1753 – The Power of Mentorship with Julian Harris

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0:59with us right now julian harris julian you are a leadership coach you are found on the web at lonelyatthetop.co.uk julian it's great to have you great to be here nice to see you josh thank you likewise likewise i should also point out you have a personal website as well julian kharris.co.uk. Well, Julian, I'm kind of gathering that we're going to be talking about kind of this leadership dilemma, right? That those of us who make the effort to start a company and that we're surrounded by people that might be on the team, but yet, you know, we have challenges. We have things that come up in our lives that maybe sometimes it's a little hard to find someone to spill to.

1:43Our family may not be appropriate. Our team members may not be appropriate. Our clients may certainly not be appropriate. It's a tricky business sometimes. Yeah, it really is. And that's the reason why I chose that URL for one of the websites, Lonely at the Top. I've spoken to many people, a number of my clients as well, talk about, they talk about the isolation of being the CEO, of being the founder, of being the person to whom everyone looks. You know, things are going well, then it's great. You know, credit your team. That's what, you know, the team have done this, but when things aren't going so well, it's on you.

2:22And that can be a really lonely place to be. And as you say, Josh, you know, it's hard sometimes to talk to your spouse, your partner, your family about what you're going through. If you have a board of directors and many do, you can tell them some stuff, but there's plenty of stuff that you you definitely don't want to talk to them about. So it can be a very lonely place to be. And I'm a big fan of this, you know, this concept of, you know, sharing, right? And so when we are just listening to an interview, and they're talking about secrets, right? And when we are holding a secret, and it doesn't have to be like a secret secret, it could just be, I'm a little nervous about our cash flow.

3:02And you can decide who you want to share that with. But there may be some consequences to sharing it with your spouse, although you should be able to, that still may evoke some other concerns. Maybe you don't want to, you know, if it's not a serious issue, you just, you know, have some natural worry or whatever. Maybe you can bring that up. Maybe you can't. Maybe you can bring that up to your team. Maybe you can't, right? But there's a power in sharing that worry, concern, or quote unquote, secret with somebody else that when we share that, then it doesn't feel so burdensome. And when we don't have those burdens, then it's like we can think more clearly.

3:44We can, I think, work more rationally without some of those fears. Can you talk about that dynamic a bit? Yeah, 100%. There's an emotional cost. It's a phrase that one of my clients used recently. There's an emotional cost that comes with being the CEO, being the founder, being the leader. And you're right. There are some things that you don't want to, or maybe shouldn't talk to your team about. Plenty of leaders I know don't want to kind of worry their immediate team, for example. So who do you talk to about that stuff? And I know from my own experience of having a coach, having different coaches in my life, I talk to them about stuff that I don't talk to anybody else in my life about.

4:30So I think it's, you know, this sounds a bit self-serving, but I think having someone like that in your life is super important. So let's talk about the role of a founder versus the role of a CEO, because they're not the same thing. They're not. They can start out being the same thing. So in the startup world, the founder and the CEO is often the same person. And when the business is small, then the founder is the person with an idea and they're kind of running the business. But there will come a point in time, if the business is successful, that the founder can't really think like a founder anymore.

5:11They have to think like a CEO. And that's not for everybody. There are plenty of stories out there where founders have realized that at some point in time, the being a leader is not, they're not suited to that. And so that kind of a case in point, Josh, that you're right. Often the founder and the CEO, the founder and the leader become two distinct roles. Yeah. And what is your background? I know you have kind of an interesting background as a recovered attorney. And share with me why that is relevant to the work you do today. Yeah. Okay. Well, if I told you my story, we'll probably run out of time.

5:47But yeah, you're right. I maybe once a lawyer, always a lawyer. But I was practicing for 20 years, largely in-house in big business. So some kind of big UK, European brands, many in the retail sector. I was always looking for a sense of purpose and fulfillment that I saw that my dad had. It was so obvious, you know, so obvious growing up. That's why he was a lawyer and that's what he had. I never found that in the law, but I did. I found it in the work I do as a coach. I think being able to draw out from my clients what they love doing, what gives them passion, helping identify what they're not so good at.

6:30Maybe that's something that they can delegate or stop doing. Often, again, in the startup context, many founders are wearing so many hats at the same time. And as they grow, they continue to wear them where perhaps they shouldn't be wearing them any longer. So I think that's a skill that maybe I've kind of subconsciously, unconsciously developed during my career. Yeah. What are the potential consequences of a leader not kind of getting that sounding board, that mentor? Potentially, it's the opposite of clarity. Not being able to see the wood for the trees. For me, clarity, helping my clients achieve clarity and clear thinking is one of the kind of, I think, one of the fundamental of my job.

7:19because if you don't have that clarity, it brings with it so many downsides, wrong decisions or taking too long to make decisions, stress, anxiety, the list goes on. And when you are working very particularly, Julian, with a client, what are some of the complaints, not complaints, or what are some of the pains that you hear your client share with you? You don't have to be too specific. yeah yeah uh let me see if i can generalize for you many of them come from judgments they make about themselves as leaders or as kind of people more generally and that can manifest in in many different imposter syndrome a lack of confidence kind of second guessing themselves but everything think comes back to the story we tell ourselves about ourselves and about the people in our world.

8:19Yeah. And then Julie, what does your coaching engagement typically look like? So if someone has never had a coach as a leader, maybe they started a company three, four years ago, they maybe are experiencing some anxiety or frustration and they're wondering, huh, I wonder if I should make the investment in a coach. Like, what does that typically look like? Yeah, it's a good question and not an easy thing to answer because every engagement that I have is tailored to that particular client. But what I can say in terms of philosophy, what I believe really passionately is that we all have what I call a little bit of divine light at our core.

9:02and what that looks like that is the source of our wisdom our creativity our connectedness to others and to the world around us our love and when clients come to me that divine light is is often obscured by what's going on between their ears and so what i try and help them do is the metaphor i often use is like clouds obscuring the moon what i help them do is i help them to get to a place where the clouds part and they're able to see the moon clearly. Because from that point, that's the point at which things become clear, at which my clients can then connect so much more deeply with their own innate creativity, wisdom, connectedness, love.

9:51And that helps them be better leaders, better husbands, better wives, better parts. So working with me is a holistic experience. Yes, the context is business, but I'm working with the human being in front of me, you know, as I say, holistically. Yeah. Kind of your inaugural conversation or discovery call, as it were, is you call it a deceleration call. Why is that the case? Why do you call it a deceleration? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for asking. So deceleration, to me, it's a fancy word for meaning slowing down. Yeah. Because, you know, again, when you're a CEO, when you're a leader, when you're a founder, when you're an owner, business and life is 100 miles an hour.

10:35When you're running at that pace, that's not an environment which is conducive to clarity. That's not an environment that's conducive to helping you see the moon. So deceleration is all about slowing down, right? When we slow down, when we slow our thinking down, that's when we're able to get clear yeah that's what we're able to see solutions see strategic decisions right yeah i'm a big fan of that um in that i think that our inclination is when things feel out of sorts i think our initial inclination is to just work harder and we may not take the time to pause reflect and, you know, contemplate, you know, and think very deeply and thoughtfully about our next move, when in fact, usually I suspect that your experience is that that's really the key to really clearing the logjam.

11:39Yeah, 100%. Slow down to speed up. As one of my coaches, Rich Litvin, loves to say, slow down to speed up. I think it's so powerful. what would what else might be included in that intentional deceleration or that intentional thoughtfulness like what could we do during that time one of my favorite things to do with clients and this is something that clients you know can do by themselves is i have a decelerated day so it's a whole day where i spend with clients and we walk and we talk and we have some food and drink and we walk and talk some more. And that's like the decelerator call, you know, expanded over a whole day.

12:23And it's incredible what comes up for my clients during and after those days. And so it's a period of time for reflection, for deep thinking, for asking them questions that they may not have asked themselves or they're too afraid to ask themselves. So there's a space there, which feels safe for clients to kind of explore. So those are some of the things in terms of deceleration that are available to everybody. Julian, your webpage is julianharris.co.uk and then lonelyatthetop.co.uk. For someone that's been listening to our conversation, they're like, okay, boys, you've nailed it. Yeah, I'm probably frantically working.

13:14I'm burnt out. I'm stressed. I don't enjoy going into work. I don't enjoy like I'm just too overwhelmed. What would you recommend their next step be? Yeah. I mean, so first of all, I would say I get that. I completely understand because I've seen so many people like that. And it's be comforted that it's normal, right? That is normal. But if you want to have a conversation, reach out. And I say this to everyone, it all starts with a conversation. So sure, have a look at those websites. That's absolutely fine. But feel free to email me directly. So my email is julian at juliankharris.co.uk. And we can get into a conversation that way also.

13:59Wonderful. Julian Harris, again, lonely.co.uk. From there, you can grab a call with you as well. Anything else that you'd recommend that people take advantage of? Wow. Josh, where do we begin? Take some time for yourself. That's my absolutely essential, something that I recommend my clients, all my clients do as well. Again, a lot of people listening to this podcast, watching this podcast will leave extremely, extremely busy lives. And the metaphor I always use, and if any of my clients are watching, I apologize. You've heard this so many times from me before. You know, when you're on a plane, you know, you're starting the journey and the safety briefing comes on and they say, if the oxygen masks drop down, put yours on first before helping other people.

14:45For me, that is a metaphor for business and for life. You've got to look after yourself first because if you're not looking after yourself, you won't be looking after your own business well enough or your spouse, your children, your partner, your friends, your family. So take some time for yourself, build that into your schedule. For me, it's a non-negotiable. Yeah. Julian Harris, again, thank you so much for joining us. Lonely at the top.co.uk. Thanks, Julian. Thanks, Josh.

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