1564 – Learning to Love and Accept with Pro Advisor Coach’s Matt Drinkhahn

0:28Hey there, thoughtful listener. million in revenue. Just head to upmyinfluence.com and watch my free class on how to create endless high-ticket sales appointments. You can even chat with me live and I'll see and reply to your messages. Also, don't forget, the thoughtful entrepreneur is always looking for guests. Go to upmyinfluence.com and click on podcast. We'd love to have you.

0:58with us right now coach matt drink on and coach matt you are found on the web at eternal optimist podcast.com and pro advisor coach.com matt it's good to have you thanks for joining us absolutely pleasure and josh it has been a real honor getting to know you so far i love your energy. I love your show and ready to add value today, brother. Let's do it. That's great. So what do you do in the world? Who are you working with and what are the outcomes that you help create for folks? Great question. I help recovering perfectionists and or highly functioning workaholics. I help them simplify, scale, and create things in their business that they're proud of.

1:40And that could be growing their revenue. It could be employing great people and building a culture. It can be any number of things, as long as we're simplifying, we're scaling, and we're helping our people. That's what I help them do. So that's who I work with. That's what we do. And I'd love to give some more examples. That's a start, my friend. You know, I would imagine that folks that are pretty perfectionistic tend to gravitate toward business ownership or kind of starting a business. And I don't see a lot of people with the personality type of, yeah, good enough. I'm just going to phone it in.

2:18Like they usually don't stay in business very long. So I suspect that, you know, amongst business leaders, business professionals, and certainly founders, that's a very common trait to hold very, very high standards for yourself. A hundred percent. For most of them, it might even date back to childhood and growing up. They had this really high standard. And that is part of what makes them so successful. And the dark side or the flip side of every strength, the dark side is that they're incredibly successful. Many of them, they're empty at home because they leave it all. They spend all the gas in the tank every day, all day.

2:58Or number two, they might be so perfectionistic and so hard driving that they don't want to delegate anything. They're the bottleneck. They try to do everything themselves. Or number three, they may be incredibly successful people that we know and we admire out there in the professional world right now, yet they themselves are beating themselves up inside because they're not perfect, because they didn't get to the extreme pinnacle, even though they've made so much progress and so many gains, you know, they're still focused on that gap, you know, and I would quote Dan Sullivan's book, The Gap and the Gain, and talk about, you know, how they're so focused on perfect, and they're not appreciating where they are, and I help them with that.

3:41Yeah. And also, I think, and again, I have a friend, and that friend is me. And I think that there's sometimes the tendency to take ownership or have unrealistic expectations for things that we really can't control. other people, whether or not, let's say, like, you know, for us, when we're working with clients, I mean, we just want to, you know, my goal is to create a dummy proof, almost impossible to fail system. And yet, we're still surprised from time to time, you know, when a client maybe doesn't follow through with something that we explain, like, listen, if you'll just do this, these are the results you're going to get.

4:30And then when they don't do it, and then they're frustrated, And then sometimes like I look and I'm mad or I'm anxious or I, you know, I feel maybe too much responsibility when in fact, when we're working with other people, people have their own free agency, you know, and, you know, kind of this lead a horse to water type thing. I think sometimes I know for myself, I am absolutely unfair on myself of where my responsibility ends and someone else's picks up. Yeah, I totally agree. And the first thing you said is having a friend, that friend is you. I know you have a lot of friends because you're incredibly easy to talk to.

5:11And if you are coaching me and you set some expectation on me and I let you down, I would beat myself up a lot. As all perfectionists, we beat ourselves up on the inside a lot. So I would offer this to a person that they're beating themselves up a lot on the inside. They're not quite getting to this perfect ideal standard. and this can be the client, this can be the coach, it can be any person who feels less than sometimes, when in reality, they may be at this high standard that's just crushing it in everyone else's eyes, but inside we're hurting. I might offer this. I might offer the basic tenet of American psychology that I've seen nowadays is that that which we don't learn to love and accept is going to keep coming back to us until we learn to love it and accept it.

6:01So part of that transformation would be to learn to accept these infallibilities or these challenges, not to be lackadaisical or lazy and just complacency. I just let it go. No big deal. Simply learn to accept that there are, as you said, there are those things we don't control outside of us. And when we can learn to accept that we can't control all this stuff except for our own response, then we gradually start to feel less and less stress and pressure from this perfectionist gene that we all tend to have as high-performance entrepreneurs. So that might be the place to start, is learning to love and accept the things that are out of our control.

6:38And then from there, if we can accept them, then we can make progress forward. And it might go for what you're talking about. It might go that if you are leading a team and they don't follow through with the thing to the level that we expect, the standards that we hold, if they made 80 % progress, and that's further than the 60 % we were before, yet it's not 100%, I'm still going to be looking at the progress we made. And I can accept that. How do we make the next step from here to make it to 85 to 90? So I'm with you on the thinking there. And I've had a lot of nights where I've been stressed the heck out because I wasn't able to get that person to go an extra mile or hit that perfect milestone.

7:24And, you know, it's all just life. How do we learn to communicate and do it a little bit more effectively, a little bit more patience and grace for ourself and others, you know, so we can inspire them to, you know, help hit their stride. Pause. Back to you, Josh, you have a thought, it looks like. Well, you know, and I'm just thinking in my head, you know, conversations. I remember my, I think it was my wife who is, you know, early on in her marriage, clearly identified that my level of motivation was way different than hers, you know, and she's like, I am never going, I am never, ever, ever going to want to work as hard as you.

8:03It's just not the way I'm wired. And that's okay. Like, and if you, you know, you know, if you can accept my level of like, I need more rec time, I need more downtime. And I'm okay with not being the world's greatest X, right? That is most people. And that is perfectly healthy, maybe even more so, you know, and again, what we're talking about strengths, weaknesses, right? So strengths, weaknesses, and, you know, recognizing that, like, if you do any kind of disc personality profile, you know, personality tests, Enneagram, like we're going to have our things that we're really good at. And that makes us exceptional for the type of work that we've likely stepped into, but understanding our own weaknesses is so valuable.

8:47So for example, like I know I get bogged down and I just do not like very detail oriented, you know, you know, having to fill out forms and like that, that sort of please, you know, absolutely. I know I need to shore up those areas of the stuff that I don't want to do and make sure that that gets delegated. And if something's not working, or if I keep encountering frustration, resistance or whatever in something, I think that I need to, in my case, tap into my CLO. I say, listen, this is bothering me more than it probably should. How can we solve this? How can I either step out of this? In fact, I had one, an operation, and I suspect a lot of people listening right now, there's probably operational.

9:33If you're like me, there's probably operational things that may stress you out. Because again, you're dealing with lots of different people. And it's probably if you were to do it yourself, you're not doing it yourself. You can't do it yourself. You shouldn't do it yourself. You might look at the quality of work and it might not be at the level that you would do it if you were to do it, but you're not doing it. So you need to just accept that other people have different, like they have more emotional capacity for it. You don't because you keep getting burnt out on the thing. So therefore, I'm sorry, this is not my interview.

10:05This is yours. I just, okay. I said a bunch of words. I'll let you take it from there, Coach Matt. Sounds familiar because I say that all the time to people. I said a bunch of words. You know what? You take it. So I'm with you. And the first thing that started this thread was, you know, motivation towards what? You're motivated to go and crush this business, to grow it, to impact people, to influence. And your wife, she has the motivation. It's not in the same direction as yours. Sometimes it might be a motivation towards her strength or her big passion. You know, so understanding what matters most to everyone, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your employees, and then taking that motivation towards what matters most to them and filtering that into our company vision or mission.

10:42That's how I might work on that in a professional setting. But you're totally right. My motivation towards personal growth and reading and journaling and ice bath and all that stuff you see out there. Yeah, that's super high on that. She's not into that at all. her motivation to sit down and spend quality time together, because that's what fills her bucket. You know, I had to, you know, realize that I was as motivated towards that. And I was seeing things do Matt lens only, right? So going back to the strengths and weaknesses, you know, my strength is over here, hers are over there. And we figure out how to corral both those together in unison to have this family.

11:17And then if you could go and apply this to work, how do we take the greatest strengths that we have as visionaries, as I think you just described, if we're going to use like an EO framework. You're a great visionary. High on the disc, any gram type seven. Yes. Yes. So you have all those superhuman strengths and the things that maybe are weaknesses or you're not as interested in, or you might procrastinate because you just don't want to do it. Yeah. Find someone that's in their strength. And I 100 % am with you on that. And those tests, by the way, I love a great test. We have one called the mind scan, which measures the thinking process.

11:51It was nominated by Nobel Peace Prize, 1973. Dr. Robert S. Hart was nominated for that. And we have that research. We use that test to help thinking, to understand thinking styles. So I'm a big fan of all of these tests and all the ways to figure out strengths. But to wrap it all up in a bow, what is the thing that you are most passionate about that you are best at, that you might maximize in your business and then find out what matters most to all of your people then help them maximize theirs? pull that together. And we have a high performance company, my friend. And that's, I think that's what we're here to do is think as thoughtful entrepreneurs, that's what we're here to do is to figure that out.

12:29So Matt, when somebody goes to pro advisor, coach.com, or they obviously look a couple of things I want to promote. First off, you're listening to this podcast, do a quick search right now. It's eternal optimist podcast, go search for that hit subscribe. It's a top two, 3 % podcast on the planet, according to listen notes. So you definitely have a message that's resonating. And I think there are a lot of people can identify with what you're talking about. But additionally, Matt, when somebody goes to proadvisorcoach.com, tell us, you know, kind of where they go from there. Like, what value do they want to look for?

13:10Like, where do they go after listening to this conversation? Well, they might be in one of a couple of different boats. One, they have a real problem in their business that they want to solve. The problem could be they're so distracted by all the digital stuff out there. They want to learn how to focus. They could be leaders that want to learn a hiring process. They want to learn in their business how to put systems in place that help them scale. There are any number of business challenges that might inspire someone to look for a business coach. or they could simply be an incredibly high performer that is in the top percentage already and they want to continue to elevate their game.

13:45So either way, we can work with them. If they go to proadvisorcoach.com, they'll see me, they'll see my partner and our CEO, Rich Campy. They'll see a number of coaches there. And if they do happen to go there, there is an opportunity for them to sign up and take the mind scan free of charge and get a review with one of our coaches. Normally that's gonna be a$500 conversation, but we'll offer it to them for free for the first several people. When I say several, I'll say the first five listeners that reach out when they are filling out the MindScan information. Just notate in their Thoughtful Entrepreneur podcast, and we'll be free of charge for them.

14:22But if they go to the website, we'll be happy to sit down and outline with them how to achieve the goal, how to overcome their biggest challenge. And that's what we do every day, all day. We love to help people solve their problems and reach their goals. So that's what they would find there. They can also connect with me through any of the social media platforms. Just type my name. There's only 13 people in the whole world that have my last name and I'm related to all of them. So Matt Drinkon, D-R-I-N-K-H-A-H-N. Just check that out and you'll find me out there at all the social media places. Well, not all of them.

14:54You won't find me on the younger ones, but you'll find me on LinkedIn and Facebook and Instagram and YouTube. So feel free to check that out. I'd be happy to chat with anyone out there. Yeah, no, you're on TikTok. I think that's the one we're talking about. Oh, TikTok. Yeah, I set up an account some time ago. It's got me and my kids on there playing. So that's fun. I'll probably get rid of that when it gets banned here soon. But either ways, you can find me on any of those other platforms and connect. Be happy to reach out. Yeah, for sure. Tell me about the podcast. It's a passion project. And we started because we want to offer a sense of hope.

15:27And you can do it to attitude in this world. There's so much negative going on out there with social media and the news. And just if you open any app out there for social, you're going to find a lot of negative stuff. And I want to counteract that and give back a sense of positive. And if you see the names of the guests we have, they're from all over the place. They're from famous celebrities and business owners to people who are civic leaders to stay at home moms to people that are others might call successful in their niche. And I ask them about all the hard stuff they've been through. And they share their deepest, most challenging stuff.

16:00And then they share what they're going to promote, what they're going to do in the world. So it's a place to go to hear the challenges of others and then see that they did it and they turned it around and you can too. Awesome. I love it. Again, Coach Matt Drinkon, the websites, let me just go through this again, eternaloptimistpodcast.com. And then, of course, you can also go to proadvisorcoach.com. There are a few coaches on there. You want to look for Matt and you're listed right there. Matt, it's been a great conversation. Thank you for the work you're doing. I suspect that there's a lot more tactically, like we haven't really even scratched the surface on this topic.

16:40And I suspect that, again, to our friend that's listening, go listen to Matt's podcast so you can really start digging into this. Maybe improve your view of yourself and give yourself grace, which I love that concept. And Matt, thank you so much for the work that you're doing. It's been a real pleasure, Josh. thanks so much for the opportunity to see you today and look forward to continuing again thanks

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