana, my papa in particular was really involved in the civil rights movement. So that very direct idea of what it is to be of service, to sacrifice kind of your own comfort for the greater good.

1:10:02And so much of the dialogue around being of service just happened at the dinner table, happened in a very natural way where I don't think I even realized, oh, I'm having these heady conversations. Sure, sure. And I think there were also things that they did that were very supportive of that, of going to schools that had volunteer requirements, whether that was the Montessori or the public school or the Catholic school I went to. They all had volunteer requirements. And so I think it was also being modeled for me in every environment I was in of not just how money is a resource, but how your time is a resource.

1:10:34The idea of giving as being just a part of the fabric of life and not as something that you wait to do once you have, quote unquote, made it. Even when they were giving me and my brothers just allowance, they, again, having really thoughtful parents, what mommy had done was we'd put all of the money that we made from acting right into savings, but they'd give us an allowance for being on set. Oh, wow. And from that allowance, from those$10 or however much we decided, they had the save, spend, and donate bucket. And we got to choose how much are we donating, how much are we saving, how much are we spending.

1:11:07And again, I say this all as a foundation of saying I had a great foundation of ways in which being of service can be integrated into our day-to-day life. And I think even still, having Lamy as a business partner, one trait I think I admire most that many people can attest to. I was in a room she wasn't in talking about something random. And literally somebody else, another actress paused to be like, can we talk about Carrie Shahidi? Because what she is is so deeply tapped into the world around her and so deeply curious that I think she is constantly of service by giving kind of her mind as a resource.

1:11:41We will see someone at the airport who says randomly, oh, I really want to start this shirt company. She'll be like, oh, that's interesting. I've cataloged, oh, I met this one entrepreneur that makes her, said I would love to connect you. She's connected authors with lawyers for their multi-million plus book deal and not realizing that's what it was for, but just being like, oh, you're an interesting person. This is another person that's interesting. You guys should be connected. That's cool. But it comes from just being so deeply attuned and paying attention in spaces that we're in the same rooms and she's picking up on things where I'm like, huh?

1:12:14Oh, yeah, I guess that did happen. But I say that to say I feel like it's an example of what it means to be attuned towards service. And it's not even necessarily, oh, I'm working with this organization or this foundation. It's truly I'm operating from an anchoring place of how can I be of value to you, even if it has nothing to do with me. Most of these things never circle back. It's a thank you that you may get. But to answer even your question on being of service and then receiving, I think I've had a lot of examples of how things, time, resources that I've given have come back around in ways that I could never expect.

1:12:57I wasn't expecting it when I gave. And I think even in our starting our production company, we were both astounded by how many people wanted to work with us when we were just opening our doors. had yet to prove ourselves as producers because they knew what it was like to be in relationship with us and the things that we'd give generally without saying, hey, we're going to circle back around in a couple of years when we have our own offices to da, da, da, da, da. And so I think a lot of what I've received has been the result of giving. And I think I've learned so many lessons about how that happens.

1:13:31My papa has this great term. He uses relationship equity, which is One, just logistically, especially for us 20-year-olds, call between needing things, especially from the people around you. It's okay if you need things and you need to call people, but call between. See how they're doing. Yeah. Check in. Not when you need that calling. Not just when, not, hey, how are you, by the way. Yes. But more than just calling between needing things. I was raised on relationship equity, which is the priority in this world is building relationships with the people around you. It's not building networks. It's not building contacts.

1:14:04It's building relationships. I love that. That's been my whole life. It's been about relationships. It's kind of how I built everything. You know, in an interview business too, it's like you've got to build relationships to be trustworthy enough. I was going to say it's so much about trust of both who you let in and building something, but also people coming to you and having a trust. So, yeah, I'd have to say I think trust is the resource that is given when you give. That's great. what's the thing you love the most about both your mom and your dad oh that's a good question why i think i said some of it for mommy but just to to double down i really am so moved by how moved she is by the world by how much she cares about the people around her whether it's the people in this room will never be in again whether it's the people that have been in our lives forever she has a a want to be a value add to somebody's life and it could be it could be in a very small way in a very big way but i i think i don't even know it feels almost subconscious there's an ease in what she does it it's not like oh she's thinking about oh what can i do to benefit but it's really it's really inspiring how naturally that comes uh because i think it's something that reminds me too of the power of being present of of what i was missing out on when i was so in my head or like all the things that can happen when you're right here with somebody in a room.

1:15:24And I think from my Bubba, I feel like, I think there's, I mean, there's a lot. Not only is he the reason that I'm a foodie and have a very wide ranging taste in music, but I think he's also one of the first people that modeled the idea that being a family and being creative can really go hand in hand because he was the first one in our family. He was Prince's photographer for 10 years. And I think that was always such a family oriented environment in which he was, you know, we were on tour with him and would hop in and out, not the whole time, but we'd hop in and out of tour stops. We'd go to his house when he was dropping off film.

1:16:05And I think in many ways he helped set up the model by which we run our family, which is like, there's a way to maintain being a high level creative and pursuing your career, but also being so invested in and concerned about our family as the main unit. Because I think it reflects the fact that my brothers and I, whenever any of us had a job, we were always on set for the other person. Just to be there. Just to be like, I'm so excited for you. And I think it's those little things that have made the experience so enjoyable generally was like, oh, I never had to sacrifice a distance from family or this feeling that this was a solo journey in order to be doing this.

1:16:43And so, yeah, I think that's something he modeled very early on. That's cool. I've got a couple of final questions for you, but I want to make sure people check out your new podcast with you and your mom. It's called The Optimist Project, right? It's on everywhere, right? Are you guys doing video too or mostly just audio? It's audio primarily, but there will be a video component that we're launching, which we're excited about. But yeah, it's with SiriusXM, but you can find it everywhere. Yes, yes. Apple, Spotify, YouTube, and Amazon. Awesome. What is the, tell me a little bit about it. What is it going to be?

1:17:23Is it an interview? Is it just you and your mom? Is it going to bring on different experts? What's the main thing? Yeah, well, I think true to our business relationship, we've really co-conceptualized it behind the scenes. I'm hosting it. So we're both in the room, but I'm hosting and interviewing. and I think it's some of what we teased and talked about throughout this conversation of it started from the conversations that her and I would have of one these kind of more existential conversations of where we're both at in our lives and what are the questions that wanted to be answered but also a lot of it was both of us being very lucky to be in these exclusive rooms finding ourselves just the nature of our community to be like we're at a small get-together with every major politician and every major collected artist or we're at the TED conference which has a barrier to entry of X amount thousand to get a ticket.

1:18:09And so many times the conversations that were really insightful to us were happening in these exclusive rooms. And it was really a matter of accessibility. Like there's so many questions we got answered, not even realizing that that's what was going to happen, just the nature of having conversations with people. And so for us, we curated a guest list of the people that many people that we've already talked to privately and personally of being like, no, let's make this official. There's so many gems and how they've shared their stories. And I think there's so many messages of optimism just through people's journeys of them sharing how they've overcome certain challenges, what their current takeaways are.

1:18:47So it's been a very exciting process because we do a lot of brain work behind the scenes. And then by the time I get out here to ask questions, the conversation always flows in very interesting ways. But luckily, it has served its initial purpose, which was for us to be able to have really fulfilling conversations with people and realize many times I was always the youngest person in this room. And sometimes that can be mistaken for being the only young person interested, which is far from true. I understand I could be an anomaly in a certain way, but I think I come from a deeply curious generation.

1:19:20And I think there's so many things that we seek out in terms of information. And that's part of why it was inspiring to me to know, oh yeah, I just happened to have been in the room while this conversation was happening, but I know so many people that would learn from that. So many of my conversations with my peers are about us asking each other these questions. So yeah. That's cool. Well, people can get it. It's out November 20th, correct? Yes. So it's called The Optimist Project. Go search for it online, follow, subscribe, check it out, listen, all the things. You'll be posting about it, I'm assuming on social media as well.

1:19:54So you're actually heady. Won't be able to escape it. Yeah, exactly. So follow you on Instagram. That's your main platform where you post content. Check that out. This question I want to ask you, two final questions. Okay. Before I ask them, I want to acknowledge Yarr for the journey you're on. I think it's really cool that you have been able to live a life of your dreams up until 24. and now you're still saying, how can I learn? How can I grow? How can I evolve? How can I master other things? You're not just saying, oh, I've been successful. I'm going to keep doing the same thing. But how can I continue to step into trusting myself, knowing myself, and being of service of myself to the world in all the different ways you want to be?

1:20:39Thank you. So I acknowledge you for what you've created, where you're at now, and also where you're going, and that you're doing it with your family and you're able to do it in a purposeful, peaceful place. So I really am excited to watch your journey. I hopefully will stay connected. I'm also excited to watch. Yeah, it's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. And speaking of your journey, there is a great, I love the Matthew McConaughey acceptance speech for his Oscar many years ago where he talked about he's chasing his self in the future 10 years out. He's like, I'm always chasing myself in the future, the person I want to be 10 years in the future.

1:21:15If you could think at 34, that you are 34, you're 34 you are itself, has lived the next decade of life with all the visions, plans, dreams that you're thinking about, all the things that you're not thinking about that are going to come to you, the challenges, the adversities, everything that's going to happen over the next 10 years. You're 34 and you're sitting right in front of you right now. So what three pieces of wisdom or advice does your 34-year-old self need to tell you now that you need to hear? Hmm. I think, what would 34-year-old Yara have a clue in on? Well, I think to our conversation on mental fortitude, to know, to be reassured that I'll continue to show up for myself.

1:22:06Well, it would be nice to hear from 34-year-old Yara. that there's no point in stressing about future challenges. Maybe not that there's no point, but that we move through them. Yeah. And that we are capable of moving through them. I mean, I think 34-year-old Yara, I'm excited for her to give me intel on what happens when we follow our curiosities. I think I've been able to do that, and I'm at a point in my career where there is always going to be a bit of strategy. There is always going to be a bit of business. And I like that part of what we do. But it'll be reaffirming to be like, well, what blossomed from the curiosity?

1:22:49What's the thing that I didn't expect we were going to do? Because I feel like even though I feel like I've been a very consistent person in my life in terms of core values, like who I was at 16 is not a far stretch from who I am now. I also could never imagine what I was dreaming about now at 16. So I would love to know what 34-old Yara is dreaming about. That's interesting. That's cool. Is that two things? What else do you think she would tell you? One more lesson she would give you. Yeah, what would she tell me? I mean, I think I'm excited for whatever wisdom on her journey and trusting herself and her instincts.

1:23:33I feel grateful to be of service. And I know a part of my journey and being authentic to myself is trusting myself. Because oftentimes I think I defer to the people wanting to be of service to the people around me, care for the people around me, that it's more so a new mental challenge to be like, wait, how am I feeling about this? What am I thinking about this? Because it's just how my brain works at this point. So I want wisdom from her about that. That's good. Okay. Yeah. Love that. I'll let you think about it more after our conversation. I also want to know what interest rates are. Yeah. Let's start to invest in that.

1:24:10Final question for Yara. This has been powerful. Thanks for being here. Thank you so much. Of course. Final question. What's your definition of greatness? I think my definition of greatness, it could be a synonym for authenticity. When I look at people that I consider great, it's because I think they have tapped into themselves in a way where they feel irreplicable. No one could even try to do what you do. Not because other people don't have the skills, but no one could be you right now. So, yeah, I think it's the people that are so authentically themselves and that feel like, oh, you've tapped into a greatness that that could only exist within you.

1:24:51Snap it up. I like that. I like that. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks for being here. Appreciate it. This has been so fulfilling for me. I have a lot to journal about. That's good. I want you to. I want you to come away with like reflecting on stuff. No, I am. That's powerful. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

1:25:29Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.