Your Thoughts Will Heal or Hurt You w/ Marisa Peer EP 1427

25:32And why are you so aggressive? And a four-year-old can't go, well, because I have something called testosterone. And they don't. and I'm designed to run and jump and hunt and fish and I've got to learn what to do with aggression. Smashing my cars together is good for me. A four-year-old doesn't have anything because they live in the world of feeling, not logic. And he said, I never realized, I spent my whole life thinking something's wrong with me because my parents would say everything comes to me. What's wrong with you? Look how neat. He says, they don't get peas on the floor when they eat. And he said, I heard it every day until I formed a belief, something's wrong with me.

26:08He didn't date women because he thought, well, I should be like one, but I want to be like a man. And that session totally turned him around. He said it was like someone had sprayed him with pheromones because he went out that night and women were attaching themselves to him like a magnet. But he just got rid of the feeling of something's wrong with me. Because most people do walk around and get something's wrong with me. I'm just majorly messed up. And you can't heal. And no one understands me. No one gets me. Yeah, and I don't understand me. And if I don't understand me, how can you? And why should I even be here?

26:41Yeah, because you can't heal what you can't understand. And so all the treating, the symptom is like putting a Band-Aid on an infection. When you understand it, you can totally change your perception of what it is. Because events actually don't affect you, but the meaning you attach to them does. The story we tell ourselves about the event. The story. And that's, I love that because when I just got all my Stevie Awards, it's like, oh, I feel like I've got an Oscar. And that's good because I take clients' stories and I give them a happy ending. Always give them a happy ending. But then you have to understand a bit more of psychology because humans are hardwired to recreate what they know.

27:22We like what's familiar, even if it's very bad. If I've never had money and I win the lottery, I'm going to get rid of it. or if I've never had love and you love me, I'm going to reject you because it's so unfamiliar. If I've had a dad who calls me an idiot and worthless, guess what kind of guy I like? That's it, because when I meet them, I go, oh, I feel like I've known this guy my whole life. We just clicked. And then you think, oh my God, it's because he's my dad. But now I've been sleeping with him for six months. I don't know what to do with that now. Because we are wired to like what is familiar and to resist what's unfamiliar.

28:01And that's what kept us alive. When we lived in Ward City, we didn't go, I'm a bit bored with this group. I think I'll go outside the Ward City and find another tribe because they might have killed you. So we have this wiring that says, run towards what's familiar and run away from what's unfamiliar. But the very good news is you can make anything familiar. And the most important thing to make familiar is praising yourself. If you could just do that, that in itself would change your entire life. How do you praise yourself? Well, you get up in the morning and go, I'm a good person. I have a skill.

28:38I have a talent. I have something to offer the world. I'm here for a reason. You look in the mirror and go, oh, there you are. You're a good person. You've got a good heart. You know, the most important way to answer that question is this. What did you always want your dad to tell you, even if you never had a dad? If you had a dad, a good dad, what would he have said? What would your mom have said? What would a nice teacher have said to you? And it would be something like this, I'm proud of you, you're a good son, I'm so glad I'm your dad, how lucky I got to have you. And a teacher would say, you're such a smart kid, what a joy it is to teach you because you're smart.

29:18And we all want to hear the same stuff. I love you, I'm proud of you, you're interesting, you're great coming. Nobody needs to hear, I'm the best dentist in Beverly Hills, because that doesn't work. It's emotions. And many of my clients, their mother might be dead, but they're still trying to get her to approve of them. Dad's living in another country, but they're still working to make him like them. And, you know, the most important thing is you like you. So whatever you wanted to hear, say it to yourself, because your mind doesn't even know that it's coming. And also, it doesn't care. your mind doesn't care what you tell it is right or wrong, or true or false, or even if it's good or bad, it lets it in like chapstick on your lips.

30:02Your lips don't go, is this organic? Fair trade. Just lets it in. It needs a bit of nourishment. And we need some nourishment, and words are very nourishing. And there is actually nothing on the planet that will raise your self-esteem like praise. But self-praise is better. It has to be self-praise. I just adore you. You're amazing. By the way, you know, can you do this and this and this? I've manipulated you. But if I say it to myself, my mind knows there's no manipulation, and the mind likes repetition. And when you say it every day, your mind kind of goes, oh, yeah, here you go again with that phrase.

30:38You say it every day. It must be true. And now it sinks in. The problem is if you criticize yourself every day, it says the same thing. That sinks in as well, and that hurts you. It's interesting because the big talents that commit suicide or die, who's the comedian? Robin Williams. Robin Williams, Amy Winehouse, all these individuals who had the world praising them, but they weren't able to praise themselves. Yeah, and they don't let it in. It doesn't matter if everyone else acknowledges you. It does matter, but you have to be willing to acknowledge yourself as well, right? And the familiar, unfamiliar.

31:13If praise is unfamiliar, but criticism is familiar, and you say to someone like Robin Williams, oh my God, that last show was funny. He goes, didn't you notice? I left out the best, I fluffed a word. It wasn't as good as the one before. So if you're not used to praise, you'll reject it. And if you're used to criticism, you'll add it in. Because we do what's familiar. So if we say to someone, I love your book, they go, oh, actually it's not that good. The other one is much better. I love your top, oh, I got it in a car boot sale. It's five years, I've got a hole in it. So if we haven't got praise, we actually reject it.

31:49And you just have to say to yourself, I'm gonna make this familiar. I'm gonna praise myself every day. It might feel weird, but I'll keep doing it. It's a bit like running. You know, running isn't familiar, especially around Beverly Hills. But if you put your shoes on and go for a run on concrete, eventually it becomes familiar and then you like it. I mean, sticking a lens in your eye, that's the weirdest thing. Very unfamiliar. The first few times, oh my God, I'm coming in my eye like that. And then after a while, You can do it almost without thinking because you get used to it. You can make anything familiar or unfamiliar.

32:21And my advice to everyone is look at your bad habits and make them unfamiliar. And look at what you want, especially praise, and make it familiar. More so because if you've got a startup or you're working for yourself, the days of a boss going, well done, good job, pat on the back are over. and you have a praise muscle and no one's going to build it up except for you. But if you build it up, it makes you bulletproof. Yeah. It's fascinating. I'm so glad you're talking about this because we have a similar philosophy and a lot of people that come to me are afraid of certain things. And at an early age, I was afraid of a lot of things.

32:59I was afraid to talk to girls. As a 12-year-old, I was afraid of speaking in public. I was afraid of dancing. I was afraid of all these things, right? And I got so sick and tired of being afraid that I just said I'm gonna give myself a challenge Every day, you know when I had a when I was afraid of girls I was like every time I see a girl that gives me butterflies I'm gonna go up to them and start a conversation and it's terrifying and I'm sweating and I'm stumbling words and People rejected me the first few times, but I just kept doing it. Yeah, girl said hi Yeah to see you and you give a little confidence until you know by the end of this summer when I was a teenager, it was like, every girl was talking to me.

33:39Of course. And I tell people, you gotta embrace the fear until the fear disappears. Yeah. It's similar with the feelings. Yeah. You gotta live in the feelings until, what did you say? Feel the feelings. Feel the feelings. It no longer requires to be felt. That's great. Because what you're really describing so eloquently is you had a massive fear of rejection, talking to girls, speaking in public, asking. Feeling enough. Yeah, someone asking to implore you or pay you. So we have a great fear of rejection, which is not surprising because when we're born, we have two drivers. Find connection, avoid rejection.

34:13After all, if a mother rejects a child, if a lion rejects the cub, it's not going to be adopted. It will die. Kills it, yeah. Yeah, or it just starves to death. And so we know innately that our survival on the planet is linked to not being rejected. And not that long ago, you would have died from rejection. You know, in a thousand years ago, when they banished you outside the walls of the city, or you marooned a difficult sailor, or you cast someone out of the community, you pretty much died. There was nothing out there but purgatory. So we have a wiring that says rejection will kill me. And that's why you had the fear.

34:51But when you can dialogue with the other, you go, no, it feels like it will kill me. It can't kill me because no girl can reject me unless I give her my permission. Right, give them my power. You can't reject me unless I agree with everything. I don't like you because you've got short hair. I don't like your shirt. I don't like you because you're white, not white tall, short glasses, not. But when you say you can't reject me, I can't be rejected because the only person you can reject me is me. You can talk to girls realizing even if they say, no, you're not my type, I'm with someone, no thanks.

35:23Even, ew, not no, they can only reject you if you let that in. And all schools should be teaching kids you cannot be rejected. You can ask for a pay rise, you can ask for crowdfunding, you can go to someone and go, here's my idea, you can write a book, speak in public. Because I was a lot of actors who say, I'm so scared of rejection. I'm like, well, how are you going to be an actor then? Because you're supposed to be rejected all the time. So why don't you and I write books for everyone who loves it? There's going to be an odd person who goes, I hate this book and I hate that writer too. But we don't let it in.

35:55We have to laugh about it. when you give a YouTube talk. I mean, I've got, one of my talks has got like 3 million views, and there's a few in there going, I hate a stuck-up English snob, but they don't know me because that's not me at all. But I don't go, oh my God, I can never write another book. I can, I'm okay because I don't let it in because the only opinion that matters is my opinion. I know I'm not a stuck-up English snob, so that can't hurt me. Because if it did, I wouldn't be sharing it with you. Right, yeah. So if everyone's giving you negative feedback or critical feedback on who you are, your performance, your work, how does someone not let it affect them?

36:34How does someone say, okay, it came in and it came out? That's such a great question. So if someone just comes in and goes, I hate that shirt, or that color is so not you, or you should never have cut your hair, or, whoa, you've got a bit heavy, you just go, thanks for sharing that. Just a really simple thing which says, thank you for sharing your opinion, and which I can choose to not let in. You don't have to do anything else. When the minute you go, well, your shirt's pretty awful, or look at your hair, or calling me heavy, you look kind of wrecks that you've let it in, and now you're trying to retaliate.

37:08And it's like a game of tennis. If you put down your racket and walk off the court, you can't volley. So the first thing to say is thanks for sharing that. And it's very good for the little barbs we get from people, family, friends, sisters, cousins, exes. Right. If someone is really mean and says, you know, I listened to your talk on YouTube. Oh my God, you stank up the place. I was embarrassed for you. Then you go back and you say, I missed that. Could you repeat that for me? Slowly. They will usually not bother because they know that in you asking them to repeat it slowly, you're going to call them out on it.

37:47And they usually go, oh, me and my big mouth. I'm just having a bad. I didn't actually really watch it anyway. Just ignore me." And if they do, you must not go after them and go, "'No, I want you to just repeat it right now. Say it to my face." Don't do that because it's a bit like a lion who bears the teeth. They're saying, "'Back off and I don't want to attack you.'" When a lion bears its teeth, you don't go up to it. You walk away. It gives you a chance to retract. So saying, "'Could you repeat that slowly?' is giving the person a chance to retract. They almost always do, but occasionally they'll come back and go, you know, I just said, you're so wooden as a speaker, it's an insult to wood.

38:24And then you have your third reaction, which is, oh, are you trying to make me feel bad about myself? Amazing, they usually go, no, no, me. No, I thought I should tell you how bad you are because you need to get help or never speak in public again. Or, I mean, I had a nanny once, it was so awful, and I had to say to her darling, you're wonderful, but you're not meant to be a nanny. And I didn't criticize her, I just advised her to go and do something else, and we're still friends. So sometimes people think that the criticism and the barbs and the humor are a good way to give you a message. So when you say, you're trying to hurt my feelings, they often say no.

39:01When you're being bullied at school, if you say, they go, yeah, I really am, I want to hurt you. That's the point, dummy. Why? Because it's a domination. Bullying is just dominating. It's a bit like a seesaw. The bully feels there at the bottom, and you're above them, and they can only diminish you or embellish themselves to be above you on this little seesaw. So they feel inferior. A bully feels inferior. Yeah, a bully feels inferior. So let's imagine you're poor, your dad drinks, you don't have any money, and there's this kid with new trainers and a new backpack, and they come up and say, you're just a faggot or you're gay, because they can't really embellish themselves.

39:41So the next option is, let me diminish you. I mean, the embellishment is, no one in my family has been divorced, So when we fight, it must be your fault. I mean, you're from divorced people. Or, well, I've got a degree and you haven't, or I've already raised a kid and I've got no problem with those ones, so this must be your fault. So you can embellish yourself, but if you can't, you go into diminishment. And so when someone says, yes, I am trying to hurt your feelings, you simply reply, well, it's not going to work because I'm not letting that in. And I was in my garden last week filming an anti-bullying program, which we're giving away to every school.

40:19And I had these kids and this little girl was saying, I'm not letting that in. That's not going to work. And I said, how do you push? Because I feel so good because he's not hurting my feelings. I'm not letting it in. He can't hurt me because I'm just saying, I'm not going to let that in. And then when it was his turn, he said, I'm kind of running, I'm becoming demotivated to bully her. I'm totally demotivated. And I was enjoying it because he got to the horrible things. He said, I'm so demotivated. I'm running out of stuff to say because she just won't let it in." And then they switched and she said the same thing, what's the point?

40:53He's not letting it in. I just want to stop this now. So that's the fourth option. Well, that won't work because I'm not letting it in. And the fifth stage is to say, particularly with adults, like if you have a bullying coworker, do you know, since we're sharing here, you do know, don't you, that people who are critical have so much criticism reserved for themselves. They actively dislike themselves. And you're actually showing me and the entire office that you really don't like yourself. By critiquing me. Yeah, by critiquing. You're just showing me. Yeah, critical people always have criticism reserved for themselves.

41:30They are full of self-criticism, but they reflect it out. And superior people and happy people always praise. And people who feel inadequate always criticize. Because criticize withers you and praise builds you up. And if you can use those five techniques, thanks for sharing, could you repeat that? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Won't work, I'm not letting it in. Since we're sharing, did you know what is running your critical behavior? You don't let it in. And being able to not let in criticism, that too will change your life. It makes you bulletproof. You can't stop being mean and having a horrible day.

42:09And we now have trolling, which is becoming an epidemic. So it's actually worse. Our kids used to get bullied at school and go home to a sanctuary. Now they're bullied online. Now they're bullied online, on the phone. And it never ends, and they feel really attacked. And see, when you find trolls, they're usually really miserable and unhappy, but they love the power because they have no power. They live on their own or with their mom. They have no life. I mean, we had a terrible situation in England where somebody was trolling this person whose child had been kidnapped, and when they exposed her, she killed herself.

42:45Oh, man. Which was a terrible thing for her, but obviously her sense of shame that she was outed and to kill herself, but she must have felt terrible. I felt so sorry for her. But she was very vicious in her trolling, but that's a really unhappy person. She needed a lot of help. But when you can teach people to come back from criticism without fighting or going, well, I hate you too, or you're all shut up, or crying when you can just teach them, look, I'm not letting in. It's like if I try to give you a gift, you go, no, I don't need that gift. I'm holding the gift. I can't give you something if you don't take it.

43:21I can't serve papers on you unless you accept them. I can't serve a volley to you unless you volley it back. So when you learn that people can try and give you anything, but if you don't accept it, you haven't let it in. And if you don't let it in, it can't hurt you. It just hurts the person who's left holding it. Years ago, I used to, when I got earlier in my career, I would react to any negative comment that I got online, Twitter, Facebook, whatever it might be. Anything that was critical towards me, it was like I had to defend myself. You don't know this about me. Because you let it in. I let everything in.

43:56I let everything consume me. So I was driven to be perfect, to try to like never let anyone critique me. And then when they did, I was like, you don't know me, you don't know this. And I remember feeling so exhausted. Of course. Trying to reply and be defensive and whatever it may be. And sometimes these arguments online, we go back and forth for days and weeks. I know. Just waiting for me. And then you forget what you've even argued about in the first place. And a good coach of mine at one point, he saw me, this was years ago, saw me like, I'd gotten a lot better, but still five years ago, I tried to defend myself with a very positive response that was like, well, here's why I did this, this, and this, but nothing negative about that.

44:41And he called me out. He said, listen, don't even respond like that. Just say thank you for the feedback, period. Thanks for sharing. Exactly what you said. Just like thank you for the feedback and let it go. And really now I think about the biggest critics are the ones who aren't creating. If you don't see an author, you never go on Amazon and leave a negative review for another author. No, I have a cushion. Because you know how much. Yeah, and it says there's never been a statue erected to a critic. And I gave it to one of my clients who's an actor. That's great. And it's such a great thing.

45:11There's never been a statue or a monument erected to a critic. That's great, yeah. We had a critic in London, a play critic, and he actually wrote a play. And it was absolutely hammered. And he went, I never realized what I was doing to people, how much I hurt them when I reviewed them. thought it was funny to make a joke at their expense. Oh, my God, this book should not be put down. Indeed, it should be thrown as far away from the unfortunate reader as possible. Wow. He wrote that, and then people started to get their own back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The trouble with this book is once you put it down, you simply can't pick it up again.

45:47That's funny, isn't it, but not for the person who wrote it. Wow, this is fascinating. What do you think is your greatest challenge that you face internally, personal challenge, as someone who's helped thousands, tens of thousands of people personally, and understand all this stuff? Yeah, I suppose it's not a challenge to get more people to understand it, because people need it. We all need to be nourished. We need nourishment. Our soul needs to be nourished. It's not about organic avocados from an Erwan market. That's great. But we all need this emotional nourishment. So is it a challenge getting more people to accept it?

46:27I don't think it is because everyone I see goes, oh, my God, I love that. And so, you know, I listen to you and say, oh, that's rubbish. But then I find myself going into the garage and saying nice stuff to myself. So maybe my only challenge, but even then it's not a challenge, is I would say half the medical profession love what I do and really go for it and go, oh my God, this is amazing, I'm using it with my own patients. The other half goes, this is all silly. You know, illness is caused by disease. You can't talk yourself better. Talking to yourself doesn't make any difference. You can't possibly give birth just using positive affirmations.

47:05It's like if you had cancer and you had a very good oncologist, you might go, look, you know, the way you think, the way you eat, the way you act, the way you rest can all affect. And they'll go, nope, you've got cancer, chemotherapy, there's nothing else that will work. And all that stuff is hocus-pocus. So that is a challenge, but it's not so much, because I find so many doctors love what I do and go, wow, you know, all these illnesses, autoimmune illnesses. Many years ago, there was a wonderful psychiatrist in London called Dr. Maudley, and he had a great expression. It's always been my favorite, and it says, the feeling that cannot find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep.

47:46So he knew 100 years ago. That's beautiful. So beautiful and so true. The feeling that... Cannot find his expression in tears will cause other organs to weep. So he's sort of saying, if you don't feel the feeling, your body's gonna feel it. If you don't open your mouth and say, you hurt me, don't be surprised if you get a screaming, I've got this screaming headache, I've got this angry red rash, I've got this thumping pain and by the words they're using angry screaming. They're saying I have rage That can't come out expressing it, but it's yeah, because the body is very clever at finding something People I worked with someone who couldn't walk and all she ever said I can't stand there.

48:29I can't stand my ex I can't stand my life. I can't stand my kids and you can't stand up isn't that interesting? Wow, she had sort of phantom some leg pains because she couldn't stand anything. Bulimic's also say, well, what makes me sick is, my sister-in-law, oh, I'm so sick of her. She just makes me sick. I vomit in my mouth every time I hear her voice, and then they wonder why they're bulimic. Because our words really affect our reality, partly because, and it's such an easy thing to say, every word you say is a blueprint that your mind, body, and psyche are working to make your reality. So we make our thoughts and then our thoughts make us, then we go out into the world and we justify our thoughts every day.

49:15But our words are a blueprint. And when you know that, you think, well, I better pay attention to that blueprint. I better not say this kid is killing me. My job is making me want to die. I'm so stressed out by what? The queue in Hughes Market. Well, go to Zimbabwe where there is no Hughes Market. and there is no queue, and there's no money to buy food, and then you can say you're stressed, because your problem, the queue in Erewhon and the bill, is someone else's fantasy dream come true. This freeway is killing you. You have a car. You have a job to go to. Look at people on four buses. I used to take my daughter to school, and I'm on one day thinking that.

49:56It's torture, what, the traffic? Yeah, the traffic, the queue, people keep ringing me, the phone ringing, it's torture. Well, maybe if it didn't ring, that might be worse. Some of my clients or models will say my life is a because people look at me. It's like, really? Well, one day they won't, and then you might miss it. Yeah, but I get on a plane and guys hit on me. It's a nightmare. Well, put on a baseball hat and glasses. Read a book. Then they'll leave you alone. But that's not a nightmare. It's just mildly inconvenient. It's not killing you. But we use these incredible words. This is torture.

50:32This is killing me. this is a disaster. What is? Well, I went to the bathroom and I forgot to pause my movie. That's not a disaster. But when you use those words, because your mind can't differentiate, it's to feel like it really is a disaster. The flip side of this, the beautiful part, when we understand and appreciate that our thoughts become reality, we can create the life of our dreams as well. We can start to manifest our thoughts by visualizing, by telling ourselves what we want, who we want to become, and taking those actions toward it, we can manifest our dreams. You really can. You can stop being ill.

51:11You can change the shape of your body. You can change your digestion. You can have physical things. You can change the way you interact with your kids. So here's a good example. My kid is a nightmare. Change that to my child as age-appropriate. There you go. Builders will go, oh my God, that's a disaster. But a good builder will go, it's a challenge. When you said talking to girls is terrifying, you just change that to it's challenging. But hey, there's hundreds of girls out there. It's a numbers game. One will say yes. Some will say hi. And even if they say no, the only risk in life is not to take the risk.

51:45That's the risk. If you don't, when you take the risk and it goes wrong, you learn something. It gives you feedback for how to show up differently the next time. My girlfriend's a doctor of physical therapy. When she works on people, she would agree with everything you're saying because people's bodies are so tight. not because of something they tore or something sore, but it's because they're holding on to something emotional. And she says once they start to talk, their bodies relax, and the pain goes away. Yeah, I know that to be true. All the pain where they can't lift their shoulder or they can't turn their neck, most of them let it out their feelings about their relationship or their insecurities or whatever it may be.

52:23That's when they have a pain-free body. Because the body keeps score. The body holds on to pain and stress and tension and grief. and we carry around all this stuff, and yet we really don't have to if just more people knew, even to say I'm enough every day. And to say, another of my favorite things to go is I'm choosing this, and I'm choosing to feel great. I'm choosing to work on my website all weekend. I'm choosing to go to the gym. I don't love it, but I love having a six-pack. I'm choosing to say no to Krispy Kreme donuts and yes to apples. Love Krispy Kremes. Do you? I could eat 12 of them right now.

53:00Oh, so good. But I choose, do you not be? Yeah, and if you say, I'm choosing to do this and choosing to feel great about it, your mind has a very clear image. The way you feel about everything is down to two things, the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. There's nothing else. So if you choose to run, going, I'm running, so I'm raising money for charity, so I'm going to complete this run, even though my feet hurt, my knee hurts, because I'm going to raise money. But you could run going, oh, I hate this. I could be at home watching Netflix. I haven't eaten, and now my knee hurts, and then you'll have to stop.

53:35So when you keep saying, I'm choosing it. Because, yeah. Yeah. So if you're an Olympic athlete, you would choose to get up at 4 a.m. and train. If you are a diabetic, you choose to put a needle in your arm. If you wear lenses, you choose to jab your finger in your eye. But you don't go, oh, I hate it. I can't accept it, and I can't change it. And when you say, I'm choosing to study, to work, to go and talk to this girl I really like, or to put good food in my body, and I'm choosing to feel great about that, too, there is no resistance. When you go, I want donuts, and I can't have them, I've got to eat this freaking rabbit food, what your mind does is it increases the desire for donuts, because you say, I want donuts, but I can't have them.

54:19I want pizza, I'm eating kale. I can't have these, but I choose to do this because of it. I can eat pizza every day. When I'm 95, I'm going to knock myself out with pizza. But right now, I actually want to look really good in my clothes. Maybe out of them, too. So I'll save the pizza when I'm 80, because that door is probably shut then anyway. Then you can have loads of pizza. Every day. But you have to reason with your mind and negotiate. And your mind will always do what it thinks you want. That's its job. And if you could only tell your mind what you want using relevant, up-to-the-minute words, you'll get exactly what you want.

54:55What do you struggle with telling your mind? Is there anything that you, when you practice this all the time? It took me a long time to tell my mind not to eat sugar. I still look at it and go, it looks so nice. That's me. But I still look at Canby. The other day I was really tired until I went into a shop to get coffee and they had jars of jellies and I thought I could eat all of those. All of it? But I'm choosing not to and I just had the coffee. So working out, you know, we're on a schedule, sometimes just finding the time to go to the gym or do yoga, making the time. Yeah, that's probably the only two, really eating healthy food all the time, even on a plane, even sometimes where there is no healthy food.

55:38Then you've got to wait and choosing to make myself exercise when I don't want to. But other than that, nothing really, because I couldn't do what I do unless I was really good at dialoguing. My mind is my best friend. It's the best PA I've ever had. And it does what I want because I give it clear instructions. What do you say yourself on a daily basis? Is there like a process in the morning, afternoon, and night? Or what would it be like? Actually, when I wake up, the first thing I would say is I love my life. I love my linen. I love my cup of tea. I always wake up going, I love my life. And then when I make my go, I love this tea.

56:14I love the coffee. I love the shower gel in my shower. Because I really believe that if you can make your mind get excited by little things, then big things every day is like Christmas. And I think when you wake up, you should go, oh, what have I got today? Oh, a world of stress. I've got this, this, this, this, this. So you should always wake up and go, I love my life. I'm alive in a free country. I've got all this stuff to make tea. And life is great. So I do that. The second thing I do is I tend to stay in bed and do all my emails, because then I feel like I'm not working. Because I'm in bed, propped up, drinking my tea, and I get all of that out of the way.

56:55Yes, very relaxed. It's more relaxed. Not stressed. I try not to have to rush to go to bed, but sometimes I do. And I mean, I'm very lucky, because I love what I do. And I do what I love. So you work really hard. I go, I've never worked a day in my life. I don't know what that is. I don't have to go. go, where's my life is a weekend? I would say, oh, the weekend. I go, what's a weekend? I can take time off. I mean, I love my job because I get to make such a difference. So I don't really have much to moan about. Maybe communicating with my daughter is sometimes a challenge because I'm so positive that she occasionally wants me to be super negative.

57:34Why is that? Well, I guess because you have to be the opposite of your parents. So I do all these positives. She's an artist and she does lots of negative statements on her paintings, on her T-shirts, because that's the deal. You've got to be the opposite of your parents. But I understand that. But she's great. But really, I don't have much to complain about. You have a positive conversation with yourself pretty much 24-7. What about a nightly routine? Do you have thoughts that you say to yourself? Well, you see, for me, I really believe that first it's what you do and then it's who you are. So first you're doing it, and then it's who you are, and it's so who you are that it wouldn't occur to you to have to make yourself do it.

58:17See, I would never sit on the couch and go, my case is lost. I just know it. It's all going to go wrong. There's no cabs out there. This is a horrible flight. I now have a belief, and it really shows me, that there's no such thing as being bored. If my flight is late, I mean, I just get on my laptop, on my phone. I mean, I have 24-hour entertainment empty out my emails, look at something, the days of having to wait and being bored, even waiting in the car. My little phone is like everything, books, messages, videos. And so I love that. I don't really mind about missing stuff and being late anymore.

58:53In fact, when I was last landing here two weeks ago, I was hoping to remember it because I was so into this movie. Hopefully it's delayed, yeah. It's delayed. When the pilots have got to go around, I was like, oh, that's so great. That's exactly how long is left of this movie. But I think it's important for people to understand that it isn't what you do. It's a bit like people who say, I've done yoga every day and now it's just my soul. Like Meghan Markle said that, yoga is in my soul. I don't do yoga. Yoga is part of my life. It's like you don't say, I walk my dog. If you've had a dog for 20, just get up, pick up the lead.

59:28And it's who you are, not what you do. And so for me, it really isn't what I do because it's so a part of me and I like it. And so I'm quite lucky that I'm pretty happy and positive. But I really do love my life and that's a good thing. If you believe it to be true. Yeah, you are what you believe. It says that in the Bible, man is what he believes. You can choose whatever you wish, negative, positive. You get to choose. What you can't choose is what you do to your body and your health and your negative. You can't choose that. I could say I'm just a negative person, but over here is a positive person.

1:00:08We all can choose to do that. But you can never choose how you ruin your health, defeat your immune system, paralyze your autoimmune system, affect your nervous system. What goes on in your body when you're negative is horrific because the body can't choose. It has to react to negative. You make cortisol, that's a stress hormone. That shuts down fertility. It lays down fat. So all the stuff you're doing when you're negative, giving yourself heart attacks and strokes and high blood pressure, all because you're choosing to be negative when you come over to the positive world, which is so much better, you have better health.

1:00:48You live longer. You look 20 years younger. That's a good thing too. Because all the stress leaves your face. So you don't have to take laxatives and all those antacids and stuff that people take because of their thinking. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

1:01:26Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I wanna remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

1:01:57Thank you.