In short
This SheerLuxe Conversations episode is about returning to work after maternity leave: the emotional shift, managing childcare, rebuilding routines, and maintaining confidence and identity. Guests are Lu Hough, SheerLuxe fashion and creative director and mum to two-year-old Bobby, and Tobi Asare, mum of two and founder of MyBumpPay.
Key claims
expect a “rollercoaster” of emotions and unrealistic expectations; use phased returns if needed; keep realistic daily “pillars” (work, partner, children, friendships) and don’t aim to nail all at once; ask for help and be flexible (including adjusting hours). Notable examples include Lu’s phased return and first client call that restored confidence, and her nanny share for a baby who was nine months when she returned. Tobi shares breastfeeding challenges leading to combi feeding, and advice to request a proper workplace expressing space. Both stress community networks, planning outfits, and celebrating the transition.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOFashion and Style Check-In
0:46 to 1:56
Discussion about the guests' outfits, setting a light-hearted tone before diving into the main topic.
“It's like we've what-sapped about it before.”
Fashion and Style Check-In
1:59 to 2:44
Discussion about the guests' outfits, setting a light-hearted tone before diving into the main topic.
“milestones like feeding your little one their first solid foods when they are six months old but making sure their nutritional needs are met is key that's where Optimal Advanced Follow-On Milk comes in.”
The Emotional Shift of Returning to Work
2:47 to 4:48
Guests share their emotional experiences and thoughts about returning to work after maternity leave.
Adjusting to New Routines and Identities
4:48 to 6:40
Discussion on the challenges of identity and routine changes upon returning to work.
Getting Dressed and Feeling Good
6:40 to 8:00
Guests discuss the importance of getting dressed and feeling good after returning to work.
Seeking Help and Support
8:00 to 9:48
Discussion about the importance of asking for help and finding support as a working mother.
Planning and Organization Tips
9:48 to 12:40
Guests share their strategies for planning and organization to manage work and family life.
“Like I think the juggle, I mean, I've never met a mother that says, I've got it nailed.”
Managing Expectations and Communication
12:40 to 14:03
Discussion on setting realistic expectations and communicating needs with family and colleagues.
Navigating the Juggle of Work and Family
14:03 to 15:30
Discussion on the challenges of balancing work and parenting responsibilities.
Choosing Childcare Options
15:30 to 17:03
Exploration of childcare decisions, including nanny shares and nursery experiences.
Show all 18 chapters
Building a Support Network as a Parent
17:03 to 18:55
Advice on creating a community and support system for parents.
The Joys and Challenges of Motherhood
18:55 to 21:15
Reflections on the emotional aspects of motherhood and the love for children.
“And I feel like everyone's different, but I feel for my children, you know, I've got two daughters.”
Adjusting to Life After Baby
21:15 to 22:48
Insights on adapting life and expectations after becoming a parent.
Breastfeeding and Returning to Work
22:48 to 25:38
Discussion on the challenges of breastfeeding while working and self-advocacy.
Realities of Having It All
25:38 to 28:00
A candid conversation on the difficulties of balancing work and family life.
Navigating Priorities as a Working Parent
28:00 to 30:45
Learn how to balance work and family by setting priorities and managing expectations.
Returning to Work: Advice for New Moms
30:45 to 33:14
Discover tips for new mothers transitioning back to work, including self-kindness and support systems.
Celebrating the Transition Back to Work
33:14 to 34:56
Understand the importance of celebrating your return to work and setting yourself up for success.
“Like Aptoclub, different tips on how to deal with combi feeding and like, you know, the real like nitty gritty detail that you need.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Sarah Templeman Hodge:Today's episode was made in partnership with Aptimal Advanced Follow-on Milk. The conversations in this podcast reflect the personal views and experiences of our guests. Welcome back to the Sheer Lux podcast. Today we're talking about a milestone most parents know well, returning to work after maternity leave. It's a time full of excitement, fresh routines and finding a new rhythm. Today we're joined by Sheer Lux's fashion and creative director Lu Hough, mum to two-year-old Bobby and Tobi Asare, mum of two and founder of MyBumpPay. They're going to share their experiences and tips to make the transition smoother.
0:31Sarah Templeman Hodge:From childcare choices to finding balance, this episode is all about making that next chapter feel that little bit more manageable.
0:46Sarah Templeman Hodge:Welcome ladies. Hi. You both look gorgeous. Thank you. Very tonal. We are. It's like we've what-sapped about it before. It is, it is. Tell me what you're wearing. We always start every pod obviously probably wearing.
0:59Lu Hough:I have got my very old, very comfy flattered boots on. My favourite ever, a goldie jeans. T-shirt is Uniqlo. Blazer is vintage. I love that blazer. Is that the one where we got? Yeah, when we went to Hastings. My belt is Kate.
1:14Sarah Templeman Hodge:Earrings are Polly Saer, Daisy London. What about you, Hannah? Is this River Island? This is River Island. Charlotte's got this one too. It's so good.
1:21Tobi Asare:Yeah, it's so good. I was like, before it sells out, it has to be mine. Yes. Yes, the suit is River Island and the shoes are quite old, cult Gaia. Very cool. That I found on eBay. That's it, really. Very simple today.
1:34Sarah Templeman Hodge:I am wearing boots from H &M, fresh out of the box this morning. Oh, nice. I love that. Definitely in stock. The jeans are Citizens of Humanity, Islay, which is my favourite shape. I've got three. That's so good. And then a jumper from Hershkind. Love. Let's break easy. And a belt from DeHanche. and earrings from Bylon I feel I wear these for the gold version every day before we start just a quick message from our sponsor parenting is full of exciting milestones like feeding your little one their first solid foods when they are six months old but making sure their nutritional needs are met is key that's where Optimal Advanced Follow-On Milk comes in.
2:11Sarah Templeman Hodge:Designed for babies from 6 to 12 months and inspired by 50 years of breast milk research Optimal Advanced Follow-On Milk provides key nutrients like iron which contributes to normal cognitive development and vitamin D which contributes to the normal function of the immune system and is suitable for formula and combination fed babies. It's the only follow-on milk in the UK with Goss, Foss and 2FL and has high quality milk fat for a creamy taste. Aptomolid Vons follow-on milk says breastfeeding is best for those that are able to. Follow-on milk should only be used as part of a mixed diet from six months.
2:44Sarah Templeman Hodge:Talk to your healthcare professional for advice on feeding. so we are here today to talk about maybe the hardest thing about that sort of first year of motherhood is deciding to return back to work and how you go about it my god it's a big it's a big
2:58Lu Hough:milestone it's a big shift I think yeah going from suddenly being in the mindset I feel like at that at the point where you go back you've like just got into it yeah and I feel like also for me like my baby was a way more fun age and then it was time to go back to work and it was
3:14Sarah Templeman Hodge:yeah it was a big it's a big moment and like so many emotions that come with it yeah what about
3:19Tobi Asare:you honey oh my goodness just a massive shift I just thought oh I'm just gonna flutter and fly back into work and I'll be fine and all of a sudden I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah
3:27Sarah Templeman Hodge:maybe I'm not fine yeah because I think you have expectations of what you're what it's going to be like yeah and then it's not really like that completely different and also you don't know
3:36Tobi Asare:what child you're gonna get yeah you literally have no idea how they're going to adapt to all the changes and then how you adapt to all the changes and what your family's set up then looks like but you grow so much throughout it all and were you excited and a little bit of you and then
3:50Lu Hough:you feel guilty for being excited I was buzzing I was so I was so excited like you know before I had Bobby my career is a huge part of of who I am and my interests and my conversation and I remember like parts of maternity leave just feeling quite lonely and feeling like this kind of huge part of me was suddenly missing and so I couldn't wait to kind of get back to that that independence have that kind of that passion have those conversations with my peers and my friends and I was so excited for it but then as you said alongside that feeling guilty for wanting to go back for what that meant for like not spending time with my child knowing suddenly that my child was going to spend more time in care than with us yeah it was like a really big pill to swallow and really got me that was difficult so I did a sort of a phased return back so I think I started like the first week I did one day second week I did two days and three days and four days and built myself up for both me and my daughter and kind of because suddenly you know she had never spent time with anyone and apart from me yeah um for longer periods of time so I felt like we both kind of needed that
5:11Sarah Templeman Hodge:adjustment gradually and it's when you get home and they're absolutely fine and you're like oh
5:15Tobi Asare:yeah yeah I'm so glad that you talk about work being such a big part of your identity because I remember kind of going into motherhood and being at nursery and somebody was saying to me oh why are you going down back five days a week and I was like did you go back from the get-go five days so I did a phase return similar to you but then very quickly I was in five days a week and I and that felt natural to me that felt like what I wanted to do it felt like the right choice but I think for me it was definitely a roller coaster of emotions I first kind of started feeling like oh I'm not sure am I definitely gonna be able to cope do I want to go back then I went back and after I remembered my password I was like oh I can I was like I can do
5:53Sarah Templeman Hodge:this this is what I was like what was born to do specific memory or like a surprising like positive that you found that when you went back you were like oh apart from like I've still got my brain
6:05Tobi Asare:I think it was genuinely that first day that first call to a client so I actually went back to a bigger role and actually covered somebody else's maternity leave and we didn't quite have a handover because her baby came early and at first was a bit apprehensive like well am I going to be able to manage all of this and I was kind of semi-running that office so that first kind of day that first client call that first meeting with the team I was just like no I've still got this yes it felt really really really good in that moment and how long did you have off so with Joshua I actually had 14 months off which was quite a long time in hindsight and then with Grace I had 10 months off it was in the pandemic that kind of weird time of are we at home are we not at home okay now we're back at home yeah and now we're back at home I was just like I just need to go back to work I just can't be at home I've done this enough yeah time time to go back having
6:54Sarah Templeman Hodge:separation I remember just loving like getting dressed oh that as well yeah that was amazing
7:02Lu Hough:there was a lot of my wardrobe that I just couldn't wear on my leaf yeah just you know such a waste I could not wear a blazer like no way so you know to go to monkey music exactly you kind of wear like the same sort of things and then you know if we went out on the weekend I'd be like we'll wear a special jumper but yeah and I really miss that because again like getting dressed is a big part of my identity and it was not not that I just like didn't care about that whilst I was on that leave because again that's like a big part of me but it was more just the way I was dressing you know like my heel boots never wore you know a nice handbag didn't need so yeah it was just nice to have those things that made you feel good I can so relate to that
7:43Tobi Asare:actually for me getting dressed was a really big event but also quite scary because my body had changed so much so I remember going to Kingston with my husband and I was like please just help me tell me what looks good and just kind of buying a new wardrobe sometimes yeah I remember going shopping together and being like I just need trousers that are gonna fit and actually being terrified that people weren't gonna recognize me because my body had changed and all of that is nonsense at the end of the day but yeah getting dressed felt like such a big event but I actually definitely did wear the heels on that leave because i was like i love it well i had like 17 friends maybe more that we all had babies in the same year it sounds crazy so some of them were friends of friends of friends and we all just created this whatsapp group we called ourselves yummy mummies 2017 is it still in it's kind of died off but we're all still connected lots of us still friends we would do brunch we'd go to santa's grotto i loved getting dressed up to meet my friends I mean it was a faff I was like how do I do all this it's like
8:46Sarah Templeman Hodge:trying to get out the house like you're dressed and then the baby does the poo and you're like oh my god you have to change outfit and then you have to get another spare outfit it's just
8:55Lu Hough:and then you're sweating well and also you're just like oh I found I was you know crawling around on my knees or just walking around a park or just like yeah running out of things and like sitting on floors and I was just like this isn't the time for my nice things juggling work and
9:09Sarah Templeman Hodge:family life that is hard isn't it how did you cope and how do you cope it's a beautiful roller coaster
9:17Tobi Asare:that's what I call it there are moments where you're just like I cannot do this anymore and then there are moments where you're just like okay I survived the day and for me I've just always been about just getting as much help for every single stage and whatever that help requires like sometimes that help is just going around for with a walk with a friend and just venting and just kind of you know letting go sometimes that's paid help sometimes it's child care sometimes it's nanny sometimes it's wraparound care it just evolved but I think I learned that probably the hard way at the beginning by thinking that I had to do it all myself and literally feeling like I'm failing at all things yeah and then realizing actually do you know what it's okay to ask for help and sometimes that help might be adjusting your hours and working flexibly you've just got to be really creative at every single stage yeah and don't be afraid to change it if it's not
10:05Sarah Templeman Hodge:working did you put any practices in place like when you first went back to sort of help you did you really quickly realize that you know getting your outfits out the night before planning you know all that type of stuff just helped yeah definitely just being as planned as i possible i
10:22Tobi Asare:mean i'm quite an organized meticulous get there early type of person anyway so i'd always leave extra time yeah for chaos for meltdowns for tantrums i always leave like 15 to 20 minutes yeah that type of stuff I lay everything out in the mornings my husband tend to do the drop-off in the mornings and I'd escape come back yeah I need to like lay out more time for kind of things
10:43Lu Hough:going wrong because I literally this morning I was like getting ready 15 minutes but I think in terms of like thinking about your wardrobe and what you're going to wear I found that having kind of outfit formulas that you knew worked really well so not trying to think of a new outfit in the morning once you know she's running around and you're late for a meeting and just kind of knowing that works I'll go for that I know I feel good in it because if you're thinking about something different just like think about that the night before I think like that sort of really helps just know that I'm just gonna throw this on I feel good I'll be fine I also found that speaking to other mothers in the business so helpful you were just going how
11:22Sarah Templeman Hodge:how do you do it?
11:23Lu Hough:Yeah, and I still do. Like I think the juggle, I mean, I've never met a mother that says, I've got it nailed. Like these are my, this is my secret formula. I feel like it goes in waves. Sometimes certain things take priority over others and it's this kind of juggle in between constantly. And I remember thinking, oh my God, how is this going to happen? But you look at all the other amazing working moms in our business and just like this network of incredible mothers like I remember as soon as I gave birth even just kind of walking around the park I feel like there's this like new respect that you have for women when you're past them where they've got a pram where they've got two-year-old a five-year-old whatever and you're just like you've got this there's this knowing smile isn't there yeah like solidarity and I think yeah when you see you know amazing women in business whether they are entrepreneurs or like they work for business their focus is still their career but they've got this other life as well at home and it's I don't know balance just seems like it kind of always has to be equal and I don't feel like yeah it always is no but I think when you are kind of honest about it and you communicate about it and I think you have realistic expectations I remember listening to a podcast once and they said you know you will feel like a failure if you set yourself unrealistic expectations about how you're going to be at work as a mother as a friend as a colleague as a partner and you know if in the day you were like okay today I'm going to sit down have breakfast with my child I'm going to get her dressed for work and I'm going to go into work with like a smile on my face and be really present with my team and then do a bedtime story if like that is all you kind of set for your day then you'll feel really good about yourself at the end of it so I think just having realistic expectations about what you are able to achieve in that day is really
13:11Sarah Templeman Hodge:helpful I can't remember who said it but there's sort of the triangle or maybe it's the square but it's you know that there are these four pillars in our life and you can't nail all of those pillars all the time so that's work marriage children and then like friendships or yeah and I think give yourself a break if as long as you feel you're mastering too I think that's okay and I think with sort of James you know sometimes I'll be like I'm just I can't really give anything to at the moment I'm just there's too much going on and he's like you know no problem and with girlfriends you know the millions have read and read what's that I've double booked myself already like so many Christmas things and they're like but what and I'm like but you've just got to be like guys I just at the moment I'm just sort of I can't really think about anything else and you know I'll see I'll see you when I see I love you all so much but and be just be really honest and
14:02Lu Hough:you've got to be honest everybody knows that like it's a massive juggle and sometimes it's there's days where it's more difficult than others and I think as long as yeah you communicate that clearly
14:15Sarah Templeman Hodge:then people are supportive of that it's so funny I think because our roles because we're on like social media quite a lot and I feel my friends like see me and they're like well she's got time
14:24Tobi Asare:to do that I'm a big believer in keeping the main thing the main thing in the season that you're in so I will plan again quite organized but I will plan what my goals are for that do you season yeah 100 % and that becomes my driving force like that becomes a thing that I will schedule my week around I mean for quite a long time it's been around going to the gym you're like a quarter or is that like autumn winter yeah so I literally look at it every single week and then I'll kind of look at every quarter and think actually do you know what this needs to I need to redress how things are kind of laid out here but it could be that you know for example I might be going for a big promotion and there's certain steps that I need to put in place and that might mean okay I need to surround myself with more childcare or my husband needs to lean in and do a little bit more or let's just say for example I mean my son is eight but at some point in his future he's going to have 11 plus right oh my gosh he's going to need more support so how do I flex my time and my diary and my priorities to make sure that I can lean in for that and make sure the people around me understand that that's a priority yeah because it is really intense yeah three month
15:29Lu Hough:period don't worry I'll talk you through it what is your child care situ when I went back we did a nanny share which we found incredibly helpful and it was I was you know we went to look at nurseries but um Bobby was only nine months when I went back to work and she'd only just started calling and I remember going to the nurseries being like you just look too little I just I didn't feel ready to leave her and yeah we found like an angel in this nanny share and it was amazing because it was more affordable than nursery it meant that we kind of had a bit more control of you know when she was her napping and her weaning and just a bit more yeah control I guess over those yeah those things um she could sleep at home and we basically did two days at our house and two days at the other family's house and there was a you know a group of nannies who all went off like they went to the army museum they do more fun stuff um and all these amazing activities and it also meant that then by the weekend I was like okay fine we'll just go to the park I don't feel guilty anymore because you've done all this great stuff and she was always surrounded by children and we found that great and you know having that flexibility kind of into the evenings knowing if we were going to work late if we needed to get in early that really worked for us and yet it being a share was amazing so yeah that really helped me we're in a tiny flat yeah so we don't have space for anyone to come to stay like we've just kind of had to try and like muddle through and just juggle it between my husband and I and be like okay I need to stay late for this night can you do tomorrow night and just juggle between us and just kind of feel like we're like passing ships in the night and especially at the beginning when you know bobby wasn't sleeping and you're going back to work and i remember thinking how like how does everybody do this like also why does no one why no one talked about this before like this whole this kind of other ecosystem that i was totally unaware of
17:31Sarah Templeman Hodge:before coming a parent what would be your tips i would say like try and make a network join clubs like-minded clubs maybe like if you can't face me monkey music and all that stuff but like you know you see girls doing gym on the common or walking or running or whatever just try and build if you haven't got family around you which is a lot of people in london don't then try and build something i would be really nice to the nursery teachers yes they're like your extended family almost yeah like give them presents like yesterday i mean my child fell through so i had to phone the school and say can cacao stay for wrapper and care and she's like it's full but i'll squeeze her in for be good to those people yeah they come into their own and I think yeah you're right about the network
18:15Tobi Asare:it's not just nursery it's sometimes it's just neighbors and you're like your local community and I'm not a monkey music person whatsoever no but I went because I knew I would meet other mums who are in the same situation in the same local vicinity that I could build a community around yeah you know if you are if you do get stuck and the same goes for school as they get older as well so you might just be stuck and just be like hi can you help me to stay with grace for like five minutes i'm coming i'm coming i'm coming and the mum's whatsapp group i'm like can somebody
18:44Sarah Templeman Hodge:just grab cocoa like or can somebody tell me what i'm supposed to be right now because i have no clue what's going on that is a whole other podcast but i feel it does come into i've added james to all of those i'm like i cannot cope with this mental draining but they do come into their own when you're like is it tennis today so yeah but we wouldn't change it oh my gosh no and I love it
19:07Tobi Asare:so much I just love these small humans coming on this journey of life with me like I've just taken them into like everything I do you know if I want to go to a nice restaurant they come along
Read the full transcript
19:18Sarah Templeman Hodge:if I don't they come along I also meant like I would never have not worked I really feel that That is such a big part of me. And I feel like everyone's different, but I feel for my children, you know, I've got two daughters. I want them to see me working and contributing and, you know, having something else apart from them in my life.
19:42Lu Hough:Totally. But I also think it's whatever suits you, you know, for the people that decide to not go back to work. You have to do whatever feels right for you and your family. and but yeah for like for me as well having that balance between you know I sometimes I find you know if I've had a really busy day at work and it's been stressful and then I come back and actually seeing Bobby is like the kind of the joy and the light-heartedness I really need you know she's totally unaware of everything that might have happened and will just say something so naive and so sweet and it just breaks my heart and you just it it just puts you breaks everything down and is like the biggest joy I could ever have.
20:24Lu Hough:And I feel like before I had a child, everyone said to me, oh, you know, the sleep, the juggle, it's so hard, like everything that we've just been saying. But I don't think anyone really also prepared me for like the unbelievable love that is suddenly like catapulted into your world.
20:41Sarah Templeman Hodge:And I remember you saying, I just love her so much.
20:44Lu Hough:I can't believe it. Like every day I think, how could I possibly love you anymore? and it just keeps oh you know I said she's only two and a half you guys have got much older kids but when everyone says to me it just gets better it does getting better and you know everything is a phase which is both a positive and a negative because I'm like I don't want this bit to end and but yeah it's it's brought more joy and like happiness to my life than I could ever have imagined and to kind of do that alongside my job which I also love um is a real privilege
21:15Tobi Asare:and I just think it just for me anyway it's just put such a fire and a hunger and in my belly to kind of like right I really want to go out there and make you guys proud and see me doing that my son Josh was like mommy when's book number two coming out I'm like oh my gosh like calm down
21:33Sarah Templeman Hodge:but I love sweet that he knows yeah I feel like being a mom also makes me better at work because I feel nothing is too stressful like we're not saving lives yeah it puts everything into perspective I multitask everything so I feel like you just get shit done I'm on a time I gotta go so you just make sure you get it and also you know it just makes me feel that my brain is
22:01Lu Hough:better engaged yeah definitely I've got I remember my memory I remember actually going for lunch with charlotte maybe like a month before i was about to come back and being like so how's things and she was telling me about like what was going on all these things and she was like she said she just suddenly saw my face just like i'm shocked because you know the pace of which we work yeah we get it's fast and i think once you're in it you get really used to it once you're out of it you're like whoa but yeah i think i needed my brain to just kind of kick back into gear again
22:30Tobi Asare:but it's like riding a bike like it is like you know you first kind of get back on that bike you're a little bit wobbly and then once you start going the momentum dates and you're just like yeah yeah
22:38Sarah Templeman Hodge:and it's exhausting i think i would say to somebody like if you're just starting back like have chill weekends yeah totally you know like don't plan over plan just spend time with
22:48Lu Hough:the baby oh my god and i think like understanding that your life wasn't the same as it was pre-baby just like set those unrealistic expectations i remember just being like okay we're just gonna stay at home and we'll go for a walk and we'll cook a nice meal and just like have family time and you know said no to social things and going into town or doing anything like that because like we didn't need that anymore and it was more about kind of resting and resetting and
23:16Tobi Asare:having film nights and yeah but I also think in that I think that's really true to who you are I think being really honest with yourself about who you are and actually allowing yourself to kind of do those things like I quite like being busy on the weekends and going them out and taking you have to with the older ones yeah but even when they were younger I still I still loved it so I think just actually staying true to who you are is actually okay listen to you know from
23:41Lu Hough:there's social media there's podcasts there's so many different like tools where people are showing you telling you like how they're parenting how they're juggling but yeah I think you're so right just kind of listening to what makes you tick yeah and how you work is really important
23:58Sarah Templeman Hodge:and not sort of being swayed by yeah yeah how did you continue to combi feed or breastfeed when you got back was that hard I feel that's a big like worry for people going back to work how you're
24:09Lu Hough:going to cope with that so I actually had a really difficult journey with breastfeeding and just like my body just didn't really work for me so we actually did combi feeding and did that throughout my maternity leave which worked for me my body like our circumstance so you know my husband could give bobby a bottle like help could give her a bottle so and by the when i was kind of working towards coming back i was sort of phasing out breastfeeding i remember actually doing my last ever breastfeed lying on bed with her and just like looking at this little baby thinking you know thinking about like you know the journey that we'd been on together and the kind of closing of that chapter so I very much kind of yeah it was I was sort of nine months in and was phasing out so I think I maybe did a month once I was back but only of evening feeds so yeah it felt more
25:00Tobi Asare:there was a balance yeah definitely Joshua was a bit older when I went back to work so we were quite in quite a good weaning routine yeah but I was still doing night feeds actually yeah so when I went back to work he was quite used to food bottle breast milk for me so I think we had a good structure and a good routine going I would say to parents who are worried about it vocalize what you need like don't be afraid to say to whoever you're working with or your employer say you know I need a space for me to express because I am still feeding feeding my child well within your rights it's a very very reasonable ask and you need good conditions to to do that in
25:40Sarah Templeman Hodge:as well yeah that's such I think that's such good advice I feel like you just need to be honest and not be embarrassed not at all you know so many people ask yeah you know and you can ask and you
25:51Tobi Asare:should ask we have a feeding space in our building we're really lucky we've got such a huge building lots of great facilities but employers need to provide reasonable space for you to express your milk if you are still a feeding parent we're becoming more and more flexible around you know different types of people that we need to employ and bring into our business I feel like more businesses are becoming a lot more aware so they do have good spaces and facilities so even easier for you to make that ask okay having it all bloody hell that is hard isn't it yeah it's a phrase that
26:22Sarah Templeman Hodge:gets bandied around a lot and I feel most women like roll their eyes what's your approach to that
26:27Lu Hough:I think again just sort of being realistic I think kind of having that understanding that that you aren't the same person as you were pre having a baby in the way that you operate in the way that your brain works in the way that you spend your weekends or just the way that you can work just it isn't the same just not trying to be who you were before not that not in the sense that you are this entirely different person just a kind of adjusted version yeah and these are my new boundaries these are my new rules you know for me I always want to be there for bedtime and so and I really try to be really present for that hour before bed with her to hear about what she's done for her day read her a story as soon as she's gone to bed you know I can be back online I'll be back on my emails but it's really important for me to have that kind of hour with her every day
27:20Tobi Asare:because otherwise I just feel like it gets lost it's just impossible if you think about like work and what that entails like it's it's a full-time job to be somebody who you know has a job to do and then to be a parent it's a full-time job so I think to mesh the two means that things have just got to got to give yeah and I think I've started to think now in order for me to be successful I have to get very used to disappointing people sometimes it's disappointing my husband because I'm way too tired yeah or you know yeah or sometimes it is disappointing the kids ever so slightly because I can't be in two places at once and I can't make that school thing but I'll talk to them about why I can't make it and if a grandparent can step in then they absolutely will and I the most important thing is they feel really loved yeah and secure so I try not to put too much pressure on myself and I'm quite used to kind of disappointing people if it serves a goal that is
28:17Lu Hough:really important at that particular time yeah and i think becoming okay with saying no to things as well and also not have someone saying to me and you don't have to give a reason why yeah and that's also okay and as you said kind of if you're thinking about you know that day what's your priority for that day do you need to do that no sometimes yes you do and you know sometimes yeah work things do take priority or you really need to go and see a friend and that's the most support and all your family and I guess yeah speaking about those kind of pillars of your life certain times each of them will take a bit of priority you can't do them all at once so I guess yeah being okay with saying no sometimes and knowing that there's phases where some take more of a hit yeah and being okay with that and your career won't suffer if there's a moment where
29:06Tobi Asare:your your your children have to become the priority that's really natural I don't think I can't remember who said it but you know no one says on their deathbed I wish I'd worked harder yeah you know you you wish you were present for those moments that really really matter yes work is like it's important to all of us yeah you know it's okay sometimes to put that boundary in place for the
29:25Sarah Templeman Hodge:right thing almost it's better if while you're at work you're at work and while you're at home you're at home and don't try and cross the two and I think also perfection isn't a thing I think you know Christmas to me feels horrendous leaning over me I'm already like oh my god very lucky to have a lot of god children and I want to do like these you know individual personalized gifts but I'm like this year they're gonna get Amazon vouchers you've just got to do absolutely things that take that load off and also they'll never know that you were gonna do
29:57Lu Hough:the personal vouchers so what they don't know about you know it won't I'm actually they'll
30:03Sarah Templeman Hodge:much for that exactly i have been so guilty of going to one of my friend's sons i've been like
30:08Tobi Asare:happy birthday here's my phone here's amazon scroll and just pick what you want that i bet
30:13Sarah Templeman Hodge:because they love they do love i love the self-justification but they do like choosing and you know don't worry about the lunchbox if it isn't perfect and you don't put love notes in the lunchbox like sometimes it's the bare minimum everyone's alive and healthy and happy like that's all that's needed let's wrap this up but if you could give a little pep talk to a mother about
30:38Lu Hough:to come back to work what do you say I would say be kind to yourself I think I mean I actually remember when I first came back like a lot of other mums messaging me being like how exciting congratulations but just take it easy and and be kind because it is a big change I think for your hormones your lifestyle like everything you know surround yourself with like-minded other women who have been through it who you can ask silly questions to and just kind of feel like you've got that support because no one has got it nailed no one and I think the more that people communicate about the highs the lows the difficulties the challenges the like the small wins everyone is in it together and I think there's not a one size fits all so don't feel pressure that you have to do it in a certain way all the time will feel like you nail it immediately like your employer will be so happy to have you back and you know you'll I guess be coming to work with a new perspective and also you know all of the history that you have as well and and insights that you can bring to the business so you know be proud of yourself for what you can bring absolutely and also like it is a really amazing thing so it like the the joy and the
31:55Tobi Asare:of the balance as well I love so much yeah I would say that the superwoman myth just just is not true like there's nobody out there like you say who is nailing it so if you feel like it's a little bit difficult but if you feel like in moments you're finding something's like really easy and really good then that's okay take the wins take the wins yeah and I think if you see people that you think have kind of got it polished and you're making yourself really down about that you're beating yourself up and thinking why can't I get to the gym why can't I get to work on time just know that actually there'll be moments that they are finding it really difficult as well and like you say there is so much joy and you should be feel so proud about being able to do two of
32:38Sarah Templeman Hodge:these enormous things which is like working yeah and being a parent don't be afraid to get help
32:45Tobi Asare:so that might be help in a kind of professional sense so it might be kind of like return to work mentor return to work coach or just having a buddy that you're just chatting with like you were just saying you know you go to hodge and say oh but how you know don't be afraid to have those people alongside you you can just chat because everyone wants to help first of all your boss
33:04Sarah Templeman Hodge:it will you're not the first person to have a baby and come back they know they know that you're not going to be firing on all cylinders straight away you know they know there's a period of adjustment and also I think you're right it's the sisterhood yeah I mean come back as a woman anytime because I feel it's such a bond and everyone wants to help they really do and also it really is all
33:26Lu Hough:like all the little bits are all the phase and there's you know I remember thinking god I will never be able to work this bit out and then suddenly you do and you're like yay and you're super proud and then there's something else that happens but it does change all the time and it's the most rewarding process and yeah like it puts things in perspective yeah it's the best I mean
33:46Tobi Asare:the Toby of eight years ago before I became a mum versus the Toby now like I couldn't I genuinely couldn't be proud of who I've evolved to be and like how match fit motherhood and parenthood has kind of made me for life and I love that I get to do that alongside my family and my friends
34:03Sarah Templeman Hodge:and obviously the NHS guidelines are such a help and I would really suggest that anyone looks there And also there's loads of like forums and websites that you can get really practical tips. Like Aptoclub, different tips on how to deal with combi feeding and like, you know, the real like nitty gritty detail that you need. Like how the milk should be refrigerated and all of that stuff. So I think just like research it. Yeah, I know. Be prepared. And I would also say go and buy yourself something. i would like buy a couple of new things to go back to work with whether that's a blazer or a bag not a baby bag you know or you know a pair of shoes or a good coat just something that you feel marks this transition because it is an achievement and it is a celebration yeah you know you've come to the end of one gorgeous phase of your life and you're now moving back into working a motherhood which is another exciting new thing beautiful and also yeah
35:00Lu Hough:having that thing that you kind of put on it's like your armory of like okay i mean like work
35:04Tobi Asare:yeah and just and wear it because i remember i bought some very nice pair of work shoes to go back to work for grace after my second maternity leave and we were in lockdown so i sit at my desk at home with these nice work shoes on i love that we've got the topic for book number
35:19Sarah Templeman Hodge:two yes definitely heels brunch yes and friends girls that was so lovely thank you for sharing I feel like hopefully it's helpful for people at home. That's all for today's episode of the ShareLex podcast. We hope you're leaving feeling a little more confident and supported as you navigate your own return to work journey. For more expert tips and advice, visit Aptoclub community. Thanks for listening.
36:01Thank you.
From the publisher
In this episode of SheerLuxe Conversations, the team explores the emotional and practical realities of returning to work after maternity leave – a milestone so many parents can relate to. Sarah Templeman (Hodge) is joined by SheerLuxe’s fashion and creative director, Lu Hough, and mother of two and founder of My Bump Pay, Tobi Asare, to share their honest experiences, thoughtful advice and empowering tips for navigating this life transition. From the excitement of getting back into a routine to the guilt and uncertainty that can come with it, Lu and Tobi open up about finding balance, asking for help and redefining what success looks like as a working parent. They also discuss the power of fashion and personal style in helping to rediscover your confidence – plus, the joy of dressing up for work after maternity leave. Whether you’re preparing to return to work or supporting someone who is, this episode is a timely reminder that you’re not alone – and that kindness, confidence and community go a long way.
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